All language subtitles for Monarch Of The Glen s02e07.eng

Tell Lizzie I'm sorry I can't
be there, but with everything-

I'm sure she'll understand.
I'll give you a call

as soon as there's
any news.

Give her my best,
Molly.

Bring back
a bucking son and heir!

I'll try. Darling, are
you sure you won't come?

A child? That's not
really my bag, darling.

All that yelling
and thrashing about.

I'll give you a call as
soon as we get to London.

I expect a full report: Height,
weight, condition of teeth.

Lexie: Newborn babies aren't
supposed to have teeth.

I mean the father!
Find out when the bum

is gonna make an honest
woman of my daughter!

( moaning )

- are you all right back there?
- Just about.

Why don't you give them a call?
Tell 'em you're coming home.

I'd rather do this
face to face- oh!

Hold on!

Good!
We're late!

Foot down, Duncan.

Kilwillie: So you still
haven't met the sire?

She found him after
she left that weirdo Gerald.

He's something
in the wine trade.

Oh, capital.
Is he gonna marry her?

( jeep revving )

Hector: Someone remind
me why I employ that boy.

Can't be far now.

- Whoaaah!
- ( tires screeching )

Have you gone
completely mad?!

This is a private drive,
not Brand's Hatch!

( woman moans )

Hello, mommy.

Lizzie, darling!

I think I'm gonna
have the baby- ow!

Oh, my!

( theme music playing )

It was Archie's idea
to use the old boathouse.

Quite bright, really.

So what do you think,
Kilwillie?

Brave new world, eh?

It's certainly a lot bigger
than I thought it was gonna be.

Yes, Archie's
come up tops.

- Chip off the old block.
- Hmm...

come on, old man, you haven't
seen the half of it yet.

I can't wait.

So what time's
the journo coming?

He's already here,
nosing around the place.

You sure
you can't join us?

I'm sorry, Arch,
I just-

got a million things
to do before tomorrow.

Packing and stuff.

Actually, I was gonna ask
you and... Katrina, of course,

if you'd like to come
to supper tonight?

Give you a proper sendoff.
Of course, if you're busy-

no, that'd be great.

We'd both love to come.

Good.
8:00 then?

See you later.

Hector: So we're
trying to create a place

where there's something
for everyone to enjoy.

- You will put that in the "Gazette"?
- Aye.

- Name is Hector-
- "Naismith MacDonald. "

Exactly. My good friend
and neighbor lord Kilwillie.

- It's a big spread, is it?
- If there's a story.

There's a story all
right. My son Archie.

Campbell McCrory,
"Strathspey Gazette. "

- Pleased to meet you- - Hector:
Shall we go and see your secret weapon?

Secret weapon?
What secret weapon?

All in good time,
Kilwillie.

All in good time.

She's been having
contractions since the loch.

Come on, darling,
we're nearly there.

Blimey, I didn't know
I was driving royalty.

- You'd better call a midwife.
- Call a what?

Oh!
No, don't bother, Lex.

What is it, darling?

Do you know, it's the strangest feeling.

I think
they've stopped.

They've just
completely stopped.

Come on, sweetheart.

Slowly.
That's it.

( driver whistles )

Molly: Why didn't you telephone,
let us know you were coming?

Spur of the moment thing.
I just...

knew I wanted my baby
to be born at home, so I...

jumped on a train
and here I am.

Oh, how lovely!

You're coming back to spawn
at the place of your birth,

just like a salmon.
I understand completely.

I'm not in the way,
am I?

I know Archie's got
other things on his mind,

what with the opening
and so on.

- More than that, to tell the truth.
- Oh? Do tell.

Katrina's
leaving Glenbogle.

- You're kidding! When?
- Tomorrow.

- Oh!
- Quick, quick!

Oh.

No, no, I'm fine.

Miss McLean is going to be
in charge next year,

and she's promised to tell me
how you lot are behaving.

So, when the bell goes,
I want you to walk, slowly-

down the corridor
and get your stuff.

Yes, Sandy?

What's so great
about New Zealand, miss?

Well...
it's very beautiful.

And it's got lots
of great things there,

like mountains
and lakes and...

- wildlife.
- How far is it?

