All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S03E05 - O.R. (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

MAN [on P.A.]: Attention,
all surgical personnel,

report to operating room.

Incoming casualties
arriving by chopper,

ambulance, and jeep.

It's gonna be
a big one, folks.

-How do I know you mean it?
-Look, honest.

I haven't been in love
in two or three days.

Right after this shift, huh?

I know a tent with
a gypsy violinist

and a fortune teller
who reads army boots.

I've got nothing to wear.

Now I know I'm in love.

We got customers.

You didn't get home
last night.

Where were you?

There's ten bucks for
anyone who can tell me.

You certainly were feeling
no pain at the club.

Just because he tried
to eat the cherries

out of a slot machine?

I didn't. Embarrassing.

Not at all. At closing time,

you slipped a nurse
over your shoulders

-and left like
a perfect gentleman.
-Terrific.

HENRY: I just want you to--
You got this, Radar?

I don't wanna
run out of anything.

-Pierce, McIntyre--
-I checked supply, sir.

-It's gonna be a big one.
-It's gonna be a big one.

-They're sending extra blankets.
-We may need extra blankets.

I've cleared the roads
for the ambulances.

Don't want to block
the ambulances.

I'll get on this.

Let's get on this right away.

[chatter]

Looks like this kid
was playing beanbag

with a hand grenade.

Number 10 blade.

Number 10 blade.

We've got a repeater here.

These look like your stitches,
Hawk.

If they look like
stitches, he isn't mine.

Pierce, you need
a modesty transplant.

-Clamp.
-Clamp.

[clatter]

Got enough thumbs
over there, Colonel?

Send a case of thumbs to that
table with my compliments.

I don't happen to think
that's funny, Captain.

How'd you like to step
outside, lady?

May I have
your attention, please?

Stop bleeding for a minute.

My personal
tortoise-shell
scrub brush,

given to me
by my lovely mother,

with my initials in gold leaf,

is missing out of
the scrub room... again!

Did you look in your
last patient, Frank?

That's how most of
your stuff leaves here.

Oh, very comical. If I had
a sleeve, I'd laugh up it.

Colonel, Major Burns
is being abused again.

Cut that out, Frank.

How many wounded we got
out there, Frank?

30, 40. More comin'.

Come on, Ginger.
Move it, honey.

Checkout time is 3:00.

RADAR: Easy.

What do we have here?

Ethiopian soldier.

Boy, did he take
a wrong turn.

HAWKEYE: Multiple
fragment wounds. Okay.

Margaret, you're fantastic.

Fits me like a glove.

Looks like a
long session, sir.

Would you like
to have the sound
from the movie piped in?

That's good thinking,
Radar.

Klinger, take that
dress off at once.

Not in front of Trapper.
He's a married man.

You're gonna
be fine, fella.

[speaking native language]

That's easy
for you to say.

Uh, here's some
coffee, Hawkeye.

And your razor.

Uh, we used all the hot
water on the instruments.

[chuckle]

Radar, when this
is all over,

the two things I'm
gonna miss the most

are you and dysentery.

Oh, thank you, sir.

Anything else
you want me to get you

while I'm on the get?

Bring me
a Maine lobster...

about a three-pounder.

Some drawn butter,

bedspring French fries,

and a liter of the
house white wine.

Make sure you don't
bring it from the lab.

Will that be all?

Yeah, that should
about do it.

Send the bill
to MacArthur.

He can deduct it as an
entertainment expense.

Yeah, okay, well,
I gotta get goin'.

Uh, some, uh, personnel
is donating blood,

and I promised the
donors doughnuts.

Run along, Andy.

How we doing, Chief?

So far, two thoracotomies,
a bowel resection,

-a splenectomy--
-And a partridge
in a pear tree.

I must have used a half
a mile of silk in there.

Hey, I don't wanna be
a back-seat doctor,

but do you know you dropped
your hardware three times?

