subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Lazer.Team.2015.1080p-720p BluRay x264-[YTS AG]

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English Download

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish Download

French Download

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean Download

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese Download

Punjabi

Romanian Download

Russian Download

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala Download

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai Download

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,003 --> 00:01:11,003 www.psagmeno.com | No1 Subs iNFO 2 00:01:11,203 --> 00:01:14,406 "You are not alone. Conflict is coming." 3 00:01:14,439 --> 00:01:16,808 That is the message we received. 4 00:01:16,841 --> 00:01:19,094 Conflict? Is that a threat? 5 00:01:19,095 --> 00:01:21,346 No, sir. It's more like a warning. 6 00:01:21,379 --> 00:01:25,584 This message was sent to us by a friendly alien race known as Antarians. 7 00:01:25,617 --> 00:01:26,735 They wanna help us. 8 00:01:26,736 --> 00:01:27,853 Do we need help? 9 00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:31,257 The Antarians aren't the only ones to have found us. 10 00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:33,593 Enemies are already on their way. 11 00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:35,695 Luckily, it's a great distance, 12 00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:38,797 and it will take many years before they can reach us. 13 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:41,834 The Antarians have offered us a gift, 14 00:01:41,867 --> 00:01:46,706 this unique suit of power that one person will wear as our champion. 15 00:01:46,739 --> 00:01:51,177 It will take many decades to transport that suit to us 16 00:01:51,209 --> 00:01:53,211 so we have selected a child 17 00:01:53,245 --> 00:01:57,716 gifted with both incredible intelligence and athletic prowess. 18 00:01:57,750 --> 00:02:00,552 He will spend his entire life training. 19 00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:05,191 We will push him to achieve perfection, and then improved perfection. 20 00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:09,395 And after perfection is achieved, we'll double the score. 21 00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:14,400 As he grows more mature, we'll test him in every way imaginable. 22 00:02:14,432 --> 00:02:18,905 We will prepare him for anything the universe can throw at him. 23 00:02:23,508 --> 00:02:24,743 Yah! 24 00:02:27,413 --> 00:02:28,915 Aahhh! 25 00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:34,253 One final question, what if this champion fails? 26 00:02:34,286 --> 00:02:37,757 Sir, are you familiar with the Greek hero Perseus? 27 00:02:37,789 --> 00:02:41,426 When Perseus was sent forth to defeat the Gorgon, 28 00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:44,597 he was armed with four gifts from the heavens: 29 00:02:44,629 --> 00:02:46,932 The helm of Hades... 30 00:02:47,932 --> 00:02:51,670 the winged boots of Hermes... 31 00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:55,808 the shield of Athena... 32 00:02:56,942 --> 00:02:59,278 and the sword of Zeus. 33 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,584 And with the power of these gifts combined, 34 00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:07,920 Perseus was victorious. 35 00:03:07,953 --> 00:03:11,790 Sir, our Perseus, our Champion of Earth, 36 00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:14,794 will not fail... 37 00:03:14,826 --> 00:03:18,330 because he will not know how to. 38 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,693 Perfect score, sir. 39 00:03:31,694 --> 00:03:33,846 Good. Training's over. 40 00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:39,585 Soon, the entire universe will know the full potential of the human race. 41 00:03:39,718 --> 00:03:43,722 LAZER TEAM Subrip: Pix 42 00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:48,695 Country music 43 00:04:04,543 --> 00:04:07,980 Hey there, Gloria. Going kind of fast. 44 00:04:08,013 --> 00:04:10,516 Don't make me run you in. 45 00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:15,388 God, I hate Friday nights. 46 00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:23,061 What a night here at Milford Stadium, where the Mustangs 47 00:04:23,095 --> 00:04:25,965 are up by 21 points with two minutes left on the clock. 48 00:04:28,701 --> 00:04:31,903 Ladies and gentlemen, with us tonight, former Milford MVP, Herman Mendoza. 49 00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,005 The Texas Tornado! 50 00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:34,073 Stand up, Herman. 51 00:04:34,105 --> 00:04:36,576 If he can stand. 52 00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:39,845 I know that guy. 53 00:04:39,846 --> 00:04:41,913 Remember, no open containers there, Herman. 54 00:04:41,947 --> 00:04:44,083 He doesn't need to be messing with the fire water, I can tell you that. 55 00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:46,618 Herman Mendoza has been known to puke a little bit. 56 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:50,622 Where's Mindy? Mindy! 57 00:04:52,124 --> 00:04:55,094 The cheerleaders are leading cheers, everything seems to be spelled correctly, 58 00:04:55,127 --> 00:04:57,463 the hot dog vendors are vending hot dogs, and I'll tell you one thing, 59 00:04:57,495 --> 00:05:00,765 the commentators are commentating. Wouldn't you agree, Wink? 60 00:05:00,798 --> 00:05:02,200 Yup. 61 00:05:02,201 --> 00:05:03,601 It feels right! 62 00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:04,769 Water? 63 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:05,904 Wrong team, asshole! 64 00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:07,256 Awesome. 65 00:05:07,257 --> 00:05:08,574 Move it! 66 00:05:08,607 --> 00:05:11,110 Of course, Milford's high score is due to their star quarterback 67 00:05:11,142 --> 00:05:13,845 and sixth-year senior, Zach Spencer. 68 00:05:13,879 --> 00:05:16,449 He's got a cannon for an arm, but he's struggled with accuracy. 69 00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:19,452 Just a bit off the mark. 70 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,120 Well, he's been known to gamble on big plays, 71 00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:24,123 as indicated by his signature "roll the dice" gesture. 72 00:05:24,156 --> 00:05:26,959 I don't think that's what that gesture's meant to convey. 73 00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:29,962 With one minute on the clock, Spencer fakes a hand-off, 74 00:05:29,995 --> 00:05:32,465 goes out on his own! There's the block! 75 00:05:32,497 --> 00:05:34,933 That's gotta hurt. Free and clear now. 76 00:05:34,966 --> 00:05:37,135 Touchdown Mustangs! That's gonna be the game. 77 00:05:37,168 --> 00:05:40,372 An amazing play by Zach Spencer, as he does his post-game stretching. 78 00:05:40,406 --> 00:05:42,442 Always important to keep those hips limber, Wink. 79 00:05:42,774 --> 00:05:45,977 - You've no idea what you're talking about, do you? - I do not, Wink, not at all. 80 00:06:03,661 --> 00:06:07,832 I've heard people say 81 00:06:07,865 --> 00:06:13,805 That we'll all find our place someday 82 00:06:13,838 --> 00:06:16,108 Hey! 83 00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,560 You're going the wrong way! 84 00:06:17,561 --> 00:06:18,978 Sorry, Sheriff. 85 00:06:19,011 --> 00:06:22,548 He ain't a Sheriff, Woody. He's a half-ass. 86 00:06:22,581 --> 00:06:25,484 Bye, Sheriff Half-ass! 87 00:06:25,516 --> 00:06:27,987 Yeah, it's nice to see you too, Herman. 88 00:06:29,855 --> 00:06:32,992 Goddamnit! 89 00:06:39,764 --> 00:06:40,932 That's funny, guys. 90 00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:42,100 Yeah! 91 00:06:44,101 --> 00:06:46,204 All right, I need to see some ID's now! 92 00:06:46,237 --> 00:06:50,209 Or what, you're gonna hit us with one of those light sabers? 93 00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:52,578 Hey, we're not the George you're looking for. 94 00:06:52,610 --> 00:06:54,179 Shut up, Franksen. 95 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,747 All right, that's it. 96 00:06:55,781 --> 00:06:57,382 Everybody out of the vehicle. 97 00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:58,983 Peace out, Boba Fett. 98 00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:01,219 - Damnit! - Live long and prosper, baby! 99 00:07:01,252 --> 00:07:04,088 It's not even the right movie, Moron! 100 00:07:04,122 --> 00:07:08,093 Base, this is Deputy Hagan in pursuit of a 4-81. I need back-up assistance at... 101 00:07:08,125 --> 00:07:12,597 No dice, Deputy Hagan. Sheriff wants you out at Ruby Lake for an extraction. 102 00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:14,766 For an extraction? 103 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,970 Base, what exactly am I extracting? 104 00:07:20,137 --> 00:07:22,640 All right. You jerkoffs couldn't beat me on the field, 105 00:07:22,673 --> 00:07:24,642 so you think you could beat me here? I get it. 106 00:07:24,675 --> 00:07:27,479 Hey, douchebag, this is our party, all right? 107 00:07:27,512 --> 00:07:29,514 Dude, I won the game. It's my party. 108 00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:32,518 - That's not how parties work, asshole. - They're all my party! 109 00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,019 That doesn't even make sense... 110 00:07:43,028 --> 00:07:47,033 Great. Drunk teenagers. This will be fun. 111 00:07:48,567 --> 00:07:50,836 Hey, guys, stripper's here! 112 00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:53,205 All right. Do you want Turner Bull? 113 00:07:53,237 --> 00:07:55,040 Okay, let's do it. Ready? 114 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,843 - Wait, take it again. - I think I blinked. 115 00:07:57,074 --> 00:07:59,545 Bye, Jules. 116 00:07:59,577 --> 00:08:02,280 My God! Dad, what are you doing at this party? 117 00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:05,885 I'm working, Mindy. What are you doing at this party? 118 00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,721 - Partying! - There are two people in the world... 119 00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:12,290 That should not see you with that beer in your hand, your father and a cop. 120 00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:14,826 And I'm both of them. 121 00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:17,295 Please tell me that is not Zach Spencer out there. 122 00:08:17,329 --> 00:08:22,935 Yeah, it's him. Go easy on him, Dad. He's kind of dumb. 123 00:08:22,968 --> 00:08:24,486 All right, fine. Thanks. 124 00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:26,004 Hey! 125 00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:28,807 Yo, kick his ass, kick his ass, kick his ass. 126 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:30,808 Knock-Knock! 127 00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:32,644 Dude, you need to get the hell out of here now! 128 00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:35,147 Dude, you need to get the hell out of here! How about that? 129 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,849 All right, lovebirds, break it up. 130 00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:40,686 - That's what I thought. Number one! - Come on, kid, let's go. 131 00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:41,954 I'm talking to you, kid! 132 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,188 Top of the world! 133 00:08:48,726 --> 00:08:51,196 All right, that's it. 134 00:08:51,229 --> 00:08:53,831 Undefeated, bitch! 135 00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:15,254 Yeah! 136 00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:16,755 One foot in front of the other. 137 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,223 I got it! I know the feet! 138 00:09:18,255 --> 00:09:20,358 Hey, see if Mindy needs a ride, too! 139 00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:22,728 Kid, you have the right to remain silent. 140 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,362 - You should do that. - Bah! 141 00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:26,331 It's not funny. Stop. 142 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:30,235 All right, I know we've all had a lot of fun tonight, 143 00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:33,772 but the show's over. It's time for you all to go home. 144 00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:36,741 There's nothing else to see here. 145 00:09:49,754 --> 00:09:53,926 You're lucky I'm not taking you in, kid. You should be arrested. 146 00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:57,695 Your face should be arrested! 'Cause your face is a whore! 147 00:09:59,965 --> 00:10:01,734 You should really buckle up back there. 148 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:04,103 I'd hate to have to give you a ticket for it. 149 00:10:04,135 --> 00:10:06,105 Wait, I know you. 150 00:10:06,138 --> 00:10:09,942 You're that guy that blew the Championship game like 800 years ago! 151 00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:12,945 What does everyone call you? Has-been half-back? 152 00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:15,947 No, it's Half-ass Hagan! 153 00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:18,850 Seriously, dude, that hurts! 154 00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,502 Wait, Hagan! Mindy's name... 155 00:10:20,503 --> 00:10:22,120 That's right. 156 00:10:22,153 --> 00:10:24,123 Mindy is my daughter. 157 00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:26,791 That's why you're trippin' on me. 158 00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:29,795 Look, dude, I get it. You don't like the idea of someone dating your daughter. 159 00:10:29,827 --> 00:10:33,298 You know, kid, I raised my daughter to be a strong, independent woman 160 00:10:33,331 --> 00:10:35,734 who's capable of making her own decisions. 161 00:10:35,767 --> 00:10:39,171 That being said, as her father, sometimes I disagree with those decisions. 162 00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:42,974 Look, don't worry about it. Mindy and I are just friends. 163 00:10:43,008 --> 00:10:44,910 I mean, I haven't even banged her yet. 164 00:10:44,942 --> 00:10:46,812 God! 165 00:10:46,845 --> 00:10:49,682 I should really get the breaks checked in this car. 166 00:11:24,916 --> 00:11:29,021 We're tracking an inbound UFO. Just entered the atmosphere. 167 00:11:29,053 --> 00:11:31,189 Excellent. 168 00:11:31,222 --> 00:11:34,325 Men, this is a moment in time that has been decades in the making. 