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1
00:00:05,167 --> 00:00:08,100
WOMAN ON RADIO:5:25 on thisThanksgiving Thursday...
2
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:09,300
(TURNS RADIO OFF)
3
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,133
(SIGHS HAPPILY)
4
00:01:14,634 --> 00:01:18,534
* Tell me whyI love you like I do
5
00:01:18,601 --> 00:01:22,634
* Tell me whocan stop my heartas much as you
6
00:01:22,701 --> 00:01:24,434
* Let's take each other's hand
7
00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:25,934
* As we jump into
8
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,534
* the final frontier
9
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,467
* I'm mad about you, baby
10
00:01:31,534 --> 00:01:33,200
* Yeah!
11
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:40,667
Does this look dry to you?
It's supposed to bounce back.
12
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:42,801
Hey this one I'm not even
going to put out. They'll never remember.
13
00:01:42,868 --> 00:01:44,734
Did you feed Murray?
Hey, there's Ira.
14
00:01:44,801 --> 00:01:46,634
Where?
On the parade.
15
00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:49,467
Oh, that's Robert Stack.
16
00:01:49,534 --> 00:01:51,000
He said he wasn't
going to be on till the end.
17
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,167
You should get dressed.
18
00:01:52,234 --> 00:01:54,000
Huh? We got... We got time.
19
00:01:54,067 --> 00:01:55,567
Who gave us this?
20
00:01:55,634 --> 00:01:56,767
My mother. Put it out.
21
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:59,367
Oh. It's so atrocious.
22
00:02:01,634 --> 00:02:03,734
You know what?
I think we're sending the wrong message.
23
00:02:03,801 --> 00:02:04,901
If they see
this stuff out,
24
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,634
it only encourages them
to give us more.
25
00:02:06,701 --> 00:02:09,534
If she doesn't see it,
she's gonna start smiling.
26
00:02:09,601 --> 00:02:11,767
Well, we sure don't want
that to happen. No, no, no.
27
00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:13,501
Trust me.
She smiles, she's hurt,
28
00:02:13,567 --> 00:02:15,200
she laughs,
she's pissed,
29
00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:17,934
she gets bubbly,
it's every man for himself.
30
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,534
Can you help me with this?
31
00:02:19,601 --> 00:02:22,267
(OVEN BELL DINGS)
And it's the Knicks by 12 at the half.
32
00:02:25,868 --> 00:02:27,901
Hey, what is that?
Cranberries.
33
00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:29,033
Not from a can?
34
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,167
Be very impressed.
35
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,400
I'm wildly impressed.
36
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:32,901
My mother always
made cans.
37
00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:34,267
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
38
00:02:34,334 --> 00:02:35,901
I got it.
39
00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:37,200
Here, I'll get it.
Here. You do this. Do you know how to do it?
40
00:02:37,267 --> 00:02:38,467
I believe
I'll figure it out.
41
00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:39,734
All right. All right.
42
00:02:39,801 --> 00:02:40,968
Hello?
43
00:02:41,033 --> 00:02:43,033
I'm in the middle
of cooking.
44
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:46,400
Lisa, you're not
a vegetarian.
45
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:49,267
Oh, since when?
Honey? Honey? Fast. Fast, fast, fast, fast.
46
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,667
Oh, come on. This is just
a hostile act against Daddy,
47
00:02:55,734 --> 00:02:57,033
and you know it.
48
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,868
Maybe because
he's a butcher.
49
00:02:58,934 --> 00:03:00,767
Doesn't she pay
somebody for this?
50
00:03:00,834 --> 00:03:02,634
We're not going to
have salad. No salad?
51
00:03:02,701 --> 00:03:05,467
Every Thanksgiving
my mother made salad and every year nobody ate it.
52
00:03:05,534 --> 00:03:08,868
Sweetie, it's like you can't
do it too fast. Band, bang, bang, bang, bang.
53
00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,267
No. No, no, no.
54
00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:15,100
No. No salad.
55
00:03:15,167 --> 00:03:17,167
That is not a hostile act
against mom.
56
00:03:17,234 --> 00:03:18,834
Because it's
totally different.
57
00:03:18,901 --> 00:03:20,167
Because it is.
I'll do it.
58
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,667
Okay, fine.
59
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,467
Fine, fine, fine.
Just please let me go.
60
00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:24,968
Okay, bye.