What, are you keeping
score, hotshot?

Doctor... doctor.

Uh, the Ethiopian, sir,

wants to say something
to the doctor.

[speaking native language]

KLINGER:
I think he's thanking you.

Well, that's Haile
Selassie of you, sir.

Keep him warm.

That's gotta be the
nicest fee I ever got.

How long have you
had this?

Had what? I just
get cramps in there.

-Don't you ever? -Oh, are you
kidding?

I'm the cramp champ.
I'm the camp cramp champ.

I can tell the onset
of arthritis.

Arthritis?

Yeah, you remember
from medical school?

"Arthritis."
Came right after "Acne,"

right before "Arrangements
for time payments."

It's just fatigue.
It comes and goes.

Henry, this could be
your ticket home.

I'll sign the diagnosis,

we'll stick it in your
belly button, and you're off.

[sigh] Pierce,
I'll level with you.

I've got a great
practice back home.

They all come to see me.

I'll bet there's no one
in Bloomington, Illinois,

that I haven't seen naked.

But, uh, it's routine.

Cookbook medicine?

Yeah.

Yep, but this place,
this place,

which has all the
attraction of a lanced boil,

has given me the opportunity
to do more doctoring

than I can do in a lifetime
back in the world.

Wars don't last forever,
Henry, only war does.

One day you're gonna
have to go back home

and die in your bed
in Bloomington.

I've done that
several times.

One extra brandy at the club,

and I have to leave an I.O.U.
on my wife's pillow.

TYRONE POWER:
I must say, señora,

that's the best meal
I've ever eaten.

RITA HAYWORTH: It's
the least I can give you

for an afternoon
of great emotion.

You followed your
star yesterday.

-You were inspired.
-Mmm.

Who wouldn't be inspired?
I'd seen you.

What is that?

Blood and Sand.
Tyrone Power, Rita Hayworth.

HAWKEYE:
The Frank and Hot Lips
of old Seville.

TRAPPER:
Father, over here.

[chatter]

You got the I.V.?

Yes, Trapper?

He wants to write a letter
before we put him under.

Go ahead, son.

Are you a priest?

Very much so.

That cross doesn't mean
there's a railroad ahead.

It's to my wife Mary Ellen.

Okay?

You're the only one
I ever loved, honey.

That girl in Tokyo
didn't mean a thing to me.

It was just one
of those things.

Go ahead.

Same goes for that girl in
Okinawa.

And those two in Honolulu.

When did you find time
to get wounded?

Bye-bye.

Don't send it, Father.
He's gonna pull through.

Unless his wife
gets that letter.

Right.

[movie dialogue
continues on P.A.]

Can we turn that
hogwash off?

-Yes, sir.
-[P.A. off]

-Uh, Colonel?
-Yo.

The cook says, since everyone's
gonna be in here tonight,

should he make cold food
instead of hot?

His hot food is usually
cold enough for me.

Hot food, cold food, movies.

-Retractor.
-Retractor.

So unprofessional in here.

I protest
all these distractions!

Hear, hear!
Mostly, I protest

the wearing of falsies
in the O.R.

I wish you'd
cut it out, Frank.

You're driving me crazy.

Don't let him
razz you, Frank.

-Oh, shut up.
-Frank!

Well, it's not an easy job
taking out a man's kidney.

Trap.

Put a pressure dressing
on this, babe.

Do we got X-rays on this?

Let's see the kidney, Frank.

Well, this kidney's
none of your business.

I don't come to your table
and mess with your organs.

Frank, look at the X-ray.

This guy's only got one.

[chuckles]
One kidney? I--

Well, he was so messed up.
We were in such a hurry.

Nobody told me
they took X-rays.

I could've killed him.

Thank you, doctor.

Just happened to be
in the neighborhood.

What do ya mean,
no pulse?

NURSE: What I said,
Doctor. No pulse.

Well, how did that happen?
He was doing so well.

