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00:00:01,610 --> 00:00:04,221
♪♪ [theme]
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Lastly, we're runnin' low
on surgical gowns.
3
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:57,753
Get three cartons.
4
00:00:57,796 --> 00:00:59,276
Those gowns are
as good as got, sir.
5
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,452
-How about matching pumps?
-[phone rings]
6
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:04,107
You wanna answer that,
Corporal Dior?
7
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:11,071
House of Potter. Uh-oh.
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Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Just a minute, sir.
9
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General Torgeson at
Logistics and Support, sir.
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Torgy Porgy. Shows ya.
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No matter how overcast a day,
12
00:01:23,344 --> 00:01:26,782
there's always room
for one more black cloud.
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Torgy! Long time no hear.
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Sure. What's on your mind?
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Uh-huh. Our tent flap is
always open to you G-4 guys.
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00:01:38,707 --> 00:01:42,754
[chuckles] You too, Torgy.
Best to your latest missus.
17
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Didn't I tell you four
would be your lucky number?
18
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Oh.
19
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:52,677
Well, five is
a good number too.
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-[clears throat]
-Visitors, huh?
21
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You want me to sweep
the dust under the dirt
in the VIP Tent?
22
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,683
I guess you better.
23
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:01,251
Torgy is sending up
a Major Nathaniel Burnham
24
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,992
to eyeball us
for a couple of days.
25
00:02:03,035 --> 00:02:06,430
What's Logistics and Support
nosin' around here for?
26
00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,780
Oh, I'm sure
Torgy's just bored.
27
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:10,217
Whenever there's a lull
in his paperwork,
28
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he sends someone out
on a loose-thread patrol.
29
00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:15,744
Then he tugs
and hopes I'll unravel.
30
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:17,049
Why?
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00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:19,051
He and I came out
of the cavalry together
32
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:21,315
then we both went
into med school.
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00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:23,621
Four years later
I was a doctor...
34
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:26,407
[chuckles] and he was
just four years older.
35
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:29,279
-[chuckles] He washed out, huh?
-With bleach.
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His I.Q. is lower
than his boot size.
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00:02:32,587 --> 00:02:34,545
But the army had
enough savvy to put him
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in a job where
he couldn't do any harm.
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Made him a general,
Medical Administration.
40
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:40,769
Well, as my uncle Amos
used to say,
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those who can't
manage those who can.
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One of his employees
made that up for him.
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This manager's telling you
to give that talker
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a tickle and requisition
those supplies.
45
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:50,866
Yes, boss.
46
00:02:56,698 --> 00:03:00,136
How do, H.Q.?
4077, Klinger here.
47
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,530
We need surgical gowns.
48
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,488
What do you mean, no?
49
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:08,884
Our doctors have operations
to go to and nothing to wear.
50
00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,494
Of course this is
an emergency.
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In case you haven't heard,
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00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,584
President Truman
has declared
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00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,499
this whole emergency
an emergency.
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00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:20,722
Yeah, I suppose we got
enough to last us for a week.
55
00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:23,638
What's the holdup?
56
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,030
Classified?
57
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,381
So, this three-star
at G-4 is sending
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00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,034
Burnham here just to observe.
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00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,558
When are they gonna
declare this war
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off-limits to sightseers?
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00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,691
The colonel says there's
nothing to worry about.
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He gets this kind of stuff
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00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,520
from General Torgeson
all the time.
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00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:38,261
General Edwin Torgeson?
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You know Torgy Porgy?
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00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,308
We're old pen pals.
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00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,919
His signature is on the orders
that sent me to this place.
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00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:45,529
He's a MASH-maker.
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00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,052
Another shower
for my olives.
70
00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:50,708
Just a minute, Captain.
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00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,058
Are you saying
General Torgeson is in charge
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00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,409
of putting new MASH
units together?
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00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:57,889
Exactly. He's built
them all from his
own black-and-blueprints.
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00:03:57,933 --> 00:04:01,371
[groans]
This is terrible.
75
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:03,286
I'm sorry. Next time
I'll order a Manhattan.
76
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,506
No, you don't understand.
77
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H.Q. has placed
a temporary freeze
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00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,904
on all medical supplies
and they're not saying why.
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00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:16,343
I said, "Sounds like you
got enough stuff there
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00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,083
to start another MASH unit."
81
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,911
Well, they do,
and they're gonna!
82
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:22,131
I hope not. Too many of these
can run down a neighborhood.
83
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:23,437
Captain, this ain't funny.
84
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,787
It means they're
gonna split up the 4077.
85
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:28,703
They're gonna take
the best people from here
to form the new MASH.
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00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:31,183
Klinger, don't let your
imagination run away with me.
87
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:33,664
Oh, sure, what do you care?
You're only a doctor.
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00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,449
It's guys like me
they're gonna grab first.
