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1
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2
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Good morning.
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What are you wearing?
4
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I have a commercial audition.
5
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I told my agent to start
sending me out again.
6
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- Did you forget you already have a job?
- It's not enough.
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"Mr. First Lady" is obviously
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not going anywhere,
and I need the money.
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What happens if you actually
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book one of these commercials?
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Who's gonna write
"The Fartlemans" scripts?
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You gonna leave that to me and Rachel?
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I'm not saying it's an ideal situation,
14
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but what can I tell you?
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Our situation is not ideal.
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You just said absolutely nothing.
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Kristin Bell just fisted me.
18
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- What?
- What?
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She fisted me in front of
20
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the entire school at drop-off.
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Kids saw it, parents saw it.
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What are you talking about?
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I waved hello to her,
and she was like...
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Like she's gonna beat me up. (scoffs)
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There's another word for that.
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No, that's fisting.
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You got fisted by Kristin Bell.
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You have every right to be upset.
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(sighs)
30
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Has anyone heard from Ben and Melissa?
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- Radio silence.
- This is crazy.
32
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I mean, we sent them the nicest texts.
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We sent them the nicest e-mail!
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I swear to God,
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I wish we'd never written
"Mr. First Lady".
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It sucked up so much of our time,
37
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it did nothing but make
people mad at us,
38
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and now, it's not happening.
39
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So, what was the point?
40
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Why try? That's the lesson.
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Don't even try.
42
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Seriously, how many people
are mad at us because of that?
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Let's get... Let's...
44
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Let's put it all on the big board.
45
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Ben Falcone, Melissa McCarthy.
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Great. They hate us.
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Uh, Kristin Bell
fisted us this morning.
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What about that crazy executive
49
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who swears he's going to
destroy our careers?
50
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Gavin something. He hates us.
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And where is he now?
He's at Chinascope Pictures.
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Which is undoubtedly
a state-owned enterprise,
53
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which means all of China hates us.
54
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- Uh, Jason Bateman.
- Jason Bateman!
55
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Yes, Jason Bateman,
whose ACL Larry tore.
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That family of the producer
Larry killed.
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Ah... what was his name?
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Oh, my God, you can't even
dignify the man in death
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by remembering his name? Howard Lang.
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That's right.
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Well, the only people on that list
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that are friends of ours
are Ben and Melissa, so I...
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I think we should just
send them one more text...
64
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I think we stop with the texts
65
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and the e-mails, all right?
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They just seem manipulative,
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because they are manipulative.
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We genuinely value
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the friendship of Ben and Melissa.
70
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We need to apologize in person.
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Oh, my God, that sounds very scary.
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Let's do it! We go over there,
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hat in hand, and say we're sorry.
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Wait, we're going right now?
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I just got very jangly.
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What if we don't do this?
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What if we just, we give it more time?
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Time. Time! Time heals all wounds.
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- That's the expression.
- My God, we're here,
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we're queer, we're ready
to say we're sorry.
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(Larry) "Queer"?
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(phones ringing)
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- (Hugh) Hi.
- Hi.
85
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Are Ben and Melissa in today?
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Um, we don't have
an appointment, it's...
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uh, we're friends of theirs.
88
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Larry, Rachel, and Hugh.
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Go take a seat.
I will get Ashley for you.
90
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- Who's Ashley?
- Melissa's assistant.
91
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She's really nice. You've met her?
92
00:03:08,316 --> 00:03:10,217
No, but she and I e-mailed
back and forth.
93
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She got Lois some "Ghostbusters" dolls.
94
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- She's super sweet.
- Mm.
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Can I help you guys with anything?
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We're good, we're just
waiting for Ashley, thanks.
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- I'm Ashley.
- Hmm?
98
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What? A man can't be named Ashley?
99
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Oh, no, I... knew you were a man.
100
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I just, I didn't think you were a...
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A black man. You didn't think
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Melissa McCarthy could hire
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a black man as her assistant.
104
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Oh, no, no. We, uh...
105
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we have tons of black
men that work for us.
106
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Yes, the black people
can do lots of jobs.
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Oh, dear God. Um, I'm so sorry.
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Uh, sir, we are good friends
of Ben and Melissa.
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Oh, I know who you are.
You're three people
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who Ben and Melissa do not want to see.
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(phone vibrating)
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You're on with Ashley.
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(whispering) You sounded racist.
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(whispering) I didn't mean it.
115
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I meant it in a positive...
