All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s04e16 hhillis.eng

No!

Are you telling me
we're not staying here? Yes.

l forgot my loincloth
and spear.

Will you just keep quiet?

The last time you were here
some poor guy tried to hang himself...

because
you wouldn't shut up!

lf he so much as touches
one hair on her head, l'm gonna kill him.

Let me have Blanche
and the butler guy, and we'll call it even.

l'm gonna kill you.

[yelling]

Harder, harder!

[women yelling]

[screaming]

(Luther)
Welcome to St. Louis.

Maybe it ain't
the best of towns...

but it ain't the worst,
either.

So what if the football team
and the baseball team got to share the same nickname?

Who cares? I call it home.

Name's Gillis, Luther.
Private Eye.

I don't work
out of town much anymore.

I mean, there was one
recent trip to Hawaii, but that don't really count.

It was peaches and cream
compared to the one I just wrapped up.

I'm talking about
big-city loan sharking, extortion and racketeering.

And except for one
little loose end...

I was ready to head back
to the office and call it a day.

But I wasn't sure
what was louder...

the sound of my wingtips
on the cobblestone...

or this nagging feeling
in my gut...

that I should've taken care
of that loose end.

But like I said, who cares?

My secretary, Blanche,
and my dumbo nephew, Jack...

wanted me to get back early.

Said they had
a big surprise for me.

And I didn't have
the heart to tell them I hate surprises.

Gillis.

[Luther groaning]

So much for surprises
and loose ends.

[grunting]

[Jack whistles]

Okay, freeze!
No, no.

You're gonna be sorry.

Never, never say ''freeze.''

The only place
you hear that word is on television.

You're gonna
get yourself killed. Sorry.

Sorry?
You're always sorry.

Here l go,
l take you in from that lousy brother of mine...

l give you a job,
despite the fact you got a college diploma...

and what do you do?

l disappoint you.

And you say ''freeze.''
l'm sorry.

Can l go
to the hospital now? ln a minute.

[siren wailing]

Now, what's the big surprise
you guys got in store for me?

l'm gonna give you
three guesses.

Can l go to the hospital?

Someone died,
someone got born, someone got married.

Who cares? Whatever.
What's it say?

That we're gonna go
on a long trip.

Kind of like a vacation,
or a honeymoon.

Blanche, will you quit
talking about Niagara Falls?

lf l told you once,
l told you--

We're not going
to Niagara Falls.

lt says nothing
about Niagara Falls!

How about a hospital?

(Blanche)
lt says, that, ''you are cordially invited...

''by the National Academy
of Private lnvestigators...

''to their 1 7th
annual convention...

''to receive
a Golden Keyhole Award...

''for the best nonfiction
book of the year...

''You Want To Be
A Private Eye? by Luther H. Gillis.''

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

''Personal and Confidential.
Top Secret.''

So, don't tell nobody.

No kidding? Me?

(Blanche)
No kidding. You.

Says you even got to
make a speech.

So we were gonna take you
out tonight and celebrate.

Jack was gonna wish us
bon voyage and everything.

Boy, this is great!

Never mind, l'll get a cab.

Where's this convention,
Blanche?

(Magnum)
Maybe Hawaii isn't...

the most breathtaking
place in the world...

but if it isn't,
I don't know what is.

And even though
big-league sports haven't come our way yet...

we have plenty of
big-league sunsets to keep us going.

I call it home.

And home was where I was
looking forward to being for all of next week.

After a real tough case
on the Big Island...

[birds chirping]
I was ready for some quiet R and R.

The only thing was,
my little voice was telling me...

there was some
little loose end I hadn't wrapped up.

If I was listening
carefully enough...

perhaps I would have
heard it.

Instead, I was hearing
other music, namely...

a little Tchaikovsky
and a lot of Tolstoy.

Yes, I was finally
going to take the time and get through War and Peace.

Some people make
New Year's resolutions to stop drinking...

or quit kicking their dog.

Me, I was finally going to
conquer Russian romanticism.

Magnum.

l say, Magnum.

Magnum!

Will you take them off?
What?

[yelling]
Will you take them off?

Why are you yelling at me?
l'm not....

**[music playing on walkman]

Magnum, we must
have a talk at once.

What about?
About this mail.

What about it?

While l appreciate your
retrieving it from the box...

l do not appreciate
your leaving it under the chainsaw...

in the gardener's shed
for the past five days.

That is not where l'm
accustomed to going through the estate correspondence.