61
00:03:25,033 --> 00:03:26,200
When you run downstairs
for ice,
62
00:03:26,267 --> 00:03:28,968
will you also get
a vegetarian lasagna?
63
00:03:29,033 --> 00:03:31,400
Who's running down for ice?
I made ice.
64
00:03:31,467 --> 00:03:32,467
Look... Hey!
65
00:03:35,033 --> 00:03:36,367
Where's my ice?
66
00:03:36,434 --> 00:03:39,200
I needed the room
in the freezer. We'll buy ice.
67
00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:42,467
I've been working
on that ice for two weeks.
68
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:46,968
I had a whole schedule.
I'm up nights making ice.
69
00:03:47,033 --> 00:03:50,367
You were doing
an absolutely beautiful job. Please go downstairs.
70
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:52,067
Ice and what? Lasagna?
Yes.
71
00:03:52,133 --> 00:03:53,234
You want me to
make you a list? I don't need a list.
72
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,868
And brussels sprouts.
73
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:56,267
Oh, hey you know,
brussels sprouts, let's say no.
74
00:03:56,334 --> 00:03:58,901
Come on. Fran's alone,
Ryan is with Mark,
75
00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:01,200
she's feeling vulnerable,
and she loves brussels sprouts.
76
00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:03,100
So let her eat
a Valium.
77
00:04:05,033 --> 00:04:07,501
Would you please...
This is the first time they're all coming to us.
78
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:08,701
I want everyone
to be happy.
79
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:10,200
I thought
we're doing it our way.
80
00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:12,200
We are doing it our way,
except with brussels sprouts.
81
00:04:12,267 --> 00:04:14,701
All right, so what
am I getting? I'm getting ice, brussels sprouts, and lasagna.
82
00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:16,634
Thank you.
And chutney.
83
00:04:16,701 --> 00:04:18,634
Now I got to make
a list.
84
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,000
Anything else?
Nope. That's it.
85
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:27,300
You forget doilies?
Acorn squash? Dental floss?
86
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:28,467
We're covered.
87
00:04:28,534 --> 00:04:30,033
We have nice turkey.
88
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,367
As do we.
89
00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:33,234
Just that
and the ice.
90
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,701
Ice. My biggest
profit margin.
91
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:37,033
Just water, cold,
and time.
92
00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:42,100
Okay. Hey!
Parents.
93
00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:45,801
Early parents.
Yes, they are. Very.
94
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,267
It's your first
Thanksgiving here.
95
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:49,834
We thought we'd give you
a hand.
96
00:04:49,901 --> 00:04:52,367
Look, Paulie,
I brought my potatoes.
97
00:04:52,434 --> 00:04:54,467
Oh. You know,
Jamie made potatoes.
98
00:04:54,534 --> 00:04:56,434
So she'll freeze hers.
99
00:04:57,434 --> 00:04:58,601
Okay.
100
00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:00,067
I've got to baste.
101
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,100
Is that ice?
Yeah. This is ice.
102
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:03,868
You bought ice?
Yeah.
103
00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:05,801
He bought ice.
You bought ice?
104
00:05:05,868 --> 00:05:07,701
I bought ice.
Your turn.
105
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,634
Ooh. Ooh.
Is this Ira?
106
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:11,868
Where?
There.
107
00:05:11,934 --> 00:05:13,701
No. Clint Black.
108
00:05:13,767 --> 00:05:16,267
I can't believe
Ira got his band in the parade.
109
00:05:16,334 --> 00:05:17,734
What a break.
110
00:05:17,801 --> 00:05:19,300
They're going to be
dressed like pilgrims,
111
00:05:19,367 --> 00:05:21,434
and they're gonna play
Turkey in the Straw.
112
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:24,400
Hey, don't knock it.
You know, that's how Led Zeppelin started.
113
00:05:24,467 --> 00:05:26,400
(PIPES CLANGING)
114
00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:28,400
You mean to tell me
that super of yours still hasn't fixed those pipes?
115
00:05:28,467 --> 00:05:29,501
Do you have a wrench?
116
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:31,100
And what can I do?
117
00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:32,367
Nothing. Both of you,
sit down and relax. You're our guests.
118
00:05:32,434 --> 00:05:33,501
This is our turn.
119
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,300
At least let me
help set the table.
120
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:37,367
It's set.
We're doing buffet.
121
00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:39,367
And why is that,
honey?
122
00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:42,968
You know why, ma?
