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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,055 --> 00:00:04,240 Sync by Kiry 2 00:00:20,978 --> 00:00:23,160 - Oh, for Christ's sake! - Hey! 3 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:24,651 Look on the bright side. 4 00:00:24,771 --> 00:00:26,800 No-one will steal knick-knacks from you again. 5 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,160 You're the dick who razed the National Gallery again. 6 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,200 Yes. The Hotness! See? You HAVE heard of me. 7 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,320 What are you gonna do about my news stand? 8 00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:37,663 I know something that'll gonna make you feel a lot better. 9 00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:40,664 Yep. It's signed. 10 00:00:41,339 --> 00:00:42,991 I know. Amazing! 11 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,315 All right there, darling? You a superhero, then? 12 00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:53,880 Yeah. The costume thing kind of gives it away, eh? 13 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:55,408 What's with that costume? 14 00:00:55,528 --> 00:00:57,971 - Dunno. Fashion statement? - Oh, really? 15 00:00:58,541 --> 00:01:00,415 And what's it saying, then? 16 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:03,986 Right now... it's shouting, "Please fuck off!" 17 00:01:08,997 --> 00:01:11,161 But... I thought you said you liked me. 18 00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:14,887 - Well, I know you never said it, but... - You sound needy. 19 00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:16,887 If I want your opinion, I'll ask. 20 00:01:17,007 --> 00:01:19,069 Not you. I've got Doomball in a throatlock. 21 00:01:19,189 --> 00:01:21,600 But what about the other night. I thought we had a great time. 22 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,240 - Don't go there. - Oh, really! 23 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,069 Well, pizza and a handjob sound like a pretty good time to me, Mister! 24 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,399 You shouldn't have put out. 25 00:01:36,061 --> 00:01:39,628 This is done. I've quit the business, I'm drunk, 26 00:01:39,748 --> 00:01:42,960 and even if I know you, I probably don't like you. 27 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,040 Leave a message.' 28 00:01:45,915 --> 00:01:48,960 I know who it is, Alex. Hey. It's me, Alex. 29 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,835 Come down The Fortress, you big Spanish homo. 30 00:01:51,955 --> 00:01:53,453 I hate my life. 31 00:02:02,850 --> 00:02:04,941 Hey, fat boy. Make way for a hero. 32 00:02:05,061 --> 00:02:07,560 Yeah, we're all heroes here. Twat! 33 00:02:11,105 --> 00:02:12,494 What's wrong with Glory Vixen? 34 00:02:12,614 --> 00:02:14,734 Someone put her sex tape on the internet. 35 00:02:14,854 --> 00:02:16,680 - It's so awful. - Yeah, really grainy. 36 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,360 Who cares about another sex tape? 37 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:19,960 You saw Cyclone's ball sac. 38 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,920 I feel for her, but if you're daft enough to have sex in costume... 39 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:27,040 - That could happen to anyone. - Certainly could, cowgirl. Yee-ha! 40 00:02:27,996 --> 00:02:30,560 - You said you'd get rid of it. - Yeah. I didn't. 41 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,480 - I don't believe this. - And I added some music. Our song. 42 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:36,888 - Hammertime is not our song. - It is now. 43 00:02:37,397 --> 00:02:39,852 Don. Make yourself useful. Who gets the first round in? 44 00:02:40,870 --> 00:02:43,470 - It's Alex. - Bollocks! It's always me. 45 00:02:43,590 --> 00:02:45,579 Don't argue with the future, Floppy-tits. 46 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,906 I like you better when I can fast forward the talking. 47 00:02:50,252 --> 00:02:51,343 So, I said... 48 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,433 "No, THIS is a forcefield," and showed him mine. 49 00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:56,088 Well, you've seen mine. It's fucking massive. 