Original subtitles

Previously on "Neon Joe, Werewolf he-yump"...

Make love to me, Joe.

Oh, he-yump! Oh, he-yump! Oh, oh!

You sound like a man whose heart's been broken.

You leave Barbara out of this!

You stole my ex-wife and left her for dead!

Joe, don't leave me!

The military felt that it would be better

to rebuild me than repair me,

so I told them to make me into a man.

When the hearts of 40 werewolves come together,

they form an all-powerful cube,

summoning the moon towards Earth.

You must castrate the cube in order to kill it.

Your old rings. Put them on.

When you two were in love

and at the peak of your werewolf hunting abilities,

you were unstoppable.

What about me?

Just walk away, friend. Just walk away.

You're working with the werewolves?

There will be a race of super-powerful werewolves.

I'd be fool not to work with them.

I'll be running the show from now on.

I ain't been on a road trip in a long time.

Cars are cool now...

GPS, seats that heat your butt,

movies in the headrest for the kids.

Hey, we should have kids.

You know, while you still can physically,

and while I still shootin' silver bullets.

I mean, who knows how they turn out, right?

Maybe they grow up to be cool.

Maybe grow up to be little A-holes.

But that's what having kids all about.

Stick it in, roll the dice.

I've hacked into the military server.

I'm just trying to get to Daggart's personal files.

Welcome back, Colonel Daggart.

Bingo, I'm in.

How we gonna get to you, asshole?

Huh. Interesting.

It says he likes to carbo-load before battles.

Oh!

What the hell, Joe?!

Daggart!

You hit the carb on the load.

Here you go, hon. Mmm!

Soup in a bread bowl and another milkshake.

Thanks, Jen. Everything is delicious.

Oh, good. Mmm.

That look good.

Yeah, I do love me a good soup in a bread bowl.

What you got there, a buckwheat rye or sourdough?

Hmm. I'll take that.

Nice try.

Oh.

Cool space gun.

Don't you be doing nothing dumb

like trying to transform into a werewolf

or nothing like that up in he-yump.

Here you go, sweetie.

Thanks, Jen. Mm-hmm.

Anything for you, folks?

No, thank you.

I'll actually have a shrimp po' boy. Mm-hmm.

If you got tartar sauce, put that on the side, please.

I'll take a lettuce, tomato, and onion. Mm-hmm.

Sweet potato tater tots would be good.

Just well done, a little extra crispy on the outside...

You know, when you crack it open in half and it get all steamy

but the inside is soft. Mm-hmm.

Watermelon basil lemonade and a little bit of ice.

But don't overdo it with the ice.

Come on. Give me... Give me the juice.

Got you. Coming right up, darling.

Fries for the table. Help yourselves.

Congrats on escaping the cave.

Of course we escaped the cave. We in love.

Pfft. Love.

I've done 40 years military-grade couples counseling.

Dirty little secret I learned... Love is a hoax.

Relationships are just a way

for one person to control another.

Like the way Barbara did.

Who's this Barbara?

You leave Barbara out of this!

What's your end game, Daggart?

What kind of dingo are you dangling?

Give up on love.

Let's destroy the cube and rule the world together

as bachelors and bachelorette.

Nations would cower at our army of super werewolves

and be in awe of our self-reliant singles mind-set.

Break up and join me.

Jose.

What?

That's short for, "No way, amigo."

What are you scared of? Think about it.

The three of us could rule as one!

Break up with her.

Do it now!

Dump her and join me.

Jose.

Tell him you need your space and gain the world.

Jose.

Pathetic.

You just threw away your last chance at happiness.

Don't say I didn't warn you

when you drive yourselves insane

arguing about how someone loaded the dishwasher!

Hi, Joe.

Hey, babe.

Just walk away, you said.

Just walk away, he said.

Well, I didn't walk away!

Plaid Jeff never walks away from a fight!

Don't worry. I'm not gonna hurt you.

I'm here for this.

Keys, please.

Don't be a hero.

Can't not be what I is.

That be like me telling you

don't keep coming in second place in life

all the time.

All right.

Give me the damn keys.

Be cool, Joe Cocker.

Did you have to go and rub it in?

Oh, come on. That's he and I's combative dynamic.

It's just guys being guys.

Sick of it.

Let's get Daggart's keys and get out of here.

Yeah, don't worry, babe, 'cause, uh...

we ketchup.

Oh, man!