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they can do whatever they want,
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if they put their minds to it.
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- Don't say "They."
- Oh, my God, shh!
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No, the move-in date is Friday.
120
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The family is at The Langham
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during the transition.
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We don't want all of America
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knowing their new address.
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Thank you.
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What are you three still doing here?
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Um, can you just give these to,
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to Ben and Melissa from us?
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I'm gonna do you a favor
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and I'm gonna not give these ugly-ass,
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Trader Joe's hydrangeas
to Melissa McCarthy.
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How'd he know I got these
from Trader Joe's?
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I thought you did a good
job by disguising it
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- with whatever that is.
- I took off the plastic.
134
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They were 4.99, but they
look like... 18.99.
135
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Well, they look like, maybe, 11.99?
136
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But they def...
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- Have a lovely day.
- Thank you.
138
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for <
139
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I just feel like they think we, like,
140
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messed up our friendship
141
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by trying to use them.
142
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Like, we tried to use
their successful careers
143
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to help our not successful careers.
144
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- That's exactly what we did.
- You know what we do?
145
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Just to say, "Sorry for using you"?
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We get 'em a, uh,
house-warming present.
147
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(chuckling) That'll fix it.
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Just get 'em a picture frame,
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and then they'll forget all about
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the lying and the subterfuge?
151
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- Mm-hmm.
- You know what we should do?
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You know how, in their backyard,
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they put down all that cement
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near the barbecue,
and they had their girls
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put their, their handprints in it?
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Maybe we somehow, like,
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take that from that house
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and put it in the new house.
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Ooh, I like that.
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- (Hugh) That's a great idea.
- Mm-hmm.
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Is there any way we could get that...
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that cement out of there?
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Well, you know what we can do,
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we can ask my father-in-law, Curtis.
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He's a contractor, I bet he'd know.
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I bet he'd do it for us.
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Hey, um, Hugh?
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- I... Ahh!
- Hey!
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- Sam.
- I know!
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- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.
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I haven't seen you in forever.
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You look great. I love this.
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I look great? I look terrible.
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(chuckling) You don't.
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Poor Samantha's lost her mind
since we were at Cal Arts.
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- Are you still modeling?
- Oh, God, no.
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I haven't done that in forever.
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You know, um,
someone once told me that...
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- Oh.
- ...if short people could model,
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then I would be a model.
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What did you say? Sorry.
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Who said that?
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- My mom.
- (laughing)
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- Sam, this is Rachel and Larry.
- Hi.
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- Hi.
- Hi.
186
00:06:20,809 --> 00:06:21,875
Uh, we all work together.
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- Oh.
- It's nice to meet you.
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- Yeah.
- Hi.
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You guys must laugh all day,
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'cause Hugh is the funniest
person in the world.
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- Oh.
- (Larry) The world?
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I still say Eddie Murphy.
193
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Well, listen, I don't
want to interrupt,
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but it was... it was great seeing you.
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- Yeah.
- We should maybe
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- grab a drink sometime and catch up.
- Absolutely.
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- That's me, you got it.
- Watch this.
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(Hugh) All right.
199
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(line and phone ringing)
200
00:06:45,633 --> 00:06:47,566
Hi, Sam, it's Sam.
201
00:06:48,803 --> 00:06:50,103
There.
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00:06:50,104 --> 00:06:52,639
- Wow.
- Um... call me.
203
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:53,874
- Great.
- No, I'll call you.
204
00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:54,942
- Oh.
- There you go.
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- It was nice meeting you.
- Mm.
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00:06:56,211 --> 00:06:58,212
- Bye.
- Yeah. Bye, Sam.
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Bye.
208
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Hmm, la-Di, da-Di, da. Samantha.
209
00:07:04,285 --> 00:07:05,886
Very attractive.
210
00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:07,321
Kind of aggressive.
211
00:07:07,322 --> 00:07:09,756
How she was, like,
picking up your phone.
212
00:07:09,757 --> 00:07:12,893
Like, "I'm so confident.
I'm gonna call you."
213
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She's nice, Rachel.
214
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Did you guys ever, uh... hmm?
215
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I kind of got like a...
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like a lesbian vibe from her.
217
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Not a lesbian, trust me.
218
00:07:24,939 --> 00:07:26,840
Did you see the way
she was looking at him?
219
00:07:26,841 --> 00:07:28,242
She was very interested in him...
220
00:07:28,243 --> 00:07:30,477
- (Sam laughing in distance)
- ...sexually.
