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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Darling, are you okay?
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Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
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Something is wrong with Laszlo.
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It has been like this a few weeks now.
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He just sits in the library,
staring off into space.
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I have never seen him like this before.
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Ah, Laszlo, I've just
been reading this book
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about the Battle Of Quiberon Bay.
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Could you explain to me
the difference between
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an Endymion-class
frigate and a brigantine?
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Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
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I fear I am to blame.
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Laszlo is so worried about this hex
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that is ruining my eternal life
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that he is emotionally depleted.
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Sadly, I think it is
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because his world has been rocked
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by the fact that I am
in such a good place.
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Actually, I keep having these dreams
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where I'm a small child,
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and Laszlo is... my daddy.
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Oh, that is actually because
that did happen, Colin Robinson.
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I think I would remember
Laszlo wiping my bottom.
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It's 'cause he did.
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Though, to be fair, that...
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that is what's happening
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in-in the dream.
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- Ew.
- Please stop.
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Laszlo?
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Laszlo?
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Yeah, it's my fault.
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Laszlo's been working
so hard to figure out
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why I'm not a full vampire yet.
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And Laszlo hates defeat, so,
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I think it's broken his brain.
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Laszlo, I just
want you to know that it's okay.
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- You did your best.
- Gizmo?
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Ah. Yes. Yes, I'm here for you.
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Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
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Even his libido is out of whack.
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I mean, we are down to,
like, only 16 fucks a week.
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We are down to just three.
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I can't even get enough
of a rise out of him
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for a mini-drain.
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Oh, good Lord. Ooh!
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Does the limited warranty
cover the power cord, or just
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- the main unit itself?
- Ooh, I have been hammering
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- so hard on these big nails.
- Good one, Jimbo. You got me there.
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- Yeah, no, I'd love to go on hold. Sure.
- Ooh. Ooh.
50
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Let's pound some rivets, baby.
51
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Look what I found.
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A big box of ships and pornography.
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Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
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- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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Ugh. Anything?
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Remember: there are no stupid ideas,
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just stupid people.
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What do we know about Laszlo?
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Guillermo, you spend
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a lot of your life being
very miserable and sad.
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Do you have any ideas?
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- Okay.
- Is it all right if I pitch an idea?
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What about if we threw Laszlo a roast?
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Right? Where we all give
funny speeches about Laszlo,
65
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kind of tease him a little bit,
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and it just makes him
so happy for some reason?
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Hold on!
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- I've got one.
- Yes?
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Nope. Lost it.
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What if... hear me out on this...
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what if we threw Laszlo a roast?
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Love that idea!
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Now, this is an idea I like!
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- I just said that.
- How did you think of that?
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- I said it so loud.
- Well done, Colin.
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No peeking, cheeky.
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Surprise!
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Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the official roast
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of Leslie "Laszlo" Cravensworth!
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Yes, Laszlo, this night is for you.
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Just look at this crowd!
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We gathered all
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the people that love
you into this one room.
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And then when we saw
all the empty chairs,
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we decided to drag some randos
in off the street to fill them!
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So many illustrious guests
here on the dais tonight.
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And also Colin Robinson.
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He got me. I got got.
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Our neighbor Sean is here.
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- Hey-yo!
- Don't worry. We hypnotized him
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so he's not gonna
remember anything tomorrow.
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- Seanie.
- Seanie.
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I see the great Baron
Afanas is here this evening,
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restored to his original
splendor, thank goodness.
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For a couple of years,
the baron looked a lot like
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if George Hamilton had had
sex with some pork rinds.
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- Hmm.
- I see that The Guide is also here.
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So, everyone, please join me
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in saluting the man of the hour,
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the one, the only Laszlo Cravensworth.
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We've known each other so
many, many years, you know.
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We can practically finish
each other's hand jobs.
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Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
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We are just getting
started. It is your roast.
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A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.
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It's Laszlo's roast.
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- It is his...
- Roast.
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- It's Laszlo's...
- Roast!
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We'll be back right after this.
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If you think the
missionary position involves
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lying on top of a missionary,
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you might be a Laszlo Cravensworth!
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If the first thing you look
for in a woman is your dick,
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you might just be...
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a Laszlo Cravensworth!
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If you think ejaculating
onto the pillow counts
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as "cooking your wife
dinner," you might just be...
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A Laszlo Cravensworth.
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Women can be funny.
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Ooh.
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Some describe Laszlo
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as a man of arts and letters.
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I can think of a couple of
letters to describe Laszlo.
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"F" and "W."
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Uh, no, not "W." Uh, "U."
