All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s03e02.eng

Stella: How many rooms do you have here?

- Archie: 67. - Stella: 67 rooms
to heat, light and maintain?

- no wonder you're broke.
- Archie: never needed to.

Believe me, we've already
cut overheads to the bone.

If you can find one
example of inefficiency,

I'll be the first
to swing the hatchet.

- Hector: fore!
- ( marching music playing )

Ah, morning.

Driving through
the french windows

does wonders
for one's accuracy.

Providing you remember
to open them, of course.

Fore!

Stella: How do you get the balls back?

I've tried training the dogs but
they're hopeless at holding their breath.

A nice chap from paisley sends
me a fresh supply every week.

Fore!

( classical music playing )

So this is
your studio?

Hardly. Just a wee
place where I can dabble.

It's so wonderfully
bright-

and warm.

Don't you find
the view inspiring?

Yes, I'm getting this lovely,
vivid picture in my mind.

I think it's time
for that hatchet.

( theme music playing )

So, how do you budget
the food exactly?

We worked
a set routine out.

A big breakfast,
a light lunch,

and no more than eight
courses at dinnertime.

Eight courses?

Seven.

That's if they're
feeling informal.

We do use a lot
of our own produce.

Aye, we grow our own veg
and catch our own fish.

Vintage burgundy,
two cases?

Pity you don't
tread your own grapes.

- Biscuits from Harrod's.
- Archie: a few luxuries don't hurt.

Half a hundred-weight
a week?

Actually,
they're for the dogs.

They are working animals.
They do earn their keep.

How exactly?

Well, they hunt.

( barking )

Oh, yes.

They've hunted down
my filofax.

You must be
so proud.

Stella will giving
her pep talk shortly.

I don't think she was too
impressed by my bookkeeping.

I'm the laird.
I'll take the rap.

It won't
be so bad...

though she might make father
dive for his golf balls.

I'd pay good money
to see that.

There you are. We're in profit already.

Who painted this?

Oh, just some
nine-year-old delinquent.

"Alexandra. " Oh, that
nine-year-old delinquent.

I thought it was
a picture of Glenbogle.

It is- sort of.

Used to dream about being a
princess and living in a big castle.

I suppose
I'm halfway there.

You'll always
be my princess, Lexie.

Cinderella,
you mean.

So who's Katrina-
the ugly sister?

Let's not keep
Stella waiting.

His mistress' voice.

( loud clattering )

- Archie: Stella-
- this stupid thing is jammed.

These chairs are held
together with cobwebs.

( gasps )

Is this what they mean
by hands-on management?

Estate income
over the last 12 months,

�42,000.

Expenditure over
the same period,

�137,000.

Anyone here good at math?
No, I thought not.

Here we have outgoings
broken down by percentage.

This big cheese
is heating.

This big cheese
is catering.

And this one,
oh yes,

biscuits
from Harrod's.

Cheese and biscuits?
What is she talking about?

This is the projection
from the next quarter.

Note the income-
zero.

It'll take three months
to rebuild the bridge.

During that time, Glenbogle
will be run on a shoestring.

These are my proposals.

First, nonessential rooms
will be closed off.

Most households in this country
get by with two living rooms.

Now it's your turn.
Second,

strict control of outlay
on groceries and petrol.

Anything that needs to be
bought, I sign the check.

Third, the dogs
have to go.

Go? go where?

When you say proposals,
these are open for discussion?

Did I say proposals?
I meant decisions.

Staff pay and conditions
will be reviewed separately.

Any questions?

You're not seriously suggesting
we get rid of the dogs?

Well, they're a drain on
resources. They live here rent-free

and consume their own
weight in food every week.

So do golly, Lexie, and Duncan.
we're not getting rid of them.

Actually, I was
coming to that.

I know how fond you are of the staff

and how loyal
they've been,

- but...
- but what?

I have to explain to
my bank why we're paying

for your family to be
waited on hand and foot.

- You think that's all the staff do?
- It doesn't matter.

We can't afford
to have them do it.

- We'll have to let them go.
- No way.

- We'll keep their jobs open until the bridge
is repaired. - Forget it. Absolutely not.

You said you'd help
manage this place.

I will, as long as it doesn't
involve sacking the workforce.

Archie, either they go
or Glenbogle does.

I'm sorry. I wish there was another way.

Hold on.

