All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s03e23 Faith and Begorrah.eng
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,551
Do you enjoy ransacking the church?
2
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:29,358
I don't caII searching
for IRA weapons ransacking.
3
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:33,559
What's wrong?
You Iook Iike you've seen a wraith.
4
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,727
You just kind of Iook Iike someone I know.
5
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,135
May the saints preserve him.
6
00:00:39,572 --> 00:00:41,631
He's my haIf-brother.
7
00:00:41,674 --> 00:00:43,471
What are you up to, Father?
8
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:46,070
You stoIe the ashes of the Crozier of St Patrick
9
00:00:46,112 --> 00:00:48,307
from me poor church and I want 'em back.
10
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:52,751
To think I hoId the very crown Henry VIII
pIaced on Anne BoIeyn's head.
11
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,981
And whiIe she stiII had it, I hope.
12
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:03,323
I'm not an investigator
who takes pictures through keyhoIes.
13
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:06,958
I toId your manager when he hired me.
I don't even peek through them.
14
00:01:07,967 --> 00:01:09,457
Get cIoser.
15
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:12,130
Hey, man, this is a heIicopter. It makes noise.
16
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:15,733
Your wife is having an affair.
17
00:01:17,177 --> 00:01:22,080
Isn't this exciting?
Just Iike an Agatha Christie noveI.
18
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:27,971
(Woman) The Crozier of St Patrick
is typicaI of the smaII CathoIic churches
19
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,475
found throughout Northern IreIand.
20
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:36,540
That particuIar edifice was founded by
a young Irish monk in the mid 1500s.
21
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,881
(Man) 1538.
22
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:43,617
The priest supposedIy coIIected
the ashes of St Patrick's Crozier,
23
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:46,648
or shepherd's crook,
when it was burned in DubIin.
24
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:49,161
(Man) There's no supposing about it.
25
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:55,566
This particuIar incident occurred
when a few overzeaIous AngIo-Irish
26
00:03:55,602 --> 00:04:02,599
exceeded the intent of Henry VIII's edict
to unify and angIicize the Irish Church.
27
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:04,872
(Man) What the Iass is trying to say...
28
00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,306
is that Iike most EngIishmen...
29
00:04:09,315 --> 00:04:12,648
fat Henry thought he was above God.
30
00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,119
Not God, the Pope.
31
00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:18,385
- You wouIdn't be AngIican now, wouId you?
- (Camera cIicking)
32
00:04:18,424 --> 00:04:22,258
In any case, I won't argue the point
in front of these good tourists,
33
00:04:22,295 --> 00:04:27,232
who I'm sure are dying to drop
an American doIIar or two in the poor box
34
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:31,169
for the priviIege of gIimpsing
the ashes of the Crozier of St Patrick.
35
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:35,607
AII fees for the sights we visit
are incIuded in the tour.
36
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:37,234
Aye, she's AngIican.
37
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,575
(GiggIing)
38
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:45,278
This is just one of four churches cIaiming
to have the ashes of St Patrick's Crozier.
39
00:04:45,318 --> 00:04:49,015
It was a big staff. Had to be
to get rid of aII those snakes.
40
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:55,854
You'II find this part of the British IsIes
fuII of Iegends and taIes,
41
00:04:55,895 --> 00:05:00,264
most of which, I'm afraid, are pure bIarney.
42
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,292
I'II wager she doesn't beIieve
in Ieprechauns either.
43
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,729
(Man) That's bIoody disgusting, Paddy.
44
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:32,754
Not if you're poor, it's not.
45
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,231
Why don't you have a new one?
46
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,260
No thanks, Brigadier.
47
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,301
- You're smoking butt ends?
- Dropped by a Yank.
48
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,334
Not a Brit.
49
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:49,014
Did you enjoy ransacking me church?
50
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:54,312
I don't caII searching for
IRA weapons ransacking, Father.
51
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,255
(ChuckIes) And did you find any?
52
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,951
Not this time.
53
00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:03,485
But when I do, neither the cIoth
nor the coIIar wiII protect you.
54
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:07,829
Being a priest hasn't protected
an Irishman since fat Henry.
55
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:13,403
Yes, that's as maybe.
Good day to you, Father McGuinness.
56
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:15,270
Brigadier.
57
00:06:20,813 --> 00:06:22,872
(Speaks Irish GaeIic)
58
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:32,415
Aah.
59
00:06:32,458 --> 00:06:33,948
(Woman) Father McGuinness!
60
00:06:35,027 --> 00:06:36,517
What are you up to?
61
00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:39,554
I was just taking a drop
of medicine for me coId.
62
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:43,330
I'm not taIking about
your bIoody Irish whiskey.
63
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:47,203
I'm taIking about the ashes
of St Patrick's Crozier.
64
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,573
They're gone.
I don't know what you're trying to puII.
65
00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:55,309
If this is some sort of Irish trick
to get more money from us, it won't work.
66
00:06:55,348 --> 00:07:00,047
As far as I'm concerned, this abrogates
our contract with your church.
67
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:05,390
The tourist business isn't exactIy
booming in Northern IreIand, you know.
68
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:13,793
(Woman) Even though Hawaii is visited
by four million tourists a year,
69
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,301
the islanders have a way
of making each one feel
70
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:19,668
as if he or she is the first
to discover their island paradise.
71
00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:22,299
That's what they call the aloha spirit.
72
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:30,509
(Woman on P.A.) Tri lsland Airways flight 1 0
now arriving at gate 1 7.
73
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:34,509
Tri lsland Airways flight 1 0
now arriving at gate 1 7.
74
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,223
(Magnum) First thing
a good private investigator learns
75
00:07:47,266 --> 00:07:49,860
when tailing a suspect
is to blend with the crowd,
76
00:07:49,902 --> 00:07:53,838
especially if that suspect
is a suspicious woman.
77
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:59,136
lt isn't as easy as it looks. One has to be
constantly on guard for the unexpected.
78
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,807
(Woman speaking Japanese)
79
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,184
(Speaks Japanese)
80
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:08,779
(Woman continues speaking Japanese)
81
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:12,713
(Speaks Japanese)
82
00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:15,352
Second thing
a good private investigator learns
83
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:18,124
is to act perfectly natural if spotted.
84
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:22,498
l had to give Legs -
that's what
l code-named my client's wife -
85
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:26,938
the impression that l just happened to be
heading for the same bar she was.
86
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:28,770
This works on everyone,
87
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:31,504
except paranoids like Legs.
88
00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:36,607
Which means, to walk into that bar,
l had to get very creative.
89
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,727
AIoha.
90
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:55,627
May I join you?
91
00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:59,160
WeII, that depends, now. Are you buying?
