All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s03e06.eng

Welcome to Glenbogle,
heart of the highlands.

I take it you're
working for Stella?

- Sorry?
- She always been great at motivating people,

but getting them
to stand out in traffic?

She's really excelled
herself.

We're here, henry.
Drive on.

Duncan: He said he was a colleague.

A colleague wouldn't drop by
in a chauffeur-driven jag.

If you ask me,
that's her boss.

I'll bet he's giving her
a rocker.

If she's in trouble,
we're all in trouble.

It's a family business.
They're set in their ways.

We sent you here to
teach them some new ways.

You're meant to beat
this lot, not join them.

It would be a shame to go
native up here on your own,

in this fresh air
and fine scenery.

I hadn't noticed.

I'll be back
in a week.

You ought to have something
worth showing me by then.

Give them hell.

( theme music playing )

The bridge has been
open for three weeks.

Since that time
each of you

has had an income target
to achieve,

and I want to hear
progress reports.

Molly!

Short breaks for people
who want to paint watercolors?

Ah, yes!

Well, I built a subsection
on the web site

with an automated
response routine,

and I filled in lots about the
friendly staff and hands-on activities.

How many replies
have you had?

Just one- a chap who thought
we were a massage parlor.

( snickering )

Oh, yes.
That's hilarious.

Almost as funny as
the cash flow figures.

Duncan, your job

was to promote
Glenbogle locally

as a tourist
destination.

Right. yes...

I'm still evaluating

the most cost-effective
approach...

( giggling )

For enhancing
the ongoing... thingy.

You're still out there waving
like a loony at passing cars?

If you get run over, it will
save me the bother of firing you.

Hector!

- Sorry?
- Have you even been listening?

Not really. You seem to
be discussing commerce.

A gentleman does not
sully himself

with anything
so vulgar as trade.

As the eldest surviving
member of the MacDonalds,

I have the dignity
of the clan to consider.

How much dignity will you
or your clan have

when you're living
in a caravan park?

Maybe I haven't made
myself clear. Time's up!

Either we see
some results this week,

or I go back
to a desk job,

and Glenbogle goes under
the hammer- it's that simple.

Archie!

I've been in touch with
several national newspapers,

trying to stoke up interest in
Glenbogle as a tourist destination,

which is why we have
a journalist

from the Sunday Courier
arriving this evening.

We have two days to show him
what we have to offer.

This is our chance to put
Glenbogle on the map.

A good write-up from him
will not only impress the bank,

but it will give us more
business than we can handle.

That's excellent,
Archie.

Thank you.

Now...

I shouldn't have to
say this, but I will.

We treat this guy
like royalty.

Anything he wants,
he gets.

And if that means
a piggyback up Ben Bogle,

you all form an orderly queue.
What's his name?

Lawrence,
Graham Lawrence.

Graham Lawrence?

Graham.

How did you know
it was me?

- Welcome to Glenbogle.
- It's magnificent.

Best kept secret
in the highlands,

here's hoping
it will stay that way.

Thanks for coming to meet me.
I would have caught the bus.

Don't worry. The next
one's not until Tuesday.

Oh, Duncan.

Cheer up.

Think positively.

I am-
I'm thinking

I'm positively crap
at this job.

So, Stella gave you
a ticking off,

she gave me one, too. We've just
got to get those visitors in.

Or what?
Thanks for trying,

but let's face it,

she can hardly
sack you, can she?

This is my father,
Hector MacDonald.

- Graham Lawrence.
- Delighted.

Heard you were coming.
What can we get you?

A crate of something,
or do you prefer cash?

- Father, please.
- This is a journalist.

But that doesn't mean
he's open to bribery.

But don't let that
stop you from trying.

Let's soften you up
with a glass of malt.

Sounds great.

And this our
housekeeper, Lexie.

- hello.
- Hello.

Hello-
you're Graham.

I'll put him
in a suite.

Big double bed.
Plenty of room to maneuver.

( gagging,
coughing )

Father, are you
all right?

( gasping )
Fine. I've been poisoned.