89
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:38,278
Lebanese corporals?
90
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:41,106
I may be a mere corporal
to you, but to the army,
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00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:44,022
I am an indispensable
five-star scrounge.
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00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:45,633
And if that's not bad enough,
93
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Colonel Potter gave me
a good efficiency report
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for this month.
What a rotten trick!
95
00:04:50,159 --> 00:04:53,205
Klinger, calm down.
This is all in your head,
96
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:54,946
which doesn't put it
in the best of company.
97
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,732
I'm glad you find my agony
so amusing,
98
00:04:57,775 --> 00:04:59,951
but I wouldn't last a day
with an unreasonable C.O.
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00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,736
Who treats clerks like clerks.
100
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:04,304
Do me a favor. Keep these
silly rumors to yourself.
101
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,131
Somebody's liable
to take this seriously.
102
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,959
I'm telling you, Beej.
This is serious.
103
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,352
It means they're
forming a whole new MASH.
104
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:10,788
Since when do you
put your faith
105
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,137
in the gospel
according to Max Klinger?
106
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,356
I told Klinger he was wrong,
107
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,705
because if he knew
how right he was,
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he'd have this
whole place in a panic.
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00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:18,405
So what do we do?
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For starters, you can
give me some more soap.
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-You know what this means?
-Soap.
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00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:24,106
Means they're gonna be
trying to seed this new MASH
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00:05:24,149 --> 00:05:25,455
with the best of the best.
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That means
I'll be chief surgeon.
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Oh, ho ho.
Wrong on two counts.
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00:05:28,589 --> 00:05:29,938
First of all, there isn't
going to be any new unit.
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00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,505
Secondly, even if there was,
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00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:33,245
what makes you think
you'd be chief surgeon?
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Well, I'm chief surgeon here.
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00:05:35,596 --> 00:05:38,120
Hawk, sometimes you've got
a head as big as all outdoors.
121
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:39,991
Did it ever occur to you
that you're chief surgeon here
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only because you
got here first?
123
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Maybe they put me here first
because I'm the best.
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[laughs]
125
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Let me try
this one out on you.
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If they made you chief
surgeon at the new unit,
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00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,351
that'd make me
chief surgeon here.
128
00:05:51,394 --> 00:05:52,700
Now, wouldn't it be simpler
if they just made me
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00:05:52,743 --> 00:05:54,441
chief surgeon
at the new unit?
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00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:57,313
What difference does it make
who's chief surgeon what where?
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00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,968
Because I'm just as capable
of being chief whatever
wherever as you are.
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00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,448
Either way, they're
gonna separate us,
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00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,145
and you're my best friend.
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00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:05,452
I never got along this well
with anybody, you moron!
135
00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:06,931
Well, that goes
double for me, stupid!
136
00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,672
So what are we gonna do?
137
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,500
They're gonna take
somebody from here.
138
00:06:10,544 --> 00:06:11,588
And it's gonna be one of us.
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00:06:11,632 --> 00:06:14,199
Unless...
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-♪♪ [humming]
-As long as you
have to be here,
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you might as well be
where you can do some good.
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00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:19,596
Hey, I didn't say
I was gonna do it.
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00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,206
Just let me dream, will ya?
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00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:22,599
You gotta admit
it's a tantalizing thought.
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00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:26,211
True. But sitting around
in a plush office,
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00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:29,214
prescribing hangover
remedies for generals
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and their wives is
a waste of talent.
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00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:33,088
Gentlemen, am I to infer
from your conversation
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00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,525
that you are contemplating
a change of venue
from these trials?
150
00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:38,354
Nah. We heard there's a major
going from unit to unit
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00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,487
trying to find a personal
surgeon for General Torgeson.
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00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:41,749
It's probably just a rumor.
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00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,228
Now that you mention it,
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00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:45,970
there is a Major Burnham
due to arrive tomorrow.
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Burnham. Is that
the name we heard?
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-Burnham? Yeah, Burnham.
-Yeah, that could be it.
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00:06:49,974 --> 00:06:51,715
Did I understand you
to say you are not
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00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,413
going to throw
your stethoscopes
into the ring?
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00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,893
Nah, Charles. I've had offers
like this before.
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00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:58,853
That kind of society
doctoring is not for me.
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Me, neither.
I couldn't live with myself.
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00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:02,509
And there are a lot
of soldiers around here
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00:07:02,552 --> 00:07:04,206
who couldn't live
without myself.
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00:07:04,249 --> 00:07:07,078
You are both men of principle
and justifiably so.
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00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,341
You certainly wouldn't want
to join the mob of people
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00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:12,040
who will no doubt be
sucking up to Major
Burnham, now would you?
167
00:07:12,083 --> 00:07:15,478
There's not exactly a mob.
It's a secret mission.
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00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:17,741
Everybody thinks he's here
on a fact-finding tour.
