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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,976 --> 00:00:06,010 Hey, Dad, you were in charge of putting away 2 00:00:06,012 --> 00:00:07,712 the Christmas lights last year, right? 3 00:00:09,915 --> 00:00:12,584 Don't worry. I put a chocolate in the middle to motivate you. 4 00:00:12,586 --> 00:00:14,318 Dark or milk? 5 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:16,420 Doesn't matter. I'm gonna get it. 6 00:00:16,422 --> 00:00:18,055 Relax, everybody. 7 00:00:18,057 --> 00:00:20,358 I found it. 8 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,860 My star for the top of the tree. 9 00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:24,895 Oh, thank goodness. 10 00:00:24,897 --> 00:00:27,999 It just wouldn't be Christmas without you shining down on us. 11 00:00:28,001 --> 00:00:29,467 Where was it? 12 00:00:29,469 --> 00:00:30,601 You know, Mom, great question. 13 00:00:30,603 --> 00:00:31,835 It was weird. 14 00:00:31,837 --> 00:00:34,271 It wasn't with the rest of the Christmas stuff. 15 00:00:34,273 --> 00:00:36,407 - Oh, gosh, that is weird. - Yeah. 16 00:00:36,409 --> 00:00:38,242 Luckily, I saw that some dust had been disturbed 17 00:00:38,244 --> 00:00:39,543 behind the water heater. 18 00:00:39,545 --> 00:00:40,811 And when I shimmied up the crawlspace, 19 00:00:40,813 --> 00:00:42,579 I found it in a box marked "Dangerous chemicals, 20 00:00:42,581 --> 00:00:44,882 may cause wrinkles." 21 00:00:44,884 --> 00:00:48,118 (laughs) So weird. 22 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:50,587 Wow, this is amazing! 23 00:00:50,589 --> 00:00:52,589 I did not know they had color photography 24 00:00:52,591 --> 00:00:54,090 back when you were a kid. 25 00:00:54,092 --> 00:00:56,726 Don't you have your own family you could be annoying? 26 00:00:56,728 --> 00:00:58,161 Don't you have some noise hair that needs trimming? 27 00:00:58,163 --> 00:00:59,529 Rhetorical question. I can see it from here. 28 00:00:59,531 --> 00:01:00,696 It looks like speaker wire. 29 00:01:00,698 --> 00:01:02,499 And FYI-- 30 00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,034 my family takes a cruise every Christmas 31 00:01:04,036 --> 00:01:05,701 and I can't go on account 32 00:01:05,703 --> 00:01:08,638 of my clinically diagnosed seasickness. 33 00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:13,843 Well, I'm sorry, Kip. I didn't know. 34 00:01:13,845 --> 00:01:17,013 I'm taking everyone on a cruise. 35 00:01:17,015 --> 00:01:19,114 Boys, boys, stop it! 36 00:01:19,116 --> 00:01:20,783 If I wanted to see two grown men fight, 37 00:01:20,785 --> 00:01:24,020 I'd wear my red dress and go to a bar. 38 00:01:24,022 --> 00:01:26,522 You've been at each other's throats since the day you met. 39 00:01:26,524 --> 00:01:28,957 So this year, the only gift I want for Christmas 40 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,460 is for the two of you to stop fighting until New Year's. 41 00:01:31,462 --> 00:01:32,661 Can you do that for me? 42 00:01:32,663 --> 00:01:34,263 - Yes, Mom. - Yes, Carol. 43 00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:35,864 Thank you. 44 00:01:35,866 --> 00:01:38,733 And in case you misunderstood, I still want real gifts. 45 00:01:38,735 --> 00:01:40,635 There's a Lane Bryant catalog 46 00:01:40,637 --> 00:01:42,804 underneath both your pillows. 47 00:01:42,806 --> 00:01:45,807 (laughs) I told you I'd get it. 48 00:01:46,909 --> 00:01:48,677 (electrical humming) 49 00:01:51,113 --> 00:01:52,914 Does this mean when Christmas is over 50 00:01:52,916 --> 00:01:55,717 we can just leave him at the end of the driveway? 51 00:01:58,407 --> 00:02:01,413 The Millers - 02x10 Highway to the Manger Zone 52 00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:14,770 - sync and correction by solfieri - www.addic7ed.com 53 00:02:22,981 --> 00:02:25,549 Damn. That's not it either. 54 00:02:25,551 --> 00:02:26,717 What are you doing over there, Dad? 55 00:02:26,719 --> 00:02:27,718 Trying to remember 56 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,419 my e-mail password. 57 00:02:29,421 --> 00:02:31,255 I forgot I even had this account 58 00:02:31,257 --> 00:02:34,558 till the guy at the grocery store called me a yahoo. 59 00:02:37,095 --> 00:02:39,329 Oh, good, you're all still here. 60 00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:41,331 As you know, it's our family's turn this year 61 00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:43,767 to put on the living Nativity at church. 62 00:02:43,769 --> 00:02:45,101 Last year, the Muellers raised 63 00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:46,303 over a thousand dollars for charity. 