Original subtitles

Time is the enemy.

It wounds you with its days.

Yes, you have run out of time. But that is all.

And we can give that back to you.

Do you remember the power you had? It was in you.

When I was a little girl and I learned that you were to go into a room...

...I would race to get to that room first.

How I longed to take your hands...

...and walk with you through the halls of power.

To feel your terrible strength going from you into me.

And it shall be.

[THUD]

I have no purpose to fight.

I remember when they turned out Winston Churchill.

And I thought, "How dare they do this, how dare they."

Hm. And then my turn came.

Take my hand, Norman.

And let me lead you back to greatness.

There is no change. There is no change.

What do you think we are? Science fiction?

We are like those hormone creams you advertise in the magazines?

Smear on, smear off. And underneath is a new face?

- I thought it would be finished. - It is begun.

The whole metabolism of the body is in a new order.

We don't do this, the body does it by itself.

Cell by cell.

Go in and help Professor Gritzky with Sir Norman.

Yes, ma'am.

[KNOCKING]

[WHIRRING]

[WHIRRING STOPS]

Good morning.

Your friend having a little trouble?

Little enough. He's dead.

That's very unusual.

Seventy-three percent of all accidents happen in the home.

Very rarely do you find somebody who dies in a wine vat.

I think his heart gave out. Sheer terror.

Killed him.

Jordin is the name, J-O-R-D-I-N.

Insurance game, in a way.

Most insurance men sell you something to settle the damages...

...after something happens.

My specialty is prevention.

Now, who carries your papers?

Oh, it goes this way and that.

Sometimes I carry my own paper...

...and sometimes I get somebody to underwrite me.

Thrush, for example.

Ah, the world is full of birds.

I don't suppose you would mind answering a couple of questions, would you, Mr. Solo?

Actually, Mr. Jordin, I answer questions much better...

...when I'm not standing at the bottom of a wine vat.

Next time, you'll play dead and I'll make up the reasons why.

Quiet, please.

And now, if you don't mind...

...take off your jacket, please.

Just drop it anywhere.

And the gun.

I've already been relieved of that.

The holster, then.

And one shoe.

Either one.

Thank you.

Pull the ladder up, Jack.

I'll have to remember this one-shoe bit. It's very good.

Throws you just enough off balance to slow you down a bit.

Gives me a little edge.

Sit down, please.

Sit on your hands.

Palms up, if you don't mind.

Makes it harder to get up again, doesn't it?

That's my impression.

[SHUDDERS]

I don't mean to complain, you've been very nice and all that...

...but it is a little cold in here.

Thank you.

JORDIN: Now, we can get down to cases.

Review the data, bring everything up to date.

And go on from there.

Now, we....

We have a biochemist named Lancer who disappears for a while.

And the next time we see him, he calls himself Bainbridge.

And appears to be 30 years younger.

Is appearance reality? Is Bainbridge really Lancer?

Now we look and another biochemist disappears.

A former student and associate of Lancer's...

...called Professor Alexander Gritzky.

What is U.N.C.L.E. agent Napoleon Solo's interest in all this?

Now U.N.C.L.E. sends another agent, Illya Kuryakin, to the London Soho.

Kuryakin follows cats.

- Questions: Why does Kuryakin--? - Lazarus.

I beg pardon?

Lazarus, the chap who rose from the dead.

Oh, Mr. Jordin. Look out, Napoleon.

[COUGHS]

I thought you had a little more style than to try an old trick like that.

I don't know what you mean.

- Well, money clip, I'm surprised at you. - It is also a bomb.

- Really? - Really.

Really?

Really.

Life, gentlemen, is rarely plausible.

It seems now there exists an effective process of rejuvenation.

Well, see for yourself.

SOLO: Sir Norman Swickert.

WAVERLY: These pictures were taken a few days ago.

When he announced his return to political life.

So the Lancer-Gritzky process is working.

It seems to make all of our trouble worthwhile after all, doesn't it?

Yeah, almost.

