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1
00:00:01,148 --> 00:00:03,183
I'm so exhausted.
2
00:00:03,217 --> 00:00:04,316
Today on the treadmill,
3
00:00:04,351 --> 00:00:07,286
I actually fell asleep
for a quarter mile.
4
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:09,355
You were talking in your
sleep again last night.
5
00:00:09,389 --> 00:00:12,758
Yeah, it's these new meds.
Why can't they have cool side effects?
6
00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:15,827
- What would be a cool side effect?
- I don't know. Anything Aquaman does.
7
00:00:16,930 --> 00:00:18,330
Oh, you're wearing that t-shirt.
8
00:00:18,365 --> 00:00:20,265
I thought you were gonna
swap it out for a nightie,
9
00:00:20,299 --> 00:00:22,767
- something tight.
- That's so complicated.
10
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,769
It's hard tell what's the
front and what's the back,
11
00:00:24,803 --> 00:00:26,604
where everything is so
clear about this shirt.
12
00:00:26,638 --> 00:00:28,072
My head goes here;
my arms go here...
13
00:00:28,107 --> 00:00:30,408
And you wipe your
hands here, which is hot.
14
00:00:30,442 --> 00:00:32,810
Clean hands are hot.
15
00:00:34,613 --> 00:00:37,647
- Parents, we need to talk.
- Talk or knock?
16
00:00:37,681 --> 00:00:40,984
I have someone coming over tomorrow,
and not that it should matter,
17
00:00:41,019 --> 00:00:43,287
but this someone
happens to be a lesbian.
18
00:00:43,321 --> 00:00:47,824
Reese is new at school, and
she needs me as a friend.
19
00:00:47,858 --> 00:00:50,827
I'm kind of known for
having a diverse crew
20
00:00:50,861 --> 00:00:52,828
that doesn't pigeonhole people,
21
00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:54,863
unlike the jocks,
the drama nerds, the mean girls,
22
00:00:54,898 --> 00:00:56,198
the freaks with the weird...
23
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,434
I really don't want you
guys to blow this for me.
24
00:00:58,468 --> 00:01:02,371
- So that means no lesbian jokes.
- I don't think I know a lesbian joke.
25
00:01:02,406 --> 00:01:04,173
I know one lesbian
joke, but I don't get it.
26
00:01:04,207 --> 00:01:07,609
Well, I know, let's get eve's
lesbian friend to explain it to us.
27
00:01:10,746 --> 00:01:13,514
Are you guys online?
I can't seem to get on the internet.
28
00:01:13,549 --> 00:01:14,950
Yeah, we're downloading Quicken.
29
00:01:14,984 --> 00:01:17,819
Ha-ha-ha-ha, great computer joke.
Somebody call Dilbert.
30
00:01:17,853 --> 00:01:19,620
It's like, I don't even
know why I come in here.
31
00:01:19,655 --> 00:01:20,515
- Neither do I.
- What?
32
00:01:20,516 --> 00:01:21,859
Get out now.
33
00:01:21,958 --> 00:01:23,483
This door is locked.
No one comes in or out.
34
00:01:23,659 --> 00:01:26,560
It's just I'm fading fast.
So how about just top stuff.
35
00:01:26,594 --> 00:01:28,628
I'll take it.
36
00:01:28,663 --> 00:01:31,398
- How's this?
- Stop tickling my feet.
37
00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:34,035
I'm nowhere near your feet, honey.
38
00:01:34,369 --> 00:01:37,237
- What's "top stuff?"
- I honestly don't even know anymore.
39
00:01:41,875 --> 00:01:43,742
Okay, that's it. We're
officially out of kids.
40
00:01:45,912 --> 00:01:47,546
Oh, come on.
41
00:01:47,581 --> 00:01:50,749
The upstairs neighbor thinks
we want to hear his TV again.
42
00:01:50,784 --> 00:01:52,618
Okay, I'm gonna go up there.
43
00:01:52,652 --> 00:01:55,188
Probably some old guy
with a hearing aid.
44
00:01:55,222 --> 00:01:58,823
He'll recognize me from the news,
I'll sign an autograph,
45
00:01:58,858 --> 00:02:02,427
and then I'll be right back down...
and you're asleep.
46
00:02:02,462 --> 00:02:05,163
I bet this never happens to Aquaman.
47
00:02:05,198 --> 00:02:08,700
Excuse me.
48
00:02:08,734 --> 00:02:10,102
- Oh, sorry... uh...
- Oh.
49
00:02:10,136 --> 00:02:14,438
Uh...
you're not an old man.
50
00:02:15,876 --> 00:02:18,408
1x02 - Neighbour
51
00:02:19,465 --> 00:02:22,134
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
52
00:02:27,952 --> 00:02:31,287
- What exactly are we doing here?
- I'm your downstairs neighbor.
53
00:02:31,322 --> 00:02:32,489
- Oh, hey.
- So first of all...
54
00:02:32,523 --> 00:02:35,191
welcome to the building.
Lovely to have you.
55
00:02:35,226 --> 00:02:37,127
Second of all, and this
is dumb and so stupid.
