Original subtitles

Fuck!

Hmm, watch it!

Oh!

do I have to tell you this, Mom?

I'll call you!

Allie?

Allie, is that you?

Yeah...

Okay, so just so you know,

I really, really have to...

poo.

Bye.

Thank you so much for dinner.

I hope Allie's doing okay?

Ah, you were at dinner

for like three hours.

And where the fuck were you?

I had to tell my parents

you were on your period.

Ugg! Gross!

I overslept.

for a little nappy nap,

and then...

I couldn't get my ass

didn't get ready once you did?

I can't get ready without you.

So can we... go get ready now?

I'm ready!

Oh I'm sorry,

my name's Kort, and I'm so cute.

to get dressed up to get hit on.

Let's have a parade.

Bitch!

that's really sweet of you!

Whatever. I'm going to go

I might even shave my pussy.

Oh, put my name

on those left overs

because I don't want these sluts

when we're not here.

Why your name? I can be mean.

Just put my name on it.

These girls know

I don't play games.

Oh, you mean

you're a bitch?

Well, that was kind of... mean!

Thanks.

So...

I'm thinking this is the year

You know, I'm sick of blacking

It's like, I just want

to settle down, you know?

I mean, last year I had

my slutty sophomore stand,

which was fine.

I'm not going to judge

we all go through our phases.

Except for you!

But... Whatever,

I just feel like...

This is my year... you know?

Until we go abroad, that is.

Well, I don't think

you can really plan

for that sort of thing.

Whatever, dude. I'll...

have some flings with some Brits

and then when I get back...

We'll date!

Then he'll propose shortly

after graduation, and then...

Move to Silver Springs.

He'll get a six figure job

working for an embassy and...

That will be that!

Or you can get

a six figure job.

Okay, whatever. How do I look?

You look hot!

Really?

Yeah, seriously you look good.

I don't know...

I just hope I look fuckable.

I was walking from campus today,

and I just kept finding

Feather, after feather,

Feathers?

it's a Native American thing.

Alright, so the guys

say to get there at ten,

and bring some money

Are you sure?

he was just like suggesting it.

because you used to blow him.

Okay, it's not like I sucked

I only did it once!

Can you please pour me

more of that wine?

Oh, sure thing.

Thanks again for the wine, Kort.

Anything for you, Mary.

her parents bought it.

Anyway...

you don't want to come out now?

I don't know.

kind of bothering me.

Really?

Yeah!

is going to be there?

Will you just shut up

and get drunk with me?

Please don't leave me with them.

Okay, I get it. I'm your rock.

Fuck it!

just going to sit in there

and scissor all night,

or come fucking party with us?

Go, go, go!

There we go, girl!

Yes!

Hey, hey, now come on!

Hey, dude, is that the way

Shall we go get?

Yeah! Let's go!

She's so cool!

how are my boobs?

You look good!

Do they look big?

I want them to look big.

They do?

Go back to what you were saying.

Oh my god! Okay!

So, my schedule is the shit.

No classes on Friday,

No classes before 1pm, and...

only meet once a week.

It's a fucking joke!

must be really proud.

I'm kind of a genius!

Okay, what is this?

Yeah, I called this

the Ben Affleck,

because when you drink it,

you're going to be gone girl.

Oh Shit!

What? It's so good.

Excuse me Kortney...

Who is it?

I have no idea.

Is he hot?

He's... Gorgeous! Top ten.

Hey!

Hi.

Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude,

I thought you were

really pretty.

I got your name from...

Was that creepy?

A little bit.

Okay, can I try again?

I'm Daniel...

Can you hurry up?

Waste Of time!

Seriously, now you want

Who wants to hang out?

Kyle! He doesn't talk to me

all night and then suddenly

he wants to "watch a movie".

Ahh...

So, what the fuck

did you talk about?

Um... He said he's new...

No shit he's new dude.