What's wrong?

Get me a heart needle
and some adrenalin.

Come on. Come on!

No dice.

Adrenalin, Doctor.

Are you ventilating
him okay?

Yes, Doctor.

Still no pulse.
You're losing him.

The hell I am.

I'm not gonna let somebody
screw up my batting average.

Give me a scalpel.

Stand by with
a rib spreader.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna try some
open-heart massage.

We've never
done that!

Neither has he.

-Rib spreader! -Rib spreader.

Get them apart for me.

Pierce, you are
one cool cucumber.

Damn. [muttering]

Here we go.

HENRY: Clamp.

Sponge.

Clamp.

Sponge.
Come on, honey.

Move it.

I'm getting something.

60 over 40.

Come on. You can do
better than that.

I'm getting a pulse.

It's stronger.

It's beating on its own.

92 over 60.

-Bingo.
-You did it.

[chatter]

[sigh]

That's my bunkie.

Taught him everything
he knows.

I'll finish for you,
Pierce.

Okay.
Thanks, Henry.

Thanks, everybody.

HENRY: That was the most
fantastic thing I ever saw.

-Clamp.
-Henry, I gotta
talk to you later.

Anytime.

If I'm gonna do
this kinda work,

I gotta get more money.

[chatter]

[explosions]

That's a little closer
than I like it.

[clatter]

I hope we're givin' it
to 'em good,

those little yellow Reds.

Frank, you better take two
yellow reds and go to sleep.

Oh, you like getting shot at,
Dr. Goody Two-Shoes?

I just don't know why
they're shooting at us.

All we want to do

is bring them democracy
and white bread,

transplant the American dream:

freedom, achievement,
hyperacidity,

affluence, flatulence,
technology, tension,

the inalienable right
to an early coronary,

sitting at your desk

while plotting to stab
your boss in the back.

That's entertainment.

Pierce, you are
certifiably insane.

Gee, I can't understand why.

Here I am,
20,000 miles from home,

working as an extra
in a war movie,

with this guy's blood
dripping into my boot.

Nurse, you wanna do
something about that,

or must I kiss you
into submission?

Right away, Doctor.

That's not
insane-making, Frank.

Neither is bedding down every
night with a flea circus

or eating food
prepared by a cook

who used to make box lunches
for kamikaze pilots

or getting so bored
out of my skull,

I put on my dress uniform
for a trip to the latrine.

Will you watch
your language?

There are nurses present.

Oh, forgive me.

I'd like to offer
the nurses a blanket apology.

Or even better,

I'd like to offer them
a blanket invitation.

Smut merchant.

Oh, pipe down, Burns.

Oh, sure! Always!

You jump all over me,
but he can say what he wants,

and he gets away with it!

Colonel's pet,
that's what you are!

I'll get you at recess!

Colonel!
Did you see that?

Do you mind, Major?

I'm trying to sew my glove
into this patient.

Close for me.
I'm going to take five.

-HENRY: Make it ten.
-Years.

And take McIntyre
with you.

-Klinger!
-Sir?

Let him sleep outside.
We can use the table.

Which one of you's
gonna tell him

he's not the champ anymore?

You're a pistol.

We need some more
sponges here, Margaret.

We're running low!

My mother's
name was Margaret.

That's funny.
It was my father's.

Orange juice, anyone?
Freshly squozen.

Thanks, Radar.

Klinger, get over
to the mess tent.

All the guys are
givin' blood.

[imitating Bela Lugosi]
Blood!

I must give blood or die!

[sigh]

McIntyre...

I want to thank you for
helping out on that kidney.

Anyone for orange juice?

Over here, boy.
The Journalup yet?

Huh?

Just pour that in
any part of me.

Uh, juice, sir?

Just a minute, Radar.

Wow.

See what happens when
you play with guns?

You okay?
You look beat, sir.

I feel like death
on a soda cracker.

How are we doing?

