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1
00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:04,917
All right, fellas,
come on now.
2
00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:06,223
Let's go down
to the barbershop.
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:08,008
Babe, we'll see you later.Okay, baby.
4
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,880
Come here and give me
some of that sugar, girl.Uh-uh.
5
00:00:10,923 --> 00:00:12,490
No!
What you doing?
6
00:00:12,534 --> 00:00:14,057
Not with all that gray stubble.
7
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,973
I'm too young and hot
to be messing with some old man.
8
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,628
[chuckles] I might be
gray in the face, Mm-hmm.
9
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:21,325
but I'm young below
the waist, girl. Uh-uh.
10
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,240
Uh-uh, uh-uh,
get it, get it.Come on. Come on now.
11
00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:24,807
Oh!
Ah!
12
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:32,032
Can't believe I
still live here.
13
00:00:32,075 --> 00:00:34,556
Yeah, I can't believe
there's only two of us.
14
00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,517
CALVIN: Oh, damn.
There's Dave.
15
00:00:39,561 --> 00:00:41,476
Shh. Let's sneak to the truck.
Nobody say anything--
16
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,521
Hi, Dave!
17
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,741
Hey, guys.
18
00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:47,873
If I knew you were
gonna be like this,
19
00:00:47,917 --> 00:00:49,875
it wouldn'tbe two of you.
20
00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:52,139
Hey, what's up, Dave?
Where are you headed?
21
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:53,966
Oh, man, all over the place.
22
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,752
Gemma gave me a big
honey-do list to take care of.
23
00:00:56,795 --> 00:01:00,060
Grocery shopping, dry cleaners,
The Container Store.
24
00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:03,411
That last one's just for me.
25
00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,197
How about you guys?
Where are you off to?
26
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:08,764
We are headed
to the barbershop.
27
00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:11,071
Ooh, can I come? I've been
meaning to get my ears lowered.
28
00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:14,683
You've been meaning to what?
29
00:01:14,726 --> 00:01:16,815
Dave, I work with a
lot of white people,
30
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,079
and even I don't know
what that means.
31
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:21,820
"Getting your ears lowered"
means getting a haircut,
32
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:24,649
'cause afterwards your shorter
hair looks higher in relation
33
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:28,740
to your ears, so your ears
look lower by comparison.
34
00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:34,094
Uh, no, you can't come.
35
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:36,052
Okay, why-why not?
36
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:40,100
Dave, it's a black barbershop.
It's not Supercuts.
37
00:01:40,143 --> 00:01:41,579
Okay.
38
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,407
Hey, look, don't
take it personally, Dave.
39
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:45,235
It's just, our barbershop
40
00:01:45,279 --> 00:01:47,498
is not the friendliest place
when you're new.
41
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:49,457
Yeah, it's barely friendly
when you're not new.
42
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,676
[laughs] It's so...
it's so true.
43
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,200
One time when he was six,
44
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,158
he ate a bad
bean pie in there,
45
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:57,943
and ever since then, they've
been calling him Farty Marty.
46
00:01:57,987 --> 00:01:59,945
[laughter]
47
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:02,165
Look, I'm just saying, Dave,
if-if you walked in there,
48
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:04,254
they would roast you
pretty hard. Yeah.
49
00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,691
Well, it's cool. I can take it.
You know, back in Michigan,
50
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:09,390
me and the 'Zoo Crew used to
bag on each other all the time.
51
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:13,307
Again, work with white people.
No clue.
52
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:17,180
Yeah, uh, what's the 'Zoo Crew?
53
00:02:17,224 --> 00:02:19,269
'Zoo Crew!
54
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,142
That's what me and my boys used
to call ourselves, you know.
55
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,144
Oh, we did everything together.
56
00:02:24,187 --> 00:02:26,102
We even had our own anthem.
57
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:30,062
♪ Four best friends
from Kalamazoo ♪
58
00:02:30,106 --> 00:02:33,414
♪ Logan, Brad and Dave
and Logan Number Two. ♪
59
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:38,854
Wait. So-so,
your four-man 'Zoo Crew
60
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:41,552
had not one but two Logans?
61
00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:43,424
Yeah, man,
those are my bro-gans.
62
00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:49,299
No, you can't go.
