Original subtitles

BENJAMIN: With a mum like mine, sex ed is kind of redundant.

She's always been "testicles" this, "vaginas" that.

It's probably on purpose.

Making us associate sex with her voice is a great contraceptive.

Ben?

Did you hear about Rory?

Rory Rory?

He's having a party Friday night.

We are so going!

Wait. Are we invited?

We heard about it. Same thing.

Melissa, the whole senior drama troupe will be there.

And understudies. This is big!

And - it gets bigger.

(WHISPERS) Not possible. It's fancy dress.

(BOTH LAUGH)

MR MALLORY: Miss Hills, Mr Law, tone it down.

Excitement in this class is not appropriate.

There are policies around that.

(SIGHS)

It's still good, I think.

Ooh, these expired two months ago.

Probably need your stomach pumped.

Ai, 'best before' - just suggestion!

Yeah, you tell your customer that after they shit themselves to death.

Guys, guys, guys! Melissa and I got invited to a party!

Oh! All the drama kids are going.

It's the social event of the year.

Wait. Is this Rory's thing? Yeah.

Who Rory? He's in my bio class. Drama captain.

Your class? This is a year 12 party?

You're not in year 12.

Age is a mindset, Mum, especially in...

Not going. End of story.

Dad? Well, I...

I know what the Aussie kids get up to.

They drink-drink, talk the bullshit, do the fingering.

How is that fun?

Mum... You're just a baby.

I'm 15! Exactly.

You don't even have your hairs yet.

Mum! (WHISPERS) That was a private conversation!

It's just a party.

Yes. With big kids doing big...things.

You not ready.

Yes, I am! Trust me!

I do trust you.

I don't trust them.

JENNY: Well, when did you use it last?

Have you checked your pockets? MICHELLE: Why would it be there?

Because that's where you always keep it!

TAMMY: Ow! Mum! Hey, girls! No violence!

Use your words!

(SQUEALS) I will cut you! Oh, my God!

Actually, don't use your words either!

Oh!

Struggling?

I'm fine. I'm fine.

(SNORTS) No, you're not.

What are you up to Friday night?

The usual. Cook, clean, laundry, iron, hang myself.

Come on, don't be a martyr.

When was the last time you had a girls' night out?

You can't rem... W...

1994. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.

Five kids need their mummy.

You know what?

Those kids aren't babies anymore.

Live a little.

I dare you.

Ai, ah-Leung. You have to take the kids Friday night.

I'm having a girls' night out. Friday? Can't.

Why? You don't go out. And you don't have friends.

What? You don't!

Uh, Ming-Zhu said she'll have dinner with me.

Oh, you're talking now? That's great.

Yeah. Finally took my call.

Just had to ring 20 times and she pick up.

Women. They like persistence.

Yes. We love to be worn down until we can't say no.

Allow me. Thought you might be hungry.

You made this? Yep.

Folded the washing. Unblocked the shower drain.

Some people are definitely compensating in the pubes department.

And got the girls to do homework.

You got them to do homework?

They listen to me. Guess they see me as mature.

The answer is still no.

Mmm.

Mum, come on.

Ah-lieu-ah. Tomorrow night you babysit the kids, OK?

We're not kids.

Since when do YOU go out? Diane's taking me.

We're going to be ladies of the night.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

How did you change your mum's mind?

I didn't.

I'm sneaking out. Ben!

You're, like, THE biggest goody-two-shoes I know.

Gee, thanks for the character assassination, Melissa.

No, it's just...I've never seen this side to you before.

You're so bad!

Especially for an Asian.

Slightly racist.

Children, now we've covered anatomy,

we can move on to explore what to do - or NOT to do -

with those body parts.

Today, we're going to discuss risky behaviour, peer pressure

and why sleep doesn't constitute consent.

What are the dangers?

How do we avoid them?

What better way to learn...

..than with role play?!

(OCKER ACCENT) Go on, mate. Have another.

Can't hurt ya.

Oh, don't tell me you're already onto the water, ya girl!

Nah, I-I think I've had enough. Put the pressure on.

Mate, come on! Ya gotta be fuggin' kiddin' me!

Language.

Sorry. Yield.

Well, I...I guess one more couldn't hurt.

And freeze!

What do we think will happen next?

He has another beer and they both go home safely?

He is punched in the face and dies!

Ask yourself.

