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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572 Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express! 2 00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174 Come and watch pikeys making a mess 3 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855 of the lives they were given by 'im upstairs... 4 00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898 And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs. 5 00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095 Wicked! 6 00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499 Piss off! 7 00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368 What sounds on Earth could ever replace 8 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497 kids needing money or wives in your face? 9 00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935 Cos this, people reckon - me included - 10 00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488 is why pubs and drugs 11 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172 were kindly invented... 12 00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774 To calm us all down and stop us going mental. 13 00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570 These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials. 14 00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815 We are worth every penny for grinding your axes... 15 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379 You sit on our head, 16 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133 but... you pay the taxes. 17 00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619 CHEERING 18 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373 Imagine Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers 19 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691 who'd come on your face for the price of a beer, eh? 20 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259 Eh! 21 00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094 Make poverty history. Cheaper drugs now! 22 00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049 Make poverty history! Cheaper drugs now! 23 00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459 CHUCKLES 24 00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169 Scatter! Party! 25 00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:24,139 (Monica) 'Whore, cow, 26 00:01:24,220 --> 00:01:25,573 'bitch, slag, 27 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:27,571 'tart, lezzer, dyke... 28 00:01:27,660 --> 00:01:30,572 'I've been called all sorts in my time. 29 00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:34,494 'Sometimes by people who say they love me in the next breath. 30 00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:38,573 'There's no word for the worst thing I've done. No single word. 31 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:40,218 'No insult. 32 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,258 'I don't suppose there's any way I can make up for it. 33 00:01:43,340 --> 00:01:45,410 'I'll keep trying, though.' 34 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:46,535 PEACOCK CRY 35 00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,338 'All I need to do now 36 00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:51,651 'is to admit me faults and say what I am. 37 00:01:51,740 --> 00:01:53,332 'What I really am. 38 00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:55,536 'My name is Monica Gallagher 39 00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:57,258 'and I'm... 40 00:01:57,340 --> 00:01:58,853 'I'm trying.' 41 00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,609 Told me mum I couldn't live with the stench of me dad's feet. 42 00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:23,656 Had to believe that. 43 00:02:23,740 --> 00:02:27,892 Why don't you move back? There's loads more space. 44 00:02:27,980 --> 00:02:29,174 Everybody... 45 00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:31,376 There's different types of space. 46 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:33,052 I've got a little announcement to make. 47 00:02:33,140 --> 00:02:34,095 Mothers smother. 48 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,690 I am gonna have another little baba. 49 00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:42,090 (All) Yeah! 50 00:02:49,340 --> 00:02:53,253 Well, we've been trying all this time, ever since I come back. 51 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,853 You could've fucking told me. 52 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:57,932 Take it with you when you bugger off, cos I'm not looking after it. 53 00:02:58,020 --> 00:02:59,817 - Where's it gonna go? - (Liam) Not in ours. 54 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:03,449 - We'll have to hope it's a girl, then. - No chance, I'm not sharing! 55 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,015 Congratulations. 56 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,658 When's it due? 57 00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:10,970 Doctor'll tell us that, when I get it confirmed. 58 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:12,971 You've taken a test? 59 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:17,770 I don't need to. I've had me visions - nursery rhymes, birds, eggs. 60 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:24,693 No, I am most definitely with child. 61 00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:37,255 Best nosh, a night in the finest hotel, 62 00:03:37,340 --> 00:03:39,410 baked in luxury, 63 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,572 a 40th birthday to go down in history. 64 00:03:42,660 --> 00:03:44,855 - Wish you'd let us join in. - Yeah. It's not fair. 65 00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,737 You can get us a pressie. 66 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:47,775 Aye, a big'un. 67 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,658 We should have a fucking big bash or summat. Hardcore. 68 00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,492 My Paddy's planned this, 69 00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,218 which means it's perfect. 70 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,019 CHUCKLES 71 00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:00,331 You toddling off into town? 72 00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:02,615 Dunno if I can be bothered. 73 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,975 OK, maysy-wellsy. 74 00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:06,812 Choose a frock. 75 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:07,969 Ooh! 76 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,574 D'you want a lift in the limo? 77 00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:12,093 I'll get the bus. 78 00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:24,217 "Why don't we have a bash?" Trying to give the game away, spunk-bubble? 79 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:26,336 No, I was throwing her off t'scent. It's classic tactics. 80 00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:29,537 Never, ever attempt to act on initiative. 81 00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:32,771 When every fucker shouts "Surprisel" I want her heart to stop. 82 00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,896 I want her skin in a pile on the floor 83 00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:37,335 and a Mimi-shaped hole in the ceiling. 84 00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:40,457 Great woe will descend upon anybody who blows this. 85 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:42,531 Comprendo? Dicko? 86 00:04:43,940 --> 00:04:46,659 Gonna hang this up in your bedroom after the party? 