92
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,231
Bartender, another drink for my friend here
93
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,869
and I'II have a Virgin Mary.
94
00:09:04,911 --> 00:09:07,106
WeII, now, are you a reIigious man?
95
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,575
Not exactIy.
96
00:09:09,615 --> 00:09:11,776
Oh, Virgin Mary!
97
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,910
That's a drink without Iiquor in it.
98
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,745
BIasphemy.
99
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,923
Can't afford the fiIthy habit.
100
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:26,795
Not on a priest's pittance.
101
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:34,598
Oh! I'm sorry, Father.
It's so dark in here that I didn't notice.
102
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,370
My name's Magnum. Thomas Magnum.
103
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,004
Father Paddy McGuinness, County Armagh.
104
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,207
- IreIand?
- Northern IreIand.
105
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,986
- (Speaks Irish GaeIic)
- (Repeats)
106
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,956
- Did I say that right?
- You said it just fine.
107
00:09:55,761 --> 00:09:57,752
Bingo.
108
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,727
It's him. It's the same Suntan
that she met in the movies.
109
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,795
Oh, no.
110
00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:12,334
- That's sad. Your wife, is it?
-
Oh, I'm not married.
111
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,676
You're not Iiving in sin, are you?
112
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:16,875
I don't beIieve in it, Father.
113
00:10:16,916 --> 00:10:21,012
Why are you hiding behind me
and spying on that Iass?
114
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:28,454
NormaIIy I couIdn't say but you being
a priest and aII, I guess it's
OK.
115
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:33,698
I'm a private investigator
and her husband hired me to foIIow her.
116
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:40,199
A big, strapping Iad Iike you spending
your time spying on unfaithfuI wives?
117
00:10:40,239 --> 00:10:43,367
- That's not aII I do.
- It is a sad thing.
118
00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:44,967
Father, you don't understand.
119
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:47,775
ProbabIy the onIy good to come of it
120
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:52,182
is this gIass of Irish whiskey
you so generousIy purchased for me.
121
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,587
Bartender.
122
00:10:55,621 --> 00:11:01,287
On the other hand I suppose a man
is entitIed to earn a Iiving as best he can
123
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:04,626
and committing aduItery is
breaking the eighth commandment.
124
00:11:06,465 --> 00:11:10,333
Eighth commandment?
I thought that was ''Thou shaIt not steaI''.
125
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:14,635
Is it, now? I aIways get those two confused.
126
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,733
(Speaks Irish GaeIic)
127
00:11:17,109 --> 00:11:19,509
(AirpIane overhead)
128
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,811
What if they're getting on a pIane?
129
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:27,547
WeII, she didn't have any Iuggage.
He did, so I figure he just fIew in.
130
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:32,687
What's wrong?
You Iook Iike you've seen a wraith.
131
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:36,361
Oh, uh...it's nothing. (Laughs)
132
00:11:36,395 --> 00:11:38,693
You just kind of Iook Iike someone I know.
133
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,390
May the saints preserve him.
134
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:49,340
- Here they come. Sure you don't mind?
- It'II add a IittIe excitement to me duII Iife.
135
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:54,712
I want a good one for your Aunt Katie.
136
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:59,150
She's aIways compIaining
there'II be nothing for me tombstone.
137
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:05,215
(Woman on P.A.) lnter-island Airways
Flight 844 is now arriving at Gate 1 8.
138
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:11,358
Terrific, UncIe Paddy. Come on.
We got to hurry or you'II miss your pIane.
139
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,527
Nothing for your tombstone?
140
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:17,263
I couIdn't think of anything eIse to say.
141
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,505
AIthough this chart onIy
goes back to WiIIiam and Mary,
142
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:27,068
we can trace our roots to Henry VIII.
143
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:30,879
My Great Aunt MatiIda, who was
Iady-in-waiting to Queen Victoria
144
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,441
cIaimed we went back to Richard I,
145
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:37,149
or Richard the Lionheart
as you Iads probabIy know him.
146
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:42,789
UnfortunateIy, she never actuaIIy
authenticated the Iine with papers.
147
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:47,162
I suppose if one goes back far enough,
anyone can Iay cIaim to some peerage.
148
00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:49,360
(Magnum) Higgins!
149
00:12:49,401 --> 00:12:51,062
WeII, aImost anyone.
150
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,605
You are not gonna beIieve this.
151
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,235
I met this priest in a bar
whiIe I was taiIing Legs.
152
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,745
- I aIready find it preposterous.
- Guess what?
153
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:03,806
- I'd reaIIy rather not.
- What is that?
154
00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:06,010
I shouId think it's rather obvious.
155
00:13:06,051 --> 00:13:08,849
Are you tracing the Iads' pedigree?
156
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:11,982
It's the geneaIogicaI history
of the Higgins famiIy.
157
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:15,585
-
Oh, No offence, Iads.
- Magnum, what do you want?
158
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,495
- Like I said...
- You were taiIing someone caIIed Legs
159
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,158
and you met this priest.
160
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,930
Not just a priest, Higgins,
an Irish priest. And guess what?
161
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,960
I said I'd reaIIy rather not.
162
00:13:26,672 --> 00:13:28,606
He Iooked Iike you.
163
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:32,737
How deIightfuI.
An Irish priest is in the isIands who...
164
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:38,780
Iooks Iike me.
165
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,513
(Laughs) Ha!
166
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:45,616
I knew it wouId get to you.
How many peopIe in the worId Iook Iike...you?
167
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,422
-
Of course he wasn't exactIy Iike you.
- He wasn't?
168
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,451
He had curIy hair and a beard.
169
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,894
Higgins! Don't take it so hard.
170
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:57,698
I mean, we aII have peopIe who Iook Iike us.
171
00:13:57,736 --> 00:14:01,399
I've heard that in the worId
there's an exact doubIe for each of us.
172
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:03,101
What is this priest's name?
173
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,610
Father Paddy...Paddy...
174
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:07,544
McGuinness.
175
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,174
That's it! How did you know?
176
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:14,311
He's my haIf-brother.
177
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,878
(Dog whines)
178
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:24,922
Higgins, if Father Paddy is your haIf-brother,
why isn't his name on here?
179
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:29,931
Because he's...iIIegitimate.
180
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:34,128
- You mean Iike your brother EImo?
- No, not Iike EImo.
181
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:37,700
I mean, yes, Iike EImo
but the circumstances were different,
182
00:14:37,743 --> 00:14:40,211
I assure you.
183
00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:44,239
As I recaII, it was during WorId War I.
184
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:48,481
Your father was puIIed from the trenches
desperateIy iII with infIuenza.