Just wait a minute.

- She wanted to fire us? - I told her
to forget it. It's not going to happen.

- Good on you, Arch.
- So what did she say?

Well, this
was the clever bit.

I had to seize the initiative,
come back with a counterproposal.

Go on.

Nobody gets fired. What we do
is adjust the salary levels,

on a temporary basis
over three months.

Ah, right.
Sounds good.

He means
a pay cut, Duncan.

- it sounds like
that, but- - how much?

Taking into account
cash flow and overhead-

how much, Archie?

50%.

Did I miss
the "clever" bit?

50%? you're not bothered
by wee things like minimum wage?

Well, no, accommodation
would count towards that.

You'd only be paying
for food and bills.

- You're charging us for food?
- Only till Glenbogle reopens.

Stella has to sell
something to the bank.

- So you're selling us?
- It's not like that.

What happened to "I'm the
laird, I'll take the rap"?

We stood by you, when
Stella was going to dump you.

- This is how you repay us?
- We're all in this together.

Are we? so why not ask us
how the estate can save money?

- Or does what we have to say not
count? - Of course it does, but-

but not as much
as what's-her-name says.

For pete's sake.

Well, you can shove
your pay cut.

Lexie, it's either that
or we fire everyone.

"We"? who's side
are you on, Arch?

Fine. until you've made up
your mind, I'm out of here.

- Lexie...
- I'm on strike.

And you can sell that
to the bank.

Talk to her,
will you, golly?

Seems to me
she said it all, son.

Duncan?

That went well.

Never mind. it's part
of the learning curve.

This way we won't have
to pay them at all.

You knew this would
happen, didn't you?

I anticipated it,
yeah.

Well, maybe you've anticipated
how we can run this place

with no housekeeper
and no grounds staff.

It's called multi-skilling. Management
steps in and keeps the show going.

- Management, meaning you and me?
- Meaning you.

I'm going to be negotiating
with the workforce.

They're not going to listen
to you anymore, are they?

- If you want my advice-
- thanks, Arch,

but I've taken on some pretty
heavy unions in my time.

I think I can manage
two yokels and a cook.

( motor sputters )

( swearing )

Economy drive, eh?

My late wife
was fond of those.

She once sold all my cigars and
canceled my club memberships.

Turned out she was spending
the lot on her tango instructor.

I really am grateful,
Kilwillie.

Nonsense.
The pleasure's all mine.

Could always use good
dogs. Come on, chaps.

Don't suppose you've got any
other assets going spare, have you?

I'm short of a good chef
just at the moment.

- No, sorry.
- No, course not.

Don't worry, they'll be
feted like kings. promise.

What on earth? Have the
clocks gone back or something?

- Good morning. What can I get you?
- Breakfast would be a start.

Lexie's not ill,
is she?

Help yourself
to cereal.

It's a variety pack.

I know that.
What do I do with it?

I could cook something,
providing I have the ingredients.

- Porridge, please. Plenty of salt.
- Porridge. right.

Eggs, bacon, sausage,
black pudding and fried bread.

Just some fruit salad
for me, dear.

What are you up to?
Where is Lexie?

Lexie's on strike.

Strike?
Good grief.

The red menace
reaches Glenbogle.

Just give me
20 minutes, all right?

Never mind. Forget it. I'm
going for a walk. Monty! Rommel!

They've gone.

The dogs, they've gone. I've
already taken them to Kilwillie's.

- I see. - I should
have let you say goodbye-

goodbye? my dear boy,
Monty and Rommel

had many talents, but
conversation wasn't one of them.

- I'm sorry.
- For heaven sake, they're only dogs.

I think I can find my
way around my own grounds.

I think I'll make
myself something.

Right.

That was magnificent,
Lexie.

Should've gotten myself
a housekeeper years ago.

Should have moved in with me.
I've got a better cd collection.

I feel safer
with golly somehow.

Where are you going?

To feed
the pheasants

and take some
fodder...

up to the deer-
except I'm on strike.

You could just, like,
pretend it's a day off.

I've never had
a day off in my life.

Don't worry. It's not like
we're going to sit around

watching TV all day-
Duncan!

Right. we have
to get organized.

We need to arrange publicity
and set up picket lines,

list our demands.

Right. so...
what are our demands?

- ( classical music plays )
- Blast.