This isn't a single malt.
It's boiled bog water.

It's supersaver blended,
7.99 a bottle.

This is Stella Moon,
our financial controller.

Lucrezia Borgia
to her friends.

- Stella.
- Hello, Graham.

- Fancy meeting you here.
- You know each other?

- Graham: yes.
- Stella: No.

Sort of.
We're married.

Separated.

We'd be divorced, but Graham
can't spell his own name.

Is this an ambush?
Are you planning

to throw me in a dungeon
and feed me on scraps?

Sadly, I'm not in charge
of your accommodation.

Lexie:
Hmm-mm.

Married? funny,
she never mentioned that.

It was a whirlwind romance. Marry
at Gretna Green, repent at Carlisle.

I thought she was
working for a bank.

Yes, she is.
I'm sorry, Graham,

we really had no idea.
This must be terribly awkward.

Oh, no. please.
I'm here to do a job.

You must treat me
like any other visitor

who has met his wife for the
first time in three years.

Any chance
of that whiskey?

I'm afraid not.

I'm using it
to clean the lavatory.

Yes, I'm married.
I used to wear a ring,

but I accidentally threw it
off the bridge.

You knew he was coming as
soon as I mentioned his name.

I was hoping it was going to
be a different Graham Lawrence.

It isn't.
It's your husband.

Since you didn't warn me,
we're stuck with him.

What would you
have done?

Put him off, told him we
got the dates mixed up,

- got bubonic plague.
- To spare my feelings?

No, to spare his.

Whatever went on between you
is none of my business,

but this is about Glenbogle.
Be polite to him.

I'm sure he'll do
his best to be objective.

Seems like
a decent bloke.

You're not a very good
judge of character, then!

Obviously not.

That was
an amazing dinner.

I'm looking forward
to this haggis flambe.

- Stella's rationed the brandy.
- That's our Stella.

Always had to keep
a lid on the fire.

Here we go.

- Can I help you?
- Oops!

I must have got
the rooms mixed up.

Understandable. I've
only been here two months!

Tell you what, why
don't you two just share?

Seeing as you're here-
and you're married.

Are we short
of rooms, suddenly?

Just trying to save on
laundry bills. Never mind.

This was your idea?

Weekends away with someone you
hate, they're the next big thing.

I still have your picture by
my bed, scares off burglars.

I used to have
a little statue of you,

but I threw it away. I couldn't
fit any more pins into it.

I didn't know country pursuits
included sniping and unarmed combat.

Well, if ignorance is bliss, you
must be the happiest man alive.

Shut the door
when you leave.

Yes! a booking
for a party of five.

Oh- for the year
after next.

That's hardly going
to impress Stella.

- Oh, holy mother.
- What?

It's the advertising rates
for the local paper.

Nobody reads it.

They use it
to wrap chips in.

Can't you afford
an advertisement?

Aye, maybe.
If I sell a kidney.

You'll have to ask
Stella for the money.

I'd rather sell
the kidney.

Lexie:
I'll get that.

Graham:
I can manage.

You're rushed off your feet as it is.

Would you like
more of anything?

I'd like more
of everything.

The food is
just fabulous.

Did you sleep well?
Bed's not too lumpy?

It was a bit big-
and empty.

So, Stella didn't pay
any midnight visits then?

I did feel a chill, but that
was a draft from the window.

( giggling )
She's probably

keeping you in suspense,
making you suffer.

Tell me about it.
I married her.

So, what happened?

( sighs )
Well...

she cared more about her career
than about us,

and more about her clients
than about me.

I suppose she spends
a lot of time with Archie?

Another condemned man
eating a hearty breakfast.

Graham, I'm Golly.

I'll be taking you out
for a bit of fishing.

You know anything
about flies?

Oh, yes. All my trousers have them.

Ah... right.

Ah, Brian,
dear boy,

you're a sight for sore eyes,
and parched palates.

One crate of assorted
single malts.

Splendid.
Where do I sign?

You don't. do you have
a purchase order for this?

- Purchase order?
- Stella! really!