87 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,219 Oi. My mum. 88 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,370 (Karen) I'm beginning to think I should've said no. 89 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:53,133 It's easy. As long as we don't run out of beer, they'll be happy. 90 00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:56,371 It's not what your dad thinks. He's been sweating on this for months. 91 00:04:56,460 --> 00:04:57,609 Months. 92 00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:59,179 He's got people coming from all over. 93 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,773 Australia! 94 00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:02,179 We've had loads of dos. 95 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:04,012 Not while my application is being looked at. 96 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,852 Brewery can chuck us out any time now. 97 00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,419 All-night punch-up is the last thing I need. 98 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,650 What's this? 99 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:11,856 This Is Your Life - entertainment. 100 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:14,693 Slideshows, karaoke, glitter balls, ceilidh music. 101 00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:17,977 All Mimi's faves. There's so much I need to do! 102 00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,732 Relax. 103 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:23,051 I'm holding you personally responsible for everything. 104 00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,971 There's stuff I need to get. 105 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:29,099 A pint and a bucket of ice for my great big bollocks. 106 00:05:32,260 --> 00:05:33,932 Two weeks for an appointment? 107 00:05:34,020 --> 00:05:35,931 Yeah, wouldn't let me wait. 108 00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:37,851 Doctor is very busy. 109 00:05:37,940 --> 00:05:39,259 So I shopped. 110 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:43,333 You've had these lame-brained visions before. You weren't stuffed up then. 111 00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:45,331 Yeah, but not like this. 112 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,854 So, you're not even sure? 113 00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:52,411 Shouldn't you be at school? 114 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:55,458 The thought of you and my dad doing it has made me ill. 115 00:05:55,540 --> 00:05:56,689 You should take a test, Mon. 116 00:05:56,780 --> 00:06:01,092 This little bub is gonna make up for any mistakes I've made. 117 00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:02,135 One for me. 118 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,575 Oh, thanks. What if it's phantom? 119 00:06:04,660 --> 00:06:07,333 Oh, go on, then, I'll take a test. 120 00:06:07,420 --> 00:06:09,376 Lend us one of yours. 121 00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:10,654 I haven't got any. 122 00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,571 What kind of teenager are you? 123 00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:15,458 I'll go next door. Mimi's got loads. 124 00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:22,052 Infertile Frank the Fecund. 125 00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:23,778 Dead-eyed Dick Gallagher. 126 00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:26,090 That's me. Hey, Bunty! No waste. 127 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:29,536 I'm like those cowboys in a white hat. 128 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:33,010 Cowboys in black hats come crashing through the windows, 129 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,739 spray lead all over the fucking shop. 130 00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:37,299 Miss every bastard. 131 00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:39,291 I kick the saloon door open. 132 00:06:39,380 --> 00:06:42,099 Hello, boys! 133 00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:44,569 You have a little nod round. 134 00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:45,888 Bide me time... 135 00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,492 WESTERN MUSIC 136 00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:52,535 Draw! 137 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,293 GUNSHOT 138 00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:58,417 Dusted over. Or up the duff in this case. 139 00:06:58,500 --> 00:06:59,819 How long's mum been back? 140 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,856 Oh, forever. 141 00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:04,295 Not that spunky, then, are you, Dead-eye? 142 00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:07,372 She'd be onto a second litter by now. 143 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:10,133 Just stick it on the slate... 144 00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:11,653 Spotty herbert! 145 00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:18,619 A pig. 146 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,576 Spit roast for me mum's rave. 147 00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,093 Not in the footballer sense. 148 00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:24,295 Do we leave it there? 149 00:07:24,380 --> 00:07:26,132 How the fuck should I know? 150 00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,211 I'll make some room in the cellar. 151 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,497 - Gotta take a date to me mam's party. - I'm working. 152 00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:35,048 A girll Smartarse! 153 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:38,610 If we don't find one, we've gotta take Nana Murphy. 154 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,418 Kisses for Nana. 155 00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,339 Just drag along some fag-hag. 156 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,773 Or Norma. 157 00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:48,418 No. I'm gonna do it for real. 158 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,455 Get a cure. 159 00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:50,529 For what? 160 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,215 Gay. 161 00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,536 Found one on the internet. Fucking insane American Christians, 162 00:07:57,620 --> 00:07:59,895 but they know a thing or two about not wanking over blokes. 163 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:00,935 What do you do? 164 00:08:01,020 --> 00:08:04,012 You train your mind to stop thinking about sex and cocks and that. 165 00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,931 Yeah, it's mind over... 166 00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:09,169 Can you feel this? 167 00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:10,932 Do you want this? 168 00:08:11,020 --> 00:08:13,898 - Even that doesn't bother me. - Tit. 169 00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,732 I'll take the arse. 170 00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:23,173 Is it cold enough in here? 171 00:08:23,260 --> 00:08:25,649 It'll have to be. Freezer's full. 172 00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:38,895 Bollocks. 173 00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:40,936 Oi! 174 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,738 - Oi, we're locked in! Help! - What you doing? No! 175 00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,299 (Jamie) Come on! Let us out. 176 00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,813 CHEERING 177 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:49,936 - Shit! - Quick! 