Come up here
and I'll show you.

We're here...

and tomorrow, I've
got to go to Edinburgh

to catch the sleeper
to London,

which is where
I get my visa.

And then I catch a flight all the way...

- to New Zealand.
- That's miles, miss.

I know.

We'll have it put back
just the way it was.

You can have your baby
right here in your old room.

- Want this put in here?
- Thank you.

Do you know, I had
all three of my children

in this house
on that very beanbag!

I'll go get the rest
of your stuff.

He seems a nice enough
young man.

He is, certainly compared
to what I'm used to.

Will, uh, Donald
be joining us?

It's David.

- Of course.
- No, he won't.

It's a long story.

I rather thought
it might be.

Why don't you
tell me

and then I can prime
your father?

Archie:
Our head ranger discovered

that the Woodland Trust
is organising a competition.

There's a big cash prize,
of course,

and it would be great publicity
for us if we win.

What do you think
of that, eh?

Proud symbol of the renaissance
of the MacDonald family!

What kind of competition
are we talking about here?

Gentlemen,
we very much hope

that what you're
looking at is

the tallest tree
in Scotland.

( chuckling )
Oh no, you're not.

I beg your pardon?

Oh no.

Not by a long chalk.

( mccrory muttering )

...no, no. "all's fir
in love and war. "

( sheep bleating )

Kilwillie:
This is it.

- This is the tallest tree in Scotland.
- Rubbish!

It's an absolute monster.
You can see for yourself.

- A mere sapling! - It's open competition.
The judges will decide.

It's blatant treachery!
He's stolen your idea!

I've never stolen
anything in my life!

That's
your story!

Well, there's an easy way to prove it.

- William?
- Yes, your lordship?

There's a modest little pine
on the neighboring estate.

Bit of a shrimp,
but perhaps you would

- be so good as to go measure it for me?
- Right you are, sir.

Certainly not!
Who the devil are you?

This is William,
my new man.

Golly, if you see this oik
within 50 yards of my tree,

you have my permission
to shoot him on sight!

- Right you are, boss.
- And who might you be?

They call me Golly.

Golly... the ghillie.

That is my name, friend.
Don't wear it out.

You'll be Kilwillie's new ghillie...

Billy.

Face facts, Hector.
You're just fizzing.

Because my tree's
taller than yours.

- It is not!
- It is so! It's much taller.

That is enough.

- Not!
- Is!

- Not!
- Jolly well is, and you know it!

Very well, we'll just have to find out,

won't we?

A centuries old
tribal enmity

- rekindled.
- Steady on, mate.

Come on.

Clan warfare has
returned to Glenbogle!

( chuckles )

- Thanks very much.
- No problem.

Have a good summer.

I'm never going
to be able to do all that.

Head teacher!

You are going
to be brilliant.

You can still change
your mind, you know.

I can always get a job
somewhere else.

Why are you feeling
so sorry for me?

I am going to a beautiful
place with a wonderful man.

What can be so bad
about that?

And Archie?

Haven't heard from him
since Fergal told him.

Do you think
he's avoiding you?

I think it's more likely
he couldn't care less.

It is just a tree
after all.

How much did I spend
on your education?

It's a totem!
The clan of the MacDonalds

against the sniveling
loyalists of Kilwillie castle.

Hector! Molly's told me
to tell you-

never mind
that now!

Get a shotgun, ammunition,
and a sleeping bag-

- but- - guard Archie's
tree with your life!

If I know my neighbor, its
continued good health is in jeopardy!

- Okay, Hector.
- Before you go, can you explain

why a hackney carriage
is parked on my drive?

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

Lizzie's here!

What?

She's in her old
bedroom.

So, you must be
the man.

- If you say so.
- I've been waiting a long time to meet you.

I'm Lizzie's father,
head of the family.

Oh, right. Pleased to meet you, sir.

Never mind the sir.

In the circumstances,
you may call me Hector.

Fergal: I'm nervous about this
too, if it's any consolation.

I wouldn't have thought you
got nervous about anything.

Hey, half man,
half jellyfish.

Well, I'm all jellyfish.

Come on, it's scary.
Of course, it is.

What you do every day-

teaching a class of kids-
that is terrifying.