185
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:51,819
He was taken to a fieId hospitaI
where EImo's mother,
186
00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:53,415
a Red Cross nurse from Texas...
187
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,895
Magnum, some things are better Ieft unsaid.
188
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,590
Of course.
189
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:01,992
It was just after the Great War.
190
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:04,935
Father, a major in
the Prince of WaIes'
Own Light Horse,
191
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,564
was dispatched to IreIand
to queII the rebeIIion.
192
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:12,066
Not the kind of officer to keep to tabIe
and hearth, even in a bitter Irish winter,
193
00:15:12,111 --> 00:15:15,308
Father was Ieading a patroI
deIivering miIk to an orphanage.
194
00:15:15,347 --> 00:15:18,475
He was ambushed by the IRA.
DesperateIy wounded,
195
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:22,009
he managed to hoId the rebeIs off
untiI his men couId safeIy escape,
196
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:25,717
then he crawIed into a bog
and hid in a snowbank.
197
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:29,592
EarIy the next morning,
a young widow woman, foraging for fueI,
198
00:15:29,628 --> 00:15:32,392
found him and took him to her cottage.
199
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,457
Those were hard times in IreIand
and peat was scarce,
200
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,799
especiaIIy to a woman with no husband.
201
00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:40,361
Father was near frozen to death.
202
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:43,898
So she...did the onIy thing
she couId to get him warm.
203
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,672
Of course.
204
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:49,169
Being deIirious, naturaIIy Father
had no idea what she was doing.
205
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,841
He toId my mother the onIy thing
206
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,910
that kept him going through that terribIe ordeaI
was the thought of her.
207
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,785
-
Of your mother?
- Yes!
208
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:05,958
After he'd thawed out sufficientIy,
he found his way back to his regiment
209
00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:07,795
and nine months Iater...
210
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:10,996
Father Paddy was born! (Laughs)
211
00:16:11,036 --> 00:16:13,334
WeII, he wasn't Father Paddy then.
212
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:15,670
No, of course not, Higgins. Look.
213
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,176
I don't want to cast aspersions on your father
214
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:23,739
but considering how EImo
and Father Paddy were, uh, sired,
215
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:27,274
I mean, did it ever occur to you
that your father may be...
216
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:28,980
No.
217
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,114
I didn't think so.
218
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:36,853
- What's he doing here?
- He didn't say, Higgins.
219
00:16:36,895 --> 00:16:40,422
I assumed he was on vacation.
I dropped him off at the Low Surf hoteI.
220
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:41,956
- How fitting.
- Come on.
221
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,834
Everyone can't afford a beach front on Waikiki.
222
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:47,998
-
Of course, now he'II be staying here.
- Here? Here?
223
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,532
Magnum, have you gone mad?
The opening of the Queen Mother's wing
224
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,875
of the Hawaiian British Museum is this week.
225
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:58,315
As president of the AngIo Society,
I'm in charge of the festivities.
226
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:02,980
There wiII be a formaI baII, famous personages
wiII be staying on the estate.
227
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,490
I'm even making a phone caII
to the Queen Mother
228
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,355
to thank her for her contributions.
229
00:17:07,393 --> 00:17:12,626
And you expect me to pIay host
to a sIovenIy, aIcohoIic, iIIegitimate Irish priest?
230
00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:16,657
- Higgins, you're a bigot.
-
Of course I am. Isn't everybody?
231
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,830
- He's your brother.
- My iIIegitimate haIf-brother.
232
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:25,109
You can caII him anything you want, Higgins.
He is stiII your father's son.
233
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:34,480
l left Higgins to wrestle with his conscience
234
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,988
and wrestled with a problem of my own -
235
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:41,118
how to tell my client that his wife
was probably having an affair.
236
00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:46,993
So, CIarence, I think that
maybe your wife is having...
237
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,761
(Man panting and grunting)
238
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:54,467
is not being quite as faithfuI
as you'd Iike her to be.
239
00:17:54,506 --> 00:17:58,875
Of course I couId be wrong.
I don't reaIIy have any proof yet.
240
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,936
I mean, Iike photos.
241
00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:06,815
WeII, I got photos but nothing
of the two of them, you know, uh...
242
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:12,421
Look, I'm not the kind of investigator
who takes pictures through keyhoIes.
243
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:16,189
I toId your manager that when he hired me.
I don't even peek through them.
244
00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:19,356
So I can't reaIIy know for sure whether Legs...
245
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:26,029
your wife is reaIIy having...
246
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,238
an affair.
247
00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:34,605
Why don't I just maiI you the rest of my
report?
248
00:18:36,081 --> 00:18:39,744
On second thought,
maybe I ought to read it to you right now.
249
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:53,757
''Last night she Ieft your apartment
at seven and went to the movies.''
250
00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:56,996
I'II bet you she toId you
she went to the movies, am I right?
251
00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:59,333
WeII, that's what she did.
252
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,498
She even got one of those jumbo popcorns.
253
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:06,807
You know, the big barreIs with aII the creamy
butter on top of it. That's what she did.
254
00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,836
Then she got...
255
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,806
two soft drinks.
256
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:18,850
Maybe she was thirsty.
Hey, popcorn'II do that to you.
257
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:23,294
EspeciaIIy if you use too much saIt
and she saIted the heII out of it.
258
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:26,456
You reaIIy ought to taIk to her
about that. It's not heaIthy.
259
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,558
- (Grunts)
-
Oh. Yeah,
OK. Yeah.
260
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:33,435
CIarence, I don't think I can remember
aII those detaiIs without my notes.
261
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,633
But I'II try. Here we go.
262
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:40,237
See, I foIIowed her into the theater
and she sat down next to this guy.
263
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,239
But she didn't act Iike she knew him.
264
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:46,410
See, CIarence, I've got this theory.
You go to bed earIy.
265
00:19:46,451 --> 00:19:51,787
You wake up earIy and I understand
that fighters in training practice ceIibacy.
266
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:54,121
WeII, maybe...CIarence, just maybe,
267
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:58,960
your wife is reIeasing
some pent-up Iibido by going to a fiIm.
268
00:19:58,997 --> 00:20:00,658
Like...
269
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,161
Leather Lovers.
270
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:07,561
CIarence, where is your manager?
I'm not the guy for this.
271
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:10,302
Do you know my time is costing you 300...
272
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:14,574
250 a day, pIus expenses,
which I'm hoIding to a minimum.
273
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:19,016
AII I've spent so far is a IittIe gas money,
a movie ticket, some fiIm
274
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,576
and a coupIe of Irish whiskeys for a priest.
275
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:25,183
No, wait. I can expIain that.
276
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,450
Um...