63
00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:51,345
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
64
00:02:51,388 --> 00:02:52,563
♪ Welcome to the hood.
65
00:02:58,352 --> 00:02:59,788
Hey, hey, now, what's going on?
66
00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:01,398
What's happening?Que, chair open?
67
00:03:01,442 --> 00:03:03,444
It is now. Get up, Trey.
68
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,533
But I'm next.
69
00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:09,101
Well, look at it this
way: you still are.
70
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:11,234
[laughs]
71
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,367
Hey, Harold,
turn that TV on, man.
72
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,238
They're replaying the Rams game
from Thursday night.
73
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:16,500
MALCOLM:
Oh, wait.
74
00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:18,502
Come on, Pop.
Black people are not supposed
75
00:03:18,546 --> 00:03:20,243
to be supporting football
right now.
76
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,158
I'm not supposed to be
having milk, either,
77
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,681
but it ain't stop me
78
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:26,423
from eating two bowls
of Cap'n Crunch today.
79
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,469
So you're really not
watching football, Malcolm?
80
00:03:28,512 --> 00:03:30,558
Not until Kaepernick
is back on the field.
81
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:33,430
Well, you better
start liking soccer,
82
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,867
'cause the only football
you're gonna see is,
83
00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:40,176
"Goal! Barcelona!"
84
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,786
[laughter]
Really?
85
00:03:43,875 --> 00:03:45,442
Hey, what's up, everybody?
86
00:03:45,486 --> 00:03:47,270
[others greeting]What's up, Jeremiah?
87
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:50,491
Look, I got socks, belts
and Spanx for sale.
88
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,493
Keeping it tight
ain't just for the ladies.
89
00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,669
Am I right, fellas?
90
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:58,063
Jeremiah, no self-respecting man
in here wants to buy any Spanx.
91
00:03:58,107 --> 00:04:01,284
Speak for yourself. That
Cap'n Crunch is sitting on me.
92
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:05,375
Hey, Calvin!
93
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:10,075
Oh, man, can you
believe this?
94
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:11,599
No.
95
00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:13,035
Tell me the truth, man.
96
00:04:13,078 --> 00:04:15,429
Do you have a LoJack on me
or something?
97
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,735
No, I was just picking up
my dry cleaning next door.
98
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,433
Hey, everyone, I'm Dave.
99
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,348
Oh.
100
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,306
So this the neighbor
we've been hearing about?
101
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,569
Calvin, you told them about me?
102
00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,746
Only good
things, I hope.
103
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,270
Well, keep hope alive.
104
00:04:30,313 --> 00:04:32,837
[laughter]Well, since I'm here,
105
00:04:32,881 --> 00:04:34,448
why don't I hang out
for a while, get a haircut?
106
00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:36,798
Sorry, man. We only
use clippers here.
107
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,539
We ain't got no mousse.
108
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,018
[laughter]
109
00:04:40,062 --> 00:04:41,498
Actually, I don't
use mousse.
110
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,195
This is natural volume.
111
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,459
Okay.
112
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,808
Hey, who does he remind you of?
113
00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:48,549
Well, you know,
a lot of people say Tom Cruise.
114
00:04:48,592 --> 00:04:50,507
Nah, nah, that ain't it.
115
00:04:50,551 --> 00:04:52,248
I got it. Rachel Maddow.
116
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,425
[laughter]
117
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:57,862
I told you, man, it was gonna
get rough around here.
118
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,908
You should have just went
to The Container Store.
119
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,649
Somebody say
containers?
120
00:05:06,001 --> 00:05:08,525
Wow. So, all these socks
for just four dollars?
121
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:10,005
That's right.
122
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,441
That's cheap.
Where'd you get 'em?
123
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:15,097
OTHERS:
Whoa. Whoa.
124
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,142
Oh. Are they... are they stolen?
125
00:05:17,186 --> 00:05:18,405
Dave![others groaning, murmuring]
126
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,233
Uh-uh, I don't like this.
127
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:22,713
Calvin, your neighbor's a cop.
128
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:25,237
Relax, Jeremiah.
He's not a cop.
129
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:26,326
How you know?
130
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:28,719
Dave, are you a cop?
No.
131
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:32,767
See? I don't know what he is,
but he's not a cop.
132
00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:35,900
And if he were, by law,
he would have to tell you, so...
