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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,439 --> 00:00:02,373 [Mooing] 2 00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:14,318 [Airplane Passes Overhead] 3 00:00:16,478 --> 00:00:20,175 - Anybody got anything yet? - Nada. 4 00:00:20,096 --> 00:00:23,691 [Bleating] Not even a mouse. 5 00:00:26,562 --> 00:00:28,894 Look who's joined the party, boys. 6 00:00:34,022 --> 00:00:36,217 Come on, baby. 7 00:00:36,199 --> 00:00:39,760 That's it. There you go. 8 00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:41,623 Good girl. 9 00:00:42,538 --> 00:00:46,838 She made the drop, boys. Go pick her up, but wait until she's a couple of blocks away. 10 00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:49,256 How long are we gonna wait for this guy? We won't wait long. 11 00:00:49,229 --> 00:00:53,825 Roxy's not about to let 20 keys of blow stay in that trunk much past dawn. 12 00:00:53,711 --> 00:00:56,646 [Mooing] 13 00:01:07,252 --> 00:01:09,379 [Mooing Continues] 14 00:01:13,367 --> 00:01:15,392 The hell is goin' on here? 15 00:01:18,394 --> 00:01:20,521 I'll go check it out. 16 00:01:22,748 --> 00:01:25,216 Cowboy Bob's knocked out cold. 17 00:01:25,181 --> 00:01:28,173 What is this? I don't know, but it's sure not Roxy. 18 00:01:28,126 --> 00:01:31,061 - [Horn Honking] - [Mooing] 19 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:33,339 Oh, no, but that is. 20 00:01:34,209 --> 00:01:39,112 Hello, officers. Lovely night for a cattle drive, don't you think? 21 00:01:38,979 --> 00:01:42,710 - [Laughing] - Oh, I do not believe this! 22 00:01:42,628 --> 00:01:45,290 I wanna know who this guy is, and who let him in here! 23 00:01:45,253 --> 00:01:47,483 Hey, so we're blown. We been blown before. 24 00:01:47,463 --> 00:01:52,025 - Hey, what's this? - It's a bomb! Everybody split! 25 00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:54,066 Interesting bomb. 26 00:02:54,052 --> 00:02:57,647 One of my lab techs thought it might be some new form of liquid plastique, 27 00:02:57,574 --> 00:03:01,135 so he ran it through a scanner. And? 28 00:03:01,063 --> 00:03:03,156 You can see them swimming, if you'd like. May I? 29 00:03:03,145 --> 00:03:05,579 Uh-huh. 30 00:03:05,545 --> 00:03:08,537 You know, this stuff could cause quite an explosion— 31 00:03:08,491 --> 00:03:11,016 I knew it. In the cow population. 32 00:03:10,987 --> 00:03:13,717 What is it? Bull semen. 33 00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:15,975 Bull semen? Bull semen— Bull sperm? 34 00:03:15,950 --> 00:03:17,884 Uh-huh. [Man] There it is. 35 00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:20,100 There it is. That's my tank. That's my— [Knocking] 36 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,742 Hey, Buckwheat, let me in, man! Let— Let— 37 00:03:22,705 --> 00:03:24,673 You're supposed to be in the hospital. 38 00:03:24,658 --> 00:03:27,388 Will you tell these guys it's all right? Guys, it's all right. 39 00:03:29,940 --> 00:03:31,931 It's defrosted! 40 00:03:31,925 --> 00:03:36,589 Now, what kind of people would let frozen bull semen thaw? 41 00:03:36,471 --> 00:03:40,407 - Must be our warm hearts. - Man, I come in from Texas... 42 00:03:40,312 --> 00:03:45,011 with two tanks of Gargantua's semen to ship to my partner in Belize. 43 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,587 One gets stolen and the other gets ruined— 44 00:03:47,548 --> 00:03:50,813 defrosted by the cops! 45 00:03:50,749 --> 00:03:54,776 Gargantua? Yeah. I named him for his, uh, equipment. 46 00:03:54,687 --> 00:03:57,315 Thousand units a tank— 47 00:03:57,281 --> 00:03:59,715 hundred bucks a unit, easy. 48 00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:02,582 A hundred grand for bull sperm? Yeahl 49 00:04:02,531 --> 00:04:04,897 What am I doin'? I'm just mindin' my own business, 50 00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:08,200 sleepin' in my truck by the Agriculture Department export place. 51 00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:11,159 And, uh, lucky us— we were right next door, huh? 52 00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:14,170 [Scoffs] I get bushwhacked! 53 00:04:14,119 --> 00:04:16,451 Boy, I tell you what. 54 00:04:16,425 --> 00:04:19,792 Texas Rangers never would've let them little bitty sperms out of the corral. 55 00:04:19,722 --> 00:04:21,656 That's for dang sure! 56 00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:27,376 This is Agent, uh, Timothy Anderson from Washington, 57 00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:29,310 here to let us know what happened last night. 58 00:04:29,294 --> 00:04:32,923 - Great, another expert. - It's imperative that we locate this husbandry material. 59 00:04:32,848 --> 00:04:34,941 "Husbandry material"? 60 00:04:34,929 --> 00:04:38,626 Yeah, we gotta bring in every unmarried Holstein in Dade County. 61 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:42,744 Now, the department is extremely interested in the recovery of the bull... 62 00:04:43,669 --> 00:04:45,603 semen. 63 00:04:45,590 --> 00:04:48,058 Unborn cattle rustlin', Lieutenant? 64 00:04:48,023 --> 00:04:49,786 Government needs a local liaison. 65 00:04:49,784 --> 00:04:52,378 Well, uh, what are we supposed to do, 66 00:04:52,344 --> 00:04:55,507 question happy cows with that, uh, sexual afterglow? 67 00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,384 [All Snickering, Giggling] 68 00:04:57,371 --> 00:04:59,896 For your information, most cows don't enjoy it. 69 00:04:59,868 --> 00:05:03,269 That's why they have such sad eyes. [Laughing] 70 00:05:03,198 --> 00:05:06,827 [Mooing] 71 00:05:06,751 --> 00:05:11,552 Now, milk from one of these animals is the most complete food in the world. 72 00:05:11,425 --> 00:05:13,757 Four-legged miracles, these animals. 73 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:16,290 I was, uh, explaining to Mr. Cooper this morning— 74 00:05:16,259 --> 00:05:18,420 true beasts of beauty. 75 00:05:18,404 --> 00:05:22,033 Uh, you know, one of the first things you boys gonna have to learn... 76 00:05:21,957 --> 00:05:25,449 is how to pick up on animal disease. 77 00:05:25,384 --> 00:05:27,614 You gotta look for the glaze in the animal's eye. 78 00:05:27,592 --> 00:05:31,028 That— That can mean, uh, a fever. 79 00:05:30,953 --> 00:05:36,016 You gotta check for warts, abscesses, ringworm. 80 00:05:35,884 --> 00:05:38,978 You got to be cautious with pus and fungus. 81 00:05:38,926 --> 00:05:41,986 - You don't wanna contaminate yourself. - [Exhales] 82 00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:45,392 These, uh, animals also sometimes have gut infections, 83 00:05:45,328 --> 00:05:47,626 and watch out for loose bowels— diarrhea. 84 00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:51,731 That—That could be a sign of some infestation. 85 00:05:51,635 --> 00:05:55,196 - Sounds great. - Yeah, well—Pacol 86 00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:58,787 Come here and show these two how to check out a cow for pregnancy. 87 00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,292 [Moos] 88 00:06:06,330 --> 00:06:09,231 Gina, absolutely, positively overnight. 89 00:06:10,395 --> 00:06:12,386 What do you got there— family photo? 