178 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,169 Don't hog it. 179 00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:53,057 They'll drink it all. Hurry up. 180 00:09:19,420 --> 00:09:22,492 You're Schtan. Told you I was clever. 181 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:24,855 Good. 182 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,532 We both lied the same amount. 183 00:09:28,980 --> 00:09:31,175 You have no hair and you are overweight. 184 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:34,855 I am short and sent the best photograph ever taken. 185 00:09:36,420 --> 00:09:40,095 Dobra pozhalovat v angly. 186 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,135 Thank you. 187 00:09:41,220 --> 00:09:43,495 But that's Russian, I'm Ukrainian. 188 00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:44,535 Hello, Irana. 189 00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:45,894 Hello, Schtan. 190 00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:52,613 Dick! Dick! Dick! 191 00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:57,292 They'd've noticed soon enough anyway. 192 00:09:58,780 --> 00:09:59,849 (Jamie) Karen? 193 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,455 Y'all right? 194 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,491 I tried to stop 'em. 195 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,258 The party stuff. 196 00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:27,616 Mimi's things, the book. Paddy is gonna explode. 197 00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:29,099 BANG! 198 00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:32,698 I am Spartacus! 199 00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,613 Why won't you let us in? 200 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,055 (Monica) I can't have you around when my knickers are down. 201 00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,740 I know what you're like. All done. 202 00:10:47,860 --> 00:10:50,215 It's not... 203 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,255 It's... 204 00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:53,934 What's wrong? 205 00:10:54,020 --> 00:10:56,215 Five, six, piss on sticks. 206 00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:05,609 No line, no baby. You're not pregnant. Result! 207 00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,935 I'm not... 208 00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:10,339 I don't understand... 209 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,093 - Menopause. - She's too young. 210 00:11:13,180 --> 00:11:15,011 Hormones all over the fucking house. 211 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,579 That's why you're getting your visions. 212 00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:17,615 Oh, no. 213 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,897 Hot flushes, depression, insomnia, irritability, 214 00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:23,175 night sweats, vaginal dryness. 215 00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:24,454 Pleasel? 216 00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:28,328 It's part of being a woman. Comes to us all. 217 00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:32,413 - It's come to her first, mind. - No more babies. 218 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:35,333 No more babies for Monica. 219 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:40,693 I'm not pleased. You said you were coming back for the ones you left. 220 00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:45,012 - Not to pop another. - I say a lot of things. They hate me. 221 00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,294 Oh, man, they don't. 222 00:11:46,380 --> 00:11:49,258 If I left now, this minute, take 'em two days to notice. 223 00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:52,491 They'd shrug and then they'd carry on. 224 00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:54,571 Like they expect it. 225 00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:56,696 If they expect anything. 226 00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:57,974 I'm just temporary. 227 00:11:59,220 --> 00:12:03,498 - A visitor, an unwelcome one. - You're their mam. 228 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:11,895 I like being full of baby. 229 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:15,017 And I'm good with them, too, when they come out. 230 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,568 When they're little and helpless. 231 00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:23,651 And then they grow up and I fuck it up. 232 00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:25,890 You had to leave. 233 00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:27,174 You were ill. 234 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,535 Yeah. 235 00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:33,249 Hey, there'd have been no me and you if you hadn't. 236 00:12:37,820 --> 00:12:39,811 I'm never gonna get it right now. 237 00:12:39,900 --> 00:12:41,891 You didn't get it wrong. 238 00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,095 You were depressed. 239 00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:44,249 Desperate. 240 00:12:44,340 --> 00:12:48,049 Mmm. And I never thought I'd feel like that again. 241 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,255 Sorry. Bad news. 242 00:13:06,340 --> 00:13:07,375 What? 243 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,974 We've had a robbery and can't do your party. 244 00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,095 What party? 245 00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,610 Would that be a surprise party? 246 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,736 I'm sorry. I didn't know! 247 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,334 No, neither did I, but I do now. 248 00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:22,456 Paddy's gonna rip your lungs out. 249 00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:27,455 You've really crossed the line this time, shithead! 250 00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:33,812 Fuck! 251 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,176 - Didn't me dad tell you? - Obviously not. 252 00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:41,610 Sorry. Again. 253 00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:46,979 - It's a good job she already knew, then. - What? 254 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,210 He chucks one every year. 255 00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:53,290 It's not a surprise if you know. 256 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,689 Paddy doesn't know I know. 257 00:13:55,780 --> 00:13:57,896 That means it's a surprise. 258 00:13:57,980 --> 00:14:01,529 And if my Paddy wants me to have a party, I'm having one. 259 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:02,848 Who's ruined t'surprise? 260 00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:05,408 Bet fucking Lynch there. 261 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:06,728 She already knew. 262 00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,094 Hey, it's not the point. None of us told her. 263 00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:13,174 It's done now. Karen's an idiot, but she can't help that. 264 00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:14,852 Drop what you're doing. 