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1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:03,264
♪♪ [theme]
2
00:00:54,445 --> 00:00:56,534
[humming, vocalizing]
3
00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:17,729
Hey, Klinger.
Here's the mail.
4
00:01:17,773 --> 00:01:18,991
Great. Just set it down.
5
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,471
Thank you.
Nice to see you.
6
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:21,951
Hey, speedball.
Why the bum's rush?
7
00:01:21,994 --> 00:01:23,387
Big poker game tomorrow.
8
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,302
I want to clean up here
so I can clean up there.
9
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,609
Poker, huh? I'm comin'
back this way tomorrow.
10
00:01:27,652 --> 00:01:28,958
Mind if I stay
for a few rounds?
11
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:30,046
Fine by me.
12
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,743
Ah. I thought
I heard the mailman.
13
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,093
This month's TV payment.
14
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:35,486
Only two more,
and the Du Mont's ours.
15
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,184
I hope this TV fad
ain't over
16
00:01:37,227 --> 00:01:38,446
before I get back home.
17
00:01:38,489 --> 00:01:39,795
[chuckling]
18
00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:41,231
Your money's safe
with me, sir.
19
00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:43,451
And tomorrow, the rest
of it will be safe with me.
20
00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:45,757
[vocalizing, humming]
21
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,063
[sighs]
22
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,586
How come
the premature burial?
23
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:50,545
Why bother opening it
when you know what it is?
24
00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:51,981
Well, I don't
know what it is.
25
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:55,419
Why, lookee here.
Laundry inventory forms,
26
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:58,074
the very same ones
you've been waiting for
for three months.
27
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,120
I'll get right on it
as soon as the game is over.
28
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:03,253
Did you not promise
same-day service when
these forms came in?
29
00:02:03,297 --> 00:02:05,168
No can do, sir.
This will take me three days.
30
00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,778
By then,
the war will be over,
31
00:02:06,822 --> 00:02:08,258
and I'll have to kiss
the game good-bye.
32
00:02:08,302 --> 00:02:09,651
Pucker up, son.
33
00:02:09,694 --> 00:02:11,435
In the words
of the immortal Bob Frost,
34
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:12,784
you have promises to keep
35
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,830
and "piles" to go
before you sleep.
36
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:16,048
Aw, sir.
37
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:17,485
Never put off
till tomorrow
38
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:18,703
what you oughta do today,
39
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,401
or you'll end up
putting off
40
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,967
your whole life away.
41
00:02:22,011 --> 00:02:24,883
-More Jack Frost?
-Nope. My Grandma Mavis.
42
00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:26,450
Works too hard
for the rhyme,
43
00:02:26,494 --> 00:02:27,799
but the sentiment's
there.
44
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:29,061
What about the game?
45
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:31,455
Lad, Grandma Mavis's
best homily
46
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:33,501
went something
like this.
47
00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:35,590
Do it!
That's an order.
48
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:42,292
Greetings.
Here's your stupid mail.
49
00:02:42,336 --> 00:02:44,425
Ah. The only mailman
who bites dogs.
50
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,601
How would you feel
if some crummy paperwork
51
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,211
knocked you out of
tomorrow's poker game?
52
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:49,821
War is dirty business.
53
00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:52,215
Aha. Peg's rum cookies.
54
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:53,869
So obscenely delicious,
55
00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,392
they have to be sent
in a plain brown wrapper.
56
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:57,220
-Who cares?
-Want one?
57
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:58,874
-Drown your sorrows.
-Oh, no.
58
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,093
I'm not the kind of guy
that turns to cookies
59
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:02,573
the minute
things go wrong.
60
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:11,713
-[knocking]
-The colonel will see you now.
61
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,628
Ah, sir. I didn't realize
62
00:03:13,671 --> 00:03:16,196
it was washday
at the O.K. Corral.
63
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,980
Yeah. This seat's getting
cracked and dried,
64
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:19,764
and so is mine.
65
00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,245
Well, lad, I see you've
climbed out of the dumps.
66
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,116
Yes, sir. And here's
a notice from I-Corps,
67
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,553
and it's got
your name on it.
68
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,816
Read it to me.
My hands have saddle sores.
69
00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,209
It's a delinquency
report.
70
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,732
It seems that
one Sherman T. Potter
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00:03:30,775 --> 00:03:33,561
is charged with reckless
driving in Kimpo.
72
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:35,998
Sufferin' buffalo chips.
73
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:38,435
And I thought
I had sweet-talked
that stupid lummox.
74
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:41,264
Goin' 25 in a 15-mile zone.
75
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:44,093
Mildred's sister goes faster
than that with her walker.