I could never do that.

That's 'cause you could
never stand still long enough.

It's 24 hours in a plane.
That's all.

Come on, it's not like it's
the other side of the world.

What do you want to do on our last night

in the northern
hemisphere?

Well, actually... Archie's invited
us up to the big house tonight.

Oh.

We don't have to go.

Of course we have to go.

One near birth and one
near crash later, here I am.

And the black cab?

- Belongs to Sean.
- Who is?

My helpful and very heroic taxi driver.

Right.

So you're here
on your own then?

You know me, Arch,

always travel light.

( pops )

What do you think?

Tastes cracking to me.

That's an expensive
one then?

Chateau La Touche, '64.

I'm sure a man in
your line of business

will appreciate
its caliber,

the bouquet, the subtle
influence of strawberries.

Aye, pretty good.

How about a refill?

Of course.

So, uh...

what firm do you
work for?

It's just me
and my dad, really.

- A family business?
- Yeah.

- Lucrative?
- Well, it puts food on the table,

and clothes
on the wee'uns.

- Wee'uns?
- Bairns.

Kids.

Children?!

Aye, three. I live with them
and their mother in Glasgow.

And- and- Lizzie
knows about this?

Sure. I told her all about
them on the way up here.

So who do I speak to
about my money?

- Your what?
- Aye, it's 173 quid.

But seeing as you're doing
me bed and breakfast,

we'll call it
150 for cash, eh?

So your true color
is revealed.

I'm sorry to have
to tell you,

that the gravy train to
Glenbogle has just been derailed!

Ahem. I've not got cash.
I can do you a check.

Pay the bounder off,
Archie!

Don't want his kind
around here.

Father, Sean is
Lizzie's taxi driver.

- He drove her up from Glasgow.
- Taxi driver?

From Glasgow?!

You won't be needing this,
for a start, will you?

( insects buzzing )

( groaning )

Listen,
I'll tell you what,

we'll have
a password, okay?

If either of us'll say...

I don't know...
rota rew are mod?

- Kiwi fruit.
- Okay. Kiwi fruit it is.

"Kiwi fruit-"
and off we shoot.

- Hello, stranger!
- Lizzie! Look at you!

- This is Fergal.
- I've heard all about you.

- All good, I hope?
- Highly recommended.

This is Lizzie,
Archie's sister.

- big sister.
- Very big sister.

If that cabbie isn't
the father, who is?

We'll talk about it later, darling.

- ( clinking crystal )
- Lexie: Speech!

We were thinking of
something to give Fergal

to thank him for
all his hard work

in helping to turn
the estate around...

apart from
a you-know-who.

...and we came up
with these.

A compass, so you won't
get lost on your travels.

A stopwatch, so you'll
always be on time.

And this...

so you can open
a bottle of beer,

while taking stones out of a
horse's hoof at the same time.

Thank you, Archie.

No, thank you.
Thanks for everything.

( cheers )

( insects swarming )

Ugh- no!

Guard it yourself!

Hector:
So, there you are.

I gather your young man
is not able to join us?

That's right.

I think we're entitled to meet
our prospective son-in-law.

Hector, perhaps we
can talk about this later?

Hector: Any sign of wedding
bells on the horizon,

as an accompaniment
to a patter of tiny feet?

- I don't think so. - Call me
old-fashioned if you'd like,

but I believe a child
should have two parents,

preferably of opposite gender,
and ideally, married.

- He is married.
- I should hope- he's what?!

We met in France
at a trade fair.

One thing led to another.

I think we can all see
what it led to.

Up until two weeks ago,
I thought

everything was going
to be okay.

But now he's gone back
to his wife.

- Why didn't you tell us?
- Because I knew how you'd react.

What do you expect,
a pat on the back?

Lizzie, darling,
don't upset yourself.

- Hector, stop this at once! - You are
utterly irresponsible. Always have been.

Getting yourself in this mess without
a thought of the effect on the family.

That's all you care about,
isn't it?

Who the father is? Whether I'm
polluting the great MacDonald gene pool?

It's me that's having
the baby.

If the father's not around-
I've rather got used

to that state of affairs
over the past 30 years!

How dare you speak like that
to your father!

