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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:05,572
Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
2
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,174
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
3
00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:11,855
of the lives they were given by
'im upstairs...
4
00:00:11,940 --> 00:00:14,898
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
5
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:16,095
Wicked!
6
00:00:16,180 --> 00:00:17,499
Piss off!
7
00:00:17,580 --> 00:00:21,368
What sounds on Earth
could ever replace
8
00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:24,497
kids needing money
or wives in your face?
9
00:00:24,580 --> 00:00:26,935
Cos this, people reckon -
me included -
10
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:29,488
is why pubs and drugs
11
00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:31,172
were kindly invented...
12
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,774
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
13
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:38,570
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
14
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:44,815
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes...
15
00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,379
You sit on our head,
16
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:49,133
but... you pay the taxes.
17
00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,619
CHEERING
18
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,373
Imagine Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
19
00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:56,691
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer, eh?
20
00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,259
Eh!
21
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:02,094
Make poverty history.
Cheaper drugs now!
22
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:07,049
Make poverty history!
Cheaper drugs now!
23
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:08,459
CHUCKLES
24
00:01:08,540 --> 00:01:12,169
Scatter! Party!
25
00:01:18,980 --> 00:01:21,175
CHOKES
26
00:01:21,260 --> 00:01:22,818
(Frank) 'Still waiting for my moment.
27
00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:27,371
'Not that 15 minutes bollocks,
you know, a real one.
28
00:01:27,460 --> 00:01:32,136
'And when my hour doth cometh,
I am the man to filleth it.
29
00:01:32,220 --> 00:01:34,575
'All I want is to show the bastards.
30
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:36,332
'You know, proper like.
31
00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,695
'You know that Kipling twat?
He nailed it.'
32
00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:40,691
Someone call an ambulance!
33
00:01:40,780 --> 00:01:43,294
He needs Heimlich Manoeuvre.
34
00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:46,577
Help him. Will someone give him
a hand, for fuck's sake?
35
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,891
'If all around lose their heads
and you're... Blah, blah.
36
00:01:49,980 --> 00:01:53,973
'Look it up, I've set the scene.
If you're not in any personal danger,
37
00:01:54,060 --> 00:01:57,097
'step in, mate. Save the day.
38
00:01:57,180 --> 00:01:59,489
'What's more, you'll be a man,
my son.'
39
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,571
(Shane) Calm down. Just stay there.
40
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:03,332
Help him, for fuck's sake!
41
00:02:03,420 --> 00:02:05,729
'Yeah...
42
00:02:05,820 --> 00:02:07,458
'Massive.'
43
00:02:08,340 --> 00:02:11,457
- I've only got these.
- Put 'em down.
44
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,489
Crawling all over my tits
fresh out of prison. Irish twat.
45
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:18,538
'Scuse me, could I trouble one of...
46
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:19,735
Fuck off, Frank.
47
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,698
More sensitive soul
could take offence, you know.
48
00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:25,294
This is Paddy Smith.
49
00:02:25,380 --> 00:02:27,735
Aye, aye. No need to brick it.
50
00:02:27,820 --> 00:02:30,573
Shut your noise!
This is the man who was put away
51
00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:32,616
for crushing bigger fish than us!
52
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,897
Runs a firm 20 times bigger than ours,
and I've infringed on his market
53
00:02:35,980 --> 00:02:38,699
while he's been absent.
There's cause for apprehension.
54
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:40,418
Yeah, but he might let us keep it
55
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:41,569
if we give him a bung.
56
00:02:41,660 --> 00:02:44,811
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
He won't be doing me any favours.
57
00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:46,333
Why not?
58
00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:52,739
Paddy Smith is Other Paddy.
59
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:57,054
Your mother's first boyfriend.
60
00:02:57,140 --> 00:03:01,099
She dumped him for me.
61
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:05,378
Jesus, Shane, and to think
I could've had a wank instead of you.
62
00:03:05,460 --> 00:03:08,338
'I mean, what's wrong
with wanting to be a hero? '
63
00:03:08,420 --> 00:03:10,012
- Come on, Dad.
- Stand back!
64
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,056
'Nowt.' Crash trolley!
65
00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:23,694
COUGHS NOISILY
66
00:03:26,860 --> 00:03:28,088
Ow!
67
00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:41,335
You saved my life. You fucking hero!
68
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:45,458
Form is temporary.
Class is permanent.
69
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,577
I'm completely shit-faced.
70
00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:54,290
Ah! Drinks all round!
71
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:58,214
I mean, what kind of
a mutant peanut is that?
72
00:03:58,300 --> 00:04:00,336
It's a cashew.
73
00:04:01,940 --> 00:04:04,056
That's not a pub nut.
74
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,653
Is this a wine bar?
75
00:04:05,740 --> 00:04:08,652
Are we going
metro-fucking-sexual here?
76
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:15,452
- I was just trying something new.
- Oh, something new with a cashew!
77
00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:20,694
Yeah, well, lucky it was your da',
or you'd be the one choking now.
78
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:24,455
Two in one night.
Chatsworth's Oscar Schindler.
79
00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:27,976
We're brothers now, Frank.
There's a blood debt.
80
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:30,972
You're gonna find out
what Patrick Maguire's like
81
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,494
when he's sincerely grateful.
82
00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:38,090
Can I have 14 more drinks, please?
83
00:04:38,180 --> 00:04:40,091
LAUGHS
84
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,011
GLASS SMASHES
85
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,011
MUSIC: Brimful Of Asha by Cornershop
86
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,295
THEY SING ALONG DRUNKENLY
87
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,415
Everybody needs a bosom
for a pillow
88
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:52,649
Everybody needs...
89
00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:06,013
What you doing?
90
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,978
Sorry.
91
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:10,812
I forgot we'd changed beds.
92
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,496
I wasn't gonna bum ya!
93
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:26,213
I know you weren't. It's all right.
94
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,256
I'm totally cool with the gay thing.
95
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,339
You what?
96
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:32,614
I'm cool.
97
00:05:34,780 --> 00:05:37,453
That's cool.
I'm cool with you being cool.
98
00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:39,895
Piss off.
99
00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:41,732
(Carl) I'm telling you, he fancies you.
100
00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:44,573
How've we gone from no-one
knowing or talking about it
101
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:46,093
to everyone having an opinion?
102
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:50,651
Opinions are like bumholes,
everyone's got one. They all stink.
103
00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:54,096
He were asking after ya.
104
00:05:54,180 --> 00:05:56,136
- Mr Scott?
- Yeah, why wouldn't he?
105
00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:57,369
He lives with another teacher.
106
00:05:57,460 --> 00:05:59,132
Not any more.
107
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,892
Above the greengrocer's
on Tuttle Street.
108
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:02,811
Virgil Kenyatta's dad owns it.
109
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:06,575
Scotty moved out a week ago
when his boyfriend chucked him.
110
00:06:06,660 --> 00:06:09,777
And now he's asking after you.
Hmm. What could this mean?
111
00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:12,174
He's just your type an' all.
112
00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:13,818
A geography teacher?
113
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:15,174
(Debbie) Fit. Available.
114
00:06:15,260 --> 00:06:17,490
Knows all about oxbow lakes.
115
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:21,016
Oh, a teacher? Didn't know
you went for older women, Ian?
116
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,330
It's a bloke.
117
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:25,695
Oh. Trying to turn you, is he?
118
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:30,617
Hiya, Carl.
You walking to school?
119
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:32,968
Er... yeah.
120
00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:37,489
(Ian) Who's that?
121
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:40,856
Sarah Berry.
School dick magnet.
