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1
00:00:00,221 --> 00:00:03,170
You guys, Sophie is
absolutely adorable.
2
00:00:03,192 --> 00:00:05,159
Oh, this is how I know
I'm ready to be a father.
3
00:00:05,194 --> 00:00:07,528
She is drooling all over
my 12-ply cashmere sweater,
4
00:00:07,563 --> 00:00:08,863
and I don't even care.
5
00:00:08,897 --> 00:00:10,031
(Baby crying) Oh, no, no, no.
6
00:00:10,065 --> 00:00:11,149
Did I do something wrong?
7
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:12,933
Is she upset that we have to
sit in the dirt
8
00:00:12,951 --> 00:00:14,235
and eat out of boxes
with plastic utensils?
9
00:00:14,269 --> 00:00:15,486
No, no, she's just hungry.
10
00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:18,122
Oh, that's right,
those are my feelings. Oh.
11
00:00:18,157 --> 00:00:19,490
There you go.
12
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:21,793
(Baby crying)
13
00:00:22,911 --> 00:00:23,628
(Crying stops)
14
00:00:23,662 --> 00:00:25,546
Look at that.
15
00:00:25,581 --> 00:00:27,665
Mother and child connecting.
16
00:00:27,716 --> 00:00:30,334
I wish there was some way
for our son to breast-feed.
17
00:00:30,385 --> 00:00:31,886
Statistically,
kids who breast-feed
18
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,805
have fewer
ear and respiratory infections.
19
00:00:33,839 --> 00:00:36,340
The antibodies fight
bacteria, viruses.
20
00:00:36,391 --> 00:00:38,009
It's fun being with
a doctor, isn't it?
21
00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:39,844
Yeah, it's like
living with a magazine
22
00:00:39,895 --> 00:00:41,179
I never wanted to read.
23
00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:43,014
Of course, for some mothers,
breast-feeding can become
24
00:00:43,065 --> 00:00:44,515
an addiction unto itself.
25
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,567
My mom breast-fed me
until I was four.
26
00:00:46,602 --> 00:00:48,519
I'm hungry.
27
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,137
Let's see.
I have fishy crackers.
28
00:00:50,155 --> 00:00:52,490
I want booby.
29
00:00:52,524 --> 00:00:53,658
What do you have there, Davey?
30
00:00:53,692 --> 00:00:55,309
Chocolate syrup.
31
00:00:55,327 --> 00:00:57,411
I'm gonna put it on them
to make chocolate milk.
32
00:00:57,446 --> 00:00:59,080
Up you come.
Come on.
33
00:00:59,114 --> 00:01:00,364
Oh, honey, no.
34
00:01:00,415 --> 00:01:02,983
Painful/yucky childhood memories
are meant to be repressed.
35
00:01:03,001 --> 00:01:04,151
Why don't you
ask your surrogate?
36
00:01:04,169 --> 00:01:05,253
You know,
see if she'll pump for you.
37
00:01:09,491 --> 00:01:10,824
What was that?
38
00:01:10,843 --> 00:01:12,877
Lots of people have
problems with this, actually.
39
00:01:12,928 --> 00:01:14,929
Last week, I was
breast-feeding Sophie
40
00:01:14,963 --> 00:01:16,330
while we were having lunch
at LA fica,
41
00:01:16,348 --> 00:01:17,849
and the manager
came up to me and said,
42
00:01:17,883 --> 00:01:19,333
"would you mind
doing that somewhere private?"
43
00:01:19,351 --> 00:01:20,718
You should get
your breast-feeding friends
44
00:01:20,769 --> 00:01:21,886
and go back there.
45
00:01:21,937 --> 00:01:23,437
You should protest
that restaurant.
46
00:01:23,472 --> 00:01:25,273
But you should do something
that, you know,
47
00:01:25,307 --> 00:01:27,892
would really get people talking,
like a... like a flash mob.
48
00:01:27,943 --> 00:01:29,227
Yeah, yeah, I'll help you.
49
00:01:29,278 --> 00:01:31,863
I'm great at that stuff.
And besides, I would do anything
50
00:01:31,897 --> 00:01:33,781
for little Sophie.
It's beautiful.
51
00:01:33,815 --> 00:01:35,533
Until she decides
to bite down on my nipple.
52
00:01:35,567 --> 00:01:37,201
My mom used to hate that.
53
00:01:37,236 --> 00:01:41,122
Of course, you take away my
hot wheels, you pay the price.
54
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:44,006
55
00:01:44,126 --> 00:01:46,994
Yay, Bryan! These maternity
clothes are so cool!
56
00:01:47,028 --> 00:01:48,862
But you shouldn't have
bought them for me.
57
00:01:48,881 --> 00:01:51,549
He didn't. I took them from
the sing! Wardrobe department.
58
00:01:51,583 --> 00:01:53,384
We did that whole fake pregnancy
storyline first season.
59
00:01:53,418 --> 00:01:54,535
Remember?
60
00:01:54,553 --> 00:01:56,587
Oh, we didn't
get cable in Ohio.
61
00:01:56,638 --> 00:01:57,755
Oh, honey, it's a network show.
62
00:01:57,806 --> 00:01:59,056
Please don't make me keep lying.
63
00:01:59,091 --> 00:02:01,041
Goldie, uh, we, uh,
64
00:02:01,059 --> 00:02:03,144
we actually wanted
to ask you something.
65
00:02:03,178 --> 00:02:04,211
Sure.
66
00:02:04,229 --> 00:02:07,899
Um, as men,
we can do many things.
67
00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,817
But what we can't do
68
00:02:09,851 --> 00:02:11,736
is produce breast milk.
