Original subtitles

Not pregnant!

- Oh hey... - ??

I can't marry someone, who won't let me make any decisions.

Okay? I'm starting to realize that you're very controlling.

- Do you want this back? - I know that I screwed up.

In a hundred different ways

a hundred different times.

I'm sorry. I want to be part

of Drew and Amber's lives, whatever it takes.

I remember specifically

how things were at home when you were just a baby.

I'm just saying that he's changed now.

I talked to him. He's different.

Okay, honey, so far we have 12 rsvps.

I need to buy the ingredients for the cake.

I need to buy bug-themed stuff for goodie bags...

I don't know about that...

Organize a craft, and Joel and Julia said

that they'd make bug-shaped cookies,

which is awesome.

Why can't we just buy

bug-shaped cookies from somewhere?

Think about that sentence.

It's here!

It's here, and it's awesome.

What?

Look. Is that... That's him.

That's the bug guy, and he's got a giant cricket

that moves on his truck.

It's so cool! Wow.

- Oh, my God. - It's so cool.

He's right. Please, just be...

I'd really rather you didn't.

- Honey. - Look at this!

- Max, be careful. - Can you not touch that?

I'm Andy Fitzgerald

from Amazing Andy's Wonderful World of Bugs.

Adam...

I have a few things I need to go over with you.

Mom! Dad!

Amazing Andy's got a little attitude.

I love this car.

Honey, can you get him out of there?

- Let's go. - So cool.

Don't touch the grasshopper.

It's a cricket, mom.

- Well, whatever. - I love this guy.

[Door opens]

Hey, buddy.

- Come on. - Hey, dad.

- Stop. - Hey.

We're gonna get some burgers at Oscar's

and then check out some vinyl at amoeba.

Why don't you... Why don't you come with?

No, I'm really... I'm busy.

But have fun, Drew.

Not tonight, but have fun.

Hey, I'm gonna be at work, okay,

so grandpa's in charge.

- Yeah. - Hey, have him back by 10:00,

all right, Seth?

It's a school night.

You got it, z.

You didn't say hi, dad.

[Engine starts]

- Does he mean 10:00 A.M.? - Uh, no.

It's really good for him, you know, to see his dad.

It really is.

Is it? I don't know.

I don't know.

[Cell phone ringing]

What, Crosby?

This is stupid, okay?

We are fighting over how to load a dishwasher.

Oh, so now it's about the dishwasher?

What about all that stuff you said?

People say mean stuff

when they're in the middle of a fight, okay?

It doesn't mean we have

an actual issue we need to work out.

You said that you couldn't marry a woman like me.

Yeah, in the middle of an argument.

You also said that I was controlling,

you were disappearing,

and you don't like my vision for our family.

You're twisting my words right now.

That is not how I feel about you.

Well, then you shouldn't have said it.

All right, well, you know what,

if I would have known that everything I said

was gonna be used against me, I would have had a lawyer there.

Well, how about you call your sister then?

I won't cry, cry, cry

for you, baby

There will be no deviating from scheduled show time.

- Mm-hmm. - No one is to come

within ten feet of insects.

Outlets must be no more than 15 feet

away from presentation area.

Outlets. Grounded outlets.

Minimum of two available outlets is mandatory.

I don't think we have two outlets

that are 15 feet away... That's a deal breaker.

No, yes, we do. Yes, we do.

We have that one by the living room window

and then the one by the hose. That's less than 15 feet.

Really bad idea to have an outlet by a hose.

- That's what I said. - It came like that.

- It's workable. - All right.

Maximum number of party guests is 25.

- Um... - Andy, I have

kind of a big family, and then his whole class

is gonna be coming, so can you stretch that to 35 or so?

Dad, stop making him mad.

- No, no. - But it's not your house.

- Stop making him mad, dad. - Okay, 25 it is.

Finally, no clapping will be tolerated.

All right. There's gonna be kids here.

There's gonna be clapping.

Very bad for the bugs.

Yeah, it really is terrible. It scrambles their brains.

No clapping. We'll make sure there's no clapping.

I think we got it all covered.

I'm gonna use your bathroom.

Yeah, it's upstairs.

- There's one right in the hall. - No, it's upstairs.

Max.

Okay, this guy is so cool.

Did you see his bug portfolio?

Oh, my... I'm gonna go get my beetle scrapbook

and show it to him.

He's the weirdest person

I've ever met in my entire life.