169 00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:37,495 Tonight, our aliens friends will bestow upon us 170 00:11:37,528 --> 00:11:42,735 a gift that will give humanity its rightful place in the galaxy. 171 00:11:42,768 --> 00:11:45,738 Tonight, we get our champion... 172 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,813 Tonight, we will get our champion... 173 00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:03,455 Tonight, the Earth will get it's champ... 174 00:12:03,488 --> 00:12:07,760 Who in the hell authorized fireworks? 175 00:12:14,099 --> 00:12:17,302 What the... There's a burn ban out here for a reason. 176 00:12:17,335 --> 00:12:19,338 Hold on, kid. Gotta make a pit stop. 177 00:12:26,311 --> 00:12:27,696 Woo! 178 00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,081 Awesome. 179 00:12:29,114 --> 00:12:32,918 ...looks like it's time for another beer run, Woody. 180 00:12:32,951 --> 00:12:36,254 This is only my second. How many did you drink, Herman? 181 00:12:36,288 --> 00:12:39,423 Whatever 24 minus 2 is, man! You do the math! 182 00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:44,096 You ain't never gonna figure it out, dumbass. Light another one. 183 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,937 Yeah, all right. Here we go. Come on now. 184 00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,939 Ho-ho-ho! 185 00:12:53,971 --> 00:12:56,274 Darn tree! 186 00:12:56,307 --> 00:12:59,912 Woo! Yeah! 187 00:13:00,912 --> 00:13:03,447 Shit! 188 00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,085 Direct hit! Nice one, Woody! 189 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,586 That was nothing. 190 00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,372 Hey! 191 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:12,124 Well, well, look who it is. 192 00:13:12,157 --> 00:13:13,642 Woody, prep another one. 193 00:13:13,643 --> 00:13:15,127 Stay where you are, Woody. 194 00:13:15,159 --> 00:13:17,461 No, Woody, prep another one. 195 00:13:17,495 --> 00:13:21,299 Look, here, Officer, this here is private property. 196 00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:24,135 Yeah, you only get to say that when it's "your" private property, Herman. 197 00:13:24,168 --> 00:13:26,103 Besides, you're breaking the law! 198 00:13:26,136 --> 00:13:28,139 Since when is blowing shit up against the law? 199 00:13:28,173 --> 00:13:29,274 Since they invented laws! 200 00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,375 Yeah? 201 00:13:30,408 --> 00:13:33,144 What do they say about this? 202 00:13:33,177 --> 00:13:35,847 Add littering to my list of offenses. 203 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:40,052 Look, you either give me the fireworks or you can spend the night in a drunk tank! 204 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:41,353 That goes for you too, Woody. 205 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:42,620 I done that before. 206 00:13:42,653 --> 00:13:46,457 Someone threw a ball and I fell in a tub of water. 207 00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:49,461 No, that's a dunk tank, Woody. Drunk tank is jail. 208 00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:50,979 I don't wanna do that. 209 00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:52,464 You want the fireworks? 210 00:13:52,496 --> 00:13:56,033 Fine. I'll give you a firework. 211 00:13:58,937 --> 00:14:01,472 The Mama Gigante. 212 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,645 The courier vessel is arriving, sir. 213 00:14:07,678 --> 00:14:10,182 All right, this is it, everyone! 214 00:14:11,448 --> 00:14:15,653 High-pressure moment. What you gonna do, Hagan? 215 00:14:15,687 --> 00:14:17,055 Herman? 216 00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:18,423 Oooh... 217 00:14:18,456 --> 00:14:19,875 Herman. 218 00:14:19,876 --> 00:14:21,293 This gonna be a big one. 219 00:14:21,326 --> 00:14:23,178 Do not light that firework. 220 00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:25,029 Do it! Light that bastard! 221 00:14:25,062 --> 00:14:26,530 All right, one more word out of you and I'll... 222 00:14:26,563 --> 00:14:29,433 What, you're gonna double-arrest me?! 223 00:14:29,466 --> 00:14:32,403 Herman! 224 00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:34,173 ...Officer Hagan? 225 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:35,908 Not now, Woody! 226 00:14:35,941 --> 00:14:40,144 Herman! Do not light that... 227 00:14:40,177 --> 00:14:43,014 Too slow. Just like always. 228 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:46,384 That's it! Come... 229 00:14:46,418 --> 00:14:48,519 What is that? 230 00:14:48,552 --> 00:14:51,956 You think I'm gonna fall for... 231 00:14:57,696 --> 00:14:59,697 Shit! 232 00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:05,703 That is your fault! You did the one thing I told you not to do! 233 00:15:05,736 --> 00:15:09,040 I shot E.T.! I killed E.T.! 234 00:15:09,073 --> 00:15:10,875 I didn't mean to do it! 235 00:15:10,876 --> 00:15:12,677 Guys, guys, guys! Help! Help! 236 00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:16,481 Hagan, I promise I won't try to bang your daughter! Third base, tops! 237 00:15:32,764 --> 00:15:34,682 What in God's name was that? 238 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,600 What the hell was that? 239 00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:40,105 That was... Woody's fault. 240 00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:42,107 My bad. 241 00:15:53,317 --> 00:15:55,153 Is that it? 242 00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:58,456 No, it's another spaceship that fell out of the sky, dumbass! 243 00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:02,327 I'll check it out. You guys stay here. 244 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:09,468 Holy shit! This is awesome! 245 00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,004 All right. Just, everybody calm down. 246 00:16:12,037 --> 00:16:15,474 Calm down? We're gonna be rich! That's a UFO! 247 00:16:15,506 --> 00:16:17,775 A goddamn Unidentified Flying Object! 248 00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:19,778 It's not flying, Herman. 249 00:16:19,811 --> 00:16:22,647 It's an Unidentified laying on the ground Object. 250 00:16:22,679 --> 00:16:25,783 All right, this is serious. We need to... Hey, what are you doing? 251 00:16:25,817 --> 00:16:27,786 Dude, taking selfies! 252 00:16:27,818 --> 00:16:30,688 First people to shoot down a spaceship? That's like a thousand likes! 253 00:16:30,721 --> 00:16:33,158 It is not a spaceship! It's military! 254 00:16:33,191 --> 00:16:36,561 It probably came from the base. And we did not shoot it down. 255 00:16:36,594 --> 00:16:37,846 Woody shot it down. 256 00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:39,097 Sorry, all. 257 00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:40,331 I gotta be more careful. 258 00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,533 Yeah, you're on fire, genius. 259 00:16:41,566 --> 00:16:43,335 Darn fire! 260 00:16:43,368 --> 00:16:46,338 Nobody shot it down, okay? It crashed. 261 00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:49,040 And if you're smart, you'll stick to... 262 00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:56,515 That a body? Nasty. 263 00:16:56,548 --> 00:16:59,183 That is not a body. 264 00:16:59,216 --> 00:17:02,086 Looks like... armor. 265 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,190 Yeah, that is definitely military. Zach, leave it alone. 266 00:17:05,222 --> 00:17:08,726 Yeah, right. Finders keepers. I'm hawking all this shit. 267 00:17:10,228 --> 00:17:12,330 Except this one. 268 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,618 Daddy likes. 269 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:17,836 What else they got in there? 270 00:17:17,868 --> 00:17:20,371 No, hey! Come on, guys, could be dangerous. 271 00:17:20,404 --> 00:17:22,473 You think? That would be badass! 272 00:17:22,507 --> 00:17:24,509 ...come to Papa. 273 00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:26,211 There's a trigger in here, but it doesn't do anything. 274 00:17:26,243 --> 00:17:27,745 Don't do that! 275 00:17:27,778 --> 00:17:29,548 Yeah, this is definitely an upgrade. 276 00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:32,550 I hope you bad boys like toe fungus. 277 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:37,221 Woody! 278 00:17:37,255 --> 00:17:40,725 This is neat. They made me wear a helmet 279 00:17:40,758 --> 00:17:43,595 in elementary school, but I outgrew it. 280 00:17:45,762 --> 00:17:49,400 Come on, just put it back. 281 00:17:49,433 --> 00:17:52,104 It looks like your head's in a fishbowl. 282 00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:53,271 Not again! 283 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:54,405 All right, Woody, come on! 284 00:17:54,439 --> 00:17:56,575 Take that thing off for crying out loud! Put it back! 285 00:17:56,607 --> 00:17:58,576 - You too, Herman! - I ain't taking off shit. 286 00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:00,878 - Zach, what the... Give me that! - Dude! 287 00:18:00,912 --> 00:18:03,148 They're obviously supposed to go together! Find your own, man! 288 00:18:03,181 --> 00:18:05,484 Kid, I'm not trying to take it from you! 289 00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:07,486 I'm just trying to put it back! 290 00:18:11,455 --> 00:18:12,456 What you do? 291 00:18:12,457 --> 00:18:13,457 I didn't do anything! 292 00:18:13,490 --> 00:18:15,426 - I told you guys to put it back! - You turned it on! 293 00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:22,401 Mine's on too, man! 294 00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:27,572 Aahhh! 295 00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:29,524 Waahhh! 296 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:36,548 Aahhh! 297 00:18:37,648 --> 00:18:41,919 Man! Feels like my legs just gave birth! 298 00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,922 I didn't think it was that bad. 299 00:18:43,954 --> 00:18:49,461 Whoaaaaa! 300 00:18:49,493 --> 00:18:51,929 Aahhh! 301 00:18:51,962 --> 00:18:53,064 Oohhh! 302 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,165 Aahhh! 303 00:18:56,667 --> 00:19:00,505 God! I think it ate my brain! 304 00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:03,775 Greetings, O Champion. 305 00:19:03,807 --> 00:19:06,577 Dude, I told you it was aliens! 306 00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:09,314 Greetings to you, gross alien whose planet I don't know the name of. 307 00:19:09,346 --> 00:19:12,183 We are Earthlings from planet Earth. 308 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:14,953 - Woody, you're talking to a recording. - Right. 309 00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:18,857 Greetings, recording from the planet Record. 310 00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:24,729 The Antarian Federation bestows upon you this Suit of Power. 311 00:19:24,761 --> 00:19:26,164 Suit of Power? 312 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:27,566 A great battle awaits you. 313 00:19:27,598 --> 00:19:30,501 The fate of your world lies in your hands. 314 00:19:30,535 --> 00:19:33,971 Our enemy is powerful, but a true champion will prevail. 315 00:19:34,005 --> 00:19:35,974 That's gonna get him mad at you! 316 00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:39,778 Prepare yourself. And good luck, Champion of Earth. 317 00:19:39,810 --> 00:19:42,413 Conflict is coming. 318 00:19:46,384 --> 00:19:49,520 Conflict is coming? Well, then Herman is leaving. 319 00:19:49,554 --> 00:19:53,358 I ain't got no time for conflict. 320 00:19:53,391 --> 00:19:55,627 Hold on a second. 321 00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:58,296 My limp! It's gone! 322 00:19:58,328 --> 00:20:00,331 Check me out! My limp is gone! 323 00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:05,053 It's a Christmas miracle! 324 00:20:05,054 --> 00:20:06,538 Back in the game! 325 00:20:06,570 --> 00:20:08,406 What's the matter, Chubs, you stuck? 326 00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:10,241 Are you? 327 00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:13,912 Shit! My throwing arm! How do we get these things off? 328 00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:16,380 I'm never taking these off, baby. 329 00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:19,017 I think I... 330 00:20:19,049 --> 00:20:20,652 got it! 331 00:20:22,053 --> 00:20:24,222 My God! 332 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,391 Are you kidding me! 333 00:20:26,423 --> 00:20:28,993 Now that's a firework! 334 00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:30,028 My car! 335 00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,028 Guys... 336 00:20:31,061 --> 00:20:33,397 my helmet says "warning" and it's pointing up. 337 00:20:33,431 --> 00:20:36,034 You think it's trying to warn me about my brain? 338 00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:37,935 No! 339 00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:43,040 A shield! That's awesome! 340 00:20:43,074 --> 00:20:45,043 If you don't have a gun that shoots lasers! 341 00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:46,294 We gotta get this stuff off! 342 00:20:46,295 --> 00:20:47,511 Hell no! 343 00:20:47,545 --> 00:20:49,413 I'm freaking' never taking this off! I'm like Iron Man! 344 00:20:49,446 --> 00:20:51,015 Come on, man, hold on! 345 00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:55,386 Herman? 346 00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:57,239 Hey, you guys see that? 347 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,057 No, we didn't. 348 00:20:59,089 --> 00:21:01,458 Wee, I was running fast. 349 00:21:01,491 --> 00:21:03,595 - All right, we gotta get this off! - No, no! 350 00:21:03,627 --> 00:21:06,931 - I'm not taking shit off! - Guys, the helmet's talking to me again. 351 00:21:06,963 --> 00:21:10,668 It says there will be an immediate treat. 352 00:21:10,701 --> 00:21:12,371 Are we getting treats? 353 00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:29,820 Come on! Come on! All right, move it! 354 00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:34,925 Hands in the air! Do not move! 355 00:21:34,959 --> 00:21:36,861 Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 356 00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:38,863 Sir, they've donned the suit. How should we proceed? 