Are you really ready for this?

All misfortunes start with poor decisions.

Spiked drinks. Methamphetamines in a bowl of Twisties.

Something may seem like harmless fun, then BAM!

You're admitted to ICU with a spinal cord injury.

New scenario.

It's just adults trying to scare us, right?

Yeah. No, definitely.

Plus, it's a drama party. We're artists, not animals.

Totally. It'll be all about the costumes.

Oh, what are we even doing for costumes?

I'll sort those out, since you're on the down low.

What about booze?

What about it? Well, we need some.

Didn't you listen to Mr Mallory?

Ben, it's a year 12 party. We are not turning up empty-handed.

What are we gonna do? Sit around eating fairy bread?

(GAGS)

Hey, little buddy.

Oh. Wayne. Hi.

Oop! (CHUCKLES) Whatcha got there?

Oh.

It's, um...

..traditional Chinese medicine.

Ah. It's for a personal issue.

Looks nasty.

Though, Chinese medicine did help with a fungal infection I had once.

(WHISTLES) You should have seen the chafing.

Oh, yeah, another story for another time.

OK.

So, think it'll be a late night?

I don't know. Mummy's had a long week.

Well, yeah. I'll probably be in bed by the time you come back.

Hey. About your party.

Yeah?

One day, you'll be big enough. Just not yet.

Your body's still growing. You understand, right?

Yeah, totally. Hey, time's a-tickin'!

Mum! Don't dob!

One of you is always bleeding at the worst time! What happened now?

Tammy-Jer...tennis racquet.

What are you doing? Diane can wait. Mich needs me.

No, no, no, no. You go. I can deal with this.

Tam, get some ice. Mum, seriously, I've got this.

I've got my Cert I in First Aid, remember?

OK.

Oh, my baby boy! Always so good!

(OPENS, CLOSES DOOR)

Ben! (MOANS) Oww!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS IN BACKGROUND)

(CHUCKLES)

Don't worry. I'm not by myself. My friend is coming.

Don't want people thinking I'm an Asian prostitute! (LAUGHS)

(MOVIE PLAYS ON TV)

(COUGHS VIOLENTLY)

Ooh! Eww! Foul!

Ben, gross. Cough into your elbow.

Sorry. I've had a weird throat all day.

Do you have taam?

Mmm, yep. Phlegm's been nonstop.

My tummy feels weird.

And...

..my skeleton's hurting.

Anyway, might head to bed before it gets worse.

Have an early night.

They totally bought it! Meet you at the corner.

MELISSA: OK. I'll have your costume waiting.

Melissa, I'm not changing behind a bush!

Just be there, Ben. (HANGS UP)

Ah! Arggh! (THUMP!)

Oh! Sorry, sorry, sorry!

The oldest was having boy problems

and the youngest was just... having problems.

You waiting long? No, it's fine.

You haven't got a drink yet. Well, I wanted to wait for you.

Ah. First round is on me. You stay there.

Oh! I'm so hungry, I could eat a dog.

(CHUCKLES) You know, I actually did eat dog once.

Who hasn't?

Um, this way. After you.

Uh, so, this is nice, eh?

It's been a long time.

Um...you know, Ming-Zhu, uh...

..after the heart attack, when I said those things...

..if I hurt your feelings...

..I'm sorry.

And, uh, I realise now I...

..I make big mistake.

I... Ai! Boring!

Boring, boring, boring!

Too much talking. Feelings this, feelings that.

You want to be back on? Good. Me too. Let's do.

No need for talk, talk, talk. Waste of time. Just move on.

Agree?

(DANCE MUSIC, HUBBUB IN DISTANCE)

(LATEX SQUEAKS)

You sure about these costumes?

Yeah. We look awesome. We've totally pulled this off.

What am I supposed to be, though? I think my knee-pits are sweating.

I think you're a motorcyclist.

Oh. Cool! Where'd you get them?

Mum and Dad have a shelf full of them. Ready?

SONG: # And I couldn't believe my eyes

# I couldn't believe my ears

I couldn't believe my luck... I still don't get why it's made of PVC.

Doesn't exactly breathe.

# And I couldn't believe my eyes

# I couldn't believe my ears

But I'm looking at you now... (SPLASH!)

What now?

Should we have a drink?

OK.

Baileys, red wine and pineapple juice.

Mine's...

I'm not sure.