50 00:02:56,679 --> 00:02:58,723 - All right, Steve? - Yeah, great, thanks. Good. 51 00:02:58,843 --> 00:03:00,320 - Good. - Well, actually, no. 52 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,760 I've not been OK since The Gulf. It's the pain. And the dreams. 53 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:06,214 And the waking up drenched in sweat and piss. 54 00:03:06,334 --> 00:03:07,505 OK. Cheers. 55 00:03:07,625 --> 00:03:09,759 - Oh. - Watch the suit, Hotpants! 56 00:03:09,879 --> 00:03:11,760 Very funny. Never heard that one before. 57 00:03:11,920 --> 00:03:14,320 - Seriously. What is your cape name? - You know what it is. 58 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,160 Oh, yeah. The Gayness. 59 00:03:16,978 --> 00:03:18,823 The Hotness, actually. 60 00:03:18,943 --> 00:03:21,296 Whatever. If you're not on the board, no-one cares. 61 00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:23,840 90 televisual appearances. That has to burn. 62 00:03:24,795 --> 00:03:27,960 I've been on TV. Yeah, quiz shows don't count, Fuckface. 63 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,699 - They do count. - Hey, your ex... 64 00:03:29,819 --> 00:03:31,849 - is looking pretty hot herself tonight. - Is she? 65 00:03:31,969 --> 00:03:34,880 Well, nothing amazing, but if it was a quiet night, I'd have a go. 66 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,959 I'm sure she'd really like that. 67 00:03:37,079 --> 00:03:40,304 Of course she bloody would. By the way, your costume's showing. 68 00:03:40,424 --> 00:03:41,650 - Really? - No. 69 00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:44,050 - Brilliant! - Brilliant. 70 00:03:46,031 --> 00:03:48,813 - What a cock. - It's Devlin, isn't it? 71 00:03:48,933 --> 00:03:51,467 Being slightly more famous doesn't make him better than me. 72 00:03:51,587 --> 00:03:54,400 Exactly. And OK, maybe he can do a few things you can't. 73 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,849 - Flying... - Shooting lasers out his eyes. 74 00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:59,000 - Jogging. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. I can jog. 75 00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:01,000 You mum run, you're all arms. 76 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,207 And OK, maybe Devlin has got a better cape name 77 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,200 that's not quite so... You know. 78 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:06,067 Gay? 79 00:04:06,187 --> 00:04:09,600 For the last time, there's nothing gay about The Hotness. 80 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,412 - Don. As a gay man... - Oh, it's the gayest name in history. 81 00:04:12,532 --> 00:04:15,280 Look. I'm famous! I'm gonna be on Power Hour tonight. 82 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,600 "Retard Torches Kiosk." Not exactly headline news. 83 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,413 If I'm not famous, then what do you call this? 84 00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:24,080 The amount of times you say "I'm famous" every day? 85 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,358 It's a fan's phone number, actually. 86 00:04:26,478 --> 00:04:29,360 Her name's Vicci - with two Cs and an I. 87 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,320 - She sounds like a slag. - Yes. Yes, she does! 88 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,432 - Oh, come on, you two. - It's all right. She's just jealous. 89 00:04:35,552 --> 00:04:37,360 - As if. I'd rather fuck Don. - Oh, please! 90 00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:40,152 - Just talk about me like I'm not here! - Actually, I'd better go. 91 00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:41,830 I've got a risotto to heat up. 92 00:04:41,950 --> 00:04:46,320 And there's a certain lady called Vicci who wants to play with fire. 93 00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:49,640 By that, I mean my cock and balls. 94 00:04:49,951 --> 00:04:51,096 I need a cigarette. 95 00:04:51,216 --> 00:04:54,249 Have a great night of indifferent cooking and selfish love-making. 96 00:04:54,369 --> 00:04:55,733 Thanks! I will. 97 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:59,026 My cooking's not indifferent. 98 00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:03,120 - You know what those two need? - Some good, honest chat? 99 00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,280 I was gonna say a hay fuck. 100 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,600 And where are you off to in such a hurry? 