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♪♪ [theme]
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Gonna be a busy day, guys.
3
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:57,405
The way they're
lined up out there,
4
00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,102
you'd think we were
having a fire sale.
5
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,756
Too bad it's not
a going-out-of-business sale.
6
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:02,192
Excuse me
for being late, boys.
7
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,846
I had to roll
out the red rug
8
00:01:03,889 --> 00:01:05,065
for three Korean medics.
9
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:07,197
-Local fellas.
-Locals, eh?
10
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:10,244
No doubt all distinguished
alums of Voodoo U.
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00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:12,028
I hope they are.
They'd be just the guys
12
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,638
to shrink that swelled head.
13
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Be the perfect match
for your narrow mind.
14
00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,468
Perhaps I could make them
feel more at ease
15
00:01:17,512 --> 00:01:19,079
by putting a bone
through my nose.
16
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,081
Just lower the nose,
Winchester.
17
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,866
Their style may lean a bit
heavy on the roots and berries,
18
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but they're part
of the brotherhood.
19
00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:28,827
They're here to take a gander
at our surgical technique,
20
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:31,003
and I'm sending 'em
over to your table.
21
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-Me? But--But--
-The but stops here, Major.
22
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:36,052
These fellas want
to see the chest cavity,
23
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,923
and you're our man
in thoracics.
24
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:40,056
Not to mention you've
logged some teaching time.
25
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,058
Wait a minute.
Don't I have a say in this?
26
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,148
I am chief surgeon,
and I fancy myself
a pretty good chest man.
27
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:48,804
Okay, you decide, Pierce.
Who gets to be tour guide?
28
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Well, since Charles has already
expressed a deep reluctance--
29
00:01:51,372 --> 00:01:52,547
-Yes.
-He does.
30
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,026
You swine.
31
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:56,203
Okay, Winchester.
That narrows it down
32
00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,074
to get in there
and ring that school bell.
33
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,076
-Okey-dokey?
-Colonel, I--
34
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,471
Say okey-dokey, Major.
35
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:07,039
Okey-dokey.
36
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:08,867
CHARLES: Now,
my diminutive voyeurs,
37
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:10,652
this is the patient
38
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,262
without whom medicine
would be just theory.
39
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,699
[speaking Korean]
40
00:02:14,743 --> 00:02:17,180
This is the patient's chest.
41
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:18,877
Or, in a more scientific
parlance,
42
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,357
the front of the back.
43
00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:22,054
If there is no belly button
44
00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:23,578
in the immediate vicinity,
45
00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:25,667
you've committed
a rather serious faux pas.
46
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:27,712
[Korean]
47
00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:30,889
Careful, Winchester.
Don't add insult to surgery.
48
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:33,588
Now, Colonel, that's just
part of his bed-snide manner.
49
00:02:33,631 --> 00:02:35,851
Isn't it clever the way
Charles can come
into an alien country
50
00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:37,331
and alienate everyone?
51
00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:38,723
More retraction on top,
Margaret, please.
52
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Yes, doctor.
53
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,118
We have now reached
the point in the procedure
54
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,815
where you gentlemen
probably burn incense,
55
00:02:43,859 --> 00:02:45,426
dance round the patient,
56
00:02:45,469 --> 00:02:46,862
chanting supplications
to the gods.
57
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:48,864
[excited chattering]
58
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:49,995
Is something the matter?
59
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:52,041
We have never
performed surgery.
60
00:02:52,084 --> 00:02:54,652
-I beg your pardon?
-We are Buddhists.
61
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:56,045
Our religion forbids us
62
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,916
-to cut into any living being.
-Uh-huh.
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00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,355
Never before have we seen
the inside of a human body.
64
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:04,140
Yes, it is fascinating,
isn't it?
65
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,142
The heart beating,
66
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,796
blood coursing
through the large arteries,
67
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:09,145
returning through the veins.
68
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,539
The lungs moving
back and forth.
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00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,149
All part of a large design
70
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:17,109
that humbles our meager
imaginations.
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00:03:17,153 --> 00:03:19,286
Though some imaginations are
more meager than others.
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00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,243
[chuckles]
73
00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:27,076
I don't know
what's wrong with me.
74
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:28,512
I get up at 5:00
in the morning,
75
00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:30,035
and then by midnight
I'm a wreck.
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00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,907
I look to the Lord
for strength,
77
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,517
but after
sessions like this,
78
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,867
I also look to the cook
for strong coffee.
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00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:38,130
Salutations, sleepy sawbones.
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00:03:38,174 --> 00:03:40,350
You were already in the O.R.
when these arrived,
81
00:03:40,394 --> 00:03:43,092
so I saved them
for an evening pick-me-up.