69
00:02:11,770 --> 00:02:15,740
So we were wondering if you
would consider pumping milk
70
00:02:15,774 --> 00:02:16,607
for our baby?
71
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,276
Oh, my gosh, of course.
72
00:02:18,327 --> 00:02:20,444
I mean, at least for
the first couple of months.
73
00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:22,396
That's so great. Thank you.
Thank you, Goldie.
74
00:02:22,414 --> 00:02:24,949
It's awesome my mom's
gonna do that for you guys.
75
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:26,584
I don't know any
reason why women today
76
00:02:26,618 --> 00:02:28,235
wouldn't want to breast-feed.
77
00:02:28,253 --> 00:02:29,737
Well, I'll give you two.
78
00:02:29,755 --> 00:02:30,838
One, two.
79
00:02:30,872 --> 00:02:32,340
Can you imagine
80
00:02:32,374 --> 00:02:35,042
what these sweeties would
look like if I had a little one
81
00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:36,460
sucking on them all day long
82
00:02:36,511 --> 00:02:38,346
like they were root beer
big gulps?
83
00:02:38,380 --> 00:02:40,581
Ah, big news, Bryan!
84
00:02:40,599 --> 00:02:42,082
Scott Baio says yes!
85
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,517
He'll paint your house!
86
00:02:43,552 --> 00:02:45,102
Did you hear that,
Harvey Milkbone?
87
00:02:45,137 --> 00:02:46,604
Chachi's gonna paint our house!
88
00:02:46,638 --> 00:02:48,639
And many women don't have
the time to breast-feed,
89
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,441
because they got to get
back to work.
90
00:02:50,475 --> 00:02:52,643
That's why I won't be
making my own milk.
91
00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:55,529
'Cause I'll be too busy making
those dead presidents.
92
00:02:55,564 --> 00:02:57,481
Well, I didn't
breast-feed with Shania
93
00:02:57,532 --> 00:02:59,150
because I had to work
and finish up high school.
94
00:02:59,201 --> 00:03:00,701
It was a lot.
95
00:03:00,736 --> 00:03:01,702
Wait a minute.
96
00:03:01,737 --> 00:03:03,154
You didn't breast-feed me?
97
00:03:03,205 --> 00:03:04,438
But you turned out great.
98
00:03:04,456 --> 00:03:05,606
But the benefits.
99
00:03:05,624 --> 00:03:07,208
I could've been so much more.
100
00:03:07,242 --> 00:03:09,543
(Crowd cheering)
101
00:03:11,546 --> 00:03:13,113
Thank you.
102
00:03:13,131 --> 00:03:15,166
I accept this nobel peace prize
with honor.
103
00:03:15,217 --> 00:03:17,168
Please, sit down.
104
00:03:17,219 --> 00:03:18,803
I need to thank my mom.
105
00:03:18,837 --> 00:03:21,389
If it weren't for her breast
milk, I don't know where I'd be.
106
00:03:21,423 --> 00:03:23,290
Probably not curing cancer,
107
00:03:23,308 --> 00:03:25,676
designing a car engine
that runs on spittle
108
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:29,180
or balancing my country's
budget, that's for sure.
109
00:03:30,065 --> 00:03:31,515
I'm sorry, Shania.
110
00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:34,018
But at least now we can make
sure Bryan and David's baby
111
00:03:34,069 --> 00:03:35,319
gets all the milk he needs.
112
00:03:35,354 --> 00:03:37,137
That's perfect.
113
00:03:37,155 --> 00:03:38,823
That's just perfect.
114
00:03:41,326 --> 00:03:42,860
Jane: Rocky, I need
to talk to you about Brice.
115
00:03:42,911 --> 00:03:44,028
Are you busy?
116
00:03:44,079 --> 00:03:45,363
No, just giving
the sing! Writers
117
00:03:45,414 --> 00:03:46,364
notes on a script.
118
00:03:46,415 --> 00:03:47,832
So, Jane,
119
00:03:47,866 --> 00:03:51,752
how's it going with you and that
fine tub of creamy Greek yogurt?
120
00:03:51,787 --> 00:03:52,920
Does he have
121
00:03:52,954 --> 00:03:54,088
that honey at the bottom?
122
00:03:54,122 --> 00:03:55,339
He hasn't asked me out,
123
00:03:55,374 --> 00:03:57,591
and I've used
all my best moves on him.
124
00:03:57,626 --> 00:03:59,760
Just got your text. What's the
emergency? "Help me! Help me!"
125
00:03:59,795 --> 00:04:01,829
My computer won't let me
get on the Internet.
126
00:04:01,847 --> 00:04:04,048
Could you take a look
at it for me, please?
127
00:04:04,683 --> 00:04:05,683
Let me see what...
128
00:04:05,717 --> 00:04:07,051
I dropped something.
129
00:04:07,102 --> 00:04:08,469
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
130
00:04:08,503 --> 00:04:09,720
No, I'll get it.
131
00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,138
Here's your problem.
132
00:04:11,172 --> 00:04:13,024
Somebody completely unplugged
you from the Internet.
133
00:04:13,058 --> 00:04:14,692
Oh.
There you go.
134
00:04:14,726 --> 00:04:16,694
Should be as good as new.
135
00:04:16,728 --> 00:04:19,280
Awesome bra, by the way.
136
00:04:19,314 --> 00:04:22,516
Women don't do that
anymore, Jane.
137
00:04:22,534 --> 00:04:24,535
We see something we want,
we go after it.
138
00:04:24,569 --> 00:04:27,321
Walk up to him and say,
"you want to go out with me?