Look,
old darling,

would you mind awfully
if we changed the music?

- Sorry, what?
- I can't concentrate on my swing

with this flowery
nonsense on the gramophone.

It's not flowery nonsense. It's Shubert.

Yes, lovely, darling.
But I thought we might...

try this
for a change.

( loud march music )

( squeaking )

( screams )

Bad idea. I'm all
you've got at the moment.

Archie,
tell me something.

You planning
a pre-emptive strike?

Who owns these tracks leading
into Kilwillie's estate?

- We do, of course.
- Who uses them?

Kilwillie's forestry people. Otherwise,
he'd have to airlift his timber.

How much
do we charge him?

He's a neighbor,
a friend.

I'm not going to ask him to
pay for access to his own land.

( sighs )
No...

I noticed some dodgy
guttering just outside.

What?

Guttering, Archie.
A stitch in time...?

Duncan:
Rights for workers!

No compulsory
pay cuts!

Duncan, I am one
of the workers.

No, you're not.

You're a scab.
You're a back leg.

Black leg.

Aye- that and all.

I'm just fixing this
guttering, that's all.

Well, you shouldn't.

And you should be using
weatherproof mastic,

not the bathroom stuff.

- Do you want to do this?
- Rights for workers.

A fair day's pay
for a fair day's... work.

I can't hear you.
Sorry.

Scab.

Scab.

Scab! scab! scab!

Do you want to put your foot
on the bottom rung, please?

Thanks.
Carry on.

Archie out! Archie out!
Archie, Archie, Archie!

Duncan.
So you're back?

No, I'm not.
This is an official picket.

I still haven't
heard your demands.

Perhaps you'd like to present
them over a cup of tea.

You can bring
your banner.

Don't mind me.
I'll just carry on.

Hector!

Sorry, I'm afraid
you're in the way.

Why do you have to be
in here at all?

Why do you have
to be in here?

It's warm and you know that
the heating is off upstairs.

I can't paint
with frozen fingers.

Hypothermia's not exactly
going to improve my golf.

Couldn't make it worse. Why do
we have to listen to that racket?

Racket? that is
John Phillip Sousa.

It sounds like a herd of elephants
rampaging through a steel mill.

Let's just hear
the last side.

No, Hector.
Sorry, no.

- Don't, don't-
- ( record scratches )

You scratched it.

Really? what a tragic loss
to the world of music.

( record skips )

Biscuit?

Oops, sorry.
Crumbs.

So, you're saying you'd like
your old jobs back.

Aye. and proper
wages, too.

I'd love to help, Duncan,

but we can't afford it.

Oh.

But if you return
to work now,

it will stand you
in good stead for the future.

- Hm?
- When we reopen...

there will be
positions available

for a field
sports manager

and a domestic
supervisor

and a head ranger.

A head ranger?

This radiator hasn't been off
for years. You must have upset it.

What do you suggest?
Counseling?

Lexie's the only person who
knows how to keep it working.

Well, you had better learn, quick.

Certainly. just pass me
that instruction manual

- I'll get right on to it.
- What manual- fine.

So it's a job
for the yellow pages.

Been there, done it. The call
out charge to Glenbogle is �300.

All we have to do is ask
Lexie to have a look at it.

No, all we have to do
is keep our coats on.

The clothes go in here,
the soap goes in here-

I've tried
being reasonable,

but I might
as well speak...

I know, mother. In order
to organize the wash-

I need a little private space
to pursue my own interests.

The programs
are listed here.

I'm not married to a human,
I'm married to a set of clubs.

I can't do everything. I need
to show you how this works.

Archie, darling...
if I run out of smalls,

I'll get on the phone
and order some more.

Now you must
excuse me.

Your father is wreaking
havoc in my studio.

Ahem
- is this your picket to the main gate?

There's not much point
while the bridge is down.

The point is to try
and win some solidarity,

let the outside world
know what's going on.

I thought it was your job. Where's
the "mass strength of the media"

with your
television helicopters?

What we need
is an angle.

Something the public
can get worked up about.

What are you doing
up here, anyway?

Pheasants haven't been
fed since yesterday.

That's it-

callous management
lays off workers

while the livestock starve.
It's perfect.

- Look.
- Archie, you creep.

I knew he wouldn't let
the beasts go hungry.

But it's all right for
us to starve, is that it?