82
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,572
Hey, it's from my dad.
83
00:03:44,615 --> 00:03:46,400
I hope he remembered
my allowance.
84
00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,445
Here's one
from my distaff side.
85
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,230
Feels like a five-pager.
86
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,796
Four for me!
87
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,972
Probably thank-you notes
from that barbershop quartet.
88
00:03:54,016 --> 00:03:56,714
If you'll excuse me, neither
wind nor rain nor sleet
89
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,195
shall keep me
from my appointed bed.
90
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,632
Uh-oh. Looks
like Mildred is thinking
91
00:04:01,676 --> 00:04:04,374
of refurbishing
the chaise "lounge" again.
92
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:07,203
She knows I've got
no flair for this.
93
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,467
Margaret, you're a woman.
Which one do you like?
94
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:12,295
Oh.
95
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,211
Are there any other
swatches in there, sir?
96
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,995
Uh, maybe the flowers.
97
00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,607
I'd hate sitting
on little butterflies.
98
00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,130
I don't believe this.
99
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,740
Dad forget the allowance?
100
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,307
He sent me
this magazine clipping.
101
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,178
There's a
Dr. Hyram R. Ledbetter
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00:04:26,222 --> 00:04:27,658
in Minneapolis
103
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,834
who's doing X-rays
for Selective Service.
104
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:33,447
He makes five dollars
an X-ray.
105
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,840
He's averaging $2,000 a day.
106
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,364
Just from X-rays?
107
00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:38,800
And there's a guy
in Baltimore
108
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,323
who makes
up to 3,000 a day.
109
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:41,977
What a revolting
development that is.
110
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:43,500
It does have its drawbacks.
111
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,285
He says, and I quote,
112
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:47,722
"I've been working terribly
long hours every day.
113
00:04:47,765 --> 00:04:49,463
"I've had to give up
my private patients
114
00:04:49,506 --> 00:04:51,116
and even my golf game."
115
00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,683
He sure must be teed off.
116
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:54,685
I know a cozy place where
he can put his putter.
117
00:04:54,729 --> 00:04:57,079
Calm down, Pierce.
Now that these quacks
have made the news,
118
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:59,864
the army won't put up
with those shenanigans
for long.
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00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,866
I read on. "When queried,
120
00:05:01,910 --> 00:05:04,695
"the chairman of the House
Armed Services Committee said,
121
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:08,220
'Of course, the government
will get a lot of that
back in income taxes'."
122
00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:10,484
Big surprise. Uncle Sam
always turns the other check.
123
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,007
I'm over here
knocking myself out
124
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,965
30 or 40 hours a day,
nine days a week,
125
00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,316
and these guys are
back home getting rich.
126
00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:18,013
What's the squawk?
Everybody knows
127
00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,624
civilian M.D.s
pack away the dineros.
128
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,800
Civilian, hell.
These guys are getting paid
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00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,193
by the same army I am.
130
00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:25,890
But I'm getting minimum rage.
131
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:28,371
Now, Hawkeye, I know
it must be frustrating.
132
00:05:28,415 --> 00:05:31,331
Frustrating? Dig into
your thesaurus, Father.
133
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,158
Try "infuriating," "galling."
134
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:34,812
See also "inflaming."
135
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,640
So what are you gonna do
about it?
136
00:05:36,684 --> 00:05:38,207
Your heart's
in the right place,
but look where you are--
137
00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:39,904
10,000 miles
from the scene of the crime.
138
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:42,385
These weasels are getting
a real big finder's fee
139
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,387
for sending lambs
to slaughter.
140
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,042
They might as well
stamp 'em U.S.D.A. prime.
141
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:49,131
Oh, sure. The world used
to be a perfect place
142
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,046
until these two doctors came
along and spoiled it all.
143
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:54,789
Yeah, well, somebody
oughta do something.
144
00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:58,053
Why do I have a queasy
feeling in my gizzard?
145
00:05:58,096 --> 00:06:00,403
Gentlemen,
it is not necessary
146
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:04,102
to follow me into every nook
and cranny in this camp.
147
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:07,105
Surely you'd be happier tucked
away in your little beds.
148
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:08,672
But we have so many questions.
149
00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:10,761
It would take years
to ask 'em all.
150
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:14,417
Do let us hope it won't
come to that. [groans]
151
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:17,159
-Is something the matter?
-No, no, I'm fine.
152
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:18,900
[Korean]
153
00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:20,510
He says you have
been most kind.
154
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:22,251
He's offering
to relieve your pain.
155
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:25,863
Oh, wouldn't you just know
it's gone, thank God--
156
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:28,388
and, of course, Buddha.
157
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:31,521
Okay, I average seven
bowel resections a week,
158
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:35,743
so that comes
to 546 resections.