Mr. MacDonald's word has
always been good enough for us.

I'm amazed your firm
is still in business.

Take it back.
We're not signing for it.

Do you expect me to drink
that battery acid you bought?

Thanks, sorry
about the mix-up. bye.

Hector:
This is outrageous!

Brian's been delivering
my malts for years.

I know, my bank's
paying for it!

The only way we're
gonna get our money back

is if we put your liver on
display as a medical phenomenon!

How dare you!
Can't a gentleman have

a glass of half-decent
whiskey in the evening?

Certainly, if a gentleman's
willing to work for it,

which you seem
totally unwilling to do-

or are you just
incapable?

I am going for a walk.
I may be some time!

Take back the empties
while you're at it!

You are still into blood
sports up here, then?

- Duncan: Stella-
- what?!

Nothing.

Another advert?

No, a letter
of resignation.

Oh, Duncan. There's no need for that.

You're right. I can always
call her from the job center.

Why don't you try
niche marketing?

There's no point.
She's only six months old.

Who is?

My niece.

No, I mean,

you find where
the customers are

and then you target
them directly.

( softly )
Oh.

Oh!

Golly: Remember, a lot of the action

is in the wrist.
That's it. remember,

try to blend in
with the river.

Very zen.

Oops!
( chuckles )

Try not to blend in
that much.

Has Stella
tried this?

She looks like she needs
to lighten up a bit.

No, the bank's
on her back.

Graham:
Same old story.

So tied up with work,
life just passes her by.

How long were you two
together?

Two years. Seems like
longer, it was so intense.

Just try it
over there.

There.

Graham:
We were young.

We were both
a bit nuts.

If I had my time again,
I'd do exactly the same.

Love like that-
it's the most amazing rush.

Could never last,
more's the pity.

So, would you two like
to get back together?

Nah!

We've burned
our bridges.

We got plenty of experience
mending bridges 'round here.

That right, Archie?

Yep.

Duncan:
Ladies and gentlemen,

gather 'round.
Visit Glenbogle House,

- in the heart of-
- never heard of it!

A magnificent, stately home
by Glenbogle loch.

Every stone soaked
in history.

Is this one of them?

If you fancy a tour,

there's a coach
leaving in 10 minutes

from in front
of the post office.

You don't want
to hang around here.

Too much litter.

Hang on,
I was here first.

It's not a question
of being first.

It's a question
of being the best.

Leave the tour business
to professionals, eh?

View the highlights
of the highlands

from a fully heated coach,

with panoramic views,
and an expert guide.

Hang on!

I can give you a tour
of the highlands,

in a four-wheel drive
with heating, and a radio.

If you don't mind helping him
change that wheel first.

What's all this?

I thought that
Graham and Stella

could have a wee...
you know, tete-a-tete.

And Stella's
agreed to this?

No, not exactly.

You haven't
told her yet?

Did you two
have plans?

No. actually,
I think it's a good idea.

I'll talk to her.

No, Archie, I'll have
to listen to him.

And I can't, not even
for your precious Glenbogle.

It's dinner,
that's all.

I don't think
it's gonna be that bad.

What do you mean?
What's he been saying?

Forget about Glenbogle.
Do it for yourself.

If this works out,

we will be beating off
customers with a big stick.

Lexie's doing trout...

the way you like it.

Mm, plenty of strychnine
on his.

( sighs )

Excuse me.
I have to get changed.

( sighs )

I knew it was
too good to last.

Archie seems to think
you'd appreciate my company.

That Archie,
he's such a wag.

Whatever happened
between us,

don't take it out on the people
here. They don't deserve it.

There is such a thing
as journalistic ethics.

I knew that, I didn't know
you knew that.

I've never mixed my business
with my personal life.

Stella: Oh, no, you're a
consummate professional.

All those diaries
of your conquests don't count.

How did they go again?
There was anna-

"three out of 10
for technique,

10 out of 10
for enthusiasm. "

Then there was julie
from accounts,

and suzy
from the take-away.

Graham:
They were diaries.