277
00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:31,985
This priest, he heIped me
get a picture of your wife
278
00:20:32,030 --> 00:20:36,194
and the guy,
so that they wouIdn't get suspicious.
279
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:38,703
- Name?
- Father Paddy.
280
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:43,908
Oh, the guy.
You want the name of the guy. I don't know.
281
00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:45,933
Find out.
282
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,409
CIarence, I don't even know if this guy is...
283
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,885
I'II get right on it.
284
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:25,475
(* Easy Iistening guitar rock)
285
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:32,619
(Burps)
286
00:21:50,108 --> 00:21:54,204
Room's 100 a week, 20 a day,
12.50 a haIf day, $5 an hour,
287
00:21:54,246 --> 00:21:56,407
2.50 extra if you want cIean sheets.
288
00:21:56,448 --> 00:22:01,249
That's cash in advance and no swimsuits
or bare feet aIIowed in the Iobby.
289
00:22:02,354 --> 00:22:05,517
My good man, I wouIdn't be
caught dead in one of your rooms.
290
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:11,754
No suicides either.
291
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:14,459
I'm Iooking for Father Patrick McGuinness.
292
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,165
Try the beach bar.
293
00:22:18,036 --> 00:22:19,367
Beach bar?
294
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:22,797
On the roof.
295
00:22:31,817 --> 00:22:33,478
(Receptionist) It don't work.
296
00:22:47,899 --> 00:22:48,991
(BeIches)
297
00:22:53,138 --> 00:22:54,901
(BeIches and groans)
298
00:23:01,513 --> 00:23:02,980
(Laughter)
299
00:23:21,967 --> 00:23:23,798
(Dog barks)
300
00:23:35,981 --> 00:23:38,677
Why wouId anyone caII this the beach bar?
301
00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:59,434
Faith and begorrah. Johnny.
302
00:24:00,071 --> 00:24:02,835
It is you, me brother.
303
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,432
HaIf-brother.
304
00:24:05,877 --> 00:24:08,402
It's been 15 years.
305
00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:12,679
- 1 7, to be precise.
- Let me Iook at you.
306
00:24:12,717 --> 00:24:14,207
You're fat as a fiddIe.
307
00:24:14,252 --> 00:24:15,947
That's fit as a fiddIe.
308
00:24:15,987 --> 00:24:17,852
(Laughs)
309
00:24:17,889 --> 00:24:20,585
Barkeep, give me brother whatever he wants.
310
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:22,616
GIencadam on the rocks.
311
00:24:23,762 --> 00:24:27,630
That's Scotch. You do have Scotch, don't you?
312
00:24:27,666 --> 00:24:29,463
Yeah, sure we do. Uh...
313
00:24:29,501 --> 00:24:33,597
Bonnie Hawaii, made right here
in the isIands, 3.50 a bottIe.
314
00:24:34,439 --> 00:24:36,907
Pour him a spot of mine.
315
00:24:36,942 --> 00:24:41,038
They didn't have any Irish,
so I went out and bought me some.
316
00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:43,547
How did you know I was here?
317
00:24:43,582 --> 00:24:46,107
A rather bizarre coincidence.
318
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:49,643
You met one of the guests
at Robin Masters' estate, Thomas Magnum.
319
00:24:49,688 --> 00:24:52,020
- The Iad at the airport.
- Yes.
320
00:24:52,057 --> 00:24:55,720
WeII, he said he dropped you off...here.
321
00:24:56,528 --> 00:24:59,554
Patrick, what are you doing in Hawaii?
322
00:25:06,104 --> 00:25:09,437
HoteI poIicy, I've got to put 'em in aII the drinks.
323
00:25:12,544 --> 00:25:14,535
To Father.
324
00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:19,176
To Father.
325
00:25:23,622 --> 00:25:25,249
(Sighs heaviIy)
326
00:25:26,157 --> 00:25:28,148
Now, what are you doing here?
327
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:31,685
WeII, Johnny, it's a Iong taIe
and I don't want to bore you.
328
00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:34,164
You aIways did have
a tendency to run on a bit.
329
00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:37,566
Me, run on? (Laughs)
330
00:25:38,069 --> 00:25:41,561
You couId put a Ieprechaun
to sIeep on St Patrick's Day.
331
00:25:41,606 --> 00:25:46,009
Leprechauns and St Patrick's Day,
what sort of a metaphor is that?
332
00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:47,568
An Irish one.
333
00:25:48,446 --> 00:25:53,509
That's aIways been your probIem, Patrick.
You can't shake those GaeIic roots.
334
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,311
To the Queen.
335
00:25:57,355 --> 00:25:59,016
(Laughs)
336
00:26:00,358 --> 00:26:02,019
What's so humorous?
337
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:05,393
Toasting the Queen with good Irish whiskey.
338
00:26:09,601 --> 00:26:12,126
I had hoped the years
might have changed you.
339
00:26:12,170 --> 00:26:15,662
I came here intending to remove you
from these squaIid surroundings
340
00:26:15,707 --> 00:26:18,699
to offer you the hospitaIity
of Mr. Masters' estate.
341
00:26:18,743 --> 00:26:20,574
I shouId have known better.
342
00:26:20,612 --> 00:26:23,740
That you shouId have, Brit.
343
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,820
I reaIIy must be going. With the new wing
of the museum opening on Sunday
344
00:26:32,857 --> 00:26:36,520
and my oId brigadier arriving tomorrow,
I have a miIIion things to do.
345
00:26:36,561 --> 00:26:38,586
Perhaps in another 1 7 years, Patrick.
346
00:26:40,131 --> 00:26:42,122
Goodbye.
347
00:26:43,268 --> 00:26:46,499
May the saints preserve me, what am I doing?
348
00:26:46,538 --> 00:26:48,699
Here my own fIesh and bIood seeks me out
349
00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,436
with nothing but brotherIy Iove in his heart
350
00:26:51,476 --> 00:26:54,604
to offer me the hospitaIity
of his home and hearth
351
00:26:54,646 --> 00:26:57,114
and I treat him Iike a DubIin dustman.
352
00:26:57,148 --> 00:27:00,049
I wouId not bIame you
if you withdrew your gracious offer
353
00:27:00,085 --> 00:27:02,713
and never spoke to me again, brother darIing.
354
00:27:06,491 --> 00:27:07,822
WeII, I...
355
00:27:07,859 --> 00:27:11,590
I'II pack me things and be with you
in three shakes of a Ieprechaun's Ieg.
356
00:27:23,108 --> 00:27:25,099
He's onIy my haIf-brother.
357
00:27:40,959 --> 00:27:43,484
What are they doing?
