All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S04E24 - The Interview (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

ANNOUNCER: The following
is in black and white.

This is a room in Korea,

a room most of the men

fighting the second year
of the war

would rather not see.

This is an operating room
in a MASH,

a Mobile Army
Surgical Hospital.

There are five of these
units in South Korea.

Now, the concept of treating
wounded close to the front

of this particular hospital
that's just, uh,

three miles from the fighting

is being tested
for the first time.

And if anything can be said
to be a success in war,

it is this concept.

By bringing the wounded
directly to the operating table

by jeep, ambulance,
and helicopter,

these units have achieved
an effectiveness of 97%.

In human terms, 97 out of
every 100 wounded men

brought here live.

Who are the people behind
that most impressive statistic?

We brought our camera and our
microphones here to find out.

Some of their saltier
comments have been deleted.

Do you see
anything good at all

coming out of this war?

Yeah, me, alive.
That would be nice,

if I could get
out of this alive.

That would be great.

You've been here some time.

Somewhere between
some time and eternity.

Is there anything from home
that you brought over

with you to set up
for yourself?

Creature comforts?

I brought, uh--
I brought a book over.

-What book?
-The dictionary.

I-I figure it's got all the
other books in it, you know?

I like to read the dictionary.

What do you feel was
the most difficult thing

you had to adjust to
over here?

I think it's that
everything is painted green.

The-The clothes are green.
The food is green--

except the vegetables,
of course.

The only thing, uh, that's
not green is the blood.

The blood is red.
That's what you get
the most of here.

Number one with me
is the toilet seats.

They give you slivers
and splinters,

and you can't
really reach around

and take them out yourself.

Boy, that's
when you find out

who your friends really are.

Well, the almost criminal
lack of respect,

of military respect
and discipline.

Well, some say that's too much
to expect of doctors.

I don't see any harm
in doctors being ordered

to behave as patriotically
as possible.

Well, doesn't, uh, patriotism
have to come from the heart?

I don't have that problem.

You gotta understand,
I'm not working
on sick people here.

I'm working on
hurt young people

with essentially
healthy bodies

that have been insulted
by ammunition.

What's the attitude
of the boys

towards you,
towards your work?

I try to get to know them,

but then there's so many,

and they move through here
pretty fast.

At least, we hope they do.

I do hold services,
but, uh-- well, they--

I don't pack 'em in,
you know?

Uh, not, uh-- Not that
that's important.

They spread us
religious fellows

rather thin over here.

'Course they spread everything
kind of thin over here.

I'm-I'm not complaining.

I, uh-- I don't mind
being the only priest here.

It's-- It's sort
of fun to have a corner

on the market, but--

Well, uh--
What was the question?

A lot of the boys look up
to you as a father figure.

Do you get that feeling?

I suppose they do,

and that gets to be
a pain in the [beep] too.

I don't mean that
in a nasty sort of a way.

I know it's perfectly natural.

That's what I think
part of my duty

as a commanding officer is--

to accept that
and to give it back

in the best way that I can.

What do you do
when you're not working?

Then I specialize in boredom.

There must be
a good deal of that.

And let's not forget fright.

Tell me about that.

The fright or the boredom?

We have a special
on boredom this week.

[laughs]
Tell me about the boredom.

Do you mean what do I
do when I'm bored?

-Is that--
-Yeah. What do you do?

Uh, well, um...

I mostly do the same thing
I do when I'm not bored,

only I do it slower.

Bored?

How many times can you
watch those training films

they send over here?
V.D. Is the Enemy

and Don't Let
This Happen to You.

I'd like it to happen to me,
to break up the boredom.

Just kidding, honey.

You got a little woman
back home?

I'm married, yeah.
LaVerne Esposito.

Terrific gal. Great gal.

She went to Toledo
Waite High School.

That's on the Hungarian
side of town.

Hey, incidentally, if you're
ever in Toledo, Ohio,

on the Hungarian
side of town,

Tony Paco's greatest
Hungarian hot dogs,

with chili peppers,
35 cents.

And a cold beer.
Stroh's Bohemian.

And El Verso cigars.

Well, I, uh...

I don't know if this is
interesting or anything.

Go ahead.

Uh, I grow earthworms.