You weren't supposed
to read them.

Those women
certainly weren't.

But of course, you had to
copy them and pass them around.

Everyone's entitled
to read their own appraisal.

I've paid for my sins.

We both made
stupid mistakes.

Yeah, you were mine.

Mine was making the one
woman I ever really loved

hate my guts.

Now, I've gone
and told her.

Father.
There you are.

Of course, I am.
I belong here.

I'm like that house,
a crumbling old ruin,

expensive to run,
and serving no purpose.

Stella was
too harsh on you,

but she's got
her own problems.

She was right.
I am an aristocrat.

No marketable skills.
I'm a relic,

a figurehead
on a sinking ship.

Come inside,
and have a drink.

Hah! that mouthwash
she calls whiskey?

There are more dignified
ways of ending it all.

That is enough!
You are a MacDonald,

the elder
of a fighting clan.

We have never been driven out
by fire, sword or siege,

and we will not be
defeated by spreadsheets.

I won't have this pathetic
maudlin defeatism.

Don't bark at me, boy!

You aren't too big
to go across my knee.

That's more like it.
We'll find a job for you,

even if it's frightening away
the tourists.

Now, come inside before
the midges suck you dry.

I promised
I'd never admit this,

but the worst thing

is seeing you so happy,
and successful.

I could kick myself,

knowing that I'll never
be a part of that now,

not like Archie.

Archie?

I've seen the way
he looks at you.

( gasps )

You always had
a lively imagination.

I'd never spoil it
for you.

I've already hurt you
enough for a lifetime.

What happened back then with
you and that businessman,

it was my fault.
I was selfish,

and I was cruel.

I drove you to it.

Forgive yourself even
if you can't forgive me.

You have every right to
despise me. I don't know why

you didn't push the
divorce through ages ago.

Why didn't you?

I never got
around to it.

Super-efficient Stella
skimping on the paperwork?

I don't think so.

You don't want
to say it's over,

because it isn't.

I'm really tired.

Remember that poem
at our wedding?

"I have spread my dreams
under your feet-"

don't.

"Tread softly...

for you tread
on my dreams. "

( sniffling )

( sobbing )

( knocking at door )

( beeps )

Hi. I just came
to turn down your bed.

No woman has ever
turned down my bed.

Except Stella.

I don't know what
that girl wants.

She won't have me back,
but she won't say it's over.

- It's torture.
- That's Stella for you.

What time do
you finish?

That's me
finished now. why?

I could use some company,
just to talk.

Maybe have
a nightcap?

Okay, I'll ask
Archie to pop in.

Archie?

I'm up at 5:00.

Got to sweep
those chimneys.

Maybe I should do
some work on my article.

Fine. happy typing.

Stella:
Money for photocopying?

So you've given out
all 200 fliers?

Duncan: Not exactly...
they sort of flew away.

Stella: So far your marketing campaign

has cost us
160 quid,

including a new tire
for the Land Rover,

and what have you
got to show for it?

Building
brand awareness...?

By leaflets in the local
sheep? You're fired!

Your services are
no longer required.

Don't feel bad about it. In five
days, we'll all be out of a job.

- You're not fired.
- Archie!

You're gonna go out there
and make it happen.

- No second chances!
- Go on. go.

I have had just about
enough of this.

First you bite
my father's head off,

and then you try
to fire Duncan

for doing the best
he can with nothing.

Face it, the problem is Graham.
You have to solve that problem.

- Archie!
- Not now, mother.

It's Hector. His bed
hasn't been slept in.

( sighs )
All right...

you take the grounds,
stop by the loch.

- I'll take the pick-up.
- What about Graham?

I'm supposed to give him a
watercolor lesson this morning.

Stick to that.

We are gonna find
my father. come on.

On your bike, son.
These punters are taken.

We don't have to waste
our energy competing.

Why not make Glenbogle
a stop on your tour?

That dump?

But it's got everything
your customers want.

It's got beautiful grounds
and a visitors' center,

with souvenirs
and crafts-

and all the usual. It's amazing
the rubbish these people will buy.