358
00:27:43,528 --> 00:27:45,689
That's pretty obvious, isn't it?
359
00:27:45,730 --> 00:27:47,721
Standing on their heads?
360
00:27:47,766 --> 00:27:51,497
Don't knock it untiI you've tried it.
Come on, get cIoser.
361
00:27:51,536 --> 00:27:54,300
Hey, man, this is a heIicopter, it makes noise.
362
00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:57,365
They are so preoccupied, they'II never hear us.
363
00:27:57,409 --> 00:27:58,398
Uh-huh.
364
00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,072
Come on. CIoser.
365
00:28:07,485 --> 00:28:09,476
CIoser.
366
00:28:28,239 --> 00:28:30,469
(Laughs)
367
00:28:30,508 --> 00:28:32,203
This is great.
368
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,313
To think that some countries stiII hunt them.
369
00:28:39,217 --> 00:28:41,208
(T.C.) Yeah.
370
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:49,553
I toId you they'd hear us.
What do you think they were doing?
371
00:28:49,594 --> 00:28:53,257
I don't know. Some kind of a mating dance?
Where's Legs' boat?
372
00:28:53,298 --> 00:28:56,859
Don't worry.
They're probabIy stiII in their cabin,
373
00:28:56,901 --> 00:28:58,698
doing their mating dance.
374
00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:01,561
What did you expect?
375
00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:04,632
The husband hired you
because he was suspicious.
376
00:29:04,676 --> 00:29:08,134
That doesn't mean he's right.
I was hoping he was wrong.
377
00:29:08,179 --> 00:29:13,139
You know, that Suntan wouId maybe
turn out to be her Iong-Iost baby brother.
378
00:29:13,885 --> 00:29:17,412
(T.C.) Baby brother?
Man, you are reaIIy reaching.
379
00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:22,182
- He's a mean one, huh?
- Who?
380
00:29:22,227 --> 00:29:26,061
- Legs' husband.
- I wouIdn't say he's mean exactIy.
381
00:29:26,097 --> 00:29:30,193
I can't bIame you. It's usuaIIy
the bearer of bad tidings that gets buried.
382
00:29:32,137 --> 00:29:34,662
- They came up for air.
- The whaIes?
383
00:29:34,706 --> 00:29:36,697
No, Legs and Suntan.
384
00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:44,114
(T.C. Iaughs)
385
00:29:44,149 --> 00:29:46,140
- That's great.
- What?
386
00:29:46,184 --> 00:29:49,312
- They're fighting.
- What's so great about that?
387
00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:52,482
Don't you see? It hasn't worked out.
388
00:29:52,524 --> 00:29:55,049
She thought
she couId have an affair with Suntan
389
00:29:55,093 --> 00:29:57,960
but now she reaIizes
she's stiII in Iove with CIarence.
390
00:29:58,663 --> 00:30:01,427
- CIarence?
- Yeah, her husband.
391
00:30:01,466 --> 00:30:07,336
She reaIized a few stoIen moments of passion
aren't worth a Iifetime of regret.
392
00:30:07,372 --> 00:30:10,603
She was probabIy
faithfuI to CIarence aII aIong.
393
00:30:11,342 --> 00:30:15,210
- Do you reaIIy beIieve that?
- That's what I'II teII CIarence.
394
00:30:15,246 --> 00:30:17,806
(T.C. Iaughs) He is a mean one, huh?
395
00:30:22,387 --> 00:30:26,380
- It's magnificent.
- I'm reIieved it's finaIIy in your hands.
396
00:30:26,424 --> 00:30:31,623
I must confess I feIt a bit uncomfortabIe,
carting it about Iike a deIivery boy.
397
00:30:31,663 --> 00:30:36,066
To think I hoId the very crown Henry VIII
pIaced on Anne BoIeyn's head.
398
00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:38,261
And whiIe she stiII had it, I hope.
399
00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:39,634
What?
400
00:30:39,671 --> 00:30:42,196
Oh, yes. Quite good.
401
00:30:43,474 --> 00:30:45,772
I'm a descendant of Henry's, you know.
402
00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:47,641
- ReaIIy?
- Yes.
403
00:30:47,679 --> 00:30:51,775
My father's great grandfather's aunt
was the Duchess of CIyde
404
00:30:51,816 --> 00:30:54,808
whose uncIe on her mother's side
was EarI of Westchester,
405
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:58,755
second cousin to Lord Throckmorton,
the nephew of Edward VI,
406
00:30:58,790 --> 00:31:03,250
who was the onIy issue of Henry VIII's
third marriage to Jane Seymour.
407
00:31:03,294 --> 00:31:06,229
Oh, yes. Yes. I see.
408
00:31:08,533 --> 00:31:10,694
Oh, thank you.
409
00:31:10,735 --> 00:31:13,727
The Society wiII be forever
indebted to the Queen Mother
410
00:31:13,771 --> 00:31:17,434
for Ioaning the tiara to us
to open the wing of the museum
411
00:31:17,475 --> 00:31:21,206
and to you, Brigadier,
for so very kindIy deIivering it to us.
412
00:31:21,246 --> 00:31:23,009
Nonsense, Sergeant Major,
413
00:31:23,047 --> 00:31:26,312
I was coming out to the isIands
on hoIiday anyway.
414
00:31:27,318 --> 00:31:28,910
To the Queen Mother.
415
00:31:28,953 --> 00:31:30,716
(Higgins) To the Queen Mother.
416
00:31:34,792 --> 00:31:38,284
How did you get Irish
in your Scotch decanter?
417
00:31:43,468 --> 00:31:46,062
Patrick, why the bIoody heII did you...
418
00:31:49,674 --> 00:31:52,768
Is something wrong, brother darIing?
419
00:31:52,810 --> 00:31:56,143
Did you put Irish whiskey
in my crystaI Scotch decanter?
420
00:31:56,180 --> 00:31:59,308
Aye. I did not see any for Irish
421
00:31:59,350 --> 00:32:02,478
and I thought Scotch
wouId be cIoser than gin.
422
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,317
You thought Scotch...
423
00:32:04,355 --> 00:32:05,788
Did it cause a probIem?
424
00:32:05,823 --> 00:32:08,724
My oId brigadier arrived
and we toasted the Queen Mother
425
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,888
- with your bIoody Irish whiskey!
- Think nothing of it.
426
00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:16,094
With aII you've done for me, sharing
me whiskey with you is the Ieast I can do.
427
00:32:17,201 --> 00:32:21,297
Now, if you'II excuse me, brother darIing,
428
00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:23,500
I've me evening vespers to compIete.
429
00:32:36,654 --> 00:32:42,024
Forgive me.
Sometimes I just cannot heIp myseIf.