Well, we're running
out of gowns, towels,

and 3-0 silk.

Only thing we got
plenty of is wounded.

Scrounge, Radar,
scrounge.

And what I don't
understand is

why do people take an
instant dislike to me?

It saves time, Frank.

Well, we got along fine
for the first two weeks.

Exactly, Frank, and that
time was absolutely wasted.

But, deep down, there's
no real hatred, is there?

Deep down? No.

It's just that you're a joyless
person, Frank. You're D-U-L.

I'm from a very strict family.

We weren't allowed to talk at
meals. We couldn't even hum.

Anybody who hummed got
a punch in the throat.

That's terrible.

I think that's why
I became a snitch:

so I could
talk to somebody.

You were a snitch, Frank?

I'd squeal on anybody.

Once, in school, I caught
my best friend smoking.

I didn't report him.

Later I
snitched on myself
for not snitching.

Gimme a break, Frank.
I'm very tired.

I'm hearing you through the
wrong end of the binoculars.

All I'm asking
is for you and Pierce
to let up razzing me.

Okay, Frank.

Friends?

Friends, Frank.

No more hostility.
No more hatred. Friends.

Now shut up, Frank,

or I'll kill ya.

Attention, all personnel.

Over 3,000 tons
of scrap paper

fell on General MacArthur

in his homecoming parade
in New York City.

I hope some of it
was in bundles.

Just like you to malign

one of the top ten generals
in American history.

Margaret, the man was
starting up with Red China.

You've got a point
there, Hawk.

I suppose you
could run the war

better than a
five-star general?

The Daily News
only gave him four.

[chatter]

[explosion]

What do we got here that
we could do without?

Uh, it's a
business girl, sir.

She got caught
in some crossfire.

Nurse told me she
found $20,000 on her.

I think I'm in
the wrong business.

Hi, Henry.

Hello, Sidney.

When you guys
gonna be through?

-Hold it.
-Yes, sir?

Rad--

We need more silk, Radar.

-We're all out, sir.
-All right.

In my tent, under my bed,
next to the milk bottle,

there's a package
of sewing thread.

Lorraine sent it to me.

-Go.
-Yes, sir.

MARGARET:
Colonel, ordinary
thread for stitches?

Well, it's either that,

or use the stapler
in my office, Major.

I gather our poker
game is off.

Major Freedman.
The psychiatrist.

Remember me, sir?

Corporal Klinger.

Remember you?

I had to buy an extra
cabinet for your file.

How 'bout it, sir?

Any chance for a psycho?

Klinger, there's 17 other guys
wearing dresses ahead of you.

And some smart stuff.

No, wait.
Something new.

I'm beginning
to wet the bed.

Anything?

Get yourself a pair
of rubber bloomers.

Corporal?
Clean towels.

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I'll see you guys
next week, then.

Oh, Sidney,
where you running?

Scrub up.

You kidding.

I haven't washed my hands
since I became a psychiatrist.

Only his mind gets dirty.

Margaret, scrub
Dr. Freedman for surgery.

Medical school
was a long time ago.

Last surgery I did was
a boil on my kid's tuchus.

This way, sir.

Psychiatrist... Hmph!

I have a few ideas
on that subject.

Keep talking, Frank.
I could use the sleep.

Sex! Sex! Sex!

♪ The boys are marching

That's all they think about.

Well, I happen to believe
there's more than just sex

between a man and a woman.

Right. There's smoking
in the dark, afterwards.

-Here's the thread, sir.
-Good.

-Goman, get it sterilized.
-Yes, doctor.

Radar, check on the generator.
We need more juice in here.

You all right? You look pale.

I gave blood
twice today, sir.

You're not
supposed to do that.

I fell asleep
in the mess tent,

and two guys siphoned me.

Simmons, close here.
I gotta take a shower.

Father, what is it?

Well, these things happen.

He fell off
his high heels.

Thanks, Father.