133
00:05:35,944 --> 00:05:37,598
Oh, actually, that's not true.
134
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,600
What? Oh, of course it is.
135
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:42,907
Most people think it is because
they see it on TV all the time,
136
00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:45,257
but truth is, totally false.
137
00:05:45,301 --> 00:05:47,259
No, it's not.
138
00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,609
Well, how do you know?
139
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,698
'Cause I see it on TV
all the time!
140
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:53,614
[chuckles] Actually,
uh, Dave is right.
141
00:05:53,657 --> 00:05:55,616
Pop, I just
looked it up.
142
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:56,617
Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,575
Look at your boy Dave.
144
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:02,362
He knows what he's talking
about morethan Calvin.
145
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:03,711
[others murmuring]
146
00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:06,061
Look, so what, he knew that.
147
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:09,412
Uh, even a blind squirrel
sometimes finds a nut.
148
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,848
[chuckles]
149
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,634
How would a blind
squirrel find a nut?
150
00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:14,939
Probably their sense of smell.
151
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,290
It's highly-developed
in squirrels.
152
00:06:18,334 --> 00:06:20,380
Why are y'all even
listening to this guy?
153
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,120
He just walked in here.
154
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,948
Yeah, but he seems smart.
155
00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,863
Yo, Dave, I got a question.
156
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:28,562
Is global warming racist?
Calvin says it is.
157
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:30,433
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, hold on.
158
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:33,262
I said the concept
of global warming is racist.
159
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:34,872
I mean, think about it.
160
00:06:34,916 --> 00:06:38,049
Africa been hot all this time,
and nobody cared.
161
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:40,704
But soon as it get hot
in Boston,
162
00:06:40,748 --> 00:06:43,925
ha, all of a sudden,
we got global warming.
163
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,537
You know why?
164
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:49,191
It's because they're worried
about Tom Brady.
165
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,062
[others groaning, murmuring]
166
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:52,673
I'm telling you,
they're worried about him.
167
00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:55,719
Well, you know, I-I did
hear on NPR the other day
168
00:06:55,763 --> 00:06:57,678
that seven of the ten countries
most affected
169
00:06:57,721 --> 00:07:00,158
by climate change
are in sub-Saharan Africa.
170
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:04,249
And wealthier nations do cause
most of the world's pollution.
171
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:06,643
So it isracist!
172
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:08,732
I just said that.
173
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,866
Yeah, but when Dave says it,
it sounds true, though.
174
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,824
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
175
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,827
Maybe that's because
I look like Rachel Maddow.
176
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:19,177
[laughter]
177
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:21,441
I can't believe y'all.
178
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:25,445
He heard it on NPR? So what?
I heard it on Steve Harvey.
179
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:30,754
Yo, Dave, is Steve Harvey
a reliable source?
180
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,322
All I know is
he's killing it
181
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:35,498
on the Family Feud!
Yeah.
182
00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:37,631
Yeah. Just like
Dave is killing it
183
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,197
in the barbershop,
right, Dad?
184
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,461
No. Am I right?
185
00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:43,071
[laughs] Survey says!
186
00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:44,594
[imitates buzzer]
187
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,901
[laughs]
188
00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,470
Who's the first
white guy
189
00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:52,123
to hold his own in
Que's barbershop?
190
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,647
Me?
191
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,649
[excited chatter]
192
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,042
Good answer.
Good answer.
193
00:07:58,086 --> 00:08:01,263
Hey, Dave, can I ask you
for some advice?Yeah, sure.
194
00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:03,395
Well, first off,
my girl Keisha's trippin'.
195
00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:05,310
Well, why is she trippin'?Because we be beefin'.
196
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:07,530
Why do you think you're beefin'?'Cause she be trippin'!
197
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:09,706
CALVIN:
Listen, Trey,
198
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:11,534
I told you, what you need
to do with Keisha...
199
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,797
Shh. I want to hear
what he has to say.
200
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:15,799
Did you just shush me?!
201
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:18,585
Shh. Calvin,
let the man talk.
202
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:21,370
Well, hold on.
Did youjust shush me?!
203
00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:26,549
Well, since she seems to be
the one that's trippin',
204
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,595
I'd sit her down
and let her know
205
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,684
how it makes you feel
when she trips,
206
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,860
and subsequently beefs.