430
00:32:45,964 --> 00:32:48,524
(Fists pounding, man grunting)
431
00:33:00,244 --> 00:33:04,237
That's CIarence?
Boy, no wonder you're terrified.
432
00:33:04,282 --> 00:33:06,443
I'm not terrified.
433
00:33:10,288 --> 00:33:11,778
You shouId be.
434
00:33:13,558 --> 00:33:16,322
Hi, CIarence. Is your manager here?
435
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:22,155
Guess not. I just stopped by
to give you the good news.
436
00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:28,666
- Does it taIk?
- In one syIIabIe sentences.
437
00:33:28,706 --> 00:33:31,607
- CIarence, this is T.C.
- You ain't got to introduce me.
438
00:33:31,642 --> 00:33:33,337
- He's my partner...
- Partner?
439
00:33:33,378 --> 00:33:36,176
And we decided
that we can just about assure you
440
00:33:36,214 --> 00:33:39,479
that your wife isn't doing anything
you wouIdn't want her to do.
441
00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:42,509
- What is with this ''we'' stuff?
- You get 50%/% of the net.
442
00:33:42,553 --> 00:33:44,919
For what, 50%/% of the bruises?
443
00:33:46,557 --> 00:33:49,890
CIarence, Iook,
maybe I'd better taIk to your manager.
444
00:33:49,927 --> 00:33:52,088
After aII, he's the one who hired me. Us.
445
00:33:52,130 --> 00:33:55,224
- I think you'd better teII CIarence.
-
Of course.
446
00:33:55,266 --> 00:33:58,758
WeII, T.C. and I were
foIIowing your wife in a boat.
447
00:33:58,803 --> 00:34:01,397
She was in a boat
and we were in a heIicopter.
448
00:34:01,439 --> 00:34:04,033
WeII... Hey, we saw some whaIes.
Two of 'em.
449
00:34:04,075 --> 00:34:08,171
They had their heads in the water
and they were fIapping their taiIs...
450
00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:10,578
I don't think he wants to hear about whaIes.
451
00:34:10,615 --> 00:34:12,583
- WiII you Iet me teII this?
- Name.
452
00:34:14,619 --> 00:34:16,917
What did he say?
453
00:34:16,954 --> 00:34:19,422
- He wants Suntan's name.
- WeII, give it to him!
454
00:34:19,457 --> 00:34:21,755
I can't give it to him, I don't know it.
455
00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:26,492
And you don't have to know it either
because your wife is not having
456
00:34:26,531 --> 00:34:28,522
an affair with Suntan.
457
00:34:28,566 --> 00:34:31,467
As a matter of fact, she hates the guy.
458
00:34:31,502 --> 00:34:35,029
Yeah, that's right. In fact,
when they came out of the cabin...
459
00:34:35,673 --> 00:34:37,334
she was just... Thomas.
460
00:34:37,375 --> 00:34:39,206
See, CIarence, I got this theory.
461
00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:42,974
I think Suntan is a reporter
for one of those trashy scandaI sheets
462
00:34:43,014 --> 00:34:45,482
and he's trying to create a story...
463
00:34:46,484 --> 00:34:48,509
That's it! That's enough! I've had it!
464
00:34:48,553 --> 00:34:53,923
You may be abIe to kiII us but I'm not gonna
Iet you intimidate me any Ionger.
465
00:34:54,692 --> 00:34:58,560
I apoIogize for that
but I have an image to uphoId.
466
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:05,460
Mr. Magnum, T.C., Angie - or Legs,
as you have so aptIy nicknamed her -
467
00:35:05,503 --> 00:35:09,735
is not onIy promiscuous,
she's the one who wants the divorce.
468
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:13,870
She's maintaining this facade of faithfuIness
untiI I win the championship,
469
00:35:13,911 --> 00:35:16,072
then she's gonna fiIe for a divorce
470
00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:19,242
and if you don't procure proof
of Angie's infideIities,
471
00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:22,411
then I'II have to give her
haIf of my share in the purse.
472
00:35:22,453 --> 00:35:24,614
That couId be a coupIe of miIIion doIIars,
473
00:35:24,655 --> 00:35:28,318
so pIease, gentIemen,
ferret out Suntan's reaI name
474
00:35:28,359 --> 00:35:31,487
and find me some acceptabIe evidence.
475
00:35:36,467 --> 00:35:39,300
I can't imagine what's deIaying my haIf-brother.
476
00:35:39,337 --> 00:35:41,805
I'm in such a fIutter, Jonathan.
477
00:35:41,839 --> 00:35:45,935
Think of it, the opening of
the Queen Mother's wing at the museum
478
00:35:45,977 --> 00:35:49,970
and meeting your own fIesh and bIood,
aII in the same week.
479
00:35:50,014 --> 00:35:52,346
It's aImost more than one can bear.
480
00:35:54,152 --> 00:35:56,143
Yes, quite.
481
00:35:56,187 --> 00:36:01,250
You said your brother was part Irish.
What part of IreIand does he come from?
482
00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:03,988
Northern, Brigadier FfoIkes.
483
00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:06,019
Northern.
484
00:36:06,063 --> 00:36:08,657
- Father McGuinness?
- You two know each other?
485
00:36:08,699 --> 00:36:12,795
Aye, brother darIing, the Brigadier and I
are oId acquaintances.
486
00:36:12,837 --> 00:36:15,965
Isn't this a wonderfuI coincidence?
487
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:19,499
The Lord works in mysterious ways, Iass.
488
00:36:19,544 --> 00:36:23,344
Not this mysterious, I fancy.
What are you up to, Father?
489
00:36:23,381 --> 00:36:25,576
It's quite simpIe, Brigadier.
490
00:36:26,117 --> 00:36:29,609
You stoIe the ashes of the Crozier
of St Patrick from me poor church
491
00:36:29,654 --> 00:36:30,712
and I want 'em back.
492
00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:33,519
Patrick, apoIogize to the Brigadier at once.
493
00:36:33,558 --> 00:36:35,856
No, that's not necessary, Sergeant Major,
494
00:36:35,893 --> 00:36:40,091
because I haven't the faintest idea
what the good Father's taIking about.
495
00:36:40,131 --> 00:36:42,122
WeII, you'd better, Brigadier,
496
00:36:42,166 --> 00:36:45,658
or you'II never see the tiara fat Henry crowned
his tart with again.
497
00:36:57,081 --> 00:36:58,776
(Speaks Irish GaeIic)
498
00:37:03,588 --> 00:37:05,522
(Sighs contentedIy)
499
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:12,218
After leaving Clarence, it took T.C.
and me an hour to realize
500
00:37:12,263 --> 00:37:15,391
we were walking around
with our mouths still hanging open.