Higgins, l can explain.

l knew l could count on
hearing that pathetic little phrase once again.

lt is as regular
as the rising and setting of the--

Do you wanna know why
or not? Not.

l just don't want it
to happen again, and it won't happen again.

From now on, it will be
the lads' duty, not yours.

Because of you, the whole
financial pyramid...

that is my managing
of the estate economy...

could come crashing down
into a depression that would rival that of '29.

Liens, foreclosures.

Oh, my God.

A wedding, a birth, a death.

l'm sorry, Magnum,
this apparently is addressed to you.

That's my mail?

''You are cordially invited
by the National Academy of Private lnvestigators...

''to their 1 7th annual
convention to present a Golden Keyhole Award.''

How droll.

''The Mauka Room
of the Kalanianaole Hotel.

''Top Secret.
Personal and Confidential.'' Higgins, give me my mail.

By the by, Magnum,
do they tell you what the password is?

All right, Higgins, enough.

l mean, who would wanna go
to this silly thing anyway?

lt's probably just a--
Mistake.

This telegram is obviously
a follow-up explaining that.

All some terrible
misunderstanding.

After all, how could
they possibly want you?

[Higgins snickering]

[car horn honking]

[whistling]

(Luther and Blanche)
Aloha!

(Luther)
lt's okay. You say you didn't get...

the telegram till now?
No harm done, l believe you.

Just tell us where
you want us to wait till you get our rooms ready.

Calcutta.

Luther.

Luther, they said
we couldn't stay here. Of course we can stay here.

l mean when a guy
l worked with, lay my keister on the line for...

takes me to the airport,
buys me some macadamia nuts, puts me on a plane...

Luther.
...and tells me with a straight face...

the next time l'm in Hawaii
to look him up...

l'm talking about Tom
'You can come stay with me, pal' Magnum.

l never said that!
lt doesn't matter.

l gave this address
to the convention, we have to stay here.

l'm afraid that's impossible.

You see, Mr. Masters
is expecting the entire stewardess contingent...

of TransGlobal Airways
flights 276 and 51 2 to be staying here next week.

That's okay.
They won't bother us.

That's not the point.
The point is you are not staying here.

Wait, wait.
l got to get this right.

l come all the way to Hawaii
to get the biggest award of my career...

''Top Secret,'' they tell me.
''Confidential.'' Just let us know where you're staying...

''We'll contact you,''
they say.

So, l give them the address
of the only friend l have in Hawaii.

And this friend is telling me
l'm not staying here?

We'll get you another room.
We'll call them up....

[all chattering]

[whistling]

And what will Jack--
Shut up! All of you!

Now, there isn't any reason
for all of this screaming and hollering.

These things happen.

Me and Luther
can go to a hotel.

Separate rooms, of course.

Oh, good. Good.
l'll take you both over to the hotel...

get the rooms,
and then we can go to the convention...

and let them know
where to find you.

You boys just go along.

l'm gonna stay here
and cook up a little something special...

for just the four of us.

That really
isn't necessary.

No, sure, don't worry,
l'm gonna have it ready by the time they get back.

Smoked kielbasa...

direct from
Khartousian's Deli, East 63rd.

My specialty.
Where's the pots and pans?

ln the kitchen.

Hadn't you better start
checking on those rooms?

Why can't you stay
with your daughter Nancy?

l'd love to, but she's
in a boarding school, in Detroit.

Chicago.
lt's Tim that's in Detroit.

Whatever. What are we
waiting for?

Let's get to the convention
and check out some of the guys.

And find another room.
Yeah, ain't we got fun!

[laughs]

(Magnum)
Do svidaniya to Russian romanticism.

The closest I'd probably
get to it now would be...

the Russian dressing
on the chicken sandwiches...

at the closing banquet
Wednesday night.

Somehow,
my appetite for all this wasn't quite whetted.

Excuse me. Says on
the invitation here...

we're supposed to
get in touch with a guy named Lloyd DeWitt.

He's the local secretary.

You know him?

l've bumped into him
a couple of times.

Bourbon on the rocks and
hold the flowers, please.

[man chattering
on P.A. system] That's him over there.

Who?

Lloyd Dewitt.

You mean that guy
with the food on his shirt?

Yeah.

That's class.

Well, he sells hotdogs
on the North Shore.

Really? Could've fooled me.

Being a Pl must be just
a sideline, like most of you guys out here.

