All language subtitles for No Tomorrow s01e07 It First.eng

- I'm Xavier, with an "X".
- Your life is so much fun.

- Got to live life while I can.
- What does that mean?

Humankind only has eight months
and 12 days left on Earth.

- You're serious.
- Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.

This is my apocalyst.

This is every last thing I want to do

before things go kaput.

- (Whooping)
- (Cheering)

(Screaming)

You in?

Previously on No Tomorrow...

Uh, yeah, your credit card was declined.

We're repo agents.

You owe us $93,000, Mr. Holliday.

Your stuff got repossessed?

I'm probably gonna have to
find a new place to live.

- Evie.
- Yeah?

Oh!

Good news.

The asteroid isn't coming?

(Laughs) Yes, it is.

By some miracle,

I got the security
deposit back on my house.

Now you put that with everything else

I managed to scrape together...

and I got a new place.

A place so great, I'm never
gonna have to pay rent again.

Really? How?

Ah.

Behold.

It's... a trailer.

Precisely.

In front of my house.

Well, at the moment,

but that's the fun part;

it's fully mobile. And it has

a sleeper sofa and a camping stove.

What more do you need?

You want to break it in?

- (Smooches)
- Mm-hmm.

(Squeals)

= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
= resynced by lonewolf = ... www.addic7ed.com ...

(Evie laughs)

(Xavier groans)

Hi, Mr. Casey.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Uh, can I call you Cory?

I mean, Casey, I mean Cory. Cory, Cory.

Who's Casey?

Or is it Cory, Cory, Cory?

It's... Cory Casey...

Cybermart's billionaire CEO.

He's coming by the warehouse today

to make some sort of announcement.

- Wow, a billionaire.
- (Sighs)

Well, that'd be nice, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

He said once he made
his first $800 million,

the next $200 million didn't
really change him that much.

I've been up all night rereading
his autobiography again.

I'm going to, um,

casually pepper our
conversation with his interests

and then finally convince him
to put me on the CyberHugs team.

You know, he loves, uh, '60s space rock,

renovating private jets,

and vacationing with the Olsen twins.

I'm gonna go with '60s
space rock as my way in.

Probably the best bet.

Yeah.

But I don't understand.

Why don't you just lobby
Deirdre for the job?

Well, you're not a leader.

People don't listen when you talk.

You're too timid.

You don't motivate people.

You lack confidence. You...

You know, I just have to think bigger.

Yeah, I like it.

Go straight to the top.

So, when's your meeting with him?

Hmm, there is no meeting.

He's a very hard man to
get a one-on-one with,

which is why I have a plan.

At around 11 a.m.,

Cory will pull into his reserved spot.

Hank's the lookout.

He'll give the signal to me and Kareema.

Yes!

Then I make my move.

Hi...

Mr. Casey.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

My name is Evie Covington

and I've worked for
Cybermart for eight years.

I am a huge fan of yours,

especially the CyberHugs initiative.

With Hank and Kareema's help,

I'll have exactly 30 seconds

from the car to the
door to make my pitch

for why he should put
me on the CyberHugs team.

And that is why I believe
I would be a huge asset

to the CyberHugs team,

not unlike how Grace Slick

joined Jefferson Airplane

and propelled them to the
annals of rock history.

A '60s space rock reference, nice!

(Laughs)

I got to say, I have literally

never been more impressed
in my entire life.

Welcome to the CyberHugs team, Evie.

(Laughs)

Here's a check for eleventy

kadillion dollars to spend

on the charities

of your choosing.

I'm sorry, did you say kadillion?

It's a fantasy.

Anyway, that's my plan for today.

- What about you?
- (Sighs)

Well... now that I have a place to live,

I just need to get some
income so I can get myself

out of this financial... quandary.

So I'm gonna go down to Pike's,
sell some of my paintings.

Hey, you want to catch up
after you land your dream job?

You really think I'm gonna land it?

Yeah, of course.

Aw, I love you.

You know, it just slipped out.

That's why I do Kegels.

Maybe he just didn't hear me.

You know, but if I say it
again, and he did hear me

and just isn't ready to say it yet,

(whispering): it'll be
twice as embarrassing.

- Love is the worst.
- Oh, I know.