90 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:15,178 It's Gargantua. It's Calvin's bull. 91 00:06:15,133 --> 00:06:17,226 You wanna see it? 92 00:06:17,214 --> 00:06:19,512 I've seen Calvin's bull. 93 00:06:19,487 --> 00:06:22,422 Hey, man, this is the finest bull I ever had. 94 00:06:22,368 --> 00:06:24,563 Key to my whole operation. 95 00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:29,107 Well, they only lost one tank. Why don't you just go on back there... 96 00:06:28,995 --> 00:06:31,463 and get a fresh supply? 97 00:06:31,429 --> 00:06:33,897 He's dead. 98 00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,796 Natural causes? 99 00:06:35,783 --> 00:06:39,719 Oh, he was servicin' a heifer, and he stepped in a hole, broke his leg. 100 00:06:39,624 --> 00:06:42,957 Oh. I had to sell him for slaughter. 101 00:06:42,889 --> 00:06:46,017 You mean, he was— He died for love. 102 00:06:45,963 --> 00:06:47,897 Oh. 103 00:06:50,125 --> 00:06:52,389 Five dollars for a bullwhip. 104 00:06:52,366 --> 00:06:54,357 Hey, kids, you gonna buy those whips? 105 00:06:54,351 --> 00:06:57,286 Are you gonna buy those? Do you have five dollars for tho— 106 00:06:57,232 --> 00:06:59,166 Don't finger the— Wait. Get aw— 107 00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:02,987 Get away from there with those snow cones! Don't be comin' around here! 108 00:07:02,899 --> 00:07:04,924 Manny! Polaroid! 109 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:11,682 Would you please hold this whip in a possibly suggestive position? 110 00:07:11,606 --> 00:07:13,540 Have a little fun with it, eh? 111 00:07:13,527 --> 00:07:18,726 Uh, reintroduce... playtime in the bedroom, eh? Yes. 112 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:22,184 This is Rojas. 113 00:07:22,171 --> 00:07:25,504 So you think that feller knows somethin' about my stolen tank? 114 00:07:26,877 --> 00:07:30,176 Izzy's got his finger on the pulse of the underworld. 115 00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:33,807 I have located the Texan and established surveillance. 116 00:07:33,729 --> 00:07:37,221 Very nice! Is she nice? I'll take that, Manny. Thank you very much. 117 00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,486 Come on down here. I talk to you a little bit. 118 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,019 I'm doing a remake of Red River... 119 00:07:41,988 --> 00:07:45,389 with the original dialogue intact— 120 00:07:45,317 --> 00:07:47,581 Look at this guy, will ya? 121 00:07:47,558 --> 00:07:50,686 Who's he supposed to be, Randolph Scott? 122 00:07:50,632 --> 00:07:53,624 Howard Hawks didn't want to have the Duke die, but that's how it goes. 123 00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:56,011 It's going to be low budget, but, uh, if we gave you— 124 00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:58,139 [Switek Shouts] Hey, Buffalo Billl 125 00:08:00,588 --> 00:08:03,887 Give your name and number to Manny here, and we'll get in touch with you, huh? 126 00:08:03,821 --> 00:08:05,812 Manny, get her name and her number, eh? 127 00:08:08,367 --> 00:08:12,360 Caballeros, got my work permit here somewhere, eh? 128 00:08:12,273 --> 00:08:14,537 I got my peddler's license renewed this year. 129 00:08:14,515 --> 00:08:18,451 I can get you a special rate on these for the police force. 130 00:08:18,356 --> 00:08:20,381 You got a line on any bull semen thieves? 131 00:08:20,373 --> 00:08:22,898 You got a line on 50 bucks? No, I'm only kidding. 132 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,963 - I got your man. - You do? 133 00:08:24,951 --> 00:08:28,910 Oh, yes. I know some very heavy cattle breeders who know this guy... 134 00:08:28,825 --> 00:08:32,625 and say that he's getting into artificial "insubordination"? 135 00:08:32,538 --> 00:08:36,702 I want you to go and tell him you got an offer from an interested buyer. 136 00:08:36,604 --> 00:08:40,335 Sorry, but I'm gonna be busy the rest of the afternoon. 137 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:42,245 Well, then, maybe a certain parole officer... 138 00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:46,140 would, uh, like to find out where his girlfriend spends her Friday nights. 139 00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:48,243 Got a quarter? He's no good for her. 140 00:08:48,225 --> 00:08:50,989 No. You got a quarter? 141 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,973 - I just tried to give back her self-esteem! - Yeah, I got a quarter. 142 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:57,382 Okay, all right, all right! I'll make a phone call for you. 143 00:08:57,317 --> 00:08:59,649 Here's a quarter. 144 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:02,284 I have my own quarter. 145 00:09:04,105 --> 00:09:06,039 Guy's a nut. 146 00:09:06,026 --> 00:09:09,052 - [Moreno] Listen, Paco, it's like I tell you on the phone. - You sure he's cool? 147 00:09:09,003 --> 00:09:11,631 He's cool. He's a stand-up guy, here. Yeah. Uh-huh. 148 00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:14,429 You're gonna walk away with your down payment. 149 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,168 They have arrived. 150 00:09:23,153 --> 00:09:25,815 Okay. That's the signal, yes? 151 00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:29,976 Come on, come on, compadre. 152 00:09:38,647 --> 00:09:42,014 Howdy, pardners. You're busted! 153 00:09:41,945 --> 00:09:44,675 - [Anderson On Bullhorn] In the name of the— - [Water Splashing] 154 00:09:44,634 --> 00:09:49,503 In the name of the United States government, I place you under arrest. Put the tank on the ground. Lay your hands against the truck. 155 00:09:49,372 --> 00:09:51,306 Uh, put your hands in the air! [Gunfire] 156 00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:53,227 [Trudy] Who's shootin'? 157 00:09:54,174 --> 00:09:56,142 Shots came from over there. 158 00:10:05,252 --> 00:10:08,415 [Gunfire Continues] 159 00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:17,058 [Police Radio, Indistinct] 160 00:10:17,001 --> 00:10:20,437 Who started shooting? There was not supposed to be any shooting here! 161 00:10:20,362 --> 00:10:22,353 What are the feds doing here? 162 00:10:22,347 --> 00:10:25,316 Anderson, you can call the A-team out. It's all over now. 163 00:10:25,260 --> 00:10:27,922 General all clear. The tank? 164 00:10:27,885 --> 00:10:31,719 Looks like our friend Paco was cowed by all the noise and split. 165 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,464 What is it with this stuff? You're not cleared to know that. 166 00:10:34,416 --> 00:10:36,350 "Not cleared"? 167 00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:39,306 Hey, uh, Anderson, looks like you're an uncle. 168 00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:43,554 Montecristo. 169 00:10:43,541 --> 00:10:46,442 It's that Cuban pig Rojas. 170 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,652 Cuban intelligence? 171 00:10:53,625 --> 00:10:57,254 Now, what could Cuban intelligence possibly be interested in here, huh? 172 00:10:58,587 --> 00:11:00,612 [Anderson Sighs] 173 00:11:00,604 --> 00:11:03,300 Miniature cows. [Snickering] 174 00:11:03,261 --> 00:11:05,991 [All Laughing] 175 00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:09,249 [Laughing] Miniature cows. 176 00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:13,052 This gets better and better. [Laughing Continues] 177 00:11:14,082 --> 00:11:16,983 Okay, this is a picture of Gargantua. 