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1
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Step away from your sister.
2
00:00:03,442 --> 00:00:05,563
Karen, go up and get changed.
3
00:00:05,563 --> 00:00:08,482
Ben, will you stop playing with that!
4
00:00:08,482 --> 00:00:13,162
Listen, for the last time - you
should never, ever, hit a person.
5
00:00:13,162 --> 00:00:15,843
What if they're attacking you
with a shovel? What?
6
00:00:15,843 --> 00:00:18,163
If someone's attacking you
with a shovel,
7
00:00:18,163 --> 00:00:19,723
you must be able to hit them.
8
00:00:19,723 --> 00:00:23,162
Well, obviously, yeah. I mean,
that would be defence,
9
00:00:23,162 --> 00:00:25,082
so obviously, in that sort of.
Come on!
10
00:00:25,082 --> 00:00:29,203
shovel-related circumstance,
you can hit someone but.
11
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:31,283
Ah, but you said "never, ever"!
12
00:00:31,283 --> 00:00:33,322
Ben, you know perfectly well.
13
00:00:33,322 --> 00:00:37,282
Come on people! Let's not be late
for another wedding! Ah.
14
00:00:37,282 --> 00:00:41,083
And today's mystery object is.
15
00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:45,283
a trowel behind the telly.
Karen, are you ready?
16
00:00:45,283 --> 00:00:49,082
Look, Ben.
You must never hit someone first.
17
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:51,323
What if you're a boxer?
18
00:00:51,323 --> 00:00:54,762
If you're a boxer, you should
be able to hit someone. Listen!
19
00:00:54,762 --> 00:00:56,842
..because a boxer's job
is to punch people.
20
00:00:56,842 --> 00:00:58,682
But we're not talking about...
Karen!
21
00:00:58,682 --> 00:01:02,363
What if somebody's walking towards
you and you know they're a murderer.
22
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:04,522
Ben... And they have a shovel.
23
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:07,323
Ben, this isn't about murderers
with shovels...
24
00:01:07,323 --> 00:01:10,523
Jake, can you stop texting? Why have
I got to to wear this stuff?
25
00:01:10,523 --> 00:01:12,482
It's horrible and itchy and...
Come on, everyone!
26
00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:17,083
We're going to a wedding,
and everyone has to be as uncomfortable as possible.
27
00:01:17,083 --> 00:01:20,923
Now go, come on, get your shoes on.
Karen, do you need some help?.
28
00:01:20,923 --> 00:01:23,562
No, no... We agreed you were
going to change into your dress
29
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when we got to Julie's house,
like the other bridesmaid.
30
00:01:26,442 --> 00:01:30,842
But I want to travel in my dress.
But darling, it'll get...
31
00:01:30,842 --> 00:01:32,723
You're not supposed to upset me
on my big day.
32
00:01:32,723 --> 00:01:37,642
Well, strictly-speaking, Karen, it's
cousin Julie's big day, isn't it?
33
00:01:37,642 --> 00:01:42,562
I wish everybody would stop
saying that. Go and change into what you were wearing before.
34
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Who comes down the aisle first,
me or the other bridesmaid?
35
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,643
That's up to Cousin Julie, so we'll
wait and see what she wants.
36
00:01:51,643 --> 00:01:56,202
Who comes down the aisle first,
Cousin Julie or me?
37
00:01:56,202 --> 00:01:58,003
That would be Cousin Julie
38
00:01:58,003 --> 00:02:00,963
on account of the fact
that she's the bride.
39
00:02:00,963 --> 00:02:03,563
Now go and get changed, Karen.
40
00:02:03,563 --> 00:02:04,803
PHONE RINGS
41
00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:06,043
I'll get that!
42
00:02:06,043 --> 00:02:10,723
We've got to shift, come on!
Hi, Dad. How are you?
43
00:02:10,723 --> 00:02:13,482
Dad, is Auntie Angela
coming to the wedding?
44
00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:16,603
Well...
45
00:02:16,603 --> 00:02:20,762
She hasn't replied to the invitation,
and America's a long way away,
46
00:02:20,762 --> 00:02:24,122
so you never really know
with Auntie Angela, so...
47
00:02:24,122 --> 00:02:26,323
God, I hope Mum and her
don't have another fight.
48
00:02:26,323 --> 00:02:30,163
Well, it wasn't really
a fight exactly, was it?
49
00:02:30,163 --> 00:02:32,723
No shovels involved.
50
00:02:32,723 --> 00:02:37,363
No, but there was shouting,
screaming and swearing. A lot of swearing.
51
00:02:37,363 --> 00:02:41,203
Look, all sisters have these
little disagreements,
52
00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:45,362
and I'm sure that if she does come,
they'll be very civilized about it.
53
00:02:46,963 --> 00:02:49,322
Anyway she probably won't come.
54
00:02:51,323 --> 00:02:52,603
Bollocks, the present!
55
00:02:52,603 --> 00:02:53,962
God! You OK?
56
00:02:53,962 --> 00:02:56,923
No, that was Dad. He's forgotten
all about the wedding,
57
00:02:56,923 --> 00:02:58,763
and he's still in his pyjamas.
58
00:02:58,763 --> 00:03:00,643
I've got a thumping headache
59
00:03:00,643 --> 00:03:03,323
and Karen's faffing about
with her dress!