- Some father.
- What?!

- Come on, Sean.
- Lizzie! I shall speak to you later.

- Kiwi fruit.
- Kiwi fruit.

I am so sorry you should
have seen us like this.

Don't worry.
Goodbye, Molly.

Are you sure you won't
stay for round two?

I've got a busy day
tomorrow.

I got you this-

a pine cone?

It's from the big fir
up on the hill.

I was thinking about replanting
some of the ground spoor,

and putting it back
to the way it was.

That's a very lovely idea.

I seem to remember it
was your very lovely idea.

Right.

- See you around, Arch.
- Have a good trip.

Well...

goodbye.

Thanks for everything,
Katrina.

Goodbye, Archie.

Where do you think you're
going to, young lady?

Sean's taking me
back to Glasgow.

I think I might be a
wee bit over the limit.

Kilwillie Castle, then.

You're going
to Kilwillie's castle?

That is treachery!

- I'm sure he'll be more welcoming.
- Ho!

"How sharper than
a serpent's tooth it is,

to have
a thankless child. "

Hector,
if you go on like this,

I shall never, ever
speak to you again.

Come on, Lizzie!

Don't waste
your breath, mom,

he obviously doesn't want
anything to do with his grandchild.

Given my shortcomings
as a father,

I should imagine that would
be a profound relief to you.

Lizzie, there's a warm bed
waiting for you upstairs.

She's impossible,
eh, Archie?

I know what you're
going to say.

You know what he's like.

Snobbish, reactionary,
pigheaded!

I'm 32 years old,

and he can still wind me up
like nobody else.

- He has his good points.
- Such as?!

He's very- loyal.

Not to me, he's not!

Besides, I want more than that
from my father.

Loyalty is something
you get from a dog!

( sighs )

( dogs whining )

Ha!

Et tu, Monty?

I don't know what
I expected of him.

Though unconditional love
wouldn't have been a bad start.

I think you're going
to have to lower your sights.

This is father
we're talking about.

- right.
- He'll be fine.

He just takes a little longer
to get there than the rest of us.

In the meantime,
you have me.

What did I do to deserve you
as little brother?

You could have done without
me tonight, couldn't you?

Don't be silly.

So... how do you feel
about her going away?

It's her decision.

That's not
what I asked you.

Besides,
it's too late now.

I've lost her, Lizzie.

I gather Kilwillie's tree
is simply enormous?

What's that?!

Molly: Don't bait your father, dear.

He may be
an insufferable dinosaur,

but there's no need
to stoop to his level.

It's like teasing a child.

Pass Lexie's burnt toast,
would you, dear?

Molly: Do you know I had all
three of my children in this house,

and Hector managed somehow not
to be here each and every time?

I couldn't bear to see you suffer
- all that thrashing about.

Molly: He was still in the reserves,
of course, when Jamie was born.

- Posted overseas.
- Cheltenham.

And then when you, Lizzie,
came along,

he and Kilwillie went off
to the Royal Highland Show.

Came back three days later-
still roaring drunk,

with some kind of
combine harvester.

Massey-Ferguson 340,
still in perfect working order.

- I didn't think we did combine harvesting?
- We don't.

And with Archie, I think we
managed to keep him home that time.

Locked all the doors,
battened down the hatches.

And then,
we found a rope ladder,

hanging down
from the tower.

Eventually got a phone call,
two days later,

from a b&b in-
where was it again? Stromness.

- Ullapool, actually, old darling.
- I'm not speaking to you.

"Strathspey Gazette. "

Ah. You made
the front page.

Now then,
where are we-

what's this?

It's all about
bally trees!

Nothing about your visitors'
center at all, Archie.

And they spelt
my name wrong!

And they say there's no
such thing as bad publicity.

Hector, the tree-
sorry, breakfast.

What is it, boy?
Spit it out!

Somebody's chopped
the top of your tree off.

Father.

( all giggling )

- Unspeakable bounder!
- You do not need the shotgun.

- Come on, Golly, all hands on deck.
- What's happened?

Sabotage!

Oh, yes, I'm very
confident of victory.

Wouldn't you agree,
William?

Yes, sir.

Kilwillie:
There she is.

