Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:04,532
- I'm Xavier. With an "X."
- Your life is so much fun.
2
00:00:04,562 --> 00:00:06,562
- Got to live life while I can.
- What does that mean?
3
00:00:06,564 --> 00:00:08,497
Humankind only has eight months
4
00:00:08,499 --> 00:00:11,066
- and 12 days left on Earth.
- You're serious?
5
00:00:11,068 --> 00:00:13,636
Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
6
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:15,309
(Sirens blaring)
7
00:00:15,339 --> 00:00:16,338
This is my apocalyst.
8
00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:17,539
This is every last thing
9
00:00:17,541 --> 00:00:19,608
I want to do before things go kaput.
10
00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:21,243
(Screaming)
11
00:00:24,248 --> 00:00:25,113
You in?
12
00:00:25,115 --> 00:00:26,582
Previously on No Tomorrow...
13
00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:30,686
XAVIER: You think I'm nutsabout asteroid WX 2000 354.
14
00:00:30,688 --> 00:00:31,587
There's gonna be an impact.
15
00:00:31,589 --> 00:00:32,754
EVIE: If this is all true,
16
00:00:32,756 --> 00:00:33,922
why aren't you telling people?
17
00:00:33,924 --> 00:00:35,924
Trust me, I've tried.
I've called everyone.
18
00:00:35,926 --> 00:00:37,478
I will require your assistance
19
00:00:37,508 --> 00:00:39,261
to win his affections.
20
00:00:39,263 --> 00:00:43,098
DEIRDRE: Operation Hanky Panky
is officially underway.
21
00:00:44,101 --> 00:00:46,368
22
00:00:51,041 --> 00:00:51,974
(Evie whoops)
23
00:00:51,976 --> 00:00:54,176
- Oh!
- Holy cow!
24
00:00:54,178 --> 00:00:56,612
(Shrieks)
25
00:00:56,614 --> 00:00:58,146
Ladies and gentlemen...
26
00:00:58,148 --> 00:01:00,349
(Gasps, laughs)
27
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:03,051
That was... crazy!
28
00:01:03,053 --> 00:01:05,607
- (Laughs)
- _
29
00:01:05,637 --> 00:01:07,779
_
30
00:01:08,092 --> 00:01:09,092
Wow!
31
00:01:09,122 --> 00:01:10,346
(Laughs)
32
00:01:10,639 --> 00:01:11,740
33
00:01:11,770 --> 00:01:18,472
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
34
00:01:18,502 --> 00:01:21,503
Oh, he's just so fun. Crazy fun!
35
00:01:21,505 --> 00:01:23,272
It's like, in the last couple weeks,
36
00:01:23,274 --> 00:01:26,475
I feel like my whole world
is opening up, you know?
37
00:01:26,477 --> 00:01:28,143
How was your weekend?
38
00:01:28,145 --> 00:01:30,812
No flaming arrows, but
I did spend five hours
39
00:01:30,814 --> 00:01:32,414
making giant bubbles in the plaza.
40
00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:34,383
- Five hours?
- I did 'shrooms,
41
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,285
and I just couldn't
bring myself to leave.
42
00:01:39,356 --> 00:01:40,722
Making bubbles on 'shrooms.
43
00:01:40,724 --> 00:01:41,957
Maybe we should put that on the list.
44
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:43,525
- What list?
- Oh, well,
45
00:01:43,527 --> 00:01:46,662
Xavier has a list of all the
things he wants to do before...
46
00:01:46,664 --> 00:01:48,430
You know, he's just...
he's just super aware
47
00:01:48,432 --> 00:01:50,065
of the passage of time, and I figure
48
00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:51,733
anything that makes you
live every day to the fullest
49
00:01:51,735 --> 00:01:53,602
has got to be a good thing, right?
50
00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:55,237
So when are we gonna meet
51
00:01:55,239 --> 00:01:56,972
this extremely time-conscious guy?
52
00:01:56,974 --> 00:01:59,541
Maybe tomorrow? We could
do birthday drinks for you.
53
00:01:59,543 --> 00:02:01,363
That sounds fun.
54
00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:03,242
Hello.
55
00:02:04,481 --> 00:02:05,647
For your new chair.
56
00:02:06,262 --> 00:02:07,550
Oh!
57
00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:09,318
Oh...
58
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,119
You... you shouldn't have.
59
00:02:11,121 --> 00:02:14,156
And yet I did.
60
00:02:14,158 --> 00:02:15,624
Try it out.
61
00:02:15,626 --> 00:02:17,960
Okay. Uh...
62
00:02:18,726 --> 00:02:20,462
Sit down and try this.
63
00:02:20,464 --> 00:02:23,921
(Pained groan)
64
00:02:23,951 --> 00:02:26,151
Oh, the fan and the light.
65
00:02:26,153 --> 00:02:28,987
I trust the cup holder is of
66
00:02:28,989 --> 00:02:32,591
sufficient diameter for
a man of your thirst.
67
00:02:34,728 --> 00:02:36,480
Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:38,333
(Snaps fingers)
69
00:02:41,168 --> 00:02:44,203
The chair gifts are no longer working.
70
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,338
Oh... shoot.
71
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:49,374
How else am I supposed
to express my affection
72
00:02:49,376 --> 00:02:50,976
to an administrative assistant
73
00:02:50,978 --> 00:02:53,912
under the confines of such
restrictive HR guidelines?
74
00:02:53,914 --> 00:02:55,581
You just have to have
faith that eventually
75
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:57,850
your attentiveness
will pay off, somehow.
76
00:02:57,852 --> 00:03:01,153
Well, I did order him
a graphite foot rest.
77
00:03:01,918 --> 00:03:04,595
Feet are often the
most ignored appendage
78
00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:05,958
in an office setting.
79
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,560
- Oh?
- Maybe that'll push him over the edge.
80
00:03:08,562 --> 00:03:10,863
One more thing. We have a problem.
81
00:03:10,865 --> 00:03:12,965
A quality-control problem.
82
00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:14,833
Your problem.
83
00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:16,602
EVIE: Someone here is
84
00:03:16,604 --> 00:03:17,603
screwing up orders.
85
00:03:17,605 --> 00:03:18,971
Wrong things going in the wrong boxes.
86
00:03:18,973 --> 00:03:22,708
Deirdre wants me to find
out who it is and fire them.
87
00:03:22,710 --> 00:03:24,910
So I'm thinking of setting
up a security camera.
88
00:03:24,912 --> 00:03:26,712
Uh-uh! Veto!
89
00:03:26,714 --> 00:03:28,265
I do not support a surveillance state.
90
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,382
Why? Because you have something to hide?
91
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:33,352
No. Because as a union rep,
it is my duty to protect
92
00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:35,854
the rights and privacy of my coworkers.
93
00:03:35,856 --> 00:03:37,256
(Sighs) Fine.
94
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,707
Well, just do me a favor
and keep your eyes peeled.
95
00:03:39,737 --> 00:03:41,526
I'm gonna go get my sleuth on.
96
00:03:41,528 --> 00:03:43,595
Go get 'em, Inspector Gidget.
97
00:03:47,078 --> 00:03:49,128
T-Bone is still hung up on her.
98
00:03:50,070 --> 00:03:51,570
Dude is spiraling.
99
00:03:51,572 --> 00:03:53,772
(Printer humming)
100
00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,620
_
101
00:04:06,931 --> 00:04:08,787
Hello, Darkness.
102
00:04:10,324 --> 00:04:12,925
(Ringtone playing)
103
00:04:14,728 --> 00:04:16,261
HANK: What's up, T-Rex?
104
00:04:16,263 --> 00:04:17,729
Can you place an order for me?
105
00:04:17,731 --> 00:04:19,197
Just do it online.
106
00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:21,700
I can't. My computer...
107
00:04:22,694 --> 00:04:24,896
is too far away.
108
00:04:24,926 --> 00:04:26,071
Fine. What do you want?
109
00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:28,273
Every book you have on writer's block.
110
00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:29,308
All righty.
111
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:31,276
And four bottles of chardonnay.
112
00:04:31,278 --> 00:04:32,711
And an electric wine opener.
113
00:04:32,713 --> 00:04:35,013
And a fresh linen-scented candle.
114
00:04:35,015 --> 00:04:36,581
Seriously?
115
00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:39,351
Don't judge me; I'm very sad.
116
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,187
T-Bone has lost his way.
117
00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,489
EVIE: It's a left at the light
and then your second right.
118
00:04:44,491 --> 00:04:46,699
The Seattle Astronomy Center.
119
00:04:46,729 --> 00:04:48,126
So what's the plan for your birthday?
120
00:04:48,128 --> 00:04:50,851
- Well, I don't have one.
- What?
121
00:04:50,881 --> 00:04:52,497
Yeah, I'm trying to take
a page out of your book
122
00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:53,899
and just live in the moment.
123
00:04:53,901 --> 00:04:55,300
You can't decide, can you?
124
00:04:55,302 --> 00:04:57,302
Sure can't. And I'll
be 31, so I was thinking
125
00:04:57,304 --> 00:04:59,938
try every single flavor
of ice cream at 31 Licks.
126
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:02,174
- That seems...
- Or have a food fight,
127
00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:03,642
a water-balloon fight or a pie fight...
128
00:05:03,644 --> 00:05:05,377
some sort of weird fight, I don't know.
129
00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:07,104
Or a New Orleans-style "second line".
130
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:08,416
Maybe fireworks, petting zoo...
131
00:05:08,446 --> 00:05:09,814
Am I too old for that though?
132
00:05:09,816 --> 00:05:11,883
- It's quite the list.
- Well, I think some of
133
00:05:11,885 --> 00:05:13,518
your "what the fig" attitude
134
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:14,519
is rubbing off on me.
135
00:05:14,521 --> 00:05:16,128
This year, I just want
it to be crazy fun.
136
00:05:16,158 --> 00:05:18,090
- Oh, and Kareema wants to...
- (Tires screech)
137
00:05:18,092 --> 00:05:20,492
Whoa! What the fig?!
138
00:05:20,494 --> 00:05:23,297
Sorry. What?
139
00:05:23,327 --> 00:05:26,164
What? So you're just
gonna leave it here?