178 00:11:16,931 --> 00:11:19,365 Oh, this has gotta be a gag, Anderson. 179 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,496 [Guffaws] I didn't know cows came that small. 180 00:11:22,438 --> 00:11:25,100 - [Giggles, Laughs] - Yes, they do, Detective. 181 00:11:25,063 --> 00:11:27,054 They do. And the U.S. Of A. Plans to be... 182 00:11:27,048 --> 00:11:30,176 in the forefront of bovine miniaturization. 183 00:11:30,121 --> 00:11:32,681 [Laughing Resumes] 184 00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:38,411 In India, high-yield rice, impervious to nuclear fallout. 185 00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:41,586 Bat guano power plants in Guatemala. 186 00:11:41,519 --> 00:11:44,181 Herring farms in the Dead Sea. 187 00:11:45,552 --> 00:11:49,545 The way to people's hearts and minds is through their stomachs. [Trudy Chuckles] 188 00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:52,950 Mao Tse-tung. [Chuckles] 189 00:11:52,884 --> 00:11:55,819 Well, it's a sentiment that Cuban intelligence seems to share, believe me. 190 00:11:55,765 --> 00:12:00,031 Senor Rojas and I have locked horns from Trinidad— Yeah, speakin' of horns, 191 00:11:59,926 --> 00:12:04,295 uh, when you gonna get off the red herring and onto the bull business, huh? 192 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,650 Eyes only. 193 00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:15,851 [Trudy Sighs] Oh, God. 194 00:12:15,838 --> 00:12:18,739 Up to now, the dairy protein needs in the Third World have been met, 195 00:12:18,686 --> 00:12:20,620 if at all, in powdered form. 196 00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:22,768 In times of drought, the results have been tragic. 197 00:12:22,753 --> 00:12:25,483 What you're seeing is the answer. 198 00:12:25,442 --> 00:12:27,603 Little bossies and their tiny teats? 199 00:12:27,587 --> 00:12:29,612 What do they put out, evaporated milk? 200 00:12:29,603 --> 00:12:33,699 Try two-thirds the production of a full-size cow on one-tenth the acreage. 201 00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:35,573 The perfect low-cost animal. 202 00:12:36,519 --> 00:12:40,387 So when did Rojas find out about Cowboy Calvin's big secret? 203 00:12:40,297 --> 00:12:43,755 Lesson number one, Detective: In the intelligence community, 204 00:12:43,690 --> 00:12:47,820 there are no secrets, except the secrets that keep themselves. 205 00:12:49,484 --> 00:12:51,918 [Clears Throat] 206 00:12:51,886 --> 00:12:54,787 Okay. [Clears Throat] [Clears Throat] 207 00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:57,950 [Calvin] Goldurn it, Stanley. 208 00:12:57,936 --> 00:13:01,372 I wish them cloak-and-dagger boys'd butt the hell outta this. 209 00:13:01,297 --> 00:13:03,390 Why, are you afraid all that international goodwill... 210 00:13:03,378 --> 00:13:05,903 is gonna bankrupt you at the sperm bank? Goodwill? 211 00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:09,505 Stanley, there's some serious long green... 212 00:13:09,429 --> 00:13:11,863 to be made off of them little cows of mine. 213 00:13:12,855 --> 00:13:15,847 - How serious? - Do you know how many sperms... 214 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,995 can swim around on the head of a pin? 215 00:13:18,906 --> 00:13:22,137 - I never looked. - Millions, millions. 216 00:13:22,075 --> 00:13:26,239 So just think of how many potential cows is in that tank, see. 217 00:13:26,141 --> 00:13:29,736 I mean, that's at least one cow... 218 00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:33,496 for every family in the entire teemin' underdeveloped world. 219 00:13:33,408 --> 00:13:35,808 Unreal. Yeah. 220 00:13:35,777 --> 00:13:37,904 Why, even at a buck a cow, that's— 221 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:41,326 - A lot of moola. - [Whistles] 222 00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:46,019 [Calvin] You know, it's not that I don't have every confidence in the local law enforcement. 223 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:48,361 It's just that— 224 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:51,194 I wouldn't be gettin' up on the off side. 225 00:13:53,481 --> 00:13:57,941 Uh, it's just that I thought— and Stan here agrees with me— 226 00:13:57,835 --> 00:14:00,497 that you're the man to head up this posse. 227 00:14:00,460 --> 00:14:04,487 Well, I just started casting Red River, Part Two, but... 228 00:14:05,422 --> 00:14:08,880 I can always check my calendar. 229 00:14:08,816 --> 00:14:12,377 He's incredibly busy. Uh-huh. 230 00:14:12,306 --> 00:14:17,835 Well, if you wasn't busy, how would you go about contacting this, uh, Paco, uh— 231 00:14:17,683 --> 00:14:19,674 Hermosa? Hermosa. 232 00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:22,797 Uh-huh. Well, probably in the role of a neo-crypto— 233 00:14:22,742 --> 00:14:25,267 Uh, wh-whoa, whoa, whoa— bagman. 234 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:27,298 Whoa. 235 00:14:27,288 --> 00:14:33,193 Seventy-five, 80, 82— three, four, five— 236 00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:35,579 Call that 86,500. All right. 237 00:14:35,548 --> 00:14:38,108 Now you tell Mr. Hermosa, 238 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:43,709 86,500 for the return of my bull futures, no questions asked. 239 00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:46,452 [Exhales] We are totally simpático, my friend. 240 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,130 I guarantee that I can get your, uh— 241 00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:53,459 [Chuckles] Vital fluids returned to your personage... 242 00:14:53,348 --> 00:14:55,612 faster than you can say... 243 00:14:57,605 --> 00:14:59,539 "Lash La Rue." 244 00:14:59,526 --> 00:15:02,654 You know, I knew you was a range rider minute I laid eyes on you. 245 00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,160 Hey, didn't I say that about him, Stan? 246 00:15:06,890 --> 00:15:10,053 - I got one question. - Well, what's that? 247 00:15:09,995 --> 00:15:13,453 "What's in it for me?"Right, Iz? 248 00:15:16,622 --> 00:15:18,749 What's in it for me? 249 00:15:20,111 --> 00:15:22,272 Think 86,500 will get it, Stan? 250 00:15:22,257 --> 00:15:26,057 Ah, more than enough if Hermosa's as low-rent as Izzy is. 251 00:15:25,970 --> 00:15:28,336 Course, 86,500— 252 00:15:28,307 --> 00:15:31,435 Well, that's kind of— What? 253 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:33,610 Well, it's an odd number. Odd number? 254 00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:36,923 Yeah. Look, you're, uh, obviously a bright guy, 255 00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:40,222 but, uh, in the big city— I'm just a big hick. 256 00:15:40,153 --> 00:15:43,122 No. Oh, yes, I am, damn it. 257 00:15:43,065 --> 00:15:47,399 Now, just go on and speak your piece, man. 258 00:15:47,292 --> 00:15:50,591 Well, we work with these fast operators all the time, 259 00:15:50,525 --> 00:15:53,961 and one thing you recognize— round numbers. 