Original subtitles

Previously on Neon Joe, Werewolf He-yump...

(Carol) What's the matter?

This whole thing taking you back to your time in Seattle?

You shot that kid holding a hoagie.

Oh, sure, focus on the guy

who happened to laser his pubes

right when Neon Joe was collecting pubes.

(Joe) If Matt was attacked,

there's a very good chance he was infected.

Just like I thought.

He a wolf.

(sobbing) My baby!

(gunfire)

Enemy approaching!

Warn Jimenez!

I'm out!

Switching to .50 caliber!

It's not working!

Don't shoot that! It's not a gun!

What?!

Don't shoot, it's a sandwich!

(gunshot)

(sighs)

Sync & corrections by dwigt addic7ed.com

Episode 01x03 "Bark Bark Yum Yum"

(Joe) Getting Susan to end her son's life

will be a challenge, to be sure,

but I am nine for nine when it comes to

convincing mothers of children in werewolf-induced coma

to pull the plug,

And I look forward to making it an even 10.

A.K.A. a Joe's dozen.

He-yump!

Hot chowder, coming through!

Ooh, hello, Neon Joe!

(indistinct conversations)

What going on in he-yump?

Susan runs a speed-dating night called It's just chowder.

People meet over a bowl of chowder, nice and casual,

see where it takes them from there.

No pressure. It's just chowder.

Yeah, you can tell I-I-I-I -- I like to sing.

You know (operatically) Ahhhh!

Can I have your chowder?

Hey! I'm ready for some chowder.

Nice try, Dave. You're banned.

Tell me I can't have chowder.

He threw up on someone last week. Heh.

But we have got to get you in the next round.

Oh, no, no. No, thank you.

I got a very strict pre-date ritual I stick to.

Wash my pits, I squeeze one out.

But I came to talk to Susan, anyway.

We can do that another night.

(blows whistle)

And time! Switch it up.

Take over for a minute.

Oh, do-do, bah, bah, bah

Do, do, do, do, boo-boom

Chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka

Beat it, Angela.

Cha, cha, cha, cha

Boop, a-doop, boop

Boo-boop, boop-a doo

Chowder.

So, Joe, what did you want to talk about?

We could also head over to my place

and talk between the sheets.

Yeah, uh, I believe that it is time to talk about

releasing your poor boy to the great beyond.

Time's up.

Switch!

Don't forget, it's just chowder.

Can I have your chowder?

Oh, sure.

How you doing, Sonny? Man, that chowder night fun.

Get lucky? Gonna be sexting someone tonight?

No, I didn't have a chance to wash my pits

and squeeze one out.

I did talk to Susan, but, uh, that didn't go so good.

Susan?

Surprised you're here.

How you mean?

Ever since Matt went into his coma,

she's been here every night.

I guess some people grieve by getting wasted

and screwing dudes in the bathroom.

Screwing dudes in the bathroom, huh?

Well, he-yump, think about pursuing

the possible sexual angle with Susan.

Hey, Neon Joe, Look how sweaty I am!

What he watching?

Oh, Sheriff made an exercise video.

All proceeds go to victims of police violence.

....Two, three!

Switch hands!

-Ahhh. Ahhh. -Police violence.

He-yump.

Hey, where's Sheriff, anyway?

I thought all the gals in Garrity

want to slurp up on that hunky chowder.

No, that thing with the kid in Seattle really messed him up.

Destroyed his marriage.

Your new partner is about as twisted as a pretzel doing yoga.

A pretzel doing yoga?

(laughing) Good one, Sonny.

News flash.

Sheriff a yoga pretzel.

Well, I appreciate that tip, Sonny.

I'll see you around.

Mmm! Boy, I got to tell you,

I usually prefer my clams bearded,

but, uh, this tender bivalve flesh

teabagging my taste buds just fine.

(laughs)

(gulping)

Ever since Neon Joe got to town,

it's all "Neon Joe's gonna find out about us.

