Original subtitles

Hector: Now then - walk towards me, swearing your loyalty

to your lord and chieftain.

Halt.

Now you present to me the ancient standard of the MacDonalds,

carried in battles from Prestonpans to El Alamein.

Then you say the sacred words

handed down from history.

- Hello, dad. - Give me that!

It seems to me, you're not treating this ceremony with the proper respect.

- Sorry. - Quite.

And I pass the standard to the lord's attendant,

the lowest member of my house.

Where is Duncan, by the way?

- You must now kiss me. - I knew there was a catch.

I now proclaim you

chieftain of this proud land,

and master of these men assembled.

No need to be formal, just call me boss.

I'm still chief, for two days more.

Then my life's work is done.

Hello, welcome-

Joe, the welcome committee is here.

Hello, welcome to Scotland, my name-

I kiss this ground.

The prince from over the water

is home at last.

Mr. MacDonald?

( American accent) Chief MacDonald to you, son.

I'm here to reclaim my inheritance.

I'm the real Laird of Glenbogle.

( theme music playing )

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Glenbogle

Retail Experience.

Where the milch cow of the daytripper will graze.

( grumbles )

High quality consumer goods.

Granny McCray's Conserve?

A genuine artifact celebrating

the unique history and culture of Scotland.

( blows raspberry )

A Nessie whoopee cushion.

"Made in Hong Kong. "

To attract the more discerning shopper.

"Amuse your friends with this rib-tickling Jimmy wig.

It's hilarious. "

( laughing )

You really think this will work?

Imagine it - busloads of old codgers let loose in here.

Backed up all along the driveway.

If this is the future, I'm glad I'm in the past.

I think you've done a marvelous job.

- Thank you, mother. - and it's perfect

that you're opening on the day of the clan gathering and games.

So, who's going to do the honors?

That's a good point, I hadn't thought. What about you, father?

Very well. Kilwillie?

What about Katrina?

She got you the grant for this place.

Katrina?

She's back?

Bonnie, you see what I'm seeing?!

God, if my ma could see this, she'd never believe it!

It's incredible.

Come here, son.

See that?

It's beautiful, huh?

One of these days, that's all going to be yours. Your destiny.

Maybe Angus wants to decide for himself what to do with his life. Joe!

- where are you going, now? - I got to walk in the water.

I got to feel the good old earth of Scotland between my toes.

The timber's from the estate-

Golly found an old Scots pine up on the hill.

For centuries it grew proud on a hill.

Giving shelter to pine martins,

and gold crests,

and what's it reduced to?

A receptacle for Jimmy wigs-

come on.

- And dust.

I'm sorry if what I've done upsets you.

I have to get on, loads to do.

But isn't that the way of all flesh?

Duncan: And in a minute... Glenbogle, the big house.

Golly: It's probably nothing,

but if you're planning on bringing lorries and coaches over,

- you might want it checked out. - Looks all right to me.

It was built 140 years ago

for horse drawn carriages.

And it's the only way to the house, so...

if anything happened to it...

I suppose we'd better get an engineer to check it out.

In the meantime, we'll put up a sign, keep the heavy stuff off.

( bolts rattling )

Our American friends. I'd better get back.

Archie, something you should know-

I'll speak to you later. Hello, welcome to Glenbogle.

I second that. My son Archie.

- Hi, nice to see you. - Hi.

Hi. Thank you for inviting us into your lovely home.

Look at this.

Great Sword of the MacDonalds, am I right?

Huh- that old thing.

Think it dates from the 17th century.

16th, I think.

Forged by a Bavarian ironmaster

called... Gustavus Mecklin,

- if my memory serves. - Please forgive my husband.

I'm afraid he's always been a bit of a know-it-all.

I like to do my research, dear. Be fully prepared.

It's great to have

some American MacDonalds here for the clan gathering.

Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

And please, this place isn't a hotel, it's a home.

- You must treat it as if it's your own. - oh, we will.

- Won't we, Bonnie? - Thank you. You're most gracious.

Well... dinner is at 8:00.

Duncan, here, will show you to your rooms.

It's just a short climb.

Oxygen tanks to be picked up at base camp,

on the second floor.

Are you going out?

Just popping over to see Katrina.

Right. Be careful, eh?

Okay...

what's that supposed to mean?

I mean...

that the girl is fragile.

She only just broke up with Fergal.