It's like doing ecstasy,
seems like a fun idea,

then suddenly you're at
the top of the Space Needle,

puking into some tourist's cleavage.

Well, what did you do last night?

Nobody.

Were you with Sofia?

She's irresistible...

like shoplifting a vibrator.

What?

Well, you already have a hiding space.

- You just stash and dash.
- The operation is a go.

I repeat, the op is a go!

What? Why didn't you
give us the signal?!

You didn't even, like, let us know.

I was doing the...

- (Stammering)
- Oh, no.

Hi, Mr. Casey.

Ooh. Uh... hi, Mr. Casey.

Voice mail.

(Woman speaking indistinctly over phone)

Okay.

Hi, Mr. Cory. I mean, Mr. Casey!

My name is Evie Covington
and I'm eight years...

I mean I've been
w-w-working at Cybermart

- for eight years, and...
- That looks really heavy.

Let me give you a hand with that.

Greg.

No, I could be Grace Slick!

And... what I mean
by that, sir, is that...

- That's enough, Evie.
- (Alarm rings)

I'll take it from here.

Right this way, sir.

(Sighs)

XAVIER: Right this way, folks.

End-of-the-world art,
out-of-the-world prices.

_

XAVIER: How about you? Interested?

No? Okay.

How about you, ma'am? You... no?

Okay. How about you, mate?

I'll give you 12 for that one.

Ah, I was sort of thinking a...

- bit more like 50.
- Fifteen?

No, like 50. Like five, zero.

No, I heard you say 50.

I said 15.

O... kay.

Right.

Sorry, man, it's just the perfect

vintage frame for my Bill
Murray cross-stitch...

and your art's a bit graphic for me.

- Is it? Oh.
- Maybe you should

make something more like that.

Everyone loves the Seattle Street Poet.

Oh. Yeah...

I'm pretty sure that guy doesn't...

make any money.

(Sighs)

(Moaning, panting)

We, uh... we can't continue

fornicating in the workplace,

especially with the CEO on site.

- Definitely.
- Oh, my God.

Definitely.

But are you sure?

Well, it's... un... professional

and-and we're bound to
get caught eventually.

Oh, yeah.

But is it really unprofessional, though?

I mean, it's not like
it's affecting our work.

(Inhales and exhales)

Man, it's chilly out here.

Could you hand me my pants, please?

_

EVIE: Hey.

- You okay?
- HANK: Yeah.

Psh. I'm okay. I mean,
I got my pants on.

- (Laughs)
- Why are you being weird?

Would you say I'm being weird, Evie?

Come on. Psh... psh.

I'm being norm... okay, you're right.

I have something to tell you.

I mean, I think I shouldn't tell you,

- but I feel like I should tell you.
- Okay.

Timothy's dating Fernberger.

- Whoa.
- Whoa...

Actually, I think I'm okay with that.

Am I okay with that?

Yeah... yeah, I'm...
yeah, I'm okay with it.

So, that's why you've been
so preoccupied at work.

That-that, yup.

That is the reason.

Psh, man...

feels so good to get
that off my shoulders.

Thank you for telling me, Hank.

- Yeah, no problem.
- Put her there.

Kareema says I should
stop doing that with you.

I just want to be cool.
You guys won't let me...

You-You're cool...

in your own Evie way, it's cool.

CORY: Attention, Cybermart employees.

Attention... Cybermart

employees.

The future...

who knows what it will bring?

I do.

I will be announcing a
new vision for the future

of Cybermart at a launch party

this weekend at my new satellite office

right here in Seattle, the
birthplace of Cybermart.

It will astound you...

those of you who are invited, anyway.

I'm sending out invitations now.

(Cell phone beeps)

(Laughs)

All that the rest of you need
to know is that there will be

no new layoffs.

Yes!

Because we haven't yet figured out a way

to replace your specific jobs

with robots. All in due time.

For now, we've come up

with other ways to tighten the belt.

We are moving to one-ply T.P.

and switching to powdered water.

Oh, and also,

I'm cutting CyberHugs.

WOMAN (gasps): Oh.

Welcome...

to the future.

Wow, things are really
shaping up in here.

Yeah, I'm still...

working...

out the kinks.

