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1
00:00:01,452 --> 00:00:04,820
♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,888 --> 00:00:08,189
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,763
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,832 --> 00:00:18,167
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,520
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,071
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,790
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:30,478
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:38,654
We now return toa later-season episodeof Family Ties.
11
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:42,124
Elyse, have you noticed how
puberty has changed Jennifer?
12
00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:44,659
Keep your voice down.
13
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,794
I have a date with my boyfriend.
14
00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,164
Well, have fun.
15
00:00:49,233 --> 00:00:53,535
You are to gather grapesfor wine and prepare victualsfor my return.
16
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,168
Griffin residence.
17
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,641
Hi, Peter.
18
00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:01,554
Who is this?
How do you know
my name?
19
00:01:01,578 --> 00:01:02,928
Give me back my son!
20
00:01:02,997 --> 00:01:05,397
Peter, it's Carol,
your sister-in-law.
21
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:07,143
Carol, how the hell are you?
22
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:10,035
Not too good.
Jason left me.
23
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:12,271
It's gonna be my ninth divorce.
24
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:13,817
You know, just hanging out.
25
00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,173
Peter, give me the phone.
26
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,609
Carol, hi.
What's up?
27
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,044
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
28
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:23,009
Well, you know, Carol,
sweetie, we are always
here for you.
29
00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:25,250
Boy, Carol's lucky
to have a sister
like Lois.
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00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:26,935
You're telling me.
31
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:30,405
I always wanted a brother
or sister, but instead
I got a bro-ster.
32
00:01:30,474 --> 00:01:32,708
Hey, Peter, you want
to see my peginas?
33
00:01:32,776 --> 00:01:33,856
Uh...
34
00:01:33,910 --> 00:01:36,010
I don't know.
35
00:01:40,084 --> 00:01:43,335
I'm just saying that if you
read somewhere that Gwen
Stefani was a grandmother,
36
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,304
you might not even bat an eye.
37
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:46,855
What the devil?
What's going on?
38
00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:48,490
I'm sorry, Stewie.
39
00:01:48,559 --> 00:01:50,837
Your Aunt Carol's
gonna be staying with us
for a little while,
40
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,439
so she's gonna need your room.
41
00:01:52,463 --> 00:01:55,296
Who the hell
do you think you are?
Stop it this instant!
42
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:56,810
We're not gonna fit
through there.
43
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:59,234
Only circles can fit
through that rectangular
doorway.
44
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,269
Oh, my God,
it's going right through.
45
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,638
I got to get better at shapes.
46
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:07,637
Hey, Stewie.
You gonna sleep
in here with us?
47
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,488
Is this how you spend
your free time, fat-ass?
48
00:02:09,512 --> 00:02:13,081
Lying half-naked on a bed
in black socks at 11:30
in the morning?
49
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,434
You want to play
with one of Daddy's socks?
50
00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:18,920
What... Do I want to...
No! What an odd request.
51
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,589
The first one's always hard.
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00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:22,858
There we go.
53
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,460
The second one's easier,
'cause, toes.
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00:02:25,529 --> 00:02:27,462
Come on, fella.
55
00:02:27,531 --> 00:02:28,863
That's it.
56
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,417
There you go.
57
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,536
Create an adventure with that.
58
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,276
Carol, you're here.
59
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,561
Hi, Lois.
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00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,863
Ah. It's so wonderful
to see you.
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00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,560
Hey, need
some help with those bags?
62
00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,750
Oh, well, yes.
Thank you so much.
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00:02:48,819 --> 00:02:51,586
Oh, it's my pleasure,
Lois' recently divorced
sister.
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00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:55,156
When I heard you were coming
to town, I figured I should
introduce myself.
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00:02:55,225 --> 00:02:56,241
How you doing?
66
00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:58,042
Well, not so good.
67
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,378
You may have heard
that my husband left me.
68
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,064
Oh, I'm so depressed.
69
00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:05,183
I mean, it can't always
be my fault, right?
Uh-huh.
70
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:06,763
You know, at first I thought
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00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,907
what I needed was the
immediate loving, physical
touch of a new man.
72
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,322
Yeah.
73
00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:12,785
But now I know what I
really need is a friend
Mmm-hmm.