60
00:03:03,323 --> 00:03:05,322
Karen, where are you off to?
61
00:03:05,322 --> 00:03:07,922
I need a wee. OK. Do you need
any help with your dress and stuff?
62
00:03:07,922 --> 00:03:11,923
I'm six. OK, but don't slide
the bolt across, cos it's stiff.
63
00:03:11,923 --> 00:03:13,162
What?
64
00:03:14,242 --> 00:03:18,842
I said, can you make sure
you don't slide the...
65
00:03:18,842 --> 00:03:19,922
BOLT SLIDES ACROSS
66
00:03:19,922 --> 00:03:22,243
..bolt across.
67
00:03:25,202 --> 00:03:28,243
OK, erm..Karen, darling. Listen,
can you, erm...
68
00:03:28,243 --> 00:03:29,723
Can you do me a favour?
69
00:03:29,723 --> 00:03:32,923
Can you just
put the bolt back across again?
70
00:03:32,923 --> 00:03:34,723
You know, just so I know you can.
71
00:03:34,723 --> 00:03:38,003
I can't. It's too stiff.
72
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:40,642
You should have warned me
not to put the bolt across!
73
00:03:40,642 --> 00:03:46,043
I think it was mentioned actually,
sweetheart. But just erm...
74
00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:48,283
There's nothing
to worry about, you'll be fine.
75
00:03:50,762 --> 00:03:53,002
Well, you slid it one way,
you should...
76
00:03:53,002 --> 00:03:55,322
You should be able to slide it
the other.
77
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,122
Come on everyone, let's go!
78
00:03:58,122 --> 00:04:03,963
Ben, don't do that. We need to allow
ourselves plenty of time because Dad doesn't trust the sat nav any more.
79
00:04:03,963 --> 00:04:11,123
Not since that visit
to the army firing range.
80
00:04:16,202 --> 00:04:17,683
Cheers.
81
00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:21,722
Just give it a big push.
KAREN SHOUTS
82
00:04:21,722 --> 00:04:24,242
She won't get out,
she'll be stuck forever.
83
00:04:24,242 --> 00:04:26,003
Ben, that is not helpful.
84
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:29,203
Karen... You should have told
her not to put the bolt across.
85
00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,163
Funnily enough, that was exactly...
86
00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:34,202
You'll have to break the door down.
Do you mind? I'm dealing with this.
87
00:04:34,202 --> 00:04:37,762
On The Bill, they have this
really big special door-basher,
88
00:04:37,762 --> 00:04:40,842
that's like a big metal pole.
89
00:04:40,842 --> 00:04:44,882
Unfortunately we don't have
a big special door-basher
90
00:04:44,882 --> 00:04:46,963
with a long metal pole so...
91
00:04:46,963 --> 00:04:50,083
What if she gets thirsty
and drinks the toilet water?
92
00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,722
Well, that'll be fine. Karen!
93
00:04:51,722 --> 00:04:55,722
What is going on?
I'm stuck in the toilet.
94
00:04:55,722 --> 00:04:58,563
You shouldn't have let her
put the bolt across.
95
00:04:58,563 --> 00:05:00,683
Right, the next person
who says that...
96
00:05:00,683 --> 00:05:02,803
OK, let's try not to panic.
97
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,723
No-one is panicking.
98
00:05:04,723 --> 00:05:08,482
Karen's panicking. Thank you, Jake.
Yes, I am aware of that.
99
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:11,362
If she slid the bolt one way,
she should be able to slide it back.
100
00:05:11,362 --> 00:05:14,003
I know, and that is why
I have been...
101
00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:18,282
OK, let's try to stay calm. I am
calm. This is going to make us late.
102
00:05:18,282 --> 00:05:20,482
We can't be late! It's my big day!
103
00:05:20,482 --> 00:05:22,922
It's all right Karen. Stay calm.
104
00:05:22,922 --> 00:05:25,523
We could put beavers through the
window and they'd eat the door.
105
00:05:25,523 --> 00:05:30,482
Can we please stop with the
stupid suggestions about beavers?
106
00:05:30,482 --> 00:05:34,602
There's no point in panicking. Help!
I am not panicking.
107
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,163
We're not going to be late.
108
00:05:36,163 --> 00:05:40,603
I will deal with it. And I will deal
with it in a calm and measured way.
109
00:05:44,163 --> 00:05:46,843
How much will it cost to
replace that door?
110
00:05:46,843 --> 00:05:49,642
Look, I got us here on time,
didn't I?
111
00:05:49,642 --> 00:05:52,723
Sometimes drastic situations
require drastic measures.
112
00:05:52,723 --> 00:05:56,603
So, how's your shoulder? Fine.
113
00:05:56,603 --> 00:05:59,402
And your foot? Yes.
114
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:04,483
And your... Look, can we just... OK?
You all right, Granddad?
115
00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:08,402
What? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Just admiring the bride.
116
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:10,922
Judy looks smashing doesn't she, eh?
117
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,683
It's Julie, Granddad.
118
00:06:14,683 --> 00:06:17,483
What... Oh. Oh, yeah.
119
00:06:21,002 --> 00:06:22,882
So, girls, how do I look?
120
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:26,963
You look beautiful.
Ah, thank you, Karen.
121
00:06:26,963 --> 00:06:28,323
Do I look beautiful?
122
00:06:28,323 --> 00:06:30,602
You look OK.
