All language subtitles for Happy.S02E01.Eng

Previously, on "Happy!"...

- You can see me!
- What the hell?

I ain't your imaginary friend.

I don't even want to think about

what that would look like.

I'm Hailey's imaginary friend.

- Got you!
- It's really you.

Sonny Shine.

- Where is she?
- You should stop by my town.

I can't speak to her
frame of mind.

This is evil.
They can't get away with this.

They can, but not forever.

If Mikey gave Orcus to Blue,
all is lost.

Yes, yes, that's why
we must stop him.

I'm hungry.

- Why do you have to go?
- You're growing up.

You'll forget all about
that silly horse.

See, the thing
about imaginary friends

is we're kind of supposed to

help out the person
who needs us the most.

Here it comes.

- Yeah, it is.
- Here comes the fun!

- Boy, here it goes.
- Are you ready?

Please, please help.

Dear God. Jesus Christ.

I place myself in the
word of your God.

Don't be afraid.

Heaven waits for us.

We'll all die together.

Top of the morning
to you, partner!

Fuck off.

We're getting
our act together, Nick.

No more drinking,
no more illegal narcotics.

- No more whoring.
- Right.

And most of all,

no more filling chumps
full of hot lead.

Boy, Nick,
your breath sure is fresh.

I don't miss
the old us at all, Nick.

You're doing super,

and Hailey's going to be
so proud of you.

- I'm walking here!
- Move!

- I'm walking here!
- Get out of the way!

Hey, up yours, buddy!

I'm Deandra, and I'm, um...

I'm al'm...

I'm...

Let 'er rip, sis!

You're only as sick
as your secrets.

That's what I always say.

Nick, bear claw!

Are you even signed up?

He's just here for the coffee.

This place is depressing, Nick.

I'm so glad you've
evolved into such a total.

Zen wizard master
of your darker impulses.

Evolved? You're goddamn right.

Evolved.

So thirsty.

I'm thirsty.

So, so thirsty.

Now, Nick, you promised.

You've been coming down
with a cold

for two months, Nick.

It's why I need
the good stuff, Hap.

What you need
is a big glass of OJ,

a bowl of chicken soup,
and a nice, warm blanket.

OJ did it.

Don't you read the news?

Okay, we're good.

Bike lane, moron!

Dickhead!

Your imagination is a pretty
F'd up place to live, Nick.

You know that, right?

Hallelujah,
my little blue asshole.

Guess what time it is?

- Meat tenderizer.
- What?

Powdered form right there in
the herbs and spices section.

Gets the blood right out
of cotton underwear.

- You're kidding on me, Nicki!
- I stand before you shitless.

Seasoned or unseasoned?

Depends on how spicy
you like it down there.

What's wrong with your kid?

What's wrong with your face?

All right, till next time.
Be well, be safe.

And remember to lock down
them stroller wheels?

Hey, kiddo.

Um, 300. You ready to...

The teacher wants
to talk to you.

What did I do?

- Ms. Palm.
- Please, have a seat.

I've heard so much about you.

But if I'd known
we were meeting,

I'd have brought an apple.

Well, I'll get
right to the point.

- Good.
- We all understand that

Hailey has been through
a very traumatic experience.

Well, I took care of that...

You're doing the thing.

Surely,
as a former police officer,

you understand
it's not that simple.

The last two months have seen
a series of incidents...

School property broken,

a campaign of psychological
harassment against the staff...

Psychological harassment?

Hailey would never do
anything like that!

Shut your nozzle.

I know, you know,
my daughter, I mean,

she would never
do nothing like that.

You know, I've met Ms. Hansen.

- Well?
- I can't imagine where Hailey

could have acquired this
anti-authoritarian attitude.

Maybe the problem here is
that she's not being offered...

A proper creative outlet.

- A creative outlet?
- Hey, take me for example.

I had my issues at school.

And if it hadn't been for
extracurricular activities...

Whoo!

Who knows how
I would have wound up?

I understand you've had a
change of employment recently.

What's that have to do with
the price of ass in Pittsburgh?

