Original subtitles

Aah!

Oh! Oh!

Me tooth!

I've broke me tooth.

[GASPS]

Oh.

Glass.

Eh, what kind of place is this anyhow?

Ask for a bit of Pogues Pudding, and what do you get?

Oh. A piece of broken glass, that's what you get.

Ooh, look at that. Look at that.

What a pity, what a pity.

Pity? Huh. It's a blooming crime.

[GASPS]

Oh....

Now they won't take me for that dentifrice ad on the telly.

My whole career is ruined.

Ruined. Oh!

Ha-ha!

Just as I thought.

Young lady, you have just bitten into a small fortune.

This piece of glass will one day be polished into a lovely blue-white diamond...

...worth, I should say, at least three or 400 pounds.

[GASPING]

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Can I be of service?

Yes, we'd like to see the proprietor, please.

Well, I am the proprietor.

Victoria Pogue.

Hmm. May we ask you a question, Miss Pogue?

Well, of course. What is it?

Well, do you ship to Chumley's Tea Room?

Well, we ship all over the country.

All over the world, as a matter of fact.

Why Chumley's?

Because in a tin of Pogues Pudding served there...

...in addition to the standard ingredients, there were found these.

Glass? In a Pogue Pudding?

Impossible.

Miss Pogue, the objects my friend showed you are not glass.

They're diamonds.

Well, I don't care what they are. They couldn't have come from here.

Now, as to what may have happened at Chumley's with these diamonds...

...you may direct your inquiries there.

Well, thank you very much for your cooperation.

But if the situation should arise again...

...you can, uh, contact us at this number.

"U-N-C-L-E"?

Yes, we would appreciate it if you would do us a favor...

...and keep this entre nous.

Well, I certainly shall. As a favor to Pogues.

It looks like we've got company.

Uh-oh, there's another.

SOLO: Three's a crowd.

[HORN HONKING]

ILLYA: Lose one, win one.

SOLO: Where's the party? ILLYA: Looks like we're the party.

[HORN HONKS]

[HORN HONKS]

[HORN HONKING]

SOLO: Oops.

ILLYA: Back up.

[GUNSHOTS]

SOLO: Get down.

ILLYA: Duck!

WOMAN [OVER MONITOR]: Mr. Waverly...

...Solo and Kuryakin are ready on the overseas circuit.

Well, gentlemen, you seem to have survived very nicely.

We were saved by a falling beam.

Almost, that is.

Oh, thank you very much for that tin of Pogues.

I enjoyed it thoroughly.

And the stones were very nice too.

Research thinks that they ought to be worth a small fortune.

As for, uh, Victoria Pogue, she is definitely...

...the most intriguing international diamond smuggler I've ever run into.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, gentlemen...

...but we'll let our London branch keep an eye on Miss Pogue.

I was afraid of that.

What we're really after is who is it rocking the world market for diamonds and why?

Is there any further information on the Brazilian strike?

- Has it been confirmed? - Yes, it has.

Our research people insist that those Brazilian stones...

...flooding the market aren't Brazilian at all.

In fact, they positively identif y them as coming from the famous Peacock mines.

Rather confusing, isn't it?

Still more confusing...

...is the fact that we've finally been able to identify who's buying them up.

All right, sir, I'll bite.

- Who? - Peacock.

Are you implying Peacock's buying back their own stones?

You do realize...

...that we're not in the business of chasing stolen diamonds...

...but the stability of the world economy is our business.

And I need hardly remind you that diamonds--

SOLO: Are a girl's best friend.

And that also, Mr. Solo, next to gold...

...the bedrock on which that stability rests.

I suppose you'd like us to pay a little visit to Sir Percival Peacock.

Gentlemen, you've come on a fool's errand.

You may tell your Mr. Waverly...

...that his insinuation that we're buying back our own diamonds...

...is so much balderdash.

Nevertheless, our experts insist that you're getting them from your own mine.

And I tell you they're Brazilian. Of course, we're buying them. Of course.

For over a century, our mines have been almost the sole source...

...of this particular type of stone.

And we're not about to give up this position...

...just because someone was lucky enough...

...to discover a deposit of similar stones in Brazil.

Gentlemen, we have nearly a billion dollars worth of diamonds in our reserves...

...and we can well enough afford to add a few million to it...

...without upsetting anyone's sleep.

I've never seen a billion dollars worth of anything in my life.

Would it be possible to take a, uh, peek at this vault of yours?

Well, it's not our policy to allow outsiders even near it...

