All language subtitles for Magnum P.I. s03e17 I Do.eng

To the late, great Thomas Sullivan Magnum.

- Stop yelling!
- l'm not yelling! l'm speaking loudly.

You're yelling.

Always did prefer your men
like your cologne, cheap and splashy.

- You're not a member here.
- My wife is.

You can put it on their accounts. Ta.

Marrying the boss's niece has advantages.

Anything you want or need,
you just give me a little buzz.

Uncle Harry, what is going on?

You and your new hubby are up the creek.

Dearly beloved, we have come together
in the presence of God

to witness and bless the joining of this man
and this woman in holy matrimony.

Would you join hands, please?

Will you have this man to be your husband,

to live together in the covenant of marriage?

Will you love him, comfort him, honor
and keep him, in sickness and in health

and, forsaking all others, be faithful
to him as long as you both shall live?

l will.

(Blowing nose)

And will you have
this woman to be your wife,

to live together in the covenant of marriage?

Will you love her, comfort her, honor
and keep her, in sickness and in health

and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her
as long as you both shall live?

- l will.
- (Blowing nose)

The ring, please.

Now that this man and this woman
have given themselves to each other,

by solemn vow, by the joining of hands

and by the giving and receiving of a ring,

l pronounce that they are husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

(* Lounge music)

l'm telling you, T.C.,
he's sick, he needs help.

Needed help. ln case you didn't notice,
the boy done said l do.

l tried talking to him like a buddy.
Would he listen?

He wouldn't listen to anybody.
l called him 30 times.

Never returned one of my calls. Not one.

Uh-huh. To the late, great Thomas
Sullivan Magnum. May he rest in peace.

My God, Rick, how can you drink that swill?

Malaria-infested Burmese swamp water
was more palatable.

- Gee, Higgins, l kind of like it.
- That doesn't surprise me.

Nothing about this soiree surprises me.

Everything is so flawlessly vulgar.
Macaroni salad and plastic flowers.

But then one can hardly expect
anything else from Harry MacKenzie.

Hey, lighten up, this guy is worth millions.

Clearly a blessed confirmation
that breeding and class cannot be bought.

Thank the heavens.

You know something, Higgins?
You're a snob.

l prefer to think of myself as civilized.

This is a class act, first class here.

Plastic champagne glasses, l rest my case
and feel more confident than ever

that Magnum will feel right at home
with his new in-laws.

(Woman) Wonderful.

(Giggles)

Tom...

Marsha.

Oh, Tom, Tom.

Marsha.

Uncle Harry, everything is perfect.
Daddy would be so proud.

Honey, l promised my brother his little girl
would have the very best of everything.

Ever since her daddy died,
she's been like my own little girl.

l'd like to dance with her if you don't mind.

- Sure, Mr. MacKenzie.
- Tom, please, call me Uncle Harry.

OK, Uncle Harry.

- Sure you don't mind?
- No, it's just...

- Ready?
- Yes.

(* Lounge music)

(Splat, camera shutter whirs)

lt would appear you've made
my sister very happy.

Well, l hope so. She's made me very happy.

That's nice.
Marrying the boss's niece has advantages.

- Oh, Andy...
- No, no, no. Andrew.

Not Andy, Andrew.

Look, Andrew,
l did not marry the boss's niece.

l don't even work for your uncle.

You will. You know my father died
building this company?

MacKenzie Enterprises is a family business.

- Always has been, always will be.
- l know.

- So you think that you can just come in...
- My boys, scheming already?

Trying to figure out how to throw
Uncle Harry out?

l wouldn't count on it
for the next half-century.

Don't count your chickens.
Nothing's for ever.

- Hello, Grandmother.
- And don't pout.

Your brother used to pout and it killed him.

Heart stopped, just like that.
Bad for the ticker.

Stand up, boy, you're slouching.
Bad for the liver.

Come on, they're playing our song.

- Bye.
- Nice boy.

lt's good to have a new face in the family.

- Otto, they're here.
- Ja, ja, Greta. l am hurrying.

(Laughing)

Greta, Otto, what are you doing here?

Your grandmother sent us
to make perfect your love nest.

Greta and Otto work for
Grandmother MacKenzie.

Otto, big Dummkopf,
said you would be coming at six.