It would be good business for all of us.

- Why should I?
- Like I said-

never mind that nonsense.
Why should I bring my punters,

desperate to blow
their hard-earned

pennies to your place?
Much obliged, donald.

What? did you think I brought
them here for the food?

Humph-
it's disgusting.

I can't afford
backhanders.

But maybe when we
get up and running...

good luck getting
business. You'll need it.

Graham: This week has been a revelation.

Molly: I hope you tell
that to your readers.

Sorry, I'm being
forward.

Not at all. I've already
finished the first draft.

I think you could
safely call it a "rave. "

Tate Modern,
here I come.

All you need now
is the berry.

Well, thank you.

He hasn't been here and he's
not hiding at Kilwillie's-

Archie, I've got
better things to do

than hunt down
"Bonnie Prince Hector. "

You should've thought of that
before you laid into him.

I know you're under
a lot of pressure, Stella,

but so is he.
He's an old man,

not some dodgy client creaming
off the business account.

Did you ever have a week when
everything that could go wrong, did?

Have you ever been
to Glenbogle?

My boss thinks
I've lost my touch,

and he's
probably right.

Now Graham appears
asking me to take him back.

When I married him,
I was making a commitment.

He was making
contingency plans.

He just carried on
drinking and... carrying on.

After months of misery,
I made this stupid mistake.

You don't have
to tell me this.

I slept
with a client... once.

Graham found out, and the bank
found out and I had to quit.

So I moved to Lascelles
and started again.

I only lost a few years'
promotion and all my self-respect.

Now I'm making
the same mistakes again.

Oh, come on. You haven't
slept with a client.

I might
as well have.

I can't make Glenbogle
pay its way...

because I've got
too close to the business.

I'm going to get fired,
and I'm going to deserve it.

You always seemed
so certain of yourself,

so in control. I never
realized that you were so-

- screwed up?
- No, human.

You can't give in,
Stella, not now.

You're not alone. You've
got all of us behind you.

We won't let them
railroad you.

What about Glenbogle?

Glenbogle's nothing
without its people.

I'm afraid
you're one of us now.

But I won't tell them that
if you don't.

- let's get some lunch.
- What about Hector?

We'll dig a big pit,

drop in a bottle of malt,
and have him back by sundown.

( chuckles )

We can eat at the bar.
Why don't you order something?

I'll find a phone
and call in.

Hector: Now note the rich amber color,

the drops that stick
to the side.

Precious oils,
the soul of the dram.

( sniffs ) Mmm, strong personality,
well-seasoned and mature.

Hello, Hector.

( sighs )
Is there anywhere safe?

I'm sorry I was
a bit hard on you.

No, you weren't. Perfectly
natural to expect me

to earn my own keep.
I'm just good for nothing.

In that hat, we could always
hire you out as a scarecrow.

Father, where
have you been?

Did you know this place
has 35 single malts?

I'm gently working
my way through them.

- Come on home.
- There's the small matter...

of the bill.

Stella, you are the soul
of generosity and forbearance.

Lead the way,
Archie.

( low )
Get a move on.

What was he doing with
the stuff, bathing in it?

( sighs )
What's the use?

They just follow him like sheep
and he fleeces them.

"The art of war"?

A lot of useful advice in there
for the aspiring businessman.

"Employ deception.

Although you are competent,
appear incompetent. "

- I can manage that.
- Keep going.

"A bushel of your
enemy's provisions

is worth 20
of our own. "

Sheep stealing, Duncan,
has a long and noble history.

Where do you think
the aristocracy started?

( clock chimes )

( knocking at door )

Come in.

Here we are.

Dinner's in an hour,
and I've run you a bath.

Is that our report?

Oh-hh, any chance
of a back rub?

Stella's still out
with Archie.

- When the cat's away-
- your bath's getting cold.

What are you
doing here, Lexie,

waiting on these
inbred aristos

with their
idiot retainers?

You're far too bright and
beautiful to live in this hole.

I'm on the run
from the police.

Really?

