All language subtitles for Nobodies s01e06 Too Much Of A Good Thing.eng

Oh. Good morning, Lois.

Good morning.

Rachel, thank you so much
for volunteering.

No, I love doing Family Readers Day.

Do you know which, uh,
parent is doing it with me?

'Cause I hope it's not Kenny's mom,

if you know what I mean.

B-I-T-C-H.

She's actually my sister-in-law.

I-N-apostrophe.

You didn't let me finish.
She's bitchin'.

Such a cool lady.

Actually, Lincoln's mom
will be reading with us today.

Which one's Lincoln?

Oh... good morning, Lincoln.

- Hi, Kristen.
- Hi.

Why don't you guys go
join your groups, okay?

- Yeah, go make friends with Lincoln.
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Kristen, this is Rachel.
She's Lois' mom.

- Oh, hi, nice to meet you.
- Hi, Kristen Bell.

Nice to meet you. You're so pretty.

- Thank you.
- And not wearing the clothes

you slept in last night like I am.

Are you depressed?

What?

Fight the stigma.

Okay.

Own it.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

I mean, I'm a little depressed.

Did you bring your books?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, great. This will be fun.

Come on, friend.

Okay.

Okay, attention.

Guppies, today you will
be with Lincoln's mom.

She's a big movie star.

She was Anna in "Frozen".

- (kids cheering)
- Huh? I know!

I love that movie! I love it so much.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Oh, and guppies, today,
you're gonna be with Lois' mom.

She's... Lois... Lois' mom.

All right, have fun, everyone.
(chuckles)

Thank you for that lovely introduction.

(clears throat)

"My name is Sandy
and I love being sassy.

"My dog's name is Wanda
and I'm sassy too.

Woof, woof, woof!"

(kids) Woof, woof, woof.

I'm gonna be reading
a very important story

about a very important subject, okay?

It's called "Under the Stairs:

A Child's Story of the Holocaust".

Do you guys know what the Holocaust is?

No? All right.

Well, let's find out together.

(clears throat)

"Anya crouched under the stairwell

"shaking with fear.

"'Bubbe, ' she cried,
'who are we hiding from?

"'Quiet, Anya, ' whispered her bubbe,

'your knees are knocking
and they'll find us.'"

Can you guys see that?

(Kristen) Woof, woof, woof!

(children laughing)
"My mom is going to Paris.

Oui, isn't that sassy?"

(children) Oui!

"I can shimmy my hips.
Can you shimmy your sassy hips?"

Give it a try.

(all giggling)

This isn't formal ballet technique,

but I did study modern
at the Tisch School of the Arts,

so it comes in handy.

Okay, one, two, three, eyes on me.

(snapping) Right here. Kenny.

Can you look at me, please? Thank you.

Do you guys like oo-choo trains?

Chuga-chuga, chuga-chuga.
Here comes a choo-choo.

"Anya wept as Bubbe was
thrown onto the train.

"A cold wind blew as Anya stood alone

under a leaden sky."

Can you see the leaden
sky from the back?

(Kristen) Sassy pants! Sassy pants!

Sassy Sandy sassy pants!

(applause)

(phone clicks)

I didn't know we could have props.

You guys are a great live audience,

and I've done Broadway.

- Oh, and FYI...
- What's that?

Can we go over to Lincoln's mom?

Don't you want to know how this ends?

Okay.

Go.

Oh, hello, new friends.

Welcome.

Just so you know, Anya does not die.

Six million others do.

(teacher) You're wonderful!

You're wonderful! Thank you!

(giggles)

Hey, Rachel!

Hmm? Oh.

- Hey. Great job.
- Oh.

- I'm sorry if I pulled focus.
- No.

I for one think that the
story you were reading

- was really important.
- Depressing, and important.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, where did
you get that sweatshirt?

- I need one.
- Well, now you're just being mean.

No, I'm serious.

I love "The Fartlemans".
It's always on in my house.

Well... I... I write on it.

- Get out!
- No.

It's my kid's favorite show.
Skippy Fartleman is hilarious.

Well, I've never heard
anybody say that ever.

- Ever!
- Well, I mean it.

And if you took away the fart noises,

the writing is actually
really, really funny.

Although if you remove the fart noises,

- the show would be like 30 seconds long.
- Yeah.

(both laugh) Um, wow.

Have you written anything else?

Uh, yeah, actually,
we just wrote a movie.

A "Fartlemans" movie?!

Oh, no, uh, it's an adult movie.

Oh, you wrote a porno?

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

A normal movie for adults.
It's a comedy about the...

Oh.

...first female president
and her male first lady.

- Oh! Keep hope alive.
- Right?

- Right?
- Female...

Ugh... empowerment.

Can I read it?

I just... I would love to
read something like that.

Can I give you my email
so you could send it to me?

Oh, my God, yes!