101 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,335 The Shit Name Club? 102 00:05:10,880 --> 05:13:00,644 - Actually, I've got a date. - Actually, I've got a date. 103 00:05:13,764 --> 00:05:15,520 What are you? A 14-year-old girl? 104 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,290 - Just get out of the way, Devlin. - OK, fine. What's the password. 105 00:05:19,410 --> 00:05:21,300 - What? - I can't let you through without it. 106 00:05:21,420 --> 00:05:23,120 - For fuck's sake... - No. 107 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,222 - This is pathetic. - Yes, it is. 108 00:05:25,342 --> 00:05:26,840 But that's not the password. 109 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,609 Er, I don't know. Is it... 110 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,536 - Superheroes? - No. 111 00:05:30,972 --> 00:05:33,999 - Ticklestick. - Congratulations on being a homo. 112 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,890 - Just let me past. - No. 113 00:05:37,010 --> 00:05:40,199 - Please! - Yes. That's it. See how easy that was? 114 00:05:41,363 --> 00:05:43,454 - Wanker! - Watch it, Hotcakes. 115 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:54,343 - All right, Simon? - Are you talking to me? 116 00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:57,120 Oh, God. All right, Thundermonkey? 117 00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,235 Better. Cape name when I'm on duty, please. We'll have some respect. 118 00:06:00,355 --> 00:06:01,920 I thought you should know. 119 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,800 Depth Charge is using his magnetic hand on the pinball machine. 120 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,434 Jesus Christ! He'll damage the mechanism. 121 00:06:07,798 --> 00:06:09,343 Works every time. 122 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,200 Machine, give fags. 123 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,880 - Nice try. - Bumsticks. 124 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,852 Do you know what will occur if I let everyone use their powers here? 125 00:06:17,972 --> 00:06:19,501 - No. - Anarchy! 126 00:06:19,621 --> 00:06:21,400 And anarchy is not good for the carpets. 127 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:23,506 Come on. It's just a packet of fags. 128 00:06:23,626 --> 00:06:26,015 I'll get you a date with Jenny if you let me keep them. 129 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,270 - Could you do that? - As if! 130 00:06:28,743 --> 00:06:31,052 I'm a superhero, not a fucking miracle worker. 131 00:06:31,172 --> 00:06:33,252 Well, don't push my buttons, all right? 132 00:06:33,372 --> 00:06:35,077 You know I'm authorised. 133 00:06:35,197 --> 00:06:37,014 Don't make me bring the monkey thunder. 134 00:06:37,134 --> 00:06:38,232 You wouldn't. 135 00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:50,236 Hey! It's the bot-man. 136 00:06:52,218 --> 00:06:54,000 Uh! Where do you think you're going? 137 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:55,927 I don't know what you're talking about? 138 00:06:56,047 --> 00:06:58,825 - What's the password? I can't let you through without that. 139 00:06:58,945 --> 00:07:01,345 Oh, the password. I remember. 140 00:07:01,908 --> 00:07:05,000 Is it, "Let me through or I rape you, then kill you."? 141 00:07:07,109 --> 00:07:08,560 That's close enough. Yeah. 142 00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:10,091 Thank you. 143 00:07:10,211 --> 00:07:12,960 - Just a little joke, you psycho. - I heard that. 144 00:07:19,179 --> 00:07:20,628 Just out of interest, Simon, 145 00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:23,480 how soon do the monkeys get here after you summon them? 146 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:25,706 - About two and a half hours. - Handy! 147 00:07:25,826 --> 00:07:29,852 Yeah, well. There's a perfectly good corner shop up there. On the corner. 148 00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:32,600 The shopkeeper stinks of egg and it's pissing down. 149 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,760 - Your costume's waterproof. - Have you seen my costume? 150 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,150 - It's fucking tiny. - Not my fault you dress like a slag. 151 00:07:39,270 --> 00:07:40,228 You know, 152 00:07:40,348 --> 00:07:43,888 it still amazes me you don't have a girlfriend, Simon. 