Uh... I'll return your plunger after.

That's cool, you can keep it.

So, how'd today go? Did you get the job?

There is no job anymore.

Cory Casey cut CyberHugs.

Oh... not good.

Nope.

It's the second time today

that I've put myself out there

and not really gotten the
response I was hoping for.

Well, if I know you, you're
gonna come up with a new way

to win over this guy
with two first names.

Well, uh... i-if you
look at the raw data,

you know, CyberHugs isn't adding

much value to the company...

but I dug a little deeper

and it turns out a significant
percentage of our customers

buy things from Cybermart

because they believe in CyberHugs.

God, I love it when you talk data.

I just have to emphasize
that to Cory somehow.

Anyway, how were sales today?

Well, I sold one... frame.

But it's enough to buy
great Indian take-out.

Nothing turns the day
around like a mango lassi.

I would love to, but I have

dinner plans with my sister tonight.

But why don't you join us?

Um, I don't know.

Mary-Anne's not exactly my biggest fan.

What?

Well, how can you tell?

Maybe the fake smile?

These briefs are
really tickling my bits.

It's fine. I'm not
everyone's cup of mango lassi,

and I'm fine with that.

Well, I'm-I'm not.

Not when it comes to my sister.

But you get that, right?
I mean, you really wanted

me and Jesse to get along.

Yeah, absolutely. No, hey,

if it's important to
you, it's important to me.

I'll come over and give it my best shot.

How bad can it be? I mean,
it looks like a real burger.

Completely. I'm glad we're trying this.

Fun Fern Fact, a distant cousin of hers

- started this whole chain.
- Oh.

(Clears throat)

Well, um...

Well, at least they have a
good... hemp beer selection.

So how are things going
with the human Fernberger?

Great!

Yeah, she's fun and she's sweet,

and, uh, she's into me sexually.

- Oh.
- It's been a nice boost.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna
prune that Fern all night!

Yeah!

No more "Heartbreak Timothy."

Because in addition to being

a newly awakened animal in the sack,

I also have huge career news.

Drum roll!

- Oh!
- MAN: Ow!

- Hey, watch it.
- I'm sorry.

Anyway, I'm doing a STEVEN-Spiel.

- What?!
- Yeah, it's like a TED Talk,

but, you know, not copyrighted.

What?! That is fantastic!

T-S Eliot. What's it about?

It's about the intersection

of nature, technology... and sex.

Oh, like when robots
go out, and they, like,

hump in the woods.

- What?
- Yeah.

Anyway, it could really take my career

to the next level.

Okay, so why do you look like

you just ate an entire Fernburger?

Just a little nervous.

Y-You may know this,

but I can be a little
soft-spoken in groups.

A little bit.

And as the head count goes
up, my volume goes down.

The auditorium holds 600 people.

(Whistles)

Wow. Thank you.

You know, a lot of people say
that risotto looks like mucus.

But I disagree.

(Whispering): That's the smile.

So, do you guys like this place?

When I was picking
up the food, I noticed

they're hiring.

Um, you know what?

Xavier is actually a
very talented artist,

and just started selling his paintings.

That reminds me, I need
to call the painters back.

Thank you. I thought Chris was
gonna take care of that

before he left town again, but nope.

I swear, it's like he's never even here.

Have you noticed that?
Call the painters back.

They gave us an estimate of five grand

to repaint the house.

I'm just gonna tell 'em,
you know what, forget it.

- I'll do it for two.
- 2,000?

- Really?
- Yeah. Sure, why not?

You need your house painted,
I need a job... it's ideal.

No, sure, that would
be great. Thank you.

Great. I'll be at your house
first thing in the morning.

Morning.

Mm. first thing, huh?

10:45. We've done, like,
a dozen things already.

Well, it's my first thing.

Apart from getting these pastries.

Would you like one?

Oh, yeah, no. We're a gluten-free,

low-sugar,
no-preservative household,

so there's probably
nothing in there for us,

but thanks.

Um, I put the paint
over there by the door.

I got four cans of cottage white

and one can of fuchsia for the trim.

Oh, great. Fuchsia. Cool color.

Yeah, it's my favorite, actually.

In college, my hair was that
color, if you can believe it.