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Sorry. It was supposed to be "F" and...
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I think I'm just going
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to tell a story.
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A story called "The Aristocrats."
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Ah, shit. Oh, I wasn't supposed
to say the name till the end.
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Forget I said the name of it.
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Um, anyway, a father, a mother, a son
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and a daughter walk into
a talent agent's office.
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And the... the father says,
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"Boy, have I got an act for you!"
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Uh, and the talent agent says,
"Well, let's see it then."
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Oh, and-and there's a... a dog.
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Uh, the family dog.
That's important to note.
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Up next, we have a man
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who knows more about roasting
than his beloved Arby's.
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- Hmm?
- When this guy starts roasting a vampire,
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you better bring a bun,
and also some ketchup.
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I don't get it.
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I did whisper to the baron that
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it was Guillermo who opened the door
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that let the sun come in to burn
his body into bits, you know,
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a few years ago because
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he didn't know what the joke was.
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And I was trying to help him,
'cause being left out of a joke,
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it sucks.
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So give it up for an expert
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on raking 'em over the coals,
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or should I say the foyer rug...
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Okay, okay. Thank you.
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And then I did also mention
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that Guillermo had Van Helsing lineage.
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That one just slipped out.
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So, we are all here tonight
to honor Laszlo Cravensworth.
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Cravensworth? I'm more like,
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Cravensworth-less.
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Might I say a word or two?
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Yes, absolutely, Baron. Please vacate
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the microphone for the
baron. Please welcome a man
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who knows quite a lot
about... sick burns.
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Baron Afanas.
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Look at this festive assembly.
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All of us, gathered here together,
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chuckling at jokes and silliness.
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And jackanapery.
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I guess there's only
one thing left to say.
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What is this shit?
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Very good.
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You call yourselves vampires?
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Bah. This entire evening
has been nothing but
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a pageant of insipid nonsense.
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Yes.
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Worshipping at the altar of
your own mediocre frivolity.
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A jester's hollow dance.
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00:09:05,342 --> 00:09:06,738
And who is laughing?
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Yeah!
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Vampires are supposed to have
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blood orgies and slaughter circles.
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Gah! You have all gone soft.
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You even invited humans
to this asinine affair.
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All right, you know what? Sean is cool.
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He's a good time. I take that one back.
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But everything else is an embarrassment
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to the very word "vampire."
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Baron, we just were
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trying to, you know,
cheer up Laszlo a bit.
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He just hasn't been himself lately.
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Vampires do not need cheering up!
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We vampires are not cheerful creatures.
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We sit, and we brood,
for centuries on end,
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plotting the demise of our foes
and innocent bystanders alike!
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00:09:51,493 --> 00:09:54,494
- Oh, okay, I guess we didn't really see it like that...
- Uh!
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00:09:54,505 --> 00:09:56,814
And the worst part?
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00:09:56,825 --> 00:09:59,706
I find out only tonight
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00:09:59,717 --> 00:10:04,769
that you have all been keeping
secrets around here, have you not?
200
00:10:04,780 --> 00:10:10,377
For years, I now know that
you have been harboring
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00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:12,847
a vampire killer...
202
00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:16,388
right here under your own roof...
203
00:10:16,399 --> 00:10:21,118
- Uh...
- ... who, in fact, tried to kill me.
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00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:23,011
What? What vampire...
205
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:24,900
Do not insult my intelligence!
206
00:10:24,911 --> 00:10:27,867
So, vampire killer.
207
00:10:30,853 --> 00:10:34,424
Do you have anything
to say for yourself?
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00:10:34,971 --> 00:10:35,985
Well, I, uh...
209
00:10:35,996 --> 00:10:38,720
It doesn't matter what
you have to say! Seize him!
210
00:10:38,731 --> 00:10:40,566
Run!
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00:10:51,448 --> 00:10:53,823
Baron, show him mercy!
212
00:10:53,834 --> 00:10:56,757
Let us give you the
very simple explanation!
213
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:06,535
- Guillermo.
- Guillermo.
214
00:11:06,546 --> 00:11:08,734
Are-are you o...
215
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,269
- Behind you.
- What?
216
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,646
- Ooh.
- Laszlo?
217
00:11:16,657 --> 00:11:19,550
- Laszlo!
- Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
218
00:11:34,047 --> 00:11:35,242
Baron, stop!
219
00:11:35,253 --> 00:11:38,202
- It was just a mix-em-up!
- A whoopsie-daisy!
220
00:11:38,213 --> 00:11:39,781
Stay out of this!