76
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:46,835
Well, I know how
to pay my debt to society.
77
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,402
I'll just pencil-whip
this right outta here.
78
00:03:48,445 --> 00:03:51,579
Sir, I'm shocked.
Every time before this,
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00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:53,276
you sent the violators off
80
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,017
to a day of remedial
driving school.
81
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,672
Don't you have a grindstone
to put your nose to?
82
00:03:57,715 --> 00:04:00,022
Luckily for you,
there's a class tomorrow.
83
00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:01,328
Shouldn't what's good
for the goose
84
00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:02,851
be good
for the bird colonel?
85
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:05,593
Touché.
But sure as shootin'
86
00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:07,290
I ain't takin'
that class tomorrow.
87
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,510
Book me a session
for after the poker game.
88
00:04:09,553 --> 00:04:10,859
Poker game, sir?
89
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:12,600
You wouldn't put off
till tomorrow
90
00:04:12,643 --> 00:04:14,079
what you oughta do today
91
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:15,907
and get Grandma Mavis
really steamed.
92
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:18,475
Okay. "Threeché."
I'll take the lousy class.
93
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,695
Grandma Mavis had a saying
for everything.
94
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:23,654
No wonder Grandpa Wilmer
stomped on his hearing aid.
95
00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,352
[vocalizing]
96
00:04:26,744 --> 00:04:28,442
Oh! Aren't those
the cookies
97
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:29,965
you can't eat
without an I.D.?
98
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:31,793
Yeah. Rum cookies.
You want one?
99
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:34,622
[muffled]
Mm. Thank you. Mm!
100
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,667
Where indigestion
meets inebriation.
101
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,930
Mm-hmm.
102
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:41,106
You know, for somebody
103
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,107
thousands of miles
from home
104
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:43,326
doing what he hates,
105
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,110
you seem
down in the dumps.
106
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:47,025
Peg's gotta take a job
107
00:04:47,069 --> 00:04:49,332
as a hostess
at Papanek's Coffee Shop.
108
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:51,029
Oh, yeah?
What's the problem?
109
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,292
Is that kind of
a rough place?
110
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,945
No. We used to eat there
all the time.
111
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:56,078
So do our friends who she
will now be waiting on.
112
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:58,646
Aha. So why is she doing it?
113
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,125
It's called paying off
our second mortgage,
114
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:01,344
which is due in six months.
115
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:02,519
So what do you
want her to do,
116
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,216
sell the house
and move in with us?
117
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:05,348
Aw, you don't understand.
118
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:06,523
She put me
through med school.
119
00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,872
Now it's supposed
to be my turn
120
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,352
so she can stay home
and take care of Erin.
121
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:10,875
By now I'm supposed
to be in practice,
122
00:05:10,919 --> 00:05:12,486
the second mortgage
a memory.
123
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,966
We didn't plan
on my hanging up
my shingle in Korea.
124
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,577
Look, it's not
gonna be forever.
125
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,143
I'm talking about now.
126
00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:19,580
It's bad enough for Erin
to be without a father.
127
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:20,972
Now she doesn't have
a mother.
128
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:22,452
I feel like
I've let them down.
129
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,193
You didn't let them down.
130
00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:26,195
You just got caught
in the draft.
131
00:05:26,238 --> 00:05:28,545
I could've gotten
out of the draft,
like Ned Gradinger.
132
00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:30,242
Big all-American hero
from Stanford.
133
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:31,940
Medical deferment,
134
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,290
signed by that eminent
physician Ned Gradinger, Sr.,
135
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,292
who offered the same to me,
but I was a good guy.
136
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,642
Next war, we'll know better.
We'll sign each other's.
137
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:41,341
Whatever happened to the rules?
Let the other guy go first.
138
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,517
Keep your elbows off the table.
Share your toys.
139
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,737
And life will reward you.
Well, life is a crock.
140
00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,306
Now, you "gentlemens"
are new to the army,
141
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,656
or in other words, dumb.
142
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,572
But when you leave here,
you will know this jeep
143
00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:56,965
like it was a kissin' cousin.
144
00:05:57,008 --> 00:05:58,923
And you will know
the rules of the road
145
00:05:58,967 --> 00:06:00,708
so good that,
when you're dead,
146
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,623
you will still qualify
for a license.
147
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,712
-Now...
-Sir.
148
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,671
Well, well, well.
What have we here?
149
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,194
Looks like Private Brown
150
00:06:09,238 --> 00:06:10,718
waltzin' in here
a minute late.
151
00:06:10,761 --> 00:06:12,415
What do you got to say
for yourself, Brown?