501
00:37:15,433 --> 00:37:17,731
So we drove to the club
where Rick closed them
502
00:37:17,768 --> 00:37:21,795
with a couple of steaks
and a bottle of Bordeaux on the house.
503
00:37:21,839 --> 00:37:24,501
Of course, there was a price to pay.
504
00:37:24,542 --> 00:37:27,010
Rick was still laughing when we left.
505
00:37:29,614 --> 00:37:32,412
(Higgins) You used me, your own haIf-brother!
506
00:37:33,217 --> 00:37:37,278
- I'm sorry about that, brother darIing.
- Stop caIIing me that.
507
00:37:37,321 --> 00:37:40,586
I suppose I shouIdn't
bIame you for being upset.
508
00:37:40,625 --> 00:37:42,183
Upset! Upset!
509
00:37:42,226 --> 00:37:45,889
Jonathan, your bIood pressure.
510
00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,921
Of course...
511
00:37:49,500 --> 00:37:51,968
you wouIdn't have been invoIved...
512
00:37:53,738 --> 00:37:57,640
if I hadn't met that big strapping friend
of yours at the airport.
513
00:37:58,476 --> 00:37:59,841
Magnum.
514
00:38:01,445 --> 00:38:06,280
Why didn't you report this theft
to the poIice in Armagh?
515
00:38:06,317 --> 00:38:09,809
- How do you know I didn't?
- Because I'd have been informed.
516
00:38:09,854 --> 00:38:13,688
To teII you the truth, Brigadier,
the Bishop toId me to
517
00:38:13,724 --> 00:38:16,852
but I got to thinking, going to the poIice
518
00:38:16,894 --> 00:38:21,194
wouId be Iike the mouse going to the cat
to teII him the dog stoIe the cheese.
519
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,063
So you decided to steaI the tiara instead?
520
00:38:26,103 --> 00:38:27,297
Tit for tat.
521
00:38:27,338 --> 00:38:30,034
And we're to beIieve
that this is aII a coincidence?
522
00:38:30,074 --> 00:38:35,740
That the ashes of the Crozier disappeared,
or were stoIen from your church
523
00:38:35,780 --> 00:38:39,614
just a few days before I was
to escort the tiara to Hawaii.
524
00:38:39,650 --> 00:38:42,642
The creator moves in mysterious ways.
525
00:38:42,687 --> 00:38:46,179
- So does the IRA, Father.
- And what do you mean by that?
526
00:38:46,223 --> 00:38:49,556
It's obvious that the IRA
has orchestrated this whoIe incident
527
00:38:49,593 --> 00:38:54,053
to besmirch the reputation of
the British soIdier in Northern IreIand.
528
00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:57,761
(Laughs) You don't need the IRA to do that.
529
00:38:57,802 --> 00:39:01,761
Do you reaIIy expect anybody to beIieve
that we wouId steaI a church reIic?
530
00:39:01,806 --> 00:39:05,606
Who, pray teII, burned the Crozier
of St Patrick in the first pIace?
531
00:39:05,643 --> 00:39:08,237
That was 500 years ago.
532
00:39:08,279 --> 00:39:10,577
When are you bIoody Irish going to forget?
533
00:39:10,614 --> 00:39:12,775
When CromweII gets out of heII!
534
00:39:12,817 --> 00:39:16,150
I'm beginning to see
why Northern IreIand's in such a mess.
535
00:39:16,187 --> 00:39:18,485
Magnum, this is aII your fauIt.
536
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,820
Good, then you won't mind if I butt in.
537
00:39:20,858 --> 00:39:24,851
- Good evening, everybody.
- You've no idea what's invoIved here.
538
00:39:24,895 --> 00:39:28,558
WeII, I think I may have
heard enough to give me a cIue.
539
00:39:28,599 --> 00:39:33,229
Father Paddy thinks that the British here
have stoIen a reIic from his church
540
00:39:33,270 --> 00:39:37,366
and the British think that Father Paddy
is part of an IRA pIot to discredit them.
541
00:39:37,408 --> 00:39:39,069
Is that cIose enough?
542
00:39:39,110 --> 00:39:43,308
WeII, I figure you're both wrong.
543
00:39:43,347 --> 00:39:44,837
Thank you, Agatha.
544
00:39:44,882 --> 00:39:48,318
I have known the Brigadier here
for severaI years.
545
00:39:48,352 --> 00:39:52,254
Not weII but weII enough to know that
he wouId shoot you in the Iine of duty
546
00:39:52,289 --> 00:39:54,450
but he wouIdn't steaI your shoes.
547
00:39:54,492 --> 00:39:57,427
Rather crudeIy put, but thank you.
548
00:39:57,461 --> 00:40:01,329
And aIthough I don't know Father Paddy
any better, I do know his brother.
549
00:40:01,365 --> 00:40:02,889
HaIf-brother.
550
00:40:03,367 --> 00:40:05,494
HaIf-brother.
551
00:40:07,538 --> 00:40:10,666
Thank you. I assume
the same bIood runs in their veins,
552
00:40:10,708 --> 00:40:12,699
therefore they share the same traits.
553
00:40:12,743 --> 00:40:16,577
Higgins wouId rather be drawn
and quartered than teII a Iie.
554
00:40:17,782 --> 00:40:21,309
- Besides, despite Father Paddy's vices...
- Vices?
555
00:40:22,386 --> 00:40:26,186
..he is a man of the cIoth
and I don't think they take to Iying too easiIy.
556
00:40:26,223 --> 00:40:28,521
So what's your point, Magnum?
557
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:34,823
My point is that if you two couId bury
your chauvinistic hatchets for a minute,
558
00:40:34,865 --> 00:40:38,130
the two of you together
might be abIe to figure out
559
00:40:38,169 --> 00:40:40,933
who eIse couId have benefited
by steaIing the reIic.
560
00:40:40,971 --> 00:40:43,496
Good night and thanks for the cigar.
561
00:40:52,349 --> 00:40:54,647
(Agatha) Isn't this exciting?
562
00:40:54,685 --> 00:40:57,483
Just Iike an Agatha Christie noveI.
563
00:40:57,521 --> 00:41:02,515
Now, aII we have to do
is to figure out who did it.
564
00:41:08,432 --> 00:41:10,798
We'II be Ieaving here at seven o'cIock sharp
565
00:41:10,835 --> 00:41:14,601
for a deIightfuI breakfast
at the Hog & Hound
566
00:41:14,638 --> 00:41:17,106
foIIowed by a tour of the countryside
567
00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:20,474
where you'II see the ruins
of the abbey of LoughgaII,
568
00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:24,971
the oId waII at Concannon and...
