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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,888 --> 00:00:08,289
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,358 --> 00:00:11,977
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:15,014
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,553
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,266
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,008 --> 00:00:29,844
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,922 --> 00:00:41,005
All right, who's ready
for a little tailgating?
11
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:44,392
Hey, Brian, toss me a cold one!
12
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:48,547
Ah. Nothing better
than a 7:00 a.m. beer
in an unbrushed mouth.
13
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,934
Peter, I don't want
you drinking too much.
You're driving us all home.
14
00:00:52,002 --> 00:00:55,187
Lois, I know how
many beers I can drink
and still be able to drive.
15
00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:56,421
I figured it out.
16
00:01:05,616 --> 00:01:06,965
Seven.
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00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:09,685
Six.
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00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,269
Hey, Cleveland,
what are you
doing back in town?
19
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,710
Just back up here
for my monthly haircut.
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00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:22,263
When a black man
finds a barber,
it's for life.
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00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,582
Oh, my God,
there's the CEO of my company!
22
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:25,934
Now's my chance to impress him.
23
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,319
Hey, Mr. Carlisle!
24
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:29,221
Check this out.
25
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,675
That's what I can
do for the company.
26
00:01:33,744 --> 00:01:37,179
Really?
Can you do other
things for the company?
27
00:01:37,264 --> 00:01:39,392
No! No! No!
I don't want to be
promoted that way!
28
00:01:39,416 --> 00:01:42,134
I want to be promoted the
shooting-hawks-with-a-crossbow
way.
29
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:47,439
"The NFL experience."
That sounds cool.
30
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:48,757
Kid, you're the best.
31
00:01:48,825 --> 00:01:50,303
Sign with me,
and you're gonna
make millions.
32
00:01:50,327 --> 00:01:52,194
Griffin, get out there!
Ow!
33
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:53,673
It's his knee.
Doc?
34
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,297
You'll never
play football again.
35
00:01:55,332 --> 00:01:58,533
Too bad, kid.
You was gonna buy me a house!
36
00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:01,922
Now I have headaches.
I'm gonna save my
brain for science.
37
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:05,391
Come on, guys. It's game time.
38
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,025
Yeah! Patriots!
39
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,405
All right!
This is the greatest
40
00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:09,928
Sunday tradition ever.
41
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:12,892
Except for getting
all my cutaway gags
ready for the week.
42
00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:15,951
Okay, my-great-uncle-wears
a-ski-hat-all-the-time Griffin
43
00:02:16,019 --> 00:02:18,053
will be followed
by Nick Nolte's handkerchief,
44
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:21,056
followed by Japanese
Abe Lincoln, and then
monkey rabbi.
45
00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:22,724
Hey, where's the monkey rabbi?
46
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,704
Here's your Torah.
You be here on
Tuesday at 9:00.
47
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:25,961
Check in with Shirley.
48
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:27,412
You gonna need me this week?
49
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,249
Ah, maybe. Maybe Friday.
Uh, now, where are the gays?
50
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:31,437
Over here.
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00:02:31,501 --> 00:02:32,645
No, no, no,
the really
cartoony gays?
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00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,019
Yoo-hoo!
53
00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,127
There you are.
We're gonna need
you guys all week.
54
00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:44,341
Okay, Brian, so what
are the rules?
What?
55
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,042
Rules? What are the rules?
How do you make points?
56
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,532
Oh, no.
57
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,379
Come on, we're here.
Just give me
the cliff notes version.
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00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,436
Like who's the guy
with the football ball?
59
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,738
It's just called a football.
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00:02:52,806 --> 00:02:56,174
Okay, okay, shorthand lingo.
I like it. I like it.
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00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,176
Now, I see some
elements of red rover
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00:02:58,245 --> 00:03:00,078
with a little bit
of spud mixed in.
63
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:02,280
And is anyone ever going
to blow a raspberry
64
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,514
on the quarterback's belly?
65
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:04,961
No, Stewie, that never happens.
66
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,551
Down goes Brady!
67
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,231
And it looks likeWilliams ispulling up his shirt
68
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,933
and having a little
fun with his tummy!
69
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,107
Look!
He's doing it!
70
00:03:12,176 --> 00:03:13,969
Ah, this is my favorite
part of the game.
71
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:17,273
When two drunk guys,
each holding a baby,
get into a fistfight.
72
00:03:17,313 --> 00:03:18,396
You're stupid!
