All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S04E21 - Smilin Jack (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

MAN: Lookout Two.
we're approaching Hill 347.

RADIO DISPATCHER:
We read you, Lookout Two.

Adjust coordinates to 8-1-4.

[missile whistling]

[machine guns firing]

[missile whistling]

Lookout Two,
we are adjusting.

Come in, Lookout Two.

This is Lookout Two.

We've been hit.
We're taking fire.

We read you.
Corpsmen will respond.

MAN: Battalion Aid Station 12

calling MASH 4077.

MASH 4077. Come in, Radar.

Radar here, Bernie.
What do you got?

They're hitting
this side of 347.

We've got wounded
starting to roll in.

Get the choppers
off their pads.

Got one on the way,
Bernie. On the way.

[explosions continue]

[helicopter whirling]

[explosions continue]

Clear!

MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention! Attention!

All medical personnel
report to stations.

Incoming wounded.

One team to the chopper pad.

One team to the chopper pad.

How is he, Hawk?

After a trip with you?
He may survive.

Are you kidding?
He went first class!

In that case, his luggage
is probably in Cleveland.

Let's go.

Suction.

-Sponge.
-Sponge.

Oh, thank you.

You're very good, my dear.
Where'd you train?

Bellevue, Doctor.

Lovely place, Bellevue.

I had an uncle who
spent some time there.

Not a doctor, I'm afraid.

They caught him
in the subway

wearing mirrors
on top of his shoes.

Can we get on with
the operation

and can the bugle oil?

It's very simple, Frank.

A lacerated artery adjacent
to the lower femur.

-That's above the knee.
-Wise apple!

You wanna finish
for me, Frank?

It's an easy operation.
You could do it
with your eyes closed.

Maybe you'd like to try
one with your eyes open
for a change.

-Vascular silk.
-NURSE: Vascular silk.

How's it goin', Doc?

I say he's gonna have a boy.
Nurse King says a girl.

-Lacerated artery.
-Yep.

I thought so.
That's easy.

Did I tell ya?

-Suture scissors.
-Suture scissors.

-[click]
-HAWKEYE: Oh.

Give him some
nitrous oxide, Frank.

Maybe we can
get him to smile.

You're both
a couple of ghouls.

You know, I've got shots of
every one of 'em that lived.

It's a thing,
like stepping on a crack.

If I take their picture,
they live.

And like an idiot,
I went to medical school.

What's his name, babe?

Corporal Howard Owens.

I think he's a repeater.

You're new here.

HAWKEYE:
Lieutenant Cathy King,
Lieutenant Jack Mitchell.

Why don't we step
outside, Frank?

Leave the young
folks alone.

See you around later,
Lieutenant?

Unless the war ends.

How many will this
make for you, Jack?

839.

Dangerous Dan's got 842.
I need three to tie.

Oh, now, that's disgusting!

We're talking about the wounded
he's brought back, Frank.

Hmm? Oh.

Well, listen,
is it too much to ask

that we have just some
normal procedure in here?

I mean, really!
The O.R.'s not supposed to be

some kind of kaffeeklatsch

where flyboys drop in to
boast about their records,

which those of us
on the ground

could give less
of a hoot about.

Or to promote a nurse,

who is absolutely going on
report at the very next smirk.

Or to stand around taking
pictures of the wounded

for their scrapbooks,
for Pete's sake!

-Major?
-Hmm?

Smile.

[camera shutter clicks]

-Major.
-Captain.

Business is good, I see.
Certainly pays to advertise.

Shall we start our rounds?

I don't want
to miss the ballet.

Hmm?

Uh, concussion from
an 85-millimeter shell.

Jarred the right eye
out of the socket.

He replaced the eye himself
without serious damage.

Hey! Trying to put
us doctors out of work,

sticking your own eye
back in?

Just happened to be
the first one there.

Good point.

Continue him
on the penicillin.

Yes, Doctor.

Lacerated femoral artery.

B.P. stable.
Temperature normal.

B.J.:
Good distal pulses.

Continue bed rest.

[sigh] It's amazing.

Pardon?

How Lois Lane
never figures it out.

I know I'd recognize you

if I saw you in your
underwear and a cape.

That's hardly likely.

Just a thought.

-What's a thought?
-No.

Seeing the major
in her underwear.

Why would you
want to do that?

Is this Corporal Owens?
Howard Owens?

Right there.

-Corporal?
-Uh, hey.

-Corporal Owens?
-Frank,

Frank, he's supposed to sleep.

This is a little more
important than sleep, pally.

Look alive there!

