All language subtitles for LA to Vegas S01E02 The Yips and the Dead 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+5 1 H 264-QOQ_track4_[eng]

Lady Luck
is on your side
from LA to Vegas.

What, are you gonna put
a sock on the cockpit door?
Don't cockpit-block me.

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What are we looking at?

Unattended bag. We're debating
how long it has to be there

before it's
considered suspicious.

The only thing suspicious
about that bag

is why someone would buy it.

It's not dangerous.
It's probably just some girl's.

Some tacky girl's.
She's better off without it.

I don't know.
It's not that bad.

You know whose it is?
I bet it's Nichole's.

She doesn't need
a bag that size.

She goes to Vegas just to strip.

All her clothes
fit in her wallet.

Oh, it could be Artem's, though.

He could've won it
off another gambler.

BERNARD: No, he stopped
accepting luggage as payment

ever since that duffle bag
gave him bedbugs.

I think it's beds
that get Artem bugs.

Well, it's got to be somebody.
Probably that Brit.

What's his name, your make out
buddy from the bathroom?

-Colin.
-I bet it's him.

-British men are basically
American women. -BERNARD: No.

That bag is way too expensive
on a professor's salary.

This is dumb. We can't stand
here all day staring at a bag.

I'm gonna call security.

They'll take it away
or explode it or whatever.

Ronnie, don't.

-It's my bag.
-What?

I've been looking for it for
20 minutes, and I come back here

and you guys are talking about
how it's ugly and a girl's bag.

-It's both.
-Sorry.

I was waiting for you
to leave to pick it up,

but you know what?
I am not ashamed.

I am a modern man.
I do not subscribe to labels.

I can own whatever bag I want.

I am Captain Dave, and I am
proud to own a pink tote.

Hot saleslady sold it to you,
didn't she?

Ugh, she was so hot, Bernie.
I was trying to impress her.

I haggled her up.

-It was Captain Dave's bag?
-Mm-hmm.

Ronnie is winner!

Drinks are on me tonight!

-(cheering)
-All right!

PILOT (over P.A.):
Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

*

(slot machine chiming)

(electronic chime)

(gasps)

Don't you worry. She's here.

-Who?
-Ronnie.

That's the one you're
desperately looking for, yes?

Nope. I was just sitting here

studying up for my weekend
fatherhood duties.

It's like a 48-hour test
every week,

and I won't know how I did
for 20 years.

Don't lie to me.
I'm a professional gambler.

I read people.

I'm just trying to read my book.

A book. Hey.

You know what book I like?

That one about
the girl who's gone

and Ben Affleck
had to look for her.

Did you ever watch that book?

"No" feels like the quickest way
to end this conversation.

Hi, Ronnie.

See? Desperately,
your head was like...

What just fell out of your hair?
Are those muffin crumbs?

"No" feels like the quickest way
to end this conversation.

Oh, God, I would love
for today to just be easy.

I'd settle for one flight
without any fighting, vomiting,

or fake emotional
support animals.

Hey, Darryl isn't just
some duck in a vest.

He's helped a lot of people.

No, I know. He has. I'm sorry.

I'm just, I'm in a weird mood.
I had a date last night.

And it didn't go well?

I wouldn't know.
I didn't actually show up.

I bailed ten minutes before,

then hid my phone
in a box of Kashi GOLEAN

in case he texted back.

Really? Kashi GO...

Okay, it was
an empty box of wine.

Can we just focus
on my almost dating, please?

I'm sure you had
a good reason for not going.

Yes. And that reason is
I'm a terrible person.

Hello, friends and colleagues.

Guess who has
two thumbs, nine toes,

and just nailed an interview
with Aviator Magazine.

That's right, this guy.

Favorite part of flying?
Easy, the rush.

If I had one wish?
More wishes.

Personal hero? Latinos.
They've been through so mucho.

Yup. It appears
old Captain Dave Pratman here

has been named
one of Aviator Magazine's

top ten pilots to watch.
So keep your eyes open, kids.

But don't stare for too long,

because this superstar
burns bright.

Well, it sounds like
the straight white guy's

doing great, so at least there's
some justice in the world.

(passengers whooping, cheering)

This seat's open.

Oh, these?

They're just coupons for the
club I dance at, Grapefruits.

Free fruit salad
with every lap dance.

-(coughing)
-Oh...

I didn't realize you were sick.
Um, that's fine.

You can still come to the club.
Just ask for Danielle.

She can take it.
She beat super gonorrhea.

Is there a coupon
to make you stop talking?

(coughing)

Ah, long time no see.

Hey. Hi.

Ah, before I forget,
I have something for you.

It's the key lime pie
from Foundry.

Well, since you never
showed up to try it,

I thought you might
like a piece.

(gasps) You are
the spurned rendezvous.

Oh, that's good. People know.