I, uh, I dug a ditch,
you know,

like a trench
out behind the O.R.,

and I filled it up with
peat moss and stuff--

Well, not exactly peat moss

'cause I couldn't
requisition any.

So, what I did was...
Well, l... I took...

Well, you know when they
re-dig the latrine--

Can you say "latrine"
on television?

Let's find out.

Well, anyhow,

there's lots of ash
and stuff, you know,

so I took that stuff,
and I put it in the hole,

and then I went looking
for some earthworms.

And I put them in there.

You know, earthworms
double in 60 days.

They must really be in love.

Oh, there must be 160,000,

180,000 earthworms in there.

And now what happens?

Well, I figure I'd
give most of them away,

you know, to the farmers
around here

'cause they need all
the help they can get.

And, uh, earthworms are
really good with dirt.

Is this too technical?

-No, no. Go ahead.
-Well, uh ...

I figure I'll give most
of them to the farmers,

and the rest I'll race.

You race earthworms?

Yeah. I got this cockroach
in a jar, you know?

-Yeah.
-I didn't name him or nothing.

He's just number six.
One through five died.

Or maybe number six ate them.
I don't know.

They're pretty
hard up, too, you know?

Cockroaches. Over here.

Anyhow, I put him in this
track with the worm,

and then I race 'em.

Unlike most
of your doctors,

you're regular army.

This is my third war.
I was in the big one,

and the Second World War,
and now Korea.

I hope war is getting
smaller as a trend.

I've been asking if something
special is coming out of this,

uh, in the way of medical
or technical developments.

Oh, there are some things

that get a practical
trying out here

that maybe wouldn't with
the same speed back home.

But when you
counterbalance that

with the frightful expense,

the frightful destruction
and loss of life,

I don't think
it's an equal balance.

Well, do you see anything
good coming out of this?

Not a damn thing.

I mean, Korea will become
a shining example

of the American policy

of benign military
intervention, that's all.

I think it's the most
stupidest thing in the world.

You call it a police action
back home, right?

Over here, it's a war.

A police action sounds
like we're over here

arresting people,
handing out parking tickets.

War is just killin',
that's all.

Do you get scared,
frightened?

Yeah, very frightened,
very frightened.

What do you
lean on then?

Mostly terror.

There's always terror
to fall back on.

You know what it's like?
It's like a car accident.

You know, everything
goes into slow motion?

Yeah.

And you suddenly see things

for the way they really are.

And-- And you say
to yourself,

"Oh, so that's what it's like

to have a bomb explode
a few feet away from me."

Do you ever get hit here?

Oh, they bombed the crap
out of us a number of times.

Uh, there,
it's all-- it's--

The-- The beams shake,
and the--

and the dust falls
into your patient.

It's not nice.

Any other times
you were afraid?

At night.

Sometimes at the
beginning of the night,

sometimes...before dawn...

when you realize
that you're not sleeping,

and...

you suddenly begin
to think of where you are

and what could happen to you.

And then you notice
that the cot is shaking.

And you wonder why
the cot is shaking.

And it's because
your heart is pounding.

Sometimes I get frightened

for the patients
we have to handle,

these young kids
that come in all shot up.

It's very difficult
to observe all this

and not occasionally
be scared by it.

How would you
describe yourself?

Are you a captain
in the U.S. Army Reserves

or are you a civilian
in uniform?

I'm a temporarily
misassigned civilian.

Can you describe
what you do?

Essentially, I'm on call
for all medical emergencies,

but I've never seen
a situation here

that wasn't an emergency.

I did three amputations

before I had my first
breakfast here.

Our surgeons, uh,
do what needs to be done.

Anesthesiologist one day,
orthopedist the next.

Psychologist pretty much
all the time.

How in the world do you keep
your morale up?

I stopped having morale
about six months ago.

It's not really morale
that you have here, either,

-you know, it's--
-What is it?

Is it a pure
survival instinct?

Yes, yeah, yeah.

You know, it's like
an overcoat that I take out

every once in a while
and put on.

See, what I do is
I-- I try to provoke

other people into disbelief.

And then when I see that
disbelief in their eyes,

then I know I'm here.

Otherwise, it's like
looking into a mirror

and not seeing anything,
you know,

because everybody's got
that self-involved glaze

over their eyes
a little bit.

I mean, you know,
th-they all have

their own problems,
you know?

I-I think what
it's like is, uh,

is like what Milton Berle
does for people.