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00:03:12,809 --> 00:03:15,355
To just sit and listen
to my problems.
Uh-huh.
75
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:17,157
I don't think that's
too much to ask.
No.
76
00:03:17,181 --> 00:03:21,282
I mean, how come men
always feel like they can
just use a woman?
77
00:03:21,351 --> 00:03:22,595
You know?
Yeah.
78
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:23,830
I mean, we have feelings.
79
00:03:23,854 --> 00:03:25,031
We're people.
Right.
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00:03:25,055 --> 00:03:27,556
It's like they all have
the same mindset.
81
00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:30,269
It's all about
sex, sex, sex.
Yeah.
82
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:33,662
And there's so much
more to life than that.
83
00:03:33,731 --> 00:03:35,011
Twenty feet that way, please.
84
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,402
Oh, it's so great
to see you kids.
85
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:44,022
Here, I brought
you all gifts
from Texas.
86
00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:47,225
Meg, this is a bar
of soap with
a scorpion in it.
87
00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:50,562
Stewie, this is a lollipop
with a desert spider in it.
88
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:54,315
And, Chris, this is
a comb made out of
an armadillo shell.
89
00:03:54,384 --> 00:03:56,484
Now, just don't use it
to comb your hair
90
00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:58,954
and make promises
to women you won't keep.
91
00:03:59,023 --> 00:04:00,667
I probably just won't use it.
92
00:04:00,691 --> 00:04:02,340
Well, if you all don't mind,
93
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,909
I'm gonna freshen up
before dinner.
94
00:04:06,263 --> 00:04:08,291
Mom, she's so sad and lonely.
95
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,915
Look who the fuck's talking.
96
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:13,284
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
It's just that she's
my sister.
97
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,231
No wonder her husbands
all left her.
98
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,788
Well, that's what
her problem is.
99
00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:19,458
She has such low self-esteem
that every time
a man shows her
100
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,292
the slightest glimmer
of attention,
101
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,027
she rushes into
something serious
102
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,664
and gets her heart broken
like a teenage girl.
103
00:04:25,716 --> 00:04:27,978
Hey, Tyler,
you on your way
to Algebra?
104
00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,045
Yeah, I'll see you there.
105
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:37,625
You're awful!
106
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,812
The preceding joke
was brought to you by men.
107
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,906
Lois, thanks again
for letting me stay here.
108
00:04:50,974 --> 00:04:54,909
You can't imagine how
it feels to have your
heart broken so many times.
109
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:58,446
Aunt Carol, Mom says
you'd make a great
Florida whore.
110
00:04:58,515 --> 00:04:59,948
What does that mean?
111
00:05:01,919 --> 00:05:05,270
Chris, I said that
about Kate Hudson.
112
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:08,707
You know, I always thought
I'd be a good Florida whore.
113
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:12,544
Thanks to you,
my hair stays like
this when we stop.
114
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:18,361
Mayor West?
What are you
doing here?
115
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:19,584
I'm being a rascal
116
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,554
and ringing people's
doorbells and running away.
117
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,367
Then what are you
still doing here?
118
00:05:24,391 --> 00:05:27,475
It's my first house.
I'm not very good at this.
119
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:28,727
Hello.
120
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:31,195
Well, dot, dot, dot, hello.
121
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:34,611
Lois, aren't you going
to introduce me to
your handsome friend?
122
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:35,767
Handsome?
123
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,436
Wow!
124
00:05:38,488 --> 00:05:40,104
Oh, uh... Sure.
125
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,018
Carol, this is
our town's mayor,
Adam West.
126
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:45,120
Mayor West,
this is my sister,
Carol.
127
00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,880
Well, hubba-hubba,
ding-ding, who invented
this thing?
128
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:53,117
I bet you say that
to all the girls.
129
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:56,404
Only the ones I'm about
to ask to Friendly's
for a Fribble.
130
00:05:56,473 --> 00:05:59,541
Well, I don't really have
any plans this afternoon.
131
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:02,293
Carol, given your
present situation,
132
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,930
it's possible that dating
might not be such a
good idea right now.
133
00:06:05,999 --> 00:06:09,084
Actually, Lois,
I think it's
exactly what I need.
134
00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:10,952
Hooray, it's a date!