A hottie like that

doesn't just fly under the radar

Jeez!

Sorry, go on.

Um... He transferred

Ugh, duh!

He's going to be a junior

and a senior on the field.

Oh my god, no way!

two full seasons left?

Yeah, I think he said something

Oh my god, I don't care about

his fucking NCAA eligibility.

Was he hitting on you or not?

Dude, shut up. He totally wants

Oh, Gross!

What, you think?

Yeah... Okay.

What's his first

and last name?

I'm gonna Facebook this bitch.

Oh, I convinced my parents

but I totally just use it

You know what I need?

I got his first name, Daniel.

They're five fucking Daniels

I'm going to need

more than that.

I think his eyes are blue...

His eyes are blue?

a Facebook search query!

A blue-eyed dude

who probably has a big dick.

What are you doing?

Just a little research.

Okay, here's the deal.

I talked to the boat shoe crew

his last name is McMullen.

He's single.

Okay.

And he transferred here

Like I said.

He sat out last year

because of an injury.

Okay, who fucking cares!

Look at these photos!

See this? Beautiful scenery...

See what that is?

Do you know what that means?

a fucking lake house!

I like those shutters.

these two little bitches?

Those are his sisters.

So?

Do you know what that means?

What?

Okay. Any guy with two sisters

It's like a rule of thumb.

That's kind of sweet.

Okay, what I'm saying is

What, because he has sisters

Yeah!

And... look at this!

I count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,

7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, abs!

Hello, hello abs.

They're so cute!

So you like him?

I didn't say that.

You said that.

none of this Nantucket nectar,

then move over!

'Cause this girl is parched.

Mmm...

Okay, I like him.

Thank you.

It's about time somebody

manned up around here.

Wait, hold on.

If this works out, I'm not

saying that it will or won't,

I'm saying if...

If this works out

and you guys settle on four kids

even though I'll probably

All right.

We're leaving for London

and we cannot take

a boyfriend with us.

I just met the guy.

Oh, you just wanna get

some of that dick.

I respect that.

Just think about it.

Right now he's down there,

just sweating his balls off.

Hmm... Lovely!

One day you might even

Seriously.

Pussy.

that the United States

at the beginning of the 1930s,

had not fully asserted itself

as a global superpower.

It has begun to, when--

Oh, my bad!

by understanding

what bottlenecks truly are.

Bottlenecks are, contrary

to what you may believe,

where the performance...

[lecturer continues

speaking inaudibly]

Generally speaking.

Now, for example...

and in that period,

the US struggled to figure out

and insure its place

of the western hemisphere,

without actually

involving troops.

Now this process would go on

under the rhetorical umbrella

of "The Good Neighbor Policy".

And one of the ways

they did that...

...with the same

processing speed

of 500 units per second

flowing into our input...

the United States'

popular opinion

was actively...

of becoming involved

in another...

in another world war.

two widget line flow systems,

two identical widgets

with the same processing speed

one additional widget maker,

we're able to diffuse

the bottleneck entirely.

And therefore as a whole

help facilitate factory

and operating at a 50% hype

Pretty interesting stuff,

I would take that as a yes.

Moving on.

Oh, hey!

Oh, hey.

Hey.

Are you in this class?

Ah, yeah.

I thought...

I thought we caught

Oh, really?

Sometimes I'm like zoning out

what's in front of me, so...

to the doctor about this?

It's actually, it's funny

that we're in the same class,

because I was...

Well, I was hoping...

I don't know, I was wondering

Yes, you want a date!

Who doesn't want dates here?

This guy's a fucking dreamboat!

So, what did you say?

I told him... Oh, I told him...

I told him, "yeah".

What, should I not

have said "yeah"?

Well, it depends

on how you said it.

I said it like...

Yeah.

No, I didn't say it like that.

It was like... more like...

Yeah.

Okay, no, this is it:

Yeah.

Like, you know, I'll do this,

But if I do, I'll be doing you

I think it's... perfect!

