All language subtitles for S01E01.The.Case.of.the.Middle-Aged.Wife

(frontdooropens)

(brushing)

(man clearsthroat)

(dooropens)

shoes squeak)

(woman) Is that you, George?

Yes. Go back to sleep, old girl.

What time is it?

Rather Iate, I'm afraid.
Sorry I disturbed you.

I don't mind.

Was it successful?

Er, oh, I believe so.
Decent chap, Laidlaw.

Inclined to spin yarns
about his share of the market,

but a realist
when it comes to investment.

- My collar's too tight, Maria.
- You'refatter than you used to be.

AII these restaurant meals
Iate into the evening,

fat doesn't get the chance
to disperse.

- Damned repulsive observation!
- Can't be goodfor you.

- Where did you take him?
- A Iittle place in, erm...

Where was it? Er...
Anyway, nowhere special.

Did poor young Nancy go along,

- to make notes?
- Don't be silly, Maria.

- Did she?
- Yes, why not?

You could be accused
of overworking that girl.

Don't you think she might have
other ways of filling her evenings?

That's the point, she hasn't. Week in,
week out, no pleasures, no treats.

I doubt if she gets a square meal
Ieft to herself.

She's showing a keen interest
in the business.

Heart and soul in it, infact.

Why? Because she knows now she has
a chance of entering a different world.

Silver cutlery,
waiters dancing attendance,

holding her shabby coatfor her.

Nowhere special, you said.

This restaurant
where you took Mr Laidlaw.

If that isn't special,
tell me when you find a place that is.

- Don't be disagreeable. It's too Iate.
- You're right.

It's too Iate.

Losing you to the golf club
was hard enough, now this.

Hard, what do you know of hardship?

I've been responsible
for your comfort and wellbeing

and after years of struggle,
you're well providedfor.

I struggled too!

Yet you do nothing but criticise and
complain and be unreasonably jealous.

You've got a Iovely home,
yet you're jealous of a young woman

who Iives in mean, drab rooms,
with a scoundrel of a brother...

- How do you know?
- Know what?

Where she Iives.
Have you been there, inside?

- It's the area, they're all Iike that.
- Have you been there?

I took her home in a taxi once...
once or twice.

- Inside?
- Well, of course not.

- Then how do you know it's drab?
- She said so.

Maria, the poor girl has an awful Iife!
She's come to think of me as a friend

who Iistens to her troubles
and helps where I can.

- Humbug!
- That'II do, Maria!

We were poor.
Our home was never drab.

We distempered the ceilings,
painted the walls, made it seem bright.

She could do that
if she paid Iess time painting herface.

That'II do, Maria!
I must catch the 8:45.

- And taxis!
- What?

We never take taxis
unless we have Iuggage to carry.

It's not worth the expense.
What has come over you?

You are being regrettably awkward,
Maria. I must go.

Maria, Nancy is a sweet girl,

and it does afellow good
to see the way she comes alive

after a simple gesture of friendliness.

But that's all. No real harm in it,
I do assure you.

It's just that when
one is happy oneself,

one can afford to be generous to others.
The great thing is to be happy.

Humbug!

Edna!

Damnation! Can nobody
Ieave a hat alone in this place?!

Oh...

- George, how can you be such afool?
-(door slams)

I won't stand it.

I won't stand it!

We'II see who's upset
and won't stand it. What can I do?

Ohh...

Absurd.

"Are you happy?"

"If not, consult Mr Parker Pyne,

1 7 Richmond Street."

Shall I clear now?

You can do what you Iike, Edna.
I'm going out.

Chilly morning, sir.

Yes, indeed.

Miss Purvis not in yet?

I dare say she's having trouble
with her tram.

- Good morning, Miss Draper.
- Good afternoon, Nancy!

Oh, Miss Draper, you are a one
for old jokes. Am I Iate?

By 1 5 minutes.
Mr Packington's here already.

Oh, well, that's alright, then.

(man) You came in answer
to my advertisement?

- Yes.
- And you're not happy?

Veryfew people are. You'd be
surprised howfew people are happy.