You're taking this
awful personal, Lexie.

It is personal.

He's supposed to stand up for
us, not lay down for Stella.

I could do with
some help down here.

Come on.

Come on.

What do you mean you're
not going to picket?

It might jeopardize
my prospects.

Stella says that when Glenbogle
reopens I could be head ranger.

What else did she offer you?
A wee hat with a badge on it?

- a whistle-?
- It's just-

I don't know what
we're trying to achieve.

We are trying to achieve
parity with the livestock.

She says we're not even
a proper union.

Duncan-

why are you listening
to that conniving cow?

I suppose she gave you
the little-girl-lost look.

Asked for your advice,
did she?

Duncan,
can't you see?

She's manipulating you.

Stick with your friends.

Stick with the people
you can trust.

I'd never treat you
that way.

Oh. crumbs.

Now this
is a microwave.

Can't a chap play a round of
golf in his own living room

without being
branded a war criminal?

Remember, no metal.
You simply decant the food,

pop it in here,
close the door-

if a chap
can't practice,

he exposes himself
to ridicule.

These days, all I've
got left is my dignity.

Why don't you
have a go?

What do I do
with this?

I thought you were
in the army.

I was. that's why I can
strip down a machine gun

and defuse
a live torpedo.

You don't learn that in the catering
corps. When is Lexie coming back?

I don't know.

You'll have to stand in for her.
None of that nouvelle cuisine.

- Where are you going?
- To practice my swing.

It's so cold in this house,
I'm going to try outside.

Has the heating packed up?
It's freezing in the back house.

I thought it was
kind of bracing.

Not that you would know.
Nice and cozy in here.

How's the strike
going, Lexie?

Need any help with pickets or publicity?

Thanks, but we can
manage without you

better than you
can manage without us.

Oh, we'll get by, though
Archie's having a hard time of it.

Oh, no. is he?

For a girl with big bones, you act fast.

Dangling the head ranger's
job in front of Duncan,

expecting me to take pity
on the "poor wee laird. "

Archie's made
his own bed...

- you can lie in it.
- Funny way to put it.

And when you begin to wise up you
can come speak to me, not Duncan.

Duncan can think
for himself.

Until you worked
your feminine charms on him.

Well, two can play
at the game, darling.

Archie's not my weakness...
he's yours.

Oh- no soup?

I haven't had time to
prepare soup. I'm sorry.

It would help to warm us up. Lexie
always has a big pot on the go.

Well, Lexie
is not here, is she?

I'm well aware
of that, darling.

Look at this.
Look at it.

That is sheer unmitigated vandalism.

No, dear, vandalism is when
you punch holes in paintings.

That was an accident,
damn it.

- What am I supposed to do with this?
- Take up billiards?

Will you please sit down
and eat your lunch?

If you get near my clubs again, I
will not be responsible for my actions.

Have you ever been?

What's this?
Where's the soup?

What on earth's
got into the boy?

You're his father.

How dare you? I had nothing
to do with his upbringing.

Lexie.

You look vexed. You want
me to run you a hot bath?

- We've no hot water.
- I could warm it up for you.

Wait a minute.
I'm on strike.

If you've come here to gloat,
you can go somewhere else.

In fact, Kilwillie's looking for
a new cook. I'm sure he pays well.

This is not
about the money.

It's about making me feel sorry for being
the laird, having a duty to Glenbogle.

The laird's first duty is to his
people, not to his stately home.

Which people are those?
The ones on the hillside

having a laugh
while I put my back out?

I am the only people
I've got at the moment.

You decided
to cozy up to Stella.

I don't believe it.

You're stirring things up
because you're jealous.

You think, "Katrina's
gone, Lexie's next, hey!"

Am I a fringe benefit? Wouldn't
you rather a company car?

Dream on,
MacDonald.

That's why you come around
sticking your bosom in my face.

You think, "Archie's a bloke.
That'll get his attention. "

It might have worked
if I wasn't so knackered.

You're not knackered
yet, your lairdship.

Rights for workers!

Rights for wor-

Duncan.
I'm disappointed.

A fair day's work
for a fair day's work- no.

It's all right.
I know what you're after.

Rights
for workers!

How did we get
into this mess?

Leadership.

Of course. it's my fault.
This isn't easy for me.

Do you think
it's easy for us?

I want to work, but I'm not
going to be taken for a mug.