So, what are you going to wear?

I don't know, this.

No!

Come on!

What?

We gotta fix this!

You look like a grandma!

I look like a grandma?

But you're wearing

These are very hip...

["Ivy League Circus"

by Gordon Voidwell]

We already ate before class.

Who cares, you can throw it up

Stephen!

Allie!

Hi!

Good to see you.

Good to see you too.

What the fuck was that?

You're still talking?

I mean, he still texts me.

Only after 2 a.m.

I think there's something

Sorry.

Can this guy move?

Well, when is it? Thank you.

God, when's your date?

He's going to call.

What? He's going to call?

Not text?

Um... yeah.

Classy!

Oh my god!

How's that yoghurt?

Do you want some?

Have some. I want it.

I'm Kort, I'm skinny,

See, you have a little

on your face.

What do you think

about this one?

Did somebody die?

Um... you if you don't stop

Dude, you've got to give him

more than your knee caps. God!

than that dress, okay?

He's tall, he's good looking.

He's got those beautiful DSL's.

DSL's? How does that help me?

Depends what

you're in to.

Look, we've got to go more

Beyoncé, less Bea Arthur.

I'm going to look

like a birthday cake

That sounds delicious.

Let's go try shit on.

by Deidre & The Dark]

Do you like?

Do I look like Heidi Klum?

Oh, okay.

So, I'm having mixed feelings

You know, I like it because

it's versatile but then again

I just really don't know.

Walk away, just walk away.

You don't like it?

Dress it up, dress it down.

Like, right now the way

it's going to look formal

it anywhere, right. Like a--

Formal?

Like Diane Keaton

who's a stripper?

you look fabulous!

But I can't have you out here

like you're going to a bar,

you're trying to go to a party.

Then, with just like

a slight adjustment...

it becomes casual.

Yeah, very casual.

It's like... beachy.

There!

Babe!

No?

No!

Alright, come out.

Oh... yes!

It's perfect!

You really think it's good?

come to the wedding?

Okay, what's the damage?

Oh hell no!

It's $500.

No!

Yes!

but you're not worth it.

We'll figure something out.

So, Mary's top?

Yes, with the pants

of yours I like.

Oh, that can work. Perfect!

Oh hey, have you all

listened to this?

Cereal. The podcast.

Never heard of it.

if you do, don't tell me,

I can crack this puppy.

Okay.

Alright.

I'm sorry.

Oh... I have a class tonight.

Yeah, interesting!

Ok, I'm going to go study...

and then...

do you want to do movie night?

If by movie night you mean

season three of Downton?

What the fuck else would I mean?

Right, sorry, mate!

Pip, pip and bollocks.

You're ruining it.

Hey... Let me know if Dan Dan

Okay.

Bye.

...and with 140 characters,

killed the feature story,

which leads me to...

ending this class.

He still hasn't called?

I want to do something important

the mother-fucking internet...

Okay, look, like I was thinking,

this little pussy boy Daniel

and make a fucking phone call.

he's seeing someone else?

Maybe he lost his phone.

Or... or it broke.

That happens!

Hey!

Do you have some... batteries?

For what?

For my TV.

Remote.

No.

Maybe he's dead.

You know what, dude,

fuck this little cocksucker,

He said he would call

a commitment-phobe, or dead.

I say we're over him.

Oh my god!

Unless that's him...

I say we're back in.

What do I do?

Answer it!

It's Daniel!

What the fuck's he saying?

Oh no, it's fine.

Ah, ah, ah...

That's fine.

Uh-hm.

Yeah, that works.

Okay.

I'll see you then.

Bye.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

It's a baby!

Isn't it cute?

Okay, what did he say?

Okay, so first of all he said

"Sorry for calling so late".

Precious!

And then he said he wants

to take me out this weekend

but he can't because he's going

out of town with his family.

Lake house!