I'll look after
the towels.

14.95.

All come back
to you, Sidney?

I just hope it doesn't
all come up on me.

Get that,
will you, Ginger?

Sorry, Doctor.

Welcome to the club.

It stains right, through.
I never wear underwear.

That's more
than I need to know.

That's better.

You may think
I'm kidding, Sidney,

but if you ever want
to stop being a doctor,

you could become a doctor.

TRAPPER:
This one's ready
for post-op.

-Hawkeye?
-Not now, Radar.

I'm teaching this new man
here malpractice.

Sir, I just had a talk with
a nurse.

I hope you straightened
her out, Radar.

You remember that open-heart
massage patient before?

Yeah?

She told me to tell you
that, uh, he didn't make it.

A few minutes ago.

Sorry, sir.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn it.

I've got some bleeding here.
Should I clamp it?

[sigh]

I thought I got
to him in time.

-Clamp it.
-Thanks.

Hawk.

He was gone once.

You bought him four hours

he never would've had.

I read all
the procedures.

It's worked.

Maybe I should've stayed
with him in post-op.

We needed you here.

You wanna get
back in the game?

I'm not ready
to solo yet.

I really thought
I'd pulled it off.

Some patients insist
on dying, Hawk.

You knew that going in,
but you had to be a doctor.

I never had any choice.

It's all I ever cared about.

It's all I ever
wanted to do.

Sometimes I think
I'd be more useful as
a cocktail waitress.

You haven't got
the legs for it.

Let me finish this myself,
will you, Sidney?

Good idea.

Occupational therapy.

[chatter]

Ladies and gentlemen,
take my advice.

Pull down your pants...

and slide on the ice.

See you Thursday.

Pierce, I need you.

-Two seconds.
-One would be better.

Irrigate that area for me.
I'll be right back.

What is it, Henry?

Look at this.

Oh, God.

It's at least
eight hours' work.

His liver's gone.

There's a dozen kids outside
that can be saved.

He'll take two surgeons

and who knows how many
units of blood.

And what's worse,
he'll never make it.

And meanwhile, we may
lose some of the others.

Pierce, I have a lot of trouble
with this kind of decision.

Henry, he never should
have been brought in here

in the first place.

Orderly, help me with
this man, please!

I smell something burning.

We got hamburgers!

And coffee!

HAWKEYE:
Over here, Miss.

Oh. Excuse me.

-Ma'am?
-Pardon me, Father.

-Do you want-- Father?
-Oh, well...

-Would you like some coffee?
-Yeah. Give me--

I don't care
what anyone says.

Something's burning.

Fire!

[gasps, screaming]

Get the oxygen
out of here!

Ingmar, get this
guy over here!

[all shouting]

Hey, Ingmar, get this
guy out of here!

Hurry it up and
get him out of here!

Get rid of the oxygen!

[shouting continues]

Gimme another one of these!

Take this one over here!

Get that one out first!

[shouting continues]

TRAPPER:
Hold it! Hold it.

I got it.

Great thinking, Trap.

You could've
blown us all up!

How did you know there wasn't
alcohol in that basin?

Hey, look, I'm sorry!

Maybe you'd like
the fire back!

I was merely
pointing out--

You could have
blown us all up!

Wait a minute.
Come on, folks.

The war, remember?

Of course. It was in all
the papers for a while.

RADAR: Yeah,
who wanted mustard?

HENRY:
Get this man back up here.

KLINGER:
Okay, everybody.

FRANK: Rebreak,
rebreak. Come on.

MARGARET:
Radar, get over here.

MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, attention.

All personnel
may stand down.

Armed Forces Radio reports
that General Mark W. Clark

has just been appointed
Commander of the U.N. Forces

in Korea.

General Clark succeeds
General Ridgway,

who succeeded
General MacArthur.

And that's the news,
generally speaking.

No one's succeeding
us at all.

♪♪ [theme]