All language subtitles for LA to Vegas S01E14 Captain Daves on a Roll 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-QOQ_track4_[eng]

Lady Luck
is on your side
from LA to Vegas.

What, are you gonna put
a sock on the cockpit door?
Don't cockpit-block me.

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Hey, thanks for coming early.

We are in crisis mode.

Dave is fresh off his breakup
with Patricia,

and post-breakup Dave
is the worst Dave there is.

I thought "Hold the phone,

you've never heard
of Fleetwood Mac?" Dave

was the worst Dave.

No, "I'm not a racist, but..."
Dave is the worst Dave.

I'm not a particular fan

of "You were in my dream
last night" Dave.

The only Dave I don't like
is Dave Matthews.

It's like,
"Ugh, finish the song."

What's in the bag?

Stuff to help him through this.

He's gonna be a mess,
and it's up to us to get him

back on his feet.
Colin, you give him those.

-Dave loves...
-Oh, these are disgusting.

...to smell them.
They're decorative soaps.

And this is
Unlikely Animal Friends,

a photo book
of interspecies animals cuddling

to restore his faith in love.

Oh, I have similar book,

but it's a cookbook.

Nichole,

here are giant sunglasses

so Dave can hide his puffy eyes
from all the crying.

What am I giving him?

You just have to pretend
to care.

Ronnie,
it's not called "pretend"

when you're classically trained.

It's called "technique."

Oh! Okay, uh, here he comes.

Everybody get ready.

(clears throat)

Hey, nerds.
What are we smiling at?

David, I know
this breakup was tough.

But I'm here for you.

When you hurt, I hurt.

Guys, I appreciate it,

but the breakup
is already behind me.

I'm really okay.

See you on board.

Wow.

I did not expect him
to bounce back so quickly.

Do we really think he's okay?

Who cares? I just left it all
out on the stage,

and for what? A pat on the back
and "see you on board"?

What a waste
of a brave performance.

I'll be in my dressing room.

He has a dressing room?

Oh, that's what he calls
every bathroom he goes into.

PILOT (over P.A.):
Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

*

(slot machine chiming)

(electronic chime)

Nichole,

I need to talk to you
about something,

and I haven't told anyone yet.

It's okay.
I saw you sneeze into a pillow

and give it to that guy.
We all have hard days at work.

Oh, no, that was intentional.
He told me I looked tired.

-Rude.
-So, Bryan asked me
to move in with him.

Oh, my God, that's so great.

I mean, I get that offer
all the time,

but I'm not about to break up
Dirk Nowitzki's marriage.

Our lives are different.

Look, I've never
lived with anyone.

How do I know if I'm even ready?

This is a huge decision, and
I'm gonna see him this weekend.

I have to tell him something.

Okay, I get it. This is big.

How do you normally make
big life decisions?

-Quickly and panicked.
-How's that working out for you?

Not great.
You want to buy a moped?

First thing you need to do
is make a pro/con list.

I do them for just
about everything.

"Should I dye my hair blonde?

"Should I quit social media?

Should I run for senate?"

-Ow!
-Oh, I'm sorry.

Did you want to help me
with the drink service,

or stay here and play grab-ass
with your little friend?

(dolphin clicking over computer)

(air horn blows)

(woman moans)

Artem, I'm not sure
how much longer I can do this.

Oh, the fake English accent?

Just drop it.

We like you for you, man.

No, this L.A. to Vegas commute.

It's killing me.

I don't understand
the allure of this city.

There's something
for everybody in Vegas.

And if you are put
in the right situation,

you would realize
there's more Vegas in you

than you ever imagined.

I think it's fair to say
there's not an ounce of Vegas

in me right now.

Oh, yes, there is.

I see it so clearly now,

as I can see
how you're gonna die.

Natural causes.

I'm really proud of how you're
handling this breakup, Dave.

You're my hero.

Thanks, Alan. I'm my hero, too.

You know, there's a term
for my evolution.

It's called "emotional growth."

I'm at a point in my life
where I give myself permission

to feel what I'm feeling
and just let it go.

If you started a cult, I would
leave mine and join yours.

Don't leave your cult for me.

You love Weight Watchers.

Okay, so what
are we plugging today?

Hey there, folks,
Captain Dave here.

You smell that?

That's love in the air.