Indeed.

Not interesting to you, I know,
but interesting to me.

You see,for 35 years of my Iife

I've been engaged in the compiling
of statistics in a government office.

35 years, Mrs Packington.

Now I'm retired,

it occurred to me to use the experience
I've gained in a novelfashion.

It's all so simple.

Unhappiness can be classified
under five main headings.

- Only five?
- No more, I assure you.

-(knock atdoor)
- Ah, tea.

And ratafia biscuits.

Oh, myfavourites.

Of course.(chuckles)

Unhappiness is a malady,

and once we know the cause of a malady,
the remedy should not be impossible.

You see, my dear Iady,
I stand in the place of a doctor.

Isn't that so, Miss Lemon?

Yes, just as a doctor first diagnoses
a patient's disorder,

then proceeds to recommend
a course of treatment.

Of course there are cases
where no treatment can be of any avail.

If so, I say frankly I can do nothing.

But...

If I undertake a case, Mrs Packington,
the cure is practically guaranteed.

Yes. I don't think it's very Iikely,

but on the other hand,
I have been so very unhappy Iately

that it seemed a pity not to.

- I couldn't help wondering if...
- Shall we diagnose your case?

Now, the trouble
concerns your husband.

You've had on the whole,
I think, a happy married Iife.

Your husband has, I think,
prospered?

And I think there's a young Iady
concerned in the case.

But how...?

Perhaps a young Iady
in your husband's office.

- How do you know?
-(Miss Lemon) Statistics.

Life can seldom offer me
any surprises.

Apart from the small elements, which
again can be statistically projected.

- Oh!
- Tell me, how is he making you unhappy?

You can speak freely in front of
Miss Lemon. She's utterly to be trusted.

I'm sure.

Well,... it's this girl.

Er,... he pays her such attention.

He takes her on the river. Well,
I'mfond of going on the river myself

and I Iike going to the theatre,

but George has always said that
he was too tired to go out at night.

Only now...
now he takes her out to dance,

dancing, and...
comes home at three in the morning.

- Three in the morning? Tsk!
- I've been a good wife to George.

His clothes are mended, he gets good
meals and the house is economically run.

- No extravagance, nothing wasted?
- Exactly.

- And I've never Iooked at another man.
- Of course not.

And now, when we've got on in the world
and could enjoy ourselves

and get about a bit, do all those things
I've always Iookedforward to doing,

well...

..well..

I assure you,
I understand your case perfectly.

- Can you do anything about it?
- Certainly, dear Iady, there is a cure.

- Oh, yes, there is a cure.
- What is it?

You will place yourself in my hands
and thefee will be 200 guineas.

200 guineas?

Well, you can afford to pay such afee,
Mrs Packington.

- 221 0?
- You'd pay as muchfor an operation.

And happiness is just as important
as bodily health.

- I pay you afterwards, of course?
- No, you pay me in advance.

No, I'm sorry. Erm...

- I don't quite see my way to...
- To buying a pig in a poke?

Well, perhaps you're right,
it is a Iot of money to risk.

But you have to trust me.
Pay the money and take a chance.

- Those are my terms.
- But 200 guineas!

It is a Iot of money.
Good morning, Mrs Packington.

- Let me know if you change your mind.
- That's not very Iikely.

Forgive mefor taking up
so much of your time. Goodbye.

- Goodbye, Mrs Packington.
- Goodbye. Thank youfor the tea.

PIeasure.

- A new client?
- Hmm, a new client.

- Schedule A?
- Schedule A, of course.

Interesting how everyone thinks
his or her own case to be unique.

(chuckles)

Well, well.

Now, warn CIaude. At Ieast an hour's
briefing tomorrow morning at Maroni's

and tell him not too exotic. No scent,
and he'd better get his hair cut short.

Shall I make our usual appointments
for Mrs Packington?

Yes, why not? For the moment
she's jibbing, but she'II be back.

This afternoon probably.

Aboutfour.

(girl) So, er... somehow I shall have
to find five poundsfor a carpenter.

