Original subtitles

ENGLISH SUBTITLES BY BARISHNIKOV@KATCR.CO

"I'M NOT PLANNING TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM"

Hi. - Hey. Good morning.

You got up early. - You think?

Thanks.

I heard there was a problem in the locker room... - Not your fault.

You want me to talk to them? - I'd rather do it myself.

The problem is not that you're a woman... it's that you're from Trøndelag.

I'll go get the turf ready.

Would you rather train on real grass? Patrick was very concerned about that.

Shouldn't we make things easier for those who come here?

We may need some new blood, someone with speed and creativity.

I don't think that's possible...

It doesn't have to cost much. Sandefjord's right wing...

You don't need no magic wand, just be a little more "Sunnmøre-like".

Just go out there and tell them: "Light it up, boys!"

They'll listen. - And then...?

Nothing... just tell them: "Light it up!"

I'm not gonna say that. - She's not gonna say that.

Michael?

Can you pick me up at after-school today?

Of course. What are you doing there?

I have a meeting. - What kind of meeting?

Hedda told me they need substitutes for high school.

I have to speak with the principal. - Ok.

We may need something extra in the future... - You don't have to worry about that.

I wasn't worried but things didn't really go as planned.

She'll have her 15 minutes of glory then we'll go back to normal.

Honey... it's good you got a job...

...but you need to relax, not to turn yourself into a math teacher.

It's just not fun. - It is... you just don't get it.

There's nothing to get. It's not funny, it's not comedy at all.

The problem is you're "anti-humor".

How about this... what did the horny nun say when the 8-year-old invalid grabbed her ass?

Seriously... I don't even wanna hear that.

She says: "Don't do it, Markus, it's inappropriate."

As I thought...

She's not answering. I think we can go in anyway.

Hi there. Do you need any help?

Your mom is very cool. - She's not my mom.

Are you gonna live here the three of you? - No, we're only helping her moving.

Have you got any more stuff to bring in? - No, I think we're done.

We'll be in Stampesletta tonight, me and other kids. We're gonna have some fun.

What are you gonna do? - Play some football, a barbecue, things like that.

Adrian Austnes will be there. - I don't know who he is.

Adrian Austnes... he played for Ajax.

No, no... if you look here... I have...

He played football, so...

See that pass...

He didn't score though. - No... but the pass was very...

Since you're Helena's relatives... - I'm not, I'm her boyfriend.

Yes, right... anyway, it's gonna be tonight.

Only if you feel like... it's open to anyone.

Hi. - Shall we start with the usual routine?

There won't be any normal routine today. - We must make the most of the time we have.

Especially if we wanna learn that 5-2-2-1 play. - 9-1-0... that's what we agreed.

There's plenty to do but it'll have to wait. Almerud, let's start with you.

No one's going home. This is gonna take all day.

Almerud is her first choice but don't be discouraged.

Shall we stay here and stare at the wall? - No, let's do some training.

She wants us to play with 5 defenders, 4 midfielders...

I'm not doing this. - Otto, we have training!

So... what...

What do you expect from the upcoming season?

What you mean by "expect"? - Well, it's...

We just met yesterday. I thought we could get to know each other's ideas.

What are your expectations?

Well... why do you ask?

I expect to score many goals.

I'm thinking around 10 or 15. That what I expect.

You scored zero goals in 94 games. Are you including own-goals?

No. - How are you thinking to achieve that?

I thought you'd figure out how.

First you gotta apologize for what you wrote. I'm not afraid of the ball!

If you're not afraid of the ball... what is this?

That's... it was a bad kick, I knew it was going out of bounds.

I think we were a bit more on the left.

What's more important to you? - Look good or perform well?

Both.

I expect more of that stuff. I see you're honest and thorough.

I'll do my best to implement your vision.

What do you expect from me?

Otto!

Isn't Otto here? - He had to leave.

He had to leave... come here a minute.

Michael Ellingsen... what are your expectations for the season?

We can start by showing some respect for the team Patrick has put together.

I've considered that.

After we make fools of ourselves on TV, maybe we'll start thinking a little different.

Throwing away points it's not good for my career.

Yes, your career... - I plan to coach Rosenborg.

But now I have to put together a team which can score points right from the start.

Am I asking too much? - We play to win games.