The prospect of Thrush members being able to rejuvenate themselves...

...isn't very comforting.

Oh, gentlemen, you've got to search out Dr. Gritzky and this miraculous process...

...before Thrush does.

Now that Thrush is definitely in the picture...

...perhaps Sir Norman will be more cooperative.

I'm not sure we'll get much cooperation from Norman Swickert.

Neither am I.

But I do know that for all his extraordinary political cunning and ambition...

...he's basically a decent man.

I suggest you begin your research with him.

MAN 1: Oh, I know. MAN 2: Oh, I say, there--

Sir Norman.

MAN 1: You understand the need to have a statement.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

MAN 2: Sir Norman, you look very good.

MAN: Hello, Sir Charles.

SWICKERT: How are you?

Good to see you all again.

MAN 1: How do you do?

[ALL CHATTERING]

MAN 2: Just wonderful.

- Excuse me for one moment, please. MAN 3: By all means.

MAN 4: You think they can do that to me?

Gentlemen.

Well, I must say, you look a good deal younger than the last time we met.

So it appears.

We shall have to have your secret, sir.

What secret?

Whether or not you describe it as a miracle...

...a genuine process of rejuvenation does exist, doesn't it?

- Does it? - Yes.

Developed by Dr. Lancer...

...and Professor Alexander Gritzky.

- Go on. - And since Dr. Lancer is dead...

...the power of the process remains with Professor Gritzky.

A fair deduction.

Will you tell us where Professor Gritzky is...

- ...so we can protect him? - From whom?

There are probably Thrush agents in the Byram Club right now.

Ready to snatch your secret and put it to their own use.

Mr. Solo, you are laboring under a terrible misapprehension.

The only secret in my possession is my marriage to Madame De Sala.

That will only be a secret until tomorrow when it is announced in all the papers.

Sir Norman, a truly effective process of rejuvenation is no joking matter.

I quite agree, but until one has been discovered...

...I can only recommend the one I have tried.

Marriage to the right woman.

What you see in me is only a reflection of what my wife sees.

And now, if you'll excuse me...

...I have a great number of people waiting for me outside.

Good day, gentlemen.

I must say, Sir Norman is everything the Swickert legend says he is.

All right, where do we go from here?

Well, what if we were Thrush? What do we want?

- Do we want Sir Norman, or do we want...? - Want what?

I think our friends from Thrush have been eavesdropping.

Oh, well, it won't be the first time.

Let's see what kind of an earache we can give them.

[WHISTLES]

Too late my friends, too late. Shall we go?

All right, spread out.

Bring the stretcher.

[CLICKS]

OLGA: Time to go. - In one moment.

[MOUTHING]

Have you been introduced?

[CLICKS]

[SIREN WAILING]

What is it, Norman? You seem so preoccupied.

The secret of my rejuvenation is being sought by others.

Something called Thrush.

It would be a disaster if they got hold of it.

Professor Gritzky is the only one that knows the formula.

And they will never find him.

I'd feel better if I knew his whereabouts.

It is safer if only one of us knows.

There's a draft here somewhere.

When did the brown spots appear?

I noticed them this morning.

Well, it is all precisely on schedule.

Professor Gritzky will be here in the morning.

In other words, I'm growing old again.

But I told you, Professor Gritzky will be here in the morning to give you a treatment.

You never told me.

You mean, I'm to receive treatments once a month?

Is that so terrible?

- You lied to me. - I didn't.

I just didn't tell you everything. Don't you trust me?

I love you, Norman.

- I love you deeply. - Do you?

Norman, please, do not withdraw yourself from me.

How can I? How can I? I am bound to you closer than if by chains.

How many women have lived a prisoner of some man?

A father, a husband, or a lover.

Have you ever thought of it, Norman?

I always thought that you at least were free to do what you wished with your life.

Was I?

I would have gone into politics, but I was not allowed.

I was a female.

So you bought me a little millinery shop to keep me out of mischief.

Well...

...they say there's no fool like an old fool.

