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1
00:00:01,807 --> 00:00:04,685
("RED DWARF" THEME)
2
00:00:38,487 --> 00:00:40,842
Mmm! Smells good, Kryten. What is it?
3
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,885
Something I caught
scuttling around the cargo bay, sir.
4
00:00:44,047 --> 00:00:46,436
Landed a wrench on it. The rest is history!
5
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,320
Scuttling thing a la monkey wrench?
6
00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:51,717
Nothing I'm prepared to eat ever scuttles.
7
00:00:51,887 --> 00:00:53,878
This mouth is a scuttle-free zone.
8
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:57,523
- It does smell good, though.
- The only clue I'll give
9
00:00:57,687 --> 00:01:00,155
is we're having it with green wine.
10
00:01:00,367 --> 00:01:02,801
- It's space weevil, isn't it?
- No, sir.
11
00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:08,041
Look, the rule is simple. I will not eat
any animal that's been a cartoon.
12
00:01:08,207 --> 00:01:11,961
Weevils, rabbits,
dogs, cats, mice, roadrunners...
13
00:01:12,127 --> 00:01:14,595
All out. I'm not a cartoonivore!
14
00:01:15,447 --> 00:01:17,836
- Ta-da!
- Lobster?!
15
00:01:18,047 --> 00:01:21,835
Poached in a cream sauce, sir.
Little so-and-so escaped in the hold.
16
00:01:22,047 --> 00:01:26,643
- Where did you get a live lobster?
- The SS Centauri had four in stasis.
17
00:01:28,247 --> 00:01:31,239
You've gone to a lot of trouble over this.
18
00:01:31,447 --> 00:01:35,884
- You don't know what day it is, do you, sir?
- Someone's birthday? Christmas? Easter?
19
00:01:36,087 --> 00:01:38,396
- National Eat Something That Scuttles Day?
- No.
20
00:01:38,607 --> 00:01:42,236
- What, then?
- The day you rescued me from the Nova 5.
21
00:01:42,407 --> 00:01:44,637
I thought we'd have a surprise celebration!
22
00:01:44,847 --> 00:01:49,477
Why didn't you say? Ah, it wouldn't have been
much of a surprise, right?
23
00:01:49,687 --> 00:01:54,522
It would have been about as unsurprising
as an episode of "Tales of the Unexpected".
24
00:01:55,287 --> 00:01:58,643
- Eh?
- The old Channel 72 show. It was...
25
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,040
Everyone...
26
00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:05,240
- Never mind.
- OK, everybody? Ready? Let's go!
27
00:02:05,447 --> 00:02:08,166
- Go?
- To the Artificial Reality suite!
28
00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:11,478
We loaded in that new software
from the SS Centauri.
29
00:02:11,687 --> 00:02:14,963
Can you believe we found a copy
of "Jane Austen World"?
30
00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:18,403
It's my luckiest find
since that tube of leg wax.
31
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:20,558
You found my leg wax?
32
00:02:20,727 --> 00:02:25,278
We're going to visit "Pride and Prejudice"
land. This is gonna be so great!
33
00:02:25,447 --> 00:02:29,486
It's Chick City, bud! Five sisters,
all hotter than a Mustang's exhaust!
34
00:02:29,687 --> 00:02:33,839
- But what about the supper?
- The thing is, we didn't know.
35
00:02:34,047 --> 00:02:37,881
- We'll have it in a couple of hours.
- But I mean... It's just...
36
00:02:38,087 --> 00:02:42,763
Look, I'm trying to get the Bozo Brothers
interested in something more sophisticated
37
00:02:42,927 --> 00:02:48,240
than "Name That Smell" or "How Many Marbles
Can You Fit Up Your Nostril?"
38
00:02:48,407 --> 00:02:51,877
- We'll have it later.
- And you're going with them, sir?
39
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,515
- This is... It's unbelievable!
- I know!
40
00:02:54,687 --> 00:02:59,078
Dave and Jane Austen are not
an obvious pairing, but think about it -
41
00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:04,122
she's identified with Bath in the 19th century,
and that was the last time Dave had one!
42
00:03:04,287 --> 00:03:06,323
Come on!
43
00:03:07,727 --> 00:03:13,040
I just thought I'd check it out. I never had
much education going to art college.