- I cannot.
- Yep.

When I was in an all-girl punk band

called Lady Sewage.

(Screaming)

- Rock on.
- Okay...

Tucker, get your backpack.

We've got a very busy day ahead of us,

so let's get moving.

Choo-choo!

Um, Mary-Anne,

do you mind if I say something?

Okay.

You should slow down a bit, you know?

You're so caught up with your schedule,

you're not enjoying
this beautiful morning.

Maybe you should let
the inner punk rocker

steer for a bit, you know?

Just see where the day takes you.

Right, well, children need routine.

And one good way to enjoy the morning

is to wake up before 10:00 A.M.

Right, guys?

Thanks again for painting the house.

No worries.

I can't believe you're
doing work that isn't

actual work, just to try and
get a job and have more work.

This speech is gonna save Cyberhugs.

And how do you plan on
delivering that speech

to Cory Casey when you're
not invited to the party?

Bu getting Deirdre to
take me as her plus-one.

Have you noticed how
bad she is with names?

So I just fired Melinda.

Yeah, I can use that and convince her

she needs me at this party.

Plus, I've done a lot
for Deirdre lately.

- You know, she owes me.
- KAREEMA: Mm.

Speaking of romance, how's
the whole "I love you"

met with total panic-inducing
silence situation going?

- No update.
- Awkward.

WOMAN (over p.a.): Sebastian
Stone to the break room.

But, you know, one crisis at a time.

You know what, I have
to go find Deirdre.

Bye.

Good luck, Little Orphan Plannie.

(Indistinct chatter)

Somebody in there?

Popcorn! It's my favorite.

- (Clears throat)
- Cool.

So listen, I know you're going

to Cory's party tomorrow night,

and I was wondering if you wanted to

take me as your plus-one?

(Microwave beeps)

Why in the world would
I want to do that?

Because I can Devil Wears Prada you.

Is that a pop-culture reference?

Yes. In the movie, Anne
Hathaway goes to fancy parties

with Meryl Streep and subtly feeds her

all the names and personal details

of everyone she should already know.

Well, I admit I am intrigued.

But what's in it for you?

Who wouldn't want to go
to a billionaire's party

to meet people like Mallory Rice,

the new distribution manager
for the northeast region?

Pick me up at 6:00.

And make sure to pick up
some extra-dry brut champagne.

It's, um...
what's-his-name's favorite.

- Cory Casey?
- Correct.

See you at 6:00.

(Door creaking)

That was close.

We really need to get a
lid on this thing at work.

But how? Every time I'm
within a few feet of you,

I feel overcome with raw desire.

We need a buffer zone.

Agreed. From now on,

in all professional settings,

we-we need to stay five feet apart.

Yeah. Like a moat.

- A sex moat.
- A sex moat.

You better raise your drawbridge, girl.

Why? Is your battering ram
gonna storm my castle walls?

No.

(Exhales)

Five-foot sex moat.

Starting now.

Sticky hands up, boys.

All right, don't touch anything, okay?

I gotta get those wiped off.

Whew.

XAVIER: Surprise!

What do you think?

What the fuchsia?

I thought you deserve a
little more color in your life.

I deserve for my house
to be frickin' fuchsia?

Well, it's your favorite color.

I thought why save it for the trim?

Life's short. You gotta
give yourself what you want.

Okay, you know what?

This whole self-serving,
fly by the seat of your pants

carpe diem crap may have worked on Evie,

but it's not gonna work on me.

Mary-Anne, it's not a trick.

This is the way I live my life.

This is my philosophy.

Well, it's not mine.

So paint it back.

Cottage white.

No, I love pink.

Tucker, honey, we
can't have a pink house.

He's fun and you're not!

I'm really sorry, all right, I just...

Just... Just fix it.

_

You want me to give my speech to them?

Yeah. These people
can't hear a damn thing.

This is the perfect practice crowd.

- I don't know.
- Come on, Mr. T.

- Just give 'em a little taste.
- Okay.

Yeah. You got this.

(Speaking quietly)

They can't hear you, so
there's no possible way

of you embarrassing yourself.

I'd like to talk to you all about

how Mother Nature can
improve all of our sex lives.