159
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,222
Type, Klinger, type. Type.
160
00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:40,791
Resection: 1.
Quantity: 546.
161
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:43,359
Sir, can we stop? My fingers
are dead on their feet.
162
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,622
Klinger, your fingers
can't fail me now.
163
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,755
This bill is going
to the Surgeon
General's office,
164
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,757
and you're the neatest
typist we've got.
165
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,586
A sad commentary on the state
of typing as we know it today.
166
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:56,677
Now, let's see.
Resections--$7.00 per.
167
00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,420
That comes to $3,822.
168
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:03,684
Wow. That's more than the gross
national product of Lebanon.
169
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,816
All in a day's work
in Minneapolis.
170
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,993
Captain Pierce, here are
the X-rays you asked for.
171
00:07:09,037 --> 00:07:10,255
All right. Good. Bring 'em
over. Put 'em down here.
172
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:13,171
Put 'em right there.
173
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:15,609
They must all be pictures
of fat people.
174
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:18,829
No, but they're going
to a fat-cat doctor
in Minneapolis.
175
00:07:18,873 --> 00:07:20,440
Now he'll have
before-and-after pictures
176
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:21,832
of those kids he's been
sending over here.
177
00:07:21,876 --> 00:07:23,399
Wait a minute.
I'm not in shipping.
178
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,096
I'm in accounts receivable.
179
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,663
Thank you, Rizzo.
There'll be a little
something extra
180
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,099
in your paycheck
next week.
181
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:31,363
Great! Then I can
buy myself a truss.
182
00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:34,454
Okay, Klinger,
time for the tally,
so tally-ho.
183
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:39,197
Okay, you take that,
you got that. That's, uh...
184
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,025
Holy Cleveland!
185
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:44,551
$38,215!
186
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,117
And 11 cents.
187
00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:49,381
Criminal Investigation takes
a very dim view of this.
188
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,731
What do you expect
from dimwits?
189
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,863
Jumpin' Jack Armstrong!
190
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:56,084
Pierce, you can't send
a bill to the U.S. Army.
191
00:07:56,127 --> 00:07:58,260
Why not? It's all the rage
in Minneapolis.
192
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,392
Captain, this is not
Minneapolis.
193
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,525
This is Korea,
and this bill of yours
194
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:03,874
could be easily construed
195
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:06,007
as an attempt to defraud
the U.S. Government.
196
00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:07,922
Fraud? Captain Snyder,
I'm aghast.
197
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,533
Every one of those charges
is verified.
198
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,883
You're holding a documented
doctor document.
199
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,406
Pierce, be reasonable.
200
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:16,539
My prices are very reasonable.
201
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:18,628
The going rate
for an X-ray is five dollars.
202
00:08:18,672 --> 00:08:21,022
I'm only charging four
because of my low overhead.
203
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,938
Of course, during a shelling,
I have no overhead.
204
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,375
Pierce, can't you stow
these monkeyshines a mite?
205
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,377
This is a criminal
investigation.
206
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:31,554
Actually, Colonel,
your captain has
nothing to be afraid of.
207
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:34,296
I can see that this
is not an attempt at fraud.
208
00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:37,734
It's just a case of hotheaded,
self-righteous nonsense.
209
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:39,780
Don't try to sweet talk me.
What are you gonna do
about my bill?
210
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:40,955
That's easy.
211
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:49,006
Maybe I haven't made myself
clear to you, Captain.
212
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,965
There are doctors
back in the States
213
00:08:51,008 --> 00:08:52,227
making a killing on this war.
214
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,489
It's a free country.
215
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,882
No, it's five dollars
an X-ray!
216
00:08:54,925 --> 00:08:56,884
You haven't seen
the last of this bill.
217
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,626
You just keep sending it in
because you'll never collect.
218
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:01,453
I'll see to that personally.
219
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:04,544
Colonel, I think we've
taken care of everything.
220
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:08,852
Yeah. Everything except
my queasy gizzard.
221
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:11,638
Just take his temperature
in a half hour.
222
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:14,423
Now if you'll k--[groans]
kindly follow me,
223
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:17,382
Larry, Curly, Moe.
224
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:20,081
I beg your pardon, doctor,
but we have been wondering
225
00:09:20,124 --> 00:09:22,474
why you have been
referring to us
by those names.
226
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:25,434
Ah, well, you see,
in my country
227
00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:28,350
Larry, Curly, and Moe
are revered philosophers
228
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:32,180
who have earned the deepest
respect of their compatriots.
229
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,486
[Korean]
230
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,924
He was stupid, arrogant,
and humorless,
231
00:09:36,967 --> 00:09:38,490
but at least
he was pigheaded.