123
00:05:43,033 --> 00:05:46,467
Just... Just to toy
with your mind.
124
00:05:46,534 --> 00:05:48,367
You know what?
We should get dressed. Yes.
125
00:05:48,434 --> 00:05:50,601
I'll take care
of the kitchen.
126
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:54,534
Look. It's so unusual.
127
00:05:55,434 --> 00:05:57,067
It's a sweet potato mousse.
128
00:05:57,133 --> 00:05:58,601
Martha Stewart made it
for Willard Scott.
129
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,834
That man will eat anything.
130
00:06:02,901 --> 00:06:04,901
Ooh! No marshmallows.
131
00:06:04,968 --> 00:06:06,601
It didn't call for any.
132
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,834
Want to hear
a funny story?
133
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:12,400
When I was little girl,
we had no money. It was during the war.
134
00:06:12,467 --> 00:06:16,200
My father was overseas,
and my mother was in the hospital with the croup.
135
00:06:16,267 --> 00:06:19,968
Well, so far it's more
a cute story than, like, funny.
136
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:23,567
Thanksgiving, all my
brothers and sisters, we went to eat with Mama.
137
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:25,167
They brought in the tray,
and we looked down,
138
00:06:25,234 --> 00:06:26,467
and there were
the sweet potatoes,
139
00:06:26,534 --> 00:06:27,767
but no marshmallows.
140
00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:29,200
'Cause they were
rationed.
141
00:06:29,267 --> 00:06:30,734
Marshmallows?
142
00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:32,100
It was war.
143
00:06:33,634 --> 00:06:37,033
Anyway, we were
so upset, we cried and cried.
144
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:40,367
And I told myself
that when the war was over,
145
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,033
I would never
spend a holiday
146
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:44,501
without marshmallows
again.
147
00:06:44,567 --> 00:06:46,200
But this is fine.
148
00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:53,701
I'll be right back.
149
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,133
Sweetie, she doesn't
need marshmallows.
150
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,367
I just want her
to be happy.
151
00:06:58,434 --> 00:07:00,167
Quick! Quick! Quick!
Look at this.
152
00:07:00,234 --> 00:07:01,467
What, what?
153
00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:04,133
That's not Ira.
That's Ben Vereen.
154
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,934
I know.
What a talent.
155
00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:07,934
Yeah.
156
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,234
Excuse me.
157
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:13,601
Nothing else? Votive candles?
Lemon Pledge? Chocolate macaroons?
158
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,000
No.
Just marshmallows.
159
00:07:15,067 --> 00:07:17,234
For sweet potatoes.
Uh, sweet potato mousse.
160
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,834
Martha Stewart make that
for Willard Scott.
161
00:07:19,901 --> 00:07:21,234
But no marshmallows.
162
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,467
(LAUGHS IRONICALLY)
You want to hear a funny story?
163
00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:27,267
The smoke isn't
bothering you, is it?
164
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:29,667
No, no, no, no.
I just wanted to share it with the rest of the city.
165
00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:30,667
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
166
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,734
Mom, Daddy,
you're early.
167
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:34,868
Yeah, they actually are.
168
00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:36,534
Hello,
sweetheart.
169
00:07:36,601 --> 00:07:38,501
Oh, God, she's smiling.
What have you done?
170
00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:39,834
I told her no salad.
171
00:07:39,901 --> 00:07:41,734
Oh, for crying
out loud.
172
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:44,968
Aunt Lolly,
happy Thanksgiving.
173
00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:46,200
Guess what I'm having
for dinner.
174
00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:47,434
Vegetarian lasagna.
175
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,167
Why?
'Cause.
176
00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:51,367
Well, you know,
vegetarians die young.
177
00:07:51,434 --> 00:07:52,901
Says who?
It's a fact.
178
00:07:53,868 --> 00:07:55,000
I gotta baste.
179
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,400
Look what I brought.
My potatoes.
180
00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:00,801
Oh, how thoughtful.
181
00:08:00,868 --> 00:08:02,667
Oh, what a large bird.
182
00:08:04,834 --> 00:08:05,934
No, it's big enough.
183
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,234
Oh, it looks delicious.
184
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:09,234
Oh, come on.
Give it a try.
185
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:11,601
How did you prepare it?
186
00:08:11,667 --> 00:08:13,767
You know, melted butter,
paprika, a little sage.