152
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:13,677
I'm sorry, sir.
153
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:14,852
I don't like your attitude.
154
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,376
Why don't you just drop
for 10?
155
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,900
And let me hear you pant,
dogface.
156
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,425
-Attention!
-At ease.
157
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,688
-Trouble here, Sergeant?
-Uh, no, sir.
158
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:28,039
Slight disciplinary problem.
On your feet, Brown!
159
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:30,564
Next time you're late,
you're gonna do 'em
one-handed.
160
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:32,609
Can I "hep" you, sir?
161
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:35,046
Afraid so.
I'm one of your pupils.
162
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,265
You, sir?
163
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:38,398
Traffic ticket.
Sorry I'm late.
164
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:42,184
Late? You?
Why, you're not late, sir.
165
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,055
You're just fashionable.
166
00:06:44,099 --> 00:06:46,449
Matter of fact, you don't
need to be here at all.
167
00:06:46,493 --> 00:06:48,886
You could pencil-whip
this thing right on through.
168
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:52,194
How dare you?
I would never think
of such a thing.
169
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,978
Oh, well,
neither would I.
170
00:06:54,022 --> 00:06:56,372
Look, Sergeant,
I don't want any
special treatment.
171
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,202
As far as you're concerned,
I'm just one of the boys.
172
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,726
Well, sir,
the rest of these boys
173
00:07:02,770 --> 00:07:04,380
don't have the power
to bust me.
174
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,600
You will treat me
like one of the boys,
175
00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:08,166
or I'll bust you.
176
00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,864
Yes, sir, boy.
177
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,866
Sir.
178
00:07:14,477 --> 00:07:16,479
From this point on,
179
00:07:16,523 --> 00:07:18,438
I will be referrin'
to this Jeep
180
00:07:18,481 --> 00:07:21,528
as a "vee-hicle."
181
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:25,009
For those of you
who are not familiar
with this term,
182
00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:26,576
say it with me.
183
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:30,972
-Vee-hicle.
-Vee-hicle.
184
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,321
CHARLES:
Three threes.
185
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,366
MULCAHY: I thought
you had that third trey.
186
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,543
You were wise to jump ship
when you did, Father.
187
00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,327
You should have taken
your own advice, Major.
188
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:40,677
Three queens.
189
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,462
Always have been
a ladies' man.
190
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:45,029
It's people like you
that give repugnance
a bad name.
191
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:47,989
Take it easy, Charles.
You're not the only one
whose chips are down.
192
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,425
Yeah, where's your
sportsmanship?
193
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,079
Take a lesson
from the pigeon there.
194
00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,037
Down 30 bucks
and still a gentleman.
195
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:55,387
Yeah, I'm a real good guy.
196
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:57,912
And so, it is important
to remember
197
00:07:57,955 --> 00:08:00,131
that on all Korean
thoroughfares,
198
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,786
the right of way
goes to the animal.
199
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,222
There is a reason for this.
200
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,442
If you run over
somebody's chicken,
201
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,879
not only does Uncle Sam
have to pay for that bird,
202
00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:11,621
but for all the eggs
he would have laid.
203
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:15,146
That can run into money,
and I don't mean chicken feed.
204
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,934
[softly] Colonel.
205
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,199
[singsong]
Colonel Potter.
206
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:26,767
-Huh?
-Good morning, sir.
207
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,160
I hope you didn't get up
on the wrong side
of your chair.
208
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:32,947
I wasn't asleep.
I heard every word you said.
209
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:34,862
Well, good. Good.
210
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:36,864
That concludes today's
lecture:
211
00:08:36,907 --> 00:08:40,084
"The Army Driver:
Ambassador with a Clutch."
212
00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:42,043
Thank you and good day.
213
00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:44,045
Colonel, ain't you stayin'
for the written test?
214
00:08:44,088 --> 00:08:45,350
The what?
215
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:46,874
Oh, you don't have
to take it.
216
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,876
A man that's been around
the block as much as you
217
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:51,705
must have done it
a few times in a car.
218
00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:53,228
[lowered voice]
I can "hep."
219
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:55,535
You just sign your name
to the book.
220
00:08:55,578 --> 00:08:57,537
I'll take care
of the rest.
221
00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,582
Sergeant,
you are buttering me up
222
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,671
like I was a Sunday biscuit.
223
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:06,197
I'll take the test,
and I don't need any "hep."
224
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:08,504
Well, I'll open. Two bits.
225
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,288
How jesuitically safe.
I'll see that
226
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,812
and raise you two more bits.
227
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:14,075
-I'll see you.
-Fold. These cards stink.
228
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,686
-Up another two bits.