232
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,536
What'd you expect him to do?
Write you a check?
233
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,277
I could use a little help,
you know?
234
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,018
I'm stuck for a way to collect
from these deadbeats.
235
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:47,630
Oh, excuse me, Mr. Quixote.
May I call you Don?
236
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,458
We're dealing
with the U.S. Army,
237
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:52,113
the people who sent us
to war to make peace.
238
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,810
They're not gonna pay you.
239
00:09:53,854 --> 00:09:55,116
And they're gonna take
the money they don't pay you
240
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,248
and send it to that guy
in Minneapolis.
241
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:59,424
And he's gonna invest it
in new X-ray equipment.
242
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:00,991
-Get the picture?
-I don't care.
243
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:02,950
I'm gonna get some
satisfaction out of this.
244
00:10:02,993 --> 00:10:04,821
I'm going to exact
my pound of flesh.
245
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:07,389
Okay. But I hope the funny farm
has a meat counter.
246
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,999
Oh, is that so, doctor?
247
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,261
Well, I'm sure
you won't mind
248
00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:12,524
if I get a second opinion.
249
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,352
Uh, hello! Excuse me.
250
00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:17,268
I'm conducting
a man-in-the-ward interview.
251
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:20,315
If a patient won't pay you
for services rendered,
252
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,099
-how do you collect?
-Ah, Pierce,
253
00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,666
-still at odds
with the American way?
-[Korean]
254
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,015
Yeah, I'm fed up
with the system
255
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,321
of checks and imbalances.
256
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:29,019
Dr. Wu says he will
take a chicken.
257
00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:30,281
I beg your pardon?
258
00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:31,892
We often accept
farm animal in payment.
259
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,894
Gentlemen, it is
very, very risky
260
00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:35,591
to accept personal chicks.
261
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,767
-[chuckles]
-Chickens!
262
00:10:37,811 --> 00:10:40,291
[laughs]
That's it! That's it!
263
00:10:40,335 --> 00:10:43,381
Quid pro quo.
To wit, to woo.
264
00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:46,558
No, wrong Wu.
But thank you. Thank you!
265
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:47,995
[groans]
Merciful God!
266
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:49,779
What? What is it?
Your back again?
267
00:10:49,823 --> 00:10:51,128
No, I'm picking radishes.
268
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:52,782
Yes, it's my back,
you dunderhead!
269
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,392
I've thrown it out again.
Get me out of here.
270
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:55,698
Okay, Charles.
Here we go.
271
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:58,179
[groans] Slow please.
272
00:10:58,222 --> 00:11:00,007
Usually he's a pain in
everybody else's back.
273
00:11:00,050 --> 00:11:01,356
[chuckles]
274
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,315
-Don't you dare!
-[Korean]
275
00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,317
Excuse me, Major. Dr. Wu
would be most happy
276
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:07,710
to relieve your pain.
277
00:11:07,754 --> 00:11:10,582
No. No. Keep your roots
and herbs to yourselves,
278
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:12,933
you--you gardeners.
279
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:14,978
Get me to my tent.
And lock it!
280
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:21,419
[shouting]
Rizzo! Rizzo! Rizzo!
281
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:22,812
Could you hold it down?
282
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:24,814
There are people
trying to work.
283
00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:26,642
-Rizzo.
-Oh, my gosh. It's night.
284
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,948
Could you hold it down?
285
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,776
There are people
trying to sleep.
286
00:11:29,819 --> 00:11:33,127
You are in charge of this
motor pool, are you not?
287
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,998
-I are, sir.
-Then would you be so kind
288
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:37,740
as to stand down
from that jeep.
289
00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:41,004
Yes, sir.
Standing down, sir.
290
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:42,832
Thank you very much, Sergeant.
There's your receipt.
291
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:47,924
Hey, how come
you're taking my jeep?
292
00:11:47,968 --> 00:11:49,621
Because you don't have
any chickens.
293
00:11:56,193 --> 00:11:58,718
And there he was, sir,
with this wild look
in his eyes
294
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,502
sort of like a vampire
or something.
295
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:02,112
Then he ran off
with my jeep.
296
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:04,767
Great Gatsby!
That's incredible.
297
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,421
Please don't bust me, sir.
298
00:12:06,464 --> 00:12:08,597
It took ten years
for me to make sergeant--
299
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,991
five years the first time,
six years the second.
300
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:13,297
It's Pierce I'm gonna
bust, not you.
301
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:16,736
Oh, you're a wise,
kind man, sir. Uh-oh.
302
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,433
Klinger said you wanted
to see me, Colonel.
303
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,174
-What's up?
-My dander.
304
00:12:20,217 --> 00:12:22,698
-Oh, right.
-He beat it out of me, Captain.