I took an axe
to my boyfriend

when I found out
he was married.

Dinner's in an hour?

Dress informal.

For goodness sake,
I just went for a walk.

- Didn't think I'd need a note from the prefect.
- You had us worried sick.

Why exactly? Apart from providing
endless hours of amusement,

- what am I good for?
- Molly: oh, Hector.

Lexie, what are you doing
with Graham's laptop?

Not much, it's
password-protected.

That's his private
property. The man is a guest.

The man is a creep.
I don't trust him.

He said he'd give us
a rave review.

He said I lived in a hole with
a bunch of "inbred aristocrats. "

Now, anyone want to make
a guess at the password?

- Try "stallion. "
- Excuse me?

Don't ask.

Okay...
"stallion. "

- ( beeping )
- bingo!

"Fawlty... McTowers. "

That doesn't sound
very good, does it?

"Glenbogle offers
scottish hospitality,

with the emphasis
on hospital. "

"It has the allure of an
under-funded geriatric ward. "

I'll kill him.
"The ghillie's endless yarns

and shortbread philosophy

can't quite disguise his ignorance
of the dreary countryside.

The so-called
"highland cuisine"

is mostly overripe game
burned to a crisp.

The best you can say for it
is that it's unique. "

- Oh, cute.
- "advance booking is not advised

as the place is near
bankruptcy. In fact,

it would have closed long ago
had their bank manager

not succumbed to Glenbogle's
dubious charms. "

I should have known. He's
doing this to get back at me.

If he hurts you,
he hurts all of us.

I suggest we tar and feather
him and send him packing.

No, slice him open and feed
his tripes to the fishes.

That's not exactly
good publicity.

It's a big estate.
Who's gonna know?

We can't stop him
writing the article.

Can't afford a lawsuit
or an injunction.

So we're stuffed?

Golly...

you are taking him
out tomorrow-

- with pleasure, boss.
- No, I don't mean-

I mean, take him
out for a walk.

Keep him busy
while I...

while I think
of something.

- Are we eating in here?
- Oh, Graham! no, no...

this is a staff meeting.
Just making sure

everyone is doing their bit
to keep you happy.

How about a drink?

Give us the courage
to get through supper.

But I love
Lexie's cooking.

( chuckling )

( door closes )

Ah, Graham,
it's yourself.

I hope you've
broken in those boots.

We've quite a bit
of walking to do.

I'm looking forward
to more stories.

Oh, no, son.
No tall tales today.

I think it's time you had a
real taste of the highlands.

And don't forget
your highland cuisine.

Lexie...

I love the way you
handle my lunch box.

( giggles )
Behave!

Graham!

A drop of the local
specialty?

One swig and you'll
be able to bring down

a stag with your
bare hands.

Hector, you are better
than a St. Bernard.

( chuckles )

Golly, can I
have a minute?

Golly: sure.

I just wanted to say
have a good day.

I don't have to go
on this hike.

Oh, no, you must.
I've got the books to do.

Let's talk
when you get back, okay?

Look after him
for me, Golly.

Oh, I will.

I know how dangerous
the woods can be.

Rest stop.

If you're not back in 10
minutes, we leave without you.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the tour starts in one minute,
so finish up, please.

What happened
to the other driver?

Dodgy scotch.
Very nasty.

You don't want to know.
Come on, folks.

Stella: He knew I was here. Look.

He wrote an anonymous
letter to my boss

about why I left
mersey commercial.

It was no coincidence
at all, his coming here.

He's been looking for revenge
ever since I left him.

When you wrote him, it gave him
the perfect opportunity.

First, he tips off the bank,
then he slates Glenbogle.

We go bust,
and you get fired.

Your old man really knows
how to bear a grudge.

I wondered why you never trusted
anyone. You had good reason.

I never meet anyone
I could trust until-

what are those?

Notes for Graham's article-
the revised version.

- Are you going to write it?
- And e-mail it in.

So when he comes
to submit the real one...

- he'll be too late.
- You hope.

If you've got a better plan,
I'm all ears.