It's a rotten door, but you'd not think
so to hear our Iandlord carrying on.

But if it was your brother
who did the damage...

Oh, poor Eric. He still has his debt
to the bank and no job.

No, it was myfault
for being out so Iate.

He wouldn't have taken a penknife to the
Iatch if I'd been there to Iet him in.

But there... I had a wonderful time,
thanks to you, Mr Packington.

I shan't Iet a broken door
spoil the memory.

I'm, er... just a bit nervous,
that's all.

- Nervous?
- Till I can afford a new one.

In case some crank comes in while I'm
there alone and no Iock to prevent him.

Yes, of course.

Nancy,

tell your brother to get
a really good carpenter.

Ten pounds?

Well, my dear child,
it is my responsibility after all.

You must see that. It would never have
happened if I'd got you home earlier.

No, I oughtn't.

(MrsPackington)
I had to think about it.

I don't approve of gambling,

but I've never been afraid
of making sensible investments.

I needed a while to decide what value
to place on my chances of being happy.

You're not placing a bet on an outsider,
Mrs Packington,

but Iookingforward
to reaping a good dividend.

(chuckles)

Thank you.

I'm honoured by your confidence.

A client who cannot trust me
is unlikely to benefit from treatment.

- And now?
- And now...

- you will return home.
- Home?

You have no engagements
tomorrow?

No, I... Well, no.
It's the day we clean the brasses.

Good.

Make out a receiptfor Mrs Packington,
please, take a note of her address

and then order a taxi
for her journey home.

I never bother with taxis.

Unless it's raining or you have Iuggage
to carry. It's not worth the expense.

But circumstances change.

First post tomorrow morning
you will receive certain instructions

which I will be glad
if you will carry out.

Oh, this isfor you, old dear.

Oh. Thank you, George.

- An invitation.
- Ah, this isfor you as well.

Oh. Thank you, George.

Well, I'd better be off, old dear.

Erm, Maria...

I may... Well, it's just possible that I
may be out to dinner again this evening.

- What did you say?
- I said I may be out to dinner.

I have to see a man on... business,
so if by any chance, er...

Ah, Edna! Good morning to you.

(Lacklustre) Morning, sir.

Should I vacuum this morning
after I've cleared, Mrs Packington?

You can vacuum and dust
and clean the brasses.

But first,
would you telephonefor a taxi?

A taxi?

Yes, I've an extremely
full morning ahead

and I shall be Iunching out.

What do I do with the remains
of Iast night's beef?

Throw it away.

- For your buttonhole?
- For you, Miss Lemon.

A Iate flowering rose,
not yet in full bloom.

Let us cherish it
before the frost nips it in the bud.

Er, CIaude telephoned.
He wants to know which tie?

Er, plain silk, dark.

Exclusive clubs and public schools
mean nothing to Mrs Packington.

Quite.

Oh, and tell him no overcoat.

She'II take it upon herself
to advise him to wrap up warmly.

You know, in their time,

I believe that both
Mr and Mrs Packington

have experienced
what it's Iike to be cold.

A chill? We can't have that!

Ifelt simply awful
when I woke up this morning.

I had to drag myself here. I didn't want
to Iet you down, Mr Packington.

Poor child, you Iook starved through.

Now, Nancy,

permit me to mention it,
but your coat, it's thin.

It's terribly thin.

But it's my best coat, Mr Packington!

I'm saving up, but I can't afford
a new one this winter.

- Now I've offended you.
- Oh, no.

Good.

- I want no nonsense about this.
- Mr Packington, I couldn't possibly.

No silly pride.

Oh, thank you very much,
Mr Packington.

This may not be wholly pleasant, madam,
but we need a firm jaw Iine, don't we?

Actually, it's... quite relaxing.

Well, then, we can Iet our eyelids close
ever so gently,

because we shall have to spend
ten minutes on our fine crow'sfeet.

Steam's... relaxing.

And how it opened our pores, madam.

How it opened our pores.

Such neglect.

This should have been taken in hand
years ago. However, it's not too Iate.