73
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,432
No, you're stupid!
74
00:03:20,484 --> 00:03:22,194
Oh, now their wives
are getting into it.
75
00:03:22,218 --> 00:03:23,696
They're gonna put
their cigarettes
in their mouths
76
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,270
and bump boobs.
77
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,017
You got no class, you bitch!
78
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,990
No, you got no class!
79
00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:31,910
And now here comes security
to kick out the wrong person.
80
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:34,779
Come on, Miyagi,
take that karate outside!
81
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:39,695
With a five-point lead
and only 10 seconds left,
82
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,220
all the Patriots have to do
is kneel down with the ball,
83
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,722
and the game is...
Oh, my God, it's a fumble!
84
00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:46,269
It's picked up by the Bills...
85
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,960
and they're gonna score
the game-winning touchdown!
86
00:03:50,246 --> 00:03:51,246
Oh, come on!
87
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,465
My God, 10 losses in a row?
88
00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,934
This whole season's
been one long bad dream.
89
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,681
Yeah, like that one
where I walk into the bank,
90
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,371
and I ain't got no clothes on.
91
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,823
Sir, what are you doing?
You have no clothes on.
92
00:04:01,892 --> 00:04:04,059
Ah, must be having
one of those dreams again.
93
00:04:04,128 --> 00:04:05,494
Better wake myself up.
94
00:04:06,262 --> 00:04:07,512
Oh, thank God.
95
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,981
Well, time to apply for
this small business loan.
96
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,015
We now return
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00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:17,383
to Turner Classic
Movies' presentation
98
00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:20,959
of John Wayne's final western,
Big Bill Doyle.
99
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,899
Big Bill, two men got off
the 2:40 from Amarillo.
100
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,667
Saddle my horse.
101
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:32,787
John Wayne only ate beef
and coffee for every meal,
102
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,868
so the director had to
shoot around the fact
103
00:04:34,892 --> 00:04:36,870
that he was on
the toilet all the time.
104
00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:38,388
Yee-hoo!
Yee-hoo!
105
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,461
Reach for the sky, pilgrims.
106
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,497
Big Bill Doyle!
107
00:04:43,566 --> 00:04:44,599
That's right.
108
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:47,885
And I just made a Big Bill coil.
109
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,605
Damn it, I'm so angry
the stupid Pats lost.
110
00:04:50,674 --> 00:04:53,119
And to Buffalo!
Buffalo's got
everything.
111
00:04:53,143 --> 00:04:54,721
They don't need a win like this.
112
00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:58,013
You know, I am gonna
channel this anger
into something useful.
113
00:04:58,081 --> 00:05:00,248
Like trying to get
sand out of my backpack.
114
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,254
It's been four years
since I went to the beach!
115
00:05:06,322 --> 00:05:07,901
Try turning it inside out.
116
00:05:07,925 --> 00:05:10,559
Don't you think I tried that?
That's the first thing I did!
117
00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:13,662
We now return to the Fox
NFL post-game show.
118
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,213
I'm here with CJ Spiller.
119
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,660
CJ, you ran for 200 yards today.
120
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,201
How did you manage that
against the Patriots' defense?
121
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:22,437
Well, we just
gelled as a team today,
122
00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:24,316
and was fortunate
to come away with the win.
123
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:28,059
All thanks andpraise goes to God.He really won this one for us.
124
00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:30,746
Mario Williams, you scored
the winning touchdown.
125
00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:32,454
How does it feel to
beat the Patriots?
126
00:05:32,515 --> 00:05:35,016
I'd like to thank God
and a jury of my peers,
127
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:38,063
who are both responsiblefor me beingable to play today.
128
00:05:38,087 --> 00:05:39,921
What the hell?
This is such bull crap!
129
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,034
Well, what are you
talking about?
Isn't it obvious?
130
00:05:42,058 --> 00:05:44,459
God hates the Patriots.
He made 'em lose again!
131
00:05:44,528 --> 00:05:47,295
Peter, uncross your legs.
It's weird to yell
with your legs crossed.
132
00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:49,475
Come on, don't you notice that
whenever the Patriots lose,
133
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,527
the other team
always thanks God?
134
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:53,711
Huh. Peter does
kind of have a point.
135
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,137
Guys, I'm tired of God
messing with football.
136
00:05:56,206 --> 00:05:57,583
We got to do something about it!
137
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:58,807
Like what?