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-Nobody knows
to suck up to him.
-Almost nobody.
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[no audible dialogue]
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Torgy Porgy?
[laughs]
172
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I take it, then,
you do know him?
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00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,273
Oh, we've--
174
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:30,928
Yes, we've met, once,
i-in a meeting.
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00:07:30,972 --> 00:07:32,843
What, uh... What were
your impressions of him?
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He's very athletic.
I mean, he loves boxing.
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Boxing. How apropos.
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00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,068
A fighting man who likes...
fighting.
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00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,070
Do you happen to remember
where he's from?
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00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:43,463
Montana, I think.
181
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:46,422
Ah, yes. Montana.
Big Sky country.
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00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,511
Why are you so interested
in General Torgeson?
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00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:51,035
I thought it would be nice to
gather information about him.
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After all, his aide is
coming here tomorrow.
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00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,212
General Torgeson is--
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00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:55,692
-is sending somebody here?
-Yes.
187
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,085
Tell me more
about, uh, Montana.
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Does it have a city?
189
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,306
Charles, I can't talk
to you now. I'm very busy.
190
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,047
I have to prepare
my duty roster.
191
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:05,397
A new MASH? How wonderful.
192
00:08:05,441 --> 00:08:08,270
It'll relieve
some of the terrible
strain on our doctors.
193
00:08:08,313 --> 00:08:10,446
Wonderful? Oh, Father,
194
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,535
why do you always see
the good side of things?
195
00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:15,277
-This is awful.
-Why?
196
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,106
Why? If you're gonna
start up a MASH unit,
197
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,543
the first thing you need
is a commanding officer.
198
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,633
Wasn't Colonel Blake already
here when we were assigned?
199
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:25,766
Yes, you're right,
God rest his soul.
200
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:28,551
But what makes you so certain
they'll take the colonel?
201
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,988
General Torgeson
and the colonel go way back.
202
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,990
He knows how good
Colonel Potter is.
203
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,863
And once this Burnham sees
our unit running so smoothly,
204
00:08:35,906 --> 00:08:37,995
it's bye-bye the sweetest man
who ever lived
205
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,344
and hello who-knows-who.
206
00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:41,172
Not a very rosy prospect.
207
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,001
But-- But it seems to me
it's out of our hands.
208
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:46,526
Oh, Father, stop seeing
the bad side of things.
209
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:49,354
We're gonna have to find a way
to convince this Burnham
210
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,835
that Colonel Potter is
the wrong man for the job.
211
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,446
I'm afraid I find it
very difficult to lie.
212
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:58,015
I'd have to confess to myself,
and I can be very harsh.
213
00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:01,541
Don't worry about that.
I'll take care of the lying.
214
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:04,195
Your job is to keep
Colonel Potter away
from Major Burnham.
215
00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:07,155
Are you asking me to be an
accessory to a fabrication?
216
00:09:07,198 --> 00:09:08,460
Yes.
217
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,940
I guess I can
live with that.
218
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,376
The most important thing
219
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,987
is not to let anyone know
what's going on.
220
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:15,076
You know how rumors get blown
up all out of proportion.
221
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:18,383
Excuse me. I'm looking
for Colonel Potter.
222
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,211
You're excused.
You've found him.
223
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:22,605
Ah. Might I
venture a guess
224
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,476
-that you're Major Burnham?
-Sir.
225
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,217
So tell me, how is Torgy?
226
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:27,479
Ornery as ever.
227
00:09:27,523 --> 00:09:29,351
Oh, yeah?
[chuckles]
228
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:30,613
You should have known him
229
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:32,093
when he was still
married to Edna.
230
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,138
And they called WWII
the big war.
231
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:35,575
[both laughing]
232
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,446
-Oh, Colonel. You're awake.
-Huh?
233
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,317
You must be Major Burnham.
234
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:40,710
-I'm Major Houlihan.
-Major.
235
00:09:40,754 --> 00:09:42,277
-This is Father Mulcahy.
-Father.
236
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,932
We've got the VIP tent
all gussied up for you.
237
00:09:44,975 --> 00:09:46,368
Uh, if it's all right
with you, Colonel,
238
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:48,065
I'd rather bunk
with your surgeons.
239
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:49,414
I find it's easier to observe
240
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,720
when there are other
people around.
241
00:09:50,764 --> 00:09:52,113
Darn good observation.
242
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,505
Come on. I'll personally--
243
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,072
Oh, Colonel, wait.
You can't go.
244
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,204
I have to talk to you.
245
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:57,597
I'll be back in two shakes.
246
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,424
Uh, I don't
think this can wait.
247
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:02,166
Oh, don't worry, Colonel.
I'll escort the major.
248
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:05,082
Thank you. Colonel.
249
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:08,651
Now then, Padre, you've
got some sort of burr
in your saddle blanket?
