Original subtitles

Say, uh, how'd you know to be outside that prison anyway?

Ah, a little birdie told me, be there midnight on the nose

with a bucket of water, some bleach, and a ride.

I told you,

you ever needed a favor, I'd be there.

Well, whatever the case, let's get down

to the business at hand. Mmm.

Yeah, I've been all around this great land of ours.

I know the rules of the road.

[ Spits ]

And I know them well.

Rules?

Well, yeah, you...

you give me a ride, I give you a hand-job.

No. No hand-job necessary, friend, no.

You saved my skin with your long bass playing.

I owed you one.

You ain't turning it down

'cause I murdered Plaid Jeff, right?

- No. - 'Cause I was framed.

Yeah, it's not really my place to judge, you know.

Way I figure it, you take a man's life,

you probably had a pretty good reason to do it,

even when you can't really remember

what the reason was.

Hyah.

Hey!

I got you a change of clothes in the back seat.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

Oh, he-yump. Look at that!

[ Laughs ]

You got me Neon.

Yes, I did.

Neon Joe.

Hyah!

*Neon Joe Werewolf Hunter* Season 02 Episode 03 "Rule of the Road"

Before Big Lair was killed, he sent an edict

that all members of the gang must convert to Judaism.

I changed Pepe the Frog into a rabbi.

And I got my swastika tattoo turned into a Star of David.

The Torah says mutilating the body is an insult to God.

I don't care. We should change our name

from the White Warlocks to the White Jewlocks.

We'll get to all that.

But I called this minion so we could go about

revenging Big Lair's death.

Should maybe we forgive Neon Joe?

The Torah says we must take an eye for an eye.

You mean an oy for an oy.

There's an old Jewish law forbid us from holding grudges

or seeking of revenge.

But does not it also say, "He who sheds man's blood,

by man shall this blood be shed"?

I say to hell with forgiveness!

Let's kill Neon Joe and leave a nice, long trail of goy blood.

And then repent for the whole thing on Yom Kippur!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Let's get that goyim!

Oy, oy! Get that goy!

(All:) Oy, oy! Get that goy!

Oy, oy! Get that goy!

[ Sighs ]

With Big Lair dead,

I bet anything the White Warlocks

are after Neon Joe, too.

We need to get to him before they do.

Seems they're no longer called the White Warlocks.

What are they called?

The Chosen Oy Vey Matzo Ball Gang.

Sons of bitches converted.

Well, that's about as far as I can take you.

Well, I do appreciate all your help, Joshy.

Yeah.

Sure I can't give you that hand-job?

Yeah.

Look, this ought to be enough

to get you to your final destination.

Well, Mama was right.

Them long bass lessons did pay off some day.

Yeah.

I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you, though.

Well, friend...

you already did.

He-yump.

Well, he-yump.

He-yow!

Hey, cowboy, nice outfit. You need a ride?

Appreciate that.

Name's Neon Joe.

I'm Frank.

Frank, why don't I, uh, get us some road snacks.

That would be great.

All right, he-yump.

[ Bell dings ]

I prefer Twizzlers.

What the hell you doing here?

Just because you don't see me doesn't mean I'm not around.

So you've been with me the whole time?

Yeah. Where's my heart?

I'm on my way to get it. Oh, really?

'Cause it seems like you're more interested in getting snacks

and giving hand-jobs. Hey, you know what?

I can't get your heart if I don't get a ride.

And I can't get a ride unless I give a hand-job.

It's the rules of the road.

Seems like you are the only one who knows this rule.

So I's just supposed to pretend it don't exist?

Society got rules.

We don't follow 'em, society crumble.

Everything okay over there?

Uh...

Yeah, man.

Yeah, it cool. I just...

Just getting some snacks.

Probably look like I was talking to myself back there, right?

No, I just talking to my tummy.

See, watch. Hey, tummy, you okay?

What that, tum-tum?

No, you can't have a soda.

You got to have a juice. You got to drink healthy.

Tummy, shut up!

Sometimes I got to get stern with my... my tummy.

Spare the rod, spoil the tum-tum.

I never met a Neon cowboy before.

Do you ever worry about your horse

running away from you?

Come on, Frank.

We both know you didn't give me a ride to talk about my horse.

You're right. I do have ulterior motives.

Don't we all? [ Spits ]

One hand-job coming up.

I want to talk about my horse.

Oh.

I'm having a little trouble training her.

Sometimes it seems like she doesn't want

anything to do with me.

Huh.

Well, that sound to me like maybe she don't trust you.

Can't say I blame her, though,

if you hold the reins like you hold that wheel.

What's wrong with how I hold the wheel?

Well, you grip too tight.