138
00:05:58,875 --> 00:06:01,559
We got to find God
and tell him to cut the crap.
139
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:03,706
How many times
is God gonna ruin
our Sunday
140
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,963
with both church
and bad football?
141
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,700
It's time someone told God
to stay where he belongs,
142
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:10,068
in our schools.
143
00:06:10,136 --> 00:06:12,353
And telling people where
they can stick their wieners.
144
00:06:12,422 --> 00:06:15,139
Now, what do you say?
Let's go find God!
145
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,769
All right, I'm in!
Me, too!
146
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,025
Let's do this!
147
00:06:19,228 --> 00:06:20,762
Whoa, whoa, Joe, Joe!
What the hell?
148
00:06:20,831 --> 00:06:24,231
What? I thought, "find God"
was a code word.
149
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,334
No. We meant
literally go and find him.
150
00:06:26,402 --> 00:06:27,469
Oh.
151
00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:29,888
Well, I already texted Bonnie.
152
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,713
Ugh. What a night.
153
00:06:56,550 --> 00:06:57,682
Whew!
154
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,751
What... A... Night.
155
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,389
Ca... ray... zy.
156
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,909
Uh, yes, telegram for hungover.
157
00:07:07,978 --> 00:07:11,162
Yes,
I'll sign for that,
thank you very much. Oh, boy.
158
00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:13,459
How was your night, Stewie?
159
00:07:13,483 --> 00:07:17,235
Ugh! Get your own life,
bro. Get off my sack.
160
00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:19,671
Well, Lois, the guys and I
are off to find God.
161
00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:21,022
Peter, that's ridiculous.
162
00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:22,456
This is ridiculous?
163
00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:25,043
There's 500 old grocery
bags neatly folded
164
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,923
and crammed into
one of our cabinets.
165
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,580
I'm leaving those for the kids.
166
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,131
Peter, the idea of God,
167
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,901
let alone that
he'd care anything
about football, is absurd.
168
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,280
Well, it's absurd to think that
169
00:07:34,304 --> 00:07:35,581
my hand scratching on the couch
170
00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:37,845
is some kind of
animal, but you do.
171
00:07:49,352 --> 00:07:50,618
What the fuck is that?
172
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,824
Okay, this is God's house,
so we'll just go in there,
173
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,671
talk to him,
and take care of
this whole thing.
174
00:07:58,695 --> 00:08:00,361
It'll be easy as one, two...
175
00:08:25,355 --> 00:08:27,122
Three.
176
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:30,942
Hang on, guys.
I want to enter the church
like Sherman Hemsley in Amen.
177
00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:52,063
There was a baby's funeral
going on in there.
178
00:08:57,821 --> 00:08:59,649
Huh. God's all
over this Bible,
179
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,417
but they never give
you an exact address.
180
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:04,136
You guys, look.
I saw this article
in the paper today.
181
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,827
"First headline read
aloud often incorrect."
182
00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:08,507
No, no, not that one,
the one below it.
183
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,865
Oh. "Carrie Underwood
credits her success
184
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:13,234
"to personal
relationship with God."
185
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,514
You think she knows
where we can find him?
186
00:09:15,538 --> 00:09:19,307
I'm sure she does.
She's smart.
She won her job in a contest.
187
00:09:19,375 --> 00:09:21,426
Guys, we are going to Nashville.
188
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,890
Don't worry.That wasn't our line.Here comes our line.
189
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,797
Wow, the Country Music Awards!
190
00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:45,644
And you know it's
huge 'cause it's on
a Tuesday night.
191
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,628
Hey, look, there's Taylor Swift.
192
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:50,237
And there's Taylor Not-so-swift.
193
00:09:50,306 --> 00:09:54,109
♪ I broke up with
a birthday cake ♪
194
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:56,211
Ugh. We went on,
like, two dates.
195
00:09:58,131 --> 00:09:59,725
Hey, you're Carrie
Underwood, right?
196
00:09:59,749 --> 00:10:01,861
I sure am. You want
an autograph?
197
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:03,829
Yeah, can you get
me Randy Travis'?
198
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,898
Uh, I don't think so.
199
00:10:05,922 --> 00:10:08,223
Hey, in that song Jesus,Take The Wheel,
200
00:10:08,291 --> 00:10:09,890
was that, like, the real Jesus,
201
00:10:09,959 --> 00:10:11,492
or was it just some Mexican guy?
202
00:10:11,561 --> 00:10:13,473
No, it was the real Jesus.