-Six bits? Forget it.
229
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:19,384
I can get a shave
and a haircut three times.
230
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,648
You're up, "Fadder."
Fifty cents to you.
231
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:25,652
Well, we all have our vices.
Mine's curiosity.
232
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,002
-Call.
-Anybody want some cards?
233
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:30,004
I have a very nice
"Get well soon."
234
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,440
"Best wishes to
the lucky graduate."
235
00:09:31,483 --> 00:09:32,833
Two.
236
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,225
Two cards. There you go.
237
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,010
What I need
is a sympathy card.
238
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,098
Four.
239
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:39,056
Oh. Clearance sale.
240
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,189
-There you go.
-I'll just play these.
241
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,625
I got out just in time.
242
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,235
Standin' pat, huh?
243
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,847
You must be hostin'
a royal reception.
244
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,152
Give me two.
245
00:09:48,196 --> 00:09:50,372
A-one and a-two.
246
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,113
You're up, Father.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
247
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:54,289
While you play poker,
I'm gonna switch to gin.
248
00:09:54,332 --> 00:09:56,683
-Check.
-Check.
249
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,510
A buck.
250
00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:00,643
-Fold.
-It's not your turn.
251
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,645
I'm avoiding the rush.
252
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:04,168
A buck, huh?
253
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:05,866
I'll see your buck
and bump you another.
254
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,476
El foldo.
255
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,218
Okay, pal.
256
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,176
How about a couple of bucks?
257
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,091
Two bucks, huh?
258
00:10:14,135 --> 00:10:15,571
Listen, now that the kids
are in bed,
259
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,964
why don't we play
like grown-ups?
260
00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,183
Let's say, 10 bucks.
261
00:10:19,227 --> 00:10:20,794
Hey! I thought
we had a limit.
262
00:10:20,837 --> 00:10:22,230
Limits are so limiting,
Margaret.
263
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:24,449
This is between him and me.
264
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:27,235
Your, uh, 10 bucks.
265
00:10:29,890 --> 00:10:32,501
And I'll raise you...
266
00:10:32,544 --> 00:10:34,024
20.
267
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:35,591
Well, this is
real interesting.
268
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,462
I see your 20
269
00:10:37,506 --> 00:10:40,291
and raise you 20 more.
270
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:43,555
Wow. I think I once saw
Joel McCrea do this.
271
00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:46,254
B.J.:
Twenty. Is that all?
272
00:10:46,297 --> 00:10:49,213
There's your 20.
273
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,651
And 35 more.
274
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:54,828
And this oughta make it
an even hundred.
275
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,612
-Joel McCrea never did that.
-B.J.!
276
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,222
Of course, he was single.
277
00:10:58,266 --> 00:11:00,877
A hundred bucks, huh?
278
00:11:00,921 --> 00:11:03,663
What the hell?
What would I do
with a ring anyway?
279
00:11:03,706 --> 00:11:05,012
I ain't gettin' married.
280
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,709
Not too bad
for a good loser.
281
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:09,103
Hey, kids. I don't know
about you, but I'm famished.
282
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:11,627
What do you say we go
out and get some Jujubes
and Milk Duds, huh?
283
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,237
before the next feature?
284
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,804
You crazy?
Nobody's goin' anywhere.
285
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,067
How about a little five-card
stud? Nothing wild.
286
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:18,416
Except the dealer.
287
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:28,383
All right! Listen up,
scum and sir,
288
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,733
while I recite
your test scores.
289
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:32,082
Castaldi, 94.
290
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,171
Brown, 94.
291
00:11:34,215 --> 00:11:36,783
I knew I shouldn't have
put the two of you together.
292
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:39,568
Rackman, 89.
Potter, sir...
293
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,745
Ooh, how about
this weather?
294
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,661
-What's my grade, Sergeant?
-Sir, uh...
295
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,881
I'm of the opinion
that people put
296
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:50,057
far too much emphasis
on grades.
297
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,972
What is my grade, Sergeant?
298
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,843
Or did someone say Corporal?
299
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:57,499
Oh. Well, uh...
Twenty-six, sir.
300
00:11:57,542 --> 00:11:58,761
Twenty-six!
301
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,458
-Out of a hundred?
-Oh, no, no, no!
302
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:02,373
Twenty-six out of 30.
303
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,767
I only graded you
on the material that
you was awake for.
304
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,291
I've about had enough
of this folderol.
305
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:08,771
I understand, sir.
There is no place
306
00:12:08,815 --> 00:12:10,120
in this man's army
for folderol.
307
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:13,776
-Potter, 92.
-Eighty-six that 92!