122
00:06:43,260 --> 00:06:44,329
So what you doing tonight, then?
123
00:06:44,420 --> 00:06:45,489
Come on Chesney. Hey!
124
00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:48,014
Me mum wants you to do a few hours
in the shop.
125
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,419
- When?
- Now.
126
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:50,899
Can't one of youse do it?
127
00:06:50,980 --> 00:06:51,969
She won't let us bunk off.
128
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:54,255
Looks like
we're only walking to the shop.
129
00:06:54,340 --> 00:06:55,853
You walkin' us an' all?
130
00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:57,089
Get off, Meena.
131
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,136
Don't mind me.
132
00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:05,333
Got mice. Little bastards.
133
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,695
Are vegetarians allowed to say that?
134
00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:11,693
Anything that leaves a trail of piss
behind it deserves to die, horribly.
135
00:07:11,780 --> 00:07:13,338
Get stuffed.
136
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:16,935
Well, I didn't mean you! Touchy...
137
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:20,171
Says he didn't wet the bed.
He was putting out a fire.
138
00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:21,773
Look at the state, Deb.
139
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:26,092
I'm living in a shit-heap
attached to a shit-hole.
140
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:29,138
Mooning over
her bloody highness up there.
141
00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:32,257
What's she doing in my room?
142
00:07:32,340 --> 00:07:33,455
She's after it.
143
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,893
Well, it is four times
the size of hers.
144
00:07:34,980 --> 00:07:36,254
Bitch!
145
00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:40,379
She's not having it.
She's only a squatter! Same as you.
146
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,371
Oh, well, thanks very much.
147
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:46,851
Well, you are. Look at the state
of this yard. It's full of crap.
148
00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:48,692
If you're staying, it's your space.
149
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:51,419
So get off your arse
and do something about it.
150
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,013
Well, tell it like it is,
why don't you?
151
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:55,056
You're such a moaner!
152
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:58,098
Make a decision
and put some effort in.
153
00:08:07,980 --> 00:08:10,494
Get that kettle on, Carl!
154
00:08:10,580 --> 00:08:11,933
(Boy) Shit!
155
00:08:12,020 --> 00:08:14,011
Got a throat like
Thursday's bhaji here.
156
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,170
There's more teabags under the sink.
157
00:08:16,260 --> 00:08:19,252
Don't use the ones in the shop.
I don't drink counterfeit.
158
00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:23,978
Carl?
159
00:08:24,060 --> 00:08:25,732
Yeah?
160
00:08:27,620 --> 00:08:30,054
- Phone the police.
- And say what?
161
00:08:30,140 --> 00:08:31,414
Just phone the police!
162
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:37,535
He saved my life.
163
00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:40,692
Next time, try and get saved
by someone who isn't
164
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:43,169
a human... fucking... compost... heap.
165
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:46,172
I'm proud to call that man friend.
166
00:08:47,620 --> 00:08:50,771
THEY LAUGH
167
00:08:50,860 --> 00:08:54,170
Might need some stock.
I'm hitting the old folk's home.
168
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:56,899
Got something on.
How many bags are left?
169
00:08:56,980 --> 00:08:57,969
Five.
170
00:08:58,060 --> 00:09:00,096
Isn't that enough?
171
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:04,173
Dunno. The oldies are mad for
their weed. What are you doing?
172
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,613
Got a meet. Who with?
173
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:09,932
Someone from yesteryear.
25 yesteryears to be precise.
174
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:11,009
Who?
175
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:13,775
Other Paddy.
176
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:17,170
- Other Paddy?
- Mmmm.
177
00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:18,852
My Other Paddy?
178
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:21,295
(Yvonne) 'Are you gonna get stuck in? '
179
00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:23,735
It'll take all of you
to batter that door down.
180
00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:25,378
I don't know how he's in there.
181
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:28,213
- The little wanker!
- No need. Tom's had special training.
182
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,495
At the negotiation workshop,
they said, "Talk first
183
00:09:30,580 --> 00:09:31,729
"and you won't have to act later."
184
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,811
Rubbish! Oi!
185
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:36,368
- You had your hair cut?
- Have I fuck!
186
00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:40,892
Every day they find
a new way to rob us.
187
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:45,738
What are you lookin' at?
188
00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:48,618
Sorry. Just when you're angry,
your eyes...
189
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:51,055
Sorry.
190
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,698
Don't be weird, Stan.
191
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,736
Tom here.
192
00:09:57,820 --> 00:09:58,855
Want to tell me your name?
193
00:09:58,940 --> 00:09:59,929
Fuck off.
194
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:03,854
I'm from Ireland. I... I've got
six brothers and sisters and...
195
00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:06,773
Ain't got time to bore him out.
196
00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:08,452
(Tom) What're you doing?
197
00:10:09,540 --> 00:10:10,859
Gas!
198
00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,173
You're nicked.
199
00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:16,933
You're costing me
more than the hoodie.
200
00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:19,659
Sorry about that.
201
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:22,573
Tear gas, Lillian.
No-one can go in.
202
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:24,571
Oh, no, I like a good weep, me.
203
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:29,410
Search her when she leaves.
204
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,092
Why now?
205
00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:33,410
He'll have heard the word
about you inside.
206
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:34,728
You've moved up a division.
207
00:10:34,820 --> 00:10:37,175
No. I'm famine potatoes to him.
208
00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:40,889
Could be getting nostalgic
for the things he's lost.
209
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,809
Doesn't matter if he is.
210
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,130
I know I plumped for the perfect Paddy.
211
00:10:47,220 --> 00:10:49,176
The poorer Paddy.
212
00:10:49,260 --> 00:10:52,650
Look at this palace.
Every dream - fulfilled.
213
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:56,619
He's dodgy. You need me with you.
214
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,009
I can wrap him round this.
You don't lose that.
215
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:00,738
Your man'll think I'm pussy-whipped.
216
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,299
- Oh, come on, Dad.
217
00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:03,938
Meet him first.
218
00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:06,090
Then I'll bump into you in the pub.
219
00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:07,852
We're a team, you and me.
220
00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:10,295
I'm getting off, too.
221
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:12,689
Picking up a car. Dad's bankrolled us.
222
00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:16,773
New business, executive transport.
223
00:11:16,860 --> 00:11:18,452
- Dad coughed up for that?
224
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:20,974
Lent.
225
00:11:28,540 --> 00:11:29,529
You spanner.
226
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:32,373
Well, s'pose you can put me right, eh?
227
00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:47,738
Tia Maria and coke.
228
00:11:50,140 --> 00:11:51,971
And a pint for shitty drawers.
229
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:56,054
Couldn't stretch to
a couple of Es, could you?
230
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:59,177
Me fucking ribs...
231
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,253
You look nice, Mimi.
232
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,855
Assisting Paddy
with a bit of business.
233
00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:27,770
Patrick Donal Maguire.
234
00:12:27,860 --> 00:12:30,328
It's good to see you, kid.
235
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,411
- Long time...
- Aye, Paddy. How's yourself?
236
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:35,617
Fine. Sure, a five-year stretch
is bullshit.
237
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:39,090
At our age we could do ten years
without blinking. Am I right?
238
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:43,895
Don't shite yourself, I'm not
asking you to get sent down for me.
239
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,175
Come away! I'm ripe
for a wee bit of entertainment.
240
00:12:46,260 --> 00:12:48,330
I'm guessing a drink
would sit nicely.
241
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:51,969
Ah, well, the bar's fully stocked.
But what I've really missed
242
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:54,255
is filthy women.
243
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:57,855
My balls are as heavy as
avo-fucking-cados, Patrick!