That's an understatement.

- What are we gonna do? - There's gonna be

a lot more than 25 people, I can tell you that.

Oh, hell, yeah. I can't imagine 25 people.

It's our house. He can't tell us how many...

This guy performed at Max's school?

Are you sure we got the right guy?

Yes. [Shower running]

Honey, I don't know that he is in the shower.

Who would just go in someone's shower?

You okay?

Andy, are you all right in there?

Yes.

It's okay. I'm fine.

[Muttering]

What kind of a person goes into somebody's shower

in their house?

Oh, my God, Amazing Andy

is in my shower!

Sync by mczolly www.addic7ed.com

Okay, okay, okay, okay, we need to stop.

- Do we? - Yeah.

'Cause we got to make a baby,

and you're gonna blow the ingredients.

That statement should turn me off, but, you know, it didn't.

It doesn't? [Laughs]

No. Oh, God.

Joel.

Joel, stop.

Joel, Joel. Joel, Joel.

Come here. Okay. Okay.

I will be ovulating within 48 hours.

- Ooh. - Okay?

You know the statistics.

I love when you say statistics.

Say it again. Oh, no.

Okay. No, no.

No, no. Don't, don't, don't.

Don't blow the sperm count. Okay?

Oh, okay.

You need to keep that gun loaded.

You can't discharge. You can't discharge

48 hours before I'm ovulating.

- I am listening to you. - Okay.

Oh, God. Think of our baby

waiting to be conceived.

That's a little mean.

- It's not mean. - That's kind of cruel.

No, it's nature.

I didn't make the rules.

Two more days. Okay?

- Okay. - Okay. Bye.

No funny business in the shower.

- No funny business. - Okay.

It's gonna be a long two days.

I know. I love you.

I've got to ask you about your experience

with Amazing Andy and his Wonderful World of Bugs.

Oh, he does shows for us every year.

He's great. Really?

Huh.

Yeah.

You know he has Asperger's, right?

No. What?

I... I didn't know that.

It's why we support his business.

- Right. - And he's quite good.

- Yeah. - But I understand.

It's a little different at a party at your house.

I just don't know if it's gonna work.

I mean, we're gonna have all these kids there that...

Just do what you feel comfortable doing.

Wrote my name on the last one.

Thank you.

My six stickers?

No, I have your two stickers, Max.

No, I'm supposed to get six stickers

for finishing my homework. No, we changed the rule.

Remember? Now that you're getting older

and so grown up, we're weaning you off the stickers.

That's not fair. I finished my homework.

Max.

Take a deep breath.

I don't want to.

Max. Getting upset's not gonna change it.

You get two stickers.

I don't like this new rule,

and I don't like you.

It's just... Max.

- I just don't... - Max.

It's not fair.

Why did you have to come here today?

Why did you have to change the rule?

You just ruin everything.

You're actually... You're an idiot.

You're an idiot.

You just think that you're helping me,

but it's just... It's a joke.

It's... I haven't learned one single thing from you.

- Max. - Since you started coming here.

Max. Stop it.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Max.

- Hey, hey. - You're useless!

That is enough. Max.

- I don't want you to be here. - Max.

- Max. Hey, hey. - [Screaming indistinctly]

Holy crap.

Are you okay?

I'm used to it.

You can't be used to that.

Um...

What do you... Laundry?

Yeah, I'm doing laundry.

You're not okay. I'm fine. Honestly.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

You want me to call Adam?

No, no, no, please, please.

I just need... I need to go back upstairs.

Well, I'll be here doing laundry for two hours

if you need anything.

Thank you.

Kristina, how did we not see that this guy has Asperger's?

Honey, I don't know.

I felt like a total moron when she said that.

I don't know. I guess we're just so used to thinking

about it in terms of kids.

- Uh-huh. - We forget they grow up.

I know.

- Oh, my God. - But they do.

They do grow up.

All right, so what do you think?

Do you think that we should use this guy

for the birthday party or not?

I mean, I feel like ethically...

I don't know.

I mean, it makes me really nervous.

- Mm-hmm. - Okay, we're gonna have a house

full of autistic kids.

What if something goes wrong?

Not according to plan? He's gonna lose it.

Look, honey, I'm thinking the same thing.

I'm thinking the same thing. It sucks.

Right. So I don't know what to do.

I mean, I feel like a hypocrite

because, like, you know, what if one day

Max wants to get a job and the people don't hire him

because they're nervous?

