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1
00:00:04,362 --> 00:00:07,497
Sad news from miami
as hurricane jasmine forsythe
2
00:00:07,499 --> 00:00:09,666
Has claimed the life
of lebron james
3
00:00:09,668 --> 00:00:11,334
Of the miami heat.
4
00:00:11,336 --> 00:00:14,037
Mr. James was swept away
by the storm surge
5
00:00:14,039 --> 00:00:18,041
That destroyed 90% of the
florida peninsula last night.
6
00:00:18,043 --> 00:00:21,845
Once again, we're reporting
the sad death of lebron james,
7
00:00:21,847 --> 00:00:24,080
And the rest
of the miami heat,
8
00:00:24,082 --> 00:00:25,849
And 12 million other people.
9
00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:30,520
(down-tempo music)
10
00:00:30,522 --> 00:00:31,888
(louie)
my daughter asked me that question,
11
00:00:31,890 --> 00:00:33,857
Uh, what came first,
the chicken or the egg?
12
00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,926
That's supposed to be a very
perplexing question.
13
00:00:35,928 --> 00:00:37,394
What came first,
the chicken or the egg?
14
00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:38,728
It's really easy--
it's the egg.
15
00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,230
Of course, it is,
16
00:00:40,232 --> 00:00:42,198
Because you can't
just make a chicken.
17
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,034
You can't just have chicken.
18
00:00:44,036 --> 00:00:45,936
You can't go, "chicken".
19
00:00:45,938 --> 00:00:47,404
You need to start
with an egg,
20
00:00:47,406 --> 00:00:50,206
And it starts this tiny,
and a chicken grows.
21
00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:52,275
Now, a lot of people try to be,
you know, wiseguys,
22
00:00:52,277 --> 00:00:53,710
And they go, "well, okay,
23
00:00:53,712 --> 00:00:56,579
So then where did the egg
come from?"
24
00:00:56,581 --> 00:00:59,716
Uh, it came out
of a chicken, you idiot.
25
00:00:59,718 --> 00:01:02,352
It came out of
a chicken's ass.
26
00:01:06,724 --> 00:01:09,059
How are you?
27
00:01:09,061 --> 00:01:10,560
You here with louie?
28
00:01:10,562 --> 00:01:12,095
Mm-hmm.
29
00:01:12,097 --> 00:01:14,130
You don't speak english, right?
No english?
30
00:01:14,132 --> 00:01:15,598
Hm?
No english?
31
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,133
No english, no, no.
32
00:01:17,135 --> 00:01:18,435
Right.
33
00:01:18,437 --> 00:01:21,604
So... My cock
is seven feet long,
34
00:01:21,606 --> 00:01:24,774
And it stinks.
35
00:01:24,776 --> 00:01:26,242
(laughs)
36
00:01:26,244 --> 00:01:28,411
(speaking hungarian)
37
00:01:28,413 --> 00:01:30,246
(louie)
now, I don't know if you understand the logistics
38
00:01:30,248 --> 00:01:33,416
Of a hay bale
in new york city.
39
00:01:33,418 --> 00:01:36,319
Somebody went
and got a hay bale...
40
00:01:36,321 --> 00:01:41,091
(up-tempo jazz)
41
00:01:41,093 --> 00:01:43,259
Nick, are you gonna
order something?
42
00:01:43,261 --> 00:01:47,330
Yeah, I'll have the fried
reindeer feet.
43
00:01:47,332 --> 00:01:49,265
(sighs)
we don't have reindeer feet.
44
00:01:49,267 --> 00:01:51,167
Okay, then I'll just
have the sherbert.
45
00:01:51,169 --> 00:01:52,669
Hey, you got it
figured out, louie.
46
00:01:52,671 --> 00:01:55,805
I mean, she seems really cool,
and she's cute.
47
00:01:55,807 --> 00:01:57,607
She is--
she's growing on me.
48
00:01:57,609 --> 00:01:58,942
(todd)
aids.
49
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,443
So she's leaving for good
in a week?
50
00:02:00,445 --> 00:02:02,512
Yeah, she's gonna be going--
that's it.
51
00:02:02,514 --> 00:02:04,114
Then, you're gonna
be lonely.
52
00:02:04,116 --> 00:02:06,816
More or less, yeah,
that's the thing.