These Iittle frown Iines.

Just a modicum of attention
once afortnight,

and we must never allow
ourselves to frown.

You see, I knit, I knit a Iot.

(pianotinklesdscreetly)

(murmur ofconversation)

CIaude, punctual to the minute.
Well done, my dearfellow.

Appearance excellent, exceptfor,
what is it? Oh, yes, the centre parting.

That's a style
guaranteed to unnerve the timorous.

I've time to change it.

Oh, yes, indeed, although
I have an extensive amount of data

for you to absorb and use with your
customary skill. Come and have a drink.

Our subject may be Iate. She has
much to occupy her this morning.

Two pink gins, please.

Now, with this client,
you could start with hardship.

You know, a sad childhood maybe.
Draw her out, CIaude.

She was extensively concerned
with her husband's business once,

but now she remains at home,
harassed by a servant she doesn't need.

(chuckles)
For the first time in her Iife...

Oh, thank you. ..Maria Packington
has the Ieisurefor a Iittle frivolity.

- It isn't a typical Schedule A, is it?
- Dear CIaude, it's a perfect example.

- Oh!
- cheers.

There, madam, almost ready.

No need to worry,

our receptionist has ordered a taxi
to whisk you to EIize Modes.

But...

When dear Miss Lemon
makes appointmentsfor her friends,

they always go on from here
to EIize Modes. Monsieur Maurice.

I trust madam wouldn't dream
of patronising anyone else?

- Well, actually, I...
- Of course not, madam.

Monsieur Maurice
has infallible instinct.

A titled Iady known to us had
always worn bright green, hadn't she,

until she put herself into his care.

Imagine a Iifetime of slavery
to the notion

that one could ever appear in public
dressed as a Iettuce.

Now, madam...

Oh!

Mrs Packington,
I'm delighted to see you,

as would be every man of good taste.
You Iook charming.

- Thank you.
- And, er, how do youfeel?

Different.

(chuckles) Come and sit down.

I ventured to order you a White Lady.

Well, well, well.

(he chuckles)

Now, Iisten carefully to me, my dear.

I've given your case
considerable thought,

and I have decided that your
husband must be made to sit up.

You understand? To sit up.

Now to bring this about, I am going to
introduce you to a young friend of mine.

You will take Iuncheon
with him today.

Not with you?

Oh, but what about your friend?
I mean, won't he mind?

- I mean, I wouldn't want to...
- Shall we...

Shall we drink...
to your health and happiness?

One being as important
as the other.

(chuckles)

I'm not used to cocktails.

- I'm not used to any of this.
- Trust me.

Ah, CIaude.

Mrs Packington,
allow me to present Mr Luttrell.

Delighted to meet you.

I was always a plain cook myself.
My husband used to prefer it.

But there's nofood in Europe to compare
with an English Sunday dinner,

cooked at home
by a woman who cares.

You must miss the sunshine,
Mr Luttrell.

Oh, not really.

There's more romance
in an English autumn.

I expect it's very nice
in the South of France though.

Well, yes.

But the sight of trees in a London
square, their Ieaves turning bronze,

drifting down,
rustling along the pavements,

and that hint of mist in the morning.

I wouldn't exchange that
for all the delights of the Riviera.

Mmm. I know what you mean.

I used to workfor George when we...
when he started in business.

Just typing, answering the telephone,
that sort of thing. Nothing important.

But we had a flat
in Muswell Hill then

and we would walk to the Tube
through Highgate Woods every morning,

and there were squirrels in the trees,
always squirrels playing.

It was a good beginning to the day.

Did you enjoy
being a businesswoman?

Well, I seem to have had
a headfor figures.

It's rather Iike working out
knitting patterns. I Iike doing that.

The more complicated the better.

Yes, I enjoyed it.

It was hard work
and not very successful at first.

I'd send out hundreds of Ietters
and price Iists without much response

and then afew orders would come in
and then some more,

and in the end it was a treat
to see George'sface

when we opened the post
in the mornings.

We're in Bakelite, you know.