So, it might not be best to go

stomping over there in your size 12s,

offering yourself as a substitute for him.

Give her some space for a while.

Do you get me?

Okay... thanks.

Archie MacDonald.

Hi.

Timing impeccable as usual.

Sorry?

I didn't realise you were coming so soon.

I would have cleaned up.

I must look a right state.

No, you look great.

Just- great.

Do I...? Thanks.

How are you, Katrina?

Oh, you know. Okay.

That's not true.

I feel terrible.

All that business with Fergal was...

it was just a complete disaster.

Yeah, right.

Still, the house looks nice.

Sorry?

You using the weathershield stuff? Golly swears by it.

- Archie- - I suppose in this climate,

with all the wind and the rain,

outdoor surfaces need all the protection they can get.

- Why don't you just shut up? - Eh?

I thought you might have come here to talk...

make human contact.

Right.

So?

Well- there is something.

I was wondering...

I was wondering if you'd like to open the shop.

You what?

Cut the tape, say a few choice words. You're good at that,

getting on your feet and sounding off

about something you know very little about.

Ahem. That was a joke.

So what do you say?

I say thanks for dropping by.

It's been a real comfort.

A tonic, you might say.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I'm just going to stick my head in a gas oven.

( door slams )

That'll be a "no," then.

Hector!

Hector?

What is it, Monty?

( dog whimpers )

End of another day, eh?

"And darkness steals across the land. "

Oh, there you are.

It's nearly dinnertime.

I was thinking about old digger.

The look on that old dog's face

when the vet stuck the needle in.

Hector, that was years ago.

What's the matter?

Why have you been mooning around

like old king lear, these last few days?

It's hard to explain.

( scoffs ) Is it now?

Well, let me try then.

All Archie's hard work is coming to fruition.

Conversely, your grip on what you regard

as your life's work, is weakening.

You're a monarch. About to be dethroned.

Consequently, you feel

old and useless, and redundant.

"What," you ask yourself,

"is the point of carrying on?" Am I right?

That about sums it up, yes.

I know you're right, but what am I to do?

Look at it this way. You live in a beautiful place.

You have two lovely children.

One grandchild, you have good health,

and last but no means least,

a beautiful and loving wife.

So...?

Snap out of it, Hector, for goodness sakes! There's a dear.

Come on.

( dog whimpering )

( car door slams )

Impossible woman! Ridiculous...

- how did it go? - How did it go?

Famously, swimmingly, expi-ali-dociously!

Archie- this is important.

- Are you and Katrina-? - Finished.

Not that we ever got started.

Am I physically grotesque, Lexie? Am I gross or insensitive?

Boorish, or dull or-

no, you're not, Arch. Far from it.

I think you and I need to have a conversation

about a matter of a mutual interest.

Later, after dinner.

I'll be waiting, sunshine.

Joe: You know, when I was a kid

my old ma use to sit me on her knees

and tell me stories about how her family

were descended from these big people in Scotland.

- Hector? - Sorry- fascinating.

I bet a lot of Americans have stories like that.

It wasn't till recently that I discovered

just how big these people were,

or how close the connection was.

Joe, what are we going to do tomorrow?

We have to find something that Angus will enjoy.

I got this Mormon genealogist to check it out,

and got my lawyers on the case.

The results were really very interesting.

- And what were they? - well, Archie-

- can I call you Archie? - Sure.

Bottom line is...

the rightful Laird of Glenbogle,

the real commander-in-chief of the MacDonalds,

is me.

( chuckles )

Isn't that the darndest thing?

Molly: Sure is... the darndest thing.

- Well, well. - Archie: this is ridiculous.

Have you got any proof? Any evidence to back it up?

Kind of.

If you don't believe me,

take a look at this.

Archie: This is unbelievable.

Joe: Hmm, I know what you mean.

It was kind of tough for me too at first, but...

now I'm getting used to the idea.

You have the nerve to sit at our dining table,

and calmly announce that you're going to take this family's home away?

Archie, please, there are certain obligations of hospitality.

Bonnie, Joe, you're most welcome, as long as you don't do

what our ancestors may have done- run Archie through

with a sword in the middle of the night.

( group laughing )

Oh, Angus...

your mommy sent me up with your milk and cookies,

so why don't you

( sweetly ) Come and get it?

- good night, Joe. - Night, Hector.

- Night, Bonnie. - Night, Hector.

Why are you being so nice to them?

Put them off their guard.