139
00:04:27,355 --> 00:04:29,290
Yes or no?"
140
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:31,325
You better be right.
141
00:04:33,545 --> 00:04:34,745
Night.
142
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,163
Brice?
143
00:04:36,882 --> 00:04:38,365
I would like to go out.
144
00:04:38,383 --> 00:04:39,467
On a date.
145
00:04:39,501 --> 00:04:40,584
With you.
146
00:04:40,635 --> 00:04:41,752
Yes or no?
147
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,004
Sure.
148
00:04:44,038 --> 00:04:47,758
Rocky: Now that's what
I'm talking about, girl!
149
00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:54,899
(Laughs)
150
00:04:54,933 --> 00:04:56,434
Look, honey.
151
00:04:56,485 --> 00:04:57,735
It's a unicorn
152
00:04:57,769 --> 00:04:59,219
playing the piano.
153
00:04:59,237 --> 00:05:00,988
That's insane.
154
00:05:01,022 --> 00:05:02,222
It would sound terrible.
155
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,275
Their hooves couldn't properly
finger the keys.
156
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:05,743
What's gotten into you?
157
00:05:05,777 --> 00:05:07,745
Not breast milk,
that's for sure.
158
00:05:07,779 --> 00:05:09,280
Are you still upset about that?
159
00:05:09,331 --> 00:05:11,231
Yes. I texted
everybody at school
160
00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:13,066
to ask if they were breast-fed,
161
00:05:13,085 --> 00:05:15,235
and the answer was
unanimously yes.
162
00:05:15,253 --> 00:05:16,954
Except for brain dead Brandon,
163
00:05:17,005 --> 00:05:19,173
the stupidest kid
in the whole school.
164
00:05:19,207 --> 00:05:21,241
Brandon, how old
is the universe?
165
00:05:21,259 --> 00:05:22,409
Sixteen.
166
00:05:22,427 --> 00:05:24,428
Brandon, who invented
the telephone?
167
00:05:24,463 --> 00:05:25,780
Orville Redenbacher.
168
00:05:25,814 --> 00:05:28,215
Brandon, what happened to you?
169
00:05:28,249 --> 00:05:29,767
Shh. I'm peeing.
170
00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,689
Shania, I'm sorry I
didn't breast-feed you.
171
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:38,592
But there's nothing I
can do about it now.
172
00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:40,277
Actually, there is.
173
00:05:40,312 --> 00:05:42,763
I found a story
about a kid in Great Britain
174
00:05:42,781 --> 00:05:44,264
who's eight and still nursing.
175
00:05:44,282 --> 00:05:45,699
Look!
What?
176
00:05:45,734 --> 00:05:46,984
Oh, no!
177
00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:48,268
And he has braces?
178
00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:49,487
That poor woman.
179
00:05:49,538 --> 00:05:51,872
She clearly knows the benefits
of breast milk,
180
00:05:51,907 --> 00:05:53,958
which is why I want in on yours.
181
00:05:53,992 --> 00:05:55,292
You are nine years old.
182
00:05:55,327 --> 00:05:56,911
I don't need
to suck it out of you.
183
00:05:56,945 --> 00:05:59,112
I just want you
to squirt it on my cereal
184
00:05:59,131 --> 00:06:00,614
and in my hot chocolate.
185
00:06:00,632 --> 00:06:01,966
Nothing weird.
186
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,467
It's not gonna happen.
187
00:06:03,502 --> 00:06:06,137
And that is a completely
inappropriate conversation.
188
00:06:06,171 --> 00:06:08,472
The next time you bring
it up, you're grounded.
189
00:06:08,507 --> 00:06:11,458
Fine. But as soon as I get
enough money for a plane ticket
190
00:06:11,476 --> 00:06:13,644
and a passport, I'm running away
to Great Britain.
191
00:06:13,678 --> 00:06:14,678
Ta-ta.
192
00:06:14,729 --> 00:06:16,797
Ta...?
193
00:06:16,815 --> 00:06:18,098
(Gasps)
194
00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:20,017
Mm-hmm!
195
00:06:20,068 --> 00:06:23,687
My ex Darnell
would have loved this.
196
00:06:23,738 --> 00:06:24,972
You know what?
197
00:06:24,990 --> 00:06:27,158
I'm gonna buy it, take a picture
of myself in it,
198
00:06:27,192 --> 00:06:29,860
and send it to him in a text
at 2:00 A.M. that reads,
199
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,912
"you up?"
(Laughs)
200
00:06:31,947 --> 00:06:33,614
No matter what kind of pump
you could possibly want,
201
00:06:33,648 --> 00:06:34,782
they'll have it here
at suck it.
202
00:06:34,816 --> 00:06:36,417
Hello.
Hello.
203
00:06:36,451 --> 00:06:39,152
This is my lactation
consultant, Violet.
204
00:06:39,171 --> 00:06:40,454
Welcome.
And this is Bryan,
205
00:06:40,488 --> 00:06:42,623
the guy who came up
with the whole idea
206
00:06:42,657 --> 00:06:43,757
for our flash mob protest.
207
00:06:43,792 --> 00:06:45,659
You're like a hero
to the moms around here.
208
00:06:45,677 --> 00:06:47,178
They're calling you
a "lactivist."
209
00:06:47,212 --> 00:06:49,296
Well, that's very
clever for moms.
210
00:06:49,330 --> 00:06:50,714
Can we get to the other
reason we're here?
211
00:06:50,765 --> 00:06:52,666
We need to pick
out a breast pump.
212
00:06:52,684 --> 00:06:54,518
Well, are you and your wife
looking to buy?