207
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:37,473
That's it. That is it!
208
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,736
I'm not gonna sit here
and let y'all shush me
209
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:42,391
while y'all sit around
and listen to that guy.
210
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:43,958
But, Daddy, you...Shh!
211
00:08:45,089 --> 00:08:46,830
But, Calvin, what...?
Shh!
212
00:08:47,309 --> 00:08:49,050
Shh! Shh!
213
00:08:49,093 --> 00:08:51,269
Shh...!
214
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,534
Shh!
215
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,588
Hey.
There you are.
216
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,417
Oh.
I just got your text about being at the barbershop.
217
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,766
Have you been there
this whole time?
218
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,507
Gemma, you should
have seen it.
219
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,465
It was amazing.
At one point,
220
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:16,033
the owner brought out drinks
and cigars for everyone.
221
00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,600
People started gambling.
222
00:09:17,644 --> 00:09:20,777
It was like being below deck
on the Titanic.
223
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:24,259
That's great, but why does
your hair look exactly the same?
224
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:28,350
I was having so much fun,
I forgot to get it cut.
225
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:30,613
Oh. Well,
I'm happy for you.
226
00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:32,615
I know you've been
missing your friends.
227
00:09:32,659 --> 00:09:34,312
Ugh. Tell me about it.
228
00:09:34,356 --> 00:09:35,618
All I've had for
a social life
229
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,881
since we moved here
has been you and Grover.
230
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,625
Which I love.
231
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:45,497
[laughs]
It's okay. I get it.
232
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:47,282
Men need other men
to hang out with
233
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:50,938
so you can get out
all your stupid testosterone.
234
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,071
Just felt good
to hang out with guys again.
235
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,725
Can I ask you a question?
236
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:58,075
Do I look like Rachel Maddow
to you?
237
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,648
[laughs]:
You do now.
238
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,739
Hey, Tea Cup. Morning, baby.
239
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:12,133
Don't "morning, baby" me,
Calvin.
240
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,048
I had a dream last night
241
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:16,354
that a wolverine was
attacking my shoulder,
242
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,487
and when I woke up,
it was your beard.
243
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:21,098
Really?
Mm-hmm.
244
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,100
Man, I was thinking
about keeping it, babe.
245
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:25,668
You know, I... I look
like a young Barry White.
246
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:30,368
[imitating White]:
Oh, yeah, baby.
247
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:33,545
Ah, no, baby.
[groans]
248
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:36,418
You need to go back to that
shop today and get a shave.
249
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:37,941
I don't want people
thinking I'm married
250
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,682
to Frederick Douglass.
251
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,076
[laughs]
252
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,078
I'm not going back down
in there, Tina.
253
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,340
They shushed me.
254
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,124
Like I was
some kind of kid.
255
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,649
Well, you know, Pop, the rea...Shh, Malcolm. I'm talking.
256
00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:53,609
I've been going
to that shop for 30 years.
257
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,872
I mean, Dave comes
in there for one hour,
258
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:58,483
now everybody's started
listening to him instead of me.
259
00:10:58,527 --> 00:11:00,094
It was disrespectful.
260
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,704
I'll show you
something disrespectful.
261
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,227
What's that?
262
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:05,316
[woman laughing, siren wailing]What is that?
263
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,363
Keisha burning
all of Trey's clothes.
264
00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:10,582
She's live-streaming it
right now.
265
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:13,498
Ooh, when she
starts trippin',
266
00:11:13,542 --> 00:11:17,067
she sure means
it, doesn't she?
267
00:11:17,111 --> 00:11:19,461
Oh, damn,
she couldn't wait to exhale.
268
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:21,419
Mm-mm.
269
00:11:21,463 --> 00:11:23,987
Well, that's what Trey gets
for listening to Dave.
270
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:25,554
Like.
271
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,036
Well, what's he doing
listening to Dave?
272
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,038
He doesn't know
him like you do.
273
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:33,475
Right.
You are Calvin Butler.
274
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:35,695
Nobody knows this community
better than you do.
275
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:37,522
That's what I keep saying.
276
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:40,438
Well, that's why you
need to go to that shop
277
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,876
and remind people
who you are.
278
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,442
You damn right.