123
00:06:30,602 --> 00:06:32,802
You look gorgeous, Mary.
124
00:06:32,802 --> 00:06:35,163
Why are wedding dresses white?
125
00:06:35,163 --> 00:06:39,323
Because Mummy says it's a bad colour
because it shows the dirt.
126
00:06:39,323 --> 00:06:42,122
That's true, I mean it's not
very practical, is it?
127
00:06:42,122 --> 00:06:46,602
And also,
why are wedding dresses funny?
128
00:06:46,602 --> 00:06:51,763
Funny? Yes, because when I
asked my Mummy and Daddy in the car
129
00:06:51,763 --> 00:06:55,643
would the bride be wearing white,
they said, "yes",
130
00:06:55,643 --> 00:06:57,323
and started giggling.
131
00:06:59,443 --> 00:07:01,723
Did they?
132
00:07:01,723 --> 00:07:05,042
And they tried to hide it
but I could see Mummy's shoulders
133
00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:07,603
moving up and down like this.
134
00:07:07,603 --> 00:07:11,282
Right. Great...
135
00:07:11,282 --> 00:07:16,162
Right, Ben, a little reminder.
Gravel. Confetti.
136
00:07:16,162 --> 00:07:19,363
You seemed to get confused at your
Auntie Sandra's wedding, didn't you?
137
00:07:19,363 --> 00:07:23,362
When the priest says, "Does anyone
know any reason why these people
138
00:07:23,362 --> 00:07:27,122
"can't get married", no shouting
out funny answers, all right?
139
00:07:27,122 --> 00:07:30,443
You mean like "She's a man"? Yes!
140
00:07:30,443 --> 00:07:32,243
Exactly like that.
141
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,643
You're lucky your Auntie Sandra's
got such a good sense of humour.
142
00:07:37,243 --> 00:07:42,043
Who's that? That's Sam.
We used to go out together.
143
00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:45,123
How many of your
boyfriends are here?
144
00:07:45,123 --> 00:07:47,562
Not many. A few, a few.
145
00:07:47,562 --> 00:07:50,762
What about...
What about the bald one?
146
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:55,882
Oh, Colin. My mum liked him.
Did she? No Colin, Colin's not here.
147
00:07:55,882 --> 00:07:59,642
What about that one that
was friends with the Queen?
148
00:07:59,642 --> 00:08:01,282
Sorry?
149
00:08:01,282 --> 00:08:03,923
Friends with the Queen
He's friends with...
150
00:08:03,923 --> 00:08:07,643
of the Queen, you know,
he's friends with the Queen.
151
00:08:07,643 --> 00:08:10,122
He's a guest of her majesty.
152
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:16,243
Right. Right.
No, he's... He's not here.
153
00:08:16,243 --> 00:08:18,683
Is he at Buckingham Palace?
154
00:08:18,683 --> 00:08:21,442
No, he's not at Buckingham Palace.
155
00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:32,283
So, your mummy and daddy were
discussing my taste in boyfriends, were they?
156
00:08:32,283 --> 00:08:36,083
Yes. Right.
157
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,242
Who's Ulrika?
158
00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:46,483
I don't know what I would do if I
was attacked by a polar bear, Ben.
159
00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:48,923
Now, come on, sit there.
Space by your Mother.
160
00:08:48,923 --> 00:08:52,682
No, there isn't. Yes, there is. No
there isn't, look. There's a space.
161
00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:57,122
There's quite obviously a space next
to you. Come on, Ben. Why next to me?
162
00:08:59,762 --> 00:09:03,643
This is brings back so many
memories of my wedding day.
163
00:09:03,643 --> 00:09:07,683
A crowded church,
everyone in their finery.
164
00:09:07,683 --> 00:09:11,043
And Jane. Oh, Jane. So beautiful.
165
00:09:11,043 --> 00:09:14,042
Breathtaking she was.
166
00:09:15,602 --> 00:09:16,842
Dad...
167
00:09:16,842 --> 00:09:19,442
Mum's name was Joan.
168
00:09:19,442 --> 00:09:25,682
I know, but she had this gorgeous
friend called Jane. Real stunner.
169
00:09:27,803 --> 00:09:30,482
I can't believe that you...
that you just...
170
00:09:30,482 --> 00:09:34,963
Just because you're getting
admiring beautiful women.
171
00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:36,643
But that's just... At the altar?
172
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,803
Oh, come on.
It's just what men are like...
173
00:09:39,803 --> 00:09:44,002
KAREN: So, you promise
to love him forever and ever,
174
00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:47,123
but how do you know that's true?
175
00:09:47,123 --> 00:09:51,682
I just know.
I love Derek. That's all there is.
176
00:09:51,682 --> 00:09:55,483
So you didn't love any of those
other boyfriends, like the bald one,
177
00:09:55,483 --> 00:09:57,842
and the one that was friends
with the Queen?
178
00:09:57,842 --> 00:10:03,323
Well. I suppose at the time,
you think you love them...
179
00:10:03,323 --> 00:10:08,682
Then it turns out that you
were wrong all those times. Yes.
180
00:10:08,682 --> 00:10:10,922
But you're right this time.
181
00:10:10,922 --> 00:10:13,002
Yes.
182
00:10:13,002 --> 00:10:14,762
And that's happy and good.
183
00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:16,603
That is happy and good.