265 00:14:14,940 --> 00:14:17,408 We know who took it. Twats that drink in here. 266 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,060 Threaten them. Hurt them. 267 00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:23,894 Bring everything back here. Not a word to your dad. 268 00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,936 Party's on. 269 00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:31,571 Any more dropped turds, Paddy'll know you told me. 270 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,213 One fucking warning! 271 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:41,579 Maguires want every piece of fucking shite from the Jockey back! 272 00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:46,336 Everything! You give it up now or you fucking die! 273 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:49,533 Yeah. That should do it. 274 00:14:49,620 --> 00:14:50,769 Oi! 275 00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:58,173 Have you reported it? 276 00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,454 Not insured. 277 00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:00,734 We could catch 'em. 278 00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:06,738 Why are we here? 279 00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:08,299 Couple of drinks was the idea. 280 00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:09,574 I'm not British. 281 00:15:09,660 --> 00:15:12,254 I don't need to get drunk to have sex. 282 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:15,977 What, not even the first time? 283 00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,935 - MOANING 284 00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:29,855 Who? 285 00:15:29,940 --> 00:15:33,569 It must be Valerie. That dumpster from Accounts. 286 00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:35,969 He's always sharing her Cheesy Quavers. 287 00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:40,890 Stan, eh? Dirty fuck-pig. 288 00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,936 Pounding away. 289 00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:44,214 Arse cheeks bouncing. 290 00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:47,936 All that... sex. 291 00:15:49,540 --> 00:15:52,452 Get you kind of hot, couldn't it? 292 00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:57,852 Old Stan in there. If he can do it. What do you say? 293 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,255 I say... 294 00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:04,894 ...feel free to crack one off. 295 00:16:06,420 --> 00:16:07,375 Perv. 296 00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,935 What you doing? 297 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:26,251 No more little babas. 298 00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:28,774 Won't be needing these. 299 00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:31,738 Christ's sake, Monica. You're being a bit... 300 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,018 Kids always desert their parents in the end. 301 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,058 All of them. 302 00:16:40,140 --> 00:16:41,619 Like you've deserted yours. 303 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,452 I'm two doors away. 304 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:53,294 Can you take her away? Reminds me of what I've lost. 305 00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:57,173 Monica, get a grip. 306 00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:12,895 - Oh! - Oh, sorry! 307 00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:14,015 I'm Tom. 308 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:17,536 Irana. Good friend... Schtan's. 309 00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:24,569 "Schtan". 310 00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:26,412 It's Eastern Europe. 311 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:27,728 He's bought her. 312 00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:30,812 Mail-order bride. Gold-digger. 313 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:32,253 Drugs mule. 314 00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:36,050 Trouble. He needs our help. 315 00:17:36,140 --> 00:17:38,893 - You're jumping to conclusions there. - Copper's nose. 316 00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:43,778 I think you've met Tom, Irana. 317 00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:46,579 - Irana? Ruskie? - Ukrainian. 318 00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:49,572 I'll run her through the computer at work. No offence. 319 00:17:49,660 --> 00:17:53,175 No, you won't. She's a friend. Someone I trust. 320 00:17:53,260 --> 00:17:57,139 We're a pretty tight group here. You sure you're up for joining? 321 00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,017 Carrie! 322 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,619 Shane, get off. Me dad nicked that. 323 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,769 Bastard! 324 00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:15,015 - What you doing Friday, love? - What? 325 00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:16,453 Do you want to come to a party wi' me? 326 00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:18,337 Do I fuck! 327 00:18:18,420 --> 00:18:19,455 LAUGHS 328 00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:20,495 DOOR SLAMS 329 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:26,491 I know where you live! 330 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:28,975 What the fuck? 331 00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,732 Prick! 332 00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:41,898 KNOCK AT DOOR 333 00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,414 I was a bit heavy-handed there. 334 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,649 Soz. 335 00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:46,695 Yeah, just a tad. 336 00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:47,929 I'm very protective of my boys. 337 00:18:49,060 --> 00:18:50,778 - Sorry. 338 00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:52,930 Put the kettle on, Stanley. 339 00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:55,818 I'll show Irana where to put the shampoo. 340 00:18:59,660 --> 00:19:02,220 Full name? Quickly. 341 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:06,259 - Irana Illyanovich Karushka Sawicka. - I'll need a copy of your passport. 342 00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:10,371 - So why didn't you say anything? - Didn't want to jinx it. We get on. 343 00:19:10,460 --> 00:19:13,213 I think this is something... 344 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,655 I can't say. She's lovely. 345 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:16,889 Yeah, I heard. 346 00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,450 There's more to it than... It's not just sex. This is real. 347 00:19:20,540 --> 00:19:22,212 Schtan has paid for my flight. 348 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:24,052 Nothing else. I'm here for month. 349 00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:26,529 Until visa runs out, then home. 350 00:19:26,620 --> 00:19:28,258 Or sooner. 351 00:19:28,340 --> 00:19:31,412 Neither of us has made any promises. I'm no threat to you. 352 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,377 I know you're not. 353 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:35,098 "Sooner" sounds good to me. 354 00:19:36,220 --> 00:19:40,611 Consider yourself under surveillance, and say nothing to Stan. 355 00:19:44,340 --> 00:19:45,568 You'll be out of a job? 356 00:19:45,660 --> 00:19:48,128 If we don't get all the crap back, yeah. 357 00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:52,530 Where's this from? Fuck's sake! 358 00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,371 - Fucking hell! - Argh! 359 00:19:57,540 --> 00:20:00,179 Mon... give us some advice on a recipe, will you? 360 00:20:09,180 --> 00:20:12,217 Well, I guess it's not my souffle recipe you're after. 