260 00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:57,322 Round numbers? Yeah. I mean, you never see a guy, uh, 261 00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,842 offer a bribe, say, $72 and change. 262 00:15:59,809 --> 00:16:02,676 It's always a hundred bucks, 10 grand. 263 00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:05,493 Or a hundred thousand. Oh, but see— 264 00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,469 Yeah, Stan, I mean, all I got on me is 90 grand, 265 00:16:08,421 --> 00:16:12,255 'cause, you know, l— I didn't expect to get rolled in some strange city. 266 00:16:12,166 --> 00:16:14,157 I didn't prepare for it, or— 267 00:16:14,151 --> 00:16:18,645 Yeah, well I've got some savings I was gonna put into mutual funds, 268 00:16:18,537 --> 00:16:21,563 but with the market so crazy and all— Yeah. 269 00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:25,644 I'd be proud to invest in the future of a better world. 270 00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:28,985 No, no, I couldn't— I couldn't let you do that, see, 'cause, uh— 271 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:34,695 Well, l-I'd have to insist on one condition. 272 00:16:34,641 --> 00:16:39,635 What's that? And that's that your contribution entitles you to two per— 273 00:16:39,507 --> 00:16:43,944 f-five— five-percent ownership in Teal Enterprises, 274 00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:47,423 'cause, see, l-I'd just as soon that you got somethin' for your money, 275 00:16:47,350 --> 00:16:49,716 instead of just lettin' me have it, you know. 276 00:16:49,687 --> 00:16:54,215 And-And besides, if you're gonna be standin' behind me as an investor, 277 00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:57,472 then I'd be honored if you was my partner too. 278 00:16:57,403 --> 00:16:59,803 It's a deal. [Chuckles] 279 00:16:59,772 --> 00:17:02,502 [Laughs] Good deal! 280 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:06,021 How about Izzy's house, huh? Boy, that place is a dump. Man, I ain't lyin'. 281 00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:11,121 [Moreno] Entrez-vous, Agent Anderson. 282 00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:14,770 Well, you're a tough little puppy to keep in the crosshairs, Isadore. 283 00:17:14,691 --> 00:17:17,251 I don't let the johnsongrass grow under my feet. 284 00:17:17,219 --> 00:17:20,746 Everything here is perfectly legit. Well, good for you. 285 00:17:20,677 --> 00:17:23,612 Guess that means you're ready to help the right side, huh? [Chuckles] 286 00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:27,585 I salute the flag on your lapel, Agent Anderson, but, uh— 287 00:17:29,897 --> 00:17:33,924 But what? But, uh, I'm already engaged. 288 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,133 Well, I have some friends in the I.N.S. That, uh, 289 00:17:36,108 --> 00:17:38,599 gave me some information that may help disengage you. 290 00:17:38,573 --> 00:17:42,509 Seems your immigration status is a little precarious. 291 00:17:42,415 --> 00:17:45,680 Ingrid and I had a very special relationship. 292 00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:47,880 She taught me how to use the bullwhip. 293 00:17:47,857 --> 00:17:52,191 It's a tragic coincidence that we were divorced right after I got my green card. 294 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:58,044 Well, I've got two outstanding warrants in Puerto Rico, one in Guantánamo— 295 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:01,278 Where have I heard this before? Okay. All right, all right. I will help you. 296 00:18:01,207 --> 00:18:05,007 I'll tell you right now, Hermosa knows how valuable that tank is. 297 00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:08,329 Hermosa? Sí. 298 00:18:08,314 --> 00:18:11,681 - You mean, Rojas doesn't have that tank? - No, Paco Hermosa. 299 00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:13,909 And he's not gonna take a dime less than... 300 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:16,444 [Hesitantly] 200,000, 301 00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:18,574 uh, dollars. 302 00:18:18,559 --> 00:18:21,722 200,000. Uh, we could raise that. 303 00:18:21,664 --> 00:18:23,598 It'd be wrong, but— 304 00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:26,577 No, no, 200,000— that's well within the purview of my authorization. 305 00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,623 [Phone Buzzing] All right. 306 00:18:28,611 --> 00:18:32,240 It might be more, though. I can't tell. 307 00:18:33,638 --> 00:18:37,039 Red River Productions. Sí, this is he. 308 00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:41,597 This is Rojas. I have just "receive" a fax from Havana. 309 00:18:42,953 --> 00:18:46,912 It seems you still have many outstanding warrants. 310 00:18:47,852 --> 00:18:50,412 Shall I read them aloud to you? 311 00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:52,314 Oh, no-no-no, that's okay, uh, 312 00:18:52,301 --> 00:18:54,963 Comrade Rojas. 313 00:18:54,927 --> 00:18:58,920 I see. You are interested in the amazing bull product. 314 00:18:58,832 --> 00:19:02,859 Well, I don't know. We are a nation of... 315 00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:06,419 - card sharks? - ?Qué? 316 00:19:06,388 --> 00:19:09,323 Give me the whole thing. Play along. 317 00:19:09,269 --> 00:19:12,397 Uh, yes, I'll see what I can do, but it's going to cost you— 318 00:19:12,342 --> 00:19:14,276 [Door Opens, Closes] Something in the neighborhood of... 319 00:19:14,263 --> 00:19:16,595 two hundred and... 320 00:19:16,568 --> 00:19:18,536 fifty... nine... 321 00:19:18,521 --> 00:19:20,989 thousand... dollars. [Door Opens] 322 00:19:20,955 --> 00:19:24,482 Oh, yes. Yes, well, there are many pros and cons. [Door Closes] 323 00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:28,314 [Chuckles] Yes, especially the cons. Uh, un momento. 324 00:19:28,222 --> 00:19:31,191 He wants to make the deal today. Yes! 325 00:19:31,135 --> 00:19:33,433 Yes, we can do that for you today. 326 00:19:33,408 --> 00:19:35,899 I will meet you alone. 327 00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:38,808 Yes. You have my word. 328 00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:42,486 You and Comrade Rojas... 329 00:19:42,404 --> 00:19:46,465 and one billion unborn cows. 330 00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:48,968 Compact mini-cows? 331 00:19:48,935 --> 00:19:52,701 Limousine-size cows for our commie creep. 332 00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:57,490 [Speaking Spanish] [Spanish] 333 00:19:57,418 --> 00:19:59,852 [Spanish] All right, fine, fine. Okay. 334 00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:03,278 It's a beautiful winged, uh, sloop you got here, eh? 335 00:20:04,526 --> 00:20:07,984 I can't believe it. Sixteen boats in an hour? 336 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,388 Fifteen. He checked one twice. 