244
00:12:57,940 --> 00:12:59,498
Huh?
245
00:12:59,580 --> 00:13:01,696
I know that look.
246
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,691
Have you laid one on for me?
247
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:06,010
Have you? Huh?
248
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:10,252
Patrick? Patrick,
you have, haven't you, so?
249
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:11,932
Huh?
250
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:14,170
Come on away.
251
00:13:16,140 --> 00:13:19,416
Two Guinness, son.
252
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:21,536
Oh, is this her?
She would do me.
253
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,178
She fucking wouldn't.
254
00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:28,896
Ah, Jesus! It's not that?
A rhino in a joy-bag.
255
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:33,451
I don't want to get smothered by
some great arse, for Christ's sake.
256
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:36,652
Mimi?
257
00:13:38,260 --> 00:13:39,613
I'm so sorry.
258
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:42,931
It just came out all twisted.
259
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:45,614
I've been away a long...
260
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:50,490
Mimi, I said I'm sorry.
261
00:13:51,620 --> 00:13:53,053
Don't be like that!
262
00:14:03,300 --> 00:14:07,452
That's a terrible mistake
I just made there, kid.
263
00:14:07,540 --> 00:14:09,531
And I'm truly contrite. I am.
264
00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:13,693
If I could take my words back, but...
265
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:16,852
it is a good time to remind you,
266
00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:19,818
my people always know who I'm seeing.
267
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,174
You think of Mimi.
268
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,410
The kiddies.
269
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:27,379
You put your pride
in your pocket, big man.
270
00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:32,011
Very bad trouble
is only a wee phone call away.
271
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:02,130
SOBS
272
00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:20,058
That... is executive transport?
273
00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:26,613
Two minutes in business and you've
already lost your one customer.
274
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,498
- Congratulations!
- What?
275
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:32,617
I wanted something
incon-fucking-spicuous.
276
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,897
Not a mobile poof's palace!
277
00:15:37,980 --> 00:15:40,972
Fucking joke.
278
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:46,094
I think it's cute,
if it's any consolation.
279
00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:52,330
Jesus, Mickey. I was just trying
to be nice. You're so desperate.
280
00:15:52,420 --> 00:15:55,537
- I've got a date!
- Oh, I take it all back.
281
00:15:56,820 --> 00:16:00,574
Sorry. I would've come in on it
with you, but Paddy's rates are...
282
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,128
You'll go tits-up
trying to pay him back.
283
00:16:03,220 --> 00:16:07,498
He's not a charity. He's got a...
Where you off?
284
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:08,535
School.
285
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:11,453
- What for?
- Checking out one of the teachers.
286
00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:13,849
Hot for cock. But who isn't?
287
00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:18,211
Well, I was gonna offer you a lift,
but you can walk.
288
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:21,337
It's a bit pink for me anyway.
I'm not that out.
289
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:26,091
It's "fuss-chia"!
290
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:34,449
It was a judgement call and I may -
may - have erred in that judgement.
291
00:16:34,540 --> 00:16:37,577
But you have to remember who he is,
the little piece of scum!
292
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:40,458
I wanted to saw his ugly fucking
head off! But I couldn't.
293
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,488
I'm sorry.
294
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:54,808
I've let you down.
295
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:58,176
- What did he want?
- Dunno yet.
296
00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:02,538
We didn't get round to it.
I've got to meet him again later.
297
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,088
Gave you time off to come after me.
Very good of him.
298
00:17:05,180 --> 00:17:07,136
What do you think
when you look at me?
299
00:17:07,220 --> 00:17:08,369
What?
300
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:09,575
What do you see?
301
00:17:12,340 --> 00:17:14,012
I see my fabulous wife.
302
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,499
The mother of my children.
303
00:17:15,580 --> 00:17:18,811
The woman who I love and adore
more than the very world.
304
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:20,970
You don't notice
I've kept me baby weight?
305
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:23,449
I don't care about that.
306
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:26,532
Prove it. Fuck me. Fuck me now.
307
00:17:26,620 --> 00:17:29,134
Christ, Mi. You know,
this fucking hernia. I can't.
308
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:32,974
- You haven't slipped me one for months.
- Since I've had this.
309
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,130
It's printed in your eyes!
You've stopped fancying me!
310
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,654
- Never!
- You're the same as him!
311
00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:39,492
Me and that twat!
312
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:41,059
Mimi!
313
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,700
Every curve. Straight from the angels.
314
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:46,533
I know what you think. What you see!
315
00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:50,852
I do not! Would never, ever
think of you as fat!
316
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:53,579
What did you fucking say?
317
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:56,936
I don't think of you as fat.
318
00:17:57,020 --> 00:18:02,890
I can't believe you used
the fucking "F" word in my presence!
319
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:05,016
Bumble? Easy there!
320
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,931
Calm down!
321
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:08,976
Why don't you kill me?
322
00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:11,096
It'd be easier to take!
323
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:16,135
You homeless bastard!
324
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,856
Oh, fuck! What's up?
325
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:34,535
Nowt. I hope. So what d'you reckon, then?
326
00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:36,497
Not exactly Alan Titwank, are you?
327
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:39,617
Not used it for cutting wood before,
have I? Takes practice.
328
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,294
It's a saw, you toss.
What else is it for?
329
00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:45,611
If I told you that, Norma,
I'd have to waste your arse.
330
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,089
I'm not scared of you.
I'm not scared of...
331
00:18:48,180 --> 00:18:50,569
A mouse! A mouse, a mouse!
332
00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:53,333
- A mouse! A mouse! A mouse!
- You bastard!
333
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,700
- Why've you got the best bed?
- I own it.
334
00:19:03,780 --> 00:19:06,010
I'll have the bed I want.
335
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,977
What's wrong with one of the flats?
336
00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:09,015
You wouldn't want your old man
337
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,615
hanging around in one of them
cruddy rat-holes, would you?
338
00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:14,809
I've got a date later.
339
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,936
Well, I won't try and join in.
340
00:19:17,020 --> 00:19:20,092
I can't! Not with the old...
341
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:25,848
It won't be long.
Your ma's totally gone off her nut.
342
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:27,896
It's a woman thing. Temporary.
343
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:31,454
She'll keep a couple of days, won't she?
344
00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:32,734
Who?
345
00:19:32,820 --> 00:19:34,412
The slut! Your date?
346
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,019
Not that one!
347
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,412
A present!
348
00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:54,092
That'll spur her into sense.
349
00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:56,774
A special one.
350
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:59,169
- Start the Twat-mobile, Twat-man.
- We need petrol.
351
00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:00,659
Well, get some!
352
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:06,573
Oh, fucker! No, no, no,
you should be careful with it.
353
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,935
You know I am a veg. Stop it!
354
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:09,930
Me snake isn't.
355
00:20:10,020 --> 00:20:11,817
You've got a snake?
356
00:20:11,900 --> 00:20:13,299
Python.
357
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:17,089
Oh. Oh, I used to have an iguana.
358
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:20,490
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
359
00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:22,696
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
360
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:25,214
Forgive us?
361
00:20:38,140 --> 00:20:41,257
I've never been right about food
and all that shite.
362
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,819
It doesn't matter to Dad.
363
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:46,688
It does.
Matters to everybody. Matters to me.
364
00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:49,374
You could lose weight
if you really wanted to.
365
00:20:50,620 --> 00:20:53,498
Weren't any fat people
came out of concentration camps.
366
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:55,775
No, they all looked like you.
367
00:20:55,860 --> 00:20:58,135
- Fuck off.