Designs throughout the natural world

can have a profound impact on the future

of human sexual congress.

- This is great. They don't...
- This is awesome.

- They can't hear nothin'. It's great.
- It's working.

Let me tell you all a little something

about how dragonflies mate.

_

MAN: I love that guy.

Or gal. Yeah, me, too.

(Entrance bell jingles)

Oh! What... Timothy!

- Hi.
- Hey.

Oh, my... Oh.

Wow, I guess... I guess
things with Fern are

going smoothly.

Hank told me.

No. I mean, uh, yes.

But n-no. This is research.

Sex research.

I'm doing a STEVEN-Spiel,

and the subject is of a sexual nature.

Actually, the subject is nature and sex.

You're doing a STEVEN-Spiel?

That's amazing.

- I'm so happy for you.
- Thanks.

It's tomorrow, if you wanna go.

Or not, you know.

No, I'd love to.

- You would?
- Yeah.

We're friends now, and
friends support each other.

Great. Cool. Awesome.

Cool.

That was the second one I said.

So yes, we agree.

- Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.

Hey.

Hey.

What's up?

(Sighs heavily)

Just not my best showing
at Mary-Anne's house today.

I painted her house fuchsia,

and then she tore me a new one,

and then Tucker said I was
really fun and she wasn't

and she...

sort of lost it.

That...

does not sound great.

Yeah.

If she didn't like me before,

she 100% doesn't like me now.

Well, she probably just
needs to sort some receipts.

That's how she deals with stress.

Maybe I'll just go check on
her and-and smooth things over.

Okay, great. I'll come.

- Maybe not.
- (Ding)

Oh, now you're doing
the fake smile as well.

EVIE: Mary-Anne?

Hey.

- You in...
- (Knocking)

You in here?

Hey...

is everything okay?

Evie!

(Cackling): My sister
from the same mister!

- Ooh-ooh.
- (Chuckles)

I couldn't decide if I
should drink or take a bath

so I'm kind of doing both.

(Blows raspberry, laughs)

Okay.

Oh, gosh. Mmm...

This is fun.

Remember when I used to be fun?

Ah, I was all "pink hair, don't care,"

then I'd make out with
like, all the guys.

Yeah, you were pretty wild.

And now I'm a mom.

(Laughs, blows raspberry)

Which I love.

But they suck...

my time and my energy

and my creativity.

And they just... they suck it out!

They suck, they suck, they suck it out!

Okay, yeah, I think
that's enough of that.

Listen, I'm so sorry for
forcing Xavier on you.

I get it, you hate him, which is fine.

I don't hate him.

- You don't?
- Come on.

I'm jealous of him!

You think I don't want to do

fun adventures off of a list?

Of course I do!

I want fun!

I want a fuchsia house!

When then, what is stopping you?

Well, uh, the HOAs.

- Uh-huh.
- That's Homeowner's Association.

They have rules

and I have to follow them

because I am a responsible
mesber of the commubiny.

(Clears throat) Communerby.

It's close enough.

I can't have a fuchsia house,

I can't have pink hair,

I can't do anything fun, really.

But you remember when I used to be fun?

I was on a list of top
ten hottest punk chicks

at Arizona State two years in a row.

(Laughs)

Gosh, look at me now.

Even my own kid thinks I'm boring.

You are a great mom.

And you deserve to
have fun now and then.

In that case, can I have my vodka back?

No.

But you can have something
better than vodka.

- You brought rum?
- (Laughing)

No.

But how about Xavier and I take the kids

and let you have the day to
do whatever fun thing you want.

You know, get back in
touch with your old self.

(Gasping): Yes. Yes,

that sounds so good.

- Okay, now let's get you
- Yeah.

out of the bath and into bed.

- All right.
- (Laughing)

Whoa, whoa, wait.

You'll take good care
of 'em, though, right?

The best.

(Siren blaring)

That was so cool!

(Laughing): Say thank you to Cliff.

Thanks, Cliff.

- You got it. See ya.
- Cheers, mate.

- _
- (Chuckles)

(Siren starts)

This is the best day of my life.

I love you.

Oh, I love you, too, kiddo.

Oh, that's really sweet
how he said I love you

and then you said it back.

Hi, Mom!