64 00:02:46,305 --> 00:02:48,372 And in the true sprit of Christmas, 65 00:02:48,374 --> 00:02:50,440 I want the Millers to destroy them. 66 00:02:50,442 --> 00:02:52,709 Listen up for your parts. 67 00:02:52,711 --> 00:02:53,910 Debbie, shepherd one. 68 00:02:53,912 --> 00:02:55,145 Adam, shepherd two. 69 00:02:55,147 --> 00:02:56,513 Ha-ha, I'm your boss. 70 00:02:56,515 --> 00:02:58,214 Mikayla, you'll be a sheep. 71 00:02:58,216 --> 00:02:59,682 Ha-ha, I'm your boss. 72 00:02:59,684 --> 00:03:02,685 And I will continue to play the role of the Virgin Mary. 73 00:03:02,687 --> 00:03:04,620 But now that Tom and I are divorced, 74 00:03:04,622 --> 00:03:05,789 I no longer have to suffer 75 00:03:05,791 --> 00:03:07,423 through his silent, but deadly nights 76 00:03:07,425 --> 00:03:11,327 and will have a new man by my side in the Nativity. 77 00:03:11,329 --> 00:03:14,897 This year's Joseph will be played by... 78 00:03:14,899 --> 00:03:17,099 Nathan! 79 00:03:19,102 --> 00:03:21,270 Oh, uh, wonderful choice, wonderful. 80 00:03:21,272 --> 00:03:23,872 That is why I'm standing. No other reason. 81 00:03:23,874 --> 00:03:24,940 Kip, Kip. 82 00:03:24,942 --> 00:03:27,242 You and Tom will be the wise men. 83 00:03:27,244 --> 00:03:28,511 Meeting adjourned. 84 00:03:28,513 --> 00:03:30,446 Wait, wait... uh, Mom? 85 00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:32,447 Do I have to be at the Nativity every night this week? 86 00:03:32,449 --> 00:03:34,316 I mean, Ray and I got invited 87 00:03:34,318 --> 00:03:36,785 to an ugly Christmas sweater party by this girl Nikki. 88 00:03:36,787 --> 00:03:38,687 Spelled with two K's and an I. 89 00:03:38,689 --> 00:03:41,423 Yes, she's that kind of girl. 90 00:03:41,425 --> 00:03:42,860 No, you don't have to be there. 91 00:03:42,894 --> 00:03:44,627 I'll just tell them Mary got a divorce 92 00:03:44,629 --> 00:03:47,896 and Joseph's seeing other virgins. 93 00:03:47,898 --> 00:03:49,697 Fine, I'll be there. 94 00:03:49,699 --> 00:03:52,734 I know the password was something I used to hear 95 00:03:52,736 --> 00:03:54,102 all the time! 96 00:03:54,104 --> 00:03:55,303 I've tried my pet's name, 97 00:03:55,305 --> 00:03:57,072 all the kids' names, the street we lived on. 98 00:03:57,074 --> 00:03:58,706 Oh, shut up, Tom. 99 00:03:58,708 --> 00:04:00,342 "Shut up, Tom." 100 00:04:00,344 --> 00:04:01,676 That's it! 101 00:04:03,079 --> 00:04:08,416 16,352 new messages. 102 00:04:08,418 --> 00:04:10,418 Holy Christmas. 103 00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:13,254 I've got mail. 104 00:04:15,123 --> 00:04:16,891 Did you hear how off-key 105 00:04:16,893 --> 00:04:19,251 Mrs. Mueller was on that last song? 106 00:04:19,387 --> 00:04:21,628 More like "Bark the Herald Angels Sing." 107 00:04:21,630 --> 00:04:23,697 Heard you the first three times you said it. 108 00:04:23,699 --> 00:04:25,666 Well, how about a little courtesy chuckle. 109 00:04:25,668 --> 00:04:27,401 Not every joke is a home run. 110 00:04:27,403 --> 00:04:29,203 Oh, Reverend Fitzgerald, hi! 111 00:04:29,205 --> 00:04:31,973 You remember my son, Nathan. 112 00:04:31,975 --> 00:04:34,541 The most profitable baby Jesus in church history. 113 00:04:34,543 --> 00:04:36,444 Oh, yes. 114 00:04:36,446 --> 00:04:37,878 How could I forget 115 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:40,547 when you so generously donated a plaque 116 00:04:40,549 --> 00:04:42,048 commemorating the event. 117 00:04:44,185 --> 00:04:46,720 We are just so thrilled to be doing the Nativity 118 00:04:46,722 --> 00:04:48,822 - again this year... - WOMAN: Hark! the herald 119 00:04:48,824 --> 00:04:50,256 Angels sing 120 00:04:50,258 --> 00:04:53,559 Glory to the newborn king 121 00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,796 Who is my grandson. 122 00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:59,366 He's such a beautiful boy. 123 00:04:59,368 --> 00:05:02,268 Oh, look at that. 124 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:06,039 He's got your eyebrow. 125 00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:08,041 Well, Mom, careful. 126 00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:09,009 It's like a school zone. 127 00:05:09,011 --> 00:05:11,210 Sins are doubled in church. 128 00:05:11,212 --> 00:05:13,813 Well, it's just a shame that it's the Millers' year 129 00:05:13,815 --> 00:05:15,347 to do the Nativity when we all know 130 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:18,450 that nothing brings in the real cash like 131 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:19,910 a real baby. 132 00:05:20,005 --> 00:05:23,923 It's true. Real babies do tend to raise more money. 