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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,000
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
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00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:07,840
Ah, you're here. Hello.
3
00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:10,120
Dan. Allie. Hi, Allie.
4
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,920
OK, listen up. You're not going to
get this from any other supply job
5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,440
you ever do.
That kid over there is mad.
6
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,840
And I don't mean he's a character,
he's fucking mental.
7
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,960
That one there stinks like the back
of a watch.
8
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,320
This girl through there, she
is horrible.
9
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,120
Horrible!
10
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,560
I've given them a title,
it's Lonely Old Lady.
11
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:31,360
Most of these dicks will still make
up plays about ninjas,
12
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,480
but the title slows them down.
13
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,960
40 minutes of going round nodding,
20 minutes of packing up, oh,
14
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,560
hello everyone,
looks like it's break time.
15
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,240
You get this right, you'll be
volunteering to cover drama all
16
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,840
the time because...
17
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,560
it's easy.
18
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,080
There's no marking.
19
00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,200
Um, sorry, I'm not the supply
teacher.
20
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,120
Oh, God, you're a parent.
21
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,040
I am, but not to any of these dicks!
22
00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,640
I've just got the job.
23
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,120
I'm the new head of drama.
24
00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:00,640
Ah, you've met Miss Clarke.
25
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:04,280
You've replaced me? Right, so I can
leave school now?
26
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:07,400
Well, technically, I have the option
to make you work a term of notice.
27
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:10,080
And? Till Monday morning.
28
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:12,520
We'll find you all manner of lovely
jobs to do.
29
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,520
A bit of PE, maybe?
30
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:16,280
That's easy, no marking.
31
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:17,920
Good luck winning them over.
32
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,360
They're pretty cut up about me
leaving, so...
33
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,560
Oh, Miss, I love your hair.
34
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,480
Thanks! Do you like ninjas, Miss?
35
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,400
I do, but I couldn't eat a whole
one!
36
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,200
Let's all get in a circle.
37
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,640
She's hilarious!
38
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,000
Finally!
39
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,760
Oh, my God, I love her!
40
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,800
Right.
41
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,600
Well, I'm not doing PE. He can fuck
off, it's freezing out there.
42
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,800
Well, at least it shows he cares
about drama.
43
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,320
How's your mum? I don't know.
44
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,240
She's been hanging out with some old
bloke.
45
00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:14,880
What, dating? Oh, yeah, right.
46
00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,800
Cos if I saw a woman with Gordon
Ramsay's head
47
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,080
on Jimmy Krankie's body,
I'd ask her out. He's weird.
48
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,560
He's not blind. Don't be such a
dick!
49
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,160
Well, you try living with two old
women who only eat butter!
50
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,800
Well, go out!
51
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,280
Shall I go round to Brian the
depressive divorcee's and help him
52
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,880
build a model Spanish galleon?
53
00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:31,522
Or shall I go to Jo's and hear her
pitch her latest business?
54
00:02:31,602 --> 00:02:32,400
She told me the idea.
55
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,160
It sounds like an animal's fever
dream.
56
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,320
Maybe you need to mix your life
up a bit, too.
57
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,940
Find something to get
passionate about
58
00:02:38,020 --> 00:02:39,680
instead of slagging off
everyone you know.
59
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:42,000
Hang on, aren't
you supposed to be at a funeral?
60
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,720
I'm going to interpret all that
as meaning that you miss me.
61
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,720
Commit to something, you fool!
62
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:49,720
Emma!
63
00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,880
Who does this vicar think he is?
64
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,680
It's a service followed by the
burial.
65
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:56,640
Why does he have to mess with
everything?
66
00:02:56,680 --> 00:03:00,080
I mean, who puts a glitter ball on a
17th-century beam?
67
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,040
Although, why I'm talking to you
about tradition, God only knows.
68
00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,080
How do you mean?
69
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,640
You're dressed as a piece of bacon
at a funeral.
70
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,080
Dave's wife didn't want everyone
dressed in black.