...but I suppose in your case, we could make an exception.

Gentlemen.

You are entering the most impregnable vault in the world.

Anyone entering the inner chamber is closely watched...

...on closed-circuit television there and there.

The safe containing the diamonds rests on a delicate scale.

Were a single carat removed, it would register on this dial...

...and automatically set off the alarm system.

You see, gentlemen, the diamonds are still here.

Uh, may I, um...?

Oh, they're all quite the same. Excuse me.

[PHONE RINGING]

Yes?

Of course. I'll be right there.

I'm so sorry, gentlemen, but I'm needed upstairs.

It seems there's been another block of Brazilians offered on the Antwerp Exchange.

Channel D, please.

We've just left Peacock's, which is to say we've just left nowhere.

- No cooperation? - Uh, too much, really.

We believe he wasn't telling us everything. We'd like to take another look.

Oh, I see.

Well, with all due respect to your and Mr. Kuryakin's talents, Mr. Solo...

...you might wish to consult an authority on that line of endeavor.

I assume that you have someone you wish to recommend.

Yes, I have indeed.

The man you want is Rafael Delgado...

...otherwise known, amongst other several aliases...

...as the Count de Foix...

...and Dapper Dan of Transatlantic Lines.

[CLATTERING]

- Mr. Delgado. - Mr. Hayes, an honor indeed.

Mr. Delgado...

...I am opposed to glorification of master criminals in the press, cinema and such.

However, these gentlemen have a special permit...

...issued by the Penal Servitude Board.

Living alone as I do, so to speak, it's a pleasure to welcome company.

- Mr. Solo is a film producer from Hollywood. - Mr. Solo.

- Mr. Kurkyakin is his writing chap. - Mr. Kuryakin.

All right, gentlemen, I will leave you...

...and I trust you will not inspire our youth to emulate Mr. Delgado's exploits.

Hollywood.

Well, at last someone is going to do a film on Rafael Delgado.

- Sit down, gentlemen. Sit down. SOLO: Thank you, thank you.

We're thinking of calling the film The King of Diamonds.

How does that strike you?

Not bad. In fact, I rather like it.

I wish I could offer you a proper refreshment, but here there is only tea...

...and the authorities permit me but one cup.

SOLO: No, no. Not necessary at all.

Kuryakin here has researched your life in the files of S�ret�...

...Scotland Yard, FBI, etcetera, etcetera. Fascinating stuff, you know.

Yes, I'm rather proud of my career.

Your career has provided us with thrilling episodes...

...but what we need is one smashing climax, one final caper.

One that is truly worthy of Delgado.

I'll be out of here in a year, I'll be happy to provide one for you at that time.

No, no, we can't wait a year. Production schedules, location unit--

Supposing we invent something.

Say for instance, you are after the richest prize in the world.

You mean the Peacock diamonds? That's an excellent idea.

I may try it someday.

If you were free now, offhand, how would you go about it?

Oh, one can never be offhand about anything in my profession.

A project of such magnitude requires the most careful planning.

Months and months and months of it.

Good. Could you be more specific?

Well, one studies the location of all the security devices.

One, uh, looks for any possible weakness in any of them...

...the weakest bastion, so to speak.

And one studies maps.

You have no idea of the importance of a good map.

- Mm-hm. Excellent. Are you getting this? - Yes, it's all going up here.

- Good, where were we? Oh, maps. - Many, many maps.

Maps of the streets leading to our target...

...and quite importantly for a thief in a hurry, maps leading from it.

And not only the surface of the streets, gentlemen...

...but, um, what's beneath them.

Oh, I can see it all now. I can see it.

A sequence beneath the streets of London.

One man against Scotland Yard.

[LAUGHS]

Oh. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen, I think this has gone far enough.

As I said before, a man in my situation longs for company, any company.

Except that of a cop.

Now go before I entirely forget my manners as a host, will you?

SOLO: We're here...

...and I think the vault should be over here.

If you must get us lost, could you do it a bit faster?

SOLO: Quiet and stop pushing.

[CLATTERING]

ILLYA: Are you sure this is the foundation under Peacock, under the vault?

Well, according to this map, it couldn't be anything else.

ILLYA: Someone's been here before us.

SOLO: It seems so.

Elaborately.

Well, he did a nice job of cutting through the vault floor.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

SOLO: Hmm. Mm.

[ALARM RINGING]

Ah, smart Russians.

ILLYA: Buckshot. - Ditto.

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen, I would suggest that you meet me up here.