357 00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:40,664 Damnit! Incapacitate them! 358 00:21:40,698 --> 00:21:42,267 No, don't do that! 359 00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:43,835 Why don't you incapacitate this! 360 00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:46,637 Zach! 361 00:21:46,671 --> 00:21:49,807 I'm a police officer! I was just in the process of... 362 00:21:51,776 --> 00:21:54,012 - Okay, that was an accident! - Take them down, now! 363 00:21:54,045 --> 00:21:57,682 Open fire! 364 00:21:57,714 --> 00:21:59,717 Gotta fix this! 365 00:22:19,703 --> 00:22:21,839 Did we take him out? 366 00:22:21,873 --> 00:22:25,143 No, I think he just fainted. 367 00:22:25,175 --> 00:22:26,660 Take him out again. 368 00:22:26,661 --> 00:22:28,145 Take him out again! 369 00:22:28,179 --> 00:22:30,749 Stop resisting! 370 00:22:30,781 --> 00:22:33,150 There's not gonna be any treats, is there? 371 00:22:33,183 --> 00:22:37,087 Woody! Come on, guys, he's half brain damaged already! 372 00:22:37,121 --> 00:22:40,792 Bag 'em up, men! 373 00:22:40,825 --> 00:22:42,761 The bag won't fit! 374 00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,696 Sir, he's unbaggable. 375 00:22:44,729 --> 00:22:46,214 Just get him in the truck. 376 00:22:46,215 --> 00:22:47,699 Get him in the truck. 377 00:22:47,731 --> 00:22:49,768 You know what, you're all under arrest! 378 00:22:53,837 --> 00:22:56,875 "UFO spotted in Milford"? 379 00:22:56,907 --> 00:22:59,076 Crazy. 380 00:23:03,448 --> 00:23:06,551 Zach? And Dad? 381 00:23:06,584 --> 00:23:09,086 My God. 382 00:23:15,226 --> 00:23:18,563 After multiple reports of a UFO sighting in Milford, Texas, 383 00:23:18,596 --> 00:23:20,899 a Twitter post showing several men, 384 00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:24,067 at what appears to be the crash site, has gone viral. 385 00:23:24,101 --> 00:23:26,571 Calling themselves "Lazer Team". 386 00:23:26,604 --> 00:23:29,774 Could this be first contact with an alien race? 387 00:23:29,807 --> 00:23:32,009 I'm sorry, I just don't believe in aliens. 388 00:23:32,042 --> 00:23:34,611 I've seen better alien technology at Comi-Con. 389 00:23:34,644 --> 00:23:37,147 You'd have to be crazy to think these guys are legit. 390 00:23:37,181 --> 00:23:39,918 You all thought I was crazy, but you're the ones in your little mind prisons. 391 00:23:39,951 --> 00:23:42,586 You know what? You know who's free? Lazer Team! 392 00:23:42,619 --> 00:23:45,723 Lazer Team, that's who! Yeah! Yeah! 393 00:23:53,263 --> 00:23:54,748 No. 394 00:23:54,749 --> 00:23:56,233 What a bunch of morons! 395 00:23:56,267 --> 00:23:58,603 They left me my laser gun! I could just blast us out of here! 396 00:23:58,635 --> 00:24:01,105 Then blow this whole place up! 397 00:24:01,137 --> 00:24:03,942 What the hell? Holy shit! 398 00:24:03,974 --> 00:24:05,292 I think they gave me amnesia! 399 00:24:05,293 --> 00:24:06,610 Anesthesia. 400 00:24:06,644 --> 00:24:10,248 Localized to disable our extremities. Blurp! 401 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:11,715 W-what did I just say? 402 00:24:11,716 --> 00:24:13,150 My arm's numb, too. 403 00:24:13,183 --> 00:24:15,252 Clearly, they have paralyzed the parts of our body... 404 00:24:15,286 --> 00:24:18,256 Shut up, dude! Y'all stupid. I'm out. 405 00:24:18,288 --> 00:24:22,125 Like your boots. Probably should've waited till I finished talking to do that. 406 00:24:22,159 --> 00:24:24,128 Why are we here? 407 00:24:24,129 --> 00:24:26,097 You're here to talk. 408 00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:28,132 At approximately 23:00 hours, 409 00:24:28,164 --> 00:24:31,034 you not only managed to crash an alien spacecraft, 410 00:24:31,067 --> 00:24:36,240 but you also commandeered a highly classified weapon system. How? 411 00:24:36,273 --> 00:24:37,274 Fifth Amendment, bitch. 412 00:24:37,275 --> 00:24:38,275 In addition 413 00:24:38,308 --> 00:24:40,811 we would like to exercise our right to an attorney 414 00:24:40,845 --> 00:24:43,280 and trial by a jury of our peers. Blurp! 415 00:24:43,314 --> 00:24:46,683 Yeah, man, we know our rights. My taxes pay your salary, buddy! 416 00:24:46,717 --> 00:24:49,821 Mr. Mendoza, you haven't paid taxes in 15 years. 417 00:24:49,854 --> 00:24:50,922 It's a figure of speech. 418 00:24:50,923 --> 00:24:51,990 This isn't a game. 419 00:24:52,022 --> 00:24:54,091 Who's this douchebag? 420 00:24:54,125 --> 00:24:57,662 This douchebag is the rightful wearer of that suit. 421 00:24:57,694 --> 00:25:00,664 I'm the Champion of Earth! 422 00:25:02,866 --> 00:25:04,903 You look like the champion of swim team. 423 00:25:04,935 --> 00:25:06,904 Where's your junk in that thing! 424 00:25:06,938 --> 00:25:10,275 It's cool, man. We're all champions, dude. The alien told us. 425 00:25:10,307 --> 00:25:11,625 What alien? 426 00:25:11,626 --> 00:25:12,943 The Antartican guy. 427 00:25:12,977 --> 00:25:16,681 From the planet Record... Antaria. Blurp! 428 00:25:16,713 --> 00:25:19,616 There was a hologram came out. 429 00:25:19,650 --> 00:25:23,221 It said that there's some kind of battle coming? 430 00:25:23,253 --> 00:25:26,023 In less than five days, an alien warrior will arrive 431 00:25:26,057 --> 00:25:30,193 to do battle with whoever is wearing this suit. To the death. 432 00:25:30,227 --> 00:25:32,196 Okay, the hologram left that part out! 433 00:25:32,229 --> 00:25:34,231 Gentlemen, this is not a game. 434 00:25:34,265 --> 00:25:36,868 This alien species, the Worg, they're called, 435 00:25:36,901 --> 00:25:40,572 they're on a crusade to eradicate any race they deem weak. 436 00:25:40,605 --> 00:25:43,074 Seventeen civilizations destroyed. 437 00:25:43,106 --> 00:25:46,310 And now they're demanding to do battle with the Earth Champion 438 00:25:46,344 --> 00:25:48,613 to determine the fate of our planet. 439 00:25:48,645 --> 00:25:52,215 Like the ancient Hebrew account of David versus Goliath. 440 00:25:52,249 --> 00:25:56,887 Yes. And as David needed his slingshot, we need our Suit of Power. 441 00:25:56,921 --> 00:25:59,222 All right, well then hop to it, take the pieces off of us, 442 00:25:59,256 --> 00:26:01,593 put them on Hitler Youth over here, and let us bounce! 443 00:26:01,625 --> 00:26:05,229 They can't take the pieces off. If they could... 444 00:26:05,261 --> 00:26:07,365 they would've done it while we were knocked out. 445 00:26:07,397 --> 00:26:10,267 The suit has a protection mechanism built into it. 446 00:26:10,300 --> 00:26:14,838 It genetically locks onto whoever puts it on and activates it. 447 00:26:14,872 --> 00:26:18,009 I assure nobody is happy about this situation. 448 00:26:18,041 --> 00:26:20,778 But the fate of the Earth hangs in the balance. 449 00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:23,347 You do want to save the planet, don't you? 450 00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:28,752 This planet? A little bit. 451 00:26:28,786 --> 00:26:32,190 There's a lot of jackasses. 452 00:26:32,222 --> 00:26:34,959 - What? - Sir, you told me to let you know... 453 00:26:34,991 --> 00:26:37,628 If any of the media outlets reported on the incident. 454 00:26:37,662 --> 00:26:39,963 Who picked it up, local news or national? 455 00:26:39,997 --> 00:26:42,967 Both, sir. But it's worse than we thought. 456 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:44,668 It's on Facebook. 457 00:26:44,669 --> 00:26:46,336 Are you kidding me? 458 00:26:46,369 --> 00:26:48,673 My mom shared it. 459 00:26:48,705 --> 00:26:51,875 You posted a threat to national security on Facebook? 460 00:26:51,909 --> 00:26:53,778 Nobody told me not to do that. 461 00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:55,647 I told him not to do that. 462 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:56,965 What's the Lazer Team? 463 00:26:56,966 --> 00:26:58,249 Dude, that's us! 464 00:26:58,281 --> 00:27:00,250 That's what I named us when we got our badass alien gadgets. 465 00:27:00,284 --> 00:27:02,687 - You spelled "laser" wrong. - How would you know, water boy? 466 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:03,922 Delete it. 467 00:27:03,923 --> 00:27:05,123 Okay, that has 1200 likes. 468 00:27:05,155 --> 00:27:07,658 No way. The last time I had a photo with over a thousand likes 469 00:27:07,692 --> 00:27:12,029 was when I accidentally posted a picture of my penis in a hot dog bun. 470 00:27:12,063 --> 00:27:14,932 Delete it or I'll delete you. 471 00:27:14,964 --> 00:27:17,268 ...you better do what he say. 472 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:18,369 All right. 473 00:27:20,304 --> 00:27:22,940 Congratulations, gentlemen. 474 00:27:22,972 --> 00:27:26,109 You're now officially part of Project Perseus. 475 00:27:26,143 --> 00:27:27,611 Training begins at 05:00. 476 00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:29,079 Training? 477 00:27:29,113 --> 00:27:33,785 And do me one favor, try not to get us all killed. 478 00:27:33,817 --> 00:27:36,320 - You guys are trending, by the way. - What? Nice. 479 00:27:36,721 --> 00:27:40,024 Can I friend you? If that's a... no. 480 00:27:40,057 --> 00:27:42,393 I'll be on the other side of the window 481 00:27:42,425 --> 00:27:44,428 if you need me. 482 00:28:05,382 --> 00:28:09,320 You expect me to train these idiots that literally stole my birthright from me? 483 00:28:09,353 --> 00:28:11,322 I've worked my entire life for this. 484 00:28:11,355 --> 00:28:13,924 That is exactly why they need your help. 485 00:28:13,958 --> 00:28:16,160 You're the only one experienced enough with this equipment 486 00:28:16,192 --> 00:28:18,328 to teach them how to use it in time. 487 00:28:18,362 --> 00:28:23,000 Four days? I've trained every day for decades. 488 00:28:23,032 --> 00:28:27,003 Adam, is this about the planet or you? 489 00:28:27,037 --> 00:28:30,208 Without me, there is no planet! 490 00:28:37,882 --> 00:28:40,351 When Perseus was sent forth to defeat the Gorgon, 491 00:28:40,384 --> 00:28:43,287 he was armed with four gifts from the heavens: 492 00:28:43,319 --> 00:28:45,856 A sword, boots... 493 00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:48,025 a helmet and a shield. 494 00:28:48,057 --> 00:28:51,028 With these gifts he was victorious. 495 00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:53,865 You'll now begin your formal training to utilize your... 496 00:28:55,065 --> 00:28:57,033 gifts. 497 00:28:57,034 --> 00:28:59,403 You only have four days until the Worg Champion arrives 498 00:28:59,435 --> 00:29:02,874 to kill you and destroy our planet. 499 00:29:02,906 --> 00:29:04,509 We start now. 500 00:29:04,541 --> 00:29:08,879 Pardon me, old chap. I have a question, if I may. 501 00:29:10,314 --> 00:29:11,682 It can wait. Fair play. 502 00:29:11,683 --> 00:29:13,050 I got a question. 503 00:29:13,083 --> 00:29:15,219 Why the hell does he sound British now? 504 00:29:15,251 --> 00:29:18,221 Woody's helmet is making him more intelligent over time. 505 00:29:18,255 --> 00:29:20,391 Yeah, Woody's a stupid person, 506 00:29:20,423 --> 00:29:22,393 and that's what stupid people think smart people sound like. 507 00:29:22,425 --> 00:29:24,928 So, basically, it's just dumb Woody's version of smart Woody. 508 00:29:24,961 --> 00:29:26,013 What? That's idiotic! 509 00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:27,064 Precisely. 510 00:29:27,096 --> 00:29:28,499 Nah, that makes sense, man. 511 00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:29,901 How's that make sense! 512 00:29:29,933 --> 00:29:31,568 Hey, whassup, girl? My name's Herman. 513 00:29:31,602 --> 00:29:32,771 That's enough! 514 00:29:34,238 --> 00:29:35,940 Let's get started. 515 00:29:39,009 --> 00:29:40,144 Anthony Hagan, test number one. 516 00:29:40,176 --> 00:29:43,246 The Repulsor Defensive Gauntlet produces an energy shield 517 00:29:43,279 --> 00:29:45,549 impenetrable by any manmade weapon. 518 00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:48,319 Your first test is to stop the incoming projectiles. 519 00:29:48,352 --> 00:29:51,255 Yeah, I just have a quick question before we begin. How exactly... 520 00:29:51,288 --> 00:29:53,257 Oohhh! 521 00:29:53,289 --> 00:29:58,095 Yeah! Yeah! Best test ever! Run it back! Run it back! 522 00:29:58,127 --> 00:30:00,263 Man, I freakin' love science. 523 00:30:00,297 --> 00:30:02,967 Next! 524 00:30:05,001 --> 00:30:08,438 Test number 17. Use the Particle Acceleration Gauntlet 525 00:30:08,471 --> 00:30:10,441 to destroy the targets by firing 526 00:30:10,473 --> 00:30:12,943 concussive blasts of plasma at varying intensities. 527 00:30:12,977 --> 00:30:15,446 - Let's go with the lower power. - Low? Get the hell outta here! 528 00:30:15,479 --> 00:30:18,048 I know what I'm doing. Let's crank this baby up to a hund... 529 00:30:21,317 --> 00:30:23,320 Next! 530 00:30:24,622 --> 00:30:26,591 Test number 43. 531 00:30:26,624 --> 00:30:29,326 Use the Positronic Helmet to locate the targets. 532 00:30:29,359 --> 00:30:33,296 The visor is specifically equipped with zoom, targeting, 533 00:30:33,329 --> 00:30:35,398 and other visual enhancements. 534 00:30:35,432 --> 00:30:37,300 My God! Guys! 535 00:30:37,334 --> 00:30:39,437 What the hell is your problem? 536 00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:41,972 Looks like a malfunction with the helmet. I got a tool for this. 537 00:30:42,006 --> 00:30:43,975 - Turn it off! No! - Keep your head still. 538 00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:45,159 I wish I was dead! 539 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:46,309 Next. 540 00:30:46,343 --> 00:30:48,346 It's so close! 541 00:30:49,646 --> 00:30:53,149 Test number 124. Use the Quantum Boots 542 00:30:53,182 --> 00:30:56,119 and jump over all of the hurdles before the buzzer sounds. 543 00:30:56,153 --> 00:30:58,288 Excuse me, you can't smoke on this course. 544 00:30:58,321 --> 00:31:00,323 Word? Watch me. 545 00:31:00,356 --> 00:31:03,160 Wait, wait, wait, wait! 546 00:31:03,192 --> 00:31:06,329 Dude, you were supposed to jump over the hurdles. 547 00:31:06,363 --> 00:31:09,634 Put him on a special diet. No smoking, no drinking. 548 00:31:09,666 --> 00:31:12,235 Just kill me now. 549 00:31:12,269 --> 00:31:15,105 Next! 550 00:31:15,138 --> 00:31:19,509 Next. 551 00:31:19,542 --> 00:31:23,413 Next. Next. Next. 552 00:31:23,446 --> 00:31:25,883 Next. Next! 553 00:31:27,050 --> 00:31:30,354 - Sleep tight, Lazy Team. - See you tomorrow. 554 00:31:30,386 --> 00:31:33,223 Four hours! 555 00:31:34,223 --> 00:31:36,359 That was awful. 556 00:31:36,393 --> 00:31:39,297 I haven't run that fast since Half-ass Hagan ruined my life. 557 00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:43,200 Yes, this level of rigorous training can be difficult. 558 00:31:43,232 --> 00:31:47,003 Woody, you didn't do anything! All you did was see some naked people! 559 00:31:47,037 --> 00:31:49,673 I also had to perform an enormous amount of calculations. 560 00:31:49,707 --> 00:31:51,676 Well, that sounds brutal. 561 00:31:51,709 --> 00:31:53,644 I thought it was pretty impressive. 562 00:31:53,676 --> 00:31:55,111 No, this is impressive. 563 00:31:55,112 --> 00:31:56,546 Where'd you get that? 564 00:31:56,579 --> 00:31:59,549 Where do people get anything? I stole it. I think I'll give Mindy a call. 565 00:31:59,583 --> 00:32:00,935 God. Please don't do that. 566 00:32:00,936 --> 00:32:02,286 Watch this. 567 00:32:02,318 --> 00:32:04,721 You ever wanna see how bad a girl wants you, just see how long she says "Hey". 