133 00:05:23,925 --> 00:05:25,291 I'm sure I could dig up a baby. 134 00:05:25,293 --> 00:05:26,725 I mean, not "dig up," but, you know, 135 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,693 get one from somewhere fast. 136 00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:30,262 Is she talking about kidnapping? 137 00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,164 No. Is she? 138 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,166 No. Are you? 139 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,968 No. 140 00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:38,070 Ah. Well... 141 00:05:38,072 --> 00:05:39,738 maybe it would be best if we let 142 00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:41,173 the Muellers do the Nativity this year. 143 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,107 (stammering) But we're the ones... 144 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:45,176 Ooh, that's probably best. 145 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,079 My little one is too cute 146 00:05:48,081 --> 00:05:51,382 not to be adored this season. 147 00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,217 Well, he is cute. 148 00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,420 He's got a little Tom Selleck in him. 149 00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:59,057 Especially that mustache stretched across his forehead. 150 00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,732 Dad, are you still going through those old e-mails? 151 00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:10,201 I'm not even halfway through. 152 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,469 You would not believe how many people 153 00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,205 think I have erectile dysfunction. 154 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,574 Well, they're not too discriminating. 155 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,042 I get those e-mails, too. 156 00:06:20,512 --> 00:06:22,446 I can't believe Lucille Mueller trumped us 157 00:06:22,448 --> 00:06:24,214 by having a grandbaby. 158 00:06:24,216 --> 00:06:26,016 Or should I say "grand man"? 159 00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,451 That thing looks like it's about 160 00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:29,920 to go out and fight Popeye. 161 00:06:29,922 --> 00:06:32,122 It does look like a caterpillar crawled 162 00:06:32,124 --> 00:06:35,959 across his face and just gave up halfway through. 163 00:06:35,961 --> 00:06:37,961 Oh, I'm sorry, Mom. But on the bright side, 164 00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:39,463 maybe there will be a baby next year, 165 00:06:39,465 --> 00:06:41,465 because Adam and I have been doing it a lot. 166 00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:42,765 Like, pretty much every day. 167 00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,468 We're really in a zone right now. 168 00:06:46,104 --> 00:06:48,205 How do you unsay things? 169 00:06:48,207 --> 00:06:50,840 We can't give up. 170 00:06:50,842 --> 00:06:52,909 If we give up on the Nativity, 171 00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:55,077 we might as well give up on Christmas. 172 00:06:55,079 --> 00:06:56,579 And we can't do that because I got us 173 00:06:56,581 --> 00:07:00,182 Oprah's favorite frozen croissants for Christmas morn. 174 00:07:00,184 --> 00:07:02,251 Spoiler alert-- you get a croissant! 175 00:07:02,253 --> 00:07:03,920 And I get a croissant! 176 00:07:03,922 --> 00:07:07,189 And that's it because they're too expensive. 177 00:07:07,191 --> 00:07:09,591 Oh, it's pointless, Kip. 178 00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:12,661 Reverend Fitzgerald already gave the Nativity to the Muellers. 179 00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:15,164 Well, then we take a baseball bat to their knees. 180 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,535 No? All right, I'm just taking the temperature of the room. 181 00:07:19,537 --> 00:07:21,737 A second option is 182 00:07:21,739 --> 00:07:23,271 we set up our own rival Nativity scene 183 00:07:23,273 --> 00:07:25,473 in that empty lot next to the church. 184 00:07:25,475 --> 00:07:27,576 Ooh, going rogue. 185 00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:29,011 Like this spunky Sarah Palin 186 00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:31,747 I just donated campaign money to. 187 00:07:31,749 --> 00:07:33,782 Come on, one trip to the hardware store, 188 00:07:33,784 --> 00:07:35,751 and bam-- there's your manger. 189 00:07:35,753 --> 00:07:37,285 And Nativity costumes are easy. 190 00:07:37,287 --> 00:07:40,588 You already have a closet full of stolen hotel bathrobes. 