213
00:06:54,553 --> 00:06:56,270
'Cause we have rentals, too.
214
00:06:56,304 --> 00:06:58,272
Oh.
Perhaps you have mistaken me
215
00:06:58,306 --> 00:07:00,691
for my good friend
and tennis partner, Wanda Sykes.
216
00:07:00,725 --> 00:07:02,226
This woman and I
217
00:07:02,277 --> 00:07:03,310
are not together.
218
00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:04,061
Sorry.
219
00:07:04,112 --> 00:07:05,178
She is carrying a child
220
00:07:05,197 --> 00:07:06,280
for my partner David and I,
221
00:07:06,314 --> 00:07:08,032
and she has agreed
to pump milk for our son.
222
00:07:08,066 --> 00:07:10,067
That is beautiful
that you are willing
223
00:07:10,118 --> 00:07:12,853
to give of your time
and life-force.
224
00:07:12,871 --> 00:07:13,871
Isn't it?
225
00:07:13,905 --> 00:07:16,207
Oh, Goldie, you can't imagine
226
00:07:16,241 --> 00:07:17,825
the peace that
you're going to feel
227
00:07:17,859 --> 00:07:19,660
knowing that your body
is providing sustenance
228
00:07:19,694 --> 00:07:20,878
for another being.
229
00:07:20,912 --> 00:07:22,162
It's not fair.
230
00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:23,881
I want my son and I to
experience that closeness.
231
00:07:23,915 --> 00:07:26,083
Oh. You're that guy.
232
00:07:26,134 --> 00:07:28,535
I know exactly what
you're looking for, Bryan.
233
00:07:28,553 --> 00:07:29,536
Follow me.
234
00:07:29,554 --> 00:07:31,255
Violet.
235
00:07:31,306 --> 00:07:33,891
It's called the milkman.
236
00:07:33,925 --> 00:07:37,711
We've never sold one, because
it's incredibly weird.
237
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:41,381
Oh, my God,
it's absolutely perfect.
238
00:07:41,399 --> 00:07:43,767
Please tell me
it comes in a tartan plaid.
239
00:07:49,890 --> 00:07:51,975
David...
Check it out.
240
00:07:52,002 --> 00:07:52,969
Look what I got
241
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:54,271
at the breast pump store.
242
00:07:54,305 --> 00:07:55,272
It's called
243
00:07:55,306 --> 00:07:56,606
the milkman.
244
00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:59,175
Was "the humiliator"
already trademarked?
245
00:07:59,193 --> 00:08:00,811
Don't judge it until you try it.
246
00:08:00,845 --> 00:08:02,646
(Chuckles):
Oh, no, no, no.
247
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:03,980
I'm not putting that thing on.
248
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:05,615
David, this is
really important to me.
249
00:08:05,650 --> 00:08:07,567
Okay.
250
00:08:07,618 --> 00:08:09,119
So, here's our baby.
251
00:08:09,153 --> 00:08:11,154
Hold him to your nipple
and let him suckle.
252
00:08:11,188 --> 00:08:13,573
And don't worry, 'cause our real
baby won't have a loose eye.
253
00:08:13,624 --> 00:08:14,708
Please don't make me do this.
254
00:08:14,742 --> 00:08:16,960
Come on, make sure
he has a good latch.
255
00:08:16,994 --> 00:08:18,628
(Sighs)
256
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:21,631
Let's... come here, little guy.
257
00:08:21,666 --> 00:08:22,799
Just really get in there.
258
00:08:22,834 --> 00:08:24,367
Shove it in there.
259
00:08:24,385 --> 00:08:25,869
Feel close?
All right.
260
00:08:25,887 --> 00:08:27,203
You feel the
closeness, don't you?
261
00:08:27,221 --> 00:08:28,204
(Chuckles):
Yeah.
262
00:08:28,222 --> 00:08:29,205
Oh, look how sweet.
263
00:08:29,223 --> 00:08:30,841
All right, baby's full.
264
00:08:30,875 --> 00:08:34,644
I'm sorry, Bry, I just don't
have the same bizarre need
265
00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:36,646
to feel like a lady,
or whatever this is.
266
00:08:36,681 --> 00:08:38,431
I don't want to be
a woman, David.
267
00:08:38,482 --> 00:08:39,599
Breast-feeding is about bonding.
268
00:08:39,650 --> 00:08:41,401
Don't you want
to create a deeper,
269
00:08:41,435 --> 00:08:43,103
more meaningful connection
to our son?
270
00:08:43,154 --> 00:08:45,655
Yes, but I just don't need
plastic breasts to do that.
271
00:08:46,741 --> 00:08:49,326
Bry, where are you going?
272
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,561
I have a protest to produce.
273
00:08:51,579 --> 00:08:53,396
Where I can go hang
out with mature people
274
00:08:53,414 --> 00:08:55,332
who understand the importance
of breast-feeding.
275
00:08:55,366 --> 00:08:56,366
Bry.
276
00:08:58,736 --> 00:09:01,404
Don't forget your Dolly.
277
00:09:04,792 --> 00:09:06,760
(Pop music playing)
Brice: Yeah! You like the music?
278
00:09:06,794 --> 00:09:08,378
Since you're a traditional type,
279
00:09:08,412 --> 00:09:10,096
I thought
I'd stick to the classics.
280
00:09:10,131 --> 00:09:11,264
Missy Elliot.
281
00:09:11,299 --> 00:09:12,515
(Music stops)
282
00:09:12,550 --> 00:09:14,250
You know that, uh,
she actually sleeps
283
00:09:14,268 --> 00:09:15,802
in a hollowed-
out Ferrari?