56
00:02:37,161 --> 00:02:38,428
I feel funny even mentioning it,
57
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:42,465
- but your TV is just a skosh loud...
- Oh, my god.
58
00:02:42,500 --> 00:02:45,600
Oh, okay. You know what?
I'm gonna turn it down.
59
00:02:45,635 --> 00:02:46,735
Come on in.
60
00:02:48,304 --> 00:02:51,173
- Okay, I'm allowed to do this.
- I had it turned up
61
00:02:51,207 --> 00:02:53,642
because I was baking
cookies in the kitchen.
62
00:02:53,676 --> 00:02:56,378
I've gotten back into
baking since my divorce.
63
00:02:56,413 --> 00:02:58,113
My ex didn't like cookies.
64
00:02:58,148 --> 00:03:00,915
Actually, the only thing
he hated more than cookies
65
00:03:00,949 --> 00:03:04,752
was not sleeping with baristas.
66
00:03:04,786 --> 00:03:08,489
I don't know why I'm telling you this.
I'm Kelly, by the way.
67
00:03:08,524 --> 00:03:11,426
- Do I know you from somewhere?
- Does this ring a bell?
68
00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:12,993
Stay informed, New York.
69
00:03:13,028 --> 00:03:14,628
- No.
- I'm Mike Henry.
70
00:03:14,663 --> 00:03:17,497
I'm a newscaster,
Channel 4... television.
71
00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:18,731
I know where I know you from.
72
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:21,868
I used to see you at the
starbucks on 86th street.
73
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,904
You're the guy with
those piercing blue eyes.
74
00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:29,609
Well, I don't know if they pierce.
They, uh... maybe poke a little.
75
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:35,013
- You're funny too.
- Oh, well... I should...
76
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,216
I should probably hit the old hallway.
77
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:40,619
Oh, wait. You know what?
Before you go, I need a taster.
78
00:03:40,653 --> 00:03:43,622
Now, I might have gone a little
bit heavy with the vanilla,
79
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:47,359
and I definitely forgot
to turn on the oven.
80
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,327
Okay, I'm a mess.
81
00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:51,996
You know what?
Just lick this.
82
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
83
00:03:59,738 --> 00:04:01,606
Oh, wow. That's
chocolate chip, right?
84
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:03,641
I mean, I didn't get
one, but-but-but I...
85
00:04:03,675 --> 00:04:06,176
I can taste them.
That's... that all checks out.
86
00:04:06,211 --> 00:04:09,480
I-I-I should go.
Um, thank you.
87
00:04:12,016 --> 00:04:14,050
Stay informed.
88
00:04:14,085 --> 00:04:15,819
Those are good.
89
00:04:15,853 --> 00:04:19,490
Ugh, I'm so behind on
this article for Us Weekly.
90
00:04:19,524 --> 00:04:22,958
If it was called "Us Monthly,"
I'd have more time.
91
00:04:22,993 --> 00:04:26,028
- Us Monthly? Is that a new magazine?
- What? No.
92
00:04:26,062 --> 00:04:28,864
- Are you even listening?
- Crunchy? Swing and a miss, Mom.
93
00:04:28,898 --> 00:04:32,901
Hey, that's a school lunch
for my son who goes to school...
94
00:04:32,936 --> 00:04:36,138
- Okay, where was I?
- Uh... wrapping up.
95
00:04:36,172 --> 00:04:38,340
I like talking to Annie,
'cause she's a good listener,
96
00:04:38,374 --> 00:04:41,842
but I feel like she hasn't
really been there for me since...
97
00:04:43,546 --> 00:04:44,879
How old is Ian again?
98
00:04:44,913 --> 00:04:46,848
I know you're too busy
to hear my troubles.
99
00:04:46,882 --> 00:04:49,518
I guess it's hard for you
to imagine what it's like
100
00:04:49,552 --> 00:04:51,786
to be a single woman
freelancing in this dirty town
101
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:53,720
trying to laugh and love
my way through my 30s.
102
00:04:53,755 --> 00:04:55,922
Okay, Caroline in the City,
I'm gonna give you that one
103
00:04:55,957 --> 00:04:57,724
because you promised
to watch Graham today.
104
00:04:57,759 --> 00:05:00,461
Anything to get me
away from this laptop.
105
00:05:00,995 --> 00:05:02,663
Sandwiches for breakfast?
106
00:05:02,697 --> 00:05:05,065
They're not for breakfast.
They're not for you!
107
00:05:05,099 --> 00:05:08,180
Really? We don't own
one Melissa Etheridge CD?
108
00:05:08,602 --> 00:05:10,903
Well, I guess it's Obama's
America everywhere but here.
109
00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:12,738
- We have two K.D. Lang CDs.
- Who's he?
110
00:05:12,773 --> 00:05:14,440
Oh, honey, you've
got to do your research.
111
00:05:14,475 --> 00:05:15,941
You have a lesbian coming over.
112
00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:19,212
Oh, PB&J.
113
00:05:19,246 --> 00:05:22,114
- Crunchy.