You'll meet some serious resistance. - Espen agrees with me.

Espen is not important as he thinks. - What you mean by that?

Daddy's home.

That's misleading, Espen. What does it matter who she has sex with?

She's right for the job.

Who I hire is not your concern anyway.

You like to think that, Espen...

...but it's my name on the shirts and inside the stadium.

It's my life savings that allow you to have a job in football.

This is good for you, it makes you look progressive and modern.

In two weeks, when you're gonna have to fire her, what do you think the papers will say about you? That you're progressive?

She's not the kind of woman you think she is. - She spoke of feelings the very first day.

She's professionally tough and knows what she wants. That's not really Michael's strong suit.

She read books but she doesn't have it in the blood.

She has a clear vision of the team, she wants younger legs in it.

For that, we need the money you would have given Michael.

I invested in Michael's idea 'cause I thought it was gonna pay dividends.

Frankly, I see no point in investing on her.

You never doubted my decisions before. - Because you never took stupid decisions.

Let's go to dinner. Give me the chance to convince you.

You can at least meet her before talking about what is and what's not in her blood.

She needs salt and pepper too? - She only eats frozen pizza and noodles... so, yes.

Anything else? - No.

She seems so full of herself.

They say she's a PR-enthusiast, PR-horny I'd say.

That's the same old problem.

You would have done that?

You know she lives around here? We could pop up at lunchtime.

Will you stop that? - Wait, Tormod... what is it?

You can't talk like that! - Did I say something wrong?

It sounded like... - Leave it.

Leave it? But... - He's got an IQ of 25, leave him alone.

Fucking brats. - What an asshole...

Hi!

Hey! We took care of everything.

That's amazing!

I tried to call you but you left you phone here. What are you 70?

Too much going on. Thanks for letting us use your car, Steffen.

That's ok, I've always dreamed of seeing Ulsteinvik.

Are you hungry? We have mixed-boiled and lamb sausages.

Sorry... I'm going out for dinner and I gotta be charming.

I can bring back Ben & Jerry's ice cream. - There's palm oil in that.

Excuse me... your phone is ringing.

Aren't you picking up? What if it's Skavlan?* (*talk show)

I'm not going to Skavlan. - What are you waiting for Oprah?

Who might be calling from 70077390?

Did you bring the dresses? - In your closet.

Thank you...

Wow! What kind of dinner is that again?

Gotta get the main sponsor to pay for new players.

I never knew you were like... - Like what, Steffen?

How about like this?

Tell some jokes. You'll be sexy and funny.

Is that wise? - How would you know, you...

...I'm the anti-humor.

The joke about the dwarf who got his bike stolen. That'll crack them up!

Hi. - Hi.

Yes... just sit here... Bjarne likes that...

Wow...

Just be relaxed... he'll see who you are.

Hey. Were you waiting for me?

Hi. Thanks for the last time.

Hi. Helena Mikkelsen. Nice to meet you. - Likewise.

Nice dress. You should have been wearing it at the press conference.

Shall we have drinks first?

Tell Alexander to fix 5 or 6 plates.

Make sure there's no figs. - Ok.

So... this is quite thrilling, isn't it? - It is.

I heard the first training day wasn't easy.

You told him? - Espen is not my main source.

Well... there were some small issues. - It's always like that.

We'll get around that. It's worse with the old players.

Old...? - They're a bit worn out.

"Worn out" really sounds bad. - Maybe we could bring in some young player.

We're in recession times.

We could try to sell some player first...

Who do you like? Rosenborg? - Well... I grew up in Lerkendal.

In England? - I liked Chelsea when Mourinho was coaching.

I can understand Rosenborg. But Chelsea...?

Sheiks and pussy football... - Something against businessmen getting involved in football?

Maybe you got it in your blood after all.

Were you in Lerkendal when they played Real Madrid? Great match.

Who scored in that game? - Who scored...?

It was in '97... - Am I being tested?

I want to get to know you. I've put so much into this club.

I feel like I'm at dinner with my father-in-law. -Like "what you plan to do with my daughter?"...

I wanna know if you're the right one. I won't waste time in a short-term relationship.

I am committed. - Great, but... you don't know who scored in that game.

Strand before halftime, Brattbakk after. Mini had the chance but didn't score.

What a game that was. - Any more questions?