Six is what l was told.

No matter. No matter.

So very beautiful.

And such a handsome husband.

Me, l have Dummkopf. Take the bags inside.

- Oh, thank you.
- Schnell, schnell.

Oh, l'll get the door.

(Otto) Thank you very much.

- This is Uncle Harry's wedding gift?
- Yes, good old Uncle Harry.

- Aren't you forgetting something?
- Uh?

- The threshold.
- Ah.

- Oh, isn't this lovely?
- Champagne.

Oh, how nice.

(Otto) Ja. Gut.

The bags are in the bedroom,
the first room on the left.

Dinner is cooking,
champagne is cooling and...

We are going.

- Bye.
- Thanks.

(Magnum) Bye-bye.

l thought they would never leave.

The threshold, don't you think
that was a bit much?

- lsn't that how it's done?
- Sure. ln 1947.

- (Material rips)
- Oh!

Watch out! Oh, you big klutz!

l didn't do anything. l was standing here.

Do you have any idea
how much this dress cost?

Hey, it was an accident. l'm sorry.

l should have known, big body, little brain.

- This is not gonna be easy.
- Brilliant deduction.

Look, don't you think that we could try
to be a little understanding,

otherwise we'll be at each other's throat?

- Don't you threaten me.
- That is not a threat.

- Stop yelling!
- l'm not yelling! l'm speaking loudly!

- You're yelling!
- Hey, will you two knock it off?

This is a nice neighborhood.

You two are beginning to sound
like you actually are married.

l'd rather be dead.

Primo stuff, 22 bucks a case.

lt smells like a poker game in here.

- Harry, you're getting ash all over the floor.
- Relax, it's a rental.

l have to live here.
l'd prefer it didn't look like a frat house.

Look, you and l decided
on this plan together.

You decided, and for some reason,
which still escapes me, l accepted.

For the company, honey.

l married that bozo Bruce for love.
This isn't going to work any better than that.

Au contraire.
Andy went for it, hook, line and sinker.

And now, in the spirit of nepotism
that made this country great,

l'm gonna make my new nephew-in-law
a vice president of the company,

in charge of...plant operations.

He can look into every nook and cranny
and nobody'll get suspicious.

Right. lf Andrew buys this...situation,
then it's a good cover.

When do you think he'll make a move?

lf l knew that, l wouldn't need you.

Once l discovered the losses,
l analyzed our records for nearly a year.

There's been a loss every month,
except this one.

l've got almost $8 million worth of computers
in that warehouse

and Andy's gonna go for it

and when he does, l'm gonna catch
that snake with his hand in the cookie jar.

lf he does it.

You start tomorrow. Snoop around
the company. Use your private eye contacts.

- Private investigator.
- Who cares?

Just find out where he's gonna fence that stuff
and, more importantly, when.

Now, listen, you two. Andy is no dummy.

He'll keep his eyes on you, so l want you
to be happily married 24 hours a day.

That shouldn't be too hard.

- Speak for yourself.
- Marsha, put a lid on it.

l'm beat. Which bedroom do you want?

There's only one bedroom, mine.

Wait. Where am l supposed to sleep?

Anywhere you like
except the bedroom or bathroom.

Hey, look, maybe we both ought to decide
who's going to sleep where,

draw up a schedule, take turns.

Sort of domestic democracy,
that's fair, right?

(Snoring)

(Bell ringing)

(Groans)

Good morning.

You need a shave.

l also need a sink.

l think l saw one in the kitchen.

Agh! Oh!

(Marsha) Fascinating.

ls it a masculine morning ritual?

lt's called shaving in the sink
with a toaster for a mirror. You oughta try it.

What on earth for?

Look, you've cut yourself, clumsy.

- l'm lucky l didn't slit my throat.
- We're due at the club at nine for breakfast.

The office at ten. Dress.
l want to leave in 15 minutes.

Don't you ever say please?

Would you hurry up?

Could be worse.
We could really be married.

We're not.

You know, l sort of got the idea
that you've got a thing about marriage.

The only problem l have with marriage
is the man who comes with the deal.

Oh.

l grew up in a family full of men.

l washed them,
l fed them and l dressed them.

l escaped by marrying a man
who was supposedly full grown.