568 00:32:04,755 --> 00:32:06,224 Hey? 569 00:32:06,225 --> 00:32:07,692 Yeah. Hey's like "what's up?" 570 00:32:07,724 --> 00:32:10,727 But "Heeey!" means I like you. Anything more than that 571 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:14,598 and you know she wants to see your penis in a hot dog bun. 572 00:32:16,432 --> 00:32:18,402 - Zach? - Hey, Mindy. 573 00:32:18,434 --> 00:32:23,540 Heeeeeeeeeeey! 574 00:32:23,574 --> 00:32:25,743 Wait, is that blood on your shirt? Are you okay? 575 00:32:25,776 --> 00:32:29,013 Yeah. Long day. I met some aliens and got a laser gun, 576 00:32:29,046 --> 00:32:33,049 then the military picked us up, and now they're training us to save the world and stuff. 577 00:32:33,083 --> 00:32:35,336 All I did today was eat FroYo. 578 00:32:35,337 --> 00:32:37,588 That's awesome! I love FroYo! 579 00:32:37,621 --> 00:32:40,257 After I kick the crap out of these aliens that are trying to destroy the planet, 580 00:32:40,289 --> 00:32:42,192 I'm totally getting some FroYo. 581 00:32:42,226 --> 00:32:43,494 That's it? 582 00:32:43,495 --> 00:32:44,762 FroYo is tasty. 583 00:32:44,795 --> 00:32:47,264 Hey, is my dad there? Is he okay? 584 00:32:47,297 --> 00:32:50,334 Yeah. But his piece of the armor kinda sucks, 585 00:32:50,366 --> 00:32:52,702 so I'm not sure if he's gonna make the final Lazer Team. 586 00:32:52,736 --> 00:32:56,273 Look, Zach, my dad may not be very strong, 587 00:32:56,306 --> 00:33:01,312 or brave, or smart, but he is really good at... 588 00:33:07,384 --> 00:33:09,753 I love you too, sweetie. 589 00:33:09,787 --> 00:33:12,123 This is just like camping, guys. 590 00:33:12,155 --> 00:33:14,557 No one ever invites me camping. I know I was ordered to be here... 591 00:33:14,590 --> 00:33:15,942 Franksen, shut up! 592 00:33:15,943 --> 00:33:17,293 I'm just saying. 593 00:33:17,326 --> 00:33:21,332 Hey, Mur. Why they got us out here all night guarding this damn wreck ship? 594 00:33:21,365 --> 00:33:25,236 Top secret stuff, refry. They need their best on it. 595 00:33:25,269 --> 00:33:27,270 Oohhhh... 596 00:33:28,672 --> 00:33:31,342 Besides, beats patrol duty. 597 00:33:33,343 --> 00:33:35,680 What the hell was that? 598 00:33:37,681 --> 00:33:40,651 Let's go have a looksee, dickholes. 599 00:33:40,683 --> 00:33:42,653 Franksen, stay! 600 00:33:42,685 --> 00:33:44,170 You guys sure you don't need... 601 00:33:44,171 --> 00:33:45,655 Stay, Frank. 602 00:33:45,689 --> 00:33:51,062 Okay. Careful, guys. There's possums and... stuff. 603 00:34:03,707 --> 00:34:08,679 I'll be damned. More alien stuff. I'll radio it in. 604 00:34:08,711 --> 00:34:11,681 Or... maybe we take a look first. 605 00:34:11,715 --> 00:34:16,586 See if this one's got any of them fancy gadgets those morons got. 606 00:34:23,860 --> 00:34:26,129 ...baby. 607 00:34:30,434 --> 00:34:32,403 Careful, Mur! 608 00:34:50,786 --> 00:34:53,223 What's that? 609 00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:55,259 Mur, what is that? 610 00:34:58,494 --> 00:35:01,431 Mur, what is that? Get it off! 611 00:35:01,465 --> 00:35:03,601 Get it off me! 612 00:35:03,634 --> 00:35:06,836 Aahhh! Aahhh! 613 00:35:06,869 --> 00:35:09,539 Aahhh! 614 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:13,443 Guys? 615 00:35:14,777 --> 00:35:16,780 Hey, guys! 616 00:35:18,282 --> 00:35:20,451 You guys okay? 617 00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:24,422 Geez. I thought something bad... 618 00:35:41,271 --> 00:35:42,323 Adam? 619 00:35:42,324 --> 00:35:43,374 No. 620 00:35:43,407 --> 00:35:44,825 Adam! 621 00:35:44,826 --> 00:35:46,242 I'm done! I'm not doing it. 622 00:35:46,275 --> 00:35:48,778 Will you just listen? 623 00:35:50,914 --> 00:35:53,884 We can cut the pieces off. 624 00:35:53,916 --> 00:35:55,401 No. Jenkins was wrong... 625 00:35:55,402 --> 00:35:56,886 How can you say he's wrong? 626 00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,172 He said we could do it! 627 00:35:58,173 --> 00:35:59,423 We do that, we have nothing! 628 00:35:59,456 --> 00:36:01,592 The suit is meant to work as a unit. 629 00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:03,594 We separate the pieces, they're not as powerful. 630 00:36:03,626 --> 00:36:05,762 You can forget about using the dark matter ray, 631 00:36:05,795 --> 00:36:08,598 or any of the other higher suit functions. 632 00:36:08,632 --> 00:36:10,033 They won't make it. 633 00:36:10,034 --> 00:36:11,434 Make them make it! 634 00:36:11,467 --> 00:36:13,503 That's your job. 635 00:36:13,536 --> 00:36:15,972 My job is to be Champion of Earth. 636 00:36:16,005 --> 00:36:18,808 That job was taken by the four men sitting down in the brig! 637 00:36:20,476 --> 00:36:22,646 Get used to it. 638 00:36:25,315 --> 00:36:27,851 They'll fail... 639 00:36:27,884 --> 00:36:30,788 and then we'll have to cut those pieces off. 640 00:36:30,820 --> 00:36:32,523 I guarantee it. 641 00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:48,771 They'll fail, and then we'll have to cut those pieces off. 642 00:36:48,804 --> 00:36:50,674 Thanks. 643 00:36:54,677 --> 00:36:59,717 Everybody's sound asleep? The Lazer Team angels? 644 00:36:59,750 --> 00:37:01,134 They look precious. 645 00:37:01,135 --> 00:37:02,518 What's that then? 646 00:37:02,552 --> 00:37:05,322 Your new uniforms. 647 00:37:05,355 --> 00:37:09,827 Specially formulated by the U.S. Military with advanced microfibers. 648 00:37:09,860 --> 00:37:12,496 And they are not anti-flammable. 649 00:37:12,528 --> 00:37:14,097 So they are flammable. 650 00:37:14,098 --> 00:37:15,666 They will not retard flames. 651 00:37:15,699 --> 00:37:18,501 Most clothing's flammable. It's like, why even mention that? 652 00:37:18,534 --> 00:37:20,971 File this under "most clothing" then, because these will burn. 653 00:37:21,003 --> 00:37:23,007 Are you expecting us to catch on fire? 654 00:37:23,039 --> 00:37:25,543 I should go. 655 00:37:26,876 --> 00:37:28,796 What are you looking at? 656 00:37:28,797 --> 00:37:30,715 I said, open the door! 657 00:37:49,032 --> 00:37:51,367 All right. For today's test, 658 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:54,871 you will learn a higher suit function known as the Dark Matter Ray. 659 00:37:54,905 --> 00:37:59,376 Accessible only when the suit is used... 660 00:37:59,409 --> 00:38:01,912 in unison. What-what's the problem? 661 00:38:01,945 --> 00:38:03,380 This thing's riding up my gooch! 662 00:38:03,381 --> 00:38:04,815 Half this suit's inside me! 663 00:38:04,847 --> 00:38:06,916 I feel like I'm wearing a baby's onesie! 664 00:38:06,949 --> 00:38:10,086 Deal with it. Aren't you guys supposed to be some kind of superhero thing? 665 00:38:10,119 --> 00:38:11,354 Laser Squad? 666 00:38:11,355 --> 00:38:12,588 It's Lazer Team! 667 00:38:12,621 --> 00:38:14,006 Why the hell are we Lazer Team? 668 00:38:14,007 --> 00:38:15,391 Because I have a laser! 669 00:38:15,425 --> 00:38:16,660 But the rest of us don't. 670 00:38:16,661 --> 00:38:17,894 Right, you're the team part. 671 00:38:17,927 --> 00:38:19,479 Screw that! Boot Group! 672 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:21,030 "Helmet Boy and Friends"? 673 00:38:21,063 --> 00:38:24,434 I think we should be "The Marvelous Shield". Now hear me out on this... 674 00:38:24,467 --> 00:38:26,803 - God, that's lame. - You come up with something better! 675 00:38:26,836 --> 00:38:28,822 I did, "Lazer Team"! 676 00:38:28,823 --> 00:38:30,807 Nobody cares about your stupid name! 677 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:32,809 Can we focus on what we're here for? 678 00:38:32,842 --> 00:38:35,045 Which is to save the planet. 679 00:38:35,077 --> 00:38:37,980 Now, the most important thing to keep in mind is 680 00:38:38,014 --> 00:38:41,585 when that first wave comes out... 681 00:38:41,617 --> 00:38:44,922 Zachary, do not react. I'm talking to you telepathically. 682 00:38:44,954 --> 00:38:47,023 Are you really? That's badass! 683 00:38:47,056 --> 00:38:49,659 Shut up and listen! 684 00:38:49,693 --> 00:38:51,862 Now, during the first wave... 685 00:38:51,894 --> 00:38:54,498 Don't panic. I'm talking to all of you right now. 686 00:38:54,530 --> 00:38:57,134 This is weird. 687 00:38:57,166 --> 00:39:01,804 My helmet's abilities are growing as they adjust to me, but this is all new. 688 00:39:01,838 --> 00:39:04,675 I've made this place so we can talk mentally. 689 00:39:04,708 --> 00:39:08,144 I'm not sure how long I can do it, but I need to tell you guys something, 690 00:39:08,177 --> 00:39:10,079 so everyone concentrate. 691 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,981 Yeah, everybody concentrate. 692 00:39:12,014 --> 00:39:14,551 Nobody think about anything weird. 693 00:39:15,085 --> 00:39:17,088 Are you thinking about... you know. 694 00:39:17,621 --> 00:39:19,456 - No. - Yeah, you are! 695 00:39:19,489 --> 00:39:21,458 We can see you thinking about it! 696 00:39:21,490 --> 00:39:23,092 Now you are too! 697 00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:24,461 You made me think it! 698 00:39:24,462 --> 00:39:25,796 I can't stop it, either. 699 00:39:25,829 --> 00:39:27,865 Guys, I overheard a conversation. 700 00:39:27,898 --> 00:39:29,800 Adam wants to sabotage us. 701 00:39:29,833 --> 00:39:31,135 He wants the pieces for himself. 702 00:39:31,168 --> 00:39:33,137 If we don't pass the tests today, 703 00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:35,773 they're gonna cut the pieces off. Just pay attention! 704 00:39:35,806 --> 00:39:37,875 I'll stop thinking about it! 705 00:39:37,907 --> 00:39:40,110 Just let me come up with something else. I got it. 706 00:39:40,143 --> 00:39:41,545 You gotta be... 707 00:39:41,546 --> 00:39:42,947 Hi, Daddy. 708 00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:45,983 ...which is why the Dark Matter Ray may be 709 00:39:46,016 --> 00:39:48,485 the only thing strong enough to defeat the Worg. 710 00:39:48,518 --> 00:39:50,487 Let's try it. Just remember what I said 711 00:39:50,519 --> 00:39:52,989 and you should be fine. Ready? 712 00:39:55,025 --> 00:39:56,460 Begin. 713 00:39:56,461 --> 00:39:57,894 Come here, you son of a bitch! 714 00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:05,501 Throw them back in their cells. 715 00:40:05,534 --> 00:40:09,005 Yo, man! Why you doing me like this? 716 00:40:09,039 --> 00:40:11,175 Why you guys got me like this? 717 00:40:14,210 --> 00:40:16,446 Well, that can't have helped our chances. 718 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,548 Don't worry, we'll be fine! 719 00:40:18,581 --> 00:40:21,150 Fine? According to Woody, we are literally on the chopping block. 720 00:40:21,184 --> 00:40:24,488 I wouldn't be surprised if somebody came in here any minute now and took us away. 721 00:40:24,521 --> 00:40:27,691 You're being ridiculous. They need us! There's no way... 722 00:40:27,724 --> 00:40:31,695 Hey, are you guys... the Champion of Earth? 723 00:40:31,728 --> 00:40:34,530 Yeah. 724 00:40:34,563 --> 00:40:36,567 We're as close as you're gonna get. 725 00:40:36,599 --> 00:40:39,869 Okay, well... It's time for your... 726 00:40:39,902 --> 00:40:42,805 Jesus. 727 00:40:42,838 --> 00:40:45,074 Your physical. 728 00:40:47,911 --> 00:40:49,980 You were saying? 729 00:40:51,914 --> 00:40:54,050 Dr. Flannigan to the O.R., please. 730 00:40:54,083 --> 00:40:56,586 Dr. Flannigan to the O.R. 731 00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:05,795 All right. Patient number one, step right through here. 732 00:41:05,829 --> 00:41:07,698 Don't worry, Woody. You'll be okay. 733 00:41:07,731 --> 00:41:09,567 Patient number two, right there. 734 00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:14,905 Patients number three and four, right this way, please. 735 00:41:14,938 --> 00:41:16,339 In here? 736 00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:17,740 We're together? 737 00:41:20,777 --> 00:41:23,112 I ain't going in there. 738 00:41:33,188 --> 00:41:36,025 Hey, man! Hey! 739 00:41:36,559 --> 00:41:39,695 Hey, man, you a good doctor or you one of them crazy doctors? 740 00:41:39,728 --> 00:41:42,698 You a bad doctor. 741 00:41:42,731 --> 00:41:44,701 We were told this was just a physical. 742 00:41:44,733 --> 00:41:46,702 We don't actually need these restraints, do we? 743 00:41:46,735 --> 00:41:48,873 It's for your own safety. 744 00:41:50,739 --> 00:41:53,042 Well, that didn't make me feel very safe. 745 00:41:53,909 --> 00:41:57,079 Hagan! I gotta tell you something. 746 00:41:57,112 --> 00:42:00,583 I just want you to know I've always hated you! 747 00:42:00,617 --> 00:42:02,219 I've always hated you the most! 748 00:42:02,251 --> 00:42:03,569 Not now, Herman! 749 00:42:03,570 --> 00:42:04,887 This all your fault! 750 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,890 If you would've just leave me and Woody alone, none of this would've ever happened! 751 00:42:07,923 --> 00:42:10,860 But no, you had to take my ass on a space adventure! 752 00:42:10,893 --> 00:42:13,696 Now they gonna cut my legs off! I'll be two feet shorter. 753 00:42:13,730 --> 00:42:16,099 You, sir, are a bitch! 754 00:42:16,132 --> 00:42:19,670 Herman, you just need... 755 00:42:19,702 --> 00:42:22,072 to shut the hell up! 756 00:42:24,641 --> 00:42:26,076 Sorry. 757 00:42:26,108 --> 00:42:28,110 I saw the whole thing. That was self-defense. 758 00:42:28,143 --> 00:42:30,279 I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but good job, Hagan! 759 00:42:30,313 --> 00:42:34,617 Come on, get me now! Get me! 760 00:42:34,650 --> 00:42:36,353 - Hold still. - No, you don't need that! 761 00:42:36,385 --> 00:42:38,355 - Just unbuckle me! - No, there's no time. 762 00:42:38,387 --> 00:42:40,356 There was time to unbuckle...! 763 00:42:40,389 --> 00:42:44,327 Aahhh! 764 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,130 I think I need a new gown. 765 00:42:48,164 --> 00:42:52,102 Nah, you're fine. Here. Get dressed. Let's go find Woody. 766 00:42:52,135 --> 00:42:54,104 And the kid! 767 00:42:54,137 --> 00:42:56,640 Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. 768 00:42:56,672 --> 00:43:00,810 Okay, so we get a cab, take her back to the trailer park, all right? 769 00:43:00,844 --> 00:43:04,114 One thing leads to another, we end up on my water bed making out. 770 00:43:04,146 --> 00:43:07,650 Pretty great. Take her top off, wouldn't you believe it, 771 00:43:07,684 --> 00:43:11,121 she had a tattoo of Adolf Hitler on her left boob, 772 00:43:11,153 --> 00:43:14,157 and another one of Joseph Stalin on her right. 773 00:43:14,190 --> 00:43:16,193 Dr. Marquee to the Psychiatric Ward. 774 00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:19,195 Dr. Marquee to the Psychiatric Ward. 775 00:43:19,228 --> 00:43:22,665 Aahhh! 