Where is Zlatan from? Who won the World Cup in '78? I know both.

I asked you a question, no need to get hysterical. - Hysterical...

Just be glad I'm trying to stop you from going down a path that leads to beggary.

We better leave that path then.

Alexander says if you don't like figs you better go to a different restaurant.

Maybe we could go to Ulsteinvik with Nils.

Grill and football? What if we stay here and watch Interstellar?

It would be good to see the place. Interstellar can wait.

But with the sausages and... - Hey!

I forgot the ice-cream. - That's ok. How it went?

Did you get Ronaldo? - No, I have to look in the flea market.

Let's find some recruits.

You might wanna go to Stampesletta. - What's there?

There's a lot of talk about this Adrian guy. - Adrian?

Yes, he payed in... what was it?

It was... Arsenal? No... Ajax maybe?

Adrian Austnes? - Yes, I think.

Is he gonna be there? - Yes... so says Nils, your neighbor.

Where did you say it was? - Stampesletta. Where are you going?

That's football...

Adrian!

Hi. I tried to talk to you earlier... I'm Helena, the new...

Yes, I know who you are. - Can I come in?

No, you can't. - May I use your bathroom?

I really need to go. - Alright. That way.

Thanks. - I'm going to bed now. Close the door after you.

I met your father once, when he was training kids in Stabæk.

He has a very interesting philosophy of work. Where is he now?

He works for Vålerenga. - In Oslo?

Last time I checked.

So you live here with your mother? - With my sister.

I need someone with rhythm and creativity. - I've quit.

It didn't seem so.

What happened with Ajax?

I'd like you to... - I don't give a shit, ok?

I don't give a shit about Michael Ellingsen or your Club, is that clear?

We have training tomorrow at 10.

Aren't you a bit pessimistic? - I'm just being realistic.

I believe we're going back down, the dream is over.

We must give her some time.

Today she has her first training session as Varg coach.

We'll continue reporting from the training field. Now we move to a completely different subject...

Shall we have dinner together tonight?

We need to go back. - Aren't you on Easter holiday?

We promised Steffen's parents we'd go with them in Geilo.

They gave us the car but in exchange we must join them for the annual dinner.

I could have got you a rental car. - We'll be back for your first game, ok?

Alright... I gotta get to work now. Thanks for breakfast.

Have a nice day. - You too.

More rhythm, boys! Come on!

Rhythm! Keep the pace!

There you are. How come you're not out leading the training?

I asked Michael to do a regular session.

The press is all here for your first training day.

They don't wanna see Michael... - I'm working on it.

I saw Adrian Austnes playing yesterday.

Ok. - How come he's not here? Have you tried him out?

Patrick preferred experienced players. Also he's not very fond of us.

Why?

Things got rough when he was about to sign for Ajax.

We had a nasty argument with his father about money and Adrian was caught in the middle of it.

We could have handled it better. - You know what happened with Ajax?

I think only he and his father know.

He is good and he's still in shape.

I can't argue with that. He's disciplined and he goes running 3 times a day.

Helena, can you say something for us? - Not today.

Is it some kind of strategy you not directing the training session?

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the training area.

Keep the pace!

They look good. - Yes... come on, boys!

Peeping at your mother's texts? - Well... what if it's the TV?

Right... where my charger? - Over there.

I'm from VG Sporten, I'd like a statement.

P1 here. I was wondering if we could have an interview about football.

I'm from KK. We'd like to chat with you about fashion tips for career women.

Please call me back at this number. Thank you.

Be careful if you know what's good for you.

You're good at PR but you're too ugly to be looked at.

We don't need premenstrual bitches in football.

Don't come here with your lies to teach us...

I hope your family dies! - They're gonna rape you in the showers!

You better pack your things and go! - We know where you live!

How many dicks did you suck to get this job?!

Fucking lesbian! - I'll make you suck my dick!

...cut your throat and stick a knife in your...

...we'll come to your house you damn bitch...

Hi, mom, it's me. You didn't lock the door so we went in.

I'll see you for dinner tonight.

Ok, enough for the day. Good session.

That was good. Good intensity.

Hey, Michael... I want a chance to match my record.

What's the idea? - To hit the crossbar.

Are you playing for something?

It's "money in the bank, bitch".

