Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,133 --> 00:00:01,336
Look, I'm probably
not gonna live long enough
2
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:02,403
to teach you everything
you need to know,
3
00:00:02,438 --> 00:00:04,605
so let's just run through
a couple things real fast.
4
00:00:04,639 --> 00:00:06,708
Number one, I need you to treat
women with respect always.
5
00:00:06,741 --> 00:00:09,242
Even if you think
you're right, be respectful.
6
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:11,645
Number two, don't mix
white and dark liquor.
7
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:13,447
That's how you end up
in the back of a police car.
8
00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,582
Speaking of which,
get you a white friend.
9
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,385
Black men with white friends
are 38% less likely
10
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,754
to be shot by the police.
11
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,558
Are you listening?
12
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:25,793
You just gonna stare at me.
13
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,794
(baby cooing)
14
00:00:27,829 --> 00:00:29,564
You just gonna stare.
That's what you're gonna do?
15
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,337
This is serious stuff, man.
16
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,038
I'm gonna put this
on video for you,
17
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:39,474
and when you're old enough,
18
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,309
you come back
and watch it, deal?
19
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,709
All right, deal.
20
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,444
(audience cheering)
21
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:45,712
Thank you,
Frederick Douglass.
22
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,886
(cheers and applause)
23
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:26,921
But if we get rid
of the Confederate flag...
24
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,856
(laughter)
25
00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:29,924
(man)
Yeah!
26
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,559
...how am I gonna know
27
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,428
who the dangerous
white people are?
28
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:38,433
I'm just saying, the flag had
a couple upsides.
29
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:40,067
Let's just be real about it.
30
00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,436
I ain't saying keep it around,
but I grew up in the South.
31
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:43,603
I can't tell you
how many times
32
00:01:43,638 --> 00:01:45,972
the Confederate flag
came in handy.
33
00:01:46,007 --> 00:01:48,675
You stopping for gas
at a strange place
34
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,011
at 2:00 in the morning,
you see that flag
35
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:51,745
hanging from the window,
36
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,382
you know this is
not the place to get gas.
37
00:01:56,751 --> 00:01:58,486
And you keep it moving.
38
00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:04,124
What's the rush
to get rid of the flag?
39
00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:05,727
Especially if you white.
40
00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,627
If you white, you should
want to keep the flag
41
00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,464
for a little while longer
so at least black folks
42
00:02:09,496 --> 00:02:12,032
will know you cool.
43
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,800
'Cause if you white
and you not an asshole,
44
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,436
that's the one thing
that helps us identify you.
45
00:02:16,471 --> 00:02:19,974
You get rid of that flag,
we'll be-- Mm-mmm.
46
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,375
We got to figure out
a way to know
47
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:22,844
who the cool white people--
48
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,112
Cool white people, we just
got to start giving y'all
49
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,013
wristbands or handstamps.
50
00:02:27,048 --> 00:02:31,618
Just something you can show
in a dark alley...
51
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,820
let us know you down
with the struggle.
52
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,689
That'd be cool.
53
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:36,089
"Give me your money,
white dude!"
54
00:02:36,124 --> 00:02:39,793
Like, "Whoa, ahh, ahh, ahh!"
55
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,929
"I'm so sorry,
come on through.
56
00:02:42,964 --> 00:02:44,599
"Come-- come on through.
57
00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,933
"No, they got
the wristbands, they good.
58
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,468
"Listen,
put this wristband on.
59
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,903
"This one over here, like--
60
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:52,606
In case it go down, you wanna
have that wristband on."
61
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,075
Folks talking about they wear
the Confederate flag,
62
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,810
they ain't racist.
63
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,811
That's fine, just know
that it's a dark alley.
64
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:01,681
I ain't got time
to ask you no questions.
65
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,851
I see that flag.
It just is what it is.
66
00:03:04,886 --> 00:03:07,187
You wear a particular garment,
you just got to accept the fact
67
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,056
that you are gonna be
assumed to be part
68
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,690
of a particular organization.
69
00:03:10,725 --> 00:03:12,793
That's just what it is.
70
00:03:12,827 --> 00:03:14,796
I love the color blue.
I love wearing blue.
71
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:19,666
But the Crips have
informed me...
72
00:03:19,701 --> 00:03:23,004
that maybe I shouldn't
wear blue all the time.
73
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,839
'Cause the gangs
don't mess around.
74
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,174
They still don't want you
wearing they colors.
75
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,976
You can't wear the blue,
which make me mad.
76
00:03:29,010 --> 00:03:30,745
Damn, brother,
I'm 38 years old.
77
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:33,147
At what point can I wear blue
again, sir?
78
00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,918
You know, I obeyed
all the gang rules in my 20s.
79
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,721
I didn't wear your colors,
but I'm grown.
80
00:03:39,754 --> 00:03:41,656
At this point, if I want to
put on a blue shirt,
81
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:43,224
I should be able to put on
a blue shirt
82
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,159
if I want a blue shirt.
83
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,161
But they don't do that.
The Crips get in your face.
84
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:48,696
Yeah, mother--
What hood you claiming, boy?
85
00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:49,930
What hood you--
86
00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:53,034
Sir, I'm claiming
adulthood, okay?
87
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,536
That's my hood.
88
00:03:55,570 --> 00:03:57,505
That--
89
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,111
And I had a blazer on.
That's what made it so bad.
90
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:05,746
I had a blazer on
on top of my blue shirt.
91
00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,148
What make you think I'm--
92
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:10,184
What gang you know
put a blazer on
93
00:04:10,218 --> 00:04:11,585
before they start murdering?
94
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,019
Who you know?
95
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:16,022
Even if I am a Crip,
obviously, I'm a supervisor.
96
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:20,161
You're out of line.
97
00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:23,630
I will write your ass up.
98
00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:24,865
Atlanta, what's going on?
99
00:04:24,899 --> 00:04:26,700
How y'all doing, man?
Y'all good?
100
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:28,969
(cheers and applause)
101
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,738
Yeah, yeah.
102
00:04:30,772 --> 00:04:32,507
Thank you a lot, man.
103
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:34,709
Love the South, man.
I'm from Birmingham, man.
104
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:37,077
It's good to...
(cheers and applause)
105
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:40,548
Birmingham in here.
106
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,849
Yeah, yeah, Birmingham in here.
107
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,685
I love the South, man.
108
00:04:44,719 --> 00:04:46,053
You know, South,
we got some tension.
109
00:04:46,087 --> 00:04:47,988
We got our issues, you know.
110
00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:50,690
I talked to my uncle about it.
You know, my uncle.
111
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,993
"First thing we need to do
is get rid of the N-word."
112
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,762
My uncle don't like
the N-word, my Uncle Derek.
113
00:04:54,796 --> 00:04:56,130
Hate the N-word,
be trying to--
114
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,899
My uncle trying to quit
the N-word
115
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,099
the way people try to quit
cigarettes,
116
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,670
a little bit at a time.
117
00:05:02,704 --> 00:05:04,072
It's a word.
Ain't no cravings.
118
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,839
Either you say it
or you don't.
119
00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,577
My uncle be calling me
every week with updates.
120
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,813
"I only said it four times
this week.
121
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,548
"Mm-hmm.
122
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,284
"Only said that four times.
123
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:18,618
"Now, Sunday's my cheat day,
'cause I watch football.
124
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:21,688
"I got to say it.
I got to say it on Sunday.
125
00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:24,224
"Grown man drop a first down,
I got to call him the N-word.
126
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:26,728
That's just what it is."
127
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,995
And this is my thing
with the N-word, like--
128
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,931
Like, at this point,
black folks, like, if we trying
129
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:32,966
to get stuff done politically
in this country--
130
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,837
We inching, we doing,
we inching, we inching,
131
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,805
but at this point,
I think it's time for us
132
00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,240
to schedule a meeting
with gay people,
133
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:42,276
'cause gay people get
way more shit done than us.
134
00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:44,144
(applause)
135
00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:47,248
They don't mess around.
136
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:50,851
Gay people shut shit down.
137
00:05:50,885 --> 00:05:52,353
They want something
to go away, it's gone.
138
00:05:52,387 --> 00:05:53,954
They don't fool around, man.
139
00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:55,255
Every week,
it's five, six new words
140
00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,291
you can't call gay people.
141
00:05:59,861 --> 00:06:03,330
Black folks, we've been working
on the N-word since 1804.
142
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,668
We can't get one word
out the American vocabulary.
143
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:12,005
Gay people up to 37 words.
144
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:15,610
We need to go to Panera and have
a meeting with gay people,
145
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:18,279
and have a soup and salad
and figure this out.
146
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:22,784
Yeah, that's how you
figure out your issues,
147
00:06:22,817 --> 00:06:24,752
over soup and salad.
148
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,723
You can't even say "gay"
no more.
149
00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:31,024
That's how good gay people are.
150
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,394
The only word left to
address gay people by.
151
00:06:33,428 --> 00:06:35,062
You better not fumble
that word in a sentence.
152
00:06:35,096 --> 00:06:37,899
That's your ass.
153
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,933
You use "gay"
in the wrong context at work
154
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,704
and see if you don't have to
go talk to Sylvia in HR.
155
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,209
HR be on your ass immediately
156
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,745
'cause you mumbled "gay"
one time the wrong way.
157
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:52,714
You was by yourself
when you said the shit
158
00:06:52,747 --> 00:06:55,082
and you still got in trouble.
159
00:06:55,115 --> 00:06:57,017
It's not like you was walking
through the cubicles
160
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,387
telling gay jokes,
you was...
161
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,055
You was in the break room,
you was alone,
162
00:07:01,089 --> 00:07:04,825
and your chips got stuck
and you cussed.
163
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,728
That don't mean you a bad
person, you was just hungry.
164
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,663
You say anything
when you're hungry.
165
00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,399
Every man in this room,
we've all been through it.
166
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,834
Them chips get stuck
at the top of the machine,
167
00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:16,236
and you try to jostle
the machine a little bit.
168
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,906
Them chips don't fall, ain't
nobody got change for a dollar,
169
00:07:18,940 --> 00:07:22,075
so you can buy two packs,
so you gotta shake...
170
00:07:22,110 --> 00:07:25,046
"Give me the chips,
you gay-ass machine!"
171
00:07:25,079 --> 00:07:30,084
"Sylvia, line two.
Sylvia, line two.
172
00:07:30,118 --> 00:07:33,721
Security to the break room,
security to the break room."