And if you're feeling ready
to make

that special relationship
official,

head on down to Wed-Locked,

Vegas' first escape room...
slash...

wedding chapel.

Oh, God.

(exhales)

Folks, I'm gonna
go off-script here

and get real with you.

You know,
I used to believe in love.

Then I realized love sucks.

It's a total waste of time.

I'm done with it.

Artem, I need that book.

DAVE:
Done.

-I don't need love anymore.
-Come on, Dave, let me in.

Lots of people don't have love,
and they're doing great.

Like my friend Colin.

The pale gentleman
in the tweed jacket.

He has the air of a widower,
but really, he's just divorced.

Hey, Colin,

let's you and me
disappear into the woods

and live off the land,
sustaining ourselves

on our shared hatred of romance.

Look at this one, Dave.

It's a German Shepherd
and a baby owl.

He should be eating him,
but they're touching noses.

So, to sum it all up, folks,

I hate love.

(sighs)

I don't need it,
and neither does Colin.

-Right, Colin?
-Right.

Just to be clear,
Captain Dave and I

are on very different
emotional paths.

I'm not that lonely,
I just like to read books.

-WOMAN (on computer): Ay, Papi.
-Come on, mate.
-(dolphin clicks)

What the hell was that, Dave?

That was a punch in the face
called "truth."

And your first taste
of the new me.

It might get bitter.

Yeah?

That's it.

So it looks like our flight
to L.A. is going to be delayed.

Apparently, there's a warning
light on in the cockpit

they need to check out.

Do you know anything
about this, Dave?

-Why wasn't I enough?
-(banging)

-(alarm buzzing)
-MALE VOICE: Warning. Warning.

Nope.

Look, I know
you're hurting right now,

but you've got
to pull it together.

You have a job to do,

so while they're fixing
this warning light,

why don't you go blow off some
steam and get your head right?

I'm gonna go to Hudson News

and tip over a rack
of Nora Roberts novels.

If I can't have romance,
no one can.

Bernard.

I should have known
you were behind this delay.

Caroline, I knew I caught a waft
of soup breath and eczema cream.

Listen, you sour-faced Contempo
Casuals mannequin come to life,

the gate agents are not taking
the fall for this mess

because you two screwed up.

You look like a moray eel
with a wig.

You look like a Snapchat filter
called "Ugly Tyrese."

O-Okay, guys,
let's not do this again.

Come on,
we're all in it together.

The plane will be fixed soon.

So, until then,
hands in, go team.

Know this, Bernard.

I'm going to get you.

And your little dog, too.

Why does she hate us so much?

It's probably because
I slept with her boyfriend.

I didn't want to,
but I could, so I did.

Oh, hey.

Look what the Kat Dennings
dragged in.

What are you still doing here?

It seems my ex took
my son to Phoenix

to visit her mum
without telling me.

So, apparently, I just flew to
Vegas to use an airport toilet.

What are you still doing here?

I'm gonna get a ride as soon
as Serge pricing goes down.

How about now, Serge?

Mm-mmm.

Hey, Captain Dave.

The sadness
that is usually on the inside

is now on outside.

Ronnie said that
the flight is delayed

and I should
blow off some steam,

but I don't know how to do it.

Everything reminds me
of Patricia, even you guys.

Artem, your long,
beautiful hair.

Colin, your soft,
feminine bone structure.

Captain, I know what you need.

Let me take you
to a very special place,

a place where you can think,

reflect and relax.

A casino?

This is where you go
to think and reflect?

Yeah, just listen.

It's like a thousand game shows
having an orgy.

Exactly. Everything in here
is designed to distract you

from thinking
about anything else.

All that matter is right
in front of you, Captain Dave.

What do you say?
Just one roll?

And see where it takes you.

CROUPIER:
Shooter's up.

-Seven. Winner.
-Oh! (laughs)
-What?

Let's do it again.

Now, wait. We must adhere
to the powers of superstition.

Colin, what were you doing
just before he rolled?

Just leaning on the table
and taking a drink.

Then you do exactly that
and I stand here looking cool

because that's what I was doing.

(blows)

CROUPIER:
Yo, 11. Winner.

-Wow! (laughs)
-Come on.

Looks like we're staying.

Hey, Serge, you can leave.

Okay. Moving in with Bryan,
pro/con list, page three.

Pro: Bryan is super thoughtful.