Don't let them see we're worried.

What are we gonna do? This is serious.

Think hard and act expeditiously.

That'll make a change.

Why don't you just leave it to Archie?

Night, boys.

Good night. I need whiskey.

This is a three-dram problem.

We need somebody who knows about this sort of thing,

with a cool head and a sharp brain.

- And low animal cunning. - Exactly.

I know just the man.

Bonnie: Never been so embarrassed in my whole life!

Don't know why it's such a big deal.

We had a deal, which you broke.

We'd come and see if it suited all of us before you started-

we did, and it does. It's perfect.

Just what we need right now.

Joe, I-

Joe, I'm talking to you.

Where are you going?

To say good night to the son and heir.

Ah, Lexie, just the girl.

That's me.

We need lots of coffee. We'll be staying up all night.

Sounds promising.

Well, I'm ready.

Ready for what?

Our chat. We arranged to have a chat-

I have no time for that. I have to speak to Kilwillie.

Kilwillie?!

Yea, lo and verily,

the savior did leave Galilee and come unto Glenbogle.

Kilwillie, am I glad to see you.

Well, as soon as we're all sitting comfortably,

we'll begin.

Joe: The tale of Ranald MacDonald,

chief of the Clan MacDonald of Glenbogle,

who fought bravely by Bonnie Prince Charlie's side

right to the very end of the 45.

Noble defeat at Culloden.

He slipped away after the battle and hid in a cave,

here, while the redcoats ransacked the house.

Later took a boat for the colonies in Virginia,

cut down forests, and grew tobacco.

And promptly picked another fight with the English.

He led a regiment of militia

in the War of Independence.

He was so smart

and so brave

that they called him "the Hammer of the English. "

- Then what? - Hector: well, nothing.

That side of the family just got lost.

Until now. It's all in here.

You descend

from Ranald's younger brother Donald.

He snatched his elder brother's lands and titles,

apparently illegally.

Well, this Joe person is a direct descendant...

...of Ranald himself.

Your great-great-

great-great-great- great-great-grandfather.

What do you think of that?

One day, Angus...

you'll know just what a great thing in your life this is.

Now, does everyone understand the general strategy?

Yes, find out as much as we can about them,

look for weaknesses in their case.

Which I have to report, amigos,

looks as robust as the dollar.

At the same time, put them off the place.

Shouldn't be too difficult.

Emphasise the irritating problems of living here.

Maybe spend an afternoon with you, Hector.

Or even better, Archie.

How about...

getting the bog in their bathroom

to back up from the septic tank?

Meanwhile, I shall seek the opinion

of Kilwillie's ace lawyer.

Hector, forgive me, but isn't this all rather two-faced?

What's the matter with that?

We're fighting for our lives here!

Time, as they would say, to play hard bowl.

Ball, Hector.

They call it hardball.

Oh, yeah! Hardball, sorry.

Right, this session of the war cabinet is now over.

You know your tasks, go to them.

( vehicle approaching )

Have you run out of paint?

My notice to quit the cottage.

One month, I think.

If you're going to move in here,

you need to know what you're taking on.

Very good of you, Hector.

- Morning. - ( surly ) is it?

Who was that?

Our head man MacKenzie.

What's he like?

All right, when he's not on strike.

- ( crashes ) - Or drunk.

Best avoided then, fearful temper.

When he's sober?

When he's sober? Well...

he's never completely sober.

Sad, really.

If you're going to be spending more time here,

I should show you the local shops.

- Great. Is there a mall? - Oh, the shop's here.

Just the one?

The garage and the funeral director are down there.

That's it? You get everything you need here?

There's a sweet little supermarket

an hour's drive that way.

Clothes? Makeup? Accessories?

Harrods. 12 hours that way.

Sure is in a parlous state, Hector.

Oh, these outbuildings are nothing compared to the house.

Dry rot, wet rot, the roof...

- you don't say? - We've had estimates for the work, of course,

but - ha! Never seen so many naughts in my life.

- How much? - Oh, ridiculous sum.

Three million.

- Sterling or dollars? - Sterling, of course.

That's okay. Within budget.

When we sold the company,

we were left pretty comfortable.

Really?

Cashed in to the tune of 110 million-

dollars.

( coughing )

Duncan, have you got some kind of dead animal in this vehicle?

Just my old coat, Molly.

Sorry if it's a bit ripe.