Bruce the bozo.

l ended up washing,
feeding and dressing him too.

Let me do that.

Now l work almost entirely with men.

Most of them act like they're about four.

lf l'm not careful, they'll have me
taking care of them too.

So l decided there's only one person
l'm going to take care of.

- Let me guess, you.
- Me.

Now, amazing what a shower
and a shave will do for a man.

A cold shower. We ran out of hot water.

We are late, Mr. Magnum.

Come on. As long as
we're pretending to be married,

don't you think we ought to
be on a first-name basis?

Maybe we can call each other
sweetheart or honey once in a while.

(Fizzing)

(Blender whirring)

(Whistles) Rico, whoa.

Rico!

Cool it with the buzz saw, will you?
No more blended drinks.

There's something immoral
about gin fizzes at nine in the morning.

- This is an outrage.
- No, Higgins. lf you were inside my head...

What an extraordinarily depressing thought.

- What's the problem?
- Problems, plural.

First there's a car parked
in my space, a Jaguar, gold.

And the Ornithological Society's monthly
breakfast is scheduled for this morning...

in the rainbow room.

Another group
has forced its way into the room.

Stop bobbing your head like a car ornament
and tell me who's responsible for this.

Hi, Rick. Hi, Higgins. Could you send someone
to the rainbow room?

- We're ready to order.
- Order, in the rainbow room?

What the hell do you think you're doing?
You're not a member.

That's right, but my wife is.

So's my uncle-in-law, my brother-in-law
and my grandmother-in-law.

So, until l'm a full-fledged member,
you can put it on their accounts. Ta.

(Belches)

- l don't believe it.
- Sit down and button your trap, Andrew.

l will not, Grandmother.
Somebody has to put his foot down.

His foot?

That is just a figure of speech, Marsha.

Don't start playing sexual politics, OK?

Andrew, l forbid you to use that word
in the presence of ladies.

Or a gentleman.

Gentleman? Oh, oh, oh. l have done
some checking up on this gentleman.

- Andrew, he is my husband.
- That's hardly a stellar recommendation.

That's just like you, Andrew.
You always were a little sneak.

- Now, now, Andy's got a perfect right...
- lt's Andrew, Uncle Harry.

- And don't patronize me.
- Shut up, boys.

- The men in this family are such whiners.
- Mother...

New blood's the answer.

- Fresh genes.
- Andrew, you are being petty.

l'm being responsible
to this business and this family.

Mr. Magnum doesn't seem to know anything
about business or responsibility.

l'm sure he's a fast learner.
Aren't you a fast learner, Timothy?

- lt's Thomas, Grandmother.
- Thomas? Thomas who?

Thomas Magnum,

whose naval career was destroyed
when he resigned his commission,

who has drifted
ever since he arrived in the islands

and done nothing except
live off the largesse of Robin Masters

and who plays at being
a second-rate private eye.

Private investigator.

Basically, a guy who likes a fast buck
and a quick thrill.

But you always did prefer your men
like your cologne, cheap and splashy.

- Andrew!
- Pig!

- ldiot.
- Now, shut up, the both of you. Sit down.

Sorry, Tom, they're like oil and water,
always were, always will be.

Uncle Harry, you cannot allow
this beach bum to become a vice president.

- Beach bum?
- Andrew!

- Timothy's a member of the family.
- He's not a member of my family.

l wouldn't let him be a janitor at MacKenzie,
much less a vice president.

- (Woman) Mr. Magnum?
- Huh?

You're already here.
l'm Miss Lodato, your secretary.

Hi.

You took me by surprise.

Oh, l'm sorry. This is all kind of new to me.

That's what l'm here for,
to show you the ropes.

And anything you want or need,
you just give me a little buzz.

- Well, thanks, Miss...?
- Lodato.

- But l prefer to be called Mary Jane.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Miss Lodato.

l see you've met Mary Jane.
She's cute, isn't she?

Look but don't touch. Company policy.

Besides, you are married, remember that?

lt's always on my mind.

As soon as you're settled in,
start checking around.

The sooner we can finish
with this charade, the better.

- You got it, boss.
- No.8 is where the inventory is stored.

Check the security system there first.

- Right.
- And be careful.

After this morning,
Andrew is bound to be suspicious.