361 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,768 Time for me to snap out of it, is it? 362 00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,090 They don't need to see you wallowing. 363 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,296 I know your kids. 364 00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:21,655 They're a good bunch. 365 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:24,215 Despite you. 366 00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:31,617 Don't think of the one you're not having. Think of the ones you've got. 367 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:33,258 I'm sorry. 368 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,453 I suppose you agree with her. 369 00:20:43,540 --> 00:20:45,451 You can't let yourself sink away again. 370 00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:49,249 - I've got you through this before. - Mmm. 371 00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:50,819 Me escape. 372 00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:55,696 You know I was just using you, 373 00:20:55,780 --> 00:20:57,532 don't you? 374 00:20:57,620 --> 00:20:58,848 No real feeling. 375 00:21:01,940 --> 00:21:03,692 I know you're trying to hurt us. 376 00:21:07,580 --> 00:21:09,013 Congratulations. 377 00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,819 You're on your own... again. 378 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:15,895 DOOR SLAMS 379 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:24,172 - You only met her five minutes. - You get a feel for people in my job. 380 00:21:24,260 --> 00:21:26,569 I can tell what she's like. 381 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,571 I've said things to her I've never said to anyone else. 382 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:31,379 It's mad, but I really do feel like I've known her forever. 383 00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:34,770 - Sounds like you've fallen for her big time. - I'm dreading her leaving already. 384 00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:36,930 Ah, well, there's not a moment to lose. 385 00:21:37,020 --> 00:21:40,535 If you think you've found something special, then go for it. 386 00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,531 - You think? - Yeah. Go on. 387 00:21:42,620 --> 00:21:45,293 Off you go. Go find her, go tell her. 388 00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:46,574 Erm, 'ey? 389 00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:49,254 Oh, keep the change. 390 00:21:49,340 --> 00:21:51,979 Thank fuck for that. 391 00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:55,457 You've no need to do that. 392 00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,576 It's disgusting. I had to. 393 00:21:57,660 --> 00:21:59,651 Thanks. 394 00:21:59,740 --> 00:22:00,934 I... I got you... 395 00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,135 - For me? - Yeah. 396 00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:03,653 Thank you, Schtan. 397 00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,856 - Oh. - Are you all right? 398 00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:08,579 I have allergy to chocolate. 399 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:09,615 Oh! Oh, sorry. 400 00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,418 It's OK. 401 00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:12,899 There's so much I don't know about you. 402 00:22:12,980 --> 00:22:14,299 It's a little thing. 403 00:22:14,380 --> 00:22:18,089 Not to me. I want to know everything. Been waiting for you me whole life. 404 00:22:18,180 --> 00:22:23,618 Without realising, obviously. You're the perfect fit, what I need. 405 00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:25,133 I found you. 406 00:22:25,220 --> 00:22:27,415 Come on, let me talk to you. 407 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:29,297 Schtan... 408 00:22:29,380 --> 00:22:31,814 I know... 409 00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:33,299 I know this is a bit quick, 410 00:22:33,380 --> 00:22:35,769 but I can't stand the thought of you going back. 411 00:22:35,860 --> 00:22:37,259 I don't want us to be apart. 412 00:22:37,340 --> 00:22:38,614 Neither do I. 413 00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:45,935 I think you should move in. 414 00:22:46,020 --> 00:22:49,057 Here. With me. Together. 415 00:22:52,140 --> 00:22:54,256 I don't know how to say... 416 00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:56,649 No need for an answer now. But think about it. 417 00:22:56,740 --> 00:23:02,178 Schtan, yes, I will think about it. 418 00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:13,375 SIRENS WAIL 419 00:23:14,700 --> 00:23:17,737 - We're shut! Can't you fucking read? 420 00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:24,769 Don't fuck it up! 421 00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:29,299 I know you're family, Karen, but nothing matters as much to me 422 00:23:29,380 --> 00:23:32,019 as my wife. 423 00:23:34,340 --> 00:23:35,614 Who did it? 424 00:23:37,380 --> 00:23:38,415 Everyone. 425 00:23:39,380 --> 00:23:41,291 It was my fault. 426 00:23:41,380 --> 00:23:43,894 Don't cover for her. That's pathetic. 427 00:23:43,980 --> 00:23:45,732 You two, get it all back. 428 00:23:45,820 --> 00:23:47,538 We've already started. 429 00:23:47,620 --> 00:23:49,099 We acted on us initiative. 430 00:23:49,180 --> 00:23:51,489 Oh, yeah? 431 00:23:51,580 --> 00:23:54,048 Well, why didn't you tell me first? 432 00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:56,370 Karen said not to. 433 00:24:10,140 --> 00:24:12,859 I haven't always done me best. 434 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:18,015 There's no point saying that I'll change or make it up to you, because 435 00:24:18,100 --> 00:24:19,818 that can't happen. 436 00:24:22,980 --> 00:24:27,849 I was wrong. I am a bad mother. 437 00:24:29,580 --> 00:24:33,892 But... I do really love you. 438 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,617 And you love me. Well, you did when you were babies. 439 00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:42,898 Even you, Liam. It's you I've let down the most. 440 00:24:42,980 --> 00:24:44,936 I wish I could go back, but... 441 00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:49,899 ...all I can do 442 00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:54,690 is learn to love you all better. 443 00:25:06,060 --> 00:25:07,209 What's this? 444 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:08,653 English. 445 00:25:08,740 --> 00:25:10,492 You don't want to do that now. Go on up to bed. 446 00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:11,615 It's due tomorrow. 447 00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:14,453 I'll do it for ya. 448 00:25:20,020 --> 00:25:22,739 See you at ten. Thank you! 449 00:25:27,620 --> 00:25:29,178 Is this a brothel? 450 00:25:29,260 --> 00:25:32,172 Course not. We provide exclusive executive services. 451 00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:33,739 Like what? 452 00:25:33,820 --> 00:25:35,731 Hand shandies, blow jobs, sex. 453 00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:39,209 Why d'you have that? 454 00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:43,578 I thought it'd make a nice visitor's book, but nobody bothers to sign it. 455 00:25:43,660 --> 00:25:44,934 Not with their real names, anyway. 