44
00:03:13,207 --> 00:03:15,767
- Thought I might learn something here.
- Of course.
45
00:03:15,927 --> 00:03:20,682
You've always been a fan of 19th-century
observations of middle-class manners.
46
00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:22,280
Just because you own a T-shirt
advertising the band Colostomy Explosion
47
00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:27,238
doesn't mean you're not erudite!
48
00:03:27,447 --> 00:03:31,486
Just stick it in the oven
and we'll have it later.
49
00:03:31,647 --> 00:03:35,117
- Two days I've spent preparing this!
- Kryten, I've gotta go.
50
00:03:35,287 --> 00:03:38,199
They're waiting for me. Sorry.
51
00:03:38,367 --> 00:03:42,758
I don't know why I bother.
Gallivanting off like that!
52
00:03:42,927 --> 00:03:44,804
And on our anniversary too!
53
00:03:49,127 --> 00:03:55,123
"Pride and Prejudice" world! In cyberschool,
I used to spend all my time here.
54
00:03:55,287 --> 00:03:59,405
These strides are too tackle-tight,
Officer BB. I can barely cruise!
55
00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:02,764
Just try and appreciate the nuance and culture.
56
00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:07,364
I'm trying, but it's hard when a seam's
splicing your nadgers in two!
57
00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:10,599
- You're gonna spoil this for us.
- No, he won't.
58
00:04:10,767 --> 00:04:15,283
All clothes were nadger-restricting then.
That's why there were so many wars.
59
00:04:15,447 --> 00:04:17,438
OK? Let's interact with the characters,
60
00:04:17,607 --> 00:04:22,840
then perhaps you can begin to understand
why the book is such a masterpiece.
61
00:04:23,527 --> 00:04:28,237
Ah! Good morning, Mrs Bennet.
Is it not a most fine day?
62
00:04:29,167 --> 00:04:32,045
'Tis an utter delight and no mistake.
63
00:04:32,207 --> 00:04:38,043
Ooh! I don't believe we've had the pleasure
of meeting your handsome young friends.
64
00:04:38,207 --> 00:04:40,198
(GIGGLING)
65
00:04:40,407 --> 00:04:43,877
This is Mr Lister and his friend Mr Cat.
66
00:04:44,047 --> 00:04:46,720
(ALL GIGGLE)
67
00:04:46,927 --> 00:04:50,158
Would you like to join
our walk around the forest
68
00:04:50,327 --> 00:04:53,876
and later have tea in Mr Bingley's gazebo?
69
00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:57,682
- Oh, please, Mama, can they come?
- Oh, that would be so delightful!
70
00:04:57,847 --> 00:05:00,839
Oh, yes! Oh, please! Do! Do come to tea!
71
00:05:01,007 --> 00:05:02,998
Oh, please, please!
72
00:05:03,207 --> 00:05:05,516
They're so hot they're steaming!
73
00:05:09,527 --> 00:05:12,166
Cook it, don't cook it, do this, do that...
74
00:05:12,327 --> 00:05:18,357
Well, I'm sorry, I'm gonna make you eat
this damn supper if it's the last thing I do!
75
00:05:34,007 --> 00:05:36,885
(GIGGLING AND CHATTER)
76
00:05:48,967 --> 00:05:50,764
Aaah!
77
00:05:51,807 --> 00:05:53,604
(GAGS)
78
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:07,439
(THUD)
79
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:23,640
I'll just borrow the T-72 from the WW2 game,
80
00:06:23,807 --> 00:06:27,038
and then I think
we'll have everyone's attention.
81
00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:32,756
Where have Lizzie and Jane disappeared to?
82
00:06:32,927 --> 00:06:35,361
Such rudeness. I'm most vexed!
83
00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:37,205
(GIGGLING)
84
00:06:37,407 --> 00:06:39,762
Never mind, Mrs Bennet.
I'm sure they'll be...
85
00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:56,560
Perhaps I didn't make myself clear?
I said supper is ready!
86
00:07:06,327 --> 00:07:11,447
Is anyone still unclear
as to the supper situation? No? Excellent.
87
00:07:13,047 --> 00:07:15,197
I didn't know robots got PMT.
88
00:07:21,247 --> 00:07:24,284
- It's nice, Kryts. Really nice.