You must be Luther Gillis.

You're late.
l didn't expect you to turn up at all.

Are you kidding, DeWitt?
And miss my award?

This here's an old pal
of mine, Tom Magnum.

Hi.
Hi.

He was along for the ride
when l put Artie Canoe behind bars.

Keanu. Artie Keanu.

How is that crud, anyway?

Keanu? He escaped
from prison three weeks ago.

Great! We can nail him again!

No, no. We are not
going to nail anybody.

The police are going to
nail him again.

We are going to get you
a room so that you can get your award...

and then we, Luther,
we are going to get you back to St. Louis.

Yeah, but l thought
you could-- But nothing.

No Artie Keanu.

Don't worry about it,
he's gonna be captured. And when he is...

l'm sure it will have
something to do with computers and electronics.

Computers are for sissies.

Luther.
Oh, really?

Well, let me tell you that
computers and electronics...

are the wave of the future
in this industry.

Foot-tails and stakeouts
will become as obsolete as Panama hats...

and the ubiquitous informants
on the street.

Be ready for the future,
or you'll wind up in the past.

Who said that?
l did.

[clears throat]
lt's in my book:

Private Investigative
Techniques In the Computer Age...

subtitled Software and You.

You can pick one up
in the lobby for $7.95.

Yeah, well,
that's very interesting--

Sounds great.
You're quite an entrepreneur.

Onions extra?

[laughing]

l'm sorry.

Hey, go ahead, laugh it up.

But computers
have revolutionized my business.

Really? You can't eat
a computer at a ballgame.

But, hey,
save some of your shirt for me for later.

l might get hungry.

[laughing]

[man chattering
on P.A. system]

(Magnum)
Yes, l'm still here.

That's great!

Gillis. G-l-L-L-l-S.

Right. Right.

6:00? They'll be there.

Oh, and thank you
very, very much.

Thank you.

[men laughing]

Blackie, you are a con.

You remember the time
when you and me and Frankie Albright...

busted up that Greek Olive
smuggling ring in the....

Hey, Tom, l want you to
meet some buddies of mine from the old days.

This is Rudy G,
Nick The Stick, and Blackie.

Glad to meet you, pal.

Hi, guys.
Luther, l got the room. Let's go get Blanche.

Hey, we just got here.

Me and the boys have got
some memories to catch up on.

You know, Tom was with me
and helped me bust up that Artie Canoe guy a while back.

Yeah, it reminded me
of the time when l was back in Keokuk.

There were these
bohemian used cars....

(Magnum)
I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking I spent
the whole day at the convention...

bored out of my mind.

Well,
this time you're wrong.

You see, after my
initial reluctance...

I found the boys, Blackie,
Nick The Stick and Rudy G, quite interesting.

Their stories were bizarre...

but it was kind of neat to
hear about the good old days. I was fascinated.

It was kind of like
being in a Sam Spade movie.

Boy, those guys are
the most boring bunch of liars l've ever heard.

l couldn't wait
to blow that joint.

[smoke alarm beeping]

Blanche could never
cook that stuff.

Higgins! Higgins!

[coughing]

Hey! They're not here!

There's a good reason
for that. What?

This note says
they've been kidnapped.

[birds chirping]

(Magnum)
The shock of having someone close to you...

suddenly and inexplicably
yanked away...

was a brutal reminder
of how fragile...

human relationships
can be.

Of course, we were both
too professional...

to let that affect
our realistic assessment of the facts.

l know what happened.
lt's as clear as the nose on my face.

The butler got Blanche drunk,
seduced her...

wrote this phony kidnap note,
and then ran off with her.

Why would Blanche run off
with Higgins, Luther, when she's got you?

Yeah, you're right.

Artie Keanu.
What?

Artie Keanu. He wants revenge
for us putting him away.

So he takes
Higgins and Blanche.

That makes sense.

Why didn't he say that
on the note?

lt doesn't say anything
in the note. lt just says, ''Wait for instructions.''

[dog whimpering]

lt looks like
they're coming around.

Big deal. They're not gonna
tell us anything.

Luther,
this is no time for jokes!

l'm not joking.
l wanna get Artie Canoe. So do l!

Well, this is your turf,
your burg. Where do we start?

You have got a strange way
of getting information out here.

Whatever happened to
grabbing the bum by the collar...

and shaking it out of him?

You don't shake someone down
like lce Pick.

No, you play tennis with him.
What a place.