221
00:11:52,506 --> 00:11:54,442
Gah!
222
00:11:56,423 --> 00:11:58,321
- Don't film this.
- Okay.
223
00:11:58,332 --> 00:12:00,020
- Hey, guys.
- Not now!
224
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,154
Oh, I just wanted to take a quick moment
225
00:12:02,165 --> 00:12:04,134
to apologize for telling the baron
226
00:12:04,161 --> 00:12:06,197
that it was Guillermo
who burned him to a crisp.
227
00:12:06,230 --> 00:12:07,965
- Not now.
- That's on me.
228
00:12:08,291 --> 00:12:10,460
- Are you done?
- Sorry.
229
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:13,126
You know what, Nandor? I think
let's just sit this one out.
230
00:12:13,137 --> 00:12:15,817
Let them two sort it
out between themselves.
231
00:12:15,828 --> 00:12:17,297
Hmm?
232
00:12:17,308 --> 00:12:18,714
Ah...
233
00:12:18,725 --> 00:12:21,888
You are forgetting that
Guillermo is a vampire killer.
234
00:12:21,899 --> 00:12:23,242
Which means he could kill the baron.
235
00:12:23,253 --> 00:12:26,072
We are direct descendants
of the baron's vampiric line,
236
00:12:26,083 --> 00:12:27,880
which means we would all die.
237
00:12:27,891 --> 00:12:29,497
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing
238
00:12:29,508 --> 00:12:31,666
- if we ended up dying?
- Wh... Are you okay?
239
00:12:31,677 --> 00:12:34,802
Yeah. I've just been
going through a lot lately.
240
00:12:34,813 --> 00:12:36,411
So... Fine.
241
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:41,537
if we want to live, then
yes, I do have a plan.
242
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:45,330
Guillermo?
243
00:12:46,904 --> 00:12:49,660
- Nadja, anything?
- No!
244
00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:51,837
No sign of Gizmo or the baron.
245
00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:53,350
Wait. Hang on. Hey!
246
00:12:53,361 --> 00:12:55,497
Come here, you little shit!
247
00:12:55,646 --> 00:12:56,756
Shit.
248
00:12:56,767 --> 00:12:58,002
- What?
- I got him!
249
00:12:58,013 --> 00:12:59,451
Meet me out front!
250
00:12:59,462 --> 00:13:03,065
She's got him! I'm coming!
251
00:13:04,474 --> 00:13:07,578
- You got Guillermo?
- No. The baron.
252
00:13:07,625 --> 00:13:09,660
Are you telling me
Baron Afanas cannot fight
253
00:13:09,693 --> 00:13:12,311
- his way out of a burlap sack?
- I think he's injured.
254
00:13:12,322 --> 00:13:14,540
We had quite the scuffle in there.
255
00:13:14,551 --> 00:13:15,993
How badly is he hurt?
256
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,624
- There you are.
- Because if he dies...
257
00:13:17,635 --> 00:13:19,003
- Yes, we know.
- Oh, shut up, Guillermo.
258
00:13:19,036 --> 00:13:20,938
Guillermo, help me.
259
00:13:20,949 --> 00:13:24,487
These two imbeciles, they
are trying to kill me.
260
00:13:24,542 --> 00:13:27,681
You know, if you help the
baron, he might forgive you.
261
00:13:27,692 --> 00:13:31,082
Yeah. Okay, Baron. I want to help you.
262
00:13:31,137 --> 00:13:33,373
- But you have to promise not to hurt me.
- Yes.
263
00:13:33,384 --> 00:13:35,186
- I promise. Please.
- Okay, then.
264
00:13:35,219 --> 00:13:37,327
Let's just get you out of
here. You're gonna be safe.
265
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,789
And...
266
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,336
All right, dudes.
267
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,162
Now what? Yoo-hoo?
268
00:13:44,173 --> 00:13:45,488
Baron?
269
00:13:45,499 --> 00:13:47,827
We've got the little
motherfucker, Baron!
270
00:13:50,434 --> 00:13:51,536
Nicely done.
271
00:13:51,569 --> 00:13:53,660
And now? Leave him to me.
272
00:13:53,671 --> 00:13:55,973
Baron, we ask that you
show Guillermo mercy.
273
00:13:56,006 --> 00:13:58,075
No! Ow.
274
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:04,400
What is the meaning of this?
275
00:14:05,349 --> 00:14:07,085
- Sorry.
- Terribly.
276
00:14:08,953 --> 00:14:11,255
So, to review again, Baron...
277
00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:13,235
- Mm-hmm.
