Original subtitles

Previously on "Neon Joe, Werewolf He-Yump"...

My name is Neon Joe.

I dedicate my whole life to hunting werewolf in the hope

that one of these time it turn out to be my daddy.

Hello, son. You know what these are?

The severed heads of all the werewolf I kill!

This here right here gonna go right here.

You chew the math.

Aah!

So what are you gonna do now?

Suppose it's time

to start following my dreams.

As for hunting werewolf, I'm officially retired.

Hey, Joe, looks like

the margarita volcano needs a new batch.

Oh, yeah? He-yump.

I made one this morning.

Added a little extra 'rita.

Gonna call it the more-garita.

- Get it? - No, I tell you what to do.

Moon is alive.

Yeah, we hear you. Moon is alive.

Okay, Uri, it's closing time.

She doesn't understand.

You don't understand.

Mm-hmm. The moon is alive.

We got it. Closing time.

Good night, Uri.

Man, oh, man, that one drunk Russki, huh, Cleve?

It's last call, ma'am.

That's, uh, Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter, right?

Yeah, but he doesn't really go by that name anymore.

That's who he is now.

Neon Joe, regular everyday duck hunter.

Start off as more of a gimmick

to draw customers, but it didn't really work,

and so that's when we thought of the margarita volcano,

but that didn't really work, either.

So we're looking for a new gimmick.

So you're his sidekick.

Yeah, I guess I am his sidekick.

That's hot.

I'm into number twos,

if you know what I mean.

Can I get a selfie? No.

Joe doesn't like selfies.

No.

With you.

Oh, okay.

Hey.

Hmm. Thanks.

See you around. Okay.

See you later.

Number twos?

Hey, Joe.

That girl was so into you

that she wanted to take a selfie with me.

No, I think it sounded like she into you, Cleve.

What? No.

The only reason she would ever date me is

so she could have an affair with you.

Look, I'm gonna go tally receipt.

Why don't you clean up? You got it, boss.

Hey, Joe, do you ever think of me as your sidekick?

What?

Nothing.

What are you, moon?

Huh? Huh?

Coming!

I see moon.

I love moon.

Oh.

Oh, babe.

How did we do tonight, Joe?

Yeah, not very good, Cleve.

Somebody tipped with a half-eaten sandwich.

Ooh!

Bar ain't doing too good, Cleve.

All my tropical dreams

is slowly turning to tropical dust.

You mean sand?

Need new gimmick.

And don't be bringing up that wet t-shirt contest again.

I told you I ain't comfortable showing my nips.

Joe, you think maybe if you told people

you were the world famous werewolf hunter...

That ain't my life no more.

Well, that girl Ashley recognized you.

I bet there's a lot of people

that would love buying drinks

from a world famous werewolf hunter.

Do that again.

Do what again? That...

That... That little, teeny, tiny drink you just did.

Do... Do it again.

Yeah, that's it!

Sips!

We gonna start charging people by the sip!

That's our new gimmick!

Listen to this. Oahu Joe's...

Just one sip, it worth the trip.

Or loose lips drink sips.

Oh, that pretty good! Now we're talking.

Oh, you know what, though, man?

I can't really afford that right now.

Listen.

You're Neon Joe,

and you can do anything.

As they say, where there's a will, there's a...

He-yump!

Let's do this!

Let's give people the sip they never knew they needed.

All right.

He-yump. He-yump, he-yump, ah!

He-yump!

Whoa-ho, baby

Don't forget that tip

After enjoying

Your sippy sippy sip

Whoa, you sip it to the left

You sip it to the right

You do the sippy sip sip

And we're sipping all night, yeah

Can I get four more sips?

Coming up.

Cleve! Come on! Do a naval sip! Come on!

No.

Where you been, moon? I've been looking.

Oh, baby.

Yeah, I told you those were gonna be for, Cleve, right?

Teeny tiny sip cup. People go crazy for that stuff.

People weren't even ordering drinks sometimes

'cause they were just watching you, Joe.