140
00:05:26,166 --> 00:05:28,000
Come on, the reading's already started!
141
00:05:28,002 --> 00:05:29,601
Okay, you're just gonna leave it here.
142
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:32,503
So, when you look up
at the sky tonight...
143
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,478
- (Whispers): Can you move over, please?
- FIELDS: please ask yourself,
144
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,851
what do I really see,
145
00:05:36,881 --> 00:05:39,511
and what is happening beyond that?
146
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,880
This is the most amazing opportunity.
147
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:44,983
Tyra DeNeil Fields is the
most popular astrophysicist
148
00:05:44,985 --> 00:05:46,485
in the world, and she's an expert
149
00:05:46,487 --> 00:05:48,053
at translating science for laypeople.
150
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:49,354
She's just the sort of person
151
00:05:49,356 --> 00:05:51,450
who could not only validate my theory,
152
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:52,591
but alert the general public.
153
00:05:52,593 --> 00:05:54,126
FIELDS: ... are what continue
to push us forward...
154
00:05:54,128 --> 00:05:56,661
I, um... I thought we were
just here to listen to her read.
155
00:05:56,663 --> 00:05:58,697
People need to know the truth, Evie.
156
00:05:58,699 --> 00:06:00,532
Xavier, you're not actually gonna do...
157
00:06:04,471 --> 00:06:06,410
FIELDS: Thank you all
for coming tonight.
158
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,806
And now, if you have any questions...
159
00:06:07,808 --> 00:06:08,907
XAVIER: Professor?
160
00:06:08,909 --> 00:06:10,684
Yeah, Ty... Profess...
161
00:06:10,714 --> 00:06:11,982
Can I just ask one question?
162
00:06:12,012 --> 00:06:12,977
No, no. Not you again.
163
00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:14,145
- No, no, no.
- Please?
164
00:06:14,147 --> 00:06:15,062
- Not you again.
- I just...
165
00:06:15,092 --> 00:06:16,533
- No, no, no!
- What are you doing?
166
00:06:16,563 --> 00:06:17,749
Wh-What are you doing?
167
00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:19,617
Guys, guys. Hey, hey, guys!
168
00:06:19,619 --> 00:06:21,419
This is... this is really
important, all right?
169
00:06:21,421 --> 00:06:22,998
This is about the asteroid!
170
00:06:23,028 --> 00:06:24,155
It's about the ast...
171
00:06:24,157 --> 00:06:27,192
(Taser crackling, Xavier grunting)
172
00:06:27,828 --> 00:06:30,095
Oh, my gosh!
173
00:06:30,561 --> 00:06:31,854
Are you okay?
174
00:06:31,884 --> 00:06:34,771
Relax, Evie, this isn't the
first time I've been Tased.
175
00:06:34,801 --> 00:06:36,768
I-It isn't?
176
00:06:42,285 --> 00:06:43,750
_
177
00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:48,988
Ah... sweet freedom!
178
00:06:49,018 --> 00:06:50,689
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, fine.
179
00:06:50,719 --> 00:06:51,986
A little hungry.
180
00:06:51,988 --> 00:06:54,088
Got a court date I can
move to a little bit later.
181
00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:55,589
Wait, so you're just totally unfazed
182
00:06:55,591 --> 00:06:57,992
by this whole... rigmarole.
183
00:06:57,994 --> 00:06:59,817
- "Rigmarole"?
- Yeah.
184
00:06:59,847 --> 00:07:01,334
I like that you really thought about
185
00:07:01,364 --> 00:07:03,097
your word choice there, and then
you went with "rigmarole".
186
00:07:03,099 --> 00:07:05,032
Well, I guess I was looking
for a nicer way to say
187
00:07:05,034 --> 00:07:06,533
"Kind of weird how
you made a huge scene,
188
00:07:06,535 --> 00:07:08,302
got Tased, arrested and jailed!"
189
00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:09,903
If making a huge scene spreads the word
190
00:07:09,905 --> 00:07:11,305
to even one more person, it's worth it.
191
00:07:11,307 --> 00:07:12,840
I thought the two of us were just going
192
00:07:12,842 --> 00:07:14,074
to a fun book reading, okay?
193
00:07:14,076 --> 00:07:15,943
The whole thing just made you look...
194
00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:17,111
well, nuts, honestly.
195
00:07:17,113 --> 00:07:18,278
I don't care how it made me look.
196
00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,546
People have got to know the truth
197
00:07:19,548 --> 00:07:21,148
so they can change their lives.
198
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:23,450
Professor Fields is only
in town for two more days.
199
00:07:23,452 --> 00:07:26,720
I've got to get my
research to her another way.
200
00:07:32,628 --> 00:07:34,083
EVIE: Hank, I need a favor.
201
00:07:34,113 --> 00:07:35,357
What's up, Evie?
202
00:07:35,581 --> 00:07:37,014
Can you hop on the...
203
00:07:37,016 --> 00:07:38,704
the Dark Web, or whatever,
204
00:07:38,734 --> 00:07:41,235
and see what you can dig up on Xavier?
205
00:07:41,237 --> 00:07:42,634
Sure. Why?
206
00:07:42,664 --> 00:07:44,727
You know how I've been telling
you how crazy fun he is?
207
00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:46,457
- Yeah.
- I'm starting to worry
208
00:07:46,459 --> 00:07:48,850
he might just be crazy... crazy.
209
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,731
Oh. I dated a girl once
who was crazy crazy.
210
00:07:51,761 --> 00:07:54,137
She wanted me to put
honey all over my...
211
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:55,738
Never mind.
212
00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:57,701
You know, it's not... not relevant.
213
00:07:57,703 --> 00:07:59,203
He's great, mostly.
214
00:07:59,205 --> 00:08:00,604
It's just, you know, if he's...
215
00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:02,788
if he's really, truly out of his mind,
216
00:08:02,818 --> 00:08:05,418
I don't think I should be with him.
217
00:08:05,448 --> 00:08:06,944
Stand back, Evie; I'm diving deep,
218
00:08:06,946 --> 00:08:09,847
and you don't want to get
hit with the back-splash.
219
00:08:10,683 --> 00:08:11,982
KAREEMA: Hey, birthday drinks tonight.
220
00:08:11,984 --> 00:08:13,293
We said 8:30. Let's make it 9:00.
221
00:08:13,323 --> 00:08:14,318
I... I don't know.
222
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,920
I might just spend a quiet night in.
223
00:08:15,922 --> 00:08:17,688
Okay, it's adorable you
think this is a negotiation.
224
00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:19,343
We're having birthday
drinks, and I'm not indulging
225
00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:21,323
any further discussion on the matter.
226
00:08:21,353 --> 00:08:23,260
It's not about you.
227
00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:27,064
Right.
228
00:08:27,094 --> 00:08:28,924
_
229
00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:33,872
_
230
00:08:36,303 --> 00:08:37,958
_
231
00:08:39,211 --> 00:08:40,811
HANK: Evie!
232
00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:43,213
- So, what did you find?
- Nothing!
233
00:08:43,215 --> 00:08:44,381
Well, that's great!
234
00:08:44,383 --> 00:08:45,416
No, it's not great.
235
00:08:45,418 --> 00:08:47,184
Look, everyone has a digital footprint.
236
00:08:47,186 --> 00:08:49,053
But your guy has nothing. He's a...
237
00:08:49,055 --> 00:08:50,821
a cyber-ghost.
238
00:08:50,823 --> 00:08:54,959
Oh, I think I got a
great idea for a TV show!
239
00:08:54,961 --> 00:08:57,594
Uh, the point is, I need to sit down
240
00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,630
with this guy, mano a mano.
241
00:09:00,933 --> 00:09:02,414
This is fun.
242
00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:08,291
Oh, man, ooh. Deirdre's
really on my junk
243
00:09:08,321 --> 00:09:10,513
about this order snafu
thing, so I have to go.
244
00:09:10,543 --> 00:09:11,976
Um, you two have fun.
245
00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:15,298
Talk about, you know,
whatever you want.
246
00:09:15,328 --> 00:09:16,798
(Chuckles)
247
00:09:29,378 --> 00:09:30,744
Was that Morse code?
248
00:09:31,324 --> 00:09:33,247
Maybe it was...
249
00:09:33,249 --> 00:09:35,015
maybe it wasn't.
250
00:09:35,331 --> 00:09:36,867
Well, I mean, if it wasn't,
251
00:09:36,869 --> 00:09:38,635
then you just accidentally asked me
252
00:09:38,637 --> 00:09:40,337
if I was in the CIA.
253
00:09:40,339 --> 00:09:41,805
Which, uh,
254
00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:44,475
I'm not, by the way.
255
00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,934
_
256
00:09:55,058 --> 00:09:57,226
(Laughing)
257
00:09:58,048 --> 00:10:01,392
Hey, uh, two cream sodas
for me and the gentleman?
258
00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:02,682
- (Chuckles): Yeah.
- Yeah.
259
00:10:02,712 --> 00:10:03,906
Yes, sir.
260
00:10:13,786 --> 00:10:15,561
(Sniffing)
261
00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:28,185
(Phone ringing)
262
00:10:30,648 --> 00:10:32,623
Customer service. What's your problem?
263
00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,229
Hey, Kareema.
264
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:35,492
It's Timothy Finger.
265
00:10:35,494 --> 00:10:38,128
Evie's old boyfriend. Remember?
266
00:10:38,130 --> 00:10:39,663
Not ringing any bells.
267
00:10:39,665 --> 00:10:41,131
We met a bunch of times.
268
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:42,366
I was your Secret Santa last year.
269
00:10:42,368 --> 00:10:43,767
Got you those gold earrings.
270
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,870
You know, the ones that are
those little dangling triangles.
271
00:10:46,872 --> 00:10:49,106
Could you be more specific?
272
00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:52,743
Um, I got something in my Cybermart box
273
00:10:52,745 --> 00:10:54,378
that I didn't order.
274
00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:56,492
(Groans) Another
screwed-up order... fab.
275
00:10:56,522 --> 00:10:57,981
What is it this time?
276
00:10:57,983 --> 00:11:00,012
A Zap Strap?