308
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,039
And you cut out
that "rotten apple-polishing"!
309
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:21,218
What's standard operating
procedure for someone
310
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,699
who took a wrong turn
on the written test?
311
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,962
Well, what's standard, sir,
312
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,964
is that nobody
ever flunked before.
313
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:30,184
[mutters]
314
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:33,622
How about a makeup test
first thing in the morning?
315
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:35,711
Good idea, sir.
316
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,148
Make up your own test.
Bet you get a hundred.
317
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:41,151
I mean you make up a test,
and I'll pass it!
318
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,418
Some people just can't be
bought.
319
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:50,508
Well, how was school,
Colonel Hot Rod?
320
00:12:50,552 --> 00:12:53,250
How'd you like to get yourself
whupped by the class bully?
321
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,817
Just a little
"lower rank humor," sir.
322
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:57,211
Here are the laundry
inventories.
323
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,387
I burned the midnight oil
at both ends.
324
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,563
Now, if I could have
your signature...
325
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:03,826
I'll be shuffling off
to the poker game.
326
00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,785
Freeze those feet.
327
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:07,438
You're not goin' anywhere,
doughboy.
328
00:13:07,482 --> 00:13:10,093
You're gonna bring
your fanny into my tent
329
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:12,313
and help me prepare
for a makeup test.
330
00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:15,011
Sir, it's been a long time
since I wore makeup.
331
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,797
A makeup driver's test,
doofus.
332
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,800
I, uh, flunked
the first go-around.
333
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:23,628
Flunked? Nobody's ever
done that before, sir.
334
00:13:23,672 --> 00:13:25,717
Even "Peanut Brain" Hoffman
squeaked through.
335
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:28,155
Since you find Hot Rod's
problem so funny,
336
00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,113
I'm gonna give you a chance
to laugh the night away.
337
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:32,855
-You're gonna be my tutor.
-But, sir, the poker game.
338
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,858
I'm afraid
you just folded, ace.
339
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,904
I'll raise you 10 bucks.
340
00:13:37,947 --> 00:13:39,906
If that's too rich
for your blood, Margaret,
just drop out.
341
00:13:39,949 --> 00:13:42,822
Yeah. Nothin' personal, Major.
This is a man's game.
342
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:46,564
How would you like
the next hand to be
in your face?
343
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:48,958
I can't remember
when I've had such
a pleasant evening.
344
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:50,655
First time
I've ever seen poker
345
00:13:50,699 --> 00:13:53,267
played with the Marquis
of Queensberry rules.
346
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:54,964
Hey, Beej, we're all out
of pretzels.
347
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:57,184
What do you say we break out
Peg's hundred-proof cookies?
348
00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:59,447
What do you say we don't?
349
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:02,798
Yeah. Well, I guess
it's just as well.
350
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,278
I think we've all had enough.
351
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:05,932
Come on, Margaret.
You in or out?
352
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,324
I think you're full
of bluff.
353
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,760
Cost you 10 bucks
to find out.
354
00:14:08,804 --> 00:14:11,676
-Sold.
-I'll pay to see that show.
355
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,897
Read 'em and weep.
Three aces which makes you
two fools.
356
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,856
Don't you just love
a sore winner?
357
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,422
That's it.
I've had enough fun
for tonight.
358
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:19,597
Okay. What about a little
seven-card stud
359
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,164
for the rest of us?
360
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,775
No, thanks. I'm gonna
try and find something
361
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,387
a little more civilized,
like a cockfight.
362
00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:29,390
-Hawk, you in?
-No, I don't think so, Beej.
363
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,913
It's gettin' kinda late.
364
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,480
Besides, I want to get
over to Rosie's.
365
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,569
The marines are having
a "bottle eating" contest.
366
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:35,962
Suit yourself.
How 'bout you, Father?
367
00:14:36,005 --> 00:14:37,572
If you don't mind,
deal me out
368
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,401
before I have to float
a loan from the poor box.
369
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:42,664
Aha. Verbanic, that leaves
you and me together again.
370
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,187
I don't think so, doc.
371
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:45,928
Your luck is runnin'
a little wild for me.
372
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:48,278
It wasn't luck, courier boy.
I beat the pouch off you.
373
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:50,759
I'm down 150 zops.
374
00:14:50,802 --> 00:14:52,717
But don't worry.
I'll be ready for you
next payday.
375
00:14:52,761 --> 00:14:54,937
I'll cover you. Come on.
I thought we had a game here.
376
00:14:54,981 --> 00:14:57,026
Hey, Beej, the game's over.
377
00:14:57,070 --> 00:14:58,941
Sure.