All right, gentlemen, now you know the sad truth.

The entire stock of the Peacock's diamond reserve has been stolen.

The buckshot was merely a substitute to balance the weight of the alarm system.

How did you possibly think you'd keep a thing like this a secret?

We dared not let the word leak out, not even to Scotland Yard.

- You have no idea of the consequences. - If we hadn't, we wouldn't be here.

PEACOCK: Then you know what would happen if this became known.

Well, it sounds to me like the work of a master.

PEACOCK: The work of a genius.

But what kind of criminal mind could conceive a thing like this?

Mm. Only one kind.

And of his kind, there is only one.

And to what do I owe this intrusion?

You're being taken to the cleaners.

Get in.

- Get in? - Come on. Get in.

Come on, quick as you can. Get your foot in there. Come on.

Come on, hurry up.

Impossible, gentlemen...

...masterminding a plot like that from a maximum-security prison cell.

- Good afternoon, Hopkins. - Afternoon.

No, it's impossible, really.

He's gone.

Sound the alarm. Sound the alarm.

[ALARM WAILING]

I don't understand this, gentlemen.

I was very happily waiting out my term.

We're partners, remember?

We've, uh, missed you.

I must remind you, we are partners not by choice...

...but only because I needed some additional capital...

...and what you would call, in your quaint way, muscle.

Well, call it choice or call it necessity...

...you are now a member of the family.

And a family, now and then, has to sit down and talk things over, right?

You, uh.... You had visitors.

Oh.

The two men from U.N.C.L.E.

You have nothing to worry about. I had them spotted from the first.

Sure, but you couldn't resist the temptation to show how clever you were, could you?

But of course I was clever.

I enjoyed their visit because I knew why they were there.

Oh, you should have seen me.

[LAUGHS]

I toyed with them like children.

"Toyed with them like children."

They wound you around their fingers.

Out of what you told them, they found out about our operation.

And they found the equipment.

The equipment you had to leave as a signature of your ruddy great artistry.

I told you your ruddy vanity would do us in one day, didn't I?

And I tell you that without Delgado's ego, without his genius...

...your cozy little family would still be dealing--

Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore.

Our family can get along without you very well.

You can put the umbrellas down, gentlemen.

There's not going to be any rain.

Not as long as I, Rafael Delgado...

...hold the key to this entire operation.

Not as long as I, Delgado, control the shipment of the diamonds to Brazil.

Not to mention their safe passage from Brazil to the markets of the world.

You ruddy, blooming mascalzone imbecille.

[PHONE RINGING]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

- Never mind. MAN: Headquarters for you, sir.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

They report what?

Now I know how U.N.C.L.E. got on our trail.

Just got word from Brazil.

That jackass from Pogues shipped them the wrong tin.

What do you mean the wrong tin?

Plain plum pudding.

You bungler. You miserable bungler.

So you think you can get along without Delgado.

You can't even lick a postage stamp without falling on your face.

Forget you were nice and cozy in your cell setting up an alibi, eh?

Which you have ruined now with your customary finesse.

I'll kill him. I'll kill that Pogue nitwit.

Oh, is that all you can think of, killing?

I suppose you got a better idea, eh?

- Certainly. - What?

I'll have to deprive you of the Rolls...

...but you and the boys can use the laundry truck.

Channel E.

Odd dresser, foreign type, now entering.

- See you in the morning, Elsie. - Very well, ma'am.

VICTORIA: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. We're just closing.

Oh, I will only be a moment.

It is very important that I see Miss Victoria Pogue.

I'm Victoria Pogue.

I wasn't prepared to believe it, but miracle of miracles.

You are even more beautiful than I had pictured you.

Well, I'm sorry, but am I supposed to know who you are?

Ah, but you must.

I'm afraid there has been a mistake.

Not at all.

We have met by mail...

...and I have cherished your correspondence...

...every invoice, every statement I have kept.

And now we meet in person.

I still don't understand, sir.

Se�orita, your humble servant, Dom Rafael.

Oh, the coffee planter from Brazil.

The very same.

Dom Rafael, you're one of our most cherished customers.

Oh, thank you.

I only hope that one day...

...I might be able to show you the pleasures of my country.

Oh, you flatter me, Dom Rafael.

I speak only from the heart.

And I said to myself, "I cannot bring sweets...

...for what is sweeter than a Pogue pudding?"

- So I hope you will accept these instead. - Oh.

Oh, you shouldn't have.

It is poor payment indeed...

...for all the pleasures Pogues puddings have given me.