305
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,440
-Rizzo, dismissed.
-Oh, yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
306
00:12:25,483 --> 00:12:27,834
Bless you, sir,
and all your loved ones.
307
00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,663
-I can explain.
-No, you can't!
308
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:33,491
But give it
your best shot.
309
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,755
That jeep
is partial compensation
310
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,800
for services rendered.
311
00:12:37,844 --> 00:12:42,849
However, the government
still owes me $36,005.
312
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,415
Do you use this desk much?
313
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,635
Pierce, I hate to break
the news to you,
314
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:48,289
but this is a military post,
315
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:51,118
not your neighborhood
surplus store.
316
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,163
That jeep
is U.S. Army property,
317
00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:56,340
lock, stock,
and distributor cap.
318
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,430
Okay, don't worry. If there's
an emergency, you can use it.
319
00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:01,432
-Just remember it's mine.
-Uh-huh.
320
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:03,043
You know, I could
give you a direct order
321
00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:04,261
to return that jeep.
322
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,610
It wouldn't do any good,
Colonel.
323
00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:06,829
I'd just take something else,
324
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,091
like the mess tent.
325
00:13:08,135 --> 00:13:09,614
This is my way to protest,
326
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,616
and I am not giving in.
327
00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:13,880
You're like an unbroken colt,
and all I can do
328
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,882
is give you rein
till you wear yourself out.
329
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:19,102
-Okay, for now, keep the jeep.
-Keep it?
330
00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,974
Having a toy to play with
might just save you
331
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:23,106
from permanently bunking
in the loony bin.
332
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,674
-Thank you.
-However,
333
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:28,503
you have pushed me
to the limit, soldier boy,
334
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:32,507
and if so much as one
thumbtack turns up missing,
335
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:35,510
I will be Sherman
and you will be Georgia.
336
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,512
Does this mean
I can't have the desk?
337
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:39,601
There, there, Major.
338
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:42,299
-A compress of nice moist heat,
-[grunt]
339
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:45,172
and you'll be up and whistling
"Dixie" in no time.
340
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:47,304
Major! Major, first of all,
341
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:50,307
I would sooner hoist a piano
than whistle "Dixie."
342
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:55,138
And secondly, I repeat,
only rest will cure my back.
343
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,575
Extended rest and solitude.
344
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,012
Major, you're in luck.
345
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:00,578
I know an old Lebanese
back fixer-upper.
346
00:14:00,622 --> 00:14:02,189
Good. Then try it
on an old Lebanese.
347
00:14:02,232 --> 00:14:03,494
First you make a poultice
348
00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:04,800
of olive oil
and pomegranate seeds.
349
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,149
My God, Klinger,
350
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,803
I'm a human being,
not a casserole.
351
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,066
Major, I hear
you have a bad back.
352
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:12,764
What's your cure, pray?
Laying on of hands?
353
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:15,245
In a way, yes.
I'll just pick you up
354
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:17,117
and physically jerk
that old spine in place.
355
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,640
Father. No, Father,
356
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,947
what Major Winchester
needs is moist heat.
357
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:23,471
No problem.
I'll warm up the olive oil.
358
00:14:23,514 --> 00:14:25,995
Major, if you'll just let me
give that spine one good yank.
359
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,693
-No, Father. That's not
the way you remedy it.
-I've got it under control.
360
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:31,087
Please! Please!
361
00:14:31,131 --> 00:14:34,177
Can you not all see that
I am at death's doorstep?
362
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,397
I am a doctor!
I know what's best for me!
363
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,052
What I need is
extended rest, silence.
364
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,792
If you all have
a shred of decency,
365
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,229
get the hell out of here!
366
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:43,926
-Miracle of miracles.
-You're fine.
367
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,886
-Incredible!
-Oh, good Lord.
What have I done?
368
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,801
-Oh, my.
-Easy now, Major.
Just lie back down now.
369
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:51,499
I'll get the olive oil
and the pomegranate seeds--
370
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,544
-[groans]
-[chatter]
371
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:56,721
That's it. My stomach
is throwing in the towel.
372
00:14:56,765 --> 00:14:59,202
Meanwhile, at this very moment,
kindly old Dr. Ledbetter
373
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,944
or as he's known in
Minneapolis, Daddy Warbucks,
374
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:04,642
is undoubtedly stuffing
his undoubtedly potbelly
375
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:07,689
with a bevy of gourmet delights
courtesy of our government.
376
00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,343
I'll admit,
it's food for thought.
377
00:15:09,386 --> 00:15:10,561
But not for eating.
378
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,607
"Bonus diaz," muchachos.
379
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,478
What's so "bonus"
about it?
380
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,132
You have to forgive
Hawkeye, Colonel.