Next weekend, if I'm up for it,

he wants to take me

to dinner on Friday.

Nobody even goes out on Fridays!

That's brilliant!

Okay...

what you're thinking,

and I'll do the same, okay?

Ready? One, two--

I hope he takes me to a club--

What?

Maybe just a little cardio!

You gotta open up your gait,

What?

Your strides, they're tiny!

Longer strides, more calories!

Stop running like a toddler,

like a grown human woman

who wants to get laid.

See that dick! Run to that dick!

Faster! Run to it!

Kegels, feel the kegels!

Pull... inside your vagina.

Eye of the tiger, baby, earn it!

Squeeze it! Burn! Feel the burn!

You're not going hard enough!

Earn your thigh gap!

What are you doing?

Oh my god!

You're doing great, man.

Don't let your hips drop.

Don't let gravity win like this.

I'm not.

with your nasty chip fingers!

What?

I said I see gravity winning

You're disgusting!

I don't know if my ass

or these jeans got smaller.

Oh, I washed them

like four times.

What do you think, Pam?

You look amazing!

I have something for you.

Just in case!

♪ You know you want to ♪

No!

The world is

a happy place.

Excuse me! No girl gets her door

on her own fucking date!

It's my door to get!

You stay right here!

Hello, sweet cheeks.

Hey! Is Kortney here?

That little whore's right here.

Oh...

Hi!

Thanks.

will be right with you.

Enjoy your meal.

This place is really nice!

I guess I always

sort of thought that

first dates should be...

You know, just in case.

Yeah.

Ah, yeah.

Is Luce here?

She's upstairs.

Martins?

to mother-fucking Martins?

It's crazy, right?

Who does this guy think he is?

This guy's the tits!

Ladies, let's have a shot

before everyone gets here.

Or two.

I want to get super weird today.

You already are weird.

Thanks.

There we go.

You're welcome!

This literally has a pube in it.

It's disgusting!

["Never Coming Down"

by Midnight Riot]

So, did you get any?

Cut the shit.

Tell me you broke that dick off!

Wait a minute.

I'll text you.

What happened?

I think Kort broke

someone's dick off.

What? I want to hear!

Oh come on! Cough it up!

We just kissed on the cheek.

Fuck, yeah!

Daniel, the lacrosse transfer.

The mancer from Maryland?

They went on a date.

Take it from the top.

Okay, okay, okay... Alright.

We walk in, it's gorgeous!

Like, there are all these

pictures of DC on the wall,

like flappers and pictures

and the hostess took us

and we sat down,

and we just started talking...

she's sucked his dick.

Oh...

In the restaurant?

Just like Jackie O

would have wanted!

Allie, hurry up!

You don't need make up.

We're just going to study.

Oh my god! What happened to you?

Oh yeah, I know, I'm fine.

It's just I couldn't

Is that a hickey?

Who did that to you?

I have no idea.

to myself for all I know.

I got to go have brunch

What?

Hey, do you think

I should text Steven?

Hmm?

I should text Steven?

Why?

Oh, because I want to.

he only texts you after 2am?

Yeah, but...

I feel like sometimes guys

don't really know

how to communicate--

I'm in the middle of a sentence!

Kort! Don't you agree

like sometimes guys just don't

and they like need you

to be the one to initiate?

'Cause we're just like putting

to be the ones, but...

maybe they need us

to be the ones.

And I just need to get creative

that it's cool to text me

Kort, what are you looking for?

A book!

Oh my god!

I have a classic tale in 15

and I'm like oddly

stressed about it.

Oh shit!

Okay, so I feel like,

having a first date,

is like really pivotal.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, I think...

But yeah, I feel like now

is the time to just like

and start with the mind games.

What mind games?

Poker face!

You don't like him.

I don't like him?

I don't see you.

I'm winning, but you don't know.

I'm full royal flush,

and kings and queens,

You never played poker?

I still feel weird.