- Hi!
- Hey, hey.

(Laughing): Hey.

Oh...

- Hey.
- Hey.

- We had ice cream,
- Ooh.

then we went to the zoo,

and then we had more ice cream

and then we rode on a fire truck!

(Laughing): Awesome!

You want to go grab your stuff?

In my defense, it was
very low-sugar ice cream.

(Sighing): You guys,

thank you so much.

I can't tell you how great it was

to have that time all to myself.

So, what wild and fun thing

did you do with the day off?

(Breathing deeply)

You... you took a nap?

She took a nap. R-Really?

It was five uninterrupted
hours of solid REM.

(Chuckles) Glorious.

- Good.
- Yeah.

Well, we're glad you got some rest.

And actually, Joshie should
be up soon from his nap, too.

I'm so sorry, I have to go.
I'm late for the STEVEN-Spiel

- and I know...
- Oh!

- Okay.
- Go, go, go, go,

- go, go, go.
- Bye!

- (Laughing)
- Hey, um...

listen, I just wanted to apologize,

um, about the paint.

I... I really like
people to seize the day

and I know sometimes I can, uh,

overstep the mark.

Um, so, I want to make it up to you.

You did! Okay?

That was the best nap I've had in years.

Well, yeah, but I think...

I can do better.

TIMOTHY: Better, batter...

bitter butter.

(Vocalizing)

(Groaning)

- I got this, I got this. Yeah?
- Hey! Hey!

Now here's a pro-tip in case
you get a little flustered,

all right, pick one
person from the crowd

and just deliver the speech to them,

like there's no one else in the room.

But don't pick me.

Prolonged eye contact really just...

(Shuddering)

wigs me out.

- Good luck.
- Yeah, yeah.

Hey.

Yeah, that way. (Clears throat)

(Exhales deeply)

(Whispers): I got this.

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,

Timothy Finger.

(Applause)

TIMOTHY: Um, um...

Uh...

(Coughs)

_

_

_

_

_

MAN: Can't hear you!

Oh, uh, is that better?

(Microphone feedback)

(Sniffs)

Yeah, I... ooh, ooh.

(Audience murmuring)

I...

Uh...

(Murmuring continues)

_

_

_

_

(Gags)

- (Swallows hard)
- _

_

Um.

TIMOTHY: Uh...

Uh, for example,

let's take a look at how

actual bees can help us with
"the birds and the bees."

Uh,

by mimicking the hexagonal pattern

of the honeycomb,

scientists have actually developed

polyurethane condoms
that are both thinner

and stronger.

Now, personally, I've always felt...

Oh, good Lord!

- (Audience gasping)
- Oh!

Oh, Timothy.

(Groaning) I... that's fine.

I just... I'm just gonna...

Ah! Uh, I'm ju...

I-I can't... um, that's fine.

Just please, take a seat.

Take a seat. Um...

I can do it from here.

Let's talk about the seminal fluid

of field crickets.

(Engine turns off)

Oh, hi.

Saw you pull up.

Didn't want you to come to the door

expecting to be asked inside.

Because, frankly, we're not there yet

and, uh, I didn't want it to be weird.

Weirdness avoided.

Well done. (Chuckling)

Oh, your flashcards.

Great. Okay.

"And so you see, Cory,

"Cyberhugs is a viable program

and cutting it would
be tantamount to..."

What is this?

That is, I just...

This... is the reason

you wanted to come to
the party as my plus-one.

To go over my head to Casey Cory.

Cory Casey...

And now you're correcting me?

You are officially
uninvited as my plus-one.

Deirdre, maybe you would just...

Consider yourself a negative-one.

(Gasps)

All right, well then,
we'll just crash it.

No way, Deirdre is about
to fire me as it is.

So, we'll just make
sure she doesn't see you.

Cory is leaving tomorrow,

and it's my last chance to

talk him out of cutting Cyberhugs.

So we're doing it?

What the fig.

Let's crash this party!

- Yes! Well, um,
- Okay.

can I bring a plus-one?

(Gasps)

Now this is wild and fun.

And a little sketchy.

I really hope this works.

XAVIER: Don't worry, it will.

Although, it's gonna be a little harder

to sneak five people
in rather than three.