284
00:09:15,853 --> 00:09:18,138
For real.
285
00:09:18,189 --> 00:09:20,190
(Chuckles)
286
00:09:23,561 --> 00:09:25,028
Don't be afraid.
287
00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:28,031
Got big, bad,
perfectly-exfoliated Brice
288
00:09:28,065 --> 00:09:29,265
to protect you.
289
00:09:29,283 --> 00:09:30,600
No, no, I'm fine.
(Car alarm chirps)
290
00:09:30,618 --> 00:09:32,118
I just thought
that all these neighborhoods
291
00:09:32,153 --> 00:09:33,436
got burned down in the riots.
292
00:09:33,454 --> 00:09:37,874
So, uh, where's
the, um, restaurant?
293
00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:40,961
Is it somewhere between
these random shopping carts
294
00:09:40,995 --> 00:09:43,163
and the unsupervised toddlers
with hoop earrings?
295
00:09:43,214 --> 00:09:44,714
Actually, it's
not a restaurant.
296
00:09:44,749 --> 00:09:46,333
It's a food truck.
297
00:09:46,384 --> 00:09:47,550
Food truck, yeah.
298
00:09:47,585 --> 00:09:49,953
Aziz Ansari, uh, talked
about it on his Twitter.
299
00:09:49,971 --> 00:09:51,788
It's the best
food truck in L.A.
300
00:09:51,806 --> 00:09:54,257
Although, there is this place
in echo park this woman has,
301
00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:58,127
it's called topless tapas;
But the food, not so good.
302
00:09:58,145 --> 00:09:59,796
Oh, I know these
guys. Hey, now!
303
00:09:59,814 --> 00:10:01,181
Here.
304
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:03,433
(Speaks Korean)
305
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:05,969
Wait, you actually speak
that gobbledy-gook?
306
00:10:05,987 --> 00:10:07,704
Wait, I have one.
307
00:10:07,738 --> 00:10:09,739
(Korean accent):
"15 dolla, make you holla."
308
00:10:10,741 --> 00:10:11,875
(Laughs)
309
00:10:11,909 --> 00:10:13,443
That's not funny.
310
00:10:13,461 --> 00:10:14,744
Oh, come on, it's a joke.
311
00:10:14,778 --> 00:10:16,112
It's not funny.
312
00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:17,714
Listen, Jane, if you can't
get through the night
313
00:10:17,748 --> 00:10:19,299
without, you know,
saying stuff like that,
314
00:10:19,333 --> 00:10:20,783
I'm happy to take you home.
315
00:10:23,004 --> 00:10:24,704
Sorry.
316
00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:26,756
All right.
317
00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:28,508
There you go.
318
00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,343
Thank you.
319
00:10:30,394 --> 00:10:31,561
Try one?
320
00:10:31,595 --> 00:10:33,396
Ready?
321
00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:37,100
Good, huh? See?
322
00:10:37,134 --> 00:10:38,768
How do you say "thank you"?
323
00:10:38,802 --> 00:10:40,186
(Man speaks Korean)
324
00:10:40,237 --> 00:10:41,187
(Repeats Korean phrase)
325
00:10:41,238 --> 00:10:42,238
(Repeats Korean phrase)
326
00:10:42,273 --> 00:10:43,323
(Repeats Korean phrase)
327
00:10:43,357 --> 00:10:44,524
(Chuckles) Say it again.
328
00:10:44,575 --> 00:10:45,525
(Repeats Korean phrase)
329
00:10:45,576 --> 00:10:47,143
I got something in my eye now.
330
00:10:47,161 --> 00:10:48,278
(Both laugh)
331
00:10:50,164 --> 00:10:52,165
I thought we were out of milk.
332
00:10:52,199 --> 00:10:53,450
We are.
333
00:10:53,484 --> 00:10:55,618
This isn't cow milk,
it's breast milk.
334
00:10:55,652 --> 00:10:56,786
Shania!
335
00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,338
Where did you get that?!
336
00:10:58,372 --> 00:11:00,823
Online, with the amex gift card
Nana gave me
337
00:11:00,841 --> 00:11:02,175
for my birthday.
338
00:11:02,209 --> 00:11:05,995
She told me I could buy
whatever I want under $75.
339
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:07,847
There's a web site
for breast milk?
340
00:11:07,882 --> 00:11:11,468
"The safe, clean,
legal-in-most-states place
341
00:11:11,502 --> 00:11:13,470
"for overproducing mothers
342
00:11:13,504 --> 00:11:15,138
"who want to supplement
their income
343
00:11:15,172 --> 00:11:18,358
"and... fetishists.
344
00:11:18,392 --> 00:11:21,111
Endorsed by Marie Osmond."
345
00:11:21,145 --> 00:11:23,480
But you don't even know
whose breasts that came from.
346
00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:25,732
Don't worry. I ran a
thorough background check.
347
00:11:25,783 --> 00:11:27,734
She's a college Professor
named Katherine
348
00:11:27,785 --> 00:11:30,186
who doesn't smoke, drink
or read Stephenie meyer.
349
00:11:30,204 --> 00:11:31,454
Give me that.
350
00:11:31,489 --> 00:11:33,823
Shania Clemmons!
You are not drinking
351
00:11:33,857 --> 00:11:35,492
a stranger's breast milk
you bought on the Internet.
352
00:11:35,526 --> 00:11:38,861
But this could be my only way
into an Ivy league college.
353
00:11:38,879 --> 00:11:40,163
Do you know
how stupid that sounds?