173
00:07:33,755 --> 00:07:34,955
And that's it
and you gone
174
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:38,392
'cause you called
some chips gay.
175
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,962
But that's the power
of the gay agenda.
176
00:07:40,995 --> 00:07:43,865
They figured out a way to
influence the political process
177
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:45,298
of this country
to make sure that their issues
178
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:46,733
are at least heard.
179
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:48,336
Even if people don't get
the bills passed,
180
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,038
they at least listen to 'em,
181
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,005
and that's what I'm trying
to tell my uncle.
182
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,341
You don't like
the N-word, man,
183
00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,409
you wanna get rid
of the N-word,
184
00:07:54,442 --> 00:07:55,942
this all you gotta do.
185
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,445
Start calling
gay people --.
186
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,414
(laughter and applause)
187
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,786
It'll be gone tomorrow.
188
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:12,426
Listen, I don't like it
either, all right,
189
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:15,897
but that's the best idea
I got right now, okay?
190
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,431
At least that's what
I'm gonna teach my son.
191
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:20,334
I'm a father figure.
I got to show him the right way.
192
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,740
They try to divide us
on television, you know.
193
00:08:28,242 --> 00:08:30,911
But there's a lot of people
that aren't black
194
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:34,515
that's standing on the right
side of issues that affect us.
195
00:08:34,549 --> 00:08:36,117
I appreciate those folks,
you know.
196
00:08:36,150 --> 00:08:37,819
(applause)
197
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:39,720
They don't get
highlighted enough.
198
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,059
There's plenty
of people out there
199
00:08:45,093 --> 00:08:46,160
that care about black stuff.
200
00:08:46,194 --> 00:08:47,862
I done seen 'em, man.
201
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,329
I went to-- I went to
a black history museum,
202
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:53,233
I had a white tour guide.
203
00:08:53,267 --> 00:08:57,537
Hey, it threw me off
for a second.
204
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:59,239
I turned to the brother
that was on the tour with me,
205
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:04,011
I was like, "Is this the dude?
He's gonna do it?"
206
00:09:04,045 --> 00:09:05,546
It was a white dude,
it was a white dude
207
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:09,182
telling me about my shit.
208
00:09:09,217 --> 00:09:12,219
And he was good!
209
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,421
Yeah, I was trying to
hate on him.
210
00:09:13,454 --> 00:09:14,921
By the end of the tour,
I was like,
211
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,257
"Yo, bro, you did
your thing, man.
212
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:18,392
"Straight up, fam,
you do what you do.
213
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:19,861
"Hey, real quick,
let me give you
214
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,095
"one of these wristbands
real quick.
215
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:25,299
"Yeah, put that on.
216
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:27,834
In case it go down, you want
to wear that wristband."
217
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,938
Mm-hmm.
218
00:09:30,972 --> 00:09:31,671
You gotta respect
a white person
219
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:34,441
work at
a black history museum.
220
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,444
You gotta respect that.
That was a choice.
221
00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:40,580
He white.
He could work anywhere.
222
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:44,451
He chose
a black history museum.
223
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:49,589
You know that job interview
was a son of a bitch.
224
00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:52,926
How many extra questions
did he have to answer?
225
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,328
'Cause you black and old,
226
00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:56,229
it ain't shit to work
at a civil rights museum.
227
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,800
You just walk in,
"Uh, that's me on the picture."
228
00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:05,305
What you filling
out paperwork for?
229
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:08,475
You on the wall.
230
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,311
But if you white, you know
they just grilling that dude,
231
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,314
asking him all kinds
of questions that ain't had
232
00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:16,316
nothing to with black history,
all in that dude face.
233
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,419
"Your paperwork looks good,
everything checks out.
234
00:10:18,453 --> 00:10:21,321
"Real quick, uh,
235
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:24,459
at what temperature
do you deep-fry catfish?"
236
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,532
"Mm-hmm.
237
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:34,102
"350?
238
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,503
That's what--
Okay, that's... 350."
239
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,439
(chuckles)
240
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,946
I know some folks
got a problem with that.
241
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,081
You don't want a white person
at a black history museum,
242
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,384
I understand that.
Here's the thing.
243
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,052
I'm not saying they're better
than a black tour guide.
244
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,155
I think a black tour guide
at a civil rights museum,
245
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:56,590
I think they're better equipped
to speak on the experience,
246
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:58,325
because they might've
lived that life,
247
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,427
they can speak to certain
exhibits from a perspective
248
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,028
that nobody else can.
249
00:11:02,063 --> 00:11:04,331
I just think if you go
to a black history museum
250
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:07,300
and you got a black tour guide,
you need to go in the morning
251
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,270
while he's still
in a good mood.
252
00:11:13,074 --> 00:11:16,276
'Cause that brother
is stressed.
253
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:20,580
You can't walk around slavery
all day for eight hours
254
00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:22,282
and not cuss at somebody.
255
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,185
(cheers and applause)
256
00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:28,055
Somebody getting cussed.
257
00:11:28,089 --> 00:11:29,623
You gotta catch him
at 9:00 a.m.
258
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:30,657
He just finished
that McGriddle.
259
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,326
"How y'all doing?
260
00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:35,363
"My name is Charles,
it's my pleasure
261
00:11:35,396 --> 00:11:36,696
"to take you on this journey.
262
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,999
"Look at these exhibits
right here.
263
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,568
"Black history
is American history.
264
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,637
Come look at the exhibits."
265
00:11:42,670 --> 00:11:44,604
You think that brother gonna
be in a good mood at 4:30,
266
00:11:44,638 --> 00:11:48,075
he been staring at slavery?
267
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,377
That dude liable
to cuss out everybody.
268
00:11:50,411 --> 00:11:51,579
"Look at this shit!
269
00:11:51,612 --> 00:11:53,948
"Come look what you
done to us!
270
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:57,285
"Come look
what you done to us!
271
00:11:57,318 --> 00:11:58,685
"Look what you--
272
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,522
Get your ass out my museum, --!"
273
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,026
You go to the gift shop,
it's just people crying.
274
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,228
That's horrible.
275
00:12:08,262 --> 00:12:09,997
That's scary.
276
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,671
My thing is this, man,
it don't matter--
277
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,373
We may not agree
on the problems,
278
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,708
we might not agree
on the solutions,
279
00:12:20,742 --> 00:12:23,210
but we gotta agree
that something's wrong.
280
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,512
Something's wrong in America,
you know?
281
00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:27,482
(applause)
282
00:12:31,118 --> 00:12:33,054
Something is
definitely wrong.
283
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,757
There's black people standing
on the freeway.
284
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:39,560
That is not normal
black behavior.
285
00:12:39,594 --> 00:12:42,430
That is a byproduct
of a desperate situation
286
00:12:42,463 --> 00:12:45,333
where you're trying to
bring attention to an issue.
287
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:48,301
That-- these protests
happen fast, man.
288
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,537
Injustice happens fast,
so the demand for justice
289
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,272
has to be even quicker,
and I get it.
290
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:53,708
That's the thing
with being black now.
291
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,277
These protests happen anytime.
They catch you off guard.
292
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,445
You gotta be ready.
293
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,748
I was at Red Lobster
in New York.
294
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,184
You know, I'm just chilling,
295
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:06,586
I'm eating a Cheddar Bay
Biscuit, good day.
296
00:13:06,621 --> 00:13:08,555
I come out the door,
it's a wave of black people
297
00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:10,791
coming down the street.
298
00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:12,426
And this the thing
with being black, man.
299
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:15,430
Like, if you see a bunch
of black people protesting,
300
00:13:15,463 --> 00:13:18,031
you are now also protesting.
301
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,170
That's just it.
302
00:13:22,203 --> 00:13:23,438
I don't know what you had
planned today,
303
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,641
but you walking,
you just got to merge in.
304
00:13:26,674 --> 00:13:28,342
Soon as I came out
of Red Lobster,
305
00:13:28,376 --> 00:13:29,576
this dude was in my face.
306
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:30,744
"Is you with us, brother?!"
307
00:13:30,777 --> 00:13:32,280
I was like, yeah, I went in
308
00:13:32,313 --> 00:13:33,147
to get y'all
some Cheddar Bays there.
309
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,749
Eat the biscuit!
310
00:13:35,782 --> 00:13:37,618
Get you one of them
biscuits, man.
311
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,320
We got a long way to walk.
312
00:13:39,353 --> 00:13:41,455
You gotta have
your simple starch.
313
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:50,598
Protests happen fast, boy.
314
00:13:50,631 --> 00:13:52,200
Them protests happen fast.
315
00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:53,800
You know when that stuff
first started happening,
316
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,170
you know somebody got fired.
317
00:13:56,204 --> 00:13:57,372
Somebody lost
their job 'cause of that.
318
00:13:57,405 --> 00:13:59,640
'Cause that's such
a radical way
319
00:13:59,674 --> 00:14:02,844
to express displeasure
with a--
320
00:14:02,877 --> 00:14:05,780
with a broken system,
you know?
321
00:14:05,813 --> 00:14:07,614
To literally just walk down
322
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,184
the -- on-ramp
of a freeway.
323
00:14:10,218 --> 00:14:11,518
That's not normal.
324
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,521
Like, that's so crazy,
like, I guarantee you,
325
00:14:13,554 --> 00:14:14,722
when all this freeway stuff
started happening,
326
00:14:14,756 --> 00:14:16,824
I guarantee you some people
lost their job,
327
00:14:16,858 --> 00:14:18,191
'cause their boss
didn't believe 'em.
328
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,761
Ain't no way
your boss believed you
329
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:22,229
when you said it was a wall
of black folks on the freeway.
330
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,535
That's outrageous.
331
00:14:27,568 --> 00:14:30,438
I guarantee you,
somebody lost their job.
332
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,239
Somebody had to go in--
they had to go in and explain
333
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,675
to they boss
a wall of Negroes.
334
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,413
"You're late again, Turner!
What's your excuse this time?"
335
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:43,251
"Sir, you're not gonna
believe this shit here.
336
00:14:43,284 --> 00:14:46,119
It was a wall of Negroes
up on the freeway."
337
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,788
"That's not how black people
protest, Turner!
338
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:50,425
Get the hell out of my office!"
339
00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:52,426
That's not the worst part.
340
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,429
The worst part is that--
that dude got fired,
341
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,263
then he had to go
to the new job
342
00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:59,566
and put down reason
for leaving the old job.
343
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,169
There isn't enough room
in that application.
344
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:01,902
There isn't
enough room to write in
345
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:03,503
"and a wave of black people."