203
00:10:13,497 --> 00:10:14,707
Wow. So, you
know him?
204
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:16,480
We're actually
looking for
his father.
205
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,283
Do you know where
we can find God?
206
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,929
Well, God is everywhere.
207
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,598
He's in our hearts,
and we take him
with us wherever we go.
208
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,500
Yeah, we're looking
for, like, an address.
209
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:27,892
Look, you guys,
I don't know who you are,
but I have to go perform.
210
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,894
Peter, I don't think
she knows where God is.
211
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,095
Let's go.
212
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,626
Hey, you know I don't like
you talking to other guys.
213
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,601
I'm sorry, Jesus.
Whatever.
214
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,405
Give me 40 bucks.
I want to get
a Toby Keith hat.
215
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,967
You sure you don't want
to stay for the show?
216
00:10:41,991 --> 00:10:43,535
Nah. This place
gives me the creeps.
217
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,704
Like when I went to
that pedophile opera.
218
00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:49,013
We are proud to presentMozart's The Magic Flute,
219
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,281
in A minor.
220
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,069
And you still won't give
us an Emmy? Come on!
221
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:56,648
If Modern Family did that joke,
222
00:10:56,672 --> 00:10:58,912
you'd be carrying 'em
around on your shoulders!
223
00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,613
Well, God wasn't
in Nashville either.
224
00:11:05,682 --> 00:11:07,876
Maybe it's time to
throw in the towel.
225
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:10,162
All right, look,
maybe I'm not like
other football fans,
226
00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:12,898
but I don't have
a fulfilling career
and a rich family life.
227
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,321
Football is all I got.
228
00:11:14,390 --> 00:11:17,158
Peter's right.
We all live and die
with the Patriots.
229
00:11:17,227 --> 00:11:18,743
Yeah, we got to do this.
230
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:21,057
Even if it means traveling
to the ends of the earth.
231
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,331
That's the spirit, guys.
We'll find him.
232
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:25,800
It can't be any harder
than finding that cheese.
233
00:11:25,868 --> 00:11:27,329
I think the cheese is that way.
234
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,898
I'm pretty sure it's over here.
235
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,840
Guys, guys, finding the cheese
is what they want us to do.
236
00:11:32,742 --> 00:11:34,742
Let's just chill.
237
00:11:34,811 --> 00:11:36,731
I don't know where
they're getting all this weed.
238
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,453
"In Greece, it was commonly held
239
00:11:45,522 --> 00:11:46,887
"that one could
speak to the gods
240
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,656
"from the top of
Mount Olympus."
241
00:11:48,725 --> 00:11:50,157
We should probably go there.
242
00:11:50,226 --> 00:11:52,037
What do you mean "gods"?
There's more than one?
243
00:11:52,061 --> 00:11:54,289
Yes, Peter. Greece
is polytheistic.
244
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:55,641
Quick, Peter, say something
245
00:11:55,665 --> 00:11:57,665
so he thinks you know
what he's talking about.
246
00:11:57,733 --> 00:11:58,866
Words.
247
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:00,135
Yeah, you get it.
248
00:12:05,358 --> 00:12:07,841
Apparently, the Greeks have
a bunch of different gods.
249
00:12:07,910 --> 00:12:09,544
Athena's the goddess of wisdom.
250
00:12:09,612 --> 00:12:11,178
Poseidon is the god of the sea.
251
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:13,659
And I am Kronos,
the god of time.
252
00:12:13,683 --> 00:12:14,960
Oh, cool, what do you do?
253
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,330
I tell the time and
make gift baskets.
254
00:12:17,354 --> 00:12:19,687
So are you also
the god of gift baskets?
255
00:12:19,756 --> 00:12:22,116
I don't know, you tell me.
256
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:26,761
Rosewood-mango candle?
Kronos!
257
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,329
I know, I know.
258
00:12:28,398 --> 00:12:30,064
It's 4:30, by the way.
259
00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:36,815
All right,
what better place
to find God
260
00:12:36,839 --> 00:12:40,041
than the birthplace
of all of Western
civilization's great religions
261
00:12:40,109 --> 00:12:41,543
and one really mean one.
262
00:12:41,611 --> 00:12:43,944
I had a feeling this is
what this place would be like.
263
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:45,141
Oh, God, it's so hot out.
264
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,175
Why is there never
any parking downtown?
265
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:47,442
Who gets married on a Tuesday?