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00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,800
It's a celebration of his life.
72
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,040
All right? Hi, Dan.
73
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:17,760
No reaction to the bacon outfit?
74
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,560
Of course not.
75
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,600
Here we go! Here comes the Lord's
funky representative on earth.
76
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:32,520
I like the look of him.
So sorry for your loss.
77
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:34,320
Oh, no, I'm not related.
78
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,360
No, your job. It's so sad when
someone loses their way.
79
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,280
Did you hear that? What - I'm the
tragedy at a funeral?
80
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:52,000
Guys, so sorry to have kept you.
81
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,480
Lovely to see you. Hi, Drew.
82
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:58,520
So, it's time for us to get
Big Dave Bowers home, right?
83
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,440
It's a big day for Dave.
84
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:06,480
He's got a ticket to the best club
in town - Heaven.
85
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:18,280
Brace yourselves. Last service
I saw, he did from - get this - an iPad.
86
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,040
Daniel, you haven't said hello to
Daddy.
87
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:25,720
Daedalus. I would have bought you a
black tie if you'd asked me.
88
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,800
Don't worry about the boy,
he's a grown-up, Polly.
89
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,680
I can't help it.
90
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,800
Anyway, it's good to keep your mind
active.
91
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,776
My friend Joyce
stopped coming to bridge
92
00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:37,840
and immediately got
full-blown Parkinson's.
93
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,440
She actually thinks that happened.
94
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:42,320
Come on, Polly, I don't want to miss
this.
95
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,960
Drew is easy on the eye,
96
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:48,000
even if he does do his milking on
the other side of the barn!
97
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,320
A bloody disgrace, ain't thee?
98
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:56,360
I'm sorry? And so you should be, you
look like shit on a hill.
99
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:58,960
You're a bloody mess.
100
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,160
Did you not see the maniac dressed
as bacon?
101
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,200
Yes, and a lovely tribute I thought
it was by the young lady, but you!
102
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,880
You're not fit to eat soot
off a lamp!
103
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:10,520
Daddy! Come and meet Phyllis before
the service.
104
00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,520
Coming, dear lady!
105
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,760
That lovely creature may be fooled,
106
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:19,800
but I've seen through thee like a
glass of hot, hot piss.
107
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:35,840
It must be love, love, love.
108
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,800
You know that show pony's already
applied for a Christian coffee shop,
109
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,040
don't you?
Same place you're going for.
110
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:46,080
Serving Christpuccinos and
Latte Us Pray, no doubt.
111
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,200
Tell me your idea. I can help you.
112
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,160
I know these council types,
they're the air that I breathe.
113
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,560
Brian, my new pitch is awesome.
114
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,600
What's your problem with Drew?
115
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,040
Mum's fancy man just had a
right pop at me!
116
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:02,600
As if I'm a total loser!
117
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:06,000
I'm really sorry to hear you've
nothing left in life at all.
118
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,040
Nothing more, nothing less,
love is the best.
119
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:16,680
How about Peter Graham and Sally?
120
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:22,080
OK, let's talk about the main man.
121
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,120
Big Dave Bowers.
122
00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:30,360
I did not like Big Dave Bowers!
123
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:33,960
"Drew, are you crazy?
124
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,880
"We're all here to celebrate Big
Dave!"
125
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,600
The first time I met Big Dave,
126
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:42,000
all he spoke of was sausage
and I thought,
127
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,960
"I can't get with the guy who only
talks about meat!"
128
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,960
Then I realised I'd missed
the glint in his eyes.
129
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,880
And I knew, as sure as God knows
I'm right,
130
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,000
Big Dave had a passion and his
passion was meat.
131
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,560
And meat is all right!
132
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Meat is all right. He fed our souls.
133
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,400
He loved meat.
134
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,640
He loved to meet...
135
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,360
you. Yes?
136
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:11,400
Yes, Drew, yes! Yes! Yes!
137
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,960
Peter, you know what I'm talking
about.
138
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,440
Absolutely!