- You fuck off.
368
00:21:02,860 --> 00:21:04,293
Sorry.
369
00:21:04,380 --> 00:21:06,530
Yeah.
370
00:21:06,620 --> 00:21:09,180
Sorry.
371
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:11,820
- You think it's cos I've no willpower.
- I never said that.
372
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:15,290
Food, looks, weight.
Blight of my life.
373
00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:18,816
If you're an alcoholic, you stop
drinking. You can't stop eating!
374
00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:21,289
It's always fucked me up!
Always there!
375
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:24,133
And how many times have you
heard me mention it to you?
376
00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:26,336
How many times have you heard me moan
377
00:21:26,420 --> 00:21:29,412
about my arse or my looks?
Never! You've never heard it!
378
00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:33,015
Because I was determined never to
pass all that shit onto my daughter!
379
00:21:33,100 --> 00:21:36,331
And I haven't. That's willpower!
380
00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:43,171
I knew it'd drive my Paddy away one day.
381
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:45,216
It hasn't. You told him to go.
382
00:21:45,300 --> 00:21:47,894
I don't need a man
who wants me outta habit.
383
00:21:47,980 --> 00:21:49,971
I need a man who fucking wants me.
384
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,373
He's stopped.
385
00:21:54,460 --> 00:21:55,654
He can't...
386
00:21:55,740 --> 00:21:58,891
I'm starvin'. Is there any of
them double choccy chips left?
387
00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:03,735
All I've got left of my marriage
is little Leslie here.
388
00:22:04,860 --> 00:22:07,533
- S'not really serious, is it?
- (Gol)
389
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:09,019
All right.
390
00:22:11,340 --> 00:22:12,773
I'll help, Mum.
391
00:22:12,860 --> 00:22:16,648
You can lose weight.
392
00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:21,939
I don't want to stop drinking or eating
393
00:22:22,020 --> 00:22:24,136
or do any exercise.
394
00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:28,892
Do a diary.
395
00:22:28,980 --> 00:22:32,256
Write down everything you eat.
We'll see where we are.
396
00:22:33,860 --> 00:22:35,657
Starting the engine costs a tenner.
397
00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:37,696
I can't hire it out,
cos I've got me dad's
398
00:22:37,780 --> 00:22:41,455
massive pants drying on the heater
and his truss all over the back seat.
399
00:22:41,540 --> 00:22:45,249
Polishing the fucker's the only thing
I can afford to do. Whoa.
400
00:22:45,340 --> 00:22:48,218
You knew it was gonna cost you.
Why'd you buy it?
401
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:52,373
Somewhere to bring lads back,
not that I can do that now.
402
00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:56,419
And a business.
I'm sick of being the family chimp.
403
00:23:01,860 --> 00:23:04,932
I'm not gonna meet his first payment.
404
00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:06,817
Job going in the pub?
405
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:08,049
- No chance.
- There must be.
406
00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:12,213
I'm not having you feeling me up
every time there's a quiet patch.
407
00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:14,814
- I wouldn't.
- No, Mickey. No.
408
00:23:20,180 --> 00:23:21,135
How was sir?
409
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,858
Keen as.
410
00:23:22,940 --> 00:23:24,851
You're joking?
411
00:23:24,940 --> 00:23:26,373
I'm seeing him tonight.
412
00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:30,769
It's a bit pink, in't it, mate?!
413
00:23:30,860 --> 00:23:32,498
It's not pink!
414
00:23:35,860 --> 00:23:38,579
All right, mate, how's it hangin'?
415
00:23:38,660 --> 00:23:41,049
Not good. Not good.
416
00:23:41,140 --> 00:23:43,734
She's holding this one against me.
Really is.
417
00:23:43,820 --> 00:23:45,856
And I don't know
how to live without her.
418
00:23:45,940 --> 00:23:48,374
Well, you could take my advice.
419
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:51,372
Drink through it.
420
00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:54,338
You gettin' 'em in?
421
00:23:54,420 --> 00:23:56,650
Usual, Frank?
422
00:23:56,740 --> 00:23:58,890
Get us a chaser too.
423
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:00,891
Good to see you.
424
00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:04,131
Cold Guinness, angel.
425
00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:07,895
So, let's chat and sort this business.
426
00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:19,813
You've splashed out on that,
haven't you? Good job you're minted.
427
00:24:19,900 --> 00:24:22,175
I am compared to someone
who's got fuck-all.
428
00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:27,816
Well, I know you're all right,
cos sure you've been dealing off
429
00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:31,575
my best patches while
I've been rotting away inside.
430
00:24:31,660 --> 00:24:34,857
Only an idiot could
lose money on them ones.
431
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:38,057
And you're not an idiot, are you, Paddy?
432
00:24:40,220 --> 00:24:42,529
Are you an idiot?
433
00:24:45,100 --> 00:24:48,251
I'm only joking you. If I wanted
to post some lead up your arse,
434
00:24:48,340 --> 00:24:50,774
you'd be snuggling your colon by now.
435
00:24:55,140 --> 00:24:58,337
What, fuck's sake! What?
436
00:24:58,420 --> 00:24:59,853
It's not still Mimi, is it?
437
00:24:59,940 --> 00:25:00,895
Sure, that's all sorted out!
438
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:06,971
Let's not fall out
over a few pounds, eh?
439
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:12,019
Specially not the ones on your...
your old lady's arse.
440
00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:14,971
Fucking little fuck!
441
00:25:15,060 --> 00:25:19,019
Yeah, that's fucking smart, that.
Very fucking intelligent,
442
00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:21,898
you small-time fuck.
443
00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:25,859
When you want to die? When!
Go home or when I don't go home?
444
00:25:25,940 --> 00:25:28,135
Your choice.
445
00:25:29,780 --> 00:25:31,008
Oh, this your diary?
446
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:35,129
That's all right. Biscuits?
447
00:25:38,740 --> 00:25:40,219
We need a professional.
448
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:44,612
No. I've tried everything.
I'm beyond help.
449
00:25:44,700 --> 00:25:46,292
Hypnosis.
450
00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:49,099
It's not working. It's not.
451
00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:51,774
Kept waking up with
marshmallows in me hair.
452
00:25:51,860 --> 00:25:55,250
Turned me into an unconscious
sleep-eater. Tried exercise.
453
00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:57,649
...ln time
454
00:25:57,740 --> 00:26:01,858
Only takes a moment to feel all right
455
00:26:01,940 --> 00:26:05,216
Get fresh at the weekend...
456
00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:07,768
Gave me a raging appetite.
I put weight on.
457
00:26:07,860 --> 00:26:12,536
Only time I lost weight was in prison.
Nothing else works.
458
00:26:12,620 --> 00:26:13,894
I can help.
459
00:26:13,980 --> 00:26:15,936
No, you can't.
460
00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:18,454
I'll never be thin.
461
00:26:18,540 --> 00:26:22,419
Never be... desirable again.
462
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:24,252
Got to face what I am.
463
00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:26,979
I'm a bulimic who can't stand vomit.
464
00:26:27,060 --> 00:26:28,573
We can try.
465
00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:31,049
No, Mandy, love.
466
00:26:31,140 --> 00:26:32,937
I am fat.
467
00:26:33,020 --> 00:26:35,488
I'm a fat fuck.
468
00:26:35,580 --> 00:26:39,129
I'm a fucking fat fucker.
469
00:26:41,740 --> 00:26:43,458
Where did these come from?
470
00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:45,815
Mandy's mum give 'em us.
471
00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:48,334
(Carl) You trying to show us up?
472
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:49,375
Me?