187
00:08:13,834 --> 00:08:15,601
Didn't you salt it?
I did, salt and pepper.
188
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,400
Because Daddy
can't eat salt. Gus!
189
00:08:17,467 --> 00:08:19,000
Just a little bit.
She salted the turkey!
190
00:08:19,067 --> 00:08:20,167
Oh, only on the skin.
191
00:08:20,234 --> 00:08:21,300
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
192
00:08:21,367 --> 00:08:22,934
Oh, more company.
193
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,367
PAUL: I got it.
194
00:08:30,734 --> 00:08:33,100
Oh, you'd do it, too,
if you could.
195
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:37,534
Hey.
Hey.
196
00:08:37,601 --> 00:08:40,534
See, that's Ira.
Hi!
197
00:08:40,601 --> 00:08:43,934
Ira, we were just watching
the tape of the parade. Where are you?
198
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,367
I got bumped.
My god. Who bumped you?
199
00:08:46,434 --> 00:08:47,767
Shari Lewis.
200
00:08:48,901 --> 00:08:51,067
Shari Lewis bumped me.
201
00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:53,467
You know,
she's Jerry Lewis' wife.
202
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:57,167
No, she's not.
203
00:08:57,234 --> 00:08:59,100
It's a fact.
204
00:08:59,167 --> 00:09:01,834
It's amazing, you know.
Her float gets a flat, so they give her ours.
205
00:09:01,901 --> 00:09:04,033
Like people would
rather see a woman going down Broadway
206
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,234
with her hand
up a lamb's ass.
207
00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:10,367
Well, I'm going to set
the table.
208
00:09:10,434 --> 00:09:11,667
It's set.
209
00:09:13,934 --> 00:09:15,067
You're so funny.
210
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:16,934
Oh, God,
she's laughing.
211
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,501
They went buffet.
212
00:09:19,334 --> 00:09:20,467
Buffet?
213
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:26,334
Wow, I haven't see her
cranked this high since I shaved my head.
214
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,133
I'll be right back.
215
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,434
Where you going?
I'm just going to get some salad.
216
00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:30,501
She doesn't need salad.
217
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:31,634
Maybe it'll get her off
the buffet.
218
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:32,834
Where's she going?
219
00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:34,434
She's going
to get salad.
220
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:36,534
Oh, that's nuts.
Just give me turkey,
221
00:09:36,601 --> 00:09:39,667
some stuffing,
and that cranberry jelly, and I'm set.
222
00:09:39,734 --> 00:09:41,801
Cranberry jelly?
Yeah.
223
00:09:41,868 --> 00:09:43,300
Well, how would you feel
about turkey, stuffing,
224
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:45,234
and cranberries
made from scratch?
225
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,300
Scratch?
Scratch.
226
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:47,801
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Not for me.
227
00:09:47,868 --> 00:09:51,000
See, for Thanksgiving,
it has to slide out of the can.
228
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,567
Now what?
Cranberries.
229
00:09:58,634 --> 00:10:00,434
Take it easy
with the water chestnuts.
230
00:10:00,501 --> 00:10:03,033
My mother once choked
on one of those.
231
00:10:04,534 --> 00:10:05,901
Uh, jellied cranberry
sauce.
232
00:10:05,968 --> 00:10:08,267
Don't carry.
Tweezers. Pretzel nuggets.
233
00:10:08,334 --> 00:10:10,234
How about
a nice block of halvah?
234
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:13,434
You don't carry...
You don't carry jellied cranberry sauce?
235
00:10:13,501 --> 00:10:15,367
You have soup
from 15 countries,
236
00:10:15,434 --> 00:10:17,033
but jellied
cranberry sauce you don't have?
237
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,601
Union problems.
238
00:10:18,667 --> 00:10:20,767
(STAMMERING)
There must be one can somewhere.
239
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:22,367
I only see two beans
in this three-bean salad.
240
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:23,734
Oh, who cares?
241
00:10:23,801 --> 00:10:25,501
Trust me, she'll notice.
242
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:27,901
He wants it
sliding out of a can.
243
00:10:27,968 --> 00:10:30,067
It has to slide out of a can.
You know why, by the way?
244
00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,334
(SUCKING)
The noise. He likes the...
245
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,567
He likes that little
cranberry suck noise.
246
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,267
My mother needs kidney beans.
247
00:10:35,334 --> 00:10:37,033
What are we...
What are we doing?