We try to please always.

And you do.

Almost always.

Almost?

Well, the matter is hardly worth mentioning...

...but since I am here, one of my dearest friends complained...

...that the last tin ordered, which should have been pecan pudding...

...turned out to be burnt almonds.

Oh, that's unforgivable.

- Oh-- - Let me call our shipping clerk.

- Mr. Wambley-- - No, no, no.

Don't let me take away from your work.

That poor fellow probably couldn't help it. A slight oversight.

Perhaps if you let me talk to him.

- Well, if you wish, but he's-- - You called, ma'am?

VICTORIA: Freddie, this is Dom Rafael, our good customer from Brazil.

And it seems there's been some mix-up. Perhaps he'll explain it to you.

Will you excuse me? I'll just put these in water.

- Anything? - No, he's still in there.

What exactly did you mean by, uh, foreign type?

I would say he was dressed a little flamboyantly.

Inverness cape, broad-brimmed cap.

ILLYA: Delgado? - I'll go in the front, you check the rear.

You worthless mongrel.

Are you sure it was only one tin you fouled up?

Yes, sir, I'm sure. It was just that one tin, and I'm sorry.

Sorry?

Do you realize I am the most wanted man in London at this very moment...

...and I had to risk my life, my liberty...

...to protect your wretched neck from Blodgett?

- Thank you, sir. Mr. Delgado, I really-- - Oh, shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Because of your bungling, all plans are changed.

We are moving everything.

Every tin, every carton out of here right now.

Right now, it won't take long.

- I won't let-- SOLO: Where is the man with the cape?

- Come on, where did you hide him? - What is it?

What do you want with Dom Rafael? He is one of my best customers.

- I have to get out of here. - Right this way, sir. Right here.

It's right around the corner there, sir.

Right here.

[DOOR BUZZES]

SOLO: Hold it.

Mr. Wambley, this gentleman waving a pistol is looking for Dom Rafael.

- Didn't he come in here to speak with you? - No, I ain't seen nobody.

I was in the fridge checking tomorrow's shipment.

- But, Freddie, you just-- - Where's the back door?

If you think he's gone out that way, you're mistaken, I--

- What's in here? - Nothing, governor, just cold storage.

I hope this gives you a good case of the sniffles.

You're wasting your time, gov. There ain't nobody in here.

Freddie.

What in the world...?

Sorry, ma'am.

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

Open Channel D.

Right. Now see that lot don't forget nothing.

Right-o, governor.

A van and a car has just pulled in behind Pogues.

One of the men in it is one that Mr. Solo and I met before.

Middle 40s, dark suit, bowler hat.

The man you're looking at is Blodgett.

Head of that notorious criminal gang known as the Family.

Cousins of our friends in Chicago, I presume.

First cousins. Avoid direct action for the moment.

Try to find out what's going on and report.

Agent 14, are you there?

ILLYA: A van has just pulled up in back of Pogues. Go in and warn Mr. Solo.

Hello, then.

Hey, look, up there.

[GUNSHOTS]

- Where's Mr. Solo? - Who, sir?

- Solo. - Nobody here by that name, sir.

Come to think of it, I did see a bloke going through here.

Well, gentlemen, you're on time, for a change.

BLODGETT: Aren't you going to help us load?

My talent is in the creative area.

Physical labor is for those without what I have.

I suggest you help.

All right, lads, lively, lively, lively. Haven't got all night.

Come on, move it along. Move it along now, come on.

He was a snooper, he was.

But not smart enough for old Freddie. About Mr. Solo, wait till you hear--

I didn't know we were on speaking terms.

Oh, gee, mate.

[GRUNTING]

All right, all right, all right. Come along.

It's light as a feather. Move it. Move it.

Come on, you big germs can do it.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPING]

ILLYA: Yes, sir?

We're still waiting for your report, Mr. Kuryakin.

ILLYA: Hang on a minute.

I think I bumped my head.

But I'll take a look around.

The van and the car have gone, sir.

I'll look inside.

The Pogue's secret storeroom has been cleaned out.

Agent 14 is dead.

Mr. Solo is among the missing.

[HUMMING]

More caviar, my friend?

Oh, no, thanks, chum.

Stuff's too rich for my tum tum.

[HUMMING]

Ah.

[SNIFFS]

[EXHALES]

Air.

Beautiful air.

Now, the trouble with you...

...is you have no appreciation of the rich contrasts that life can bring.

Only a moment ago, saved by a hair from a prison cell.