Oh, you do care.

(Magnum) When I write my book on
how to be an ace private investigator,

one of the first chapters
will be on family squabbles.

There's a thousand variations but
the MacKenzies were a classic combination

of money, power and sibling rivalry.
A pretty potent mix.

The nice thing about cases like these,
though, was how easily they unraveled

once you find the right thread to pull.

Nine times out of ten, everything boiled down
to ruffled feathers and hot air.

That's why Uncle Harry's hot air

and Andrew's ruffled feathers
didn't concern me too much.

With a little luck, I figured I'd have
everyone kissing, making up

and maybe even living happily ever after.

(Creaking)

(Creaking)

There, there, Mr. Magnum.

Now, don't move.

That's right.

Just relax.

No... You mustn't do that.

Such a big bump.

The pillow should be under his feet.

His head needs more blood than his big toe.

Excuse me.

Congratulations. ln just three hours,
you have ruined everything.

- Ruined everything?
- lf you weren't so obvious about it...

- Obvious? Wait a minute...
- You've blown our cover because of it.

Fine. lf that's the case,
then we can stop playing house,

l can go back to being a private detective,

which is exactly what l should
have been in the first place. Uhh.

Let me see. Let me see.

lf you're going to keep shouting,
this is gonna get worse, so lie down.

Lie down.

(Groans)

l didn't realize.

ls that better?

Well, at least this bump tells us
we're on the right track, doesn't it?

And you're wrong.
Our cover isn't exactly blown.

l'm wrong? l didn't say that. You said that.

l think it's even more important now
that we protect it,

so that you can continue
with this investigation.

What's wrong?

Nothing. l was wondering
what you were planning on doing.

- Besides just lying here.
- l'm not just lying here.

A good private investigator's
always doing something.

- Such as?
- (Phone beeps)

Yes?

- lt's Rick.
- Ah.

See? Always doing something.

Yeah, Rick.

Great. What have you got?

Good. Listen, can you and T.C.
come over tonight about seven?

Yeah, bring some beer
and some chips. OK.

- They're coming to our house tonight?
- Rick's got something for us.

Well, l think you could have asked me first.

You know,
Uncle Harry ought to be there too...

Checked with you first? What about?

- What's wrong now?
- Nothing. Nothing.

l just hope we have enough for five.

Enough what?

(Flies buzzing)

Here you are.

Now, this isn't exactly French
but there is some white wine in it...

somewhere.

Now, don't be polite. Go ahead and eat.

Um, l hate to mix business with pleasure but
Tom tells me you came up with something.

Yeah, there's this guy lce Pick, tells me
that someone's been looking for a buyer

with big bucks to handle a computer deal.

That's got to be our stuff. l'll bet my life.

That's a good bet. l kept digging.
l came up with a name.

Mm.

- Andy MacKenzie.
- l knew it.

- Any buyers?
- Not yet.

Then we'll provide one. Do you think
lce Pick can set up a buy with Andy

and a rich criminal from the mainland?

Yeah, he could set it up for a price.

That's it. There's our sting.
We'll set up the fake buy.

Get Andy to tip his hand
and we catch him in the act.

- Could work.
- lt's got to work.

That's the only way
l'm gonna get that sneaky twerp.

Of course, we need one or two persons
who could pose as the buyers.

Wait a minute, before you even consider
a bad idea, you can count us out.

Hey, come on! l never even mentioned
you guys. Of course it's not a bad idea.

lt's worse than bad. lt's terrible.

Nothing personal but we've been down
the road too many times before with Thomas.

So l thank you for the dinner
but we've got to go.

Suppose l told you l'd pay you
1 ,000 big ones for the job?

1 ,000 apiece that is.

500 in front and 500 when the job's finished.

Now, if that's all settled...

how about some more casserole?

(Flies buzzing)

(* Stirring music on TV)

Hi.

lt's the original Gunga Din,
just started. Grab a seat.

(Volume decreases)

l can barely hear it.

(Volume increases)

That way l won't hear it at all,
which is the idea.

- Bad idea.
- l want to go to sleep.

So go to sleep.

l plan to.

- Wait a minute. Give me that.
- No.

l need to sleep.

(Bugle calls and gunshots on TV)

What are you doing? What are you doing?