337 00:20:10,352 --> 00:20:13,344 [Spanish] 338 00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,751 Rojas? [Gasps] [Spanish] 339 00:20:20,660 --> 00:20:22,594 [Both Speaking Spanish] 340 00:20:22,581 --> 00:20:24,606 I do not see any money here. [Spanish] 341 00:20:26,264 --> 00:20:28,562 Don't fool around— [Gunshot] 342 00:20:28,537 --> 00:20:33,941 - [Switek] What the hell's goin' on? - [Spanish] 343 00:20:33,787 --> 00:20:38,087 [Moreno] No. This is mine. This is mine. 344 00:20:52,067 --> 00:20:54,331 [Horn Honking] 345 00:20:58,406 --> 00:21:00,806 - What the hell are you doin'? - Hey! 346 00:21:00,775 --> 00:21:02,936 Nice goin', Mr. Covert Operation. 347 00:21:02,919 --> 00:21:06,650 Obviously you two have a little to learn about the chess-like interaction of international intrigue. 348 00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,503 Yeah, like what? 349 00:21:08,490 --> 00:21:12,722 Like the fact that our side just won a major battle in the cold war of animal husbandry. 350 00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:18,149 Mr. Rojas just bought himself a load of our deluxe oversized cud chewers. 351 00:21:19,535 --> 00:21:21,526 [Scoffs] You're welcome. 352 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,454 Who is this guy? 353 00:21:23,441 --> 00:21:27,172 Here's gratitude for ya. [Sighs] 354 00:21:27,090 --> 00:21:29,149 [Moreno] I told you already. 355 00:21:29,139 --> 00:21:32,404 Anderson tried to pull a big con on you! 356 00:21:32,340 --> 00:21:34,365 The tank is bogus! 357 00:21:34,358 --> 00:21:36,553 I was just the bagman! 358 00:21:36,534 --> 00:21:39,833 Let me down, please! [Panting] 359 00:21:40,665 --> 00:21:42,599 Hey! 360 00:21:42,585 --> 00:21:46,419 Why don't you tell me who you're really working for? 361 00:21:46,331 --> 00:21:50,028 L— I can see there's— [Chuckles] 362 00:21:49,948 --> 00:21:55,386 No Eastern Bloc translation for the kind of free market entrepreneurialism— 363 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:58,860 I'm getting dizzy. Oh, so you are... 364 00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:02,083 a capitalist pig who'll do anything for money. 365 00:22:02,017 --> 00:22:05,282 Uh, no it's more of a— a informational processing... 366 00:22:05,219 --> 00:22:10,418 of a very distinctly sought-after talent in this most inhospitable world. 367 00:22:10,278 --> 00:22:13,873 Where did you go? Aaah! Surely not as inhospitable... 368 00:22:13,799 --> 00:22:18,429 as La Cabana. La Cabana? La Cabana, no. 369 00:22:18,313 --> 00:22:20,247 Uh, that's—That's not me. You're— 370 00:22:20,234 --> 00:22:23,670 You're thinking of somebody else, I think, and it's not me. 371 00:22:23,595 --> 00:22:27,361 It's really not me. I mean, I've heard of La Cabana, but I've never spent any time— 372 00:22:27,277 --> 00:22:30,678 Ow! Does she work out with weights or something? 373 00:22:32,688 --> 00:22:35,248 Isadore Francisco Moreno— 374 00:22:35,217 --> 00:22:38,152 crimes against the revolución. 375 00:22:38,098 --> 00:22:43,365 Define la revolución. [Spanish] [Spanish] 376 00:22:43,220 --> 00:22:45,279 [Spanish] 377 00:22:45,269 --> 00:22:48,761 Either way, I go home with the spoils of capitalism. 378 00:22:48,695 --> 00:22:51,858 You... or the mini-cows. 379 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,065 Maybe I'll take both. 380 00:22:55,001 --> 00:22:56,992 So, who has my tank? 381 00:22:56,986 --> 00:22:59,978 [Spits] Now— 382 00:22:59,932 --> 00:23:02,526 [Shouting] 383 00:23:02,493 --> 00:23:05,428 Actually, it's some guy named Paco, 384 00:23:05,374 --> 00:23:08,537 actually works for the U.S.D.A., okay? 385 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,414 Huh? Oh, so U.S. Agents? 386 00:23:10,401 --> 00:23:14,337 No-no-no-no, he's just a opportunistic capitalistic, 387 00:23:14,242 --> 00:23:17,643 you know, sibling, actually. 388 00:23:17,572 --> 00:23:20,905 Uh, you know, he's just— He's trying to make— 389 00:23:20,837 --> 00:23:23,135 [Cries Out] M- make an name for hisself. 390 00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,203 He's, uh— 391 00:23:25,191 --> 00:23:29,423 He's already entertaining an offer from that overgrown Texas boot stomp, 392 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,880 that sodbuster, who has made a bid for the tank... 393 00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:37,652 of two hundred and fifty-nine thousand... dollars. 394 00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:41,853 [Spits, Coughs] So, you are, of course, to outbid him. 395 00:23:41,743 --> 00:23:45,804 300,000. 396 00:23:45,712 --> 00:23:51,651 This briefcase is bugged and rigged to detonate... 397 00:23:52,851 --> 00:23:54,819 on my command. 398 00:23:54,804 --> 00:23:57,705 Uh— So as to protect you... 399 00:23:57,653 --> 00:24:03,614 from your socially inbred tendencies of greed. [Chuckles] 400 00:24:03,448 --> 00:24:08,681 Any deviation from my instructions, and, uh— [Chuckles] 401 00:24:08,538 --> 00:24:14,238 We will be forced to abort you and your mission. 402 00:24:14,077 --> 00:24:16,045 [Sighs] 403 00:24:27,746 --> 00:24:29,680 [Grunts] 404 00:24:30,756 --> 00:24:34,817 Any chance of this going off by mistake? [Groans] 405 00:24:35,686 --> 00:24:38,382 [Trudy] We're gonna need Case 22. 406 00:24:38,343 --> 00:24:40,277 [Gina] It's on my desk. Ladies. 407 00:24:40,264 --> 00:24:43,825 Oh, hi, Calvin. Hi. 408 00:24:43,754 --> 00:24:48,214 They told me these was the last two in the entire state of Florida. [Giggles] 409 00:24:48,108 --> 00:24:50,576 That's nice. Thank you. 410 00:24:50,540 --> 00:24:53,532 [Gina] Why, thank you, Calvin. Well, you're welcome. 411 00:24:53,486 --> 00:24:55,647 Kind of hard to come by 'em, uh, 412 00:24:55,631 --> 00:24:58,566 so far from Texas. Oh. 413 00:24:58,512 --> 00:25:00,810 [Gina] That's sweet. [Calvin] Well, it— 414 00:25:00,785 --> 00:25:05,188 It seemed like the least I could do after the time we had last night. [Gina Chuckles] 415 00:25:05,075 --> 00:25:07,873 You check out Romeo back here? 416 00:25:07,828 --> 00:25:10,456 Ancient pangs of, uh, jealousy surfacing, partner? 417 00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:14,790 Get out of here. This guy's puttin' on a road show. [Gina, Calvin Chattering] 418 00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:19,480 Yeah, well I think he's already closed the sale on Gina. [Gina Laughing] 419 00:25:20,538 --> 00:25:23,974 Eight-to-five she sees right through him. [Laughing Continues] 420 00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,300 You sure you wanna make that bet? 421 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:32,386 Maybe you guys could take some notes here? [Calvin Chattering] 422 00:25:32,319 --> 00:25:36,585 Kind of... nice color on you. [Both Laugh] 423 00:25:36,481 --> 00:25:39,348 [Gina] Thanks. How about we just pull his file? 424 00:25:46,053 --> 00:25:48,681 Come on. Come on. [Rattling] 425 00:25:48,646 --> 00:25:50,409 [Lock Clicks] [Moreno Grunts] 426 00:25:54,025 --> 00:25:56,152 Come on. Come on. 427 00:25:56,138 --> 00:26:00,632 [Phone Beeping] [Cries Out, Panting] 428 00:26:00,524 --> 00:26:03,925 Yes? Paco. [Spanish] Hold on. 429 00:26:11,184 --> 00:26:13,675 [Panting] 430 00:26:13,649 --> 00:26:15,640 [Laughing] 431 00:26:15,634 --> 00:26:17,693 [Laughing On Headphones] [Speaking Spanish] 432 00:26:17,684 --> 00:26:20,653 What is it? I don't know. He's breaking up. 433 00:26:21,974 --> 00:26:23,908 Paco. Hey. 434 00:26:23,894 --> 00:26:28,297 Yeah, listen, the Cubans have come up with a better offer. 