53
00:02:06,818 --> 00:02:08,184
You guys have never said
a word to each other,
54
00:02:08,186 --> 00:02:09,486
And you're having
a great time.
55
00:02:09,488 --> 00:02:11,121
And then, she'll leave,
56
00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:13,456
And you'll be depressed
and lonely. Uh-huh.
57
00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:16,292
You know how much shit you're
skipping in-between there?
58
00:02:16,294 --> 00:02:17,861
Getting to know her?
59
00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:18,995
Getting sick of her?
60
00:02:18,997 --> 00:02:20,663
Not being able
to leave her
61
00:02:20,665 --> 00:02:22,966
Because you have
low self-esteem.
62
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:25,201
Realizing that
she's sick of you.
63
00:02:25,203 --> 00:02:28,038
Trying to fix it by
getting married.
64
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,140
Trying to fix
the marriage by having kids.
65
00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:32,809
Culling together
a few radio spots
66
00:02:32,811 --> 00:02:34,711
So you have an excuse
to come into new york
67
00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:37,013
Just to get away
from her and the kids.
68
00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:38,882
Ah, we're talking
about you now.
69
00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:41,051
You're afraid of being lonely.
70
00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:43,887
You know how much I dream
of being lonely?
71
00:02:43,889 --> 00:02:46,689
I love my wife,
love my kids,
72
00:02:46,691 --> 00:02:51,995
But, holy shit, lonely
sounds like paradise to me.
73
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:53,363
Aids.
74
00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:55,899
Please-- have your fun now.
75
00:02:55,901 --> 00:02:57,500
Feel bad later.
76
00:02:57,502 --> 00:03:00,003
I mean, it's
a zero-sum game.
77
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:02,005
Aids.
78
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,339
I know what you mean--
I mean,
79
00:03:03,341 --> 00:03:04,841
I only get
the kids half the week,
80
00:03:04,843 --> 00:03:06,543
And I still-- I wanna
be alone all the time.
81
00:03:06,545 --> 00:03:07,844
It's just too much.
82
00:03:07,846 --> 00:03:09,412
Aids.
83
00:03:09,414 --> 00:03:11,347
My youngest is having trouble
in school now too.
84
00:03:11,349 --> 00:03:12,549
(singing to
"smoke on the water" melody)
85
00:03:12,551 --> 00:03:13,716
aids, aids, aids
86
00:03:13,718 --> 00:03:15,852
aids, aids, aids, aids
87
00:03:15,854 --> 00:03:19,589
aids, aids, aids,
aids, aids
88
00:03:19,591 --> 00:03:21,558
aids, aids, aids, aids--
89
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,026
Todd!
90
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,561
Jesus christ, todd.
91
00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:25,895
Aids.
92
00:03:25,897 --> 00:03:27,697
Aids?
93
00:03:27,699 --> 00:03:30,366
Stop talking about
your boring-ass lives
94
00:03:30,368 --> 00:03:32,202
And your dumb kids.
95
00:03:32,204 --> 00:03:33,536
Todd, how old are you?
96
00:03:33,538 --> 00:03:34,871
49.
97
00:03:34,873 --> 00:03:36,206
(both laugh)
98
00:03:36,208 --> 00:03:40,043
Todd, you're
a 49-year-old single comedian.
99
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,377
Can I ask you
a question?
100
00:03:41,379 --> 00:03:42,879
Mm?
101
00:03:42,881 --> 00:03:44,214
What do you do
all day?
102
00:03:44,216 --> 00:03:46,249
That's a great question.
103
00:03:46,251 --> 00:03:47,884
Oh, when I'm not tag-teaming
both of your moms?
104
00:03:47,886 --> 00:03:49,252
Yeah, when
you're not doing that.
105
00:03:49,254 --> 00:03:51,387
No, I wanna know
because louie and I have kids.
106
00:03:51,389 --> 00:03:52,589
We're raising children.
107
00:03:52,591 --> 00:03:54,390
What do you do?
108
00:03:54,392 --> 00:03:56,226
What-- what is your day?
109
00:03:56,228 --> 00:03:58,428
Walk me through any day.
110
00:03:58,430 --> 00:03:59,729
All right,
how about yesterday?
111
00:03:59,731 --> 00:04:01,798
Sure.
Yesterday was great.
112
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,100
Okay, what time
did you get up?