(Rick)
Great return, lce Pick. Your point.

(T.C.)
What are you talking about?

T.C.
Oh, yeah. Great return, lce Pick.

Sorry,
what were you saying, Luther?

l was saying, you don't
play tennis with someone...

to get information.
You shake it out of him.

Thomas.

Big Sally.

l'm not interested
in your love life. What did he tell you?

Big Sally happens to be
Artie's wife.

lce Pick thinks that maybe
she's hiding him out.

Where?
(lce Pick) Come on, Orville.

[groaning]

You know, if he....

lf he so much as touches
one hair on her head, l'm gonna kill him.

He won't, Luther.
Artie Keanu wants us.

Yeah, well, that's what
he's gonna get. Us.

You know, me and Blanche,
we've been together a pretty long time.

We....

Well, what l mean is,
l'd have to run an ad, get a young chick, train her.

You know what l mean?

l think so.

[lce Pick chattering]

l'll get that.
(Rick) Nice serve, lce Pick!

Big Sally.

(Luther)
We know. She's married to Artie Canoe. Where is she?

They've got a place
at Malu Beach.

(lce Pick)
Hey! We playing here, or what?

That's all l need to know.

Wait a minute, Luther!

We need some more
information. We don't even know they're there!

Will you just wait?
You just wait.

Luther Gillis is on the move.

Shh!

Sorry.

l forgot my loincloth
and spear.

Will you just keep quiet?

All right.
Here's what l think we ought to do first.

Save the strategy
for the dominoes.

You bust in the front door,
l'll go in the back.

Luther, we don't even know
they're in there. So?

So, we have been
all through this before.

There's no reason to
go in there guns blazing.

All right, all right.
Synchronize our watches.

What?
Put the big hand on six, big guy.

l give you three minutes.
You bust in the front door.

Luther!

(Magnum)
One of the tougher things about being...

a Private Investigator was
doing what I was doing now.

Going into a potentially
dangerous situation...

without really knowing
what form the danger would take.

Or from whom.

But when the stakes
are high...

you sometimes have to gamble
and hope for the best.

And above all,
remain cool and calm.

(Luther)
My head was spinning like the carousel at Coney...

and my heart was pounding
like Gene Krupa at the Copa.

But like I said, who cares?

These cruds had Blanche
and I didn't care what else they had.

Guns, knives,
cannons, B-17's, I was ready for anything.

[groans]

That's what you get
for sneaking around my house.

You get up
and l'll hit you again.

Put down the pan.

[dog barking]

Please, please.

You guys touch me,
you'll be history.

Don't worry, lady,
the only thing that's gonna touch you is a 10-foot pole.

Luther!
Where's Artie Canoe?

(Big Sally)
l don't have to listen to that creep.

You guys can rob me, beat me,
kill me, whatever...

but l don't have to
listen to him.

Listen, l know how you feel.

Would you mind telling me
where l might find Artie?

l don't mind at all,
if l knew myself.

What you guys want
with the ugly ape? You cops?

Well, actually,
we're private investigators and we think that...

Artie may be responsible--

[exclaims]

He ain't responsible
for nothing.

The jerk escapes from prison,
does he give me a call?

Does he send me any bread?

Does he let me know
he's okay? No, nothing.

So, what you want with him?

Well, we think he was
involved in a kidnapping of two friends of ours.

Look, can you help us?

l don't know.

* You always hurt
the one you love *

* The one you shouldn't
hurt at all *

No, wait! No, no,
he can't hear you. No.

Try the Celestial Mission
on Hotel Street.

Friend of his
named Jo runs it.

lf anybody'll know,
it'll be Jo.

* You always break
the kindest heart *

Right, well, thank you,
l'll just get him out of here.

* With a hasty word
you can't recall *

Come on, Luther. Here we go.

* So if l broke
your heart last night *

* lt's because
l love you most of all **

[dog barking]

(Luther)
What'd she say? What'd she say?

Nothing.

Come on, come on,
what'd she tell you?

Nothing, Luther!
She wasn't very helpful.

And neither were you.

What about
synchronizing our watches? You jumped the gun.

Details. Details.

Just 'cause l shot
my mouth off a little bit, she whacked me out...

doesn't mean....
Doesn't mean you should withhold anything she said.

l'm not withholding anything,
Luther.

l'm just gonna drop you off
at Doc lbold's so you can get your head examined.

And then l'm gonna go
back to the estate...

and see if there's
any messages from the kidnappers.