277
00:11:00,042 --> 00:11:01,557
I don't even know what that is.
278
00:11:01,587 --> 00:11:02,953
The Zap Strap by FitMart?
279
00:11:02,955 --> 00:11:04,688
It's a fitness revolution.
The device that challenges you
280
00:11:04,690 --> 00:11:06,323
to keep active through
the day, play the game,
281
00:11:06,325 --> 00:11:08,292
beat the lightning rounds,
level up, but don't stop
282
00:11:08,294 --> 00:11:10,627
or you'll feel the zap... Zap Strap!
283
00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:12,396
The strap that zaps you into shape!
284
00:11:12,398 --> 00:11:13,630
That Zap Strap?
285
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,899
Wow, sounds... painful.
286
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:16,934
Anyway, how do I return it?
287
00:11:16,936 --> 00:11:19,909
I can e-mail you a return
shipping label for $6.99.
288
00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:21,338
Wait, I have to pay for shipping?
289
00:11:21,340 --> 00:11:22,840
Plus a restocking fee.
290
00:11:22,842 --> 00:11:24,541
On something I didn't order?
291
00:11:24,543 --> 00:11:27,243
Company policy. Or you
could keep the item.
292
00:11:27,546 --> 00:11:28,957
If you are satisfied with your service,
293
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:30,881
you may now terminate your call.
294
00:11:32,184 --> 00:11:35,219
(Dial tone humming)
295
00:11:35,221 --> 00:11:37,907
I can't believe all of these returns.
296
00:11:37,937 --> 00:11:40,888
Who is Inspector 41?
297
00:11:40,918 --> 00:11:42,826
Don't tell anyone I told
you, but they'll be right next
298
00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,162
to Inspector 42 in fulfillment.
299
00:11:45,164 --> 00:11:46,463
HANK: We need to talk about Xavier.
300
00:11:46,465 --> 00:11:48,599
Oh, no. Okay, what did you find out?
301
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:50,934
He is awesome!
302
00:11:50,936 --> 00:11:52,302
- (Laughs): Wha...?
- Seriously!
303
00:11:52,304 --> 00:11:53,484
The dude's a sweetheart.
304
00:11:53,514 --> 00:11:55,745
He bought lunch, he drinks cream sodas,
305
00:11:55,775 --> 00:11:59,125
and his asteroid theory
totally lines up with Jade Helm.
306
00:11:59,665 --> 00:12:01,089
- What?
- Oh.
307
00:12:01,119 --> 00:12:03,547
He's got Armageddon coming exactly
308
00:12:03,549 --> 00:12:06,383
one day after the Jade Helm exercise
309
00:12:06,385 --> 00:12:09,504
drops the government elite into
their deep underground bunkers,
310
00:12:09,534 --> 00:12:11,422
while the rest of us turn
into human glow sticks
311
00:12:11,424 --> 00:12:13,724
thanks to the Russians'
nuclear holocaust.
312
00:12:13,726 --> 00:12:18,145
I mean, he's got the right date,
but the wrong apocalyptic event.
313
00:12:18,175 --> 00:12:20,764
So, relax. I mean, did you hear me?
314
00:12:23,335 --> 00:12:24,740
KAREEMA: Let's really unpack this.
315
00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:26,436
What's in the "crazy" column?
316
00:12:26,438 --> 00:12:28,010
- Hank thinks he's sane.
- Oh, that's not good.
317
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,573
And there's nothing about him online.
318
00:12:29,575 --> 00:12:31,541
He's been Tased, like, six times.
319
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:32,976
He's been arrested.
320
00:12:32,978 --> 00:12:34,344
I've been arrested. Don't judge.
321
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:35,812
Ooh, little piece of
advice, never have sex
322
00:12:35,814 --> 00:12:37,347
in the back of a car you just stole.
323
00:12:37,349 --> 00:12:39,016
Well, I'm just afraid of
letting him even deeper
324
00:12:39,018 --> 00:12:41,285
into my life than he already
is if it's just gonna end.
325
00:12:41,287 --> 00:12:43,287
For now, maybe I should
just kind of keep him
326
00:12:43,289 --> 00:12:46,223
separate from the other
parts and people in my life.
327
00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:47,791
Like the highlighters that get
328
00:12:47,793 --> 00:12:49,559
their own compartment
in your pen drawer?
329
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,595
- Right!
- Honey, that's weird.
330
00:12:51,597 --> 00:12:53,730
- No, it's perfect.
- It's impulsive.
331
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,332
332
00:12:55,658 --> 00:12:57,501
ALL: Surprise!
333
00:12:57,503 --> 00:12:58,835
(Shrieks)
334
00:12:58,837 --> 00:13:01,004
Oh, my God, you guys!
335
00:13:01,006 --> 00:13:02,992
Oh, my gosh, everybody's here.
336
00:13:03,022 --> 00:13:05,609
My parents, my sister.
337
00:13:05,611 --> 00:13:07,827
(Laughs)
338
00:13:07,857 --> 00:13:09,446
Happy birthday!
339
00:13:09,448 --> 00:13:11,348
EVIE: Oh.
340
00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,059
341
00:13:23,061 --> 00:13:24,527
(Laughs)
342
00:13:28,261 --> 00:13:29,560
- Hi.
- So... (Chuckles)
343
00:13:29,562 --> 00:13:31,629
- Oh.
- Oh, so...
344
00:13:31,631 --> 00:13:33,698
This is crazy that you're even here.
345
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,133
Do you know, it's just dumb luck.
346
00:13:35,135 --> 00:13:36,601
Hank mentioned it today at lunch.
347
00:13:36,603 --> 00:13:38,074
Oh, good old Hank.
348
00:13:38,104 --> 00:13:40,417
So happy I get to meet all
the people that make Evie Evie.
349
00:13:40,447 --> 00:13:42,373
You know what? You can do that anytime.
350
00:13:42,375 --> 00:13:44,409
Tonight is about dancing!
351
00:13:44,411 --> 00:13:46,744
- (Laughs)
- You okay? You seem a little tense.
352
00:13:46,746 --> 00:13:48,312
No, I'm good!
353
00:13:48,314 --> 00:13:50,181
I just want to dance with you all night.
354
00:13:50,183 --> 00:13:52,050
That's lovely, but you're sort of
355
00:13:52,052 --> 00:13:54,218
shoving your knee,
right, right into my...
356
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,220
GARY: High capacity turbo washers!
357
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,855
- Nine of 'em!
- (Laughter)
358
00:13:58,665 --> 00:14:00,199
- I thought I recognized you,
- What are you...
359
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:02,029
but I-I couldn't place it.
360
00:14:02,095 --> 00:14:05,530
You're the fella that took
me over the top at work.
361
00:14:05,532 --> 00:14:08,866
I finally won Salesman of
the Year, because of you!
362
00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:11,069
No, you're ki... Congratulations.
363
00:14:11,071 --> 00:14:12,070
Yeah.
364
00:14:12,072 --> 00:14:13,571
EVIE: Oh, uh, Xavier,
365
00:14:13,573 --> 00:14:14,939
this is my dad Gary.
366
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,140
Xavier. With an "X."
367
00:14:16,142 --> 00:14:17,442
Ah, X-avier.
368
00:14:17,444 --> 00:14:18,576
- Good.
- Never mind.
369
00:14:18,578 --> 00:14:20,044
What, so, uh, what's next?
370
00:14:20,046 --> 00:14:22,419
Well, thought I'd check
out the appetizers.
371
00:14:22,449 --> 00:14:24,988
No, I mean, like, uh, you
know, what's your next big goal
372
00:14:25,018 --> 00:14:27,618
now that you've won
Salesman of the Year?
373
00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:29,125
Win it again next year?
374
00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:31,794
I'm afraid there's zero
percent chance of that, mate.
375
00:14:31,824 --> 00:14:33,023
Oh, what Xavier means
376
00:14:33,025 --> 00:14:34,551
is there must be some other
377
00:14:34,581 --> 00:14:36,794
things you want to accomplish, right?
378
00:14:36,796 --> 00:14:37,734
XAVIER: Right.
379
00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:39,163
Like, if you knew
380
00:14:39,165 --> 00:14:40,732
you only had a year left to live,
381
00:14:40,734 --> 00:14:42,648
how would you spend your time?
382
00:14:43,355 --> 00:14:45,470
I... don't know.
383
00:14:45,472 --> 00:14:49,173
I've... I've never th... I've
never thought about that before.
384
00:14:49,175 --> 00:14:50,374
Got to steal this one.
385
00:14:50,376 --> 00:14:51,709
- I owe her a drink.
- Oh, maybe later.
386
00:14:51,711 --> 00:14:53,111
No, it'll be good for you. Come on.
387
00:14:53,113 --> 00:14:55,613
- Wait...
- Now.
388
00:14:55,615 --> 00:14:56,714
KAREEMA: Come on.
389
00:14:56,716 --> 00:14:58,015
Carpe diem.
390
00:14:59,426 --> 00:15:00,895
Feel better?
391
00:15:00,925 --> 00:15:02,019
No.
392
00:15:02,021 --> 00:15:03,154
I have to find Xavier.
393
00:15:03,156 --> 00:15:05,206
Before he does something crazy?
394
00:15:06,326 --> 00:15:07,492
(Laughs)
395
00:15:09,295 --> 00:15:10,528
(Gasps)
396
00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:13,431
Little sister, your new guy is cute.
397
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:14,932
(Laughs): Yeah.
398
00:15:14,934 --> 00:15:16,968
Now, what did you say
he does for a living?
399
00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:20,438
Oh, he's sort of in
between gigs right now.
400
00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:22,373
Okay, so he's unemployed?
401
00:15:22,403 --> 00:15:23,660
Mm-hmm.
402
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,143
Guess it's not the end of the world.
403
00:15:25,145 --> 00:15:26,310
- No, not yet.
- Hi!
404
00:15:26,312 --> 00:15:27,884
Ah, there he is!
405
00:15:27,914 --> 00:15:29,160
I am dying...
406
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:31,370
- We all are.
- ... to talk to you.
407
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,850
- Get over here!
- Tell me all about you.
408
00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:34,789
- No...
- Everything!