"Neon Joe has a recorder with information on it."

The biggest threat we have to anybody

finding out about us is you!

Done.

Put that back together!

(scoffs)

You are the only one of us who ever really wanted

to be friends with these humans.

Maybe you can exploit that with Neon Joe

and find out what's on that recorder.

Or can you not handle a mission of that magnitude?

No.

Good.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm off to play darts with my current lover.

And if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to make a lasagna.

This steel beast is one tough ride.

But the results you get in your triceps and abs

will be your reward.

That's how you buckercise!

Yeeee-he-yump!

A-whoa, horsey!

A-whoa!

(laughs)

(beeps) Neon Joe.

Heard about your little exercise videos.

Interesting choice of charity, victims of police violence.

Yeah, so?

Now, why do I got a sneaky feeling

that all the proceeds are going to a certain mom

of a particular kid that just happened to be

killed dead in a hoagie-related whoopsie-doodle?

So what if it does? It helps me feel better.

I've never met her, I've never seen her,

and that's exactly the way I like it.

Whoa, slow down, Sheriff. Slow down.

It's time to clear your head and man up.

We can't have you hitting the pause button

drawing your weapon when that werewolf show up.

(wolf howls) Right?

Or -- Or if Matt come out of that coma,

Georgia have that little wolf baby.

No, the -- the -- the key to drawing

your metallic gun without hesitation

is to start by drawing

your wiener gun with lubrication.

Now come on. Let me set you up on a date.

(groans)

Now, ho-hold up, now. Hold up, now.

It's just chowder.

Dead...hoagie...he-yump.

Oh, yeah.

(muffled moaning)

Quit beating your meat, Dave!

(moaning continues)

Relax.

You wash your pits and squeeze one out?

What?

Man, don't no one in this town

got no pre-date routine?

Who's my date?

Someone you never met, but got a lot in common.

Single mom from the Northwest.

Seattle, to be specific.

You son of a bitch.

Oh, too late.

Oh, my God.

Right on time. Oh, here you go. Come on in.

(breathing heavily) Oh, no -- no tears, now. No tears.

Here you go. Got a -- got a table all set for you.

Have a seat.

Now, Karen, Sheriff. Sheriff, Karen.

And, uh, don't forget, it just chowder.

I just wanted to say that --

You've been sending the money, haven't you?

-Listen -- -Here you go. You go--

You got to have the chowder for it to be just chowder,

Am I right?

I didn't have anything to do with this.

Cracker?

I would've never --

Pepper?

Pepper?

I would've never have asked you --

Spoon?

Bon app?-he-yump.

(monitor beeping)

(monitor beeping rapidly)

(monitor beeping)

While Sheriff getting over his mental hump,

I'm gonna be getting on my pelvic bump.

(chuckles)

Hey, Neon Joe!

Oh, hey there, Sonny.

Say, you up for a little 'bee?

Oh, well, I would love to, but I got important

werewolf business to tend to. (wolf howls)

How about a rain check?

Sure.

All right. See you around.

Can't wait to see the look on Susan face

when I start to give her the hee-haw he-yump.

The buttering-up has commenced.

(slurps) Mmm-mmm!

This bramble-grape tea is simply divine, Susan.

Um...

I would like to apologize for being so, uh, insensitive

to your grieving emotional state the other night.

Thank you.

Beautiful artwork, by the way.

Thank you. I do them myself.

Oh, well, uh, perhaps I'll be lucky enough

if one day maybe you'll, uh, do me.

(sighing) He-yump.

Perhaps.

Might I offer you a foot rub?

Sure.

Yeah, why don't you pop that right on over he-yump?

Mm.

Ooh.

Now, I know it difficult to talk about your son,

but I would like to remind you

that, uh, he's got a very slim chance

coming out that coma.

Any not-so-slim chance you like to suck toes?

Yeah, now you talking Joe's language, he-yump.

Uh-he-yump.

(moans)

(muffled) Even if he do come out of it,

He's still a werewolf. (wolf howls)

Let's skip the werewolf stuff and focus on the toe sucking.