135
00:06:11,021 --> 00:06:13,888
But we mustn't let
the local nobleman
find out.
136
00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:17,092
Otherwise, he'll assert
his right of primae noctis.
137
00:06:17,161 --> 00:06:18,441
Oh, no, we're too late.
138
00:06:19,729 --> 00:06:22,981
I must bless this coupling
with my flaccid English penis.
139
00:06:23,049 --> 00:06:24,349
Oh, no! Oh, my!
140
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,502
Come hither,
that I may sire thee
a dreary Brit!
141
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:34,292
You ever wonder what
a seagull tastes like?
142
00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,360
You know, I actually have.
143
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,708
I used to wonder,
but now I know.
144
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,264
And it's not good.
145
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,899
It's great!
146
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:46,521
Wow, Adam.
I just have to tell you,
I'm having a terrific time.
147
00:06:46,589 --> 00:06:48,039
Me, too, Carol.
148
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,487
That was a great idea
you had, about walking
parallel to the water.
149
00:06:51,511 --> 00:06:53,444
It makes for a longer walk.
150
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:57,348
See? We're already making
each other better people.
151
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:01,068
Carol, I wanna make this
a night you'll never forget.
152
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,307
Oh, my.
Right?
153
00:07:22,058 --> 00:07:25,109
Oh, by the way, I should
tell you I've got AIDS.
What?
154
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,290
Yeah, they're right
over there
waiting for me.
155
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,247
Ready to go when you are, sir!
156
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,644
Poor guys, they both have AIDS.
157
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:33,585
Not okay!
158
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,861
Now let's hear your fake laugh.
159
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,506
How was your date, you guys?
160
00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:48,399
Lois, it was wonderful.
I wish it didn't have
to end.
161
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,067
Well, it's not over yet.
162
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,337
What do you mean?
163
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,988
You're right, Carol.
It was a wonderful date.
164
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,007
And I want to have
a million more,
165
00:07:56,076 --> 00:08:00,595
every night of the week
for the rest of my life.
166
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,349
Carol Yastrzemski,
oh, please let that be
your last name,
167
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,985
will you marry me?
What?
168
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:10,338
Oh, Adam. Yes,
yes! Adam, I will!
169
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,185
Carol, what are
you doing? Are
you crazy?
170
00:08:13,209 --> 00:08:14,721
You can't just jump
right back into...
171
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:18,196
Lois, this is my life.
And this is what I want.
172
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,665
I will marry you,
Mayor Adam West!
173
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,066
Great!
174
00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:25,269
I can't wait to tell
the gals at my singles group.
175
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,323
Come on.
This is the goal,
isn't it?
176
00:08:33,496 --> 00:08:35,174
Carol, I'm really not sure
177
00:08:35,198 --> 00:08:37,610
you should be rushing
into another marriage
right now.
178
00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:39,795
Well, Lois,
I appreciate
your input,
179
00:08:39,819 --> 00:08:42,448
but I'm capable
of making my
own decisions.
180
00:08:42,472 --> 00:08:43,821
Are you sure?
181
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:46,602
I mean, look at
your track record.
Nine divorces!
182
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,160
Do you really enjoy being
Carol Pewterschmidt-Johnson-
183
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,763
Carrington-Stone-O'Craggity-
Canseco-Shteinholtz-
184
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,698
Washington-Proudfoot-Fong?
185
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,083
Look, I know I have a bit
of a checkered past,
186
00:08:56,153 --> 00:08:58,719
but I believe in love
at first sight.
187
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,783
Hey, Lois, I didn't flush.
I want you to come see it.
188
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,551
Looks like the
Starbucks mermaid.
189
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,843
Peter, Carol is
marrying Mayor West.
190
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:07,206
You serious?
That's right, Peter.
191
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:09,747
Say hello to your
future brother-in-law.
192
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,098
Brother?
193
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:12,862
I don't know those
other two words,
but brother?
194
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,280
I'm gonna have a brother?
195
00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:16,721
Well, what we're discussing
is whether or not marriage
196
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:19,490
is a smart move for Carol
at this point in time.
197
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,993
I was hoping you might be
able to weigh in.
198
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,812
I'm gonna have a brother!