All right, look, we don't have

to be ethical superheroes about this.

No, we don't. You're right.

I don't... I don't feel like we do.

You know, I think we actually owe it to Max

to trust our guts on this one.

And as much as I want to feel comfortable

hiring a man with Asperger's

to entertain at my son's birthday party,

I really don't. Okay.

Then the answer's no. No.

I could not do your job.

That sounds very stressful.

I don't know. Just, I guess, between the kids

and their needs and their parents sometimes

can be a lot, and the criticism...

It just... it can sometimes feel a little thankless.

That's all.

But...I don't know.

It seems like it would be very isolating too.

Like, kind of lonely.

Are we talking about my personal life now?

You're not lonely.

That's impossible.

[Laughs]

Let's not go there.

Wait a minute. You're lonely?

'Cause I don't believe it. [Laughs]

You only interact with blind people?

Come on.

Let's talk about you.

Why are you in the doghouse?

Um...

Apparently I shouldn't be making any decisions,

is what I'm gathering.

How do you feel about that?

Well, um, I don't know.

Maybe I shouldn't be making decisions.

Why not?

I don't know. Do I strike you

as someone that should be making a lot of decisions?

I mean, you're a smart guy.

You think so?

Yeah.

You have a very kind opinion of me.

And I appreciate it.

I'm just being honest.

[Snorts] Sorry.

Ow. Careful.

Don't knock your teeth out.

- I should probably... - You got to go somewhere?

Yeah.

Um...

Thank you.

- Thank you. - Um...

Do I...

Okay when it ??, chill for 20 minutes,

then we need to put it on a board and...

Okay, work it into shape.

It's in shape. It's in...

Great shape.

Good, so then we need

to work the dough

until it comes together. What does that mean?

It means the dough forms into a cohesive unit.

And all the ingredients come together

to do what nature intended flour and butter

and baking soda to do.

Hey.

Are you okay over there?

Am I okay? No.

No, Julia, I'm making love to dough.

From a bird's eye view, you can see it

it's sublime and it's absurd

I love you.

Mm. You pick the strangest times to say that.

It's within the next 24 hours.

Yeah. Do you have to lean over?

Okay. Wow.

All right. The clock is ticking, okay?

- Mm-hmm. - Hey.

I will make it so worth your wait.

Love is a dirty word

That's not nice.

What you just did.

Love is a dirty word

[Indistinct muttering]

[Door shuts] Hi.

Did we have an appointment?

This is something I give to all the people that hire me.

It's a smiling plush cricket.

Crickets can't actually smile, though.

That would be anthropomorphizing.

But a thoughtful gift helps create repeat business.

That's true, and it's really cute and nice

and smiling in its anthro...

Hey, honey. Hey.

Andy, what are you doing here?

I'm here to measure for the show Saturday.

I always measure two days ahead.

Uh...

I didn't call him.

- Honey, we talked about this. - I don't know what to do.

He brought us a plush cricket.

Honey, he's going in the house.

Okay, well, then do something.

Hey.

- What is he doing? - He doesn't look very happy.

- What is that? - I don't know.

He doesn't look happy. I have no idea, Max.

Does this mean he's not gonna do my party?

- Oh, no. - We don't know.

I don't know what he's doing.

- Max. - Are you gonna do my party?

- No. - Why?

Your yard has no sun protection.

My bugs will fry out here.

We can do it inside. Can we do it inside?

We have to. It's okay.

- We can do it inside. - Max, calm down.

Andy, Andy, is it possible

to do the show inside?

- Let me take some measurements. - Yes!

He's taking measurements. - Whoo-hoo!

Adam, way too loud. I'm trying to work here.

- Can't fire him now. - I'm not.

You wanted to. You want me to grab this kit?

No, only I touch it.

It's gonna be great.

[Door shuts]

What are you doing here?

This fight is so pointless.

I don't know how it blew up to this point,

but I don't know what's happening.

I mean...

Did you just wake up and decide that you don't like me anymore?

Or that I'm not worth working this out?

I don't like it.

Yeah, well, I don't like having to explain to Jabbar

why his father's not home.

Crosby, we have issues,

and we're trying to overcome these issues

because we want to be together.

But just because we want it

doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

I think we need some time...

To figure out what we really want.

I just want to make sure

that I'm making the right decision

for the right reasons.

You should do the same.

Well, that scares me.

Me too.