184
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:24,923
Why has Jesus got that
sad expression on his face?
185
00:10:24,923 --> 00:10:27,163
Well, he's being...
186
00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:32,243
crucified and
it's making him feel sad.
187
00:10:32,243 --> 00:10:35,402
He's got nails in his hands.
He should be going, "Aargh".
188
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:38,483
Ben, sssh! Well, he should.
189
00:10:38,483 --> 00:10:44,162
Soppy old Jesus. Ben! Please! It's
not realistic. Would you just...
190
00:10:46,363 --> 00:10:50,283
Hey look, it's Angela!
She's made it, isn't that brilliant?
191
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,602
Oh, yeah. That's...
That's brilliant.
192
00:10:53,602 --> 00:10:58,322
Hi! Hi, Pete! Hiya, Dad, Sue.
193
00:10:58,322 --> 00:11:01,643
Hi, Jake. Hi, Ben.
194
00:11:01,643 --> 00:11:04,322
I'm so sad. Ben!
195
00:11:04,322 --> 00:11:08,882
He hasn't changed, I see.
It's fantastic you could make it.
196
00:11:08,882 --> 00:11:11,523
It's just a whistle-stop tour,
I'm afraid.
197
00:11:11,523 --> 00:11:13,282
My boss can't spare me for long.
198
00:11:13,282 --> 00:11:15,443
Course not, no.
199
00:11:15,443 --> 00:11:16,883
Come here.
200
00:11:18,363 --> 00:11:22,043
How long have you known Derek?
Ten months.
201
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:25,922
That's not a very long time.
Oh, look! What a lovely staircase.
202
00:11:26,883 --> 00:11:29,923
My mummy and daddy don't
live together any more.
203
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,202
Mummy said that on their wedding day,
204
00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:35,642
she thought he was the most
wonderful man on the planet.
205
00:11:35,642 --> 00:11:39,002
Now she just cries all the time.
206
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:43,003
Here we go, sweetheart. All set?
207
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,683
BRIDAL CHORUS PLAYS ON CHURCH ORGAN
208
00:11:53,602 --> 00:11:56,682
Julie's got tears in her eyes.
209
00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,523
Well. It's an emotional day.
210
00:12:20,563 --> 00:12:22,163
Who's that?
211
00:12:22,163 --> 00:12:24,603
No idea. This is our table.
212
00:12:24,603 --> 00:12:27,283
They've put Ben and Karen
on a children's table.
213
00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:28,842
Result! Is it?
214
00:12:28,842 --> 00:12:32,083
Ben is on a children's table.
215
00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:34,363
With other children.
216
00:12:34,363 --> 00:12:36,362
You can't be a helicopter parent.
217
00:12:36,362 --> 00:12:40,562
You just hover around him all the
time. You don't give him any space. He'll be fine!
218
00:12:40,562 --> 00:12:43,403
More of a sort of jump-jet
parent, if anything.
219
00:12:43,403 --> 00:12:47,842
I like to just get in there quickly
and sort stuff out.
220
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:49,202
My God, it's you, Howard!
221
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,602
Oh, hello Vicar!
222
00:12:51,602 --> 00:12:55,483
Here it comes,
the attention-seeking missile.
223
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:59,282
Look, Sue. This...
This is Julie's big day, I know.
224
00:12:59,282 --> 00:13:02,483
All I was going to say is...
225
00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:06,643
That I must stay in control.
Yes, I know that.
226
00:13:06,643 --> 00:13:08,083
And you needn't worry,
227
00:13:08,083 --> 00:13:10,442
because I have made a promise
to myself,
228
00:13:10,442 --> 00:13:14,522
and no matter how provoking
Angela gets,
229
00:13:14,522 --> 00:13:18,362
I am simply going
to choose to rise above it. OK?
230
00:13:19,442 --> 00:13:22,322
OK. OK. OK, sorted.
231
00:13:27,283 --> 00:13:31,163
Well, she, eh...seems to be
on top of it, doesn't she?
232
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:33,403
Yeah.
233
00:13:33,403 --> 00:13:36,403
They're walking towards each other.
I'm on it.
234
00:13:36,403 --> 00:13:39,482
Hi, Auntie Angela, hello.
Hi, Jakey.
235
00:13:42,562 --> 00:13:45,123
Nice table display.
236
00:13:45,123 --> 00:13:49,202
Yes, yes, it's a...
it's a very nice table display.
237
00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:52,403
I like a good old table display,
don't you?
238
00:13:52,403 --> 00:13:54,923
If you're going to sit
on the children's table,
239
00:13:54,923 --> 00:13:58,563
no fighting, no drinking grown-up
drinks and no swearing. Understand?
240
00:13:58,563 --> 00:13:59,923
Cos we're gonna trust you.
241
00:14:01,002 --> 00:14:02,843
Trust me? Yeah.
242
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,682
You're going to trust me?
243
00:14:04,682 --> 00:14:08,282
Yes. Only, you mustn't arm-wrestle
this little girl
244
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,922
cos she only looks about three.
Four.
245
00:14:10,922 --> 00:14:12,602
She's four.
246
00:14:37,363 --> 00:14:39,562
You all right, Pete? Erm...
247
00:14:39,562 --> 00:14:43,522
Yeah, Frank, yeah. The bride's
certainly putting it away.
248
00:14:43,522 --> 00:14:47,282
Probably a case of
big match nerves, Frank.