221
00:07:30,478 --> 00:07:33,112
(laughing)
222
00:07:34,382 --> 00:07:37,451
Hello. Hello! What are you doing?
223
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You said you were gonna call Curtis
224
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and now you're just sitting
there not calling him?
225
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They move into their house on Sunday,
226
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we don't even have their new address.
227
00:07:42,957 --> 00:07:44,091
It's like I... I just feel like
228
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that lady just derailed everything.
229
00:07:46,127 --> 00:07:48,994
- (phone chimes)
- Wow, relax.
230
00:07:49,964 --> 00:07:53,834
Ah, I might be a skosh
late to work tomorrow.
231
00:07:53,835 --> 00:07:56,036
I have another commercial audition.
232
00:07:56,037 --> 00:07:58,472
This one's for Horizon Mills' cereal.
233
00:07:58,473 --> 00:08:00,874
Oh, Annie Mumolo is their spokesperson.
234
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:02,676
I don't think Annie likes me very much.
235
00:08:02,677 --> 00:08:05,012
Oh! What did you do to her?
236
00:08:05,013 --> 00:08:08,115
- She didn't put me in "Bridesmaids".
- Oh!
237
00:08:08,116 --> 00:08:10,183
And I did what anybody
would do in my situation,
238
00:08:10,184 --> 00:08:13,420
I went over to her house
and I said, "Hey!
239
00:08:13,421 --> 00:08:15,989
"Uh, I used to put you
in my Groundlings sketches,
240
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:19,693
"now it's your turn,
you know... pay the piper.
241
00:08:19,694 --> 00:08:21,161
You put me in your movie."
242
00:08:21,162 --> 00:08:22,729
And you think Annie doesn't like you?
243
00:08:22,730 --> 00:08:25,866
I am surprised she didn't
shoot you with a pistol.
244
00:08:25,867 --> 00:08:27,567
Well, she didn't put me in her movie.
245
00:08:27,568 --> 00:08:29,670
246
00:08:29,671 --> 00:08:31,338
So, we're just waiting
for Larry to get back?
247
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I'm not gonna do his job for him.
248
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Well, should we call him?
Get his E.A.T.?
249
00:08:35,843 --> 00:08:37,344
- E.T.A.
- What'd I say?
250
00:08:37,345 --> 00:08:38,645
- Doesn't matter.
- (line ringing)
251
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(Larry) Hey.
252
00:08:39,747 --> 00:08:41,315
Hey, uh, when are you back?
253
00:08:41,316 --> 00:08:42,382
You know, that's hard to say.
254
00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:44,584
There's still a guy ahead of me.
255
00:08:44,585 --> 00:08:46,186
I'm in Santa Monica.
256
00:08:46,187 --> 00:08:48,422
I gotta, you know, walk to my car.
257
00:08:48,423 --> 00:08:51,158
I gotta go back to Burbank.
That's a long time.
258
00:08:51,159 --> 00:08:53,360
I'll probably want to
have a little lunch.
259
00:08:53,361 --> 00:08:55,329
Maybe you guys just
start writing without me.
260
00:08:55,330 --> 00:08:56,863
(Hugh) Oh, oh, that's great.
261
00:08:56,864 --> 00:08:58,365
While you're leisurely pursuing
262
00:08:58,366 --> 00:09:00,167
an alternate source of income,
263
00:09:00,168 --> 00:09:01,935
we'll be here working hard
264
00:09:01,936 --> 00:09:03,603
to provide your main source of income.
265
00:09:03,604 --> 00:09:05,639
Did you talk to Curtis
about the cement?
266
00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,407
I did. He said it's super easy.
267
00:09:07,408 --> 00:09:08,775
He can have it out in ten minutes,
268
00:09:08,776 --> 00:09:10,110
then you just, uh,
269
00:09:10,111 --> 00:09:13,180
he patches it up with
a little concrete, easy.
270
00:09:13,181 --> 00:09:15,015
Did you guys find out Ben
and Melissa's new address?
271
00:09:15,016 --> 00:09:17,617
Ashley would only give
me their P.O. box,
272
00:09:17,618 --> 00:09:21,021
so we've been downgraded
to fans of theirs, apparently.
273
00:09:21,022 --> 00:09:22,622
We can send them a fan letter.
274
00:09:22,623 --> 00:09:24,624
- Is Curtis available on Saturday?
- Yup.