Here. Pineapple juice makes anything drinkable.

Mmm... (GAGS)

Oh! I get it now. Everything wipes right off.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oh! Are these free? Uh...thanks, we didn't order these.

They're from the fellas over there.

Enjoy.

Wait! What if they spiked? They're not spiked!

See?

Do we have to talk to them now?

Do you want to?

Uh, not really. There's your answer.

But then again, isn't that how people meet?

Men buy the drink, women say hello?

How else do you find the one?

'The one'?

You know, the person you're supposed to be with.

There's, what, 7 billion people in the world

and you reckon there's only one person for you?

Ai, everyone has their soulmate-lah.

You still believe that?

Why not?

(CHUCKLES) You're a dark horse, Jenny Phang.

Remember what Mr Mallory said?

Stay hydrated and eat a fist-sized amount of food... Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

There he is. (SIGHS)

(DANCE MUSIC)

I'm gonna talk to him.

Melissa, what? No. What are you even gonna say?

I don't know. I'll improv.

Oh, you know you're better with scripted material!

Hi, Rory.

(CHUCKLES) Um...hi.

Bo Peep.

Ah, you've lost your sheep.

Want to help me find them?

Hi. I'm Benjamin Law.

Thanks... Do you know where you saw them last?

If I knew, they wouldn't be...lost.

Do you think they're vulnerable?

BOY: Come here! BOY: Time to get it on!

(CHEERING)

(CHEERING, LAUGHTER)

(SEVERAL EXCLAIM)

Uh...n-no...

(CHEERING)

Toilet!

(GASPS)

GIRL: Shut the door, pervert!

Sorry!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Shh!

(POP MUSIC PLAYS)

I love this song! What?

What?

No! Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wh-what... Is this allowed?

Does it matter? Oh!

(GASPS) Diane! What...?

No! (SQUEALS) (LAUGHS)

SONG: Don't know, don't care Every day's the weekend

My hands are cold but my feet are not

Are you leaving me or have you just forgot?

Because in the end, we were never friends, but more

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh

You've got things like a family

They're a bigger deal than I'll ever be

But that's OK, we should ride this wave to shore

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh... (BOTH LAUGH)

Oh! Law Ji-Leung! (LAUGHS)

Hi, Ming-Zhu!

Hello, Jenny!

I can see your panties! (LAUGHS) Ooh!

You realise people can see you, right?

If you don't like it, don't watch!

Let's go.

Sorry, sorry. Sore feet.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

Melissa, where have you been? I only sent you a million texts!

With Rory. Sorry, was I gone for long?

Did you engage in risky behaviour?

That's it. We're going!

Do we need to pick up a pregnancy test on the way?

I want to stay.

Why? It's awesome!

(SCOFFS) How is this awesome?

No-brand snacks. Half-arsed costumes.

Someone literally came as a bin liner!

They're the bag from American Beauty!

And the only activity is face-sucking!

How is that awesome?

Cannabis.

They have got illicit substances here.

Ben, you need to chill.

Are we passive-smoking it now? What if we become addicted?

Ben! God! They're gonna make us join in!

Ben! There's probably meth here!

Ben! What?

Maybe your mum was right.

It's nothing to be ashamed of, but you might not be...

..ready for this.

(SYNTH POP PLAYS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Wae? Benji!

Mum?

Don't be angry...

..but...

(LOUD TECHNO MUSIC)

Where's my baby Benji boy?!

Mum!

Ah-Ben!

You come with me now!

Wha...? Ow! Ow!

I know I've said it already, Mum...

..but I'm really sorry.

Mum?

Mum, you're starting to scare me.

How do you think Mummy felt when I got your phone call?

How do you think I feel right now?

I didn't raise you like this.

What's the point of asking me anything

if you're going to do what you want anyway?

You snuck out!

I'm really sorry. And I won't do it again, Mum.

Mum?

Mum!

Get the bin! What?

Now!

(PANTS)

Thanks.

I am sorry, you know.

I know.

Oh, I got some on your pants.

That's OK. Wipes right off.

(THUMP!) BOTH: Whoa!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! So sorry. In my own world.

GIRLS: Oooh!

Ben is being bullied. Arggh!

Nice one, ladyboy.

This bully gwei-jae is abusing our son!

Get thick skin and suck it off.

Captions by Red Bee Media (c) SBS Australia 2019

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0