- ... you agree that
278
00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:15,671
when Guillermo opened the door
279
00:14:15,682 --> 00:14:17,328
and fried you by the sun,
280
00:14:17,383 --> 00:14:20,353
he did not know that you
were inside at the time?
281
00:14:20,364 --> 00:14:22,066
I do.
282
00:14:22,077 --> 00:14:23,479
Great. And, Guillermo,
283
00:14:23,490 --> 00:14:25,963
you accept, even though
it was an accident,
284
00:14:25,974 --> 00:14:29,811
that the baron has every
right to be very mad
285
00:14:29,822 --> 00:14:32,343
at the fact that he
got fried by the sun?
286
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:33,485
I-I do.
287
00:14:33,496 --> 00:14:36,747
I will accept your
apology if you will accept
288
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:38,916
- the fact that I'm still going to kill you.
- What?
289
00:14:38,949 --> 00:14:41,421
- No. No.
- Guillermo, he is trying to meet you in the middle here.
290
00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:44,560
- Come on.
- It's like he doesn't even want this to be resolved.
291
00:14:44,571 --> 00:14:45,946
By my killing him.
292
00:14:45,957 --> 00:14:47,614
No, I do want this
to be resolved, but...
293
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,449
Okay, you know what?
Let's take a hard five.
294
00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:53,504
Guillermo, I will take a
carafe of your finest blood.
295
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:57,381
Ah, yes. Okay. I will fetch.
296
00:14:58,128 --> 00:14:59,230
Baron Afanas?
297
00:14:59,241 --> 00:15:01,393
Yes, snake?
298
00:15:03,007 --> 00:15:05,943
I can't help my vampire hunter lineage,
299
00:15:05,976 --> 00:15:08,869
but I want you to know
that I have renounced it.
300
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,315
And how did you do this?
301
00:15:11,348 --> 00:15:14,747
Guillermo? This is dangerous territory.
302
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:16,320
I...
303
00:15:16,753 --> 00:15:18,622
got turned into a vampire.
304
00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:21,050
You...
305
00:15:21,514 --> 00:15:24,240
are a vampire?
306
00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:27,898
Guillermo is a vampire? Did
everybody else know this?
307
00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:32,126
Delicious. Ah!
308
00:15:34,095 --> 00:15:38,042
Oh, such a flamboyant, perverse
betrayal of your own kind.
309
00:15:38,053 --> 00:15:40,646
Oh, I like it a lot.
310
00:15:40,657 --> 00:15:42,166
And kudos to Nandor.
311
00:15:42,177 --> 00:15:44,504
Mm? To turn a Van Helsing,
312
00:15:44,515 --> 00:15:46,693
a vampire killer, into a vampire?
313
00:15:46,704 --> 00:15:49,357
Oh! Oh, that is a big get.
314
00:15:49,368 --> 00:15:51,103
I must congratulate him when he returns.
315
00:15:51,141 --> 00:15:52,142
Well, see, that's the thing.
316
00:15:52,153 --> 00:15:55,107
It wasn't Nandor that turned me.
317
00:15:55,118 --> 00:15:58,427
- What?
- Oh, it was that vampire named Derek.
318
00:15:58,438 --> 00:16:00,220
How could you do such a thing?
319
00:16:00,231 --> 00:16:01,466
I've just been waiting
for this a long time,
320
00:16:01,499 --> 00:16:03,968
and yeah, it's still
a bit sticky, but...
321
00:16:04,001 --> 00:16:05,670
Oh, "sticky"?
322
00:16:05,956 --> 00:16:10,089
I think it is a bit
more than just "sticky."
323
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:13,485
It is a devastation. A violation.
324
00:16:13,496 --> 00:16:15,213
A humiliation!
325
00:16:15,246 --> 00:16:18,182
A shame from which neither you
nor Nandor shall ever recover.
326
00:16:18,215 --> 00:16:20,483
I know, I know, and that's
exactly why I haven't told him.
327
00:16:20,494 --> 00:16:22,696
And I would appreciate it if none of you
328
00:16:22,707 --> 00:16:23,942
tell him, either.
329
00:16:23,953 --> 00:16:26,438
You know me, I'm-I'm like a vault...
330
00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:27,851
with stuff.
331
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:30,962
Yeah, and I'm not gonna
tell anyone anything.
332
00:16:30,995 --> 00:16:33,264
In fact, I'd very much like
333
00:16:33,297 --> 00:16:36,968
to be excluded from this narrative.
334
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,095
Me, too. I should go.
335
00:16:39,106 --> 00:16:41,127
Guillermo, you and I? We are good.