- Okay, stop eating it.
114
00:05:22,149 --> 00:05:24,716
Honey, thank you so much
for getting the neighbor
115
00:05:24,750 --> 00:05:27,653
to turn down his TV last night.
What's he like?
116
00:05:27,687 --> 00:05:31,056
Um, neighborly.
117
00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:35,224
Just an average neighbor.
Standard face and body.
118
00:05:35,395 --> 00:05:37,462
She...
and she was a "she", by the way.
119
00:05:37,497 --> 00:05:41,332
She was otherwise totally forgettable.
120
00:05:41,366 --> 00:05:46,588
Oh, crunchy.
You did it again, honey.
121
00:05:47,306 --> 00:05:49,907
- No sandwich?
- We're out of bread.
122
00:05:53,011 --> 00:05:55,145
Sweetie, that kid stuff's terrible.
123
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,747
Use mine sunscreen. It's French.
124
00:05:57,781 --> 00:05:59,616
I don't know what the
current exchange rate is,
125
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,351
but it's definitely worth it.
126
00:06:01,385 --> 00:06:04,921
And it exploded everywhere.
127
00:06:04,955 --> 00:06:08,091
There goes $33 to $45.
128
00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,626
This day just keeps getting better.
129
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,794
It's okay.
You've got a lot going on.
130
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:14,963
Thank you.
I do have a lot going on.
131
00:06:14,997 --> 00:06:17,266
I was just trying to explain
this to my sister-in-law,
132
00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,601
- but she doesn't get it.
- Well, I think you are
133
00:06:19,602 --> 00:06:22,137
doing the most important
job in the world.
134
00:06:22,171 --> 00:06:24,005
Well, it's definitely up there.
135
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,708
And I've done it with
no help from anyone.
136
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:28,309
- Well, what about the boy's father?
- Mike's no help.
137
00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:30,077
He gives me zero support.
138
00:06:30,112 --> 00:06:33,147
Single mothers are amazing.
You're a hero.
139
00:06:33,181 --> 00:06:37,385
Oh, no.
I'm not a...
140
00:06:37,419 --> 00:06:42,056
hero. I'm just doing what
any other single mother would.
141
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:45,925
- But enough about me.
- Don't be silly. We're here for you.
142
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,629
I do suppose I could vent a little.
143
00:06:48,663 --> 00:06:50,497
If you don't mind turning
off your cell phone,
144
00:06:50,531 --> 00:06:52,065
I'd really appreciate it.
145
00:06:53,501 --> 00:06:55,535
I don't know why people
are so down on the WNBA.
146
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,371
- Are they?
- No, and they shouldn't be.
147
00:06:57,405 --> 00:07:00,173
I mean, I think it's even
better than real basketball.
148
00:07:00,207 --> 00:07:02,408
I mean, normal bask...
149
00:07:02,442 --> 00:07:06,211
I mean, who wants to watch
a bunch of sweaty guys anyway, right?
150
00:07:06,246 --> 00:07:07,280
What happened to my
leftover chick-fil-a?
151
00:07:07,314 --> 00:07:08,648
I left it in the fridge.
152
00:07:08,682 --> 00:07:11,450
Some super tolerant person
probably threw it in the trash
153
00:07:11,485 --> 00:07:13,653
because that company is all about hate.
154
00:07:13,687 --> 00:07:16,354
Yeah, hating dry, flavorless chicken.
155
00:07:16,389 --> 00:07:18,723
- 'Sup. I'm Ian.
- Reese.
156
00:07:18,758 --> 00:07:21,660
- Like the pieces.
- Uh, he's supposed to be in college.
157
00:07:21,694 --> 00:07:24,462
But I left to start
up my own start... up.
158
00:07:24,497 --> 00:07:26,798
- Like the social network.
- Exactly.
159
00:07:26,832 --> 00:07:28,366
Who do you want to
play you in the movie?
160
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:30,502
Okay, time's up.
161
00:07:30,536 --> 00:07:32,270
She's cute.
What's her deal?
162
00:07:32,304 --> 00:07:34,338
Trust me.
She's not interested.
163
00:07:34,372 --> 00:07:36,740
I don't know. I was feeling a vibe.
164
00:07:36,775 --> 00:07:39,009
Whoa, seriously, did you
throw out my chick-fil-a?
165
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:42,112
Recently? Is it on the top?
166
00:07:42,146 --> 00:07:45,749
Honey.
We have the whole place to ourselves.
167
00:07:45,784 --> 00:07:48,218
And I got us some coffee
so we can stay awake.
168
00:07:48,252 --> 00:07:49,819
Dark roast,
if you know what I'm saying.
169
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:51,821
I can't stop thinkin about our neighbor.
170
00:07:51,855 --> 00:07:54,056
You know, the plain, forgettable one?
171
00:07:54,090 --> 00:07:56,892
Oh, wait, yeah, right,
the one with the loud TV.
172
00:07:56,927 --> 00:07:58,928
I feel bad, like we
got off on the wrong foot.
173
00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:02,998
And I was thinking I should
go upstairs and apologize...