191 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,557 That's all they wore in Bible days. 192 00:07:42,559 --> 00:07:45,260 Jerusalem looked like one big day spa. 193 00:07:45,262 --> 00:07:47,962 Well, thank you, Kip. 194 00:07:47,964 --> 00:07:49,897 Even though it's not wrapped, I'm guessing your gift 195 00:07:49,899 --> 00:07:53,268 to our family this year is the worst idea I've ever heard. 196 00:07:53,270 --> 00:07:56,303 Huh, it's almost like someone thinks 197 00:07:56,305 --> 00:08:00,007 his mother's happiness isn't worth fighting for. 198 00:08:00,009 --> 00:08:02,309 Huh, it's almost like someone thinks he's part 199 00:08:02,311 --> 00:08:05,345 of this family and has a say in what we do. 200 00:08:05,347 --> 00:08:07,682 Huh! 201 00:08:07,684 --> 00:08:08,749 It's almost like someone's pretending 202 00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,517 he doesn't have veneers. 203 00:08:10,519 --> 00:08:13,220 - Huh! - Enough! 204 00:08:13,222 --> 00:08:15,378 You guys promised me you'd stop fighting. 205 00:08:15,424 --> 00:08:18,425 Mom, I'm fine being in a sanctioned manger by a church, 206 00:08:18,427 --> 00:08:21,195 but I refuse to be some basically homeless Joseph 207 00:08:21,197 --> 00:08:24,064 wandering around looking for someplace to stay. 208 00:08:24,066 --> 00:08:27,134 Although, yes, I admit that does sound like the actual Joseph. 209 00:08:27,136 --> 00:08:29,168 But... the point is I'm not doing it. 210 00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,304 Because, I'm sorry, Kip, it's a dumb idea. 211 00:08:31,306 --> 00:08:32,906 So, you're just gonna have to find 212 00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:34,274 someone else to play Joseph. 213 00:08:36,811 --> 00:08:40,280 Well, I might know someone who would qualify for the job. 214 00:08:40,282 --> 00:08:43,483 You're right. 215 00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:46,419 Kip! 216 00:08:46,421 --> 00:08:47,720 Who's Kip? 217 00:08:47,722 --> 00:08:50,423 I only answer to Joseph! 218 00:08:50,425 --> 00:08:51,690 Ah-ha! This is so exciting. 219 00:08:51,692 --> 00:08:54,060 Ooh! We're gonna make the best manger ever. 220 00:08:54,062 --> 00:08:55,795 Okay, I'm gonna go home and shower 221 00:08:55,797 --> 00:08:57,030 before I hit The Home Depot. 222 00:08:57,032 --> 00:08:58,531 There's so many hot guys there on the weekends, 223 00:08:58,533 --> 00:09:00,333 they should call that place The Homo Depot. 224 00:09:00,335 --> 00:09:02,768 And before you laugh, just know I'm the only one 225 00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:05,304 who can make and laugh at that joke. 226 00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:09,775 Thank you for understanding. 227 00:09:14,047 --> 00:09:15,881 (groans) 228 00:09:15,883 --> 00:09:17,182 Ow. 229 00:09:17,184 --> 00:09:20,785 God, my legs are cramping up. 230 00:09:20,787 --> 00:09:22,054 Told you not to choose 231 00:09:22,056 --> 00:09:25,157 such a difficult pose. 232 00:09:25,159 --> 00:09:27,659 Hey, just on our way to Nikki's party. 233 00:09:27,661 --> 00:09:31,029 Thought you guys might want some spiked eggnog, but... 234 00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:32,464 Ray drank it all. 235 00:09:32,466 --> 00:09:33,965 That was spiked? 236 00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:37,001 I just thought eggnog made everyone look prettier. 237 00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:38,670 (smacking) What's up, Debbie? 238 00:09:39,939 --> 00:09:41,940 Yeah, we, uh, we would've been here sooner, 239 00:09:41,942 --> 00:09:43,307 but, uh, we got caught in the crowd 240 00:09:43,309 --> 00:09:44,776 at that Nativity down the street. 241 00:09:44,778 --> 00:09:47,411 A scalper tried to sell me seats so close 242 00:09:47,413 --> 00:09:49,413 I could pet a donkey. 243 00:09:49,415 --> 00:09:51,248 But contrary to popular belief, 244 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,317 I am not an ass man. 245 00:09:53,319 --> 00:09:55,353 (laughing) 246 00:09:57,456 --> 00:10:00,624 (whoops) 247 00:10:00,626 --> 00:10:03,194 Well, we don't need eggnog 248 00:10:03,196 --> 00:10:05,029 because there was no eggnog 249 00:10:05,031 --> 00:10:07,764 back in biblical times, and we're being authentic. 250 00:10:07,766 --> 00:10:11,535 Please, you guys look like you just escaped a motel fire. 251 00:10:11,537 --> 00:10:13,670 Plus, come on, you've made no money. 252 00:10:13,672 --> 00:10:15,405 Look, Mom, maybe it's time to admit 253 00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:17,841 that not every idea Kip has is brilliant, okay? 254 00:10:17,843 --> 00:10:20,143 And until then, tell Dad to close his robe a little. 