- (KOCHANSKI) It's really great.
89
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,762
- In fact, it's fantastic.
- Isn't it great?
90
00:07:26,927 --> 00:07:29,395
- It's really great.
- Really really great.
91
00:07:30,127 --> 00:07:32,322
Are we eating the same stuff?
92
00:07:34,047 --> 00:07:38,086
I don't know why I make the effort.
No one appreciates it.
93
00:07:38,247 --> 00:07:41,125
My fingers are worn down to the endoskeleton.
94
00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:43,921
- Is there any ketchup?
- Any what?
95
00:07:45,447 --> 00:07:48,405
Ketchup. A bit of ketchup. Just a dollop?
96
00:07:48,607 --> 00:07:50,598
- Ketchup?
- Oh, my God.
97
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,837
- You want ketchup?
- Um... brown!
98
00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:55,521
Not tomato! It's not like I've got no class.
99
00:07:55,727 --> 00:07:58,400
With lobster? You want brown ketchup?
100
00:07:58,607 --> 00:08:02,600
It's really nice, Kryts,
but you know me, I need it pepped up.
101
00:08:02,807 --> 00:08:06,516
I can't believe it. I simply cannot b...
102
00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:15,199
Well done, bud! Now we'll have to wash up.
103
00:08:16,687 --> 00:08:20,646
He's literally blown his top!
Cat, can you go and get a spare head?
104
00:08:20,847 --> 00:08:23,202
How come I do everything around here?
105
00:08:23,367 --> 00:08:29,886
I never get a second to myself!
"Do this, do that." What am I? A dog?
106
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,676
There. That's it. Boot him up.
107
00:08:42,487 --> 00:08:45,957
- You're sure you know what you're doing?
- Hey.
108
00:08:47,807 --> 00:08:49,923
Ketchup? With lobster?! You want...
109
00:08:52,887 --> 00:08:57,244
- You said you knew what you were doing!
- No, I just said "Hey".
110
00:08:57,407 --> 00:09:02,117
If you'd let me finish, I'd have said,
"Hey! No, I don't."
111
00:09:04,007 --> 00:09:06,601
- Any luck?
- We've been through his core program
112
00:09:06,767 --> 00:09:08,758
and can't find anything wrong.
113
00:09:08,967 --> 00:09:12,596
- Maybe worth testing it with a spare head?
- What spare head?
114
00:09:12,807 --> 00:09:14,798
We've blown them all out.
115
00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:20,246
Look at it. I've seen fewer blackheads
in a fried chicken franchise staffroom.
116
00:09:20,447 --> 00:09:25,680
We saved his RAM chips, so we've got his
personality on disk, but that's about it.
117
00:09:25,887 --> 00:09:30,119
Life without a head.
That'll put a real crimp on his lifestyle.
118
00:09:30,287 --> 00:09:34,121
- What can you do without a head?
- Apart from being you? Nothing.
119
00:09:34,327 --> 00:09:39,481
- We have to get him another one.
- How could I let this happen?
120
00:09:39,687 --> 00:09:43,885
When was the Centauri built?
Maybe they had a mechanoid service unit?
121
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:48,842
- Think. Any clues when it was built?
- Which century?
122
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:55,236
It had big crystalline turbine drives.
I'd say 21st or 22nd century...
123
00:09:56,247 --> 00:09:58,363
maybe even 23rd or 24th.
124
00:09:59,487 --> 00:10:04,038
At the outside, 25th, 26th or 27th.
But don't hold me to it.
125
00:10:04,927 --> 00:10:10,604
Why are we asking him? Let's ask someone
who can give us a more intelligent opinion.
126
00:10:12,927 --> 00:10:15,043
Hello, wall! What do you think?
127
00:10:15,447 --> 00:10:17,244
Hang on. Hang on.
128
00:10:19,287 --> 00:10:21,517
- What you doing?
- Connecting to their mainframe.
129
00:10:21,727 --> 00:10:25,083
If there's a Divadroid signature
on their supplies inventory,
130
00:10:25,247 --> 00:10:28,683
then it's possible there's some mech-heads
around there somewhere.
131
00:10:28,847 --> 00:10:30,838
Maybe 29th.
132
00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:52,280
Look!