275
00:09:24,625 --> 00:09:26,460
Well, if we don't have
Ben and Melissa's address,
276
00:09:26,461 --> 00:09:28,028
this is a "mute" point anyway.
277
00:09:28,029 --> 00:09:29,796
- Moot.
- What?
278
00:09:29,797 --> 00:09:31,131
It doesn't matter.
279
00:09:31,132 --> 00:09:32,132
Oh, I gotta go.
280
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:33,767
- Larry Dorf?
- Yup.
281
00:09:33,768 --> 00:09:35,602
- I really like that last guy.
- Yup.
282
00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:36,970
Hello!
283
00:09:36,971 --> 00:09:39,506
- Annie Mumolo.
- Larry.
284
00:09:39,507 --> 00:09:42,175
Come here, lady.
Great to see you again.
285
00:09:42,176 --> 00:09:43,510
When was the last time I saw you?
286
00:09:43,511 --> 00:09:45,012
I don't know, I think it was
when you threatened me
287
00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:46,246
on my doorstep like a lunatic.
288
00:09:46,247 --> 00:09:47,714
I apologized for that.
289
00:09:47,715 --> 00:09:48,815
No, you didn't.
290
00:09:48,816 --> 00:09:50,017
Well, I apologize right now.
291
00:09:50,018 --> 00:09:52,052
Too little, too late.
Should we do this?
292
00:09:52,053 --> 00:09:54,421
- Yeah, let's do it.
- Okay, great, great.
293
00:09:54,422 --> 00:09:56,656
Annie and I were in
the Groundlings together
294
00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:59,526
with Kristen Wiig,
and Melissa McCarthy...
295
00:09:59,527 --> 00:10:01,294
Oh, wow, all the people who hate you.
296
00:10:01,295 --> 00:10:03,530
Melissa doesn't hate me.
She's just mad at me.
297
00:10:03,531 --> 00:10:05,499
That's not what I heard.
Should we do this?
298
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,334
- All right, great...
- One quick second.
299
00:10:07,335 --> 00:10:08,568
She hates me?
Who told you she hates me?
300
00:10:08,569 --> 00:10:10,704
Hey, Larry, we have
a lot of people today.
301
00:10:10,705 --> 00:10:12,606
We gotta get through this.
302
00:10:12,607 --> 00:10:14,074
And... action.
303
00:10:14,075 --> 00:10:15,442
As a busy mom... As a busy mom...
304
00:10:15,443 --> 00:10:17,444
I'm sorry, that's your line.
You're the mom.
305
00:10:17,445 --> 00:10:19,012
(Larry) I'm the scientist.
306
00:10:19,013 --> 00:10:22,849
Uh... (stammering) Okay, good.
307
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:23,917
And, action.
308
00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,153
As a busy mom, I'll be honest...
309
00:10:26,154 --> 00:10:28,955
I sometimes give my kids
cereal for breakfast.
310
00:10:28,956 --> 00:10:31,591
And lunch. And dinner.
311
00:10:31,592 --> 00:10:33,894
So, that cereal has to be healthy.
312
00:10:33,895 --> 00:10:35,562
Like, really healthy.
313
00:10:35,563 --> 00:10:37,631
Horizon Mills has
all the stuff you want
314
00:10:37,632 --> 00:10:39,466
and none of the stuff you don't.
315
00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:43,303
And I should know. I'm a scientist...
316
00:10:43,304 --> 00:10:46,139
but I'm also a dad.
317
00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:47,774
I wrote that last line.
318
00:10:47,775 --> 00:10:48,942
I just improvised that.
319
00:10:48,943 --> 00:10:50,510
I wrote it because
I'm a... I'm a writer.
320
00:10:50,511 --> 00:10:52,345
Uh, use it, don't use it,
whatever you want.
321
00:10:52,346 --> 00:10:54,281
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm, all right.
322
00:10:54,282 --> 00:10:55,782
- He'll just take off now.
- Real quick, I'm sorry...
323
00:10:55,783 --> 00:10:57,684
Who told you that
Melissa McCarthy hates me?
324
00:10:57,685 --> 00:10:59,186
- Melissa did.
- When?
325
00:10:59,187 --> 00:11:00,287
This morning. She tells me every day.
326
00:11:00,288 --> 00:11:01,621
Where? They're building a house
327
00:11:01,622 --> 00:11:03,256
across the street
from my house for like
328
00:11:03,257 --> 00:11:04,524
the last three years.
I see them every day.