255 00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:22,646 Not everyone wants to see his yule log. 256 00:10:24,982 --> 00:10:26,582 Maybe Nathan's right. 257 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:29,119 We can't compete with the Muellers' Nativity. 258 00:10:29,121 --> 00:10:30,920 Let's just pack it up. 259 00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:34,357 Wha...? So you're just gonna give up? 260 00:10:34,359 --> 00:10:36,292 It's Christmas! 261 00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:39,095 Did little Kevin give into the burglars in Home Alone? 262 00:10:40,130 --> 00:10:42,164 Did sweet Ralphie give up on his dream 263 00:10:42,166 --> 00:10:44,901 of a BB gun in A Christmas Story. 264 00:10:45,802 --> 00:10:47,469 Did Detective Irwin walk away 265 00:10:47,471 --> 00:10:49,805 from his infected, but quite an attractive wife 266 00:10:49,807 --> 00:10:52,074 in Silent Night, Zombie Night? 267 00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:54,076 All right. 268 00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:55,545 Apparently I am the only one who saw that movie. 269 00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:56,912 But I am not leaving! 270 00:10:56,914 --> 00:10:58,747 Yeah, but the Muellers have all the costumes 271 00:10:58,749 --> 00:11:00,249 and a real baby and props. 272 00:11:00,251 --> 00:11:02,051 We don't have anything. 273 00:11:02,053 --> 00:11:04,319 You know what, Debbie? 274 00:11:04,321 --> 00:11:05,654 You know what we do have? 275 00:11:05,656 --> 00:11:06,888 A little something called razz. 276 00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:08,524 Okay? 277 00:11:08,526 --> 00:11:09,724 You know what else we got? 278 00:11:09,726 --> 00:11:11,393 Matazz. 279 00:11:11,395 --> 00:11:12,594 And you know what you get 280 00:11:12,596 --> 00:11:14,395 when you put those two things together? 281 00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:17,365 Matazz-arazz? 282 00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:19,400 Razzamatazz! 283 00:11:19,402 --> 00:11:20,702 Come on, you guys. 284 00:11:20,704 --> 00:11:22,037 I promise you, 285 00:11:22,039 --> 00:11:24,739 I will lead us in a performance that will get us a crowd. 286 00:11:24,741 --> 00:11:25,874 Are you with me?! 287 00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:28,242 Yes! 288 00:11:28,244 --> 00:11:29,710 Sorry, were you saying something? 289 00:11:29,712 --> 00:11:32,980 I just found out I stand to inherit a crap load of money 290 00:11:32,982 --> 00:11:35,383 from a very powerful Nigerian. 291 00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:44,192 Okay, guys, let's run the ending one last time, okay? 292 00:11:44,194 --> 00:11:46,226 Here we go. Five, six, seven and... 293 00:11:46,228 --> 00:11:50,197 Sleep in heavenly peace... 294 00:11:50,199 --> 00:11:52,700 Okay, okay, yeah, somebody's off, and it's not me. 295 00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:54,034 (laughs) 296 00:11:54,036 --> 00:11:56,369 Have you seen this Elf Yourself thing? 297 00:11:56,371 --> 00:11:57,938 Someone just e-mailed it to me 298 00:11:57,940 --> 00:12:00,207 six years ago. 299 00:12:08,916 --> 00:12:11,184 That's all my old friends from college dancing. 300 00:12:11,186 --> 00:12:12,719 They can't dance! 301 00:12:12,721 --> 00:12:14,020 They're all dead now. 302 00:12:14,022 --> 00:12:15,489 (chuckles) 303 00:12:15,491 --> 00:12:18,358 (clears throat) How it be, my ladies? 304 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,426 Oh, look at the two of you. 305 00:12:20,428 --> 00:12:21,661 Ray and I are going 306 00:12:21,663 --> 00:12:23,395 to a Christmas Pimps and Ho-Ho-Hos party. 307 00:12:23,397 --> 00:12:26,666 Just stopped by to get some of Dad's cheap cologne. 308 00:12:26,668 --> 00:12:29,235 You're in luck. I just refilled my jug at the kiosk. 309 00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:31,370 Ah-ah-ah-ah. 310 00:12:31,372 --> 00:12:32,872 Dress like a pimp, 311 00:12:32,874 --> 00:12:34,573 walk like a pimp. 312 00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:36,175 There you go. 313 00:12:36,177 --> 00:12:39,111 Walk like your knees are on backwards. 314 00:12:40,813 --> 00:12:42,214 Mom? 315 00:12:42,216 --> 00:12:44,416 Mom? 316 00:12:46,653 --> 00:12:49,721 Did you buy and decorate a tree without me? 317 00:12:49,723 --> 00:12:52,824 Sorry, you were at your party, and I didn't think you'd care. 318 00:12:52,826 --> 00:12:54,425 I was feeling a little down, 319 00:12:54,427 --> 00:12:56,427 and when we drove past the Christmas tree lot, 320 00:12:56,429 --> 00:12:58,964 Kip suggested buying one might cheer us all up. 321 00:12:58,966 --> 00:13:00,732 Wait. 322 00:13:00,734 --> 00:13:02,100 Where's my star? 323 00:13:02,102 --> 00:13:04,269 (sighs) Kip had an accident. 