409
00:15:34,819 --> 00:15:36,827
- What?!
- Why did you invite Deirdre?
410
00:15:36,857 --> 00:15:39,090
She just keeps staring at me!
411
00:15:39,092 --> 00:15:41,806
I can't hide...
412
00:15:42,094 --> 00:15:43,394
I didn't invite anyone here.
413
00:15:43,396 --> 00:15:44,667
It's a surprise party for me.
414
00:15:44,697 --> 00:15:45,997
Either way, I don't like it.
415
00:15:45,999 --> 00:15:47,565
She keeps asking me if like my office
416
00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:49,233
and if I'm happy at work.
417
00:15:49,235 --> 00:15:50,582
I think she's gonna fire me.
418
00:15:50,612 --> 00:15:52,537
She's not gonna fire you.
419
00:15:52,539 --> 00:15:56,340
Maybe you should just, you know,
be friendly, connect with her.
420
00:15:56,342 --> 00:15:57,375
"Connect"?
421
00:15:57,377 --> 00:15:59,410
With D-monic?
422
00:16:03,669 --> 00:16:05,449
Counterintuitive.
423
00:16:05,451 --> 00:16:08,019
Puts her off her balance. I like it.
424
00:16:08,021 --> 00:16:11,143
In your eyes or in your heart...
425
00:16:11,368 --> 00:16:12,523
So...
426
00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:14,625
did you two get acquainted?
427
00:16:14,627 --> 00:16:18,062
Uh... yes, yes.
428
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:21,686
He said something though that
really threw me for a loop.
429
00:16:22,135 --> 00:16:24,902
I was telling him about the
kids' playdate schedules,
430
00:16:24,904 --> 00:16:27,738
you know, and Chris's bursitis
flare-ups and blah, blah, blah,
431
00:16:27,740 --> 00:16:30,041
mommy stress, and he said
432
00:16:30,043 --> 00:16:32,777
maybe it's time that I did something
433
00:16:32,779 --> 00:16:37,014
for myself for once
before it's too late.
434
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:39,884
Oh, I'm sure he didn't
mean anything bad exactly.
435
00:16:39,886 --> 00:16:43,287
No, something about the way he said it
436
00:16:43,289 --> 00:16:47,391
made it sound... hopeful.
437
00:16:49,262 --> 00:16:51,462
And I've inquired as to
whether he likes his office
438
00:16:51,464 --> 00:16:53,264
and whether he's happy at work.
439
00:16:53,266 --> 00:16:56,467
He stares at me as though I'm
going to fire him or something.
440
00:16:56,469 --> 00:16:57,969
Hmm.
441
00:16:57,971 --> 00:16:59,871
What do you really want to say?
442
00:16:59,873 --> 00:17:01,939
What I really want to say
443
00:17:01,941 --> 00:17:04,775
runs counter to corporate guidelines.
444
00:17:04,777 --> 00:17:07,411
Well, then screw the
corporate guidelines.
445
00:17:07,413 --> 00:17:10,362
There are no guidelines
when it comes to love.
446
00:17:10,392 --> 00:17:12,550
It's as I always say.
447
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,676
It's now or never.
448
00:17:19,525 --> 00:17:21,692
- Um...
- GLORIA: Evie?
449
00:17:21,694 --> 00:17:23,132
Oh, hi!
450
00:17:23,162 --> 00:17:25,529
Met your new guy a few minutes ago.
451
00:17:25,531 --> 00:17:26,697
You did?
452
00:17:26,699 --> 00:17:27,798
Yes, I did!
453
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,266
And I think you should know
454
00:17:29,268 --> 00:17:32,269
he's very much into psychic phenomena.
455
00:17:32,271 --> 00:17:33,804
Now, I know you're always telling me
456
00:17:33,806 --> 00:17:35,003
not to talk about my sessions
457
00:17:35,033 --> 00:17:37,475
with Madame Rosa, but I
just happened to mention
458
00:17:37,477 --> 00:17:40,411
my last reading, and
he was very intrigued.
459
00:17:40,413 --> 00:17:42,546
Oh, what happened at your last reading?
460
00:17:42,548 --> 00:17:43,981
She told me
461
00:17:43,983 --> 00:17:46,817
that a life-changing event was coming
462
00:17:46,819 --> 00:17:49,153
in seven to nine months.
463
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,888
Uh... oh...
464
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:52,656
It's your cousin Amy!
465
00:17:52,658 --> 00:17:54,024
She's expecting!
466
00:17:54,026 --> 00:17:55,026
Oh!
467
00:17:55,056 --> 00:17:56,483
(Laughs)
468
00:17:57,230 --> 00:17:58,863
(Silverware tapping on glass)
469
00:17:59,649 --> 00:18:00,970
(Gasps) That's Morse code.
470
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,500
It means he wants us
all to listen to him.
471
00:18:02,502 --> 00:18:05,002
If I could just, uh,
have your attention.
472
00:18:05,004 --> 00:18:06,571
I've got something
very important to say.
473
00:18:06,573 --> 00:18:09,140
I've got a bit of an extra surprise
474
00:18:09,142 --> 00:18:10,975
for you tonight.
475
00:18:10,977 --> 00:18:13,521
And this New Orleans second line
476
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:15,746
- will take us to it at my house!
- (Band playing)
477
00:18:15,748 --> 00:18:17,081
So I would love if
you could all follow me
478
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:18,673
so I can show it to you.
479
00:18:18,703 --> 00:18:20,648
Please come along and follow me.
480
00:18:20,678 --> 00:18:22,367
(Crowd cheering)
481
00:18:22,815 --> 00:18:24,595
Come on, guys! What are you waiting for?
482
00:18:24,625 --> 00:18:26,175
Let's join the party!
483
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:30,164
(Band playing �When the
Saints Go Marching In�)
484
00:18:31,131 --> 00:18:33,397
485
00:18:46,112 --> 00:18:47,678
- (Zap Strap buzzes)
- Aah!
486
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,013
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: Lightning round.
487
00:18:49,015 --> 00:18:51,215
Backwards jog.
488
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:55,858
So, uh, hey.
489
00:18:55,888 --> 00:18:58,189
So, what is this big
surprise at your house?
490
00:18:58,191 --> 00:19:00,388
(Singsongy): You'll have to find out.
491
00:19:00,418 --> 00:19:02,226
(Laughs)
492
00:19:04,664 --> 00:19:07,064
(Vocalizing)
493
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:09,600
Yeah, come on!
494
00:19:10,403 --> 00:19:12,670
495
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,775
EVIE: Oh my gosh! What is this?
496
00:19:17,777 --> 00:19:20,611
A cake for every birthday?
497
00:19:41,069 --> 00:19:43,022
XAVIER: Ladies and gentlemen,
498
00:19:43,052 --> 00:19:45,391
because our lovely Evie
499
00:19:45,421 --> 00:19:50,179
is so special to us, I decided
why celebrate only one birthday,
500
00:19:50,209 --> 00:19:51,809
when we should celebrate all of them?
501
00:19:52,396 --> 00:19:54,862
(Laughs): This is amazing!
502
00:19:55,189 --> 00:19:56,556
That's not all.
503
00:19:56,586 --> 00:19:58,131
This is for you.
504
00:20:01,072 --> 00:20:02,382
Goggles?
505
00:20:02,822 --> 00:20:04,155
You're gonna need them for the...
506
00:20:04,157 --> 00:20:05,859
(All gasp)
507
00:20:05,889 --> 00:20:07,967
- ... food fight!
- (Screams)
508
00:20:07,997 --> 00:20:10,535
-
Talk to me, baby
- (All shouting)
509
00:20:10,565 --> 00:20:12,449
I'm going blind from this
510
00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:14,598
Sweet, sweet craving, whoa
511
00:20:14,628 --> 00:20:17,971
Let's lose our minds
and go crazy, crazy
512
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:21,494
Ah, ya, ya, ya, ya, I keep on hoping
513
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:24,289
We'll eat cake by the ocean...
514
00:20:24,878 --> 00:20:25,777
(Grunts)
515
00:20:25,779 --> 00:20:26,978
(Screaming)
516
00:20:26,980 --> 00:20:29,614
(Shouting, laughter)
517
00:20:29,616 --> 00:20:33,376
I keep on hoping we'll
eat cake by the ocean, huh.
518
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:34,706
XAVIER: To Evie!
519
00:20:35,175 --> 00:20:36,598
I truly hope
520
00:20:36,628 --> 00:20:38,466
that this, your final birthday,
521
00:20:38,496 --> 00:20:42,049
before asteroid 2000 WX
354 collides with Earth
522
00:20:42,079 --> 00:20:44,978
and wipes out every
last living thing on it,
523
00:20:45,008 --> 00:20:47,197
was the best one ever.
524
00:20:52,706 --> 00:20:54,835
(Quiet murmuring)
525
00:20:55,149 --> 00:20:58,276
Oh, he is completely insane.
526
00:20:59,268 --> 00:21:00,337
I like it.
527
00:21:01,630 --> 00:21:03,268
528
00:21:10,675 --> 00:21:12,284
I mean, what's that guy's deal?
529
00:21:12,286 --> 00:21:14,253
Are you in a doomsday cult?
530
00:21:14,255 --> 00:21:15,654
You guys!
531
00:21:15,656 --> 00:21:17,990
You're taking him way too seriously.
532
00:21:17,992 --> 00:21:19,959
I mean, he was obviously joking.
533
00:21:19,961 --> 00:21:21,956
(Laughs) That's just... just who he is.
534
00:21:21,986 --> 00:21:22,987
He's, like...
535
00:21:23,017 --> 00:21:25,064
crazy, fun Xavier.
536
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:26,298
Yeah, well, if he ever tells you
537
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:29,139
to shave your head, you call us.
538
00:21:29,169 --> 00:21:30,569
Let's go.
539
00:21:30,571 --> 00:21:32,171
MARY-ANNE: Yeah.
540
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:37,209
It's not a joke.
541
00:21:37,211 --> 00:21:39,321
Okay, well, what was I supposed to say?
542
00:21:39,351 --> 00:21:41,304
- They were upset.
- The truth is upsetting.