And then l'll pick you up,
okay?

Look, l'm not the one
who made her mad.

Thanks. Thanks, Chuckie.

l was just wondering
how Blanche is doing.

(Blanche)
Some honeymoon, huh?

Only part that's romantic
about this is...

l'm locked up in a
secluded shack with a guy on the beach.

Only thing is,
it's the wrong guy.

l'm quite sorry
to disappoint you.

l can assure you
this is not my idea of idyllic bliss, either.

ln fact, your presence here,
my dear woman...

acutely exacerbates
the situation.

Uh-uh.

You think you're gonna
get someplace with me using flattery?

No way.

Hey, are you some kind
of a duke or something?

Maybe a count?
Miss Rafferty--

Blanche.

Miss Rafferty,
although the Higgins lineage is decidedly distinguished...

it is not of the realm.

l guess you're not being
held here on account of for your bread.

Miss Rafferty, l'm quite sure
that the reason we're being held here...

can be directly attributed
to the presence of your fiancé...

l wish.
...Luther Gillis...

that walking anachronism,
here on this island.

And all this time
Luther thought that you didn't like him.

And here you are
complimenting him.

What a guy.

Nevertheless, Mr. Higgins,
l think that you're making a mistake.

We're here
on account of Magnum.

He must've done something
to make somebody mad.

Your hypothesis
is not beyond the realm of possibility.

All right,
so sometimes l'm wrong.

We still got to
get out of this mess.

Like one time...

l remember this time when
Luther, Chuckie and me....

Chuckie. Chuckie was
Luther's ex-partner.

He got snuffed in San Jose,
'53, outside of a dance hall.

What am l talking about?

Sometimes l ramble.

Anyway...

Chuckie and me
was being held prisoner...

by Moe Safronsky
and his gang...

in this cabin
in the Catskills.

See, these hotel comedians,
they was being bumped off one by one--

Please, Miss Rafferty,
l fail to see how some sordid tale from the past...

can have any relevance
to our current plight.

Now, you happen to have
a hairpin on you?

Yeah, sure.

You look okay.

l shall attempt to remove
the hairpin from your hair with my teeth...

and use it
to try to undo our bonds.

lt may take
some time and effort, but it will be worth it.

Not unlike the time
that l was imprisoned with Bertie Farnbush...

and his maiden sister
in an Albanian zipper factory by--

Hey, hey. Would you just
spare me the...

''sordid tales of your past''?

And, let's just get
the hell out of here, huh?

Would you kindly
lean toward me.

(Magnum)
More on ''potentially dangerous situations. ''

Even though I realized
it was risky coming down to Hotel Street...

and looking for
Artie Keanu alone...

I realized the alternative,
coming down here with Luther...

was worse.

So I left him with Doc Ibold
and a fervent request that he be heavily sedated.

Preferably for the next
six or seven years.

Hi there.

Jo around?

(woman)
Bye-bye, baby.

[woman giggling]

(Magnum)
Hi.

ls Jo around?

l'm Jo. And l'm around.

But you can take your pick.

No. Well, l mean,
you don't understand. Big Sally sent me.

Who?
Big Sally.

Artie's old lady.

l don't know what the hell
you're talking about.

Artie Canoe, Keanu.
l have to see him.

Listen, mister--
l understand.

l didn't wanna come here
all the way from Seattle, either...

but when Big Sally
called me and told me that Artie was in this fix--

l think you better
turn around and walk right back out that door.

No Artie?
Get.

Right. Well, it was nice
meeting you ladies.

(woman #1)
Nice meeting you, too. Bye-bye.

Thanks anyway.

(woman #2)
Come again. Good night.

(Magnum)
Big Sally had obviously set us up.

But, at least as far as
the danger aspect went...

my fears had proved
to be unfounded.

I was getting out of here
in one piece.

(Luther)
Artie Canoe. Where is he?

Tell me or l'll rip
the lips off your face!

l'll peel the scar
off your cheek.

Come on, Luther,
he's not even here. What?

What'd you do that for?

[grunts]

Come on, Luther.

[grunting]

Ain't this great?
No!

[both grunting]

(woman #1)
What is going on in here?

Stop it!
Stop it right now!

(woman #2)
Get him, girls!

Put her down!

[grunting]

[women yelling]

[screaming]

Harder, harder!

[woman screaming]
All right, hold it! Everybody!

(officer #2)
You're all under arrest.