139
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:27,040
Did I ask too much
More than a lot?
140
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:32,120
You gave me nothing
Now it's all I've got
141
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:37,360
We're one
But we're not the same
142
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:42,120
We're gonna hurt each other
And we'll do it again
143
00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:44,600
I said...
144
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,880
Love is a temple
145
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,280
Love is a higher law
146
00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:51,960
Love is a temple
147
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,920
Love is a higher law...
148
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,680
My God! I know, it's horse shit!
149
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,320
It doesn't even mean anything.
150
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,800
I know!
151
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,000
He's brilliant!
152
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:06,040
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
153
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,240
When all you got is hurt
154
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,280
One love
One blood
155
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,160
One life
You got to do what you should...
156
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,520
Drew, that was wicked. Thanks!
Love the meat tribute.
157
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,360
Thanks. I just wanted to say I'm
going to the council tomorrow to pitch
158
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,200
for the same shop as you and I've
been feeling really bad...
159
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,920
No way! Yes, and I shall be helping
her, so it will be thorough,
160
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,720
to say the least. Chill, Bri-Bri!
161
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,680
If the Lord wants me to have a
Christian coffee shop, it'll happen.
162
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,520
If not, that's cool.
May the best shop win, babe.
163
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:41,560
Let me know how you get on. Thanks,
Drew.
164
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,240
You're Dan, right?
165
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:58,280
So sorry to hear that you lost your
job, dude.
166
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,800
No, I didn't lose my job.
167
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,320
I quit. That's OK...
168
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,720
little lost lion cub.
169
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,480
Sorry, I'm a...?
170
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:11,520
You're a little lost lion cub
all alone on the plains, right?
171
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,160
I am!
172
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:19,600
I am a little lost lion cub!
173
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,840
I was like you, man.
174
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,560
Stuck in a life that wasn't working.
175
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:28,600
And then God gave me the job
and the man I love.
176
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,400
I run a little prayer group
called Water Wings.
177
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,240
It's low presh,
if you want to come along.
178
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,920
No, I don't believe in God, so...
179
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,720
Hey, I can't promise to hook you up
with the big guy,
180
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:42,120
but I can promise you some chilled
chat
181
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:46,160
and some of Rory's famous sponge
cake.
182
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,280
What do you say?
183
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,440
Well...
184
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,280
Yeah?
185
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,320
Maybe.
186
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:01,360
That's it? You can't pitch that,
it's fucking mental!
187
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,880
You'll get laughed out of the room!
188
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,160
And what's Mickey doing here?
189
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,720
A bit of showbiz, innit?
190
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,120
Go and get in position, Mickey.
They're not in there yet.
191
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,800
Chill out, Brian, this is going to
be wicked.
192
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,160
No, you can't do this!
193
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:17,200
Jo Bellingham?
194
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,480
OK, ladies and gentlemen, let's do
this!
195
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,520
That's so true, Cathy.
196
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:26,560
He thinks he's ruined his life, but
he's got a really beautiful aura.
197
00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,280
Who's next? He has a nice smile.
198
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:33,960
So true. He seems like a polite sort
of chap.
199
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,040
I hadn't even considered that.
200
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,840
Props, Graham. I think he's got a
really big, beautiful tummy.
201
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,960
Hear that, Dan? She thinks you have
a big, beautiful tummy.
202
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:49,600
That's real, buddy. I liked the
manners and the smile one.
203
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,920
Thanks be to God for Dan!
204
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,480
Man, OK, guys, let's hustle up the
Harvest Fest.
205
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,200
I want those pews full.
206
00:10:56,240 --> 00:11:00,240
Rory, get your cutie patootie
in gear and refresh these legends.
207
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,440
A lot of love for you in this room.
208
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:05,960
But no-one knows me.
209
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,920
That's the genius of what you've
done here.
210
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,320
I've been told my whole life I need
to change.
211
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,440
But here, I don't have to at all.
212
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,000
Whatever you take from it, man.