- Dad.
- Instability in the home

can lead to changes
in a child's behavior.

Instability?
What are you talking about?

I drive a cab. There's nothing
more stable than that.

- That's a good job, right?
- Wow.

I haven't taken
an actual cab in years.

I mean, do you mean Uber? Yeah.

What? What's Uber?

- God.
- Who asked you?

It's an app! I knew that.

I am not going to sit here
and tolerate someone

casting aspersions
on my daughter.

I don't suppose
you have any evidence

to back up these wild claims?

Would you, care to review

the security camera
tapes with me?

They're HD.

- I know your kind.
- Dad, no.

I've been fighting you
my whole life.

With your Birkenstocks,
avocado toast,

five college degrees
that ain't worth

the "paper du toilette"
that they're printed on.

Looking down your nose
at us poor slobs

like Queen Shit
on Dick Mountain.

Well, let me tell you something.

If that's the way
it's going to be around here,

then screw this school,

because she's better off
someplace else.

And do you know what
the real crime is here?

Do you know what makes me want
to fall to my knees and weep?

You let down your hair, you put
on a little bit of lipstick,

you wouldn't be half bad.

Nick! Sensitivity.

This meeting was intended
as a wake-up call,

but taking into account
her situation,

perhaps Hailey needs
more attention and help

than we're equipped to provide.

What kind of frame job is this?

Dad, I did it.

I did it. I broke the windows.

I did the
psychological harassment.

It was me.

Every kid's got problems.

And we need to learn to solve
those problems constructively,

using sensible, adult techniques

like discussion, negotiation,

compromise.

Compromise?

Let's face it.

Easter sucks.

Dude, you got the IP,
don't get me wrong.

Jesus H. Christ,
resurrected from the dead.

Iit don't get sexier than that.

But what have you done with it?
Colored eggs?

The Easter bunny?

I mean, I like marshmallow
Peeps as much as the next guy.

II ate a whole bag
on the flight out.

But come on!

Easter, it's the
Alzheimer's-ravaged

mother-in-law of holidays.

Tolerated, not celebrated.

That's why I'm here.

I'm sure you're familiar
with my work,

my legacy.

My status as beloved global icon

to children of all ages.

What I'm offering you today
is a chance to be a part

of the biggest holiday
re-branding of all time.

I'm talking four quadrants.

I'm talking mass marketing.

Walmart wars.

Easter presents, Easter carols.

Chocolate Wishies
instead of those

horny Pagan fertility bunnies.

A multi-trillion dollar
holiday bonanza

to rival Christmas itself!

Nuns exploding on 5th Avenue.

Tragic, yes,

but this can work
to our advantage.

Everyone's talking about Easter

for the first time since

Mel Gibson struck
box office gold

telling your story.

The war on Easter is real,

and we can win it!

We're going to.

Make Easter Great Again

for the first time.

Now...

I can do it with or without you.

And it's the 20-teens.

The holiday's ain't just
for believers anymore.

But I'm here,

at your feet.

I want you on board, big fella.

I want your brand
front and center

for the big rollout,

starting quarterback
for Team Sonny.

What do you say, Pope Daddy?

I like it.

No, no.

Tired.

Wow.

Just, wow.

Little Blues.

You were amazing last night.

Look, it's Blue rat,

like in movie.

You know you are
a dead man, Blue rat.

I just hope it's me who gets...

I ain't no rat,
you Bolshevik asshole!

Get off!

What is that?
What iswhat is that?

A present from the Bug.

Amanda, are you all right?

I'm sorry, Doctor, I'm fine.

It's justis there
something else we can put on?

Why? Kids love Sonny.

Hey, right? See?

Okay, I got this.

Well, here she is,
safe and sound.

What happened?

I told you she was good, Nick.

You know how
you're always saying

we got a one-in-a-million kid,

and you're not getting
any argument from me.

Kid's got a personality
like she's a superstar,

brightest star in the sky,
and sometimes,

the other stars, you know,
who ain't so bright,

they may feel
a little intimidated.

Ms. Palm wanted to talk
to you or dad.