I'm really sorry, Molly, but I think I'm gonna upchuck.

( Bonnie choking )

( sniffing )

Oh!

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Well, we've tried to look after it for you.

You're lucky,

having your son beside you here.

He's a good boy. No life for him here, you know.

Terrible hole.

Your crest, huh?

Guess I'll be needing one of those.

Oh, yeah? What symbol will you have,

a pair of crossed hamburgers?

You're a funny guy, Hector.

But if you think you're gonna put me off

this wonderful place, you're wrong.

This is my life now.

All right, judgment day has come!

You come smarming over here with your helicopters

and your thousand dollar trainers!

You think you're so much better than us, don't you?

You give no respect.

Well, let me tell you,

you spoiled little brat,

you are nothing!

You're less than nothing!

You are minus nothing to the power 10!

Do you get me?!

( Angus sniffling )

Angus-

that's my dad's stupid name for me!

All my friends call me Ricky.

Listen... I didn't mean-

me and my brother,

Joe Junior-

we used to play tricks on each other.

Joe Jr.?

Is that "Pictish invader"?

( game beeping )

What level are you at?

You're a bit early for fond farewells.

I'm not leaving for another four weeks.

Before you go...

there's a few things I'd like to say to you.

Are you sure they're worth listening to?

I think so.

Why don't you come around for a drink tonight?

I would really like to see you.

Yeah, all right.

Ah. Well?

Well, according to your lawyers,

he has a very strong case.

I feared as much.

Exhaustively researched...

and backed up by a heap of legal opinion.

Can't we challenge it in court?

Kilwillie's man said it was futile.

We'd probably lose, and spend a fortune in the process,

which of course we don't have.

Of course...

you could always try the chieftain's challenge.

Kilwillie...

you lovely, clever man!

Terribly risky, though.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

And what on earth is "The Chieftain's Challenge"?

It was a way of solving leadership disputes

in the good old bad old days.

Rivals were tested to see who was the best man for the job.

Made rather more sense than plunging the clan into civil war.

But this is the 21st century, right?

I have a terrific case in law.

Oh, you don't know Scottish law, Joe.

We would fight you to the death.

It'd be a war of attrition, I'm afraid.

- Might last five years, 10... - easily.

At the end of the day, the only winners

would be the lawyers.

Kilwillie: It always distresses me when I see good men

contemplate lining the pockets of the shyster brigade.

Indeed, but that's beside the point.

The clan used the procedure centuries ago

to find the best leader, the man most worthy.

I thought you'd like that kind of challenge.

Kilwillie: If you wish to be considered a gentleman.

I'm not a gentleman. I'm an American.

- But a challenge, right? - A test of brain,

a test of brawn, and...

a test of wisdom.

Okay.

I'll do it.

This is so sweet.

My little refuge.

I can see how you might need it.

You don't really want to be a laird's wife, do you, Bonnie?

It's my husband's dream.

Guess I haven't got it in my heart to deny it to him.

What's this?

Ooh, it's... Jamie.

He died here some years ago.

In the loch.

He was our boy, our eldest son.

( Bonnie gasps )

What is it?

We lost a son. Last year.

Our eldest,

Joe Jr.

Oh...

he kinda lost himself.

He and his father hadn't spoken in... years.

He died of an overdose.

Oh, my dear girl.

Joe blames himself. I mean...

that's why he sold the business.

That's what this is all about, this obsession,

getting away, making a fresh start somewhere.

Oh, I understand, I do, I do.

I've longed for that for myself, but...

then Archie went away for years.

It wasn't easy for him.

It's not for Angus-

Ricky.

He loved his brother so much.

You stayed.

You can't leave here, can you, Molly?

Your boy's here.

At peace.

( Molly sobs )

( clock striking )

Psst!

So...?

Tonight's the night, then?

I'm sorry?

For our wee t�te-�-t�te?

I can't, I've got this revision to do.

If you don't know it now, you never will, Archie.

This can't wait any longer. It's really important.

Archie, come on.

I'll test you on the clan wars of the 15th century.

Sorry, Lex. Next week's dinner menu will just have to wait.

It's not dinner men- Arch!

Looks good, huh?

Unbelievable.

- Joe? - Uh-huh?

When are you gonna face up to reality? Never mind a kilt,

what you've been wearing for the last year is a pair of oversized blinkers.

- Ever since Joey died. - I don't want to talk about that.

Of course not. That's my point.