199
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,392
Hey, Adam, want to go get
in a fight over the rules
of a game we made up?
200
00:09:26,416 --> 00:09:28,699
Yep!
201
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,412
- Five points. I win.
- That's not fair.
202
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:31,936
You weren't touching the bush.
203
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,973
I was too
touching the... Cool,
this rock has mica.
204
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:36,107
Ah, Let me see!
205
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,009
Don't touch it.
It's worth money!
206
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,975
I didn't know
you rode bikes.
I didn't know
you rode bikes.
207
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,079
Let's go butts-up and fast.
208
00:09:46,869 --> 00:09:48,909
Oh, no! Patch
of sand.
209
00:09:53,042 --> 00:09:54,887
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
210
00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:57,345
I'm fine. Let's just
keep riding bikes.
211
00:09:57,414 --> 00:09:59,291
Are you sure?
That was a wicked
wipeout.
212
00:09:59,315 --> 00:10:02,417
I'm fine. Can we just
keep riding bikes, please?
213
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:10,608
Thanks for coming to dinner,
Lois. I know you have mixed
feelings about this.
214
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:12,372
I was worried you'd say no.
215
00:10:12,396 --> 00:10:15,579
Actually, I was worried
you'd say "Beetlejuice"
three times.
216
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:18,849
'Cause if you say
"Beetlejuice" three times,
then...
217
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:19,967
Yeow!
218
00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,703
That was a close call.
219
00:10:21,771 --> 00:10:23,204
Oh, Carol.
220
00:10:23,273 --> 00:10:25,940
I would never miss
any of your
meet-the-fiance dinners.
221
00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:27,541
This is the 10th one.
222
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,943
Oh, Lois.
223
00:10:29,012 --> 00:10:31,379
Well, Carol, I'm
just saying it's
a big decision.
224
00:10:31,448 --> 00:10:33,192
Life is full of big decisions.
225
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:36,136
Like deciding whether
or not you're going to have
time to masturbate.
226
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:39,553
Peter, I'm gonna run and pick
up Stewie. I'll be back
in five or ten minutes.
227
00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:41,021
Well, which is it?
228
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:44,292
It's like I told you, Lois.
This time it's different.
229
00:10:44,361 --> 00:10:47,946
Adam is the most kind
and attentive man
I've ever known.
230
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,581
Oh, that's interesting.
231
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,350
'Cause I remember
you saying the same
exact thing about Evan.
232
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:53,751
Isn't that right, Evan?
233
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,854
Yeah, yeah, I do remember her
saying that about me.
234
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,001
Evan. What are you
doing here?
235
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:00,291
I brought him.
236
00:11:00,359 --> 00:11:02,188
Lois, you didn't tell me
you were bringing Evan here.
237
00:11:02,212 --> 00:11:04,112
We bonded over
the Red Sox one time,
238
00:11:04,180 --> 00:11:06,125
and now he's got
to bring it up every
time I see him.
239
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:07,893
How about those Red Sox, Peter?
240
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,551
Yeah, how about 'em,
Evan? They exist.
241
00:11:09,619 --> 00:11:11,464
How about last
season, huh?
Yep.
242
00:11:11,488 --> 00:11:13,332
How about
next season?
We'll see.
243
00:11:13,356 --> 00:11:16,057
I'm gonna hold you to that.
244
00:11:16,126 --> 00:11:18,621
Look, I see what
you're trying
to do, Lois.
245
00:11:18,645 --> 00:11:20,795
And then there was
your second husband,
Randall,
246
00:11:20,864 --> 00:11:22,430
who you called your soul mate.
247
00:11:22,498 --> 00:11:23,964
Oh, God, not that guy.
248
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:26,600
He always comes bearing
really inconvenient gifts.
249
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:27,918
Hey, you guys.
250
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,805
Peter, I brought you
some saltwater tropical fish.
251
00:11:30,874 --> 00:11:34,074
Now, you got to feed them
every two hours, and I fed
them an hour ago.
252
00:11:34,144 --> 00:11:36,755
All right. You got
the food?
No, I don't have
the food.
253
00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:38,591
You get that at a
tropical fish store.
254
00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:40,248
It's 9:30 at night.
255
00:11:40,316 --> 00:11:41,860
Well, you better get going.