153 00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:46,178 Fine! 154 00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:51,743 Thanks for inviting me over. 155 00:07:51,863 --> 00:07:54,652 Thanks for giving me your number, you big flirt. 156 00:07:55,143 --> 00:07:57,440 Are you sure you're OK with the whole... 157 00:07:58,289 --> 00:08:00,507 Secret identity? Yeah, of course. 158 00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:02,800 It's not like you're my first cape. 159 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:06,033 Do you er... mind if I smoke? 160 00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,379 Not at all. 161 00:08:13,943 --> 00:08:15,979 That's er... pretty hot. 162 00:08:16,361 --> 00:08:19,000 Well, you're either hot... or you're not. 163 00:08:20,197 --> 00:08:23,306 People do say that. It's like a... phrase. 164 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,200 Mm. See you've got a lot of movies, Hotman. 165 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,240 Yes. The Hotness. 166 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,800 J'adore les films. 167 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,944 "Some Like It Hot", "Body Heat"... "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof". 168 00:08:34,064 --> 00:08:37,580 Heat themed Christmas presents. No one gets bored of that gag. 169 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,908 Except, you know... me! 170 00:08:40,271 --> 00:08:42,959 So erm... what's "Alex And Sarah"? 171 00:08:43,119 --> 00:08:45,962 Oh! Er, that... that's just a sweet erm... romantic 172 00:08:46,082 --> 00:08:48,600 comedy with a homemade... cover. 173 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,480 It's a sex tape, isn't it? 174 00:08:51,435 --> 00:08:52,880 Yeah. It is. 175 00:08:53,363 --> 00:08:55,090 Maybe we could... 176 00:08:56,108 --> 00:08:59,040 - ... make the sequel. - Not sure Sarah would be up for that. 177 00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:00,279 No... 178 00:09:04,641 --> 00:09:08,000 We still can't, actually, cos the video camera was hers. But... 179 00:09:15,368 --> 00:09:18,259 You know, I like the rain. Clears the air, dunnit? 180 00:09:18,532 --> 00:09:20,713 Plus, that outfit's gone see-through! 181 00:09:20,833 --> 00:09:22,586 - No, it fucking hasn't. - Yeah. 182 00:09:22,706 --> 00:09:24,949 The nipples are definitely coming into play. 183 00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:28,167 - Cock off, egg man! - Oh, that's nice talk for a lady. 184 00:09:28,287 --> 00:09:31,531 I could have you banned. Don't you lot have a code of conduct? 185 00:09:31,651 --> 00:09:34,629 You never get that Excelsor bloke off the telly effing and blinding. 186 00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:36,821 You heroes don't know you're born. 187 00:09:36,941 --> 00:09:39,094 - Open the till, Granddad! - Oh, ball sacs! 188 00:09:39,214 --> 00:09:41,879 Unlucky. There's a cape out back. 189 00:09:42,158 --> 00:09:44,146 Yeah, right! Open the till or I'll shoot you. 190 00:09:44,266 --> 00:09:47,320 - I mean it! - You're not gonna shoot me. 191 00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:48,886 Fuck! 192 00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:53,648 - Typical! - Now open the till! 193 00:09:53,768 --> 00:09:55,139 Do it yourself! 194 00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:59,812 All right! I'll do it. 195 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,212 Ooh, muffins. 196 00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:10,760 Have you noticed how no one even asked how my day went? 197 00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:13,180 - Don. - How was your day? 198 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,502 - Shit. - I know that. 199 00:10:14,622 --> 00:10:16,840 I broke Doomball's arm and I broke up with David. 200 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,600 I didn't know you went out with David? I thought you were just... 201 00:10:20,965 --> 00:10:23,038 - What's that? - Wanking. 202 00:10:23,158 --> 00:10:25,440 - And that hand? - Eating pizza. 203 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,320 We didn't do them all at once. 204 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,040 At least you got to break someone's arm. I miss that. 205 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:33,720 Oh, darling, I know you do. That's why you're taking time off. 206 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,920 - Oh, I hate retirement. - What you need is a hobby. 