381
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,352
Breakfast has us both
a little down in the stomach.
382
00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:20,093
You boys look
a little tired, too.
383
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:22,356
Catch the late show
at the drive-in, Pierce?
384
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:25,228
No. We caught the all-night
show at the Swamp.
385
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,317
Charles was moaning
in our sleep.
386
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,537
Damn. Word is we're
getting some casualties.
387
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,408
We need Winchester
on his feet.
388
00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,149
Those Korean doctors keep
saying they can help.
389
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:34,890
-You think they can?
-Maybe.
390
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,806
We Westerners don't have
a corner on medical knowledge,
391
00:15:37,849 --> 00:15:40,330
and I'm in no position to look
a gift cure in the mouth.
392
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,332
Not to mention the back.
393
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,639
Look out, Hawk.
Here comes
Wild Bill Snyder.
394
00:15:44,682 --> 00:15:47,294
-Did you send him
another wild bill?
-There you are, Pierce.
395
00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,992
Why, Captain Snyder,
I hope you're not here
on my account.
396
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,341
Good morning, Captain.
397
00:15:51,385 --> 00:15:53,517
What brings you back
to our humble homestead?
398
00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:55,171
Colonel, we've received
some more paperwork
399
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,043
from a certain Captain Pierce.
400
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,435
What a coincidence.
401
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:00,046
We have a certain
Captain Pierce here.
402
00:16:00,089 --> 00:16:02,048
"Acknowledge receipt,
one jeep."
403
00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:03,484
Colonel, are you aware
404
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,529
that this man
has appropriated a jeep?
405
00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:07,662
I wasn't aware
that you were aware.
406
00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:11,057
Why stop there, Pierce?
Why not call Hedda Hooper?
407
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:14,016
Pierce, what gives you
the right to steal
U.S. property?
408
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,192
It's all how you look
at it, Captain.
409
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,020
One man's theft is
another man's justice.
410
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:20,109
This is the army,
you 8 ball.
411
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,242
Justice is what Uncle Sam
tells you it is.
412
00:16:22,285 --> 00:16:25,027
It's not your job to question
the government's actions.
413
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:27,377
Why not? I find
some of their actions
highly questionable.
414
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:30,815
Okay, okay. Everyone just
hold on to your garters.
415
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,121
Now, Captain Snyder,
416
00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:33,731
it appears you
and Captain Pierce
417
00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:35,255
may have a thing
or two to discuss.
418
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:36,604
Yeah,
like a court martial.
419
00:16:36,647 --> 00:16:38,475
Fine. I'd love
the publicity.
420
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:43,393
So why don't you two gentlemen
sashay over to the office
421
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:45,613
where you can powwow
in private?
422
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:47,180
And I'm sure Captain Pierce
423
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:49,617
will be reasonable
and cooperative.
424
00:16:49,660 --> 00:16:51,532
I wouldn't bet on that.
425
00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:53,664
Then again, in case
Pierce is dead set
426
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:56,624
on checking into a room
with striped sunlight,
427
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:59,453
I'll try to speed
Major Winchester's recovery.
428
00:16:59,496 --> 00:17:04,066
At least it's just his back
that's twisted, not his brain.
429
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,502
This way to the inquisition.
430
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:06,851
I've got to get my briefcase.
431
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,157
Of course.
We're going to court.
432
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,506
You'll need
your kangaroo suit.
433
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,073
Funny guy.
434
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:14,772
And I thought you didn't
have a sense of humor.
435
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,514
[groans] Major, please.
436
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:18,863
This is absurd.
437
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,865
I'm fully capable
of feeding myself.
438
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:23,085
But any little movement at all
can aggravate your back.
439
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:25,218
Now come on, you silly boy.
Open up.
440
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:26,915
Here comes the choo-choo.
441
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,744
God give me strength.
442
00:17:29,787 --> 00:17:32,616
Morning, Major.
Glad to see you so chipper.
443
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,401
Colonel, I demand
444
00:17:34,444 --> 00:17:37,578
that you order Madame de Sade
to desist and depart.
445
00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:42,061
Major, I have tried my best
to ease your pain.
446
00:17:42,104 --> 00:17:45,194
I have patiently endured
your snide slurs,
447
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,283
but you do not seem
to appreciate that,
448
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:48,937
so I shall leave
449
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:52,810
before the oatmeal choo-choo
has a wreck in your nose.
450
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:56,075
Thank you, Florence
Nightmare! [groans]
451
00:17:56,118 --> 00:17:58,120
Easy, Winchester.
452
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,471
We've got a way to unwrap
that pretzel spine.
453
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:04,648
Sir, your optimism smacks
of science fiction.
454
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,737
I foresee at least
a week's recovery.