249
00:14:47,282 --> 00:14:50,042
Can I ask you another
question about the Bible?
250
00:14:50,042 --> 00:14:52,082
Erm. Well, of course you can, Ben.
251
00:14:52,082 --> 00:14:56,603
King Herod sent out an order
to kill the baby Jesus, right?
252
00:14:56,603 --> 00:14:59,723
Right, yes, he did. Yep.
253
00:14:59,723 --> 00:15:03,283
Well, why didn't Baby Jesus zap him?
254
00:15:04,682 --> 00:15:08,362
Well, yes, I...
I suppose in theory he could have...
255
00:15:08,362 --> 00:15:09,523
zapped him, he...
256
00:15:09,523 --> 00:15:16,642
Because Herod, was a tiny little
speck of nothing to Jesus,
257
00:15:16,642 --> 00:15:21,123
cos Jesus could have squashed
him with a hippopotamus or...
258
00:15:21,123 --> 00:15:23,323
But Jesus was meek and mild.
259
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:25,723
Well, yes, that's true, Karen.
260
00:15:25,723 --> 00:15:30,762
And besides, he knew that
when King Herod got to Hell,
261
00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:35,562
that God would roast him
until his eyeballs exploded.
262
00:15:35,562 --> 00:15:42,602
And why has God only given us
fifteen thousand billion years left to live,
263
00:15:42,602 --> 00:15:47,162
before the sun dies? Erm...
264
00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:52,162
Sue, hi! Oh, hi!
265
00:15:52,162 --> 00:15:53,723
So, how's things?
266
00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:57,442
Ooh, things are good.
How're things with you?
267
00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:59,123
Good, yeah.
268
00:16:00,963 --> 00:16:03,643
Are you still in Keely Road?
Yeah, yeah, we are.
269
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:06,962
Are you... Are you still in..?
270
00:16:06,962 --> 00:16:08,162
The same place, yeah.
271
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:12,923
Have you got your kids with you?
Yeah.
272
00:16:12,923 --> 00:16:17,763
What, all three? Yes.
Karen must be, what six?
273
00:16:17,763 --> 00:16:24,763
Six, yes. Yes, how about you?
Have you got your...offspring?
274
00:16:24,763 --> 00:16:28,003
Oh, yeah, he's around somewhere.
Have you got Pete with you?
275
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:32,323
We'd love to meet him.
Oh, um... This is Pete. Hi.
276
00:16:32,323 --> 00:16:35,282
Pete this is...
277
00:16:35,282 --> 00:16:36,802
Lovely, isn't it, this?
278
00:16:38,282 --> 00:16:40,803
What they've done with this...
279
00:16:40,803 --> 00:16:43,163
And this is my dad and this is...
280
00:16:43,163 --> 00:16:45,002
where you're sitting Dad, here.
281
00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:48,083
Where are you sitting?
282
00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:50,203
Erm, on this table, with you.
283
00:16:50,203 --> 00:16:55,082
Great! That's great,
because you're always worried
284
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:58,283
about who's gonna be on the table
with you at things like this.
285
00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:00,722
We're gonna be OK
because we've got...
286
00:17:00,722 --> 00:17:03,323
PAULA AND STEVE!
287
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:05,962
Welcome, Paula and Steve!
Steve and Paula...
288
00:17:05,962 --> 00:17:09,083
So where do you know Sue from?
Do you want to tell him or shall I?
289
00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:11,323
You tell him, Paula.
290
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:15,242
Is Angela not on our table then?
Can't we do something about that?
291
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:18,282
It wouldn't be fair
to disrupt the seating plan, Frank.
292
00:17:18,282 --> 00:17:21,162
A lot of work's gone into that.
293
00:17:21,162 --> 00:17:26,603
When Jesus was a bit older,
294
00:17:26,603 --> 00:17:30,203
and he was still being searched
by the Romans,
295
00:17:30,203 --> 00:17:33,322
why couldn't he shape shift...
Shape shift?
296
00:17:33,322 --> 00:17:37,643
..into a Roman, and then when
all the other Romans were asleep,
297
00:17:37,643 --> 00:17:41,083
he could kill them so they
would stop searching for him.
298
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,923
Yes, well I doubt he would do that.
299
00:17:42,923 --> 00:17:45,563
He wasn't a Power Ranger
or anything like that.
300
00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:47,282
Can I ask you another one?
301
00:17:47,282 --> 00:17:49,002
Is this the last question?
302
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:51,803
No. Oh, OK. When Jesus...
303
00:17:51,803 --> 00:17:53,882
So, who'd like some wine? Wine?
304
00:17:53,882 --> 00:17:57,362
Oh, this is daft,
there must have been a mix-up.
305
00:17:57,362 --> 00:17:58,802
I'll just swap this one.
306
00:17:58,802 --> 00:18:03,563
I don't think it's fair to disrupt
the seating plan, it's...
307
00:18:03,563 --> 00:18:05,802
Oh, I'm sure
they won't mind, anyway,
308
00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:10,403
it'll be nicer if we're all
together, won't it? Yes. Be lovely.
309
00:18:12,163 --> 00:18:15,083
Would Jesus forgive somebody
if they flew up to heaven
310
00:18:15,083 --> 00:18:16,162
in a big rocket
311
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,843
and as soon
as he goes to heaven
312
00:18:17,843 --> 00:18:21,962
he punches Jesus in the face,
and he beats Jesus up.