248
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:39,601
This is just... You know what,
baby? Whose Thanksgiving is this, anyway?
249
00:10:39,667 --> 00:10:41,133
You're right.
250
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,100
Why are we
making ourselves crazy?
251
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,501
You're right.
252
00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:46,133
We should... We should
just get up there.
253
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,501
You're right.
254
00:10:50,434 --> 00:10:51,400
(EXHALES)
255
00:10:53,634 --> 00:10:56,734
It breaks my heart
what's happened to your life.
256
00:10:56,801 --> 00:10:58,467
(PARADE MARCH PLAYING ON TV)
257
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,968
Well, at least
you were married once.
258
00:11:05,501 --> 00:11:06,601
Hi!
Hey!
259
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,234
I've been here minutes.
260
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,033
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
261
00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:13,000
Listen, I've been
with them years. Trust me. It gets worse.
262
00:11:13,067 --> 00:11:14,234
Hello?
263
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,033
Aunt Lolly, could you
turn that down, please?
264
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:17,534
PAUL: I got it.
Okay.
265
00:11:17,601 --> 00:11:20,067
Fran, it's for you.
Yeah. One second.
266
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:22,834
Hello?
Mark? What's the problem?
267
00:11:22,901 --> 00:11:24,701
Well, just tell him to eat it.
268
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:26,367
Fine, let me talk to him.
269
00:11:26,434 --> 00:11:29,067
Ryan? Sweetie?
You like turkey.
270
00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:31,100
Yes, you do.
271
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,801
Yes, you do.
272
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:34,567
Yes, you do.
273
00:11:34,634 --> 00:11:36,133
Excuse me.
What happened to the table here?
274
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,901
We went another way.
275
00:11:38,767 --> 00:11:40,334
Oh...
276
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,434
What did we... We said
we're going buffet.
277
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:43,601
Well, we still are.
278
00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:45,501
We're just
sitting at it.
279
00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,367
The other thing
was too much walking.
280
00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:49,133
This way,
everybody's happy.
281
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,501
No, actually, not really.
282
00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:54,100
This way, you're happy,
me and the missus, not so much.
283
00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:56,834
Jamie's happy.
Not so much.
284
00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:58,467
Look, let me explain
something to you people.
285
00:11:58,534 --> 00:12:00,701
This is our home,
this is our dinner.
286
00:12:00,767 --> 00:12:04,234
So, if we want to eat
on our laps with no cranberry jelly...
287
00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:05,801
No jellied?
No jellied.
288
00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:07,067
Then it's not Thanksgiving.
289
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:09,868
No, it is Thanksgiving.
It's just our Thanksgiving,
290
00:12:09,934 --> 00:12:12,434
which means we're
we're gonna do it our way.
291
00:12:12,501 --> 00:12:13,801
Right?
Right.
292
00:12:13,868 --> 00:12:16,000
Yeah.
So, come on move the chairs back.
293
00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:23,634
Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
294
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,133
Now, scatter 'em.
Scatter 'em around. All right?
295
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,234
This is gonna be fun.
296
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:28,667
We're gonna have
a great Thanksgiving.
297
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:30,601
It'll be really good.
You just have to trust us.
298
00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,133
We're not kids anymore.
Everything is under control.
299
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,467
It's gonna be fine.
300
00:12:35,534 --> 00:12:36,734
Sit down.
301
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:04,634
How do you eat
a 30-pound turkey?
302
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,567
What are you,
an animal?
303
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:09,667
There. How's that?
304
00:13:09,734 --> 00:13:11,234
It looks very bad.
Oh, God.
305
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,734
Why don't we just
go out there? We'll tell them the truth.
306
00:13:12,801 --> 00:13:14,634
Please.
You're right.
307
00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:15,801
We're adults.
I know!
308
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:18,067
All right.
309
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:21,033
Here's what we do.
Here is what... This is smart.
310
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,267
Okay. We sneak out,
and we buy another turkey,
311
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:25,701
and then when they're
not looking, we sneak it back in,
312
00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:27,901
but like adults.
313
00:13:27,968 --> 00:13:29,067
Okay. Okay.
Okay.
314
00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:32,100
All right, so I'll go,
you stall them.
315
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:34,534
Fine, Ryan.
Then just eat the stuffing.
316
00:13:34,601 --> 00:13:36,267
Yes, you do.
317
00:13:36,334 --> 00:13:38,667
Yes, you do.