(woman)
Hi, Frank.

(Luther)
The slammer, the big house, the hoosegow...

l know all the names,
they don't scare me.

They haven't built a joint
big enough to hold Luther Gillis for long.

Shut up!

What's the matter,
the place getting to you? No, you are!

Do you have to fill
every silence with endless chatter?

Can't you be quiet
for just one minute?

You drive everyone
around you crazy!

No, l don't!
Yes, you do!

The last time you were here
some poor guy tried to hang himself...

because
you wouldn't shut up!

Oh, yeah, Scrungo.

Wonder whatever
happened to him.

Now all we got
are these creepos.

(Magnum)
Luther.

You lousy bums.

He didn't mean it.

To hell with them.

lt hadn't been for them,
we'd have been on to Blanche and Higgins now.

Not them. You!

What are you talking about?

l'm talking about...

how you always go
into a situation...

like you're James Cagney
or Humphrey Bogart or somebody...

without any regard
for the consequences.

Didn't hurt them any.

Those were movies, Luther.

This is real.
Big Sally set us up.

Now, if you would have
stayed put...

l could have found that out
without us having to go to jail.

Don't you ever stop to think?

Yeah, l stop and think.

l stop and think
that Blanche...

the lady that's been
with me all these years...

when l been coming in
like Cagney and Bogart, might be dead now...

'cause of me.

That's what l've been
thinking about.

And that's why
l'm gonna stop at nothing till l find her.

So, no more
of that funny business...

like getting that doc
to fill me up with dope.

Okay?

Now, we're either working
this one together, or we're not working at all.

What do you say?

Okay.

So, where are your buddies
that are gonna spring us from this joint?

Wait a minute.
Where's Doc lbold?

How did you know
to get to Hotel Street?

Let's just say that
Sawbones got a taste of his own medicine.

You know what l mean?

And if you wanna know
how l figured out how to follow you to Jo's...

well, you'll just have to wait
till my next book comes out.

So, where are your friends?

[metallic rattling]

Hey, Scrungo.
How's it going?

Hey, Scrungo.
l say, how's it going? Hi.

Put me in with those guys.

[keys clinking]

(Rick)
$50,000.

Where's Thomas gonna
get that kind of money by 3:00 in the morning?

Hopefully from the same place
he's gonna pay this lOU.

You talk about favors....

You know, this is
just like the movies.

Come alone. No cops.
A secluded beach.

Well, l still think
he should call the cops. No. No cops.

That was Robin's attorney.
He's wiring the money.

You mean Robin's gonna pay
$50,000 for Higgins?

He would.
But we're not gonna pay it. l have a plan.

Wait a minute. Luther.

Oh, he's up feeding the dogs.

Yeah? Well, he's been
feeding the lads for the last half hour.

l believed him.
This time l really believed him.

Where do you think he is?

(Luther)
I was right on top of the situation.

Luther H. Gillis
was on the move.

And this time
I was gonna get the truth out of Big Sally...

about where Artie Canoe was,
if it killed her.

That's why I ditched
the big guy.

I just don't think
he has the stomach for the rough stuff.

You?
Yeah, it's me.

You're going to be sorry
you did that.

l'll save it for confession.
Right now, it's your turn, fatso.

Where's Artie Canoe?

(Artie)
That's Keanu.

Whatever. Who cares?

[gun cocking]

Luther Gillis.

l owe you one.

Well, let me have Blanche
and the butler guy and we'll call it even.

l'm gonna kill you,
then we'll call it even.

How about just Blanche?

l don't know what you're
talking about, Gillis.

All l know is you're history.

The only thing
l'm sorry about is your partner ain't here also.

Hi, guy.

Where's Higgins?

Come on.
l don't know what you guys are talking about.

That's not good enough,
Artie.

Let me tell you
what's gonna happen if after l count to three...

you don't tell me where
Blanche and Higgins are.

Luther's gonna hit
Big Sally over the head with the frying pan...

you're gonna shoot Luther...

and then l'm gonna shoot you.

[gun cocking]
Then l'm going to shoot you, mister.

No, no, no.
See, l didn't finish.

Then you're gonna shoot me
and they're gonna shoot you.

Who?
Them.

[guns cocking]

Okay, Artie, where are they?

Who?

Blanche and the butler!

l don't know
who you're talking about.

(Blanche)
You know, me, Luther, and Chuckie...

used to work out of
this five-story walkup on East 1 1th.