256
00:11:41,884 --> 00:11:44,235
Son of a fuck!
257
00:11:44,303 --> 00:11:46,621
And then there was
your third husband,
Doggie Daddy,
258
00:11:46,689 --> 00:11:47,933
but you couldn't make it work
259
00:11:47,957 --> 00:11:50,241
'cause he had that son
from a previous marriage.
260
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,594
Hey, Carol.
Oh. Hey.
261
00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:53,894
Just want to let you know,
262
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,397
Augie's all grown up now,
out of the house.
263
00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,333
So... You know...
264
00:11:58,401 --> 00:12:00,601
Anyway, I'm around.
265
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:03,082
This is really
insensitive
of you, Lois.
266
00:12:03,106 --> 00:12:06,808
Do you have any idea
how difficult it is for me
to see my ex-husbands?
267
00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:08,609
That's my point, Carol.
268
00:12:08,678 --> 00:12:10,623
This is the kind of pain
I'm trying to spare you
269
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,480
from experiencing
all over again.
270
00:12:12,549 --> 00:12:15,578
Why can't you just
let me be happy
with the man I love?
271
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:19,820
Carol, if you marry him,
you're just gonna get
hurt again.
272
00:12:19,889 --> 00:12:21,339
Is that what you want?
273
00:12:21,391 --> 00:12:23,541
Well, no.
274
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,192
Look at these men.
275
00:12:25,261 --> 00:12:28,963
Are you psychologically
able to deal with
this pain a 10th time?
276
00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:31,533
Oh, my God.
277
00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:33,301
Lois, you're right.
278
00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:37,588
Adam, I'm sorry.
I can't marry you.
279
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:40,308
What? But, Carol...
280
00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:42,743
I'm so sorry, Adam.
281
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:53,855
I think you should go now, Lois.
282
00:12:53,923 --> 00:12:56,774
I can't.
My husband took the car.
283
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:03,297
No, yeah. No, I know
it's late. I just need
some tropical fish food.
284
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,218
Come on. Where the hell
am I supposed to go?
You're in there!
285
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,407
Don't worry, fish.
I'm gonna take care of you,
286
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:15,009
'cause I know one day
you'll do the same for me.
287
00:13:15,078 --> 00:13:17,711
I'm sorry, but your friend
doesn't have insurance.
288
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:21,466
I don't care what it costs.
Just make this man well again.
289
00:13:21,535 --> 00:13:23,117
Thank you, fish.
290
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:31,592
We now returnto Germany's most popularlate-night talk show,
291
00:13:31,661 --> 00:13:34,311
Still Awake with Otto von Stade.
292
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:37,031
Some weather
we're having. Okay.
293
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,732
I was recently in Munich.
294
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:40,812
Did you ever noticehow the governmentbuildings there
295
00:13:40,836 --> 00:13:43,737
are quite well-maintained?
Okay.
296
00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:45,973
We have no guest.
Good night.
297
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,937
How you holding up, Carol?
298
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,211
Not so good.
299
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:52,447
Look, I know you're
depressed about Mayor West,
300
00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:55,500
but I promise you made
the right decision.
301
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,779
Just give yourself some time,
302
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:59,303
and I'm sure you'll feel
much better about it.
303
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,901
She says
that to Meg a lot,
so that's not good.
304
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,574
You're probably right.
305
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:05,526
Oh, well.
306
00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:09,914
I guess I just better go call
all my friends and tell
them the wedding is off.
307
00:14:14,337 --> 00:14:15,670
Hi, Mayor West.
308
00:14:15,738 --> 00:14:16,854
Hi, Lois.
309
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,557
I just wanted to return
Peter's BeDazzler.
310
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,159
Tell him I never
even opened the box.
311
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,096
Wait, Mayor West.
312
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,047
Okay, I might have
opened the box.
313
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:30,718
But listen, could you also say
goodbye to Carol for me?
314
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,886
Goodbye?
Where are you going?
315
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:37,492
As of today, I'm stepping down
as mayor and leaving
Quahog forever.
316
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,777
Because of Carol?
That's right.
317
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:43,080
I've decided to move to Alaska
and become an Eskimo.
318
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:46,017
Alaska? But that's
so far away!