324 00:13:04,271 --> 00:13:06,271 He didn't mean to, Nathan. 325 00:13:06,273 --> 00:13:08,239 He just pulled it out of the box too fast, 326 00:13:08,241 --> 00:13:10,475 and-and the point was ripped off. 327 00:13:10,477 --> 00:13:12,577 - (gasps) - We did everything 328 00:13:12,579 --> 00:13:14,312 we could to repair it, 329 00:13:14,314 --> 00:13:16,447 but it was old, 330 00:13:16,449 --> 00:13:19,317 and it had lost a lot of glitter. 331 00:13:19,319 --> 00:13:20,351 But don't worry, 332 00:13:20,353 --> 00:13:21,386 because I made a replacement. 333 00:13:21,388 --> 00:13:22,387 Look. There it is. 334 00:13:22,389 --> 00:13:23,954 Ta-da. 335 00:13:25,523 --> 00:13:27,457 Wait, this-this has everyone but me in it. 336 00:13:27,459 --> 00:13:28,525 No, no, no, no. 337 00:13:28,527 --> 00:13:29,660 You're in it. 338 00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:31,162 See? Your mom opened her locket 339 00:13:31,164 --> 00:13:32,462 that has your picture. 340 00:13:32,464 --> 00:13:33,998 Oh, wait, there's a piece of glitter 341 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,166 covering it. 342 00:13:35,168 --> 00:13:36,433 Oh, there you are. 343 00:13:37,635 --> 00:13:39,103 You know what? 344 00:13:39,105 --> 00:13:41,138 - We could just take another one... - Oh, gosh, look at that time! 345 00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,272 We got to run! 346 00:13:42,274 --> 00:13:43,840 I made dinner reservations 347 00:13:43,842 --> 00:13:45,041 at Carol's favorite place. 348 00:13:45,043 --> 00:13:46,076 Come on, everybody. 349 00:13:46,078 --> 00:13:47,444 We need to carbo-load 350 00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:49,313 before the big Nativity show tonight. 351 00:13:49,315 --> 00:13:50,747 (chuckles) 352 00:13:50,749 --> 00:13:52,816 My treat! 353 00:13:56,787 --> 00:13:58,188 Ray, do you see what's happening here? 354 00:13:58,190 --> 00:13:59,756 That I'm about to sweat through my mink. 355 00:13:59,758 --> 00:14:00,924 Come on, man! 356 00:14:00,926 --> 00:14:02,291 It's hot in here for a pimp. 357 00:14:02,293 --> 00:14:03,459 (scoffs) 358 00:14:03,461 --> 00:14:05,061 Kip is trying to steal my mom. 359 00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:07,530 I mean, first he-he-he ruined my star, 360 00:14:07,532 --> 00:14:09,966 the he swooped in and took Joseph first chance he got. 361 00:14:09,968 --> 00:14:12,501 Now he's taking them to dinner, and he's paying for it? 362 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,562 That's my thing. 363 00:14:13,589 --> 00:14:14,970 I'm the one who pays for dinner 364 00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:16,705 and doesn't make a big deal out of it. 365 00:14:16,707 --> 00:14:18,107 This year alone I've already done it, like... 366 00:14:18,109 --> 00:14:20,176 - 17 times. - Yes, exactly. 367 00:14:20,178 --> 00:14:23,012 This has been Kip's play all along. 368 00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:24,547 Won't be long before he's sitting in my place 369 00:14:24,549 --> 00:14:26,449 at the dinner table, trying to glue his ugly face 370 00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:28,251 over my baby pictures. 371 00:14:28,253 --> 00:14:30,453 I got to stop this guy. 372 00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:32,655 Well, fine! 373 00:14:32,657 --> 00:14:34,890 I guess I'll just walk to the party. 374 00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:43,866 Ah. 375 00:14:44,734 --> 00:14:46,869 Man, I'm gonna be late. 376 00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:51,773 Okay, places, everyone. 377 00:14:51,775 --> 00:14:53,475 Adam, plug in the lights. 378 00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:56,578 Remember, tonight is a brand-new night. 379 00:14:56,580 --> 00:15:00,382 Okay, and just like Mary forgot the excruciating pain 380 00:15:00,384 --> 00:15:03,218 of a drug-free barnyard childbirth, 381 00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:06,754 we are gonna forget the excruciating pain 382 00:15:06,756 --> 00:15:09,223 of last night's low turnout, okay? 383 00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,725 Are we all ready? 384 00:15:10,727 --> 00:15:11,859 Here we go. 385 00:15:11,861 --> 00:15:13,360 Happy birthday to me. 386 00:15:13,362 --> 00:15:14,963 (screams) 387 00:15:14,965 --> 00:15:17,031 Nathan, that looks great. 388 00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:18,733 Who's Nathan? I'm Baby J. 389 00:15:18,735 --> 00:15:20,267 Nice to meet you. 390 00:15:20,269 --> 00:15:22,503 Baby J. This is hilarious. 391 00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,905 Look exactly like me when I was a baby. 392 00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:27,575 It's true. I've seen the pictures. 