113
00:04:04,102 --> 00:04:05,401
10:00, 10:30?
114
00:04:05,403 --> 00:04:09,439
Okay, 10:00--
take me through all of it.
115
00:04:09,441 --> 00:04:12,075
Woke up, uh, hung out
in bed a little bit.
116
00:04:12,077 --> 00:04:13,409
Got the ipad out.
117
00:04:13,411 --> 00:04:15,478
(lounge music)
118
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:17,113
Catch up on
a little facebooking,
119
00:04:17,115 --> 00:04:18,915
A little twitter, and, uh...
120
00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:20,950
Boom, time for breakfast.
121
00:04:20,952 --> 00:04:22,585
What's for breakfast?
122
00:04:22,587 --> 00:04:25,255
Every day, I go to the diner
downstairs from me.
123
00:04:25,257 --> 00:04:27,757
I have toast,
well-done bacon,
124
00:04:27,759 --> 00:04:31,261
Coffee, juice.
125
00:04:31,263 --> 00:04:34,264
But if this one waitress
is working,
126
00:04:34,266 --> 00:04:36,599
I also get a free donut.
127
00:04:36,601 --> 00:04:38,168
(greg)
really? Yeah.
128
00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:40,270
Started a couple years ago
when she said...
129
00:04:40,272 --> 00:04:42,872
Hey, you're in here,
like, every day.
130
00:04:46,443 --> 00:04:48,011
Do you want a donut?
131
00:04:50,147 --> 00:04:53,283
Boom, free donut every time
she's there.
132
00:04:53,285 --> 00:04:54,617
(greg)
nice.
133
00:04:54,619 --> 00:04:55,952
Okay, what next?
134
00:04:55,954 --> 00:04:57,287
Then, I went
to the doctor.
135
00:04:57,289 --> 00:04:58,955
Why? What do you got?
136
00:04:58,957 --> 00:05:00,790
It was just sniffles,
or allergies, or something,
137
00:05:00,792 --> 00:05:02,358
But I-- I don't wanna
deal with that.
138
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,793
So I go to a clinic.
139
00:05:03,795 --> 00:05:04,961
A clinic?
140
00:05:04,963 --> 00:05:06,796
Yeah-- urgent care, baby.
141
00:05:06,798 --> 00:05:09,632
Storefront, open late,
40-minute wait.
142
00:05:09,634 --> 00:05:11,467
Brought my ipad.
143
00:05:11,469 --> 00:05:14,170
Using the wi-fi
from the coffee shop next door.
144
00:05:14,172 --> 00:05:16,306
No need to dip
into my data plan.
145
00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:18,474
(woman)
todd barry?
146
00:05:18,476 --> 00:05:19,976
Boom, it's my turn.
147
00:05:19,978 --> 00:05:21,544
Todd barry is next.
148
00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:24,814
What happened next?
149
00:05:24,816 --> 00:05:27,050
Lunch.
Where?
150
00:05:27,052 --> 00:05:28,651
Oh, this was sweet.
151
00:05:28,653 --> 00:05:30,153
I reach into my wallet
152
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,989
To get out my setagaya ramen
punch card.
153
00:05:32,991 --> 00:05:34,857
I count the punches-- ten.
154
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:36,226
You know what that means?
155
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:39,162
I qualify for a free bowl
of ramen--
156
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:41,998
Pork or beef.
157
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,733
(nick)
what'd you do after lunch?
158
00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:45,335
I had to work off
the pork.
159
00:05:45,337 --> 00:05:46,502
Went to the gym.
160
00:05:46,504 --> 00:05:48,171
You belong to a gym?
161
00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:50,073
I belong to gyms.
162
00:05:50,075 --> 00:05:51,341
Gyms.
163
00:05:51,343 --> 00:05:53,176
You mean plural?
164
00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:56,546
I have all-access to every
synergy gym below 14th street.
165
00:05:56,548 --> 00:05:58,381
Sounds expensive.
166
00:05:58,383 --> 00:06:00,016
Not when
you cash in 290,000
167
00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:01,684
American express points,
it isn't.
168
00:06:01,686 --> 00:06:03,386
So you went
to the gym.
169
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:06,189
Go to the gym, get on
the treadmill for ten minutes.
170
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:08,024
Then, I get on the bike
for ten minutes.