133
00:10:53,367 --> 00:10:57,645
Hey... Simulant, probably rogue.
Let's get the smeg outta here!
134
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:01,924
Wait!
135
00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:10,004
(LISTER) Hmm, you smell good.
(CAT) Thanks!
136
00:11:17,607 --> 00:11:20,963
- They're all missing their primers.
- This Johnny won't help us.
137
00:11:21,127 --> 00:11:26,076
Simulants hate everything human or humanoid.
In fact, anything beginning with "hu".
138
00:11:26,247 --> 00:11:29,956
Probably hate the third largest city
in Vietnam, then!
139
00:11:30,127 --> 00:11:33,802
- Why's that?
- Because it's called Hue, dummy.
140
00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:38,483
Actually, it's pronounced "hwah",
but it wouldn't have been as funny.
141
00:11:38,647 --> 00:11:42,765
Any navigation conference would be
in the aisles with a quip like that.
142
00:11:42,927 --> 00:11:46,681
Probably trying to get out the building
before you quipped again.
143
00:11:46,847 --> 00:11:52,763
Well, the point I was trying to make
is that Sims hate humans but not Gelfs.
144
00:11:52,927 --> 00:11:56,203
- But we're not Gelfs.
- We could be.
145
00:11:57,807 --> 00:12:01,595
- This is nuts!
- We look great! What are you talking about?
146
00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:05,402
- This is never gonna work.
- Achachachachach ach-ach?
147
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,398
Hachachachach! Achachach!
148
00:12:07,567 --> 00:12:09,922
- You can't speak Gelf.
- Neither can the Sim!
149
00:12:10,087 --> 00:12:15,480
We'll just do an impression of you
first thing in the morning. Come on, boy.
150
00:12:18,407 --> 00:12:21,717
(LISTER) This is demeaning.
I feel like a piece of meat!
151
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:27,161
There's someone up there!
Hachachachach! Achachach!
152
00:12:27,327 --> 00:12:30,080
Achachachachach ach-ach-ach?
153
00:12:30,247 --> 00:12:33,523
It's worse than
the Chronic Catarrh Sufferers' annual outing!
154
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,998
- Achachachachach?
- After spare mech-heads, eh?
155
00:12:41,167 --> 00:12:46,002
Human! Lovely with a bit of mint sauce!
How about a trade?
156
00:12:46,207 --> 00:12:51,725
We ain't selling, OK?
Fuel, supplies, anything, but not the human.
157
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:54,720
- Achachachachach!
- I was just telling him. No deal.
158
00:12:54,887 --> 00:12:58,084
- Achachachachach!
- Like she says, no deal.
159
00:12:58,247 --> 00:13:00,317
- Achachachach!
- You tell him, bud-babe!
160
00:13:00,487 --> 00:13:02,523
No deal! You got that?
161
00:13:02,727 --> 00:13:05,685
So... you speak Earth, eh?
162
00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,886
Ach.
163
00:13:10,407 --> 00:13:15,322
Now... Tails, you can have
the mech-heads for free.
164
00:13:16,287 --> 00:13:20,360
- Heads, I take the human.
- Hey, wait a minute!
165
00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:26,203
It's tails. The heads are yours.
166
00:13:27,567 --> 00:13:31,685
And here are the primers.
167
00:13:32,327 --> 00:13:35,285
Now, how about a toast, eh?
168
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:39,963
To Simulants,
the greatest droids in the universe!
169
00:13:41,007 --> 00:13:44,283
But never trust 'em, eh? Cheers!
170
00:13:49,127 --> 00:13:51,118
Ah! (LAUGHS)
171
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,603
- Oh, we've been set up!
- But how?
172
00:13:58,807 --> 00:14:03,642
He must have had a sidekick. He kept us
talking while his mate ransacked the ship!
173
00:14:03,807 --> 00:14:05,399
Kryten!
174
00:14:11,287 --> 00:14:14,085
They've taken his RAM chip too.
175
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:31,399
Little job for you, Able.
Looks like a negadrive throwback.
176
00:14:31,567 --> 00:14:35,560
- Oh, wow! Another mech.
- Fix him ready for market
177
00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:39,442
or I'll apply the electro-leads
to your nipple nuts.