[Door closes, approaching footsteps]

Zeek.

How you doing?

Good.

You sober?

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

Nine months.

- Well, that's a good thing. - Yeah.

So, I mean, hey, you don't have

to wait out here for Drew.

Come on inside.

No, thanks. I'm good.

I'll wait out here.

Okay.

You know, Seth, I think what you're doing,

it's a good thing.

What's that? Waiting out here?

No. [Laughs]

No, you know, wanting to see your son.

Wanting to see Drew. I mean, he missed you.

Look, Zeek, you don't have to do this.

I mean, you don't like me.

And I don't like you.

So let's just be civil

to each other when Drew's around,

and, the rest of the time, let's not talk, okay?

- All right, Seth. - All right.

I was just trying to be hospitable, Seth.

You know?

And there was a little bit of forgiveness in all that.

God, you're unbelievable.

I mean, you just... Zeek, you don't change.

Yeah?

So? What do you mean?

It's all about you, always.

"I'm just trying to be hospitable.

"Hey, come on in. You're a good guy.

[Muttering]"

You know, forget it.

Yeah, just trying to be friendly.

- I know. - Hey, why is it you always take

something good, Seth, somebody trying to be compassionate,

and you just turn it into crap?

Why do you do that?

Wow, you sound like your daughter.

Hey. Let me tell you something.

You never talk about my daughter ever in front of me,

do you understand that?

And I think it's great that you want to see Drew.

But you harm that boy,

and I will shove that guitar so far down your throat,

you'll be playing it with your tongue.

What are you doing?

Dad, are you okay?

- It's okay, Drew. - What was that?

No, it's not okay.

- It's all right. - Come on, dad.

You know, I reserved the cage for 5:30,

but they're still in there.

Hey, dad, did grandpa say something to you earlier

that upset you? 'Cause, if he did,

like, don't be offended by it or anything.

I mean, it's just him. It's just the way he acts.

Hey, I know all about Zeek.

All right?

Where are you from?

What do you mean?

Well, you're not like your mother,

and you're better than me.

That's not true.

I'm sorry that I'm not everything I'm supposed to be.

We are who we are.

It's hard having people tell you that you don't add up

even if you don't add up.

I'll meet you someday

Hey, guys, come on, clear the cage.

You're ten minutes over.

Whatever, dude.

- Man, come on. - Whatever, dude.

I'm not worried about you, man.

It's fine. They're just being jerks.

Not to me and you, they're not.

Yeah, okay.

Hey, what are you doing, man?

Let's go, boys.

Oh, let's play a little baseball.

[Overlapping chatter]

Look who's tough guys now.

Come on, kid.

Okay, that was a little over the top.

Really, it wasn't at all.

[Laughs]

Okay.

Come on, son.

Let's see what you got.

Hey, dad, you do add up.

Seriously.

Thanks, buddy.

Yeah.

All right, put one over that big green wall.

Oh, yeah!

Dad, just remember, there has to be

the same amount of each thing in each one.

- Yes, Amy, yes. - I'm giving everybody one...

We're very excited. I'm making...

The cupcakes are gluten-free. I'm making them myself.

All gluten-free. Different varieties.

Everything. Okay?

Yeah, we're excited.

Okay, we'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

These parents are crazy. She's crazy.

That's the third time she's asked me

if the cake is gluten-free.

Well, honey, they're just trying

to get their... What are you doing?

- She's giving me a tattoo. - No, no.

You guys, we only have a few of those tattoos.

Take it off.

Haddie, please take it... Do something, please.

You guys good in here?

Everything good? You need more...

You need more balls.

No, no, we have plenty of balls.

Don't be a perv. Okay.

Just holler if you need me.

It's pretty good, huh? What do you think?

I think it's pretty good.

Hey, I'm really sorry about the end

of our Margarita drink.

I kind of crossed the line, I think.

No, I'm sorry too.

It's mine. It's not your fault.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I mean, I love my girlfriend...

Absolutely. Of course.

And she's your fiancee, by the way.

And she's amazing.

And also I work here,

and I don't want to mess that up.

And you don't have to say anything.

It's fine. It's fine.

Oh, my God.

[Chatter]

Wow. Nice vest, Holt.

What, did you mug a Jonas brother?

Um, I don't know who that is, so no.

Hey, you know, Holt,

I heard that forever 21 is having a sale,

so, you know, go and pick up a nice purse

for this.