213
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,160
Rory, let's bounce, baby boy.
214
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,560
We've got some frowns to turn
upside down at the hospice.
215
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,680
I was just going into the herb
garden
216
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,040
and I wondered if Dan might
like to join me.
217
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,320
No.
218
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:26,640
I'm going to go with Drew. I
219
00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:28,447
mean, if a funeral's
that big a show,
220
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:30,480
a hospice is going to be
Siegfried and Roy.
221
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,880
Peter's a good guy to get
your chill on with.
222
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:36,920
Relax, get to know peeps.
223
00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:49,120
OK, let's go.
224
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:53,160
Oxygene by Jean-Michel Jarre
225
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,520
Ladies and gentlemen,
anyone can do a shop.
226
00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:05,680
But can they offer one that sells
everything?
227
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,920
Everything.
228
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,080
What do you mean? I'll be stocking
one thing from every letter of the
229
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,600
alphabet. Before you ask...
230
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:19,960
xylophones.
231
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,440
But that's not everything, is it?
232
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,240
That's just 26 things.
233
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:26,120
That's less than most shops.
234
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,800
Give me a letter! B?
235
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:29,640
Bananas! Got three crates of the
bastards!
236
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,040
Letter? L?
237
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,440
Lamb - not a real one, made from
Lego.
238
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,400
Ooh! Two for the price of one!
239
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,200
BOGOF lamb - mental!
240
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,880
Sorry, are you OK?
241
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,280
I'm Alan Sugar on four pints of
coffee, that's who I am!
242
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,240
This shop is the future.
243
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,160
And if you don't give it to me,
well, you...
244
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:52,200
you're hopping mad!
245
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,520
HOPPING mad!
246
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,000
Mickey!
247
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,600
Tell me, Dan,
when was the last time you prayed?
248
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:13,600
Uh... When I thought I was going to
shit myself in a Spanish zoo.
249
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:15,680
Didn't work, though. Good one, God!
250
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,760
You know, if you really want
to talk to God,
251
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,040
you must first empty that busy,
busy mind.
252
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:23,400
Well... No, there's always something
in my mind.
253
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:27,040
Oh, tssh-tssh. It's easy to clear
away the white noise of life. No.
254
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:28,600
Peter, you don't understand,
255
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,680
there's always one specific thing
in my mind.
256
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,520
Oh, yes. What's that?
257
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:35,200
A Mexican.
258
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,200
A Mexican? Yes, a Mexican.
259
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:38,920
Full sombrero, the works.
260
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:42,040
Whenever I try and relax,
there he is.
261
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:43,880
How long has this been going on?
262
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,160
Since Euro 96.
263
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,440
Fucking nightmare, right?
264
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,320
Well, then,
you must tell him to leave.
265
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:52,200
Leave... Leave...
Leave...
266
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,720
'OK, Dan. What's in there?'
267
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,240
Nothing.
268
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,360
But it always starts like this.
269
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,240
He'll be here soon, don't worry.
270
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,200
Here he is.
271
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,120
Hello, Mexican!
272
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,800
'Now, Dan, just focus
on making him leave.'
273
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,240
That'll just make him do
weirder stuff, mate.
274
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:22,280
Yeah. Here we go!
275
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,160
'Change your focus, Dan.'
276
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,280
Take control.
277
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,000
Peter, can I be honest with you?
278
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,720
I don't mind him that much.
279
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,600
I'll level with you. I'm sort of
into the "not changing stuff".
280
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,240
OK? I'm going to go and see
how the glitter ball turns on.
281
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,000
And, Peter... Yes?
282
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,200
I can't believe Mickey
let me down like that.
283
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:08,240
A madman dressed as a rabbit
would not have helped.
284
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:12,720
God be with you. Oh, no...
285
00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,520
I'm a bit worried about you.
286
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,240
I've never been better, mate!
287
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,560
Get this -
everyone down there likes me.
288
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,920
And get this -
289
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,320
I'm just being me!
290
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,600
What's the matter with you?