346
00:15:03,537 --> 00:15:06,239
You can't write that in.
347
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:07,340
"So I'm looking
at your paperwork here.
348
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:10,310
"It says that you, uh...
349
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:13,881
"You had an issue with being
on time at your last job.
350
00:15:13,915 --> 00:15:15,215
"You care to share with me
why you were late
351
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,417
at your last job?"
352
00:15:17,451 --> 00:15:20,722
(exhales)
353
00:15:20,754 --> 00:15:24,725
"You ain't gonna believe
this shit here.
354
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:28,228
There was a wave of Negroes
on the freeway."
355
00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:29,629
"Okay, and how did--
How did that--
356
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,599
How did that style
of protest make you feel?"
357
00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:33,734
"Well, I tell you
how it made me feel.
358
00:15:33,767 --> 00:15:35,536
"It was a little inconvenient,
but at the end of the day,
359
00:15:35,570 --> 00:15:37,704
"as a society,
we should focus more
360
00:15:37,738 --> 00:15:39,239
"on what people protest
361
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,541
instead of how
people protest."
362
00:15:41,575 --> 00:15:43,945
"Mmm, I couldn't agree
with you more.
363
00:15:43,978 --> 00:15:46,948
"Couldn't agree with you more.
364
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,782
"Tell you what.
You're hired.
365
00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:50,618
Welcome to
the Black History Museum."
366
00:15:50,651 --> 00:15:52,853
(applause)
367
00:15:52,887 --> 00:15:56,290
"Welcome aboard.
368
00:15:56,324 --> 00:15:58,258
You're on the team."
369
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,900
Something's wrong, man.
370
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:08,502
Just don't be one of these
people that's surprised
371
00:16:08,536 --> 00:16:10,371
that black folks got issues.
372
00:16:10,405 --> 00:16:12,205
Them the people
I can't deal with.
373
00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,840
I'd rather talk to somebody
that don't agree with me
374
00:16:13,874 --> 00:16:16,411
than somebody that's had
they eyes closed.
375
00:16:16,444 --> 00:16:18,345
"Hey, did you know
black people--
376
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,847
Why are black people angry?"
377
00:16:19,881 --> 00:16:22,617
--, we been angry.
378
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:25,319
This ain't new.
379
00:16:25,353 --> 00:16:27,387
You think this just happened
last couple of years?
380
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,390
Black folks been trying to
tell y'all forever
381
00:16:29,424 --> 00:16:31,291
that they had some issues
and we sat--
382
00:16:31,325 --> 00:16:33,594
We invented the blues!
383
00:16:33,627 --> 00:16:35,363
(laughter and applause)
384
00:16:37,732 --> 00:16:39,767
What more of a sign
did you need?
385
00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:45,540
We literally invented
an entire genre of music
386
00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:49,243
based on sadness,
that's how sad we were.
387
00:16:49,276 --> 00:16:50,677
And we--
the blues was created here.
388
00:16:50,711 --> 00:16:52,379
That is
an American art form.
389
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,449
That is not native African--
390
00:16:54,482 --> 00:16:56,316
Go listen
to old African music.
391
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,618
The shit is happy
'cause we was free.
392
00:16:58,652 --> 00:17:00,655
(cheers and applause)
393
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:01,988
Go back.
394
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,524
Every old African song.
395
00:17:03,557 --> 00:17:04,991
♪ We have freedom
in Africa ♪
396
00:17:05,026 --> 00:17:06,494
♪ Freedom in Africa
397
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:10,331
♪ Freedom, got freedom
in Africa ♪
398
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,498
Soon as we got off
the slave ship.
399
00:17:11,532 --> 00:17:13,834
(imitating blues guitar)
400
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,603
(imitating harmonica)
401
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,909
We've been sad.
402
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:28,282
How the hell
are you surprised?
403
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:31,552
"Yeah, but,
they're not patriotic.
404
00:17:31,585 --> 00:17:34,389
"Black people don't like
the national anthem anymore.
405
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:38,359
What is..."
406
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:39,760
That ain't no shock
to you, man.
407
00:17:39,794 --> 00:17:41,027
(woman)
That's right.
408
00:17:41,062 --> 00:17:41,996
You wanna know
what black folks feeling?
409
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:43,730
Just listen to their music.
410
00:17:43,765 --> 00:17:44,998
Our music tell you
everything that's going on
411
00:17:45,032 --> 00:17:46,334
in the black psyche.
412
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:48,835
It's a beautiful...
telegram.
413
00:17:48,870 --> 00:17:50,872
(applause)
414
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:53,373
And nowhere in the history
of black music
415
00:17:53,408 --> 00:17:55,776
is there
a hit patriotic song.
416
00:17:59,113 --> 00:18:01,315
That ain't what we do.
417
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,883
I mean, we'll cover a song,
but, like,
418
00:18:02,917 --> 00:18:04,751
we don't write
no original patriotic songs.
419
00:18:04,786 --> 00:18:06,586
Black artists ain't never--
420
00:18:06,621 --> 00:18:08,523
'Cause we got a conflicted
relationship with the country.
421
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,924
You can't write
no honest patriotic song.
422
00:18:10,958 --> 00:18:12,427
You gotta leave that
to white artists.
423
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:16,029
They done had a good time.
424
00:18:16,064 --> 00:18:17,664
You had a good time
in America,
425
00:18:17,698 --> 00:18:19,600
you damn right you should be
writing a patriotic--
426
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:22,703
♪ And I'm proud to be
an American ♪
427
00:18:22,737 --> 00:18:25,873
♪ Where at least
I know I'm free ♪
428
00:18:25,907 --> 00:18:27,542
(cheers and laughter)
429
00:18:27,575 --> 00:18:29,643
They be serious.
430
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,348
You couldn't possibly expect
that level of patriotism
431
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:38,686
from a race of people that have
had so many issues, you can't.
432
00:18:38,719 --> 00:18:40,921
It's not realistic.
Black people don't--
433
00:18:40,955 --> 00:18:42,757
We don't sing about America.
434
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,892
We sing
about specific cities
435
00:18:44,926 --> 00:18:46,728
where you can have
a good-ass time.
436
00:18:49,096 --> 00:18:51,098
That's what we do.
437
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,736
We don't talk about
the country.
438
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:55,902
We can tell you
where the party at, though.
439
00:18:55,937 --> 00:18:57,772
We can do that.
440
00:18:57,805 --> 00:18:58,972
Look, I can't tell you
nothing about America,
441
00:18:59,006 --> 00:19:00,674
but let me tell you about
the city where the heat is on
442
00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:04,144
all night on the beach
'til the early morn.
443
00:19:04,178 --> 00:19:07,681
Welcome to Miami,
that's where you got to go.
444
00:19:07,715 --> 00:19:09,484
You ever been to California?
445
00:19:09,517 --> 00:19:11,451
Oh, my God, boy, you got to
go down to California, boy.
446
00:19:11,486 --> 00:19:14,756
Boy, California knows
how to party.
447
00:19:14,788 --> 00:19:16,958
The city of L.A.,
the city of good ol' Watts
448
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,526
and the city of Compton.
449
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,826
They keep it rockin'.
450
00:19:19,861 --> 00:19:21,996
Write that shit down,
I'm trying to tell you.
451
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:24,431
They keep it rockin'.
452
00:19:26,867 --> 00:19:31,072
Black people don't do
patriotism.
453
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:32,707
Maybe "Georgia on My Mind."
454
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,142
That's the closest
we probably come.
455
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,776
Maybe that, maybe that.
456
00:19:35,809 --> 00:19:37,577
That's a good song, it's warm,
it's about the country.
457
00:19:37,612 --> 00:19:39,814
Ray Charles,
"Georgia on My Mind," good song.
458
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:43,116
But... the key word
in that song
459
00:19:43,151 --> 00:19:46,988
is "on my mind."
460
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:51,659
Ray Charles was just thinking
about Georgia.
461
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:55,830
He didn't tell you
to go there.
462
00:19:55,863 --> 00:19:57,498
Georgia's like every other
part of the South.
463
00:19:57,532 --> 00:20:01,169
It's got some pockets you
should not be in after dark.
464
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,504
If you'd have asked
Ray Charles to be more specific
465
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,440
on where in Georgia to go,
466
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,142
he'd have said to go to Atlanta
where the players play
467
00:20:08,176 --> 00:20:11,879
and they ride in them thangs
like every day.
468
00:20:11,912 --> 00:20:15,749
(cheers and applause)
469
00:20:15,783 --> 00:20:17,517
(chuckles)
470
00:20:22,256 --> 00:20:25,826
My Uncle Derek tried to
shut me down on that one.
471
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:28,863
"What about James Brown
'Livin' in America'?
472
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,467
"That's patriotic, James Brown
singing about America.
473
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:34,201
It's original and he black."
474
00:20:34,235 --> 00:20:37,904
♪ Livin' in America
475
00:20:37,939 --> 00:20:39,239
♪ Eye to eye
476
00:20:39,273 --> 00:20:42,110
♪ Livin' in...
477
00:20:42,142 --> 00:20:44,010
It's a good song,
but keep it real, man.
478
00:20:44,045 --> 00:20:46,080
James Brown wrote that song
for "Rocky IV,"
479
00:20:46,113 --> 00:20:47,748
and as soon
as he finished singing it,
480
00:20:47,782 --> 00:20:49,517
Apollo Creed
died in the ring.
481
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:52,819
It's a sad song.
482
00:20:52,853 --> 00:20:56,623
It's a sad song.
483
00:20:56,657 --> 00:20:58,258
How can you hear "Livin' in
America" and not think about
484
00:20:58,292 --> 00:21:02,028
Apollo Creed just falling
lifeless to the--
485
00:21:02,063 --> 00:21:04,532
Michael B. Jordan
lost his daddy that day.
486
00:21:14,709 --> 00:21:18,011
If anything, "Livin'
in America" is not patriotic.
487
00:21:18,046 --> 00:21:19,180
It's the opposite.
488
00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,015
It's a secret message
to black people.
489
00:21:21,048 --> 00:21:23,817
James Brown is one of
the most masterful musicians
490
00:21:23,851 --> 00:21:25,886
to ever walk this earth, dude.
491
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:27,188
It's a brilliant song.
492
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,590
(cheers and applause)
493
00:21:29,623 --> 00:21:30,792
That song ain't got nothing
to do with America.