She got Dad.

Our little Hailey got
singled out for behavior

that any other kid
with a backbone would have...

This Ms. Palm character.

I mean, she presents us with
all these trumped-up charges,

totally unsubstantiated,
and I step forward, like,

you know, any good father
would, naturally.

I mean, if you're looking
for someone to blame...

I don't have to look very far.

No, no. Tell her, tell her.

Dad got me kicked out of school.

She set off the fire alarms.

Wait for me over there.

Snitches get stitches.

You, outside.

I haven't seen Amanda
this disappointed since

you let me out of the
pillowcase last New Year's,

and your giggle pole was...

What happened on New Year's
stays on New...

All right.

All right?

This child's been through
a nightmare, Nick.

We all have.

We're kidding ourselves if we
think it hasn't affected her.

Man, she's
a tough little hombre.

She's a child, Nick.

And she's seen things
no child should have to see.

Maybe this is exactly
what she needs.

You've noticed this place
runs 40,000 a year?

Boy, we must have spent
a gajillion hours in here

playing with all the toys,
the games,

the waiting for Amanda
to get done with the work.

But I guess we're all
grown out of that stuff,

aren't we?

You know, I thought about trying

the whole nun thing once...
The vows, the habit.

- I thought you were Jewish.
- Well, that's the thing.

I'd like to see you
stick to a vow of celibacy.

So you said you were drugged,
and when you woke up,

you were fitted with the
latest in ISIS fashion.

Witnesses say you and your
sisters were running around

like headless chickens
looking for something.

He told us there was
a device hidden in an egg.

So you're saying
this was an Easter egg hunt?

- Never was a fan.
- See, Christmas,

they put the presents
where you can find them.

See, that's what
I'm talking about.

Yes,

an Easter egg hunt.

He saidhe said...

Come on, spit it out.

The device would detonate
the vest closest to it,

and the others would be safe.

I see.

So you thought you were

sacrificing yourself
for the others.

Got us a Good Samaritan, Hubble.

Ought to canonize this one.

Funny thing is,
the opposite happened.

You were saved,
and the others...

Boosh!

Guess it was your lucky day.

- No, I wanted to die.
- No one said you didn't.

Ease off, Julie Andrews.

We'll never know,
on account of everyone else

who was there was just
power-washed off the streets

by a sanitation crew.

Well, now,

that's not entirely true.

No.

No, don't make me
talk about him.

Come on, don't be shy.

He just blew up all
your little sister sisters.

You want us to catch this
son of a gun, don't you?

He saidhe said...

Who said?

The Bunny.

Black like licorice,

and terrible,
big, biting teeth...

Big, floppy ears,

and the eye...

The pink bunny eye...

The kids will wait here
until you sound the horn.

Then, the curtain drops,

and they run out
to the Easter meadow.

I cannot believe
"Good Morning America"

is blue-balling us.
I'm Scooter frickin' Sterling.

Junior, they know.
They still might come through.

The Times article had an impact,

but I think you can still
expect a very successful event.

That hack job?
Are you kidding me?

We raised over $8 million
for inner-city kids last year.

They can't expect every penny
to actually go to the,

- you know...
- The kids.

- Yeah.
- Right.

The foundation
does have expenses.

Damn right, it does.

Well, they did
get to keep the candy.

Look, I got to go
take care of something.

You can hold down
the fort, right?

- Yep.
- Okay.

Yeah.

You are Scooter
fucking Sterling, baby.

You're about to get your D S'd.

Yeah. Very sexy lighting.

I like the mood in here.

It's getting the blood flow
down to my dee-ock.

Hi.

You look fantastic.

What the hell's
the matter with you?

Okay, you're freaked out,
I get it.

Good news, that's my thing.

This is, like, a game thing
we're going to play.

Okay, a little trauma play.

You're scared. I'm strong.

A couple of ground rules
for me off the bat...

One, I like a lot of teeth
down there.

Two, my safe word
is "Tallahassee."

So, here we are.

It's so light and bright.

Right?

It's time to settle down
in a real family home.