Yeah, a little bit of he-yump, a little bit of he-yump,

got the he-yump on the he-yump, and a little bit of he-yump.

All right, we got 10 plus 5.

Carry the he-yump, and we got a he-yump.

What is it, Joe? How much did we make?

Uh...

A little under $15.

Guess Joe got to show his nips after all.

I'm sorry, Joe. I'm the one who gave you this idea

when you saw me sipping the beer.

You know what? Let's cheer ourselves up with some gossip.

"Tip of the Buzz"

"Tip of the Buzz."

How's this for a load of buzz?

Sources say Hollywood is ready to take

a bite out of famed werewolf hunter

and international playboy Plaid Jeff

by bringing his life story to the big screen.

And it was confirmed today

that he will be played by Kids' Choice Award nominated

actor Jason Sudeikis.

I'm really, really excited about this role.

It's got everything. You got werewolves,

you got guns, you got cool clothes.

It should be a hell of a good time.

I mean, and this guy's a trip.

You camera guys, you better watch yourself,

'cause Jason just asked me

if I'd be willing to do part-time work

as a paparazzi hunter. Uh-oh!

The film will be financed by Elon Musk-type

billionaire inventor Vance Dontay.

What the hell was that?

Oh, uh, hey, guys, sorry,

but the bar is closed.

Come back tomorrow around noon for a sip on me.

Tomorrow at noon?

We just got into town.

We're ready to drink.

How you been, Neon Joe?

Looks like retirement's...

done you pretty good.

I'm sorry, but, uh...

the bar is closed.

Oh!

That's no way to treat your former rival

and new number-one hot-shot werewolf hunter.

Yeah, I'm glad to hear things working out for you okay,

Plaid Je-yump.

It's Plaid Jeff.

And I'm doing more than okay.

I just had my 100th kill.

I suppose you didn't see the tweet tonight.

Taye Diggs retweeted me.

That's why we're here, Joe.

We're here to celebrate my 100th kill.

Yeah, I tell you something, Je-hump,

you like an Olympic sprinter.

I mean, yeah, sure, you... you fast,

but the only reason you got any gold

is due to the retirement

of the real fastest guy.

Usain He-yump.

Ooh!

Hey, Plaid Jeff, do you need some ointment?

Because you just got b-b-b-b-b-burned!

Ssst!

This is Vance Dontay.

He's my Elon Musk-type associate.

I think he can make keeping your bar open worth your while.

How does $500 sound

to keep the bar open for the night?

How do 500 "no thank you he-yump" sound?

How about $200,000 to keep it open permanently?

I mean, this place is worth, what?

150 tops?

Bar is closed.

Your money no good he-yump.

Oh. Well, if my money is no good,

I may as well just burn it.

Good night.

Cleve. Back room.

Now.

Shouldn't we put out the fire?

No!

I need to punch the living hell out of your face.

Me?! What?

I could not show weakness to Plaid Jeff.

Now I got all this contained fury

that need to be released.

I take it out on your face,

that cancel out the rage.

No! No!

Don't you remember the other day

you was asking about becoming my sidekick?

Yeah. Okay.

If this is gonna help you deal,

I am not only happy to do it,

I would consider it an honor.

That's my Cleve. Appreciate that.

And I fell right on my face.

And every time I stood up,

I kept slipping and fell right on my face,

and it happened like 20 times.

Oh, you poor thing.

Ashley's here for you now.

Uh-oh.

Hey! Morning, Joe!

Hey, no hard feelings about yesterday.

All right, I know we came late and you were trying to close.

But the good news is, is that I bought an apartment

right up the street.

So that means I get to come all the time.

Well, hey, that great news, Je-yump.

Matter of fact, here you go.

First sip on the house.

Gentlemen, welcome to the neighbor-he-yump.

So what do you think about my new duds?

You don't have a problem with my new color scheme, do you?

Of course not.

I don't blame you for wanting to wear neon.

Look good on almost everybody.

Almost.

You know what else almost looks good on everyone?

Rings.

I love the way this one fits.

You want to try it on?

No, thanks.

Nice ring, though.