494
00:21:30,825 --> 00:21:32,593
That entire song,
"Livin' in America"
495
00:21:32,626 --> 00:21:35,063
is a secret message
to black folks.
496
00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:36,631
All you gotta do, listen
to the end of the song.
497
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:37,998
Very end
of "Livin' in America,"
498
00:21:38,032 --> 00:21:42,135
all James Brown do is just
start naming cities.
499
00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:43,304
That's it, end of the song.
500
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:45,672
♪ Livin' in America
501
00:21:45,707 --> 00:21:47,575
♪ New Orleans,
Detroit City ♪
502
00:21:47,607 --> 00:21:48,976
♪ Dallas, Pittsburgh
503
00:21:49,009 --> 00:21:50,611
♪ Kansas City, Atlanta
504
00:21:50,644 --> 00:21:52,846
He just naming safe places
for black folks.
505
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,049
That's-- that's it.
506
00:21:56,084 --> 00:22:00,121
That's all he did!
507
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:02,289
He wrote a song about America,
508
00:22:02,323 --> 00:22:04,592
and then at the end
told black people specifically
509
00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:05,692
where to go rent an apartment.
510
00:22:05,727 --> 00:22:07,260
He was just...
511
00:22:07,295 --> 00:22:09,564
♪ Livin' in America
512
00:22:09,596 --> 00:22:12,767
♪ But only here in Detroit,
in Pittsburgh ♪
513
00:22:12,799 --> 00:22:14,602
"New York City, Kansas City,
that's all--
514
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,705
"Don't go nowhere else.
515
00:22:17,738 --> 00:22:19,273
Don't you go nowhere
other than that."
516
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:27,146
Love black music, man.
517
00:22:27,178 --> 00:22:30,482
Hits you, you know.
518
00:22:30,516 --> 00:22:32,484
That's why I have--
that's why I have a hard time
519
00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:34,086
going to see
civil rights movies.
520
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:35,288
I have to go see
civil right movies
521
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,622
in the middle of the day
522
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:39,825
so nobody can see me crying.
523
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:41,394
'Cause them movies
be hitting you, man.
524
00:22:41,427 --> 00:22:42,761
Civil rights movies get me
with that Negro humming.
525
00:22:42,795 --> 00:22:45,398
Oh, my God, I break down.
526
00:22:45,430 --> 00:22:47,333
'Cause you know, every
civil rights movie just got
527
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:48,834
that scene where it's
just some humming.
528
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,603
♪ Freedom
529
00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:53,673
(humming)
530
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,374
You tell me that don't
break you down,
531
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:57,343
in the middle of a civil rights
movie, just that humming?
532
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:59,344
There don't even be nothing
serious happening on screen,
533
00:22:59,377 --> 00:23:01,581
I be crying.
534
00:23:01,614 --> 00:23:02,847
It's just a dude putting
butter on a waffle, and just...
535
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,483
(humming)
536
00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:05,718
♪ Freedom
537
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:09,154
(humming continues)
538
00:23:09,188 --> 00:23:10,690
You be
in the theater bawling.
539
00:23:10,722 --> 00:23:14,526
"He was just putting butter
on the waffle!
540
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,094
They wouldn't let him,
they wouldn't let him."
541
00:23:19,264 --> 00:23:21,600
Civil rights movies get me
all the time, man.
542
00:23:21,633 --> 00:23:23,236
They get me with that humming,
and then they always
543
00:23:23,268 --> 00:23:27,740
make black people fall
in slow motion.
544
00:23:27,772 --> 00:23:29,742
Yo, every civil rights movie,
a black person fall in slow--
545
00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:31,543
Why you got to
slow down my pain?
546
00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:34,246
Just play it
at regular speed.
547
00:23:34,279 --> 00:23:36,514
Any time a black person falls
in a civil rights movie,
548
00:23:36,549 --> 00:23:38,417
they fall, then they do
that double bounce in the dirt
549
00:23:38,451 --> 00:23:40,886
and the dirt come up.
550
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,255
"Get out of here, darkie!
Just get out!"
551
00:23:43,288 --> 00:23:45,156
"Ohhh!"
552
00:23:45,191 --> 00:23:47,927
Pfft!
Pfft!
553
00:23:51,796 --> 00:23:54,734
(cheers and applause)
554
00:23:54,766 --> 00:23:57,135
Don't do that to me.
555
00:24:01,340 --> 00:24:02,874
Most powerful civil rights
movie scene
556
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:05,410
of all time is "Selma."
557
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:06,746
I can name the scene.
558
00:24:06,778 --> 00:24:10,282
It's when Oprah Winfrey
got slapped.
559
00:24:10,316 --> 00:24:12,284
This dude slapped the fire--
It was the second time,
560
00:24:12,318 --> 00:24:15,555
not the first time she got
slapped, the second time.
561
00:24:15,587 --> 00:24:17,590
This dude slapped
Oprah Winfrey so hard,
562
00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:20,492
she fell in slow motion
and there was Negro humming.
563
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:24,496
I left the theater.
564
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:26,498
I couldn't even tell you
how the movie ended.
565
00:24:26,531 --> 00:24:29,569
It was too powerful.
My emotions.
566
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:30,903
First of all,
Oprah couldn't have known
567
00:24:30,936 --> 00:24:32,237
she was getting slapped.
568
00:24:32,270 --> 00:24:34,340
She didn't know.
569
00:24:34,372 --> 00:24:35,574
She didn't know
she was getting slapped.
570
00:24:35,608 --> 00:24:37,777
That dude--
That was Ava DuVernay,
571
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,246
that was the director,
she made that choice.
572
00:24:40,278 --> 00:24:41,746
That's a good-ass director,
573
00:24:41,781 --> 00:24:44,950
Ava DuVernay went up to
that actor between scenes.
574
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:47,552
"Okay, we love what
you're doing, okay?
575
00:24:47,587 --> 00:24:49,288
"We're getting a lot
of good stuff from you.
576
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:51,490
"We're just gonna
change it up this scene.
577
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:53,258
"Okay, this time, this time,
578
00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:55,493
"Oprah's gonna
come over, okay?
579
00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:57,663
"She's gonna do her
lines, and Oprah,
580
00:24:57,697 --> 00:25:00,366
"she finishes her lines,
you slap the shit out, just--
581
00:25:02,534 --> 00:25:04,270
slap Oprah."
582
00:25:08,441 --> 00:25:09,641
"Does Oprah know?"
583
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,777
"No, do what I tell you!
I'm Ava DuVernay!
584
00:25:11,811 --> 00:25:15,748
Slap Oprah!"
585
00:25:15,781 --> 00:25:18,584
Oprah came over
to that dude, man.
586
00:25:18,617 --> 00:25:19,919
You could see it in her face.
587
00:25:19,951 --> 00:25:22,854
She didn't know that--
that slap was coming.
588
00:25:22,889 --> 00:25:24,991
"We ain't leaving
till we get our rights."
589
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,459
Skaboom!
590
00:25:26,491 --> 00:25:27,759
♪ Oh, freedom
591
00:25:27,793 --> 00:25:30,496
(humming)
592
00:25:30,528 --> 00:25:32,664
Pfft!
Pfft!
593
00:25:44,043 --> 00:25:47,479
The thing
about this country is this:
594
00:25:47,513 --> 00:25:49,949
We're all Americans.
People love to say that.
595
00:25:49,981 --> 00:25:51,383
That's the first thing people
want to say when--
596
00:25:51,417 --> 00:25:52,551
when there's some tension.
597
00:25:52,585 --> 00:25:54,787
"Oh, we're all Americans.
598
00:25:54,819 --> 00:25:56,521
"You're American
and I'm American.
599
00:25:56,556 --> 00:25:59,457
"Well, just, hell,
we all Americans.
600
00:25:59,491 --> 00:26:02,027
Can't we just be
all Americans?"
601
00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:03,663
Yeah, we are.
602
00:26:03,695 --> 00:26:05,063
We all Americans.
603
00:26:05,097 --> 00:26:07,933
But we live
in two different Americas.
604
00:26:07,967 --> 00:26:10,002
That's what it is.
605
00:26:10,035 --> 00:26:11,403
People forget that.
606
00:26:16,542 --> 00:26:19,078
And I don't think
everybody that...
607
00:26:19,111 --> 00:26:21,546
doesn't understand
what we go through
608
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,549
is necessarily racist
or bigoted.
609
00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:25,685
That's--
That's a far jump.
610
00:26:25,717 --> 00:26:27,520
It's a lot of folks that just
straight-up don't know
611
00:26:27,552 --> 00:26:28,854
what it's like.
612
00:26:28,888 --> 00:26:30,590
And you gotta educate 'em.
613
00:26:30,622 --> 00:26:33,359
You gotta educate 'em on
the kind of America you live in.
614
00:26:33,391 --> 00:26:36,361
I had to go to Best Buy and give
a dude some straightening.
615
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,900
Straighten his ass out, yeah.
616
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,570
I'm straightening.
617
00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:47,573
Dude at Best Buy gonna decide
I don't need a bag
618
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,308
with my purchase.
619
00:26:54,013 --> 00:26:55,847
"You just have an iPhone case.
620
00:26:55,882 --> 00:26:57,717
I figure you could just
pop that open."
621
00:26:57,749 --> 00:27:01,087
No, I ain't popping shit.
You put it in a bag.
622
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,356
I need that in a bag.
623
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:06,725
"What do you need a bag for?
624
00:27:06,758 --> 00:27:08,027
"I don't understand
why you need a bag.
625
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:09,929
"It's wasteful.
Recycle.
626
00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:13,065
Don't you care
about the Earth?"
627
00:27:13,099 --> 00:27:16,902
I go, "Sir, this has nothing
to do with the Earth.
628
00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:20,039
"I'm a black man in America.
629
00:27:20,071 --> 00:27:23,008
I gotta leave this store
with a bag, bro."
630
00:27:23,042 --> 00:27:25,010
(cheers and applause)
631
00:27:25,044 --> 00:27:29,981
It's about safety.
632
00:27:30,015 --> 00:27:32,417
I'm black, I don't get
the luxury of just walking out
633
00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:33,585
with shit in my hand.
634
00:27:33,618 --> 00:27:35,720
That is a roll of the dice.
635
00:27:35,755 --> 00:27:38,056
That is a horrifying
day if I--
636
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:40,025
No, not only do I
need that bag, bitch,
637
00:27:40,058 --> 00:27:43,962
I need that receipt!
638
00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:45,897
And staple it
to the outside.