He said if we lived together,

he would keep
his fancy wine fridge

stocked with cheap beer for me.

-Aw. He's not gonna change
your trashy.
-Mm-hmm.

Con: Sometimes he wears
this Lenny Kravitz-y scarf

he thinks is cool.

It's a grievance,
not a deal breaker.

He knitted it himself.

Keep reading.

Pro: He has fancier shampoo
than me,

and I can use it every day.

Con: He has fancier shampoo
than me.

Okay, Ronnie, we've been at this
for 30 minutes,

and I got to say,

you haven't listed
one real reason

why you shouldn't
move in with Bryan.

Okay. What about Bernard?

He would be devastated
if I left.

I'd be fine if you left.

Won't you miss
my Sunday morning pancakes?

Those were pancakes?

I guess we can cross
Bernard being devastated

off your con list.

Sorry to interrupt
your Mensa meeting,

but we fixed
the warning light issue,

so I hope you sky trash
are ready to go.

Oh, I'm ready to go...
after your next boyfriend.

This time make it
a straight one.

Give me a challenge.

Okay, enough.

Caroline, we'll be ready.

Don't you worry.
Thank you.

(hisses)

Okay, she is looking for
any reason to take us down.

We have to get moving.
Where is Dave?

We can't go anywhere
without a pilot.

-Not a clue.
-I should fly Delta.

-Five, winner!
-(cheering)

Unbelievable.

That's, like, ten winners
in a row.

I know. I kind of can't lose
right now.

A roll like this
is incredibly rare.

It's like a unicorn
fighting another unicorn.

They're usually very friendly.

Oh, uh, just checking,
this drink is free, too, right?

Yes. You don't need
to ask me that every time.

Gosh, this must be how
LL Cool J feels every day.

Probably not.

(line ringing)

-(phone ringing)
-I'll take it.

You just keep on rolling.

-Hey, Captain Dave's telephone.
Artem speaking.
-(cheering)

Artem, where did you take Dave,
and what is all that cheering?

Oh, we're at the casino

and he's playing craps.

Captain Dave is on fire,

just like left-handed children
in my village.

What?! No.

Our plane is ready.
We have to take off.

You need to get him back
to the airport right now.

All right.
Hey, it's Ronnie.

She says she needs you back
at the airport right now.

I just hit another winner.
I can't leave.

-Tell her I ain't going, baby.
-Okay.

-He says he's not coming.
-I said, "Ain't going, baby."

ARTEM:
He said he's not going, baby.

-Ain't going, baby!
-He says...

I heard what he said.

But did you hear how he said it?

-Yes! (laughs)
-(cheering)

Dave's not coming back because
he's on a run at a craps table?

This is ridiculous.
He's been gone for...

five Oscar acceptance speeches.

One: I still can't believe
that's how you keep time,

and two: I am going to find Dave
and drag him back here,

-whatever it takes.
-Maybe I should go with you.

It was my mom he was dating.

Maybe I can talk some sense
into him.

I already told you
the plane is ready.

Why are you standing around

like a bunch of thick-ankled
moms at Disneyland?

Oh, my God, Caroline,
that joke was eczema-mazing.

Your wit, like your scalp,
is bone-dry.

I'm so sorry, Caroline.
It's just gonna be

another 15 minutes, I promise.

It's a personal matter.

I'm just having a lot of...
(groans)

...and it's just doing,
like, a whole...

(blows air)
...thing.

Fine, but if you're not back
in 15 minutes,

I'll have no choice
but to report you.

What the hell
with all the noises?

I don't know, but whatever.
She's gone.

For 15 minutes.

That's not enough time
to get to the Strip and back.

That's why we're
tag-teaming this.

You stay here
and stall Caroline.

Nichole and I will go get Dave.

Can you run in those?

Are you serious?
These are my gym heels.

(car horns honking)

Is there another way to go?

We're kind of in a hurry here.

Ooh, that's another con
for the list: traffic.

Vegas has tons of traffic.

Traffic?
We live in Los Angeles.

Yes, but our traffic
has famous people.

At any given time, you could
get into a fender bender

with Steve Harvey.

Okay, Ronnie, what is
going on with you?

Why are you so scared
to move in with Bryan?

Because things seem
to be going great.

Yeah, we're great now,
but what about in six months?