207 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,952 - What did you get up to today? - This and that, bits and bobs. 208 00:10:41,072 --> 00:10:42,880 - Drinking and masturbating. - Yep. 209 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,880 I beat Little Don like he owe me money. 210 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,240 In Spain, that phrase... very funny. 211 00:10:53,688 --> 00:10:57,197 - So, who are these guys? - Oh, that's just me at the academy. 212 00:10:57,317 --> 00:10:59,615 We kind of take an oath not to talk about it. 213 00:10:59,735 --> 00:11:01,433 - Fine. - OK! 214 00:11:01,924 --> 00:11:05,640 That's where I learned my mastery of fire, to shape it as I please. 215 00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:08,070 So, do all superheroes go there? 216 00:11:08,190 --> 00:11:11,270 We're... really not supposed to talk about it. 217 00:11:11,390 --> 00:11:13,634 But, yes. It's quite a big deal. 218 00:11:13,754 --> 00:11:15,974 People from all over the world go there. You know, 219 00:11:16,094 --> 00:11:17,640 when their powers come on. 220 00:11:18,888 --> 00:11:20,040 And when's that? 221 00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:22,720 Depends. Mostly around... 222 00:11:23,287 --> 00:11:24,322 puberty. 223 00:11:24,795 --> 00:11:27,431 Which makes me think there's a definite connection between 224 00:11:27,551 --> 00:11:29,680 superpowers and sex. 225 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,068 Indeed. They should call them... 226 00:11:32,486 --> 00:11:34,486 sexerpowers? 227 00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:37,632 Which makes me think that there's something you could do... 228 00:11:37,752 --> 00:11:39,686 - For me. - Go on. 229 00:11:39,806 --> 00:11:41,123 Get the costume. 230 00:11:42,014 --> 00:11:43,141 God. Really? 231 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:46,440 I want you to fuck me wearing the suit. 232 00:11:46,777 --> 00:11:49,680 Well, that... that does sound... nice. 233 00:11:50,995 --> 00:11:55,088 - How about I just put the gloves on? - The whole suit or... nothing. 234 00:11:56,088 --> 00:11:57,906 Listen, Vicci. Are you... 235 00:11:58,026 --> 00:12:00,106 Are you into me, Alex? 236 00:12:00,226 --> 00:12:04,160 Or are you just into the idea of having sex with The Hotness? 237 00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,720 Fuck it. I'll just go and get changed. 238 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,803 Ooh, Hotness! 239 00:12:20,135 --> 00:12:21,919 - Ooh! - What's wrong? 240 00:12:22,039 --> 00:12:24,359 Erm... the suit's not really... designed for this. 241 00:12:24,479 --> 00:12:27,160 It's a bit... pinchy in the ball area. 242 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,719 Oh. I think I know something that might get you in the mood. 243 00:12:30,839 --> 00:12:32,640 - Not wearing the suit? - No, silly. 244 00:12:33,144 --> 00:12:36,039 Why don't you pretend you're... saving me? 245 00:12:36,454 --> 00:12:40,653 Erm... I'm not... I'm not really too good at the whole role play thing. 246 00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:42,281 Really? 247 00:12:44,408 --> 00:12:45,408 Come on. 248 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,519 The Hotness to the rescue! 249 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,879 We do get to have sex now, right? 250 00:12:54,999 --> 00:12:57,821 You're gonna have to try a bit harder than that. 251 00:12:59,857 --> 00:13:00,603 Good! 252 00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:09,229 Don. Have you ever used your powers to find a boyfriend? 253 00:13:09,349 --> 00:13:10,049 No. 254 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,331 - Yes. - Then, help me find a nice man. 255 00:13:13,451 --> 00:13:17,279 Jenny. I've had sex with myself so many times in the last 24 hours, 256 00:13:17,399 --> 00:13:20,240 - I'm dry on the inside. - OK, that's unpleasant. 257 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,404 - My balls are like ping pongs. - Yuk! 258 00:13:22,524 --> 00:13:24,920 If I found a nice man, I would give him to you? 259 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,200 But if I pick someone to talk to, you can tell me how they'll react. 260 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:29,760 Yes. For 60 seconds. 261 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,784 They say in the first minute you know if it's meant to be. 262 00:13:32,904 --> 00:13:35,311 Hey. No powers in The Fortress. 