I was worried it wouldn't be
embarrassing enough.

-There's nothing in here.
-Yeah, that's right.

The key lime pie actually
texted at the last minute

-to say it couldn't make it.
-I'm sorry.

I know that I should've
texted you earlier...

It wasn't just the timing,
it was the content.

All you said was,
"I just can't."

That's not an explanation.
That's a clue on Dateline.

"Her last text was,
'I just can't.'

Then they found her hand buried
in a Dumpster in Jacksonville."

Isn't all of Jacksonville
a Dumpster?

No? Bad time?

I just don't understand, Ronnie.
We spoke every day.

There was flirting and chemistry
and... suggestive emojis.

That wasn't suggestive. I really
was washing an eggplant.

At least finish the text for me.
You just can't what?

You can't find parking?
You can't pick an outfit?

-You just can't what?
-I just can't this.

You want to know why
I canceled, Colin?

Because you
freaked me out, okay?

You freaked me out.

-(electronic chime)
-Excuse me.

-Pie? What kind?
-Symbolic key lime.

Oh, I like coconut cream.

-That's nice for you.
-No, it's not.

I'm allergic to coconut.

(electronic chiming)

Uh... Shalom, guys.

-One large beer, please.
-How old are you?

13, but I'm a man
tomorrow, so...

-Well, give me a ding
in eight years. -I can't.

Men and women can't be alone
together unless they're married.

Wow. That actually sounds
really good to me right now.

Maybe I should convert.

Well, we're always looking
for girls like you.

This is your captain--

and one of Aviator Magazine's
top ten pilots to watch--

here to give you
a little reminder.

Just because you pay for sex

doesn't mean
you have to pay a lot.

So do what I do.

Go to Madame Kitty's Ranch
off the 6.

Because you deserve
to get a hando

without paying an arm and a leg.

Ten pilots to watch.

Can you believe it?

Lot of big names
have been on that list.

-Sully, Travolta, Chewbacca.
-The Wookiee?

No, the hairy Austrian
that flies for Delta.

And you know who's
never been on that list?

Stupid Captain Steve.

-Isn't he married to a model?
-Catalog model.

And this isn't about him.
This is about me.

I tell you, Alan,
this article is the thing

that's finally gonna
make my career take off.

-(plane whirring)
-(passengers gasp)

-Are you okay?
-Uh... yeah.

That was... that was nothing.

I think it was your fault.

-I'm not touching anything.
-Well, maybe you should've been!

Because everyone believes
that Ben Affleck killed her,

so he has to go
to Madea for help.

Turns out the girl is not gone.

No, she is at
Doogie Howser's house.

I thought she was at Barney

from How I Met
Your Mother's house.

You read it, too?
What about you my friend?

Hello, friend, are you okay?

Hello?

Oh, no.

Yeah. No.

I think he's Gone Girl.

BOTH:
Ronnie!

-Are we sure he's dead?
-I don't know.

Bernard took the emergency
manual; he's checking.

Yep, he's super dead.

I never had anyone die
on my watch before.

We should cover him
with something.

We could cover him
with my Hogwarts cloak.

Damn it, Alan, no one cares
about Star Trek.

Even if we wanted to use
Alan's gross cloak, we can't.

Airline protocol says we can't
officially acknowledge death

on the plane;
we have to wait until we land.

Then he's pronounced dead
on the tarmac.

-That's how I want to go.
-It's probably best not to draw

any more attention
to him anyway.

We don't want any of
the other passengers

to start freaking out.

-Like that chick?
-(electronic chiming)

It was the Ruth Bader Ginsburg
comment, wasn't it?

That's what freaked you out.
I was joking.

Of course I believe
she has legs under that robe.

I can't even describe
how not the time this is.

You can't just tell somebody
they freaked you out

and then drop it--
it lacks couth.

-You lack couth.
-I have a buttload of couth!

You were just
so damn intense, okay?

Like when we were
planning the dinner.

It should be pretty simple,
right? I counted.

You sent me 14 Yelp pages,
five different menus,

and one article
about how L.A. is

in the middle of a pickle boom?

Renaissance.
Pickle renaissance.

Hi. Um, I think
my button's broken.

Nichole,
did you need something?

Um, yeah.
Look, I don't want to be a pain,

but is there anything
you can do about, um...

I'm sorry. It's a full flight.
There's nowhere to put him.

And we're trying to be discreet,

but I do have something
I think will help.

These were in
the lost and found.

"YOLO." So true.

(chuckles):
Um, okay.

There's got to be
something you can do

to make me feel better
about this.

-What do you mean?
-Well, like, in college,

if your roommate dies,
you get straight A's

for the rest of the semester.

I would know because my roommate
actually tried to kill herself,

but totally blew it
at the last second.

It got me so upset, I don't even
want to talk about it.

Wait, were you upset because she
tried or because it didn't work?