I didn't get the shop.
291
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,480
Aw. That's OK, though,
292
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,880
you can come and work at Drew's
Christian coffee shop!
293
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,680
He'll probably
let you dress as bacon.
294
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:32,880
Do you think there might be
295
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,360
a more conventional period
of reflection for you both?
296
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,960
Maybe some counselling? Oi!
297
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,800
The choir was one of many nerd pools
that you joined when Julia left you.
298
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,240
And now, just cos I'm into
the Church, it's rubbish, is it?
299
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,320
I left the Church the day Drew replaced
the choir with a drum machine, Dan.
300
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:48,720
Anyway, I have a meeting
with Jerry Sanderson.
301
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:51,080
The bloke
who just turned my shop down?
302
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,360
Yes. He wants me to join
the health and safety committee.
303
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:55,840
Another nerd pool, eh, Dan?
304
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,400
All I would say is, ultimately,
you both have to face your problems.
305
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:03,440
You both know that, right?
306
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:13,080
You in? Am I? It sounds awesome!
307
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,720
Perhaps you'd like
to peel some potatoes
308
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,760
for this afternoon's
Harvest Festival meal?
309
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,480
Yeah, I guess it's time
I started to face my fears
310
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,920
and potatoes are right up there.
311
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,440
I know.
312
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,640
Great that you could
bring a friend along.
313
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:28,840
She's as mad as cheese,
314
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,760
but I just know she's going to
love it here as much as I do.
315
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,280
I mean... Well, I'm home.
316
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,320
Oh! That's incredible.
317
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,720
I had to endure months of isolation
on my retreat
318
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,200
before I got anywhere near
that level of closeness to God.
319
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,160
Retreat? Yes, spiritual retreat.
320
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,560
Drew suggested it.
321
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,040
He and Sally used to leave
food parcels for me
322
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:50,240
at the bottom of the garden.
323
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:52,160
I was alone for six months.
324
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,920
It was wonderful.
325
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,640
It is incredible
that you think like that.
326
00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:00,120
Cos my instinct,
when you tell me that story is...
327
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,520
that Drew was just trying to get you
out of the way,
328
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,120
so he could bang Sally...!
329
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:07,880
..And that Rory has just been
a smokescreen all along.
330
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:11,920
But you think it's innocent
and yet, here we both are,
331
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:16,440
in the same place, together,
and we're both happy.
332
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,680
I love the Church.
I LOVE the Church.
333
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:29,600
Stop!
334
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,320
So, God made everything,
who made God then?
335
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,800
Well, no-one. He just is.
336
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:37,160
Sorry, Sally, nothing just is.
337
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,000
No, really. He just exists.
338
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,840
Sally, there's a boy on the Heath
called Robred.
339
00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,240
Robred? Yeah.
340
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,720
His mum couldn't decide
between Robert or Fred.
341
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,360
He used to do this trick in the pub
where he took his thumb off.
342
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,640
I tried to work it out for years,
just couldn't.
343
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,840
Anyway, turns out...
he never had a thumb.
344
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,600
It had got chopped off as a kid when
he was conkering with Sticky Jim.
345
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,440
He wasn't making it disappear.
346
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,160
He never had one.
Bit like God, innit?
347
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,760
We all try and work out who he is,
where he came from...
348
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,200
But maybe he never existed
in the first place.
349
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:14,240
Makes you think, doesn't it?
350
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,600
Thank you.
351
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,920
Oh, sorry, Drew. I was just seeing
what it must be like.
352
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,880
Dan, have you seen Rory or Graham?
353
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,440
Oh, no, sorry. That's strange.
354
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:40,760
They must be putting
the Harv Fest banner up.
355
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,800
I could make the tea if you like,
Drew? Drew.
356
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,280
They've not even touched it.
357
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,760
Uh! That's weird.
358
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,800
Where's Sally?
We were having a well wicked chat
359
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,080
then her eyes went all weird
and she hasn't come back.
360
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:02,120
Drew, is that Rory's
special sponge cake?