Some of his blood must have got in there!

Ruin my cool pun.

Over there! Over there!

Come on, come on, come on!

Faster, faster! Move, move!

Flowers there and more champagne.

The moon is coming!

Final spritz!

I'm lubed up and ready, moon!

Ha ha!

Well, here it is, babe... Home, sweet he-yump.

Not bad, right?

I see somebody's been keeping you company while I was gone.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I got the paper cuts on my dick to prove it.

Took a while for them to scab up

on account of they don't really make Band-Aid

for the penile region of doing them,

you know, the knuckle Band-Aid.

That work good, but then I gotta, like,

pull it down to pee, pull it back up.

I went through a whole lot of Band-Aid.

Joe, what are we doing here?

Come on, now.

Don't tell me that you, uh...

forgot our pre-hunt ritual.

No.

We are not having sex.

There's no time.

Come on, babe.

You know there's no better way to consummate things

than by launching ourselves into battle

with a simultaneous orgas-he-yump.

Don't you remember what it was like?

Being all filled up with a lot of Joe.

Deep inside.

Hot... throbbing... stiff.

I mean, yeah, we'll be tired,

but we'll be satisfied...

and unstoppable.

Okay.

Oh, he-yump.

Yeah.

You gonna like this bed.

Yeah, I mean, it not the greatest mattress,

but, you know, since we gonna be quick, it's gonna be fine.

It'll do the job.

What the he-yump?!

Jeff! What are you doing here?!

I just couldn't shake you guys' relationship.

All I wanted to do when I saw you at the bar

was get a rise out of you.

Yeah, well, Joe's about as cool a cuc as they come.

So how about you give me that sword,

let this cumber do the job?

Let me just throw something out there

that I've been thinking on.

If you two are such a powerful werewolf-hunting couple,

imagine how much more powerful we'd be...

as a threesome.

I know I'll never get you back,

but if we teamed up,

the lust, the passion, the jealousy...

Think of all the killings we could accomplish.

And the orgasms.

Normally, I would not even consider this

for a second, but, uh...

given the dire state of the world as it is,

I find myself with a semi-chub.

Babe?

I'm game if you are.

I'm about to explode just thinking about it!

All right. Let's go!

"Three way" on three.

One, two, three.

Three way! Three way! Three way!

Ready or not, here I he-yump.

Now there is the Joe I remember.

Looking good, partner.

Appreciate that, Plaid Jeff.

And, hey, uh...

congrats.

For what?

You finally got a rise out of me.

Before we go, just one more thing.

Let's make it official.

I got this made just in case you guys said yes.

All right. Now let's go chop this cube's nuts!

Wait. Where's the sword?

I set it next to that couch.

All right, now h-h-hold up. Let's just retrace our step.

Hold up before we panic. Um, now let's see.

W-W-We decided on the three way. Yeah. Yeah.

Got undressed. Yeah. Yeah.

Got in bed. Yeah. Yeah.

Lubed up. Yeah. Yeah.

Plaid Jeff, I started sucking your toes. Yeah. Yeah.

Babe, you was massaging my devil's onion ring. Yeah. Yeah.

I stuck my onion ring in your barbecue sauce. Yeah.

Then Yuri did a reach-around.

Yu... Yu...

Yuri!

Well, well, well.

Look who finally showed up for the fight.

You enjoy Yuri's reach-around?

I don't know who I grabbed, but it was small.

So must have been Joe!

Yeah, funny.

That was a quality reach-around,

I'll give you that.

You a sneaky little Russki,

getting that werewolf heart and that sword.

But tonight, all good things must come...

to an end.

You cannot stop inevitable.

I will finally get the love

I have not felt

since I first laid foot on Earth.

Yeah, you just one man, Yuri.

We a team now.

We go together like peanut, butter, and he-yump.

I'm glad you guys work it out.

But why is it you who gets to decide

whose love is denied?

'Cause we just killed America's top couples counselor.

And we're taking over the title.

Even as a team,

you cannot take on super werewolves.

Oh, shit!

Who let the wolves out?

I did. I know you did.

That... That was just rhetorical.

Talk about that song "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

It even catchy when you say "wolves."

Stay close.

Let's do our signature move.

Go!

Huh?

Aah!

Whew.

Oh. Yeah, this thing cool.

You was right, Plaid Jeff.

As a threesome, we twice as nice.

Aah! Please don't castrate the cube!