- Ah, Bakelite.
- Hmm. Mainly domestic goods.

No. No more, Mr Luttrell,
thank you.

And then we moved
to a bigger house and...

Georgefelt that it wasn't quite right
for a man in his position

to have a wife at work and so...

So now you're free to enjoy yourself?

- Yes, I suppose I am.
- Splendid.

Are youfond of dancing?

- I used to be.
- Do you know the Aphrodite?

No. We seldom go out now. My husband
doesn't care to go out in the evenings.

Then I must take you there.

Oh, don't be absurd, Mr Luttrell.

Mr Packington couldn't be so unkind
as to keepyou at home.

You must tell him. Women don't tolerate
male jealousy these days.

Jealousy doesn't come...

What?

The Aphrodite. There's a marvellous
dance band. When shall we go?

- Is it a nightclub?
- One of the best.

- Tomorrow?
- Well, my husband may not...

Very well, Mr Luttrell.

Tomorrow.

- Maria, it's possible...
- George, would it be...

I'm sorry, dear,
you were going to say?

No, after you, old dear.

Well, I was just wondering
about your evening arrangements.

You'II think it ridiculous,
but I wonder if you'd mind...

Yes, I do mind, Maria!

If a wife has nothing better to do
than check up on afellow,

then I suggest she takes up
a useful hobby.

- George!
- Keep herself occupied

and put a stop
to these damnable suspicions.

Very well, George,
I shalL take up a hobby!

Good!

- Your mail, sir.
- Hmm? Oh.

And a young man
brought thisfor you.

- Miss Purvis's brother, he said.
- Hmm?

Poor Miss Purvis!

A shocking cold!

I saw this coming on, Miss Draper.

We've been overworking
the poor girl.

Do you think perhaps
afew dozen roses?

Ten poundfor a carpenter,

fifteenfor a new coat.

- That makes 25 quid in three days.
- What shall we do with it, Eric?

There's a very classy gee-gee
running in the 2:30 at York on Saturday.

- What you got in mindfor next week?
- Ooh, I thought perhaps... burst pipes.

- Who's a clever girl, then?
- Oh, Eric!

Mrs Packington, you are without doubt
the best dancing partner I've ever met.

Mr Luttrell, you are without doubt the
most outrageous flatterer I've ever met.

- I mean it.
- I'm no expert, I simplyfollow you.

How charming you Iook.
That really is a most attractive gown.

Yes, isn't it? This morning
it simply arrived on approval!

- We approve!
- We do!

AIthough I doubt if my husband will
when he sees the bill.

Mr Luttrell...

..you're being very kind to me.

I know Mr Parker Pyne
must have arranged it, but thank you.

The pleasure's all mine,
Mrs Packington.

You know such exciting people
and places.

I'm a Iittle afraid I shall bore you.

Nonsense.

- But society Iadies...
- Are spoilt children and easily bored,

and therefore
utterly boring company.

You... You revel
in the Ieast novelty.

You have a vast capacity
for enjoyment. I find it enchanting.

(band strikesup)

Shall we dance?

iknowwhy ivewaited

knowwhy ive been blue

Prayed each nightfor someone

Exactlylikeyou

Why shouldwespend money

On a show ortwo?

(same music plays onradio)
No onedoesthoselove scenes

Exactlylikeyou

You make mefeel so grand

iwantto handtheworldtoyou

You seemtounderstand

EachfoolshlittLe scheme
i'm scheming

Dream i'mdreaming

Now iknowwhyMother

Taught meto betrue

She meant mefor someone

Exactlylikeyou

(dooropens softly)

Is that you, Maria?

Yes, dear. Go back to sleep.

What time is it?

Quite Iate, I'm afraid.
Sorry I disturbed you.

Where have you been?

You told me to take up
a hobby, George.

Yes...

Mrs Packington says she'II have
her breakfast in bed this morning, sir,

what with her deciding on a Iie-in, Iike
a proper respectable Iady in a book.

Sighs)

sighs)

-(Livelydance music onradio)
- Tsk!