You dictate, I'll type.

( game bird clucks )

Get down.

Lie down,
you're spooking him.

Just a wee bit of mud.
( cocks gun )

Oh, dear,
they heard us.

Come on.

Are you sure
this is mud?

( sniffs )

Aye, you're right, Graham.
Well spotted.

Probably some fox
marking his territory.

Och, well, it'll cover up
the smell of your aftershave.

Come on.

"Among Glenbogle's
eccentric charms-"

what's wrong with
"outstanding attractions"?

- We can't gush.
- Why not? we need the business.

We have to keep some
semblance of objectivity.

"Among Glenbogle's
eccentric charms

are its colorful staff-"

"is its colorful staff. "
Staff is singular.

- No, it's not, it's plural.
- It's a collective noun.

- It's singular.
- Who's writing this article?

Graham! his grammar's awful,
so yeah, have it your way.

- That's an idea.
- What?

You could hire me as a life
model for your painting courses.

I don't think there'll
be much of a demand

for you to get
your kit off.

There's not much
of a demand, anyway.

Maybe they'd pay me
to keep it on?

It's not bad.

"And I highly
recommend-"

" warmly recommend it. "

"Warmly recommend it. "

- 500 words.
- Probably needs a bit of polishing.

Definitely needs
a bit of polishing.

How long is Graham
gonna be out there?

- I'll plug us in.
- Where shall I send it?

- Find the e-mail address
of his paper. - Yes, got it.

- Come on, come on
- voice: hello...?

- Can't be back already?
- Stall him.

No, don't-
that switches it off.

Oh- Duncan,
what do you want?

Am I still fired?

Duncan: Sorry about the short notice.

"You must strike
when the foe is not prepared,

- and attack when he does not expect. "
- Duncan, you did it!

Well, I got them here.
What do I do with them now?

Send them back
from whence they came.

Give them a guided tour,
of course.

Better warn Lexie. She'll
be feeding the multitudes.

Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Glenbogle,

the historic seat
of the MacDonald clan

for more than 500 years.

The house,
as you see it today,

is a legacy of our
victorian forbearers,

who wanted to capture the
spirit of medieval architecture.

While these towering battlements
have never seen war...

we nearly there yet?

Oh, not far.
We're almost halfway.

Halfway?

Get some food inside of you.
That'll keep your energy up.

Ah, a fine view,
Graham.

There are some people who think
this countryside is dreary.

Hard to believe, eh?

Yeah, fabulous.

What is this stuff?

I think I'm gonna
be sick.

( retching )

( coughing )

Any more of that soup?
It was wonderful.

I always say

if they don't have a price,
you can't afford them.

- Molly: I'm sorry?
- The watercolors.

- They are for sale, aren't they?
- oh, yes, of course.

That one is �30.

�30? do you
take checks?

We take anything
we can get.

Man: ... the taste of the highlands.

It will just sit on the
shelf, with the plum brandy.

Can I help at all?

My husband
insisted on buying

this whiskey
in the village.

I thought it
looked authentic.

May I?

Oh, yes.

12-year-old
Strathmona.

A fine malt. Don't
waste it on your friends.

He won't drink it.

I'm still trying
to acquire the taste.

A palate that can't
appreciate a single malt

is in sore need of education.
Come with me.

- We'd love to, but-
- no "buts. " this way.

You're taking us
round in circles.

I'm sorry, son. I know so
little about the countryside,

it all just looks
the same to me.

I see, that's
very cute.

I suppose Stella
put you up to this?

I enjoyed
your article.

I hope they print it
on nice absorbent paper.

I'm going back.

- I wouldn't go that way.
- You think I'm gonna listen to you?

You'll be able to say now that
you've really tasted the highlands.

( sputters )

All aboard please,
ladies and gents.

Thank you so much.
Do tell your friends.

He was right.
You know...

you could taste the peat
and the notes of smoke-

and the smell of heather.
It was Scotland in a glass.

We didn't drink
all that, did we?

Where's the rest
of it?

Still in his
decanter.

Bye, do come again.