393 00:15:27,577 --> 00:15:30,644 Nathan, we have a plan, and you're not part of it. 394 00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:34,081 And you're too sun-damaged to be a newborn. 395 00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:35,649 Hey, listen, I'd watch your temper 396 00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,350 in front of the crowd, Joseph. 397 00:15:37,352 --> 00:15:38,585 Oh, nice try. 398 00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:39,653 What crowd? 399 00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:41,187 Oh, hark, there is a crowd. 400 00:15:41,189 --> 00:15:42,589 Sweet Jesus. 401 00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:44,457 No, I mean it; that's a sweet Jesus. 402 00:15:44,459 --> 00:15:47,127 Oh, hey, do you mind if I take a picture with your funny Jesus? 403 00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:48,962 Actually, if you make a donation, 404 00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:50,797 we'll take the picture for you. 405 00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:53,000 The line starts right over here. 406 00:15:53,002 --> 00:15:55,701 Oh, Kip, run home and get my Polaroid camera. 407 00:15:55,703 --> 00:15:57,137 It's in my bathroom. 408 00:15:57,139 --> 00:15:58,838 Never mind why. 409 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,174 But we're supposed to sing a song. 410 00:16:01,176 --> 00:16:02,342 Who cares about a song? 411 00:16:02,344 --> 00:16:03,876 We'll make a fortune for the church 412 00:16:03,878 --> 00:16:06,179 selling photos like mall Santas do. 413 00:16:06,181 --> 00:16:07,280 Why can't Nathan go? 414 00:16:07,282 --> 00:16:08,414 I can't go. 415 00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:09,482 I'm swaddled. 416 00:16:09,484 --> 00:16:11,751 Fine. 417 00:16:11,753 --> 00:16:14,286 Drive safe, Kip. 418 00:16:14,288 --> 00:16:16,856 I'll be praying for you. 419 00:16:25,064 --> 00:16:27,064 Everybody calm down. 420 00:16:27,766 --> 00:16:29,300 Joseph's coming back with the camera. 421 00:16:29,302 --> 00:16:32,936 You'll all get a turn to take your official photo with Baby J. 422 00:16:32,938 --> 00:16:34,605 KIP: Excuse me, excuse me. 423 00:16:34,607 --> 00:16:36,907 Better Baby Jesus coming through here. 424 00:16:36,909 --> 00:16:38,374 Excuse me. 425 00:16:38,376 --> 00:16:40,210 Better Baby J. Excuse me. 426 00:16:40,212 --> 00:16:41,244 Excuse me. (grunts) 427 00:16:41,246 --> 00:16:42,378 There we are. 428 00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:45,381 Kip, what the hell are you doing? 429 00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:47,618 Well, the baby's good, but the song is better, 430 00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:50,087 but since you can't sing, I made myself a baby costume. 431 00:16:50,089 --> 00:16:52,489 Yeah, well, we've already got a baby: me. 432 00:16:52,491 --> 00:16:54,491 I'm the big-headed Baby Jesus that people want. 433 00:16:54,493 --> 00:16:56,226 Well, you got the big-headed part right. 434 00:16:56,228 --> 00:16:59,195 Burn. (sizzles) 435 00:16:59,197 --> 00:17:00,330 I'm leaving. I don't like seeing 436 00:17:00,332 --> 00:17:01,731 my savior arguing with himself. 437 00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:02,898 No, no, don't go. 438 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:05,868 These two Jesuses made a Christmas promise to me, 439 00:17:05,870 --> 00:17:08,470 and they are going to stop fighting now. 440 00:17:08,472 --> 00:17:09,705 Look, if you don't get the heck out of here, 441 00:17:09,707 --> 00:17:10,773 I'm gonna kick your ass so hard 442 00:17:10,775 --> 00:17:12,041 you're gonna be wearing a diaper for real. 443 00:17:12,043 --> 00:17:13,442 Oh, I'm so scared. 444 00:17:13,444 --> 00:17:15,011 Oh. 445 00:17:15,013 --> 00:17:16,112 You don't believe me? 446 00:17:16,114 --> 00:17:17,446 I don't. Hey, back off. 447 00:17:17,448 --> 00:17:19,148 No, you back off. You back off. Stop it. 448 00:17:20,951 --> 00:17:23,352 Ouch. 449 00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:30,692 I asked for one thing for Christmas. 450 00:17:30,694 --> 00:17:31,926 One thing. 451 00:17:31,928 --> 00:17:33,862 And now because of your stupid fighting, 452 00:17:33,864 --> 00:17:37,966 Lucille Mueller is home, stroking her eyebrow in victory. 453 00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:40,536 It was his fault. 454 00:17:40,538 --> 00:17:41,636 My fault?! Yeah. 455 00:17:41,638 --> 00:17:42,804 You just couldn't stand the fact that 456 00:17:42,806 --> 00:17:44,438 I was getting so much attention as Baby Jesus. 