319
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:49,103
And what about
the high percentage
of Eskimo child molesters?
320
00:14:49,172 --> 00:14:51,405
Give me a kiss.
I don't want to!
321
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,441
Give me a kiss,
or I'll hurt your parents!
322
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,828
Yeah. Yeah.
Mean it!
323
00:15:01,617 --> 00:15:04,218
Peter, what are
you doing?
I'm running away.
324
00:15:04,286 --> 00:15:06,920
Why?
Because you took away
my brother!
325
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,322
You ruined my life!
326
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:10,402
Adam and I were gonna be
brothers forever,
327
00:15:10,426 --> 00:15:11,626
and now he's gone!
328
00:15:11,695 --> 00:15:14,462
All you got there is toys
and cans of tuna fish.
329
00:15:14,531 --> 00:15:16,930
Well, I got to eat.
And I got to have fun.
330
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,562
Peter, you're just
acting out.
No, I'm not.
I'm acting in.
331
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,952
Okay, now you're just saying
the opposite of what I say.
332
00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,666
No, I'm not.
I'm saying the same
as what you say.
333
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:24,734
Peter.
Lois.
334
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,001
God.
Allah.
335
00:15:26,025 --> 00:15:28,309
Look, I'm not sacrificing
my sister's happiness
336
00:15:28,378 --> 00:15:29,810
so you can have a playmate.
337
00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:31,695
She and Mayor West
never would've made it.
338
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,726
Oh, yeah? Well, nobody
believed we'd make it,
and look at us now.
339
00:15:34,750 --> 00:15:36,695
I drink, and you use
sex as a weapon.
340
00:15:36,719 --> 00:15:39,114
That seems to me
like a successful New
England marriage.
341
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:40,354
Oh, come on, Peter.
342
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:42,368
My parents may have been
against our relationship,
343
00:15:42,392 --> 00:15:44,341
but a lot of people
supported us.
344
00:15:44,394 --> 00:15:47,344
Oh, yeah? Like who?
Well, like...
Like Carol.
345
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,113
God, if it wasn't
for her support,
346
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,716
I don't know that I would've
had the confidence
to marry you.
347
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:57,554
And now that she needs
my support, here I am
abandoning her.
348
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:00,858
Oh, my God.
Peter, I've made
a terrible mistake.
349
00:16:00,910 --> 00:16:02,221
Well, that's what
I tried to tell you,
350
00:16:02,245 --> 00:16:04,712
but you were as stubborn
as a pigeon at an ad agency.
351
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:10,918
Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, these are
all good ideas,
352
00:16:10,986 --> 00:16:13,131
but I think what people
really get excited about
353
00:16:13,155 --> 00:16:15,351
is dropped museum popcorn.
354
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:17,859
But this is an ad campaign
for a Nissan SUV.
355
00:16:17,927 --> 00:16:21,240
How does that
possibly...
Phil, Phil,
Phil, Phil.
356
00:16:21,264 --> 00:16:23,664
I was put in charge
of this meeting.
357
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:27,068
And we're going with
dropped museum popcorn.
358
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:37,111
I'd like one ticket
to Alaska, please.
One-way.
359
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,799
Has the 4:10 flight
to Alaska left yet?
360
00:16:57,867 --> 00:17:01,485
I'm afraid so.
That's it right there.
361
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:08,576
Oh, no, we're too late.
362
00:17:08,645 --> 00:17:10,211
I'm sorry, Carol.
363
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:12,541
But if it helps,
you're not the first person
to get a bum deal.
364
00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:15,983
Mr. Edison, we're going
to use your invention
to power the world.
365
00:17:16,052 --> 00:17:20,120
And, Mr. Tesla, we're going
to use yours in the background
of Frankenstein movies.
366
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:22,069
I wanted that one.
367
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:29,280
I am so sorry, you guys.
This is all my fault.
368
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:30,814
It's okay, Lois.
369
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,995
I know you tried
your best to make
things right.
370
00:17:34,019 --> 00:17:36,587
Well, since I ain't got
no brother to play
army guys with,
371
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,096
I might as well go to The Clam.
372
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,727
Hey, Quagmire, it's me.
Meet me at The Clam in 20.