318
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,767
Well, the turkey
should be ready any minute.
319
00:13:40,834 --> 00:13:42,400
THERESA:
It looked done to me.
320
00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:44,868
Where are you going now?
321
00:13:44,934 --> 00:13:47,234
Huh? Oh, I just
got to get a small...
322
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,367
What?
323
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:54,000
Uh, hey!
324
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,501
You know what we should do?
325
00:13:55,567 --> 00:13:57,234
Let's sit around
in a circle
326
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,200
and let's tell each other
what we're thankful for.
327
00:14:00,267 --> 00:14:01,701
Yeah, right.
Get up.
328
00:14:03,033 --> 00:14:06,200
Who wants to go first?
Uh... Uh, Sylvia?
329
00:14:06,267 --> 00:14:08,501
Come back to me,
honey.
330
00:14:08,567 --> 00:14:09,667
Okey-dokey.
331
00:14:09,734 --> 00:14:11,968
Burt, what are you
thankful for?
332
00:14:12,033 --> 00:14:13,968
I got a parking space
in front of the building.
333
00:14:15,334 --> 00:14:16,334
And?
334
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,334
No meter.
335
00:14:19,667 --> 00:14:20,834
Daddy?
336
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:23,033
I'm thankful we're
gonna be eating soon.
337
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,300
We're gonna be
eating soon, right?
338
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,534
Yes, we are.
339
00:14:25,601 --> 00:14:28,033
I'm thankful for
my beautiful daughter,
340
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,601
her wonderful husband,
341
00:14:29,667 --> 00:14:30,801
her lovely home,
342
00:14:30,868 --> 00:14:32,501
her exciting job,
343
00:14:32,567 --> 00:14:33,968
and for Lisa.
344
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,501
I'm thankful
I have therapy tomorrow.
345
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,667
Fran, how about you?
346
00:14:45,734 --> 00:14:47,067
Yes, you do.
347
00:14:47,901 --> 00:14:49,367
Ira?
348
00:14:49,434 --> 00:14:50,834
Uh, Chuckles.
349
00:14:51,601 --> 00:14:52,968
The candy?
350
00:14:53,033 --> 00:14:54,067
Yeah.
351
00:14:55,868 --> 00:14:57,334
And Aunt Lolly?
352
00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:01,000
And okey-dokey.
353
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,133
Um, so, that brings
it back to me.
354
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,667
Let's see, let's see,
let's see, let's see.
355
00:15:05,734 --> 00:15:08,968
There's just so many things
to be thankful for.
356
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,400
Alphabetically,
for example...
357
00:15:11,467 --> 00:15:13,701
Aaaa... Apple blossom time.
358
00:15:14,234 --> 00:15:16,400
A.
359
00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:19,000
All right. No clam dip,
no light bulbs, no marzipan. I just need a turkey.
360
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,534
We got smoked,
not smoked,
361
00:15:20,601 --> 00:15:22,334
stuffed, not stuffed.
Garnished, not garnished...
362
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,200
Oh, I'm begging you.
363
00:15:24,267 --> 00:15:27,868
And what else, what else,
what else, what else?
364
00:15:27,934 --> 00:15:30,868
Vinyl. Vinyl.
365
00:15:30,934 --> 00:15:34,133
Just like leather,
but nobody gets hurt.
366
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,567
Well, I'm thankful
I'm a vegetarian
367
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:38,334
and don't have to wait
for some dead bird to cook.
368
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,267
No, Lisa, Lisa. Wait. Wait.
You've helped enough.
369
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:46,534
You know, maybe it's just
my new outlook on meat,
370
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,734
but this is disgusting.
371
00:15:47,801 --> 00:15:50,000
Okay.
Please don't tell anyone.
372
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,467
Paul's out getting
another one right now.
373
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,567
Relax.
374
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,834
FRAN: Yes, you do.
375
00:15:57,901 --> 00:15:59,234
Yes, you do.
376
00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:07,133
LISA:
Wow! That's the most beautiful turkey
377
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,667
I've ever seen,
and I'm a vegetarian!
378
00:16:11,634 --> 00:16:13,501
Any minute now.
379
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:14,601
Hi.
380
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,501
Then pick
the mushrooms out.
381
00:16:18,601 --> 00:16:19,701
Where were you?
382
00:16:19,767 --> 00:16:21,100
Hmm?