My Titan.
My Colossus.

What have
they done to you?

"Now cracks a noble heart. "

( sobs )

And vengeance
shall be mine!

Please don't tell me
you've packed the coffee.

Hello.

I want to ask you
to be godmother.

- Of course.
- look after the moral welfare

of the child if I'm run over by a bus,

in the absence of any
suitable paternal role models.

Your dad'll come round.

He's just worried
about you,

about you bringing up
a child on your own.

A lot he'd know about it, wouldn't he?

Pack 'em off
to boarding school

as soon as they're
out of nappies,

that's his way of dealing with children.

I left home when I was
seven, do you know that?

You keep coming back,
though, don't you?

Summer holidays,
Easter, Christmas-

every chance
I could get.

A sucker
for punishment.

Now it's your turn
to leave home.

Had to get out
before I hit 30.

He really must have swept
you off your feet, lucky girl!

It's all happened
so fast.

Do you love him?

Fergal?

He's bright.
He's funny.

He's got tons of energy.

But?

He's rootless.

He doesn't
belong anywhere.

And you do.

Yes, I do.

You can always come back.

Summer holidays,
easter and Christmas?

Stop me, if I'm being
completely dense here, but...

this doesn't have anything
to do with Archie, does it?

I just don't know
how it happened.

Desertion was a court-martial
offense in my day.

- What's the diagnosis? - Someone
has been up there with climbing spikes on,

marks all over the tree.

Duncan, Golly, saddle up.
We're going over the border.

Ah ah ah. Do you not think there are
more important things to consider?

Like your daughter? The imminent
arrival of your grandchild?

There's plenty of time for
that later! This is war!

( Archie sighs )

I know you're trying
to be a good sister, Lizzie,

but Archie's had months to say
something and he hasn't.

- If he really cared about
me- - he's mad about you!

He told me as much
last night.

He doesn't want you to go.

I don't want you to go.

I think, in your heart of
hearts, you don't want to go.

That's not true!

You'd rather ride off into the
sunset with Fergal, would you?

- Thousands of miles from home?
- Yes, I would.

And you know why?

Because he asked me to.

He loves me and he wants me
to go with him.

And pathetic as that sounds,
that makes me feel good.

I'm not saying I've never
had feelings for Archie.

I have.

But what am I supposed to do
if he won't talk to me?

Oh, god.

Lizzie,
are you okay?

I think the dress rehearsals
are over.

Oh.

Go on, man,
hit it.

Lex, I've got to go.

It's my dad's turn
with the cab today.

- I can't do it, can I?
- And why not?

'Cause shanty's
a man's game.

I wish you'd blow
the final whistle then.

( horn honking )

Oh, looks like we're
into extra time!

Golly!

MacDonald!

Kilwillie!

So the two opposing camps
faced each other

across the barren moor.
The blood lust was stirring.

You always were
a devious little toe rag,

but I never thought
you'd stoop to that!

You're the scoundrel!

En guarde!

On guard yourself!

A hit!
A very palpable hit!

Nonsense, a scratch,
a mere scratch.

Come on, that is enough-
ow! Stop it.

Oh, I say!
You cheat!

- Baldy!
- Stick insect!

That is it!

Consider our friendship over!

I'm sure my bank manager

will be delighted
to hear it!

Come on, father.

Mccrory: The blood of the
MacDonalds once more spilt

on the heather
of Glenbogle.

( sobbing )

We need the midwife,
clean sheets,

lots of hot water. Can
you make it up the stairs?

- Absolutely not!
- Right, come on.

I'm not going to give birth
on a billiard table!

Then it better be the library. Come on.

Stay calm. That's good, darling.

Come on,
stay calm.

Lizzie: oww!

The arrogance! The
sheer vanity of the man!

Yes, sir.

You realise I have more
than 8,000 of these.

How big is mine again?

210' 8"
from base to tip, sir.

Oh, well...

we're clear
of the field...

so far.

'Cause there's no
two ways about it,

I simply must win!

Bit below the belt
there, I thought.

You were both behaving
rather foolishly.

I suppose so.

I did my best with the estate, you know.

Not much talent for business, though.

Not much talent for anything, really.

Not much of a father
either.