Okay, it's my dad's, and he was on tour,

and he gave it to me afterward.

Oh, he was on tour.

His dad was on tour.

You know what, Arnie?

[Students shouting and cheering]

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, get off me, man.

Get up. All right, my office.

Go now. Go.

They're good, huh?

As long as you share.

Yeah, they are good.

- Give it here. - Mm.

- What? - I'm sorry, no offense.

- Are you choking? - I'm sorry.

What?

It just kind of... They taste weird.

What... - They're gluten-free.

You know what, now it's actually tasting better.

That's Joel.

Can you check and see what he wants?

I don't want to taste it.

You should have seen the face that you made

when you tasted it. I'm not gonna taste it.

It tastes like sand with sugar in it.

What is it? Does he want something?

- He does want something. - What does he want?

- I can't say it. - [Gasps]

Ohh! I'm nervous. I'm sweating.

What is happening?

- Nothing. - Ready? "Julia, I can't stop

"thinking about your ass.

What are you wearing?"

I know how to handle this, okay?

No, no. You don't understand

what the men... I'm gonna wipe this...

I'm wearing a giant muumuu...

And a thong.

- Oh, my... - And a thong.

They love that. With a bathrobe.

- [Laughs] - Here.

- Thank you. - Write him back.

[Cell phone rings]

Oh, my God. And now my phone.

Wonderful.

Oh, that was the best thing ever.

Hello? I'm not making fun

of you at all. Thank you.

- Who? - It's kind of amazing.

- It's school. - I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

Are you kidding?

I will be right there. I'm on my way.

It'll take me about 25 minutes.

Thank you. I have to go.

It's school. It's Amber?

No. It's Drew.

- Is he okay? - I don't know.

I don't know. I'll call you.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I'm waiting for you so we can go talk to the warden.

Who called you? They don't have your number.

Drew called me.

He's in the pokey right now.

Oh.

As I was telling your husband outside briefly...

Excuse me. I'm sorry. He's not my husband.

I mean, he was my husband, but he's not.

But I'm a fulltime parent, you know,

who's here all the time.

He's... I mean, it doesn't matter.

Look, Drew's a great student,

and never been any problems before.

But, Drew, if this ever happens again,

I will not hesitate to suspend you.

We understand. We totally...

We all understand.

Thank you.

Let me see.

Elbows in, hands up high.

I know. I know.

- Is it swollen? - I told you, kid,

you get in the first lick,

you'll shut him up. The first?

No, no, honey, the message is that we don't fight.

- Oh, God, here it comes. - That don't fight.

He almost just got kicked out of school.

- He kicked a bully's ass. - That's not the point.

I did not almost get kicked out of school.

Just stop. You're always trying to blame it on him.

It's not his fault, okay?

I'm the one who punched the guy.

Really, mom, I'm going home with dad.

I'll just see you at the house.

- Get in there, kid. - Too much.

Wear a seatbelt!

[Cell phone buzzing]

- Hey. - Hey.

I'm so glad you called.

Listen, I'm really sorry,

but I got to take Jabbar to the desert for a few days

to visit my Aunt.

Well, it's Max's birthday tomorrow.

I know. I'm really sorry,

but my Aunt hasn't been feeling well,

and my mom is going out to help her,

and I'd like to go with her and bring Jabbar.

He hasn't seen his Aunt in a long time.

I don't think that's fair.

I know.

I know it's always about the Bravermans,

but Jabbar's Aunt would really like to see him,

and I'm taking him, so...

Jasmine, what is going on?

I don't know.

We need to get together and talk this out.

I don't think you should go.

I'm not ready for that right now, Crosby.

Good-bye.

Kids, settle down over there.

I can do this.

Okay, no running.

Oh, no. Come on now.

Don't run through here. You guys.

No, no, no. No, no.

You guys, the pi?ata's for later.

Later. Kyle.

We're gonna wait on this, okay?

Hey. Hey, Adam!

Adam! No.

You cheated.

You worried about Jabbar?

He's not actually sick.

Jasmine didn't want to come,

so she just took him to her Aunt's for the weekend.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, it's just he's always had sensitivity to noise,

so if there's any way we could ask the kids

to not clap after the birthday candles.

- Okay. - That would be great,

because it's any sudden loud noise, and he just goes berserk.

- Absolutely. - Are these gluten-free then?

The cupcakes?

Can I take one of the bugs off?

He doesn't like bugs.

- Are you Max's mom? - I am.