Everybody wants to play
378
00:14:58,985 --> 00:15:00,943
when it's lovable
Doc Hunnicutt,
gentleman loser.
379
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,424
But let me win a few,
it's like I committed a crime.
380
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:06,470
-Cash me in, Father.
-What has gotten into you?
381
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:07,994
You don't like it? Tough!
382
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:13,956
Go play with somebody else,
doc.
383
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,697
I don't believe in gambling.
384
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,133
I sink all my spare dough
385
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:19,222
-into chain letters.
-Cheers.
386
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:22,486
Well, fellow 'cruits,
the army done taught us
how to drive.
387
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:23,966
Now they gonna teach us
how to drink.
388
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,185
Three beers, mac.
389
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:26,838
Hey, Brown. They got
a pinball machine.
390
00:15:26,882 --> 00:15:28,275
All right.
391
00:15:28,318 --> 00:15:30,016
Geez, they're gettin' younger
every day.
392
00:15:30,059 --> 00:15:32,496
I don't know what's greener,
them or their uniforms.
393
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:33,802
I'll deliver those.
394
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,891
Okay, but if you get
a tip, it's mine.
395
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,588
[clattering, ringing]
396
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:39,416
Here you go, fellas.
Three beers.
397
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:41,157
Say, this is
some officers club.
398
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,985
You guys even
serve here, huh?
399
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:45,161
Not too bad, Private.
After you've finished,
400
00:15:45,205 --> 00:15:46,554
how about giving me
a chance to beat you?
401
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:48,164
Sure thing.
But I'll tell ya,
402
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:49,644
I think I got
this machine's number.
403
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,167
I'm not too bad
with numbers myself.
404
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:52,168
How's a dollar sound?
405
00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:54,301
[sighs]
What?
406
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:57,217
Just to make the game
a little more interesting.
407
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,001
Well, I thought you said
this was a friendly game.
408
00:15:59,045 --> 00:16:00,350
Whatever you say, friend.
409
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,786
I'll spot you
a thousand points.
410
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,266
Oh, well, why not?
411
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,007
I always wanted
an officer's pay.
412
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:06,356
All right.
413
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,924
Who's gonna play winner?
414
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,839
[yawning]
415
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:14,277
"What do you do when you
come to a school bus
that's stopped
416
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,105
and has its lights flashing?"
417
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,889
You stop,
and you tell the kids
418
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:20,675
to watch out for mines
at the crosswalk.
419
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:23,025
What is the point
of all this anyway?
420
00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:25,549
A fat lot of good
it's gonna do me
in a war zone!
421
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:28,900
It's the only manual
the army has.
One test fits all.
422
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:31,903
Oh, sure.
Same logic applies
to skivvies.
423
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:33,818
Next question.
424
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:37,300
"What is the minimum
braking distance
425
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:41,000
for a vehicle traveling
at 25 miles per hour?"
426
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,219
Wait a minute!
I know this!
427
00:16:43,263 --> 00:16:44,699
Don't help me!
Don't help me!
428
00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,791
Oh! I give up with
these stupid numbers.
429
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:51,445
What is it?
430
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,187
-61.4--
-Feet!
431
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,232
I'll give you half credit
for that one, sir.
432
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,365
Can we stop now?
We've been going
at this all night.
433
00:16:58,408 --> 00:16:59,801
No. Ask me
another question.
434
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:04,066
And if it's got a number
in it, yours is up.
435
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:09,767
"Suppose you're traveling
T-E-N miles an hour"...
436
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,769
-[ringing, clattering]
-[B.J. muttering]
437
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:14,424
There you go!
[muttering continues]
438
00:17:14,468 --> 00:17:16,339
[shouts]
Damn.
439
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,341
Captain, what are you
getting so excited about?
440
00:17:18,385 --> 00:17:20,604
You beat the socks off me.
Here's your dime.
441
00:17:20,648 --> 00:17:22,563
Come on, come on.
One more game.
442
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,478
I'll give you a chance
to win your 30 cents back.
443
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:26,958
But it's late, Captain.
Igor wants to close up.
444
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:29,483
Who cares what he wants?
I'm doing what I want
for a change.
445
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:32,094
-Come on. Let's play.
-I don't think so.
446
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:34,618
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.
447
00:17:34,662 --> 00:17:37,578
I'm fine.
Good night, Lieutenant.
448
00:17:42,017 --> 00:17:43,627
Doc, I'm glad to see you.
449
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:45,586
There's something
a little weird about him.
450
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,631
He keeps trying
to take everybody
for nickels.
451
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:50,504
You think you can
get him outta here?
I wanna close up.
452
00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:52,332
Yeah. You go ahead.