543
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,948
Maybe an asteroid's gonna hit the Earth,
544
00:21:42,950 --> 00:21:43,916
- maybe it isn't.
- It is!
545
00:21:43,946 --> 00:21:46,861
But you can't keep harping on every
single person you meet!
546
00:21:46,891 --> 00:21:49,469
- It makes you sound crazy!
- (Sighs)
547
00:21:49,499 --> 00:21:52,031
Would you think I was
crazy if I said I believed a man
548
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:53,692
could turn water into wine?
549
00:21:53,694 --> 00:21:55,761
- That isn't the same.
- Oh. Isn't it?
550
00:21:55,791 --> 00:21:58,030
No. An asteroid is not a religion.
551
00:21:58,060 --> 00:22:01,638
It doesn't matter whether
you believe my theory or not.
552
00:22:01,668 --> 00:22:04,225
It's a fundamental part of my identity.
553
00:22:04,255 --> 00:22:06,455
Now, you wouldn't ask
someone to hide their faith
554
00:22:06,457 --> 00:22:08,190
or their sexuality.
555
00:22:09,293 --> 00:22:10,192
You're a bigot.
556
00:22:10,194 --> 00:22:11,560
- What?
- You're a bigot.
557
00:22:11,562 --> 00:22:13,362
- I am not.
- Yeah, you are.
558
00:22:13,364 --> 00:22:15,264
It's all very well
when we're having fun,
559
00:22:15,266 --> 00:22:17,528
but the minute someone asks
why we're having all this fun,
560
00:22:17,558 --> 00:22:19,635
you want me to shut up.
561
00:22:19,961 --> 00:22:21,837
But it's all part of the package.
562
00:22:21,839 --> 00:22:24,561
You don't get to cherry-pick.
563
00:22:38,714 --> 00:22:41,357
Would you stop being so quiet?
564
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,759
You depressed is so much more
distracting than you perky.
565
00:22:45,235 --> 00:22:46,862
Do you think Xavier's crazy?
566
00:22:46,864 --> 00:22:48,330
Probably.
567
00:22:48,540 --> 00:22:51,266
Oh, but life is crazy.
568
00:22:51,268 --> 00:22:53,869
Personally, I say embrace the chaos.
569
00:22:53,871 --> 00:22:56,071
Add a little of your
own, while you're at it.
570
00:22:56,073 --> 00:22:59,673
Wait, so you weren't freaked
out at all by his asteroid talk?
571
00:22:59,765 --> 00:23:02,044
Everyone's trying to make
sense of an illogical world.
572
00:23:02,046 --> 00:23:03,479
That's just his way.
573
00:23:03,481 --> 00:23:05,081
It's not the only way.
574
00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:07,082
You know what? You're right.
575
00:23:07,084 --> 00:23:09,584
I mean, Xavier's way isn't the only way.
576
00:23:09,776 --> 00:23:11,887
I-I don't need an asteroid to
live my life to the fullest,
577
00:23:11,889 --> 00:23:13,793
and I don't need him.
578
00:23:13,823 --> 00:23:15,970
I can have my own fun.
579
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,161
You know, I'll just keep
living my life, doing my...
580
00:23:19,163 --> 00:23:20,457
Don't say it.
581
00:23:20,802 --> 00:23:21,856
... thing.
582
00:23:23,063 --> 00:23:25,030
- (Quietly): Thang.
- I heard that.
583
00:23:25,060 --> 00:23:27,015
(Computer chimes)
584
00:23:29,947 --> 00:23:32,878
_
585
00:23:34,222 --> 00:23:35,544
(Sighs)
586
00:23:35,546 --> 00:23:37,513
Listen up, everyone.
We have a serious issue
587
00:23:37,515 --> 00:23:38,847
in your department, and I...
588
00:23:38,849 --> 00:23:40,115
MAN: It was me.
589
00:23:40,495 --> 00:23:41,696
I am the one who ate
590
00:23:41,726 --> 00:23:44,620
Ingrid's black bean
bisque out of the fridge.
591
00:23:44,622 --> 00:23:46,321
Oh, no, this isn't about the bisque.
592
00:23:46,323 --> 00:23:48,424
Okay, never mind. (Chuckles)
593
00:23:48,426 --> 00:23:50,865
Okay, I, uh, broke the vending machine
594
00:23:50,895 --> 00:23:52,416
trying to pay with a coat button.
595
00:23:52,446 --> 00:23:54,580
I didn't have my glasses,
thought it was a nickel.
596
00:23:54,582 --> 00:23:55,948
That's fine, Peggy.
597
00:23:55,950 --> 00:23:59,185
I have a second family in Sarasota.
598
00:23:59,187 --> 00:24:01,420
Oh... whoa, my.
599
00:24:01,422 --> 00:24:02,511
(Gasps)
600
00:24:02,541 --> 00:24:05,254
I've been holding that
in for about 25 years.
601
00:24:05,284 --> 00:24:08,160
It feels really good to
finally get that off my chest.
602
00:24:08,162 --> 00:24:09,361
Thank you all.
603
00:24:09,363 --> 00:24:10,863
EVIE: No, wait a second. Time-out.
604
00:24:10,865 --> 00:24:12,398
Okay, all I need to know is...
605
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:15,255
are any of you mixing
up orders on purpose?
606
00:24:17,551 --> 00:24:18,630
WOMAN: Okay, guys.
607
00:24:18,660 --> 00:24:20,940
Here comes the next question.
608
00:24:20,942 --> 00:24:22,808
I really appreciate you inviting me
609
00:24:22,810 --> 00:24:24,744
to this trivial event, Hank.
610
00:24:24,774 --> 00:24:27,107
Supposed to be counterintuitive.
611
00:24:27,587 --> 00:24:30,883
(Sighs) This Zap Strap is amazing!
612
00:24:30,885 --> 00:24:32,117
HANK: T-Leaf, sit down and join us.
613
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:33,819
No, I can't. I'm already on round nine,
614
00:24:33,821 --> 00:24:34,954
about to level up.
615
00:24:34,956 --> 00:24:36,722
I haven't thought about Evie
616
00:24:36,724 --> 00:24:39,358
for 31,207 steps.
617
00:24:40,294 --> 00:24:41,727
I just did.
618
00:24:42,028 --> 00:24:43,395
I got to start over.
619
00:24:44,442 --> 00:24:48,634
May I say that of all the
men who have served under me
620
00:24:48,636 --> 00:24:52,004
as assistant, you have, by far...
621
00:24:52,006 --> 00:24:53,372
WOMAN: ... the highest flow rate
622
00:24:53,374 --> 00:24:55,407
of any American waterfall?
623
00:24:55,409 --> 00:24:57,843
BOTH: Niagara Falls!
624
00:24:58,943 --> 00:25:00,145
HANK: Look...
625
00:25:00,147 --> 00:25:02,681
Deirdre, I appreciate the chair...
626
00:25:02,683 --> 00:25:03,782
and the cup holder
627
00:25:03,784 --> 00:25:05,021
and the fan
628
00:25:05,051 --> 00:25:06,374
and the air purifier,
629
00:25:06,404 --> 00:25:07,937
and as of today, the graphite footrest,
630
00:25:07,939 --> 00:25:11,065
but my office is
starting to feel like a...
631
00:25:11,095 --> 00:25:12,413
WOMAN: ... steamy, erotic
632
00:25:12,443 --> 00:25:14,824
sex drama from 1986?
633
00:25:14,854 --> 00:25:16,946
- 9 ?...
- 9 ? Weeks...
634
00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:24,920
Because of corporate
policy, I have been forced
635
00:25:24,922 --> 00:25:26,855
to express myself
through office supplies,
636
00:25:26,857 --> 00:25:29,224
but what I really want to do is...
637
00:25:29,226 --> 00:25:32,434
WOMAN: ... the Sanskrit word for "blow"?
638
00:25:32,848 --> 00:25:34,663
HANK and DEIRDRE: Nirvana.
639
00:25:36,334 --> 00:25:37,399
(Whispers)
640
00:25:37,401 --> 00:25:38,801
(Breathes heavily)
641
00:25:40,104 --> 00:25:42,938
I have an Internet girlfriend!
642
00:25:42,940 --> 00:25:44,807
You turn around, you turn around
643
00:25:44,809 --> 00:25:46,208
She's running out on you...
644
00:25:46,210 --> 00:25:50,079
Oh, I can't believe Evie's missing this.
645
00:25:50,081 --> 00:25:51,213
Look at her eyes
646
00:25:51,215 --> 00:25:53,115
-
Look at her eyes, look at her eyes
- _
647
00:25:53,117 --> 00:25:54,984
Look at her eyes
648
00:25:59,121 --> 00:26:01,020
You turn around, you turn around
649
00:26:01,022 --> 00:26:03,289
She's running out on you
650
00:26:03,291 --> 00:26:06,130
Can't stop me, won't
stop me, can't stop me
651
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:07,293
Look at her eyes
652
00:26:07,295 --> 00:26:08,962
Look at her eyes, look at her eyes
653
00:26:08,992 --> 00:26:10,542
Look at her eyes.
654
00:26:12,102 --> 00:26:13,652
Oh!
655
00:26:15,152 --> 00:26:17,378
_
656
00:26:17,408 --> 00:26:19,608
(Sighs loudly)
657
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:24,213
(Groans loudly)
658
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:27,016
Aw, what's wrong?
659
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,251
Mom...
660
00:26:29,253 --> 00:26:31,821
do you think I'm a bigot?
661
00:26:31,823 --> 00:26:33,122
Oh, honey...
662
00:26:33,124 --> 00:26:35,762
just because you don't like Thai food...
663
00:26:35,792 --> 00:26:37,393
No, I mean it.
664
00:26:37,395 --> 00:26:39,695
Am I intolerant of
other people's beliefs?
665
00:26:39,697 --> 00:26:40,863
Because...
666
00:26:40,865 --> 00:26:43,199
Today's special, coming through.
667
00:26:43,201 --> 00:26:44,967
Blueberry-pineapple.
668
00:26:44,969 --> 00:26:45,968
First one's free.
669
00:26:45,970 --> 00:26:48,391
That's how we hook you.
670
00:26:48,421 --> 00:26:49,700
Oh, my gosh.