Makes for a jerky ride.

Want to be loose and giving, but in control.

Let me show you. Let's loosen that belt, huh?

Rules of the road, huh?

You want your heart or not?

Uh... I just talking to my tum-tum.

Yeah, when my tummy get hungry,

I got to, like, talk it down and, you know...

Where are them snacks at?

[ Bell dings ]

You seen this guy?

You just missed him.

He left with this horse pervert in a black CRV.

Thanks.

Hey, help yourself to some snacks...

On the house.

I'm one of you.

No, you're not. Nazi scum!

All right, he couldn't have got that far.

Let's get that Neon goy.

[ Bell dings ]

I have been with...

a lot of horses.

[ Chuckles ]

You know, but, ooh.

None of them compare to Carol.

She is just luxurious, if you know what I mean.

I want our relationship to be more than physical,

but I don't think that she does.

Maybe this is all it could ever be.

Yeah, how about we give all the horse talk a break?

Sure.

I'm getting tired anyway.

Oh, there's a motel.

Oh, great.

Yeah, we check in, I give you a hand-job,

morning, we go our separate ways.

I just need to get some sleep.

You can stop offering me hand-jobs.

All right, suit yourself.

Guess I'll start calling this hand Benjamin Franklin,

'cause a hand-job saved is a hand-job earned.

[ Bell dings ]

Who did this to you?

A gang of Jewish skinheads.

It wasn't the Chosen Oy Vey Matzah Ball Gang

by any chance, was it?

That's exactly who it was, yeah.

All right. Let's get out of here.

Well, hey, look, help yourself to some snacks on the way out...

On the house.

I'm one of you.

Oh, yeah, and they were looking for that Werewolf hunter

who escaped from prison.

No shit, dickhead.

(Big Lair:) There's the black CRV.

(Little Lair:) All right, let's get that goy

on the count of three.

One, two, goy!

[ Van beeping ]

[ Pounds on door ]

[ Grunting ] There's our guys. Move!

- Where's Neon Joe? - I don't know. He left!

- Where'd he go? - I-I don't know!

- You're a liar! - FBI, put down the gun!

Screw you, goy!

[ Gunshots ]

That didn't sound too good.

Good thing he kicked you out

for offering up another hand-job.

[ Car horn beeps ]

How do.

Thanks for stopping, he-yump.

Where you heading, cowboy?

Vance Dontay's mansion.

You mean the Elon Musk-type inventor billionaire?

That the guy. Well, hope on in.

I'll give you a lift.

Appreciate that, he-yump.

Yeah. And...

don't you worry up in he-yump.

I know the drill.

[ Spits ]

Man.

Business has been down ever since Joe went to jail.

I can't figure out what happened.

Probably that the main draw, Neon Joe, isn't here.

Yeah, but everything else is the same.

We got the same cool atmosphere.

Drink by the sip.

What's the missing ingredient?

I could wear a Joe mask.

I got it!

Yuri's not here.

Everyone loves his crazy stories

about the moon having a vagina and Werewolf hearts.

And he used to be a cosmonaut.

Every bar needs its fly, and Yuri was our fly.

Kind of like every girl needs her soul mate.

All right, Ashley.

We get it... You're into Neon Joe.

Well, guess what. I am trying to save his bar right now.

So if you could try to give your lustful desires

for his hot body a rest, please.

You saw this, right?

Yes.

I got it!

[ Kazoo squeaks ]

Hey, everybody!

We're gonna have a competition!

(Leann:) Joe, don't leave me!

[ Snarling ] Help me!

Oh!

[ Gasps ]

How long we been here?

Eight hours.

I... I wanted to let you sleep.

You looked so peaceful.

You remind me of my Daniel.

Oh, that your son?

Oh. [ Chuckles ] No.

Well, thanks for the ride, Diane.

Sad to see you go, Neon Joe.

Yeah, you, too.

And don't forget, you make it to Oahu Joe's,

you drink for free all night.

I'll bring my Daniel.

All right.

I'm sorry I don't have a penis.

I would have loved the hand-job.

What the he-yump?!

He alive?

This smell fishier than a dead raccoon butthole.

Isn't that Plaid Jeff,

the greatest Werewolf hunter of all time?

What?! Man, he ain't even top five.

I don't know. I mean, I know a few werewolves he's killed,

and they all say he's the best.

Yeah, that's 'cause they never had

the displeasure of getting killed by me.

Hey, where'd you go?

Hello, Joe.

So you faked Plaid Jeff's murder, framed me.

Why?

You abandoned your ex-wife in her greatest hour of need.

Why are you here, Joe?

Ghost wolf helped me break out of prison in exchange

for me helping him get his heart back.