Boy, those were the days.

Now, they got an elevator
in that place and everything.

How're you doing?

Almost finished.
Keep talking.

Another five minutes and
you'll probably have him catatonic, along with me.

What?
Nothing, just keep talking.

Yeah. Right.
l am kind of good at it.

Hey, go for it, Hig.

Quite. You, too.

Anyway, l first met Luther...

at the King Arthur
And His Court Ballroom. July 1 2, 1953.

lt was 9:30
and l was wearing this strapless blue gown.

Oh, the big full moon
was shining...

and the Browns lost
a game to the Tigers.

How romantic.

Yeah. Luther and me
danced all night. l made $450.

And then, after that,
Luther came in every night for a whole week.

And at the end of it,
he popped the question.

He asked me
to be his secretary. Of course, at that time...

boy, l didn't know
what it meant to be a private detective...

much less
what a secretary did for a private detective.

But, boy, l soon found out
the hard way.

Like the time back in 1956--
l've...

finally slipped the knot.

Hey, terrific!

Are you ready?
Yes.

Are you?
Piece of cake.

[screaming]

What's the matter with you?
Nothing, needlehead.

[yelling]

[Blanche whistling]

[groaning]

My God.

A piece of cake.

Of course,
that was just the first of a series of blows...

l was about to deliver,
which would have rendered him helpless.

Sure, that's what Luther
always says, too.

We'll walk to
the nearest phone and call a cab.

Great. How much
do you tip these guys?

(DeWitt)
Nothing.

All expenses are paid
by DeWitt's Dogs.

lncluding the $50,000
l'm getting for you two.

Now get back inside.

(Magnum)
We left Rick and T.C. to deal with Artie Keanu...

Big Sally, half the
Honolulu Police Force...

and the biggest bust
since....

Since....
Well, the last time we busted Artie Keanu.

The only thing was,
I wish I could have left Luther with them, too.

(Luther)
I was beginning to get the feeling...

I was stuck with the big guy
for the duration.

The only thing
more depressing than that was this case.

Because
we'd run out of leads.

You try being a detective
with no leads.

It's like a tailor
without a needle, or Godzilla without Tokyo.

(Magnum)
Or a bad guy without a motive.

Did you say something?

What? No.

l was just thinking, though,
you know, $50,000 isn't a heck of a lot of money...

to soak Robin Masters for.
He's worth millions.

They had to kidnap
Higgins and Blanche for another reason.

Yeah, us. But we've already
been through that with Artie Canoe.

And as far as l know,
this is the only time you and l work together.

Nice try, big guy,
but you'll have to come up with something else.

Or just go through
with the exchange and hope for the best.

You really believe that?
Not for a second.

What are you making,
a little bunny rabbit? lt's not even Easter.

No, it's the Fourth of July.
Bang, bang.

Huh?
Plastique.

l don't care
what he's wearing.

l wanna know
why he's putting that clay under our chairs.

To blow us up, evidently.

Excellent deduction.
Maybe you should have been the Pl.

No, thank you.

lf l may inquire, though,
what is the purpose of your extortion?

Merely money?

lf that is the case,
l can assure you that-- Look...

$50,000 is $50,000,
but l'm here to settle a score...

l owe Luther Gillis.

Listen, mister,
l've worked for Luther for a long time.

l typed the reports
on every thug he ever busted.

And to be honest with you,
l don't know you from a hole in the ground.

Blanche, maybe this
will jog your memory.

Tiffany Arms Hotel,
December, 1966.

That would be the
Frangakis caper. What about it?

l was the cop
who lost his career because of Luther Gillis.

You were the secret witness?

My whole life down in flames.

Well, you deserved it.
You were a bagman for Tony Frangakis.

Once. One lousy time.

My wife was pregnant
and we needed the money.

So, you didn't go to jail.

Worse. l lost everything.

But, you overcame
the setback, didn't you? You rehabilitated.

You've got a business.
You learned a trade. Hot dogs.

Computers.

Why throw it all away? Why?

For just a fleeting,
transitory moment of revenge?

Yes.

This is no time to be
reading your mail. We got to find some clues.

l think maybe l just have.

That's great news, big guy.

l'm gonna call
the convention.

l'll tell them we got
the flu or something.

Some tropical disease
like terminal sunburn.

Hello, l'd like to speak
to Lloyd DeWitt. This is Luther Gillis speaking.

What do you mean
he isn't there?