You want to escape to some fantasy land somewhere

where everything is safe and cozy and free from pain.

What are you talking about?

How do you think these good people feel

about being put out of their home?

Where their children were born and grew up and-

oh yeah, where one of them died.

You don't understand.

This place is our future. It's our destiny.

No, it isn't. It's your weird obsession.

It has nothing to do with us or our son.

You're wrong!

It's him I'm doing it for, all of it!

Joe, he doesn't want it! It means nothing to him!

He's miserable here!

- Oh! - Yes!

You dancer! Well done, mate.

You want a fruit gum?

Well,

what can we do for you?

Lexie, I've come to see Archie.

You'll be lucky.

He asked me over.

Archie? Asked you?

For a chat.

Don't you think he's suffered enough?

Sorry?

Have you no idea what he went through

when you were dabbling with your dreamboat from Dublin?

But now you've dumped him, and you snap your fingers

and expect Archie to come running.

That sounds like a pretty good definition of mental cruelty to me.

That is not fair.

Och! Give me a break, darling!

Hasn't it occurred to you, maybe our mutual friend

looked for a more reliable partner

while you were leading him such a not-very-merry dance?

What?

Do you mean... Archie and you...

I'm fond of a slow smooch, myself.

Maybe that's what he wanted to talk to you about, eh?

Right.

Well, I better go.

Good night, Lexie.

( humming )

( humming continues )

- Arch, that you? - Yep?

Lexie, what are you doing? I'm-

busy, I know. I've got something important to tell you,

and it can't keep any longer.

Now...

you know I fancied you from the minute I saw you.

And since I've got to know you as a person,

a man...

my feelings have grown.

Have they?

You're... caring,

you're kind...

you think about other people...

at the same time, you're strong.

You're special, Arch.

I want to be with you.

Understand me?

What do you say?

Um...

it's difficult.

I don't know what to say.

Well, work it out-

quick.

Lexie, you're...

you're funny, you're...

clever, you're beautiful, you're... wise,

you're very, very sweet.

But?

Katrina got to me first.

I see.

I'm sorry, Lexie.

I really am.

It's all right.

I'd already guessed it anyway.

Archie- oh, morning, Lexie-

your father's anxious to leave.

Come on, my boy! I've got the keys

I've got the sword. I need my champion!

( bagpipes playing )

( bandleader shouting orders )

( bagpipes, drums playing )

( music ends, applause )

With the power vested in me

as chief of the Clan MacDonald,

I declare this 147th Gathering and Games

in session.

For those in combat today,

may your eye be keen...

and your arm be strong.

The Clan MacDonald!

All: Clan MacDonald!

( applause, cheering )

You come to watch me win?

Make a fool of yourself, you mean?

How could I stay away?

Well...

time to begin. Best of luck.

- Thank you. - Good luck, my boy.

Your ancestors will be with you in spirit.

Very comforting.

Break a leg, darling.

But not really.

The first part of the challenge...

tests the rivals' skill at one of the clan's

most important and most venerated rituals:

Stealing his neighbor's livestock!

( laughter )

To your stations!

One...

two...

three... go!

Joe MacDonald wins easily.

Archie MacDonald better buck his ideas up!

( bleats )

( applause, cheering )

( playing )

Kilwillie: The second part of the challenge...

- swap. - tests the rivals' knowledge

of the clan they wish to lead.

I have selected 10 questions,

five for each candidate,

about the history of the MacDonalds.

Katrina!

I need to talk to you.

I don't want to talk to you. I'm going home.

Look, I spoke out of turn last night.

I want to make it right.

( applause )

Each candidate has dropped only one point.

So we have a tie at 4-all.

I'm going to ask a tie-break question.

How did Angus MacDonald...

choose Glenbogle

to be the site of his castle?

Archie: I know this, something to do with a hawthorn tree.

He strapped a chest of gold to the back of a donkey,

let it wander over his lands. It headed for the loch,

stopped by a hawthorn tree and urinated.

And that's where he built his castle.

- are you sure about that? - Yes!

- You don't want to change your mind? - No.

- Correct! - Yes!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,

the final part of the Chieftain's Challenge takes place in five minutes.

Lexie, I've not got time for this.

Well make time. Sit down.

Now... I want to talk to you.

About Katrina.

Why aren't the pair of you together?

( sighs ) I don't know...

maybe because there's always been something in the way.

First, it was Justine, then there was Fergal. Now he's gone.