I don't mean you, of course... it's an expression. We play 3 out of 5, 500 per hit.

3 out of 5?

I started to be worried about you at some point.

How much do you owe me? - It was 1000, now it's 1500... 2500.

Payday.

Can I try too?

I should go to after-school but... - Come on... I wanna play against Michael Ellingsen.

Alright.

Shall I go first? - Yes.

Almost. - That was very nice!

My turn.

I grazed it. - No, sorry.

Ok... one more time. - 1000.

Double or nothing.

Be my guest.

Ok, now I got it. One more time. - That's enough.

Come on, one more. Doesn't have to be for money. - What do we play for then?

If you win, you're gonna run training the whole week.

And I decide the tactics for the first game. - Ok.

And if you win? - Same as you... plus you'll be quiet and do whatever I say.

What you're up to?

3 out of 5. That should do it.

Ok... we're having a night session for starters. See you all on the turf at 7,30.

Hey... that was amazing. Where did you learn it?

Now we have to deliver. I got a baby coming and he needs First Division money.

I hear you.

Ok, Pirlo... I'll see you tonight.

Are you looking for new players?

I have a nephew... right wing, impressive player. Ivar Mellesmo, very swift.

Patrick never gave him a chance. You should try him out.

I'll think about it. - Ivar Mellesmo.

I'll give you big discounts if you put him on the team. - Is that so?

That's Ivar Mellesmo. Ivar Mellesmo, keep it in mind.

Hi, Adrian.

Wait... your father doesn't care how much you run.

Stop acting like you know him! - I know the type.

'Cause you saw him once?

Every night, from when I was 5 until I was 16, my father and I were on a dirt field.

He taught me I was never going to be the best at playing football.

Not even good, 'cause I was a girl.

He tied his RBK scarf to the crossbar and put the ball 18 meters away.

After that, he had nothing to say anymore. I could be the best at free kicks.

I had to hit it once, then three times and I did.

When you're close to 10... then it really gets tough.

When I missed, we started over again. If I was tired or hungry... "all excuses", he'd say.

And excuses were for losers.

Now we're not losers.

It's not for me. I'm not your father and this is not Ajax.

We train every day... and you'd always be welcome.

You must agree that was very impressing.

The fact that she can hit the crossbar won't be of any help when we play Sogndal.

The boys have to perform. - Maybe she should play too.

If we're assigned a free kick, then she could really be helpful.

Hello!

Hey... you didn't leave.

What is it?

You know what they're saying?

Hey. I'll go warm up the engine.

Didn't you even report this?

Shouldn't you go to the police? - I'll get me a secret number.

Those are actual death threats and they know where you live!

You gotta come back home. This is not worth it.

That way they win. - Yes.

My girl... it might get worse in the future.

If we lose the first game... you must stay away from any social media...

Come here... forget about what you heard, you hear me?

What did the short fireman say when he couldn't find his bicycle again?

He said... "Did anyone see my bicycle?"

"I think someone might have stolen it."

What are you... - Steffen...

Ok. Stay closer.

Closer to each other.

The local paper already kicked me out of town.

They complain I wouldn't answer the phone. They wonder how the team's moral is.

I say it's good, isn't it?

The whole town is pretty much going insane.

I got offered a discount at the shop if I replace Mons with some guy named Ivar.

Is that a good deal? - What kind of discount?

I didn't ask. What's the shop's owner name?

Even Mellesmo. His family has been running the shop for 60 years.

I bet on Sundays he's gonna be sitting right there.

All the others around him.

His neighbors, the dentist, their families...

Your kids sit right there, don't they?

They're excited, they believe we are gonna win.

We'll see... my point is we're not friends yet.

I don't even know if we'll ever be friends, I'm not asking you to do it for me.

I'm asking you to come out and play for them.

But if wanna give them something to be happy about... we gotta work together.

Time to get started now. Michael, how about a warm-up?

Ok. Let's run.

Have you been saying it? - I'm not gonna say that.

Light it up!

Still here? I thought you were gone by now.

Mom started to lock the door. - No Easter trip to the mountains?

No, I think I'll stick around here for a while.

Otto?

I'm sorry about your father... but this is the last time you're late for training.

Go warm up.

ENGLISH SUBTITLES BY BARISHNIKOV@KATCR.CO