This is Luther Gillis.

l'm supposed to be there
tonight to accept an award for the best book.

What do you mean
l was never gonna get an award?

Luther.

We're talking about So You
Want To Be A Private Eye? by Luther Gillis.

lt's supposed--
Supposed to sucker you to Hawaii!

Look at this, Luther.

Big deal. lt was typed
on the same typewriter, so what?

Not the same typewriter,
the same computer!

This was done by dot-matrix.

Who's Dot Matrix?
And what's she got to do with this?

She's a computer, Luther.
Now, come on. Look at this.

Lloyd DeWitt accessed into
the Academy's computer just to get you to Hawaii.

Holy cow.

Come on.

Where you going?

To get a hot dog.

[ticking]

Hey, that's my purse.

You won't need it
where you're going.

Wait for me outside.

See you all later.
l'm going to close up the stand forever.

Quite ingenious.

Frankly, l'm impressed.

Frankly, l'm depressed.

And all the time, l thought
DeWitt was stupid...

for having the exchange
of prisoners and ransom occur at the same location.

But how diabolically clever
of him.

You see, if Magnum
or your Mr. Gillis attempt any tricks...

he'll simply blow us up
by remote control.

Extraordinary.

(Luther)
Let's just kick in the doors and go in blazing.

Look, Luther, even though
we're early and have the advantage of surprise...

l still think we ought to
use some finesse.

l thought l was.
What's your big idea?

Well, l think we ought to
do it this way. Here's the plan.

Save it for dominoes,
big guy. You go in the back, l'll take the front.

That's what l was gonna say.

You know, l think
l'm really beginning to like working with you.

Maybe it's because
you've started reminding me of Chuckie.

Chuckie's dead.

All right, what time is it?

4:53.

That's close enough.
l'll give you three minutes' head start.

[birds chirping]

(Magnum)
Just like the last time...

when we thought Artie Keanu
had Blanche and Higgins...

we were going into a
dangerous situation blind.

But, unlike the last time,
we had a couple of things going for us.

One, we definitely knew
where Blanche and Higgins were.

And two, for the first time
I really had the feeling...

that Luther and I were
really working together.

It felt good.

To hell with it!

This feels great.

DeWitt, give me
one blonde to go and throw in the butler.

You're through.
Spring them or l'll make you part of the menu.

l wish you'd try, Gillis,
l'd just love it if you would.

Forget about the radio,
this is no time for music.

The only singing
you're gonna do is in a cage. Let's go.

Don't make me nervous.
lf you had any technical sophistication at all...

you'd realize that this
is a remote control unit.

All l have to do is press
that button and your Blanche and that Englishman...

will leave this world,
literally.

All right, what do you want?
$50,000?

lf l knew you needed money,
l would've signed over the royalties of my book.

Cut with the jokes, Gillis.

All l need $50,000 for
is to leave the country after l kill you.

Now drop the gun.

Okay, but now
you got to say why.

Tony Frangakis.

Who?
Tony Frangakis.

Well, what about him?
ls he your brother or something?

No. No, l worked for him.
Once. Once.

And then you busted him
and l got caught in the net.

lt's funny, l was
so small then, you didn't even know who l was.

l guess things have kind of
changed now, haven't they?

Wait a minute,
where's Magnum?

No! He's got a--

Blanche!

Blanche!
Luther!

Blanche! She's dead.
And the butler, too.

Luther.

Blanche, Blanche,
l'm so sorry.

Luther.

He killed them.
They're dead. They're dead.

This time l was
really gonna do it.

Luther, listen to me.

Blanche, l know
you can't hear me, but l want you to know...

this time l was
really gonna marry you.

l really--

[Blanche whooping]

Luther, l tried to tell you.
l got them out.

**[organ music playing]

[birds chirping]

You know something...

this is going to be
the best, most wonderful...

happy day of my entire life.

l just wonder
what's keeping Luther.

He's 20 minutes late.

l know.
Where is he?

He' s coming.

**[wedding march playing]

Blanche Rafferty?

[motorcycle engine starting]

''Sorry l missed the wedding.
Stop.

''Had to go back. Stop.

''Some bozos got Jack. Stop.

''Say hi to the big guy
and the butler. Stop.

''Love, Luther. Stop.''

Oh, my God.

[Higgins grunting]

(Luther)
Well, I got out of that one, kiddos.

But I knew Blanche
would get over it...

after a while.

Meanwhile...

I had a loose end to tie up.

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