776 00:43:22,699 --> 00:43:24,334 Hey, hey, hey! 777 00:43:24,335 --> 00:43:25,969 Get your pants on! 778 00:43:26,001 --> 00:43:27,938 Hey, kid, you free? 779 00:43:27,971 --> 00:43:31,141 Yeah. I used the laser gun to get my cuffs off. 780 00:43:31,173 --> 00:43:33,309 Where's your orderly? 781 00:43:33,342 --> 00:43:36,846 Yeah, he went away someplace. 782 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:38,365 What's that dust? 783 00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:39,849 Nobody. 784 00:43:39,882 --> 00:43:42,318 I mean... nothing. 785 00:43:46,021 --> 00:43:47,223 This is never gonna work. 786 00:43:47,224 --> 00:43:48,424 Slow down, y'all! 787 00:43:48,458 --> 00:43:49,592 Push with two hands! 788 00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:50,726 I only have one hand! 789 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:54,264 - I only have one hand, too! - Your other hand's inside that freakin' hand! 790 00:43:56,266 --> 00:43:59,068 What is this? 791 00:43:59,101 --> 00:44:01,003 This is one of the spacesuit guys. Yeah, he just keeled over and died. 792 00:44:01,036 --> 00:44:03,839 The really fat gross one just shit himself and then just collapsed. 793 00:44:03,873 --> 00:44:05,842 Yeah, I would've been embarrassed to die that way, 794 00:44:05,875 --> 00:44:07,844 - just fat and covered in your own crap. - Absolutely. 795 00:44:07,876 --> 00:44:10,279 It's disgusting. You can take a look if you want to, 796 00:44:10,313 --> 00:44:12,315 as long as you don't mind lots of shit and grossness on a big fat body. 797 00:44:12,347 --> 00:44:13,582 We'll pass. Move along. 798 00:44:13,583 --> 00:44:14,817 You sure? 799 00:44:14,851 --> 00:44:16,470 You can dive in there. 800 00:44:16,471 --> 00:44:18,088 Move along! Get out! 801 00:44:18,121 --> 00:44:19,423 Thanks, fellas. Good work. 802 00:44:19,424 --> 00:44:20,724 God bless America. 803 00:44:20,757 --> 00:44:22,726 What has happened to Boot Group, man? 804 00:44:22,759 --> 00:44:24,427 Shut up! 805 00:44:30,432 --> 00:44:34,403 Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit. 806 00:44:34,436 --> 00:44:37,740 Aahhh! Aahhh... 807 00:44:37,773 --> 00:44:39,710 Woody, get up! We need... 808 00:44:39,742 --> 00:44:42,378 My God! They took his head! 809 00:44:42,411 --> 00:44:44,480 Hey, guys. 810 00:44:44,514 --> 00:44:46,717 Aahhh! 811 00:44:47,817 --> 00:44:50,920 Kill it! Kill it! My God, they took my arm! 812 00:44:50,954 --> 00:44:53,056 How am I just noticing this! 813 00:44:53,088 --> 00:44:54,557 Aahhh! 814 00:44:54,558 --> 00:44:56,025 Why? Why? 815 00:44:56,059 --> 00:44:58,062 Aahhh! 816 00:44:58,260 --> 00:45:01,063 Guys, relax, it's fine. 817 00:45:01,097 --> 00:45:04,267 Seems Stealth Mode isn't entirely effective when fractured. 818 00:45:04,300 --> 00:45:05,852 Is anyone hurt? 819 00:45:05,853 --> 00:45:07,403 I'm fine. 820 00:45:07,436 --> 00:45:09,739 I'm a hundred percent. 821 00:45:09,740 --> 00:45:12,041 Yeah, I'm good. 822 00:45:12,074 --> 00:45:15,244 Hey, thanks. I'm good, too. 823 00:45:15,277 --> 00:45:17,279 All right, guys, hurry up. 824 00:45:17,313 --> 00:45:19,916 They're gonna figure out we're gone any... second. 825 00:45:19,949 --> 00:45:22,251 - Now what! - Don't worry, I know the way. 826 00:45:24,119 --> 00:45:27,056 Okay, this should be the quickest way out! 827 00:45:27,090 --> 00:45:29,192 Bollocks! 828 00:45:29,224 --> 00:45:32,061 Woody, can you put a computer hack on the mainframe? 829 00:45:32,094 --> 00:45:34,130 Screw that! I'll just blast it at full power. 830 00:45:45,108 --> 00:45:49,211 Great job, kid. You hit everything but the goddamn door. 831 00:45:49,244 --> 00:45:51,213 What the hell's this door made of? 832 00:45:53,849 --> 00:45:55,018 Where you going? 833 00:45:57,019 --> 00:45:58,070 Give me my suit. 834 00:45:58,071 --> 00:45:59,121 You can have the suit! 835 00:45:59,155 --> 00:46:01,825 Ain't nobody wants your suit! Boots, do something! 836 00:46:03,159 --> 00:46:05,195 All right... 837 00:46:05,228 --> 00:46:07,831 You're just wasting time! 838 00:46:07,864 --> 00:46:10,132 That's quite impressive. 839 00:46:10,166 --> 00:46:12,169 Whoaaa! 840 00:46:12,202 --> 00:46:15,572 Whaaa! 841 00:46:17,873 --> 00:46:21,244 Hey, you wanna give me a hand? 842 00:46:24,347 --> 00:46:25,849 Thanks. 843 00:46:25,850 --> 00:46:27,351 Everyone join together. 844 00:46:36,525 --> 00:46:39,161 What? 845 00:46:39,195 --> 00:46:41,597 How are you doing this? 846 00:46:41,630 --> 00:46:44,333 You're not supposed to be able to do that with the shield. 847 00:46:44,367 --> 00:46:45,986 Guess we're working together. 848 00:46:45,987 --> 00:46:47,604 Teamwork and shit! 849 00:46:47,637 --> 00:46:50,340 You're not a team! You're a joke! 850 00:46:50,373 --> 00:46:53,043 You idiots think you can save the planet? 851 00:46:53,076 --> 00:46:57,014 The only champion this planet has is me! 852 00:47:01,451 --> 00:47:04,588 That's what you get for messing with Lazer Team, bitch! 853 00:47:04,621 --> 00:47:08,525 All right! Great job, Zach! Good work, everybody. Let's... 854 00:47:08,557 --> 00:47:11,228 ...All right, let's go. 855 00:47:12,394 --> 00:47:14,197 Zach! 856 00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:15,932 Crap! 857 00:47:20,235 --> 00:47:22,239 Find them. 858 00:47:24,974 --> 00:47:28,411 Attention all soldiers. The Perseus Project has escaped. 859 00:47:28,443 --> 00:47:30,380 I repeat, Lazer Team is on the loose, 860 00:47:30,413 --> 00:47:33,115 and they're considered armed and dangerous. 861 00:47:34,617 --> 00:47:37,487 Shit! They're everywhere! We'll never get past them all! 862 00:47:37,519 --> 00:47:39,389 Speak for yourself. 863 00:47:39,422 --> 00:47:41,391 Hey, isn't Woody supposed to be like MacGyver now? 864 00:47:41,423 --> 00:47:43,393 Just build us a hovercraft out of paper clips or some shit. 865 00:47:43,425 --> 00:47:46,195 Does anyone remember where we left that gurney? 866 00:48:07,617 --> 00:48:10,954 And that cat tells the baby, "What? No you didn't!" 867 00:48:10,987 --> 00:48:16,593 Cat nap? More like cat "snap!" Am I right 868 00:48:16,626 --> 00:48:19,095 Web Bomb. 869 00:48:19,128 --> 00:48:21,264 Now, I know you people approve of these four fools on the Internet 870 00:48:21,297 --> 00:48:23,565 calling themselves "Lazer Team". 871 00:48:23,599 --> 00:48:26,303 They're on Facebook, they're on Instagram, they're on Snapchat, 872 00:48:26,335 --> 00:48:30,606 and, Jimmy Kimmel, I know it's you, man! Come on, quit playin'! 873 00:48:30,639 --> 00:48:34,443 I ain't no fool! Fool me once, shame on me. 874 00:48:34,476 --> 00:48:37,280 Fool me twice, shame on Jimmy Kimmel! 875 00:48:39,181 --> 00:48:42,618 Are you Mindy Hagan? We'd like to ask you some questions. 876 00:48:46,655 --> 00:48:49,625 All right, we can hide out here, but don't touch anything. 877 00:48:49,659 --> 00:48:52,662 It's my ex-wife's cabin. If you break something, 878 00:48:52,695 --> 00:48:54,664 I'd hate to have to pay for this place twice. 879 00:48:54,697 --> 00:48:57,166 God, it's like a Hobby Lobby threw up in here. 880 00:48:57,199 --> 00:49:00,002 Yeah, man, is this your ex-wife's place or your grandma's? 881 00:49:00,036 --> 00:49:02,005 Let's just say she has very classical taste. 882 00:49:02,038 --> 00:49:06,175 This is Mindy's mom? Nice. I see where she gets it. 883 00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:08,644 Put it down! Now! 884 00:49:08,677 --> 00:49:11,480 Guys, if this countdown is correct, 885 00:49:11,514 --> 00:49:15,184 this alien Worgle thing is gonna be here in two days! 886 00:49:15,217 --> 00:49:18,320 Right! So we just chill out here, let this whole thing blow over. 887 00:49:18,353 --> 00:49:20,589 Blow over? That's not what we're doing. 888 00:49:20,623 --> 00:49:22,108 It's not? 889 00:49:22,109 --> 00:49:23,592 No! 890 00:49:23,626 --> 00:49:25,495 Statistically, the best option for the planet was to let the military amputate. 891 00:49:25,527 --> 00:49:28,664 A choice I found disagreeable, given my zero percent survival rate. 892 00:49:28,697 --> 00:49:31,667 Well, not zero. Zero would be the absolute certainty that I wouldn't survive, 893 00:49:31,701 --> 00:49:34,237 when naturally there is an infinitesimally small chance I might... 894 00:49:34,269 --> 00:49:35,304 Woody. 895 00:49:35,305 --> 00:49:36,338 Sorry. 896 00:49:36,371 --> 00:49:39,408 Let the government handle this. That's why we vote for them. 897 00:49:39,442 --> 00:49:40,944 You don't vote, Herman. 898 00:49:40,945 --> 00:49:42,445 It's a figure of speech! 899 00:49:42,478 --> 00:49:45,215 Guys, we took their Suit of Power. 900 00:49:45,248 --> 00:49:48,018 We're morally obligated to do something. 901 00:49:48,050 --> 00:49:51,587 Don't lecture me! Only reason we're in this predicament is because of you! 902 00:49:51,621 --> 00:49:55,090 Man, only reason I'm in this bullshit little town, you! 903 00:50:03,099 --> 00:50:06,036 Zachary, is that you? 904 00:50:06,068 --> 00:50:09,438 Yeah. Damn, Mindy, you look good! Is that cheetah print? 905 00:50:09,472 --> 00:50:11,574 It is an Earth leopard. Thank you. 906 00:50:11,606 --> 00:50:14,811 Do you still possess the Particle Acceleration Gauntlet? 907 00:50:14,844 --> 00:50:19,081 What, the laser gun? Hell yeah. You like that, baby? 908 00:50:19,114 --> 00:50:21,150 I like that very much. 909 00:50:21,184 --> 00:50:23,720 What is your location? So we can meet and then mate. 910 00:50:23,753 --> 00:50:24,921 Are you serious? 911 00:50:24,922 --> 00:50:26,088 Absolutely. 912 00:50:26,121 --> 00:50:29,391 It is important that we do that. But first we must meet. 913 00:50:29,425 --> 00:50:32,095 We're just hanging out at your mom's old cabin. 914 00:50:32,128 --> 00:50:33,663 I should be there soon. 915 00:50:33,695 --> 00:50:38,268 I'm excited and plan to be very fertile upon arrival. 916 00:50:39,434 --> 00:50:42,105 Yes! 917 00:50:42,137 --> 00:50:44,240 I love this thing! 918 00:50:51,114 --> 00:50:53,583 Attention all units. The Perseus Project is loose 919 00:50:53,615 --> 00:50:57,119 and they're considered armed and dangerous, so proceed with caution. 920 00:50:57,152 --> 00:51:00,756 Please keep your head on a... Shit. 921 00:51:00,789 --> 00:51:04,094 My boss is here. Guys, I gotta call you back. 922 00:51:05,628 --> 00:51:08,765 General Cale. I wasn't expecting you. 923 00:51:08,797 --> 00:51:11,600 Emory, we appreciate your dedication to this project, 924 00:51:11,634 --> 00:51:13,869 but we're moving ahead with the contingency plan. 925 00:51:13,902 --> 00:51:16,538 General, I appreciate that, but I have the utmost confidence 926 00:51:16,572 --> 00:51:20,543 that we're gonna be able to get this thing under control. 927 00:51:20,576 --> 00:51:22,811 I feel that once the Lazer Team... 928 00:51:22,844 --> 00:51:25,781 What did you just call them? 929 00:51:25,815 --> 00:51:29,452 I meant the prisoners. Once apprehended... 930 00:51:29,485 --> 00:51:31,054 Enough! 931 00:51:31,055 --> 00:51:32,622 Sir. 932 00:51:32,655 --> 00:51:35,792 Bill! We need to try fighting this alien first, 933 00:51:35,824 --> 00:51:40,362 before we launch a nuclear weapon that just kills millions of people! 934 00:51:40,396 --> 00:51:44,901 Prepare the nuke. We've got a planet to save. 935 00:51:44,934 --> 00:51:48,171 And more importantly, a nation. 936 00:51:59,949 --> 00:52:01,801 Dude, what's his problem? 937 00:52:01,802 --> 00:52:03,653 Who, Herman? 938 00:52:03,686 --> 00:52:07,356 Yeah. He acts like Half-ass Hagan's the worst thing that's ever happened to him. 939 00:52:07,389 --> 00:52:09,658 But they must've been friends at some point. Look. 940 00:52:09,692 --> 00:52:12,327 Yeah. Herman doesn't really ever talk about it. 941 00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,129 It's complicated. 942 00:52:14,130 --> 00:52:15,898 Complicated? Like gay? 943 00:52:15,931 --> 00:52:18,200 No. Why would you assume gay? 944 00:52:18,233 --> 00:52:20,502 Well, you paused. Seemed like a gay pause. 945 00:52:20,536 --> 00:52:22,672 What's a gay pause? It was a regular pause. 946 00:52:22,704 --> 00:52:24,673 Whatever. I'm gonna find out what happened. 947 00:52:27,710 --> 00:52:29,746 No, don't get up, guys. 948 00:52:29,778 --> 00:52:32,315 Just somebody knocking on the door of our secret hideout. 949 00:52:33,548 --> 00:52:34,700 Mindy! 950 00:52:34,701 --> 00:52:35,851 Hello, Father. 951 00:52:35,885 --> 00:52:37,637 How did you find us? 952 00:52:37,638 --> 00:52:39,389 I communicated with Zachary. 953 00:52:39,422 --> 00:52:40,657 Really? 954 00:52:40,690 --> 00:52:43,193 He's one of the Earth Champions. 955 00:52:43,226 --> 00:52:45,228 That was a really formal way of saying that. 956 00:52:45,260 --> 00:52:47,230 I purchased food as a form of distraction. 957 00:52:47,262 --> 00:52:50,500 Food! My God! Thank you, I'm starving! Come on in. 958 00:52:53,568 --> 00:52:55,704 Thank you so much. 959 00:52:55,737 --> 00:52:57,222 Hey, Mindy. 960 00:52:57,223 --> 00:52:58,707 Hello, Zachary. 961 00:52:58,740 --> 00:53:02,512 Y'all eating in here? All right! 962 00:53:02,545 --> 00:53:07,282 I hate to interrupt, but may I have a moment in private with you? 963 00:53:07,315 --> 00:53:10,652 ...yeah. Sure. 964 00:53:10,686 --> 00:53:13,556 It's best for us to be alone so that no one can monitor 965 00:53:13,588 --> 00:53:17,860 things I'm going to say and do to you. 966 00:53:17,893 --> 00:53:20,429 Where your daughter at? 967 00:53:20,463 --> 00:53:23,432 Before we do this, I have to tell you something. 968 00:53:23,465 --> 00:53:25,902 I know you think I'm like a stud, and I am, 969 00:53:25,934 --> 00:53:29,438 but I've never actually been with a girl. 970 00:53:29,472 --> 00:53:31,740 But I totally practice on myself all the time, 971 00:53:31,773 --> 00:53:34,543 and I'm pretty sure that counts. 972 00:53:34,577 --> 00:53:37,447 And it's not that I don't want to bang you, I mean, I absolutely do. 973 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,451 But I also like you. Maybe those are connected somehow. 974 00:53:41,483 --> 00:53:43,920 I don't know. Does that make sense? 975 00:53:48,623 --> 00:53:50,426 Thank you, God. 976 00:53:53,963 --> 00:53:56,599 What the hell? 977 00:53:56,632 --> 00:54:00,003 Have you been working out? 978 00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:09,846 Give it to me. Give it to me now! 979 00:54:12,347 --> 00:54:14,951 You like it rough? 980 00:54:14,983 --> 00:54:16,920 Too rough! Too rough! 981 00:54:18,621 --> 00:54:21,358 Jesus, Mindy! 982 00:54:22,557 --> 00:54:23,926 What do you want? 983 00:54:23,927 --> 00:54:25,295 I want what you have. 984 00:54:28,797 --> 00:54:31,500 Give it to me, Zachary! Or I'll rip it off! 985 00:54:31,534 --> 00:54:33,936 Are you serious? 986 00:54:33,969 --> 00:54:36,639 Aahhh! 987 00:54:36,672 --> 00:54:38,407 Zachary? 988 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:41,510 All right, maybe we should just be friends! 989 00:54:46,349 --> 00:54:49,751 Now he's a happy little tree. He was sad till we put some leaves on him. 990 00:54:49,784 --> 00:54:51,788 But in our world, everything's happy. 991 00:54:57,592 --> 00:54:59,661 Clouds are one of the freest things in nature. 