329
00:11:04,525 --> 00:11:06,226
- I know where you live.
- Unfortunately, yes.
330
00:11:06,227 --> 00:11:07,994
This means I know where
Ben and Melissa live.
331
00:11:07,995 --> 00:11:09,496
Yeah, they...
332
00:11:09,497 --> 00:11:10,630
- Oh, hey!
- Jordan Black!
333
00:11:10,631 --> 00:11:12,232
- Oh, my God, Annie!
- Oh, my God.
334
00:11:12,233 --> 00:11:13,433
- This is Jordan Black.
- So good to see you.
335
00:11:13,434 --> 00:11:14,601
The one I was telling you about.
336
00:11:14,602 --> 00:11:15,602
- Hi.
- Hi!
337
00:11:15,603 --> 00:11:16,736
- Jordan.
- Larry!
338
00:11:16,737 --> 00:11:17,971
- What's happening?
- Hey, man, what's going on?
339
00:11:17,972 --> 00:11:19,473
- Good to see you.
- Hey, yeah.
340
00:11:19,474 --> 00:11:20,774
Hey, you know, I just want
to say I'm really sorry
341
00:11:20,775 --> 00:11:23,243
to hear the news that Ben and Melissa
342
00:11:23,244 --> 00:11:25,312
really hate you and Rachel and Hugh.
343
00:11:25,313 --> 00:11:26,913
Who told you that?
344
00:11:26,914 --> 00:11:28,281
Ben sent me to tell you.
345
00:11:28,282 --> 00:11:29,848
(pats back)
346
00:11:30,718 --> 00:11:32,119
So, I guess we need to come up with
347
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,386
a backup gift plan.
348
00:11:33,387 --> 00:11:35,889
Oh, you mean if we run out of time
349
00:11:35,890 --> 00:11:38,725
on "Operation: Cement Lift"?
350
00:11:38,726 --> 00:11:41,026
(phone ringing)
351
00:11:45,766 --> 00:11:47,033
You're not gonna pick it up?
352
00:11:47,034 --> 00:11:48,435
No.
353
00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:49,870
I'm okay. You can pick it up.
354
00:11:49,871 --> 00:11:51,004
It's fine, it'll go to voice mail.
355
00:11:51,005 --> 00:11:52,305
(beeps)
356
00:11:52,306 --> 00:11:55,275
Let's figure out what
backup gift we're getting.
357
00:11:55,276 --> 00:11:56,743
You're not gonna listen
to the voice mail?
358
00:11:56,744 --> 00:11:57,911
I'll listen to it later.
359
00:11:57,912 --> 00:11:59,412
I'm gonna get some coffee.
360
00:11:59,413 --> 00:12:03,415
You're being weird. You have problems.
361
00:12:06,554 --> 00:12:08,288
I already have coffee.
Oh, were you, um,
362
00:12:08,289 --> 00:12:10,357
listening to the voice mail?
363
00:12:10,358 --> 00:12:15,128
No, I'm... gonna write an e-mail.
364
00:12:15,129 --> 00:12:17,330
This coffee is cold and bitter,
365
00:12:17,331 --> 00:12:19,565
so I'm not gonna drink it.
366
00:12:24,972 --> 00:12:26,573
Hey, Hugh, it's Sam.
367
00:12:26,574 --> 00:12:29,476
Um, I have this work thing
Saturday night,
368
00:12:29,477 --> 00:12:32,612
and I thought it'd be
more fun if I had a date,
369
00:12:32,613 --> 00:12:35,549
and I thought it would be extra fun
370
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,084
if you were that date.
I mean, it's no pressure,
371
00:12:38,085 --> 00:12:41,655
but I will be wearing
a very low-cut dress,
372
00:12:41,656 --> 00:12:43,857
unless you're wearing
a very low-cut dress,
373
00:12:43,858 --> 00:12:46,159
in which case I will not
steal your thunder.
374
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,361
So, uh, give me a call. Bye.
375
00:12:48,362 --> 00:12:50,429
(kisses)
376
00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:56,175
Ahh!
377
00:12:57,542 --> 00:13:00,444
Where is Curtis?
378
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:02,912
I'm gonna give him a call.
379
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:07,250
- I'm bored.
- Yeah.
380
00:13:07,251 --> 00:13:10,085
We'll go get ice cream
after we do this, okay?
381
00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:14,858
- Do you have kids?
- Nope.
382
00:13:14,859 --> 00:13:18,328
- Do you want to have kids?