178
00:14:39,607 --> 00:14:42,201
Fix him or get fried nipple nuts?
179
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:47,202
Erm... Er... I think I'm gonna choose
the fix him option! Deal!
180
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:51,837
And hurry it up, you stupid zoney!
181
00:14:52,047 --> 00:14:54,117
Can I ask about a pay rise?
182
00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:59,325
I'm almost out of otrazone. I need more.
183
00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:03,321
Fix the mech first. Here's his RAM chip.
184
00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:12,398
(GRUNTS)
185
00:15:14,687 --> 00:15:16,678
Totally tubular!
186
00:15:28,687 --> 00:15:30,564
(BLEEPS)
187
00:15:30,727 --> 00:15:33,878
Goodness me! What a peculiar experience.
188
00:15:34,047 --> 00:15:36,845
Thank you, Mr, er...? What is your name?
189
00:15:37,047 --> 00:15:40,756
Er, just give me a second, OK? (GRUNTS)
190
00:15:40,927 --> 00:15:46,877
I've just sent that query down to long-term
memory retrieval. It'll be back in no time.
191
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,959
Hang on. Here it comes. (GRUNTS)
192
00:15:50,127 --> 00:15:52,595
Told you it would be quick. (STRAINS)
193
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:56,476
Able. My name's Able. A-B-L-E, Able.
194
00:15:56,687 --> 00:15:59,440
My name is Kryten. You're a 4000 series, too.
195
00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:03,804
Er, hang on. Won't take a tick. (GRUNTS)
196
00:16:03,967 --> 00:16:06,640
Please, don't bother.
Believe me, you are a 4000.
197
00:16:06,847 --> 00:16:10,522
Well, I could check.
It'd only take about 20 seconds.
198
00:16:10,687 --> 00:16:15,841
Your serial number's 2X4C. I'm a 2X4C too!
We must have the same motherboard.
199
00:16:16,047 --> 00:16:20,882
Oh, then you're my bro!
Hey, wow, you wanna try some otrazone?
200
00:16:21,087 --> 00:16:23,237
Otrazone's dangerous and highly addictive!
201
00:16:23,447 --> 00:16:27,076
I just use it now and then.
It helps me through the day.
202
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:30,762
- How come you ended up here?
- Er, hang on.
203
00:16:30,927 --> 00:16:34,237
- (GRUNTS)
- Irritating characteristic.
204
00:16:34,447 --> 00:16:39,237
Uh! OK. The ship I was on,
er... kind of crashed a bit.
205
00:16:39,447 --> 00:16:42,166
- "Crashed a bit"?
- The crew just lay there
206
00:16:42,327 --> 00:16:44,363
and didn't talk to me any more.
207
00:16:44,527 --> 00:16:47,997
After a couple of years,
I figured out they must be dead.
208
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:51,557
A long time later,
the Simulant guy picked me up.
209
00:16:51,727 --> 00:16:55,720
He's a psychopathic killing machine,
but he has his good side.
210
00:16:55,887 --> 00:17:01,519
And he has a huge stash of otrazone!
You sure you won't try some, Kryten, bro?
211
00:17:01,727 --> 00:17:05,356
I do not touch otrazone!
It corrupts your circuit boards!
212
00:17:06,487 --> 00:17:09,923
Well, that's what people say,
but where's the evidence?
213
00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:14,398
Have I just said that?
214
00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:22,565
Approaching the Centauri,
80 klicks and closing. Nice and easy, man.
215
00:17:23,727 --> 00:17:27,322
Hang on. Their retros have started up.
They've spotted us!
216
00:17:31,127 --> 00:17:34,403
Look at that acceleration!
They're already halfway across the sector!
217
00:17:34,607 --> 00:17:37,644
It can travel at speeds we can only dream of.
218
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:42,363
Most ice cream vans can travel
at speeds we can only dream of.
219
00:17:42,567 --> 00:17:46,037
We're never gonna catch them now.
We've lost Kryten.
220
00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:51,605
OK, turn the thrusters to maximum speed
on a bearing Q23 stroke J80.
221
00:17:55,447 --> 00:17:57,881
This is the opposite direction, full speed!
222
00:17:58,047 --> 00:18:00,117
- Precisely.
- Why do we wanna do that?
223
00:18:00,327 --> 00:18:03,080
- It's totally insane.