You're nobody's sweetheart now

Theydon't babyyou somehow

Oh, yes, I think
my own capacityfor enjoyment

was well and truly thrashed out of me
at public school.

What was your mother thinking of
to have allowed it?

Of myfather and his ambitions,
I suspect.

I find too many women devote themselves
to their husband's aggrandisement,

exclusively.

I spent my entire youth Iookingforward
to attaining the age of 21

and taking control
of my own destiny andfortune.

- What a sad waste.
- Yes.

Because before I reached independence,
myfamily had been ruined

and my expectations reduced
to nothing.

- The war began it, you know.
- Yes.

AII our horses were requisitioned,
the house, everything.

Yes, it was a terrible time.

I was anxious...for George.

So myfather sold upfor a pittance
and took us all to the Riviera.

The rest of ourfortune was Iost
on the gambling tables.

For ten years now, I have drifted along

on the patronage
of sympathetic old acquaintance.

It's wearing pretty thin.

I can tell you, Mrs Packington,
strictly entre nous,

I've oftenfelt so despondent
I've thought of ending it all.

Oh, no.

No, you must never think Iike that!

But now, meeting someone so...
so eager to enjoy Iife,

well, you make me ashamed
of the notion.

I should think so indeed!

-(hums)
- This report is all very well, CIaude,

but we did expect it first thing
and it is now nearly five to 11 .

- He overslept.
- Typical!

-(chuckles)
- What?

If you think it's an appropriate moment.
A small tribute,

nothing too absurd,
then Iet us know your plans.

Good Iuck.

- What has Iuck to do with anything?
- They have been Iucky with the weather.

Oh, any caprice is capable
of being turned to advantage.

It's easier to prolong a Iuncheon
engagement on a fine afternoon.

Yesterday the Iady expressed a desire
to go to Kew.

Kew Gardens?

(chuckles)

And an art gallery?
And dancing until the small hours?

No wonder he overslept.

Does it occur to you

that CIaude seems to be bringing total
concentration to this assignment?

I think he's enjoying it.

Yes, the thought had occurred to me.

(chuckles)

(hums)

- Maria.
- Hello, CIaude.

Goodness, your hands are cold!
Sit down, I've ordered some tea.

- Lovely.
- Did you come without an overcoat?

It seemed a bright afternoon.
It always does when I'm meeting you.

That's a charming compliment,
but not worth catching coldfor.

Oh, a small tribute.

Gilding the Iily, of course.

In my case it's more Iike gilding
the gingerbread, but Iet that pass.

Oh, how pretty.

I haven't a brooch or anything.

Do you think you could possibly
find the Iady a pin?

A pin? Yes, sir, I expect so.

I must knit you a warm pullover.
What's yourfavourite colour?

- The colour of your eyes.
- Sort of nondescript buff, then?

(Laughs)
Maria, you are a joy.

Because I Iaugh at myself?
Don't you think I am wise to?

The joke being that here am I,
a middle-aged woman,

having afternoon tea with a most
agreeable and attractive young man.

You don't ever...?

You wouldn't ever Iaugh at me
behind my back, would you?

- Maria...
- It's alright.

- CIaude, I've been thinking.
- What?

You don't seem to have
a very high opinion of society Iadies,

but there are other kinds of girls,
you know, warm, affectionate girls.

You might find one
who wouldn't break your heart.

I rather thought I'dfound her, Maria.

Oh, no.

Where shall we go this evening?

- Wherever you Iike.
- The Aphrodite?

You're only say that
because you know I Iove it.

No. No, it's selfishness really.
I want what makes you happy.

The Iady's pin, sir.

-(Laughs)
- Oh, how...!

What service!

- Wonderfully absurd!
- Magnificent. Thank you.

(theylaugh)

Ah, could I speak
to Mr CIaude Luttrell, please?

Hello.

Does it have to be tonight?

Mr Parker Pyne's sense of timing
is impeccable.

Damn him.
AIright, the Aphrodite.

The Aphrodite.

Oh, how very convenient.

- Shall I get the manager?
- If you would be so kind.