- Lois, honey, don't.
383
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:22,032
Huh. Maybe.
384
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:23,567
Maybe?
385
00:13:23,568 --> 00:13:26,937
Okay, definitely,
if they are as cute as you,
386
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:28,538
and if they aren't as cute as you,
387
00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:30,140
then I'm just gonna steal you.
388
00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:31,273
(giggles)
389
00:13:35,012 --> 00:13:37,681
I didn't know you wanted to have kids.
390
00:13:37,682 --> 00:13:40,984
Well, I don't not want to have kids.
391
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:44,153
I mean, you know...
392
00:13:45,256 --> 00:13:48,558
meet the right person,
393
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,994
seems like it could be pretty great.
394
00:13:55,666 --> 00:13:59,735
Well... he's not answering his phone.
395
00:14:00,438 --> 00:14:01,638
(sighs)
396
00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:04,040
(Rachel) Is that your father-in-law?
397
00:14:04,041 --> 00:14:05,809
No.
398
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:07,743
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
399
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:10,881
- Buenos Dias.
- Are you with Curtis?
400
00:14:10,882 --> 00:14:13,116
Curtis just at Long Beach.
401
00:14:13,117 --> 00:14:14,384
Start new job.
402
00:14:14,385 --> 00:14:18,321
(speaking Spanish)
403
00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:20,023
What is he saying?
404
00:14:20,024 --> 00:14:21,691
I don't think Curtis is coming.
405
00:14:21,692 --> 00:14:23,460
Vamanos.
406
00:14:23,461 --> 00:14:24,728
- Is he gonna do it?
- I don't...
407
00:14:24,729 --> 00:14:26,196
I don't know. This is...
408
00:14:26,197 --> 00:14:28,698
right at the limits of my Spanish.
409
00:14:28,699 --> 00:14:29,900
Okay, Rafael? Uh-huh.
410
00:14:29,901 --> 00:14:32,368
Um... (speaking Spanish)
411
00:14:35,106 --> 00:14:36,072
Uh, cemento.
412
00:14:36,073 --> 00:14:38,008
Cemento. Cemento, okay.
413
00:14:38,009 --> 00:14:40,109
Ah, Si, Si. (speaking Spanish)
414
00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:46,683
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
415
00:14:46,684 --> 00:14:48,618
- Yeah, okay, okay.
- (jack hammer pounding)
416
00:14:48,619 --> 00:14:50,053
Oh, no, no, no, no! No, no, no!
417
00:14:50,054 --> 00:14:51,955
- Tell him to turn it off!
- (overlapping shouting)
418
00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:53,123
(Larry) Tell him to turn it off!
419
00:14:53,124 --> 00:14:55,192
(shouting)
420
00:14:55,193 --> 00:14:57,960
(speaking Spanish)
421
00:15:02,233 --> 00:15:06,068
- (speaking Spanish)
- Oh, de nada.
422
00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:08,705
What did you say to him?
423
00:15:08,706 --> 00:15:09,940
What do you think, I know every
424
00:15:09,941 --> 00:15:12,142
advanced archeological term in Spanish?
425
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:14,544
Ben and Melissa don't need
to know this even happened.
426
00:15:14,545 --> 00:15:15,712
- What?
- Let's just...
427
00:15:15,713 --> 00:15:17,180
Let's just go get 'em a picture frame.
428
00:15:17,181 --> 00:15:18,815
We can't just leave this like this.
429
00:15:18,816 --> 00:15:20,784
Whoever moves in here
is gonna see this,
430
00:15:20,785 --> 00:15:22,085
and then they're all gonna know!
431
00:15:22,086 --> 00:15:24,554
So we have to go and get some cement
432
00:15:24,555 --> 00:15:25,922
and patch all this!
433
00:15:25,923 --> 00:15:29,793
We could get cement and make our own
434
00:15:29,794 --> 00:15:31,461
Ben and Melissa's kids'
handprint thing.
435
00:15:31,462 --> 00:15:33,430
Right, right? Lois can,
uh, do the handprint.
436
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:34,497
I don't want to.
437
00:15:34,498 --> 00:15:35,699
- No, it'd be fun.
- I don't want to.
438
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,033
- Oh, it'd be so fun.
- No!
439
00:15:37,034 --> 00:15:39,202
- She doesn't want to.
- We'll use my kids' hands.
440
00:15:39,203 --> 00:15:41,004
They have small, normal-sized hands.