336
00:16:41,138 --> 00:16:43,209
- Oh.
- You all have much graver matters
337
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:44,856
to discuss here,
338
00:16:44,867 --> 00:16:47,721
and I want no part of
what might transpire if...
339
00:16:47,732 --> 00:16:51,611
Here we go! Blood for the vampires.
340
00:16:51,622 --> 00:16:53,585
- Baron.
- Mm.
341
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,884
And a flat Pepsi for Guillermo.
342
00:16:55,895 --> 00:16:58,778
- Thank you.
- So, what did I miss?
343
00:16:58,789 --> 00:17:01,459
- Mm?
- Oh, Guillermo and I have
344
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:03,825
called a truce.
345
00:17:03,836 --> 00:17:07,086
A truce? So, you are
not killing him, then?
346
00:17:07,097 --> 00:17:09,667
Well, I will not be the one
347
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:12,701
to take this familiar's life tonight.
348
00:17:12,712 --> 00:17:14,013
Oh, that's great.
349
00:17:14,024 --> 00:17:15,459
Good to hear.
350
00:17:15,497 --> 00:17:17,175
So good, in fact, I propose a toast.
351
00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:19,356
To the baron, to Guillermo,
352
00:17:19,367 --> 00:17:21,981
to the work we have achieved tonight.
353
00:17:21,992 --> 00:17:23,260
Cheers!
354
00:17:26,992 --> 00:17:28,046
- Oh, that's sweet.
- May I?
355
00:17:28,057 --> 00:17:29,057
Mm.
356
00:17:30,827 --> 00:17:35,003
If I could have a moment
alone with Guillermo?
357
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,749
- Alone.
- Mm.
358
00:17:38,869 --> 00:17:40,079
Yeah, no, please.
359
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,039
- Thank you, Nandor.
- Yes, thank you, Baron.
360
00:17:42,050 --> 00:17:43,692
Thank you.
361
00:17:46,159 --> 00:17:50,196
Guillermo, vampire to vampire...
362
00:17:50,523 --> 00:17:52,076
A secret like this,
363
00:17:52,483 --> 00:17:54,986
it will not stay hidden forever.
364
00:17:54,997 --> 00:17:58,116
It is best that Nandor
hears it from you.
365
00:17:58,622 --> 00:18:00,524
- I know.
- Mm.
366
00:18:01,028 --> 00:18:02,370
But...
367
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:04,122
what do you think he'll do?
368
00:18:04,762 --> 00:18:06,697
Probably kill you.
369
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:07,959
Then himself.
370
00:18:08,419 --> 00:18:09,887
That is what I would do.
371
00:18:10,693 --> 00:18:12,463
- Right.
- Mm.
372
00:18:12,681 --> 00:18:15,284
You know, it's funny,
I did all this because
373
00:18:15,317 --> 00:18:18,287
I want to be a vampire, a great vampire.
374
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:21,279
- Like Nandor, like you.
- Oh...
375
00:18:21,290 --> 00:18:24,117
Your heart is in the
right place, my boy.
376
00:18:24,128 --> 00:18:26,762
And please know that I
am rooting for you, hmm?
377
00:18:26,795 --> 00:18:29,915
- To not get killed.
- Oh. Thank you.
378
00:18:29,926 --> 00:18:32,912
- But... these things happen.
- Well, I hope not.
379
00:18:32,923 --> 00:18:35,502
Can't afford another
accident on my watch.
380
00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:37,506
No! No!
381
00:18:37,539 --> 00:18:39,642
- Guillermo, no! No, no!
- Ah, no!
382
00:18:47,262 --> 00:18:50,674
Well, things were almost okay.
383
00:18:50,685 --> 00:18:53,489
But now, not so much.
384
00:18:53,544 --> 00:18:56,447
As soon as the sun sets
and the baron is awoken,
385
00:18:56,458 --> 00:19:00,466
he is going to track Guillermo
down until he is very much, well...
386
00:19:00,477 --> 00:19:02,466
- Dead.
- Shut up.
387
00:19:02,477 --> 00:19:04,400
I'm sure he will be safe.
388
00:19:04,433 --> 00:19:06,168
And dead.
389
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:09,128
Sunset approaches.
390
00:19:09,139 --> 00:19:12,609
Is it me, or does he look
like a shriveled-up nutsack?
391
00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:17,280
- Laszlo? Any ideas?
- Yes, yes, very good. Thank you.
392
00:19:23,761 --> 00:19:25,389
Oh, good evening.
393
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,432
- Baron, listen. Guillermo is...