171
00:06:08,026 --> 00:06:11,027
Went home,
took a well-deserved nap.
172
00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:12,695
Then, I woke up.
173
00:06:12,697 --> 00:06:14,564
Then, I had to race off
to my gig in poughkeepsie.
174
00:06:14,566 --> 00:06:16,199
You had a gig?
175
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:19,535
Yeah, poughkeepsie,
booked myself seven months ago.
176
00:06:19,537 --> 00:06:23,573
Did a great deal--
80% of the door, $10 ticket.
177
00:06:23,575 --> 00:06:26,276
I get 80%,
he gets 20%.
178
00:06:26,278 --> 00:06:27,910
So then, I have to get
to the gig.
179
00:06:27,912 --> 00:06:30,380
Do you know how much a train
to poughkeepsie costs?
180
00:06:30,382 --> 00:06:33,049
$40.
Exactly.
181
00:06:33,051 --> 00:06:36,052
Do you know how much a greyhound
bus to poughkeepsie costs?
182
00:06:36,054 --> 00:06:38,054
$20.
183
00:06:38,056 --> 00:06:40,223
Do you know how much
a chinatown bus
184
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,758
That goes to croton-harmon,
185
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:44,894
Which is just 20 minutes
outside of poughkeepsie, is?
186
00:06:44,896 --> 00:06:46,596
8.50.
187
00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:49,932
I sell one ticket,
I cover most of that.
188
00:06:49,934 --> 00:06:52,068
So I took the bus
to croton-harmon.
189
00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:53,736
I get there,
I call the owner, and I say,
190
00:06:53,738 --> 00:06:55,405
"hey, can you come
pick me up?"
191
00:06:55,407 --> 00:06:56,906
Croton?
192
00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:58,274
He says something about,
193
00:06:58,276 --> 00:07:00,576
"oh, that's a huge pain
in the butt,
194
00:07:00,578 --> 00:07:03,246
And also, we never
talked about this before."
195
00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,915
I go, "yeah, you're right,
we never did talk about it.
196
00:07:05,917 --> 00:07:07,950
"but if you want me
to do the show,
197
00:07:07,952 --> 00:07:10,453
I need
to get to the club."
198
00:07:10,455 --> 00:07:12,922
Boom, I get the ride.
199
00:07:12,924 --> 00:07:15,024
(exhales)
200
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,928
So I get to the club...
201
00:07:18,930 --> 00:07:21,764
(woman)
can I get three miller lites, two long islands...
202
00:07:21,766 --> 00:07:23,366
I take a peek
at the crowd.
203
00:07:27,938 --> 00:07:29,272
I ask the waitress
for a coke.
204
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:30,840
Coke, please?
205
00:07:32,943 --> 00:07:34,944
She gives me a coke
for free.
206
00:07:34,946 --> 00:07:37,613
Ah, coke.
207
00:07:37,615 --> 00:07:40,850
I walk towards
the dressing room...
208
00:07:40,852 --> 00:07:44,454
And I see a piece of paper
on the dressing room door.
209
00:07:44,456 --> 00:07:45,822
And you know
what it says?
210
00:07:45,824 --> 00:07:48,291
It says "todd berry"...
211
00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,826
With an "e",
212
00:07:49,828 --> 00:07:51,794
Not todd barry with an "a",
213
00:07:51,796 --> 00:07:53,629
Which is how
I spell my name.
214
00:07:53,631 --> 00:07:55,131
They spelled it wrong.
215
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,467
Now, I could've
let that go.
216
00:07:57,469 --> 00:08:00,336
I mean, it's just
a dressing room sign, right?
217
00:08:00,338 --> 00:08:02,772
Everyone makes mistakes, right?
218
00:08:04,308 --> 00:08:06,042
I go to the owner.
219
00:08:06,044 --> 00:08:07,977
I say, "hey,
I don't mean to be a dick,
220
00:08:07,979 --> 00:08:11,347
But my name is todd barry
with an "a".
221
00:08:11,349 --> 00:08:14,884
My dressing room sign
says "todd berry" with an "e".
222
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,555
And he gives me a look,
like, "so?"
223
00:08:19,557 --> 00:08:22,191
And I go, "I know it's kind of
a pain in the ass,
224
00:08:22,193 --> 00:08:23,826
"but I don't ask for much.