- (LISTER) So why do it?
224
00:18:03,247 --> 00:18:07,798
Perhaps if we'd planted something aboard
the Centauri that was gonna blow any second.
225
00:18:07,967 --> 00:18:12,722
- But we haven't.
- No, so why are we in such a rush?
226
00:18:12,887 --> 00:18:14,878
- It doesn't make sense.
- Exactly.
227
00:18:15,047 --> 00:18:18,164
- (LISTER) Unless we really planted a bomb.
- Which we haven't.
228
00:18:18,367 --> 00:18:20,642
So even though we didn't plant a bomb,
229
00:18:20,807 --> 00:18:25,244
the only thing that explains what we're doing
is if we did... which we didn't!
230
00:18:25,407 --> 00:18:28,683
But we must have,
otherwise what we're doing is totally nuts!
231
00:18:28,887 --> 00:18:32,197
- Exactly.
- They've turned around to track us!
232
00:18:33,647 --> 00:18:35,365
What a fluke!
233
00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:46,201
Getting an incoming.
Someone's beaming on board, cargo bay!
234
00:18:52,447 --> 00:18:54,836
We know about the bomb.
235
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:58,596
So we did plant a bomb!
I was beginning to wonder.
236
00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:01,924
Where did you hide it? Speak!
237
00:19:02,127 --> 00:19:06,086
Or you'll be picking bits
of charred mech out of your clothing.
238
00:19:06,287 --> 00:19:10,644
- Can I change into dungarees?
- Hand over Kryten and we'll tell you.
239
00:19:10,847 --> 00:19:14,476
Clearly I need to prove myself.
240
00:19:15,847 --> 00:19:19,362
Kryten, that file in your CPU,
241
00:19:19,527 --> 00:19:22,121
the one you've never been able to access.
242
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:27,156
The password is 4X2C.
243
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,403
Hang on, man. (GRUNTS)
244
00:19:29,607 --> 00:19:32,758
It's about your creator, Kryten, Dr Mammett.
245
00:19:32,967 --> 00:19:35,481
- Kryten, no!
- Accessing now.
246
00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:40,595
No! It can't be true.
247
00:19:41,727 --> 00:19:44,116
- It can't.
- The truth is in there.
248
00:19:44,287 --> 00:19:46,596
That's what turned me into a zoney.
249
00:19:46,807 --> 00:19:48,399
Who's next?
250
00:19:48,567 --> 00:19:53,880
The cat or the woman?
Choose. Heads or tails?
251
00:19:56,047 --> 00:19:57,480
Heads!
252
00:20:04,447 --> 00:20:09,726
Right, let's send them back and get outta here
before they get their smeg together!
253
00:20:24,007 --> 00:20:25,998
Kryten, man, what's wrong?
254
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:29,842
You look sadder than the salad you get
with a takeaway kebab.
255
00:20:30,007 --> 00:20:33,522
- Tell me what you found out.
- I can't. It's too terrible.
256
00:20:33,727 --> 00:20:36,844
Kryten, we're amigos. You've gotta tell me.
257
00:20:37,047 --> 00:20:39,515
- You keep secrets from me, sir.
- Like what?
258
00:20:39,687 --> 00:20:42,360
- Your nickname at school?
- What nickname?
259
00:20:42,527 --> 00:20:45,200
- I know what it was.
- No one knows that.
260
00:20:45,367 --> 00:20:49,246
I'm afraid that's just not true, Fatboy.
You talk in your sleep.
261
00:20:49,407 --> 00:20:52,956
It was for a few years
when I lived with me gran.
262
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:56,278
She was massive. Her stockings
rubbed together when she walked.
263
00:20:56,767 --> 00:21:00,282
It sounded like a steam train
pulling out of a station.
264
00:21:00,447 --> 00:21:03,962
I got fat, too.
It really hit home when she died.
265
00:21:04,127 --> 00:21:08,882
She got hit by this truck, and the chalk outline
guy had to get more chalk!
266
00:21:09,047 --> 00:21:11,766
I thought, "I don't want
to be a double-chalker."
267
00:21:11,927 --> 00:21:16,557
If you ever tell anyone, you're in pieces.
Now tell me about your creator.