Especially when one
of us looks like Hank.

Williams.

Well, I thought we were
going as a country band.

No, you said that, and we said,

"definitely not, that would be weird."

Especially since Cory Casey

is a huge 60s space rock fan.

Okay, okay, well, in my defense,

I think I was sneezing when
you said that last part.

And by the way, nobody
said "God bless you,"

so I think we all have
something to be sorry for.

Hey, there.

We're the band.

What band?

I was told it was just gonna be a DJ.

Nope. We're... we're
definitely the band.

Yeah. You really think
we would've shown up here

carrying these authentic
instrument cases

- (Tambourine rattling)
- if we weren't the band?

Would it be easier to believe us

if we said we were a country band?

Ow.

Prove it.

Prove you're the band.

Sing something.

Um...

- (Mary-Anne clears throat)
-
E di pensiero

- Mm-hmm.
- (Coughs)

That was beautiful, man.

Go right in.

Oh, my gosh, we did it!

- Okay. Let's... let's stash the stuff,
- _

and then... and then hit the party.

(Dance music playing)

EVIE: Deirdre can't see me here, so...

Hank, will you go and distract her?

Okay. Yeah. I could go
close to there. Near there...

And what should I do?

It's a party!

Hit the bar with Kareema
and try and get...

turned.

- Turnt.
- Exactly.

- I'm on it. Let's go.
- Yeah.

Woo!

- Mm.
-
Since I was a kid

One for now...

and one for later.

Hello, milady.

Hank.

You shouldn't be here.

It's unorthodox, inappropriate

and highly arousing.

Would you say the
waters of your sex moat

are rising?

The banks are in danger of breach.

Stop...

DEIRDRE: Step back.

I know. Five feet.

Deirdre!

Cybermart is a workplace of tolerance.

- Pardon?
- You're going out of your way

to avoid your
African-American employees.

I noticed it at the warehouse
yesterday and again, just now.

It's a disgrace.

No. No, it's just Hank.

Oh, so you think that
racism is acceptable

if it's localized to one person?

No. You don't understand,
I can't go near him.

- (Beeps)
- Okay. Clear your schedule.

I just used my CyberFocals to book you

a sensitivity training course

for tomorrow. Oh, and uh...

- (Snapshot)
- I just took a picture

of your face right now.

(Laughing): It's priceless.

- I just e-mailed it to you.
- (Phone beeps)

(Cheering, whistling)

(Orchestral music playing)

(Applause)

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to my universe!

(Applause, cheering)

I've been meditating on my legacy,

and I've decided to put all my money

towards really making a difference

in space tourism!

- (Applause)
- Yeah!

Yeah! (Laughs)

Suck it, Bezos!

Yeah!

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the new world...

of Cyberspace!

(Applause)

Now's my chance.

Hey!

We're not paying you to fraternize.

Get up there and sing.

I don't... I can't go up on stage,

Deirdre will see me.

Don't you worry, little sister.

I've got your back.

Do-re-mi-fa so drunk I'll sing.

(Hiccups) Mm.

That's great! (Clears throat)

Good.

(Grunts)

Okay. Um, what songs do we know?

Uh, "It's Raining Men."

- X-Files theme song.
- That doesn't have any words.

- No, but it makes a heck of a mood.
- (Raspberry)

(Into microphone): This is
dedicated to Ms. Casey Cory.

(Indistinct chatter)

MARY-ANNE AND XAVIER:

-
Wouldn't you love somebody to love

What are you doing here?

You crashed this party.

- She crashed this party!
- (Gasping)

- Okay, let's go.
- I didn't, but I...

EVIE: Cory... Cory!

Mr. Casey, I'm so sorry.

Mr. Casey, I want to
apologize for Evie's insolence.

- I assure you... You know...
- Please!

If you would just let me explain...

You should explain. Because I'm about
30 seconds from texting the police.

30 seconds is all I need.
Mr. Casey, my name is Evie

and I've worked at Cybermart for
eight years. I'm a huge fan of yours,

especially your Cyberhugs initiative...

Let me guess. You want
to make a difference.

You want to save the
planet and the children

and the dolphins because
it's your passion.

(Clock ticking)

(Explosion)

Come on, remember when...

you first started out and had
nothing but pluck and passion?