You kissed me.

l...kissed you? Oh! That's typically male.
Why would l want to kiss you?

l don't know
but it's nothing to get upset about.

l'm...not upset.

Me either. As a matter of fact,
l kind of enjoyed it.

Typically male, l guess.

(Turns volume up)

lt's all set for dawn. Rick and T.C.
are gonna drive up in the truck.

Andrew apparently has
someone on the gate to let them in.

(Laughs) You couldn't hit the broad side
of a barn. That's 300 you owe me.

Now you putt first this time.

l'll be in the back of the truck.

l'll squash Andy like a bug on a windshield.

What am l supposed to be doing, my nails?

You stay out of this. After what Andy's done,
we can't be too careful.

l don't care. l'm vice president
of this company. l'm going with you.

No, you're not.

lt could be dangerous.

(Harry laughs)

And you're both immune
because you're men, right?

You stop speeding bullets
with your bare hands

and leap tall buildings
with a single bound, that sort of thing?

You're beginning
to sound like your grandmother.

That's fine with me.

Being married to her would give
a whole new meaning to the word divorce.

(Laughs) That's 400 you owe me.
l got to go lie to a banker.

l'll talk to accounting
about deducting 400 from your salary.

Well...

- Someone once said you are what you eat.
- (Microwave pings)

Now, that's true but I also figure
you are where you live too.

There's a lot to the old adage,
''Home, sweet home. ''

It's comfortable, familiar, secure,

sort of like a good pair of shoes
that really fit.

That's why a couple days in the love nest
started driving me up the walls.

It just wasn't me. So I figured I'd sneak off
and have a couple of hours to myself,

a little domestic R&R, totally alone.

- (Man) Touchdown, Southern Call
- Except for the SC-Notre Dame game.

(Knocking)

Higgins, look, l didn't mean to bother you.
Look, l can explain everything.

lt's not Mr. Higgins but don't let that
keep you from explaining.

What are you doing here?
How did you get in?

Well, since you took our car, l took a cab.

And after calling Rick and T.C.
and every disreputable gin mill in Honolulu,

that left...this.

Then l simply told Mr. Higgins
l was looking for my husband.

You woke him up?
Wait a minute. l am not your husband.

He was absolutely livid
that you had broken in here

but we both decided
l should take care of the matter.

- How could you do this?
- Do what?

How could you be so incredibly insensitive?

l mean, l wake up in the middle
of the night and you're gone.

There's no note,
no phone call, just an empty house.

l couldn't sleep and there was
a replay of the football game on cable, so...

So? So...you just walked out?

You make it sound like l abandoned you.

- Well, what do you call it?
- l don't call it anything.

No, of course not. And you can just
come and go whenever you please.

Marsha, look, you can come and go
whenever you please too.

Day or night, around the clock, l don't care.

Well, l mean l do care,
sort of, in the right way.

l mean, we're in this together.

Yes and it's not over yet.

ln case you've forgotten,
you work for me, us, 24 hours a day.

And since we are meeting
Rick and T.C. in just a few hours,

l suggest we get some rest.

You're not actually gonna eat that?

Well, yeah, actually, l was.

Rancid, decaying animal flesh with
harmful chemicals and additives, that's terrible.

Awful.

l'll fix you something good
when we get home.

Eggs Romanoff, that's what l'll make.

That's got caviar
and capers and green onions.

Or maybe that's red onions.
l don't know, whatever.

l've never made it before
but the recipe sounds really good...

(Rick) This is the last time
you pick a disguise for me.

But it is perfect, Orville. l am representing
oil money from the Sheik of Yahoo

and you're his son.

lf l'm the son of a sheik,
how come l'm driving a truck?

lf anybody asks, blame OPEC.

(Laughs)

Tom, it's Rick. How's it going back there?

l'm bouncing off the walls, Rick.
Can you take it easy?

(Laughs)

How's Marsha?

Having the time of her life.

All right, we'll be there in five minutes.

Look, why don't you sit down?

You're not going to get dirty.

No, l'll stand up.

Agh! Oh!

l think we're here.

Thomas, we're here. We don't see nothing.

He's probably inside, Rick.
You go ahead, we'll follow.

- You all right?
- Yes, l'm all right. l'm all right.