- Yes, I would love that.
- Okay.

- Me too.
- Okay, uh, yeah, go.

It's kristenbell69@aol.com.

- Oh.
- I got it when I was single.

You see this article
on "Deadline" about Melissa?

Who is no longer taking
a break from acting.

She gonna do our movie?

No. You know why?

Because she's doing
the Vin Diesel movie,

not our movie, officially.

- My God.
- Yeah.

(man) Oh, that's bad news.

So, you only have her
husband Ben Falcone?

Is he even famous?

You're not supposed to
know about our movie,

and the only reason you
do know about our movie

is 'cause you go in our office
and get on Rachel's computer

and look at pornography.

So we still need to
attach a famous woman.

Are you guys talking
about "Mr. First Lady"?

What about Kristen Bell?

Oh, I love Kristen Bell.
I vote for Kristen Bell.

What made you think of Kristen Bell?

Her kid goes to Lois' school.

She's a huge "Fartlemans" fan.

Really? Is she insane?

I know, and she asked
to read our script.

That's amazing. She's a big movie star.

I know. And Kristen said Dax

would be perfect for the first lady.

Dax Shepard?

So, they're married in real life?

I thought that was just,
you know, for the commercials.

- (exhales sharply)
- Amazing.

Wow, we could be getting Kristen Bell.

I mean, that is... this is crazy.

Amazing. You know what I think?

I think we might be
getting a lot closer...

to popping this little girl's cherry.

Piu! (chuckles)

You know what that means?

What, popping champagne?

(both chuckle)

Oh my God, it's so exciting!

And Dax Shepard as Mr. First Lady.

I mean, that's... that's pretty great.

What about Ben?

What about Ben?

If Dax is in "Mr. First Lady",

that means we just gave
away Ben's part to Dax.

I mean, that'd be a fun conversation.

Would it have to be a conversation?

Maybe it could be more of a text.

Larry, he's our friend.

Maybe we just never talk to him again?

(cell phone chimes)

Ben Falcone.

Uhh! It looks like it's
gonna be a conversation.

Subtitle sync and corrections by
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Okay, so we're not gonna
say anything to Ben

about Kristen and Dax because
there's nothing to say yet.

We don't even know
if they want to do it.

Right, you don't need
to keep telling us that.

Oh, I don't?

They definitely gave you
more scotch than me.

Oh, my God, I just got
an e-mail from Kristen Bell,

subject line "LOVE,"

- all caps.
- Oh, what? What?

"Hey, Rach, the script is so funny.

"Dax and I love it.
We soooo..." with four O's...

"want to do 'Mr. First Lady.'"

Oh, my God!

Hey, guys.

(all) Ben!

Nice to see you. How are you?

Why is everybody...

Why are you guys being so weird?

What's going on?

Uh...

- Everything all right?
- Yeah.

Okay. Oh, good, good, good.

(all) Yeah.

Oh, hey, would somebody
nab me a red wine?

- I'm gonna wash my hands.
- Yeah.

Thanks.

What do we do?

Uh, let's just think, let's
just think, let's just think.

I think we just have
to be honest with him.

We just say, I'm sorry, Ben,
you know, you've been replaced

by a better actor.

This kind of thing happens
all the time, he'll understand.

This is how it's done in Hollywood.

Oh, good, Jack Warner.

What if we get Ben

to play like a totally
different part in the movie?

- Oh, that's a great idea.
- Right?

- What part? What part?
- Ooh!

The butler.

I swear I was thinking the butler.

Ben would be so perfect
for that, right?

'Cause he's kind of weaselly.

Well, don't say,
"You're perfect for this

'cause you're kind of weaselly."

But... it's a big part.

- Yes, it is a big part.
- Maybe he'd go for it.

Hey, guys, what are you talking about?

Uh...

Did somebody manage to grab my wine?
You know what?

I'll grab it, I'll grab it.
You guys are talking, it's fine.

No, no, no, we'll get it, we'll get it.

It's fine... oh, thanks. Thanks.

I mean, I'll get it.

'Cause neither of you
moved at all, I noticed.

Oh, I was just gonna get it.

Hey, guys. Larry, how are you?

I am going to help Hugh
carry your wine.

Okay.

Thank you, buddy? Hi, Rachie.

Thank you for being the normal one.

Normal, normal, normal, normal, normal.

(both chuckling)

Uh, how are you?

I'm good, I'm good. I've got fun news,

- but I'll wait for the boys to get back.
- Oh, okay.

Um, did you happen to read our rewrite?

Yes, I did read it. It is so great.

- Really? Oh, good.
- Loved it, it's so good.

- You guys are so great.
- Thank you.

Thank you very much.
Um, I was wondering if you...

(clears throat) Here.

Thanks, Larry.

What are you guys
talking about over here?

Ben was just saying
that he read our rewrite,

and I was gonna ask him
if he happened to notice

how funny the part of the butler was.