263 00:13:35,431 --> 00:13:37,239 You know, if I get barred from the pub, 264 00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:40,000 I literally have nothing left to live for. 265 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,721 That's two drinks. 266 00:13:42,702 --> 00:13:43,760 Who's first? 267 00:13:47,538 --> 00:13:48,720 Oh, don't mind me. 268 00:13:49,138 --> 00:13:50,824 Jesus! How old are you? 269 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:54,320 You've been shot by a tiny child! It's embarrassing. 270 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,519 - I give up. - That's all right. You keep it. 271 00:13:56,639 --> 00:13:58,310 I don't want no trouble with a cape. 272 00:13:59,103 --> 00:14:00,667 Just getting some fags. 273 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,920 Shall I open this? I'm good with machines. 274 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,480 You're meant to be an 'ero. 275 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,379 Don't tell me how to be a hero. 276 00:14:06,499 --> 00:14:09,634 Even my parents are heroes. They were like Torvill and Dean. 277 00:14:09,754 --> 00:14:11,240 Your parents're Torvill and Dean? 278 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,732 No. They were LIKE the Torvill and Dean of the superhero world. 279 00:14:14,852 --> 00:14:17,350 - Not very clever, are you? - I am robbing a Costcutter. 280 00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:19,018 Fair point. Open. 281 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,120 Will you be able to pick up all that money with child's hands? 282 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,289 - Is this a trick or something? - No. I just like you. 283 00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:29,880 You could use some of that to get something to cover your face. 284 00:14:30,498 --> 00:14:32,480 Tights... a balaclava. 285 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,040 Go on. 286 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,985 Someone! Help me! 287 00:14:41,105 --> 00:14:43,480 Tourniquet has me in one of his evil traps! 288 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:46,775 Er, Vicci, people don't really talk like that. 289 00:14:46,895 --> 00:14:49,120 - Look. Do you want to do this or not? - Right. 290 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:50,089 Sorry. 291 00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,559 Er... don't worry. I'm The Hotness. 292 00:14:55,679 --> 00:14:57,960 - And I'm going to rescue you. - You might be hot. 293 00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:01,840 But you'll never get me loose from Torniquet's evil knots. 294 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,883 Erm, Tourniquet doesn't really do knots. He's more an evil virus guy. 295 00:15:06,003 --> 00:15:07,840 - The name is confusing. - Fine. 296 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,872 He's also injected me with an evil virus. 297 00:15:10,992 --> 00:15:12,282 What are you gonna do?! 298 00:15:12,402 --> 00:15:14,676 Well, once it's in the blood, there's not a lot you CAN do. 299 00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:16,560 It's basically all over. 300 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,720 Fucking useless. Why don't you... 301 00:15:19,106 --> 00:15:22,150 take off my tight trousers? 302 00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:24,240 That should neutralise the virus. 303 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,200 Nice idea. I'm on it. 304 00:15:31,136 --> 00:15:32,600 Don't stop now! 305 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,155 What is that? 306 00:15:35,864 --> 00:15:38,280 - Is that... Excelsor? - Yeah. 307 00:15:38,636 --> 00:15:41,639 - Most people don't recognise him. - No, I think it's... 308 00:15:42,264 --> 00:15:43,555 very accurate. 309 00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:46,192 Look. 310 00:15:47,065 --> 00:15:49,080 Excelsor's smiling at you. 311 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,400 Why don't you give him a little... kiss? 312 00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,905 What if I went up to that guy there 313 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:01,588 and said, "Hi. I'm Jenny."? How would that go? 314 00:16:02,857 --> 00:16:04,294 - Badly. - What do you mean? 315 00:16:04,414 --> 00:16:07,691 You say, "Hi, I'm Jenny." He say, "Hi, I'm Steve. You smell like a sexfish." 