473
00:26:49,460 --> 00:26:52,099
Bezz saw you at school.
Sniffing round Scotty.
474
00:26:52,180 --> 00:26:54,011
He didn't see that.
We were having a goss.
475
00:26:54,100 --> 00:26:55,374
I know what you were doing.
476
00:26:55,460 --> 00:26:57,052
I thought you were
coo-ell with the gay thing?
477
00:26:57,140 --> 00:26:59,779
That's got nothing to do with this.
It's school, Ian. I get taught by him.
478
00:26:59,860 --> 00:27:04,297
He were all over us.
"Very good, Carl. Top of the class."
479
00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:06,018
I looked a right twat in front of Sarah.
480
00:27:06,100 --> 00:27:08,898
- Well, you tipped me off.
- He's my teacher!
481
00:27:08,980 --> 00:27:11,540
So what? I'll see who I like.
482
00:27:11,620 --> 00:27:12,655
Debbie, love.
483
00:27:12,740 --> 00:27:14,776
Can I squeeze these
into your cupboard?
484
00:27:14,860 --> 00:27:17,852
There's absolutely no space
in that teensy room of ours.
485
00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:19,089
(Debbie) What?
486
00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:24,613
Leslie? Leslie?
487
00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:27,134
Leslie? Come to Mummy.
488
00:27:27,220 --> 00:27:29,575
I can't find her anywhere.
489
00:27:29,660 --> 00:27:31,651
Leslie. A he.
490
00:27:31,740 --> 00:27:35,050
Well, a leg of lamb's
missing off the side as well.
491
00:27:35,140 --> 00:27:36,334
You didn't snaffle it, did you?
492
00:27:36,420 --> 00:27:38,092
You cheeky bastard!
493
00:27:38,180 --> 00:27:40,694
Leslie'll have had it.
494
00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:42,611
He'll be back when he's hungry.
495
00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:45,089
Don't throw me out. Don't!
496
00:27:45,180 --> 00:27:48,934
I've got something for you.
Come with me. Come on.
497
00:27:49,020 --> 00:27:50,453
Mimi!
498
00:27:57,380 --> 00:28:00,099
- Oh!
499
00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:02,740
Oh! Nice one, Norma.
500
00:28:06,220 --> 00:28:08,097
Out again.
501
00:28:11,020 --> 00:28:14,376
Here you are. Come on.
502
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:15,893
Din-dins, Butch!
503
00:28:19,860 --> 00:28:21,373
He won't take it.
504
00:28:21,460 --> 00:28:24,816
- Maybes he's not hungry?
- He should be. Here, lift the bed up.
505
00:28:27,260 --> 00:28:29,330
Look at that.
506
00:28:29,420 --> 00:28:32,696
- It looks like he's...
- What?
507
00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:35,369
It's the dog.
508
00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:38,770
It's me mum's dog. He's had it...
509
00:28:38,860 --> 00:28:40,930
Oh...
510
00:28:41,020 --> 00:28:44,808
Oh, don't go off on one.
You don't know for sure.
511
00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:51,258
OK. Now you know for sure.
512
00:28:51,340 --> 00:28:53,695
I'm toast! I'm dead!
513
00:28:53,780 --> 00:28:56,931
I'm totally fucking dead!
514
00:29:13,940 --> 00:29:16,170
That's how much I love you.
515
00:29:16,260 --> 00:29:19,809
- What've you done?
- He's for you.
516
00:29:19,900 --> 00:29:23,131
What do you want me
to do with your gift?
517
00:29:23,220 --> 00:29:27,099
Are you losing your fucking mind
as well as your touch?
518
00:29:27,180 --> 00:29:29,774
It's not about him.
519
00:29:29,860 --> 00:29:31,976
It's about you and me. It's about me.
520
00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:36,774
I can't believe you'd do
something like that.
521
00:29:38,420 --> 00:29:40,331
What've you done, Paddy?
522
00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:51,536
Piss flaps!
523
00:29:51,620 --> 00:29:53,133
We are neck-high.
524
00:29:53,220 --> 00:29:54,699
We? Where's the "we" come from?
525
00:29:54,780 --> 00:29:57,010
It's nowt to do with me.
526
00:29:57,100 --> 00:29:58,818
I did help with your fence.
527
00:29:58,900 --> 00:30:00,572
Howay then!
528
00:30:00,660 --> 00:30:02,173
Okey-dokey, Einstein.
529
00:30:02,260 --> 00:30:03,693
Plan?
530
00:30:09,340 --> 00:30:11,456
Get another dog.
Hope she doesn't notice.
531
00:30:11,540 --> 00:30:14,338
I mean, she's had it no time.
They all look the same.
532
00:30:14,420 --> 00:30:18,208
- Do they?
- Aye. They all look like Mimi.
533
00:30:18,300 --> 00:30:21,019
You should be more sympathetic.
She's got body issues.
534
00:30:21,100 --> 00:30:23,898
Oh, who hasn't?
She should get over herself.
535
00:30:23,980 --> 00:30:26,255
GIBBERS
536
00:30:26,340 --> 00:30:28,774
Pathetic. You're as bad as mum.
537
00:30:28,860 --> 00:30:31,249
I didn't mean that.
538
00:30:31,340 --> 00:30:34,252
What's going on, baby-cakes?
539
00:30:34,340 --> 00:30:37,173
It's the money you owe Dad.
540
00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:38,852
I can't say.
541
00:30:38,940 --> 00:30:40,692
How much interest is he charging?
542
00:30:40,780 --> 00:30:42,532
Let go...
543
00:30:42,620 --> 00:30:43,769
I can't tell. Argh!
544
00:30:44,700 --> 00:30:46,611
The usual rate!
545
00:30:48,260 --> 00:30:49,739
I can't afford it.
546
00:30:52,420 --> 00:30:54,456
He's gonna break me legs...
547
00:30:56,060 --> 00:30:57,493
...again.
548
00:31:03,020 --> 00:31:04,453
Two more 'ere, Karen.
549
00:31:10,540 --> 00:31:13,008
Oh, still got the girl trouble?
550
00:31:14,980 --> 00:31:16,493
I'm lost.
551
00:31:18,460 --> 00:31:21,577
Without her, I'm lost.
552
00:31:21,660 --> 00:31:25,494
I've done something stupid
and there's no way out.
553
00:31:25,580 --> 00:31:28,219
Yeah, there's plenty more fish
in the sea, you know,
554
00:31:28,300 --> 00:31:31,098
get straight back on the horse...
All that jon-bobbins.
555
00:31:31,180 --> 00:31:34,490
You know, Frank, I've been thinking.
556
00:31:34,580 --> 00:31:37,617
What's worse
than being owed something?
557
00:31:38,740 --> 00:31:41,971
- House fire? Cluster bomb?
- Owing someone.
558
00:31:42,060 --> 00:31:44,528
See, I owe you
559
00:31:44,620 --> 00:31:47,930
and it's beginning to gnaw at me.
Understand?
560
00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:50,859
Yeah.
561
00:31:50,940 --> 00:31:53,056
So I want to pay you in full.
562
00:31:53,140 --> 00:31:55,290
Discharge my debt. Back to quits.
563
00:31:55,380 --> 00:31:58,736
Would that be acceptable?
If I asked nicely?
564
00:32:00,660 --> 00:32:03,777
Uh... Yeah, s'pose so.
565
00:32:03,860 --> 00:32:06,294
Good.
566
00:32:12,620 --> 00:32:14,929
Two mind.
567
00:32:15,020 --> 00:32:16,453
Not one.