But they just can't
believe it.

And, uh, it gives 'em somethin'
to look at for a while.

It's like kind of
a public service.

How do you manage
to stay sane over here?

Well, there are certain
tricks to staying sane,

uh, little things you can do.

Uh, for instance,
if you wear your underwear

outside your pants
for three days straight

just to see who notices.

That's a very good way
of staying sane.

Well, is there
anything from home--

A-Actually, a-another
thing you could do,

is you could, uh, get
out in the road there,

where the jeeps
are coming by,

and everybody stick your foot
out in front of the jeep,

and the last one
to pull his foot in...

is the sane one.

How did you pick
the military as a career?

Well, I got into
the cavalry as a kid,

excited by
the glamour of it.

Then I went into medicine.

I don't say it isn't,
and hasn't been,

especially in the olden days,

a glamorous occupation,
particularly the cavalry,

which was, you know,
very romantic.

But you gotta remember,
those were the days

of Douglas Fairbanks
and Francis X. Bushman, too.

I love horses.

I'd rather spend a day
with a horse, still,

than most
of the people I know.

Has this
whole experience

changed you
in, uh, any way?

Certainly not.

I may care about things more
than I ever have before

because, uh...

there's so much more
to care about here.

On the other hand,

I really don't give
a [beep] what happens.

Uh, it's--

It just doesn't matter
anymore, I think.

I mean, I've seen so many
people to whom...

killing is a casual thing.

Uh, I don't know how we
manufacture people like that,

but it, uh--

It seems to me that we'll
never run out of them.

When I first came here,

I couldn't walk
down a corridor

full of wounded people
without being sickened by it,

and now I can walk down
without noticing them.

You have to use
a mental anesthesia.

Otherwise, you bleed
for everybody who's bleeding.

The-- The refugees,
the orphans,

the-the wounded children,
the other doctors and nurses.

If you get caught up
in their misery too deeply,

you get into a hole
you can't climb out of.

When the doctors...

cut into a patient...

and it's cold, you know...

the way it is now, today...

steam rises from the body...

and the doctor will...

will warm himself
over the open wound.

Could anyone look on that
and not feel changed?

Captain,
what about authority?

You have respect
for authority over here?

That's what really killed me
when I first came over here.

Everybody--
There were so many people

who thought they had a right
to tell me what to do.

That really was amazing.

I never saw
anything like that.

My shoes.

You'd be surprised how many
people are interested

in your shoes when you
come into the army.

Now, that's not--
You don't meet many people
out in the real world

who are interested in shoes
the way they are in the army.

It's a fascination for them.

You might even say
a grand obsession.

It's pretty-- pretty hard

to have the--
the kind of authority here

that you would have
in a regular army unit,

because, uh, these guys
are not soldiers,

they're doctors.

And, uh, you just can't,
uh, handle them

the way you would
regular army men.

And, uh,
and I don't want to,

because, uh, the results,
uh, wouldn't, uh--

wouldn't be what
we're getting now.

Can you tell me about
the people with whom
you're working?

Finest kind.

Everybody is terrific here.
Everybody pitches in.

You know, the doctors
carry litters.

The nurses check up
on the doctors.

The nurses are great.
The nurses work very hard.

They get-- They don't get
nearly enough credit.

The nurses
are preposterous.

Ladies doing work that up
until a very short time ago

I would have thought
was man's work.

And they do it so well,

under every kind
of circumstance.

Bitter cold,
horrendous heat...

literally under the gun.

They don't make nurses
better anywhere.

Well, perhaps that's not
the best way to phrase that.

Competent. Competent, yes.

A woman, especially, is so--

well, is a wonderful
source of--

of comfort

and tenderness and hope.

They give back life.
Can you do better?

Probably in school,

somewhere in
the growing up process,

you've read a lot
of Hemingway

and his reports from Madrid
in the Spanish War.

Uh, he romanticized that war.
I think you might agree.

Do you agree now
with romanticizing war?

You know...

I used to love
reading Hemingway...

'cause he wrote so well.

But now that I'm here,

I can't understand
why anybody would

willingly go to a war,

would go with enthusiasm,

would want to be there
while it's happening.

I'd do anything
to get out of here.

It's crazy.

What about
your colleagues?

I only went as far
as high school, sir.