And I was fool enough to delude myself into believing that you could love me.

But I do love you.

No, my dear, there's no love in you.

Only a love of power.

That's why you married me.

This is a man's world, Norman.

Is there any other way open to a woman?

How long would it take, supposing Gritzky does not come?

He will come. He will be here in the morning.

I love you, Norman.

You mean you own me.

[BEEPING]

Here.

Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin responding.

What further developments, Mr. Solo?

It's very quiet here, sir. Mrs. Swickert has made two calls to Paris this morning.

Second was answered by the police, so she knows about the murder and kidnapping.

Anything on your end?

We picked up the ambulance they used to carry Gritzky.

They left it at a small private airport.

And then continued on with Gritzky by plane.

That's the last we know of them, to now.

So stay with it, Mr. Solo. You and Mr. Kuryakin.

They must certainly try to contact Mrs. Swickert.

Yes, sir. We shall be there, sir.

Oh, let's hope so, Mr. Solo.

[PHONE RINGING OVER HEADPHONES]

DE SALA: Hello?

JORDIN: I'd like to speak to the lady of the house.

Yes, I'm listening.

Jordin is the name, J-O-R-D-I-N.

Insurance with a difference.

We prevent sickness or accident before it happens.

Yes?

We recently acquired a client who may need some prevention...

...by the name of Alexander Gritzky.

I am listening very carefully.

Yes, well, in view of the present condition of your husband...

...we thought we might kill two birds with one stone.

I'd like to get together with you and discuss the whole package.

Why don't you get into your car...

...and take a little drive by way of Marsh-Ealing?

Just go straight on through the village and see what happens after that.

[PHONE HANGS UP]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Good morning, Miss Sweet.

- What do you want with him? - Now, just be quiet.

- You are to take your hands off of him. - I'm trying to awaken him.

You'll have no luck with it, I can promise you that.

The man is asleep with a heavy sedation.

So you can spare yourself the effort and keep your hands off of him.

[BEEPING]

- Napoleon Solo. ILLYA: Napoleon...

...Lady Swickert's car is approaching.

All right, I'll talk to you later, Illya.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Excuse me.

You've crumpled my fender.

Will you please get your car out of our way?

You've crumpled my fender.

- Will you please move that car? - Yes, ma'am.

- Lady Swickert, I presume. - Yes, it is.

And I'm willing to concede absolutely that it is our fault.

Now, will you please let us get on?

The insurance, do you have a pencil?

I'll give you my insurance....

Formalities, you know.

- Fleeton. - Would you mind awfully if I...?

Something to lean on, don't wanna damage the paint.

- Fleeton, will you please hurry? - Yes, ma'am.

ILLYA: Here you are.

- All right. - Yes.

This is insurance and your pen.

Thanks, awfully.

JORDIN: Good morning.

[MUFFLED GUNSHOT]

[HORN HONKS]

- Was that really necessary? - Oh, he isn't dead.

I just put him to sleep with a tranquilizing charge.

Mind you, I'll have to have him killed if I can't come to an agreement with you.

- As you did with Olga. - Self-defense there.

- I think we should talk very directly. - Yes.

JORDAN [OVER RADIO]: Last night, before we took Professor Gritzky...

...you had power, now you don't.

If you want us to, we will give it back to you.

- Who is your we? - Thrush.

And what do you require of me?

Oh, simply that from time to time, as you guide your husband...

...through the treacherous paths of political decision...

...you allow yourself to be guided by us.

I see.

Why is there no sound of her?

She's thinking.

Very well, I shall do it for my husband.

Lucky man.

[TURNS RADIO OFF]

I'm glad he is asleep and cannot hear that.

Well, if he had heard it, he would have had to believe it.

And where would he find the wanting to live in that case?

Man's fate, my dear. You must take the bitter with the sweet.

You're not as wise as you think. You're not wise at all.

You're nothing but a young man without any feeling.

Mr. Solo, do not force him to know.

It would be an unkindness such as you could never imagine.

