All language subtitles for S05E15 The Man From The South

Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.

And welcome to the land of

$2 windows
and quarter horses.

Racing has been called
the sport of kings.

But, here at
the $2 window,

I have met
relatively few of them.

Well, apparently there is no
business like show business.

And speaking of shows,

we have one following
the next race.

The flag is up!

Those of you who wish
to bet may still do so.

Naturally, I can't give
you any tips.

But, there is one entry
that has been timed

at just one minute flat.

Ah, there he is now.

They are off and running.

A brandy, please.
A brandy? Yes, miss.

Thank you. I'll put it on myself.

So?

You should have that brandy
after breakfast, not before.

Listen, I don't mean to overstep
myself, but would you like

to join me
in a pot of coffee?

Why?

I'm not trying
to make a big deal out of it.

I just thought, if we
sat down at the table,

your shoe wouldn't have so far to fall.

Send the waiter
over, will you?

Oh, is that enough?

I think so, miss, especially
since you didn't drink it all.

Thank you.

Just coffee,
please.

Oh, why don't you
have some breakfast?

I've still got $1.86
left and uh,

a chip. But I need the chip for tonight.

Coffee will be fine. I
guess, it's gonna be coffee.

And, uh. Where'd you say you were from?

I didn't,

but the answer
is Moscow.

You are an awful lot to cope
with at 8:00 in the morning.

Moscow, Idaho, that is.

We're having some sort
of a cultural exchange

with the neighboring
state of Nevada.

They forgot to mention, it
was a 730 mile walk home.

Better eat this,
then, for energy.

Thank you.

May I, please?

Thank you.

You are both very nice and very young,

and you are
very kind.

Oh, I didn't have
any coffee yet myself.

I like the pleasant
company of young people.

Do you mind?

Another cup
of coffee, please,

and anything my young
friends might like to have.

Nothing, thank you.

You know, I have always liked
the informality of Vegas,

and you meet such
interesting people.

You new to
each other?

No, no, no. This is my aunt.
She is from Moscow, Idaho.

No, the only reason she
looks so sweet and sexy

is that she doesn't
have a care in the world.

Oh, look at that.

May I?

Oh, interesting lighter
you have. Excuse me?

The lighter. It's
interesting. It's efficient.

That's the best lighter
money can buy,

99 cents at your corner drugstore.

You see what I mean?
It never misses.

Never misses?

Never?

Well, I'm not
a firebug,

I never took a whole day off
to test a 99 cent lighter.

Bye now.

Wait, wait.

I don't want
you to go.

Suppose we make
a nice, nice bet on,

well, how efficient
is this lighter of yours

that you are
so proud of?

Now, look, mister. I didn't say
I want to wear it as a badge.

All I said was, it's a
good lighter and it works.

And would you bet
on that?

Ah, sure. I'll bet you it
lights three times out of three.

I'll, uh, bet you
a quarter.

Pardon me, folks.

But, I've got a
weakness for these

barroom propositions.
Mind if I listen in?

No, no, no.

It's a nice big bet I
had in mind for you, a bet

you could remember
all your life.

Look, mister.
I have got one chip.

And $1.86.

Now, $1.86
says it will work.

That's as high
as I go.

But, you don't
understand.

You see, I'm a very rich man

and I'm a
sporting man.

My car is
right outside.

It's a beautiful convertible.
It is this year's model.

What about it? Well, I'll
tell you what about it.

The car is part
of the bet.

But we'll go up
to my rooms, because

there is no wind. No draft

from opening and closing
doors, you understand.

Now, the bet
is really very simple.

If you can make this
celebrated lighter of yours

work for you ten times without missing...

Ten times in succession, mind you.

Then the car
is yours.

What do I put up, my spare set of pajamas?

No.

Look, I'm devoted
to gambling.

But, I have never asked anybody to
put up more than he can afford to lose.

Yeah? What,
for instance?

Oh, I'm going to make it easy for you.

Easy for you to win a car, I mean.

Is that all right?

I'm listening.
I like the easy part.

Well, I'm thinking
of some small thing,

that you could afford
to give away.

And if you lose? Why, you won't
have to feel so bad. Such as,

such as the little finger
on your left hand.

My what?

Is that
so strange?

He wins, he takes the car.
I win, I take his finger.

Is that so strange?
Wow!

I have been hanging around
barrooms half my life,

I never heard anything
like this before.

Isn't it fair?

Don't ask me.
Ask him.

Now, what do you mean, if I
lose, you "take" the finger?

How else?
I chop it off!

Let's get out of here.
No, no, no. Wait a minute.

Is it a bet?

I don't think so.

I see.

I understand.

I understand very easily. It must be

like I have been
reading so many times.

You know, that
the generation,

the young generation
grows soft.

That the starch is
leaving their spine.

You oughta tell that to the Boy
Scouts, but I guarantee you one thing.

If you go around the old
campfire, lopping off fingertips,

you're going to get thrown
out, right on your ear.

Is that so?
That's so.

I know it's crazy.
But, it's up to you.

This gentleman
here, if he would be

so kind, he could act as our referee.

Here are the keys to
the car. What do you say?

I don't really know.

Don't listen to him.

Now, let me
get this straight.

You want me to
go up to your room.

And if I light this
10 times in a row,

I get the convertible.

That's correct.
If I miss just once...

That's right.
Just once.