"The President of the United
States is proud to award

"Corporal Howard W. Owens
the Order of the Purple Heart

"as a tribute to his devotion
to duty and sacrifice

"made in the line of that duty

-and in the face of the enemy."
-MARGARET: [sigh]

He's asleep
with excitement, Frank.

Come on. Wake up, Owens.

Don't you understand?

You're getting
the Purple Heart.

Sorry, sir.
This is my second one.

Lucky pup.

I'd do anything to earn one.

Short of getting wounded.

Can we get on with it?

I say we don't.
The patient
obviously needs rest

more than he needs
decoration.

Why don't we just
present the medal

with his milk and cookies?

You are demeaning
a military citation

fraught with patriotism.

Heroism in battle
must be rewarded,

or else people will behave
the way they really feel.

A soldier must
receive his medal

so that he will
always remember

just what a token
our gratitude is.

Oh, give him the medal.

Ow!

Sorry.

Is everything all right?

You're fine.
All we have to do

is keep the doctors
away from you.

You up to me yet, Radar?

Hold your potatoes.

Um, Colonel, sir.

Um, it's okay, sir.
Ready, uh...

Read what we've got so far.

Yes, sir.

"Major General Handley Wacker,

8th Army, I Corps"...

Et cetera, et cetera,
you know.

Uh, "Pursuant to your request,

"this is a formal apology

"for the behavior
of Captain B.F. Pierce

"during your recent
visit to MASH 4077.

"I certainly agree that
the captain was out of line

"when he showed up for
the unit inspection

"wearing only an
athletic supporter."

Uh, sir, how many P's
in supporter?

I've always found two
were enough for me.

Oh.

As you know...

As you know...

...it is very difficult
to discipline doctors.

Knock-knock.

Jack Mitchell.
Son of a gun.

Smilin' Jack.

I haven't seen you
since the 121st Evac.

You look terrific, sir.

-So do you.
-Not a day older.

Well, whatever I've got
that's old falls away--

hair, teeth.

[chuckle]
I brought a kid in
to get patched up,

-and I had to say hello.
-Well, glad you did.

Listen, you old scrounger,

where can I get
some streptomycin?

I'm running low,
and Supply is still trying

to get stuff to Valley Forge.

[Irish brogue] I just might
be able to lay me hands

on a couple of cases.

Great.
I'll give you some--

what can we spare,
Radar?

Uh, well, we've got
eight gallons of DDT, sir.

Oh, then how about, um...

Oh, we've got a gross
of tongue depressors.

Didn't we get two cases
of aftershave lotion?

Aha! The 8055th needs
specimen bottles.

I'll take a case.

Sir, we were gonna
use 'em for that.

Oh, give 'em to him, Radar.

We need the streptomycin.
We'll improvise.

-We'll finish the letter--
-We'll finish the letter later.

-You're welcome.
-Thank you.

Colonel?

Now, that's a "cee-gar."

From MacArthur's
headquarters.

Havana.

Actually, it's a dozen
thin Cubans

rolled together.

Much "obleeged,"
Lieutenant.

I'll save this
for after dinner.

On second thought,
I'll have it for dinner.

Here you go.

It's good enough for MacArthur.

I'll probably develop an urge
to walk on the water.

What's this?

Nothin'.

Isn't that
where the Australian
nurse scratched you?

Just 'cause I wanted to
go home in her pouch.

I patched that months ago.

Who counts?

Sir, uh, there's only
half a case left.

Honest.

You owe me.

You still owe me for saying
that was a battle injury.

You weren't lyin'.

-Inspection...
-Sit down, Radar.

Let's pick it up from
"athletic supporter."

-As you know...
-As you know,

it is very difficult
to discipline doctors.

And Captain Pierce
is no exception.

Did I say that?

Uh, you were about to, sir.

[speaking Korean]

Now...

the syringe is going
to go up in the air

and come down and stick
in the orange, right?

-That's right.
-Never.

That's what they said
about the Wright Brothers.

They hustle drinks, too?

Oh, yeah. They got
that thing off the ground

for a free scotch and water.

[imitating drum roll]

-B.J.: [laugh]
-HAWKEYE: Ah.

Double club soda, please,
on their tab.

There's a magnet
in the orange.

That's it.

He peels the orange,
he puts a magnet inside,

and then he glues the rind
back on the orange

without a single
seam showing,

and I don't know what the
hell I'm talkin' about.

It's talent, Pure talent.

Club soda?

Mm-hmm.

That'll stunt your
growth, you know.

The bubbles
settle in your feet.

I'll take my chances.