441
00:15:41,005 --> 00:15:42,739
Your hands are way too
big for your body.
442
00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:44,708
- Larry!
- What? Is that bad?
443
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:47,176
Nobody likes you, Larry.
444
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:49,312
We'll make new handprints,
445
00:15:49,313 --> 00:15:51,248
and we'll take those
to their new house,
446
00:15:51,249 --> 00:15:53,383
and they'll think,
"These are our kids' hands,
447
00:15:53,384 --> 00:15:55,218
given to us by three
of our greatest friends."
448
00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:57,687
They did something like this,
actually, on "I Love Lucy",
449
00:15:57,688 --> 00:15:59,890
with, um, John Wayne's footprints.
450
00:15:59,891 --> 00:16:01,391
- You're joking.
- No, it's true.
451
00:16:01,392 --> 00:16:03,393
- This is an actual "I Love Lucy" episode?
- Yeah.
452
00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:06,162
We're... We're living
an "I Love Lucy" episode?
453
00:16:06,163 --> 00:16:08,431
Did it work? I don't remember.
454
00:16:08,432 --> 00:16:10,066
I feel like, maybe?
455
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:12,534
456
00:16:13,437 --> 00:16:16,439
It's the way now
457
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:19,342
Way to see
458
00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:21,945
459
00:16:21,946 --> 00:16:25,682
Well in the moment
it comes and it goes
460
00:16:25,683 --> 00:16:27,684
Yeah it's in everything
461
00:16:27,685 --> 00:16:30,453
It's in everything
462
00:16:30,454 --> 00:16:32,822
Yeah we up, up, up
for the glow show
463
00:16:32,823 --> 00:16:34,891
Yeah we down, down
here on the ground
464
00:16:34,892 --> 00:16:36,526
Yeah we up, up, up up above love
465
00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:38,728
Yeah we up, up, up in the clouds
466
00:16:38,729 --> 00:16:40,830
Yeah we up
467
00:16:40,831 --> 00:16:42,832
Yeah we up
468
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,868
Yeah we up
469
00:16:44,869 --> 00:16:46,569
Yeah we up
470
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,537
Whoo!
471
00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:49,873
472
00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:51,541
I think we did it!
473
00:16:51,542 --> 00:16:52,642
(clapping)
474
00:16:52,643 --> 00:16:55,312
Hey! Good job! Good job!
475
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,312
All right. All right.
476
00:16:58,816 --> 00:17:00,216
(Rachel) Okay, be careful.
477
00:17:00,217 --> 00:17:01,751
(Larry) Are you good?
478
00:17:01,752 --> 00:17:03,253
(Hugh) My God, I am only good
479
00:17:03,254 --> 00:17:05,455
if you guys keep giving me
advice on how to carry it.
480
00:17:05,456 --> 00:17:06,723
It's gated!
481
00:17:06,724 --> 00:17:08,325
Oh my God, that's so uninviting.
482
00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:11,227
Of course it's gated.
They're celebrities.
483
00:17:11,228 --> 00:17:12,829
Celebrities live behind gates.
484
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:14,831
This whole idea's insane.
485
00:17:14,832 --> 00:17:16,633
What a great time
to point that out, Lar.
486
00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,902
Do you think we could
slide it under here?
487
00:17:18,903 --> 00:17:20,904
Like putting, like, a ziti in the oven?
488
00:17:20,905 --> 00:17:22,138
Yeah, grab that end.
489
00:17:22,139 --> 00:17:23,807
Grab that end of the ziti, Larry.
490
00:17:23,808 --> 00:17:25,375
Oh, God, that's heavy.
491
00:17:25,376 --> 00:17:28,011
- Oh, let me get my finger out.
- Yeah.
492
00:17:28,012 --> 00:17:30,046
Ah, yes.
493
00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:31,748
- Okay.
- (grunts) Yeah.
494
00:17:31,749 --> 00:17:33,083
Okay, okay, okay.
495
00:17:33,084 --> 00:17:36,386
Now... now, uh, you guys
just climb over
496
00:17:36,387 --> 00:17:38,054
and then do it.
497
00:17:38,055 --> 00:17:40,623
Oh, and you go home, take a hot shower,
498
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:42,892
maybe masturbate the night away?
499
00:17:42,893 --> 00:17:44,627
Okay, fine, you go first.
500
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:47,029
- You good?
- Careful.
501
00:17:50,634 --> 00:17:52,268
(whispering) Oh my God.