I mean, you feel awkward,

because it's going to be

so awkward when you see it.

Thanks.

Cool if I sit here?

Cool!

when I say "run like a girl"?

as fast as you can.

Throw like a girl.

So, do you think you just

insulted your sister?

No.

Is "like a girl"

a good thing?

I feel like he's judging me.

Hmm... He is!

I don't care.

You know, sometimes

it's kind of wild

to think about.

I don't know like all this.

monuments, White House...

all the huge decisions

like they've made here

while we're just worried

and hooking up.

You get dumb shit here too.

I spent every working day

trying to figure out where...

Hey!

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just getting a feel

where a high school kid was...

She has a nice voice.

Yeah! Yeah, I like it too.

Hey, um, quick question?

about Jay's testimony?

pretty suspect, right?

And this mister "S" guy,

he's a real wild card,

where did he come from?

what you're talking about.

But... uh...

good luck... with this.

I don't know.

Come on!

If you don't like it,

if it hurts, we'll stop.

Let's just try it.

all root for each other.

are still together and...

they still kiss in public...

And oh, I always had to have

the new gaming system, like...

right when they came out.

So you're a spoiled?

I hate that word, but... yes.

I came from a good family.

What about you? Are your...

Are your parents happy?

Yeah! They're happy it's just...

not with each other.

As simple as that?

Yeah.

if I change the subject?

Yes, please.

what does Allie think of me?

Did I... pass the test?

I don't know.

We don't really talk

about you that much.

So stupid!

Oh, I'm famous, I'm pretty.

Oh, I'm married.

Hey, Allie.

Whatever! Fuck you, Mom!

I know it's your money,

but it's my credit card.

It has my name on it.

Oh... Hello...

Hey, Kort...

Um... Will you date me?

[speech drown out

by louder music]

Okay, what are you thinking?

I'm thinking...

What the fuck is this?

You're dating?

Are you fucking kidding me?

Hello.

Hi.

Kitchen! Yesterday!

Allie...

Were you not even going

to tell me about this?

What are you

talking about?

It just happened

ten minutes ago.

I thought you'd be happy for me.

I am.

Seriously, I am.

Now, I want you to notice

both on the front end,

if the factory is operating

and there are zero bottlenecks,

everything should be fine,

Wrong!

Because, even if

everything has been taken

care of on the front end,

Now, what am I talking about?

Um...

Exactly! Elaborate.

Um...

It's kind of like

when your factory,

it makes stuff,

but at the same time

enough other stuff to keep

all the machines happy.

Right?

You're an idiot!

as you would think.

To the big board.

Huh!

Mmm, look at this little cup

Mmm...

I'd like to give you a tour

Are those jeans from Europe?

Just kidding, come back!

Who are you listening to?

Um... Nelly...

Furtado.

What?

Oh, this is cute!

Do you want to try that on?

Why not, come on!

It'll look good on you.

Why don't you try something on?

it's sitting on me quite right.

that will sit on you!

Honey, no!

What?

It's legal now!

What are you doing? Stop!

I do not respond well to this.

What?

Come on, do it for me.

D- Man.

Who is D-Man?

It's just what they

used to call me

back in the hood.

Give me the spoon!

I will take the spoon!

that's not fun.

That's no fun.

Mmm...

It's so good!

Go fuck yourself!

So, you've really never

Nope!

What I'm doing right here

is called cradling.

So, it's like as if you were,

you know--

Cradling.

I'm going to toss you

So just kind of accept it

as opposed to trying to catch

it as if you're a statue.

Okay. Like this?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm impressed!

Beginner's luck!

take it back as--

on a lacrosse scholarship!

Allie too.

we have trust issues.

So, thank you for that!

So, why did you quit?

I don't know...

I mean, I like lacrosse,

are a lot of work, you know?

if it's really worth it.

For me, at least.

But it got me into a school

I probably shouldn't

have gotten into.