This place has "family"
all over it...

Speaking of which,
state law requires me

to disclose certain things
about the property

before we continue.

A few months before listing,

this property was the site
of a triple homicide.

Young couple, about your age,

and their mother-in-law
visiting from Boston.

- The intruder...
- Intruder?

Was on PCP, tripping balls,
dick, all of it.

He butchered them like cattle.

They were found in this
open concept kitchen,

which I'm sure you'll agree,
is super cute.

It is nice.

Built-in coffee maker?

A lot of folks
might not want a property

with this type of history.

But on the upside,
statistically speaking,

the odds of something like that
ever happening again

in the exact same location?

Close to zero.

Well, it is a real bargain
for this neighborhood.

And between you and me,

I think the seller
will move a little.

And like she says, a place
that's been broken into once,

it's not likely that...

The self-flushing toilets.

II'm gonna get that
taken care of.

You guys love the place.

We'll talk, yeah? I'll call you.

- Self-flushing?
- Yeah.

- Wow.
- It's amazing technology.

Jesus Christ, Nick!

- A little privacy here?
- What are you doing here?

All right,
you need to calm down.

I can never un-see it!

"Calm down," Nick?
This is my job.

Are you stalking me?
Great, her again.

What? No.

I wouldn't call it that.

I was at the bus shelter,
I looked down.

Who do I see?
Mary McCarthy, realtor.

I must have been sitting
on your face for ten minutes.

All right, that's it.
Out of this house.

It was youthe squatter
in the condo on north 6th.

I should have
recognized that smell.

That was a nice place.

A little transitional
for my tastes, but very nice.

- Jesus!
- It's not, like,

something you
haven't seen before.

Don't remind me.

Please promise me
you will destroy this thing

by fire before
contamination spreads.

There it is.

Damn it, Sax. This is not okay.

Hey, you can't
screw this up for me.

I got Hailey
a couple days a month.

Man, I just need a place where
she can sleep in a nice bed

that's clean.

You know, someplace normal.

How's a guy like me supposed
to afford a place like that?

Your problem was
never making money.

It was drinking it
and snorting it.

Yeah, well, you're
looking at the new Nick Sax.

I'm clean.

Ish. Six weeks.

- Sax.
- Yeah.

Not so high and mighty now,
are we?

I just want her
to be proud of me, Mar.

I'm getting back on my feet.

I'll clean up before I go.

Do you ever think about
what happened?

That.

Why would I? We won.

- Did we?
- Well, you know.

Hailey's had her ups and downs,
but she's all right,

and she's way more
than I deserve.

So yeah, we did.

You ever think about
going after Sonny Shine?

Nick, you don't seriously
believe that Sonny Shine

had anything to do with...

Moved on, Mar.

The way I look at it, the world
is full of cockroaches.

That's more the rule
than the exception.

So you squash one.

What the hell does that get you?

Thousands more just like them
behind every wall,

even these.

- This really is a new you.
- Yeah.

How about you?

Well, you can see I've moved on.

Yeah.

I find that outfit, um...

hot, strangely.

I don't know. I don't know.

You know what
I don't understand, though?

Why didn't you put up more
of a fight for your badge?

There's no fight when
the fix is in, Sax.

You know that.
Blue had half the department

on the take when he went down.

Somehow, IA concludes

I'm the only rotten banana
of the bunch?

One way to look at it.

"You had it coming" is another.

So that's it?
Keep our heads down.

Take it day by day.

Hope trouble doesn't
come looking for us.

Sure.

It seems like neither one of us
was cut out to be a cop.

Your cookies suck.

You got shit on your face.

Sonny's not a cockroach.

I don't believe it,
and neither does Hailey.

Nick!

Yeah, what is it?

Nothing.

Blue, it's great to see you...

In here, I mean.

An angel of grace and light,
as usual.

Cut the shit, brother.
I'm here to tell you something.

I'm here to tell you about
the nightmares

you've been having.

I sleep like a little pink baby.

About the blackouts,

about the things that
you can't remember.

Well,
there's a perfect reason...