373
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,740
That sounds great, Peter,
but I can't right now.
374
00:17:44,764 --> 00:17:46,064
Crap. Why not?
375
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:48,449
'Cause I'm working.
I'm flying a plane to Alaska.
376
00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:50,017
Alaska? What the hell?
377
00:17:50,086 --> 00:17:51,630
I never even heard
of this place an hour ago,
378
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:52,982
and now everybody's
flying there.
379
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:55,668
What did
you say?
Quagmire's flying
to Alaska?
380
00:17:55,692 --> 00:17:57,942
Peter, that's the plane
Mayor West is on!
381
00:17:58,011 --> 00:17:59,860
I get what you're driving at.
382
00:17:59,929 --> 00:18:02,396
If Carol can't have
Mayor West, no one can.
383
00:18:02,465 --> 00:18:05,366
Quagmire, I want you
to crash that plane.
No survivors, you hear me?
384
00:18:05,435 --> 00:18:07,401
Peter, for God sakes, no!
385
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:10,571
Tell him to turn
the plane around.
Hey, listen, Quagmire,
386
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,540
turn the plane around
and bring it back here.
387
00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:15,560
Peter, I can't do that.
The FAA would be
all over my ass.
388
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:24,919
Hey, Quagmire, you know
that stray cat we got
in our neighborhood?
389
00:18:24,988 --> 00:18:27,749
The pregnant one?
Yep, she's having
her kittens right now.
390
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,724
Oh, no way.
391
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,971
Yeah, making all those
high-pitched "mew mew"
noises and everything.
392
00:18:32,995 --> 00:18:34,712
I love them already.
393
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,625
Yeah, but Brian's been eyeing
them pretty good.
394
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,660
What?
Yeah, and I got to go
to work now.
395
00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:42,086
So I hope he's not,
like, hungry or nothing.
396
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,956
This is your captain speaking.
We've discovered a shoe bomb
on board.
397
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:46,864
We're gonna have to return
to the terminal.
398
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,771
Hello, Alaska!
399
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:01,839
Adam!
400
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,240
Carol?
401
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,282
I don't know what
I was thinking.
402
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,050
I made nine mistakes,
403
00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,752
and I was afraid that
I was gonna make another one.
404
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,522
And you know what?
I almost did.
405
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:22,192
Adam, I want to spend
the rest of my life with you.
406
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:25,913
Carol, nothing would
make me happier.
407
00:19:34,023 --> 00:19:38,025
Hey, when it's your turn
to say "I do," you should say,
"I do the Dew."
408
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,360
And then we both pull out
a Mountain Dew,
409
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:43,447
and then I do, like,
a radical skateboard jump
off the altar.
410
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,349
Well, obviously, yeah.
411
00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:56,660
Good luck.
I hope you like
weird boobs.
412
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,166
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
413
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:06,670
to join this man
and this woman
in holy matrimony.
414
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:09,890
The bride and groom
have written their own vows.
415
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:12,393
Adam, from the first day
I met you,
416
00:20:12,462 --> 00:20:14,895
I knew that we were
meant to be together.
417
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:17,998
I know I've said
that before,
a lot of times,
418
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:20,562
and it's always blown up
in my face.
Giggity.
419
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:24,021
But this time it's different.
I know it's gonna work.
420
00:20:24,089 --> 00:20:28,008
I love you.
And I'll be proud
to be your wife.
421
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,177
That was lovely. Adam?
422
00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:33,648
"Milk. Butter. Cat food.
423
00:20:33,716 --> 00:20:36,416
"Those new potato chips
in the snack aisle.
424
00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:39,987
"Beer. Deodorant.
Garbage bags. Toothpaste."
425
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:42,005
Adam, I think that's
your shopping list.
426
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,891
No. These are my vows.
427
00:20:43,959 --> 00:20:46,911
They're all the reasons
why I'll always love you.
428
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:48,412
Oh, Adam.
429
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,915
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
430
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,867
You may kiss the bride.
431
00:20:56,305 --> 00:20:58,839
Peter, I'm so happy
for the both of them.
432
00:20:58,908 --> 00:21:01,742
Hey, I just realized
I have a sister.
433
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:05,479
Ha! Stand much?
434
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:43,915
English - US - Line 21
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