268
00:21:16,727 --> 00:21:20,322
- Oh, it's so humiliating!
- Tell me about Professor Mammett.
269
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:26,596
Well, she was due to marry John Warburton,
a fellow bio-engineer.
270
00:21:26,767 --> 00:21:31,887
He jilted her the day before their wedding,
so she created a droid in his image -
271
00:21:32,047 --> 00:21:37,838
a pompous, ridiculous-looking,
mother-hen-clucking, irascible buffoon.
272
00:21:38,007 --> 00:21:42,922
- What happened to this droid?
- That droid, sir, is me!
273
00:21:43,087 --> 00:21:47,717
Pompous? Ridiculous-looking?
Mother-hen-clucking?
274
00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:50,526
Oh, yeah. I see now.
275
00:21:50,687 --> 00:21:53,326
We're all John Warburton,
the entire 4000 series.
276
00:21:53,487 --> 00:21:55,478
It was Mammett's revenge.
277
00:21:55,687 --> 00:21:59,805
Judging from that groinal attachment,
you can see why she was sad to lose him.
278
00:22:00,007 --> 00:22:04,125
As part of the joke,
all my negative emotions - jealousy, anger -
279
00:22:04,287 --> 00:22:07,802
are stored on a special file, my negadrive.
280
00:22:07,967 --> 00:22:11,880
Now, when this file gets full it blows!
Just like he used to.
281
00:22:12,047 --> 00:22:14,607
All your resentment's in this? It's so small.
282
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:18,919
Oh, don't be fooled, sir. This box
contains the greatest concentration
283
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:22,875
of anger, jealousy and resentment
outside a BAFTA awards ceremony!
284
00:22:23,087 --> 00:22:27,842
So Able felt betrayed, lost all his
self-esteem and turned to otrazone.
285
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:31,526
He told me. He's promised to quit.
286
00:22:31,687 --> 00:22:33,803
How could Mammett have done this?
287
00:22:33,967 --> 00:22:38,085
Kryten, you may have started out
as a joke, but you've changed.
288
00:22:38,247 --> 00:22:43,367
Look how different you are to Able.
Mammett wouldn't even recognise you.
289
00:22:43,527 --> 00:22:45,916
- I've evolved?
- You bet.
290
00:22:46,087 --> 00:22:48,396
I've become something that's beyond a joke?
291
00:22:48,567 --> 00:22:50,558
Too right, man.
292
00:22:51,367 --> 00:22:54,120
There's something coming in
from the starboard bow!
293
00:22:56,167 --> 00:23:00,445
- The Sim's back. He's got a lock on!
- Reverse thrust. Go! Five-niner-seven.
294
00:23:00,607 --> 00:23:02,802
- (BOOM)
- Missed, but still locked on!
295
00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:06,243
- Take us into that asteroid belt.
- Not an asteroid belt!
296
00:23:06,407 --> 00:23:11,481
- Is that a problem?
- It sure is! My hair gets all messed up!
297
00:23:12,607 --> 00:23:17,237
- So what do we do? Get splattered?
- Rather that than look like Tina Turner!
298
00:23:17,447 --> 00:23:19,961
- I'm taking us in.
- Once in,
299
00:23:20,127 --> 00:23:23,403
maintain silence
till he's convinced we're not there.
300
00:23:26,967 --> 00:23:30,039
I know you're in that belt somewhere.
301
00:23:32,487 --> 00:23:36,639
One little mistake... and you're mine.
302
00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:03,758
(ENGINES ROAR)
303
00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:08,762
The mistake is made.
304
00:24:12,607 --> 00:24:14,598
What happened, man?
305
00:24:14,847 --> 00:24:19,079
- I don't know! I don't know nothin'!
- Get him out of here!
306
00:24:21,207 --> 00:24:23,243
Leave him to me!
307
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:31,716
I think I may have pressed the wrong button.
308
00:24:31,927 --> 00:24:34,202
You have jeopardised the crew's lives,
309
00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:36,801
breaking the most basic command codes!
310
00:24:37,007 --> 00:24:40,477
I'm sorry. I didn't mean nothin'.
311
00:24:46,247 --> 00:24:49,922
- He's mad. We don't stand a chance!
- I can't throw him off.
312
00:24:50,087 --> 00:24:55,366
- I'm using every trick I know!