I need my pizza with just cheese.

I'm his brother.

He likes his pizza with just cheese and no sauce.

- Just cheese? - Just cheese.

No sauce, no toppings, no spices,

no pepperoni, just cheese.

Pineapples are okay.

Just cheese pizza.

- You all right? - Mm-hmm.

- Just cheese. - Hey, Henry, you know

what we're gonna do? We're gonna make

a very special pizza order

just for you right now, okay?

All right, with just cheese.

[Doorbell rings] Uh...

There's Andy. Okay.

My kid doesn't eat cheese.

Howdy.

Oh, hey, you must be the bug guy.

I'm here to set up for the show.

Yeah, sure, come on in.

You need some help there?

I set up by myself.

Okay. Wow, that's a nice rig.

I bet you get the ladybugs with that one, huh?

- Ladybugs are hermaphroditic. - What'd you say?

- Hello, Andy. - Yes, setting up.

[Door shuts]

- Hey. - Well, that guy's kind of rude.

Well, actually, dad, he has Asperger's.

Oh, come on. No, he doesn't.

Dad, he has Asperger's like Max.

- Really? - Yeah.

And he's got his own business there?

Yeah. It's his own bug...

No touching the glossy display elements.

Fingerprints. Fingerprints. Business.

That's great.

Yeah, I hope so, 'cause there's only

about a million ways this could go wrong

and send this entire party into a giant group meltdown.

So... Oh, God!

Yeah, honey.

Fingerprints. Fingerprints.

No touching. No touching.

Gaby, it's Amazing Andy,

and he's... He's amazing.

Please, no audience yet.

I've never seen some of these before.

Too soon for audience. Too soon for audience.

All right, everyone must leave.

I'm setting up the performance space.

You need a little help there?

I'm good. I'm good.

Are you sure? I can just grab some of this stuff over here...

All audience members, leave the auditorium, please.

Don't worry about it, Andy. I got it.

Joel, you can't fool around here.

No touch... Don't touch anything.

Come on. I got it.

Joel, baby, hi, hi.

Come here. I got to tell you something.

- Uh-huh. - Hey. Pay attention.

- Yes. - I just took the test.

I'm ovovulating. Wait, are you serious?

- Yes. Oh, yes. - Wait.

Um... So tonight's the night.

- Really? - Yes.

Mm. Can right now be the night?

Really? Right now?

It's a long time before the bug show.

We can't do this.

- Thanks, honey. - Are you good?

- I'm good. - Do you need anything?

Just got a little headache.

I'm trying to get him moving, so...

Hey, Andy.

Yes.

Looks great. Everything looks amazing.

Listen, a couple of the kids have to leave

a little bit early, so I was wondering,

I know we said we'd start at 2:00,

but is there any way we could start 15 minutes early?

We said we'd start at 2:00. It's not 2:00.

- I know. But I-I'm sorry

that I've changed things up on you.

I just... I really want to show these kids your show

'cause they're so excited to see it.

No, I don't want to do that.

- Okay. - Hey.

You know what, we don't have to.

Something I can help you out with?

I'm just... He... I asked him

to start early, and he doesn't want to start early,

so... I think I've upset him.

Let me try.

You okay? Yeah.

- Okay. - I've just got a headache.

I'm gonna give it a shot.

Hey, Andy.

I was just wondering if maybe

you've ever had to start a party

early or late before in the past.

Yes, on November 16th,

I started a quarter of an hour late

because I had to go home and get the centipede I had forgot.

Oh, really?

How'd that turn out?

Everything okay? It was okay.

It was late. Right.

But everything was okay.

Okay, so what do you say maybe we try that again.

Let's start a little bit early, and I bet you

it turns out okay just like the last one.

But I don't like to do that, because the contract says 2:00.

Right. Absolutely.

But sometimes things change... And I need time to get ready.

And you have to help people out.

Absolutely.

I'll let you get ready.

What do you say?

Okay.

Thank you, Andy. Okay.

Do I have something on my face?

You rule.

- I rule? Thank you. - Yeah.

You're pretty cool yourself.

- Oh, God. - Oh, my God.

- Okay. - Kristina, hi.

Hi. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry. No, I'm ovulating.

We're trying to make a baby. I understand.

It's okay. It's no problem.

I just came to get some aspirin.

Just keep doing what you're doing.

Do you want to use the bed?

No. That's okay.

- That's very generous. - I'm gonna just go.