Hell, six days?

You're worrying about things
that haven't happened yet.

And if there is a problem,
you guys will figure it out.

I won't. My family sucks
at relationships.

Growing up, I never saw
a normal one.

It was always a disaster.

They all ended in divorce,
jail, arson,

and even worse, kids.

Well, it doesn't have
to be that way with you.

I don't want to risk it.

Guess you have
your answer, then.

-Yup.
-(driver clears throat)

I don't mean to eavesdrop,

but if you're single now,

I've got a great guy
you should meet.

His name is Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God,
this place is packed.

How are we gonna find him?

CROWD (chanting):
Captain Dave! Captain Dave!

Captain Dave!
Captain Dave!

-I think he's that way.
-Mm-hmm.

Captain Dave! Captain Dave!

-Captain Dave!
-Hey.

Guys, what are you
still doing here?

We have to get Dave
back to the airport.

First rule of gambling:
never interrupt a man

during an epic roll of craps.

-Yes, just don't do it.
-Shh. No.

Are you... are you drunk, Colin?

Shh. This isn't about me.

It's about Dave... and me.

It's about me and Dave and...
just, the point is,

every time I put my hand on the
table and take a drink, he wins.

So just watch.

DAVE:
What time is it?

CROWD:
Captain Dave time!

What time is it?!

Captain Dave time!

-(laughs)
-(cheering)

Hey, ladies!
Aw, you made it.

Dave, I am so glad
you're having fun,

but you've got
to go fly the plane.

Fun?
No, it's way more than that.

This is the most alive I've felt

since Patty and I broke up.

Look, Dave, I know you're
winning a lot of money,

-but...
-No, it's not about the money.

It's about this moment.

Something magical's happening,
and I can't walk away from it.

I got to stay here
and see this through.

I need this.

Please?

(sighs)

$20 on the hard ten.

CROUPIER:
Hard ten!

Winner!

*

* The birds are singing
their song *

-* Just for me *
-(all cheering)

* Together, their melody *

* Is like a symphony
from above *

* Well, it's the
wonderful life *

* It's the wonderful life *

* It's the wonderful life *

* I'm dreaming of! *

Bernard!

Shirley Temple Black.

Bernard, did you take a window

to try and stall the plane?

No. I was trying to take
a seat belt to stall the plane,

and the window just fell out.

This is a terrible airline.
How are we not dead?

Save it, Bernard.
You don't have a pilot,

you don't have a full crew,

you don't have any more time.
I'm calling this in.

Caroline, wait.

I'm truly sorry
about what happened

-with your boyfriend Steven.
-Mark.

We didn't do a lot of talking.
The point is,

I was wrong
to take him from you.

I should have respected
what you two had.

So why don't we stop fighting?

If two boss bitches like us
teamed up,

we'd be unstoppable.

Come through, Caroline.

Burn in hell, you hairless cat.

(Caroline cries out)

(entry pad beeping)

-What are you doing?
-I don't know.

I haven't thought this through.

Alan, get over here.

-Hey, Bernard.
-Shut up.

Now, stand here and make sure

Caroline doesn't come out
of the jetway, no matter what.

(knock on door)

I'm helping.

(laughter, cheering)

Hey, what did I tell you?

You had a bit of Vegas
in you all along.

Not only do I have
some Vegas in me, old friend,

I've become Vegas.

My body is equal parts smoke,
liquor, strip-club fliers,

and Guy Fieri donkey sauce.

-Mwah.
-BERNARD: Let me through.

Let me through.
Let me through. Let me through.

Bernard, what are you
doing here?

What happened to Caroline?

-I locked her in the jetway.
-What?

Don't act so surprised,
Bakersfield.

At some point, every person
in your family's been locked up.

What the hell are you
still doing here?

I'm sorry, Bernard,
I got caught up in Dave's roll.

It is the most incredible thing
I've ever seen.

Bernard, you made it.
Get in here

-and let me feel the burn.
-Not now, Dave.

You're supposed to be flying
back to Los Angeles right now.

You're right, I'm supposed
to be flying a plane,

because I'm...

ALL:
Captain Dave! Captain Dave!

Ronnie, stop it!

You're the wrangler.
Why aren't you wrangling?

Bernard, this is no longer
just about us.

Earlier today, this man told
an entire plane of people

that he didn't need love,
and now look at this!