- Oh, where was I?
394
00:19:27,443 --> 00:19:30,124
Ah, yes. About to kill Guillermo, yes.
395
00:19:30,135 --> 00:19:32,555
Baron, I... I beg mercy.
396
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:35,231
I know that Guillermo
has made some mistakes.
397
00:19:35,264 --> 00:19:37,042
He nearly killed you twice.
398
00:19:37,053 --> 00:19:39,244
- Mm.
- And he's even massacred
399
00:19:39,255 --> 00:19:42,005
an entire theater of vampires.
400
00:19:42,016 --> 00:19:45,886
- Wait, what?
- But he did so to defend his master.
401
00:19:45,897 --> 00:19:48,099
Whatever Guillermo's flaws may be,
402
00:19:48,110 --> 00:19:50,379
he has always been loyal to me.
403
00:19:50,412 --> 00:19:52,548
- Has he?
- Yes, Baron.
404
00:19:52,581 --> 00:19:54,283
Mm...
405
00:19:54,578 --> 00:19:56,137
Has he, though?
406
00:19:56,148 --> 00:19:57,602
Yes, Baron, he has.
407
00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,171
You are certain of...
408
00:19:59,182 --> 00:20:01,223
Yes! I-I am.
409
00:20:01,256 --> 00:20:04,017
Well, I would just
say it is complicated,
410
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:07,098
but we can discuss this
further after I kill him, yes?
411
00:20:07,109 --> 00:20:09,732
Now, where would he run?
412
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,469
I will need Guillermo's scent.
413
00:20:13,502 --> 00:20:15,071
I say, Baron,
414
00:20:15,104 --> 00:20:16,997
if you're looking for
Gizmo, he's not here.
415
00:20:17,008 --> 00:20:18,488
You'll find him in the toolshed.
416
00:20:18,499 --> 00:20:20,501
That's where he goes to hide and wank.
417
00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:22,651
Thank you.
418
00:20:23,262 --> 00:20:25,114
Why would you say that?
419
00:20:25,147 --> 00:20:26,816
Well, why delay the inevitable?
420
00:20:26,968 --> 00:20:29,880
Plus, I was sick of
hearing you lot waffle on.
421
00:20:29,891 --> 00:20:31,926
If you'll excuse me...
422
00:20:39,559 --> 00:20:40,927
Guillermo!
423
00:20:41,895 --> 00:20:45,031
Well, at least he died
doing what he loved:
424
00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:46,734
beating off in the toolshed.
425
00:20:46,745 --> 00:20:49,305
Oh...
426
00:20:49,431 --> 00:20:52,241
Oh, no.
427
00:20:52,438 --> 00:20:54,407
Oh...
428
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,125
Okay, now I'm starting
to feel a little bad.
429
00:20:58,136 --> 00:21:01,361
But on the bright side,
he-he was just a familiar.
430
00:21:01,372 --> 00:21:03,508
He was not just a familiar.
431
00:21:03,684 --> 00:21:05,586
He was my bodyguard.
432
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,823
He was the best man at my wedding.
433
00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:09,688
He was my friend.
434
00:21:09,699 --> 00:21:11,864
Okay, yes, yes. It is all very sad.
435
00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:13,452
But I think we should
now get him in the ground
436
00:21:13,463 --> 00:21:14,931
before he starts to stink.
437
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:18,679
Laszlo, can you come and
help carry this, please?
438
00:21:19,834 --> 00:21:22,237
- That's not Gizmo.
- What do you mean it's not Gizmo?
439
00:21:22,403 --> 00:21:23,637
What I mean is...
440
00:21:24,703 --> 00:21:25,937
it's not Gizmo.
441
00:21:25,948 --> 00:21:27,543
- What are you doing?
- Stand aside.
442
00:21:27,576 --> 00:21:30,487
- Laszlo, what are you doing?
- Laszlo, I do not think we need to eat him.
443
00:21:30,498 --> 00:21:31,770
Ooh, yeesh!
444
00:21:31,780 --> 00:21:33,649
Stop that! Stop that!
445
00:21:36,604 --> 00:21:38,521
Eesh.
446
00:21:38,554 --> 00:21:39,822
Does Gizmo have gills?
447
00:21:39,855 --> 00:21:41,390
- You mean lungs?
- I mean gills.
448
00:21:41,423 --> 00:21:43,159
So he can breathe underwater.
449
00:21:43,192 --> 00:21:45,129
And does he have an amphibious egg sac?
450
00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:48,450
- Maybe?
- He never said. Uh... I never asked.