456 00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:48,898 Couldn't get the other end of this, could you, mate? 457 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:52,736 Lillian's Intimate Massage. 458 00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:55,459 SNORES 459 00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:21,894 - They'll think I'm a learning diffie. - Mum is so challenged. 460 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:23,413 We know why her lips move when she's reading now. 461 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,411 (Liam) What am I gonna do? 462 00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:26,728 You can't show that. 463 00:26:29,020 --> 00:26:30,772 Dog ate it. 464 00:26:30,860 --> 00:26:32,293 Morning! 465 00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:37,937 I've made you packed lunches. 466 00:26:41,540 --> 00:26:43,929 Thought I'd save a job for you all. Just... 467 00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:46,739 sandwiches, crisps sort of thing. 468 00:26:47,860 --> 00:26:49,657 What's the matter? 469 00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:55,098 - We get free dinners. - Yeah, well, this is extra. Playtime. 470 00:26:55,180 --> 00:26:57,535 I've left school. I work in the Jockey. 471 00:26:57,620 --> 00:26:59,929 If it's still open. 472 00:27:00,020 --> 00:27:02,932 Did you find your homework, Liam? All right, were it? 473 00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:05,853 Yeah. It was, er, great. 474 00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:10,297 - Top of the class, eh, Liam? - Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Mum. 475 00:27:11,540 --> 00:27:15,215 And get back early, cos we're having a barbecue! 476 00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:18,768 PLAYS ROUSING CALL 477 00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:33,616 - How do you know it's her? - Of course it is. 478 00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:36,134 We can't tell him. We can't. 479 00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:40,212 I suppose not. 480 00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:43,931 She's gone. 481 00:27:44,020 --> 00:27:46,295 Yeah. Kitty's gone, too. 482 00:27:46,380 --> 00:27:47,415 Oh. 483 00:27:59,780 --> 00:28:03,455 Why d'you have to do that? You know he's fallen head over for her. 484 00:28:03,540 --> 00:28:05,053 Yeah. Sad. 485 00:28:13,660 --> 00:28:15,651 Paddy's dropped your CD off. 486 00:28:15,740 --> 00:28:17,696 S'great. Ceilidh. 487 00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:20,135 Ceilidh? Diddly-dee? 488 00:28:20,220 --> 00:28:21,972 I want ballroom dancing. 489 00:28:22,060 --> 00:28:25,655 I've been dropping hints about Bruce fucking Forsyth for months. 490 00:28:25,740 --> 00:28:27,617 Lose the hippy shit. 491 00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:29,133 I want the posh stuff. 492 00:28:32,060 --> 00:28:33,015 What's that? 493 00:28:34,140 --> 00:28:35,732 Give us it. 494 00:28:40,780 --> 00:28:42,213 Fucking bastards! 495 00:28:44,140 --> 00:28:45,812 We're closed! 496 00:28:45,900 --> 00:28:47,333 Yeah. 497 00:28:47,420 --> 00:28:48,614 I noticed. 498 00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:49,928 What's it to you, anyway? 499 00:28:50,020 --> 00:28:51,499 Tom Tyldesley. 500 00:28:51,580 --> 00:28:54,140 From the brewery. 501 00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:55,539 Heard you'd got a problem. 502 00:29:02,780 --> 00:29:04,691 How's it going for dates, then? 503 00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:06,691 And who's taking Nana? 504 00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:10,328 Piss off. 505 00:29:10,420 --> 00:29:12,092 How about you, Mickey? 506 00:29:12,180 --> 00:29:13,408 I'm fixed up. 507 00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,536 Are you? Fuck! 508 00:29:15,620 --> 00:29:18,418 Me? Again? Fuck! 509 00:29:20,060 --> 00:29:23,609 How's the unquenchable thirst for hot cock? 510 00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:25,895 - It's a girl. - A girl? 511 00:29:27,020 --> 00:29:29,056 I'd warn her before you put it in. Ooh! 512 00:29:29,140 --> 00:29:30,539 Come on, Shane! 513 00:29:30,620 --> 00:29:32,133 There's beer mats in here. 514 00:29:37,580 --> 00:29:39,935 At least we've still got a chance. 515 00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:42,408 Not now, Frank. 516 00:29:45,940 --> 00:29:49,535 The fine people of Chatsworth have appointed me spokesman 517 00:29:49,620 --> 00:29:51,531 on their behalf. 518 00:29:51,620 --> 00:29:56,819 People don't like the way that you're running the Jockey. 519 00:29:56,900 --> 00:29:58,538 It's not just a pub, 520 00:29:58,620 --> 00:30:00,815 a place of ale. 521 00:30:01,940 --> 00:30:04,773 It's a second home to most of us. 522 00:30:04,860 --> 00:30:06,054 First for some. 523 00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:10,217 We need that beer flowing. 524 00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:13,531 Well, you can communicate to the fuckwits of Chatsworth 525 00:30:13,620 --> 00:30:17,499 that unless this public house is full of furniture 526 00:30:17,580 --> 00:30:21,971 and running smoothly by tonight, they're fucking closing me fucking down! 527 00:30:22,060 --> 00:30:24,016 You're shitting me. 528 00:30:29,860 --> 00:30:32,852 I could, um, light the barbie. 529 00:30:32,940 --> 00:30:35,329 Aww, thanks, love! 530 00:30:40,420 --> 00:30:42,217 Oh, there you are. 531 00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:46,134 Now, I know it's meat, but would you mind taking it out for us? 532 00:30:50,980 --> 00:30:52,811 What's that? 533 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:54,333 We're not speaking. 534 00:30:55,860 --> 00:30:56,895 Why not? 535 00:31:00,220 --> 00:31:01,733 No real feeling. 536 00:31:01,820 --> 00:31:05,495 I mean, saying it, like, like, like we was nothing. 537 00:31:06,900 --> 00:31:09,209 - Don't you want the truth? - Not if it's that. 538 00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:11,379 SHRIEKS 539 00:31:11,460 --> 00:31:12,688 999I Liam's on fire! 540 00:31:12,780 --> 00:31:14,213 (Liam) Mum! 541 00:31:16,420 --> 00:31:18,888 God, another minute... 542 00:31:18,980 --> 00:31:20,618 Who gave him the lighter? 543 00:31:26,660 --> 00:31:27,695 Are y'all right? 544 00:31:27,780 --> 00:31:28,849 Yeah. Have I still got eyebrows? 545 00:31:28,940 --> 00:31:30,134 Just. Your hair's a bit... 546 00:31:30,220 --> 00:31:31,448 (Debbie) What were you doing?! 547 00:31:31,540 --> 00:31:34,008 Well, I thought he was old enough. 548 00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:36,455 It's a responsibility. 549 00:31:38,340 --> 00:31:41,537 He's going through a phase. Fire, danger... 550 00:31:41,620 --> 00:31:45,772 I do know, Debbie. He is my son. There are other ways of dealing with it. 551 00:31:47,540 --> 00:31:49,098 Ooh, come on, get t'gas on. 552 00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:52,297 We'll do meat in t'oven, 'ey? 553 00:31:52,380 --> 00:31:53,733 Flame on, Bro. 554 00:31:53,820 --> 00:31:56,254 I'll do it. 555 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:13,578 - It's all there. Sorry. - Where have you been? 556 00:32:13,660 --> 00:32:16,379 I ran away. 557 00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:17,734 Was going home. 558 00:32:17,820 --> 00:32:19,458 I didn't want to scare you about moving in an' that. 559 00:32:19,540 --> 00:32:22,577 No, you didn't. I'm liar. 560 00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:26,573 I lie. 561 00:32:27,660 --> 00:32:28,729 I'm married. 562 00:32:28,820 --> 00:32:31,698 I didn't mean to lie. 563 00:32:31,780 --> 00:32:33,259 My husband... 564 00:32:33,340 --> 00:32:36,173 Is complicated. 565 00:32:36,260 --> 00:32:40,697 I would divorce, but my parents would become homeless. 