174
00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:04,366
Hey, Mike.
175
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,836
But then she decided
to come down here instead.
176
00:08:09,339 --> 00:08:10,505
Coffee?
177
00:08:11,935 --> 00:08:14,203
I should be going.
I just wanted to drop these off.
178
00:08:14,237 --> 00:08:16,172
Turns out that if you
actually turn on the oven,
179
00:08:16,206 --> 00:08:18,573
you get cookies.
And the best part is,
180
00:08:18,607 --> 00:08:20,308
you don't have to lick them off a spoon.
181
00:08:22,611 --> 00:08:24,712
Great nonsense talk.
Really silly stuff.
182
00:08:24,746 --> 00:08:28,048
- Well... thanks for coming by.
- It was so nice to meet you, Kelly.
183
00:08:28,083 --> 00:08:31,085
You too.
It'll be so awesome to have a nice,
184
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:33,854
- cool friend in the building.
- Yeah.
185
00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,756
Shame on Mike
for not mentioning you.
186
00:08:36,790 --> 00:08:39,492
Okay, good hang.
Keep the TV down.
187
00:08:39,527 --> 00:08:40,793
- Bye.
- Bye.
188
00:08:43,997 --> 00:08:45,565
Well, she looked different last night.
189
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,867
I mean, you know, the light in
here must be very flattering,
190
00:08:47,901 --> 00:08:50,136
which a credit to you, because
you look great in any light.
191
00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:52,605
Maybe you were so
busy licking her spoon
192
00:08:52,639 --> 00:08:54,206
that you couldn't get a good look.
193
00:08:54,241 --> 00:08:56,975
That was a pity lick.
She needed a win.
194
00:08:57,009 --> 00:08:59,211
You know, if I
didn't know any better,
195
00:08:59,246 --> 00:09:01,780
I'd say that you have
a little crush, Mike.
196
00:09:01,814 --> 00:09:03,014
I don't have a crush.
197
00:09:03,049 --> 00:09:06,317
Honestly, I had completely
forgotten about her.
198
00:09:06,352 --> 00:09:08,986
Oh, Kelly.
199
00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:12,523
Kelly, no, we can't.
It's wrong.
200
00:09:12,558 --> 00:09:14,191
- Okay.
- Okay, wait. Wake up.
201
00:09:14,226 --> 00:09:16,594
- Mike, wake up.
- Wh-what?
202
00:09:16,629 --> 00:09:17,795
You hit me. Did you hit me?
203
00:09:17,829 --> 00:09:19,897
You were talking in
your sleep about Kelly.
204
00:09:19,931 --> 00:09:22,399
Sounds like you put
up quite a struggle...
205
00:09:22,433 --> 00:09:24,934
right up until you
immediately had sex with her.
206
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:26,670
You know, these meds
give me crazy dreams.
207
00:09:26,704 --> 00:09:29,939
I get it.
She's cute, she's funny,
208
00:09:29,974 --> 00:09:31,441
a bit of a heavy hand with the vanilla,
209
00:09:31,476 --> 00:09:34,711
but just admit that you
are attracted to her.
210
00:09:34,746 --> 00:09:36,580
Well, I suppose if you
were attracted to a guy,
211
00:09:36,614 --> 00:09:37,714
you'd just put that out there?
212
00:09:37,749 --> 00:09:40,182
Matt Damon, Ben Affleck,
Casey Affleck,
213
00:09:40,216 --> 00:09:42,385
the Wahlbergs, pretty
much whole Boston scene.
214
00:09:42,419 --> 00:09:43,719
- Okay, enough.
- Mike, come on.
215
00:09:43,754 --> 00:09:45,488
I just want you to be honest with me.
216
00:09:45,522 --> 00:09:47,540
I am being honest with you.
217
00:09:47,541 --> 00:09:49,558
I'm not attracted to Kelly.
218
00:09:49,593 --> 00:09:52,444
Fine.
You dream about whatever you
219
00:09:52,445 --> 00:09:55,397
want to dream about, okay?
I'm gonna get some sleep.
220
00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:02,103
Oh, Annie...
221
00:10:02,137 --> 00:10:06,808
Annie, you're so beautiful
and sexy and smart.
222
00:10:06,842 --> 00:10:09,678
- You're the whole package.
- Okay, just so you know,
223
00:10:09,712 --> 00:10:11,946
when you asleep, you don't shake.
224
00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:14,581
And also, you don't talk like a ghost.
225
00:10:14,616 --> 00:10:17,681
I can't hear yoooouu.
226
00:10:18,486 --> 00:10:19,821
Ooooh.
227
00:10:19,855 --> 00:10:22,756
So Mike had a sexy
dream about another woman.
228
00:10:22,791 --> 00:10:25,827
It just annoys me that
Mike won't be honest.
229
00:10:25,861 --> 00:10:28,428
If he were really being honest,
he'd tell you to burn that shirt.
230
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,230
What does everybody
have against this shirt?
231
00:10:30,264 --> 00:10:32,199
I've seen you polish
silver with that.