250
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,958
Not exactly the metaphor
I would have chosen,
251
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:13,264
but, uh, I do have
something on my mind.
252
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:16,267
You see, I have...
been paid a great honor
253
00:10:16,311 --> 00:10:18,618
by the Philadelphia
archdiocese.
254
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:22,012
Ah. "Hometown padre
makes good" kind of thing?
255
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:27,104
It's more like being enshrined
in a priests' Hall of Fame.
256
00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:29,716
They want to hang my
portrait along their...
257
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,631
Ecclesiastical Esplanade.
258
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:34,851
Well, congrats.
Sounds almighty impressive.
259
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:37,288
Yes, it is a bit overwhelming.
260
00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:40,204
And I want you to paint
the official portrait.
261
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:42,076
I'd be honored.
I'll get to it next week.
262
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,382
Oh, no, sir.
No, it can't wait.
263
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,907
Uh, this must be
done with godspeed.
264
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,039
Now, here's how I see it:
265
00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:52,042
me with, uh, clouds
in the background
266
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:54,305
and heavenly light
streaming down from above.
267
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:57,439
You want me to fix it so you
wink when folks walk by?
268
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:59,528
...and as somebody who
has known Colonel Potter
269
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:00,921
since the day he got here,
270
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:02,792
I can tell you
he's a wonderful man.
271
00:11:02,836 --> 00:11:04,620
Yes, I know.
He certainly has an
excellent reputation.
272
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,839
Sharp as a tack.
273
00:11:05,882 --> 00:11:08,058
And you caught him
at the perfect time,
274
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:11,453
just after his morning nap.
275
00:11:11,496 --> 00:11:13,324
Well, Colonel Potter isn't
exactly a youngster anymore.
276
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,675
Ah, right. Not like
some of those young officers,
277
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:18,329
always coming up
with innovations,
always changing things.
278
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:19,766
He's a little
old-fashioned, huh?
279
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:23,595
Absolutely not.
He's cautious, thorough.
280
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:25,902
When he makes a decision,
you can trust it.
281
00:11:25,946 --> 00:11:28,339
Why only last month he
gave us the go-ahead
282
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:30,341
to fight infection
with penicillin.
283
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:31,995
Slim-slam alabam.
284
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:34,041
Blessings,
Major and Majorette.
285
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,999
-What is this?
-A thousand pardons.
286
00:11:36,043 --> 00:11:38,436
In my religion, this is
the month of the sacred bull.
287
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,003
I wish to invite you
288
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,918
to my midnight prayer
service in the minefields.
289
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,441
Is this man on our side?
290
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:45,661
Corporal Klinger, Maxwell Q.
291
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,446
U.S. 19571782.
292
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:49,752
It's all right here, sahib.
293
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,101
Klinger,
get out of our way.
294
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,755
That's an order!
295
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:54,322
Think about it, Majors.
296
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:57,107
The minefield service is
an uplifting experience.
297
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:59,066
-Klinger!
-May your life be
free of snakes.
298
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:01,111
Sh-boom be with you.
299
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,417
-This way.
-What's with him?
300
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:03,897
Oh, don't pay any attention.
301
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,637
He's just a nut trying
to get out of the army.
302
00:12:05,681 --> 00:12:07,509
Colonel Potter permits
this sort of thing?
303
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:10,251
Well, only since
Klinger converted him.
304
00:12:17,911 --> 00:12:19,260
And if you hear
rumors of senility,
305
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,088
don't pay any
attention to them.
306
00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:23,438
No, we haven't heard
anything about that
down in Seoul.
307
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:26,484
Of course you haven't,
because they're 90% not true.
308
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,617
-This bunk is yours.
-Thank you, Major.
309
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:30,358
Oh, and if you have
any further questions,
310
00:12:30,401 --> 00:12:32,882
I'm sure Colonel Potter
will be happy to answer them.
311
00:12:32,926 --> 00:12:34,928
He's very alert
after his afternoon nap.
312
00:12:34,971 --> 00:12:36,668
How often does he nap?
313
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,714
Oh, whenever he remembers.
314
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,064
[dog barking]
315
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,326
I got it.
Here, boy. Here, boy.
316
00:12:42,370 --> 00:12:43,806
Get him. Get him.
317
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,416
-That's a good boy.
-We're okay.
318
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:46,809
Ah, you must be Major Burnham.
I'm Hunnicutt.
319
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,028
B.J. Hunnicutt.
320
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,551
Captain Pierce and our top dog.
321
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,335
This mean
you're bunking with us?
322
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,076
I thought it'd be
an interesting experience.
323
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,817
I understand you fellas
are terrific doctors
324
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:56,645
who don't exactly
go by the book.
325
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,429
What do you mean?
Sure we do.
326
00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,736
Only our book has
pictures of naked people
playing volleyball.