Your boy gonna die.

Could be a silver bullet to the brain.

(wolf howls)

Or could be his mother

giving him a gentle push

into the blissful beyond

as she lovingly, tenderly

pull the plug.

You can see yourself out.

Huh?

And you suck toes, you don't lick them.

My fully-engorged schwang-doodle says otherwise.

Yeah.

(clapping)

I'm glad to hear you're also having dreams about your son.

I mean, I'm not happy you're having dreams,

I'm -- I'm just saying...

Look, we're forever connected by the worst day in our lives.

Maybe now we put all that behind us.

It's nice to have someone to talk to about this whole thing.

I'm glad you decided to stay.

(knocking)

Bark, bark, yum, yum!

Excuse me?

Bark, bark, yum, yum!

Yeah, okay, Dave. See you later.

What was that all about?

(scoffs) Let's just say you've met the town drunk.

(both chuckle lightly)

So, um, how did you raise all that money

for the charity, anyway?

My bull.

So, I settled on "Buckercise."

It's actually a pretty good workout.

But...guess I won't have to make these videos anymore.

Forbidden fruit.

Oh!

I can't believe I said that out loud.

Oh, that's okay.

I was actually thinking the same thing.

Nicely played, Sheriff.

I'd say that forbidden fruit

about to get a whole lot more bidden.

My number. Let's keep in touch.

Will do.

Hey! Bark, bark, yum, yum!

(laughing) Oh, man!

How many town drunks you guys have? (laughs)

Trust me, you are not a dog.

I-I mean, like, you're, like, a total fox.

(laughs)

Call you when I land.

All right.

Got myself a girlfriend

- Bark, bark, yum, yum

- (TV) The Action news

- Got myself a girlfriend

- will be right back

- Bark, bark, yum, yum

- after the break.

Bark, bark, yum, yum, Grayson's dog food

(Karen) When I think about the best nutrition for my dog,

I think about four simple words --

Bark, bark, yum, yum.

(echoing) Bark, bark, yum, yum.

(distorted) Bark, bark, yum, yum.

Yum, yum. Yum, yum.

(muscles creak)

(monitor beeping)

(monitor beeping rapidly)

He-yump! He-yump! He-yump! He-yump!

He-yump! He-yump! He-yump! He-yump!

All right, good. Good.

Let's take five.

You got a good jab.

We got to work on that uppercut, he-yump,

When I get back from the little boys' room.

-Okay, Neon Joe. -Real good.

You like Rocky Balboa, he-yump, and I'm Apollo he-yump.

(Joe) Yeah, that mayor cute, even if she a lez.

Guess I'm -- (fast-forwarding)

I'm pretty sure I can un-lezify her no prob.

All I got to do -- (fast-forwarding)

Now I know what brought me to Garrity.

Not just werewolf.

Something else going on in this town.

Big secret's about to be revealed.

I do believe I'm emotionally ready

to take on the responsibility of a new best friend.

Sonny Coco has emerged as top candidate.

Back to my burrito.

Your footwork coming along real good.

But, now, don't forget, when you're in that ring,

stick and he-yump, stick and he-yump.

-Right? -All right. okay.

See you later, Neon Joe.

All right, Sonny. Good job.

Well, hello there, Sheriff.

I heard Karen left town this afternoon.

Take it you two had a forbiddenly fruitful good time.

(laughs)

Bark, bark, yum, yum.

That's far enough. Turn around.

You gonna blow my brains out?

Nope.

Just this.

He-yump!

All right, I deserved that.

But you calm down now, you hear?

I called the real mom, she told me to go to hell.

So I had to hire an actress.

From a national dog-food commercial?!

He-yump!

(grunts)

It worked, though.

I saw what you did to her "t."

I saw what you did to her "v."

I was -- I was watching the whole thing

on my b's, man.

I saw it all.

Yeah. You had some crazy actress sex.