639
00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,602
I don't want a receipt
in my hand.
640
00:27:50,635 --> 00:27:52,003
You staple my receipt
to the outside
641
00:27:52,037 --> 00:27:55,106
like Chinese carryout,
642
00:27:55,140 --> 00:27:56,975
and I'll hold it up in the air,
I'll "Lion King"--
643
00:27:57,008 --> 00:27:59,945
I'll "Hakuna Matata"
an iPhone case
644
00:27:59,979 --> 00:28:01,414
out of Best Buy.
645
00:28:04,116 --> 00:28:05,751
And it's not his fault.
He just didn't understand.
646
00:28:05,784 --> 00:28:07,453
He thought he was
saving the Earth,
647
00:28:07,486 --> 00:28:10,789
but he was saving a life,
that's what he was doing.
648
00:28:10,823 --> 00:28:12,858
This has nothing to do
with recycling, man.
649
00:28:12,892 --> 00:28:14,493
'Cause, see, you might be
a cool person.
650
00:28:14,527 --> 00:28:17,029
He might-- The cashier
might be a cool-ass dude,
651
00:28:17,063 --> 00:28:18,664
but we don't know
what the security guard
652
00:28:18,698 --> 00:28:21,600
been through up front.
653
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:23,202
I come prancing
out of Best Buy
654
00:28:23,236 --> 00:28:26,972
with this naked-ass
iPhone case in my hand.
655
00:28:27,005 --> 00:28:28,674
And here comes security.
656
00:28:28,707 --> 00:28:30,142
"Excuse me, sir.
Did you pay for that?"
657
00:28:30,176 --> 00:28:31,544
Oh, yeah,
I got the receipt.
658
00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:33,212
"He's going for a gun!"
Skaboom!
659
00:28:33,246 --> 00:28:36,648
♪ Oh, freedom, ohh
660
00:28:36,681 --> 00:28:39,685
Pfft!
Pfft!
661
00:28:39,719 --> 00:28:41,453
(cheers and applause)
662
00:28:54,032 --> 00:28:55,734
We're all Americans.
663
00:28:55,767 --> 00:28:57,803
It's just different Americas.
664
00:28:57,837 --> 00:28:59,705
(woman)
That's right.
665
00:28:59,739 --> 00:29:01,907
Black folks,
we also gotta--
666
00:29:01,941 --> 00:29:03,642
We gotta try--
667
00:29:03,676 --> 00:29:05,977
I ain't saying we gonna do it,
but we gotta try sometimes
668
00:29:06,012 --> 00:29:09,047
to give the benefit
of the doubt sometimes.
669
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,051
Everything ain't racism.
670
00:29:12,084 --> 00:29:15,688
About 2%, it's about 2%...
671
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:17,823
that ain't racism.
672
00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:21,760
You gotta recognize
that 2% when you see it.
673
00:29:21,794 --> 00:29:25,765
I was in McDonald's, this dude
was cussing everybody out.
674
00:29:25,797 --> 00:29:28,034
Swore it was racism.
675
00:29:28,066 --> 00:29:29,167
I walked in
this fast food spot,
676
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,503
this dude cussing
everybody out.
677
00:29:30,536 --> 00:29:31,804
And this is the thing,
678
00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:34,539
like, fast food spots
already do shady stuff,
679
00:29:34,573 --> 00:29:37,243
so I'm not saying they don't
deserve to be cussed out.
680
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,580
They do, they deserve a good
cussing every now and then,
681
00:29:40,613 --> 00:29:42,914
'cause the thing they do now,
some of these fast food spots,
682
00:29:42,948 --> 00:29:45,183
they love to charge you
for sauce when you get nuggets.
683
00:29:45,217 --> 00:29:47,053
(audience murmurs)
684
00:29:47,085 --> 00:29:49,054
You know, you want an extra
sauce with your nuggets,
685
00:29:49,087 --> 00:29:51,056
it's gonna be-- "Oh, you want
another sauce, brother,
686
00:29:51,090 --> 00:29:53,892
it's gonna be 25 cents."
687
00:29:53,926 --> 00:29:55,628
How you charging
for sauce, bro?
688
00:29:55,661 --> 00:29:57,529
That's-- I want two sauces.
689
00:29:57,563 --> 00:29:58,664
"Well, I need a quarter."
690
00:30:02,568 --> 00:30:03,736
You ever meet the Guardian
of the Sauce?
691
00:30:03,768 --> 00:30:06,104
This dude is serious.
692
00:30:06,138 --> 00:30:08,640
Done got a different color shirt
from everybody else at work,
693
00:30:08,674 --> 00:30:11,878
so now he arrogant.
694
00:30:11,911 --> 00:30:13,645
"Well, you know, brother,
I'm a supervisor now.
695
00:30:13,679 --> 00:30:15,715
"I have a shirt on.
696
00:30:15,748 --> 00:30:17,249
You know, if it was up to me,
I would give you another sauce."
697
00:30:17,282 --> 00:30:21,320
It is up to you!
698
00:30:21,354 --> 00:30:23,755
It's on your side
of the counter!
699
00:30:30,029 --> 00:30:33,099
I just want two sauces
without paying for 'em,
700
00:30:33,131 --> 00:30:35,767
that's all I want.
701
00:30:35,801 --> 00:30:37,303
But I walked in
this spot, man,
702
00:30:37,335 --> 00:30:40,071
this dude was cussing out
the whole store.
703
00:30:40,106 --> 00:30:42,174
Swore it was racism.
704
00:30:42,207 --> 00:30:44,777
And I'm not saying that racism
wasn't one of the causes
705
00:30:44,810 --> 00:30:46,578
for him getting bad service,
706
00:30:46,611 --> 00:30:48,780
I'm just saying, he jumped to
that conclusion a little fast.
707
00:30:48,813 --> 00:30:50,248
He didn't go through
the progressions.
708
00:30:52,984 --> 00:30:55,854
He ordered a six-piece nugget,
709
00:30:55,888 --> 00:30:57,923
and it was five nuggets
in the box.
710
00:31:00,926 --> 00:31:02,360
And I didn't even know
what was going on.
711
00:31:02,394 --> 00:31:04,195
I'm texting, as soon
as I walk in the door,
712
00:31:04,229 --> 00:31:05,598
I'm texting,
I hear this dude,
713
00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:07,099
I hear this dude
over in the cut,
714
00:31:07,133 --> 00:31:09,801
I hear this dude go, "I'll kill
everybody in this bitch."
715
00:31:09,835 --> 00:31:11,570
(laughter and applause)
716
00:31:19,844 --> 00:31:22,782
You know, that--
that gave me pause,
717
00:31:22,815 --> 00:31:25,917
'cause he said he'll kill
everybody in this bitch.
718
00:31:25,951 --> 00:31:27,686
And I already had a foot
in the door.
719
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:31,623
Am I technically
in this bitch, sir?
720
00:31:31,657 --> 00:31:32,992
'Cause I can pull this foot out
and go to Arby's.
721
00:31:33,024 --> 00:31:34,759
It ain't that deep.
722
00:31:40,865 --> 00:31:45,037
Swore it was racism, man.
723
00:31:45,070 --> 00:31:47,607
"Y'all stole my nugget.
I'm tired of white folks."
724
00:31:50,408 --> 00:31:54,213
"White folks don't want us
to have shit!
725
00:31:54,247 --> 00:31:56,315
Stole my nugget!"
726
00:31:58,783 --> 00:32:00,152
Then he gonna turn to me.
727
00:32:00,186 --> 00:32:03,922
"You see this shit, brother?
You see this McDonald's?
728
00:32:03,955 --> 00:32:05,291
"It's our nuggets today.
729
00:32:05,324 --> 00:32:07,292
It's our children's
nuggets tomorrow."
730
00:32:11,763 --> 00:32:13,165
And I'm trying to reason
with the dude.
731
00:32:13,199 --> 00:32:16,268
I'm like, you sure
they stole the nugget?
732
00:32:16,301 --> 00:32:18,905
They stole it, that's...
733
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:20,038
That's what you gonna
roll with, out the gate?
734
00:32:20,071 --> 00:32:22,307
Just off the top stole it?
735
00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:25,076
'Cause you know, sometimes,
they might've forgot, some--
736
00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:26,979
You know, sometimes the nuggets
be stuck together.
737
00:32:27,013 --> 00:32:29,315
You got to go through
the progressions.
738
00:32:29,348 --> 00:32:30,749
You might have
a double nugget.
739
00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:33,386
Check and see if you got
the double nugget.
740
00:32:33,418 --> 00:32:35,153
Hey, that's good luck.
741
00:32:35,186 --> 00:32:39,157
You get the double nugget,
you bite that one first.
742
00:32:39,191 --> 00:32:41,793
"Ain't no double nugget!
White folks, they stole it!
743
00:32:43,796 --> 00:32:46,264
If I was white, I'd have
got seven nuggets."
744
00:32:49,868 --> 00:32:51,103
That's when I backed off.
745
00:32:51,137 --> 00:32:53,239
I'm like,
I can't help this dude.
746
00:32:53,272 --> 00:32:55,173
I'm like, look, bro,
I know you mad
747
00:32:55,206 --> 00:32:57,075
and there's a lot of
racial tension in the world,
748
00:32:57,109 --> 00:32:58,411
but this ain't racism.
749
00:32:58,444 --> 00:33:00,312
This is a fast food spot
750
00:33:00,345 --> 00:33:03,416
at 2:00 in the morning.
751
00:33:03,449 --> 00:33:06,719
Some of them folks back there
can't count to six.
752
00:33:09,055 --> 00:33:10,922
You want six nuggets,
you need to order
753
00:33:10,956 --> 00:33:15,360
a four-piece and two-piece.
754
00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:19,197
That's how you trick they ass
and get two sauces for free.
755
00:33:19,232 --> 00:33:20,966
(cheers and applause)
756
00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:29,307
(chuckles)
757
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:31,743
I like fast food employees.
758
00:33:31,777 --> 00:33:34,180
I appreciate the fact that
fast food employees are rude.
759
00:33:34,213 --> 00:33:36,349
I like it.
760
00:33:36,382 --> 00:33:38,484
At least it's from the heart.
761
00:33:38,517 --> 00:33:40,453
'Cause people too nice now.
762
00:33:40,485 --> 00:33:42,989
You go out to these stores,
everybody, "Hey, how you doing?
763
00:33:43,022 --> 00:33:47,059
Are you good?
Thank you for choosing us."