361
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,760
Listen, guys. You welcome people
and I'll see what's going down.
362
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,760
I know you're in there, you...
363
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,320
You let me in!
364
00:19:18,360 --> 00:19:21,200
G-Man, what gives?
365
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:25,240
You! You mess with my wife,
I'll kill you!
366
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,240
Don't! Gra-Graham!
367
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,600
Chill! Ch-Chill!
368
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,960
Something's wrong, Jo.
369
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,720
I can't believe I'm saying this...
370
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,080
..but I'm so comfortable
in my own skin...
371
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:47,360
And we both know
I'm a beautiful singer.
372
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,200
OK, chill now.
373
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,400
Sit down, dude, let's talk.
374
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,880
'Oh, that's good. Yeah?
375
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,960
'Good, good, yes!'
376
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,200
Good! More! More! Yeah? Yeah? More!
377
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,280
Yeah? Good. It's good, it's good...
378
00:20:02,320 --> 00:20:06,320
Rory! Oh!
Dan told me to... Dan...told me!
379
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,720
Oh, my God, Sally.
380
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:11,200
Who's going to judge me, Drew?
381
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,960
He doesn't exist. You lied!
382
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,920
Lied!
383
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,920
Oh, God! Good! More, more of that!
384
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,240
Dan!
385
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,280
That's why you know
you should be scared of us
386
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,840
I know you wanna sing with us
387
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,480
That's why you know
you should be scared of us.
388
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,440
Whoo! What about that?!
389
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,480
Jo riding the big Jesus wave
on the God surfboard.
390
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:47,040
All right!
391
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:56,160
Right.
392
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,520
Great to see Tony.
393
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:00,600
Tony from the market's here
in the front.
394
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,200
I hate Tony!
395
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:04,920
He's got fat kids!
396
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:08,960
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I said it.
397
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:13,080
Oh! But then I realised...
398
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,960
..maybe Tony's kids
have got a thyroid problem.
399
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,000
Tony brings back food
at the end of the day,
400
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,240
why not feed it to his fat kids,
right?
401
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,840
Come on, Jesus!
402
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,720
They're going to eat anyway,
aren't they?
403
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:31,120
Gobbling away, they love it!
404
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,960
Why wouldn't they gobble away?
405
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,600
Of course they will,
that's why they're fat...
406
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,520
Come on, guys, who's with me?
407
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,440
No, Mexican, no, no!
408
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,720
No!
409
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,520
What's happening?
410
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,840
Get out of my
goddamn pulpit!
411
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,880
Oh, Drew, thank God you're here,
it's harder than it looks, this!
412
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:08,640
You want to throw down, do ya?
413
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:10,480
You want to ride this coaster?!
414
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,240
Oh, my God, what?!
415
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,320
We've all got a past, man!
416
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:16,560
We're all running from something.
417
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:20,600
Nobody's tasted this candy
in a while, but open up!
418
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,640
It's time to party!
419
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,800
Drew...
420
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:26,120
No!
421
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,440
What the hell was that?!
422
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,480
- What's happening?
- Did you see that?
423
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:36,680
I'm not an expert,
424
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,440
but I'm pretty sure THAT contravenes
the 1974 Health and Safety Act.
425
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,360
Where's the doctor?
426
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,160
Somebody call a doctor.
427
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:48,200
We need the police.
428
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:51,960
Yeah.
429
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,880
Yes, I messed up again.
430
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,240
What d'you want me to say?
431
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,560
There were some happy by-products,
right?
432
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:02,600
Jo got her shop
because Drew's been...deported.
433
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,760
I know, I'm a fat loser, right?
434
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,800
Well, I need your advice, Dad.
435
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:12,600
I don't fit in anywhere.
436
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,080
I need to know where to go next.
437
00:23:15,120 --> 00:23:19,120
So perhaps you could give me a SIGN!
438
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,640
What?!
439
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,360
Really?
440
00:23:36,410 --> 00:23:40,960
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