568
00:32:21,820 --> 00:32:24,095
Couldn't lend us a score, could you?
I'm down to bare bones...
569
00:32:24,180 --> 00:32:25,169
Shh!
570
00:32:33,380 --> 00:32:35,940
How're we gonna
dig our way outta this?
571
00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:39,616
Easy. Just...
572
00:32:39,700 --> 00:32:42,851
He can't let you go.
573
00:32:42,940 --> 00:32:46,728
And he can't kill me
or keep me here.
574
00:32:46,820 --> 00:32:51,018
No word of a lie, my people
do know where I've gone.
575
00:32:53,580 --> 00:32:57,368
I am truly sorry for what I said...
576
00:32:58,780 --> 00:33:01,578
...but if I don't turn up soon,
then there's going to be some...
577
00:33:01,660 --> 00:33:04,413
sick violence.
578
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:05,694
Really sick.
579
00:33:08,220 --> 00:33:12,179
Let me go, kid.
580
00:33:13,420 --> 00:33:16,173
Do it now
and there'll be no comeback.
581
00:33:16,260 --> 00:33:19,809
No grudges, no hard feelings.
Nothing.
582
00:33:19,900 --> 00:33:21,333
Guarantee?
583
00:33:21,420 --> 00:33:22,853
My word.
584
00:33:25,580 --> 00:33:26,535
That it?
585
00:33:29,380 --> 00:33:31,211
After what we had?!
586
00:33:34,340 --> 00:33:36,490
You know you can trust me.
587
00:33:39,180 --> 00:33:43,332
I've only ever had
the highest regard for you.
588
00:33:45,780 --> 00:33:49,409
You were a desert island fuck for me.
589
00:33:51,460 --> 00:33:54,611
You were nearly my Paddy.
590
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:59,137
Could've been you sat in front of
the telly, scratching your balls
591
00:33:59,220 --> 00:34:01,495
and hating me for going to fat.
592
00:34:01,580 --> 00:34:04,048
It would not be like that.
593
00:34:05,980 --> 00:34:07,777
You'd love the inner me?
594
00:34:07,860 --> 00:34:09,578
Of course.
595
00:34:11,380 --> 00:34:13,655
Remember me?
596
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:18,292
You know I am a man of honour.
597
00:34:18,380 --> 00:34:19,813
Don't you?
598
00:34:21,900 --> 00:34:25,290
Hardly given you a moment's thought,
599
00:34:25,380 --> 00:34:27,416
but I do remember you.
600
00:34:29,420 --> 00:34:31,854
I remember why I dumped you an' all.
601
00:34:31,940 --> 00:34:33,896
You're a lying arsehole.
602
00:34:33,980 --> 00:34:37,211
Ah, Mimi,
603
00:34:37,300 --> 00:34:40,610
you're a fat stupid bitch,
so you are.
604
00:34:40,700 --> 00:34:43,851
That was your last chance to
save your limp-dicked Paddy.
605
00:34:43,940 --> 00:34:47,649
Won't be getting a hard-on with his
blood all over the fucking pavement!
606
00:34:47,740 --> 00:34:48,809
MUFFLED CRIES
607
00:34:52,660 --> 00:34:57,290
MUFFLED CRIES
608
00:34:57,380 --> 00:34:59,177
(Muffled) See you later.
609
00:35:04,500 --> 00:35:05,455
THUD!
610
00:35:08,020 --> 00:35:08,975
What're you doing?
611
00:35:12,700 --> 00:35:16,488
- Falling over.
- What time is it?
612
00:35:16,580 --> 00:35:20,016
Where've you been?
613
00:35:20,100 --> 00:35:22,216
You've seen him, haven't you?
614
00:35:23,780 --> 00:35:24,769
None of yours.
615
00:35:24,860 --> 00:35:28,216
I asked you not to. You've gone
and shagged him, haven't you?
616
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:29,528
You didn't ask me anything.
617
00:35:29,620 --> 00:35:31,770
You're a selfish wanker.
618
00:35:31,860 --> 00:35:33,578
Oh, cock off, pig tits.
619
00:35:33,660 --> 00:35:35,537
- What're you talking about?
- (Both) Put that out!
620
00:35:35,620 --> 00:35:39,693
What've I told you?
No more fires!
621
00:35:41,460 --> 00:35:43,178
Carl?
622
00:35:46,460 --> 00:35:47,893
BARKING
623
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:49,971
It's exactly the same.
624
00:35:50,060 --> 00:35:52,290
Apart from personality.
The vicious little twat.
625
00:35:52,380 --> 00:35:55,338
(Norma) Shall we leave it in
the yard for her to find?
626
00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:59,891
Yeah. Just got to put this on,
pierce its ear and we're done.
627
00:35:59,980 --> 00:36:01,095
Pierce its ear?
628
00:36:01,180 --> 00:36:02,613
Yeah! She put an earring in.
629
00:36:04,660 --> 00:36:06,890
Which is gay side?
630
00:36:06,980 --> 00:36:07,935
Gay side?
631
00:36:08,020 --> 00:36:10,614
Yeah, she won't want a gay dog,
will she?
632
00:36:10,700 --> 00:36:12,930
What's gayer than a fucking air dog?
633
00:36:14,460 --> 00:36:15,734
HE SCREAMS
634
00:36:15,820 --> 00:36:17,412
Perfect!
635
00:36:19,980 --> 00:36:21,572
...I like you too.
636
00:36:21,660 --> 00:36:24,493
- Do you want a brew?
- Stop nosing about, Debs.
637
00:36:24,580 --> 00:36:26,457
I'm not. I'm making one.
638
00:36:26,540 --> 00:36:27,734
I'm all right, ta.
639
00:36:27,820 --> 00:36:29,378
Mr Scott?
640
00:36:29,460 --> 00:36:31,815
You all right, sir?
641
00:36:31,900 --> 00:36:34,494
Didn't know you two were a couple.
642
00:36:34,580 --> 00:36:35,854
What're you doing?
643
00:36:35,940 --> 00:36:37,339
You left this.
644
00:36:37,420 --> 00:36:38,455
It's not mine.
645
00:36:38,540 --> 00:36:40,053
Isn't it?
646
00:36:40,140 --> 00:36:41,971
Oh, no.
647
00:36:42,060 --> 00:36:43,334
Now it looks like I've come up with
648
00:36:43,420 --> 00:36:45,251
an obviously transparent excuse
just to see you, doesn't it?
649
00:36:46,380 --> 00:36:48,371
I wouldn't leave your car out there.
650
00:36:48,460 --> 00:36:51,258
(Mr Scott) Half a mo'.
I've got your homework.
651
00:36:52,540 --> 00:36:56,533
That... was relatively inventive, Carl.
652
00:36:56,620 --> 00:36:59,771
And you should try copying Carl, Sarah.
653
00:36:59,860 --> 00:37:02,055
Instead of Dave Martin's
hopeless effort,
654
00:37:02,140 --> 00:37:05,291
which is the highway to a C minus.
655
00:37:05,380 --> 00:37:06,574
I'd better be going.
656
00:37:06,660 --> 00:37:08,378
- What now?
- Yeah.
657
00:37:10,100 --> 00:37:11,453
- I'll call you.
- Whatever.
658
00:37:13,220 --> 00:37:15,211
Oh, piss!
659
00:37:16,340 --> 00:37:17,932
You got the right sex, didn't you?
660
00:37:18,020 --> 00:37:19,453
It was a dog, not a bitch?
661
00:37:22,820 --> 00:37:24,890
Leslie!
662
00:37:24,980 --> 00:37:26,459
Look what I found.