992 00:54:59,695 --> 00:55:02,565 Hey, man, look. I don't like you, but this is embarrassing. 993 00:55:05,067 --> 00:55:08,737 Damnit, Mindy! 994 00:55:08,771 --> 00:55:10,740 Your grandkid gonna come out half laser. 995 00:55:10,773 --> 00:55:13,843 All right. That's it. I can't take it anymore. 996 00:55:13,876 --> 00:55:14,911 Mindy! 997 00:55:14,943 --> 00:55:16,612 Jesus! 998 00:55:16,644 --> 00:55:19,548 God, no, I'm gonna throw up! My God! No, no, no! 999 00:55:19,581 --> 00:55:21,550 Mindy? 1000 00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:28,057 Mindy, honey, are you okay? What did you do to her? 1001 00:55:28,090 --> 00:55:30,693 Y'alls relationship is complicated. What you need to do is talk it out. 1002 00:55:30,726 --> 00:55:33,829 Herman, look out! 1003 00:55:36,398 --> 00:55:38,835 Zach, no! Don't lay a hand on my... 1004 00:55:38,867 --> 00:55:40,570 daughter. 1005 00:55:40,603 --> 00:55:42,405 Mindy, no, no, no, wait! 1006 00:55:51,914 --> 00:55:55,985 Aahhh! Oohhh! 1007 00:55:56,018 --> 00:55:58,487 Woody! 1008 00:55:58,521 --> 00:56:02,392 Aahhh! 1009 00:56:06,094 --> 00:56:08,463 Hey, hey, hey! 1010 00:56:08,496 --> 00:56:10,132 Hey, hey! No, no, no, no! 1011 00:56:10,166 --> 00:56:11,584 Zach, don't hurt her! 1012 00:56:11,585 --> 00:56:13,001 She's gone crazy! 1013 00:56:13,034 --> 00:56:16,505 She's possessed, Zach! That thing on her neck! 1014 00:56:20,708 --> 00:56:22,744 Herman, use the tape! 1015 00:56:22,777 --> 00:56:25,614 Screw that! Nobody possesses my girlfriend! 1016 00:56:29,485 --> 00:56:31,621 I'm your girlfriend? 1017 00:56:31,622 --> 00:56:33,756 Well, yeah... 1018 00:56:33,789 --> 00:56:35,792 Yeah, that's my girl! 1019 00:56:36,025 --> 00:56:38,128 Herman, now! 1020 00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:48,971 Mindy! I got her. Come on. We need to get this thing off of her! 1021 00:56:49,003 --> 00:56:51,540 W-w-wait! 1022 00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:56,179 I am Woodrow, a Champion of Earth. To whom are we speaking? 1023 00:56:56,211 --> 00:56:58,681 I know this device is monitored. 1024 00:57:00,114 --> 00:57:02,951 This one is now a servant of the Worg. 1025 00:57:02,985 --> 00:57:04,404 Those the bad guys. 1026 00:57:04,405 --> 00:57:05,822 Thanks for the update, Herman. 1027 00:57:05,855 --> 00:57:08,925 It is our planet or yours, and it will be yours. 1028 00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:11,793 What are you talking about? We don't want your planet! We just want peace! 1029 00:57:11,827 --> 00:57:14,697 The Loodels wanted peace. Now they are nothing. 1030 00:57:14,730 --> 00:57:16,998 No, it doesn't have to be like that! Nobody... 1031 00:57:17,032 --> 00:57:19,869 Zach, no! 1032 00:57:19,902 --> 00:57:22,905 What you do that for, you bellhead! 1033 00:57:22,938 --> 00:57:24,606 To kill the alien bug thing that was making my girlfriend like my ex-girlfriends! 1034 00:57:24,639 --> 00:57:26,675 We were negotiating with it! You just destroyed 1035 00:57:26,708 --> 00:57:28,677 our means to communicate with the Worg! 1036 00:57:28,710 --> 00:57:30,579 My bad. 1037 00:57:30,612 --> 00:57:33,682 Hey, why's that thing making a beeping noise? 1038 00:57:33,715 --> 00:57:36,085 No! It's got a self-destruct mechanism! 1039 00:57:36,117 --> 00:57:37,719 What do we do? 1040 00:57:39,021 --> 00:57:41,191 You guys get her out of here! 1041 00:57:43,858 --> 00:57:44,960 Go, go, go, go! 1042 00:57:49,597 --> 00:57:50,666 I guess it's not gonna blow... 1043 00:57:57,206 --> 00:58:00,543 Aahhh! 1044 00:58:06,215 --> 00:58:08,550 What took you so long, Half-ass? 1045 00:58:08,583 --> 00:58:10,719 Hagan, you're alive! 1046 00:58:10,753 --> 00:58:13,588 Yeah, that's the bad news. The good news 1047 00:58:13,621 --> 00:58:17,559 is you can spend the rest of your life earning the money to buy your ex a new house! 1048 00:58:17,592 --> 00:58:19,761 Daddy, what are you doing here? 1049 00:58:19,795 --> 00:58:23,266 Wait... what am I doing here? 1050 00:58:33,641 --> 00:58:36,745 Those headlights? The military! 1051 00:58:36,778 --> 00:58:40,048 No, guys? Those soldiers are possessed by Worg parasites, too! 1052 00:58:40,081 --> 00:58:41,951 They're trying to sabotage us! 1053 00:58:41,983 --> 00:58:44,219 Everybody, get in the truck! Now! 1054 00:58:44,253 --> 00:58:46,623 Mindy, come on! Go! 1055 00:58:48,090 --> 00:58:51,093 Go! Come on! 1056 00:58:51,126 --> 00:58:53,897 Somebody's gonna have to get out and push! 1057 00:58:56,097 --> 00:58:58,584 Screw you guys! 1058 00:58:58,585 --> 00:59:01,070 Go, go, go! 1059 00:59:01,103 --> 00:59:02,972 Boot Group! 1060 00:59:06,608 --> 00:59:08,260 Herman, you're doing it! 1061 00:59:08,261 --> 00:59:09,911 No shit I'm doing it! 1062 00:59:09,945 --> 00:59:12,014 Faster, Herman! They're gaining on us! 1063 00:59:12,047 --> 00:59:14,617 I'm pushing a truck, man! 1064 00:59:14,650 --> 00:59:17,619 What the hell is going on! 1065 00:59:17,652 --> 00:59:20,255 No time to explain! You were possessed by an alien probe, 1066 00:59:20,289 --> 00:59:22,625 and now we're being chased by four soldiers 1067 00:59:22,657 --> 00:59:24,726 who also appear to have been possessed in the same way! 1068 00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:26,829 I guess there was time to explain. 1069 00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:30,932 Faster, Herman! Use those power thighs! 1070 00:59:30,965 --> 00:59:32,467 Faster, fat-ass! 1071 00:59:32,468 --> 00:59:33,969 Man, you get out and push! 1072 00:59:37,840 --> 00:59:39,092 Board the truck! 1073 00:59:39,093 --> 00:59:40,343 They're coming up on our ass! 1074 00:59:40,376 --> 00:59:42,678 Herman, I'm coming! 1075 00:59:42,710 --> 00:59:43,612 Take them out! 1076 00:59:45,146 --> 00:59:46,882 No, wait! Maybe we can... 1077 00:59:50,853 --> 00:59:52,021 Yeah! 1078 00:59:53,989 --> 00:59:56,358 Hey, dickhead! Knock-knock! 1079 00:59:56,391 --> 00:59:59,194 Hagan, there's a low-hanging obstacle you should look out for! 1080 00:59:59,228 --> 01:00:01,896 What did you say? 1081 01:00:01,929 --> 01:00:02,931 Never mind! 1082 01:00:02,932 --> 01:00:03,932 Yeah! 1083 01:00:04,166 --> 01:00:07,670 Kill them all! 1084 01:00:09,438 --> 01:00:10,790 Goddamnit! 1085 01:00:10,791 --> 01:00:12,141 I think we've agitated them! 1086 01:00:16,077 --> 01:00:19,882 Destroy the truck! 1087 01:00:19,914 --> 01:00:21,416 Get them, Zachary! 1088 01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:22,918 I got this! 1089 01:00:22,951 --> 01:00:24,403 Down, Herman! 1090 01:00:24,404 --> 01:00:25,855 Don't miss! Don't miss! 1091 01:00:25,887 --> 01:00:28,290 Don't move! 1092 01:00:30,358 --> 01:00:32,862 Bloody hell! You missed them! 1093 01:00:38,032 --> 01:00:41,036 Never mind. Good job. 1094 01:00:41,070 --> 01:00:42,505 Great job, kid! 1095 01:00:42,506 --> 01:00:43,939 Yeah! 1096 01:00:43,972 --> 01:00:45,975 Take that you sons of bitches! 1097 01:00:47,943 --> 01:00:49,912 Two million views and counting. 1098 01:00:49,945 --> 01:00:54,350 Damnit! What the hell is it with these kids and the Internet? 1099 01:00:54,382 --> 01:00:57,018 They were actually working together. 1100 01:00:57,052 --> 01:00:59,889 It's unbelievable. 1101 01:00:59,922 --> 01:01:03,226 You guys wanna see a video of a guy eating a tennis shoe? 1102 01:01:04,827 --> 01:01:07,897 Keep going, Herman. Good job, Herman. Yes! 1103 01:01:07,929 --> 01:01:10,899 Just keep pushing. Just a little bit further. 1104 01:01:10,932 --> 01:01:13,902 Keep it coming. Just a little... Okay. All right. 1105 01:01:13,936 --> 01:01:16,204 Wait. Our high school? Woody, what the hell's the matter with you? 1106 01:01:16,237 --> 01:01:18,206 Why not just steer us towards prison? 1107 01:01:18,239 --> 01:01:20,208 Guys, I'm picking up a transmission. 1108 01:01:20,242 --> 01:01:22,245 You all should hear this. 1109 01:01:23,778 --> 01:01:25,380 - In here. - Wait! 1110 01:01:25,414 --> 01:01:27,383 We have a computer lab at the school? 1111 01:01:27,416 --> 01:01:29,385 Nerds must love this place! 1112 01:01:29,418 --> 01:01:32,054 Don't you go to school here? 1113 01:01:32,086 --> 01:01:35,056 You are looking live at Milford, Texas. 1114 01:01:35,090 --> 01:01:37,927 This is truly a landmark event, Janine. 1115 01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,230 The craft descended only a few minutes ago, 1116 01:01:41,262 --> 01:01:45,800 but already has altered the course of human history forever. 1117 01:01:45,833 --> 01:01:47,936 And to anyone who's ever wondered, 1118 01:01:47,969 --> 01:01:50,806 are we alone in the universe? 1119 01:01:52,106 --> 01:01:54,777 There's your answer. 1120 01:01:54,809 --> 01:01:56,778 Man, look at the size of that thing! 1121 01:01:58,280 --> 01:02:00,249 Janine, something is happening. 1122 01:02:00,282 --> 01:02:02,952 It appears the ship has beamed something down. 1123 01:02:02,985 --> 01:02:05,021 It's some sort of force field. 1124 01:02:11,994 --> 01:02:17,298 Earth mongrels, the battle for your world will soon begin. 1125 01:02:17,331 --> 01:02:20,835 Bring your pitiful champions to the field of battle. 1126 01:02:20,869 --> 01:02:24,206 A failure to appear will be considered forfeit, 1127 01:02:24,239 --> 01:02:27,842 followed by the destruction of your entire planet. 1128 01:02:27,876 --> 01:02:31,147 You have 24 hours to comply. 1129 01:02:33,148 --> 01:02:37,887 We are Worg. We are your destruction. 1130 01:02:44,159 --> 01:02:46,295 What a dick! 1131 01:02:46,327 --> 01:02:49,465 Don't worry, Mindy, we'll do something. Right, guys? 1132 01:02:49,498 --> 01:02:51,534 Nuh-that's it for me. I'm out. 1133 01:02:51,567 --> 01:02:54,570 You're out? Herman, the whole planet's involved! 1134 01:02:54,603 --> 01:02:57,840 We've done this before, Half-ass. You and me. 1135 01:02:57,873 --> 01:03:00,476 We know how this goes. 1136 01:03:03,878 --> 01:03:05,882 Done what? 1137 01:03:07,349 --> 01:03:10,853 It was 20 years ago, State Championships. 1138 01:03:10,885 --> 01:03:13,154 They called me the Texas Tornado. 1139 01:03:13,188 --> 01:03:15,157 I had a full scholarship all set up. 1140 01:03:15,190 --> 01:03:18,226 We were 10 yards from a perfect record. 1141 01:03:18,260 --> 01:03:20,229 Hut, hut! 1142 01:03:20,262 --> 01:03:23,065 Hagan had to block one guy. 1143 01:03:25,067 --> 01:03:28,137 He missed. I got blindsided. 1144 01:03:28,170 --> 01:03:32,041 Lost the championship, and I never... 1145 01:03:32,074 --> 01:03:33,626 Your limp. 1146 01:03:33,627 --> 01:03:35,177 I lost everything! 1147 01:03:35,210 --> 01:03:38,947 My scholarship, my future, my dream! 1148 01:03:38,981 --> 01:03:41,350 Because somebody who was supposed to be my friend... 1149 01:03:41,382 --> 01:03:44,352 supposed to have my back, wasn't there! 1150 01:03:44,385 --> 01:03:47,523 We weren't champions then, and we sure as hell ain't gonna be champions now! 1151 01:03:47,556 --> 01:03:50,893 Amy wants to fight these things? Man, I say let them. 1152 01:03:50,925 --> 01:03:54,529 I'm sitting this one out. You can block for somebody else. 1153 01:03:54,563 --> 01:03:57,333 Don't you understand that we have a second chance here? 1154 01:03:57,365 --> 01:04:00,068 You're not strong enough to block with the shield! 1155 01:04:00,101 --> 01:04:02,070 It's gonna be a two-hit fight! 1156 01:04:02,103 --> 01:04:04,539 The Worg hits you, you hit the ground! 1157 01:04:04,572 --> 01:04:06,608 Then he hits me and I'm dead! 1158 01:04:06,641 --> 01:04:07,842 That's more than two hits. 1159 01:04:07,843 --> 01:04:09,043 Shut up, Woody! 1160 01:04:09,077 --> 01:04:12,915 Herman, I cannot change what happened in the past. 1161 01:04:12,947 --> 01:04:15,384 All I can do is make things better now. 1162 01:04:15,416 --> 01:04:20,989 No matter what comes your way, I will block it. 1163 01:04:22,456 --> 01:04:24,559 What...! 1164 01:04:24,592 --> 01:04:27,195 Hey, nice block, asshole! 1165 01:04:27,228 --> 01:04:28,963 No! That is not my fault! I didn't know we were starting! 1166 01:04:28,996 --> 01:04:31,266 Shut up! Damnit! 1167 01:04:37,239 --> 01:04:38,257 I'm out, bitch! 1168 01:04:38,258 --> 01:04:39,275 We'll be all right! 1169 01:04:39,307 --> 01:04:41,277 Just stick together! 1170 01:04:42,543 --> 01:04:44,179 Daddy! 1171 01:04:48,215 --> 01:04:50,886 Zach, make it! 1172 01:04:55,123 --> 01:04:56,659 Mindy, wait! 1173 01:04:59,126 --> 01:05:01,063 Why does everything always explode? 1174 01:05:23,485 --> 01:05:26,121 Mindy? 1175 01:05:26,153 --> 01:05:28,257 Crap! It's this asshole. 1176 01:05:33,561 --> 01:05:36,097 Gotcha! 1177 01:05:36,130 --> 01:05:38,000 Shit! 1178 01:05:42,304 --> 01:05:44,273 Goddamnit, Woody! 1179 01:05:54,081 --> 01:05:56,585 Shit! 1180 01:05:58,420 --> 01:06:00,706 Come on. 1181 01:06:00,707 --> 01:06:02,992 Nice try... Champ. 1182 01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:05,977 Mindy! 1183 01:06:05,978 --> 01:06:07,628 Dickhead! 1184 01:06:07,661 --> 01:06:09,030 Run, run, run! Come on! 1185 01:06:13,735 --> 01:06:15,371 Don't look back! 1186 01:06:15,372 --> 01:06:17,006 Why would I look back? 1187 01:06:17,039 --> 01:06:18,541 Aahhh! 1188 01:06:22,677 --> 01:06:25,114 Aahhh! 1189 01:06:27,615 --> 01:06:29,485 Come on, come on, come on! 1190 01:06:38,159 --> 01:06:40,261 Aahhh! 1191 01:06:43,097 --> 01:06:45,500 Aahhh! Bugger me! 1192 01:07:00,282 --> 01:07:03,052 Yes! 1193 01:07:14,463 --> 01:07:16,665 Meant to do that, bitch! 1194 01:07:20,268 --> 01:07:23,139 No, wait. Mindy, Mindy, stop, stop, stop. 1195 01:07:24,773 --> 01:07:27,443 Okay, we're good. Come on. 1196 01:07:27,476 --> 01:07:29,711 Wait, wait, wait! 1197 01:07:29,744 --> 01:07:31,163 We want the suit! 1198 01:07:31,164 --> 01:07:32,581 Just stop! Just let her go! 1199 01:07:32,614 --> 01:07:34,750 I want the suit! 1200 01:07:34,782 --> 01:07:36,351 Woody, where's Mindy? 1201 01:07:36,384 --> 01:07:38,586 - A possessed soldier has her. - What? Where? 1202 01:07:38,619 --> 01:07:40,371 Is that Hagan? 1203 01:07:40,372 --> 01:07:42,123 Come on, I've got an idea. 1204 01:07:42,157 --> 01:07:43,759 I hate when you have ideas. 1205 01:07:43,791 --> 01:07:46,594 Just calm down. You don't wanna do this, okay? 1206 01:07:46,628 --> 01:07:47,880 Between you and me, right? 1207 01:07:47,881 --> 01:07:49,131 We will destroy you 1208 01:07:49,164 --> 01:07:51,133 like we've destroyed all the others. 1209 01:07:51,166 --> 01:07:53,602 Your species cannot compete with Worg! 1210 01:07:53,635 --> 01:07:57,439 Hagan, listen to me. Raise your shield. Zach has a shot. 1211 01:07:57,472 --> 01:07:58,674 I do? 1212 01:07:58,675 --> 01:07:59,875 Zach, don't shoot! 1213 01:07:59,907 --> 01:08:02,110 He has Mindy! You'll hit her! 1214 01:08:02,143 --> 01:08:05,213 Tell your friends to come out, and I won't make her suffer! 1215 01:08:05,246 --> 01:08:06,497 Raise the shield, Hagan. 1216 01:08:06,498 --> 01:08:07,748 What's going on? 1217 01:08:07,782 --> 01:08:09,217 No, I'm not doing it, Woody! 1218 01:08:09,218 --> 01:08:10,652 One. 1219 01:08:13,855 --> 01:08:15,007 Two. 1220 01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:16,158 Do not shoot. 1221 01:08:16,190 --> 01:08:17,827 Come on! 1222 01:08:20,561 --> 01:08:22,564 Three. 