Okay. Bye.

All right, this is the part

where you present me to the audience.

- Okay. - You have to read this speech.

No, read it to me.

Okay, all right, "welcome, ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls. It is my deepest pleasure..."

That's gonna be good, but you need to be way louder.

And you can hold it in one hand, and then your other hand

can be like a pointer.

- Okay, okay, you ready? - Yes.

- All right. Okay. - All right.

No, I go back there.

You go in front. All right. Okay.

All right. Oh, here we go.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls.

It is my deepest pleasure to present

a man who knows so much about bugs...

Bugs of all kinds.

Then it says here this next part is sung to the tune

of three blind mice.

- Keep going. - Okay, okay.

[Half-singing]

kids, take a seat

and be entertained

by the Amazing Andy

Amazing Andy

now remember your manners

and sit very still

and please don't clap

please don't clap

we're going to start right now, right now

we're going to start right now

start right now

start right now

Hi.

Guys, guys, no clapping.

Welcome. I am the Amazing Andy.

And I want to welcome you

to Amazing Andy's Wonderful World of Bugs.

When I say the word "bug,"

you think of something creepy and scary.

- Right? - Ha.

I'll have to have that back. It's part of the show.

I'd like everybody to be very still and quiet.

[Kids talking softly]

This is the largest spider in my collection.

What you may not know

is that on your own continent

of North America... There are over 30 species.

There are as many as 30 species.

And some of them have toxic bites.

Exactly. No comments from the audience, please.

I hope he doesn't get away and join you in the audience.

[Laughs] Andy.

- I hope he does. - How's it going?

It's going very well.

Good.

Amazing Andy is actually...

You see, it's much bigger than the cockroaches

at your house, which I hope you don't have any.

- Quite amazing. - Mm.

That's the Madagascar hissing cockroach.

This is a Madagascar hissing cockroach.

When he's threatened, he can squeeze air out

through their exoskeleton. It makes a loud...

- Hissing sound. - [Hisses]

[All gasping]

That's not what it sounds like at all.

It's more like a...

This is the best bug show I've ever seen.

This is a preserved specimen

of the Hercules beetle.

Have you heard of that? You can tell this is a male,

'cause it has this long horn on the front of it.

- What's up? - Nothing.

They were just banging in the bathroom.

- Who? - Joel and Julia were having sex

in our bathroom. Honey, don't.

Don't embarrass them.

That's the equivalent of a human being

lifting up two Sherman tanks up in the air.

All: Wow. It's kind of exciting, though.

I mean, you know, what if a child is conceived

on Max's birthday.

I think I'll just have a sip of coffee right now.

Oh, no! It's not coffee.

Mixing up all those ingredients in there...

- Mm-hmm.

Seeing what comes out.

One perfect kid.

Who wants to shake?

[Children screaming] How do you do?

How do you do? How do you do?

Andy. Thank you very much.

You really made the party.

It was amazing.

Bugs are great.

Yeah, well, it wasn't just the bugs.

You're really good at what you do.

It's also great that you are doing something

that you love to do.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Sorry, I'm in your way.

Uh...

So you really like this?

Your job?

Your life? What you do?

Are you happy?

Yeah, sometimes.

Are you happy?

Yeah.

Sometimes.

Uh, do you want me to give you a hand?

No, I break down by myself.

Okay.

[Laughs]

So, as far as bug parties go,

where would you rank that one?

Oh, top ten, easy.

- Top ten? - Yeah.

How many bug parties have you been to?

- I've been to quite a few. - Really?

That was my first.

Wow.

Yeah.

You got to get out more.

- I know. I do. - Huh.

I'm missing all these bug parties.

You are.

[Laughter]

Well...

I guess I'll see you later.

Good night.

Good night.

Hey.

[Sighs] Wow.

We have great kids.

Yeah.

I just...

I want to... I just want to thank you

for not poisoning the well.

That would have been very easy to do, so...

Thanks.

Okay.

You know, um...

I actually think it was good...

Everything that happened with Drew,

the fight, the punch.

You know, you with him,

he really responds to you.

It's really... You mean a lot to him.

Thanks.

Amber might take a little longer.

Yeah.

You still write songs now and then?

[Laughs]

Not really. No. No.

You should. You're really good at it.

Please.

Okay, thanks.

I'll see you.

[Clears throat]

- Hey. - Hey.

[Clears throat]

I love you.

I love you.

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