327
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,478
Oh, and here is someone
who needs no introduction.
328
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:06,916
Major Charles Emerson
Winchester, Major Burnham.
329
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,832
Ah, Major Burnham.
This is indeed a pleasure.
330
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,530
Well, now that you two have
met, uh, we have to be off.
331
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:13,967
We're taking our dog
to dinner.
332
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,664
Taking our... dog...
333
00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,840
-Do that.
-Dinner.
334
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,799
I hope you don't mind.
Colonel Potter said
335
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,670
it'd be all right if I
bunked with you surgeons.
336
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:25,195
Well, a-actually surgery
is my subspecialty.
337
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:29,286
My real forte is diseases of
the aged-but-not-yet-retired.
338
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,769
So who do you like in
the next Saddler-Pep bout?
339
00:13:35,292 --> 00:13:36,772
You're talking
about boxing, right?
340
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,469
Ah, it's in my blood.
341
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:39,731
Yes, sir, they're two
of the finest featherweights
342
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:41,255
who ever laced on gloves.
343
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,822
Think it'll be a K.O.,
344
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,867
or will they
go the distance there?
345
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,783
You know, General Torgeson's
a big boxing fan.
346
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,917
-No kidding?
-Talks about it all the time.
347
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,877
Me too. Graziano,
Schmeling, Louis.
348
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:57,575
All like gods to me.
349
00:13:57,619 --> 00:14:00,970
The general drives me nuts
with that fight junk.
350
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:02,798
Of course
there's more to life
351
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,234
than just the squared
circle, you know,
352
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:05,845
like sitting
around a campfire
353
00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,368
just outside beautiful Butte,
354
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:08,935
eating... beans
355
00:14:08,978 --> 00:14:10,240
after a hard day
of sheep ranching.
356
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,241
[clicks tongue, whistles]
357
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:15,115
I've never done that.
I'm from Detroit.
358
00:14:15,158 --> 00:14:18,814
You know, I've always hankered
to ride the range in a Buick.
359
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,555
So tell me,
360
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:24,037
what do you think is--
is the key to the 4077?
361
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,603
Turnover.
362
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,910
As fine a place as this is,
363
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,825
it's, uh,
it's time to move on,
364
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:31,435
discover new vistas.
365
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,611
I think my surgical skills
would take a giant leap
366
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,396
if I were to find
a new locale.
367
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,006
What about
Pierce and Hunnicutt?
368
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,312
They've been here even longer.
369
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:39,574
Anybody needs a change,
they do.
370
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:40,923
That's very interesting.
371
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,664
-I have always--
-Excuse me, gentlemen.
372
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,361
I was supposed to meet Colonel
Potter here for dinner.
373
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:45,797
-Have you seen him?
-No, I haven't.
374
00:14:45,841 --> 00:14:48,975
Oh, then he must be
eating on Sophie.
375
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,412
Oh, that's his horse.
376
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,414
He loves to spend
as many hours
377
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,155
in the saddle as he can.
378
00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,983
It's a habit
from his old cavalry days.
379
00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:59,942
He's been doing it
since, oh, 1918.
380
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,075
I'd better go check.
381
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,511
He loves an
after-dinner nap,
382
00:15:03,554 --> 00:15:05,034
and sometimes he falls off.
383
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:10,344
Your colonel seems to have
some rather strange habits.
384
00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:12,955
Well, I don't think there's
anything too unusual about him.
385
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,088
She's a might peculiar,
though.
386
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:17,133
Enough of this idle chitchat.
As I was saying--
387
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:18,482
Stop this!
388
00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:20,832
Stop this eating at once!
389
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,878
It is written in
the sacred testaments
390
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,880
of our forefathers
and foremothers
391
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,621
that on the fourth day
of the new moon
392
00:15:26,664 --> 00:15:30,059
we shall abstain from
all our worldly pleasures.
393
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:33,671
[gasps]
Spam!
394
00:15:33,715 --> 00:15:36,326
It is the devil's work!
395
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:38,067
[plate clatters]
396
00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:40,983
Praise our holy leader.
Sh-boom.
397
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:51,037
Now then, I'm sure
General Torgeson would agree
398
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,256
that I have been
at the fair too long.
399
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,432
Let me elucidate.
You see--
400
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:56,868
This looks delicious!
Oh.
401
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:58,261
B.J.: Don't you just
love it
402
00:15:58,305 --> 00:15:59,959
-when it's rare this way?
-Oh, yeah.
403
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:03,658
Isn't that the collar
that was on the... dog?
404
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,094
Yeah. Pass the pepper,
will ya?
405
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:06,487
There you go. Sure.
406
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,315
-How can you?
-Are you kiddin' me?
407
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,056
In Korea,
dog's a delicacy.
408
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:11,796
-When in Rome...
-Here, you want some?