279
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:46,575
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do, too.
280
00:11:46,618 --> 00:11:48,185
And then you go get a shave.
281
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,756
Come on, boys, come and watch
your daddy go to work down here.
282
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,891
All right, y'all be good.
283
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:00,850
Ooh, I sure do miss
burning clothes.
284
00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,333
Well, if you ask me,
the fairest compromise is
285
00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:07,770
you cut the grass one week,
and then you have your roommate
286
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,903
cut it the next.That's a good idea, Dave.
287
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:13,167
I'm gonna go home and tell my
mama that's how it's gonna be.
288
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,953
Hey, hey, people.OTHERS: Hey!
289
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:19,260
Oh! Calvin, you're back.
How you doing, man?
290
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,653
I'm doing better than
Trey, that's for sure.
291
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:22,829
What happened to Trey?
292
00:12:22,872 --> 00:12:25,135
Oh. Show him the
video, Marty.
293
00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:28,182
Oh, is that Keisha
burning all his stuff?
294
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:30,184
[siren wailing on video]
295
00:12:30,227 --> 00:12:31,228
Yes.
296
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:32,621
And that's what happens
297
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:34,971
around here when you
don't listen to me.
298
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:36,843
You get roasted.
299
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,801
That's crazy that
Keisha would do that.
300
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:41,586
No, it's not.
'Cause Keisha's crazy.
301
00:12:41,630 --> 00:12:46,069
But, see, y'all must've forgot
who knows you
302
00:12:46,113 --> 00:12:48,463
and always tries
to steer you right.
303
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:49,594
I mean, like you, Jeremiah.
304
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,596
I mean,
you up in here
305
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,992
selling belts and socks like
some common barbershop hustler.
306
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:58,212
Who the one told you
that the real money
307
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,736
was in men's
compression undergarments?
308
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,695
Calvin,
that's not fair.
309
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,523
I'm gonna tell you
what's not fair.
310
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,134
You making your mama
cut the grass
311
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:09,310
when she got asthma
and a push mower.
312
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:10,746
OTHERS: Oh!
Ooh!
313
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,487
Que, you hear that?
314
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:14,532
Dave, see, you
don't hear nothing.
315
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:16,491
You're just out here
giving out advice,
316
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:18,493
when you don't know
the whole story.
317
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,538
See this right here?
This is myshop.
318
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,279
Actually, Pop,
this is Que's shop.
319
00:13:22,323 --> 00:13:24,760
Boy, do you want
to get shushed again?
320
00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:28,808
Okay, you know what, uh, Calvin?
321
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,071
I really don't
think that...You know what, Dave?
322
00:13:31,114 --> 00:13:34,335
I think you need to stop giving
out advice and start listening.
323
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:35,771
I mean, that's
your problem.
324
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,860
You're in here,
you're sitting in my chair,
325
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,601
and you're overstepping.
326
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,429
Come on, Pop.
327
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,170
Now, get up and get out.
328
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,521
Okay.
329
00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:48,436
I hear you. I'll go.
330
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,307
Uh, Que, thanks for the cut.
331
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,918
Jeremiah, I'll see you later.
332
00:13:51,961 --> 00:13:54,964
I'll call Trey
and tell him that I'm sorry.
333
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,794
You can't. His phone got
thrown in the fire. Ha!
334
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:02,537
Hi, guys.
335
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:03,668
Oh, hey, Gemma.
336
00:14:03,712 --> 00:14:06,236
Hey, Calvin, you
shaved your beard.
337
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,283
Uh, yeah.
Tina likes it better this way.
338
00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:12,852
Oh, I know. She is not
shy about her opinions.
339
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:16,507
She told me I looked like
I was going to a hoedown.
340
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:18,814
So, is Dave
still down at the shop?
341
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:22,731
No. N-No, he left
a while ago.
342
00:14:22,774 --> 00:14:24,080
That's weird.
He hasn't come home.
343
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:25,908
Did he say where he was going?
344
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:29,651
He did not, no.
345
00:14:29,694 --> 00:14:31,740
He must be doing all the things
346
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,525
on his honey-do list
he forgot to do yesterday.
347
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:36,788
Or he's crying in the corner
at The Container Store.
348
00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:41,663
Well, I just want
to thank you guys.