455
00:18:06,781 --> 00:18:08,478
Incorrecto.
456
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,524
We're going to have you
up and bunny-hopping
457
00:18:10,567 --> 00:18:12,047
in a matter of minutes.
458
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,136
You see, these little
fellers here tell me
459
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,834
they've got a surefire
remedy for that bad back.
460
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,793
Surely you jest.
461
00:18:18,836 --> 00:18:22,840
Look at me, Winchester.
You see any teeth?
462
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:26,496
Sir, as a man of medicine,
you can't suggest
463
00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:30,979
that I subject my body
to the ministrations
of these snake charmers.
464
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:33,416
Quit your bellyaching.
I've checked this out
465
00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,331
with our own people
down at Seoul.
466
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,898
They're familiar with it.
467
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:40,249
They guarantee you it's not
gonna do you any harm.
468
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:42,904
Major, this treatment
is 3,000 years old.
469
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,166
Happy birthday.
470
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,950
Thank you.
471
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:48,083
We would not offer it
unless we knew it would help.
472
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,520
Let me be succinct.
473
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,566
Not on your life.
474
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:54,959
Let me be succincter!
475
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:58,267
We're going to be getting in
some genuine casualties, P.D.Q.
476
00:18:58,311 --> 00:19:01,227
Without you, we might
just lose a few of them.
477
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:05,013
Now it's your responsibility
to try everything you can
478
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:08,495
to get those vertebrae vertical.
479
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,584
What do you say, doctor?
480
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:13,891
I say...okey-dokey.
481
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:18,200
Now you're talking
my language. Wu?
482
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:24,728
Ye gods, it is voodoo!
483
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,295
How true. Wu,
484
00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:29,907
do that voodoo
that you do so well.
485
00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:30,995
[mock chuckle]
486
00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,432
We call it acupuncture.
487
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,434
-Puncture?
-It will be painless.
488
00:19:34,477 --> 00:19:37,219
-We insert the needle--
-Insert?
489
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:40,048
It's hell being a hero,
ain't it, Winchester?
490
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:42,224
Let's try to roll him over.
491
00:19:42,268 --> 00:19:44,183
[groaning loudly]
492
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:47,621
Okay, Captain,
I'm tired of talking.
493
00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:49,362
Here's a list of
the charges against you.
494
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:50,928
Well,
that seems fair enough.
495
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:52,800
I charge the government,
and they charge me.
496
00:19:52,843 --> 00:19:54,671
You jerk.
When are you gonna learn?
497
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:57,848
Nobody, but nobody,
steals one of our jeeps.
498
00:19:57,892 --> 00:20:00,503
[jeep engine starting]
499
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,766
Sounds like you're talking
to the wrong jerk.
500
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:05,552
Oh, no. It can't be.
501
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,859
-[jeep departing]
-Hey! That's my jeep!
502
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:11,775
[laughing]
503
00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:17,607
-Excuse me. I'm sorry.
-You know something, Pierce?
504
00:20:17,651 --> 00:20:20,219
You've got a little bit
too much nerve
for your own good.
505
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,046
Wait a minute.
I didn't take your jeep.
506
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:23,570
I've got a great witness--
you.
507
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,136
Oh, no. You set
this whole thing up
508
00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,616
just to make me
look like a fool.
509
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,227
No. That job's been taken.
510
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,272
-Look, where's my jeep?
-I don't know. Honest!
511
00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:32,187
You've really gone
too far this time.
512
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,058
Aw, where's your great
sense of humor?
513
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,538
I want my jeep, Pierce!
514
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,801
What are you gonna do,
beat it out of me, copper?
515
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:40,195
You'd like me to do that,
wouldn't you?
I'm not that stupid.
516
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,632
I'm sorry.
It was a natural mistake.
517
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,112
Where's my jeep?
518
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,809
You have a real flair
for decorating.
519
00:20:45,853 --> 00:20:47,158
Goes with your nostrils.
520
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:49,204
I want my jeep, Pierce.
I want my jeep!
521
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,641
-I don't know where
your damn jeep is.
-Now don't--
522
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:54,644
[moaning]
What the hell's in there?
523
00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,516
You seem to have
kicked my patients
524
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:57,821
right in the X-rays.
525
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,867
Possibly you had
a negative reaction.
526
00:20:59,910 --> 00:21:01,303
I think I broke something.
527
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:04,132
Well, I'm glad it wasn't me.
528
00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:05,568
All right.
Let me take a look.
529
00:21:05,612 --> 00:21:06,830
Ohh!
530
00:21:06,874 --> 00:21:08,702
[Korean]
531
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,486
Dr. Wu says
the treatment's completed.
532
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:13,402
Good. How do you
feel, Major?