No, Ronnie, because she broke
the ceiling fan.

Look, all I'm saying is that
some people might say

that a dead seatmate is way more
traumatic than a dead roommate.

Fine. How about I start
counting strippers

as military
for early boarding purposes?

Great. People are always
thanking me for my service.

Landing.

Landing. No problem.

(exhales)

Done it a million times before.

-What the hell?
-Why are your hands all weird?

Why do you keep paying
so much attention to me?

-Are you in love with me?
-(chuckles): No.

-This is the back of the plane.
-What are you doing back here?

Well, Captain Dave said I was
getting a little too worked up,

-so I needed a juice time-out.
-Oh, fine. Here.

Just dilute it with water
so you don't go hyper again.

-(groans): Oh.
-(sighs)

Okay. So Nichole seems
to be under control.

-How is Artem handling it?
-Well...

I feel so guilty.

Do you know my first thought
when I saw he's dead?

"I should've made
airplane death pool."

I'm a terrible person.

-I feel no better.
-(duck quacking)

This duck is broken.

He'll be fine.
Darryl's a pro.

Call me crazy, but I think

we're actually gonna
get away with this.

-(man grunts)
-ALAN: What?

Hey, what the hell
are you doing?

Everything's okay.
The dead guy's alive.

That's not the dead guy.
This is the dead guy.

(passengers gasping, murmuring)

And that, everyone,

is why you should always
turn off your cell phones.

So true.

To anyone feeling uneasy,
don't worry,

we'll be starting our descent
any moment.

And for the rest of you, I can't
believe I have to say this,

please stop taking selfies
with the body.

(cameras clicking)

-You look bummed.
-Yeah.

A man's death forces you
to consider your own legacy.

And for me, that legacy
is a black-hearted coward,

confused with the films
of Ben Affleck.

Well, there's still time
to change that.

The Talmud says a man's legacy
is not sealed upon his death,

but upon every moment
which he lives.

-Oh, that's comforting.
-Yeah.

-And Talmud says that?
-I don't know.

People listen to you more
when you say the Talmud says it.

No one's actually read it,
so no one can call you out.

Thank you. I feel much better.

-Yeah.
-(laughs)

Hey, uh, can you get me a beer?

No, you cannot trick me,
little policeman.

-Ronnie?
-Yeah.

Hi. Um, since the secret's out,

could you do something
about this?

Just hang tight, okay?

We're gonna be landing
any minute.

Just be normal!

Can you please just move him?

I can suppress anything, but
even I'm reaching my limit here.

Okay.

Ooh. You want to play a game?
Heads or tails?

Heads?

(grunts) Yeah, I'm not sure
this game had a winner.

I'm sorry
you're stuck doing this.

I asked Bernard for help,
but he just reminded me

how much his hand cream cost,
then walked away.

It's quite all right.
In many ways,

this is the perfect metaphor
for us.

Oh. Pretty quippy for a guy
holding a dead body.

I am pretending he is a rug.

I'm pretending
I've never done this before.

(both grunting)

All right, what's going on?

Nothing.
What are you talking about?

Tell me. Or I'll tell everyone
what happened

-the night we were grounded
in Billings. -You wouldn't.

We both agreed
Billings was a mistake.

Okay, look.
When I was in high school,

I was a star football player,
big man on campus.

Hands down,
the best punter in the district.

In fact, it was my punt
that got us

into the state
championship game.

-That sounds wrong.
-It was right after that game

that I got a... I got a hitch
in my-my kicking motion.

Almost like a...
like a stutter kick.

You're talking about the yips.

It was the most challenging
time of my life.

That was the most challenging
time of your life?

I watched my neighbor drown.

The point is, the same thing's
happening to me right now.

Every time I grab my yoke...
my hands go crazy.

I can't land this thing.

Well, if we're gonna die,
I'm gonna have some carbs.

Ugh! God.

Thank you.

And I am sorry for canceling.

In retrospect,
I should've just said

"Let's bang one out
and hit the pancake house."

I like pancake's house.
(chuckles)

Look, Colin,
we're just too different.

I really did us a favor
by not showing up.

It's like when you know
a massive storm is rolling in.

You don't fly into it.

They cancel, and you go
get drunk at the airport bar.

Out of curiosity,
how many of your analogies end

with "and get drunk
in the airport bar"?

Ronnie, we have a problem.

And it's not even that.

-The yips?
-Would everyone please

stop saying that word?

I-I have dead body
all over my hands.

I will use whatever word I want.

Why don't you just
let Alan land the plane?

Because Aviator Magazine named
me a top ten pilot to watch.

The only list Alan is on is the
top ten people who can suck it.

(groans)
Ew. God...

Alan.

We need you, buddy. You're up.

Me?

Yeah.

*

(applause)

-(passengers gasping)
-RONNIE: Oh, my God!