-I can do it.
-Oh, yeah?

I'll bet you an
honorable discharge.

You're on.

[imitating drum roll]

-Is that right?
-Mm-hmm.

Colonel.

How many club sodas
did he stick you for?

Two, so far.

Took me for 17
one night.

Probably uses
a loaded syringe.

You can use your own, sir.

Lieutenant Mitchell,

pending completion of a
thorough physical examination,

you're officially grounded.

Sir?

I'm afraid that's an order.

Doctors, check him out.

124 over 82.

Am I gonna live?

Another 50, 60 years, tops.

You certainly look
in good shape.

I could've
had his physique.
I turned it down.

Hmm.

Hold it one second,
Jack.

One more thing.

What's this for?

We're gonna
toast the Kaiser.

Someone swiped
our specimen jars.

We were told to improvise.
Do the best you can.

Oh, come on.
You've got all you need.

Hey, hey, hey!

Potter said a
complete physical.

It's on the house.
Come on.

Hey, listen,
I'm not fillin' it.

Go get your two cents
back on the bottle.

What does Potter
suspect, Jack?

Save us all
a lot of time.

I take forever to heal.

I'm always... thirsty.

Diabetes.

The needle.
You get a lot of practice.

I only need it once a day.
Sometimes twice.

HAWKEYE:
Is that all?

Well, sometimes three times.

That's what
Bela Lugosi said.

Where do you get
the insulin?

I can get anything.

I got insulin connections
right up to the yahoo.

No problem.

Yes problem.

Oh, and I was gonna
hand my wings in myself.

Now, Dangerous Dan's got 842.
I only need three to tie,

four to make
Chopper Pilot Of the Year.

You'll have to settle
for Miss Congeniality.

Sorry, Jack.

Nobody's gonna ground me yet.

Nobody.

Temp, normal. BP stable.

-He can be shipped tomorrow.
-Good.

About a week in Seoul,

and you'll be back
in action, fella.

Yes, sir.

Oh, how I envy you.

Right up there in
the heat of battle.

The smell of powder.
The cannon's roar.

Commies biting the dust.

[laughs]
Yeah, we're really
clobbering 'em now

that we got 'em
to the peace table.

You give 'em
what for, soldier.

Frank, can we take his drains
out before he re-enlists?

The major was merely
preparing the patient

to return to the duty
for which he was trained.

Why don't we just
hit him on the nose

with a rolled-up newspaper?

Major.

How you doing, Owens?

Okay.

Can I talk to you, Doc?

Why do you think
I came to Korea?

You know anything
about psychiatry?

Enough to know I'm not supposed
to go steady with my mother.

A little.

I don't wanna go back...
to the fighting.

Mmm, sounds serious.

You may be coming down
with mental health.

This is the second time
I've been clobbered.

This'll be the second time

they'll put me
back in the line.

You ever been up there?

Haven't had the pleasure.

Ah.

[sighs]

The Chinese blow bugles
and whistles.

They put up a racket.

Boy, it's scary.

Why don't I quit?
Go AWOL?

I just keep going back.

Like without me,
there's no war.

We all take orders.

Some take them
better than others.

You're a good
order-taker.

It's not a death wish, is it?

I read something about
self-destruction.

You're not the
self-destructive type.

Take it from the man who
keeps putting his finger

in the pencil
sharpener.

Sir? Sir?

Easy, Radar.

Sir, it's
Lieutenant Mitchell.
He just took off.

He's gonna make a pickup down
at the Battalion Aid Station.

Speaking of
self-destruction.

Is he the pilot
brought me in?

Yeah.

I hope they don't get him.

Well, if they don't,
he will.

Radar, stay with him,
will ya?

We were just
talking about fear.

That's my best thing.

This is MASH 4077 calling
chopper 17-Fox-Able-Charlie.

Come in,
17-Fox-Able-Charlie.

You suppose any of us will
ever speak English again?

Do you read me?
Come in if you read me.

He is not supposed to be
flying around up there.

-Maybe his arms
will get tired.
-Hysterical.

I thought you
grounded him.

I should've nailed
him to the floor.

Where'd you get that?

The Petrified Forest.

They still open?

JACK: Chopper
17-Fox-Able-Charlie.

That you, Colonel Potter?

Jack, get back here.
Can you hear me?

Sorry, Colonel.

Worst you can do
is send me home.

You're gonna do that anyway.

This is my last chance.

They're clobbering
our guys here.

I can pick up four easy

and break
Dangerous Dan's record.

[explosions]

The thing is,
you get conditioned.

You know?

Yeah.