I been waiting for so long!

I'll take care of this guy.

You got it, partner.

Let's go, babe!

Hey, uh... Hey, babe?

Babe, real quick.

Uh, this a cool sword, right?

Yeah, cool sword.

And you and I, uh...

we make a good werewolf hunting team, right?

Yeah, wh-where's this going?

That thing that... that Yuri said about my he-yump, you know,

being like a little tiny he-yump,

I mean, that ain't true, right?

I'm at least average. At least if not more.

Could we just go castrate some moon nuts, please?

Aah! Oh!

It's Daggart!

Joe, don't leave me! Oh!

Just go! I won't leave you!

I can't leave you again!

Oh, God, please!

Okay!

We had a deal.

I didn't think you'd stick to it!

Aah! I'm just... I'm just confused here,

'cause this is what happened last time, right?

We had the deal, then the years later,

you come back as this dude guy, and you're like,

"Oh, but that's not what I mean."

Joe, don't worry about the agreement! Just go!

Okay.

You left me to die.

Triple-checking.

Aah!

All right!

Aah!

He-yump!

I'll have one scoop of moon...

hold... the... nuts!

We have some breaking tip for all you "Buzz" -heads tonight.

NASA has just confirmed that the moon

is rotating back to its normal position

and will be moving away from the Earth.

We're all gonna live!

Oh, babe.

You know that I would have used

all the dick Band-Aids in the world

if I thought I could have saved you.

Oh, he-yump.

Oh, he-yump...

Ah, heeda, hida, hoda,

hada, heeda, hada, he-yump!

We closed.

Closed?

I traveled all this way just for a sip.

What, you come to get a final rise out of me?

Just came to say goodbye.

What ever happened to Yuri?

Last I remember, you two was off to the side of the road,

dancing in the moonlight.

Ah, right.

Welp...

I stuck the tip...

of my long, black member...

right in his mouth...

and blew my load all over the back

of the inside of his skull.

You take care, Plaid Jeff.

You too, Neon Joe.

Should there be some kind of acknowledgment

of losing the woman we both loved?

Seem to me there just was.

Goodbye, French fry.

What?

I don't know.

First thing I thought of. Seemed cool.

You know, 'cause it rhyme... Bye, fry.

Anyway, you go on, get... 'fore we got to hug.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He-yump?

You in he-yump?

Cleve?

Joe! Joe!

Oh!

Neon Joe!

We've been trapped in here for hours.

We saw a big flash! What happened?!

That's when came upon Yuri and all of his, uh...

surfer werewolves.

We took them out no problem.

We got this real cool spin move that we did.

Came across a big field, see the cube.

Got that big old fancy he-yump sword.

Did a big old chop.

Chopped off that cube's sac.

That's about all she he-yump.

And, uh...

what about Vance?

Well...

I think it's about time that this pork loin

went back to the barbecue.

Find another fox to keep me company.

You know, this here the coolest bar in town.

I'm the reason for that. We all know it.

Yeah, you are.

But it time to move on.

Cleve...

I'm giving you and Ashley the bar.

The...

The tiny towel?

Yep. This here been, uh...

one heck of a roller-coaster ride.

First it was up...

then it came down.

Then it bank hard to the left.

Then it bank hard to the right.

Then it go a loop-de-loop.

It go up and down.

The centrifugal he-yump,

doing all sorts of stuff with your mind!

But then I'm going upside down for a little bit, right?

And you think, "How am I not falling out

of this contraption he-yump?"

Then you go up again and go through the water.

You get all wet.

And when you gonna get all pissed off about being wet

and then resolving it with yourself where it's like,

"It ain't no big deal," you going up again.

And you go climbing high, and you come on down

and sneak right back in.

Right back to where it all started from.

You get out and kind of do a he-yump.

You jump out, and the people waiting in line...

well, they get their turn.

That sounds like a crazy ride.

Sure is, Cleve.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

You take care of this place.

I will.

Ashley.

You take care of this guy.

He good meat.

I will, Joe.

Good luck to you, too, off-camera Chris.

Thanks! You too!

Well...

arrivederci, he-yump.

With the cube completely neutered

and the moon's backside back where it belong,

is that the end of werewolf as we know it?

Or do Joe got one more adventure in him?

Maybe something involving snowmobiles or outer space.

That sound cool. Stay tuned, friends.

And in the meantime, good night and good he-yump.

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