And now, flying through the air...

...with $2 billion worth of glittering diamonds...

...and a glass of champagne in my hand.

Which reminds me...

...what did those two nice U.N.C.L.E. men call me? Mm.

The king of diamonds.

To His Majesty.

DELGADO: Gentlemen.

Oh, it's warm.

Where do you suppose we're going?

I haven't the slightest inkling.

You know, I always thought that an unscheduled flight...

...to one knows not where was the greatest delight imaginable.

Now I'm not so sure.

What are we going to do?

I still haven't the slightest inkling.

But I think we should always make the most of what fate or chance offers.

Victoria, uh, is that for the queen?

No, it's short for Victorian.

You have no idea what a proper family I come from.

And now all this happening.

Well, let's not get too romantic about it. These people can be pretty nasty.

Somehow I feel very safe with you.

Under ordinary circumstances, that would not necessarily be true.

I'm definitely not the brotherly type.

I hope not.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPING]

Oh. Wait.

Overseas relay. Channel D.

Yes. Come in, Mr. Solo.

I've been wondering where you were.

Well, I'm not exactly in a position to tell you, sir...

...but I can say that we are in midair and we have a cargo of plum puddings.

I would say that we have most of the Peacock diamonds.

[SNEEZING]

That definitely wasn't a plum pudding I just heard, Mr. Solo.

Uh.... I can assure you that she is equally delectable, sir.

Ahem. Mr. Waverly, this is Victoria Pogue.

- Miss Pogue. - How do you do, sir?

Oh, uh, Mr. Solo, uh, Control has just informed me...

...that they've triangulated your position.

You're off the coast of Venezuela heading south.

Thank you.

In the meantime, see that no harm comes to Miss Pogue.

I am doing my best in that department, sir.

Get me Mr. Kuryakin, please.

What are you doing at the moment?

Absolutely nothing.

Uh, except talking to you, sir.

Well, I've just had a conversation with Mr. Solo.

He's in a plane over South America.

So I think, without wasting any time, you'd better drop in on our man in Rio.

[SNEEZES]

Yes, sir.

Ah, it's good to see you, Mr. Kuryakin.

- I want you to meet Agent Gomez. - How do you do?

Excuse me, I've been fighting a headache.

And Agent Amaya.

[SNEEZES THEN COUGHS]

And a cold.

Personally, I prefer Thrush.

[MEN CHUCKLING]

Carmen, some aspirin for Mr. Kuryakin, please.

Se�or Rafini has briefed us on your mission.

Oh, good, then perhaps you can brief me. Up to now, I've been flying blind.

Control here has located the mine we think you're after.

To get there secretly will involve a little trip up the Amazon.

These two gentlemen know the river as well as anyone in Brazil.

[DOOR OPENS]

Thank you very much.

Shall we go?

I wish I were 20 years younger. I'd be tempted to go along with you.

If I were 20 years older, I'd be more than tempted to stay.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Ah, here we are, gentlemen.

Welcome to Delgado's second home.

DELGADO: The first, being that one. BLODGETT: Not the last time, I hope.

I appreciate your heavy humor, Mr. Blodgett.

Ah, beautiful Brazil.

Land of the richest diamond mine in the world.

BLODGETT: Not yet, it isn't, mate.

Mr. Knox, get it unloaded there, eh?

KNOX: Aye, sir.

Get these steps out of the way. Come on.

Bring that stock over, come on.

Boxes all over.

Hold it.

Oh. Company's come.

Get it on the ground and open it up. Go on, move.

Come on, come on, open it.

BLODGETT: Well, well, well.

This cargo is more precious than I thought.

Where's your other partner, Mr. Solo?

I'm sorry, there was only room for two in the carton.

Ah, we meet again.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

- I wish I could share the sentiment. DELGADO: I wasn't speaking to you.

I hadn't expected you so soon in Brazil, Miss Pogue.

How good of you to accept my invitation.

Through no fault of hers, Mr. Delgado, she is my guest, not yours.

Take them out and shoot them.

No, wait, wait, wait. I have a much better idea.

The Portuguese parterara.

Portuguese what?

Parterara.

- Take them out and shoot them. - No, wait, wait.

A parterara is a small cannon.

In the days of conquistadores, it was used to execute rebellious native chiefs.

Their bodies were tied to the muzzle of the parterara...

...then the cannon was fired and their bodies scattered to the four winds.

Oh, I like it. I like it. Oh, I like it.

Where do you find this Portuguese parte-whatever you called it?