I forfeit the little
finger on my left hand.

Now, you understand.

Everything is perfectly correct. Except...

Except that I can see
you are afraid.

I wouldn't worry
about that.

As I said before. Let's get
away from this old bloody bloke.

Let's get out of here!
Relax, relax.

Now, just one
other thing.

I'd like to see the convertible. Hmm?

Of course, you'd like to see the car.

And I'll have drinks sent up to
the room just as soon as you say so.

Will you all
please follow me?

You coming?

Pardon me,

very careless
of someone, wasn't it?

Dracula's daughter,
no doubt.

Have her come in off the drain
pipe. She might catch cold.

Listen to me.

I don't know you very well, but
you could be a real nice guy.

Do you have to do
anything as crazy as this?

I like convertibles.

I think.

Be comfortable.

The drinks you ordered
from downstairs, sir.

Put it

right here.
On that table.

Yes, sir.

Anything
else, sir?

Yes, we want to
play a game.

Sort of a game.

A game?

Oh. Yes, sir.

Now, let's see. I need four things for it.

I need some nails.

Some nails. Yes, sir. A hammer.

A hammer.

Then I need a length
of good strong cord.

And a chopping knife.

A what, sir?

Chopping knife that you
can borrow from the kitchen.

A real chopping knife?

A butcher's chopping knife.
It's part of the game.

I mean, that might not
be too easy, sir.

They're gonna ask why.

They'll probably say...

Well, they'll say a chopping knife
don't go too good with martinis.

You're not going to tell me that at half
past eight in the morning there will be a chef

to ask many questions,
will there?

Well.

No, sir.

Oh, uh!

Before we start.
I'd like to present

the referee with the keys to the car.

The registration papers
and the insurance papers,

they are right in the
glove compartment. Fair?

Fair?

You sure you wanna
go through with this?

Well, you'll pardon
a bad joke but, uh...

It's no skin
off me.

Yeah, I wanna go
through with it.

Hello, stupid.

Hey!

Things are looking up.

You got enough
fluid in that thing?

Yeah, I think so.
Cotton's still wet.

I think it'll be better to leave it this
way than to flood it with lighter fluid.

Wick's okay.

And...

Flint's all right.

Save it for the World Series. Do you mind?

What's he doing?

That's fine.
Thank you, very much.

The monster! You'd think he'd just
blown out the candles on a birthday cake.

Over here, please.

Just for size,
if you don't mind.

What? I want your left hand.

To measure it.

I think you
better sit down.

That's it. You may take
your hand away now.

It took some sleight of hand in
the kitchen for that meat ax, sir.

But the other things,
I had no trouble with.

I think I need
another drink.

Everything is fine.

Just what the doctor
ordered, huh?

Doctor?

Who said anything
about a doctor?

Oh, no!
All I meant was...

This is all fine. I'll call
for you when I need you.

And, see that
we are not disturbed.

It's a private game.
Oh, yes, sir.

I think, I think
we are in business.

Sit down, please.

Now, you understand...

You put your hand
between the nails.

That's right.

Can I have another drink, please?

How is that? Good?

Oh, yeah, fine.
Real snug.

It's the greatest thing since
the invention of the rat trap.

Here you are.
Many thanks.

Now, will you please
clench your fist.

That's fine.

Just fine.

Except, that the little
finger should be sticking out.

Alone.

Mr. Referee, you can
give the word to begin.

Well?

You're ready?

Mmm-hmm.

How about you?

I'm ready.

You mind
keeping count?

Let me know how many
times I light this thing?

Yeah, sure.
I'll do that.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

You all right?

I'll be all right,
until you miss.

Five.

Well, you're
halfway home.

Six.

Seven.

Carlos!

Carlos.

Give it to me, Carlos.
Give it to me now.

Why, Carlos? Why would
you do this thing again?

I just wanted to
make a little bet.

I'm sorry.

I am so terribly sorry
this should happen again.

I went to Los Angeles yesterday.

But, I knew, I should not leave him alone.

And I took the first plane
back I could get.

Oh, Carlos.

You should be ashamed.

He is a menace,
of course.

In the islands,
where we used to live,

he took
47 fingers

from different people.

And he lost
11 cars.

It was when they threatened to have him
put away, that we finally moved up here.

How foolish and reckless
young people can be.

Just trying to prove
they are brave.

Yeah, I guess it's
one of those things.

Did he bet you a car?

That's right.

A convertible.
He has no car.

The car is mine,
and he knows it is mine.

That is what makes
it so contemptible.

That he should bet
with what he does not own.

With all his talk
of sportsmanship.

And you?

Me? I just came
along for the ride.

I'm supposed
to be the referee.

I'm glad you came along
when you did though.

Here are the keys
to your car.

Thank you.

No.

He had nothing to bet with, I assure you.

Not one thing
in this world,

because I managed
to win it all.

It took a long time.

And it was
very hard work,

but I won it
all in the end.

Now you know how Venus De
Milo got the way she is.

By the time the poor old
girl won an automobile,

it was impossible
for her to drive it.

Of late there has been a great
deal of talk about pay television.

Actually, most of us
already have it.

And here is the gentleman
who makes us pay.

I'm not sure
what to say.

That last commercial left
me completely underwhelmed.

Perhaps, I should simply bid you adieu

until next week.

When my, um,

sponsor and I

shall return
with another story.

Good night.