349
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,534
For what?Since we moved here,
350
00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:46,146
Dave's been having a really
hard time missing his friends.
351
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:47,756
I just really
appreciate you
352
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:50,280
being so willing to welcome him
down at the barbershop.
353
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:53,196
We are so lucky to have you guys
as our neighbors.
354
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,069
See ya.
355
00:14:56,112 --> 00:14:59,376
Why the hell
they have to move here?
356
00:15:04,381 --> 00:15:05,992
[chuckles]:
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
357
00:15:06,035 --> 00:15:10,779
Look at that
smooth baby skin, yes!
358
00:15:10,822 --> 00:15:13,825
Let me sit right here
359
00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:16,045
and kiss that
baby face! Mwa!Mmm.
360
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:18,221
Mwa! Mwa! [laughs]
361
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:20,963
What's the matter, baby?
362
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,834
Eh, I'm just thinking.
363
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,358
You ain't missing
that hedgehog
364
00:15:24,401 --> 00:15:26,316
that was on your
face, are you?
365
00:15:27,839 --> 00:15:29,798
No, babe,
it's nothing like that.
366
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:33,845
I just... I think I went
too hard on Dave today
367
00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,978
down at the barbershop.
368
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:38,850
Oh, you know, you
did warn him that...
369
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:41,375
joking around can be
pretty rough down there.
370
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,986
Yeah, I know,
but this was different.
371
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,988
You know what, baby, I
would not worry about it.
372
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,512
Dave is, like, the
happiest guy I ever met.
373
00:15:48,556 --> 00:15:51,037
You know, the other day,
I saw him high-five himself.
374
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,386
[chuckles]
375
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,648
Who does that?
376
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,259
Yeah, one day, I saw him miss.
377
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,305
[laughs]
378
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,787
You're right, you're right.
379
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:06,269
You know what? He's a big boy.
I'm sure he'll be fine.
380
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,837
It's cool.
He'll be fine, but in the meantime,
381
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,753
let me get that...
that sugar.
382
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:14,408
[guitar strums]
383
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:17,063
DAVE: ♪ Four best friends
from Kalamazoo ♪
384
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,848
What's that?
385
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:23,808
It's... Dave singing
the 'Zoo Crew anthem.
386
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,027
[guitar strums]
387
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,986
DAVE:
♪ Logan, Brad and Dave
388
00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,988
♪ And Logan Number Two
389
00:16:31,207 --> 00:16:33,079
♪ Need a good time?
390
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,732
♪ Whatcha gonna do?
391
00:16:34,776 --> 00:16:36,517
♪ Gonna kick it hard-core
392
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,694
♪ With the 'Zoo...
393
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:42,044
♪ Crew.
394
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,828
Hey, Dave.
395
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:45,917
Hey, Calvin.
396
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:48,311
[sighs] So, you're missing
your friends back home, huh?
397
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:50,183
Yeah. What gave it away?
Was it the song?
398
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,011
[sighs]
399
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:53,969
Look, man,
I know I came down on you
400
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:55,927
kind of hard
at the barbershop today, man.
401
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:58,321
I'm surprised
at how much it's affected me.
402
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,323
You know,
I'm usually pretty tough.
403
00:17:00,367 --> 00:17:03,152
Look, but I told you what
it was like down there, man.
404
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,850
We-we laugh,
we snap on each other,
405
00:17:05,894 --> 00:17:09,506
we buy wholesale items
of questionable origin.
406
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,639
Yeah, but...
407
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,555
it feels like what you
did to me was different.
408
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,557
Look, I tried
to tell you, man,
409
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:18,776
you don't belong
in the barbershop.
410
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,300
Man, you just...
411
00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:21,953
you're a little
too sensitive for it.
412
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,651
No, that's not true.
413
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:26,306
I have no problem with
jokes about my awesome hair
414
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:29,309
or how I look like
numerous celebrities,
415
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:31,267
both male and female.
416
00:17:33,748 --> 00:17:35,967
But what you did
wasn't cool.
417
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:37,882
But think about my position.
418
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:40,755
I mean, I've been going
to that barbershop for 30 years.
419
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:43,758
I know all those people in
there-- I know their history
420
00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:45,847
and their circumstance--
and then you come in
421
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:49,981
with your NPR
and obscure animal facts...