232
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:35,368
I'm just saying maybe you could
step up your game a little.
233
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:41,540
You're right.
I missed a spot.
234
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,944
So remember, we're going
for an outfit that says,
235
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,645
"I'm cool with alternative lifestyles."
236
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,749
So is the lovely Reese coming today?
237
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,952
I don't want to waste my Axe
body spray on just family.
238
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,055
You're barking up the wrong tree.
This tree is a lesbian.
239
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,290
If Reese is a lesbian, then
I must be a pretty lady,
240
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:00,892
because she's definitely into me.
So am I Axe-ing or not?
241
00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,093
- Axe-ing.
- Not.
242
00:11:02,127 --> 00:11:03,528
I'm never bringing Reese back here.
243
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,630
This place is a minefield
of embarrassment.
244
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:08,099
- We're going to JJ's funcade.
- J to the Js.
245
00:11:08,133 --> 00:11:09,534
Food and games. Love that place.
246
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,036
- Me too.
- There's my little Graham cracker.
247
00:11:12,071 --> 00:11:14,939
Red shoes, brown pants,
and yellow sweater?
248
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,974
You trying to look like a hamburger?
249
00:11:17,008 --> 00:11:19,844
I had such a good time
watching you the other day, bud.
250
00:11:19,878 --> 00:11:21,945
I told your folks I'd
take you to the park again.
251
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,881
Okay, I just wanted to
hang with those moms again.
252
00:11:23,915 --> 00:11:27,785
It felt nice to be around
people who appreciate what I do,
253
00:11:27,819 --> 00:11:30,454
Even if it's just
something I pretend to do.
254
00:11:30,489 --> 00:11:35,425
- Let's go to JJ's funcade instead.
- The park is nature's funcade.
255
00:11:35,459 --> 00:11:38,327
- The park doesn't have prizes.
- Well, that's where you're wrong.
256
00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:41,664
If we go to the park, you win a soda.
257
00:11:41,699 --> 00:11:45,034
I like soda.
Can I drink it through a twizzler?
258
00:11:45,068 --> 00:11:46,636
Half a twizzler.
259
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:48,837
I feel like I'd make a good mom.
260
00:11:48,872 --> 00:11:52,408
And now just because
I had a dream about her...
261
00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:54,009
and didn't tell her I was married...
262
00:11:54,043 --> 00:11:57,178
and licked a few spoons,
Annie thinks I'm into her.
263
00:11:57,213 --> 00:11:58,647
Women.
264
00:11:58,681 --> 00:12:01,683
Always jumping to conclusions
based on overwhelming evidence.
265
00:12:02,685 --> 00:12:06,086
I got it. I got it.
We'll double date.
266
00:12:06,121 --> 00:12:08,088
I'll set you up with Kelly,
and then Annie will know
267
00:12:08,123 --> 00:12:09,624
that I don't find her attractive.
268
00:12:09,658 --> 00:12:11,959
Oh, hold on.
She's not attractive?
269
00:12:11,993 --> 00:12:13,895
You're trying to set me
up with a jacked-up woman?
270
00:12:13,929 --> 00:12:15,296
Uh-uh. Oh, no.
271
00:12:15,330 --> 00:12:17,498
Word gets around town that
I've lowered my standards,
272
00:12:17,533 --> 00:12:20,233
my stock drops,
ladies go, "Sell. Sell on Harris."
273
00:12:20,267 --> 00:12:21,668
That's just economics.
274
00:12:21,702 --> 00:12:25,138
Trust me. She's sufficiently jacked.
She's jacked exquisitely.
275
00:12:25,172 --> 00:12:27,273
Just say you'll come to dinner.
276
00:12:27,308 --> 00:12:30,677
Okay, but she better look good,
because you see all this?
277
00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:32,879
It's too big to fail.
278
00:12:35,149 --> 00:12:37,917
You think they can
tell we're not working?
279
00:12:37,951 --> 00:12:40,753
Oh, my god.
This place is ridiculous.
280
00:12:40,787 --> 00:12:43,622
- You know what we should do?
- Pity the living?
281
00:12:43,657 --> 00:12:46,124
And... and we should tell the
waiter that it's my birthday,
282
00:12:46,159 --> 00:12:49,595
and then they'll have to
do that lame song for me.
283
00:12:49,629 --> 00:12:50,696
Is that your brother?
284
00:12:51,931 --> 00:12:53,130
Ian, what are you doing here?
285
00:12:53,165 --> 00:12:55,500
Oh, hey.
Oh, I was just in the neighborhood.
286
00:12:55,534 --> 00:12:57,401
Thought I'd check out
the old stomping grounds.
287
00:12:57,436 --> 00:12:59,571
Hey, check out this old girl.
288
00:12:59,605 --> 00:13:04,075
Wonder if she still dance,
dances like she used to.
289
00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:06,177
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't do this.
290
00:13:06,211 --> 00:13:08,979
I barely remember
how to use this thing.
291
00:13:09,013 --> 00:13:10,581
Or do I totally remember?
292
00:13:22,293 --> 00:13:24,694
I'm so sorry.