225
00:08:23,828 --> 00:08:26,195
"and yes, I know
it's an easy mistake to make,
226
00:08:26,197 --> 00:08:29,665
"but it's also an easy
mistake to fix,
227
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:32,668
And it's very
important to me."
228
00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:35,004
So I said,
"all you gotta do
229
00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:37,373
"is take the sign down,
230
00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:40,877
"put it in a responsible place
for refuse,
231
00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:42,678
"walk over to the computer,
232
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,882
"log onto microsoft word,
or apple text,
233
00:08:45,884 --> 00:08:47,417
"whatever you want,
234
00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:50,186
"type in todd barry
with an "a",
235
00:08:50,188 --> 00:08:52,555
"take one sheet of paper,
236
00:08:52,557 --> 00:08:54,590
"run it through the printer,
237
00:08:54,592 --> 00:08:57,660
Grab some tape,
and I get my identify back."
238
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:01,531
What'd he say?
239
00:09:01,533 --> 00:09:03,866
Oh, it's not
what he said.
240
00:09:03,868 --> 00:09:05,368
It's what he did.
241
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:09,672
242
00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:18,114
Boom, new sign with my name
spelled correctly.
243
00:09:18,116 --> 00:09:20,383
(cheers and applause)
244
00:09:20,385 --> 00:09:26,456
245
00:09:34,064 --> 00:09:38,134
(whistling)
246
00:09:40,237 --> 00:09:41,704
(sighs)
247
00:09:43,407 --> 00:09:46,476
(whistling)
248
00:09:52,249 --> 00:09:54,417
Hey.
249
00:09:54,419 --> 00:09:55,451
Hey.
250
00:09:55,453 --> 00:09:57,487
Evanka-- evanka?
251
00:09:57,489 --> 00:10:00,323
Hey... Evanka.
252
00:10:00,325 --> 00:10:01,791
Evanka.
253
00:10:01,793 --> 00:10:04,327
Evanka-- oh, shit.
254
00:10:04,329 --> 00:10:05,995
Oh, shit.
255
00:10:05,997 --> 00:10:08,498
Uh, evanka?
256
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:11,667
Evan-- oh, shit.
257
00:10:11,669 --> 00:10:13,169
Uh...
258
00:10:14,838 --> 00:10:17,173
Uh-- aw, shit.
259
00:10:17,175 --> 00:10:18,508
Come here, come here,
come on.
260
00:10:18,510 --> 00:10:19,675
Evanka!
261
00:10:19,677 --> 00:10:21,177
God damn it.
262
00:10:21,179 --> 00:10:23,346
Oh, god damn it--
come on, come on!
263
00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:24,614
(groans)
264
00:10:24,616 --> 00:10:26,182
God damn it.
265
00:10:26,184 --> 00:10:28,518
Oh...
266
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,653
(grunting)
267
00:10:30,655 --> 00:10:33,356
Okay, okay.
268
00:10:33,358 --> 00:10:35,458
Okay, you're okay--
you're okay.
269
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,927
Okay-- all right, okay.
270
00:10:39,496 --> 00:10:41,030
(rings doorbell)
271
00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:42,965
Come on, come on, come on.
272
00:10:42,967 --> 00:10:44,133
Evanka!
273
00:10:44,135 --> 00:10:45,468
Shit.
274
00:10:45,470 --> 00:10:46,536
(dr. Bigelow)
what-- what? What is it?
275
00:10:46,538 --> 00:10:47,970
You need to help me.
276
00:10:47,972 --> 00:10:49,205
What-- you can't
just come barging in.
277
00:10:49,207 --> 00:10:50,873
This is my home as well
as my office.
278
00:10:50,875 --> 00:10:52,475
What are you doing?
This lady needs your help.
279
00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:53,976
This woman needs your help.
280
00:10:53,978 --> 00:10:56,712
Well-- I have boundaries!
281
00:10:56,714 --> 00:10:58,047
What if she's dead?
282
00:10:58,049 --> 00:10:59,482
Then, you won't
have any problems.
283
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,484
This isn't 9-1-1-- call 9-1-1.
284
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,387
Come on! Please, look!
Oh, geez.
285
00:11:04,389 --> 00:11:06,489
Oh.
She was lying on the floor of the elevator.
286
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:07,890
All right, all right.