- Rick! Rick!
- What?

Better come down here. Something's wrong.

- lt's empty.
- lt sure as hell is.

We've been hoping you guys
would show up for the rest.

- The rest?
- Wait. There's some mistake.

Sure as hell been a mistake,
buddy boy, and it's yours...and his.

l knew it. l knew something like this
was gonna happen.

- What are you doing here?
- l was about to ask you the same thing.

Uncle Harry, what is going on?

lt looks like you and your new hubby
are up the proverbial creek,

without a paddle.

Take 'em away, boys.

- (Rick) You really did it this time, Thomas.
- l told you, if you'd just let me explain.

- Don't explain.
- Forget it, Thomas.

lt looks worse than it is.

How could it look any worse?

We're in jail looking at two to ten
for grand theft.

l told you getting married was a big mistake.

Ah! But that's the point, see?

At least one of them, see?
l didn't actually get married.

Well, l did but not really.

Getting married is like getting pregnant,
you do or you don't.

lt's real simple, Rick,
if you'll just let me explain.

Marsha discovered somebody stealing
from the company but she didn't know who.

Now, Uncle Harry knew,
because he's the bad guy

but he pointed the finger at Andrew

and then he hired me
to come in and catch him

but he set up this whole sting thing
to make it look like l ripped off the company.

lt's pretty clever, huh? And it almost
worked too, except that l figured it out

and that's when Andrew, Marsha
and l came up with this idea

about a sting on a sting,

which meant we had to let
Harry's sting seem to work,

so that we could sting him.

And it worked.

What worked?

ln case you haven't noticed, genius,
we're the ones that are in jail.

The only thing we have done wrong
is be dumb enough to listen to you.

Relax, guys, we're gonna
get out of here real soon.

Yeah...well, real soon
better come real quick.

Don't tell me. lt's the city jail thespians
doing a scene from Riot ln Cell Block 1 1 .

The final resting place
after a sordid life of crime.

- Higgins, there's been a mistake.
- His. You got to get us out of here.

That's easier said than done.
Bail has been denied.

- Denied?
- Relax, guys.

He's not in on the plan.
Andrew explained everything to the DA.

We're gonna be here forever.

They're probably letting Marsha out right now.
Trust me. lt's all part of the plan.

- We had to give Uncle Harry some time.
- To do what?

To get away. Or think
that he was getting away.

How extraordinarily bizarre, Magnum.

You cannot walk into
the middle of something like this

and expect to understand it.
lf you let me explain.

Shut up!

Thomas, we got here
as quickly as we could.

No problem, we're right on schedule.
How'd it go?

He didn't suspect a thing. They had
the truck out an hour before you got there.

We followed him to pier 40.

- Thomas, what is going on?
- l'll explain on the way.

- Explain on the way? Forget it.
- We ain't going nowhere with you.

OK, if that's the way you feel.

(Laughs) You see that?
He didn't know what to do.

Of course, because he knew
he couldn't do a thing.

Hey! Ha!

Look here, man, l'm starving.
Let's go get some lunch.

Good idea.

lt's locked. lt's locked!

- Guard!
- Hey! Yoo-hoo!

Hey, guard, help!

(T.C.) Hey, somebody come back here!
Why did you pull it shut like this?

lt's locked like this.

(T.C. and Rick continue arguing)

- Hey, Higgie, this door is locked.
- There's some mistake.

- Yeah, so go get the jailer or something.
- l could be persuaded to do so.

What do you mean ''persuaded''?

- Higgins, you wouldn't.
- Oh, you couldn't.

Use of your aerial services Saturday
and Sunday for a month including petrol.

A month! Man, that is robbery.

- 40 hours of bookkeeping services.
- You've got to be kidding.

And the rainbow room belongs
to the Ornithological Society

the last Thursday of every month
for the next year regardless of who wants it.

Fat chance.

That's the last straw.
He can do it to Magnum but not us.

OK!

Done.

- l'll check inside.
- And l'm supposed to wait here?

Marsha, l am the professional.
l do this for a living.

Big deal. l'll go and you wait here.

We'll all go.

What is so complicated
about putting your head inside a trailer?

Now... l know how this may look
but there's an explanation.

There's been a serious mistake.

There sure has been.