He's trying to show off
293
00:13:24,728 --> 00:13:26,662
because he has a stupid crush on you.
294
00:13:26,697 --> 00:13:31,000
That's okay.
This is hilarious.
295
00:13:31,034 --> 00:13:34,303
- Yeah, totally.
- It's, like, is the machine telling me
296
00:13:34,337 --> 00:13:36,171
what to do, or am I telling it?
297
00:13:38,557 --> 00:13:41,437
I just want to get this
us weekly article right,
298
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,672
because I'm going to be
seeing it in my doctor's office
299
00:13:42,706 --> 00:13:44,039
for the next year and a half.
300
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:47,142
Speaking of, does anyone else
have a super judge-y gyno?
301
00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:51,646
- Um, Leigh, is Graham okay?
- I am forever!
302
00:13:51,681 --> 00:13:55,817
He's fine. He just had a few
sodas and a couple twizzlers.
303
00:13:55,852 --> 00:13:57,886
Wow! That's a lot of sugar.
304
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,788
I feel like we're
getting off track here.
305
00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:02,491
I never give Duncan
anything processed.
306
00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:05,426
Pretty high almighty for a lady
who named her son Duncan.
307
00:14:05,461 --> 00:14:08,061
You guys have really changed.
308
00:14:08,096 --> 00:14:12,633
Come on son, we're leaving.
309
00:14:12,701 --> 00:14:14,702
Graham, that's you!
310
00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:17,304
- Leigh, it's you!
- Graham, slow down!
311
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:20,154
I'm not wearing the
right bra for this!
312
00:14:20,837 --> 00:14:24,443
- Have you seen Reese?
- She's over there.
313
00:14:27,147 --> 00:14:28,648
Happy, happy birthday
314
00:14:28,682 --> 00:14:30,116
from JJ's funcade crew
315
00:14:30,150 --> 00:14:33,019
happy, happy birthday
from all of us to you
316
00:14:33,053 --> 00:14:36,789
Oh. Oh, god.
You are awful.
317
00:14:36,824 --> 00:14:39,525
We'd have a lot less dishes
to do if you would just admit
318
00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:41,894
that you have a crush on Kelly.
319
00:14:41,928 --> 00:14:45,998
That's ridiculous.
It's a legitimate double date.
320
00:14:46,032 --> 00:14:48,667
They do seem to be hitting it off.
321
00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:53,772
Yes, they do, don't they?
322
00:14:53,806 --> 00:14:56,040
- That was our thing.
- What?
323
00:14:56,074 --> 00:14:58,029
Nothing.
324
00:14:58,410 --> 00:14:59,744
- Oh.
- Bread time.
325
00:14:59,778 --> 00:15:03,714
Individual portions of bread that
everyone can feed to themselves.
326
00:15:03,749 --> 00:15:04,982
Oops, Parkinson's.
327
00:15:08,153 --> 00:15:11,022
What?
Parkinson's.
328
00:15:11,056 --> 00:15:13,990
Uh...
329
00:15:14,025 --> 00:15:15,692
Why were you making out with Ian?
330
00:15:15,726 --> 00:15:18,394
Oh, you saw that? I'm sorry.
I know he's your brother, and...
331
00:15:18,429 --> 00:15:21,965
Yeah, and... brothers are guys.
332
00:15:21,999 --> 00:15:25,401
- You're a lesbian.
- No, I'm not.
333
00:15:25,436 --> 00:15:27,470
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
334
00:15:27,504 --> 00:15:29,171
But I heard that you
kissed a girl at a party.
335
00:15:29,205 --> 00:15:31,674
Yeah, I did, but only
'cause guys love that.
336
00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:35,444
Hey, air swimmer clownfish.
337
00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:38,565
- No bigs.
- I can't believe this.
338
00:15:41,484 --> 00:15:45,553
Let me get some more of that.
Somehow yours just seems better.
339
00:15:45,588 --> 00:15:48,823
So you guys have been friends forever.
340
00:15:48,857 --> 00:15:51,258
Oh, yeah, ever since we
started out down in Orlando.
341
00:15:51,293 --> 00:15:54,095
Remember when we covered the...
Governor's inauguration?
342
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:55,997
Yeah, Mike camped out
in the Governor's office
343
00:15:56,031 --> 00:15:57,565
and wouldn't leave until we got a quote.
344
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,633
And you got caught in the press
room with that salsa dancer.
345
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,202
Or wait, no, that's wrong.
It was a cocktail waitress.
346
00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:06,673
- It's hard to remember, I'm sure.
- Yeah, because there's been so many.
347
00:16:06,708 --> 00:16:09,676
I was gonna say because
it was such a long time ago.
348
00:16:09,711 --> 00:16:12,145
Everybody does crazy
things when they're young.
349
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,446
But I'm a gentleman now.
350
00:16:13,481 --> 00:16:15,381
Well, I hope not too
much of a gentleman.
351
00:16:15,416 --> 00:16:17,583
Didn't that cocktail waitress
turn out to be a gentleman
352
00:16:17,618 --> 00:16:21,120
- in the end... and in the front?