435 00:26:28,184 --> 00:26:31,620 Yeah. Yeah, it's about, uh— 436 00:26:31,545 --> 00:26:34,946 uh, three, uh— [Coughing] 437 00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:38,868 It's about, uh, two hundred and seventy-five, uh, thousand. 438 00:26:38,781 --> 00:26:42,148 Yeah. Izzy just cut a deal for Rojas... 439 00:26:42,078 --> 00:26:44,808 to sell the tank for 275,000. 440 00:26:46,080 --> 00:26:49,982 All these people prosperin' off of my hard work. 441 00:26:49,889 --> 00:26:54,383 [Static, Indistinct Chattering] 442 00:26:54,276 --> 00:26:58,178 [Moreno's Voice] Yeah. It's gonna be at the trestle today, 443 00:26:58,085 --> 00:27:00,076 near— near the Albondigas Bridge. 444 00:27:00,070 --> 00:27:03,801 And, listen, bring that bull gizmo. [Spanish] 445 00:27:41,817 --> 00:27:46,083 Close encounters of the... weird kind. 446 00:27:54,942 --> 00:27:56,068 [Switch Clicking] 447 00:28:00,065 --> 00:28:01,999 [Coughs] 448 00:28:04,035 --> 00:28:05,798 [Engine Starts] 449 00:28:10,437 --> 00:28:12,371 I can't believe it. 450 00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:15,623 Of all the people in the world to be entrusted... 451 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,721 with the forefront of bovine miniaturization. 452 00:28:17,704 --> 00:28:20,036 Psst, Izzy! 453 00:28:21,130 --> 00:28:23,064 Who's there? 454 00:28:23,051 --> 00:28:25,383 It's me, man! [Exhales] 455 00:28:25,356 --> 00:28:28,120 Who are all these light freaks? I don't know, man. 456 00:28:28,077 --> 00:28:30,011 You got the money? Yeah. It's in here. 457 00:28:29,998 --> 00:28:32,057 Be careful of the blinking red light. That'll be your cue. 458 00:28:32,047 --> 00:28:33,981 You got the stuff? Yeah. It's right here. 459 00:28:33,967 --> 00:28:36,629 Run! [Grunting] 460 00:28:45,173 --> 00:28:47,471 Let me see. Let me see. 461 00:28:49,751 --> 00:28:52,743 Come on. That tank's gotta make it back to the ranch. 462 00:28:52,696 --> 00:28:55,824 You really care for this, don't you? No. No. 463 00:28:55,769 --> 00:28:59,865 I just hate see a good ol' boy get the shaft, that's all. 464 00:29:07,775 --> 00:29:10,676 Not so fast, my capitalist friend. 465 00:29:10,624 --> 00:29:16,358 Hey, what we need here is a SALT-like détente nuclear disarmament! 466 00:29:16,195 --> 00:29:19,722 No way! Those miniature cows belong in the free world! 467 00:29:40,589 --> 00:29:44,685 Why does Anderson always show up at my drops, huh? 468 00:29:44,591 --> 00:29:48,186 I should be Martinized for trying to prevent W.W. Ill. 469 00:29:48,113 --> 00:29:51,810 Get up, bonehead, before we Martinize you right into the ground! 470 00:29:51,730 --> 00:29:54,961 Where's the money, Izzy? 471 00:29:54,899 --> 00:29:59,427 [Gasps] Rojas is going to kill me! He'll think I double-crossed him! 472 00:29:59,318 --> 00:30:02,412 You—You gotta help me get into a federal protection program! 473 00:30:02,359 --> 00:30:04,327 Let me shoot him, okay? 474 00:30:04,312 --> 00:30:06,576 Huh? Can I shoot him? 475 00:30:06,553 --> 00:30:08,885 I got a round in here. Sure, I do. 476 00:30:11,611 --> 00:30:15,274 Bunco Division, Los Angeles. 477 00:30:15,197 --> 00:30:17,563 Bunco Division, Denver. 478 00:30:17,534 --> 00:30:20,628 Land Fraud Division, State of Louisiana. 479 00:30:20,575 --> 00:30:23,510 Who's that? Cowboy Cal, 480 00:30:23,456 --> 00:30:26,050 a.k.a. Chuck Teasdale, 481 00:30:26,018 --> 00:30:30,216 Clyde T. Rose, Calvin Tuttle. 482 00:30:30,116 --> 00:30:31,708 [Coffee Cup Shatters] 483 00:30:31,716 --> 00:30:34,150 Calvin? 484 00:30:35,141 --> 00:30:37,541 Yeah. Sorry, Gina. 485 00:30:37,510 --> 00:30:40,502 That miserable 10-gallon rat. 486 00:30:48,812 --> 00:30:50,973 Well, if it's any consolation to you, 487 00:30:50,956 --> 00:30:55,086 he took a couple of investment bankers for about 100 grand... 488 00:30:54,991 --> 00:30:58,927 in, uh, phony mutual funds couple of years ago. 489 00:30:58,833 --> 00:31:01,529 Got off on a technicality. 490 00:31:01,489 --> 00:31:04,151 Hundred grand. 491 00:31:04,114 --> 00:31:06,708 Nice round number. 492 00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,147 [Knocking] 493 00:31:19,097 --> 00:31:21,224 Who is it? 494 00:31:21,210 --> 00:31:23,303 It's Calvin. 495 00:31:23,291 --> 00:31:26,749 Calvin. Yes. The key is under the mat. 496 00:31:26,685 --> 00:31:28,880 Hey, man, pay attention. 497 00:31:28,862 --> 00:31:30,796 I'm gonna show you how to get rich. 498 00:31:30,783 --> 00:31:34,082 My immediate sense of distrust is temporarily overcome... 499 00:31:34,016 --> 00:31:37,281 by the need for finances to blow town. 500 00:31:37,217 --> 00:31:40,618 May the, uh, wind always be at your back. 501 00:31:40,546 --> 00:31:44,710 For a hundred years. [Gasps] 502 00:31:44,613 --> 00:31:47,878 - Lookit here. [Chuckles] - No! 503 00:31:47,814 --> 00:31:51,545 No. Any more alleged perpetrations and I lose all semblance of"credibleness." 504 00:31:51,463 --> 00:31:54,864 Well, hey, relax, man. All them other tanks was fake. 505 00:31:54,793 --> 00:31:56,761 Now this here is the real enchilada. 506 00:31:56,746 --> 00:32:00,807 I mean, you're lookin' at 400 tiny thunderin' hooves. 507 00:32:00,715 --> 00:32:05,652 Hey, you didn't think I was really gonna part with the genuine bull sauce. 508 00:32:05,517 --> 00:32:09,510 Did ya? [Gasps] 509 00:32:09,423 --> 00:32:11,448 Mr. Teal, 510 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:16,173 you are a credit to the free-enterprising vertebrates of this planet. 511 00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:19,542 [Grunts] Well, you're damn right I am! 512 00:32:19,476 --> 00:32:23,071 So, as I see it, we got a perfect opportunity... 513 00:32:22,998 --> 00:32:26,695 to employ your God-given talent. 514 00:32:26,615 --> 00:32:29,516 Eh, the telephone... 515 00:32:29,465 --> 00:32:32,832 is my... instrument. 516 00:32:32,762 --> 00:32:35,731 I was born to play it, 517 00:32:35,675 --> 00:32:40,476 just like Mozart was... born to play the piano, 518 00:32:43,263 --> 00:32:47,131 BoJackson was born to play baseball. 519 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,031 Well— Mmm. 520 00:32:49,025 --> 00:32:51,289 Mr. Charlie— [Phone Beeping] 521 00:32:51,266 --> 00:32:53,393 Drives a lot of ballplayers— [Spanish] [Chuckles] 522 00:32:53,380 --> 00:32:55,780 [Ringing] 523 00:32:55,748 --> 00:32:58,114 Hello, this is— [Ringing Continues] 524 00:32:58,085 --> 00:33:00,076 This is Anderson. 525 00:33:00,966 --> 00:33:03,867 Ah, yes. By a strange, circuitous route, 526 00:33:03,816 --> 00:33:06,876 the actual bull semen has found its way into my possession, 527 00:33:06,825 --> 00:33:09,487 and I wanted to give you first dibs. 528 00:33:09,451 --> 00:33:14,047 We are, uh, opening the bidding at, say, um, half million. 529 00:33:13,932 --> 00:33:16,492 Moreno, is that you? 530 00:33:16,461 --> 00:33:19,055 Listen, you Cuban cockroach. If you've got the genuine tank— [Phone Beeping] 531 00:33:19,022 --> 00:33:20,956 Fork it over now, before the entire resources— [Ringing] 532 00:33:20,943 --> 00:33:22,877 Uh, could you please hold? Rojas. 533 00:33:22,864 --> 00:33:24,798 [Spanish] 534 00:33:24,785 --> 00:33:27,583 Trading in mini-cow futures is open again, 535 00:33:27,538 --> 00:33:30,507 and I'm entertaining a bid from Agent Anderson... 