566 00:32:40,780 --> 00:32:41,974 I'm trapped. 567 00:32:42,060 --> 00:32:43,334 But you came back. 568 00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,457 I couldn't leave. 569 00:32:46,540 --> 00:32:50,818 You're my real man. I had to tell you the truth and hear 570 00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:53,050 you say you didn't want me. 571 00:32:54,500 --> 00:32:56,456 Say it, Schtan. 572 00:33:03,220 --> 00:33:04,653 What's all this? 573 00:33:04,740 --> 00:33:06,776 Irana's done me the honour of agreeing to move in. 574 00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:09,409 Wow! 575 00:33:10,660 --> 00:33:11,888 Well done, mate. 576 00:33:11,980 --> 00:33:15,336 When was this? Before or after she returned the kitty? 577 00:33:15,420 --> 00:33:17,217 Well, after. Don't be like that. 578 00:33:17,300 --> 00:33:21,259 No, I'm really pleased for you both. Really, I am. 579 00:33:21,340 --> 00:33:24,696 Well, Irana's got to go home to, er, organise her affairs. 580 00:33:24,780 --> 00:33:26,259 But no hurry. You won't have to move out for a couple of weeks. 581 00:33:26,340 --> 00:33:28,058 - What? - What? 582 00:33:28,140 --> 00:33:32,338 It's not gonna work with you two here as well. No, the flat's in my name. 583 00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,496 Come on, that's got to be worth a free beverage. 584 00:33:39,580 --> 00:33:41,616 You nicked it in the first place. 585 00:33:41,700 --> 00:33:47,058 - I'll buy you one, Frank. - You're a gentleman, whoever you are. 586 00:33:47,140 --> 00:33:49,131 Very impressive. 587 00:33:49,220 --> 00:33:50,892 - Thank you. - A shithole once more. 588 00:33:50,980 --> 00:33:53,130 Back to normal and running smoothly. Like you said. 589 00:33:53,220 --> 00:33:55,211 Gonna give him a chaser with that? 590 00:33:55,300 --> 00:33:56,733 Oh! 591 00:33:56,820 --> 00:33:58,492 I put an order in. 592 00:33:58,580 --> 00:34:01,299 Well, not fast enough. 593 00:34:01,380 --> 00:34:03,416 Close, but no sodding cigar. 594 00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:04,979 You're shut Monday. 595 00:34:05,060 --> 00:34:06,937 MOANS 596 00:34:07,020 --> 00:34:10,695 Looks like you've got a foot in as the new landlord, Gareth. 597 00:34:20,540 --> 00:34:23,737 I'm impressed. Didn't think you had it in yer. 598 00:34:23,820 --> 00:34:27,654 We haven't. They're closing us down. 599 00:34:27,740 --> 00:34:30,129 Twat from the brewery stitched us right up. 600 00:34:30,220 --> 00:34:32,609 - When? - Out Monday. 601 00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:35,817 If you're looking for a positive spin, at least we can still have the party. 602 00:34:35,900 --> 00:34:37,731 What? 603 00:34:37,820 --> 00:34:39,651 Well, why not? Take your mind off things. 604 00:34:39,740 --> 00:34:42,208 I can't believe you. 605 00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:45,212 We're homeless and all you care about is a poxy party! 606 00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:46,892 You can stop at ours. 607 00:34:46,980 --> 00:34:50,256 Can't persuade Mandy back, but you've always got a home with me. 608 00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:52,535 You're fucking joking. Live with you? 609 00:34:52,620 --> 00:34:55,896 You're a selfish old hag. We're trying to make a go of summat here, 610 00:34:55,980 --> 00:34:58,096 and all you care about is yourself. 611 00:34:58,180 --> 00:35:01,172 Well, fuck you. I won't be at your party. 612 00:35:01,260 --> 00:35:03,330 I'll be packing! 613 00:35:03,420 --> 00:35:05,331 What have I said now?! 614 00:35:05,420 --> 00:35:07,809 We've been here before, Mum. 615 00:35:09,220 --> 00:35:10,289 I agree with her. 616 00:35:19,340 --> 00:35:22,173 Been thinking about other things we could do together. 617 00:35:22,260 --> 00:35:25,058 Trips and that. 618 00:35:25,140 --> 00:35:26,937 Could, er, could go to Blackpool. 619 00:35:27,940 --> 00:35:30,010 YELLING 620 00:35:30,940 --> 00:35:32,293 Or the Lakes. 621 00:35:32,380 --> 00:35:34,211 SPLASH, FOGHORN 622 00:35:35,060 --> 00:35:36,288 The zoo? 623 00:35:36,380 --> 00:35:38,814 (Liam) Cool! 624 00:35:42,940 --> 00:35:44,896 Tea's ready when you are. 625 00:35:47,140 --> 00:35:50,177 Doesn't bear thinking about. I preferred it when she was shit. 626 00:35:50,260 --> 00:35:52,296 - Yeah. - (Debbie) We should just tell her. 627 00:35:52,380 --> 00:35:53,369 "We don't like you. 628 00:35:53,460 --> 00:35:56,099 "Stop trying to be a proper mum, cos you can't be." 629 00:35:56,180 --> 00:35:59,889 She left us, and you're just rubbish. 630 00:35:59,980 --> 00:36:03,575 Oh! Oh! Oh! Aren't you bored of being so hard on her? 631 00:36:05,540 --> 00:36:08,293 Try being nice for a change. 632 00:36:15,580 --> 00:36:17,298 Come in. 633 00:36:17,380 --> 00:36:18,859 Can't yet. 634 00:36:18,940 --> 00:36:20,532 Something to do. 635 00:36:34,380 --> 00:36:35,415 What's this? 636 00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:36,489 Happy Mother's Day. 637 00:36:36,580 --> 00:36:38,093 (Debbie) For all the ones we missed. 638 00:36:38,180 --> 00:36:40,091 Let's start again, eh? 639 00:36:41,860 --> 00:36:42,815 Thanks. 640 00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:47,337 And you don't have to try too hard, you know. 641 00:36:49,940 --> 00:36:52,295 We're just glad you're here. 642 00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:53,733 Home. Like a family again. 643 00:36:55,460 --> 00:36:59,089 We... are so pleased. 644 00:37:04,940 --> 00:37:08,012 You're all, erm, 645 00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:09,419 sending me a message. 646 00:37:10,540 --> 00:37:12,292 I'll back off. 647 00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:13,529 I get it. 648 00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:27,612 It won't take long. Then I'll be free. 649 00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:30,419 I know. I'll miss you, that's all. 650 00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:32,013 You're worried I won't come back. 651 00:37:32,100 --> 00:37:35,410 God, no. I hadn't thought about that. 652 00:37:39,220 --> 00:37:42,610 My mother gave me this before she die. 653 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,850 And she say I should wear forever 654 00:37:44,940 --> 00:37:49,331 so she could watch over most precious thing. 655 00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:53,930 Now I have most precious thing. 656 00:38:08,180 --> 00:38:10,057 No... 657 00:38:20,860 --> 00:38:24,011 - Happy birthday, Mi-mo. - Oh... 658 00:38:24,100 --> 00:38:26,295 Thanks, turtle. 659 00:38:26,380 --> 00:38:30,851 And here's to 40 more together. 660 00:38:30,940 --> 00:38:32,851 DOOR OPENS 661 00:38:32,940 --> 00:38:34,453 Pressie time. 662 00:38:34,540 --> 00:38:37,054 Shut the door. Piss off! 663 00:38:42,420 --> 00:38:45,492 LAUGHS 664 00:38:49,180 --> 00:38:52,411 Stay here. 665 00:38:52,500 --> 00:38:54,092 No goodbyes. 666 00:39:00,660 --> 00:39:02,491 You're a special guy, Stan. 667 00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:21,249 I've got a mate who'll lend us a bed for a week. 668 00:39:21,340 --> 00:39:24,013 I am not staying with anybody whose name is Chopper. 669 00:39:25,420 --> 00:39:27,490 What are you doing? Oh, you said Monday! 670 00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:32,528 Tom's a bit confused. You've been doing everything by the book. 671 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:34,099 He's losing out. Tell her, Tom. 672 00:39:34,180 --> 00:39:35,693 I'll offer you the same deal I gave Jez. 673 00:39:35,780 --> 00:39:37,054 Which is? 674 00:39:37,140 --> 00:39:39,734 Water the beer down, sell dodgy spirits 675 00:39:39,820 --> 00:39:40,809 and then split the difference. 676 00:39:40,900 --> 00:39:43,334 Don't have to say yes, Karen. 