663
00:37:28,780 --> 00:37:31,499
Oh, hello, gorgeous.
664
00:37:31,580 --> 00:37:32,615
Where's his tattoo?
665
00:37:35,220 --> 00:37:39,259
Oh, for fuck's sake. How we
supposed to fucking know that?
666
00:37:39,340 --> 00:37:40,614
What was it?
667
00:37:42,660 --> 00:37:43,854
Who did it?
668
00:37:43,940 --> 00:37:45,089
Inky Bob.
669
00:37:45,180 --> 00:37:46,215
Inky Bob?
670
00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:47,938
You know, the one with the...
671
00:37:49,140 --> 00:37:52,337
Well, that explains it.
Doesn't use proper ink.
672
00:37:52,420 --> 00:37:54,012
Look at that.
673
00:37:54,100 --> 00:37:55,328
There's nowt there.
674
00:37:55,420 --> 00:37:57,980
Exactly. Guess who did mine?
675
00:37:58,060 --> 00:38:00,415
Inky fucking Bob.
676
00:38:00,500 --> 00:38:05,494
That fucking... That fucking Inky Bob!
Please tell me you didn't go to see him!
677
00:38:05,580 --> 00:38:08,378
Totally faded. Fraud!
678
00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:12,131
(Mimi) Is everyone a bastard?
679
00:38:12,220 --> 00:38:13,972
DOOR SLAMS
680
00:38:14,060 --> 00:38:15,732
(Patrick) You're wasting your time.
681
00:38:15,820 --> 00:38:17,970
Bank won't give him
the steam off its piss.
682
00:38:18,060 --> 00:38:19,812
Never mind a three grand loan.
683
00:38:19,900 --> 00:38:21,413
Will if I'm with him.
684
00:38:21,500 --> 00:38:23,092
Making sure he gives his real name.
685
00:38:23,180 --> 00:38:26,456
Are we setting off?
Or can we kill the engine?
686
00:38:26,540 --> 00:38:28,132
Petrol and that...
687
00:38:28,220 --> 00:38:29,414
Are we going anywhere?
688
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:33,129
I'm not helping you with mum
if you don't do this for Mickey.
689
00:38:36,420 --> 00:38:39,617
Turn the engine off. Come back here.
690
00:38:39,700 --> 00:38:42,339
You really push it with
this heir apparent bollocks.
691
00:38:44,780 --> 00:38:47,692
DOOR HANDLE CLUNKS
692
00:38:47,780 --> 00:38:49,975
What sort of a fucking car?!
693
00:38:56,180 --> 00:38:59,889
Well, done, setting up the business,
son. I'm proud of you.
694
00:38:59,980 --> 00:39:02,778
I'm cancelling the loan.
695
00:39:02,860 --> 00:39:04,054
It's a gift.
696
00:39:08,260 --> 00:39:09,693
Oh, Dad.
697
00:39:12,180 --> 00:39:16,890
I'll speak to her. It's all in her head.
We hate you being apart.
698
00:39:16,980 --> 00:39:18,208
Hate you being in here, too.
699
00:39:19,220 --> 00:39:21,893
But that's not the main reason.
700
00:39:25,020 --> 00:39:27,295
Is it Dad's fault you got bigger?
701
00:39:27,380 --> 00:39:28,449
Has he been cramming the pies in?
702
00:39:28,540 --> 00:39:31,259
No. He's never even mentioned
your weight.
703
00:39:31,340 --> 00:39:33,490
You've chucked him out
cos some other bloke said it.
704
00:39:33,580 --> 00:39:36,697
All he wants is to be back with you.
I've seen him.
705
00:39:36,780 --> 00:39:38,259
He may as well have his arms off.
706
00:39:38,340 --> 00:39:40,490
He's better off without me.
707
00:39:40,580 --> 00:39:42,730
Oh, don't whine.
708
00:39:42,820 --> 00:39:48,053
I live with this every day.
This layer of lard has ruined my life.
709
00:39:48,140 --> 00:39:51,496
And now it's ruining Paddy's, too.
He's in a mess cos of me...
710
00:39:51,580 --> 00:39:53,889
and my weight.
711
00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:57,017
- I can fix it.
- Gonna have him back?
712
00:39:58,380 --> 00:40:00,496
I'm going to fix it.
713
00:40:08,620 --> 00:40:10,690
What're you doing?
714
00:40:10,780 --> 00:40:12,418
Looking for something.
715
00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:15,412
For Leslie to chew.
716
00:40:15,500 --> 00:40:17,377
I've things I need to do.
I might be going away.
717
00:40:17,460 --> 00:40:20,020
I've messed up,
but I've found a way out for your dad.
718
00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:23,649
For everybody for the best.
719
00:40:23,740 --> 00:40:26,015
Look after him. For me.
720
00:40:26,100 --> 00:40:28,056
He was your dad's last present.
721
00:40:28,140 --> 00:40:30,654
Mum? Mum, where're you going?
722
00:40:32,260 --> 00:40:35,730
Dad, Dad! You got to go find Mum.
723
00:40:35,820 --> 00:40:38,095
- Why?
- She's just acting weird.
724
00:40:38,180 --> 00:40:40,933
- The gun's gone missing.
- Which gun?
725
00:40:41,020 --> 00:40:45,411
The one in t'wardrobe.
You don't think she's gonna?
726
00:40:46,540 --> 00:40:48,178
She'd never do that.
727
00:40:49,380 --> 00:40:52,258
Shit!
728
00:40:52,340 --> 00:40:54,092
It's not that bad.
729
00:40:54,180 --> 00:40:58,219
He's just been chucked. He's gonna
get the piss ripped out of him.
730
00:40:58,300 --> 00:41:00,894
You've been an arsehole, Ian.
It is that bad.
731
00:41:00,980 --> 00:41:02,732
You told me someone fancied me.
732
00:41:02,820 --> 00:41:08,816
I followed it up. Hey, if I told you,
I don't know, Gaby Patterson fancied you,
733
00:41:08,900 --> 00:41:10,379
you'd be straight round.
734
00:41:10,460 --> 00:41:13,611
She's not a fucking teacher!
It's not cos you're gay, Ian,
735
00:41:13,700 --> 00:41:16,055
it's cos it's weird. It'd be the same
if Debbie went out with him.
736
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:18,415
No. That'd be worse.
737
00:41:18,500 --> 00:41:20,570
Debbie, I've just been in your room
738
00:41:20,660 --> 00:41:23,049
and I couldn't help but noticing your bed.
739
00:41:23,140 --> 00:41:26,098
You think you're getting my room?
Just try it.
740
00:41:26,180 --> 00:41:28,569
Cos your first night will be your last!
741
00:41:28,660 --> 00:41:31,299
I'll slit your throat!
You're never sleeping in my room!
742
00:41:31,380 --> 00:41:36,329
Never! Cos it's my room!
And you can't have it!
743
00:41:36,420 --> 00:41:39,014
I couldn't help noticing
your bed was broken.
744
00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:41,819
So I had thought we could get you
a new one out the catalogue.
745
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:46,416
- I've already ordered you new curtains.
- So you don't want my room?
746
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:48,297
No.
747
00:41:48,380 --> 00:41:52,851
Oh, OK, then, I'll have a new bed. Ta.
748
00:42:08,420 --> 00:42:10,570
There is a way out of it.
749
00:42:10,660 --> 00:42:12,730
And it solves all our problems.
750
00:42:12,820 --> 00:42:15,971
Fat bitch shoots you.
751
00:42:16,060 --> 00:42:17,618
I hold me hands up.