536 00:33:30,451 --> 00:33:34,148 of the federales for five and a half points U.S. 537 00:33:34,070 --> 00:33:37,506 [Spanish] 538 00:33:37,431 --> 00:33:42,198 Marielito trash, how dare you negotiate with the People's Republic de Cuba? 539 00:33:42,072 --> 00:33:45,405 Uh, fish or cut bait. I got Washington on the other line. 540 00:33:45,338 --> 00:33:48,603 So, how do you open, uh, Andy? 541 00:33:48,539 --> 00:33:51,337 [Anderson] Why should I believe anything a fruit fly like you has to say? 542 00:33:51,293 --> 00:33:53,557 'Cause he's got the tank, that's why. 543 00:33:53,534 --> 00:33:56,367 And if you don't start addin' on zeros real fast, 544 00:33:56,319 --> 00:33:59,948 them baby bulls gonna be mooing en Espanol. 545 00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:02,238 Okay, okay. I'll go 550. 546 00:34:02,210 --> 00:34:05,873 But I want Moreno's skin hanging from the wall of the Earl Butz Conference Room when it's over. 547 00:34:05,795 --> 00:34:07,922 Yeah, yeah. Which reminds me, amigo— 548 00:34:07,908 --> 00:34:09,398 Ten percent. Thirty. 549 00:34:09,412 --> 00:34:10,902 Twenty. Done. 550 00:34:10,918 --> 00:34:13,386 You're at 550,000. Please hold. 551 00:34:13,350 --> 00:34:16,478 - Did you get that? - What I get... 552 00:34:16,424 --> 00:34:20,053 is 300,000 of my Cuban money! 553 00:34:19,977 --> 00:34:25,938 And for every additional dollar, it will be one pound of your flesh! [Spanish] 554 00:34:25,772 --> 00:34:31,335 I see. Well, I cannot let personal endangerment conflict with Keynesian "economicals." 555 00:34:31,183 --> 00:34:34,516 Going once. Going twice. 556 00:34:34,448 --> 00:34:36,177 600,000! 557 00:34:36,177 --> 00:34:39,271 Ah, Cuba six. Gringos five-point-five. 558 00:34:39,218 --> 00:34:41,049 The top of the eighth— Seven. 559 00:34:41,043 --> 00:34:46,071 Conference 'em. [Anderson] Moreno. 560 00:34:45,941 --> 00:34:50,344 Los Cubanos, the number on the table is seven— repítelo, seven. 561 00:34:50,231 --> 00:34:52,028 - Eight! - Nine! 562 00:34:52,023 --> 00:34:55,789 [Rojas] One million U.S. Dollars! 563 00:34:55,706 --> 00:34:58,869 - [Grunts] - [Inhales] 564 00:34:58,811 --> 00:35:01,143 Senor Anderson, 565 00:35:01,116 --> 00:35:03,880 0-2 count, bottom of the ninth. 566 00:35:03,837 --> 00:35:06,806 We are waiting. 567 00:35:06,750 --> 00:35:09,275 Listen, we took a big budget hit this year. 568 00:35:09,248 --> 00:35:11,341 We, uh— [Clears Throat] 569 00:35:11,329 --> 00:35:13,991 - We're not prepared to go that high. - [Both Grunt] 570 00:35:13,954 --> 00:35:17,856 So, the capitalist running dogs fade in the stretch. 571 00:35:17,763 --> 00:35:21,290 Selling these bulls to the Communists is— it-it— 572 00:35:21,221 --> 00:35:23,212 It's downright non-American. 573 00:35:24,871 --> 00:35:26,839 Aw, listen, federal breath. 574 00:35:26,823 --> 00:35:31,123 If you can sell cola to the ChiComs, I can sure sell cows to Castro. 575 00:35:31,017 --> 00:35:34,578 - Adiós! - Hello? 576 00:35:34,507 --> 00:35:36,566 [Dial Tone] Hello! [Groans] 577 00:35:36,555 --> 00:35:40,184 Hey, congratulations there, Senor Rojas. 578 00:35:40,109 --> 00:35:43,738 You just got yourself a full quart of half-pint, short-horned studs. 579 00:35:43,663 --> 00:35:46,655 Now, I want that money delivered in unmarked, unused, 580 00:35:46,608 --> 00:35:50,339 "unconsecutive" 50s and 100s dropped off to my little buddy, 581 00:35:50,257 --> 00:35:53,590 who's gonna be boatin' along the Miami River sometime tween noon and 6:00 today. 582 00:35:53,523 --> 00:35:55,616 - You got that? - [Spanish] 583 00:35:55,604 --> 00:35:57,834 [Rojas] But don't cross me. [Both Chuckling] 584 00:35:57,813 --> 00:36:00,714 No way, Jose. [Slams Down Handset] 585 00:36:02,359 --> 00:36:04,554 Muy bien. Yeah. [Satisfied Chuckle] 586 00:36:51,949 --> 00:36:54,645 Moreno, give me the damn tank. 587 00:36:54,606 --> 00:36:57,439 No! Rojas will kill me! 588 00:36:57,391 --> 00:36:59,859 What Rojas doesn't know won't hurt him. Let's go. 589 00:37:02,898 --> 00:37:04,832 Uh? 590 00:37:05,747 --> 00:37:07,681 Thank you. 591 00:37:09,397 --> 00:37:13,026 - Gimme the other tank! - Merry Christmas. 592 00:37:13,847 --> 00:37:16,509 Gracias. 593 00:37:39,746 --> 00:37:41,543 [Tires Screeching] 594 00:37:53,096 --> 00:37:55,223 [Laughs] 595 00:37:56,874 --> 00:38:00,139 Not bugged and rigged, is it? [Laughs] 596 00:38:02,540 --> 00:38:05,941 [Gasps] [Spanish] 597 00:38:05,870 --> 00:38:08,566 [Grunts] Yes. Ah, good. 598 00:38:08,527 --> 00:38:10,552 Have a nice flight back to Cuba, okay? 599 00:38:10,544 --> 00:38:14,207 Just give me a push off there, all right, and I'll be all right. 600 00:38:26,295 --> 00:38:28,763 [Toilet Flushes] 601 00:38:34,171 --> 00:38:38,369 Like clockwork. Sí. Clockwork de naranja. 602 00:38:39,325 --> 00:38:42,726 Uh, listen, I'm a little "paratory" of Rojas, 603 00:38:42,654 --> 00:38:45,987 so if I could just get my 20% out— 604 00:38:45,919 --> 00:38:50,322 [Coughs] Take it with me, and withdraw to sunny climes— 605 00:38:50,209 --> 00:38:53,645 - The fast money always fades first. - Oh, yes. 606 00:38:53,571 --> 00:38:59,510 Well, it's too bad, 'cause I was plannin'on introducin'you to some permanent wealth. 607 00:38:59,334 --> 00:39:01,666 Permanent wealth, huh? 608 00:39:01,638 --> 00:39:04,198 What do you mean, the "M" word or the "B" word? 609 00:39:04,167 --> 00:39:09,935 I mean so much money your children's children couldn't even spend the interest. 610 00:39:09,770 --> 00:39:13,934 - What's that? - These are signed contracts with the Saudis... 611 00:39:13,836 --> 00:39:16,031 for 20 tanks of bull semen. 612 00:39:16,013 --> 00:39:18,914 Man, do you know how much them A-rabs crave milk? 613 00:39:18,863 --> 00:39:23,323 I mean, this paper alone's worth a billion, five. 614 00:39:23,216 --> 00:39:26,379 And, uh, I been gettin' inquiries... 615 00:39:26,322 --> 00:39:29,314 from all over the entire Islamic world. 616 00:39:29,267 --> 00:39:32,464 Now, I was plannin' on cuttin' you in... 617 00:39:32,405 --> 00:39:36,273 for 10% off the top, but, uh— 618 00:39:36,182 --> 00:39:39,049 But, uh— But what? 619 00:39:38,999 --> 00:39:43,561 Well, see, high finance is a game... 620 00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:47,852 for men with a certain kind of confident view of life, 621 00:39:47,739 --> 00:39:51,641 and-and— and you got all you can do to hang onto your little bitty green card. 622 00:39:51,549 --> 00:39:54,313 Well, hey, you know, I understand that. 623 00:39:54,270 --> 00:39:57,706 I mean, go on. Take your 200,000 and scoot. 624 00:39:57,632 --> 00:40:01,728 Course, uh, by the time I deliver on that paper, 625 00:40:01,633 --> 00:40:05,034 I'm gonna be droppin' 200K on tips. [Laughs] 626 00:40:04,963 --> 00:40:07,693 [Laughs] Wait a minute. Wait a minute, now. 627 00:40:07,652 --> 00:40:10,917 If you are really serious about bringing milk to the desert— 628 00:40:10,853 --> 00:40:14,482 - I am. - I wouldn't mind getting in... 629 00:40:14,407 --> 00:40:18,173 on the ground floor of some of this honey. 630 00:40:18,089 --> 00:40:20,023 You're sure? 631 00:40:21,770 --> 00:40:24,170 "Start the ball, Tector." 632 00:40:24,139 --> 00:40:29,509 Now that's what I call takin' the long view, Moreno. [Chuckles] 633 00:40:29,358 --> 00:40:33,727 Now, I want you to hang onto these, okay? 634 00:40:33,616 --> 00:40:36,414 Now, you put 'em in a safe place... 635 00:40:36,368 --> 00:40:38,359 and keep 'em there, and, uh— 636 00:40:38,354 --> 00:40:43,223 See, I got a 7:00 p.m. Flight to Dubai I gotta catch. 