I don't know, we just can't seem to reach each other.

Lexie: Never mind that. That's all in the past.

The only important thing is how you feel about each other now.

Archie: I feel the same way I've always felt.

Lexie: Which is, Arch?

Archie: I'm nuts about her. End of story.

Archie?

It's time, old boy. You're on.

Don't you think you better do something about it?

For goodness sake, get on.

Go and say something to him.

Archie... I-

come on, my boy. We're all ready. Over there.

Good luck.

Ladies and gentlemen, the final and deciding

test of the challenge.

With this challenge for the great sword

of MacDonald of Glenbogle,

20 generations loyal

to the Bonnie Prince have chosen their laird.

Challengers...

you will draw the hilt, until a flash of green or red doth touch

the sacred soil here in the shadow of Benbogle.

Gentlemen...

address the sword.

Gentlemen...

commence the struggle.

( crowd cheering )

( yelling )

I declare Archie MacDonald to be

the right and true chief of his clan.

( chatting )

I failed.

I failed you,

I failed Angus,

in fact, I failed Joe Jr.

Joe.

I'm scared, Bonnie.

It's like I'm looking into a black hole,

and there's Joe Jr. Staring back at me.

Joe, maybe someone failed him,

maybe you and me,

maybe even himself.

We have to face up to this,

and we're gonna do it together,

and we're gonna do it at home, okay?

Let's go find Ricky.

He needs a father, too.

Hey, guess what he just called me.

- What? - Unc Dunc.

( laughs )

I've never been an uncle before.

Hector: Members of the clan.

The time has come for me to lay down my burden,

and for a fitter, younger man to take the reins of office.

My son.

Archibald Horatio Hector MacDonald,

do you pledge to uphold the traditions

of the MacDonalds of Glenbogle,

and to keep forever a home in the hills

for members of the clan

wherever they may have roamed?

I do so pledge.

I hand to you the ancient keys

of the house of MacDonald,

and trust them to your care.

I now pronounce you chieftain of this proud clan,

and master of these men assembled.

( cheering )

Well, laddie, you tell them.

I've been thinking about this day

for most of my life.

Thinking about it, but never expecting it to happen.

Firstly, because it was never supposed to be me.

And then when suddenly,

terribly it was,

I ran away because I didn't want it.

Or so I thought.

And now...

finally...

crazily I'm standing here...

holding these funny old keys,

saying those funny old words,

and all of a sudden it just seems-

right.

I've made my pledge,

and I will work hard to keep it.

Long live the MacDonalds!

( cheering )

I want to thank those people who helped me,

and I want them to come and join me up here.

My father and Duncan are already here.

The best ghillie in Scotland, Golly MacKenzie.

My dear mother, Molly.

My very, very best pal, Lexie.

And finally, our ex-head teacher,

ex-councilor,

but hopefully not ex-friend,

Katrina Finlay.

( crowd applauding )

Is that the best you can do?

Ahem- right.

Everyone back to the house

for the opening of the visitors' center,

and the wildest hoolie in the history of the clan.

( cheering )

All: # a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there #

here a moo, there a moo everywhere a moo-moo

old MacDonald had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

Old MacDonald had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

and on that farm he had a duck

E-I-E-I-O

with a quack-quack here quack-quack there

here a quack, there a quack everywhere a quack-quack Old MacDonald-

- ( brakes squeal ) - Driver, what are you playing at?!

It's the bridge. It's not safe.

It's been there for 140 years, man!

It's not gonna fall down now.

( mumbling )

( cheering )

Go, Hector!

All right!

( hooting )

All right, Hector.

- Well done! - Now, get on!

I take full responsibility.

Where were we?

Old MacDonald had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

and on that farm he had a pig, E-I-

may god bless her,

and all who buy knickknacks in her.

Would you stop doing that?

- What? - Grinning like a loon.

You've done nothing else for the last hour.

What do you expect? All my Christmases have come at once.

Hector: Ahem-hem!

Thank you.

Father?

Are you all right? What's happened?

I... I think you'd better come and have a look.

Hector: Shouldn't be too difficult to fix.

Just the odd new girder or two.

And the odd hundred grand.

It's okay. Be calm.

It's all right.

So this may be the only way in or out.

We'll just have to ferry the visitors across. It's no big deal.

This sort of thing happens every day, right?

( screams )

( scream echoing )

( theme music playing )

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