409
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,321
-Mmm...
-Oh, smell this.
Just smell it.
410
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:15,452
-Mmm.
-Isn't that great?
411
00:16:16,714 --> 00:16:19,065
Oh! [groans]
412
00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:22,503
Padre, I'm comin' down with
a case of Rembrandt's elbow.
413
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,679
What say we knock off
for now and toss down
414
00:16:24,722 --> 00:16:26,898
a few toddies at the "O" Club?
415
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,813
No! I mean,
416
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:31,077
well, I'm sorry to be
such a harsh taskmaster,
417
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,644
but they need this
painting pretty R.Q.S.
418
00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:37,257
-Huh?
-That's Latin for P.D.Q.
419
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,998
[muttering]
420
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,564
[groans]
421
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:43,698
...7, 38...
422
00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,658
- Major, another drink?
- Thank you, I'm fine.
423
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,965
Then how 'bout a little
leftover bow-wow chow?
424
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,271
Captain, please...
425
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:52,750
We put it in a doggie bag.
426
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:55,014
Docs, a patient
just came in.
427
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,625
He's in real bad shape.
They need you in pre-op.
428
00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:59,105
-Aw.
-Oh, for crying out loud!
429
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:00,367
No, this is what
I've been waiting for.
430
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:01,368
Do you mind if I tag along?
431
00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:02,717
Ah, you might as well.
432
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,066
Don't you hate it
when they come
433
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,285
right in the middle
of happy hour?
434
00:17:08,505 --> 00:17:09,419
Ah.
435
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,163
Uh-oh. That looks
pretty bad, Hawk.
436
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:15,643
I'm afraid we're gonna
have to resect.
437
00:17:15,686 --> 00:17:17,601
Resect? Aw, geez.
438
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,864
That takes forever.
I got a date tonight.
439
00:17:19,908 --> 00:17:21,692
You can't walk out on
an operation because
of a lousy date.
440
00:17:21,736 --> 00:17:23,303
It's with Gwen.
441
00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:25,609
Well, goody for you.
You expect me to do
this myself?
442
00:17:25,653 --> 00:17:26,654
All right, all right,
all right.
443
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,003
We'll pack him off for now.
444
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,265
We'll finish him in
the morning.
445
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:31,441
-Igor, get him into O.R.
-Right.
446
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:34,053
Ah, what the hell.
I got laundry to do anyway.
447
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:37,099
HAWKEYE: Scrub, scrub, scrub.
That's all we ever do.
448
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,362
I've never understood
why washing your hands
is so important
449
00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:41,147
when the minute you're
finished, you cover
'em up with gloves.
450
00:17:41,190 --> 00:17:43,062
Yeah. I mean,
what is that?
451
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,586
It's too late, Captains.
We've lost him.
452
00:17:45,629 --> 00:17:47,370
The patient is dead?
453
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,285
No. We just don't
know where he is.
454
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:52,245
How could you lose a patient
between pre-op and O.R.?
455
00:17:52,288 --> 00:17:53,681
We tried a shortcut.
456
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:55,596
I just can't work
with these people.
457
00:17:55,639 --> 00:17:57,380
-What are you doing?
-I'm going back to our tent.
458
00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:59,208
But there's a wounded
man around here someplace.
459
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,992
You gotta find him,
get him into O.R.!
460
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:03,647
Sorry, we're in medicine,
not transportation.
461
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,910
You're gonna get in a lot
of trouble for this, Pierce.
462
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,913
Uh-uh! Until he hits
the operating table,
463
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:10,176
we're not responsible.
464
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:11,873
Igor, this is on your head!
465
00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:13,788
You go look for him.
If you find him, let me know.
466
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:15,659
-I'll be in the laundry room.
-I'll be incommunicado.
467
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:17,139
-That does it!
-What's the matter?
468
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:18,575
What's the matter?
469
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,142
I always heard this unit
was a little strange,
470
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:21,839
but at least when it
came to medicine,
471
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,276
you were supposed to be
thorough professionals.
472
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:26,235
I'm chief surgeon here.
473
00:18:26,279 --> 00:18:27,976
Are you tryin' to tell me
I don't know my job?
474
00:18:28,019 --> 00:18:29,978
Where's your compassion,
your humanity?
475
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:32,111
What happened to
the Hippocratic oath?
476
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:34,939
-Oh, ho, ho, ho.
You get him?
-Oh.
477
00:18:34,983 --> 00:18:37,290
I'll bet he's one of those
guys that's seen all
the Dr. Kildare movies.
478
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,336
Look, Burnham, this is not some
antiseptic stateside hospital.
479
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:43,034
This is war.
This is hell.
480
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:46,125
It stinks. It's filthy.
481
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,343
-Can I borrow your
cologne tonight?
-Mm-hmm.
482
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,084
Trade you for a
couple of clothespins.