Why have I become
the only person

who cares about
keeping Glenbogle going?

You're not. That's why you
should have asked us for help,

instead of trying
to impose a solution.

- Look, it was either pay cuts or layoffs.
- That was Stella's strategy.

- You didn't have to accept it.
- I didn't have any choice.

We always
have a choice, son.

Tell me about golly.
Was he born on the estate?

Not exactly.

He was hewn out of
the same rock as this house.

You won't budge him
so easily.

But he's one of these guys
that lives to work, isn't he?

- You're looking for his weak point.
- It's standard procedure.

According to whom? Thatcher's
bumper book of strike-busting?

You think this place
is just another business,

some clapped-out factory,
in hock to the unions?

- The principle's the same.
- I hadn't noticed principle coming into it.

Oh, don't go soft
on me, Archie.

I give them 24 hours before they're
back here asking for a meeting.

- You think we can last that long?
- Why not?

We have food,
we have light, we have power-

well, we have
food, anyway.

- Genny's gone down.
- Good.

Maybe Archie will fall down
the stairs and land on Stella.

Maybe now they'll be
willing to negotiate.

Forget it.
We're not negotiating.

So what are we going to do?
Just sit around in the dark?

Look, Stella wants
to settle this.

Not you as well?!

She flutters her eyelashes,
and you're blown away?

Why not? It's always worked for you-

okay, okay.

Lexie, what do
you propose?

I propose that we talk
to Kilwillie.

I'm not working
for Kilwillie!

Oh, no? you're the one
that wanted to be "senior

chief executive
in charge of ranging. "

Are we in this
together, or not?

Maybe it's just a wee bit
too soon to be giving up.

I'm not the one
talking about giving up.

Look, Stella can't run
that place without Archie.

Maybe if we
talked to him-

I've tried talking to Archie,
and he wouldn't listen.

Aye, right.
That's what's bugging you.

I'm not going
to settle

for a few chocolate
biscuits and a job title.

Oh, no...

unless of course,
it's Katrina's job title.

Lexie-!

You can go back with your tails
between your legs. go ahead!

Mind, and wear brown,
though.

That way, when she wipes her
boots on you, it won't show.

- What's the matter with it?
- It belongs in a museum.

I thought it was
in a museum.

Duncan usually
keeps it going.

Oh, no, not again. What
are you for, exactly?

I know you're the laird, but
do you actually serve a purpose?

Yes, I do, actually. Plugging
holes in your "brilliant strategy. "

Since you've started
playing your power games,

my home has been
falling apart.

My parents are headed for a
divorce, I'm in line for a hernia.

If you want to cut overheads,
consider firing yourself,

because all your so-called
economies are costing us a fortune.

To think I let you sucker me
into dumping on my friends-

where are you going?

I've reached the end of my
learning curve. I'm taking off.

Hi.

I was looking for a hotbed
of sedition and conspiracy.

Very subtle,
Archie.

You should belong
to the MI5.

I'm really sorry.

It should never
have come to this.

You tell Stella that
we're willing to meet.

Hold on a minute-
you can't give in.

I'm the one person
Stella can do without.

If you guys go back now, I'm
stuffed. I came here to join you.

Welcome to the union.

Well, as it happens,
we are short a member.

Where's Lexie?

A wee bit
of a dispute...

about her motives.

( distant thunder rumbles )

Oh, no.

Stella. I thought you'd gone home.

I would have, but my
bike stopped working.

No problem.
I'll walk.

In this weather?
Oh, don't be so silly.

You must stay the night.
Come along. come on.

I hope you don't
mind salad.

I'm afraid it's all
we can offer at the moment.

I'm not eating that.
I'm not a blasted cow.

No, dear.
Cows are very useful.

They give us milk and meat
and leather, whereas you-

ah...

the hunter/gatherer
brings forth his trophy.

Now you just have to wait
12 hours for it to defrost.

That's what you think. Archie
showed me a few tricks of the trade-

before you
drove him off.

Hector,
it's a microwave.

I know that.

It's electric.

Well, of course
it's elec-

ah.

But that is all this is
to Stella. It's just a job.

If we push her too far
she'll just flog the place,

and head off back to the
big smoke. End of story.

No, she could have
done that weeks ago.

She's got something else
going on.

I wish Katrina
was around.

Am I not cute enough
for you, no?