313
00:18:21,962 --> 00:18:25,523
Would Jesus say,
"Oh, I forgive you", or would he...
314
00:18:25,523 --> 00:18:30,203
or would he fight back, "Pittsh",
and knock that man out of heaven?
315
00:18:30,203 --> 00:18:33,683
I just can't see a situation where
somebody would get into heaven,
316
00:18:33,683 --> 00:18:35,162
and... and...punch Jesus.
317
00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:36,362
And also, when I was...
318
00:18:36,362 --> 00:18:39,202
The message in the Bible
is that we should forgive
319
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,882
and it was important that
Jesus died for us.
320
00:18:41,882 --> 00:18:43,322
He died to save us all.
321
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:47,323
That's a bit selfish of humankind,
isn't it?
322
00:18:47,323 --> 00:18:51,242
Well, couldn't he find another way,
like writing to tell them
323
00:18:51,242 --> 00:18:55,042
to be a bit better otherwise
something bad's going to happen, or like...
324
00:18:55,042 --> 00:18:57,442
Oh, goodness! Erm, I really
must be going...
325
00:18:57,442 --> 00:18:59,963
When Jesus was being crucified...
326
00:18:59,963 --> 00:19:02,683
Actually, I've just realised
there's a few people
327
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:03,962
I must go and speak to.
328
00:19:03,962 --> 00:19:07,722
..ask God to send a meteorite and
destroy the troops of the Romans...
329
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:12,122
Well, it was the way that God chose.
He wanted to sacrifice his only son.
330
00:19:12,122 --> 00:19:14,082
He wanted to show
how important it was.
331
00:19:14,082 --> 00:19:16,643
He chose the most precious thing
in the world to him,
332
00:19:16,643 --> 00:19:19,722
and the most precious thing in the
world to him was Jesus.
333
00:19:19,722 --> 00:19:23,082
And then why did he kill him?
334
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:28,523
So, have you got kids?
335
00:19:28,523 --> 00:19:32,682
No. No, my lifestyle's never really
left any room for it, y'know?
336
00:19:32,682 --> 00:19:34,523
I love my globetrotting too much.
337
00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:37,243
Right.
No, I couldn't do what Sue does.
338
00:19:38,683 --> 00:19:41,483
Jesus says that you should
forgive everybody.
339
00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:43,322
Yes, that's right. Sorry you are?
340
00:19:43,322 --> 00:19:47,082
This is Mary,
my assistant bridesmaid.
341
00:19:47,082 --> 00:19:48,203
OK. I'll be off.
342
00:19:48,203 --> 00:19:53,443
What would Jesus do if someone stole
his mobile, would he forgive them?
343
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:56,282
Yes, he'd forgive them,
you're right, well done, Ben.
344
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:57,763
Now I really must be going.
345
00:19:57,763 --> 00:20:02,162
Wait! One last question. Ok.
What would Jesus do.
346
00:20:02,162 --> 00:20:07,163
if he was attacked by a polar bear?
He would zap him.
347
00:20:07,163 --> 00:20:10,122
He wouldn't zap him!
That can't be true.
348
00:20:10,122 --> 00:20:13,682
Because polar bears are extinct.
I didn't mean to upset you...
349
00:20:13,682 --> 00:20:16,763
You should know that! They're not,
they're endangered.
350
00:20:16,763 --> 00:20:21,523
No because there's not much of polar
bears, but there's lots of us
351
00:20:21,523 --> 00:20:25,283
of us, there's about five trillion
people in the whole world
352
00:20:25,283 --> 00:20:30,043
and there's about five polar bears
in the whole world,
353
00:20:30,043 --> 00:20:32,762
and so we have to
look after them. All right so I...
354
00:20:32,762 --> 00:20:35,562
If you went up to a group of
polar bears, the last ones,
355
00:20:35,562 --> 00:20:37,883
and you said,
"Polar bears, I am on your team.
356
00:20:37,883 --> 00:20:41,802
"Lets hunt down the humans", they
would pounce on you and kill you.
357
00:20:41,802 --> 00:20:44,162
Probably but I'm never
gonna do that, am I?!
358
00:20:44,162 --> 00:20:46,843
You're being so stupid.
There's no need for that, Ben.
359
00:20:46,843 --> 00:20:48,203
No, I am not, Benny!
360
00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:51,962
Dummy! No shouting, no shouting.
Calm down please, children!
361
00:20:51,962 --> 00:20:54,163
No, I couldn't do what Sue does.
362
00:20:54,163 --> 00:20:56,762
I mean I really take my hat off
to her,
363
00:20:56,762 --> 00:21:00,923
looking after Pete and the kids,
day in, day out, I mean,
364
00:21:00,923 --> 00:21:05,962
always having to play second banana
as it were. I couldn't do that.
365
00:21:05,962 --> 00:21:11,243
No, I've got huge admiration
for my little sister.
366
00:21:11,243 --> 00:21:16,362
She's like this lovely
supermum and what am I, eh?
367
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:19,402
Well...
368
00:21:19,402 --> 00:21:22,523
Each to their own, eh?
369
00:21:23,963 --> 00:21:25,243
Absolutely... Dad.
370
00:21:25,243 --> 00:21:29,162
..Life'd be pretty dull if
everybody led absolutely identical...