You knocked on the front
door of every single house

in your hometown to raise
money for this company.

And it worked!

I read your book. Three
times, in one night.

The point is,

don't you remember that version

of yourself?

I mean, look at what it created!

The world needs passionate
people, and risk-takers.

I risked my whole job
to be here tonight,

because that is how much
I believe in Cyberhugs.

Okay. I just reinstated the program.

And put her on the team. She earned it.

- (Snapshot)
- And I...

just took a picture of you right now.

(Chuckling): I just e-mailed you.

(Laughs)

(Cheering)

(Laughter)

To finally landing your dream job!

(Gasps) Oh! Thank you!

- (Clinks)
- Yes, congratulations. Evie.

Your chutzpah last night shocked me.

Please note, your
newly acquired position

does not give you license
to shirk the duties

of your preexisting position.

Your workload has just doubled.

Effective one second ago

when I just placed
that stuff on your desk.

- Oh...
- (Exhales sharply)

Got to love her.

Oh, is that still a sensitive word?

No.

Because...

even if Xavier didn't say it back,

he showed me how he feels.

You know, he went out of his
way to win over my sister,

so that says a lot.

EVIE: I wonder why Lauren McCoy

from corporate HR is here.

(Sighs) Also wonder when I can deprogram

my Devil Wears Prada brain.

Oh, I recommend whip-its.

They zap out whole
chunks of your memory.

Hey there.

Who are you?

Okay.

- Hey there.
- Hi!

Hey. Thanks again for coming to my talk.

Yeah. No problem.

- That's what friends are for.
- Yeah.

Um, that's, that's
why I'm here, actually.

I can't be friends with you, Evie.

- Not right now.
- What?

At that STEVEN-Spiel,

in the most exciting
and... and overwhelming

and stressful moment of my life,

the only thing that
could calm me down was...

was looking at you.

As long as that's true,
I-I can't really move on.

So I-I...

I think that we should

just spend some time apart.

Okay.

I just hope it's not forever.

Yeah.

I'll just...

Oh, my God.

You're the STEVEN-Spiel guy!

Who me?

- (Chuckling): You're famous!
- Well, uh...

Can I get a selfie?

- Uh, sure. Why not?
- Okay.

Uh... Okay.

Um, say, uh, "Oh, Good Lord!"

- Okay. No... wait. What?
- (Snapshot)

Yeah. It's all right.
Can you pretend to fall

when you're saying, "Oh, Good Lord!"

- Okay. Just... do it.
- (Snapshot)

(Door closes)

Now, I've spoken with Mr. Casey,

and... as I understand it,

you recently had Hank
transferred off your desk.

- Yeah. That's right.
- At his own request.

And there have been some, let's say,

troubling signs that you...

uh, Deirdre,

might not be creating the tolerant,

inclusive work environment
we strive for at Cybermart.

Wait.

Are you saying that Deirdre's a racist?

Not racist.

But maybe a little...

racist-ent

to other ethnicities.

Now, I'd like to do a little
trust exercise with you both.

So, if you'll please stand.

Stand.

(Sighs)

The eyes are the window to the soul,

which is what we want you
to recognize in each other.

So. Look each other in the eye,

give each other a compliment,

and take a step forward.

Toward each other.

Toward acceptance.

Deirdre, you first.

I...

think about you in the shower.

I want to take a bite out of your butt.

Do it!

This is a whole different
set of paperwork.

(Grunting)

- Hey!
- Quick, quick, quick.

What was so important
that I had to rush home?

Um... there's something
I want to show you.

Well...

actually, there's something
I want to tell you.

(Laughs)

_

That's incredible.

So you did hear me.

Hear what?

I said it to you, too,

while you were brushing your teeth.

What?

Wh-While I was brushing my teeth?

Have you never heard of
a grand, romantic gesture?

Oh, shut up! It just slipped out.

Oh, sweetheart, you're my soul mate.

- Where's the mouthwash?
- I was trying to... I was...

Oh, darling, I love you. Pass the floss.

Well, not everyone can commission

rain-activated street art.

I mean, how did you track down
the Seattle Street Poet anyway?

Just kiss me.

= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
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