I knew it!

What?

I knew that you were dumb.

I knew it!

I'm dumb?

I just knew it!

Rude!

I'm joking.

What about Allie?

Did she just quit

because you quit?

To be fair, no.

I just think she's... lazy.

Hey, Pam!

Yeah?

Have you ever felt like...

you're happy for someone...

uh, you know, like...

like you're happy for someone...

I mean you're completely

but you're like...

want what they have...

Oh! Yeah!

I'm jealous

all the time!

I mean I'm jealous of you

for being funnier than me.

And Kort for being prettier,

and Mary for eating less

And Luce for sexting

all the lacrosse guys,

even though I do find it

morally questionable,

slash, would secretly

And Jen for saying

the shit that I think

but I'm actually

too scared to say.

Huh!

Why, what's up?

Nothing!

Okay, well...

I'm going to go do some laundry.

Bye.

Hey, Allie!

Daniel and I are going to go

and catch a movie if you want--

I'm so sorry.

Hey, Mar!

What's going on?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah?

Okay... um...

Daniel was in my dream

We were in South Carolina

even though it was a Sunday,

and it started out slow,

but by the end of it

he had me kind of over

the back of his Chevy

and was raw dogging me,

I'm really sorry.

Okay...

Thank you for... being honest.

What?

Oh, fancy seeing you here!

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing, I just...

Crazy!

But... I think I have

something fun for us!

Oh yeah?

You want cheese on this, right?

Yes, please.

Okay. So, Daniel's friend,

also name is Daniel, actually,

is renting out the

and he wants all of us to come.

Are they going to be boys there?

Um... tons!

Okay, I'm listening.

Okay, so it's this Sunday,

I know, he's like one of those

has to celebrate his birthday

on his birthday types.

Eww!

Okay, well, can we do

a girl's day before?

Um... I actually told Daniel

I'd go to the Skins game

You're calling them

Okay. Well, will you still

Duh! It's a one o'clock game.

Okay.

Do you think like...

do you think she likes him

more than me?

No, you're right, you're right!

That's stupid!

I just...

I don't know, I get...

I get self-conscious,

I feel like he's replacing me.

Do you think he is replacing me?

Come on, Will!

I've got to go!

I was talking to him!

You don't even care!

Oh shit!

You want to see me?

At 11:30, aka 30 minutes ago,

and no, it's my job to see you,

do I want to be here.

Sit down!

So, it appears that

this being tardy thing

is becoming a bit of an issue.

"It's almost as though

she's trying to be late."

Do you have anything to say?

Uh-hm.

You do realize that

this type of behavior

does have consequences?

Yeah, I mean, I thought,

don't have to go to class.

Well... you don't

have to do anything.

I don't have to...

mow my lawn.

But I do!

Because it keeps

my neighbors happy.

Was that... an innuendo?

if you don't take action,

more often than not,

these things tend to

come back and bite you.

And... not in a good...

"Oh, that feels nice"

I think we're done here!

Oh, okay.

So, do you want to eat first,

to grab food there?

to really eat hotdogs, so...

Hold on one second.

What's up?

I'm just going to get

my nails done, but...

I wanted to say have fun

Cool! Thanks. You too.

Um... Alright. See you later.

Sorry.... Yeah.

Yeah, we can get Chinese.

You excited for tonight?

Yeah, I guess.

A little nervous, actually.

Allie, can I be frank?

Yeah.

You're a little boy crazy.

What?

You torture yourself

over all this shit,

and I really don't know why?

I mean...

sex, love, having a boyfriend,

it's... supposed to be fun.

I like the game!

I like to flirt,

I like the chase,

maybe it's not, I don't know.

But, that's for you

the world's ideals because

are just a bunch of bullshit.

There's no more

rule book, Allie.

Let's go with black.

Hey, Allie!

Hi.

Can I have one of those?

Yep. Your usual.

And then, maybe one of those.