- Oh, my God!
- Yeah.

I haven't thought of that in a while.

Well, actually, that's the one
note I had to give you guys.

Um, sort of a tweak,
that I just wanted you

to remove the part
of the butler altogether.

We have to lose it,
because you know why?

He's annoying, he's kind of
like a weasel, you know?

Like, in a bad way weasel, or...

Like, if some...
I can't imagine any actor

would want to play that part.

I mean, if... if my agent
sent me that role...

(chuckling) I'd be like,

"Ah, who is getting fired?
Who's getting fired?"

Because, like, who wants
to play that role?

I would, uh, kill myself.

But, here's the huge news.

Uh, the script is hilarious.
It's in awesome shape.

- Ah.
- No problems, a few tweaks.

Uh, but guess what?

Melissa McCarthy... is... in!

Shut up!

- What?
- Seriously?

Yeah, yeah, she wants to play
the president, she's in.

The Vin Diesel "Betsy Ross"
movie officially fell apart.

We just read an announcement
that it's officially on.

Oh, no, no, no. Melissa and Vin

went to lunch today, uh,
to talk about the script

and they had a disagreement,
creative fallout, yeah.

And Melissa punched Vin
in the face with a beer bottle.

You know, I'm not really
supposed to talk about it.

Melissa made me sign
a non-disclosure agreement.

Lawyers, right? (chuckling)

Yeah, anyway, but... think about this.

All those years ago,
we were all, like, churning,

trying to get something going.

And now, here we are.

You guys wrote a movie for me,

which seriously touches my heart.

And now, Melissa's gonna be on board,

and we're gonna make a movie together.

I mean, guys, that's friendship,
it's really good friends

making something happen together.

If I may. To friendship.

- To friendship.
- To friendship.

(glasses clinking)

So, does that make sense?
You know what you're saying?

Yeah, I'm telling Kristen Bell
that we offered the part

to Ben and Melissa before
we offered it to her and Dax.

Just fire her. Give her the boot.

Rip the Band-aid.

Elliot, don't put on
your brother's pull-up!

There's pee in it! And he has a fever!

She's coming. I gotta go.

- Kristen!
- Hey!

- Hey, hi.
- Hi!

Oh my God, I am getting so excited

about "Mr. First Lady".

Oh. Dax and I are actually having

a date night on Friday, and I feel like

we're really gonna roll up our sleeves

and dig into those characters.

Oh, um... actually, about that, um...

Okay, so we actually gave
the script of "Mr. First Lady"

- to Ben Falcone.
- Shut up!

I'm only in the beginning
of my vision board

for this project, but I had put

Ben Falcone as the ideal director.

You're kidding?
And now, you're telling me

Ben is gonna direct this?

That... is what I'm telling you.

Oh, man!

Wait, do you think Melissa
could play the butler?

I mean... is that a good idea?

I feel like it's a smaller part,

but a little of Melissa
goes a long way.

- Yeah.
- You know what, that's perfect.

I'm gonna ask Ben to come to dinner

with Dax and I on Friday
so we can hash it all out.

Hey, Ben, dinner with
Dax and I on Friday

at Virago, 7:00 p.m., question mark.

You know, I can actually tell Ben
if you don't wanna text him...

(phone chimes)
Thumbs up emoji. Perfect.

- So, that's gonna happen.
- Yeah.

I've also been working
on my Australian accent.

(with poor Australian accent)
My fellow Americans...

they say a boomerang always comes back.

I say, so will our economy.

Oh my God, that was beautiful.

Oh my God, you're an amazing actress.

I know.

There's a reason she's a movie star.

She's transfixing,
you can't say no to her,

it's not my fault!

Well, it is your fault, Gorilla Jacket.

Okay, this is fashion,
and it's movement.

What are we going to do
about Ben and Melissa?

This is gonna sound crazy, but what's
our rule in the writer's room?

No jacking off.

No bad ideas.

'Kay.

This is my idea.
You do with it what you will.

- 'Kay.
- We go to...

Uh, what's the name of the restaurant?

- Virago.
- Virago.

- 7:00 p.m.
- 7:00 p.m.

And we disrupt the dinner.

- Ooh!
- What?

All we have to do is buy
ourselves some time.

That's it. I mean, a month from now,

Melissa's gonna back out
of this thing anyway,

- she's gonna find something better.
- Uh-huh.

And Ben, uh... Ben, uh...

gets in an accident.

Yeah, he could get hit
by a car tomorrow.

- Yes.
- That happens all the time.

- That happens all the time.
- All the time.

You know, you're not
looking where you're going.

Are you listening to yourselves?

Okay, uh, okay,
so we could go to Virago,

right, and we pull
the fire alarm, right?

And everyone has to leave...
or is that illegal?

We could... we could release
rats into the kitchen, right?