287
00:11:07,892 --> 00:11:09,859
She's a nice--
she's unconscious.
288
00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:11,694
Get around the other side.
289
00:11:11,696 --> 00:11:13,229
Move her against the wall.
290
00:11:13,231 --> 00:11:15,665
Move her-- move her forward
against the wall.
291
00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:17,900
Now, now,
p-- p-- pat her back.
292
00:11:17,902 --> 00:11:19,168
Hit her on the back,
hit her on the back,
293
00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:20,503
Hit her on the back.
294
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:23,005
(evanka coughing)
295
00:11:23,007 --> 00:11:24,574
Ah! Ah.
(coughing)
296
00:11:24,576 --> 00:11:27,577
Sweetie, sweetie, you've got
to chew these mentos.
297
00:11:27,579 --> 00:11:29,712
They're perfect plugs
for the esophagus.
298
00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:31,347
You've got
to chew them, sweetie.
299
00:11:31,349 --> 00:11:32,548
You'll be all right.
300
00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:34,517
Help her up--
help her up.
301
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:35,918
Here you go--
help her up.
302
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,920
Oh, I'm so sorry--
I'm so sorry.
303
00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:39,522
It's all right,
you're gonna be fine.
304
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:40,856
I'm very embarrassed.
305
00:11:40,858 --> 00:11:42,258
What happened?
306
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:44,093
I found you on the floor
of the elevator,
307
00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:45,861
And I brought you
to the doctor.
308
00:11:45,863 --> 00:11:47,563
That damn elevator--
I'm gonna die there one day.
309
00:11:47,565 --> 00:11:51,033
You know, it's a--
interesting statistics.
310
00:11:51,035 --> 00:11:54,704
Only two people per decade
die in elevators.
311
00:11:54,706 --> 00:11:56,038
Is that right?
312
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,907
That's considered
a very clean
313
00:11:57,909 --> 00:11:59,542
And sterile environment, yes.
314
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:03,946
Well, this one is a--
is an evil box of death.
315
00:12:03,948 --> 00:12:07,249
I'd rather be back riding
in the caboose
316
00:12:07,251 --> 00:12:09,552
Of jackie gleason's train.
317
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:11,220
You knew gleason?
318
00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:12,722
Oh, knew him?
319
00:12:12,724 --> 00:12:14,256
He and-- well, never mind.
320
00:12:14,258 --> 00:12:15,458
Please don't make me
tell you.
321
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:17,526
No, no, tell--
it sounds great.
322
00:12:19,062 --> 00:12:20,396
You come see me--
323
00:12:20,398 --> 00:12:22,064
You come see me
if you have any problems.
324
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:24,133
You're gonna be just fine--
you're gonna be just fine.
325
00:12:24,135 --> 00:12:26,302
Oh, thank you
very much, doctor.
326
00:12:26,304 --> 00:12:27,737
Thank you.
Yes, yes, surely, yes.
327
00:12:27,739 --> 00:12:29,572
Thank you.
Yes.
328
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:30,940
Oh.
You all right?
329
00:12:30,942 --> 00:12:32,775
Yeah.
330
00:12:32,777 --> 00:12:34,410
What-- what was I doing?
331
00:12:34,412 --> 00:12:36,579
Was I coming, or--
you were just laying on the floor.
332
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,748
No, but before-- was I going
out, or was I coming home?
333
00:12:38,750 --> 00:12:41,417
I don't know--
I wasn't there for that part.
334
00:12:41,419 --> 00:12:44,253
Look, maybe just-- let me take
you back upstairs, all right?
335
00:12:44,255 --> 00:12:46,255
I'll help you.
That's probably a good idea.
336
00:12:46,257 --> 00:12:49,258
Right?
Thank you.
337
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,093
Oh, you know what?
338
00:12:51,095 --> 00:12:53,095
What-- you don't wanna
take the elevator, right?
339
00:12:53,097 --> 00:12:55,431
No, I don't wanna
take that elevator.
340
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:58,267
Come on-- you all right?
Oh, yeah.
341
00:12:58,269 --> 00:12:59,769
You like mentos?
342
00:12:59,771 --> 00:13:01,604
I have no more mentos.
No? Okay.
343
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:02,838
You're a good guy,
you know that?
344
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,140
Ah, I'm all right.