When I hear a twig snap,

I think it's a North Korean
creeping up on me,

ready to slit my throat.

When I hear a twig snap,
I think it's my uncle Ed

coming to catch me with
my "National Geographic."

You know,
the African pictures?

When they sent me back
to the evac hospital,

all the nurses there
wore rubber-soled shoes.

At night, it sounded just like
the sneakers the Chinese wear.

Really?

You're half sunk in the mud,
and you hear that squeak,

you know they're
coming to get you.

I never sleep in
the hospital.

Now they're
sending me back.

Well, listen, uh...

Hey, maybe you
should take this.

It's my lucky
four-leaf clover.

It's a little squished.

Uh, I had it in my pocket
when a jeep ran over me.

But, mostly,
it works, though.

It makes you feel like
nothing can happen to you.

Can you spare it?

Oh, sure.

I think I need less
luck back here.

Gee.

You're a nice guy.

I used to get hit if I wasn't.

The first pilot I ever knew
was Duncan MacShane.

World War I.

Used to fly low and throw
grenades at his targets.

Pulled the pin on
one grenade, threw it,

and the wind dumped it
back in his lap.

[chuckles]
Oh, that smarts.

He tossed it out in time,

but you couldn't tell him
anything, either.

Should I be hearing
Arthur Godfrey?

Jack's vision could blur.

He could black out.
He's a sick man.

You realize, if he crashes,
it goes on my record.

Besides, he owes me
two cases of streptomycin.

To get the four men he wants,

he's gonna have to put
two inside with him.

They'll have to be small.

B.J.: My draft board's
taking Boy Scouts.

POTTER: If he gets them on,
there's no way he can take off.

175 horsepower just isn't
enough to lift 'em.

If that character manages
to get off the ground

and bring back four wounded

without killing them, him,
or the chopper,

I want him to get a medal.

Then I want him locked up.

HAWKEYE: Prep 'em.
We'll be right down!

That's it, Jack.
The sky's off-limits now.

Who cares? I did it!

I did it! 843!

Chopper Pilot Of the Year,
possibly of all time!

Well, just to make sure you
stay grounded, let's have it.

Oh, yeah, sure.
Anything.

Oh.

Sorry, Jack.

Guess I'll sell
my club soda stock.

I hated to be the one to blow
the whistle on you, Jack.

No sweat, Colonel.
A few sitting lessons,

and I'll be able to solo
at a desk in no time.

I'm not worried about you.

I'll send you
a box of cigars.

I got nothing to trade.

Just gift wrap a nurse.

-That's a deal.
-See ya.

-We'll do triage here.
-Right.

We may have a blood
problem, Radar.

-Line up some donors.
-I'll tell Major Houlihan.

Hey.

I'm supposed to
leave on this bus.

Oh, yeah.
They gotta get the
wounded off first.

Hey, I know you're working.
I just wanna say thanks

and I hope I never
see you again, you know?

Yeah.

Listen, just keep
down low, huh?

Okay.

-Owens?
-Yes, sir.

-How's the leg?
-Oh, fine, sir.

-Where you headed?
-Uh, Seoul, for now.

Then probably
back up to the front.

They're taking me
out of the game.

Here, let me
give you a hand.

Suppose the Gypsies
switched them at birth?

Not a very fair war.

Contradiction in terms.

Roy, Dennis? This one, stat.

We got more
casualties comin' in,

but the blood donors
are lined up.

Could you use a pint,
extra sweet?

On the bus.

A little respect, please,

for the Chopper
Pilot Of the Year.

I don't think so, sir.

Dangerous Dan?

Uh-huh.

He's bringing in two more.

You go scrub up. I'll go
do triage from the pad.

I'll do triage up there!

[chatter]

POTTER: Wildest pilot I ever
knew, old Duncan MacShane.

Flew his plane
through a hangar once,

came out the other side,

turned around,
did the same thing again.

His squadron leader yelled up,

"I thought I told you to put
that plane in the hangar."

MacShane yells back,
"I've had it there twice.

Why don't someone
lock the door?"

-[chuckle]
-[chuckle]

You can get quite a repertoire
from three wars, eh, Colonel?

Sad to say.

-Of the three wars, Colonel...
-Hmm?

Which would you say
was the worst?

MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.

By the close
of today's fighting,

the 1st Battalion
of the Gloucester Regiment

has lost an estimated 500 men
of its 600-man complement.

Each and every one, Hawkeye.

Each and every one.

-[sigh]
-Clamp.

[chatter]

-Clamp.
-Sponge.

♪♪ [theme]