Yeah, but you don't have
her head for strategy.

Katrina would never take Stella
head-on. She'd redefine the problem.

- How do you mean?
- She'd dream up some proposal

allowing the workers a say
in the management

and present it as some kind
of alternative approach.

That way, you keep your jobs
and Stella wouldn't lose face.

Go on.

Do you play golf,
Stella?

I'm sure she has more useful
things to do with her time.

Like painting, you mean?
If you want to be useful,

why don't you give the ceiling
a couple of coats?

I paint
to express myself.

I never knew you had a
problem expressing yourself.

This looks wonderful.
What is it?

Venison omelet.

I'm sorry, I'm not
much of a cook.

On the contrary, you're a
very capable young woman.

One sometimes gets bored with
the purely decorative sort.

I don't think anyone could ever
accuse you of being decorative.

- What do you mean?
- tell me-

did you try living together
after you got married?

What?

You seem incapable of getting on unless
you have an entire wing to yourselves.

I suppose you're used
to sharing a bathroom?

Yes, I am, actually.

I've got four brothers
and two sisters

and we grew up in a
three-bedroom council house.

Sometimes we didn't have
anything to eat at all,

let alone venison
and quail's eggs.

And we still managed
to like each other.

I'll get the plates.

( softly )
Oh...

spare your nice
soft hands.

( pipes gurgling )

( knocking on door )

If you want to use my
bathroom, Hector, forget it.

There's no water in here,
either.

( knocking )

Ah. there you are.

I wanted to say that...

I wouldn't be happy
living in my wing,

if you weren't knocking about
in the other one.

That's all, really.
Good night.

- Are you going to be warm enough?
- I doubt it.

Because there's
a rather effective,

if old fashioned way that
we could both keep warm.

Oh...

( faint squeaking,
scratching )

( screams )

- Is this what you wanted?
- Yes, dear. get mopping.

Oh, really. Why can't
we just wear wellies?

- What are you doing?
- Pigeon in the water tank.

Archie's always dealt with them before.

Shouldn't cost much to repair-
unless the ceiling comes down.

Stella, I know
you're the expert,

but three people to run a
house the size of Glenbogle?

It's hardly
overmanning, is it?

This'll be you bringing us up
the bill for our coffee, then.

Actually, I'm here to discuss
staffing on the estate.

Sorry, but we're
not available.

We're now employees of the
Glenbogle worker's cooperative.

Mm. catchy.

Certainly more of a ring to it
than "two yokels and a cook. "

So would this cooperative be
interested in a long-term contract?

I don't know.
What do you think?

I think she'll need to speak
to our area organizer, Duncan.

You'll need to speak
to our area organizer.

Don't tell me,
let me guess.

We supply the labor,
the fodder for the animals,

fuel for the vehicles
for a fixed monthly figure.

That way you get to control expenditure
and cut back in your overheads.

Okay. make me an offer and I'll see
how it compares to the other tenders.

You know you won't get a
better deal anywhere else.

And Glenbogle will fall to
bits while you're looking.

If I really wanted to save on
overheads, I'd sell the place.

Go back to London
and admit defeat?

Write off
all those debts?

That's not why
you came up here, is it?

So- you'd supply

- the ghillie, the ranger-
- head ranger.

The head ranger-
and the housekeeper?

Ah, yes...
the housekeeper.

I might need a bit of time to work
on that. She's defected to Kilwillie.

I've got some business
with Kilwillie.

( recording playing )

� love is... �

� the sweetest thing... �

right.

Fore.

Yes, dear!
Hole in one!

Kilwillie:
Oh, dear.

She assured me that you
dispensed with her services.

I wouldn't have
taken her on otherwise.

I'm sorry. I've put you
in a very awkward position-

no, no, no.
But the thing is,

she does seem rather
set in her ways.

When I suggested breakfast
might be slightly overcooked,

I thought she was going to
run me through with a sausage.

She does take
some handling.

Lexie:
Have you seen that?

It's a 12-ring with
fan-assisted ovens.

I've got an infrared
split-level toaster.

Although all I cook

is boiled cabbage
and roly-poly.

The man loves
off-school dinners.

Did you see my room?
Satellite TV, power shower,

though I can't grow mushrooms
like I did at Glenbogle.

Lexie, I've been
an idiot.

I couldn't see
what was under my nose.