- What the hell are you doing?
353
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,656
Just trying to be accurate.
Who wants to see my Emmys?
354
00:16:23,690 --> 00:16:27,059
Don't get too excited.
They're daytime Emmys.
355
00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:28,527
Just trying to be accurate.
356
00:16:30,897 --> 00:16:33,364
You're right, this place
is better than the park.
357
00:16:33,398 --> 00:16:36,300
I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have used you like I did.
358
00:16:36,335 --> 00:16:38,402
I guess it just felt nice
to get a little validation
359
00:16:38,437 --> 00:16:42,223
out there, and look,
i know there are harder things
360
00:16:42,224 --> 00:16:46,745
- than writing a 200-word article.
- 200? That's so many words.
361
00:16:46,779 --> 00:16:50,147
Thank you.
Finally someone in this family gets me.
362
00:16:50,181 --> 00:16:52,582
You know, I'm going to start
coming to you with my problems.
363
00:16:52,617 --> 00:16:54,752
Would your son like a balloon?
364
00:16:54,786 --> 00:16:56,453
Oh, he's not my son.
365
00:16:56,487 --> 00:16:59,657
Oh, of course.
You're too young to have a son his age.
366
00:16:59,691 --> 00:17:01,659
Text your mom to pick you up.
367
00:17:01,693 --> 00:17:04,927
- So how long have you worked here?
- Oh, 13 years.
368
00:17:04,962 --> 00:17:07,563
Here I am with the children
of the Grand Popo tribe.
369
00:17:07,597 --> 00:17:09,298
They wrote a song about me.
370
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:12,802
- Wow. That's amazing, Mike.
- It's really not that amazing.
371
00:17:12,836 --> 00:17:14,470
They sing that song
to all the white people
372
00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:15,772
to convince them to buy scarves.
373
00:17:15,806 --> 00:17:19,008
- Still driving that $100,000 car, Harris?
- Actually...
374
00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:20,241
Yeah, I remember when
he first got that car.
375
00:17:20,276 --> 00:17:22,911
I remember thinking, "whoa, mid-life crisis
comes early for Harris."
376
00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:24,612
Well, actually, not that early.
377
00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:26,815
You know, we might be
friends, but I'll take you out.
378
00:17:26,849 --> 00:17:29,217
- It's not that hard.
- Oh, hey, it's Leigh.
379
00:17:29,251 --> 00:17:31,653
I guess she wants us to pick
up Graham at JJ's funcade.
380
00:17:31,688 --> 00:17:34,756
Well, sorry, guys.
I guess we've got to call it a night.
381
00:17:34,791 --> 00:17:37,091
Well, Kelly and Harris
don't have to call it a night.
382
00:17:37,125 --> 00:17:40,260
- I'm not going to say no to a drink.
- Oh, you are my kind of guy.
383
00:17:40,295 --> 00:17:41,796
I know.
Why don't we all go to JJ's?
384
00:17:41,830 --> 00:17:44,699
And we can play a little skee-ball
and get some nachos for the big fella.
385
00:17:44,733 --> 00:17:47,768
- You better stop that.
- You know, I think I better get going.
386
00:17:47,803 --> 00:17:50,771
I have an early morning tomorrow.
Do you want to walk me up upstairs?
387
00:17:50,806 --> 00:17:52,405
Don't be silly. It's
completely out of his way.
388
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:53,773
I'll walk you upstairs,
389
00:17:53,808 --> 00:17:56,142
and Annie and I will drop
Harris off at home on our way.
390
00:17:56,177 --> 00:17:58,411
And then maybe we could
stop by JJ's tomorrow.
391
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:02,515
- Mike, we need to pick up our son.
- You're absolutely right, Annie.
392
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,851
You should take Kelly
home and them come back
393
00:18:04,885 --> 00:18:07,153
and man the nerve center, and
Harris and I will go get Graham.
394
00:18:07,188 --> 00:18:09,855
- I don't want to do that at all.
- Here's an out-of-the-box idea.
395
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,107
Why doesn't nobody take Kelly
home, 'cause she only lives
396
00:18:12,108 --> 00:18:14,326
one floor up, and it's a safe
building. And she'll be fine.
397
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,962
Isn't that right, Annie?
Annie?
398
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,264
You know, I have some
more spoons upstairs.
399
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,068
For the record, don't touch my belly.
400
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,903
Now, if you will excuse
me, I'm going upstairs
401
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,844
to make love with my shirt on.
402
00:18:30,675 --> 00:18:32,483
Thank you for leaving me
with that image.
403
00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:34,926
Annie, it's Mike again.
Are you still here?
404
00:18:34,992 --> 00:18:37,198
'Cause I've been walking
around for 20 minutes.
405
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,112
I'm a sweaty guy
lurking around an arcade.
406
00:18:39,146 --> 00:18:40,313
People are starting
to think I'm a creep.
407
00:18:40,347 --> 00:18:42,415
Hey! Are you leaving?
408
00:18:42,449 --> 00:18:43,849
- Yeah.