354
00:11:40,197 --> 00:11:41,247
No, I don't.
355
00:11:41,298 --> 00:11:42,532
Because I wasn't breast-fed,
356
00:11:42,550 --> 00:11:44,667
so my feeble brain
is underdeveloped.
357
00:11:44,701 --> 00:11:46,886
Do not drink that breast milk.
358
00:11:46,921 --> 00:11:49,973
I am not kidding, Shania.
359
00:11:50,007 --> 00:11:51,474
Don't make me count to three.
360
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,709
One.
361
00:11:53,728 --> 00:11:55,311
Two.
362
00:11:55,346 --> 00:11:57,063
Young lady, if you put one drop
363
00:11:57,098 --> 00:11:59,065
of that nice woman's milk
into your mouth,
364
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,884
you will be sorry.
365
00:12:01,902 --> 00:12:03,719
Big-time sorry.
366
00:12:05,439 --> 00:12:06,606
Jane:
I'm telling you, rocky,
367
00:12:06,657 --> 00:12:08,191
the date went great.
368
00:12:08,225 --> 00:12:10,226
No, he totally took control.
369
00:12:10,244 --> 00:12:12,996
I let myself get bossed around,
and I loved it.
370
00:12:13,030 --> 00:12:14,864
Oh, well, then.
371
00:12:14,898 --> 00:12:16,866
I guess you should ask him out
for another date.
372
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:18,568
He just might
turn you out, girl.
373
00:12:18,586 --> 00:12:19,869
Turn me out what?
374
00:12:19,903 --> 00:12:21,538
Oh, you'll know when it happens.
375
00:12:21,572 --> 00:12:24,174
I got to go.
Here he comes.
376
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:25,542
Hey, now.
377
00:12:25,576 --> 00:12:26,760
Oh, hey.
378
00:12:26,794 --> 00:12:28,762
Um... uh, uh,
what are you doing tonight?
379
00:12:28,796 --> 00:12:30,713
Maybe I can take you for a meal
380
00:12:30,747 --> 00:12:32,265
at a real restaurant,
where we don't
381
00:12:32,299 --> 00:12:34,584
have to eat our dinner
standing over a garbage can.
382
00:12:34,602 --> 00:12:36,886
Well, I'd love to,
but I have plans tonight.
383
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,355
Well, what about a rain check?
384
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:41,274
Yeah, purple rain check.
385
00:12:41,308 --> 00:12:43,759
"Purple rain"...
that's a prince song.
386
00:12:43,778 --> 00:12:44,760
It's my favorite...
You know what?
387
00:12:44,779 --> 00:12:45,862
We'll have a listening party.
388
00:12:45,896 --> 00:12:46,896
Warning.
389
00:12:47,982 --> 00:12:49,699
Things could get sexy.
390
00:12:49,733 --> 00:12:50,950
(Purrs)
391
00:12:53,937 --> 00:12:55,938
(Phone ringing)
392
00:12:58,459 --> 00:13:00,376
Niles & Windsor realtors.
393
00:13:00,411 --> 00:13:02,796
Yes, this is
Jane Forrest speaking.
394
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:05,131
Yes, that house on lindo
still is available.
395
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:07,584
It has five bedrooms,
three and a half baths,
396
00:13:07,618 --> 00:13:09,785
and-and...
397
00:13:09,804 --> 00:13:13,256
And a pool that I wish
you would drown in.
398
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:15,791
Are you kidding me?
399
00:13:20,848 --> 00:13:22,798
Why, thank you.
You're very welcome.
400
00:13:24,635 --> 00:13:26,736
Enjoy.
Thank you.
401
00:13:35,946 --> 00:13:38,314
I'm sorry, ma'am.
If you're going to do that,
402
00:13:38,332 --> 00:13:40,083
I'm going to have to ask you
to step into the ladies' lounge.
403
00:13:40,117 --> 00:13:41,484
No, thank you.
I'd prefer not to.
404
00:13:41,502 --> 00:13:42,752
It's just that what you're doing
405
00:13:42,786 --> 00:13:44,420
may make some of our patrons,
uh, uncomfortable,
406
00:13:44,455 --> 00:13:45,688
so if you wouldn't mind...
407
00:13:45,723 --> 00:13:47,090
Actually, I would mind.
408
00:13:47,124 --> 00:13:49,125
My breasts won't be silenced.
409
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:50,793
And my breasts are not alone.
410
00:13:50,827 --> 00:13:53,346
411
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,431
my milk shake brings
all the boys to the yard
412
00:13:55,466 --> 00:13:57,600
and they're like,
it's better than yours
413
00:13:57,635 --> 00:13:59,769
damn right it's
better than yours
414
00:13:59,803 --> 00:14:01,837
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
415
00:14:01,856 --> 00:14:03,640
my milk shake brings
all the boys to the yard
416
00:14:03,674 --> 00:14:05,859
and they're like,
it's better than yours
417
00:14:05,893 --> 00:14:07,810
Can I get security?
Damn
right it's better than yours
418
00:14:07,844 --> 00:14:10,280
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
419
00:14:10,314 --> 00:14:11,981
I know you want it
420
00:14:12,015 --> 00:14:16,202
the thing that makes me
421
00:14:16,237 --> 00:14:19,956
what the boys go crazy for
422
00:14:21,742 --> 00:14:22,876
I think it's time
423
00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:25,378
LA-LA, LA-LA, LA
424
00:14:25,412 --> 00:14:27,363
warm it up
425
00:14:27,381 --> 00:14:29,716
LA-LA, LA-LA, LA
426
00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:31,551
the boys are waiting
427
00:14:31,585 --> 00:14:33,536
my milk shake brings
all the boys to the yard
428
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:35,722
and they're like,
it's better than yours
429
00:14:35,756 --> 00:14:37,473
damn right it's
better than yours
430
00:14:37,508 --> 00:14:39,976
I can teach you,
but I have to charge
431
00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,178
LA-LA, LA...