451
00:21:48,461 --> 00:21:49,699
He wore a lot of layers.
452
00:21:49,732 --> 00:21:52,400
It was hard to see what
was going on under all that.
453
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:54,621
- Oh!
- Oh! Why do his eyes look like that?
454
00:21:54,632 --> 00:21:56,203
It's not Gizmo. It's a byproduct of
455
00:21:56,214 --> 00:21:58,674
my scientific experimentation gone awry.
456
00:21:59,142 --> 00:22:01,288
So, where is the real Guillermo, then?
457
00:22:01,299 --> 00:22:03,727
Fucked if I know. Excuse me, my darling.
458
00:22:03,738 --> 00:22:06,047
- Hmm?
- Ah, you know what?
459
00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:08,606
I will let him go.
460
00:22:08,913 --> 00:22:10,303
After all of that?
461
00:22:10,314 --> 00:22:13,109
I was going on and on about all of you
462
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,911
and how you've gone soft.
463
00:22:14,922 --> 00:22:16,724
Deep down...
464
00:22:18,101 --> 00:22:21,702
- it is I who have gone soft.
- What?
465
00:22:21,713 --> 00:22:22,722
- No.
- Ridiculous.
466
00:22:22,733 --> 00:22:24,899
Let us be candid here.
467
00:22:25,609 --> 00:22:28,912
I live in the suburbs of New Jersey.
468
00:22:29,345 --> 00:22:32,082
In a two-bedroom craftsman
469
00:22:32,093 --> 00:22:34,161
with a breakfast nook.
470
00:22:35,099 --> 00:22:38,258
- Oh, hello.
- None of my neighbors live in fear of me.
471
00:22:38,349 --> 00:22:40,051
I have a dog.
472
00:22:40,271 --> 00:22:42,716
A hellhound, but I get it.
473
00:22:42,727 --> 00:22:44,094
Good boy.
474
00:22:47,536 --> 00:22:49,566
But what about the Sire?
475
00:22:49,599 --> 00:22:53,167
Two ancient legendary vampires.
476
00:22:53,178 --> 00:22:56,707
At this point, we are
more like roommates
477
00:22:56,740 --> 00:22:59,710
than roommates who
viciously murder humans
478
00:22:59,743 --> 00:23:01,110
together, you know?
479
00:23:01,121 --> 00:23:05,337
It can be lonely, this American dream.
480
00:23:06,661 --> 00:23:08,396
What the fuck is that?
481
00:23:08,407 --> 00:23:10,575
- Laszlo!
- What is it now?
482
00:23:10,586 --> 00:23:12,156
Huh. Well, that one's clearly pregnant.
483
00:23:17,894 --> 00:23:21,565
It's hard to believe I'll
never see Guillermo again.
484
00:23:21,598 --> 00:23:23,968
I hope he is okay out there.
485
00:23:26,730 --> 00:23:29,199
Pretty sure I told him to dust in here.
486
00:23:29,451 --> 00:23:32,154
Fly like the wind, my little friend.
487
00:23:36,802 --> 00:23:38,748
Guillermo! You're here.
488
00:23:38,759 --> 00:23:40,028
I just figured this would be
489
00:23:40,039 --> 00:23:41,374
the last place the Baron would look.
490
00:23:41,385 --> 00:23:43,402
- Is he still looking?
- No, no. But hang on.
491
00:23:43,413 --> 00:23:45,850
We've had one mix-up already today.
492
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,625
How do I know you are
the real Guillermo?
493
00:23:49,143 --> 00:23:50,412
Master, it's me.
494
00:23:50,423 --> 00:23:53,493
- What is Guillermo's last name?
- De La Cruz.
495
00:23:53,504 --> 00:23:55,608
But I doubt I'm the only
one who would know that.
496
00:23:55,619 --> 00:23:58,202
You'd be surprised,
but fine. It's a gimme.
497
00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:03,017
How does Guillermo do my
hair on formal occasions?
498
00:24:03,028 --> 00:24:05,809
- Half up, half down.
- Also known as...?
499
00:24:06,304 --> 00:24:07,713
Half down, half up?
500
00:24:07,724 --> 00:24:09,059
Ah, so close.
501
00:24:09,070 --> 00:24:11,373
I was looking for "Saratoga split."
502
00:24:11,815 --> 00:24:13,917
The Saratoga Split.
503
00:24:13,950 --> 00:24:15,819
- I should have known that one.
- Last one.
504
00:24:16,401 --> 00:24:18,991
The first day that
Guillermo became my familiar,
505
00:24:19,002 --> 00:24:20,703
he gave me a card.