266
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:48,644
I got to get off these bad feet.
267
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,868
Ailments!
268
00:12:49,919 --> 00:12:52,119
Oh, look, Joe's
feeding 'em pennies.
269
00:12:54,223 --> 00:12:55,389
Oh, oh!
270
00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:58,108
Somebody take a picture.
271
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:00,511
I can't believe we didn't
find God in Jerusalem.
272
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:01,907
Well, we'll have
to keep looking.
273
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:03,331
Oh, here's our
bus to the airport.
274
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,002
Wow.
275
00:13:09,071 --> 00:13:10,938
That was super loud.
276
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:18,346
Ah, India, the most spiritual
country in the world.
277
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,672
God is not here.
278
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,673
Well, that whole
trip was pointless.
279
00:13:34,697 --> 00:13:36,798
Yeah, plus I left my
Jacuzzi on the whole time,
280
00:13:36,866 --> 00:13:38,899
came home to a boiled raccoon.
281
00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:40,635
You guys, I feel terrible.
282
00:13:40,704 --> 00:13:43,537
I'm sorry I dragged you around
the world looking for God.
283
00:13:43,607 --> 00:13:45,601
I guess it was
a huge waste of time.
284
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,825
Like bringin'
a married guy to Vegas.
285
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,577
So I'm thinking steak house.
286
00:13:49,646 --> 00:13:51,323
Do they have salad?
I can't eat red meat.
287
00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:53,081
Yeah. Then we
hit the tables.
288
00:13:53,149 --> 00:13:54,782
I'm already down 30 bucks.
289
00:13:54,851 --> 00:13:56,017
Maybe the sportsbook.
290
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,184
Is that near Caesars?
291
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:59,353
I got to get Brandy
a Celine Dion t-shirt.
292
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,488
And then the strip club.
293
00:14:00,556 --> 00:14:02,690
Guys, we have a
7:00 a.m. tee time.
294
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,792
And are we just gonna bail
on the Hoover Dam?
295
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:06,638
Hey, guys.
296
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:08,495
Hey, Death. What are
you doing here?
297
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:10,709
Actually, I'm here
for your show.
298
00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:13,267
Oh, come on, man.
I'm on vacation.
299
00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:16,203
Wait a minute, Death,
you work with God!
Will you take us to him?
300
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,716
Sure, I guess I could.
301
00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:20,060
But don't you mean "her"?
302
00:14:21,911 --> 00:14:25,231
Look at your faces!
Of course it's a dude.
Come on, let's go.
303
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:34,483
Oh, Death, we really
appreciate you taking us
to see God.
304
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:35,584
No problem.
305
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,419
I was supposed to
kill Russell Brand,
306
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,154
but I'll just do this instead.
307
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:42,613
Oh, well, wait, wait now.
I mean, you could
just pick us up after...
308
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,370
What the...
Where the hell are we?
309
00:14:49,439 --> 00:14:51,484
This is heaven.
This is heaven?
310
00:14:51,508 --> 00:14:53,141
It looks like a Sandals.
311
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:55,576
Oh, hey, I'm God.
Welcome to heaven.
312
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:59,363
Oh, you got to be kidding me!
Handicapped is
still a thing up here?
313
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:00,943
Oh, yeah, you're
like this forever.
314
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,028
Hey, how come everyone
has different kinds of towels?
315
00:15:03,052 --> 00:15:05,503
Well, we don't provide towels,
you have to bring your own.
316
00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:07,772
It's very important
that you die holding towels.
317
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,318
Have the priests
not been passing
this along?
318
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,824
It's very important.
319
00:15:10,893 --> 00:15:13,121
You know,
I actually can't believe
they let me into heaven.
320
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:15,763
They won't even let me umpire
Little League games anymore.
321
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,048
Strike two!
322
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,751
And, Ricky, you have got
the best ass on this field.
323
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:23,516
Look, God, the reason
we're here is we
wanted to tell you
324
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,434
to stop messing
with the Patriots!
325
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:29,077
What?
You really think I'd get
involved with football games
326
00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:30,978
when there's
people dying in Africa?
327
00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:34,048
Are you gonna do something
about the people
dying in Africa?
328
00:15:34,117 --> 00:15:35,895
No, but I'm pretty
upset about it.
329
00:15:35,919 --> 00:15:37,580
Come off it, God,
you know what you're doing.
330
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,337
Stop making the Patriots lose!