Ah, you're getting

adventurous on me.

Yep. Just gone crazy.

Don't tell me Jay was scared.

Hey, is Kort around?

I think she's in her room.

Okay.

We didn't have them

15 years ago.

don't have them now.

What?

Is this a joke?

Finish the GD story, sweetheart!

Who does this?

that pedicure took forever.

I'm just going to shower

I swear I'm not even

going to masturbate.

Just kidding, no promises.

that you're not impressed,

I was less than five minutes.

Okay, okay, so I'm thinking

super scandalous tonight,

I'm going to let

these ass cheeks

leak out a little bit.

Whatever, just tell me

Oh!

♪ I get so excited ♪

Guys, dudes, let her chose!

I don't care if she's your babe.

There's no easy buckets.

No easy buckets!

Kort, could you please

shut these guys up?

Yeah, bring it, bring it!

Bro!

You know, I definitely

prefer wine over beer.

It just makes me feel more...

more like a lady!

You know, more sophisticated.

Kind of...

I read a study that says

it's rich in probiotics.

Plus it helps me get fucked up.

Cheers to that.

Does my hair look all right?

Yeah, solid!

I just switched products, so...

Allie, what's the deal,

why aren't you dressed?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh I'm just... Um...

waiting for Kort,

because I told her

that I would help her

You know how we do.

Hmm!

Oh, shit!

I totally forgot to relay.

Okay, so I talked to Kort,

beer pong tournament

thingy with Daniel,

at a completely

different location.

to have to meet at the party.

Give me that fucking wine.

Sorry.

Hi!

Thank you.

What the fuck are you doing?

What do you mean,

what are you doing?

You should not be drinking

and you have to hold--

it's like a dress basically.

Thank you so much.

You so don't need that!

I'm sorry, Luce,

I don't remember asking

Allie, maybe we should

Thank you, they'll pay.

I'll have a glass of Pinot.

Oh, hey, Kort!

Hey! Hey!

How was the game?

It was really fun.

Really, was it?

Yeah! Yeah, it was really fun!

the beer pong tournament?

It was really fun, Allie.

It was?

Yeah!

Was it great?

I'm so happy for you.

And did you have a good time,

Yeah, it was a fine time.

I like to have a good time too.

I'll suck your dick

Allie!

What?

Yeah, I'm kidding.

I'll do it for free.

What the fuck

is your problem?

What's my problem?

What's your problem?

You just give everything up

you met two months ago!

You just said you were going

Yeah, I was just trying

to get in on the fun.

He's my fucking boyfriend,

He's your only friend... Kort!

Fuck you!

Phil, can I get a dollar?

Hey, Allie!

Allie!

I just want to let you know,

you went off the reservation

and stopped taking care

It's not my fault

you're a vain whore,

with Captain America.

Don't give me bullshit,

because I can get a guy

You don't study for anything.

You don't push yourself

You're just a selfish dick

who expects the whole world

Thanks, Kort!

Take some fucking responsibility

for once in your life! God!

This is why I'm not going

Perfect, well I'll just be

getting bukkaked,

and you'll be here

dating Daniel.

Great!

Awesome!

What's bukkaked?

Um... when a man and woman

all of his friends over...

You know what?

Kort told me what happened,

can't get their dicks hard,

when they're fucking 40!

what's she talking about?

Uh oh!

Is she wearing a towel?

Where the fuck have you been?

Trash.

In the trash.

Who was that?

I have no idea.

No, I mean, it was Allie, but...

She looks like shit!

Kort?

Kort!

Is she in there?

Yeah, she's in there.

Oh!

Fucking yoga bitches!

Fuck!

Fuck, it's hard!

Oh god!

This isn't a bad pace!

Not a bad place at all!

And so, as managers,

we're left to solve is,

how do we repair

our system's flaws?