He did this, and these people...

they love him.

Dave, they love you.

You hear that, Bernard?

ALL:
Captain Dave! Captain Dave!

-They love me.
-Captain Dave!

Captain Dave...

*

I think I'm done.

Sorry, guys.

I've gotten everything
I need here.

(crowd screams)

Okay, Bernard, let's do this.

We've got to free Caroline,
beg for forgiveness,

-and get all these angry people
on the plane.
-Got it.

-Bernard, didn't you say
you locked her in the jetway?
-(gasps)

It got out.

(Caroline laughing)

And it's taunting us.

(laughter continues)

(both gasp)

-Oh.
-Oh, hey, guys.

Guess what we just did.

-That's okay.
-I will not.

Um... uh... so,
we-we got our pilot back,

and if it's okay with you,

we-we're ready to go now,
Caroline.

I'm gonna need 15 more minutes.

It's finally my turn.

Well, we're in the clear,
but it'll be a little while

before the plane is ready to go.

They're doing a floor-to-ceiling
wipe-down of the front galley.

So, I guess it wasn't practical
to burn the whole plane, then?

Mm.

We are so lucky.

Today could have gone wrong
a thousand different ways.

But it didn't.

And when fate pulls up
and offers you a joyride,

you can't walk away.

Yeah, but it was such
a huge risk.

Of course it was a risk, Ronnie,

but if you don't take any risks,

you'll miss out
on so many good things in life.

And the more things you try,

the easier it is to figure out
what you really want.

Let me know when
Bernard snaps out of it.

I saw every muscle
in Caroline's back.

Bryan. Hi.

What are you doing here?
I was just about to call you.

Well, I hadn't heard
from you today,

and I saw your flight
was delayed,

so, in order
to get through security,

I bought the cheapest ticket
I could find.

Let me guess, Bakersfield?

Bingo. But it was worth
the $18 just to see you.

I was a little worried
that you might be freaking out

-about this whole
moving-in situation.
-Bingo.

Look, I know that it's
a big step in a relationship,

so, if we're moving too fast,

we can take it a little slower.

So, here's a key to my place,

and you can come and go
as you please.

I'm not gonna need this.

Oh. Well, that's harsh.

No, no, I'm not gonna need it

because I want to
move in with you.

Look, I am so terrified
that I'm gonna screw this up.

But you are caring
and thoughtful,

and you love all my faults.

I like to think
of them as quirks.

And that's why you're
worth the risk.

Oh, wait, I guess
I will need that key.

Actually, I'll need
multiple copies

because I will
most likely lose it.

Great. We'll make copies
of the key I just gave you.

-I already lost it.
-Great.

-Then I'll change
the locks to my house.
-(chuckles)

Colin, you have
the beautiful afterglow

of a man who has just
consummated

his relationship
with Lady Vegas.

Well, she certainly had
her way with me.

Oh, there's half a cigarette
in my hair.

At least you know
you did Vegas right.

(chuckles)

Artem, thanks for taking me
to the casino.

You really helped me
get my swagger back.

It's my pleasure, Captain Dave.

What are you gonna do
with all your money?

Hey, you should buy
a PT Cruiser.

Imagine owning a car
that people can only rent.

I already know
what I'm gonna do.

I'm buying an engagement ring
for Patricia.

COLIN:
What?

I thought today was all about

getting over Patricia.

Oh, it was,
but as I was standing

at the craps table, in the
middle of all those people

chanting my name, it hit me.

I know I said I don't need love,

but the truth is,
I need love constantly.

All the time.

And proposing to Patricia

will get you that?

Well, I'm pretty sure
not proposing won't.

Dave, I know we're all
on a bit of a high from today,

but this is
a really big decision.

Will you keep it down?

I'm on the horn
with my ring guy.

Hey, Harry.
It's Dave Pratman.

I met another "the one."

So, give me the usual.
Thanks, buddy.

And mazel tov right back at you.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

You've hit the jackpot
with LA to Vegas.

Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.

(beeps)
911. What's your emergency?

MAN (on phone):
I'm on Flight 46,
and we're going down.

Just tell my wife
I'm so sorry that I cannot
come home to you.

Hello?

This is your family.
We got you, okay?

Rapid response now!

-We can't save everyone.
-Says who?

It's time we showed Gotham
who we are.