Bryan! Bryan!
432
00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:44,213
Warm it up...
What are you doing?
433
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:46,015
I'm helping.
Stop. Stop.
434
00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:48,217
I'm one of you,
united in a common cause.
435
00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:49,986
Megan: I know that you
think that you're helping,
436
00:14:50,020 --> 00:14:52,054
but a man dancing around
with fake breasts
437
00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:54,073
just makes this whole thing
look like a joke.
438
00:14:54,108 --> 00:14:56,826
(Babies crying)
439
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:03,866
I'm just going to take
the check.
440
00:15:08,151 --> 00:15:09,132
What happened?
441
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,293
The women at that protest.
442
00:15:10,327 --> 00:15:11,911
They're eager to stand up
for each other,
443
00:15:11,962 --> 00:15:13,796
but the second a guy
pulls out his boobs,
444
00:15:13,831 --> 00:15:14,831
they completely turn.
445
00:15:14,865 --> 00:15:16,532
And yes, when I say it out loud,
446
00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:17,784
I realize how ridiculous
it sounds.
447
00:15:17,818 --> 00:15:20,286
You know, my mother
never breast-fed me.
448
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:21,637
Well, so what?
449
00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:23,906
A lot of people's moms
didn't breast-feed them,
450
00:15:23,941 --> 00:15:27,059
especially back in
the olden times.
451
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,512
(Scoffs)
452
00:15:29,546 --> 00:15:32,715
Just growing up, my mother
was always very...
453
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:34,750
Cold and distant.
454
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,019
I felt more like
455
00:15:37,053 --> 00:15:39,355
an unwanted pet than a kid.
456
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,743
Following her around
on my best behavior,
457
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,746
hoping for attention
that rarely came.
458
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:50,783
And I just keep thinking
459
00:15:50,834 --> 00:15:54,620
that maybe if she had nursed me,
things would be different.
460
00:15:54,671 --> 00:15:57,874
That maybe we would be closer.
461
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:03,262
Bry...
The way your mom treated you
462
00:16:03,297 --> 00:16:05,264
has nothing to do with nursing.
463
00:16:05,299 --> 00:16:08,184
You think you're just
looking for an excuse?
464
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,520
Something to blame it on?
465
00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:13,506
Well, if it wasn't
about nursing,
466
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:15,391
it's about me.
467
00:16:15,425 --> 00:16:17,026
Was there something
468
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,595
fundamentally unlovable
about me?
469
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:23,065
Bryan, aside from the way
you wear your hair,
470
00:16:23,099 --> 00:16:25,034
you are nothing like your mom.
471
00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:26,569
(Laughs)
472
00:16:26,603 --> 00:16:29,121
And you do not need
to breast-feed
473
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:30,873
to feel close to our son.
474
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:34,076
You'll sing him
funny, annoying songs
475
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:35,611
when you rock him to sleep.
476
00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:37,213
You'll soothe him
when he's teething.
477
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:40,383
Someday you'll even help
him study for a math test.
478
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:42,752
No one said there'd be math.
479
00:16:42,786 --> 00:16:45,471
(Chuckling)
480
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,640
Please don't worry
481
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,942
about not connecting
to our kid.
482
00:16:49,977 --> 00:16:53,880
You seize every opportunity
to engage in people's lives.
483
00:16:53,914 --> 00:16:55,982
Take a look at this flash mob.
484
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:59,268
Breast-feeding or not,
you are always going to be
485
00:16:59,302 --> 00:17:02,438
an overly intrusive,
meddlesome busybody.
486
00:17:02,472 --> 00:17:05,658
That's so sweet.
487
00:17:06,743 --> 00:17:08,160
Oh!
What? What?
488
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:10,529
Your breasts are
leaking all over me.
489
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:14,984
Goldie:
Shania?
490
00:17:15,002 --> 00:17:16,669
It's me...
491
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:17,987
Mom.
492
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:20,957
I know it's you,
and I don't want to talk.
493
00:17:20,991 --> 00:17:22,625
Look,
494
00:17:22,659 --> 00:17:23,960
we both did some things
495
00:17:23,994 --> 00:17:25,494
that we're not so proud of.
496
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,829
Drop the milk, Shania!
497
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:27,880
Oh, I'll drop it all right...
498
00:17:27,931 --> 00:17:29,131
down my throat.
499
00:17:29,165 --> 00:17:32,001
Look! Piers Morgan
is going to the hospital.
500
00:17:32,019 --> 00:17:33,886
What?!
(Siren blaring)
501
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:42,528
I'm sorry I drenched us both,
502
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,514
and for needlessly worrying you
about piers Morgan.
503
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,917
He has a history of high
blood pressure, mom.
504
00:17:47,951 --> 00:17:48,985
I know that now.
505
00:17:49,019 --> 00:17:51,037
And...
506
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,873
I also know this isn't
507
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,992
about me not
breast-feeding you, is it?
508
00:17:56,026 --> 00:17:58,327
No.
509
00:17:58,361 --> 00:18:00,663
I'm just worried
that when the baby gets here,
510
00:18:00,697 --> 00:18:02,748
you're going to be
so busy with him,
511
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:04,500
you won't have any time for me.