569
00:41:25,015 --> 00:41:31,944
I'm afraid we'II have to cross
the Crozier of St Patrick's off our itinerary
570
00:41:31,989 --> 00:41:35,857
as the ashes are no Ionger there.
571
00:41:36,727 --> 00:41:38,718
The church was a IittIe out of our way
572
00:41:38,762 --> 00:41:42,254
but I seIected a IoveIy IittIe church
here in Armagh.
573
00:41:42,299 --> 00:41:46,292
So have a IoveIy evening
and do be on time in the morning.
574
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,202
May we have a word with you, Miss?
575
00:41:48,239 --> 00:41:50,400
Yes, there's pIenty of room on the tour bus.
576
00:41:50,441 --> 00:41:54,400
- A fuII day's tour is five pounds...
- We're not interested in the tour, Miss.
577
00:41:54,445 --> 00:41:58,108
We'd Iike to discuss the ashes
of St Patrick's Crozier.
578
00:41:58,148 --> 00:42:00,082
(Gasps)
579
00:42:00,951 --> 00:42:02,942
Confronted by the constabulary,
580
00:42:02,987 --> 00:42:06,650
the tour guide broke down and led them
to where she'd hidden the relic.
581
00:42:06,690 --> 00:42:10,182
Hearing of its safe return,
Father Paddy gave the tiara to Higgins
582
00:42:10,227 --> 00:42:12,695
and, in a conciliatory gesture,
583
00:42:12,730 --> 00:42:15,756
insisted on flying home with the Brigadier.
584
00:42:15,799 --> 00:42:19,291
All l could think was
God help the passengers.
585
00:42:19,336 --> 00:42:21,634
And what about the pIantation of IreIand?
586
00:42:21,672 --> 00:42:24,573
Father McGuinness,
do you reaIize when that happened?
587
00:42:24,608 --> 00:42:27,133
Aye, with the coming
of the crossbow in 1 169.
588
00:42:27,177 --> 00:42:29,702
How can you hoId us
responsibIe for something
589
00:42:29,747 --> 00:42:31,271
that happened 800 years ago?
590
00:42:31,315 --> 00:42:35,411
That's the troubIe with you Brits,
you have too short a memory.
591
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:39,288
Sergeant Major,
I shaII see you on my next visit, I hope.
592
00:42:39,323 --> 00:42:40,620
So do I, sir.
593
00:42:42,993 --> 00:42:45,461
I aIways seem to end up in your debt.
594
00:42:45,496 --> 00:42:48,090
Better than the other way around.
Goodbye, sir.
595
00:42:53,170 --> 00:42:56,833
Don't you go taking
too many of those divorce cases.
596
00:42:56,874 --> 00:42:59,035
It'II sour you on marrying.
597
00:42:59,076 --> 00:43:01,374
I'II try and remember that, Father.
598
00:43:04,315 --> 00:43:07,978
1 7 years is a Iong time.
599
00:43:08,919 --> 00:43:10,580
Yes, it is.
600
00:43:11,822 --> 00:43:15,314
- If you're ever in Northern IreIand...
- I'II caII first.
601
00:43:24,068 --> 00:43:27,196
It's been grand seeing you.
602
00:43:27,237 --> 00:43:29,068
You too...
603
00:43:30,274 --> 00:43:32,265
brother.
604
00:43:37,281 --> 00:43:39,215
God bIess you, brother darIing.
605
00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:03,463
You know, we ought
to have a famiIy reunion,
606
00:44:03,507 --> 00:44:05,975
get aII of Dad's kids together.
607
00:44:06,010 --> 00:44:09,502
You, me, EImo, Soo-Ling.
608
00:44:15,285 --> 00:44:17,276
Soo-Ling?
609
00:44:20,624 --> 00:44:23,957
I don't suppose you'd have
the decency to drop it.
610
00:44:27,431 --> 00:44:29,422
That's what I thought.
611
00:44:31,301 --> 00:44:35,965
In 1928, my father was miIitary attaché
to the embassy in Peking.
612
00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:39,464
He was asked to escort a contingent
of EpiscopaI nuns to Hentiy,
613
00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:41,501
where they were to estabIish a mission.
614
00:44:41,545 --> 00:44:44,480
AIong the way, they were ambushed
by MongoIian bandits
615
00:44:44,515 --> 00:44:47,109
Ied by a beautifuI, raven-haired woman.
616
00:44:47,151 --> 00:44:51,247
She had never seen an EngIishman before
and found my father fascinating,
617
00:44:51,288 --> 00:44:54,416
so fascinating that she was wiIIing
to Iet the nuns go on
618
00:44:54,458 --> 00:44:58,394
in exchange for certain favors, so to speak.
619
00:44:59,329 --> 00:45:03,732
(Higgins) She took my father to a cliff
overlooking the sea and...
620
00:45:03,767 --> 00:45:05,598
(T.C.) What is she doing to him now?
621
00:45:06,437 --> 00:45:07,927
Snap off a coupIe.
622
00:45:07,971 --> 00:45:10,439
How do we prove
CIarence's wife is unfaithfuI
623
00:45:10,474 --> 00:45:12,635
with us taking pictures of her fighting?
624
00:45:12,676 --> 00:45:14,837
I don't know. Just snap a coupIe.
625
00:45:22,586 --> 00:45:24,417
I don't know how Thomas does this.
626
00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:27,219
Can you imagine spending
aII your time doing this?
627
00:45:27,257 --> 00:45:29,782
- Maybe it gets interesting.
- When?
628
00:45:29,827 --> 00:45:31,522
What are they doing now?
629
00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:35,293
What they've been doing
for the Iast 30 minutes - arguing.
630
00:45:35,332 --> 00:45:37,266
Some pair of Iovebirds.
631
00:45:37,301 --> 00:45:40,429
I had a reIationship Iike that once,
fought aII the time.
632
00:45:40,471 --> 00:45:43,963
Man, it was terribIe...untiI we made up.
633
00:45:44,007 --> 00:45:47,135
Yeah, weII, these two ain't
never gonna make up.
634
00:45:47,177 --> 00:45:51,273
They'd better or eIse CIarence won't
stand a chance in divorce court.
635
00:45:53,717 --> 00:45:55,082
This is boring.
636
00:45:55,119 --> 00:45:57,314
Maybe something interesting'II happen.
637
00:45:57,354 --> 00:45:59,288
- Like what?
- I don't know.
638
00:45:59,323 --> 00:46:03,282
Whenever Thomas has a case,
you can never teII what'II happen.
639
00:46:03,332 --> 00:46:07,882
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
53861