671
00:26:49,730 --> 00:26:51,062
Dad, these are amazing.
672
00:26:51,092 --> 00:26:54,310
Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
673
00:26:54,312 --> 00:26:56,512
That's my Al from Happy Days impression.
674
00:26:56,514 --> 00:26:59,014
The finest fictional chef in TV history.
675
00:26:59,016 --> 00:27:00,449
Well, you have the magic touch
676
00:27:00,451 --> 00:27:02,017
in the kitchen, I'll give you that.
677
00:27:02,019 --> 00:27:04,119
Not just the kitchen.
678
00:27:04,121 --> 00:27:06,155
(Chuckles)
679
00:27:06,157 --> 00:27:08,097
Oh, how do you do it?
680
00:27:09,304 --> 00:27:10,226
Two extra yolks
681
00:27:10,228 --> 00:27:12,535
and a teaspoon of cinnamon.
682
00:27:12,565 --> 00:27:15,064
It's not magic, it's math.
683
00:27:15,690 --> 00:27:17,867
684
00:27:17,869 --> 00:27:20,569
Wait a second, you're right.
685
00:27:20,571 --> 00:27:22,304
It's not magic.
686
00:27:22,306 --> 00:27:23,969
And it's not religion.
687
00:27:24,210 --> 00:27:26,063
It's math!
688
00:27:26,093 --> 00:27:28,248
Dad! Mwah!
689
00:27:29,122 --> 00:27:31,914
- GLORIA: What about your stilts?!
- Keep 'em!
690
00:27:34,719 --> 00:27:36,819
All right, all right, all right.
691
00:27:36,821 --> 00:27:38,053
- Okay.
- Yeah.
692
00:27:38,055 --> 00:27:40,322
First thing, walking alone on stilts
693
00:27:40,324 --> 00:27:42,725
over the age of 14 looks
really sad and weird.
694
00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:44,260
Also...
695
00:27:44,888 --> 00:27:46,198
I want to apologize for being a bigot,
696
00:27:46,228 --> 00:27:47,971
even though I think that it's way
697
00:27:48,001 --> 00:27:50,471
too harsh of a word, but still.
698
00:27:50,501 --> 00:27:52,000
Apology accepted?
699
00:27:52,002 --> 00:27:53,902
Okay, here's the main thing.
700
00:27:53,904 --> 00:27:55,370
Your theory isn't
701
00:27:55,372 --> 00:27:56,438
a religion.
702
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:57,778
It's science.
703
00:27:57,808 --> 00:27:59,152
You've got it all worked out on paper.
704
00:27:59,182 --> 00:28:01,176
So, I don't have to take it
on faith; you can prove it.
705
00:28:01,178 --> 00:28:03,212
Exactly. That's what I've
been trying to do, prove it
706
00:28:03,214 --> 00:28:04,613
to you and the rest of the world.
707
00:28:04,615 --> 00:28:06,287
Wait.
708
00:28:06,796 --> 00:28:08,517
Does this mean you want
to see my slide show?
709
00:28:08,519 --> 00:28:09,885
Oh, God, no.
710
00:28:09,887 --> 00:28:12,388
No, what I mean is, anyone
can make a slide show.
711
00:28:12,390 --> 00:28:15,057
Which is why, in 1971,
712
00:28:15,059 --> 00:28:16,658
the Delawhere Group
713
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:21,430
was founded to answer
this one vexing question,
714
00:28:21,432 --> 00:28:25,434
does the state of
Delaware actually exist?
715
00:28:26,637 --> 00:28:28,405
Yes, Timothy.
716
00:28:28,939 --> 00:28:30,639
I was born in Delaware.
717
00:28:30,641 --> 00:28:32,141
What? Psh.
718
00:28:32,143 --> 00:28:35,244
My point is, when people come
up with scientific theories,
719
00:28:35,246 --> 00:28:37,317
they get corroborated and confirmed
720
00:28:37,347 --> 00:28:39,334
- in journals and things.
- Yeah, exactly, peer review.
721
00:28:39,364 --> 00:28:41,405
That's what I've been trying
to get Tyra DeNeil Fields to do.
722
00:28:41,435 --> 00:28:42,701
She's an expert at explaining
723
00:28:42,703 --> 00:28:44,203
difficult scientific
concepts to the public.
724
00:28:44,205 --> 00:28:46,772
Which is why I want her
to look me in the eye
725
00:28:46,774 --> 00:28:49,374
and tell me you're
actually onto something.
726
00:28:49,376 --> 00:28:50,409
(Inhales sharply)
727
00:28:50,411 --> 00:28:52,316
Mm, one thing.
728
00:28:52,739 --> 00:28:55,847
I... can't get within 300 feet of her.
729
00:28:56,554 --> 00:28:58,317
But I can.
730
00:29:12,397 --> 00:29:13,996
(Chuckling)
731
00:29:17,333 --> 00:29:18,666
Are you Professor Fields?
732
00:29:18,668 --> 00:29:19,667
Well, now, that depends.
733
00:29:19,669 --> 00:29:21,502
Are you enjoying the book or...?
734
00:29:21,504 --> 00:29:23,003
(Laughs) Um, sir,
735
00:29:23,005 --> 00:29:25,015
can I get another round
for Professor Fields on me?
736
00:29:25,045 --> 00:29:26,304
Sure thing.
737
00:29:26,334 --> 00:29:28,209
May I... Can I join you?
738
00:29:28,211 --> 00:29:29,610
Sure.
739
00:29:30,813 --> 00:29:32,413
TIMOTHY: You're acting strange.
740
00:29:32,415 --> 00:29:34,014
I'm acting strange?
741
00:29:34,016 --> 00:29:36,350
Yeah. Yeah, you left trivia last night
742
00:29:36,352 --> 00:29:37,685
before the final question.
743
00:29:37,687 --> 00:29:40,354
The subject was canning and pickling.
744
00:29:40,356 --> 00:29:41,822
We really could've used you.
745
00:29:41,824 --> 00:29:44,024
I know, look... something... popped up.
746
00:29:44,026 --> 00:29:45,326
- (Zap Strap buzzes)
- (Groans)
747
00:29:45,328 --> 00:29:46,527
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Lightning challenge.
748
00:29:46,529 --> 00:29:47,695
Ten pull-ups.
749
00:29:47,697 --> 00:29:49,363
- All right, watch this.
- Watch what?
750
00:29:49,365 --> 00:29:50,470
I thought we were going to lunch.
751
00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:51,566
Ooh.
752
00:29:51,568 --> 00:29:54,068
I can't eat until I level up.
753
00:29:54,070 --> 00:29:55,870
The bracelet will punish me.
754
00:29:55,872 --> 00:29:58,172
You can take that thing
off, you know, right?
755
00:29:58,174 --> 00:30:00,408
Eight... nine...
756
00:30:00,410 --> 00:30:02,209
ten! Oh!
757
00:30:02,211 --> 00:30:04,812
Oh! Oh! Oh!
758
00:30:04,814 --> 00:30:06,480
You okay, T-Spoon?
759
00:30:06,482 --> 00:30:07,715
I'm not great.
760
00:30:07,717 --> 00:30:10,351
(Groans)
761
00:30:13,489 --> 00:30:16,490
I think I just had an idea.
762
00:30:16,875 --> 00:30:18,225
Biomimicry.
763
00:30:18,227 --> 00:30:20,461
EVIE: Well, and that's
what I love about science.
764
00:30:20,463 --> 00:30:21,508
You know, it has rules
765
00:30:21,538 --> 00:30:22,869
- that make sense.
- Yes and no.
766
00:30:22,899 --> 00:30:25,399
Are you familiar with
quantum entanglement?
767
00:30:25,401 --> 00:30:28,367
Oh. Yeah, sure. It's
just been a-a while.
768
00:30:28,397 --> 00:30:29,370
All right. Okay.
769
00:30:29,372 --> 00:30:31,263
- Two subatomic particles, right?
- Mm-hmm.
770
00:30:31,293 --> 00:30:34,113
They get paired up and
they become identical.
771
00:30:34,143 --> 00:30:35,943
They begin spinning the same direction
772
00:30:35,945 --> 00:30:37,750
because they have the
same electrical charge.
773
00:30:37,780 --> 00:30:39,280
- All right.
- And from now on,
774
00:30:39,282 --> 00:30:42,817
no matter where they
go, they're connected.
775
00:30:42,819 --> 00:30:45,219
And they can instantly communicate
776
00:30:45,221 --> 00:30:49,023
across time and space, even
if they're light-years away.
777
00:30:49,025 --> 00:30:50,901
We don't know how, we don't know why.
778
00:30:50,931 --> 00:30:51,940
Whoa.
779
00:30:51,970 --> 00:30:55,022
So there's a lot in science
that doesn't make sense.
780
00:30:55,052 --> 00:30:56,803
Well, cheers to that.
781
00:30:56,833 --> 00:30:57,865
These are delicious.
782
00:30:57,867 --> 00:30:59,433
So refreshing.
783
00:30:59,435 --> 00:31:00,606
Another Bechdel, ladies?
784
00:31:00,636 --> 00:31:01,735
- Mm.
- Mm-mm.
785
00:31:01,737 --> 00:31:02,992
No, thank you.
786
00:31:03,022 --> 00:31:04,655
Okay, so I'm dating this guy...
787
00:31:04,657 --> 00:31:06,223
- Mm!
- ... and he comes across
788
00:31:06,225 --> 00:31:08,817
a little crazy, but he's
passionate and smart.
789
00:31:08,847 --> 00:31:11,100
- I know the type. I know the type.
- And he has a theory
790
00:31:11,130 --> 00:31:13,097
we were hoping you could peer review.
791
00:31:13,099 --> 00:31:14,331
Hi. Hello, again.
792
00:31:14,333 --> 00:31:15,392
- Oh, hell no!
- Please!
793
00:31:15,422 --> 00:31:17,167
No, Professor, we just want
five minutes of your time.
794
00:31:17,197 --> 00:31:19,884
Nope, nope. Do you understand
how a restraining order works?
795
00:31:19,914 --> 00:31:20,955
Yes, I do.