512
00:18:04,534 --> 00:18:07,219
Oh, sweetie,
513
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:11,340
no matter how busy I am,
I'll always have time for you.
514
00:18:11,374 --> 00:18:12,725
You're my baby.
515
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,593
My only baby.
516
00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:17,680
So, how much time
can you give me?
517
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:19,932
Well, I don't know.
How much time do you want?
518
00:18:19,983 --> 00:18:22,101
30 minutes cuddle time
every night.
519
00:18:22,152 --> 00:18:24,687
30 minutes is a long time.
520
00:18:24,721 --> 00:18:27,440
How about we make it... 45?
521
00:18:27,491 --> 00:18:29,508
One hour,
and that's my final offer.
522
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:30,893
Deal.
523
00:18:30,911 --> 00:18:32,361
(Laughs)
524
00:18:32,395 --> 00:18:35,414
Is it okay if we start now?
525
00:18:35,449 --> 00:18:38,067
Yes.
526
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,204
(Sighs)
527
00:18:44,758 --> 00:18:46,342
Morning, Janey.
Good morning.
528
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:47,927
You're a pig.
What?
529
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,247
Low-fat Turkey bacon,
egg whites... 180 calories.
530
00:18:51,281 --> 00:18:53,799
But I'm glad that
you're judging me.
531
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:57,386
You are like
every other pathetic,
532
00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:58,804
middle-aged man
I have met
533
00:18:58,855 --> 00:19:01,941
in this town who's convinced
the fountain of youth
534
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:04,143
is hidden in some
20-year-old's panties.
535
00:19:04,194 --> 00:19:06,261
I guess that a mature,
536
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:09,615
intelligent woman would be
too challenging for you,
537
00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,951
so you cavort with a child.
538
00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,769
Child? Wh...?
539
00:19:13,787 --> 00:19:15,121
What, you mean Amber?
540
00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,406
Yes, of course... Amber.
541
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,208
Everyone wants an Amber.
Yeah, I wanted an Amber.
542
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:20,609
That's why I gave
her that name.
543
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:22,995
See, Amber's not just a child;
She's my child.
544
00:19:26,116 --> 00:19:28,417
You have a daughter?
Mm-hmm.
545
00:19:28,451 --> 00:19:29,969
I understand your confusion.
546
00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:32,088
I mean, a 25-year-old
man like myself
547
00:19:32,122 --> 00:19:34,340
having a 20-year-old kid?
548
00:19:34,391 --> 00:19:36,425
Look, Jane, I...
I like dating you.
549
00:19:36,459 --> 00:19:38,644
And I want to go
out with you again.
550
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:42,231
But even if I was dating
some 20-year-old, so what?
551
00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:44,633
I mean, we're... you know,
we went on one date.
552
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:47,520
We should be able to date
other people, right?
553
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,660
Rocky, he said we're dating!
554
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,195
Rocky:
Really?
555
00:19:56,246 --> 00:19:58,664
Oh, my God, girl.
Be careful.
556
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,199
Terrence Howard told me
the same thing
557
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:02,317
right before he tried
to baby-wipe me.
558
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:03,836
(Rocky laughing)
559
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,556
Ian: Hey, thanks for
having us over for dinner.
560
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,369
Mmm. Are you kidding me?
Bryan insisted.
561
00:20:10,395 --> 00:20:13,380
He felt so bad about
ruining Megan's flash mob.
562
00:20:13,398 --> 00:20:14,765
God, who cares?
563
00:20:14,816 --> 00:20:16,550
You know, I never
thought I'd say this,
564
00:20:16,568 --> 00:20:18,653
but I'm sick of women's boobs.
565
00:20:18,687 --> 00:20:21,238
Sick of hearing about them,
sick of talking about them.
566
00:20:21,273 --> 00:20:23,240
I have been telling you that
for years.
567
00:20:23,275 --> 00:20:25,826
And after Megan saw
that milkman thing
568
00:20:25,861 --> 00:20:27,161
on Bryan, she was all,
569
00:20:27,195 --> 00:20:29,196
"why don't you
want to feed our baby?
570
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:31,398
"Why don't you want
to bond with our child?
571
00:20:31,416 --> 00:20:33,417
"Why can't you be magical
572
00:20:33,452 --> 00:20:35,920
"and into being a dad
like Bryan?
573
00:20:35,954 --> 00:20:38,172
He's the perfect father."
574
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,909
Yeah, I guess he is.
575
00:20:41,927 --> 00:20:43,844
(Sophie crying)
576
00:20:43,879 --> 00:20:45,513
All right.
577
00:20:45,547 --> 00:20:47,631
Take these out.
578
00:20:47,683 --> 00:20:49,416
Time to feed the baby.
579
00:20:49,434 --> 00:20:50,935
Come on.
580
00:20:53,689 --> 00:20:55,222
That's not mommy's boob.
581
00:20:55,256 --> 00:20:57,441
It's daddy's boob.
There you go.
582
00:20:57,476 --> 00:20:59,610
Did... did Bryan
give you that?
583
00:20:59,644 --> 00:21:01,278
No. Megan made me buy it.
584
00:21:01,313 --> 00:21:03,364
I got to admit, I love it.
585
00:21:03,398 --> 00:21:05,199
We were, uh, going to tell
you that dinner was ready,
586
00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:06,484
but it looks like somebody
already got started.
587
00:21:06,535 --> 00:21:08,819
(Laughs) Yeah.
588
00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:15,743
Now that I see it
with an actual baby,
589
00:21:15,777 --> 00:21:17,994
it does look stupid.
590
00:21:18,032 --> 00:21:23,071
591
00:21:23,121 --> 00:21:27,671
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