331
00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,049
I'm God. I don't have
to do anything.
332
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,740
Ah, so you admit it!
333
00:15:42,808 --> 00:15:43,957
Maybe.
334
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,476
Oh, my God, it's true?
335
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,390
You don't, like,
pay attention to how much
336
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:50,031
each individual tips
at each meal, right?
337
00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:53,617
Look, look, God, why
you got to hurt Patriots fans?
338
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:55,803
These are good, drunk
people who work hard
339
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,905
to get absolutely
nowhere in life.
340
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,418
There are three
million fishermen
341
00:15:59,442 --> 00:16:01,709
and only seven
fish left in the sea.
342
00:16:01,778 --> 00:16:03,678
But they live to watch football,
343
00:16:03,747 --> 00:16:07,081
many of them still on Zenith
or Sylvania television sets.
344
00:16:07,149 --> 00:16:09,550
Please, God, we're beggin' ya,
345
00:16:09,619 --> 00:16:12,553
leave football alone.
It's all we got.
346
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,389
Look, it's not the fans.
347
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:18,726
It's just... It's Belichick.
I don't like him.
348
00:16:18,795 --> 00:16:22,230
I gave that guy
three Super Bowls,
and he never smiled once.
349
00:16:22,298 --> 00:16:24,348
Not even at home. Be grateful!
350
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,144
But that's just Belichick.
351
00:16:26,168 --> 00:16:27,551
Yeah, come on, God.
352
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,881
Um, I'm locked out
of my room again.
353
00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,617
Oh, yeah, go directly
to the boss.
354
00:16:31,641 --> 00:16:33,335
Don't even try to
ask an employee.
355
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,226
You got to lock
the doors in heaven?
356
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:38,346
One guy lost a laptop,
and everybody went nuts.
357
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,991
All right, all right,
I'll tell you what.
358
00:16:40,015 --> 00:16:43,050
If you make Belichick smile,
I'll let the Patriots
win again.
359
00:16:43,119 --> 00:16:44,585
Oh, okay, you're on.
360
00:16:44,654 --> 00:16:46,331
I don't know, Peter,
that's gonna be tough.
361
00:16:46,355 --> 00:16:49,001
Don't worry,
I got a lot of practice
making people smile.
362
00:16:49,025 --> 00:16:51,609
I used to be a celebrity
baby photographer.
363
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,562
Okay, Apple, Apple,
smile for Peter.
364
00:16:54,631 --> 00:16:56,096
Smile for... No? No?
365
00:16:56,165 --> 00:16:58,093
Okay, okay, look over there.
Who's that? Who's that?
366
00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:00,267
Who loves you over there?
That's right.
367
00:17:00,336 --> 00:17:02,436
Can you smile for
nanny number two?
368
00:17:02,505 --> 00:17:04,538
That's it! There you go.
369
00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:07,474
And your mommy said
that she'll be able
to Skype at 8:30
370
00:17:07,543 --> 00:17:09,242
if drinks don't
turn into dinner.
371
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:19,980
Okay, okay, shh, here he comes.
372
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:22,807
Hiya, Mr. Belichick!
373
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,541
Who the hell are you?
What do you want?
374
00:17:24,610 --> 00:17:26,410
We are here to make you smile.
375
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:28,623
And if there's one thing
that always gets me to smile,
376
00:17:28,647 --> 00:17:30,447
it's a child's laughter.
377
00:17:30,516 --> 00:17:32,211
So, I found this kid
in the parking lot,
378
00:17:32,235 --> 00:17:34,635
and I'm gonna make
him laugh for you.
379
00:17:35,438 --> 00:17:36,537
Ooh.
380
00:17:38,407 --> 00:17:39,707
Come on, laugh.
381
00:17:39,776 --> 00:17:41,370
Who's your bubba?
382
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,394
Don't touch my son's face.
383
00:17:43,462 --> 00:17:46,680
Get over here, little man.
This flight is
cleared for liftoff.
384
00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:47,799
Vroom.
385
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,133
Liftoff.
Whee.
386
00:17:49,201 --> 00:17:50,535
Who's flying?
Whee.
387
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,002
You're flying.
Again.
388
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,137
Who's Daddy's little jet?
389
00:17:53,205 --> 00:17:55,022
I love you, Daddy.
390
00:18:00,796 --> 00:18:02,529
Oh, God, you guys again?