796
00:31:20,985 --> 00:31:23,949
Please. Okay, he might
seem nuts, but I'm not.
797
00:31:23,979 --> 00:31:25,500
You have my word we
won't bother you again
798
00:31:25,530 --> 00:31:28,618
if you just hear him out. Five minutes.
799
00:31:29,845 --> 00:31:31,034
Five minutes.
800
00:31:31,064 --> 00:31:32,249
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
... of sumo squats!
801
00:31:32,251 --> 00:31:33,317
Lightning challenge!
802
00:31:33,319 --> 00:31:34,485
(Zap Strap buzzes)
803
00:31:34,487 --> 00:31:35,487
Ah!
804
00:31:37,504 --> 00:31:38,923
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Straighten your back!
805
00:31:38,925 --> 00:31:41,425
- (Zap Strap buzzes)
- Ugh!
806
00:31:46,468 --> 00:31:48,830
_
807
00:31:51,604 --> 00:31:52,837
When you account for the force
808
00:31:52,839 --> 00:31:54,683
of unbalanced thermal radiation...
809
00:31:54,713 --> 00:31:56,519
- Yes, the Yarkovsky effect. Go on.
- Precisely.
810
00:31:56,549 --> 00:31:58,709
Then by my calculations,
the asteroid's actually
811
00:31:58,711 --> 00:32:00,110
altering its orbital pattern
812
00:32:00,112 --> 00:32:02,556
- toward Earth.
- No. Surely NEOWISE or IRTF
813
00:32:02,586 --> 00:32:03,614
would have detected it by now.
814
00:32:03,616 --> 00:32:05,849
The chalk value is too low.
815
00:32:05,879 --> 00:32:07,718
Look, I-I know you're really
busy, and we've already
816
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,353
taken up five minutes
of your time, but...
817
00:32:09,355 --> 00:32:11,564
please, will you just
818
00:32:11,594 --> 00:32:13,294
read this?
819
00:32:13,553 --> 00:32:15,890
I've run the numbers. Again and again.
820
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,981
It checks out. All I want to do
821
00:32:18,011 --> 00:32:19,430
is-is tell people the truth,
822
00:32:19,432 --> 00:32:22,132
so they can make the most
of the time we have left.
823
00:32:22,134 --> 00:32:23,367
And I'm hoping
824
00:32:23,369 --> 00:32:24,935
you can help me tell them.
825
00:32:24,937 --> 00:32:26,778
My lunch date's here.
826
00:32:26,808 --> 00:32:29,006
Please.
827
00:32:35,214 --> 00:32:36,547
Thank...
828
00:32:37,398 --> 00:32:39,316
(Exhales)
829
00:32:39,318 --> 00:32:41,151
(Exhaling)
830
00:32:41,153 --> 00:32:43,053
(Laughter)
831
00:32:43,055 --> 00:32:44,788
I can't believe it! You did it!
832
00:32:44,790 --> 00:32:46,323
We did it!
833
00:32:46,325 --> 00:32:48,259
Ah!
834
00:32:48,261 --> 00:32:49,493
Oh, wait. Balls!
835
00:32:49,495 --> 00:32:51,028
I forgot my purse.
836
00:32:51,030 --> 00:32:53,478
One second.
837
00:32:53,508 --> 00:32:55,288
TYRA: Excuse me. Can you
toss this for me, please?
838
00:32:55,318 --> 00:32:56,520
Yeah, sure.
839
00:32:56,550 --> 00:32:58,586
I get at least two crackpots
comin' at me a week.
840
00:32:58,588 --> 00:33:00,187
They're smart, but they're nuts.
841
00:33:00,189 --> 00:33:02,456
842
00:33:11,483 --> 00:33:12,915
You do you realize that
as we speak, the great
843
00:33:12,917 --> 00:33:15,689
Tyra DeNeil Fields is
going over my calculations.
844
00:33:15,719 --> 00:33:17,724
The truth is finally
going to get out there!
845
00:33:17,754 --> 00:33:19,287
The world is gonna finally know.
846
00:33:19,289 --> 00:33:21,422
Yeah. It's... it's exciting.
847
00:33:21,424 --> 00:33:23,124
And I owe it all to you. Thank you.
848
00:33:23,126 --> 00:33:25,131
You know, you don't
have to keep saying that.
849
00:33:25,161 --> 00:33:28,529
Yep. You're right.
Show don't tell. Sorry.
850
00:33:28,531 --> 00:33:31,032
Mm. Mm.
851
00:33:31,034 --> 00:33:32,467
Ah!
852
00:33:36,136 --> 00:33:38,539
Evie? I'm glad I caught
you before I left.
853
00:33:38,541 --> 00:33:40,341
- Where you going?
- Sarasota.
854
00:33:40,343 --> 00:33:42,415
To be with my second family.
855
00:33:42,445 --> 00:33:44,846
I spent ten years in
fulfillment without realizing
856
00:33:44,848 --> 00:33:46,981
that I wasn't fulfilled. So I quit.
857
00:33:46,983 --> 00:33:48,916
I know it might sound crazy,
858
00:33:48,918 --> 00:33:52,620
but nothing ever felt more right.
859
00:33:53,008 --> 00:33:55,836
Could you tell Deirdre?
I'm too scared to.
860
00:33:58,077 --> 00:33:59,827
EVIE: Hey, Hank.
861
00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:01,329
Hank.
862
00:34:01,359 --> 00:34:02,278
Hank!
863
00:34:02,308 --> 00:34:03,320
- Aah! Jiminy!
- Oh!
864
00:34:03,350 --> 00:34:05,045
Don't sneak up on me like that.
865
00:34:05,075 --> 00:34:06,985
What? I called your name several times.
866
00:34:06,987 --> 00:34:08,301
What?
867
00:34:08,331 --> 00:34:10,385
Hey, hold on a sec.
868
00:34:11,247 --> 00:34:13,129
- Ugh.
- Ew, why are you wearing those?
869
00:34:13,159 --> 00:34:14,659
The other night at trivia,
870
00:34:14,661 --> 00:34:17,628
Deirdre whispered in my
ear, and something happened.
871
00:34:17,630 --> 00:34:19,230
What did she say?
872
00:34:19,232 --> 00:34:20,937
She said,
873
00:34:20,967 --> 00:34:23,567
"Excuse me, I need to go
874
00:34:23,569 --> 00:34:25,575
to the ladies room."
875
00:34:26,376 --> 00:34:27,838
I don't get it.
876
00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,608
It's not what she said,
it's how she said it.
877
00:34:30,610 --> 00:34:34,111
Her voice is just so husky,
878
00:34:34,113 --> 00:34:35,946
and erotic.
879
00:34:35,948 --> 00:34:37,787
And it did something to me.
880
00:34:37,817 --> 00:34:40,485
What did it, uh...
what did it do to you?
881
00:34:43,056 --> 00:34:46,958
(Whispers): I had what can only
be described as a full-blown...
882
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,192
eargasm.
883
00:34:48,194 --> 00:34:49,260
(Laughs)
884
00:34:49,262 --> 00:34:50,821
- (Groans)
- (Snorts)
885
00:34:50,851 --> 00:34:51,996
Are you...
886
00:34:51,998 --> 00:34:53,965
are you into Deirdre?
887
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:55,566
(Snorts) No!
888
00:34:55,568 --> 00:34:58,136
(Scoffing)
889
00:35:03,543 --> 00:35:04,775
She's the worst.
890
00:35:04,777 --> 00:35:06,182
And I have an Internet girlfriend.
891
00:35:06,212 --> 00:35:07,678
Yeah. Who you've never actually met.
892
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,782
@WinnieCooper534 is real! Believe me.
893
00:35:10,784 --> 00:35:12,450
The ear, it just wants
894
00:35:12,452 --> 00:35:13,495
- what it wants...
- Okay, you know what?
895
00:35:13,525 --> 00:35:14,633
- You know what? You're bumped down
- (Laughs)
896
00:35:14,663 --> 00:35:16,454
to friend number two. You're
bumped down to friend number two,
897
00:35:16,456 --> 00:35:17,455
and Timothy's friend number one,
898
00:35:17,457 --> 00:35:19,528
- now that he's human again.
- (Chuckles)
899
00:35:19,558 --> 00:35:21,225
He accidentally got
a Zap Strap from here.
900
00:35:21,227 --> 00:35:22,727
Got him out of the house and...
901
00:35:22,729 --> 00:35:24,362
broke through his writer's block.
902
00:35:24,364 --> 00:35:26,230
Wait, Timothy got a
screwed-up order too?
903
00:35:26,232 --> 00:35:28,542
Yup, and Kareema told him to keep it.
904
00:35:28,572 --> 00:35:29,922
Total serendipity.
905
00:35:29,952 --> 00:35:33,304
It wasn't serendipity.
906
00:35:33,750 --> 00:35:35,610
It was... you!
907
00:35:35,809 --> 00:35:37,408
All along it was you.
908
00:35:37,410 --> 00:35:39,830
You're the glitch in the system!
909
00:35:40,209 --> 00:35:41,612
I have no idea what
you're talking about,
910
00:35:41,614 --> 00:35:44,222
but you're interrupting my
very important work.
911
00:35:44,252 --> 00:35:46,153
It all makes sense!
912
00:35:46,183 --> 00:35:47,192
(Sighs) Nothing makes sense.
913
00:35:47,222 --> 00:35:48,953
We're at the mercy of a random,
and unfeeling universe...
914
00:35:48,955 --> 00:35:51,489
Oh, stop it. You heard about
Timothy's writer's block,
915
00:35:51,491 --> 00:35:53,458
then he mysteriously
got that ZipZap thing.
916
00:35:53,460 --> 00:35:55,630
You talked about adding
chaos to the world...
917
00:35:55,660 --> 00:35:56,994
Fine.
918
00:35:56,996 --> 00:35:58,539
Oh!
919
00:35:59,022 --> 00:36:02,733
A few months ago, I started
switching orders around because I got...
920
00:36:02,763 --> 00:36:04,130
bored.
921
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:05,403
You know, small stuff, like
922
00:36:05,405 --> 00:36:08,056
putting a vibrator in
an old lady's crockpot.