422
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:53,811
and everybody starts listening
to you instead of me.
423
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:56,162
I mean, how you think
that makes me feel?
424
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,729
Like they forgot about you?Exactly.
425
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:00,775
Yeah, I know
how that feels.
426
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,385
Check that out.
427
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:05,997
Why-why are you showing me
a picture of a dude's butt?
428
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,652
Look at the tattoo.
429
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:12,003
Everyone in the 'Zoo Crew got
these last week without me.
430
00:18:12,047 --> 00:18:15,268
I've only been gone two months,
and it already feels like
431
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,879
it doesn't matter
that I'm not there.
432
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:21,404
So you feel leftbehind...
433
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:24,842
by a bunch of dudes that
got tattoos ontheir behind?
434
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:30,848
It's just been really
tough making friends
435
00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:32,285
since I moved
here, Calvin.
436
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,938
[sighs]
437
00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:40,423
You know, back at home, I mean,
I used to be the coolest.
438
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,732
I mean, you know, you're...
439
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:47,648
you're cool, you know?
440
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,911
I mean, Dave, come on, man.
441
00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:53,871
You walked into Que's barbershop
and you held your own.
442
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,004
It was pretty cool
that I did that.
443
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,181
Won $200 playing dice.
444
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,749
[chuckles] You might want
to check those twenties
445
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:04,273
and make sure Obama's face
is not on them.
446
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:07,363
[laughs]
447
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:10,497
Hey, look, I'm sorry I messed
things up for you down at Que's.
448
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:12,281
I promise I
won't come back.
449
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:14,979
Oh, man, no, it's cool.
I mean, you're welcome in there
450
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:17,852
anytime you want to...
get your ears lowered.
451
00:19:18,896 --> 00:19:20,942
Well, good,
452
00:19:20,985 --> 00:19:23,510
'cause I don't anybody else
who's gonna take my Obama bucks.
453
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,599
[laughs]
454
00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:27,992
All right, man, I'll see you
down there next Saturday?
455
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:30,865
Next Saturday?
That's in a week.
456
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:32,736
Yo, how often
you get your hair cut?
457
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:34,390
I don't know,
like, every two months.
458
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,349
Two months?
459
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,220
How often do you get
your hair cut?
460
00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,048
Once a week.
461
00:19:40,091 --> 00:19:41,789
Seriously?
462
00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:44,052
Wouldn't have guessed
you were so high-maintenance.
463
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:48,230
I know. I only make looking
this good seemeffortless.
464
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:54,889
♪ Two best friends... I'm not your best friend, Dave.
465
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:05,378
Hey, everybody.[others greeting]
466
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,988
Hey, we were just
in the neighborhood.
467
00:20:07,031 --> 00:20:08,772
I wanted to introduce
you all to my wife.
468
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:09,860
Everyone, this is Gemma.
469
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:11,210
Gemma, these are
all my new friends.
470
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,037
Hi. Hey. Nice to meet you.OTHERS: Hey, Gemma. Hey.
471
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:13,995
Damn, Dave,
472
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,736
if my wife was that fine,
473
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,390
I wouldn't need no friends.
474
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:19,000
[laughter]
475
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,568
Really, Que? 'Cause...
you live with your mama.
476
00:20:21,611 --> 00:20:24,310
Seems like you need all
the friends you can get.
477
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:26,573
OTHERS: Oh![laughter]
478
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:30,011
Ooh, hey, uh,
this is Jeremiah.
479
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:32,143
Oh, you're the one
who sold him the Spanx.
480
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,928
I'm wearing them right now.
481
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:35,799
So is Que.
482
00:20:35,843 --> 00:20:38,759
[laughter]
483
00:20:38,802 --> 00:20:40,151
Well, look,
if you like those Spanx,
484
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:41,675
you're gonna love
these cashmere scarves.
485
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,764
Just ten dollars each.Really?
486
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:46,114
Mm-hmm.
That's so cheap. Where did you get them?
487
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,463
OTHERS:
Whoa! Whoa!
488
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,205
What?
489
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:52,381
Oh, are they stolen?
490
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,427
OTHERS:
Oh!
491
00:20:58,822 --> 00:21:02,783
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492
00:21:02,826 --> 00:21:06,917
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493
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:11,517
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