Do you have
any heroes over here,
anyone you look up to?

Oh, you mean the doctors.

Oh, the doctors
are really terrific.

Heck, the doctors
are the whole ball game here.

I guess I'm my only hero,

but I'm too cowardly
to admit it.

No, I don't... I don't think I
have any heroes.

My great hero would be
Abraham Lincoln, I think,

because I think
in so many ways

he was the most interesting
American that ever lived.

He would have been
a great doctor.

Such a gentle man,

had such compassion,
such humor...

and yet there was a terrific
toughness about him,

and he was a real fighter
right up to the very end.

He was of the common people,
and he never lost that.

A man like Harry Truman
is that kind of man--

decent and earthy, forthright,
honest, not a buck-passer.

Men like Lincoln and Truman,

if they had an assignment,
by God, they did it.

They didn't assume--

people are inclined
to do, these days...

sort of weasel a decision.

They looked at the problem,
acted...

and took the
responsibility for it.

What do you think
of President Eisenhower?

Well, he's a general.

Do you ever get leave?

Of my senses.

Uh, the other kind
you don't get too much.

Well, you take it wherever
you can get it, you know?

Well, once I went to Tokyo.
I won a contest.

Did you have fun?

Yeah, I had a lot of fun.

What did you do?

I don't remember.

I guess I got
a little drunk.

[chuckling]

You said something--

You said there's a lot
of drinking around here.

Is there a lot
of drinking here?

-Did I say that?
-Yeah, you said that.

Uh, "a lot"
is a relative term.

We do, um,
considerable drinking

as opposed to sitting at home.

We do not enough drinking
as opposed to being here.

What do you think will happen
when the U.S. leaves?

I don't know.

If I knew all the answers,
I'd run for God.

Do you get to meet
the South Koreans?

You-- Do you know them?

Yeah, they're n--
Yeah, they're nice people.

I-I worry about 'em, though.

Uh, we got a girl, uh,
here that was, uh--

that's, uh, you know,
that's, uh, pregnant,

and, uh, she doesn't have
any money or anything.

And I don't know
how these kids live.

-Hmm.
-I mean, some of 'em don't.

That's-- That's
the God's honest truth.

Some of 'em don't
even live over here.

Do you help them?

Well, we do the best we can,
but we haven't got, uh--

I mean, we got just--

Sometimes we got just
enough for ourself,

penicillin and stuff
like that.

I mean, I really wish
somebody would tell these,

uh-uh-uh,
people back home this

'cause, I mean,
when you have to, uh--

when you have to look
these kids in the face,

that's where it's really at,
you know?

I mean, that's-- that's
what the-- what the--

what the ball game really is

is looking these kids
in the face here.

Can you tell me
what you miss most?

-Oh, you mean, back homewise?
-Yes.

[sigh]

Well, my family of course,
my wife and my children.

Uh, they're my strength.

I'm one of those
that feels that marriage

is the headstone
of American society.

Pistachio ice cream...

and bananas.

And pancakes.
I miss, uh--

And, uh, bacon frying.

The smell of bacon
in the morning,

waking up to that.

It's a long time
since I smelled that.

I miss my wife, of course.

I miss my son,
daughter-in-law.

I have a new
baby grandchild.

I haven't seen her.
I'd like to.

But one of the things
I miss the most

is people my own age
for companionship.

I'm old enough
to be the father

of almost everyone
around here, and then some.

You just miss being
able to sit around

and chew the fat with
somebody your own age,

somebody with
your own background.

Well, not background,
but your own experiences.

-[helicopter whirring]
-What about you, Doctor,

when the war is over?

I've got a lot of lost time
to make up to my family.

-Where is home?
-The Bay Area, San Francisco.

Specifically Mill Valley
is where I live.

That's where Peg is,
and my daughter.

Erin. She's lovely.

She squeezes your nose.
[laughing]

Well, first thing I want
to do is-- is see my mom,

and then, uh,
I-I got this '41 Chevy

that I'm fixin' up.

A neighbor swapped me
it for, uh,

for one of our pregnant
sows, you know?

It sounds like you come
from farm country.

Yes, sir. Iowa. Ottumwa, Iowa.

Nobody famous ever
come from there,

except once, uh,
Eleanor Roosevelt's car

got stalled
at our train crossing.