533
00:21:13,446 --> 00:21:15,404
Knitted and purled.
534
00:21:15,448 --> 00:21:17,058
Please stand, Major.
535
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:18,581
Come on. Upsy-daisy,
Winchester.
536
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:21,105
Let's road test
that sacroiliac.
537
00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:23,891
Are you mad?
I've just been stabbed!
538
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:26,676
-I could be crippled for life!
-Up, Moby!
539
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,853
Easy! Easy! Easy. Easy.
540
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:32,508
-Come on now.
-Easy!
541
00:21:38,558 --> 00:21:40,647
It would seem I'm cured.
542
00:21:40,690 --> 00:21:44,738
Like a side of pork.
Well done, Dr. Wu.
543
00:21:44,781 --> 00:21:46,174
Well, Winchester,
it seems as though
544
00:21:46,217 --> 00:21:47,567
you're about to chow down
545
00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:50,004
on a three-course
dinner of crow.
546
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:53,094
Willingly.
I have acted shamefully.
547
00:21:53,137 --> 00:21:56,358
My apologies to you
and your most learned
colleagues.
548
00:21:56,402 --> 00:21:58,317
You are truly doctors.
549
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,406
[Korean]
550
00:22:00,449 --> 00:22:03,191
Larry, Moe, Curly.
551
00:22:03,234 --> 00:22:06,716
Dr. Wu say not bad
for three stooges, eh?
552
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,544
Yeah. No.
553
00:22:11,417 --> 00:22:13,941
HAWKEYE: You really
ought to see a doctor
about that foot.
554
00:22:13,984 --> 00:22:16,030
You're a doctor.
Do something. Set it.
555
00:22:16,073 --> 00:22:18,206
You wouldn't trust
an 8 ball like me.
556
00:22:18,249 --> 00:22:20,687
Come on, Pierce. You took
an oath. Now help me.
557
00:22:20,730 --> 00:22:22,123
You've seen too many
doctor movies.
558
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:24,473
By the way,
how are you at limping?
559
00:22:24,517 --> 00:22:27,041
Come on now.
You know it hurts like hell.
560
00:22:27,084 --> 00:22:28,477
All right,
I'll tell you what.
561
00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:30,349
-I'll make you a package offer.
-What?
562
00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:31,872
First, I'll find out
who swiped your jeep,
563
00:22:31,915 --> 00:22:33,395
and I'll get it
back to you.
564
00:22:33,439 --> 00:22:35,615
Second, I'll give back
the jeep I took,
565
00:22:35,658 --> 00:22:36,877
and third,
I'll fix your foot.
566
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,008
That's more like it.
567
00:22:38,052 --> 00:22:39,967
But you owe me $4.00
for the X-ray.
568
00:22:40,010 --> 00:22:43,231
What? I want to see
another doctor.
569
00:22:43,274 --> 00:22:46,277
Boy, are you in luck.
There's a convention in town
570
00:22:46,321 --> 00:22:48,323
just a short hop
across the compound.
571
00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,107
You know something, Pierce?
572
00:22:50,151 --> 00:22:52,022
You really stink.
573
00:22:52,066 --> 00:22:54,285
I do my best.
574
00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:56,984
Okay. Let's go. Four bucks.
575
00:23:06,123 --> 00:23:08,343
Thank you.
576
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,867
Oh, by the way,
it's only sprained.
577
00:23:10,911 --> 00:23:12,869
Nothing to kick about.
578
00:23:12,913 --> 00:23:16,307
Four bucks and you tell me
it's only sprained?
579
00:23:16,351 --> 00:23:18,092
That's my fee
for a pound of flesh.
580
00:23:21,791 --> 00:23:23,706
Here's to justice,
poetic and otherwise.
581
00:23:23,750 --> 00:23:27,797
No, here's to you
for stealing Snyder's jeep.
582
00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:30,974
I thought tilting at windmills
wasn't your game, Sancho?
583
00:23:31,018 --> 00:23:32,759
Hey, I'm a born tilter.
584
00:23:32,802 --> 00:23:34,935
Besides, I couldn't let you
be stupid for both of us.
585
00:23:34,978 --> 00:23:37,285
Well, in honor
of that wonderful team
586
00:23:37,328 --> 00:23:39,679
of Fool and Hardy,
the drinks are on me.
587
00:23:39,722 --> 00:23:42,856
-Hey.
-Barkeep, the check.
588
00:23:42,899 --> 00:23:46,033
-Two doubles. That's $1.20.
-Here's four bucks.
589
00:23:46,076 --> 00:23:47,556
Keep the change.
590
00:23:49,384 --> 00:23:52,082
♪♪ [theme]
591
00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:04,051
♪♪ [theme]
45003
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