1223 01:08:23,832 --> 01:08:25,534 Hagan, now! 1224 01:08:38,212 --> 01:08:39,514 Hey, you owe me. 1225 01:08:39,515 --> 01:08:40,815 Herman, I said thank you. 1226 01:08:40,849 --> 01:08:42,818 - What else do you want from me? - I want a case of beer, 1227 01:08:42,850 --> 01:08:44,652 A foot massage, and another case of beer. 1228 01:08:44,685 --> 01:08:46,621 Mindy! 1229 01:08:49,690 --> 01:08:52,693 Get off me, fool! Ain't nobody hugging you! 1230 01:08:52,726 --> 01:08:54,112 Everybody okay? 1231 01:08:54,113 --> 01:08:55,497 Shot the crap out of them. 1232 01:08:55,529 --> 01:08:58,166 Hey, everyone, it's not over yet. 1233 01:08:58,199 --> 01:08:59,685 What now? 1234 01:08:59,686 --> 01:09:01,170 The military are coming. 1235 01:09:01,203 --> 01:09:03,772 Come on, we gotta move. Let's just get out of town and find a place to lie low. 1236 01:09:03,805 --> 01:09:04,823 No. 1237 01:09:04,824 --> 01:09:05,841 No? 1238 01:09:05,873 --> 01:09:09,443 No, I'm not going. I'm tired of making messes 1239 01:09:09,476 --> 01:09:11,680 and then just running away from them! 1240 01:09:11,712 --> 01:09:14,550 So, if you guys wanna run, you go ahead and run. 1241 01:09:14,582 --> 01:09:17,652 Okay, I get it. These guys, they almost killed us. 1242 01:09:17,685 --> 01:09:19,688 And yes, my teenage daughter 1243 01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:22,523 basically beat the shit out of all four of us at once. 1244 01:09:22,556 --> 01:09:26,862 But, at the end of the day, when this thing shows up, 1245 01:09:26,895 --> 01:09:31,533 if we're not there to fight it, who's gonna be? 1246 01:09:31,565 --> 01:09:36,337 I'm staying. Are you with me? 1247 01:09:58,460 --> 01:09:59,678 Where are the others? 1248 01:09:59,679 --> 01:10:00,895 They left. 1249 01:10:00,929 --> 01:10:03,297 I don't know where they went, and I don't care. 1250 01:10:03,331 --> 01:10:05,734 You have no idea how much damage you've done. 1251 01:10:05,766 --> 01:10:09,604 Just cut this thing off of me, give it to somebody who deserves it. 1252 01:10:09,637 --> 01:10:12,373 Get him out of here. 1253 01:10:17,779 --> 01:10:20,916 Twenty minutes after the so-called "Doomsday Broadcast", 1254 01:10:20,948 --> 01:10:23,751 police and National Guard units have cordoned off the stadium 1255 01:10:23,784 --> 01:10:26,822 and are urging civilians to stay clear. 1256 01:10:26,854 --> 01:10:29,023 Those that approached it earlier, were unable to enter 1257 01:10:29,056 --> 01:10:32,260 due to what appears to be some sort of force field. 1258 01:10:32,293 --> 01:10:34,930 Questions remain. Who are these aliens? 1259 01:10:34,962 --> 01:10:38,466 What happens when the timer at the stadium goes to zero? 1260 01:10:38,500 --> 01:10:41,270 And who are the Champions of Earth? 1261 01:10:41,302 --> 01:10:44,773 Is it this Lazer Team that's been making the rounds on social media? 1262 01:10:44,805 --> 01:10:49,777 Now joining us via satellite to discuss, noted physicist Neil Degrasse Tyson. 1263 01:10:49,810 --> 01:10:52,046 Dr. Tyson, what do you make of all this? 1264 01:10:52,079 --> 01:10:55,951 My calculations show that, scientifically... 1265 01:10:55,984 --> 01:10:57,953 we're screwed. 1266 01:11:10,832 --> 01:11:13,802 Man, what are we doing here? We should be getting out of town. 1267 01:11:13,835 --> 01:11:15,804 Well, by my calculations, the last place 1268 01:11:15,837 --> 01:11:17,806 anyone's gonna look for us is at the actual fight. 1269 01:11:17,838 --> 01:11:20,708 We should be pretty safe here. 1270 01:11:20,742 --> 01:11:22,978 - What are we gonna do, guys? - I don't know. 1271 01:11:23,011 --> 01:11:25,347 Maybe we should've turned ourselves in. 1272 01:11:25,380 --> 01:11:27,516 I feel like these people deserve a chance to live. 1273 01:11:27,548 --> 01:11:30,351 These people? These people are idiots. 1274 01:11:30,385 --> 01:11:32,387 Look how that guy spelled "apocalypse". 1275 01:11:32,420 --> 01:11:34,855 The question here at Milford Stadium is this, 1276 01:11:34,889 --> 01:11:38,527 will this Lazer Team show up to battle for the fate of the Earth? 1277 01:11:38,560 --> 01:11:40,796 We have one person who seems to know the answer. 1278 01:11:40,828 --> 01:11:42,730 No! 1279 01:11:42,764 --> 01:11:45,400 Do you think the Lazer Team is going to show up? 1280 01:11:45,432 --> 01:11:48,703 They're not afraid of monsters, aliens, or anything else. 1281 01:11:48,737 --> 01:11:50,939 Is there anything you wanna say to the Lazer Team? 1282 01:11:50,971 --> 01:11:55,676 Save us, Lazer Team. Don't let the Worg eat my brain. 1283 01:11:55,710 --> 01:11:57,746 We're pieces of shit. 1284 01:11:57,779 --> 01:12:01,683 Well, technically, the human body is .5 percent feces, so... 1285 01:12:01,716 --> 01:12:03,385 Probably skews higher for us. 1286 01:12:03,386 --> 01:12:05,054 Shut up, Woody! 1287 01:12:12,594 --> 01:12:16,698 Okay, we'll get you prepped, and then we'll get this thing off of you. 1288 01:12:16,730 --> 01:12:18,699 Be right back. 1289 01:12:18,733 --> 01:12:21,802 It's the first time I've done one of these. So exciting! 1290 01:12:21,836 --> 01:12:24,439 Yeah, we're all happy for you. 1291 01:12:27,442 --> 01:12:28,660 Screw it, I'm going in. 1292 01:12:28,661 --> 01:12:29,877 Zach. 1293 01:12:29,911 --> 01:12:32,447 Zachary! Where are you going? 1294 01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:34,715 You can't do this alone! 1295 01:12:34,748 --> 01:12:37,086 Without you we're just "Team". 1296 01:12:38,420 --> 01:12:40,422 Wait, wait. What do you think you're doing? 1297 01:12:40,454 --> 01:12:42,724 It's cool. I'm the Champion. 1298 01:12:42,756 --> 01:12:44,725 - You're the Champion? - Yes. 1299 01:12:44,759 --> 01:12:46,744 Just like them over there? 1300 01:12:46,745 --> 01:12:48,729 Son of a bitch! 1301 01:12:48,762 --> 01:12:50,765 Just go join the rest of the Justice League. 1302 01:12:50,798 --> 01:12:52,117 I don't have time for this! 1303 01:12:52,118 --> 01:12:53,435 Hey, back up! 1304 01:12:53,467 --> 01:12:55,537 You believe this guy? 1305 01:12:56,203 --> 01:12:58,739 Take him down! 1306 01:12:58,773 --> 01:13:00,108 I'm the Champion! 1307 01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:01,443 Put his ass in the car! 1308 01:13:01,475 --> 01:13:03,144 You need me! 1309 01:13:05,779 --> 01:13:08,617 Idiots! You have no idea what you're doing! 1310 01:13:13,121 --> 01:13:15,757 You think this'll work? 1311 01:13:15,789 --> 01:13:17,658 I don't know if it will or won't. 1312 01:13:17,692 --> 01:13:19,661 I do know this, 1313 01:13:19,694 --> 01:13:23,766 pretty much nothing we can do at this point that will get us fired. 1314 01:13:26,900 --> 01:13:29,770 Great, it's you. Come to gloat? 1315 01:13:29,804 --> 01:13:32,440 No. Came to get you out. 1316 01:13:32,474 --> 01:13:34,209 Out? 1317 01:13:34,210 --> 01:13:35,944 I didn't believe in you. 1318 01:13:35,976 --> 01:13:38,113 Not at first. But I've seen what you can do 1319 01:13:38,145 --> 01:13:40,648 in that suit when y'all are focused. 1320 01:13:40,681 --> 01:13:43,652 Things that I didn't even know were possible. 1321 01:13:43,685 --> 01:13:45,954 You even did okay on some of those tests. 1322 01:13:45,987 --> 01:13:48,155 We did awful on the tests. 1323 01:13:48,189 --> 01:13:51,793 Yeah. But you also broke out of the space, 1324 01:13:51,826 --> 01:13:55,163 and you took out four soldiers with alien technology. 1325 01:13:57,532 --> 01:14:01,670 Quite frankly, that was some of the most competent incompetence I've ever seen. 1326 01:14:01,703 --> 01:14:05,106 And I was raised by the military. 1327 01:14:05,139 --> 01:14:09,677 You Lazer Team guys actually have more experience with this than I do. 1328 01:14:09,711 --> 01:14:11,847 Even if the surgery did work, 1329 01:14:11,880 --> 01:14:16,518 I'd say the right man is already wearing that Gauntlet. 1330 01:14:16,551 --> 01:14:18,820 You think we actually have a shot at this? 1331 01:14:18,853 --> 01:14:22,524 Hagan, you were born for this. 1332 01:14:22,556 --> 01:14:25,527 Come on, gotta get you to the stadium. 1333 01:14:40,041 --> 01:14:43,645 The Military has issued a statement assuring citizens 1334 01:14:43,677 --> 01:14:47,582 that the situation is under control, 1335 01:14:47,614 --> 01:14:51,853 but have refused to comment on the existence of any such Champions. 1336 01:14:51,886 --> 01:14:54,856 As the timer ticks down, only one thing is certain: 1337 01:14:54,889 --> 01:14:58,859 If these Champions are out there, we sure could use them now. 1338 01:14:58,893 --> 01:14:59,962 Bill? 1339 01:15:05,265 --> 01:15:08,202 How are we gonna get Zach out of there? 1340 01:15:11,605 --> 01:15:12,740 Daddy! 1341 01:15:12,741 --> 01:15:13,875 You're alive! 1342 01:15:13,908 --> 01:15:15,710 You have all your parts! 1343 01:15:15,743 --> 01:15:18,647 Herman, listen. We need you for this. 1344 01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:21,082 I know you think you're not fast enough and I'm not strong enough. 1345 01:15:21,114 --> 01:15:23,184 And I know we've had our differences, but I think it's time we... 1346 01:15:23,216 --> 01:15:24,268 Okay. 1347 01:15:24,269 --> 01:15:25,319 Okay? 1348 01:15:25,353 --> 01:15:27,055 I'm in, man. 1349 01:15:27,056 --> 01:15:28,757 You made that super easy. 1350 01:15:28,789 --> 01:15:30,591 I had like this whole speech worked up and everything. 1351 01:15:30,625 --> 01:15:32,894 Well, thankfully we don't have to listen to that. 1352 01:15:32,926 --> 01:15:34,111 Woody? 1353 01:15:34,112 --> 01:15:35,296 I'm in. 1354 01:15:35,329 --> 01:15:38,332 All right, let's go before that nuclear warhead beats us to the fight. 1355 01:15:38,365 --> 01:15:40,902 What? Warhead? 1356 01:15:40,935 --> 01:15:42,354 Did I not tell you guys that? 1357 01:15:42,355 --> 01:15:43,772 You didn't say anything! 1358 01:15:43,805 --> 01:15:45,907 We got a lot of stuff to deal with tonight, man! 1359 01:15:45,939 --> 01:15:48,242 - It's not my fault. - Why didn't you say something? 1360 01:15:48,275 --> 01:15:51,278 I just did. Let's go. 1361 01:15:51,311 --> 01:15:53,914 There's a nuke. Just telling you again. 1362 01:15:53,948 --> 01:15:56,885 That's what they do to everything. It didn't work in "Independence Day". 1363 01:15:56,917 --> 01:15:59,920 With less than 10 minutes on the countdown, the crowd outside the stadium 1364 01:15:59,953 --> 01:16:02,090 is growing increasingly volatile, Janine, 1365 01:16:02,122 --> 01:16:04,625 with absolutely no response from the military, 1366 01:16:04,658 --> 01:16:07,228 other than to tell people to stay away. 1367 01:16:07,261 --> 01:16:12,300 The entire world is wondering the same thing, where is the Champion of Earth? 1368 01:16:12,332 --> 01:16:15,936 So, where is like the best place to get donuts around here? 1369 01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:20,609 I've got a list, about four or five places that are just local. 1370 01:16:22,844 --> 01:16:28,248 Hey, man, listen. I have a really powerful laser gun from space... 1371 01:16:28,282 --> 01:16:30,652 that I sort of stole from the Army, 1372 01:16:30,685 --> 01:16:32,821 and I tried to fight on my own, and I know it was dumb, 1373 01:16:32,854 --> 01:16:34,956 but I think there might still be time to get it to someone who... 1374 01:16:34,988 --> 01:16:37,658 Hey, kid, I'm not always gonna be around 1375 01:16:37,692 --> 01:16:39,661 to bail you out. You realize that, right? 1376 01:16:39,694 --> 01:16:41,163 Hagan? 1377 01:16:41,164 --> 01:16:42,631 Yup. 1378 01:16:42,663 --> 01:16:44,965 All right, everybody buckle up. 1379 01:16:44,998 --> 01:16:47,167 He means it. 1380 01:16:47,201 --> 01:16:49,170 Hey, hey! 1381 01:16:49,203 --> 01:16:52,140 All units, we have a police car attempting a break-in at the stadium! 1382 01:16:52,172 --> 01:16:54,908 Hold that. They're going away from the stadium! 1383 01:16:54,942 --> 01:16:56,311 ...not going the right way! 1384 01:16:56,312 --> 01:16:57,679 Is it right? Is this right? 1385 01:16:59,212 --> 01:17:00,714 Humvee! 1386 01:17:00,715 --> 01:17:02,216 Stop or we will open fire. 1387 01:17:02,250 --> 01:17:04,068 I'm backing up! 1388 01:17:04,069 --> 01:17:05,886 Back up! Back up! Back up! 1389 01:17:07,087 --> 01:17:08,606 Watch out! 1390 01:17:08,607 --> 01:17:10,125 How do I stop? 1391 01:17:12,193 --> 01:17:15,329 I think they are heading for the stadium. But, backwards? 1392 01:17:15,363 --> 01:17:17,065 - Look out! - No, no, no! 1393 01:17:18,765 --> 01:17:20,201 Take 'em down! Take 'em down! 1394 01:17:23,270 --> 01:17:25,139 Barbecue! 1395 01:17:31,045 --> 01:17:32,180 Shit! 1396 01:17:32,181 --> 01:17:33,314 Everybody hold on! 1397 01:17:33,346 --> 01:17:35,182 Don't let them get to the stadium! 1398 01:17:39,353 --> 01:17:41,155 Drive! Drive! Drive! 1399 01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:42,957 Hold on! 1400 01:17:53,234 --> 01:17:58,206 Absolutely astonishing, Janine. The crowd out here is going insane. 1401 01:17:58,238 --> 01:18:02,209 A vehicle has entered the stadium. Could this be our Champion of Earth? 1402 01:18:02,243 --> 01:18:05,013 Humanity's one chance for survival. 1403 01:18:07,114 --> 01:18:10,217 They was shootin' at us! I am not driving with you again! 1404 01:18:10,251 --> 01:18:11,670 I got us here, didn't I? 1405 01:18:11,671 --> 01:18:13,088 Barely. 1406 01:18:17,358 --> 01:18:19,828 Sir, the warheads are primed. 1407 01:18:19,860 --> 01:18:21,829 Ready to launch on your mark. 1408 01:18:30,104 --> 01:18:32,240 Hey, what are you doing here? 1409 01:18:32,273 --> 01:18:34,074 Coaching. 1410 01:18:40,113 --> 01:18:43,518 Greetings, O Champions of Earth. 1411 01:18:43,551 --> 01:18:44,736 It's the recording! 1412 01:18:44,737 --> 01:18:45,920 Antarian. 1413 01:18:45,953 --> 01:18:49,958 Today you will battle for the fate of your planet. 1414 01:18:49,990 --> 01:18:53,293 Prepare to meet your opponent. 1415 01:18:58,966 --> 01:19:00,869 I'm scared. 1416 01:19:00,902 --> 01:19:04,105 Don't be. You guys can win this. 1417 01:19:04,137 --> 01:19:06,975 You have the Suit of Power. There's nothing else like it in the galaxy. 1418 01:19:07,007 --> 01:19:08,909 All right. 1419 01:19:12,479 --> 01:19:16,817 Presenting the Worg Champion. 1420 01:19:16,850 --> 01:19:18,385 Wait a minute. 1421 01:19:24,292 --> 01:19:25,744 Is he wearing a Suit of Power? 1422 01:19:25,745 --> 01:19:27,195 Come on! 1423 01:19:27,228 --> 01:19:29,230 Man, this fool trying to join the Boot Group! 1424 01:19:29,262 --> 01:19:32,300 Nothing like it, my ass! This is bullshit! 1425 01:19:32,332 --> 01:19:34,469 Where the hell did he get a Suit of Power? 1426 01:19:34,502 --> 01:19:38,006 Same place we did, from them. 1427 01:19:38,038 --> 01:19:41,009 Come on! Say that into my non-drunk ear, 1428 01:19:41,042 --> 01:19:43,578 because it sounded like you said the Antarians! 1429 01:19:43,610 --> 01:19:47,015 As you can see, your opponent has been given 1430 01:19:47,047 --> 01:19:49,317 an identical Suit of Power. 1431 01:19:49,350 --> 01:19:53,421 This will ensure a fair and most pleasing competition. 1432 01:19:53,453 --> 01:19:56,023 Competition? What's he talking about? 