Oh, last night he was so content.

Looking forward to this evening.

What's happening this evening?

There is to be a meeting with a great many of the most important political men.

Ah, he was working on his speech.

He read me parts of it from time to time.

Oh, he's a spellbinder, that one.

Such joy he had last night.

Overseas relay, Channel D. Napoleon Solo.

Yes. Come in, Mr. Solo.

May I assume, sir, that you know Sir Norman Swickert very well?

Since before you were born, Mr. Solo.

I think you should come to England and talk to him personally.

I have it on good authority that....

I'm a very young man and not wise enough.

That there's going to be a decisive meeting tonight at Sir Norman's house.

Oh, well. All right, I can just make it.

All right, Mr. Solo. I'll join you there tonight.

Thank you.

Get his medicine. It's on the table over there.

JORDIN: No, no, Mr. Solo.

Back to the old wine press for you, I'm afraid.

Come on, professor. We haven't got all day.

Enormous strains on the heart take place in this process.

This man is in no condition to undergo a treatment now.

His pulse is racing, his systolic pressure is dangerously high.

It is only the excitement.

I do not kill anyone for anybody.

I am a scientist, I do what is the right thing to do.

Be careful, professor.

With a small additional effort, it should be possible to replace you with a computer.

This isn't leading us anywhere.

Why don't you let me talk to the good professor alone?

After all, it's my life he's worried about.

I'm certain I can persuade him...

...of the absolute necessity of going through with it.

Very well, but don't be too long.

Stay here and keep an eye on things.

I am in a situation that does not allow consideration of fragility.

You do not understand what is involved here.

You do not understand what is involved, Sir Norman.

We reverse all the metabolic processes at an accelerated rate.

We go too fast, you end up as a boy.

A dead boy.

All I need is a few more hours of strength...

...to do what has to be done.

It is a great risk, Sir Norman.

SWICKERT: Great causes require great risks.

When in doubt, press on, my friend. Press on.

Excelsior.

There is no one to help us but ourselves.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Lady Swickert? - Yes.

I'm Alexander Waverly. I'm an old friend of Sir Norman's.

I happened to be in London, I couldn't leave without paying my respects.

I'm sure Sir Norman will be delighted.

Mr. Jordin will take care of you, mister....

- Waverly. - Oh, I'm so sorry.

I'm very bad at remembering new names.

Would you excuse me, please?

Gentlemen, shall we go in?

Will you please come with me, Mr. Waverly?

- So you're Jordin. - Your humble servant, sir.

Young man, if you had half the manners you pretend to have...

...you would have first allowed me to get rid of my coat and things.

Then you would have pointed your gun at me.

A nice point, sir. My apologies.

With regard to your apologies, you left me my umbrella.

What makes you think it's so innocent as it seems?

Anything can be built into an umbrella.

Once more, I stand corrected.

- And once more, I apologize. - Yes, apologies, apologies.

But when one has good manners, there's no need to apologize.

Where is Sir Norman?

It may be a little while before he can see you.

Meantime, let me show you where you can wait.

WAVERLY: Mr. Solo, there you are.

And a young lady with you, of course.

Miss Sweet, Mr. Waverly.

- How do you do, sir? - Miss Sweet.

What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?

I'm afraid this trip wasn't necessary.

I would have let you know sooner but they cut off my mailing privileges.

Mr. Solo, I wouldn't have missed this excursion for anything.

However, I must be back in New York by tomorrow noon, latest.

So I'm afraid we're going to be somewhat pressed.

[WHIRRING]

No pun intended.

I still think I should not have allowed you to talk me into this.

- I do not like the way your heart beats. - I feel fine.

This is a great thing you've discovered, you and Lancer.

The dream of the ages realized. A fountain of youth.

What a temptation to a man fighting the onset of age.

Is that so wrong?

Yes, it is.

It's a terrible thing when a dream becomes a nightmare.

I've lived with it for some time now. I know what it's done to me.

It's made me a helpless puppet in the hands of those who control the process.