483
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,042
I got a couple
of clothespins.
484
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,088
♪ Got a date
with an angel ♪
485
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,351
[humming]
486
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:58,485
-Greens, greens...
-[humming]
487
00:18:58,528 --> 00:19:01,183
-Greens.
-Rest assured
488
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:03,316
General Torgeson's gonna
hear about all of this
489
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,187
-the minute I get back.
-You're leaving now?
490
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:08,843
-Yes, I am!
-Oh. Wait... Wait a minute.
491
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,975
[exhales]
These are yours. Thanks.
492
00:19:11,019 --> 00:19:13,152
If you'd like, I'll wash 'em
and send 'em down to you.
493
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,894
[cackles]
494
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:18,418
MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.
495
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:19,941
Incoming wounded.
496
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,944
Drop your flasks
and grab your masks.
497
00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,554
[chattering]
498
00:19:24,598 --> 00:19:26,426
[vehicle approaching]
499
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,560
Sorry, Major. You have
to move your jeep.
500
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,127
We have to use
this area for triage.
501
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,259
-Okay.
-Come on!
502
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:35,478
Hey, didn't I just see y--
503
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:39,134
Several clamps
handy, please.
504
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,918
Sponges, please.
505
00:19:40,962 --> 00:19:42,268
HAWKEYE: Give me
some more retraction
506
00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:43,834
and pack it down
with lap sponges.
507
00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,619
B.J.: Give me suction
in the pericardium.
508
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:47,534
Boy, just when you think
everything's going your way,
509
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:49,275
the war drops in
without knocking.
510
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,668
Hey, we can hold our heads
high. We gave it our worst.
511
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:53,714
CHARLES: If you'd care
to step over here, Major.
512
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:55,281
This very difficult
diagnosis.
513
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:56,717
The patient's wounds
are not at all
514
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,109
what they first appear to be.
515
00:19:58,153 --> 00:20:00,329
Seems to be a lot of
that going around.
516
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:03,332
Kocher clamp.
Play your cards right,
517
00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:05,247
you could be head nurse
at a new MASH unit.
518
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,641
The chief surgeon and I
are on a same-name basis.
519
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,338
POTTER: Let's get this
bleeding stopped pronto.
520
00:20:09,382 --> 00:20:10,948
Klinger! Another unit.
521
00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,733
Way ahead of you, sir.
I already got it.
522
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:17,607
The old man really runs
a tight ship, doesn't he?
523
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:19,348
Long as he has a week
to rest up,
524
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:21,002
he's great
one day in a row.
525
00:20:23,091 --> 00:20:24,353
But you don't understand.
526
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,616
Burnham saw how perfect
I was in there.
527
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,139
Maybe I could plead
temporary sanity.
528
00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,924
Oh, Klinger. You're crazy.
529
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,187
They don't want you
for a new MASH.
They want the colonel.
530
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,145
Take him, leave him.
What's the difference?
531
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,713
Without the colonel, I'm just
another religious fanatic.
532
00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:39,412
Let me say this one last time
right before I say good-bye.
533
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:43,372
It's me who'll be going.
They need a chief surgeon.
534
00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:44,982
Unless they want
the best surgeon,
535
00:20:45,026 --> 00:20:47,376
in which case
it's me who's going.
536
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,638
Your humility is just
one of the things
537
00:20:48,682 --> 00:20:50,292
I'm gonna miss about you.
538
00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:52,642
Who cares? The point is
they're breaking us up
539
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,035
and we'll never be
the same again.
540
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,776
-Yeah.
-Uh...
541
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:57,299
I just told Colonel Potter
and Major Winchester,
542
00:20:57,343 --> 00:20:59,301
and I want to
tell the rest of you.
543
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:02,130
You're terrific.
You can all be
proud of yourselves.
544
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,089
-Oh, go suck a combat boot.
-Margaret!
545
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:07,004
-Took the boot right
out of my mouth.
-That's tellin' him.
546
00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:09,790
I'm not going anywhere,
and neither is he, sir.
547
00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,835
I admire your loyalty, son.
548
00:21:11,879 --> 00:21:13,576
Now if I just knew what you
were talking about.
549
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:15,274
Excuse me, Colonel.
I think some of your people
550
00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:17,014
may have misconstrued
what I'm doing here.
551
00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:20,279
-Maybe I'd better explain.
-Yes, Major. Please do.
552
00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:22,324
Plain and simply,
we're forming a new MASH.
553
00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:23,543
[stammering] MASH?
554
00:21:23,586 --> 00:21:24,979
To serve our needs
closer to the front.
555
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:26,372
[whimpers]
556
00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:27,851
We'd always heard
this organization
557
00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:29,375
marched to a
different drummer.