457 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:47,508 In the manger I busted my butt to build for Carol. 458 00:17:47,510 --> 00:17:49,310 You think I like building mangers? 459 00:17:49,312 --> 00:17:52,981 No, but I had to because her son was too buy going to parties. 460 00:17:52,983 --> 00:17:54,448 You think I like going to parties?! 461 00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:56,951 No, but I had to if I'm gonna give her the grandchild 462 00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:58,786 she so desperately wants. And I lied. 463 00:17:58,788 --> 00:17:59,987 I do like going to parties. 464 00:17:59,989 --> 00:18:01,489 Yeah, well, I like building mangers. 465 00:18:01,491 --> 00:18:02,690 And I can get her a grandson. 466 00:18:02,692 --> 00:18:05,493 There are a lot of options for men these days. 467 00:18:05,495 --> 00:18:07,027 No, I'm her son. It's different. 468 00:18:07,029 --> 00:18:08,262 We share the same blood. 469 00:18:08,264 --> 00:18:09,597 Yeah, well, I'm her roommate. 470 00:18:09,599 --> 00:18:10,998 We share the same value-sized bottle 471 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,471 of Pantene Damage Detox Deep Cleanse Purifying Shampoo! 472 00:18:13,523 --> 00:18:15,235 - You don't deserve her! - Neither do you! 473 00:18:15,237 --> 00:18:16,437 Boys! 474 00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:17,671 Boys. 475 00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:20,875 Is this what you've been fighting about? 476 00:18:20,877 --> 00:18:22,342 Me? 477 00:18:22,344 --> 00:18:24,011 You two have been acting like complete fools 478 00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:26,046 all because of some silly competition 479 00:18:26,048 --> 00:18:27,347 over me? 480 00:18:29,885 --> 00:18:32,953 Please continue. 481 00:18:33,788 --> 00:18:35,455 You're actually enjoying this? 482 00:18:35,457 --> 00:18:36,689 Are you kidding? 483 00:18:36,691 --> 00:18:39,126 I thought you guys just didn't like each other, 484 00:18:39,128 --> 00:18:41,694 but now I know that the two most important men in my life 485 00:18:41,696 --> 00:18:43,130 were fighting for my affection? 486 00:18:43,132 --> 00:18:45,598 That is the greatest gift a mother/roommate 487 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,366 could ever hope for. 488 00:18:47,368 --> 00:18:48,701 Go ahead! 489 00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:51,170 Mix it up, boys. 490 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,272 Well, this is... 491 00:18:53,274 --> 00:18:55,041 this is just weird now. 492 00:18:55,043 --> 00:18:56,810 I know. 493 00:18:56,812 --> 00:18:58,311 You, uh, 494 00:18:58,313 --> 00:18:59,712 want to go get some eggnog? 495 00:18:59,714 --> 00:19:00,780 Yeah, why not? 496 00:19:00,782 --> 00:19:01,981 Oh, come on! 497 00:19:01,983 --> 00:19:03,282 Don't give up! 498 00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:05,084 Kip, he doesn't appreciate me enough 499 00:19:05,086 --> 00:19:06,452 after all I've done for him. 500 00:19:06,454 --> 00:19:08,187 Nathan, who does Kip think he is, 501 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,222 trying to get in between a mother and her son? 502 00:19:10,224 --> 00:19:12,658 Has she always been this kooky? 503 00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:13,759 No, it's getting worse. 504 00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,128 You picked a great time to move in, bud. 505 00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:17,863 Oh, come on! 506 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:19,565 It's Christmas! 507 00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:21,767 Fight. 508 00:19:29,279 --> 00:19:30,679 Why do we have to do this? 509 00:19:30,681 --> 00:19:31,814 Because we're not quitting 510 00:19:31,816 --> 00:19:34,216 until we get more donations than the Muellers. 511 00:19:34,218 --> 00:19:36,685 I got the costumes. Let's go. 512 00:19:36,687 --> 00:19:37,820 Well, this better work. 513 00:19:37,822 --> 00:19:39,521 Trust me, I've seen this before. 514 00:19:39,523 --> 00:19:41,623 It's gonna blow people away. 515 00:19:43,126 --> 00:19:46,461 (sleigh bells ringing) 516 00:19:46,463 --> 00:19:47,829 KIP: Five, six, seven, eight. 517 00:19:47,831 --> 00:19:50,131 (electronic version of "Jingle Bells" begins) 518 00:20:14,403 --> 00:20:16,670 519 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,257 520 00:20:48,553 --> 00:20:50,320 Merry Christmas! 521 00:20:52,155 --> 00:20:54,960 - sync and correction by solfieri - www.addic7ed.com 522 00:20:55,010 --> 00:20:59,560 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36975

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