- Rats in the kitchen.
- Or roaches!

- Roaches in a kitchen.
- And everyone has to scurry

- and leave the restaurant.
- Leave.

- Ben has to leave.
- Get out of the restaurant.

Um...

Or... we could get some
of the original writers

of "I Love Lucy"
if they're still alive,

and we could ask them
what they would do

to get Lucy to stop
the big dinner with Ricky.

- Ricky.
- No, he's being sarcastic.

- My God.
- Well...

Fine, Hugh, what do you wanna do?

I think I should move
back to Texas and get a job

in a bookstore like I should
have done 20 years ago,

because I hate this business,

and I hate all the people in it,
including myself.

Well...

That says "Ides."

I mean, it's 7:30. Where are they?

(sighs)

I'm gonna talk to the hostess.

- About what?
- Just, I'm gonna see.

- Hello, ma'am.
- Hello.

Can you see if there's a reservation

under Bell for 7:00?

No.

How 'bout a Shepard? A Shepard?

No, I don't.

Falcone? F-a-l-c-o-n-e.

I don't see anything.

You wanna look a little harder?

Yeah, I don't see anything.

Can I just sneak
a real quick peek myself,

- just with my...
- Oh, no, you can't.

Can you actually look for one more name

in your, uh, little book?

Can you see if you have a bitch?

No, I cannot.

Well, I'm looking at it.

Looking at it right now.
She's in there.

So, that's how it's done, huh?

Yep.

You know what I bet happened?

They wouldn't come in the front door,

because everyone would
be looking at them.

Yeah.

There's always like a...
like a side entrance

in places like this, you know?

And I bet there's even
like a private dining room.

Excuse me.

Do you guys have a private dining room?

The reason I ask, uh, is my friend

was in a fire and he almost died.

Oh my God. Um, I'm so sorry.

Do you have a private
dining room or not?

The Marlowe Room,
but it's being used right now.

- Hm?
- Yeah.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

(clears throat)

Is the house done?
I feel like it's been forever.

It has been a long time,
and it is almost done.

I can't even tell you.

- I don't wanna, like, overstate it.
- Hype it?

- It's just so... it's so beautiful.
- Oh!

I wonder where Dax is.

Oh, he had texted!

"Can't be there tonight..."
Oh, no, he's stuck shooting.

- Aw.
- He's not gonna make it.

What is he shooting anyway?
Is he writing? Directing?

- Acting?
- Yes, all three.

Takes one to know one.

- Triple threat, right here.
- That's what you do.

What can I... (laughs)

I'm just a person.

This is not right, we're out...

No, it's... it's this way.
There's a sign right there.

You're in my way. Just get...

- Where are we going?
- It's right there.

The Marlowe Room!

(woman laughing)

What?

They're laughing. That's good.

That means they haven't
talked about us yet.

(laughing)

- It is!
- That's the worst.

It is the wor... it's not a good joke.

I don't even know if I can eat.

- (both laughing)
- Oh my God.

Okay, we should probably
talk about this movie.

Dax is really excited that we're
gonna be working together.

You know, Melissa and I
are actually super psyched

about something that she
and I are gonna be working on.

What?

Why are you... what?

Let's just go on five.

- Five.
- Where did five come from?

I'm just trying to buy time
'cause I'm nervous, I don't know

what we're gonna say
when we get in there.

Jesus Christ.

(people laughing)

What a surprise.

Three old friends here to congratulate

me and Grace on our new jobs.

Gavin and I are the heads
of comedy development

at Chinescope Pictures.

I forget. Are you three in comedy?

Or are you just... jokes?

(both laughing)

Oh, these Chinese executives,

they don't speak a word of English.

So, I am free to share
with you the following.

I am going to devote
half of every working day

to the planning and the execution

of a revenge so merciless,
that you three shitfaces

will be begging for my mercy.

The other half of my day

will be devoted to
making hit comedy films,

for Chinescope Pictures.

To Chinescope!

Ganbei! (laughing)

(all) Ganbei!

Don't bow. What is wrong with you?

Have a safe night, kids.

Uh... by any chance,
is there another location?

Yes, we have three... here, downtown,

and we just opened one in Dubai.

I mean, what liars!

What weaselly, disgusting human beings.

And these people are your friends?

No, no, they're not.
Especially not Larry.

He's the worst one. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna go on every social media
platform and bad-mouth them,

and I'm gonna bad-mouth them hard.

Please do. They're the worst!

- (scoffs)
- I'm... I'm bringing in the big guns.

I'm gonna email Melissa,

'cause she does not like
me to call at this hour...

- CC me on that, please.
- I will.

Are you still at kristenbell69@aol.com?

Yes, but I only give
that out to randoms.

It's ilovekristenbell@aol.com.

All right.

- To their downfall.
- To their downfall.

(glasses clinking)

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