So as to return to a point...

as closer to optimal

while still living with

the fact that optimal

doesn't necessarily

You see, we're not just

in a theoretics class here,

where we bank on stand-alone

We're dealing with real issues

You got to see this, man!

Alright, I'll see you.

Are you fucking kidding me?

who you're talking to?

I'm the Dean of goddamn

students, sweetheart!

It's too late! You're expelled!

Just kidding!

I don't have the power

to listen to me for one second.

Hear me out, baby girl.

Okay.

Everything okay?

Yeah, everything's great.

What are you making?

I'm not really sure,

but I feel really cool

because I measured

a bunch of shit,

and I got to mince something

Oh, do you want help?

Uh-uh! No way, I got this.

Fucking son of a mother-fucker!

That's so hot!

All right.

I have my phone if you need me.

Thank you.

Shh...

Say no more.

I didn't say anything.

Okay, you're good, you're good!

I got you!

You know I can't see, right?

Hey!

Oh, I'll let you two be.

Actually, I prepared something.

Daniel, this first part

My apologies for the other night

when I offered to fellate you,

and also for the things

I said about your dick,

and it's limpness.

rudely inappropriate,

and a pretty dumb thing to do.

this second part is for you.

My apologies for the other night

when I offered to fellate

your boyfriend Daniel,

previously mentioned

of the speech, and also--

...this dinner--

We get it!

Okay, the point is, I'm sorry.

Truly!

very unbecoming of me.

Oh! Thank you for your time.

I love you!

if I didn't say that she'd...

shank me and make it seem like

Jesus!

I'm sorry.

I hope I didn't ruin this?

No, you didn't.

to be chicken, but...

But it's a liquid though,

I don't understand it.

If you skim it off the top

Hey, guys.

How is it?

It's um...

It's fucking horrible, isn't it?

It's really not very good,

Daniel, any thoughts?

I mean it's not bad,

It... it's just tough to chew

Yeah, I kind of saw this coming.

Yes! Real food!

if I have a sip of this?

So are you going to hold this

I just might though.

Would make up sex help?

Is that all you girls

It is, isn't it?

What, it's been like a week!

What? Are you not going to help?

Um... She...

She handcuffed me to the table!

Oh my god!

Yeah!

So, how's it going out there?

Looks like it's going well!

I mean... not that I'm watching!

I'm not! I'm just...

From the few glances

that I've stolen, it...

Looks like it's going well!

And I only saw those glances

the standard of service high.

Sure.

Yeah, it's going well!

I like him.

Yeah...

Me too.

So why did you act like that?

I guess it was just...

were chasing them together,

were dating him alone.

I wasn't the best...

best friend, was I?

I kind of got caught up

Hey um...

that abroad thing, did you?

Yeah... I did.

not for those reasons but...

I never really wanted to go.

Okay.

Can I give you some good news?

Yes, now would be a good time.

that thinks you're hot.

Proceed.

Apparently, he thinks

you have a nice ass!

This ass?

That ass!

Okay, I'll take it!

He wants to take you

out for a drink.

Shut the fuck up!

Oh my god!

I did that to be dramatic!

I fucking hate that plate!

we are working with?

You look good!

How do you feel?

I feel good. I do.

I'm a little nervous though.

You can be nervous.

You're just not allowed

Does that rule still stand?

Like a 100%?

Yes, you slut!

Great!

The dress looks good too.

Really?

like I'm made for these things.

Alright, perfume?

Check!

And...?

It's the first date!

I'm just asking!

I trimmed!

Daniel, thoughts?

Gorgeous!

It's very sweet of you D-Mac.

Okay. Go on.

I... oh, bye!

["The Day I Died"

by Alex Winston]

Can I help you?

Huh?

Are you looking

for someone?

Oh! No.

I'm okay!

at the slice of apple pie!

Come over here, cutie!

What's up, little boo?

I'd like to give you

a tour of this...

This camp-pus...

You ever seen Mystic River?

Little Sean Penn wannabe!