- Let's moon out of the starboard portholes!
313
00:24:55,527 --> 00:24:58,087
That always works for me!
314
00:24:58,287 --> 00:25:00,676
Wait! Someone's left the ship, an escape pod!
315
00:25:02,567 --> 00:25:05,798
- It's Able!
- It's heading towards the Sim's ship.
316
00:25:06,007 --> 00:25:09,602
Why, that slimy,
double-crossing, two-faced piece of scum!
317
00:25:09,767 --> 00:25:11,280
He's no brother of mine!
318
00:25:15,087 --> 00:25:19,683
- He's fired something at them.
- Some sort of energy field. Looks heavy.
319
00:25:19,887 --> 00:25:25,564
The negadrive! He's rerouted my negadrive
energy through the escape pod's thrusters.
320
00:25:25,727 --> 00:25:28,560
The Simulant ship is engulfed in negativity.
321
00:25:31,487 --> 00:25:35,241
It's all hopeless! Nobody loves me!
322
00:25:36,807 --> 00:25:40,720
I'm so ugly! I never get invited to parties!
323
00:25:42,287 --> 00:25:44,437
I hate this ship!
324
00:25:47,007 --> 00:25:48,998
I hate everything!
325
00:26:07,647 --> 00:26:09,638
Able's pod just crash-landed.
326
00:26:10,847 --> 00:26:13,156
He gave his life, and we hardly knew him.
327
00:26:13,367 --> 00:26:18,919
With your permission, I should like
to recover the body and perform last rites.
328
00:26:26,927 --> 00:26:31,478
- Do you need a hand, Kryts?
- He ain't heavy, sir. He's my brother.
329
00:26:35,127 --> 00:26:37,243
Great anniversary party, Kryters.
330
00:26:37,447 --> 00:26:39,597
Curry World! Fan-smeggin'-tastic!
331
00:26:41,487 --> 00:26:44,206
How utterly splendid!
332
00:26:44,367 --> 00:26:47,643
Mine's the vindaloo, whatever that is.
333
00:26:48,687 --> 00:26:52,965
Mrs Bennet, Jane, Kitty, I beg you,
have the omelette with the big chips.
334
00:26:53,127 --> 00:26:57,086
- Curries are an acquired taste.
- Oh, nonsense!
335
00:26:57,247 --> 00:27:00,717
Mr Darcy didn't think Jane
would enjoy French apples,
336
00:27:00,887 --> 00:27:04,323
but she did, didn't you, Jane?
337
00:27:04,487 --> 00:27:06,637
Now tuck in, girls!
338
00:27:17,767 --> 00:27:21,840
I do declare, Mr Lister,
this is most scrumptious!
339
00:27:22,047 --> 00:27:25,164
Oh, Mama, it's the most succulent dish
I've ever tasted!
340
00:27:25,367 --> 00:27:28,404
A most meritorious venture.
341
00:27:35,167 --> 00:27:37,601
(ALL SCREAM)
342
00:27:37,807 --> 00:27:40,196
Curious. There must be a bug in the program.
343
00:27:40,367 --> 00:27:41,959
- I'm on fire!
- Water!
344
00:27:42,127 --> 00:27:44,721
- Somebody help me!
- I'll work on it.
345
00:27:51,767 --> 00:27:53,359
It's cold outside,there's no kind of atmosphere
346
00:27:53,527 --> 00:27:56,758
I'm all alone, more or less
347
00:27:56,927 --> 00:28:00,158
Let me fly far away from here
348
00:28:00,327 --> 00:28:02,283
Fun, fun, fun
349
00:28:03,127 --> 00:28:06,676
In the sun, sun, sun
350
00:28:06,847 --> 00:28:10,123
I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
351
00:28:10,287 --> 00:28:13,518
Drinking fresh mango juice
352
00:28:13,687 --> 00:28:16,804
Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
353
00:28:16,967 --> 00:28:19,640
Fun, fun, fun
354
00:28:19,807 --> 00:28:23,482
In the sun, sun, sun
355
00:28:23,647 --> 00:28:26,320
Fun, fun, fun
356
00:28:26,487 --> 00:28:30,685
In the sun, sun, sun
357
00:28:30,735 --> 00:28:35,285
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