- You're seriously bailing?
409
00:18:43,883 --> 00:18:46,518
- Is this because Reese is into me?
- That is mystifying.
410
00:18:46,552 --> 00:18:49,121
- Mm.
- She just isn't who I thought she was.
411
00:18:49,155 --> 00:18:51,190
Who cares?
So Reese isn't a lesbian.
412
00:18:51,224 --> 00:18:53,158
I'm sorry that's not
a box you can check off
413
00:18:53,193 --> 00:18:56,361
- on your list of friends.
- I like having friends who are unique.
414
00:18:56,395 --> 00:18:58,030
Yeah, so you can feel unique.
415
00:18:58,064 --> 00:19:01,232
Why not just have friends
because they're your friends?
416
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:04,969
Annie.
Annie, I know you're here somewhere.
417
00:19:05,003 --> 00:19:07,404
Look, you were right.
I had a crush on Kelly.
418
00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:09,373
- Is that Dad?
- I'm afraid so.
419
00:19:09,407 --> 00:19:11,042
She had these well-defined collarbones
420
00:19:11,076 --> 00:19:13,010
that could hold water in the rain.
421
00:19:13,045 --> 00:19:15,345
I didn't even know I was into that.
422
00:19:15,379 --> 00:19:17,714
But I never should have...
423
00:19:17,749 --> 00:19:19,549
licked the spoon.
424
00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:21,184
I got caught up in the moment.
425
00:19:21,219 --> 00:19:24,254
Why do I sound like this?
What's happening to me?
426
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,224
Am I a robot?
427
00:19:27,258 --> 00:19:29,760
Oh, that's better.
Where was I?
428
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:34,196
- Finished, hopefully.
- Oh, wait. Annie, I'm sorry.
429
00:19:34,231 --> 00:19:36,932
Look, I just got started,
and I couldn't stop.
430
00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:38,768
Mike, I don't even care about that.
431
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:43,172
I mean, the collarbone thing was
weird, but what got into you tonight?
432
00:19:44,674 --> 00:19:46,708
I'm sorry. I...
433
00:19:46,743 --> 00:19:49,310
I just... it wasn't even
that I had a crush on Kelly.
434
00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:51,880
It was that Kelly had a crush on me.
435
00:19:53,249 --> 00:19:54,448
It's just nice to know
after all that's happened
436
00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:59,487
- that women still find me attractive.
- What about me?
437
00:19:59,521 --> 00:20:02,290
- I think you're attractive.
- Oh, well, that doesn't count.
438
00:20:02,324 --> 00:20:03,523
I mean, what are you gonna do,
439
00:20:03,557 --> 00:20:05,325
leave the beloved
newsman with Parkinson's?
440
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:07,094
Okay, if that's what
you're worried about,
441
00:20:07,128 --> 00:20:09,329
I will leave you the
minute your looks go.
442
00:20:09,363 --> 00:20:11,164
I'd appreciate that. Thank you.
443
00:20:11,198 --> 00:20:12,398
Look... hey, have you been
wearing this all night?
444
00:20:12,432 --> 00:20:13,833
You look amazing.
445
00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:16,235
Yes, I've been trying to
get you to notice all night.
446
00:20:16,270 --> 00:20:19,071
If I told you you were beautiful
every time you looked beautiful,
447
00:20:19,106 --> 00:20:22,474
- I'd never have time for anything else.
- That would be fine with me.
448
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,046
Sometimes in life,
you get turned around
449
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,848
and forget who you really are.
450
00:20:29,882 --> 00:20:32,150
Sorry I thought you were a lesbian.
451
00:20:32,185 --> 00:20:35,086
That's okay.
I thought you were too.
452
00:20:35,121 --> 00:20:37,155
Oh, boss!
Are you guys gonna kiss?!
453
00:20:37,190 --> 00:20:40,625
Luckily, your family
is there to remind you.
454
00:20:40,659 --> 00:20:43,227
They're the ones who challenge you
455
00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:44,528
and support you
456
00:20:44,562 --> 00:20:47,397
and love you no matter what.
457
00:20:47,432 --> 00:20:50,500
- Hey guys, guys...
- What, sweetie?
458
00:20:50,535 --> 00:20:53,003
We lost Dad.
459
00:20:53,073 --> 00:20:55,472
Shh, shh.
460
00:20:57,342 --> 00:20:59,175
Mike, Mike.
461
00:21:02,112 --> 00:21:04,314
How did you find me?
462
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:08,051
So if you want to drive
with me, ride with me
463
00:21:08,085 --> 00:21:09,919
They're also the ones
who will drive you crazy
464
00:21:09,954 --> 00:21:12,722
with remote control fish balloons.
465
00:21:12,756 --> 00:21:14,290
Ian, get that thing out of here!
466
00:21:14,325 --> 00:21:16,291
Come on and fly with me
467
00:21:16,326 --> 00:21:17,826
Ian...
468
00:21:17,861 --> 00:21:19,962
You got to roll with me
469
00:21:20,408 --> 00:21:23,476
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470
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,138
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