You're helping the Werewolf

that tried to kill your ex-wife?

Unbelievable.

Why you care about my ex-wife so much anyway?

Ghost wolf told me she alive. You done show me her ring.

What the he-yump going on?

He's your ex-wife, that's what!

Yes. I'm your ex-wife.

Well, I'll be a ding-dong-doing.

Now, that's one story I got to sit down for.

What are you doing?

You see, the comfort of the chair

needs to be in perfect proportion

to the discomfort of the news.

Kind of like pairing a wine with a meal.

Now, that ain't good no more. Let me see the ding dong, yeah.

See, the reason I so concerned is because

a long time ago, a girl broke up with me.

Yeah, we'd only been dating about three weeks,

but the chair I chose to receive the news,

it was all wrong.

I was devastated for weeks.

Anyway, this one seem all right.

Corner is usually a good spot to get weird or bad news.

Yeah, this feels good.

Yeah, that right. Proceed.

We were outside the Pretzel factory,

hunting Werewolf.

[ Snarling ] [ Screams ]

And you ran away.

Joe, don't leave me!

Aah!

But you kept on running.

Just as the Werewolf was about to eat me,

a spotlight appeared.

It was a military helicopter

and the distraction I needed.

I shot a silver bullet through his stupid party dad hat.

The military had been keeping tabs

on all Werewolf hunting activity.

They were following us for years.

They were in the Netherlands when you sentenced

a Werewolf to death for infiltrating national justice.

They were there for the Fun Zone Killings.

The Fun Zone Killings, Part II...

Popcorn, peanuts,

and were-death.

I was in rough shape when they found me.

- We're losing her. - The military felt

that it would be better to rebuild me than repair me,

so I told them to make me into a man

with a completely new identity.

And only goal... To get revenge on you.

Me? Why?

Because you left me to die.

I'm glad you alive, but we had a deal.

The deal was one of us about to die,

the other one run away,

live to fight another day, keep hunting werewolves.

I didn't think you'd stick to it.

Not only is my dead ex-wife still alive...

I kept my vagina.

I got to sit down again, but need a new seat.

Oh, he-yump, yeah. That... that real nice.

Now, come again, he-yump?

Enough about his vagina.

What about my heart?

You brought the ghost of the Werewolf

that killed me into my home?!

Wait, they can see you?

Yeah, I can make myself visible to anyone I want...

Like those responsible for my death.

Not once, but twice.

Anyway, I wasn't always a Werewolf, you know?

Once upon a time, I was a man with a family.

I took my kid to his favorite spot

because he won flag football.

But you and your wife showed up

and caused a Werewolf to bite me,

turning me into a beast.

And then several years later,

your wife killed me and took my heart.

Oh, okay, man, look, it was nothing personal, all right?

You a Werewolf. We just doing out jobs, right?

Just let me have my heart, and I'll go.

We had a deal, Neon Joe.

Yeah.

We had a deal.

And I always honor my deals.

Unlike some people I know

that just pretend a deal never happened.

Oh, you're not talking about me, are you?

Oh, I am talking about you.

Because I seem to remember We had a deal, then you...

You remember the deal, the original deal that we had?

[ Roars ]

My heart, go get it now.

Yeah, yeah. We get that heart.

Go ahead, get that heart.

You have eternal peace.

Yeah, we got it. Just open the box

and let's give him this heart.

Is this some kind of joke?

Where the heart? It was... I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

- Where is it? - I don't know.

How you not know where the heart is?

- You had it in the box. - Where's the damn heart?!

It's been a grueling competition, but, unfortunately,

there can be only one

new cool gimmick barfly at Oahu Joe's.

And the winner and new Yuri is...

[ Gunshot ] Aah!

Nobody replace Yuri!

Everybody out!

Yuri, where you been?

Collecting final piece of puzzle.

Those are weird looking jigsaw pieces.

39 Werewolf hearts.

40th wolf heart to fulfill the prophesy.

Huh?

[ Rumbling ]

Finally the world will see Yuri isn't crazy

and that moon is alive!

Al-i-i-i-i-i-i-ve!

Ho-Hold up, just put the gun down.

We gonna find the heart.

My hand. What's happening to me?

No!

No!

Trail's gone cold.

Neon Joe is in the wind.

I don't even want to think about what happens

if we don't find him.

Do we call Daggert?

You already did.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're getting reports from Japan,

where it's nighttime right now,

that the moon is starting to rotate...

An unprecedented moment

as for the first time in history,

the world will lay its collective eyes

on the dark side of the moon.

And as you can see from this stunning footage,

the dark side of the moon appears to be a gigantic arse.

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