752
00:42:17,700 --> 00:42:22,330
A crime of passion.
You screwed me over years back
753
00:42:22,420 --> 00:42:24,297
and I've never got over it.
754
00:42:24,380 --> 00:42:27,099
Paddy isn't to blame,
755
00:42:27,180 --> 00:42:29,330
he gets to move on,
756
00:42:29,420 --> 00:42:32,617
without the hindrance of a wife
he no longer wants.
757
00:42:32,700 --> 00:42:36,295
Not many wives would do that
for their husbands.
758
00:42:36,380 --> 00:42:38,974
Always said I was one in a million,
didn't I?
759
00:42:39,060 --> 00:42:40,971
Put that down!
760
00:42:41,060 --> 00:42:43,972
Put... that... down!
761
00:42:47,100 --> 00:42:49,136
You trying to get me off the hook, are you?
762
00:42:49,220 --> 00:42:55,170
Shoot him and I'm an accessory.
We both go down. What's the plan now?
763
00:42:57,900 --> 00:42:59,697
CRIES
764
00:42:59,780 --> 00:43:01,816
How did this happen?
765
00:43:05,300 --> 00:43:07,814
It's totally fucking obvious I love you.
766
00:43:07,900 --> 00:43:12,291
- I don't want to be just friends.
- Neither do I.
767
00:43:12,380 --> 00:43:14,848
You're not seeing me!
768
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:19,650
Look at me!
How could you fancy me?!
769
00:43:19,740 --> 00:43:22,334
So you're carrying a bit of weight.
770
00:43:22,420 --> 00:43:24,172
Fuck, bollocks to that.
771
00:43:24,260 --> 00:43:26,694
I don't care!
772
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:33,653
I do fancy you.
773
00:43:37,100 --> 00:43:38,613
Fuck this.
774
00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:41,214
Look what he's done to us.
He's got to choke.
775
00:43:41,300 --> 00:43:46,090
- No. They'll kill you. I'll do it.
- And what will I do without you, huh?
776
00:43:48,460 --> 00:43:52,931
- You're my foundation.
- I'm doing it for you.
777
00:43:53,020 --> 00:43:54,612
I'm doing it for you.
778
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:57,692
MUMBLES
779
00:44:00,620 --> 00:44:04,169
- Don't let this madness ruin everything.
- I'm sorry.
780
00:44:04,260 --> 00:44:07,297
Christ, Mi-mo, me too.
781
00:44:07,380 --> 00:44:09,371
Come home.
782
00:44:21,660 --> 00:44:24,220
That the gun from the wardrobe?
783
00:44:24,300 --> 00:44:26,370
- Yeah.
- It's hot.
784
00:44:43,020 --> 00:44:45,454
Pull the trigger
and we're all going home.
785
00:44:45,540 --> 00:44:49,897
- You're framing me?
- Our protection.
786
00:44:49,980 --> 00:44:52,414
We're in shite if we kill you
and shite if we don't.
787
00:44:58,060 --> 00:45:02,975
Security guard had his ear
whacked off with that. Recent, too.
788
00:45:03,060 --> 00:45:05,255
After you got out.
789
00:45:05,340 --> 00:45:08,696
They'd be made up
to find your prints on it.
790
00:45:10,140 --> 00:45:13,894
Should be good for ten with your record.
Not that you'd blink.
791
00:45:13,980 --> 00:45:18,053
By the way,
what did you want to see me about?
792
00:45:19,860 --> 00:45:21,373
I'm retiring.
793
00:45:21,460 --> 00:45:23,735
Off to Cyprus.
794
00:45:23,820 --> 00:45:28,177
Wanted to sell you one of my patches
to go with the ones you've stole.
795
00:45:29,300 --> 00:45:31,814
Think I'll ask somebody else.
796
00:45:39,780 --> 00:45:41,008
All done.
797
00:45:41,100 --> 00:45:43,455
And no-one got hurt.
798
00:45:49,020 --> 00:45:51,773
Home.
799
00:46:00,420 --> 00:46:02,695
I'm sorry.
800
00:46:02,780 --> 00:46:05,010
That were totally fucking...
801
00:46:05,100 --> 00:46:07,170
I'm sorry!
802
00:46:14,140 --> 00:46:16,096
I didn't like being told what to do by you.
803
00:46:18,580 --> 00:46:20,855
I'm a dickhead. Will that do?
804
00:46:20,940 --> 00:46:22,612
Don't go overboard.
805
00:46:23,540 --> 00:46:25,178
Am I forgiven?
806
00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:26,329
You did tip me off about Gaby Patterson.
807
00:46:26,420 --> 00:46:28,217
How funny!
808
00:46:29,700 --> 00:46:31,258
What?
809
00:46:31,340 --> 00:46:32,693
You told me she fancied me.
810
00:46:32,780 --> 00:46:34,259
No. I used her as an example.
811
00:46:35,420 --> 00:46:36,853
No way!
812
00:46:38,980 --> 00:46:39,935
She let me feel her tits.
813
00:46:40,020 --> 00:46:42,488
- Nah!
- Straight off.
814
00:46:42,580 --> 00:46:44,855
- So did Mr Scott.
- Did he?!
815
00:46:45,700 --> 00:46:50,091
- Think she'll wank me off next week.
- Mr Scott would definitely wank me off.
816
00:46:52,620 --> 00:46:54,736
You'd better get it out.
He's here now.
817
00:46:54,820 --> 00:46:56,538
Quick. Hide!
818
00:46:58,780 --> 00:47:00,008
I thought you liked him.
819
00:47:00,100 --> 00:47:04,457
What? Course not. He's a teacher!
And he's hairier than a gibbon.
820
00:47:04,540 --> 00:47:06,531
(Carl) A gibbon!
821
00:47:13,540 --> 00:47:16,737
The first time
822
00:47:16,820 --> 00:47:21,689
Ever I saw your face
823
00:47:21,780 --> 00:47:24,977
I thought the sun
824
00:47:25,060 --> 00:47:29,815
Rose in my eyes.
825
00:47:31,860 --> 00:47:33,930
Don't.
826
00:47:35,260 --> 00:47:37,694
Just do me.
827
00:47:37,780 --> 00:47:39,896
Properly.
828
00:47:43,420 --> 00:47:45,376
Lead the way!
829
00:47:45,460 --> 00:47:47,530
THEY LAUGH
830
00:47:53,460 --> 00:47:57,135
(Frank) 'I'll tell you what's
really fucking heroic.
831
00:47:57,220 --> 00:48:00,257
'Waking up in the morning,
putting one foot in front of the other,
832
00:48:00,340 --> 00:48:05,130
'looking at the wife and kids
and not topping yourself.'
833
00:48:05,220 --> 00:48:09,054
Oh, my fucking hernia!
834
00:48:49,980 --> 00:48:52,369
Yeah! You're the first person
I've had back here.
835
00:48:52,460 --> 00:48:56,453
In fact, I've been a bit short recently.
I'm desperate for a shag.
836
00:48:56,540 --> 00:48:58,292
Yeah?
837
00:49:03,020 --> 00:49:05,818
Well, why don't we make
something of it, then?
838
00:49:10,940 --> 00:49:13,454
Haven't you got homework to mark?
839
00:49:13,540 --> 00:49:16,100
School day tomorrow, innit?
840
00:49:17,220 --> 00:49:19,290
Long holidays to plan?
841
00:49:23,140 --> 00:49:25,210
Go on, get it down you!
842
00:49:28,060 --> 00:49:30,016
WHOOPING
843
00:49:30,066 --> 00:49:34,616
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