345
00:13:04,142 --> 00:13:06,275
Yeah, yeah--
you saved my life.
346
00:13:06,277 --> 00:13:08,477
Nah, what are you--
you don't-- ah.
347
00:13:08,479 --> 00:13:10,279
You know what they say?
What do they say?
348
00:13:10,281 --> 00:13:12,848
(evanka speaks indistinctly)
349
00:13:13,984 --> 00:13:16,118
Okay.
350
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,287
You all right now?
Yeah, thank you so much.
351
00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:19,789
Okay, be-- you know.
352
00:13:19,791 --> 00:13:21,323
I'm gonna take a nap.
353
00:13:21,325 --> 00:13:22,958
Well, be-- do it
carefully, okay?
354
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:23,993
Don't, uh...
355
00:13:23,995 --> 00:13:28,164
Um... You and, uh, amia,
356
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:29,699
You've never...
357
00:13:29,701 --> 00:13:32,134
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah?
358
00:13:32,136 --> 00:13:35,671
Well, do you-- I mean...
359
00:13:35,673 --> 00:13:38,607
What I want to ask is--
is it serious?
360
00:13:40,343 --> 00:13:42,845
Uh...
361
00:13:42,847 --> 00:13:44,814
You mean, the--
362
00:13:44,816 --> 00:13:47,483
Okay, I-- I-- I---
I feel like--
363
00:13:47,485 --> 00:13:49,051
No, no, no.
364
00:13:49,053 --> 00:13:51,554
Is it serious?
365
00:13:51,556 --> 00:13:53,522
Oh, I don't--
366
00:13:53,524 --> 00:13:54,824
I don't know
if we should--
367
00:13:54,826 --> 00:13:56,726
All right,
I'll take that as a no.
368
00:13:56,728 --> 00:13:58,994
Okay, just checking.
369
00:13:58,996 --> 00:14:01,997
Well, no, it's--
no, I just wanted to know-- that's all right.
370
00:14:01,999 --> 00:14:04,033
I-- no, it's serious to me.
371
00:14:04,035 --> 00:14:06,569
I...
372
00:14:06,571 --> 00:14:08,204
No, look.
373
00:14:08,206 --> 00:14:10,406
This is serious.
374
00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:12,842
The other thing--
"I love you so much,
375
00:14:12,844 --> 00:14:14,410
You're so beautiful"-- no.
376
00:14:14,412 --> 00:14:17,079
That's nice, but... No.
377
00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:19,849
All right.
378
00:14:19,851 --> 00:14:24,920
You know, in hungary,
we have a saying.
379
00:14:24,922 --> 00:14:28,624
"if you didn't screw the cow,
she's not your cow."
380
00:14:30,193 --> 00:14:32,895
I'm not sure
that's how that goes.
381
00:14:32,897 --> 00:14:34,063
That's...
382
00:14:34,065 --> 00:14:35,431
You're a nice boy.
383
00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:37,867
You know, you stay
just as you are, yeah?
384
00:14:37,869 --> 00:14:39,769
You saved my life
two times,
385
00:14:39,771 --> 00:14:43,205
So you stay
just as you are.
386
00:14:43,207 --> 00:14:45,541
Okay.
Okay.
387
00:14:45,543 --> 00:14:46,942
Bye-bye.
388
00:14:50,213 --> 00:14:53,115
Oh, this new lock,
I don't even know how it works.
389
00:14:53,117 --> 00:14:54,984
What's the matter
with that-- okay.
390
00:14:58,221 --> 00:15:00,389
(piano music)
391
00:15:00,391 --> 00:15:03,592
(woman 1)
no, we are not going to-- I am so sick of that place.
392
00:15:03,594 --> 00:15:06,295
(woman 2)
oh, my god, shut up-- you don't even know about it.
393
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:09,131
Yes, I do, I've been
five times in the last week...
394
00:15:09,133 --> 00:15:12,234
(mockingly)
oh, wow, all right-- okay, what?
395
00:15:12,236 --> 00:15:13,469
Shut up.
396
00:15:13,471 --> 00:15:15,471
(chuckling)
397
00:15:29,653 --> 00:15:32,254
Hey, come on.
398
00:15:32,256 --> 00:15:33,589
Come on in.
399
00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:34,790
Come in.
Bye.
400
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:35,925
Bye.