CIaude doesn't sound
at all happy.

Do you think he could be trying
to spin this one out?

Well, that would be creating
a precedent.

Precedents do occur.

Mr Cornelius, please.

- And it's very annoying when they do.
- Mr Parker Pyne.

The whole statistical basis
has to be recalculated.

Let's hope you're being
unduly pessimistic.

I have Mr Parker Pynefor you.

- Who?
- Mr cornelius.

Ah, Corny! Yes.

AII well?

Good. Look, I think it's time
for a membership drive.

Yes, one of your special cards,

delivered by hand this afternoon
to Mr George Packington and guest.

Packington Products Ltd,
King George V Estate, Neasden.

Two Ps in "appalled", Nancy.

- (sniffs)
- Should you be back at work?

I couldn't stay away any Ionger,
Mr Packington.

We must get the roses back into
those pretty cheeks, cheer you up!

Could you endure the company of
an old buffer again this evening?

'Spect so.

I mean, I told you, Mr Packington,
you don't seem a bit old to me.

Then here's a heaven-sent opportunity.
It arrived this afternoon.

The Aphrodite, some nightclub
Iookingfor new members.

"Mr George Packington and guest."

- How did they get your name?
- One is known, you know, Nancy.

Sounds jolly. You haven't been
anywhere Iike it, I'II be bound.

- What do you say?
- No.

I'm sure it's much too smartfor me,
Mr Packington.

Why, I haven't a dress fit to wear.

- What happened then?
- My husband's here!

- With that girl?
- Yes.

- You want to sit down?
- No.

Hello, George.

I should Iike to sit down now,
please.

How terribly he wants to be young.

CIaude, what do you think
of Mr Parker Pyne

offering his services
to people Iike myself?

People browsing through
the agony column to pass the time?

People desperate enough
to try to buy a chance of happiness?

Is he a charlatan or just a magician?

Does it matter, if he's been
instrumental in making you happy?

Statistics can't provide
a perfect answer every time.

No.

Shall we dance again?

Yes.

Weve playedthe game
ofstay-away

But it costs morethan i can pay

Withoutyou i can't makemyway

i surrenderdear

When stars appear
and shadowsfall

Whythenyou'll hear
my poor heart calL

You,mylove,mylife,my alL

- i surrender,dear
-(frontdooropens)

Ah, you're back.

Yes, I'm back.

Rather odd, er... meeting you.

Yes, wasn't it?

I... I thought it would be a kindness
to take that girl somewhere.

She's been having a bad time
at home

and I thought,
well, a kindness, you know.

Who was that chap you were with?
I haven't met him, have I?

Luttrell, his name is.
claude Luttrell.

- How'd you come across him?
- Someone introduced me.

Rather an odd thingfor you to do,
wasn't it,

go out dancing at your time of Iife?

Mustn't make afool of yourself,
old dear.

A change is always nice.

Yes, but you must be careful.

A Iot of these Iounge Iizardfellows
going around, you know,

and middle-aged women do sometimes
make awfulfools of themselves.

Just warning you, my dear.

I wouldn't Iike you to do anything
unsuitable.

I find the exercise beneficial.
I expect you do too.

Great thing is to be happy, isn't it?

I remember you saying so one morning
at breakfast, about ten days ago.

Yes...
(weak chuckle)

Schedule A: final phase,
final briefing, Miss Lemon.

CIaude accomplished
another successful assignment.

- Her husband saw them together?
- Yes, and will warn her against him.

Splendid. I wonder what your Iittle
present will be this time, CIaude.

When she meets him at Iuncheon
today, a gold watch, in all probability.

Oh, no, tooformal.
A gold cigarette case perhaps.

(chuckles) And, CIaude,

at Iuncheon, I think would be the moment
for you to renounce your way of Iife.

So soon?

About three, shall we say?

- For me?
- Yes. I hope you Iike it.

Why do you give me this?

I won't take it. Take it back.

- But I...
- Take it back, I say.

I'm sorry.

You think I'm just a gigolo, a creature
who Iives on women, a Iounge Iizard.