I'll do it.
453
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:53,942
Thanks.
454
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,596
Excuse me. I'm looking
for B.J. Hunnicutt.
455
00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:57,119
Don't bother me.
I'm busy.
456
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:58,773
Maybe you know him.
457
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,080
About 6'4", mustache,
big chip on his shoulder.
458
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:05,301
-Oh, yeah. Big, sweet lug.
-What's wrong with that?
459
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,521
Next you'll be telling me
the meek shall inherit
the earth.
460
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:10,480
What are you doing?
You can't pay the mortgage
with nickels.
461
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,526
-So what?
-What's with you, Hunnicutt?
462
00:18:12,569 --> 00:18:14,005
Now I hear
you're hustling pinball?
463
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:15,485
If you didn't come in
to play, leave me alone.
464
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:16,617
That goes for you too.
465
00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:18,619
Pardon us for living,
Diamond Jim.
466
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,969
-Look, Beej. Hey! Hey, listen!
-Come on! Come on!
467
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,797
Bad news from home
is no excuse
468
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,494
to start acting
like public enemy
number one.
469
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:26,366
-Bad news? What is it?
-It's none of your business.
470
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:27,932
-Is it serious?
-He thinks it is.
471
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:29,847
-And you don't?
-No. No. Excuse me.
472
00:18:29,891 --> 00:18:33,068
But if we're talking
about disasters,
473
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,896
I don't think
Peg's taking a job
474
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:36,811
is right up there with
the San Francisco earthquake.
475
00:18:36,854 --> 00:18:38,073
Why don't you get on
the P.A.
476
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:39,640
and tell the whole camp
about it?
477
00:18:39,683 --> 00:18:41,207
Is that the problem?
Your wife got a job?
478
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,471
Look, Beej, believe me.
We're on your side.
479
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,125
-We understand.
-I don't.
480
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,214
All of this is because
a woman had to go to work?
481
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,693
Why don't you just
butt out?
482
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:52,479
Why doesn't everybody
just butt the hell out?
483
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:54,176
I'd love to.
484
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,657
I'd love to butt my way
all the way back to Maine.
485
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,181
But we're all stuck here
just like you.
486
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,444
No, you're not.
Nobody is stuck here
just like me.
487
00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:02,924
Certainly not you.
488
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,534
While you're here,
all of you is here.
489
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,580
While I'm here,
most of me is back home.
490
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,277
When this little
police action is over,
491
00:19:08,321 --> 00:19:10,366
you can go back to Crabapple
Cove and pick up your life
492
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,499
just by picking up
your date book.
493
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:15,850
And you. Tell me you know
what it feels like
494
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,765
to have your child
grow up without parents.
495
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,071
Tell me you know what it feels
like even to have a child.
496
00:19:20,115 --> 00:19:23,031
How dare you?
How dare you stand there
497
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,424
acting like your brand
of suffering
498
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,208
is worse than anybody else's?
499
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,036
I guess that's the only
way you can justify
500
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,733
treating the rest of us
like dirt.
501
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:31,953
Let me tell you something,
Sad Sack.
502
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,476
If the worst thing
that's happened to you
503
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,869
is that your pretty
little wife
504
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:36,436
has to help pay the bills
for a while,
505
00:19:36,479 --> 00:19:38,220
don't come to me for sympathy.
506
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,048
Maybe you do have
the most to lose,
507
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,963
but that's only because
you've got the most.
508
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,186
Well, go on.
It's your turn.
509
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,318
I don't think
I can improve on that.
510
00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:55,106
All right! Listen up
511
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,544
while I read
the following grades!
512
00:19:57,587 --> 00:19:59,894
Rizzo, I'm in a class
by myself.
513
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:02,723
-Let's get to it.
-Congratulations, Colonel.
514
00:20:02,766 --> 00:20:06,292
You get to keep your license,
and I get to keep my stripes.
515
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,468
Ninety-eight!
Hot diggety!
516
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,992
Emma Potter
didn't raise no fools.
517
00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:12,559
Thank you, Sergeant.
518
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,735
You've been a font
of automotive info.
519
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,389
I'll be going now.
520
00:20:16,432 --> 00:20:17,955
Colonel, nobody'd like
that better than I would.
521
00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:20,088
But there is the slight matter
of the road test.
522
00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:24,397
Road test?
523
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,095
I mean ride test.
524
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:29,402
I take you for a ride.
525
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,751
You look at the scenery.
526
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,014
I bet you do real good
on that.
527
00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:34,320
Sergeant, no wonder
528
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:36,322
your breath smells
from Shinola.
529
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:39,412
I've been driving
since I was six!