637 00:40:43,091 --> 00:40:45,821 I'm gonna cable you from there, okay? Okay. 638 00:40:45,781 --> 00:40:48,841 Yeah, I'll keep these in a safe place. Let me ride down with you, huh? 639 00:40:48,791 --> 00:40:50,816 That's okay. I'll be right in front of you, buddy. 640 00:40:50,807 --> 00:40:52,798 You take care now. Okay, wait a second. 641 00:40:52,792 --> 00:40:56,660 - Hold the elevator for me, will you? - I'll tell the doorman you're on your way. 642 00:40:58,747 --> 00:41:00,840 Sonny. 643 00:41:00,827 --> 00:41:04,593 Well, yeah. Come on in, man. Come on in. 644 00:41:04,510 --> 00:41:08,105 You want some champagne? Hey-Hey, Izzy. Give— 645 00:41:08,031 --> 00:41:11,432 Give the man some, uh, champagne. 646 00:41:16,675 --> 00:41:19,405 [Sighs] What tipped ya? 647 00:41:23,302 --> 00:41:25,236 This. 648 00:41:25,223 --> 00:41:27,248 Yeah. You know, I started lookin' at this picture. 649 00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:30,208 There were a few things in here that bothered me. 650 00:41:30,152 --> 00:41:33,212 So I sent it over to Photo Analysis... 651 00:41:33,162 --> 00:41:35,460 and had them take a look at it. 652 00:41:35,435 --> 00:41:37,869 It's a— It's a composite. 653 00:41:39,852 --> 00:41:43,481 See, the, uh— the shadow— [Sighs] 654 00:41:43,406 --> 00:41:47,342 From his leg here is from a picture taken at 12:00 noon. 655 00:41:48,848 --> 00:41:54,616 And the shadow on the bull here is from a picture taken after 5:00. 656 00:41:55,988 --> 00:41:58,218 Very nice. 657 00:41:58,197 --> 00:42:00,961 And Paco Hermosa— [Sighs] 658 00:42:01,879 --> 00:42:05,246 Has been workin' for you from the beginning. [Calvin] Man, you are good. 659 00:42:06,265 --> 00:42:08,256 I swear, man, you are real good. 660 00:42:08,250 --> 00:42:11,344 Be a cold day in July before someone put one over on you. 661 00:42:11,290 --> 00:42:13,383 [Chuckles] 662 00:42:13,371 --> 00:42:17,831 Look, l— I'm gonna take a wild stab here at an explanation. 663 00:42:17,726 --> 00:42:20,456 You— You can just tell me how it fits. 664 00:42:20,415 --> 00:42:23,009 Now, what's in that briefcase there... 665 00:42:22,976 --> 00:42:25,171 belongs to me and Izzy. 666 00:42:25,153 --> 00:42:27,246 - [Spanish] - Shut up. 667 00:42:27,234 --> 00:42:31,398 'Cause, I mean, we sold that bull sperm to the Cubans, 668 00:42:31,300 --> 00:42:36,397 and they paid us for it— coin of the realm, fair and square. 669 00:42:36,261 --> 00:42:38,991 And—And what's in that briefcase there, well— 670 00:42:38,951 --> 00:42:43,581 It— It's ours. 671 00:42:43,465 --> 00:42:48,198 Geopolitics ain't really my thing, cowboy. 672 00:42:48,075 --> 00:42:50,407 However, I am a little put off about, uh, 673 00:42:50,380 --> 00:42:52,473 the way you tried to burn my friends. 674 00:42:52,461 --> 00:42:54,861 Well, I am sorely ashamed of that. 675 00:42:54,830 --> 00:42:57,196 So I suggest you come up with a real good reason... 676 00:42:57,167 --> 00:43:00,000 why I shouldn't haul your ashes into stir... 677 00:42:59,953 --> 00:43:02,285 right now. 678 00:43:02,257 --> 00:43:06,694 Uh-Uh, well, okay. Now, you know that tank of mine— 679 00:43:06,580 --> 00:43:09,708 [Chuckles] That wasn't real stuff. 680 00:43:09,653 --> 00:43:12,884 Well, Sonny, there never was no real stuff. No. 681 00:43:12,822 --> 00:43:15,052 There's only about 19 of them little suckers. 682 00:43:15,031 --> 00:43:18,523 They're off on some ranch in Mexico somewhere, and— 683 00:43:18,457 --> 00:43:23,793 But, see, Sonny, I never did break a single law. 684 00:43:23,643 --> 00:43:29,604 Now the Cubans paid for somethin' that they perceived as valuable. 685 00:43:29,437 --> 00:43:33,203 It was Anderson switched the tanks. I held up my end. 686 00:43:34,368 --> 00:43:36,393 You got the money. 687 00:43:36,385 --> 00:43:38,717 Ain't no harm been done, 'cept— 688 00:43:38,689 --> 00:43:42,489 'cept the, uh, harm that Rojas gonna do me, 689 00:43:42,403 --> 00:43:45,930 once he finds out that, uh— that he's been hosed. 690 00:43:45,861 --> 00:43:49,262 So, Sonny, I am askin' you, as a Southerner... 691 00:43:49,191 --> 00:43:51,591 and as a gentleman, 692 00:43:51,559 --> 00:43:55,962 to let my behind go. 693 00:43:55,849 --> 00:43:58,647 [Laughing] 694 00:44:02,124 --> 00:44:05,093 You really think I ought to let you just stroll out of here? 695 00:44:06,414 --> 00:44:09,713 Uh, well— 696 00:44:09,647 --> 00:44:12,047 I'd be obliged. 697 00:44:18,739 --> 00:44:21,799 Uh-uh. The money stays. 698 00:44:25,910 --> 00:44:27,935 You're not gonna regret this, Sonny. 699 00:44:27,927 --> 00:44:30,589 This is a true act of Christian charity. Ciao, y'all. 700 00:44:30,552 --> 00:44:33,521 Tell Stan and Gina I'm gonna make it right with them... 701 00:44:33,466 --> 00:44:35,900 just as soon as I get back on my feet. [Door Opens] 702 00:44:35,867 --> 00:44:39,769 Where the hell do you think you're goin', Hud? [Door Closes] 703 00:44:39,677 --> 00:44:41,702 [Spanish] 704 00:44:41,694 --> 00:44:44,925 [Spanish] 705 00:44:44,863 --> 00:44:47,354 You know what we got in there, don't you? 706 00:44:47,328 --> 00:44:52,265 Letters of transit— It's time to get out of Casablanca, man. 707 00:44:52,131 --> 00:44:54,395 [Snickers] 708 00:44:54,371 --> 00:44:57,101 This ain't the beginning of a beautiful friendship, Iz. 709 00:44:57,060 --> 00:45:01,087 When I hit it big it's gonna because I picked the right six numbers in the lottery, 710 00:45:00,998 --> 00:45:04,092 not because I formed a joint venture... 711 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,304 with some "Castroid" reject fleece artist. 712 00:45:08,777 --> 00:45:11,837 I'm beginning to smell wages on you, partner. 713 00:45:11,787 --> 00:45:14,381 [Sighs] Yeah, well, this is gonna go to the fallen policeman's fund. 714 00:45:14,348 --> 00:45:17,579 Look, let me just say good-bye to the boys. 715 00:45:17,517 --> 00:45:19,542 You know, Franklin and Grant and all the others. 716 00:45:19,534 --> 00:45:21,468 I mean, l— 717 00:45:21,455 --> 00:45:26,051 I think I really got to know them well in the short time that we were together. 718 00:45:25,937 --> 00:45:29,100 - Please. - [Locks Snapping] 719 00:45:32,308 --> 00:45:34,868 What time does his plane leave? 7:00. 720 00:45:34,837 --> 00:45:38,068 [Australian Accent] Now, of course in Alice Springs, we don't yet have the pressing need... 721 00:45:38,007 --> 00:45:41,067 for the mini-cows, 'cause we still got a lot of space. 722 00:45:41,015 --> 00:45:44,041 But, you lot, when you take over in Hong Kong in another few years, 723 00:45:43,994 --> 00:45:46,895 why, uh, I reckon you gotta utilize all the space you got. 724 00:45:46,842 --> 00:45:49,902 So, let's start the pilot project now, 725 00:45:49,852 --> 00:45:52,514 and then, uh—Thank you— in another few years, 726 00:45:52,477 --> 00:45:55,742 you'll have a little herd of cows on every rooftop in Kowloon. 727 00:45:55,678 --> 00:45:59,478 Now, uh, have a look at that little bugger, eh? He's no bigger than a wallaby. 728 00:45:59,392 --> 00:46:01,326 You know, we're developing the dwarf clover, 729 00:46:01,313 --> 00:46:04,942 so that you'll be able to feed 'im right out of your window box. 730 00:46:04,992 --> 00:46:09,542 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 60400

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