764
00:33:47,093 --> 00:33:48,460
You think them people
wanna be your friend,
765
00:33:48,493 --> 00:33:49,795
or they'll get fired
for not speaking?
766
00:33:49,829 --> 00:33:51,296
Which one you think it is?
767
00:33:51,330 --> 00:33:53,099
'Cause 10, 15 years ago,
768
00:33:53,132 --> 00:33:54,333
nobody spoke to you
when you went in the store.
769
00:33:54,367 --> 00:33:56,469
Now, all of a sudden, everybody
wanna kick it with your ass?
770
00:33:56,502 --> 00:33:58,436
No!
771
00:33:58,470 --> 00:33:59,939
That's a corporate mandate,
and I'd rather you not do it.
772
00:33:59,971 --> 00:34:01,206
I get in the grocery store.
773
00:34:01,239 --> 00:34:03,175
It's just too many questions
at the register.
774
00:34:03,209 --> 00:34:04,976
Just ring up the shit
that's on the belt.
775
00:34:07,513 --> 00:34:08,848
We ain't gotta be friends.
776
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,917
I'm here, I'm spending money,
you won.
777
00:34:10,950 --> 00:34:13,051
What else do you want?
778
00:34:13,085 --> 00:34:16,055
Why I gotta be
your friend, too, man?
779
00:34:19,959 --> 00:34:24,296
The price you pay
for politeness is your time.
780
00:34:24,330 --> 00:34:25,498
So you want somebody
to be nice to you?
781
00:34:25,531 --> 00:34:27,399
That's cool, enjoy it,
782
00:34:27,432 --> 00:34:29,402
but I'd rather get them minutes
back with somebody I know.
783
00:34:33,171 --> 00:34:35,041
And stop asking me
if I got the discount card,
784
00:34:35,074 --> 00:34:36,408
I ain't go the discount card.
785
00:34:36,441 --> 00:34:37,276
If I ain't pull it out,
I ain't got it.
786
00:34:37,310 --> 00:34:41,180
Don't ask me.
787
00:34:41,214 --> 00:34:44,016
Standing at the register
having a 15-minute negotiation
788
00:34:44,050 --> 00:34:45,951
about why I should become
a member of your club.
789
00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:48,854
-- your club, bro.
I don't wanna be in it.
790
00:34:48,888 --> 00:34:52,191
Just for that,
I ain't coming back.
791
00:34:52,224 --> 00:34:53,926
I was gonna come back,
but then you asked me
792
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,263
to be in the club,
now I don't wanna, mm-mmm.
793
00:34:57,296 --> 00:35:00,166
I don't need all this
politeness, man, I'm cool.
794
00:35:00,199 --> 00:35:02,401
'Cause people overdo it.
795
00:35:02,435 --> 00:35:03,969
I went on a cruise.
796
00:35:04,003 --> 00:35:05,470
This is the weirdest thing
ever, man.
797
00:35:05,503 --> 00:35:08,608
You go on a cruise,
you meet every employee.
798
00:35:08,641 --> 00:35:10,442
(scattered laughs)
799
00:35:10,475 --> 00:35:12,311
Yeah, you been-- yeah.
Every--
800
00:35:12,344 --> 00:35:14,614
You go on a cruise--
I met the captain of the boat.
801
00:35:14,647 --> 00:35:16,315
The captain of the cruise ship
802
00:35:16,349 --> 00:35:19,551
does laps around the boat
every day speaking to people.
803
00:35:19,585 --> 00:35:21,086
That's too much.
804
00:35:21,119 --> 00:35:23,955
I have no need
to meet you, sir.
805
00:35:23,989 --> 00:35:27,125
Listen, there's no--
At no point in my vacation
806
00:35:27,158 --> 00:35:29,961
do I need to meet
the highest-ranking officer
807
00:35:29,995 --> 00:35:31,330
on the boat.
808
00:35:31,364 --> 00:35:33,199
I don't need to--
to do that.
809
00:35:33,232 --> 00:35:35,368
I'm at the pool,
here come the captain.
810
00:35:35,401 --> 00:35:40,005
He's got his stupid jacket on.
He's sashaying around there.
811
00:35:40,038 --> 00:35:42,642
"Welcome aboard,
I am the captain, yes.
812
00:35:42,675 --> 00:35:44,142
"We are having pleasure,
813
00:35:44,176 --> 00:35:46,344
We are in ocean
and we have pleasure."
814
00:35:46,378 --> 00:35:49,315
He's got them stupid medals
dangling off his jacket.
815
00:35:49,348 --> 00:35:51,883
Took heavy fire
in Cozumel.
816
00:35:51,917 --> 00:35:55,488
I don't know how he got 'em,
but he's got...
817
00:35:55,521 --> 00:35:57,156
"We are having fun
in the ocean.
818
00:35:57,189 --> 00:35:58,490
Sir, are you having fun?"
819
00:35:58,523 --> 00:36:00,325
Bitch, who driving?
820
00:36:03,195 --> 00:36:05,330
It's too much.
821
00:36:05,364 --> 00:36:09,668
You go on a cruise, it makes
you appreciate airline pilots.
822
00:36:09,701 --> 00:36:11,203
I respect airline pilots.
823
00:36:11,237 --> 00:36:13,306
Airline pilots ain't got
no chitchat for you,
824
00:36:13,339 --> 00:36:15,240
no small talk
before the flight.
825
00:36:15,273 --> 00:36:16,676
You don't even meet 'em.
826
00:36:16,709 --> 00:36:18,143
That's
the flight attendant's job.
827
00:36:18,176 --> 00:36:19,311
You get on the plane,
who you see first?
828
00:36:19,344 --> 00:36:21,113
It's the flight attendant.
829
00:36:21,147 --> 00:36:22,915
"Welcome aboard,
how are you?
830
00:36:22,949 --> 00:36:26,252
Walk in this way..."
831
00:36:26,285 --> 00:36:30,489
Captain ain't got time
to talk to your goofy ass.
832
00:36:30,522 --> 00:36:32,458
You get on the plane, look in
the cockpit, what you see?
833
00:36:32,490 --> 00:36:35,228
Two alcoholics checking
buttons, that's all you see.
834
00:36:37,495 --> 00:36:39,465
What's that,
two grown-ass men, just...
835
00:36:39,498 --> 00:36:42,701
"Did you check
all the buttons?
836
00:36:42,734 --> 00:36:44,302
"Okay, you can check
the buttons up here
837
00:36:44,336 --> 00:36:47,340
"and then you check
the buttons down here.
838
00:36:47,373 --> 00:36:49,341
"Okay, just-- don't--
just check-- start over.
839
00:36:49,374 --> 00:36:51,210
"Ladies and gentlemen, there's
gonna be a slight delay.
840
00:36:51,243 --> 00:36:54,379
"Uh... gotta recheck
all these buttons.
841
00:36:54,412 --> 00:36:58,184
Thank you for choosing--"
(imitates static)
842
00:36:58,216 --> 00:36:59,652
That's it,
that's the captain's job,
843
00:36:59,685 --> 00:37:01,487
to come over the intercom,
let you know what's happening.
844
00:37:01,519 --> 00:37:03,455
That's it.
No jokes, all business.
845
00:37:03,489 --> 00:37:06,157
That's why they pause the movie,
they stop serving drinks,
846
00:37:06,191 --> 00:37:08,393
'cause the captain
got important shit to say.
847
00:37:08,426 --> 00:37:10,095
"Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the captain.
848
00:37:10,128 --> 00:37:12,163
"We about to go up in the sky,
so sit that ass down
849
00:37:12,197 --> 00:37:14,566
"so we can get up there.
850
00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:16,535
"If something go wrong, talk
to them heifers in the back.
851
00:37:16,569 --> 00:37:19,405
"I can't help your ass,
'cause I'm up here,
852
00:37:19,437 --> 00:37:20,505
"I'm trying to fly
this bitch.
853
00:37:20,538 --> 00:37:22,173
"So don't you come up here.
854
00:37:22,207 --> 00:37:23,408
"My door's locked.
I got a shotgun.
855
00:37:23,441 --> 00:37:24,609
-- with us.
Thank you for choosing--"
856
00:37:24,643 --> 00:37:26,979
(imitates static)
857
00:37:27,013 --> 00:37:28,947
(cheers and applause)
858
00:37:34,487 --> 00:37:36,656
The captain is all business,
and I respect that.
859
00:37:36,689 --> 00:37:40,292
He's all business
until the plane lands.
860
00:37:40,325 --> 00:37:41,627
That's when he know it's time
861
00:37:41,661 --> 00:37:44,330
to get some respect
from y'all.
862
00:37:44,363 --> 00:37:47,066
The captain knows
that he did some dope shit,
863
00:37:47,099 --> 00:37:49,100
and he wants you to know
he did some dope shit.
864
00:37:49,134 --> 00:37:51,203
"I just flew you
500 miles an hour
865
00:37:51,237 --> 00:37:53,372
"at 30,000 feet,
I landed this flight
866
00:37:53,406 --> 00:37:56,309
"in a 50-mile-an-hour crosswind
on the first attempt.
867
00:37:56,341 --> 00:37:59,011
I want you to know
who your God is."
868
00:37:59,045 --> 00:38:02,315
(laughter and applause)
869
00:38:02,348 --> 00:38:04,316
Yeah, the captain
want his respect.
870
00:38:04,349 --> 00:38:05,651
That's why when you get off
the plane,
871
00:38:05,685 --> 00:38:07,719
the captain be standing
in the door like a boss,
872
00:38:07,753 --> 00:38:09,689
like, "What's up?"
873
00:38:12,425 --> 00:38:15,061
Copilot be next to him,
like...
874
00:38:19,599 --> 00:38:21,367
You can't do nothing but show
love to the captain.
875
00:38:21,399 --> 00:38:23,069
I'm like, yo, bro,
you did your thing, man.
876
00:38:23,101 --> 00:38:24,469
You flew that plane.
877
00:38:24,503 --> 00:38:27,739
Real quick, let me give you
one of these wristbands.
878
00:38:27,772 --> 00:38:30,508
Gonna put that on.
879
00:38:30,542 --> 00:38:34,113
In case it jump off,
wear your wristband.
880
00:38:36,881 --> 00:38:39,382
I'm trying to lose weight.
881
00:38:39,417 --> 00:38:42,819
It's hard, man.
882
00:38:42,853 --> 00:38:44,021
Losing weight, they tell you
everything you need to know
883
00:38:44,055 --> 00:38:46,724
about losing weight except
for how much it's gonna cost.