401
00:15:35,927 --> 00:15:37,326
Bye, bye.
402
00:15:37,328 --> 00:15:39,461
No bye-- come on in.
403
00:15:39,463 --> 00:15:40,763
Hello.
Yes, bye.
404
00:15:40,765 --> 00:15:41,831
No, hello.
405
00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:42,832
No, hello.
406
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:45,267
Yes, no-- yes, hello.
407
00:15:45,269 --> 00:15:46,502
No, bye.
408
00:15:46,504 --> 00:15:48,771
No-- come on.
409
00:15:48,773 --> 00:15:50,806
No bye.
410
00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:52,842
No bye-- come on.
411
00:15:56,446 --> 00:15:57,613
Better bye.
412
00:15:57,615 --> 00:15:59,315
Better bye?
413
00:15:59,317 --> 00:16:00,850
Look, um...
414
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,893
Bye.
415
00:16:16,199 --> 00:16:17,366
(both chuckle)
416
00:16:17,368 --> 00:16:19,001
Bye.
Good-bye.
417
00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:22,171
(laughs)
418
00:16:22,173 --> 00:16:24,206
Bye.
Bye, bye.
419
00:16:41,892 --> 00:16:44,894
(panting)
420
00:16:44,896 --> 00:16:47,029
(moans and pants)
421
00:16:47,031 --> 00:16:48,330
Bye.
Bye.
422
00:16:48,332 --> 00:16:51,333
(both laugh)
bye.
423
00:16:51,335 --> 00:16:52,568
Bye.
424
00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:54,103
Bye.
425
00:16:56,239 --> 00:16:58,841
(panting)
426
00:16:58,843 --> 00:17:01,410
(both panting)
427
00:17:01,412 --> 00:17:02,912
(moans)
428
00:17:08,184 --> 00:17:10,252
(panting and moaning)
429
00:17:48,892 --> 00:17:50,859
(door hitting wall)
430
00:18:31,935 --> 00:18:33,502
Hi.
431
00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:38,674
What's wrong?
432
00:18:43,146 --> 00:18:44,680
Hey.
433
00:18:47,951 --> 00:18:49,385
What's... Wrong?
434
00:18:52,155 --> 00:18:53,689
(laughs)
435
00:18:55,191 --> 00:18:57,192
(speaking hungarian)
436
00:18:59,696 --> 00:19:00,696
(sighs)
437
00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:03,198
(speaking hungarian)
438
00:19:10,306 --> 00:19:11,874
No good.
439
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:19,648
Mm...
440
00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:21,617
I don't-- I don't know.
441
00:19:23,019 --> 00:19:25,721
I don't know
what you're saying.
442
00:19:25,723 --> 00:19:27,556
I'm sorry.
443
00:19:27,558 --> 00:19:28,824
Hm?
444
00:19:28,826 --> 00:19:30,292
I'm sorry.
445
00:19:31,861 --> 00:19:33,395
I...
446
00:19:34,731 --> 00:19:36,265
I...
447
00:19:38,535 --> 00:19:40,335
It's okay-- it's okay.
448
00:19:40,337 --> 00:19:41,336
No, no.
It's okay.
449
00:19:41,338 --> 00:19:42,805
I-- I-- I...
450
00:19:45,341 --> 00:19:47,876
It's okay.
I-- I...
451
00:19:47,878 --> 00:19:50,412
It's okay.
452
00:19:50,414 --> 00:19:53,015
(speaking hungarian)
453
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:54,683
I--
454
00:19:54,685 --> 00:19:57,419
Amia.
455
00:19:59,923 --> 00:20:02,391
(speaking hungarian)
456
00:20:02,393 --> 00:20:04,359
Shh.
457
00:20:04,361 --> 00:20:05,894
(speaking hungarian)
458
00:20:05,896 --> 00:20:09,064
I...
459
00:20:09,066 --> 00:20:11,100
Don't know
what you're saying.
460
00:20:14,537 --> 00:20:17,372
Shit.
461
00:20:17,374 --> 00:20:18,941
(sighs)
462
00:20:22,545 --> 00:20:25,214
A small bird died today
due to sadness.
463
00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:26,949
He was six years old.
464
00:20:26,951 --> 00:20:32,788
(down-tempo jazz)
465
00:20:32,838 --> 00:20:37,388
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