Come on,
that's not true.

Cut me to the quick when
young Lizzie said that.

I thought fatherhood
was the one thing

I haven't made
a complete bish of.

You've turned out all
right, though, haven't you?

I don't have
any complaints.

I barely knew
my own father.

Nanny used to look
after all the children.

We'd come downstairs from
the nursery in our kilts,

stand to attention,
speak when spoken to.

I can't imagine your sister
putting up with that, eh?

No.

So you must've done
something right.

Lizzie: Oh, do I have
to have that old thing?

Yes, darling,
it's family tradition.

Oh, god,
it's disgusting!

The midwife won't be
here for at least an hour,

so we're just gonna have
to make a start ourselves.

Lizzie: no...

- hot water?
- Check.

- Towels?
- Check.

- Rope?
- Rope?!

You have done this
before, haven't you?

I got three of my own
- ten, eight and four.

Try and relax,
breathe deeply.

Remember?

( all breathe deeply )

- Ooh...
- right?

Whatever you say,
doctor.

( Lizzie groans )

Look, she came home,
didn't she?

It can't have been
easy for her.

It's not how I imagined things
turning out for the girl.

I'm sure it's not how Lizzie
would have wanted it either,

but she's just got
to put up with it.

The least you can do is give
her a bit of moral support.

I don't think she wants my
support. You heard what she said.

She was angry and upset.
She didn't mean it.

Look, she didn't
come home for the...

dodgy electricity and
the leaky taps, did she?

She came home to be
with the people

who love her and who'll look after her.

I'm sure
she'd want you there.

What are you doing
with that, man?

I'm keeping it out of the
clutches of that vandal.

It's all valuable
evidence.

I'd have thought 50 years of friendship
was all the evidence you'd need.

I admire your loyalty, but
you're wasting your breath.

It's an open
and shut case.

Hector and Archie were at the house
all night. I can vouch for that.

Duncan was where he shouldn't
have been, home in bed.

I know I didn't do it.
So you tell me exactly

how you work out
Hector is responsible.

Oh, it's all
mere details!

No, no.
Plain facts.

If Hector isn't responsible,
then who the bally hell is?

How much do you trust
your new man?

Don't be ridiculous.

He comes to me highly recommended.
He's utterly trustworthy!

Is he?

What do you make
of that?

What do you make
of these, then?

I'd say you owe Hector an apology.

Wouldn't you?

You're doing
brilliantly.

He's certainly on the move, all right.

I know.
I can feel him.

That's right, darling,
let it out.

I was just the same,
a real screamer.

They used to say
they could hear me

on the far side
of the loch. Come on.

( Lizzie wailing )

( Lizzie moaning )

Go on. I think you
should make up with her

before she
has the baby.

Quite right, my boy.
Carpe diem.

What should I say?

Just tell her
that you love her.

Lizzie: Will you get
that thing out of here?!

There you are. You'll just have to wait.

Girls only
at the moment.

( Lizzie wailing )

I thought you'd be
at the station by now.

I've lost Katrina. You
haven't seen her, have you?

Nor have heard her.

( Lizzie wails loudly )

Archie, I can't take this.

( baby crying )

It's the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen.

Oh...

I say...

well done,
old girl.

Say hello
to your grandfather.

Isn't she
beautiful?

They both are.

And I will
always love them.

Archie:
Well done, sis.

Thanks, Arch.

She certainly looks like
a MacDonald, doesn't she?

( baby crying )

Fergal: We've only got 15
minutes. We really have to go.

I can't leave without
saying goodbye to Lizzie.

Just give me
two seconds, okay?

I thought
we'd lost you.

Not quite yet.

Then we'd better not
stand on ceremony.

Say hello
to your godmother,

Katrina.

Hello,
Miss MacDonald.

And to your godfather,

Archie.

But I'm already
an uncle.

I don't care.

I can't think of two better
people for my firstborn.

She's so gorgeous.

I have to run.

I'm so proud of you.

Take care of yourself.

And the little one.

Bye.

Goodbye.

What?

She won't be much use
as a godmother

if she's on the other side
of the world.

No, she won't.

Well then?

She's gone.

Go after her,
my boy.

What?