316 00:16:08,003 --> 00:16:10,800 - He sounds a bit odd. - It's Odd Steve. He's fucking odd. 317 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,754 Right. 318 00:16:13,663 --> 00:16:15,361 What about that guy in the suit? 319 00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:17,600 They're off duty superheroes. They're all in suits. 320 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,520 Him. 321 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,997 Yeah, you can try it. But he'll say you remind him of his mother. 322 00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,862 - No problem. - Then he'll lick his lips 323 00:16:25,982 --> 00:16:28,571 - and touch himself a bit. - That is trickier. 324 00:16:28,691 --> 00:16:31,920 Here's a fun idea. What about Devlin? 325 00:16:32,752 --> 00:16:33,698 Devlin? 326 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,523 The most famous superhero of his generation? 327 00:16:36,643 --> 00:16:38,240 Go on. You never know. 328 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,200 - I wouldn't bother. - Why not? 329 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,240 - You don't want to know. - Tell me. OK. 330 00:16:43,584 --> 00:16:47,280 First, he calls you a name which rhymes with... bugly spunt. 331 00:16:47,602 --> 00:16:49,688 - Right. - Then Devlin's laughing. 332 00:16:49,808 --> 00:16:52,246 Now all his friends join in, wildly. 333 00:16:52,366 --> 00:16:53,975 One of them's laughing so much, 334 00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:56,760 red wine's coming out of his nose and he's texting a friend. 335 00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,671 Enough. That's enough, Don. 336 00:16:59,072 --> 00:17:00,999 Oh, Hotman! 337 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,218 Vicci? Vicci! 338 00:17:06,592 --> 00:17:10,079 I'm not... I'm not really feeling this any more. 339 00:17:10,444 --> 00:17:12,159 Is it cos of my Excelsor? 340 00:17:12,279 --> 00:17:13,044 Maybe. 341 00:17:13,164 --> 00:17:15,021 Would you prefer if it was a picture of you? 342 00:17:15,141 --> 00:17:18,195 No. It... still feels a bit... rushed. 343 00:17:20,032 --> 00:17:21,917 Most superheroes seem to like that. 344 00:17:22,037 --> 00:17:23,885 How many costumes have you been with, exactly? 345 00:17:24,005 --> 00:17:26,320 - 20. - Right. Anyone I know? 346 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,208 - Hardstar, Dancemaster, Brimstone. - He's a demon. 347 00:17:30,328 --> 00:17:32,359 Detonator, Hunter and Prey, they were together. 348 00:17:32,479 --> 00:17:34,359 - Tinface. - He's made entirely of metal. 349 00:17:34,479 --> 00:17:36,879 Powerfist, Woody Harrelson. 350 00:17:36,999 --> 00:17:40,199 Vicci, just so you know, Woody Harrelson is not a superhero. 351 00:17:40,319 --> 00:17:42,719 - What? - Look. I think you're a really nice... 352 00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:46,240 slightly slutty girl, but I really think you should go now. 353 00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:50,137 You lot are all the same. You think you have the power, but you haven't. 354 00:17:50,257 --> 00:17:52,315 Technically, I have got the power. 355 00:17:52,435 --> 00:17:54,447 Kick me out and I'll go straight to the press 356 00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:56,000 and say you couldn't get it up. 357 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,359 - You wouldn't. - I may even say it was cape rape. 358 00:17:58,479 --> 00:18:01,080 Christ! Please don't say that. Erm, maybe... 359 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,119 I could get you something? 360 00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:05,320 - An autograph? - What? 361 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:06,960 What will get you to go? 362 00:18:07,779 --> 00:18:08,634 Well... 363 00:18:09,106 --> 00:18:11,524 There is something you could do for me. 364 00:18:21,215 --> 00:18:22,615 No... way! 365 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,823 Just think of it... like an autograph. 366 00:18:26,943 --> 00:18:28,925 It's nothing like an autograph! 367 00:18:31,525 --> 00:18:32,840 OK, OK, OK, OK. 368 00:18:34,025 --> 00:18:37,135 Swear... you'll never tell anyone. 369 00:18:39,316 --> 00:18:41,200 That'll do. See you. 370 00:18:46,278 --> 00:18:49,493 - Why didn't you stop him? - He seemed lovely. 371 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,845 I'm... I'm sorry. All right, sweetcakes? 372 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,086 Yeah. Guess what? 373 00:18:54,206 --> 00:18:56,240 Calling me sweetcakes really isn't gonna help. 374 00:18:56,862 --> 00:18:58,320 If you admit you're a bellend... 