What's that sound?

Nothing in the world
is going to bring back

my sweet Mikey, but believe me,

I'm going to take
a lifetime's worth

of satisfaction in knowing
that the last great thing

he did on this earth
was to screw you over.

Mikey?

No.

Mikey gave me a password.

There was no password,
you moron.

Mikey carried
an ancient spirits,

an evil thing,

passed from the old dawn to you,

like a virus, like AIDS.

I know...
I know what a virus is, Isa...

Do you hear that sound?

There's something
living in your mind, Blue.

You can feel it, can't you?

Scratching in the dark,
trying to get out.

Isabella, Isabella.

It's a name of Hebrew origin.

Did you know?

It means "devoted to God."

Beautiful name.

Devout.

Why are you
talking like Madonna?

Come closer.

I need to tell you a secret.

Something about Mikey,

something even his mother
didn't know.

And who is this vision?

You don't know who I am,

but I know who you are.

Orcus, god of death.

You've been passing down
for ages,

from Scaramucci to Scaramucci.

How many times have you
passed from body to body?

More than I can count
with all my fingers,

with all my toes.

But this time, it was different.

The transfer was corrupted.

It is like
you unplug your device

before the update is complete.

Two lousy souls

sharing one pasty, white body.

And you will be living
in that prison,

in that body, forever.

Bella,
Orcus lives in our bloodline.

We don't need Blue.

Let me enter you.

Let me come inside you.

- Um...
- Let me leave this

graceless, flaccid
sack of flesh behind.

Together, you and I will rule.

That will never happen.

Don't be so sure, harridan.

She's the last
of the Scaramucci.

Yeah, so suck it. Wait, what?

Never be free!

Never be free!

You will never be free...

Never!

40K a year...

Them sisters ought to be
wearing masks.

What the hell is wrong
with public school, anyway?

Plenty of good Americans
went to public school, right?

Lincoln.

- Einstein.
- Oprah.

I'm supposed to make that
kind of money driving a cab.

Uber!

Taking out the trash,
that's what I'm good at.

And by "trash," I mean people
who need to get whacked.

You promised. No whacking.

How the hell is anyone
supposed to keep their head

above water in this stinking
town without killing people?

Um, right here is good.

I thought you said uptown.

Did I?

There you go, buddy.
Get that paper.

You see that? Get that money.

I don't know, Hap.

Maybe California
ain't looking so bad.

Nick, can I ask you something?

Something kind of personal...
Who's this asshole?

Shit, shit, shit.

Yeah, well,
the world's full of it, pal.

So you got a particular
destination in mind, or what?

Listen, you look like
a "can-do" kind of guy.

Hear that all the time.

I need a girl for a party.

My own date just ran off on me,

and I don't want to look like
an asshole showing up alone.

Yeah, well, you know,
I got to tell you,

that ain't really
my line of work.

- It's just a party, man.
- Look, pal.

I realize I may not give off
the rosiest first impression,

but I'm not quite sure
where you'd arrive

at the rather
presumptuous notion...

I'll give you 1,000 bucks
if you find me a girl.

You're a life-saver, bro.

I am. I really am.

So, um, I'm assuming there's

going to be other girls
at this party?

Yeah, of course, baby.

You don't mind me asking,
what's your blood type?

Yeah, this is it.

Wow, Sax.
I really owe you for this one.

Excuse me for trying
to throw a friend a bone.

- You're friends?
- All right, all right, look.

You heard the guy. It's a party.

A little conversation,
a little dancing.

God, can't I just blow
everyone and be done with it?

Really?

Is romance really that dead?

Now, I'm not saying
there's anything, um,

untoward about this situation,

but should anything arise that

involves certain acts...
Of an adult nature, I mean...

I think we should negotiate
some consideration.

Why are you talking like that?

- 20%.
- 10.

- 15.
- Did you bring a calculator?

All right, 10.

This is her. Well, yeah.

Seems legit.

What, no music?

There you go.

You changing into this.

Costumes. That's fun.

Maybe I ought to
just stick around,

make sure everything's okay.
You know what?