- Go on, Archie.
- What do I say?

For goodness sake,

both:
Tell her you love her!

( panting )

They've gone.

( Lexie singing lullaby )

Oh, Archie,
I'm so sorry.

At least
you tried, my boy.

At least
you tried.

Oh, goodbye,
and thank you so much.

Do call again.

- See you.
- Bye.

What's this?

�173.50, wasn't it?

No charge.

You really are a very
nice man, aren't you?

Thank you.

You looking
for these?

And you have no idea
where she is?

She was upset all the
way down on the train.

Leaving so quickly...
your sister...

the baby...

I tried to be...

you know, sympathetic.

She just wouldn't
speak to me.

We ended up having a row.

Our first row.

I went to the bar...

came back just as we
pulled into Edinburgh.

- She'd gone.
- Gone?

Thought she might've
come back here.

I don't think she really wanted
to leave in the first place.

You know?

To be honest...

I don't know if
what she feels for me...

or what she felt...

was enough.

So what are you
gonna do?

I've got a ticket
to New Zealand...

job waiting for me...

another new life.

If she loves me...

she'll come after me.

Are you sure you didn't
say anything to her?

No.

But I wish I had.

Hector: Ahh, doesn't
want to go beddy-bye...

- your grandpa will-
- uncanny, isn't it?

The way they all manage to
look like Winston Churchill.

Hector, I've been
a damn fool.

We both have.

I said a few things that
I shouldn't have, old chap.

In the heat of the moment.

Quite.

That damn new ghillie
of mine...

I swear to you, Hector, I
didn't know anything about it.

I knew that even you
wouldn't stoop that low.

He came highly recommended
by Tubby Mclnver.

I can't understand it!

The truth is...
I was jealous.

Jealous of who?

- Of you.
- Of me? Why?

You've got it all,
old boy.

A beautiful,
charming wife,

young Archie turning
the estate around- look at me.

I've got no son and heir

ready to look after the place
when I'm gone.

Kilwillie...

give me your hand.

Are we friends then?

Absolutely.

What about the, uh...

it's only a tree.

As you say.

It's only a tree.

Oh.

Thanks, old man.

There we go.

- I've got it.
- Can you manage?

- Yeah.
- Excellent.

Hot off the press.

The result
of the competition

organised
by the Woodland Trust

to find the tallest tree
in Scotland is as follows:

The Kilwillie tree,

or what remains of it-

203' 6".

Hurrah!

The MacDonald tree,

203 feet.

Inches, man,
inches!

203 feet,

precisely.

Ha ha!

Oh, never mind,
old man.

It's only a tree.

Isn't that Tubby Mclnver over there?

Yes.

But... he's the chap
who recommended-

- Billy the ghillie!
- Mccrory: so, with all competitors

duly taken into account,

it's now my final duty
to announce a winner.

A fine specimen
of scottus pinas

from the estate of
Lord Mclnver of Kilkern.

Both: What?

I could have told you
that Mclnver

was a complete
and utter scoundrel!

That's all very well,
Hector.

What the bally Moses

am I gonna do with these?

How am I supposed to market the
second tallest tree in Scotland?

Ah.

Hector:
Wherever you roam,

whatever path
you choose to take,

this place will
always be your home,

and this family will
always be your family.

And that goes for you too, young lady.

Thank you, daddy.

Don't suppose you
can tear yourself away

from the bright lights
of London?

You could always come
and visit us, daddy.

I could use
a cheap babysitter.

Present the quaiche.

The quaiche.

This silver quaiche,

engraved with the family motto...

"takes one
to know one. "

Has been handed down through
generations of MacDonalds.

We use it again
today

to bless
the arrival of-

hang on... we don't have
a name for her yet, do we?

Martha.

Martha,
my mother's name!

Thank you, Lizzie.

Don't drop her,
will you?

Would I drop
my own granddaughter?

Thank you, Golly.

Dearest Martha,

we welcome you.

Take your place on
god's good green earth.

Play your part
in the...

circle of life?

Very good, Lexie, yes!

The circle of life.

Welcome to Glenbogle,

Martha MacDonald.

All:
Martha MacDonald.

Jolly good show, what.

( theme music playing )

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