884
00:38:46,757 --> 00:38:49,693
But it's hard when it's
time to lose weight.
885
00:38:49,727 --> 00:38:52,862
Drinking all these
damn smoothies.
886
00:38:52,896 --> 00:38:55,466
And they expensive--
five, six damn dollars
887
00:38:55,498 --> 00:38:57,835
for fruit and ice
in a cup, how?
888
00:38:57,867 --> 00:39:00,538
How, Sway, how, how?
889
00:39:04,308 --> 00:39:06,009
How is it five,
six damn dollars
890
00:39:06,042 --> 00:39:08,545
for fruit and ice in a cup?
891
00:39:08,579 --> 00:39:09,747
And they trick you with
smoothies, they try to trick us,
892
00:39:09,780 --> 00:39:12,249
'cause they put all them little
extra words and adjectives
893
00:39:12,283 --> 00:39:13,484
in the name of the smoothie.
894
00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:16,753
Don't fall for it.
It's fruit and ice.
895
00:39:16,786 --> 00:39:20,658
"Okay, you had a Mango Sunset
Peach Tranquility and..."
896
00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:23,393
Uh, no, mm-mmm.
897
00:39:23,426 --> 00:39:24,661
I ain't have
no Tranquility.
898
00:39:24,695 --> 00:39:27,765
Take the Tranquility out,
take that out.
899
00:39:27,798 --> 00:39:30,467
Hold the Tranquility.
900
00:39:30,500 --> 00:39:31,936
That-- that should
knock it down to 3.50.
901
00:39:31,969 --> 00:39:34,537
That should get it down.
902
00:39:34,572 --> 00:39:36,506
Smoothies so expensive,
I'm surprised rappers
903
00:39:36,539 --> 00:39:39,810
don't talk about 'em
in their songs.
904
00:39:39,844 --> 00:39:41,479
Give a damn about a rapper
905
00:39:41,511 --> 00:39:42,612
with a damn nice car
and some jewelry.
906
00:39:42,645 --> 00:39:44,848
You wanna impress me,
pour some kale out in the club.
907
00:39:44,881 --> 00:39:46,951
Do that.
908
00:39:46,984 --> 00:39:48,785
That's how I know
your ass got some mon...
909
00:39:48,818 --> 00:39:50,354
♪ We drinking kale up
in here ♪
910
00:39:50,387 --> 00:39:52,323
♪ We got
that kale up in here ♪
911
00:39:52,356 --> 00:39:53,824
♪ People drinking kale
up in here ♪
912
00:39:53,857 --> 00:39:55,725
♪ We drinking kale--
913
00:39:55,759 --> 00:39:56,993
There be some girl
in a bikini
914
00:39:57,027 --> 00:39:59,029
with soy milk
just drizzling down.
915
00:39:59,062 --> 00:40:00,997
(laughter)
916
00:40:10,540 --> 00:40:13,777
I don't know about marriage,
like...
917
00:40:13,811 --> 00:40:16,713
A lot of my friends are married,
and I'm at this weird age now,
918
00:40:16,747 --> 00:40:18,449
I'm at this weird age,
where, like,
919
00:40:18,481 --> 00:40:19,783
I got friends
getting married late
920
00:40:19,817 --> 00:40:23,086
and I got friends that's
getting divorced.
921
00:40:23,119 --> 00:40:25,856
You know, and I don't know
who to go celebrate with.
922
00:40:30,895 --> 00:40:32,830
This my thing about divorce.
What I love about divorce,
923
00:40:32,862 --> 00:40:35,899
I love how people won't shut
the hell up about they wedding,
924
00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:38,669
but they divorce is
none of your business.
925
00:40:40,071 --> 00:40:42,372
That's not cool.
926
00:40:42,405 --> 00:40:44,474
You running your mouth all this
time about your engagement,
927
00:40:44,508 --> 00:40:45,776
y'all break up, what happened?
928
00:40:45,809 --> 00:40:48,411
I wanna know,
tell me what happened.
929
00:40:48,445 --> 00:40:50,081
Especially if I went
to the wedding.
930
00:40:50,113 --> 00:40:51,648
If I went to your wedding
and you divorced,
931
00:40:51,682 --> 00:40:56,052
I'm entitled
to a one-page explanation,
932
00:40:56,087 --> 00:40:58,355
much money as I spent.
933
00:40:58,389 --> 00:41:00,023
Either you tell me
why y'all getting divorced
934
00:41:00,057 --> 00:41:03,361
or you give me back the toaster
I bought your ass.
935
00:41:03,393 --> 00:41:04,761
It's a good-ass toaster.
936
00:41:04,795 --> 00:41:07,498
That's four-slice with the crumb
tray, that's top-shelf.
937
00:41:07,530 --> 00:41:09,065
With a bagel button.
938
00:41:09,100 --> 00:41:10,934
You all know about that bagel
button, that's for ballers.
939
00:41:13,803 --> 00:41:16,040
My Uncle Derek told me
to watch "Titanic."
940
00:41:17,540 --> 00:41:20,009
"You want to learn how
to woo a woman,
941
00:41:20,044 --> 00:41:22,045
you got to watch 'Titanics.'"
942
00:41:26,617 --> 00:41:30,153
Country for you,
"Titanics."
943
00:41:30,187 --> 00:41:31,722
"You don't know how to woo
a woman, boy.
944
00:41:31,755 --> 00:41:34,024
"I'm telling you,
'Titanics' show you.
945
00:41:34,057 --> 00:41:37,028
"That boy Leo DiCaprio, boy,
that boy got that girl, boy,
946
00:41:37,061 --> 00:41:40,463
"and that girl was out
of his league, he pulled her.
947
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:41,798
"And then he died,
he died happy.
948
00:41:41,831 --> 00:41:43,467
"He was smiling
when he was drowning.
949
00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:46,771
He float down smiling."
950
00:41:46,803 --> 00:41:48,772
I went back and watched
"Titanic."
951
00:41:48,806 --> 00:41:51,742
"Titanic" is not that romantic
of a movie.
952
00:41:51,776 --> 00:41:54,045
It's a good film,
but it ain't romantic.
953
00:41:54,077 --> 00:41:56,446
"Titanic" is basically a movie
about an old lady
954
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:00,718
who got some dick so good...
955
00:42:00,750 --> 00:42:04,521
that she went back out into
the ocean to say good-bye to it.
956
00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:05,922
(laughter)
957
00:42:07,891 --> 00:42:10,061
That's pretty much the movie.
958
00:42:10,093 --> 00:42:11,761
Go back
and watch "Titanic."
959
00:42:11,795 --> 00:42:14,699
The whole thing is a flashback.
960
00:42:14,731 --> 00:42:17,500
It's a 90-year-old lady
and she's on the bow of a ship.
961
00:42:17,534 --> 00:42:18,903
The whole movie's a flashback.
962
00:42:18,936 --> 00:42:20,504
It's a 90-year-old lady,
she's looking out into the water
963
00:42:20,538 --> 00:42:21,905
and then it flashes back
964
00:42:21,939 --> 00:42:23,707
to everything that happened
on the ship,
965
00:42:23,741 --> 00:42:26,142
he drowns, she lives,
they come back present day
966
00:42:26,177 --> 00:42:27,812
and she's looking out
into the water
967
00:42:27,844 --> 00:42:30,714
and then people are coming up
and talking to her.
968
00:42:30,747 --> 00:42:32,048
"Ma'am, are you--
are you thinking about
969
00:42:32,082 --> 00:42:33,884
all your friends
you lost out there?"
970
00:42:33,917 --> 00:42:35,886
"Oh, no, baby, I'm thinking
about that good dick
971
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,789
"that was down there.
972
00:42:38,823 --> 00:42:40,724
"There's some good dick
under that water,
973
00:42:40,758 --> 00:42:42,726
"that's what I'm thinking about.
974
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:44,594
"Right here, 70 years ago.
975
00:42:44,628 --> 00:42:45,695
"This is where I got my back
beat out.
976
00:42:45,730 --> 00:42:47,564
"Didn't you know that?
977
00:42:47,598 --> 00:42:49,165
"Right here.
978
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:50,867
"Young gentleman,
poverty-stricken,
979
00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:53,704
"put that pipe on me,
I couldn't handle it.
980
00:42:53,737 --> 00:42:55,840
"Just steaming up and I was
pressing my hand
981
00:42:55,872 --> 00:42:58,175
"on that car window,
that's why I walk like this.
982
00:42:58,208 --> 00:42:59,977
Give me the jewelry."
983
00:43:01,644 --> 00:43:03,713
She threw that jewelry
into the water.
984
00:43:09,786 --> 00:43:11,588
"Titanic" ain't
no romantic movie.
985
00:43:11,622 --> 00:43:14,824
If anything,
it's a superhero movie.
986
00:43:14,858 --> 00:43:16,160
It's a superhero
movie.
987
00:43:16,192 --> 00:43:19,629
Leo DiCaprio is
a superhero, bro.
988
00:43:19,663 --> 00:43:22,632
They had sex one time
in that movie.
989
00:43:22,665 --> 00:43:25,268
Once. They had sex one time
in "Titanic."
990
00:43:25,302 --> 00:43:29,105
And she remembered it
for the next 70 years.
991
00:43:29,139 --> 00:43:33,009
(laughter and applause)
992
00:43:33,043 --> 00:43:36,881
You know how good
your pipe game got to be?
993
00:43:36,913 --> 00:43:40,850
To put it down once, one time,
and for 70 years,
994
00:43:40,884 --> 00:43:43,754
that's all she can think about.
995
00:43:43,788 --> 00:43:45,221
She's 90.
996
00:43:45,256 --> 00:43:47,057
Think about how much stuff
you probably will forget.
997
00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:49,559
I know by the time I'm 90,
I'm not gonna where my--
998
00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:51,028
I'm not gonna know where
my car is parked,
999
00:43:51,062 --> 00:43:53,264
I'm not gonna know
my grandkids' names.
1000
00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:54,732
I'm gonna have my pills
1001
00:43:54,764 --> 00:43:57,901
in that Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday trapdoor.
1002
00:43:57,934 --> 00:44:01,805
But this lady is 90 and
she never forgot that one time--
1003
00:44:01,838 --> 00:44:03,973
His dick beat Alzheimer's.
1004
00:44:04,007 --> 00:44:05,742
That's a superpower.
1005
00:44:08,278 --> 00:44:10,014
You gotta respect that.