BERNARD:
Out of the way, out of the way!

(Alan grunts)

It's okay, everyone.

According to the manual,
he's still alive.

Just curious,
how terrified should we be

about all of this?

Depends.
You know how to cure the yips?

Wait, my friend Krystal
had that.

Her fingers kept locking up

every time she tried
to unsnap her bra.

She had to stop dancing, but now
she runs the club's day care,

Little Grapefruits.

I still can't believe they got
approved as a Montessori.

-So what are you gonna do?
-Oh, God.

All right.
We're landing this plane.

-Oh, you can fly. Thank God.
-No, but you can.

And I am going
to help you through it.

This all started with
the magazine article, right?

That's good.
That means it's all mental.

Just like your high school
football thing.

So how did you get over it
when you were a punter?

I quit the team,
transferred schools,

and now can't go near a football
without having a panic attack.

Okay. That's not helpful.

I guess the best way to get
over this is to quit Jackpot,

switch careers
and become a train conductor.

Conductor Dave.
Yeah, that sounds good.

I'll be one of
Railroad Magazine's

top ten conductors to watch.

Oh, God, the pressure.
I can't land this train!

Oh, my God.

BERNARD:
This is the most depressing

travel experience I've ever had,
and I was on the Titanic.

Movie set.
Billy Zane has some demons.

I'd never seen
a dead body before.

In Britain, you try to die
like a cat:

in a quiet corner,
burdening no one.

Yeah, listen up, everybody.

Enough sadness.

This man is dead,
but we are not.

And if I have learned anything
from this tiny rabbi here today,

it is that we must make
most of life while we have it!

(laughs)

So come, let us all celebrate

that we're not dead, or Alan.

No. Let us rejoice.

(passengers murmuring)

* Hava nagila? *

* Hava nagila... *

* Ve-nis'mecha *

-Yeah! * Hava... *
-* Hava *

* Nagila, hava nagila *

* Hava nagila *

* Ve-nis'mecha *

* Hava neranena,
hava neranena... *

Look, I know this whole top ten
thing has gotten to your head.

But that's not pressure.

Real pressure is safely flying
a plane full of people

who are all counting on you
to get them to their jobs.

To get them to their families.

To get them to the people
they're going to help.

And you already do that
every day.

So put aside the what-ifs

and all the ways this could
go wrong, and just do it.

WOMAN (over radio): Jackpot 320,
you are cleared to land.

So what do you think, Captain?
You want to land this thing?

Las Vegas tower,
this is Jackpot 3-2-0.

Mark her inbound.

Ready to land.

Ah! (kisses loudly)

(passengers cheering)

Yeah! We did it!

We're going to Vegas!

(cheering continues)

DAVE:
Hello, passengers.

Sorry for the delay;
wasn't my fault.

Welcome to Las Vegas.

(passengers cheering)

It's called Grapefruits,
and yeah,

as long as you have
a letter from a rabbi

saying you're a man,
they'll totally let you in.

-* Hello, hello, Vegas *
-(men chanting along)

* We are here to play *

* Hello, hello, Vegas *

* Gold will come our way *

* Hey! *

Colin. Colin, hi.

Hey, um, I've been thinking.

Let's do it. You and me.

Let's put aside
all the what-ifs

and all things
that could go wrong,

and the public arguments
in restaurants,

the breakups, the makeups,
the pregnancy scares,

so many pregnancy scares.

So I say let's fly
into the storm,

let it tear the plane apart,
and see if we both survive.

What do you think?

You want to do this thing?

No. That sounds awful.

Why would we put ourselves
through any of that?

Up till now, our relationship
has been 90% fighting,

seven percent
holding a dead body,

and three percent making out
in a tiny bathroom.

This isn't gonna work.

Yeah.

-Yep. Yeah, you're right.
-Yeah?

Uh, you're totally right.

I think I was just coming off
a high from landing the plane,

uh, but now that you say it,
it makes sense.

Well, okay.
I will see you Sunday.

Hello. This is
Captain Dave Pratman,

top ten pilot to watch,
returning a call

about a photo shoot tomorrow.

Just want to confirm
that it's not a practical joke.

I've been burned before.

Great.

(camera clicking)

* You don't get it *

* You don't get it,
you don't get it... *

I like it dirty.
And I don't mean the martini.

This is the smoking section.

Boom.

* You don't get it,
you don't get it... *

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

You've hit the jackpot
with LA to Vegas.

Now here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.

It's time we fly
this old bird.

* It feels good *

MULDER: I want to believe.
I would just like to see.

I can help you.

* It feels good *

-You want to do
the honors, Alan?
-Yeah!

No, you never
touch this.

* You know it feels good *

-(shrieks)
-* It feels good *

* Oh, you know it feels good *

Let's do it.

Everything you thought
you knew about medicine
is wrong.

Unbelievable.

* It feels good *