677 00:39:44,940 --> 00:39:48,137 Fuck it. Yeah. I'll do it. 678 00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:51,132 Should've said. Don't know all the scams. 679 00:39:51,220 --> 00:39:53,609 Nice doing business with you. 680 00:39:56,780 --> 00:39:58,213 Thanks. 681 00:39:58,300 --> 00:40:00,052 Sorry I called you selfish. 682 00:40:00,140 --> 00:40:02,051 And an old hag. 683 00:40:04,380 --> 00:40:05,335 Yeah. 684 00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:09,619 Now get your fucking arse into gear! 685 00:40:11,900 --> 00:40:15,370 Anyway, she can't eat them, and I'm watching this. 686 00:40:15,460 --> 00:40:16,654 Thanks, Stan! 687 00:40:16,740 --> 00:40:18,298 Your advice led to it. Ta. 688 00:40:18,380 --> 00:40:20,132 Pleasure, love. I'm sure you'll be very happy together. 689 00:40:20,220 --> 00:40:21,494 Thanks again for these. 690 00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:27,694 Oi! 691 00:40:27,780 --> 00:40:29,657 - Oh, no. - We'll see you in court. 692 00:40:29,740 --> 00:40:33,130 You should've used precautions. It's not my fucking fault! Out! Out! 693 00:40:34,380 --> 00:40:36,450 What's up with them? 694 00:40:36,540 --> 00:40:39,008 I've had a faulty batch of pregnancy testing kits, 695 00:40:39,100 --> 00:40:40,738 all showing up negative. 696 00:40:40,820 --> 00:40:42,697 Them the ones that Meena had? 697 00:40:42,780 --> 00:40:47,456 Meena? What's my Meena doing with fucking pregnancy testing kits? 698 00:40:49,660 --> 00:40:52,458 Negative. 699 00:40:52,540 --> 00:40:54,417 And stop nicking from the shop. 700 00:40:54,500 --> 00:40:56,775 - Well, what's the point in having one? - And don't have sex! 701 00:41:09,660 --> 00:41:10,615 Stan? 702 00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:13,934 She put Irana through the computer. 703 00:41:14,020 --> 00:41:15,214 Why? I said not to. 704 00:41:15,300 --> 00:41:17,097 She's a con artist. 705 00:41:17,180 --> 00:41:20,570 Specialises in coppers. Done five in Greater Manchester. 706 00:41:20,660 --> 00:41:23,891 Something about paying off an ex-husband. 707 00:41:25,020 --> 00:41:25,975 Sorry. 708 00:41:26,060 --> 00:41:27,618 (Carrie) Taken 'em for thousands. 709 00:41:27,700 --> 00:41:28,928 (Tom) Did you give her any money? 710 00:41:29,020 --> 00:41:29,975 No! 711 00:41:30,060 --> 00:41:32,369 Pay him off. Use this. 712 00:41:32,460 --> 00:41:34,052 Think of it as a moving-in present. 713 00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:36,495 Thank you, Schtan. 714 00:41:36,580 --> 00:41:38,457 Course I didn't! 715 00:41:38,540 --> 00:41:40,451 She's not even Ukrainian. 716 00:41:40,540 --> 00:41:43,532 She's Austrian. Lives in Crawley. 717 00:41:43,620 --> 00:41:47,169 But if you didn't give her anything, she'll be back. We can trap her. 718 00:41:47,260 --> 00:41:49,410 So, you up for it, "Schtan"? 719 00:41:51,820 --> 00:41:54,653 Why don't you fuck off? 720 00:41:58,740 --> 00:42:00,651 Jesus! 721 00:42:00,740 --> 00:42:03,174 You do a man a favour... 722 00:42:03,860 --> 00:42:05,532 Why don't we have a quick one, huh? 723 00:42:05,620 --> 00:42:07,497 It's ages before the table. 724 00:42:07,580 --> 00:42:09,013 Just one. I'll have to pace meself. 725 00:42:09,100 --> 00:42:10,169 Just the one. Come on. 726 00:42:12,780 --> 00:42:14,372 Shh! Quiet, they're here! 727 00:42:16,900 --> 00:42:18,731 Shh. 728 00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:21,857 CHEERING 729 00:42:23,340 --> 00:42:27,379 Oh, fucking helll You bastard! 730 00:42:27,460 --> 00:42:30,213 Did you not guess? I was sure you'd guessed this time. 731 00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:32,734 No! Didn't have a fucking clue. 732 00:42:36,460 --> 00:42:37,415 Party! 733 00:42:39,580 --> 00:42:41,935 MUSIC STARTS 734 00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:55,939 'I understand you wanting to help the kids get a grasp of the Bible.' 735 00:42:56,020 --> 00:42:57,214 - Anyone watching this? 736 00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:58,255 No, not really. 737 00:43:03,580 --> 00:43:05,013 I am pregnant. 738 00:43:06,540 --> 00:43:08,610 I've taken a new test. 739 00:43:11,340 --> 00:43:16,016 - Do you want it? - Yeah. I really do. 740 00:43:16,100 --> 00:43:17,897 (Carl) Great! 741 00:43:17,980 --> 00:43:20,414 A baby. Why not? 742 00:43:20,500 --> 00:43:22,695 I'm fed up of being the youngest, anyway. 743 00:43:22,780 --> 00:43:25,499 And you won't have to bring it up, I promise. 744 00:43:25,580 --> 00:43:28,777 But I will need one little bit of help. 745 00:43:28,860 --> 00:43:31,499 Don't let me screw up this time. 746 00:43:31,580 --> 00:43:33,059 I'll try. 747 00:43:47,660 --> 00:43:50,220 Fuck! 748 00:43:50,300 --> 00:43:52,370 - I asked that bint out. - And I said no. 749 00:43:52,460 --> 00:43:55,770 - What's wrong with me? - Your taste in women, for a start. 750 00:43:55,860 --> 00:43:58,215 Forget that bitch. Come on, let's dance. 751 00:43:58,300 --> 00:43:59,369 Er, I hope you don't mind. 752 00:43:59,460 --> 00:44:00,415 What? 753 00:44:00,500 --> 00:44:03,572 Me brother wanted to come along. 754 00:44:07,620 --> 00:44:10,088 Testing, testing, testing. 755 00:44:12,540 --> 00:44:16,499 We all know why we're here tonight, don't we? Happy birthday! 756 00:44:16,580 --> 00:44:19,219 CHEERING 757 00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:20,494 But... 758 00:44:20,580 --> 00:44:26,018 there's one more little surprise, because tonight... 759 00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:30,651 MUSIC: This Is Your Life theme tune 760 00:44:32,540 --> 00:44:38,570 ...Mimi Catherine Rose Joy Murphy Maguire, 761 00:44:38,660 --> 00:44:41,493 this is... 762 00:44:41,580 --> 00:44:44,572 Who's written "Terry Titwank" all over this page? 763 00:44:46,540 --> 00:44:48,770 Who?! 764 00:44:49,900 --> 00:44:54,337 - Paddy, it's all right. Oh, thanks. - It took me ages to do this! 765 00:44:54,420 --> 00:44:56,695 It's all right. Come on, dance. 766 00:45:04,940 --> 00:45:08,296 I owe you everything. 767 00:45:08,380 --> 00:45:09,733 Me life, really. 768 00:45:10,860 --> 00:45:12,418 That's not nothing. 769 00:45:16,340 --> 00:45:22,575 And my heart's kind of full of joy 770 00:45:22,660 --> 00:45:30,089 Because she told me I'm her kind of boy 771 00:45:36,420 --> 00:45:38,536 I'm gonna have a baby. 772 00:45:38,620 --> 00:45:41,976 You've already fucking told me that. It's hardly a surprise, is it? 773 00:45:54,540 --> 00:45:58,135 Are you taking a fucking turn here, or what? Come on. 774 00:45:58,220 --> 00:46:01,212 (Monica) 'By many people's standards, I do count as a terrible mother. 775 00:46:01,300 --> 00:46:04,895 'I'm never gonna win any prizes, anyway. 776 00:46:04,980 --> 00:46:06,777 'Men can leave as many children as they like. 777 00:46:06,860 --> 00:46:08,532 'If you're an old rocker, 778 00:46:08,620 --> 00:46:10,019 you're virtually expected to leave hundreds of 'em.' 779 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:13,490 Ceilidh! 780 00:46:13,580 --> 00:46:16,048 MUSIC STARTS 781 00:46:18,340 --> 00:46:21,412 I know she knows. But she doesn't know that I know she knows. 782 00:46:24,220 --> 00:46:27,690 'Nobody forgives a woman. 783 00:46:27,780 --> 00:46:29,771 'Nobody. 784 00:46:29,860 --> 00:46:33,535 'I've got a second chance, and I'm gonna grab it.' 785 00:46:33,620 --> 00:46:36,009 That's right, isn't it, baba? 786 00:46:36,100 --> 00:46:38,170 Mon-Mon's second chance. 787 00:47:28,260 --> 00:47:30,774 Time, gentlemen, please. 788 00:47:32,540 --> 00:47:35,577 Oh, well. In that case, I'll have another one. 789 00:47:35,660 --> 00:47:38,254 Give us the rest of the bell back first. 790 00:47:38,340 --> 00:47:40,615 Me? Why is it always me? 791 00:47:40,700 --> 00:47:43,419 Give it back to us and we'll serve you. 792 00:47:48,060 --> 00:47:51,132 BELL RINGS 793 00:47:51,182 --> 00:47:55,732 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 55133

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