1006
00:44:15,119 --> 00:44:16,954
I like old people, man.
I hope--
1007
00:44:16,987 --> 00:44:19,956
I hope I'm blessed enough
to-- to live long,
1008
00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:23,593
change the diet up, add a couple
years on the back end.
1009
00:44:23,627 --> 00:44:25,228
You know.
1010
00:44:25,261 --> 00:44:27,131
Old people, I just--
I want to get to that age
1011
00:44:27,163 --> 00:44:32,069
where I can just cuss people out
for no reason.
1012
00:44:32,103 --> 00:44:34,905
You know what I'm saying?
Just unprovoked cussed-outs.
1013
00:44:34,939 --> 00:44:36,307
Yeah, she already smiling.
1014
00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:38,309
You almost there?
You got...
1015
00:44:38,341 --> 00:44:39,809
No, 'cause you look
a little young.
1016
00:44:39,843 --> 00:44:41,812
You got a little more time,
but you just--
1017
00:44:41,845 --> 00:44:44,014
You already trained,
you already cuss people now.
1018
00:44:45,949 --> 00:44:47,218
Yeah, man, you old,
1019
00:44:47,251 --> 00:44:50,153
you get to just cuss people out
for no reason.
1020
00:44:50,187 --> 00:44:51,721
I was in the grocery store,
1021
00:44:51,756 --> 00:44:53,958
this old dude
rolled up on me, man.
1022
00:44:55,658 --> 00:44:58,562
"I was in the struggle, --."
1023
00:45:03,333 --> 00:45:05,069
"And you weren't there!"
1024
00:45:07,204 --> 00:45:10,141
I wasn't bothering this dude.
1025
00:45:10,174 --> 00:45:12,343
I'm in produce,
I'm picking out my Fuji apples.
1026
00:45:12,376 --> 00:45:15,812
I'm not bothering nobody,
Fuji apples.
1027
00:45:15,845 --> 00:45:17,848
But he rolled up his sleeve,
he showed me the scars.
1028
00:45:17,881 --> 00:45:20,251
Dude's old, 80, 85 years old.
1029
00:45:20,283 --> 00:45:22,018
"Look at that scar.
1030
00:45:22,052 --> 00:45:25,155
Ask me-- ask me
how I got the scar."
1031
00:45:25,189 --> 00:45:26,891
How'd you get the scar?
1032
00:45:26,924 --> 00:45:29,326
"I got it in the struggle, --."
1033
00:45:31,328 --> 00:45:34,898
"You don't know what
it was like in '62."
1034
00:45:34,932 --> 00:45:36,667
I'm like, "What was it like?"
1035
00:45:36,701 --> 00:45:38,903
"It was a struggle,
you son of a bitch."
1036
00:45:38,935 --> 00:45:39,903
And this is the thing, man,
this is the thing
1037
00:45:39,937 --> 00:45:41,872
with old black people,
man, old black people,
1038
00:45:41,905 --> 00:45:44,307
like, you can't disrespect 'em,
because they have physical proof
1039
00:45:44,341 --> 00:45:45,876
that they were willing to die
1040
00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:47,877
to make the country
a better place for me,
1041
00:45:47,911 --> 00:45:49,879
so I have to salute it.
I paid for his groceries.
1042
00:45:49,913 --> 00:45:52,182
This dude called me --
for 20 minutes.
1043
00:45:55,052 --> 00:45:57,187
And I paid for his groceries.
1044
00:45:57,220 --> 00:45:59,790
Just off respect.
1045
00:45:59,824 --> 00:46:03,660
That got me thinking
on the way home...
1046
00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:05,995
you know, what have I done?
1047
00:46:06,030 --> 00:46:10,067
And that's-- that's
a very sobering feeling,
1048
00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:12,737
it's a sobering realization
to have,
1049
00:46:12,770 --> 00:46:16,374
to realize that what you've done
doesn't quite measure up
1050
00:46:16,406 --> 00:46:18,809
to what that man did, you know?
1051
00:46:18,843 --> 00:46:24,214
This dude called me --
and got free groceries.
1052
00:46:24,247 --> 00:46:26,951
That's how much he put in work.
1053
00:46:26,983 --> 00:46:28,918
Like, I know I'm not gonna get
that same result.
1054
00:46:28,953 --> 00:46:31,454
Like, I wish I could,
but I know I'm not, I'm--
1055
00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,958
Like, little kids gonna rob me,
like, when I'm 80, I'm--
1056
00:46:33,990 --> 00:46:35,959
I'm getting robbed.
1057
00:46:35,992 --> 00:46:37,028
I already know that's what
they gonna do.
1058
00:46:37,060 --> 00:46:38,429
They're gonna take
the tennis balls off my walker
1059
00:46:38,461 --> 00:46:41,465
and I'm gonna be stuck.
1060
00:46:41,499 --> 00:46:43,266
Take the battery
out my Hoveround
1061
00:46:43,300 --> 00:46:46,369
and just push me out
into traffic.
1062
00:46:46,403 --> 00:46:48,939
'Cause the thing is that
you start reflecting,
1063
00:46:48,973 --> 00:46:51,042
you start reflecting on
1064
00:46:51,074 --> 00:46:54,078
what you've done
that compares to that
1065
00:46:54,110 --> 00:46:55,913
and I look at the things
that I try to do now.
1066
00:46:55,946 --> 00:46:58,148
Like, I try my best
to be socially active.
1067
00:46:58,182 --> 00:47:00,283
I try my best to do stuff
on "The Daily Show"
1068
00:47:00,317 --> 00:47:03,286
that affects change,
I try.
1069
00:47:03,319 --> 00:47:07,023
(cheers and applause)
1070
00:47:07,057 --> 00:47:09,392
But...
1071
00:47:09,426 --> 00:47:12,228
I'll be real,
a lot of what I do now
1072
00:47:12,262 --> 00:47:14,497
is just making up for lost time,
1073
00:47:14,531 --> 00:47:16,166
'cause I wasn't always
like that,
1074
00:47:16,199 --> 00:47:18,968
and that's something
I'm ashamed about.
1075
00:47:19,002 --> 00:47:21,271
I didn't go see
Obama get inaugurated
1076
00:47:21,305 --> 00:47:23,708
'cause it was too cold.
1077
00:47:25,208 --> 00:47:26,743
That was my excuse.
1078
00:47:26,776 --> 00:47:30,481
That was my excuse
for missing history-- it's cold.
1079
00:47:30,514 --> 00:47:32,482
And my homeboys called me up,
"We riding the bus,
1080
00:47:32,516 --> 00:47:34,484
we going up to D.C.,
let's ride the bus."
1081
00:47:34,517 --> 00:47:38,789
I got cable, man.
1082
00:47:38,823 --> 00:47:39,924
I didn't go the second time.
1083
00:47:39,957 --> 00:47:42,793
I had four years
to buy a coat.
1084
00:47:45,396 --> 00:47:48,064
And still didn't go see him.
1085
00:47:48,098 --> 00:47:51,102
I skipped history twice.
That's embarrassing.
1086
00:47:51,135 --> 00:47:53,503
'Cause sooner or later,
1087
00:47:53,536 --> 00:47:56,806
my son's gonna be doing
a book report on that.
1088
00:47:56,841 --> 00:48:00,143
And he gonna flip
to that Obama inauguration page,
1089
00:48:00,176 --> 00:48:02,979
and you're gonna see
those thousands of black people
1090
00:48:03,013 --> 00:48:05,248
out on the National Mall
just standing there,
1091
00:48:05,281 --> 00:48:07,050
and he's gonna come to me
1092
00:48:07,083 --> 00:48:10,054
and I gotta be accountable
for my absence.
1093
00:48:10,087 --> 00:48:11,822
"Daddy, were you there?"
1094
00:48:16,193 --> 00:48:18,194
Yeah, yeah, I was...
1095
00:48:18,228 --> 00:48:20,830
(laughter and applause)
1096
00:48:20,864 --> 00:48:22,266
Yeah, I'm right--
1097
00:48:22,299 --> 00:48:25,002
They cropped me out,
I was right there on the side.
1098
00:48:31,574 --> 00:48:34,344
I just hope that, you know,
1099
00:48:34,377 --> 00:48:38,214
what I try to do now
is enough, you know.
1100
00:48:38,248 --> 00:48:40,984
That's all you can do is
what you can do,
1101
00:48:41,017 --> 00:48:42,853
but I want free groceries.
1102
00:48:44,255 --> 00:48:46,357
And I'm not sure if what I did
is enough,
1103
00:48:46,390 --> 00:48:49,059
so I might have
to just spice up my story,
1104
00:48:49,093 --> 00:48:52,596
just add whatever happened.
1105
00:48:52,630 --> 00:48:55,433
'Cause when I'm 80, I'm gonna go
in the grocery store,
1106
00:48:55,466 --> 00:48:58,234
start cussing out kids.
1107
00:48:58,268 --> 00:49:02,173
You wasn't in the struggle, --!
1108
00:49:02,205 --> 00:49:06,109
You don't know
what it was like in 2017.
1109
00:49:06,142 --> 00:49:07,444
"What was it like?"
1110
00:49:07,478 --> 00:49:09,880
It was a struggle in 2017, --!
1111
00:49:09,914 --> 00:49:11,881
We tried to march
for police reform,
1112
00:49:11,915 --> 00:49:16,386
I ordered six nuggets, them
white folks only gave me five!
1113
00:49:16,420 --> 00:49:18,488
I had to pay for two sauces!
1114
00:49:18,521 --> 00:49:21,092
(cheers and applause)
1115
00:49:21,125 --> 00:49:25,228
Atlanta, I can't thank y'all
enough for the time.
1116
00:49:25,261 --> 00:49:27,397
Thank y'all so much
for coming out, man.
1117
00:49:27,430 --> 00:49:28,899
Appreciate y'all.
1118
00:49:28,933 --> 00:49:31,968
(cheers and applause)
1119
00:49:56,093 --> 00:49:57,961
Some shit go down in America,
1120
00:49:57,994 --> 00:49:59,362
them white artists
go straight to the studio,
1121
00:49:59,396 --> 00:50:02,265
pen and pad, right?
"I'm gonna write a new one!"
1122
00:50:02,298 --> 00:50:05,368
♪ I got a pet eagle
his name is Chuck ♪
1123
00:50:05,402 --> 00:50:09,038
♪ I feed him bacon and freedom
and I -- love Chuck, uh-uh ♪
85283
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.