Just wait for me outside.

What the fuck you looking at?

Sax, would you please

just get the hell out of here
and let me do my job?

You're making everything weird.

I'm making it weird?

"I'm" making it weird.

Why do things
have to change, Nick?

The big questions?

What brought that on?

Look, Hap,

you can't fight it.

The rain gutters are
stuffed with poor suckers

who thought they could
hang on to the way it was.

Change is inevitable.

Then why haven't you changed
that shirt in three weeks?

Hap, you want to make
yourself useful?

Of course I do.

Fly your tiny little
blue ass up into that party,

take a look around,
tell me if there's anything

funny going on.
Like, funny "haha?"

No, the other kind.

Guys,

even for me, this is fucked up.

- Nick!
- Sweet Jesus.

That's the silliest kind
of party I ever saw, Nick.

There's a big bathtub full
of ice but no sodas in it,

and a yellow guy in the back
hooked up to a giant juice box.

What do you mean "yellow?"
Like, Chinese?

Nick, that's offensive.

I mean yellow,
like a pineapple popsicle.

Wait, wait!

And up!

Spill on aisle three.

Look, I'm as open-minded
as anyone...

More so, as a point of fact...

But I think we can all agree.

This is no one's idea
of a party.

Yo, taxi driver,
get the fuck out of here.

You talking to me?

Anyway, look, let's not get
carried away, all right?

I think that we find ourselves
in a bit of a pickle, you know?

But I know that we can, um...

find a way to solve
our problems,

you know, constructively,
using, um,

sensible,
adult techniques such as...

Discussion!

Negotiation and compromise.

Um...

That wasn't my fault.
You're going to be fine.

Yeah, you're good.

You know, more accidents
happen in the workplace.

You're gonna be fine.

Boy.

I meanall right, look,

but hehe came at me...

I mean that as a compliment.

- Nick!
- Ahwhoa!

Cheeseburgers.

Son of a bitch.
You're a heavy bastard.

It's nothing personal, pal.
This is just for your own good.

Consider it like time out.

Hey, fedora.

Look, your guys
are going to get hurt.

Let's just everyone...

Right?

Well, I hope that

you have learned a very
valuable lesson tonight.

I know I have.

When we deal with our problems

out of a place of anger,

bad things happen.

But when we confront them
with kindness...

Fuck it!

But Nick, you promised
you wouldn't kill anyone...

- No guns.
- You killed everyone!

There's corpses. How would you...

- What happened?
- Nick, why?

Entrails, bones.

Bloodjust, all blood!

- Is that a liver?
- How can...

I think it's more of a spleen.

You, what's something
like that worth?

$500, maybe.

How about a kidney?

In good condition?

Over 100,000, easy.

Holy giblets,
I'm standing in the middle

of a goddamn gold mine
of blood and guts.

Now, what would you say
qualifies as good condition?

Bad dream, baby?

I don't remember.

You don't have
anything to be afraid of.

All the bad people
who tried to hurt you

are either gone,
or locked up somewhere

where they can never
get out again.

All of them?

All of them.

What do you
have in mind for him?

No, no, don't tell me.

II love surprises.

How did you get in here?

When you're as
rich and famous as I am,

let's just say it pays to keep
tabs on your employees...

Even a gold star
go-getter like you,

left to their own...

devices,
the next thing you know,

the stenographer is downloading

granny porn on company time.

Please put that down.

I'll let you get back to work.

That lady cop,

you know, the one that put
Blue Scaramucci in jail...

Whatever happened to her?

You had her
thrown off the force.

Ruined her life, remember?

Did I?

And the other one.

The bigthe big, smelly one.

- Nick Tuba, right?
- Sax.

Sax, that's it.
What happened to him?

How would I know?

Well, we have
bigger fish to fry, don't we,

my floppy-eared friend.

But maybe I should have
just killed him anyway.

You know, revenge.

I mean, everybody
loves revenge, right?

Even you.

I am a professional, Mr. Shine.

My focus is my work,
and only my work.

I don't have
a vengeful bone in my body.