It will take a bit of time. The cannons haven't been fired for years.

They must be made ready. May I suggest, uh, dawn?

Dawn?

Must we get up that early?

Tie them up and throw them into the mine.

Tie them up and throw them in the mine.

[DRUMS BEATING]

Gentlemen, please, my head.

- We can't stop now. - Why not?

You've noticed the natives have all been friendly.

These rhythms let them know we're friendly too.

You know, around here, they have a hobby of chopping your head off...

...and then shrinking it.

I'm not sure I wouldn't prefer it.

VICTORIA: It's so cold in here.

SOLO: You're no longer enjoying the adventure, huh, Victoria?

Oh, I never thought Pogues Pudding kitchen...

...could seem so attractive.

[VICTORIA SCREAMS]

DELGADO: Greetings, my friends.

I come on a mission of goodwill.

Goodwill.

Much as it is against my principles...

...to find myself on the side of law and order...

...I am compelled to make an exception in this case.

Well, to what do we owe this fortunate change in the wind?

What is there left for a man like me? My masterpiece has been completed.

Can you picture me sitting on my patio clipping coupons for the rest of my life?

An artist who ceases to create dies.

And I am not quite prepared for that yet.

Just outside the compound is a stream.

There I have a canoe, a guide and provisions.

Mr. Solo, you, Miss Pogue, and I, Delgado...

...are bidding farewell to beautiful Brazil.

Don't tell me you're gonna abandon a billion dollars worth of diamonds to Blodgett.

Now, really, Mr. Solo.

While those oafs, Blodgett and Knox, sit in the strong room...

...with your lovely puddings, Miss Pogue...

...behold.

Good heavens.

I suppose it would be considered unethical to ask how you managed this.

Later, as we paddle up the Amazon, I'll give you the details. There's no time.

Although, to tell the truth, I did this so cleverly, so exquisitely...

...that we have a good head start.

My partners won't discover the loss for hours.

We've been robbed!

What?

KNOX: There's no pudding.

It's all gone.

There's no more.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

You scum of the earth.

Betrayer. Lowest to the low.

Thief.

If you'll step aside, sir, I'll drill the ruddy rat.

BLODGETT: No.

No, I've got a better idea.

The Portuguese-- What?

Parterara.

Right, the parte-- Right.

Gents, clean a third cannon.

[BLODGETT SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Left.

Right face.

All right, tie them up.

BLODGETT: Light the fuses.

[TRUMPET BLOWING AND GUNFIRE ON RECORDING]

[GUNSHOTS]

BLODGETT: To the tower. To the tower. See what's go--

Not all of you, you stupid sods.

Get over here! Get back! Get back over here!

[KNOX SCREAMS]

[PEOPLE YELLING]

Next time try not waiting till the last minute.

ILLYA: Next time try not to go that far up the Amazon.

Turn the cannons around.

[SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]

BLODGETT: What are you doing, you maggots?

[VICTORIA SPEAKING IN PORTUGUESE]

[MAN YELLING]

BLODGETT: Get over here! Get back! Get back over here!

BLODGETT: Get over there and see what's happening.

[TRUMPET BLOWING ON RECORDING]

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Oh. Oh. Rafael.

Ahh.

You mustn't weep for me, Miss Pogue.

I have really nothing left to live for.

Not ever could I hope to top the Peacock diamond masterpiece.

SOLO: Yes, you could. You're the king of diamonds.

[CHUCKLING]

It's a funny thing, but--

VICTORIA: Oh. Oh.

I'm only sorry Mr. Delgado can't be here with us.

Well, if I were in charge, I'd double the guard at the Pearly Gates.

Yes, well, where he's taken up residence...

...I don't think they have that kind of architecture.

[COMMUNICATOR BEEPING]

Yes, sir?

WAVERLY [VOICE ECHOING]: I hate to interrupt you...

...and your little visit to Rio, gentlemen...

...but I have a bird of another feather waiting for you in the wings.

- Thrush? - Yes.

You will report to headquarters tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

That will give you at least one more night here.

SOLO: Mr. Waverly. - Yes.

I saw no reason why I, too, shouldn't come rolling down to Rio...

...for an afternoon or so before I'm old.

Ah, yes, sir. This is, uh, our Victoria Pogue.

VICTORIA: How do you do? WAVERLY: Ah, yes, yes.

Miss Pogue, it may seem a trifle duller, but I'm sure much safer...

...if I personally conducted you back to your puddings.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

SOLO: Hmm.

[ENGLISH SDH]