Damn it!

I'm trying to get a rise out of you!

No!

You know why I'm on your dick?

'Cause it's so meaty?

Maybe it's because you stole my ex-wife

and left her for dead!

No one fall in love with this guy!

Because at some point in the future,

you will end up in a dangerous situation,

and he will leave you for dead like he left my ex-wife!

Let's go.

You're being a good sidekick!

Joe feel better.

How... How many times have I told you?

Hey, hey! I told you.

We cannot show intimacy in public.

It's too risky. Just...

Just be patient.

Everything will go our way.

Did you really steal Plaid Jeff's wife?

I didn't steal nobody's wife.

Yeah, they was married,

but then True Love Joe came to town.

And I huffed,

and I puffed,

and then she blew my heart out.

Huh?

He-yump.

He-yump.

He-yump!

He-yump!

Forget Plaid Jeff.

I never loved him.

I always loved you.

I know you didn't abandon me at the pretzel factory.

If there ever came a time we battled a werewolf

and one of us were in danger,

we agreed that the other had to save themselves.

He-yump!

I would have done the same if the tables were turned.

He-yump, he-yump, he-yump. Listen to me. It's not your fault.

No. Make love to me, Joe.

Yeah.

Okay. Naked.

Oh.

Hey there, Joe. How can I help you?

Hey, man.

I need you to make a life-size copy

of this photo right he-yump.

And when you use the paper, use the paper

that feel most like skin.

He-yump.

He-yump! He-yump.

Oh, he-yump. Oh. Oh, he-yump. Oh, he-yump.

Oh, he-yump! Oh, he-yump!

Oh, he-yump! Oh, oh, he-yump!

Oh, he-yump.

Joe?

Hello, hello, hello!

Joe?

Joe!

Joe! Wake up!

Hey.

Aah! Aah!

Oh, hey, Cleve. Hey. Oh, my.

What time is it? It's late.

Oh, man. Hey.

Oh, sorry, man.

Guess you caught me after a good time with...

with Leann.

Ooh! Ouch!

What the he-yump?

Are you okay? What happened here?

Whoa.

Got a little paper cut on my dick.

Let's go to the bar. I'll tell you about it there.

Yeah, uh, about that.

I don't know if I'm going back to the bar

because Plaid Jeff offered me a job

as his personal assistant.

I'm sorry, Joe.

It's all right, Cleve. You a good friend.

You want to take that job, it'll be no hard feeling.

But if I ever take my rage on Plaid Jeff face,

that his blood gonna be on your hands.

Ooh.

Now go get me some Band-Aids and Neosporin.

I got cut right across the tip.

Yes, sir.

You ever had a Band-Aid on your dick?

I don't see how the thing gonna stay on.

Get me some duct tape, too!

Yeah, he-yump.

Oh, hey. Good morning, Chris.

How you doing? Good to see you, man.

What's up?

Oh, uh, whoop.

Had a paper cut on my dick.

It's a long story. Get it?

I called my dick long.

I got the Band-Aids.

Oh, hey, Chris.

Hey, you know, I hadn't seen you around the bar

since we started that sip campaign, man.

You got to come by. It fun.

I do, like, a lot of move behind the bar.

Do like a little Tom Cruise

and cocktail like...

You got to come by and get a sip, Chris.

It fun, man. You...

You got to come by one night and bring Linda.

How's she doing, by the way?

Oh, Linda's fine.

Joe, you're under arrest for the murder of Plaid Jeff.

Say w-what? He-yump?

"Breaking Buzz."

We come to you with a sad

Buzz-breaking news story tonight.

Famed werewolf hunter and international playboy

Plaid Jeff has been brutally murdered.

Police say the suspect in custody

is retired werewolf hunter Neon Joe,

who also owns Oahu Joe's Tropical Beach Cantina,

better known as the Home of the Sip.

I think I speak on behalf of everyone here

at "Tip of the Buzz" when I say today marks

a tragic loss for the show-biz community.

But stick around after the break,

where we say goodbye to the top 20 buns

we lost this year.

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