That was my bosom. I'm
sorry if it offended you.

I didn't find your bosom
offensive, I found it-

I was tired, I was angry,
I didn't know what I was saying.

It's okay... I know.

Look, I'm sorry.

You want me
to grovel?

Go ahead. If it makes
you feel any better.

There's nothing going on
between me and Stella.

Grab her gaskins all you want,
Arch. It's no skin off my nose.

I wasn't- I wouldn't.
For goodness sake,

Katrina's just left
- I'm hardly going to throw myself at Stella,

even if she did
want to catch me.

Lexie, come back.
Please.

And what for?

What is there
for me at Glenbogle?

Glenbogle's your home.
You've always said so.

Well, maybe it's time
I flew the nest.

Well, I'll send
your stuff over then.

Thanks.

That would be great.

But that's blackmail. We've used
those forest tracks for generations.

Look, you're running
commercial traffic out there.

It's for your benefit
as much as ours.

It would make it
a formal arrangement.

I'm not used to dealing with
my neighbors in these terms.

On businesslike terms,
you mean?

What sort of figures
are we talking?

( dogs barking,
whimpering )

- Aren't those...?
- Hector's? yeah.

He was always banging on about
what wonderful hunters they were

but the only vermin they've managed
to tackle have been my brogues.

Chewed them to pieces.

I can't even let them run loose.
The other dogs just bully them.

- Stella: I might be able to take
them off your hands. - Really?

Depends on what you're willing
to pay for access to your land.

Of all the nerve.
3,000 a year.

Five.

Three-five, and I'm
being very charitable.

It's a shame
to see them like this.

Hector's going
to be heartbroken.

Three-seven?

Four.

Done.

( dogs barking )

( grunts )

Try it now.

( motor whirs )

I've turned all the
radiators back on upstairs.

Well, there must be
something you can do.

I could sacrifice an animal
- a sheep or a goat, maybe.

Well, you could sacrifice
me if it brought Lexie back.

You all got
gnats or something?

Look at you standing there
scratching your heads.

Honestly,
three grown men.

All that wisdom,
experience and education,

you can't even handle a cranky
old boiler like this one.

( boiler whirring )

Yes. brilliant.

So you're back, then?

I heard you had a pool
installed upstairs.

Thought I might
give it a go.

You mean Archie worked his
masculine charms on you?

I'll tell you
about Archie.

It takes him a while
to get there,

but in the end,
he's loyal to his friends.

That's why I came back-
loyalty.

The only thing you're
loyal to is your money.

Someday you'll find out

that your money doesn't
give a damn about you.

Shall we walk around the
loch and feed the midges?

Yes, let's do that.

Or we could go to the
fallen tree and misbehave.

Whatever you say,
darling.

You do miss having
Monty and Rommel around

to lead you about,
don't you?

They always used to know
where they were going.

Happy to get there,
even happier to get back.

I do miss them,
rather, yes.

Perhaps I can
stand in for them.

Of course you can,
darling.

- Fetch.
- ( dogs barking )

- Oh, Kilwillie!
- Hello!

Were they
completely useless?

Can't teach an old dog
new tricks, I'm afraid.

I don't know. You should
see Hector handle a mop.

A mop?
You traitor.

( faint squeaking )

( thumping )

- You brought them back.
- Who?

Those "useless mutts" that were
eating us out of house and home.

From now on,
they sleep in kennels

and they eat leftovers
like the rest of us.

- You felt sorry for them? - Not at all.
Kilwillie paid me good money to take them.

I've come to invite
you to a feast.

To show there are
no hard feelings.

A feast?
Who's paying for it?

When the power went,
the freezer thawed out.

We have venison, trout and
a side of beef to get rid of.

And it's not good enough
for the dogs?

- 8:00. dress informal.
- I have a prior engagement.

Like what? a mug of cocoa
with Duncan's aunt?

Stella, I've brought you
a present from the dogs.

That really won't be
necessary, Hector.

A token
of their esteem-

a splendid example
of apodemus sylvaticus-

the common
field mouse.

Should I get rid of it,
or start charging him rent?

( bagpipe playing )

Molly:
Good one, Duncan!

Hector:
Well done.

Welcome home, Lex.

You've still got some
groveling to do.

( bagpipe continues )

Hector:
Well done.

( motor buzzes )

( theme music playing )

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