375 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,989 I'll think about stopping the tiny criminal. 376 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:02,759 All right, then. Fine. 377 00:19:03,353 --> 00:19:04,498 I'm a bellend. 378 00:19:05,135 --> 00:19:07,317 I can't hear you, Mr Bellend! 379 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,400 - I'm a bellend. - That's better. 380 00:19:10,953 --> 00:19:12,239 Steering failed. 381 00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:14,753 Brakes don't work. 382 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,760 I'm gonna need some stuff. 383 00:19:18,054 --> 00:19:19,320 Mainly Ginsters. 384 00:19:19,819 --> 00:19:21,439 AND... egg man, 385 00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:23,680 I'm gonna need free cigarettes. 386 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,880 - Just take 'em. - For life. 387 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:32,042 - Come on! - He's staring right at me. 388 00:19:32,162 --> 00:19:34,919 I don't care about that. I want it all over me now! 389 00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:37,559 - Oh, all right. Nearly there. - Do it, Hotman! 390 00:19:37,679 --> 00:19:40,319 Do it! Squirt all over his little face! 391 00:19:40,439 --> 00:19:42,319 God! God! 392 00:19:42,439 --> 00:19:44,439 Aagh! It's hot! 393 00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:46,520 Well, you're either hot or you're not. 394 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:49,120 Yeah... Can you pass me a sock? 395 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:56,577 The lives of 420 workers and residents were saved today by Excelsor, 396 00:19:56,697 --> 00:19:58,901 the country's number one costumed hero. 397 00:19:59,021 --> 00:20:01,525 Hey, Hotpants. Just missed yourself on telly. 398 00:20:01,645 --> 00:20:04,599 - Really? - No. I gotcha! 399 00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:06,671 Brilliant! 400 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:11,271 Alex, you're back. How was your slag? I mean, dinner. 401 00:20:11,561 --> 00:20:13,314 Both were pretty tasty, actually. 402 00:20:13,434 --> 00:20:15,943 Although the dinner was probably a bit less mental. 403 00:20:16,063 --> 00:20:19,761 Well, there's one news item left to go and you are nowhere. 404 00:20:19,881 --> 00:20:23,120 Still a chance, though. Fingers crossed for the last item. 405 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:27,260 Our streets became a safer place tonight thanks to one hotly tipped superhero. 406 00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:29,714 - This is it. - Earlier tonight in this store, 407 00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,707 an armed robbery was foiled by Electroclash. 408 00:20:32,827 --> 00:20:33,880 Yes! 409 00:20:35,598 --> 00:20:37,720 - When did this happen? - While you were, you know... 410 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:39,282 - Knobbing a groupie. - Right. 411 00:20:39,402 --> 00:20:42,296 To be fair, the shooting wasn't averted. 412 00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:45,798 A couple of gunshot wounds don't count. Oi! Put me on the board. 413 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,280 Today's turned out OK. 414 00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:51,598 That was just a stupid corner shop. I saved a news stand. 415 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:54,120 Alex, don't be such a baby. Say well done. 416 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,200 - It's not a competition. - Yes, it is. 417 00:20:56,525 --> 00:20:58,743 Fine. Well done, Sarah! 418 00:21:00,670 --> 00:21:02,600 Seriously... good work. 419 00:21:03,325 --> 00:21:04,197 Thanks. 420 00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:06,800 And erm... sorry about earlier. 421 00:21:07,234 --> 00:21:10,561 Listen. I felt bad too. I got you something. 422 00:21:12,670 --> 00:21:14,734 - The only copy. - Thanks, Alex. 423 00:21:15,043 --> 00:21:16,400 I appreciate this. 424 00:21:18,334 --> 00:21:19,461 Who's Sandra? 425 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,432 - Wrong sex tape! - I know I shouldn't say this, 426 00:21:23,552 --> 00:21:25,319 but I did see that coming. 427 00:21:25,369 --> 00:21:29,919 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33266

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