But, Sir Norman, they do not have the formula.

It is only I who possess the secret.

How long do you suppose it will be before they force you to disclose it?

I have thought of this many times, Sir Norman.

I am afraid it is too late now.

Not if we bury the secret right here and now.

Then you will have to bury--

You'll have to bury me with the secret.

That is the hardest part of it.

And now that I understand you better...

...let me remind you of the consequences of any betrayal.

I'm sorry, professor, but you do understand, don't you?

You'll have all the time in the world for explanations later.

Right now, you have to get changed.

You have a room full of guest waiting for you.

Goodbye, professor.

I hope you know what has to be done.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[GUN CLICKING]

We never did settle the matter of my broken fender with Sir Norman.

Would you mind opening the gates like a good fellow?

No visitors tonight.

Some other time perhaps.

WAVERLY: I hope I didn't embarrass you.

It's not my habit to disrobe in public.

But this time, I'm afraid, there's no help for it.

You can open your eyes again now.

Research and Development are rather proud of this device.

They produce it in three forms.

Explosion.

Ultrasonic.

And this is an incendiary device of some sort, I believe.

Mr. Solo will do the honors.

And if you and I are wise, like Lot's wife, we'd better not look.

My contention is that the advantage to a man...

...imprisoned in a closed container of this kind...

...it affords him ample privacy to contrive his escape.

Oh, ladies first.

Once one is in a closed container, even if he has the means at hand...

...he is forced to eliminate high explosive as a means of escape.

Unless he wants to blow himself up.

Or in.

This would actually be...

...to escape by blowing himself in.

Yes?

[GUNSHOTS]

WAVERLY: Where's your friend?

Ah, Mr. Kuryakin, I'm glad you came.

Here, you take this. I don't want it.

Now, Mr. Solo.

If you and your associate here will search out Dr. Gritzky...

...Miss Sweet and I will join the others in the house.

Come on, dear.

[CHATTERING]

Good luck, darling.

Good evening, gentlemen.

You all know me, you know my reputation for punctuality.

I'm late tonight.

But if I'm to look good at my age, the preparation takes a little longer.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

We are gathered in this room here tonight to discuss the future. My future.

But it is your future that concerns me here.

My sudden and miraculous return to strength and vigor...

...is only an illusion.

But even an illusion can be a sinister weapon in the hands of the enemy.

Think of the consequences. The riots, the panic in the streets.

The thought of being left alone with death could upturn the world.

A few minutes ago, I tried to kill a gentle, kind old man...

...to prevent him from being made use of by the enemy.

Unfortunately, I waited too long to pull the trigger.

Don't you make the same mistake.

You must destroy--

[GUNSHOT]

[ALL CHATTERING]

You didn't expect this, did you, Norman?

Neither did I.

The wounds of time are never healed.

They just grow old with time itself.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

Professor Gritzky.

Here are his notes.

You hear something?

Looks like he had an overdose of his own medicine.

Good thing for all of us, at one time or another.

I'll have the professor's notebook, Mr. Kuryakin.

Toss it over here. Carefully.

- Jordin, why don't you give it up? JORDIN: Why should I?

I have the notes, we'll duplicate the process.

And after I destroy the machine...

...I will have sole possession of the late Dr. Gritzky's secret.

I wouldn't do that if I were you.

I'll be with you in just a minute.

[SOLO COUGHS]

The doctor booby-trapped the machine. It said so in his notes.

[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT] Well, thanks for letting me know, lad.

Well, at least he won't have to worry about getting any older.

No luck, gentlemen?

No, it's beyond the ability of the computers.

They are unable to decipher the formula. Thank you.

Strange.

Locked in this book is the secret of immortality, perhaps.

Why do scientists always insist on keeping their notes in code?

They were able to decipher the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci...

...in a little less than 300 years.

That should offer us some hope.

I'm afraid, gentlemen, in my position, and in my time of life...

...that's much too long to wait.

[ENGLISH SDH]