371
00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:32,202
Dad. I'm in the middle
of saying something, Jake.
372
00:21:32,202 --> 00:21:35,242
Yes, but, Ben and Karen are
trying to bite each other.
373
00:21:35,242 --> 00:21:36,443
Oh, shit.
374
00:21:36,443 --> 00:21:39,682
It's OK, Vicar, I'll deal with it.
375
00:21:39,682 --> 00:21:42,442
Come back here!
376
00:21:42,442 --> 00:21:46,442
I'm allergic to them!
You are not allergic to peas.
377
00:21:46,442 --> 00:21:50,123
No-one's allergic to peas, no-one
in the world is allergic to peas.
378
00:21:50,123 --> 00:21:55,242
How do you know, because you...
you haven't asked the people,
379
00:21:55,242 --> 00:21:59,082
even if you did I know
you'd be lying
380
00:21:59,082 --> 00:22:04,123
because you can't speak Indian,
you can't speak Japanese...
381
00:22:04,123 --> 00:22:06,883
you can't speak Australian
or any of that.
382
00:22:06,883 --> 00:22:09,482
There was a survey by
the Pea Marketing Board.
383
00:22:09,482 --> 00:22:13,002
Look, just eat the peas, please.
No, no, no... but, but, but, but...
384
00:22:13,002 --> 00:22:16,043
CHILDREN LAUGH
385
00:22:16,043 --> 00:22:20,402
Ben! Ben, you can't dip sardines
in the chocolate fountain.
386
00:22:20,402 --> 00:22:22,802
Yes, you can! Look!
387
00:22:22,802 --> 00:22:25,283
See! He can!
388
00:22:27,722 --> 00:22:30,842
Dad! It's through the double doors.
389
00:22:38,403 --> 00:22:42,883
Dad's memory seems quite a lot worse.
390
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:46,682
Well, it is
a degenerative illness, so...
391
00:22:46,682 --> 00:22:51,242
Sooner or later he's going to
have to move out of that house. I'm well aware of that.
392
00:22:51,242 --> 00:22:56,643
Have you started looking into
sheltered accommodation and stuff? We will, when the time comes.
393
00:22:56,643 --> 00:22:59,163
There's no point
going into denial about it.
394
00:22:59,163 --> 00:23:02,762
Perhaps you'd like to come back from
America and look after him.
395
00:23:04,243 --> 00:23:06,043
Like you once said you would.
396
00:23:06,043 --> 00:23:09,043
Oh, yes, here we go.
I was wondering how long it would...
397
00:23:09,043 --> 00:23:11,843
Look, I just don't want to have
an argument with you.
398
00:23:11,843 --> 00:23:15,323
Let's not spoil the day.
It would be a shame.
399
00:23:15,323 --> 00:23:21,083
Yes. We've made a pretty decent fist
of keeping things civilised,
400
00:23:21,083 --> 00:23:24,203
haven't we? Apart from the
seating arrangement hiccup.
401
00:23:24,203 --> 00:23:28,763
That was nothing to do with me.
Oh, come on, do you really think...
402
00:23:28,763 --> 00:23:33,002
Believe what you like, I am just
not going to fight with you.
403
00:23:33,002 --> 00:23:36,242
Right, who wants a drink?
It's a cash bar now.
404
00:23:36,242 --> 00:23:41,162
The other bridesmaid's
got three pets. Can we get one?
405
00:23:41,162 --> 00:23:43,442
No. No.
406
00:23:43,442 --> 00:23:47,642
You made a lovely bridesmaid, Karen?
Have you ever been a bridesmaid?
407
00:23:47,642 --> 00:23:49,202
Yeah. A couple of times.
408
00:23:49,202 --> 00:23:53,003
But never a bride. No.
409
00:23:53,003 --> 00:23:59,603
Why? Well, I...
I wasn't as lucky as your mummy.
410
00:23:59,603 --> 00:24:03,763
I didn't want to say "yes"
to the first man who asked me.
411
00:24:10,363 --> 00:24:12,962
We'd best be making tracks.
412
00:24:12,962 --> 00:24:15,122
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
413
00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:17,963
You got to allow for the A3
this time of night.
414
00:24:17,963 --> 00:24:19,442
MOBILE RINGS
415
00:24:19,442 --> 00:24:20,643
Hello?
416
00:24:22,003 --> 00:24:25,562
Lovely to see you, Paula and Steve.
See you! Yeah, drive safely.
417
00:24:26,683 --> 00:24:29,203
Could you get Karen
to the car, and, erm...
418
00:24:29,203 --> 00:24:31,643
could you round up Ben on the way?
419
00:24:31,643 --> 00:24:35,682
Cos I'm going to say goodbye
to Cousin Julie. Bye. Bye.
420
00:24:35,682 --> 00:24:39,402
I'm just popping out
for my nicotine fix. Oh, OK.
421
00:24:42,803 --> 00:24:46,163
Sorry... We're going to
head off now,
422
00:24:46,163 --> 00:24:49,723
so I just thought I'd come and say
thank you for a really lovely do,
423
00:24:49,723 --> 00:24:52,642
and thanks for making Karen
a bridesmaid, she's...
424
00:24:52,642 --> 00:24:56,002
She certainly threw herself into it.
Yes, she's that kind of kid.
425
00:24:56,002 --> 00:24:58,602
She gave me the old third degree
about my boyfriends.