Some people heard
the screaming,

and they said, uh,

"That sounds just like
Eleanor Roosevelt!"

Well, there's my practice,
of course.

I might just write a book
about my experiences here.

Possibly go into politics.

Would you give up medicine?

Some people think I could be
more useful if I did.

After the war, what, Father?

Oh...

I, uh--

I'd like to be
warm and clean...

and, uh, hear confessions
and maybe run the C.Y.O.

I'd like to take
six to seven months

and become unconscious.

Just sleep.

Not do anything,
not go anyplace,

not have anything
asked of me.

And then I'd like
to go to Europe

and sleep there for a year.

You want to say hello
to anybody back home?

You're kid--

You mean, on camera,
on TV I can say hello?

Hey, hey! [laughing]
You're kidding me.

I can really
say hello on camera?

Yeah, I'd like to say--

I'd like to say hello to my,
uh, wife, uh, LaVerne.

Won't be long now, honey,
I'll be home.

And, uh, and my mom
and, uh, my dad Butch.

That's his nickname-- Butch.

and my sister Yvonne,
and, uh--

and all the guys
there at Leo's Grill

and J And J's Sweet Shop.

Hey, hey, guys!
[laughing]

I had to come over here
to be a star. [laughing]

Would you like to say
hello to your family?

Oh, well, yes.

Hello.

Hello, darling.

Hi, sweetheart.
I love you.

Uh, we haven't got a TV.

The nearest one is over
at Grange Hall

in, uh, Mooseville.

It's about 50 miles.

Uh, 'bout two-hour drive
in the Chevy

or an hour by foot.

I'm sure your folks
would make the trip

to see you.

Hi, Mom and Uncle Ed.

-Is this too personal?
-No.

It's Walter.

Um, I really miss you
and I love you.

Anyone at home you'd
like to say hello to,

to send a message?

They'll see it.

Well, there is, but, uh,

I just don't think
that's dignified,

so I won't do it.

[laughing]

Oh, I don't have to say hello.

No.

I know how everybody
feels about me.

Yes, I'd like to say
hello to Harry Truman,

and I'd like to know why Bess
hasn't written me back.

You actually wrote her?

Yes, I wrote her
a very heartfelt letter.

Maybe she's too touched
to respond yet, huh?

No, I think
she doesn't like me.

I mean, that's the only
conclusion I can draw.

I mean, I was very specific
about what I liked about her.

I even suggested
a few things, and she hasn't
written back.

I mean, you'd think I'd
at least heard from Harry.

Could have at least called me
a son of a [beep].

He's done it for others.

These men and women
with whom you work, uh,

you want to see them
after the war?

I'm torn between
the idea of the love

I have for these people

and wanting that
relationship to continue,

and wanting to erase
all the memories

I have of this place.

Colonel, you've, uh,
spoken of the father figure.

Do you think that after the war
you'll want to maintain

a friendship or
a connection with, uh,

these young men and women
after this is over?

Absolutely.

Do you think you will?

I'm not sure about that,
but, uh,

I hope I will,
and I hope they will with me.

'cause I'm, uh--
[clearing throat]

Excuse me.

[clearing throat]

very, very close to-to
some of these young men...

and very honored to be
associated with them.

Three hours ago, the enemy,

which prefers
to attack at dawn,

did just that, about, uh,
18 miles north of here.

The wounded have been
arriving ever since.

RADAR:
Heads up!

[helicopter whirring]

Coming through.

[chatter]

RADAR:
Comin' in!

[chatter]

[shouting]

Now the people at this MASH

are doing the work
that they do best,

but that they would rather
not be doing at all

in a place
they'd rather not be.

[helicopter whirring]

HAWKEYE: A war is like
when it rains in New York

and everybody crowds
into doorways, you know?

And they all get
chummy together,

perfect strangers.

The only difference,
of course,

is in a war it's also raining

on the other side
of the street.

and the people who are
chummy over there

are trying to kill the people
here who are chums.

POTTER: These guys are not
soldiers, they're doctors.

B.J.: I'm a temporarily
misassigned civilian.

KLINGER:
They give back life.
Can you do better?

RADAR: I mean, I really
wish somebody would tell

these, uh-uh-uh,
people back home this.

MULCAHY:
I just pray that somehow

it will all seem
to make sense.

HAWKEYE: It's crazy.

♪♪ [theme]