Hector: They were quite
well-behaved, for a rabble.

I think I'll
give up tuition.

Painting for oneself
is much more rewarding.

This is the best view
of the loch.

What on earth is that?

Ughh!

Hikers.

They go in the woods,
get lost for weeks on end

and go mad- completely.
Tragic.

I'm glad we stuck
with a guided tour.

What have you
done with him?

Is he not back yet?

Well, he won't starve.
He's got Lexie's sandwiches.

( chuckles )

You are finished.

Once they run my piece, you'll
be lucky if rats stay here.

And you will be back
in your polyester twin set

flogging mortgages
over the phone.

It's not over until I
say it's over, sweetheart.

You think you can rip my life
to bits and then just walk away?

Oh, Graham,
grow up!

- We lived up to your review.
- Think that was a bad review?

- You should see the latest draft.
- actually, we have.

We've sent it off for you-
with a few amendments.

( phone rings )

Hello, Glenbogle House.
Yes, who's calling?

Oh, you got it?
Good.

It's your editor, calling to
say thanks for the article.

You might want
to leave him well alone.

He won't be too impressed
if he hears you were writing

a libelous report
just to spite your ex-wife.

He can't speak at the moment.
Can I take a message?

His best piece
to date? really?

Going out this Sunday?
He'll be delighted.

You'll be seeing him soon. In
fact, he'll be leaving shortly.

I caught up on that
paperwork you asked about.

What do you know?

I am a soon-to-be
published journalist.

There's nothing
to brag about, Archie.

( door slams )

Stella: I have to admit it,
Duncan. You came up with the goods.

- well done.
- Thanks very much.

How much did we
clear on the tour?

How much did you charge them?
You allowed for the meal?

Yes.

Actually,
it was sort of-

- what you would call-
- a pilot scheme?

- A loss leader.
- A what?!

Ah, you're here.
Mr. Sweeney to see you.

Sit!

Can I help you?

I might have known.

This fella took a party
of my punters around here,

after somebody
locked me in the toilet.

I see.
How obliging of him.

The thing is...

a lot of them want to come
back with their friends.

I was wondering

if we might come to some
sort of arrangement?

Give Mr. Sweeney
a seat.

The thing is,
any tour

would have to include
a malt-tasting course.

I'm sorry?

The old codger who teaches
people whiskey-tasting.

I've got six punters
down for a session already.

Get Hector back
in here, please.

Yes, ma'am.

I still can't
believe it.

50 quid a throw,
and they bring the whiskey.

All I have to do is drink
it and talk about it.

If I give you 50 quid,
will you shut up about it?

I think it's wonderful.
I'm thrilled for you.

As I've always said,
there's dignity in honest toil.

I thought a gentleman
would "never sully himself

with anything
so vulgar as trade. "

( chuckles )

Tasting whiskey is not trade,
Alexandra, it's an art form.

I, like my lovely wife,
am an artist.

Aye. we all know
what sort of artist.

- Precise-
- ( chuckles )

They cut my line about
"highlands of the heart. "

I told you
it was cheesy.

It was not.
It was poetic.

It's still
a great review.

It is, isn't it?
And extremely well typed.

Maybe you'll stop fretting about
our prospects, relax a little.

I will, when the books stop
bleeding all over my desk.

There you go again. How many
times do I have to tell you?

Glenbogle is not just a
business, it's our home.

There you go again.

Thanks to you, it'll be
a home for years to come.

- Thanks to you, too.
- We make quite a team.

Yep, me
as the brains-

I thought I
was the brains.

You're the brawn. Thanks
for protecting me, Archie.

Sorry.

I thought you didn't want
to make the same mistakes.

There he is.
He's in here.

- What do you think?
- "Promising cooking"?

- What does it promise, exactly?
- "Venerable," Archie?

What's that supposed to mean?
It makes me sound senile.

"Molly's painting is full
of grace and serenity. "

If you think I wasted my three years
at the slade, why didn't you say so?

Hector: I'm not even mentioned!

( all yelling )

( theme music playing )

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0