426
00:24:58,602 --> 00:25:00,122
Oh, sorry.
427
00:25:00,122 --> 00:25:03,963
Yeah, she seemed to know
quite a lot about most of them.
428
00:25:03,963 --> 00:25:06,563
Well, you know what girls
that age are like.
429
00:25:06,563 --> 00:25:11,642
Oh, yes, I do. Full of questions,
like, "Who's Ulrika?"
430
00:25:11,642 --> 00:25:15,843
Well, we better be making tracks.
Nice that Angela could make it.
431
00:25:15,843 --> 00:25:19,643
Yes, really... Yes, she and I
had a good old chinwag. Did you?
432
00:25:19,643 --> 00:25:21,603
About your kids, mostly. Really?
433
00:25:21,603 --> 00:25:24,242
You know what she's like. Yeah.
434
00:25:24,242 --> 00:25:26,442
Don't you want to
know what she said? No.
435
00:25:26,442 --> 00:25:28,162
She said Jake is probably gay,
436
00:25:28,162 --> 00:25:30,643
because he's obsessed
with floral displays,
437
00:25:30,643 --> 00:25:34,483
she thinks Karen is spoilt
and manipulative,
438
00:25:34,483 --> 00:25:37,802
and she thinks that Ben
is a trainee psychotic.
439
00:25:37,802 --> 00:25:41,363
Right. And Pete is
"weaker than a nun's piss".
440
00:25:41,363 --> 00:25:46,003
Isn't that a funny expression?
"Weaker than a nun's piss".
441
00:25:46,003 --> 00:25:49,443
OK, well, thanks again
for everything.
442
00:25:49,443 --> 00:25:52,043
No, thank you.
443
00:25:56,042 --> 00:25:57,603
Very nice to meet you...
444
00:25:57,603 --> 00:25:59,842
All set? Yeah, I...
Won't be a second.
445
00:25:59,842 --> 00:26:02,442
I'm so sorry you had to
separate our children.
446
00:26:02,442 --> 00:26:04,043
Oh, no problem, no problem.
447
00:26:04,043 --> 00:26:06,523
a lively pair, aren't they?
448
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:08,002
Lively, they are. Yes.
449
00:26:08,002 --> 00:26:10,963
Yeah. Yes,
I'm still pondering the question,
450
00:26:10,963 --> 00:26:13,482
"Is Jesus vulnerable to kryptonite?"
451
00:26:13,482 --> 00:26:16,922
Anyway, thank you very much
for a lovely service. Thanks again.
452
00:26:16,922 --> 00:26:18,762
Ready? Yeah. Bye. Bye.
453
00:26:22,763 --> 00:26:28,162
Mum, do you know jail?
Yes, I know jail.
454
00:26:28,162 --> 00:26:31,082
Well, is it just like
a big naughty step?
455
00:26:31,082 --> 00:26:35,723
Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
Yeah.
456
00:26:35,723 --> 00:26:40,323
But only with walls and dogs. Yeah.
457
00:26:40,323 --> 00:26:41,882
Back up to bed. No, Ben, no!
458
00:26:41,882 --> 00:26:46,003
Let me past. No Ben! Why can't
I watch the football?
459
00:26:46,003 --> 00:26:47,963
Because it is late. C'mon.
up you go.
460
00:26:47,963 --> 00:26:51,523
But I've been on my
best behaviour all day long.
461
00:26:51,523 --> 00:26:57,123
You were specifically told
"no fighting, no swearing and no drinking alcohol",
462
00:26:57,123 --> 00:27:00,602
and I caught you bashing that kid's
head on the floor and shouting,
463
00:27:00,602 --> 00:27:02,683
"Don't touch my bloody beer".
Come on.
464
00:27:02,683 --> 00:27:05,363
But he was disrespecting me.
Come on.
465
00:27:05,363 --> 00:27:10,483
If you went to jail would they
let you come home at night?
466
00:27:10,483 --> 00:27:13,762
I'm not going to go to jail!
what made you think of that?
467
00:27:13,762 --> 00:27:16,963
If you went up to somebody
in the street and punched them,
468
00:27:16,963 --> 00:27:22,283
would you go to jail?
Well...erm, probably.
469
00:27:24,003 --> 00:27:28,963
If you went up and kicked
somebody would you go to jail?
470
00:27:28,963 --> 00:27:30,723
Kicked somebody?
471
00:27:30,723 --> 00:27:32,202
Right up the bottom.
472
00:27:32,202 --> 00:27:34,523
Right, OK.
473
00:27:34,523 --> 00:27:41,002
A.) I'm not going to go to jail
for kicking Auntie Angela because...
474
00:27:41,002 --> 00:27:43,322
she asked for it.
475
00:27:43,322 --> 00:27:46,483
Who'd ask for somebody to kick them
right up the bottom?
476
00:27:46,483 --> 00:27:49,843
B.) We're not going
to tell anybody, are we?
477
00:27:49,843 --> 00:27:54,163
Because it would just upset Daddy
and Granddad,
478
00:27:54,163 --> 00:27:56,802
so they don't need to know,
do they, hmm?
479
00:27:56,802 --> 00:28:01,962
Now, let's talk
about something else.
480
00:28:01,962 --> 00:28:05,683
All right. Let's talk about
getting a pet.
481
00:28:05,733 --> 00:28:10,283
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