502
00:17:52,269 --> 00:17:54,104
(phone ringing)
503
00:17:54,105 --> 00:17:56,206
(woman) 911, what is your emergency?
504
00:17:56,207 --> 00:17:58,174
Hi, I think there's someone
trying to break into the house
505
00:17:58,175 --> 00:18:02,012
across the street from me,
2756 Vista Drive.
506
00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:04,788
Hurry, it's Ben Falcone
and Melissa McCarthy's house.
507
00:18:05,003 --> 00:18:06,280
Where do we put that?
508
00:18:06,281 --> 00:18:08,868
I don't know, maybe we'll bury
it over there or something.
509
00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:11,670
Oh my God, move it! Get outta here.
510
00:18:11,671 --> 00:18:13,706
Move it, move it!
511
00:18:13,707 --> 00:18:15,775
- Shh!
- (car door closes)
512
00:18:15,776 --> 00:18:18,076
(police radio chatter)
513
00:18:20,147 --> 00:18:22,181
Doesn't look like there's
any sign of a break-in,
514
00:18:22,182 --> 00:18:23,983
but we'll drive around back
and see if there's another way
515
00:18:23,984 --> 00:18:26,017
into the property.
516
00:18:30,657 --> 00:18:32,191
- (phone ringing)
- Oh, my God!
517
00:18:32,192 --> 00:18:33,292
(Larry) What are you doing?
518
00:18:33,293 --> 00:18:35,561
- Freeze!
- I'm making a run for it!
519
00:18:35,562 --> 00:18:36,929
Hey, stop right there!
520
00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:39,432
I'm not alone.
There's two other people.
521
00:18:39,433 --> 00:18:41,566
Hello.
522
00:18:42,936 --> 00:18:46,437
If you're gonna shoot
one of us, shoot that one.
523
00:18:48,809 --> 00:18:50,843
- I'm so sorry.
- Are you guys okay?
524
00:18:50,844 --> 00:18:53,012
No. I was handcuffed.
525
00:18:53,013 --> 00:18:55,114
I have not slept. I am not okay.
526
00:18:55,115 --> 00:18:57,316
- Here's some coffee.
- Are the boys sleeping?
527
00:18:57,317 --> 00:18:59,218
They're outside throwing
rocks at squirrels.
528
00:18:59,219 --> 00:19:01,053
Is this gonna go on your
permanent record or what?
529
00:19:01,054 --> 00:19:03,055
I... I don't know,
it's up to Ben and Melissa.
530
00:19:03,056 --> 00:19:05,090
I guess we're gonna find out
how much a cement block
531
00:19:05,091 --> 00:19:07,426
with not-their-kids'
handprints in it means to 'em.
532
00:19:07,427 --> 00:19:08,761
- Mommy?
- Hm?
533
00:19:08,762 --> 00:19:10,229
What's jail like?
534
00:19:10,230 --> 00:19:13,566
Mm, not as clean as you might think.
535
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:16,068
I'll take you sometime.
536
00:19:16,069 --> 00:19:17,703
("Entertainment Tonight" theme playing)
537
00:19:17,704 --> 00:19:20,139
Well, how 'bout this?
It looks like Ben Falcone
538
00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:21,874
and Melissa McCarthy's dream home
539
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:23,576
has become a nightmare.
540
00:19:23,577 --> 00:19:25,978
The hilarious pair consider
security no laughing matter,
541
00:19:25,979 --> 00:19:27,947
and had taken great pains
542
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:29,782
to keep their new address a secret.
543
00:19:29,783 --> 00:19:32,618
But after an incident
with some overzealous fans,
544
00:19:32,619 --> 00:19:34,186
the secret is out, and the funny couple
545
00:19:34,187 --> 00:19:35,654
is gonna have to sell their house
546
00:19:35,655 --> 00:19:37,556
before they ever had
a chance to move in.
547
00:19:37,557 --> 00:19:39,558
Hopefully Ben and Melissa
will do what they do best...
548
00:19:39,559 --> 00:19:42,328
turn this sad situation
into a blockbuster comedy
549
00:19:42,329 --> 00:19:43,829
and laugh all the way to the bank.
550
00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:45,130
I'm... I'm so sorry, sir.
551
00:19:45,131 --> 00:19:49,434
I said can you turn it down, not up.
552
00:19:49,491 --> 00:19:57,128
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for <
553
00:19:57,178 --> 00:20:01,728
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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