506
00:24:21,338 --> 00:24:23,540
What did that card say?
507
00:24:23,579 --> 00:24:25,280
It said...
508
00:24:26,042 --> 00:24:29,624
"To be a vampire is my dream.
509
00:24:30,282 --> 00:24:32,084
But to be your familiar
510
00:24:32,108 --> 00:24:33,776
will be my honor.
511
00:24:35,156 --> 00:24:37,975
Thank you for this opportunity."
512
00:24:38,601 --> 00:24:39,736
Close enough.
513
00:24:39,747 --> 00:24:42,613
Okay, you're the real
Guillermo. Excuse me.
514
00:24:42,775 --> 00:24:44,114
I can't believe you remember that.
515
00:24:44,147 --> 00:24:46,183
We have a long history, Guillermo.
516
00:24:46,303 --> 00:24:50,107
I imagine that I know you
better than almost anyone.
517
00:24:52,195 --> 00:24:55,568
Enough to know when you have
been keeping a little secret...
518
00:24:55,784 --> 00:24:58,220
from me? Hmm?
519
00:25:00,390 --> 00:25:02,959
Is there something
you'd like to tell me?
520
00:25:04,668 --> 00:25:06,275
I... I d...
521
00:25:06,286 --> 00:25:09,757
You made a fart in
my coffin, didn't you?
522
00:25:10,247 --> 00:25:12,027
I made a fart in your coffin.
523
00:25:12,038 --> 00:25:16,168
See? I know you better
than anyone. Boop.
524
00:25:17,072 --> 00:25:19,952
So it seems that everything worked out?
525
00:25:19,963 --> 00:25:22,653
Kind of? To be honest,
I can't really keep track of
526
00:25:22,686 --> 00:25:25,039
whatever the fuck is
going on around here.
527
00:25:25,050 --> 00:25:27,024
But I did find a new home for
528
00:25:27,057 --> 00:25:30,029
these disgusting little Guillermo
toads, so there's that.
529
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:31,984
As you can see, I came
home from Staten Island
530
00:25:31,995 --> 00:25:34,631
with a bit more than
just a charred-up body.
531
00:25:34,664 --> 00:25:36,533
Vampire says, "Freeze."
532
00:25:36,566 --> 00:25:38,736
This charming litter of mutants.
533
00:25:38,769 --> 00:25:39,903
Show your fangs.
534
00:25:41,004 --> 00:25:43,207
I did not say, "Vampire says!"
535
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,742
It's given the Sire and me
536
00:25:44,775 --> 00:25:46,610
so much that we can do together.
537
00:25:47,844 --> 00:25:49,446
And thanks to Guillermo,
538
00:25:49,492 --> 00:25:51,516
for the first time in a long time...
539
00:25:51,527 --> 00:25:53,532
Hello.
540
00:25:53,543 --> 00:25:56,523
... I am terrifying again.
541
00:25:58,151 --> 00:26:00,553
I suppose with the right company,
542
00:26:00,564 --> 00:26:04,028
it can be beautiful,
this eternal existence.
543
00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:06,964
Eh. Not all of them make it.
544
00:26:12,398 --> 00:26:15,280
I just wish you would
talk to me, Laszlo.
545
00:26:15,298 --> 00:26:16,939
Yes, yes. Very good, thank you.
546
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:18,831
I mean, is it something I've done?
547
00:26:18,842 --> 00:26:22,517
Is this hex that I've been cursed
with that hangs all around me
548
00:26:22,528 --> 00:26:26,196
made me, in your eyes,
like an uggo or something?
549
00:26:26,207 --> 00:26:28,236
Oh, yes! That's it.
550
00:26:28,247 --> 00:26:30,454
- What's it?
- Despite the frequent interruptions,
551
00:26:30,487 --> 00:26:32,589
I've been sat here trying to decide
552
00:26:32,622 --> 00:26:34,519
if I should organize my books
553
00:26:34,530 --> 00:26:37,728
alphabetically by author, or by title.
554
00:26:37,739 --> 00:26:39,875
But you've been sat
here for three weeks.
555
00:26:39,886 --> 00:26:41,988
Time well-spent, I
think. And I've decided...
556
00:26:42,305 --> 00:26:44,009
you'd be pleased to know... author.
557
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:46,210
First thought, best thought.
558
00:26:46,221 --> 00:26:48,172
- Have I missed anything good?
- No!
559
00:26:48,205 --> 00:26:50,267
This guy.
560
00:26:50,733 --> 00:26:55,733
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
40482
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