383
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:22,200
I told you, I had to...
I had to...
384
00:16:22,267 --> 00:16:23,200
(MUTTERING)
385
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,234
Hah!
386
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:28,868
What?
Do you hear that?
387
00:16:28,934 --> 00:16:31,100
What?
The pipes are clanging again.
388
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:32,801
Oh, that.
It's horrible.
389
00:16:32,868 --> 00:16:34,601
Yeah, I'm just gonna
call the plumber.
390
00:16:34,667 --> 00:16:36,467
Are you calling
a plumber on Thanksgiving?
391
00:16:36,534 --> 00:16:37,968
Do you know what
that's going to cost you?
392
00:16:38,033 --> 00:16:40,767
$179 minimum.
It's a fact.
393
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:44,267
What do they care?
They buy ice.
394
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:48,501
You don't need a plumber.
395
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:50,367
I'll have that damn thing
fixed in five minutes.
396
00:16:50,434 --> 00:16:53,067
I'll give you a hand.
It's right in there.
397
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:58,534
You know what?
398
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:01,567
$179 will come in handy
when we redo the bedroom.
399
00:17:01,634 --> 00:17:03,167
You're redoing
the bedroom?
400
00:17:03,234 --> 00:17:05,467
Yeah, I hope I don't
make the same mistakes I made last time.
401
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:09,200
We'll look.
Right in there.
402
00:17:09,267 --> 00:17:11,701
FRAN: Ryan, sweetie,
let me talk to Daddy.
403
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:14,033
Mark, just talk to him.
404
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:16,667
You have control
of the situation.
405
00:17:17,434 --> 00:17:19,100
Yes, you do.
406
00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:20,834
Yes, you do.
407
00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:22,334
Yes, you do!
408
00:17:23,467 --> 00:17:25,334
What is going on here?
409
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,734
I don't know,
but I'm entertained.
410
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,834
Okay, okay.
Promise not to tell.
411
00:17:31,901 --> 00:17:34,400
Where is it?
It was right here a second ago.
412
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:37,067
You don't leave
a turkey in the hallway in New York city!
413
00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:38,167
Well... Who knew?
414
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:39,567
It's a fact!
415
00:17:42,167 --> 00:17:43,834
Butterball,
not Butterball,
416
00:17:43,901 --> 00:17:45,400
organic, not organic.
417
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:46,868
Free range,
range restricted...
418
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:00,200
BURT:
How can you not have a wrench?
419
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:02,601
PAUL:
I'm looking, I'm looking.
420
00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:04,701
SYLVIA: Lisa, take the lamps.
421
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:05,934
PAUL: How about these?
422
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,200
A pliers
is not a wrench.
423
00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:11,133
THERESA:
You can never have too many pillows.
424
00:18:13,534 --> 00:18:14,601
(CAR HORN HONKING)
425
00:18:24,734 --> 00:18:26,133
Personally, that wouldn't
have been my choice.
426
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,501
I panicked!
427
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:31,133
Look, you two relax.
We'll go. Come on.
428
00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:35,467
Where are you going?
429
00:18:35,534 --> 00:18:36,434
I'm just afraid your
sister's going to overcook that bird.
430
00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:38,100
She won't.
She might.
431
00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:39,801
It's done.
Well, then, let's go eat. Everybody.
432
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,000
Not that kind of done.
433
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,634
Are you having
an episode?
434
00:18:43,701 --> 00:18:45,701
No, no.
It's just the turkey.
435
00:18:45,767 --> 00:18:47,300
Well...
436
00:18:47,367 --> 00:18:50,367
Murray sort of...
Ate it.
437
00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:53,167
Oh, my goodness.
Poor Jamie.
438
00:18:53,234 --> 00:18:55,534
You can't tell
anybody. Of course not.
439
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,634
Gus!
440
00:18:57,701 --> 00:18:59,767
Just put it on
the Buchmans' account.
441
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:01,501
They're good eaters.
442
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:07,300
I will definitely
hate this chair less in the bedroom.
443
00:19:07,367 --> 00:19:09,534
What do you think?
444
00:19:09,601 --> 00:19:10,767
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
445
00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:12,801
All right, all right.
Let's see. 12C?
446
00:19:12,868 --> 00:19:14,267
12D. Right above them.
447
00:19:14,334 --> 00:19:15,334
12D.
448
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:18,634
Hi!