530
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:40,978
Now step aside
531
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:43,546
and let me
at that vee-hicle.
532
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:50,771
Waiter, there's a clerk
in these eggs.
533
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:53,034
I knew sooner or later
this food would take a life.
534
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:54,296
Klinger, what do you
think you're doing?
535
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:55,428
Are you all right?
536
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,299
Klinger, get up.
Do yourself a favor.
537
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:58,605
Go have breakfast in bed.
538
00:20:58,648 --> 00:21:00,084
Oh, sorry. I was busy
539
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,738
teaching night school
all night.
540
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:04,263
There, but for the grace
of God goes my dog.
541
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:08,441
[tires screeching]
542
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:10,269
POTTER:
Look out, you idiot!
543
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,926
You dunce!
544
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:18,233
What do you think
you were doing,
sleepwalking?
545
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,453
I was until you woke me, sir.
546
00:21:20,496 --> 00:21:22,498
Now you made me flunk
the damn road test.
547
00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:24,457
Flunk? Perish the thought.
548
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:26,023
Colonel, it was real
quick-witted
549
00:21:26,067 --> 00:21:28,199
the way you missed
hittin' that pedestrian
550
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,897
without undue wear and tear
on the brakes.
551
00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:32,987
'Sides, crates never have
the right of way.
552
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:35,032
Sergeant,
that's the worst bunch of
malarkey I've ever heard.
553
00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:37,208
-But it'll have to do.
-[both laughing]
554
00:21:37,252 --> 00:21:39,472
Come on.
Are you okay?
555
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:42,344
-Just fine, sir.
-We didn't hit you, you know.
556
00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:43,563
You'd think,
before they serve this,
557
00:21:43,606 --> 00:21:44,564
they'd at least
dust it.
558
00:21:44,607 --> 00:21:46,000
And remove all the flavor?
559
00:21:46,043 --> 00:21:47,828
Morning, folks.
Mind if I sit down?
560
00:21:47,871 --> 00:21:50,570
Why, Beej, how can you ask?
Of course we do.
561
00:21:50,613 --> 00:21:53,703
Well, we all have to sit
someplace.
562
00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:56,750
In case you're having trouble
563
00:21:56,793 --> 00:21:59,753
getting your eggs down,
these are Peg's rum cookies.
564
00:21:59,796 --> 00:22:03,626
-How much?
-They're on the house.
565
00:22:03,670 --> 00:22:06,368
I'm still full from last night's
serving of humble pie.
566
00:22:06,412 --> 00:22:09,110
I don't know.
Rum cookies before 5:00?
567
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:11,808
Please, go on.
I was taught to share.
568
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:15,508
-I guess I can drink to that.
-Hear! Hear!
569
00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:17,553
-Oh.
-Mmm Delicious.
570
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,168
Boy, you never give
up with the cards,
do you, slim?
571
00:22:24,212 --> 00:22:26,388
Nah. Once you've been bitten
by the gambling bug,
572
00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:27,650
you're hooked for life.
573
00:22:27,694 --> 00:22:29,826
-You got any sixes?
-Go fish.
574
00:22:29,870 --> 00:22:32,263
Ah! Ha-ha!
575
00:22:32,307 --> 00:22:35,528
I got it! I win!
You owe me 10.
576
00:22:35,571 --> 00:22:37,312
One, two...
577
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,445
It's a good thing I got a wife
who works in a coffee shop.
578
00:22:39,488 --> 00:22:41,751
These mints don't grow
on trees, you know.
579
00:22:41,795 --> 00:22:43,884
Okay, high-ranking pigeons!
580
00:22:43,927 --> 00:22:45,929
It's poker time.
The colonel's getting
ready to leave.
581
00:22:45,973 --> 00:22:48,149
And while the top cat's away,
the clerk wants to play.
582
00:22:48,192 --> 00:22:49,411
No. Sorry, Klinger.
583
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:51,152
Go Fish and chips
don't mix.
584
00:22:51,195 --> 00:22:53,633
Aw, great.
I oughta stick to pool.
585
00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,591
But it's so hard
to shuffle those balls.
586
00:22:55,635 --> 00:22:56,984
What do you mean
the colonel's getting
ready to leave?
587
00:22:57,027 --> 00:22:58,289
Where's he going?
588
00:22:58,333 --> 00:23:00,030
He's giving a lecture
at the 8063rd.
589
00:23:00,074 --> 00:23:01,554
[hoofbeats galloping]
590
00:23:01,597 --> 00:23:04,731
Giddyap, Sophie,
and no speeding.
591
00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:21,791
♪♪ [theme]
44113
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