391
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:04,999
All right, coach,
another surefire equation
392
00:18:05,068 --> 00:18:07,718
for comedy is tragedy plus time.
393
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:10,888
And now we wait.
394
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,643
All right, coach, now one
thing that's always funny
395
00:18:15,712 --> 00:18:17,857
is when I dub my voice
over animal footage
396
00:18:17,881 --> 00:18:20,581
and introduce human foibles
into their situations.
397
00:18:21,618 --> 00:18:23,034
Tough day at the bank?
398
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,969
No. Just had a bad lunch.
399
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,203
What did you have?
400
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:28,289
Serengeti and meatballs.
401
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:30,908
How absurd!
402
00:18:30,977 --> 00:18:33,211
Look, you guys have been
following me around all day
403
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,912
making fools out of yourselves.
404
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,415
Would you just leave me alone?
I've got work to do.
405
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:40,218
Oh, guys, I guess we failed.
406
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,098
Sorry for wasting
your time, coach.
407
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,799
We got to get to
the hospital anyway.
408
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:47,103
Our friend Joe here has
to have his fluids
changed every 72 hours,
409
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:49,977
or else he swells up
and his eyes turn yellow.
410
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,778
Huh.
What was that?
411
00:18:51,847 --> 00:18:54,660
Oh, my God, Joe, quick!
Tell him more
about your sad life.
412
00:18:54,684 --> 00:18:57,868
Uh, every morning, I wake up
drenched in my own urine.
413
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:01,105
My feet are just shoes sewn
to the bottom of my pants.
414
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:03,552
Last week,
the handicapped seat
on the bus was taken,
415
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,143
so they put me on
the front, like a bicycle.
416
00:19:06,212 --> 00:19:07,511
After I injured my legs,
417
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,647
my doctor said I'd be
walking again in two weeks.
418
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,933
Huh. That's hysterical.
419
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:15,814
Oh, my God, yes!
All right!
420
00:19:15,838 --> 00:19:17,170
All right! He smiled!
421
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,316
We did it!
422
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,151
Aw, man, this is my
biggest accomplishment
423
00:19:20,175 --> 00:19:23,160
since my 1920s solo flight
across the Atlantic.
424
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:35,050
Don't look in there.
Don't look in there.
It's all craps.
425
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,584
All right, we got to
put toilets in these things
426
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:38,688
if we're gonna be in 'em
for more than two hours.
427
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,059
Wow. You guys
pulled it off.
428
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:47,167
Well, a deal's a deal.
I'll leave the Patriots alone.
429
00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:48,296
Oh, thanks, God!
430
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,287
Yeah!
Really appreciate it.
431
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:52,534
Oh, come here, you!
432
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:53,957
Get off me! Get off me!
433
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,359
What the hell?
434
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:56,927
God's mildly autistic.
435
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,447
You can't touch him,
especially on the head.
436
00:19:59,515 --> 00:20:02,917
- It's all right, it's all right, it's all right.
- Just don't do that!
437
00:20:02,985 --> 00:20:05,319
Sorry about that.
Well, uh, again, thanks.
438
00:20:05,404 --> 00:20:07,020
We won't forget this.
439
00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:10,435
Oh, by the way,
Conway Twitty
says cut it out.
440
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:11,675
Just write a joke.
441
00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:19,328
Well, Peter, I'm
glad you're home,
442
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,546
and I'm happy you guys found
what you were looking for.
443
00:20:21,570 --> 00:20:24,571
Yeah, and this trip made me
realize that 98% of the world
444
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,657
is just making
each other blankets.
445
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,677
So, Brian, you still an
atheist now that
Dad's met God?
446
00:20:29,745 --> 00:20:31,139
Stewie, who knows who he met?
447
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,741
Every time we go
to Disney World,
448
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:35,082
he thinks Mickey Mouse just
happened to be there that day.
449
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:37,579
I'll tell ya,
seeing God in heaven
was just like that time
450
00:20:37,603 --> 00:20:39,748
I met Mickey and Donald
outside Thunder Mountain.
451
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:40,971
I mean, what are the odds?
452
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,551
But, Peter, I still
don't understand why
453
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,019
you would go to all that trouble
454
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:46,510
to find God and only
ask about the Patriots.
455
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,499
Oh, I asked for one more thing.
456
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:51,159
Ahhh! What's
happening?
457
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,261
Don't look at her.
Don't look at her.
It's okay. Just go with it.
458
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:55,165
It'll all be over in a second.
35576
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