449
00:19:22,601 --> 00:19:24,300
So, what do you think?
450
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:28,434
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
451
00:19:35,534 --> 00:19:36,734
Hello.
452
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,400
Go to the kitchen.
453
00:19:38,467 --> 00:19:40,834
Where are you?
Upstairs.
454
00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:41,934
What?
455
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,200
Just go to your kitchen.
456
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,467
Got it.
457
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,467
SYLVIA: Who is that?
458
00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:50,567
Uh, Ira.
459
00:19:50,634 --> 00:19:52,234
Isn't he here?
460
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:54,767
Uh, different Ira.
Excuse us.
461
00:19:54,834 --> 00:19:56,033
Dinner will be on
in a minute.
462
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,567
Did I hear "dinner"?
463
00:19:58,634 --> 00:19:59,934
I wouldn't count
on it.
464
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,300
What do you mean?
What's going on?
465
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:05,033
All right.
But you didn't hear it from me.
466
00:20:10,601 --> 00:20:11,667
Why are we
in the kitchen?
467
00:20:11,734 --> 00:20:13,701
This is where
he said to go.
468
00:20:15,868 --> 00:20:17,100
I...
I don't know...
469
00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:21,467
She makes me want
to smoke again.
470
00:20:21,534 --> 00:20:23,868
(SNIFFS)
I smell turkey!
471
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:29,868
Yes, you do.
But you know what? We're letting it cool.
472
00:20:29,934 --> 00:20:31,534
Shouldn't it come out
of the oven for that?
473
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,467
You bet.
That's what we're going to do.
474
00:20:33,534 --> 00:20:34,501
We'll do that.
Why don't you tell everybody to go wash up?
475
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,000
Fine.
Okay.
476
00:20:47,868 --> 00:20:49,234
On the house.
477
00:20:51,801 --> 00:20:54,334
Everyone knew,
and nobody told me?
478
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,100
Well,
you were next.
479
00:20:56,934 --> 00:20:58,467
What a disaster.
480
00:21:01,133 --> 00:21:02,567
You know what?
481
00:21:04,434 --> 00:21:05,667
Look, everyone.
482
00:21:05,734 --> 00:21:07,601
It's Ira on TV.
483
00:21:09,067 --> 00:21:11,167
What Ira?
It's the Cirque du Soleil.
484
00:21:11,234 --> 00:21:12,300
Oh, sure, sure.
485
00:21:12,367 --> 00:21:13,868
There's Ira!
486
00:21:13,934 --> 00:21:15,501
(ALL CHATTERING)
487
00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:20,467
Good for you.
488
00:21:20,534 --> 00:21:22,834
What? I never had
a mother-in-law?
489
00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:24,067
She loved you.
490
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:25,267
Please.
491
00:21:25,334 --> 00:21:27,434
It's Thanksgiving.
492
00:21:27,501 --> 00:21:29,267
All right.
Who wants turkey?
493
00:21:29,334 --> 00:21:30,534
(ALL CHATTERING)
494
00:21:30,601 --> 00:21:31,734
JAMIE:
Sorry it took so long.
495
00:21:31,801 --> 00:21:33,267
Oh, what long?
496
00:21:33,334 --> 00:21:34,968
It just gave me a chance
to work up an appetite.
497
00:21:35,033 --> 00:21:38,067
Oh, this buffet.
I feel so cosmopolitan.
498
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,334
No, I really do.
499
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,067
The bird looks
delicious.
500
00:21:43,133 --> 00:21:45,100
Wait till you see
dessert.
501
00:21:58,033 --> 00:21:59,734
Thank God
they're out of the room.
502
00:21:59,801 --> 00:22:02,834
I haven't been able
to get a word in edgewise.
503
00:22:02,901 --> 00:22:05,901
I'm telling you, Ceil,
these people are nuts.
504
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:09,267
They're going,
and they're coming,
505
00:22:09,334 --> 00:22:12,601
and not a speck
of salad anywhere.
506
00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:16,367
And I keep watching
the parade over and over.
507
00:22:16,434 --> 00:22:17,934
And I'll tell you the truth.
508
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,467
They keep calling me
Aunt Lolly,
509
00:22:19,534 --> 00:22:23,400
and I'm not even sure
which one of them I'm related to.
510
00:22:23,467 --> 00:22:25,634
What the hell.
It's a free meal.
511
00:22:25,684 --> 00:22:30,234
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