- I'm sorry, it was tactless.
- You should think it of me. It's true.

Oh, yes, I had my orders
to take you about,

to amuse you, make Iove to you,
make youforget your husband.

CIaude, it doesn't matter...

But that was my job, Maria,
a despicable one, eh?

- Why are you telling me all this?
- Because I'm through with it.

I can't carry on Iike this,
not with you.

You're different, Maria.

You're the kind of woman
I could believe, trust, adore.

Oh, I know you think
it's all part of the game.

Well, it isn't, and I'II prove it.
I'II have to go away because of you.

I'II turn myself into a man instead of
the Ioathsome creature I've become.

- Go away? Is that necessary?
- It's the only way.

I've been a rotter, always,

but I swear to make good from now on.
You read the agony column, don't you?

Well, on this day, every year
you will find a message there.

- CIaude, please...
- A message saying that I remember you

and that I'm making good.

Every year. You'II know then
all you've meant to me.

And one thing more.

I've taken nothing from you.
I want you to take something from me.

- No, I couldn't.
- Maria, shut up, will you?

I'm trying to say goodbye.

This was my mother's.

I'd Iike you to have it.

Goodbye, Maria.

Look here, Maria, about that girl.

Yes, dear?

I never meant to upset you, you know,
about her. Nothing in it.

I know. I wasfoolish.

See her as much as you Iike
if it makes you happy.

- Maria!
- Yes, George?

Why, it isn't rightfor a wife
to urge afellow to take a girl about.

- It isn't?
- Well, no, it's not... well, decent!

- Not so much fun, you mean.
- Fun had nothing to do with it!

No, George.

You don't seem to realise that it takes
it out of afellow, that sort of thing.

What sort of thing, George?

Dancing, that sort of thing.

I must say, dear,
you are Iooking rather tired.

I could do with a holiday.

We might go away together
somewherefor a break if you Iike.

Don't worry about me,
I'm quite happy.

Damn it, woman,
I'dlike to take you somewhere!

We might go to the Riviera.
What do you say to that, hmm?

Perhaps Torquay.

Papworth, Packford, Packington.

There. I'm right in thinking
this case is closed?

Ah, assuredly.

What was the entertainments
account?

1 02 pounds, 1 4 shillings and sixpence.

Ah.

Good morning, CIaude.
Everything go satisfactorily?

Yes, I suppose so.

The ring, what name
did you have inscribed in it?

"Mathilda 1 899."

Excellent. And the advertisement?

- "Making good. Still remember. CIaude."
- Make a note of that, Miss Lemon.

To be inserted in the agony column
on what is it, November 1 st,for...

Let me see the entertainments again.

For...

Yes, ten years, I think.

That'II Ieave us a profit of...
(mumbles)

..borrow one from next...
290, and that's adequate.

- There's something I must say.
- Yes, CIaude?

I don't Iike any of this!
It's a rotten game!

My dear boy!

You'd better come through
for a moment.

I think we may have
a small element of surprise.

It could have been
statistically projected.

- Well, CIaude?
- That was a decent woman, a good sort.

Telling her all those Iies,
filling her up with the usual sob stuff!

Well, I've had enough.
It makes me sick!

I don't recall your conscience
troubling you before

in your splendidly notorious career.

I'm beginning tofeel differently.
This game, it isn't... It isn't nice!

Now, Iook at it this way, CIaude.

Instead of displaying your usual
callous, mercenary instinct,

you have given an unhappy woman
what every woman needs:

a romance!

A woman tears a passion into pieces
and gets no good from it,

but a romance...
a romance, my dear CIaude,

can be Iaid up in Iavender and Iooked at
through all the Iong years to come.

I know human nature, my boy,

and I tell you that a woman canfeed
on such an incidentfor years.

I think we can safely say

that we have discharged our commission
to Mrs Packington very satisfactorily.

Well, I don't Iike it!

Hmm!(chuckles)

Ah!

Interesting vestiges of conscience...

..noticeable in hardened Iounge Iizard.

Note, studydevelopments,