1433 01:19:56,056 --> 01:19:58,025 Guys, take a look at this. 1434 01:19:58,059 --> 01:20:01,162 I've intercepted a file from the Antarian ship. 1435 01:20:01,194 --> 01:20:03,163 Is that a March Madness bracket? 1436 01:20:03,197 --> 01:20:06,201 Close. It's an intergalactic gladiatorial circuit, 1437 01:20:06,234 --> 01:20:09,204 wherein the only remuneration is provincial planetary salvation. 1438 01:20:09,237 --> 01:20:10,555 What the hell does that mean? 1439 01:20:10,556 --> 01:20:11,873 It means... 1440 01:20:11,905 --> 01:20:15,275 that this war we're about to fight isn't a war. 1441 01:20:15,309 --> 01:20:17,212 It's a goddamn sporting match! 1442 01:20:17,244 --> 01:20:19,413 But instead of the winners getting trophies, 1443 01:20:19,447 --> 01:20:21,416 the losers get their planet destroyed. 1444 01:20:21,448 --> 01:20:23,884 What a bunch of assholes! 1445 01:20:23,917 --> 01:20:25,519 The Earth is never gonna be safe. 1446 01:20:25,552 --> 01:20:27,521 So, what are we supposed to do now? 1447 01:20:27,555 --> 01:20:30,525 Long term? Find a way to break the circuit. 1448 01:20:30,557 --> 01:20:32,043 Short term... 1449 01:20:32,044 --> 01:20:33,528 Don't lose. 1450 01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:34,828 We're screwed. 1451 01:20:34,829 --> 01:20:36,096 This is impossible. 1452 01:20:36,130 --> 01:20:39,900 No, it's not. Don't say that. 1453 01:20:39,934 --> 01:20:41,603 You guys can do this. 1454 01:20:41,636 --> 01:20:44,906 Get out there and win one for Earth, okay? 1455 01:20:44,939 --> 01:20:48,243 Great pep talk, Coach. Thanks. 1456 01:21:00,121 --> 01:21:02,123 We have to fire the nuke. 1457 01:21:02,155 --> 01:21:04,391 General, we're still evacuating thousands of people 1458 01:21:04,425 --> 01:21:06,226 from the blast radius. 1459 01:21:06,260 --> 01:21:08,396 And it didn't work in "Independence Day", sir. 1460 01:21:08,429 --> 01:21:10,931 Let's just see what they can do. 1461 01:21:20,207 --> 01:21:21,576 I wonder what he said. 1462 01:21:21,577 --> 01:21:22,944 It's a lower Worgon dialect. 1463 01:21:22,976 --> 01:21:26,113 But I think he said he was gonna slowly kill us one by one, 1464 01:21:26,146 --> 01:21:28,416 forcing us each to eat the remains of the last, 1465 01:21:28,448 --> 01:21:31,585 before himself eating what was left. 1466 01:21:31,618 --> 01:21:33,353 That's nasty. 1467 01:21:37,291 --> 01:21:40,994 Shit. 1468 01:21:41,028 --> 01:21:43,030 This is it! Get ready! 1469 01:21:44,431 --> 01:21:46,434 Come on, bitch! Hell, yeah. 1470 01:21:46,466 --> 01:21:48,536 Guys, I just realized, I don't have a weapon! 1471 01:21:48,569 --> 01:21:50,672 My balls just went numb. 1472 01:21:50,704 --> 01:21:52,908 Lazer Team... 1473 01:21:54,475 --> 01:21:56,044 Game on! 1474 01:21:59,046 --> 01:22:02,083 Oohhh! 1475 01:22:02,115 --> 01:22:04,118 Oohhh! 1476 01:22:04,150 --> 01:22:06,119 Well, this is going splendid! 1477 01:22:06,153 --> 01:22:08,088 Is it too late to put money on the Worg? 1478 01:22:12,393 --> 01:22:14,062 Can't get past his shield! 1479 01:22:14,063 --> 01:22:15,730 Do something! 1480 01:22:15,762 --> 01:22:17,882 Woody, target the ground! 1481 01:22:17,883 --> 01:22:20,001 Got it! 1482 01:22:20,033 --> 01:22:22,202 Zach, charge a big one! 1483 01:22:24,471 --> 01:22:27,341 Now, Zach! 1484 01:22:32,613 --> 01:22:33,915 Yes! 1485 01:22:33,916 --> 01:22:35,216 Don't let up! Hit him again! 1486 01:22:37,685 --> 01:22:39,988 Coming back! 1487 01:22:41,689 --> 01:22:43,725 Two can play this game! 1488 01:22:43,757 --> 01:22:45,376 Technically, it's four of us! 1489 01:22:45,377 --> 01:22:46,994 Get outta here. 1490 01:22:59,105 --> 01:23:01,608 Hold on, Hagan. I'm gonna push the shield again. 1491 01:23:02,676 --> 01:23:05,547 Aahhh! 1492 01:23:16,556 --> 01:23:19,092 Yes! Yeah! 1493 01:23:19,126 --> 01:23:22,195 Yes! 1494 01:23:22,229 --> 01:23:25,066 That's what you get for messing with Lazer Team! 1495 01:23:26,734 --> 01:23:30,405 No, no, no! He's just cloaked! Don't let him get...! 1496 01:23:33,573 --> 01:23:35,308 Oohhh! 1497 01:23:40,113 --> 01:23:42,282 Come on, sit still! 1498 01:23:45,519 --> 01:23:46,788 Zach! 1499 01:24:00,701 --> 01:24:03,371 Yeah! That's right! 1500 01:24:07,608 --> 01:24:10,110 Target locked. But I'm the target! 1501 01:24:10,144 --> 01:24:13,114 Hey! You crispy-looking space raisin! 1502 01:24:13,146 --> 01:24:15,449 Why don't you try the Texas Tornado! 1503 01:24:28,162 --> 01:24:31,166 All right, now's our chance. Hit him! 1504 01:24:43,543 --> 01:24:47,347 Herman! 1505 01:24:47,381 --> 01:24:49,317 Woody! The Dark Matter Ray! 1506 01:24:49,350 --> 01:24:51,319 It's the only way to put him down for sure. 1507 01:24:51,351 --> 01:24:53,822 - The dark what? - You never taught us that one! 1508 01:24:57,323 --> 01:24:58,792 Aahhh! 1509 01:25:00,360 --> 01:25:02,831 Get back up! Get on your feet! 1510 01:25:11,704 --> 01:25:13,707 You gotta fight! 1511 01:25:33,226 --> 01:25:35,762 Why don't you pick on someone your own size! 1512 01:25:40,768 --> 01:25:42,787 Adam, what are you doing? 1513 01:25:42,788 --> 01:25:44,805 I'm buying you time! 1514 01:25:44,837 --> 01:25:46,840 Get ready to use the Dark Matter Cannon! 1515 01:25:47,875 --> 01:25:49,444 We don't know how! 1516 01:25:50,978 --> 01:25:52,480 No, but it does! 1517 01:26:00,253 --> 01:26:02,856 Adam, don't! 1518 01:26:02,890 --> 01:26:05,827 Come on, you want this planet, you gotta go through me first! 1519 01:26:22,443 --> 01:26:26,347 Adam, you're the one who's supposed to save the planet! 1520 01:26:29,250 --> 01:26:31,185 I think I just did. 1521 01:26:36,457 --> 01:26:38,193 No! 1522 01:26:45,599 --> 01:26:48,302 It's time to end this. 1523 01:27:03,617 --> 01:27:05,619 Hey, asshole! 1524 01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:12,293 Well, boys, I guess he wants a fight. 1525 01:27:12,326 --> 01:27:14,261 He came to the right planet. 1526 01:27:23,604 --> 01:27:25,640 I think he's about to fire the Dark Matter Ray again. 1527 01:27:25,672 --> 01:27:27,774 Well, then we'll fire ours. Woody, get it ready. 1528 01:27:27,807 --> 01:27:29,844 With the suit separated like this, it could kill us. 1529 01:27:29,877 --> 01:27:31,579 What's option B? 1530 01:27:31,580 --> 01:27:33,281 He'll kill us. 1531 01:27:33,314 --> 01:27:35,516 Yeah, we'll go with option A. 1532 01:27:37,350 --> 01:27:39,069 What do we do? 1533 01:27:39,070 --> 01:27:40,787 We gotta look like him. 1534 01:27:40,820 --> 01:27:45,492 All right, we're getting freakin' somewhere! 1535 01:27:45,525 --> 01:27:48,996 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Hey, charge it up! 1536 01:27:49,029 --> 01:27:50,865 No, what are you doing? 1537 01:27:52,832 --> 01:27:54,634 We can't keep this up! 1538 01:27:54,667 --> 01:27:56,804 The separate pieces are too unstable! 1539 01:27:56,837 --> 01:28:00,675 Hold on, everybody! Just hold on! 1540 01:28:00,707 --> 01:28:02,876 You cannot fire the ray! This is not permitted! 1541 01:28:08,881 --> 01:28:11,451 Aahhh! 1542 01:28:11,484 --> 01:28:12,953 Hold on! 1543 01:28:18,759 --> 01:28:20,528 - No! - Now! 1544 01:28:29,069 --> 01:28:31,072 Aahhh! 1545 01:28:32,405 --> 01:28:34,841 We're outside the force field! 1546 01:29:03,904 --> 01:29:04,906 Yeah! 1547 01:29:04,907 --> 01:29:05,907 We did it! 1548 01:29:08,509 --> 01:29:10,610 Yes! 1549 01:29:10,644 --> 01:29:13,448 God bless America. 1550 01:29:18,752 --> 01:29:20,888 Celebrations are breaking out across the globe... 1551 01:29:20,921 --> 01:29:23,858 as the alien mothership appears to have vanished. 1552 01:29:23,890 --> 01:29:27,161 No confirmation yet as to whether the ship was destroyed, 1553 01:29:27,194 --> 01:29:30,064 but right now I know everyone's thoughts and prayers 1554 01:29:30,096 --> 01:29:33,867 are with those four men known as Lazer Team. 1555 01:29:33,900 --> 01:29:36,286 Yeah! 1556 01:29:36,287 --> 01:29:38,671 Nice shooting, team! Yeah! 1557 01:29:38,704 --> 01:29:40,640 That bitch is toast! 1558 01:29:40,641 --> 01:29:42,576 Yeah! 1559 01:29:47,480 --> 01:29:49,449 What do we do now? 1560 01:29:49,483 --> 01:29:51,452 I've no idea. 1561 01:29:51,484 --> 01:29:53,186 I fancy some fish and chips, to be honest. 1562 01:29:53,220 --> 01:29:55,956 Enough with the British thing, Woody. 1563 01:29:55,988 --> 01:29:58,759 I can't even eat, anyway. This stupid thing doesn't even come off. 1564 01:29:58,792 --> 01:30:00,711 Gonna starve to death. 1565 01:30:00,712 --> 01:30:02,630 I don't wanna go. 1566 01:30:02,662 --> 01:30:04,498 All right. 1567 01:30:08,668 --> 01:30:11,471 And here they are, the Champions. 1568 01:30:11,505 --> 01:30:13,574 The crowd is going wild. 1569 01:30:13,606 --> 01:30:15,943 Janine, they're cheering for the one with the laser. 1570 01:30:15,975 --> 01:30:18,645 Also the other three. It's the four of them 1571 01:30:18,679 --> 01:30:21,949 in matching suits, and the crowd just loves it. 1572 01:30:21,981 --> 01:30:23,917 Just-just look at them. 1573 01:30:23,951 --> 01:30:27,121 Excuse me. The whole world wants to know, who are you guys? 1574 01:30:27,154 --> 01:30:30,825 We're the guys who just saved the planet. We're Lazer Team. 1575 01:30:32,826 --> 01:30:35,962 Sorry, Herman. Looks like I missed another block. 1576 01:30:35,996 --> 01:30:39,800 But the team won, Hagan. That's all that matters. 1577 01:30:39,832 --> 01:30:42,101 You know, I think I could fix that boot, Herman. 1578 01:30:42,135 --> 01:30:44,204 I've also been working on some potential upgrades. 1579 01:30:44,238 --> 01:30:46,974 Woody, how about we figure out what we have first? 1580 01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:48,091 Secure the perimeter! 1581 01:30:48,092 --> 01:30:49,175 Great. 1582 01:30:49,208 --> 01:30:52,246 Sir, can we get a statement? Are these men under arrest? 1583 01:30:52,279 --> 01:30:55,149 No, of course not. I know to many of you 1584 01:30:55,181 --> 01:30:58,519 they didn't seem like the heroes you might expect, 1585 01:30:58,551 --> 01:31:01,521 but I personally hand-picked each member of the Lazer Team. 1586 01:31:01,555 --> 01:31:04,057 I couldn't be prouder of their achievements. 1587 01:31:04,091 --> 01:31:05,593 That's bullshit. 1588 01:31:05,626 --> 01:31:08,162 Now, we may have won the battle, 1589 01:31:08,194 --> 01:31:10,530 but the war is far from over. 1590 01:31:10,564 --> 01:31:13,734 Starting today, we're taking the fight to them. 1591 01:31:13,766 --> 01:31:17,136 I have asked the President to immediately green-light 1592 01:31:17,170 --> 01:31:18,439 Project Pegasus. 1593 01:31:18,440 --> 01:31:19,707 Yes! 1594 01:31:19,739 --> 01:31:21,942 Queen's beaver! 1595 01:31:21,975 --> 01:31:23,978 Ladies and gentlemen, Lazer Team 1596 01:31:25,212 --> 01:31:27,215 is going to space. 1597 01:31:29,048 --> 01:31:30,518 What the f...! 1598 01:31:30,718 --> 01:31:42,000 www.psagmeno.com | No1 Subs iNFO 1599 01:31:42,061 --> 01:31:44,564 A champion was chosen for the battle 1600 01:31:44,597 --> 01:31:46,600 He was to prepare with the Suit of Power 1601 01:31:49,069 --> 01:31:51,205 But like a snake without a rattle 1602 01:31:51,238 --> 01:31:55,876 We weren't there but we would not cower 1603 01:31:55,908 --> 01:31:58,211 They thought they'd slaughter us like cattle 1604 01:31:58,244 --> 01:32:02,750 They weren't prepared for our finest hour 1605 01:32:02,783 --> 01:32:05,219 They weren't prepared for the Lazer Team 1606 01:32:05,252 --> 01:32:07,588 It's not a dream 1607 01:32:07,621 --> 01:32:10,757 The most important battle that the planet's seen 1608 01:32:10,791 --> 01:32:14,228 It's the Lazer Team more than they seem 1609 01:32:14,261 --> 01:32:18,766 Not just a four-man alien kicking ass machine 1610 01:32:18,798 --> 01:32:22,603 I don't think anyone expected them 1611 01:32:22,636 --> 01:32:25,606 To save the day for you and me 1612 01:32:25,639 --> 01:32:29,076 I don't think anyone expected them 1613 01:32:29,109 --> 01:32:35,115 to spell "laser" with a Z 1614 01:32:47,828 --> 01:32:51,632 It's the Lazer Team It's not a dream 1615 01:32:51,664 --> 01:32:54,935 The most important battle that the planet's seen 1616 01:32:54,967 --> 01:32:58,639 It's the Lazer Team More than they seem 1617 01:32:58,671 --> 01:33:02,976 Not just a four-man alien kicking ass machine 1618 01:33:16,689 --> 01:33:19,659 The aliens came and they said to me 1619 01:33:19,693 --> 01:33:22,663 You're gonna kick ass in this galaxy 1620 01:33:22,695 --> 01:33:25,666 They gave me the tools that I'd need to win 1621 01:33:25,698 --> 01:33:29,336 So listen to our song and let the tale begin 1622 01:33:40,180 --> 01:33:42,983 A ragin' battle will be heading your way 1623 01:33:43,015 --> 01:33:45,985 It's on you to save your planet's what the aliens say 1624 01:33:46,019 --> 01:33:48,989 They gave me the suit and then returned to the sky 1625 01:33:49,021 --> 01:33:51,859 Said, you really gotta win or everyone's gonna die 1626 01:33:51,891 --> 01:33:54,994 I got one job to do 1627 01:33:55,028 --> 01:33:57,698 Save the world Save the world 1628 01:33:57,730 --> 01:34:00,333 I don't feel so cool 1629 01:34:00,367 --> 01:34:03,704 And I will get the girl and bask in fame 1630 01:34:03,737 --> 01:34:07,007 And everyone will know the name 1631 01:34:07,039 --> 01:34:09,009 Lazer Team 1632 01:34:09,042 --> 01:34:12,713 I'm gonna drop your punk ass with a laser beam 1633 01:34:12,746 --> 01:34:15,349 Let it stream 1634 01:34:15,381 --> 01:34:19,753 No hero, I agree, but I'm here to save you now 1635 01:34:30,229 --> 01:34:33,032 Safety helmets are for kids on bikes 1636 01:34:33,065 --> 01:34:36,036 Bein' brainy's cool but I'm the one who brings 'em an axe 1637 01:34:36,069 --> 01:34:38,906 You sure can't blog and your boots can't run 1638 01:34:38,939 --> 01:34:42,042 But I'm the one who's gonna blow it up 'cause I got the gun 1639 01:34:42,074 --> 01:34:44,744 I got one job to do 1640 01:34:44,778 --> 01:34:47,381 Save the world Save the world 1641 01:34:47,413 --> 01:34:50,751 I don't feel so cool 1642 01:34:50,783 --> 01:34:53,753 And we know that there's no "I" in team 1643 01:34:53,787 --> 01:34:56,923 But the Z in Lazer must be real 1644 01:34:56,957 --> 01:34:58,926 Lazer Team 1645 01:34:58,958 --> 01:35:02,929 I'm gonna drop your punk ass with a laser beam 1646 01:35:02,962 --> 01:35:05,064 Let it stream 1647 01:35:05,097 --> 01:35:09,936 No hero, I agree, but I'm here to save you now 1648 01:35:09,970 --> 01:35:14,240 Tonight, before the morning light shines 1649 01:35:14,274 --> 01:35:17,411 Tonight Tonight 1650 01:35:17,444 --> 01:35:20,247 I'll beat the Worg and save your life 1651 01:35:20,279 --> 01:35:23,250 And it's not that I don't want to bang you 1652 01:35:23,283 --> 01:35:26,086 I absolutely do 1653 01:35:26,118 --> 01:35:29,255 But I also like you I'm gonna try to 1654 01:35:29,288 --> 01:35:34,127 Be a stud that's true 1655 01:35:45,471 --> 01:35:47,440 Lazer Team 1656 01:35:47,474 --> 01:35:51,278 I'm gonna drop your punk ass with a laser beam 1657 01:35:51,310 --> 01:35:53,980 Let it stream 1658 01:35:54,014 --> 01:35:59,153 No hero, I agree, but I'm here to save you now 123864