558
00:21:29,418 --> 00:21:31,420
Well, I suppose you
gotta be crackers
559
00:21:31,464 --> 00:21:33,466
not to go nuts in a
pressure cooker like this.
560
00:21:33,509 --> 00:21:35,337
We had all the suspense
we need in O.R.
561
00:21:35,381 --> 00:21:37,818
Why don't you drop the other
shoe and get it over with?
562
00:21:37,861 --> 00:21:39,907
-The other shoe?
-The one you're gonna use
563
00:21:39,950 --> 00:21:42,083
to kick somebody out of here
into the new MASH.
564
00:21:42,126 --> 00:21:45,173
What? You're crazier
than I thought.
565
00:21:45,216 --> 00:21:47,393
We'd never split up the 4077.
566
00:21:47,436 --> 00:21:49,525
It's hard enough in this army
to find something that works.
567
00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:51,353
Once you do,
you don't mess with it.
568
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:52,615
Pulling somebody outta here
569
00:21:52,659 --> 00:21:54,008
would be like
breaking up the Yankees.
570
00:21:54,051 --> 00:21:55,705
Sh-boom be praised!
571
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:57,533
Now you see? Let this
be a lesson to you.
572
00:21:57,577 --> 00:21:59,013
Never believe idle gossip.
573
00:21:59,056 --> 00:22:00,884
Especially when it comes
from an idle gossip.
574
00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:02,843
I was only here observing
how this organization
575
00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:05,324
runs so we could copy it,
not rip it apart.
576
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:07,587
Well, that certainly will be
a comfort to my disciples.
577
00:22:07,630 --> 00:22:09,110
Colonel, aren't you
relieved to find out
578
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:10,720
the real reason
he was here?
579
00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:12,766
Hell, I knew it all along,
but I wasn't about
580
00:22:12,809 --> 00:22:14,333
to let you folks
in on it.
581
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:15,595
First thing you know,
582
00:22:15,638 --> 00:22:16,944
you'd
all go off half-cocked
583
00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:19,033
and act like a bunch
of jackasses.
584
00:22:19,076 --> 00:22:20,339
-[all protesting]
-Oh, sir.
585
00:22:20,382 --> 00:22:21,818
I'm surprised at you.
586
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,172
-[chattering]
-Come on.
587
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:30,566
Let's see it, Colonel.
Defrock the painting.
588
00:22:30,610 --> 00:22:32,307
Okay, okay.
589
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,222
You're all familiar
with Whistler's Mother.
590
00:22:34,265 --> 00:22:37,356
Now say how do
to Potter's Father.
591
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,488
Oh, that's great.
Look, Leo.
592
00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:42,361
Oh, holy mackerel.
That's really something.
593
00:22:42,404 --> 00:22:44,537
Father, this should be on
a stained-glass window.
594
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:46,147
Or a stamp.
595
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:48,062
Can't even see where
the little numbers were.
596
00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:49,803
Will you yahoos
can the comments?
597
00:22:49,846 --> 00:22:51,805
Now tell me the truth, Padre.
598
00:22:51,848 --> 00:22:54,111
You think this'll make it
in the Holy Walk of Fame?
599
00:22:54,155 --> 00:22:56,984
Oh, it-- it won't be
going to Philadelphia.
600
00:22:57,027 --> 00:22:58,159
Oh.
601
00:22:58,202 --> 00:22:59,943
The Archdiocese decided
602
00:22:59,987 --> 00:23:02,642
an esplanade would
be a bit too showy,
603
00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:06,559
so they're going with
wallet-sized photos
on a bulletin board.
604
00:23:06,602 --> 00:23:08,256
I understand
perfectly, Padre.
605
00:23:08,299 --> 00:23:10,258
Being a pinup ain't
proper for a priest.
606
00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:11,738
Actually it's all
for the better, Colonel,
607
00:23:11,781 --> 00:23:14,436
because you worked
so hard on it,
608
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:15,829
I-I'd like you to keep it.
609
00:23:15,872 --> 00:23:17,570
Why thank you, Padre.
610
00:23:17,613 --> 00:23:19,441
I'm gonna put it right here.
611
00:23:19,485 --> 00:23:21,225
And with you always
keepin' an eye on me,
612
00:23:21,269 --> 00:23:23,184
I'll have to stay
on the straight and narrow.
613
00:23:23,227 --> 00:23:24,577
[chuckles]
614
00:23:24,620 --> 00:23:28,015
I find your trust
in me very moving.
615
00:23:28,058 --> 00:23:29,843
I can't deceive
you any longer.
616
00:23:29,886 --> 00:23:31,366
There's something
I must confess.
617
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,107
-Oh!
-What is it, Padre?
618
00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:36,676
Uh, I-I think it would
look better...
619
00:23:36,719 --> 00:23:37,807
over there.
620
00:23:50,733 --> 00:23:52,431
♪♪ [theme]
47541
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