You ought to be thanking me.

(cellphone rings)

Dalton.

Okay. I'm on my way.

There's an emergency at Dave Blonger's.

This isn't over, though.

He-yump! Oh!

Dave Blonger was the werewolf.

(wolf howls) (Joe) Yeah, bark, bark, yum, yum.

More like ouch, ouch, spoom, spoom!

(laughs)

Oh, he-yump.

Look at this right here.

Oh, yeah.

I hope he didn't die before pleasuring himself

to this hot piece of tush.

(chuckles)

He-yump.

Looks like Dave Blonger died in the act

of autoerotically asphyxiating himself.

Just as I suspected.

Human turn into werewolf.

(wolf howls) If it die while in human form.

Otherwise known as a flipsy-flopsy

from the usual way it happen.

Huh.

What have we here?

Sheriff, take a look at this.

Contact lenses.

Moon-proof contact lens.

That's how he was able to control it the whole time.

He knew Joe was on the case, so he threw in the towel.

Or, rather, choked himself with the towel,

got in one final 'gasm.

Wow. This whole time.

Well, I guess it's over.

Well, except for Matt.

Yeah.

And except for this.

He-yump!

In any case, I'm very happy to announce

that a month-long reign of supernatural terror

is over in Garrity.

The werewolf is dead.

Awesome! Great news!

Mayor, what about the boy in the coma?

Technically there's still a werewolf here in Garrity.

Why keep it alive? Why wait?

(Man) Yeah, why?

Sheriff Dalton can answer those details.

If you'll excuse me,

I'm off to have scones with my current lover.

Thank you, Mayor.

Um, Matt's mother, Susan Duane, has yet to give consent --

Uh, actually, uh, th-the breakthrough in the case

came due to an extensive sensual angle

that I've been pursuing with Ms. Duane.

She'll be pulling the plug on her son, and soon.

I stake my reputation on it.

That's all for today. Y'all can he-yump.

Oh, hey, Sonny.

Congratulations cracking the case, Neon Joe.

Oh, thank you, buddy. I appreciate that.

That's not a gun.

I know.

(Man) Enjoy your meal.

(thunder crashes)

Aah!

(breathing heavily)

I got clean pits and an empty colon.

Free and clear to focus on getting Susan to pull the plug.

Maybe get my jock rocked in the process.

Remember, the son you knew is gone.

You need to think of all the sons

and future sons of Garrity

that you'll be saving by doing this.

I think it's time we both let go.

Well, thanks for that extra round of convincing.

(chuckles)

Can't wait to see my portrait on your wall.

These are the longest noodles

I have ever had to use.

Oh, hey, what's up?

I was just in there doing your job.

Your measures are extreme, but you were right.

Thank you.

Yeah. Thanks, Neon Joe.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, good, good.

Just like how I planned.

Drive you two into each other's arms.

Yeah, I bet you were both thinking about me

right when you spurted spasms, he-yump.

Right?

As far as I can tell, all he's concerned about

is trying to turn you straight.

Doesn't matter, though, right?

I mean, the werewolf's dead,

Susan's gonna pull the plug on Matt.

Neon Joe will be out of town.

We'll be in the clear.

I guess you're off the hook.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to have frittatas with my current lover.

Goodbye, best friend that never was.

Hey, man. Finish my puzzle.

(groans)

Uh, now it's time to, uh, pull the plug

on this particularly gruesome chapter in Garrity's history.

You ready to do this?

Yes.

Uh, you're doing the right thing, Susan.

-(sighs) -What's that?

Some of my homemade meatballs.

They were Matt's favorite. I just want him to go out happy.

Oh, my God.

I call dibs on the meatballs.

Yeeee-he-yump!

Mmm!

(laughs)

Ride 'em, Joe!

Whoo-hoo!

He-yump! He-yump!

Oh, he-yump!

Oh!

Whoo! Yeah, baby!

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeee-he-yump!

That meatball's good.

Sync & correctye-hump by dwigt addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0