923
00:36:08,086 --> 00:36:12,043
Switching books: Analyst
for Anal Lust.
924
00:36:13,279 --> 00:36:14,579
But then you started talking to me
925
00:36:14,581 --> 00:36:16,013
about Xavier's philosophy,
926
00:36:16,015 --> 00:36:19,105
and making time count,
and I decided to make
927
00:36:19,135 --> 00:36:21,552
a little list of things I wanted to try.
928
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,291
"Naked knitting circle...
929
00:36:27,293 --> 00:36:30,628
"Book club orgies...
sex on a ski lift...
930
00:36:31,985 --> 00:36:33,931
helping people"?
931
00:36:35,435 --> 00:36:37,368
So Xavier inspired you.
932
00:36:37,370 --> 00:36:38,636
(Exhales)
933
00:36:38,638 --> 00:36:40,204
Look, maybe he's crazy.
934
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:43,441
Maybe what I'm doing
is crazy, too, but...
935
00:36:44,687 --> 00:36:47,111
Maybe sometimes crazy's worth it.
936
00:36:48,807 --> 00:36:51,436
I have to tell Deirdre something...
937
00:36:51,466 --> 00:36:53,050
Do your thing.
938
00:36:53,987 --> 00:36:56,316
Did you hear how I said that? "Thing?"
939
00:36:56,346 --> 00:36:58,966
Soft "I." "Thing."
940
00:36:58,996 --> 00:37:00,577
Soft "I."
941
00:37:00,607 --> 00:37:04,068
Well, mystery solved!
942
00:37:04,327 --> 00:37:06,836
It was Robert in Fulfillment. Ha!
943
00:37:06,866 --> 00:37:08,866
He totally fell down on the job.
944
00:37:08,868 --> 00:37:12,670
But I took care of it, and
you won't be seeing him...
945
00:37:13,088 --> 00:37:15,191
round here again.
946
00:37:15,221 --> 00:37:16,221
Great.
947
00:37:18,217 --> 00:37:19,376
Are you okay?
948
00:37:19,378 --> 00:37:21,779
Sensory deprivation
helps me with stress.
949
00:37:21,781 --> 00:37:24,081
Hank is avoiding me.
950
00:37:24,083 --> 00:37:26,984
Oh! I... Well... I hadn't noticed.
951
00:37:26,986 --> 00:37:28,352
Your friend, that
952
00:37:28,354 --> 00:37:31,455
Xaviar fellow? He convinced me
953
00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:34,291
that if I defied the corporate
guidelines and made a move,
954
00:37:34,293 --> 00:37:36,360
that I could finally
break through to Hank.
955
00:37:36,362 --> 00:37:38,472
Maybe you did.
956
00:37:38,502 --> 00:37:40,464
He ran away from me.
957
00:37:40,466 --> 00:37:41,799
Literally.
958
00:37:41,801 --> 00:37:43,239
Full sprint.
959
00:37:43,269 --> 00:37:46,059
Maybe he's just not ready
to face his feelings.
960
00:37:46,352 --> 00:37:47,800
Feelings?
961
00:37:48,357 --> 00:37:51,330
When you smile like that,
you look like a prairie dog.
962
00:37:51,882 --> 00:37:54,747
Just... don't give up on him yet.
963
00:37:54,777 --> 00:37:56,414
He might still come around. Have faith.
964
00:37:56,416 --> 00:37:58,875
I'm not sure it's in the cards...
965
00:37:58,905 --> 00:38:00,351
Hmm.
966
00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:02,792
GLORIA: Five of Wands.
967
00:38:02,822 --> 00:38:05,256
Are you feeling
conflicted about something?
968
00:38:05,258 --> 00:38:08,162
Yeah. Xavier.
969
00:38:08,662 --> 00:38:11,262
Tyra just tossed his research, and I...
970
00:38:11,264 --> 00:38:12,596
I didn't tell him.
971
00:38:12,598 --> 00:38:14,465
I didn't want to burst his bubble.
972
00:38:14,467 --> 00:38:16,133
But you know what? I don't even know
973
00:38:16,163 --> 00:38:17,868
if his theory's based in reality
974
00:38:17,870 --> 00:38:20,106
or nuts, but Mom...
975
00:38:20,136 --> 00:38:21,739
listening to him talk about it...
976
00:38:21,741 --> 00:38:23,307
he sounded smart.
977
00:38:23,309 --> 00:38:24,975
And insightful.
978
00:38:24,977 --> 00:38:26,410
And passionate.
979
00:38:26,412 --> 00:38:28,383
Well, maybe that's enough.
980
00:38:28,413 --> 00:38:30,981
Let me tell you something.
981
00:38:32,537 --> 00:38:34,952
I don't love your dad's muffins.
982
00:38:35,493 --> 00:38:37,621
I mean, I love that he bakes for me.
983
00:38:37,623 --> 00:38:39,390
Makes me feel good,
it makes him feel good,
984
00:38:39,392 --> 00:38:40,624
and that's enough.
985
00:38:40,626 --> 00:38:42,193
But see, telling him
986
00:38:42,195 --> 00:38:45,396
that he uses way too much cinnamon...
987
00:38:45,398 --> 00:38:46,336
(Chuckles)
988
00:38:46,366 --> 00:38:49,618
... oh, it'd just suck
the joy right out of it.
989
00:38:50,049 --> 00:38:50,935
So if you like
990
00:38:50,937 --> 00:38:52,369
who Xavier is,
991
00:38:52,371 --> 00:38:54,338
what's a scientist got to do with it?
992
00:38:54,340 --> 00:38:56,073
You know, love is all about teaming up
993
00:38:56,075 --> 00:38:57,808
with someone, and then having their back
994
00:38:57,810 --> 00:38:59,411
no matter what.
995
00:38:59,893 --> 00:39:01,912
GARY: Gentlewomen,
996
00:39:01,914 --> 00:39:04,053
your attention please.
997
00:39:04,083 --> 00:39:05,950
I have an announcement to make.
998
00:39:06,421 --> 00:39:07,752
I just quit my job!
999
00:39:08,008 --> 00:39:09,297
- What?
- Why?
1000
00:39:09,327 --> 00:39:11,761
- What happened?
- Your crazy boyfriend
1001
00:39:11,791 --> 00:39:13,057
made a very valid point
1002
00:39:13,059 --> 00:39:14,391
the other night.
1003
00:39:14,393 --> 00:39:16,427
Time is precious,
1004
00:39:16,429 --> 00:39:19,630
and I need to start pursuing...
1005
00:39:19,632 --> 00:39:21,103
my passions.
1006
00:39:21,133 --> 00:39:23,334
So, I'm going to become...
1007
00:39:25,238 --> 00:39:28,072
an actor.
1008
00:39:30,610 --> 00:39:32,943
Honey!
1009
00:39:32,945 --> 00:39:35,179
That's great!
1010
00:39:36,332 --> 00:39:38,766
I'm so proud of you.
1011
00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:40,467
Are you lookin' at me?
1012
00:39:40,469 --> 00:39:43,515
Are you lookin' at me? 'Cause
I think you're lookin' at me. Hey.
1013
00:39:43,545 --> 00:39:45,906
You gotta ask yourself...
1014
00:39:46,802 --> 00:39:49,610
You feel lucky, punk?
1015
00:39:51,780 --> 00:39:52,990
EVIE: I have something
important to tell you
1016
00:39:53,020 --> 00:39:54,021
about last night...
1017
00:39:54,051 --> 00:39:56,906
I admire you for living
by your convictions.
1018
00:39:57,441 --> 00:40:00,074
And I don't need Tyra DeNeil
Fields's approval to know
1019
00:40:00,104 --> 00:40:03,346
that your way of life is positive
1020
00:40:03,376 --> 00:40:04,792
and contagious,
1021
00:40:04,794 --> 00:40:07,784
and has real value for people.
1022
00:40:07,814 --> 00:40:09,830
I've seen it happen.
1023
00:40:09,860 --> 00:40:11,632
I mean, it happened to me.
1024
00:40:11,634 --> 00:40:13,734
And to people around me.
1025
00:40:13,736 --> 00:40:15,241
I realized it doesn't actually
matter if I believe
1026
00:40:15,271 --> 00:40:17,004
if the apocalypse is coming or not...
1027
00:40:17,006 --> 00:40:18,673
- (Sighs) It is...
- No, because
1028
00:40:18,675 --> 00:40:20,307
we can still be
together, even if we don't
1029
00:40:20,309 --> 00:40:22,309
believe all the same things.
1030
00:40:22,882 --> 00:40:24,333
No matter what,
1031
00:40:24,363 --> 00:40:25,896
I've got your back...
1032
00:40:25,898 --> 00:40:27,431
And I've got yours, too.
1033
00:40:27,433 --> 00:40:28,650
1034
00:40:29,107 --> 00:40:31,035
- What are you...
- (Chuckling): Okay, so...
1035
00:40:31,037 --> 00:40:32,570
Um...
1036
00:40:32,976 --> 00:40:35,105
Let's shout it...
1037
00:40:35,107 --> 00:40:36,907
from the rooftops.
1038
00:40:38,529 --> 00:40:40,911
You made these?
1039
00:40:40,913 --> 00:40:42,179
Evie.
1040
00:40:42,181 --> 00:40:44,114
- Mm-hmm?
- You are...
1041
00:40:44,116 --> 00:40:46,617
the sexiest ex-bigot I have ever seen.
1042
00:40:46,619 --> 00:40:49,520
(Evie laughs)
1043
00:40:49,522 --> 00:40:51,388
Listen up, people!
1044
00:40:51,390 --> 00:40:53,257
XAVIER (Shouts): The end is nigh!
1045
00:40:53,259 --> 00:40:57,961
- The asteroid is coming!
- EVIE: And don't waste a single day!
1046
00:41:01,099 --> 00:41:03,467
Love is enough at
the end of the tracks
1047
00:41:03,469 --> 00:41:05,918
When the car wrecks,
heart attacks...
1048
00:41:05,948 --> 00:41:09,021
= synced and corrected by Shahrazade =
... www.addic7ed.com ...
1049
00:41:09,071 --> 00:41:13,621
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
72785
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