At first we thought it was Andy...
Nothing personal, kid.

When Andy didn't show up, the cops thought
Tom and Marsha were involved.

l talked to those idiots
but they wouldn't listen.

Shut up, Harry. We all know
precisely what happened.

- You do?
- lt was pretty nifty, Uncle Harry.

Your only mistake was forgetting
your nephew's name is Andrew.

And that's Andrew, Uncle Harry, not Andy.

You prefer Andrew?

Hey, you've got it. Andrew MacKenzie,
got a great ring. l love it.

Since you're the only family member
that calls him Andy,

when lce Pick said
Andy MacKenzie was looking for buyers,

l knew you planted his name
and set up this cute sting.

Why, that's ridiculous.
This is a family business.

l'm the president. l can do anything l want.

You're president
because l've allowed you to be.

My 51 %/% of MacKenzie runs this business.

And from this moment on, you're fired.

The whole board's got
to sit down and discuss this.

Well, since the whole board is right here,
we'll have a meeting right now.

All those in favor of booting this little worm
out on his worthless tail, say aye.

Aye.

Opposed?

Unanimous.
Now, that takes care of family business.

There's just one little thing,
the criminal charges.

Such as fraud.

- And theft.
- Attempted murder.

What are you talking about?
Those boxes missed you. That was a warning.

Tell it to the police. They're on their way.

Harry! Uncle Harry, stop!
Are you just going to stand there?

- You said the police are on their way.
- What if they miss him?

Grandmother, Andrew, in the car.

Wait a minute. No. Wait. Stop.
You don't have to stop him.

Let the police do that.
That's what they're paid for.

Marsha, you've been watching
too many detective shows.

- Are you coming?
- No, l'm not coming.

OK, wait. l'm coming.

l don't know why l'm coming but l'm coming.

(Laughs) l haven't had
such a good ride in a long time.

(Magnum) The forklift.
Look out for the forklift!

Will you slow down?

Ohh!

(Andrew) Marsha, you're gonna kill us all.
You drive like you cook!

Stop it, Andrew.

The guy with the lights
and the siren, that's a cop.

That's the police. The police.
Do you want me to spell it?

Hi, guys. l think l can explain everything.

(Playing faltering notes)

Tho...

Thomas!

Hi.

You scared me.

- What happened to you?
- Whiplash.

Oh, no, l'm sorry.

l'm sorry. No, it's fine.

Honest. l'm just kidding. lt's all better, see?

- Just gives me leverage with Higgins.
- Are you sure?

Yeah, it's all better.
l was just giving you a hard time.

Well, l stopped by

because l never got a chance
to thank you for everything you did.

That's OK. lt's just part of the job.

Also you left some things at the cottage.

Oh, my shaving kit.

You can't be without that, can you?

And...these are yours, aren't they?

Wouldn't get married without 'em.

Well, l guess l made a pretty rotten wife, huh?

Well, l didn't make such a hot husband.

l guess this relationship stuff
takes a lot of practice.

lt's like golf for me. No matter how much
l practice, l never seem to break 100.

- You know what l mean?
- Yeah, l sure do.

- Well...
- Hey.

We didn't do so bad after all,
you know, all things considered.

Right. All things considered.

Magnum, your lunch is here.

l say, l didn't realize you had company.

Lunch? Gee, Higgins. How thoughtful.
You shouldn't have.

Precisely what l told Dr lbold

but he insists you be pampered
like an invalid for the next few days.

Well, thank you very much, Higgins.

Pampering, l refuse to do
but l am willing to help expand

the shockingly narrow boundaries
of your intellectual horizons.

That's very thoughtful but l...

Actually, both of you might
find this of some interest.

lt's from my memoirs.
lt involves a fascinating experience

that once happened to me in Alexandria,

when l was forced
to feign matrimony with not one

but three daughters of a Bedouin prince.

As a young lance corporal
who'd experienced

but one major affaire de coeur
in his 22 years,

the prospect of an impending wedding eve

with three hot-blooded Bedouin
was indeed an awesome one.

Fortunately, as the youngest daughter doused
the dying campfire

and plunged our tent into pitch blackness,

l recalled a relevant chapter from Rommel's
classic treatise on tank warfare...

Perhaps one had to be there.

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